Episode 48- The Night I Interviewed Matt Part One

Hollywood Knights, Winston Churchill, Well Dressed Rock Stars, Greg's Mom, Exit Interviews


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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey, everyone, just want tolet you know that we let the GM
go and we hired a new personfor the position and they're starting Monday.
A christ, Now I got totrain another newbie. When you manage your
managers, you've stayed too long.What can I get you drunk? Welcome

(00:36):
to episode forty eight of Behind Bars, Cocktails and Wasted Nights. I'm your
host, Greg. I've been workingas a bartender for over twenty years,
and over those years, I've seena lot. My goal here is to
share some of those high and lowlights with you. Quick warning, this
podcast contains sex, drugs, andsome language that isn't suitable for anyone under
twenty one years of age, soyou gotta have some id folks. You're

(00:59):
in for a treat on this one. Mercury was in retrograde in the supermoon's
gravitational pull, conspired with some Hailey'scomet dust, and somehow, some way,
my creative writing, soul mate,partner and co best man in the
wedding I'll never have came to visitme in Denver. We laughed, we
cried, We threw up on astrict Jacuzi, Boomer and Seltzer diet.

(01:19):
We decided we'd confirm deny and rankshit. Matt is not only a true
friend of the highest order, he'salso a fucking genius. He's the kind
of guy who'd be in a thinktank if he had the wherewithal to actually
work a nine to five. Buta brain like that can't hang in such
a construct. Ah enough about him. This is my podcast, So before
we get started, you'll need adrink. I wanted you all to get

(01:41):
literary, as Matt, like me, is a writer, so I chose
the hemmingway. It's an easy takeon the standard dacri. First Chilla Cooper
Martini glass with ice water and chillin a shakerton. Pour a half ounce
of great fruit juice, but becareful as great fruit interferes with certain medications.
Three cores of an ounce of limejuice, a half bounces of Maraschino
liqueur go with luxardo. If youcan, a quarter ounce of simple syrup

(02:04):
and two ounces of white rum.Then shake, shake, shake, shake
it like a rattlesnake. Dump yourice water bath and strain the boozy goodness
into your coupe. Garnish with alime wheel or if you're feeling like the
sun also rises. Go with agreat fruit wedge and enjoy. And as
always, if you don't have anyof that shit line around, gulp a
shot at t quill you and sniffsome snizze into the soul holes. It's

(02:27):
important to alternate sides. Okay,without further ado, here's Matt. Everybody,
welcome to episode forty eight of Cocktailsand Wasted Nights. I'm Greg and
I'm here with my best friend,my creative writing soul mate, all the
way from La Santa Monica, specificallyMatt. Matt, what's up. I'm

(02:49):
just wondering if we're going to havea safety word for this discussion, so
in case people need to save mefrom the inter sanctum. Oh yeah,
it's a marshmallow. Oh great,okay, cool, good. So Matt,
did you enjoy the pregame, theprocess before we interview. Um,
we had a good stretch. Um, the hammies are good. Um,
the quads are are sort of shredded. We shook out the junk. We

(03:13):
shook out the junk. Yeah,we got all the toxins out. Yeah.
And we watched a little to prepare. We watched a little r Kelly
trapped in a closet, to beprepared to be trapped in a closet.
Yeah, so, uh you know, in an unrelated tangent um already for
anyone that has um a special shoutout to anyone that has been trapped in
the closet with Greg here in theintersanctum um therapy is on me. It's

(03:36):
the studio. It's the studio.Um. So anyway, Matt, you
came all the way in from Lato do this. I'm really happy because
I didn't want to do a phoneinterview with you. I wanted the sound
quality to be on point. Andhow are you liking Colorado so far?
Um? Loose guys, Barthie Burger'sgirls. Yeah, it's a good time.
It's the power Center, man,it's the power Center. Mountains front

