May 30, 2025 • 53 mins
Join Gill Tiney as she welcomes Patrick Melville for an inspiring conversation about mental health, personal transformation, and the power of community. Patrick shares his remarkable journey from being adopted in Colombia to facing a life-threatening brain tumor, and how these experiences shaped his mission to help others.
In this heartfelt episode, Patrick reveals his “H’s of Healing” framework and discusses practical approaches to mental resilience. Learn about the importance of focusing on what we can control and the vital role of community support in overcoming life’s challenges.
This conversation offers valuable insights into mental health awareness, personal growth, and the transformative power of maintaining hope during difficult times. Patrick’s story demonstrates how adversity can become a catalyst for positive change and helping others.
In this heartfelt episode, Patrick reveals his “H’s of Healing” framework and discusses practical approaches to mental resilience. Learn about the importance of focusing on what we can control and the vital role of community support in overcoming life’s challenges.
This conversation offers valuable insights into mental health awareness, personal growth, and the transformative power of maintaining hope during difficult times. Patrick’s story demonstrates how adversity can become a catalyst for positive change and helping others.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hello, and welcome to Being Human Hidden Depths. My name
is Jill Tiny I'm the founder of Collaboration Global, and
one of our newest members is the wonderful Patrick Melville.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Welcome, Patrick, lovely to have you with us today.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Thank you so much for the invite.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
I'm really excited about having the conversation today because we
kind of already started it, didn't we just before the meeting,
just before we press the record button.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
That magic button. There are so many things.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
That we could talk about in this episode because one
of the things you're passionate about is good mental health.
And I love the fact that a lot of people
have had a trauma happened to them and that's kind
of made given them awareness. But there are so many
people out there that still don't have that awareness. And
(00:50):
you kind of think, isn't it obvious, and it actually isn't.
And I don't consider myself to have had a trauma well,
and I look back at my life as a ten
year old, Yes, there was a lot of trauma going on,
and you can get the things that have happened and
tripped you up along the way that has an impact
later down the line. But your impact came later. We'll
(01:11):
talk a little bit about that later.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Let's find out.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
This is about finding out about Patrick and I understand
you don't always get called Patrick.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
No exactly. I'm a non Irish Paddy.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
I love it. So do you celebrate Saint Patrick's though?
Speaker 3 (01:27):
I sort of. We have got a flag.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
My middle kid, William, for some reason, has actually adores Ireland,
so he loves a flag. When we've watched the Six
Nations rugby, he's all over Ireland.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
But that's as close as we get. There's no Irish blood.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Okay, So do you know why Patrick was chosen as
your name?
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (01:52):
I think it was going to be Edward, but my
parents chose Patrick. My uncle was born on Saint Patrick
or St Patrick's Day. He should have been a Patrick
bee it's called Mervin, so my father and mother chose
to grab it. I'm a Patrick now Patty. Well, yeah,
(02:13):
no Irish Paddy. I can do an accent? Can you
do one?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I should be sure to be sure. Would you like
a cup of tea? That's the one that we always go.
It's good if you could do Northern Irish. That a
lot more difficult.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Yes, yeah, we'll have to work and that the next episode,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
So he talks about William, who else is at home?
Speaker 4 (02:37):
So I've got three kids in total. So William is
aged twelve. Tend to talk in school years, so year
seven UK. And then you've got Oliver who's older, who's
year nine. He's fourteen. And my youngest feisty daughters are
called Lucy or Goosey is eight years old and she
(03:01):
is year four. And I've got my lovely wife, and
we are coming up to our wedding anniversary eight seventeen years.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Oh, that's lovely. You're going to do something special?
Speaker 4 (03:13):
Well, we got some ideas we have in the past,
gone to concerts and stuff, and yeah, it's like one
of those things. We want to make it us and
we've got some really good stories which we're going to
reminisce about. But obviously kids get in the way making
an excuse, aren't I Yes we will.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
And you have to work out what's seventeen equates to?
Is it teen or something? It's usually something quite like
string or something like oh well, what can we do string?
