Episode 49- The Night I Interviewed Matt Part Two

Relationships, Strip clubs, Screenplays, A Case of Beer and a Risky Joke and a New Project?


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Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Where's Kelsey? Isn't she scheduled forsix? She had food poisoning, So
we're calling last night seventeen shots oftequila food? What can I get you

(00:31):
drunk? Welcome to episode forty nineof Behind Bars, Cocked Tails and Wasted
Nights. I'm your host, Greg. I've been working as a bartender for
over twenty years, and over thoseyears, I've seen a lot. My
goal here is to share some ofthose high and low lights with you.
Quick warning, this podcast contains sex, drugs, and some language that isn't

(00:52):
suitable for anyone under twenty one yearsof age, so you gotta have some
I D barbarians. We had anexplosion of listeners to part one of Matt's
interview, and for that I'm trulygrateful. Thanks for all the positive emails
and the new Spotify ratings. Youguys are the best. Seriously. By
the way, if you haven't lefta written review on Apple podcast or a
five star rating on Spotify, Iwon't be mad at you. If you

(01:15):
do. Go ahead, I'll wait, kay. Now, normally we do
at drink recipe here, but I'mthinking we just jump right in. After
the gator tail and sweet Sweet agave juice, let's go. So where
we were situated in Hollywood. Wewere living on Lanewood between Hollywood and Sunset
Boulevard, between Libreya and Orange Andyou know, if you don't know the

(01:37):
geography, the reason I bring itup is because a we partied like rock
stars, and we'd have to wakeup to eight in the morning to the
Hollywood High Marching band going through rehearsal, yes, after falling asleep at seven
five ye, and then the smellof the French Fries wafting up from in
and out Oh yeah, yeah,that was brutal temptation the Hotel Roosevelt.

(01:59):
And then it would be like theJimmy Kimmel Show behind elk Copyton or right,
everybody need energy to like psych upwhatever band was about to play.
But we still got our work done. And one of the things that helped
us get our work done, I'ma huge believer in atmosphere. Atmosphere is
everything lighting, music, you're surroundings. They can be inspiring, they could
be off putting. And so wewere situated in a place where we could

(02:20):
walk how many blocks to how manyplaces that were strip joints twelve block radius
to four. Yes, we hadthe seventh veil, immortalized in Girls Girls
Girls, Body Shop, Body Shop, also in Girls Girls Girls, and
then our favorite though, Crazy CrazyGirls. That one was fun because that

(02:42):
one we would get in there,no cover. We get free drinks every
now and then, and it wasalcohol, so they weren't nude, which
I prefer. I want to Idon't want to know the whole story.
Yeah, I don't want the biologyshow. No later, I don't need
I don't need anatomy. Yeah,give me a tiny thong and some top.
This girl's a mystery. Yeah.And it was great atmospheres inspiring.

(03:04):
When we'd have writer's block, wego in there and uh we got to
know some of these film when wedidn't have writers. It was also very
fun just to go there, evenan anticipation of the writer's block that never
came. That's true. We woulduh, we would go go ahead.
I love that place. Um,it was a palace. Oh god,
I remember meeting Bugsy from a PerfectStorm there. Oh he was great.
Forgot his name John Somebody Busy?Yeah, he played Bugsy, but then

(03:28):
he was also in Uh He's BoundingDown. He's Kenny Power's brother he's a
great character actor. Oh he wasgreat, and he would always see me.
He goes, hey, it's therolling guy's always on pressie pills in
there. He's the kind of guylike there were these. Um So,
if if you have never you thelistening audience, have never been a regular

(03:52):
at a place like Crazy Girls,you don't know that there are the like
soap say seven to twelve percent ofthe population that frequents a place like Crazy
Girls. We'll go to literally eatdinner right where it's like he's not at
his back is to the stage.He's just gotten paid, So he goes

(04:15):
to have like a steak dinner anda beer at a strip club because he
has no food in the fridge.He probably doesn't even live anywhere. So
a guy like Bugsy, who probablyis like he'd go from having no right
or he'd go from like having nomoney for a year to having like two
hundred grand. So he's like,I'm going to go get a steak at
Crazy Girls. Yeah, because it'sTuesday and the steaks are half off,

(04:39):
you know. So he'd have acouple of beers and a shot and eat
a steak and then eventually turn aroundand be like, oh, it's a
strip club. Yeah, who's onthe stage, you know? And so
um, there were those guys thatwould just be like that's where they would
just live. That was like theirhome office. They'd look at their calls
there. So he was a goodhang. He was a good tipper too.