(03:57):
Range, Front Range. Baby,we go to the western slope. That's
gonna take away too long. It'slike La to Vegas to get the Aspen.
I went to a rodeo the lastcouple of nights, but that's confidential
information. Was it your first rodeo? No, I can go to a
rodeo anytime. Because it looks likeI'm wearing hair chaps thanks to my manscaping

(04:20):
tasty and Harry Baby no clear lineof deepmarcation English and Italian, let me
tell you, Yeah, I gotall the good genes there we go.
All right, so you've heard thepodcast. You know what we like to
get into. We like to getinto the stories. And we can start
off simple because you know, wewere roommates for six years two thousand and
two thousand and six in Hollywood andwe survived. Yeah, And prior to

(04:42):
that, we were classmates at Emersonfor three years. So I've known you
since nineteen ninety seven, known meto never do any actual classwork. Yeah,
Ever, why go to introduction toWestern history if you already know it
all? Yeah, exactly, Well, you were always a book reader.
I remember umber one night I wascoming back from a magic show the Magic

(05:03):
Castle in Hollywood with a certain blondeserver who was not my girlfriend, And
through the course of the night,I had her go into the bathroom and
remove her thong and give it tome. And then she demanded I removed
my box of briefs and give itto her. So we came home and
I had her take off her dressentirely and we walked down the hall from

(05:27):
the elevator to the apartment. Iremember this, yeah, And I opened
the door and I'm with her buttnaked. Ye, And you were sitting
in your chair reading a World Wartwo book and a recliner. You've taken
the sight of me hammered with thisnaked girl. Yes. And then instead
of like covering the girl, Iremember taking my blazer and I went through
it on your head. That wasmy way of protecting of course. Yeah,

(05:53):
I had to defend her integrity.And the names have been changed to
protect the guilty. Oh, we'renot even saying names. But yeah,
that was a whole night, Likewhat was going through your mind then that
I wanted to get back to mybook, but I had this place around
my head so I couldn't read right. Oh my god. It was probably
volume three or four of the WinstonChurchhill series of the Second World War that

(06:16):
I stole from the Emerson Library.That's amazing. I was like, no
one is ever going to read these, so I'm stealing them. Yeah.
Absolutely, I paid my tuition.Yeah, get a book out of it,
like six, Yeah, good,it's a series. He would he
would narrate them to a secretary inthe bathtub. He'd be like drinking Martiniz
soaping himself up and be like andthen when we were in North Africa,

(06:39):
Don't let the Black Dog Get Me. Gathering Storm such a good movie.
So, yeah, you saw alot of stuff. We did a lot
of things. Like I've talked abouthim on the podcast. Some people think
we're lying, but yeah, wewent to the viper room. We saw
a steel panther back when they werea metal shop. Church on Monday,
Church on Monday, Disneyland on Molly, on ecstasy, back then Pressley Fills.

(07:00):
That was interesting. Do you remembernine to eleven? Oh yeah,
it was the night after we wentto Disney and we're on ecstasy and I
was in my room with what washer name, Jamila No man. I
thought we were changing names. Ithought we weren't supposed to say names.
We're not gonna say names. Wassomething. It was the blonde girl crazy.
No she was the host, karaokehost. I lost track of your

(07:23):
all right, but anyway, conquestswe were like, we were we were
high as fuck. It was likeeight thirty in the morning and you're banging
on my door, yes, andI was like having sex you like Greg
attack no one, No, onewas there. It was just no,
it was it was the girl.She was in there. You're like,
Greg, wake up, we're inher attack. And I came out with
like my eyes looking like drink hoasters. Right, and do you remember what

(07:44):
I said when I looked at theTV and the World Trade Center? No,
I said, we did this toourselves. And then I went back
into my room, right, andI was I was alternating back and forth
between the television and then my Soyour bedroom window faced the Hotel Rose Belt,
yes, on Hollywood Boulevard. Yes. My bedroom window looked out on
Hollywood High School and downtown La.Yes. So I was bouncing back and

