Episode 55- The Night I Interviewed Patrick the Beverage Director

Born to Hippies, Thespian to Mixologist, Fake ID Fight, No Way With Hathaway, A Kegel Keg Change


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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
If I flash you my boobs,will you give me a free drink?
Ma'am? I never know what I'lldo until I'm in the situation, but
hey, let's see how it turnsout together. What can I get you?

(00:32):
You're drunk? Welcome to episode fiftyfive of the award winning podcast Behind
Bars, Cocktails and Wasted Nights.I'm your host, Greg. I've been
working as a bartender for over twentyyears, and over those years, I've
seen a lot. My goal hereis to share some of those high and
low lights with you. Quick warning, this podcast contains sex, drugs,

(00:52):
and some language that isn't suitable foranyone under twenty one years of age,
So you gotta have some I dwell. I did it again, our
barians. I interviewed another one ofmy bosses dancing on the razor's edge people.
This time it was Patrick, thebeverage director. This dude's in charge
of figuring out the math of takinga glass filled with a Kraft cocktail and
blowing it up to a keg ora Tito's bottle, all whilst keeping the

(01:15):
ratios and flavors consistent and simultaneously maintainingproduct for two insanely high volume juggernauts with
minimal storage space. Remember how BillClinton looked after his term ended. I'm
keeping an eye on him, folks. It's a lot. I'd offer assistance,
but it took me seven years tofinally pass algebra. Some say I
was born with a learning disability.I say it's an older brother bunk bed

(01:38):
head injury combo Annie hooselbees. Iget this one short and sweet because I'm
cognizant of your commute times and Iwant him back in for a sequel.
And besides, he left beers herebefore we get started. You'll need a
drink for this one. I askedPatrick for a slayer and he delivered the
groceries. I just made it,and it's for goddamn ndiculous sofa king.

(02:00):
Okay, get the shopping list becauseit'll be worth it. Here goes.
It's called fresh to death written withthe number two, you know, like
if Prince named it. Okay,let's go. Grab one ounce of blanc
of tequila. Already we're off inthe right direction. Three quarters of an
ounce of kachasa, half ounce ofstrawberry cordial, half ounce of fresh lemon

(02:21):
juice, one egg white, andtwo sprays of rosewater from your atomizer.
Shut it, you know you haveone. Combine all that goodness into a
cocktail shaker, dry whipshake. Iknow you're thinking, fuck you, Greg,
I'm not ralmos gin fizzing this andyou're not. We're doing this for
like ten seconds. Gotta get thefroth goo and barbarians. Then add your

(02:42):
ice for a little water dilusion.On another ten second shake double straight into
a rocks glass with one large cubegarnished with fresh strawberries and rose petals.
That's the drink, but we're notdone. Immediately after preparing this cocktail,
align the condom with the head ofthe penis, gently pinched the tip,
then unrolled down the shaft because afterserving this there's gonna be some phallix blunking

(03:05):
and you want to play it safe. Not using a condom could result in
catching one of those things you getfor life like a child. And as
always, if you don't have youratomizer, a rose pedals handy and didn't
heed my advice and go shopping poora shot of blue agave meet your plug.
Unpaused the pod, crush and scrapea fifty yard line and nostril tube
it into your face holes. Okay, barbarians, here's Patrick. All righty

(03:34):
Boddy, welcome to the episode.I am here with Patrick, the beverage
director. Patrick. Welcome, Thanksfor coming in tonight. I appreciate having
you study. Thanks for having me, man, I really appreciate it.
Oh man, my pleasure. Iwork with Patrick my current job. He's
my boss, you guys, Myboss is in here. He came to
the studio. He's seen my nefariouslifestyle already, just in like five minutes

(03:55):
in my apartment. That was abig risk, but I didn't care,
no comment. They know everything aboutme. It's like my online it's like
my on air diary. So uhso, yeah, you're in charge of
a ton of shit. Like we'relike two high volume bars in Colorado.
Probably. I remember when we firstopened, we were Uber's number one drop