(05:00):
Yeah, he was great. Andthen I had my favorite girl.
Oh my god, oh god,Oh I got to make out with her,
you did. I got her backto the apartment at the second Base.
So everyone knows you're prototypical stripper,right, Okay, daddy issues?
Does that mean they have daughter issuesat the stage? Yes? Okay?

(05:23):
Cool. Um. So this Nubiangazelle takes the stage. She's already like
six feet tall, and then shehas the boots on the thigh high boots,
heels all the way up to thebuttery nubian thighs where she's just covered
in like coconut butter. Oh shelooks like a fucking storm from the X.

(05:46):
She has like the white blue contacts, the neck that's like seventeen inches
long. Natural rack, uh noenhanced rack, enhanced rack. It is
Hollywood. Yeah's it was perfect.You had to ask you, I mean,
you know, the high ass likethe gazelle ass like that. I'm

(06:06):
going to chase that in the veltand try to tackle it with my claws.
Yes, um, but oh mygod, what was it? What
was her name? Millennium? Ohmy god, yeah, not a stage
name either. Um. No,it's on her birth certificate. Her mom
and dad were just like, wegot torrential, vociferous, alopecia, millennium,

(06:29):
we got epic, we got splendiferous, and we've gotten a millennium.
Remember Lyrica, I think he likesLyrica. Who is yours? I don't
remember? Okay. I was alwayssort of like asking them why they would
giving me a lapdancewer for money?Do I have to pay for this if
I can tell you that you haveissues? Oh god? Yeah. She
would always hook us up with likerolls and like drinks and stuff. Oh

(06:54):
bliss, oh Millennium greg Oh yeah, apex predator. Yes, dude,
I heard to her as a gazelle, but she's actually a cheetah. We
would have made baby athletes her andI oh yeah, oh yeah, like
cornerbacks. Yeah, like you wouldhave made like Babydon Sanders. Yeah,
I would have brought I would havebrought down the you know, into a
cornerback from like a tight end.Well, like you would have added some

(07:16):
intelligence and wit to the Oh yeahthat's hopefully. Yeah, they could talk
trash on the field. Oh yeah. Do you think Dion was not talking
trash? And I was covering JerryRice. Jerry Rice was like cold and
calculated. Dan's like eat your breakfast. Dion would be like at the line,

(07:41):
like sort of trying to like touchhands, you know, like that
like right nose to nose six incheson the line. Jerry's like all right,
Steve, Yeah, we're doing acorner route. And Dion's like,
hey, your wife says high shewants to pick up at my place?
How are your wife and my kids? Um so yeah, Don man,
So you would have made a littleDon. But we had a we had

(08:03):
a great night. My birthday nightat Crazy Girls was pretty epic. I
talked about it on the podcast.I don't know if I got the full
story from like what happened with youbecause we both brought home girls that night.
Oh you told the story. Yeah, But did I get every did
I miss anything? Did me gettingNinja kicked off my bed? I think
you covered all the basically, Yeah, I think I think you embarrassed me

(08:26):
enough. I'm outside the bathroom door. She's locked in. Just make sure
she doesn't steal anything. I gotmy own ship to deal with. Thanks
Greg, Thanks buddy. I'm gladyou have. I'm glad you have the
room with the private bathroom. Ihave the public bathroom. I'm gonna go
pee in the sink, sleep onthe couch. Such a good friend.

(08:52):
Got my own shit. Well,fell off the bed. Vampire in this
chick's neck. Oh god, yeah, and um the night the night I
came back from that after party andthe enemy's truck was in my parking spot.
Oh oh yeah, she got her. She she weaseled her way into
the building, got into the apartment. You were reading another book in the

(09:15):
recliner. Yeah, I'm sorry.Like at a certain point, if there's
the knock at the door, Isort of just have to let them in,
sort of soft landed, like there'snothing, like, there's nothing you
could do. If I were to, if I were to have the chain
pulled and just greet with the eye'dbe like what's up, She'd be like
something's wrong. So I had tobe like, hey, just let her
in. There's nothing you could dooh. I was just reading like everything

(09:35):
was normal. Where's Greg? Idon't know. You haven't talked to him?
No, what are you doing readingwatering plants? Well, I'm gonna
go tear apart his room right now. Oh okay, if you have to,
I'm gonna go write and his closetmirror with toothpaste? Yeah? Was
it toothpaste or lipste It was toothpaste. When they had the crest had those
like the crystals the cleaning Oh god, so that would take like a lot

(10:00):
of sponge work together, an entirebucket of spongewater. It was brutal.
Oh yeah, what is she?What is she? Right? She's like,
you're a cheater. I hope youdie. Fuck you in orange?
She still wanted to fuck you.Moved in now, for sure? She
said that in the message. Yeahyeah she uh yeah. Then you got
married and I had no choice butto move in with her. I'm sorry,

(10:22):
that's okay, So we're even.You had a piss in the sink
and sleep on the couch. Ihad to deal with her for a year,
get her restraining order and lose allmy ship. Hey who changed your
door? You did you changed?She took the plates she took the goddamn
outlet covers off the wall. Iremember that, Yes, Jesus, Yes,
she even tried to steal the paintcolor off the wall. Yeah.