(08:09):
forth between the TV and like downtownLa, thinking is the ship can hit
the fan there? Right? Thenext next tige and the internet wasn't working.
It was like we were trying toreload pages on your on your Mac
and like the internet wasn't working becauseeveryone was panicking and checking shit. Yeah,
that was a day. That wasa day. Yeah, we spent
that day together, Jesus. Yeah. We had some times and we had

(08:31):
some crazy meetings with crazy people,like we were pitching scripts and stuff like
that. Um Disney, remember Disney. Yep, oh my god. Yep.
And I was like, I thought, I'm sorry, I thought this
building was being held up by sevendwarves. You mean our script? Excuse
too young, Oh, this meeting'sover. Yes again. Yes, but
you were always the one to justbe like, just give us money.

(08:54):
Well you have to ask. Yeah, it doesn't have to ask for the
sale. Yeah, I know,you were right right, they should have
given us money. Like, what'syour favorite script of ours? Oh well,
I always have a special place inmy heart for the Big Fallacy,
because that's how we got started.Yeah. You would be writing after work.
I'd be cooking and cleaning the kitchen. You'd be like, what about

(09:16):
this, And I'd be like,that's great, what about this. You'd
be like, that's great, let'sdo this. And then about six weeks
after you were like, I thinkwe're doing this, and I was like,
yeah, I think we're doing this. Yeah, and we just became
writing partners. Yeah. It wasawesome organically, and then and then we
worked like a lot of people likethey go to Starbucks to be seen writing,
but we work. We put inthe time ten to three every day.
We were scheduled, we were represented, we made money, we ghost

(09:41):
wrote we made money. We wrotefor Sketch Troop. Yep, we were
in the ship. Yeah, wegot paid for Sophie and the Dream Band
and we got paid. Yeah,it was good. I used my middle
school German to negotiate with I hadto call at one in the morning,
California time to get the accounting officein, like Frank at eight in the

(10:01):
morning. It's just oh, good, good morning, like v Gates,
des owner shine, can I pleasehave our money now? It's like your
phrase the sun shines, it's beautifulor vas vetoda. What is the weather
like today? Oh, in California, the sun shines, it's a beautiful

(10:22):
day. Oh it's not here,it's not here. It's great, it's
great. I remebe that meeting whenwe met Spend, He's like telling us
about the project and I was like, wait, so the Germans need help
with humor? Okay, very funny. Yeah, yeah, you guys are
hired. That reminds me of theThat reminds me that Robin Williams joke where
he was like talking to some Germansonce and and um they were like,

(10:46):
um, why aren't we funny?And He's like, have you considered that
maybe because you kill all the funnypeople. He's just like a room full
of He's like at a banquet,like he's like paid to do a conference
comedy show and like Germany, andthey're like, why aren't we funny?
Because you killed all the fun Andfor the um folks listening at home,

(11:11):
forgive me. All of my accentsare kind of like a bizarre Turkish.
I have to sort of dial into get colloquial, but like all of
my generic accents are like why areyou not giving me money for my work?
That's like my Armenian accent from workingin Glendale. It's like the home
of the second largest population of Armeniansoutside of Armenia, correct, And so

(11:33):
they would come in and it's likealways like my friend, bro, listen,
I have a nineteen ninety six Uncordfour hundred thousand miles. It's very
good card at forty miles. Itstarts to do it shaking, but it's
pretty good. Wonder card. You'renot going to believe I give you very
good price. Always trying to sellyou, always trying to sell it.
Well, you know, it's ait's a it's a hustle. It is

(11:54):
did you ever tell you about thetime that um so, speaking of you
know, the Armenian population Glendale.Yes, did you ever about to tell
you about the time that I hadjury duty? Um with Judge lance Edo.
No, I never told you this. No, let's go and all
the full tell you at all thefucking ears we've known each other and never
told you about. How So I'mon jerry duty and you know, you're