(04:15):
off place, like in the restaurantcategory. Yeah. When they do the
New Year's Day stats of the year. Wow. Yeah. So it's like
you're dealing with a huge responsibility.How's that going for you, buddy?
How do you how do you likedeal with that? It's fun, man,
I enjoy it. Uh you know, I've been doing this for you
know, close to if not overa decade this point, man, I
am old when I think about it, Uh, thirty two thirty two,

(04:38):
Oh my god, there's nothing dude. I mean, wait, you get
into my mis lifestyle. Oh yeah, yeah, no, I know for
like two decades, two and ahalf decades really, but it's it's uh,
it's it's a challenge, but it'sgreat, man. And you know,
the crowd that we get is afun one. And the whole point
of Avanti is to kind of eliminateexpectations and have a good time. And
I think we do a good jobof doing that. So as you know,

(05:00):
intense as the crowds and volume couldbe, I think we were out.
We like revel in it. Welove it. We do something that
like you wouldn't think would be ableto be done, which is do craft
cocktails at high volume. It's likethe two opposing forces. But somehow we
pull it off. We try,we try. Yeah, and it is
a fun crowd, not a lotof Jeopardy contestants. I mean, you
know, but uh, we getthrough it. Um, so you've been

(05:24):
doing it for a decade. Howdid you get into it? You know?
I started in Los Angeles. Iactually Uh, was an actor to
begin with, so I'm a failedactor. Holy should me too. So
just being in la I mean that'swhat that's what you do. It's like
a gig job. So you know, you can bounce around from bar to
bar and you know, still maintaina healthy lifestyle. I'll say, while
you know, chasing down a dream. And you know, I always really

(05:46):
enjoyed hospitality. I always just likeloved talking to people, connecting with people,
and and you're just kind of fuckingaround, you know. And it
was I could never see myself inlike an office setting. I could never
see myself just blindly listening to someonewho I you know, meet once a
year or whatever. And I fuckinghate kids, So it was like I
can't be a teacher. And uh, you know, I like drinking.
I like having a good time.It just kind of loaned itself to that.

(06:10):
And you know, when I startedreally thinking about what I wanted my
future to be, you know,like my mid twenties, I just I
didn't want to like chase this dreamanymore. I just I kind of wanted
to settle down and find you know, a home and something I was you
know, successful in and enjoyed doingreally, So what were you, uh
like, did you audition for anythingwhile you're out there? Did you get
auditions? Oh? Yeah, youknow, I've been in a couple of
commercials and stuff. I got areel out there if anybody wants to go

(06:34):
and you know, dig through thedepths of the black web to find it.
But is it on YouTube? Honestlyprobably. I put the link of
the show notes, people will beable to click on it and see your
work. I will absolutely do that. I've been in a couple of movies.
Uh, you know, a coupleof movies. Yeah, so I
had I did. I had success. You know, I made money.
There was a couple of years where, like, you know, I didn't
have to bartend. I was makingmoney doing acting. Doctor, you're a

(06:57):
thespian You're a male thespian um.All right. So you're in LA.
You're living healthy, but you're partyinga little bit. You're doing some shots
of tequila, shots of wheat grassbreaking even I forget the wheat grass.
Oh never, dude. You knowI used to do wheat grass every day,
and then I moved to Colorado andno wheat grass. My hair turned
gray. That's what happened. Um, so you must have seen some shenanigans
in LA. I mean that's acrazy place. Yeah, give me a

(07:19):
give me something while that's gone down. I used to work in Burbank at
the karaoke bar Dimples. I actuallyknow where that. I saw the weirdest
ship, dude, the weirdest ship. Burbank's a strange area. Man,
you get some weirdos up there.There's a lot of a lot of hoopers
and dreamers. I'll say, ohmy god, yeah I did. But
like we would get like like BritneySpears would come in not be able to

(07:40):
sing her own song. Lex Luthorfrom Smallville would come in, and like
all these like commercial actors, misterBelding I became friends with, Like,
oh this shit, I'm jealous ofthat. Oh yeah, I gotta show
you a fucking a little pilot Imade with him, Me and him have
scenes. Yeah, he did itfor free because he liked the script so
much. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. But anyway back to you, Um,
you're in La, you're working,You've seen some weird shit. Give