(10:43):
Hell no fury like the enemy scorned. Yes, So, hey, you
got the dogs. That's all itmatters. It's all that matters. Yep,
yep, Yeah, I'm conditional loveman. So cocktails and wasted nights.
We've talked about some wasted nights andwe've had some cocktails. So fu
do you have any crazy bar stories, any, like, any crazy party

(11:03):
stories, like maybe that I wasnot a part of anything. I'm missing
that I don't know about you really? Yeah? Can I say this,
of course on the air, sayanything. This is my show. You
do whatever you want. Okay.So I learned a lot from you watching
you slang and dranks. Yeah,running a karaoke show, slang and dranks,

(11:26):
managing people just like you had toread every room. Yeah, everybody
that came in, you had toread them. Yeah yeah yeah, Like,
Okay, this guy has obviously nevertipped. Um, this chick is
obviously wanting my Johnson. But Igotta play a cool because I'm trying to
work the the new bar the newserver. I can't let her know that

(11:48):
I'm going to go home with her. You know, just you had angles
to play. It was like youwere playing billiards, right, Okay,
So, so I learned a lotfrom you watching you sling drinks. And
so did I ever tell you thestory about the one time I went to
the party with the people I workedwith at the assisted living facility? No,
let's go. I never told Howare we only figuring out these things

(12:11):
now? I'm completely lying. Youdid tell me the story, but I
want you to tell the audience,Okay, Like I was gonna say,
I would be remiss if I didn'ttell you this one. So like I
worked at this assisted living facility whereI met my wife, and so like
all the like we had like atable of six seventy five year old women
that were our biggest supporters. LikeMatt's cute. You should maybe ask him

(12:33):
out. Like he's funny, he'snice to us, he holds our he
holds our chairs and holds the elevatorfor us, and so all these we
work our remote controls that your yeah, yeah, they're like I can't watch
the news. I'm like I gotit. Just O three send and then
you can pick your channel. Soum, so all the nurses like and

(12:56):
again, so like the nursing infrastructurein LA is African American and Mexican.
Yes, naturally right, it's likeit's LA. Right, so you've got
the South central African American. You'vegot actually most of LA now in South
Central is Mexican. Yep. Itjust happens. It's it's demographics. And

(13:16):
so I get invited to this partyfrom all the r ends and nurses who
are working at the assistant living facility. And I'm like, okay, I'm
going to Watts or Compton. I'mgoing to Compton. I'm a twenty five
year old white guy. Yeah.And I'm like, okay, what do
I do? What do I do? What do I do? I'm like,
what would Greg do? Like,okay, channel Greg. So I

(13:39):
get a case of beer and Igo to the house. There's like the
lawns brown, there's no trees,fences, you know, like, uh,
what do you like? The stamp? Like the windows all have the
bars on them. And I like, I go in the door. The
doors open. I go on thedoor and I walk through and I get
into the kitchen and there's like acouple of people, like they've got the

(14:01):
they've got the cakes and the andthe cupcakes and the food and the and
the chicken and everything like that,and they're oh, man, hey man,
I'm like giving hugs, and everybody'shugging and I go to the back
I go to the backyard, thesafe space, and I have the case
of beer, and um, soall the all the Mexicans were in the
kitchen, you know, and allthe all the all the all the staff

(14:24):
was in the kitchen. All ther nds, all the African American middle
aged women were in the backyard.And it's all women there. It's all
women, and um and like theone gay cousin, I like them odds.
Yeah yeah. And so there's stuffon the grill and everybody's out there
and everybody's laughing. I have agood time. And I show up and

(14:45):
I walk out and I have thecase of beer and they're like, mah,
what's up, what'd you bring.I'm like, yeah, my roommates
a bartender. He told me,all you just drink heinekend And it's fucking
pen drop silence, and then it'sfucking sister act. It's like, oh,
the chubby arms are flailing. Theyall come and group hug me.