(12:16):
going through the motions and like you'rein the waiting room and I'm just I'm
just reading. Yep, just calm, I'm here. I'm reading. There's
like the zombies walking through, Like, where's the outlet? Charge my phone?
Like you didn't charge before you cameto jury duty? Not an adult,
you knew you were gonna be herefor eight hours. Where's the outlet?
I'm like covering the outlet with myleg in the scene under me,

(12:37):
like you don't get don't come nearme. Um So, I get into
the first jury pool and I gettaken into the room and it's like it's
fucking Judge lance Edo from O.J. Simpson and I'm like, I'm
like, okay, this is somecelebrity here. I'll hang for a minute.
And I'm in the you know,so like the jury room, right,
you got the get the bench withthe judge, you got the defendant

(13:01):
plaintiff, you know, the theprosecuting attorney. You got the jury pool
in the in the sort of around, and then you've got the jury panel.
Okay, So I'm in the pooland there's all your typical LA stuff
where like you know this, thisbitch named Ashley gets called and she's like
l E I g H. Yeah. She's like, well, like I'd

(13:22):
really love to serve, but likeI'm managing this band that's like going on
tour next week. And he's like, you can stay. I just wanted
everybody to know I'm managing a band. Yeah yeah. And there's another guy
who's like I really can't do thisbecause like I have a landscape design company
and like we have a lot ofjobs. He's like, do you have
other employees for your company? Andhe's like yeah. Three. He's like

(13:46):
maybe this is a good time todelegate. So he's just like hold calculating,
like not taking no for an answer, seeing it before. So I
get into the panel, I getfrom the pool to the annal and so
the guy who's the defendant is thiscomplete fucking goomba. He's like, he's

(14:07):
like Harry Knuckles, Harry Harry Knack, like just fuck it, he looked
like. And so the defense attorneyis just sort of like, you know,
this older man slick, he's justsort of like, all right,
Jerr twelve, M is there anyreason why you couldn't serve on this jury?

(14:28):
And these are like it's it's likeall shapes and sizes, right.
A jury pool is like literally it'sa carnival side show everyone. And so
there's this kid who's maybe like twenty, and he's just like, um,
yeah, I went to Glendale HighSchool and I was bullied every fucking day
in my life and I fucking hateher medians. And he's like okay,

(14:52):
and then when it came time forthe next election, he's like, uh,
JR. Twelve you can go.And and there was this other woman.
There's this other woman on the onthe pool that had survived like three
rounds of cuts and she wants shewanted to be on the jury. But
when it no, no, no, actually you know what, she didn't

(15:13):
but she just wasn't asked the questionsyet she was like sitting there wanting to
be asked the questions. Yeah,yeah, asked me. What's gonna get
asked? And so the defense attorneywas like, um, okay, so
is there any reason why you feellike you couldn't have a fair objective attitude
in the proceeding. She's like,well, look at him. He looks
like a criminal. Like you justgot him a suit so he didn't look

(15:35):
like a complete scumbag. And he'slike, man, man, he's merely
dressing to present himself to the courtin a respectful way, and may I
remind you innocent until proven guilty,And it's my job to negotiate that on
his behalf. A couple of roundslater, he let her simmer for a

(15:56):
while and then he's like, um, edo is like any anyone for this
round? He's like, jerr andI you can go. She's like bye,
yeah, thinks you're keeping me longer. Oh yeah, I got cut
for some stupid reason I can't imagine. Probably because I was too smart.
Because you're always you're always speaking yourmind. It's pretty great. Yeah,

(16:17):
I'm worried about you, though.Sometimes you're gonna speak your mind to the
wrong person. Well, I mean, when you're when you're wanting to get
out of jury duty in an honestway. Yeah, and it's just like,
well that's fine. Yeah, I'mtalking about like when you just approached
someone on the street and then youoffer your opinion. Well, I try
to be I try to moderate that. Yeah, No you're not. I
don't working, I don't open withit. No, but you do.