(08:01):
me a give me an example,because it gets weird out there. Man,
it does get weird. I'll tellyou you know, some of the
crazier stuff, just like broad Stroke. I mean like we would have these
transients that would absolutely go mad.I mean I had this one guy worked
on at a bar at Sunset onSunset Boulevard, really popular boulevard and Los

(08:22):
Angeles for all you that don't know, don't tell me a Saddle Ranch.
I actually did work at Saddle Ranch. Yes, bull rides, uh five
dollars unless you can shake it,so, oh my god. But we'd
have these guys that, I meanlike they'd throw chairs at windows. They'd
just start, you know, grabbingthings off of people's plates, and uh,
you know it was it was kindof freaky. But you know,

(08:43):
you see it so often you becomedesensitized to it and it almost becomes comical
because you have so many tourists andlike they're so they feel like they're in
the jungle, like they're so endangered. Yeah, and you just know you're
like, nothing's gonna happen. Thisisn't the Hollywood I saw on TV.
Definitely not. Doesn't smell like Iimagined it would. No, I didn't
know Colfax Avenue connected the Sunset Boulevard. That's crazy that's weird. So what

(09:07):
are the some of the places.So you worked at Saddle Ranch. I
always wanted to like be the guythat yelled the bull ride and put the
girls on the bowls and like makeit all slow for them and then put
the guys get on and they justlike give them whiplash. I mean,
that's like, honestly what they tellyou to do. They're just like,
you know, let the people thatwant to be on their aka the you
know, underage, fake id girls, let them ride and then throw the
dude's off his fast ucation. Nobodywants to see that. No, get

(09:28):
the girls back on there. Yeah, yeah, Jennifer Connolly, Yeah,
I mean, but yeah, Iworked in Saddle Rand. I worked all
over in Beverly Hills at this beautifuljazz club that you know, the hoytiest
of the Toytye would be at.But you know, my favorite boy I
worked at was this little place,this French bistro and Franklin Village, which
is this like little three block radiusof Hollywood that weirdly enough, is like

(09:48):
the home of a ton of likeBC and dealist celebrities. You know,
like, uh, you know,I don't want to offend anybody by saying
that. But you know, likeCharlie Day would come in a lot,
Danny Masterson, Michael Panya, ShimmyLacunas could your They're not going to hear
this, don't right? Be fine? Uh And like you know, you
get to see and like you know, amongst a lot of other stars,
and you know, you just kindof get to have this this like interaction

(10:11):
with these people at not at thislevel of you know, like you're you're
working an event at like a cocktailparty and it's all you know, stuffy
and they're kind of on their bestbehavior. This was a place that you
know, it was really queer.I think our max capacity was like seventy
people. You know, been aroundsince nineteen sixty nine, and you know
these guys, these guys were likeletting loose. So you kind of got
to see, you know a littlebit behind the curtain of you know,

(10:31):
some of Hollywood's biggest and brightest.That's fucking awesome. And like the whole
policies right, like you don't sayanything, come in, you don't tell
anybody anything, right, they makeyou I mean they made a sign a
contract like you can't take pictures youcan't acknowledge it. You know, you
can't do anything. I mean,obviously people broke that rule. But you
know, we were a quaint staff. Like I said, it's a small
place, so that the staff wassmall too. And you know, if
you couldn't hack, they got ridyfast. It was just like you're either

(10:54):
going to be able to do itor you're not going to be here very
long. We need more like getvoted off the island of places. There's
a lot of like fucking, oh, you're a snowflake, and let's give
you another chance. Those places aresuccessful, man, Yeah, the places
where people actually show up on time. I mean, we have a channel
called I'm gonna be Latest Popular Channel. I muted it so I used to

(11:16):
be an informant for Star magazine,Get at It. I would like run
into the bathroom and be like,oh my god, Jessica Simpson's here,
get down here or some cameras.Man. I supposed to do that.
Never signed anything, but I madelike three hundred bucks a pop. I
always wanted to do that. Iwas always so utterly tempted to do that.
Oh yeah, it's like I meanwhen Keifer Sutherland came in and pulled