(15:09):
They're like, open up, putit in the ice bag. And I'm
like, I getting the plague,getting some beans. I'm like, oh,
shas survived. I can't because Iwas like, I was like,
you know, go bigger, gohome. Oh god, And it was
true. That's amazing. It's true. That's amazing. They destroyed the k
I didn't have one of the beers. It's yeah. And then might have

(15:31):
involved Oh yeah, curvas baby,let's have a drink. Oh oh,
you're getting serious. Oh I maynot be a doctor or a scientist or
whatever. I've been with every kindof woman, from the lowliest bus station
skank to the high class worldly busstation skank. I might not have a

(15:52):
doctorate or a PhD or whatever,but oh whatever that means. It could
not be a doctor or a signI have I have a I have a
PhD in the tank. Yeah.So yeah, I survived that. We
got through it. That's amazing thenumber of things we survived. Oh my
god, Oh Greg, remember thathot fucking bitch that you railed who had
like the classics stang? Oh yeah, holy shit, fast cat on the

(16:18):
And then she came back to basicallybe like, are we going to be
a thing? Yeah? And sheleft her ear I'm going to the pool.
I'm going to the pool. I'mgoing to the pool. And what
was I returned her earrings? Thepool was on the third level. Yeah,
oh again, Lanewood Pines. I'mlike, I'm going to the pool.
Yeah, courtyard opener. And you'relike and you're like, yeah,
so um, we're not going tobe a thing. And she fucking probably

(16:40):
slapped you and stormed out and brokeshit. And then I hear her peel
out yes away. It was likeit was like fast and the furious.
There's like smoke wafting up in theneighborhood. She couldn't have peeled out harder.
That was the T shirt winner.Yeah, you're like, we're not
gonna be serious. Hate to breakit to you, but I have a

(17:00):
girlfriend. I'm commitment phobic. Whatwas that was? It was Laura Kitlinger.
Laura Kitlinger. I think she hadthis joke. She's like, yeah,
I had a husband. It wasit was easy at the beginning.
He had no problem committing adultery.So that was about that. You're like,

(17:23):
I have standards and she was likea groupie. She like she was
naming off all the fucking like theguys in Kiss that she slept with,
like Molly crow fy Rat, She'slike guys in Rat. Yeah. And
I was like, all right,I'm double bagging this one. You're like,
hold on a second, let meget some cellophane. Yeah, let
me get some aluminum foil. Yes, it's gonna be abrasive to both of

(17:45):
us, but yeah, she waslike I think she was actually thinking that
you were gonna say yes, ohgod, Like did she want you to
take you to? Like did shewant you to take her to like Cheesecake
Factor, Applebe's or something? Canyou get me? Can you get me?
Like? She was a lever behindher. She left her earrings so
I had a dessert. Yeah.No, I don't want to be seen

(18:06):
with you like you're you're a nighttime. We're getting fucked up a Wednesday night.
Yeah, we're not gonna like you'rea Wednesday talk about our dreams with
each other. No, that's notmy dreams are How quickly can I avoid
you? Yeah? Oh my god, my dreams are. I don't want
to have nightmares about you? Shewould have boiled the bunny if we had

(18:26):
one. So I think we madeour connection at Emerson, like right away
off of our love of hair rock. I played you my band and I
remember you going, Greg, Ihave a non sexual crush on you,
yes your quote. Yes, Andthen we just like we would just sit
there would be the only ones atEmerson because there's a bunch of trench coat
wearing guys like Kevin Smiths okay,like the film nerds. But me and

(18:53):
you were like, yeah, Ibelieve. Look with the cat tragged and
off, you know, off.The self titled debut album of Poison is
probably their best word. They havematured, and their sophomore effort, effort
open up in the production value ofFlesh and Bud was spectacular and then Cotson
Native tone Um he slept with Ricky'swife, But still it doesn't speak to
how great he was as a guitarplayer. Trap because even though we went

(19:15):
to film school together, we're we'remusicians. Yeah, and neither of us
did film. We did radio andlike TV. We accidentally became screenwriters.
Yeah, accidentally we're musicians who becamescreenwriters. I'll go with that. Yeah,
it's like pretty boy Floyd, Ohmy God make poison look like lumberjacks.
I mean, like talk about fourugly bitches. Yeah like we we

(19:40):
yeah, we were. We werehair metal guys who were landscapers. Yeah,
we're fucking like we never had anymoney. No, I was singing
behind the lawn more. Yeah,we're blue collar guys who fucking loved hair
metal. Like garage rock, notgarage rock. Arena rock arena rock.
You have to have something to lookforward to on Friday. Yeah, you're
moving to two needs slow and stop. You get your button gear? Oh

(20:03):
yeah, he get it moved.Yeah, and the guy's like throwing his
towel down with this band dan hislong fucking hair. Yep. I need
Brett Michaels to sing to me atthat point. Fu. Yeah, I
want to have a good time.I want nothing so a good time and
I want action. I want agirl to talk dirty to me. Yes,
good references to plason Um in thatworld of film dorks. Yeah,