(16:37):
You're a very assertive with strangers.I enjoy it. Yeah, I mean
that's sort of one of my um, one of my skill sets. But
um, I think what it waswas when I think the prosecutor actually asked
me to leave because when she wasasking me about the crime, which is
I think he was arrested for bumpingoff like a shoe store. Okay,

(17:00):
after hours, robbed a shoe store? What's in there? But I was
when she was asking me about likewhat I felt about the crime, I
was like, well, I wasgonna go down. I'd go for a
higher value target. Yes, likeat least have a good time before you
get arrested. Yeah, Like whatare you getting from a shoe store?
Fifteen hundred bucks? Yeah, ifyou get there, I'm like, take

(17:21):
down a pound. She probably he'sour man. He probably wanted the shoes
he's like he got caught because hestayed for the loafers. Yeah, he's
like trying on the loafers. Judge, they were Bruno May. He had
the fifteen hundred dollars in his pocketand he's like trying on. She's like,
I'm really a nine and a halfand nine and then the cops failed
up. My right foot's bigger thanmy That's just how I was born.

(17:41):
So that's yeah, that's my judge, LANCTO Jury Duty Store. That's pretty
rad, dude. Um, Sowe lived together Hollywood, yet you started
dating who is your now wife?Yes? Um, and through that process.
Uh, I gotta tell you.I don't know if you know this

(18:03):
story, but when you decided itwas time to propose, it was like
my thirtieth birthday. Yeah, becauseyou are. You're three and a half
years older than me. Yeah,even though we were in the same class.
Yeah, I took a little nakafter high school. You were not
born with a silver spin. No. I got to like landscape and actually
make money on like other people.Yeah, and paying my way through college.
You had to actually like earn yourown money. Yeah, exactly.

(18:25):
How to work? Imagine that?Yeah, what a concept? Weird.
Yeah, so it took me awhile, but um still paying for it.
By the way, Actually I'm notpaying for it anymore. I just
got whatever. Yeah, you can'ttake the knowledge back. You can't repossess
the knowledge, right. So umso the night the weekend and you took
her up to propose, that wasthe weekend I had the dirty thirty oh

(18:48):
with the enemy. Oh and theserver who's going to get fired? Oh,
well she was on her way outanyway. Yeah. Yeah, so
that's like how I would target.I'm like, okay, either you're gonna
get canned or quit, so thenI'll move in now so it's not awkward
later. Yeah. Yeah. AndI was just so funny because I'm having
like what should have been the happiestmoment of my life. Like the enemy

(19:11):
is like banging this girl with likea strap on while I'm in her mouth,
and the strobe lights going in ourapartment, and I thought two things.
Number One, I looked across andmy girlfriend. I was like,
this can't be the mother of mychildren. I can't have her kissing our
kids, you know, not knowingwhere her mouth has been. Yeah,
well, knowing where her mouth is. The man especially and then I thought,

(19:33):
Matt is proposing to his wife rightnow, Like what a stick of
ivory soap up in wine country?And this is what I'm doing, Santa
Barbara, Okay yeah, and I'mlike, this is what I'm doing with
my free time. It's like it'slike we're we have so much in common,
but then on some levels we're soopposite, you know what I mean?
And like you dealt with me likejudgment free, you just like dealt

(19:55):
with me. I just made aface that was like yeah, as opposed
to saying it out loud. Yeah, yeah, this is an audio audio
podcast. Yeah, it was justlike the duh judgment free Yeah, judgment
free zone. Yeah. But wehad a we had a great time.
I feel like I showed you awhole new and my brother yeah oh yeah,
oh yeah. Andy was instrumental inyour bachelor party. This is the

(20:17):
this is the guy that we didthe anal Ringtoss girls for the night before
his wedding. Yes, so we'reall in church with these videos in our
head, just replaying yes from thenight before where my where Andy was all
in all in how much money youeat? Yeah, like this is what
I got going on He's like,dude, we have to do this.