(11:39):
his pants down. I was tellingthis British guy in the next day of
the whole story, and then afterthe end of the story, he's like,
what's just SoC security number A greattime. I was like, I
worked with Starle magazine. I'm gonnagive you a check. I was like,
whoa hell, Yeah, gave mehis card. He's like, let
me know. I'm like, I'lllet you know. Trusting guy. Yeah,
it was awesome phone for that trickbefore. No, I actually got
paid and we can't a thing.Yeah, but it was kind of stupid
in retrospect to do that. That'sso funny. Yeah. Um. And

(12:01):
so you're in LA for how long? I was there about ten years?
Are you from there? No,I'm originally from Chicago. Oh shit.
He went directly to LA from Chicago. I moved around a lot. My
parents were, you know, theywere hippies and they didn't love to keep
down a job, you know,to keep that at a fu Yeah,
at even pace. But that's youknow. I was actually born out in

(12:22):
uh in Queens, where my youknow, most of my excited families from.
We lived in New Jersey and NewYork and then moved to Chicago.
Stayed in Chicago throughout like middle schooland high school, and then I went
back actually New York City for college. I went to the New York Conservatory
for Dramatic Arts. You know,I'm not lying to you when it no,
that's that's intense. It was.It was fun. I mean by
intense if you mean expensive and notworth it. And yeah, it was

(12:43):
like, oh no, I meantlike, you know, like you actually
you got your chops, like youcut your teeth for real. Oh yeah,
absolutely, I mean they throw youin the thick of it. They
you know, they give you actuallike theater monologues, fucking Oh yeah,
I mean, I mean it's afilm and television school. They focus on
actually, you know, doing actingfor film and tell levision, which,
ironically enough, I shouldn't say ironically, but weirdly enough, it's so different

(13:03):
than acting on the stage, Likeit's you gotta be bigger and louder and
more cartoonish on stage. You kindof have to paint the picture really blatantly
on stage. And when I sayblatantly, like you know, within the
skill set of you know, anactor where it's doesn't seem blatant, but
you're doing a lot money Man,money Man, one man show going down.
Check it Out's called money Man.I'll go see it, all right.

(13:26):
So all right, so your parents. Was this based on where the
Dead was performing or was just like, oh, man, you say that,
my dad is a huge dead head. He actually just saw Dead and
Company in Arizona a couple weeks.Oh nice, nice, I love that.
So hallucten to Jenex. When you'rea kid that halusten to Jens.
Sorry, I always see Jennex.I don't know why I do that.
I didn't really experiment with with thatstuff until I think, like probably freshman

(13:48):
year of college. Maybe senior inhigh school, but I feel like more
like freshman year of college. Andyou know, I had a buddy that
you know, he got into ittoo. He got into it actually at
the University of Carl Bolder. Uhand he came back with stories and with
some supplies. Oh kind of justyou know, painted the picture for all
of us that you know, we'rewe're down to listen and uh man,

(14:09):
that was a life changer. Ohyeah, totally. Ask Aaron Rodgers.
I credits like psychedelics for making meawesome on the field. Hey man,
if he gets the Jets of theplayoffs. Take as many streams as you
need. My man, is thatyour team now? Because of the New
York thing, I've been my team? Yeah, unfortunately, my almost mine.
Yeah, my entire life. Hehad foot fetish Rex Ryan there for
a little while. That was prettygreat. I love director Ryan. You

(14:31):
could stare at my feet as longas he played, long as he coached
that defense, you can stare atThat's hilarious. So all right, see
La Chicago. What brought you toDenver? How'd you end up here?
Uh? You know, I was. I was kind of like I just
had this weird happens to Hans happenedchance at U in La where you know,
I was working for a company fora couple of years that I loved

(14:54):
under the direction of this guy,Brian Evan. Shout out to Brian.
He's a real one. Uh.And this guy's just he's just a genius
when it comes to you know,cocktail curation and mixology. Even though I
hate that fucking word, but coogycoctology. I like that way. Hey,
let's seeose that one. Um.And you know, I thought that
I would work for this company fora long time. I got in and