(20:23):
who were like, you know,I just really want to watch Reservoir Dogs
again. I'm like yeah, I'mlike no, no, no, you're
not saying let's listen to fucking bonJovi. Yeah, that show we saw
together, we saw a metal shopone hundred thousand times. Yep, best
show you and I yep, MjamGrand Bond fucking Jovi. Oh my god,

(20:44):
I remember that. I do rememberthat, fucking amazing. I totally
forgot about that. Dude. Rememberthey did twist and shout yeah to just
the place sold out? MGM,Grand Vegas. What is this two thousand
and one? Yeah, this wasafter to be Um. What was that
album two thousand Keep the Faith?No? Oh, oh fuck, I

(21:04):
don't know. What was the nameof Happening Crash and the Oh, Crush
Crush. Oh, we would album, we would show, we would show
our guests that we'd have that onDVD on the background. We were in
the video, Yeah, we werein the video. We were in It's
My Life. Um, a coupleweeks into LA You're like, hey,
I got us. I know aguy who got us. Uh, we
can go to the filming of thisbon Jovi video in downtown LA in a

(21:29):
tunnel. I'm like, okay,Yeah, let's go. We're in the
It's My Life video because bon Joviis fucking awesome. Yeah, Tommy and
Gina I always say, like ifyou're driving drunk and like Nirvana comes on,
you'll probably crash. Yes, drivingdrunk. Bon Jovi comes on,
You're fucking You're flicking your cigarette againstthe closed window, catching it between your
fingers again, putting the window down, reflicking it out, getting to your

(21:51):
driveway, pulling a perfect one eighty. So you're pointing out to go to
work the next day, parking perfectlycorrect, yeah, and then having the
pressions to not ownly do that,but look over your shoulder to make sure
nothing in the backs he's burning fromthe ash that went back because the window
was closed. Yeah, Like,oh okay, I'm good. Yeah,
my workoutfit from major scales happiness,you're getting late, Oh my gosh,

(22:14):
come on, New Jersey, gin your break. Yeah. So yeah,
all these kids were like Tarantino isthat? I'm like, you know
what I like more. I'd ratheroffer yourself. I'd rather watch Beetle Juice
for the hundred seven Michael Keaton Tightenof our Times, so underrated, dude,
mister mom. Beetlejuice, Multiplicity,Birdman, Birdman. He finally got

(22:34):
rewarded for Birdman, but seriously,Multiplicity, he's acting against nothing. He's
four characters. Yeah, at thesame time and there's no standard like in
two thousand. Yeah, there wasno like the CGI was like, Michael,
you got to act against yourself.Yeah, and you sense you yourself.
There's nobody there, so yeah,you gotta be a split personality.
He's amazing cleaning sober. Yeah.Have you ever seen my life where he's

(22:55):
got the cancer? Of course.These are the things that I watched when
I wasn't watching they assigned us infilm school. Yeah, I'd go to
class, they turn the lights down, put a movie on. I'd nap.
Yeah, not sperato all this yearbecause I was busy langing pipe the
night before. Yes, right,I mean that's what you do if you're
They're all these girls from all overthe country who are just like my dad

(23:18):
never saw me. For me,I'm like, I do I see more
of you? Yeah, I'd liketo see all of you. Oh God,
but that means I'm not going tobe able to stay awake in class
tomorrow to watch The Searchers. Yeah, with John Wayne, So I gotta
tell you. Yes, The Searchersis just like really accomplished distinguished black actor
Roscoe Lee Brown, Right, didI know him? Yeah? He used

(23:41):
to come into dimples the karaoke bar, and yes, he like my voice
coach back in Wister would ask meto escort him to his car because he'd
be so drunk off his chopin witha lemon twist. Okay, he's like,
love, would you please escorte meto my vehicle? I'm afraid I
could trip on the sidewalk. I'mlike, of course, it sounds offer

(24:04):
your arm. Oh yeah, wehooked arms and you fucking grab my package.
I'm like, Roscoe, yeah,and you go my hand and slip
for the third time. Yeah.Yeah, this guy's like amazing Shakespearean trained,
well known actor Roscoe Lee Brown voiceoverartist. Hey, having my junk
outside of a karaoke bar three timesa week. If he wants to tie

(24:27):
one on and try to make amove, I probably would have done it.
But he always wore a Yankees hat. So yeah, Oh what was
the guy? Um, can wesay his name? The guy who had
the acting class? Oh yeah,we'll just say okay, So he was
always buying drinks for every piece ofass. Yeah in the bar. Yeah,

(24:51):
he's been in everything. Okay,money, but I mean so he
has money. But I learned avaluable life lesson from him what was that?
Okay, So he was always buyingdrinks for every piece of ass in
the bar. And here I'm thespreadsheet guy coming out. I'm the you
know, the the son of thebank teller, going, there's a cost
benefit analysis here. Yeah, I'mtwenty four, gone, what's the what's