(20:37):
How much do you need? Thatwas the best? Yeah, Andy,
Andy would Andy came and visited likewhat three times? Yeah, and we
corrupted him you yeah, okay,did him? Yeah, we would be
we'd be zipped up on bikes andperks and stuff, playing Gauntland untill three
in the morning. Nesty. Yeah, bikes like another round? Yeah yeah,

(20:59):
chew our chewing our faces off,ratch, scratching. We're on level
seventeen. We get the eighteen.I don't think I'm gonna be able to
poop for another week. We canget to level twenty by dawn. Let's
go. Yeah, let's go,nerds. But always the levels would always
take too long to load. Ohgod, it's like, how long does

(21:19):
this take to load? What thefuck? We just want to keep playing?
Yeah? Okay, so um,you were you were doing a scorched
Her three way. Yeah, Iwas proposing. Yeah, I just I'm
just bringing up sort of like thedifferences, you know what I mean,
Like how we still like we gotlike we were like creative fucking soulmates.

(21:40):
Absolutely, I mean, apples andoranges are still fruit. Yeah, Like
you were working overnight at kN XNews radio. You had a great story
from there, right the on thetelevision bank. I'll tell that later.
Oh you don't tell that's a littlethat's a little dirty birdy story for later.
But I actually I want to tellthe It'll be interesting to see,

(22:00):
um because I've I've only shared thiswith like half a dozen people in twenty
years. But be interesting to seewhat your audience thinks to this. Um.
So I was working at can Xten seventy, which was an AM
news radio station in the CBS buildingon Sunset, Yes, right, So
that was the lower level. Theupper level was what was air on ninety

(22:22):
three. Okay, the classic classicrock of LA at the time. So
get the lett out, get thehere we go double Tuesday credence. I'll
take the eighth color for those journeytickets. There we go. So it
was that. Yeah. So therewas an engineer I don't remember his name,
let's just call him Roger. Ithought it was I think it was
Roger, And I was working inthe like the recording studio of the news

(22:45):
radio station, and he would alwayscome and hang out like I was there
from three to eleven brutal hours,and he would come in like nine to
five because he worked for both stations, Okay X and Narrow. Yeah he
did, he did AM and FM, and he would come in like around
nine, so I'd have like thatlast hour or two with him and he'd

(23:07):
just come in. We shoot theshit and how is your day? What
are you doing? And Arrow ninetythree was playing in the background on the
playback in the news radio station,and the door song was it um touch
me or light my fire touch meor but long story short, the song

(23:30):
ends with the dunt dunk dunt dunt. Yeah, touch me, Okay,
touch me, And so that's onand I'm you know, I've been up
since two in the morning. I'vebeen working. Finally came alive when the
sun came up, Like whenever thesun came up, it was like,
oh, I can breathe again.You know, it's like six in the
morning, seven the morning. I'malive again. And when that dunk dunk

(23:51):
dunk dunt happened, I went strongerthan dirt, which is the actual lyric
that Jim sings at the end,Oh Wow, which is the mister Clean
or the or whatever the commercial wasin the sixties, and Roger just sort
of cocks his head and looks atme. He goes, how'd you know
that? I was like, I'ma rest belt kid. I grew up

(24:15):
listening to records of my dad's basement, like Grip, Pennsylvania, you can't
go outside. Six months the year, I would be down to my dad's
basement listening to his records. He'slike, I got someone you need to
meet. I was like, okay, and let's say this was like a
Tuesday. So Thursday rolls around andhe's like, when you're done at eleven,

(24:36):
come up to the hallway, Igot someone fee to meet. And
you know, so keep in mind, I'm what twenty three twenty three,
long, scraggly hair, tall tan, even though I work overnight. Um,
and I meet whom I'm assuming isthe morning Drive DJ of Aaron ninety

(25:00):
three. He's just like British orAustralian guy. I can't quite read the
accent. Then Roger's standing between uslike a triangle, like a power triangle
in this hallway, fluorescent lights andthis guy he's like, so you're mad,
I'm not gonna try to do hisaccent. Yeah I don't. But
he's like, so you're Matt.I'm like, yeah, and I offer
my hand. He's like, soRogers saying you're interested in classic rock radio.