(15:15):
kind of on the ground floor level. Uh that you know, they're based
out of New York and they expanded, you know to LA. Now they're
you know, passed that they're inLondon the other multi Continental, which I
you know, I think is aphrase, but uh, you know,
I we got bought out of acontract that we had in the hotel's long
story, no need to go anddo it, but we basically all got
laid off because our contracts all gotbought out and the lease was up on

(15:37):
my apartment in Los Angeles, anduh, my my X and I decided
we were not going to be togetheranymore. So, yeah, I was
at this crossroads where I, youknow, could have just started over in
LA, which you know, Ihad ample opportunity to obviously living there for
a decade. But uh, youknow, my best friends Ryan and Jeff
they lived out here, and I'mone of my other best friends, Aaron,
he lives out in Vail. AndI'd always loved coming to Colorado.

(16:00):
I used to come out of here, you know, yearly to go to
Red Rocks, honestly just to gosee shows and hang out. And you
know, I just always enjoyed itand loved it, and you know.
Ryan was like, hey, man, like, why don't you just move
out here for a little bit?See if you like it? If you
don't, you know, fuck off, you don't move somewhere else. And
if you do, hey, newbeginning. So I've been on here for
two years now and it's been great, and you're rushing it, dude,
I'm trying, you know. Ohyou are like you're like in charge of

(16:22):
the two fucking huge fu places.I appreciate that. Yeah, that's awesome.
All right, lightning round, let'sdo it. You ever have to
clean puke? Yes? You everhave to throw anybody out physically? Yes?
You ever bang a chick in theliquor room? Yes, not this
one, not this one. We'rethe same. All right, so far
we're three for three. Let's see. You ever have to call the cops

(16:45):
on somebody? Oh yeah, allright, too many times? All right,
let's go back to the bang inthe chick in the liquer room?
Had that happen? Uh? Youknow? Actually it wasn't even at a
bar I was working at. Itwas better. So you went back with
employees only, Oh yeah, youweren't an employee, So that's like double
secret probation. I had to seethe secret areas of this, uh,
this restaurant it was. It wasout in La and Uh, it's funny.
I was with one of my goodbuddies out there, Dave. He's,

(17:10):
oh, man, that guy's oneof my favorites. And I'm gonna
actually side off and do a differentstory because he actually ties in super well.
So we were working at this bar, really quaint at the French place
I was talking about, and um, this really attractive girl with short hair
comes in and you know, I'mtwenty three. I feel pretty invincible all
the time. So I was like, you know, let me go for

(17:30):
it. Say what's up. Youknow, I'm gonna serve a drink anyway,
And we start shooting the ship andwe started talking and you just start
getting into conversation and start learning thatyou know, she's just in town for
a little bit, and she's hereall the time, but she doesn't like
to live here and she travels alot. And she's asking me about my
life and it's going really well,and she ends up turning around to talk
to somebody that she came in with, and I go to Dave, who
I was bartening with that night,and say man, I think I really

(17:52):
got a shot with this girl.And he's like, yeah, you think
so. I was like yeah,He's like, man, you should go
for it absolutely, and he was, you know, being overly encouraging,
which I always loved Dave four.And then you know, I go back,
we start talking more, we're shootingthe ship and it's getting a little
flirty. You know, she's youknow, it seems like she's batting her
eyes at me. She's laughing atmy jokes. You know, she turns
around again, she goes to dosomething. I go to David. I
think I'm just gonna ask her formy ask her for her number, and

(18:14):
try to hook up with her laterto night, and you know, baby
take her to a bar later.And he was like, you really want
to go and try and do that. I was like, yeah, what
do you mean. He's like,that's fucking Anne Hathaway. Man. Fuck
dude. It's like, I don'tthink she's gonna say yes, WHOA So,
you know, me being me,I was like, you know,
I you know, even knowing thatknowledge, you know, I might as

(18:37):
well try it. And I waslike, you know, I'd love to
give you my number. And shewas like that is so sweet. She's
like, I am flattered, butunfortunately I cannot accept and she turned away
and it was honestly very nice ofher so to do that. After that,
I felt a little heartbroken. SoDave and I closed the bar down
and we go to a you knowa little bit of a late night spot,
and I started talking to that bartendertell the story until I was talking