Speaker 3 (03:39):
And you can't.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
You've got to get some big ones like twenty five
and first, well.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
Yes, I'm saving money for that and Luckily, my wife
is very you know, she says, I'm no maintenance in
the way that I could choke out a super smart restaurant.
She gets now, I just want to go.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
A pub, have a pip to beer. Oh I love that.
But she's she's great with Let's chat with her. You know,
that's our goal.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Perfect, absolutely perfect.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
So what attracted you to the idea of Collaboration Global
and the community that we're looking after here.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
It's something just you know, some people believe in coincidences.
I don't happy to dig more into that, but the
idea is that I was part of another network and
I just wanted to move into another one, and Collaboration
Globe just stood out as a place to be honest
(04:34):
and to try something else. I've come to the twenty
twenty five in terms of repurposing my work, trying to
find my purpose as well just stepping back and the
Global Colaration like yourself, like the other members, I've already
had chats with them who listen and just give me
that support to know that I am doing the right
(04:56):
thing and to confidence that to give it a go.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
It might not work out first time.
Speaker 4 (05:03):
That's space two. Learn a bit more about myself whilst
you know, we have this long cricket innings. I'm a
big cricket fan. I played my first game for the
season last night. It's like an innings, you know, and
you've got to just don't go in and slog. You
(05:24):
go in and build your confidence. You get to know
the pitch, you get to know everyone around you, You
get the ones who are trying to hit you in
the face.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
What a good analogy, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Everyone picks different things of looking at your journey in life,
but that is true, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
You kind of there's a difference.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Between belonging and fitting in. And when you've kind of
found your purpose and you know where you are and
you go, this is my legacy, and this is on
this planet, and I'm out to make a difference to
people's lives, all of a sudden you belong and you
belong to humanity, which is what we're talking about abortion global.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Oh brilliant.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Ye. When you're trying to fit in, it just feels
a bit awkward and not quite and it then becomes
the slock, doesn't it.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
It does become And I talk about the the atures
of healing, and I think you know, with my story
and work, you know, I get rejected all the time.
So lavive that's my choice. You know, that's my business
for various reasons. And I think one of the ahures
which I use and I promote is for healing, is
about sharing and being honest, and I think, you know,
(06:32):
linked to vulnerability in some ways, that can be a
good way just to understand.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Where are you.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
You're not going to get anything the right first time,
You're not going to get anything right necessarily everything all
the time because those people have a different perspective. And
I think Club Collaboration Global is a good place just
to be honest with that. And I'm early into this process,
as you mentioned, so hopefully I'm confident, you know, I
can be honest and learn from that and see where
(06:58):
this goes.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
I can't predict it, no.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
And life would be boring if you could withn't it?
Speaker 1 (07:04):
And I love the fact already you are being honest
and open and vulnerable and saying, hey, guys, i'd like
some help with this. Can we have a look at this?
Because I don't know about you, but I my brain
works in a way that I think I know what
I want to do or the solution is or the
answer to that problem. But I always want to sound
check it to somebody else, or preferably two or three,
(07:26):
to make me make up my mind and go, yes,
that's what I'm going to choose to do.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Now. It might be they might.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Tell me the complete opposite, but I've heard myself talking
to them. Therefore I can now formulate. And when they
ask me questions about it, it's like, well, obviously it's this,
and it's this, and it's this, and so I might not,
I might not change my mind, but at least I've checked.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
In with them.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I'll tell you here's a lovely exercise that I did
once a while ago for anybody that has a problem.
Whatever your problem is, right whatever, Yeah, I want to
I want to get fit, I want more money, blah blah.
Imagine And I did it this in real life, right.
I said to somebody who was a stranger, total stranger,
who wasn't allowed to nod or shake their head or
(08:11):
give me advice or even open their mouth, just give
me eye contact and, as Chris Grimes would say, a
damn good listening to. And I had to talk non
stop for about five minutes, which for me is not difficult,
Let's be honest. And so I thought, what do I
talk about? Okay, I'll say about being fit. I'm going
(08:31):
to talk about I've always had that. I get so
far and I don't quite actually get over the line.