(25:26):
I'm like, oh yeah, Isteeped in it, grew up with
it. My dad was a DJ. My dad was mad Mort. I
didn't know that. He would dolike roller derbys and oh shit and parties
and shit like that. He wasmad mort recording live Oh man, he
was crazy race car driver too,oh shit, yeah music, do you
fix your car too well? Andhe's an auto mechanic. Yeah. My

(25:48):
dad was the fucking definition of therust belt. So this guy's like,
so you're a you want to doclassic rock radio? I'm like sure.
He goes, okay, I gota question for you, like hit me,
I haven't slept in like two days. You know, we we we
would do metal shop Monday night.Then you'd go to work, and I

(26:10):
would hadn't hadn't slept. Wasn't itSunday night? Okay, Monday night?
So I had I would do likethirty six hours in a row where we'd
do metal shop and then I goback to work. So this is like
Thursday, I've maybe slept like sixteenhours and four days. And he's like,
I got a question, like hitme, and he goes, who's
the best dressed man in rock androll? And without hesitating eye to eye

(26:38):
contact, I go, Robert Palmer, there you go. But he looks
at me and he squints and henods and he walks away, and I
look at Roger and Roger looks athim, and I was like, was
that the interview? And he shrugslike I don't know. I was like,

(27:03):
well, let me know. AndI never heard from them, but
I will go down knowing that wasthe right fucking answer. Oh absolutely,
Like what the fuck other answer wouldhe want from me? Yeah? Unless
you're going if he's British? Yeah, And he goes, who's the best
dress man in rock and roll?Like? Have you seen the simply irresistible

(27:26):
video? Yeah? Guys in afucking talks Yeah all the time, like
that, two videos in a tWho does he want me to pick Liberacci?
Yeah? Like I didn't know ifhe was gay or not? Like
I said, but I was likethat interview. I was like, that
was a one question interview. Fuckingnailed it. Probably felt intimidated, didn't
get the job. So here weare, So here we are, thank

(27:48):
god in the studio. Yeah,I had some I had some radio fails
too, Man, you had alot of You had a lot of radio
successes. Yeah, no, whatare you talking about? Howard Stern show?
Yeah? How can you find break? I messed up to Howard Stern
one day? I got on theair one day. Yeah, yeah,
I guess I had some succeense.Yeah. My mom was like, how's
the internship going. I'm like,She's like, what did you do today?

(28:11):
I'm like, I had to godown to the fucking store, a
fish market and buy a fourteen poundbluefish so Howard could spank and naked girl
tied to a wheel with it.I'm like, don't listen to the show
today. That's expensible. Yeah,that's like supplies. Yeah, supplies.
I learned a lot about Hurtsy andwaves that day. So let me Can
I tell them? Can I tellthe folks listening about um our relationship with

(28:33):
your mother? Oh? Yeah,sure? Okay. So Greg and I
had a very Ed Norton Tyler Dirdenrelationship or like Ed Norton Brad Pitt fight
club relationship with Time and UM.So Cathy would call, hey, Matt,
how are you Kathy's Studley's Craig awick, of course not. Um,
so do you mind if I justasked a few questions? Sure? Do

(28:56):
you mind if I don't answer them? She's like, what's he been doing
at night? Bartending? Oh?Is that all? Uh? Huh?
Are you sure I didn't know this? I'm like, well, mom,
the lowjack I had on his ankleran out of batteries, so I don't
know. I don't have a camerain his room yet, so I don't
know. And it would just belike I would have forty five minute conversations

(29:18):
with your mom, Oh my god, and just be like, so,
what's the weather Like, I'm like, it's fucking perfect. Oh, it's
not. He I'm like, that'swhy we're not there, mom. Oh
my god, we're getting clawed.The snow is coming down so hard.
I had to have the naghbor comeover and shovel out the door. Just
let the damn dog out. There'seighteen inches on the ground in east.