(19:02):
to Anne halfway maybe uh, maybeI'm balanced the story and I think it
caught the girl's interest, and uh, she was like, hey, can
you come help me change a kegreal quick? And this is a bar
that you know, all the bartendersare are female, but there's definitely like
security guards around and every bar backthere is six foot four and looks like

(19:22):
the Hulk, and yeah, thoseguys are insane. And so she's like,
can you help me to change youI'm like, that is that allow?
And she's like I'm making it aloud. Yeah, It's like, yes,
it is on, and then uh, she took it from there.
I'll be honest, you know,I was the beta in that situation.
Nice and it was good for you, buddy, that's awesome. It was

(19:44):
a good day. You know,you lose one, you get one,
and who'd you have to call thecops on? Man? We had to
call the cops all the time.I mean, probably the worst one was
I had a fake ID situation andthis kid, I mean he looked like
he was seventeen, but he wasat a big, big table. It
seemed like it was family and friends, and you know, so we're I
D and everybody and you know,my my server at the time she comes

(20:06):
up with me. He's like,yeah, I think this idea is fake.
She gives it to me. Youknow, we have an ID book
obviously, and go through it.I find a couple and accuracies with it.
So I'm like, yeah, it'sprobably fake. You know, I'm
not going to absolutely say it is, but it's probably fake. Yeah,
we're not TSA. But also theyspelled Massachusetts wrong three s. Yeah,
so you know, I'm like,I tell her. I'm like, you
know, tell him it's fake,and you know, we have to keep
it unless you know, he wantsto call the police to come down and

(20:26):
and authenticate the idea. And ifthat's the case, to be happy to
buy him around and apologize and youknow, try to make it right.
So she goes over and you know, she comes back very quickly and she's
like, you know, they're nothaving it. You can you please go
talk to him. I'm yeah,absolutely, so go over there, and
I'm like, hey, folks,I'm really sorry, but you know,
we have reason to believe that thisidea is fraudulent. You know, with
our liquor lights and everything that weare kind of obligated to keep it,

(20:48):
which is not one hundred percentury,but you know, you say that,
sure, but you know, Iwas like, we're obligated to keep it.
You know. I'm like, you'remore than welcome to call the police
to have him come authenticated. Ifwe're wrong, you know, I will
absolutely admit that. You know,I'll make it right for you guys,
But unfortunately we cannot serve your sonat this time. And the sun just
starts losing his mind. You know, he's, you know, throwing a
hissy fit, and he looks likehe's like sixteen, so it just just
looks like even more of it.Yeah. Yeah, he's screaming, he's

(21:12):
swearing, he's going all he's goingon, Joe's all over the place,
so's he's really going for it,and he ends up getting in, you
know, pretty close to me andkind of you know, trying to touch
chest. And he was shorter thanI am ian I'm six foot two,
but you know, he was shorterthan I am. And I wasn't necessarily
afraid of this man physically or thisboy, I should say. And I
was like, look, man,yeah, I'm I just need you to

(21:33):
leave. Man, it's not abig deal. Like just I need you
to go go buy another fake whateverif it's real. I'm sorry, get
the cops over here. I'm sorry, man, like, but you gotta
go. And you know, hestarts getting more in my face, and
then you know, I call itand I'm like, hey, I'm gonna
I'm gonna call the police if Ihave to. And as soon as I
say that, the dad stands out, oh boy, the whole family.
He said, oh, you wantto call the police. I'll give you

(21:53):
a reason to call the police.And he gets in my face and he
says, you're gonna give my sonit's fucking I d back or I'm gonna
take it out of your scrawny Fword hands. It's the other F word?
Should I say? I mean,I say, he said, I'm
gonna oh yeah, and I'm like, uh, we can't anyway, that's

(22:17):
a different pote different but you know, I'm just like, sure that is.
You gotta go, man. I'mlike, this is insane, and
I start, you know, justkind of backing up, and he gets
closer to me, and he's andhe tries to grab the idea out of
my hand because I still have itin my hand. And you know,
luckily I had this great security guard, Chewi who you know, shout out
Chewi if if he's listening to me. But you know, he jumps in
action, grabs the dude, putshim on the ground, and then the