(25:17):
the what's the rationale here? Andhe looks at me, goes, you
really want to know, kid,It's like, that's why I asked you.
And he goes, if just oneof them because he's like, what
sixty two at the time, Yeah, yeah, sixty two, right,
sixty five there, right, Sohe looks at me, goes, if
just one of them comes home withme, it's worth every penny. Yeah,

(25:41):
And I was like, all right, yeah, thanks man. Yeah,
I guess because like, if you'resixty two and you have money,
why not try to get one ofthem to come home with Yeah, you
get a twenty something cost benefit analysis. Yeah. He I'm putting in the
stock market, me and my right. I mean, like, if you're
sixty that's when you have half amillion dollars, are you gonna put your
money in the stock market? Putin some potential punin exactly, Like I'm

(26:03):
gonna buy her a martini. Thestock could crash, the memory is gonna
stay exactly. Um. So onenight, speaking of like, I was
taking his class and uh with myacting class. Yeah, and then his
so the guy bartended with whose namerhymes with mine leg Yeah, we all

(26:23):
went back with a playboy playmate thatwas talking to and we were a partying
like we do. So it's likethree dudes one one playmate. We were
stepping off. Let do his thingbecause this is like momentous occasion. And
in the class, he's paying thebill. Yeah, And in the class,
what would happen is we would doscenes together one on one. There's
two cameras, like so you getover the shoulder and the reaction shot of

(26:47):
the other person and the person deliveringthe line. So you got the two
camera system. You switch channels andstuff like that. So me and the
bartender like kind of wink it andwe tell them we're gonna leave. What
we do is slip into the cameraboxes in the booths and uh, we
end up turning on the cameras andrecording and we just left. And the

(27:07):
next morning he had a nice littlehomemade pornoe for himself. He was so
happy. Oh wow wow, yeah, yep. Yeah. So next time
you watch Field of Dreams, justknow that happens. You know. I
gotta say, I'm honored to bein a in a bed chamber here in

(27:30):
which you've had, you know,dozens of hot bitches. And then there's
me, Oh, come on,stop it, dude, I've been married.
You're married. Yeah, yeah,so, but I mean so,
I'm just trying to do what youwould do if you weren't married, which
I appreciate, and I'm just gladdid what I did if I was married.
I'm just glad that you had theforesight to know that we had to

(27:52):
do this in person so that wecould play foot see, because you can't
do that if it's virtual. Ican't do that. You can't play foot
see. You can't make eye contact. What he and he's making fun of
the size of my studio. Whatwe got four by four and here you
think four by four by eight,four by four by oh yeah at the
high ceilings. Yeah, that's likethat's like it's like it's like ninety six
square feeting here in my song,I'm like, yeah, I got some

(28:12):
hot pot in use, I gotsome hot potten use Gee, I'm a
tree Sandy. I hate math,but me plus you equals doing it.
We Uh, we wasted a lotof time in very productive ways. We
did, but we also were weturned down a lot of product that no
one's ever going to see. Uh, I disagree so far correct. Yeah,

(28:36):
we've got a little I've alluded toit on the podcast. It is
like something on the back burner,and Matt is my partner in that project
that's on the back burner. Sojust stay tuned for the it's coming to
the front burner. It's gonna bepretty amazing. And all I'm gonna tell
you without giving it away, isboth of us like, despite all of
our debauchery together, we would forour down time just shut off the lights,

(29:02):
sit on the couch and the reclinerand listen to fifties radio dramas.
Oh yeah, fifties and sixties Gunsmokex minus one Shepherds, Mister and Missus
North. Yeah, so stuff isso good. Stuff is amazing. Chesterfields
Yeah that clean smoke. Yeah,chester Fields are good for me. That's

(29:23):
what my doctor said. All right, So we told them about how we
love radio dramasould we just tell themwhat we're doing. Yes, well you
would ask um earlier. You hadasked about my favorite script of ours,
and I led with the Big Fallacy, which was our we lost over journey
to that together great script. Thesecond one, ye was kid amazing,

(29:45):
Kid amazing. It's definitely amazing bringingour raunchy, megalomaniacal twist to the standard
American superhero story, right. Andthat was a product of like you being
a comic book person and then meinterning at Mark Platt and Spider Man had
just come out, and you beinga degenerate and a degenerate and so they're

(30:07):
like, oh, let's find thenext superhero. Greg go through all these
rare comic books and figure out whocould be a movie. And I'm like,
I'm reading it, and all hadthe same stuff, like, oh,
okay, I had this accident asa kid, I got these powers
at a parent, and now Igot to fight crime, but I'm gonna
do it in a costume. Andmy whole thing was like, if I
had superpowers and I could save theworld, if I save a school bus