You know, I'm okay, but I could.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Be so much better.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
So I started talking and talking, and you talk about
the problem, you talk around the problem, you talk about solutions,
you talk about what's getting in the way, and then
you pause and you're kind of waiting for this other
person to talk back to you, but they're not allowed,
so you then go. But then there's this, and then
there's that. And I really thought about that, and by
the end of the five minutes, you have found your solution.
(09:03):
And what was ironic? And you said earlier you don't
believe in coincidences. The person who was sat opposite me,
who had been chosen out of about one hundred people
at random, that opposite me, almost smiling to himself while
I was talking and before we side, so that he
could do And I've worked out now I'm going.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
To get fit. Absolutely, there's nothing stopping me in my
need to be fit. So I said, what do.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
You do for a living keep fit instructor. Yeah, ironic,
So we hooked up. But that's the thing for me,
I need to kind of sound out what I'm thinking
in order to get my ideas formulated for me to
know what to do.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
I've got my pan out already, got me thinking about
something else. Good to anything or something that I discussed
with you in our previous chats.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I love our chats. We have good chats.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
So let's start at the very beginning. As Julie Andrews
would say, it's a very good place you've told me
start singing.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
If you're not careful.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
You told me previously that you've been adopted, and if
anyone was going to guess where you were from, I'd
like people to, you know, your accent wants certainly not
give it away. Tell us a story of how, why
when you were adopted and what effect that's had on you.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Now that's a really yeah, I mean, I'm a good
story about adoption. Really sorry. My parents wanted to adopt.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
They lived in Singapore in the seventies and it was
just really hard for people to do that if from
the UK, and they had friends who's who adopted a
child from Colombia from Bogata. My parents are really interested,
(10:53):
so they asked my friends how to get in touch.
And my parents have got in touch for this orphanage
called like Gasa de la Madre Nino. So I speak
Spanish mainly because I, uh, you know, have that that
connection and that passion heritage.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Why would you do not want to learn your homeland.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
And I wanted to collaborate and obviously with them, and
I've done a workshop in Colombea as well, Wow mental workshop.
And what happened was that they flew over and pretty
much got.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Got me.
Speaker 4 (11:31):
I was born in the orphanage, which is in Bogota,
in a lovely place now and they're still they're still,
you know, working, they've grown, but I'll come back to that.
So basically there was me and my parents from my
early age always told me that I was adopted. You know,
(11:52):
you hear drama stories of kids being adopted late or
parents aren't telling them and all.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
The kids finding out that the you know, their brothers
not brother. I've got a sister.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
She's not my blood sister, but she's my adopted sister.
She's my sister. My father's from Scotland, my mother is Dutch.
They don't look but sometimes actually people do say, oh,
your mother looks like you, and it doesn't matter in
that scenario. I've always praised it. I've been back when
(12:23):
I was eighteen to the orphanage. It was amazing, quite
emotional to know, you know, my blood was there. I
went down a street with a BBC journalist in South
America who luckily.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Was a contact of a contact.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
He said, walk around with me, and I did, and
he showed me the street, which is one of the
most dangerous streets in Bogata, because everyone, you know, recognized
him and sort of understood his role.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Help. I met these.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
Kids, you know, who were sort of in some ways okay,
you know they weren't, but say at the same time, they.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Were who I could have been. In cricketing terms.
Speaker 4 (13:06):
It's like what I call her, I was given a
not out because you know, how long I could I
have lived? Who knows and that kind of so so
many impacts it could have been. So I did that
and it pushed me forward to appreciate my life and
to hopefully do something. And I speak Spanish now, and
(13:29):
have you seen the film Filhmina. Yes, yes, yeah, I
cried in a way because I realized that my birthing mother.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Never maybe didn't know how I was.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
I always was on my side saying, yeah, I know
where she is if I wanted to go in touch,
but I didn't really got in touch with the orphanage
where I still do.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
I saw them actually, lovely.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
Cointince last Friday, the daughter of the current owner of it,
who's still involved.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Her as well. She lives in Oxford, and she came over.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
We had a lunch to go with my parents, talking
about how lucky we are, and she showed me an
album eighty years to celebrate how long it's been running,
and myself and my parents and my kids, those three
generations and my wife were in the photos. We're a
good story. But you know, it's amazing how things come up.