(22:41):
sun comes for me. He jumpson my back. Two of my bartenders
come. We throw them off.The mom is sitting the entire time,
hand had just facing her hands.Yeah, because just absolutely embarrassed, but
not also doing anything. I'm like, because why are you still sitting here?
You leave? So long story show. We call the cops. I

(23:02):
give the I give the cop theguy's ID and he's I'm just like,
he doesn't think I should think thisis fake and the cop, God bless
him. I love this man todeath. He pulls the corner of the
ID rips off the plastic part obviouslya fake in like a very tall tale
sign of a fake rips it.Austin's like, here, give this back
to him. It's just a blankpiece of you know, magnetic d and

(23:29):
they both they both got arrested thatnight, said yes, it was very
fulfilling. And then the poor momprobably guess whooped? I go bail him
out? Oh god, use it? Oh man, Yeah, Okayan's just
sitting there, not doing anything truly, just you know, just being passive.
Like the table cleared out. I'mpretty much as soon as that kid
stood up and was argument with theida rust, the table just cleared out.

(23:51):
They all laughed, just the mom, the dad, I think one
other guy and uh that didn't Hm, well I can't stand when the kids
come into the bar, you knowwhat I mean with the family. Also,
just wasn't a place to like totry to drink, go to a
dive bar, man, Yeah,and they probably wouldn't even checked, you
know what I mean? You know, yeah, yeah, a lot of
legal ship goes down in bars.Um give me your give me your craziest

(24:15):
like bar story like Chicago, LaDenver, Like, what's because I did
the podcast to like let people whoaren't in the service industry, Like here
the shit that we go through thatdoesn't happen in offices, you know what
I mean. It's like, it'slike this is our job, Like we're
on the clock getting paid and thenthis weird ship goes down, Like this
is not going to happen to aproject manager. Yeah, Oh my god.

(24:38):
I mean, I mean that's crazyright there, you get attacked by
it for father's son compo. It'slike a tag team shot just coming for
the rescue. I's like, butyeah, like nobody like your a project
manager. Nobody like hurls on yourdesk and you like clean it, you
know, like we're not a nurse. I mean, probably the craziest story
I could tell. And I wasn'tlike super directly involved in this. I

(24:59):
was. I was. I wassuper young, and I had just moved
to Los Angeles, so I thinkI was maybe there for like three years.
This is like one of my firstbartending gigs at this really small place
in downtown LA which you know,you think it's dirty now, was it
was still dirty like ten years ago? Um, so it was this really
nice Uh. I'm just gonna sayit was a Mamma contestant if Mommy Burger
they had at this nice like itwas supposed to be this really nice Yeah,

(25:22):
they had a great one exactly.I think that was the original one.
So, I mean, they hadthis really nice one in downtown called
of Mama Cotestat where they didn't urbanoutfitters. It was uh and they had
you know, like a like abait, like a butcher and a delhi
and like you know, the foodwas supposed to be ultra fresh and it
wasn't just burgers, and you know, it was a really beautiful space.
Um So there was like you know, basically outside of the dining ear.

(25:47):
It was the only place you coulddine one floor and we had an upstairs
and two basement levels. So oneof the basement levels was essentially like a
prep kitchen and a commissary, soyou know, no one ever went there.
But the bottom basement level was kindof like a what we called it
was the bat cave, where youknow, all the employees had their lockers
and we'd go down there. SoI was closing one night and I went

(26:08):
downstairs to grab something out of outof the out of the back cave,
and I don't remember what it was. But I just hear this like rustling
and bustling in the corner. Andwe had one single bathroom down there that
was for everybody, and you know, obviously you know it was just for
employee, so you know, stuffwould go down. But I started hearing
stuff and I'm like, oh man, like somebody's somebody's doing some stuff in