(30:32):
teetering on a bridge, I wantto get blown that night, you should.
I want drink Spot for me.I want people to line out fucking
rails for me. Yeah, Iwant to get laid. Yes, that's
what I want. I'm not gonnado it privately and secretly natural reaction.
You're not gonna not have any moneybeing a superhero. Yeah, And so
we wrote this amazing script, kidamazing, and it was great. We

(30:55):
got a lot of great meetings.It's how we got Sophie in the Dream
Bandits Okay, that's how we probablygot presented. That's how we got our
representations, how we got the meeting. The problem with it being sold was
that there was a project going aroundcalled Tonight He Comes at the time,
and that was Will Smith attached,which eventually became Handcock. Right, So
we came up with the story aboutthis derelict, degenerate superhero before Handcock even
came up, before we even sawany of the source material totally, and

(31:19):
that was already attached with Will Smith. So obviously they couldn't make our movie
right because of that. Right,even though we had a better villain,
we had a better villain, wehad a better concept. Yeah, and
so we wrote this script. It'sbasically, an alcoholic superhero has to get
back in shape and save the worldagain because there's a new type of evil
that has been unleashed on the world. Correct, Okay, So without going

(31:41):
too much into what it's about,like that's the that's that's that's the But
then that sort of what reconnected usbecause you know, we've been we've been
together for a long time, butwe've you know, you've been in Colorado
for a long time. I've donethe wife and kids and hotel management thing,
and then sort of like pandemic,you know, you and I reconnected

(32:02):
on our love of all time radioyeah, and love of podcasts and our
old scripts. Yeah, And itwas just sort of like, you know,
is your idea well, because whatwell in the in the sort of
postgame analysis of what always sort ofheld us back was we would put the
black and white down, we putthe you know, we put the words
on the paper, and then we'demail it to people or like ship it

(32:28):
to people, and like so they'dbe there in their own office or their
own home and sort of like makingup the own like making up their own
voices in their own heads of whatthat sounded like. But it was never
it was never us because we wouldwrite. We wouldn't write like we would
write extemporaneously. It was like wewere just talk right, That's how we're
doing. We weren't. We aren'treally screenwriters were like transcribers of our conversations.

(32:53):
Yeah, because like and you knowwhat if you ever date or writer,
Like, if you ever date awriter and they say, oh,
it's not me, I'm just like, I'm just like making this up.
Fuck off. Yeah. Yeah,it's like you're you're just trying to work
through your own ship and ideally makingit entertaining. Either if it's dark,
great, if you're West Craven andyou're trying to exercise some demons, go

(33:14):
for it, man. Yeah,because the difference between Wes Craven and a
mental patient is like writing it down. Yeah. So it's like we are
just sort of talking all jammed upon nest T mix. Yeah. Yeah.
And so I said to you theone day I can still remember,
I was walking around Venice, hadmy headset on. We were talking on
the phone. I was like,you know the difference between us getting this

(33:35):
stuff out there and not having thissort of guests and test because we're never
gonna we're never gonna win the experiment. We're never gonna win the oh I
read this and it was good.It's we have to tell people a story.
Yeah, we have to like takeaway anything that they have to imagine
or think about. We have topresent it to them. Because it's tone.
It's tone, it's presentation, it'spause, it's I mean, you're

(33:58):
a comedian, you're saying you realizeyou have to let jokes breathe. Yeah,
you have to like work the room. So we would work the room
and just type it on the computerand make ourselves laugh all fucking day.
That's the point, because you haveto you write what you want to read,
or you write what you want tosee, right, what you want
to see. And so I justsaid to you on the phone one day,
I was like, what if wewere to voice these characters ourselves,

(34:22):
and you're like a podcast like sure, an old radio dram like an old
radio drama. But we take ourscript a movie without pictures. Well,
because the movie would have cost onehundred fifty million dollars, no source material,
with no intellectual property, no one'sgonna do it. Yeah, no
one's gonna be. We have nocomic book, there's no comic books,
there's no action figures, there's nohistory. So it's like, rather than
try to force one hundred fifty dollarsmovie or one hundred fifty million dollars movie

(34:44):
on the public, let's do apodcast. Meanwhile, since we were writers
like in the early two thousands,that shit now with like your Netflix,
Amazon bla blah blah, how manythumbnails do you see? How many things
get greenlit? So what we're sayingis they made The Boy Is on Amazon
Original Superheroes. But this was likewhat we were doing in two thousand and
two, and everyone was saying no. And then finally in two thousand and

(35:07):
whenever that came out, people weresaying yes, So now is the time
to strike while the iron is hot. Yeah, I'm in Rhode Island.
I don't have a car or ajob. I'm staying with my brother,
nothing to do, and he callsme with this idea. Well, I
know it's time you were again.Pandemic was locking us all down. I
was in Three Rivers as opposed toSanta Monica. You were in Colorado.