(14:21):
My daughter says to me lastly, I've mentioned this. She said,
hold On, Patrick, So my grandparents aren't my grandparents.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
I was like, yes, they are, good. Hold On, but
your adoptive Columbia.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
It's like, oh, I'm still living through the process.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
But embracing it. You know, I've seen my parents one day.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
It's that thing, isn't it that when you go to
doctors and they say is there any.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Hot disease in your family?
Speaker 1 (14:50):
You know, it only goes one generation for the kids,
but it doesn't make a huge amount because quite often
these things aren't generational anyway.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Have you actually pursued finding your mom and dad?
Speaker 4 (15:02):
Do you know?
Speaker 3 (15:02):
A very good point.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
I can't because all I know about my birth parents,
and I've got the documents is a lot of legal stuff,
like through the lawyers in those days, through faxes, but
nothing much about them because they were through the orphanage,
and I think they had an agreement the orphanage would
not actively promote them to get in touch. All I
(15:27):
know is my birth father was white skinned. He worked
in a local bank, like a retail, like a local
high street bank.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
My mother was darker skinned and in working in the market.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
So we don't know if they you know, if they
were married, if they had other kids.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
There is a community from La Gassa.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
Who I have been put together where we had to
get together in twenty nineteen, I think, and some of
them have gone and found their birth parents.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
That's a big story, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
When you know expectations And again this is a whole
mental health thing as well. You know, sometimes you don't
know what the outcome can be, not saying yes or no.
If I had the opportunity, but I don't, as.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
I say, you know, I think i'd be Macarma.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Yeah, so I mean, have you left all your details
at the orphanage? So if she was to go back there,
she could cry out about you.
Speaker 4 (16:24):
Okay, Yeah, she could see I'm okay, you know, as
that that motherly aspect. And you know, I think some
of my colleagues, sorry, my other adoptees have to have
these conversations found their birth parents on you know.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
So it's it's an interesting one and I think I
just want to embrace.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
It and take my kids to Bogota to show them
where their blood is from.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
And it's being a peace that you have been a
blessing to your mum and dad and you've had a
good life and they have blessed you. Yeah, it's you know,
sometimes we get hooks up, I think on blood relations
and all this kind of My mum and dad are
now dad. My husband's mom and dad died when he
was twenty one. Yeah, and our kids didn't really know
(17:11):
any grandparents. I mean, Nicky was six weeks old, you know,
when one of them died and it was like, they
are so blessed now that they've got both sets of
grandparents for their children. And it's just we have to
take what we've been given and make the most of
what we have. And when you've got a happy ending
like that with your parents, there's a blessing on both sides, isn't.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
It really it is.
Speaker 4 (17:35):
It's too easy to do the what ifs. And I've
learned that fine sort of in several parts of my life.
And I know we'll come on to that, but you can.
It's quite normal for the mind to really focus on
what could have happened. Quite defensive, is quite But if
you understand that, then sometimes you can manage it in
(17:55):
a better way and just you know, say, you know,
look at the good sides and say, well, that could have.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Happened as well.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
And there are some children out there that probably wish
they've been adopted because they don't like their parents, or
they don't you know, maybe they're in an awful situation
and their parents are unable to parent them normally and
they're stuck and they wish they could get out.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
So, yeah, it's complicated.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
So you come over to the UK you've got lovely parents.
When you were about eight or nine, what was your
thing that you were into, What was the thing that
made you happy?
Speaker 3 (18:34):
And a very good point.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
I love sport, so I went to school which played cricket,
and I got into it quite quickly. Cricket is for anyone.