(29:44):
Um, how's things for you?My feet are sunburn from falling asleep on
the balcony. Um. Thanks so. That that was the part one of
the the Greg and I having thebrad pitt Ed Norton relationship with Helen and
bottom carter. But the best partwith the girls that would come in.
So what I didn't tell Kathy wasthat, you know, Greg would accidentally

(30:07):
bring someone home and proceed to deliverthe groceries until roughly three in the morning,
and then when she would come outat eight in the morning, I
would proceed to make her coffee,make her breakfast, and psychoanalyzer, and
then probably advised that she'd go backhome. That was the one that was

(30:34):
the best. I don't remember hername, but she was like cute,
tall, blonde bob. She cameout in like a white tank top,
no bra, white like little looserunning shorts, and she just kind of
came and sat there at the stool. I was like, hey, I
want some coffee. I was likesure, I'm like I have some eggs
here if you if you're hungry,yeah, oh my god. And then

(30:56):
I was just like talking her andlike, where are you from my kids
city? Oh yeah, yeah,I live it with Fraser. There's an
exit interview. It was there's anexit interview because I just wanted to leave
so that we can play video gamesor something, so should just be like
She's be like, oh, youknow, you guys just you guys,
like your bathrooms are clean and youhave life plants and like, and the

(31:17):
couch is comfortable. It's like,yeah, yeah, not yours. It's
not yours. And then and thenshe was she was the one of all
of them where it's like I wasjust sort of like giving her the download
of like, hey, you gottago. I don't think Ella's the place
for you. Um better to bea big fish and a small pond than
a small fish and a big pond, right, And I'm just like,
you know, you're obviously attractive andtalented, and I think you just should

(31:40):
go home. And she sort ofpushed herself up off the bar stool.
We had the two bar stools thecounter. She pushed herself from the bar
stool, came around and she's sortof like pushed her belly against me and
like kissed my neck, and Ijust sort of put my finger on her
lips. I was like, you'renot gonna find it here. Hunt.

(32:01):
I was like, I thought,I told you to go home. Oh,
I'm like, we got work todo when he wakes up, so
yeah, so you gotta go.Oh my god, it was my fledgling
psychotherapy masters. Oh my god,amateur. Well, it's last call,

(32:22):
so let me give you a tip. When it's dick busy and there's a
huge line in front of and behindyou, don't order a fucking Saserak or
a vookay or anything with muddled shit, you inconsiderate dick. Just get a
beer and wait for the pop tosubside, and then you get your pretentious
shit. It will die down whenthe bar is mobbed. Just wait.
Everyone gets their drinks and then theyhit their paces, and those paces differ

(32:45):
and the crowd subsides. It's thenthat it's cool to order the obnoxious,
labor intensive, time consuming bullshit youdon't really like, but get to attempt
to impress people. Beer and ashot are the watchword. Folks. Folks,
it's been blast. You don't haveto go home, but you can't
stay here, and the call tomy fellow boost slingers sending your stories to

(33:06):
cocktails and wasted nights. At gmaildot com, you can remain anonymous if
you'd like. Thanks for listening,subscribing, downloading, and spreading the word.
Don't be afraid to give me agood review, even if you're lying.
It really does help build our communityof Barbarians and check out my video.
Just close it on YouTube. Youwill laugh, damn it. If
you want to support the podcast,you can do that on Patreon. I

(33:28):
don't have any extra shit there,but I'll happily accept tips worth a try.
We'll see you next time. Onebehind Bars, Cocktails and Wasted Nights.
Cheers Matt's own Fuck First Chilla CooperMartini glass with ice of water and

(34:02):
fuck shit, time consuming bullshit thatyou don't really like but attempts to get fuck