(35:30):
I was like, Greg, justfucking go to Jeff's. Go to Rhode
Island with our dogs and guns.It's gonna get nasty. You want to
have food you want to know youyou're with your nieces and nephews, right,
it's like dogs, guns, family, that's where you should be.
And you started writing. You startedyou started transforming the script into episodic podcasts.

(35:52):
Yeah. I was like, howis this going to work if it's
not like the movie you're watching andit's audio. So we took the idea
of this derrel looks Superhero has toget back in shape and save the world
again. Took our characters and wejust reformed them into a BBC documentary.
Well, okay, radio documentary,don't jump ahead. You had the idea
of because you are steeped in this, you were like, we need a

(36:15):
format. The format could not justbe the telling of the story. No,
the format needed to be you turnedit into a news program, right,
You turned the superhero narrative into whatif an interviewer was interviewing them doing
a docuseries for posterity. Yes,that was the way in because we needed

(36:36):
access, so they need you neededaccess. You need unfettered access. You
needed a recording of what was goingon. Yeah. That was the inception
of the podcast, which you wroteten episodes of. Yep, we've got
a season ready. To go season. We had stuff recorded that's really good.
Yeah, we got a we gota one hour premiere episode already done
and we're gonna work on getting thehalf hour episodes going after that. So

(37:00):
folks, it's coming. Just hangingthere. If you kid amazing, if
you like us, um, that'sokay. You don't have to tell anyone.
Um, we just ask you tosubscribe and download and share it with
your friends when it's out exactly,and I'll keep the audience surprised on cocktails
and wasted nights. And I thinkthat about does it, right, Matt.

(37:21):
We're good. We're gonna go outand continue to have an insane week
in Colorado, a fun week,fun in the power center in the front
range. Um. But if we'rehonoring format, yes, doesn't there need
to be a drink recipe? Ohyeah, I usually do that at the
front of the show. But wecan do that now. Sure, let's
honor the format by fucking it up. Let's do it. Yeah, let's

(37:42):
let's do it. So bosh intothe wind, so normally you do this,
Yeah, let's go with that's it'swhat is it a weekly recipe?
It's a weekly recipe that we doat the beginning of the episode. That
way people can make their drinks beforethey listen. Ah yeah, but let's
go okay, so um. Forthose of you like me who have been
wallowing in sadness as of late,my drink of choice would be a glug

(38:06):
from a room temperature bottle of Chardonay. Okay, as I cry asleep,
I cry myself to sleep with myhuge pillow. Or are you know you
an? That's a little bit ofit's a Quillan's blizz, a little bit
of snow in the mountains, alittle bit of a Bolivian marching powder with
it, t aequilla with the taquila. That way it goes down.

(38:30):
Well, folks, that's my bestfriend and writing partner, Matt. Who
can I get a who? That'show we do things that actualia for BMW
Or if we're the great Barrier Cliffwho always there, never win. Yep,
that's the man. The enthusiasm isunmatched anyway, and I'll explain what
that means later. Folks, thanksso much for listening. We're gonna have

(38:52):
Matt back if I continue to keepchurning out episodes. I don't know what
you guys think. Make sure yousend me an email and uh yeah,
I'm glad we have this talk.I feel Richard for the experience. Matt
me too. All right, goodnight everybody. I want to say bye.
I'm just gonna say, you don'thave to go, but you can't
stay here. Oh yeah, Iget the funk outfo GT foe And yeah

(39:16):
that was Matt with the governor off. Well, it's last call, so
let me give you a tip.If your friend is an obnoxious drunk,
it doesn't matter if you're maintaining,because you are now an asshole by association,
and the only way to win backfavor is to remove them from the
establishment. Period. Amen, folks, it's been a blast. You don't
have to go home, but youcan't stay here. And a call to

(39:38):
my fellow boost slingers. Send inyour stories to Cocked Tails and Wasted Nights
at gmail dot com. You canremain anonymous if you'd like. Thanks for
listening, subscribing, downloading, andspreading the word. Don't be afraid to
give me a good review, evenif you're lying. It really does help
build our community of barbarians. Andcheck out my video. Just close it
on YouTube. You will laugh.Damn it. If you want to support

(40:00):
the podcast, you can do thaton Patreon. I don't have any extra
shit there, but i'll happily accepttips. Yeah, worth a try.
We'll see you next time on BehindBars, Cocktails and Wasted Nights. Cheers