You don't have to be an expert to understand what
an amazing game it is in the way that, unlike anything,
you are a group, but at the same time yourself,
by yourself, you need super resilience, Like when you're batting
(18:58):
and everyone's sort of talking to you and you're trying
to put you off. You know, no other sport, it's
it's other sports too quick. This one in between when
the bulls are bold as about when you're by yourself
and you hear these these words coming to you and
at the same time you work together as a team,
proper community. And I really embraced that that cricket thing,
(19:19):
and my preps were with something called court cricket, where
you had a wall and people used to go in
bat and bowls. You know, the whole school would come
and bowl at that individual to try and if they
got the book the batter out, then they will go
and bat. So that whole process really got me into
it and led me to one of my claims of fame.
(19:41):
I'm an international cricketer. I played for Peru now twenty
year in South America and there was an international game Brazil, Peru,
Chile and Argentina and got talking. My Colombian ancestry, got
me close, got me you know, it was close enough
(20:02):
for the same coming work.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Wow, I thought you were going to say you were
a ringer. They told you in because oh, yeah he
can play, let's bring him in. Yeah he's he's all right.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
He's good lad, exactly exactly, yeah blood.
Speaker 4 (20:15):
But yeah, cricket was a great one and it just
got me talking and it helped me when I got
older and whole adolescents and these kind of tough schools
to actually be able to manage those moments when you
know it's tough adolescents and then all this pressure and
all this kind of need to fit in, and cricket
(20:39):
gave me something that actually I still do. I played
cricket yesterday that as I was before.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
It's really interesting to me that the things that people
are connected to and have happy memories of are very
connected to what they're doing there and how you view cricket.
I've never heard cricket spoken about like that before. I've
heard about the tea tail that tries to explain the
(21:08):
rules and nobody understands what the rules are, but the
actual understanding that people are talking to you and kind
of getting into your head about what you're doing, and
it's a psychological game as well as a physical game,
and the fact that you have to be in tune
with your team in order to come together as one.
It's really interesting that when you consider what you do now,
(21:30):
we haven't even scratched the surface of that, but when
you consider what you do now as a mental health advocate,
it really does see that starting point and that little
stepping stone of what you've come to. Now you understand
the essence of what community is about. You understand the
essence of communication and how important it is and connection
(21:52):
and understanding where people are coming from and where they
want to go to.
Speaker 4 (21:56):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's that classic cliche, but I've
learned to appreciate cliches. You know, when it's when you
stop take yourself away a bit like our twenty twenty
five chat about me, what am I doing, and I
look back and I think, wow, you know how high
you know, like a mountain climber. You look back and go,
(22:16):
oh my gosh, I'm so high, you know, and you
look at all these boulders you just avoided, or the
learning you did, or the people who helped you to
go around and now they're on another track. You just
appreciate how high you are and don't look at sort
(22:37):
of your feet only.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Well, it's interesting because some people see that analogy from
a point of view if you get to the top
of the mountain and then you look over there.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
And oh, there's that mountain, and there's that mountain on
that one, and you forget to look down and go
want this one already. I'm on a wealth of knowledge.