(26:29):
there. And it was just soundlike people fucking, and I was like,
oh man, that's great. SoI go up and I got my
other bartender, like we're closing down. So there's like, you know,
nobody in there was a weekday nightsuper you know, nothing happening, and
I go and tell my bart I'mlike, yeah, I go down,
someone's down there. And then youknow, Don's and been like, well,
who could it be? So itwas, you know, the only
people there, like our kitchen hadalready been closed, so all of the
prep cooks, all of the dishwashers, all of them are gone. It's
just the bar open. And theonly three people there were me, my

(26:53):
bartender, an of All, andour bar back Louise. And I'm like,
who is down there? And Ijust then I just sent Annaval down
there to go check it out andthen I'm talking to Louise about it and
I'm like, wait a minute,like who the who the fuck is down
there? So I go down therewith Louise and Annabelle you know, is
laughing and he's humming up and I'mlike, wait, but who is who

(27:15):
is to be always in there?He's like, I have no idea.
So I'm like those have to befucking random people. So we go down
there and like you know, westill hear everything, and I'm like,
we have to figure out what's goingon. So we're like anna all like
buses hard. He's like we shouldwe wait? Should be letting finish?
Like should they just come out?And so, and like I said,

(27:37):
like I'm like literally like I'm likefreshly twenty one, and I'm like I'm
still kind of innocent. I'm likeI'm like, no, this is wrong.
They're not supposed to be down here, like you know, there's a
safe down here, there's money,Like, we can't be doing this.
So they're taking the wall. Igo and I'm like I'm just gonna knock
on the door just like let's likeexcuse me, um excuse me, just

(28:00):
like obviously nothing's happening. They're stillgoing at it. And then I'm just
like, I don't know do soI just bang on the door and I
don't even say I just bang onthe door like twice and they stop and
you can hear the guy and theygo like I could hear you. And
literally, I'm like, we're we'reclosed upstairs. All the doors are locked,

(28:22):
so you guys kinda get the fuckout of here. And I kid
you not. The dude just likeopens the door. His pants are still
ankles, he has his like underwearpulling up. The girl is in like
like a dress mini skirt, likeher underwears at her ankles? Is it
Anne Hathaway just kidding? And he'sjust like, I'm so sorry. I'm

(28:45):
so sorry. We're gonna leave.We're gonna leave. And these people were
so out of their fucking mind theydidn't even realize. They went to down
two flights of stairs, pass lockers, past jackets, passed walking fridges and
freezers, and just found a bathroom. Somehow it was been to be We're
gonna fuck here. My other thingwas like, man, how did you
how did you get it up?That fucked up? Yeah? Good for
that game, Yeah, that wasn'teven math. Seriously, Yeah, it's

(29:08):
kind of proud of you, butalso get the fuck out here. Get
the fuck I mean they laughed.I'm not gonna lie. They were like
they were more embarrassed than we wereimpressed. Well, unlike those two who
weren't being able to finish. Ifeel like that's a good place to finish.
Everybody. That was Patrick the beveragedirector. We're gonna have him back
because I know he's got even morestories and check it out on Patreon because

(29:30):
we're about to do a counterpoints andwe're gonna drop that in the next week.
Thanks so much, Patrick for comingin. I really appreciate you.
Dudley, thanks for having me mananytime. Yeah, buddy, all right,
were gonna say bye. Everybody cheersyou guys, serious, guys.
Well it's last call, So letme give you a tip when buying others
drinks. Remember that while you're beingso generous and cool, you're eliminating their

(29:51):
tip from my take, So makesure to go big when we wrap it
up. I'm glad we had thistalk. I feel richer for the experience.
Folks, it's been a blast.You don't have to go home but
you can't stay here and a callto my fellow boostlingers. Send in your
stories to Cocktails and Wasted Nights atgmail dot com. You can remain anonymous
if you'd like. Thanks for listening, subscribing, downloading, and spreading the

(30:12):
word. Don't be afraid to giveme a good review, even if you're
lying. It really does help buildour community of bar barriers. And check
out my video. Just close iton YouTube. You will laugh, Dabbott.
If you want to support the podcast, you can do that on Patreon.
Link is in the show notes.We'll see you next time on Behind
Bars, Cocktails and Wasted Nights.Cheers