I'm on a wealth of experience.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
So sometimes you have to pause as you say that beautiful,
press that pause.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Button and just go, huh, Actually, I do know.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
My stuff, and I do know who I want to help,
and I do know where I'm going to take that next.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Step, and that mountain over there is the one that
I'm going to go to. It's interesting.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
So you're currently climbing the new mountain because you have
parked your car in that space that says I want
to help people with their mental health. One of the
reasons we're talking about that today is we're coming up
in the UK to Mental Health.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Aware this week, which one day is not enough.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
We've got the whole week and there are One of
our members is the founder of the World Mental Health Forum,
a place for people to have really good conversations about this,
and he has a week for the Forum which he
does in October. This Awareness Week is something that is
dear to your heart, not just because you've had that
(23:54):
experience of being adopted when you were younger and possibly
you know, as you say, adolescence is all a coaster
of emotions, isn't it, But you've also had a deeper,
meaningful experience that most of us want to have. Always
like crazy and how you dealt with I'm curious to
(24:15):
know how you dealt with it. So do you want
to explain what happened when you became ill, what were
the symptoms, how you kind of the realization what was
going on in your mind when you kind of found
out how serious it was.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
So I'd love to use the theme of community to
sort of as the kind of lens for this because
it's a really good relevant side for me to link
that too, and you'll obviously.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
Hear as well as others about this.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
So in twenty seventeen, I was about to jump on
a plane to go to Japan. It was a brilliant
initiative I'd worked so hard to gain and get. When
the Financial Time said Patrick, come out. Because I'd worked
in marketing, because of my own consultancy business where I
(25:08):
was helping them sell to people like myself in the
old days, they said come out to Japan. I was like,
I've never been Japan. And I was also working with Google,
the big brand, doing some training on their behalf for
their clients. And then I had to stop because I
fell off my bike in Victoria. Suddenly, I'd cycle on
(25:32):
the London for twelve years. I'd taken on all the
traffic thankfully, never had a problem, never got knocked off,
but this time was slightly weird. I went to Chelsea,
went to the hospital and they did a scan on
my shoulder because that's where the pain was, and they're like, right,
(25:52):
anything else. I was like, now I'm fine, I've got
to go. And of course this is kind of this
non collaboration attitude when you work alone. And I'm sure
people listeners and viewers will connect with this fact that
you're you know, you you have a reason to look
after yourself last because you have family clients. Just one more,
(26:16):
one more little email to send. Yes, I did, and
then my parents, my kids went away on holiday and
I was fine, so I thought. And three weeks four
weeks later, I was had been ignoring this pain in
my mind and my head left in the front pain, pain,
(26:39):
and even the memory had been going and you know,
I wasn't being very professional, but I still had to
just finish the work before I jumped on a plane
to go and see my kids and wife. But I
didn't because I had to go to Winchter Hospital with
utter pain. And they took a scan CT scan which
(27:00):
only takes five seconds and then.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
You you know, just check in and move on.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
But no, forty five minutes later, thankflails with my mother.
Oh minutes later, no one had come, and I was like,
what's going on? And then the junior doctor turned up
and said to me, mister Melville, come with me. There
were four doctors nurses next to her. They took me
into a ward and then we're in the war.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
They shut the curtains and sat down. I remember the
scrove so vividly because they all hugged and sat next
to my mother. Oh not next to me.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
Wow. Fact, I don't mind in some ways, but you
know it didn't. But I just remember that moment. I
was like, okay, and the junior doctor told me, mister Melville,
we found a massive brain tumor and in front of
your left side of the brain.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
And I was like, well, what does that mean. Yeah,
in such a new territory.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
And they told me it's called a glia blastone up.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
It's the highest level you can get for it. At four,
I'm out of nowhere.
Speaker 4 (28:08):
And yeah, you will pump you for the steroids and
you can go up to the ward.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
Yeah, and then you can call people. Oh my goodness,
what they said. Yeah, we're not account hospital. Oh no.
Speaker 4 (28:23):
So I was like okay, okay. So I went upstairs felt,
you know, thankfully my mother was there. You know, that
collaboration angled where.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
That she was there to help me something.
Speaker 4 (28:37):
Matt, my wife obviously was away on holiday and hoping
that I'll join, and I had to just call and
find contacts who knew contacts The first place was hospital
was first hospital.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
Was Southampton, and they were very.
Speaker 4 (29:00):
Well, they were doing their job, but not with me
because then no one answered my calls. That's the first
place I had to call the cancer experts.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
So the hospital that you were in just basically said
we can't help you. And you were the one that's
being shown the initiative and bringing around to other hospitals
to go wait, can you wow?
Speaker 4 (29:21):
That's increasing exactly so ironic that the more severe sometimes
the less hots of you know, so a.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
Hospital can do, the more you have to do. Yeah,
I learned from that.
Speaker 4 (29:32):
Actually I quite moving onwards in the way that I
had to do it myself. I had more control, call
friends of friends and again this protector group came to me.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
I talk about the six sees of mental resilience and one.
Speaker 4 (29:46):
Of the biggest protection in the framework of communities, and
I was able to in a couple of days, I
was able to contact a friend of a friend who
said he had the same issue and he recommended to
speak to someone in London, a neurosurgeon based in university
(30:08):
in London.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
I was forget the name, and he.
Speaker 4 (30:12):
Was called Neil Holland and his pa said come over
so I could get discharged, and I was able to
speak to him, and then fast tracking, he said, we
can have a go, literally, we'll have a go with
who happens You are tire enough.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
That's not exactly heartening. Is it a go? We'll see
you know, it's like, well better than nothing?
Speaker 3 (30:34):
Yeah, and also moving forward.
Speaker 4 (30:36):
I think one of the like anything, when you can't
do anything, will you feel isolated?
Speaker 3 (30:42):
That can really lead to a negative reaction.
Speaker 4 (30:46):
Thankfully I was able to move a bit forward and
he was able to do operation. I had it pretty
much a week later, and he took up most of it.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
He said, Okay, we'll see how it goes. Of course
you never know.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
I remember signing a fourth saying this might happen, this
might happen.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
I okay, that's okay, that's okay, wow, And I came back.
Speaker 4 (31:14):
Luckily, I was able to go awake after being the
intensive unit for a while, and my wife was next
to me, and I could talk. I could move, thankfully.
Young I was thirty nine, and I didn't google anything
because if you google terminal brain cancer, then you're not
(31:38):
going to get and of course Google's not for that. No,
it turned out at a seven point five.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Percent while we're right WHOA.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
Which I find out by mistake last year. Wow, but
I'm here, I'm alive seven years later, and it's it's
it's it's amazing experience. And to know that, you know,
you know the famous film, I'm sure you know the
jail and anyone listening the film Sliding Doors, what if?
(32:07):
But I'm here and I've had you know, I had
radiotherapy for six weeks. Apparently I'm getting older, my brain
is older, so I do have a bit of memory loss.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
That's okay.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Yeah, I plan be.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Not perfect perfect, but I could get epilepsy and that's normal.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
So again I have to sort of move that. And
thankfully I'm a very positive person.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
The good things and I was able to find other
ways to help myself and chemotherapy twos and then the
amazing story my doctor said, my college is called.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
Paul said, you're stable. I was like, what's that mean.
Speaker 4 (32:51):
He goes your stables like well, and he goes, you're
a mission. My country gone the remaining part from.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
Where the operation had gone. So I'm very privileged.
Speaker 4 (33:03):
I'm very lucky to be here, and that's why I
have to remind myself, I'm not going to make them
millions of pounds that other people make, But what I
am going to do is make a difference. And like OVID,
I was able to do that as well in different ways,
not just me, but collaborating with other companies and people
who really wanted to help. So that's where that's what
(33:26):
led me into my next working space.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Right.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
So wow, I mean, were you tempted to go back
to the original hospital and go but dah, you could have.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
You could have helped me a bit more. Perhaps, Well, yeah,
that was the waste of time.
Speaker 4 (33:45):
I mean, if I'm going to be honest and say,
people with fighting cancer put my hammers in, No, that's
a waste of energy fighting cancer. How do you fight cancer?
I think cancer is an illness which comes into I
get what people want to say. I say, you're wasting energy.
It's sort of working. It's an illness which you should
(34:08):
work with in terms of focus on ways to sort
of things that you can control. You know, fighting is
like what bang?
Speaker 3 (34:19):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (34:20):
And I and I embraced in some ways. It's really weird.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
I embraced that I had that, but I didn't say
I wanted to stay. I just said I wanted, I
want you to go.
Speaker 4 (34:28):
I think you know I've I've.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Got a lesson from this. I want to continue helping people.
Speaker 4 (34:39):
And of course there's a lovely lady called Sophie Savage
who sadly passed away, but she said sort of working.
I think she's as working with cancer. Don't stop as
soon as diagnosed. I mean, you can't do what you do.
And this is actually linked to mental health. People are
diagnosed with something can still do a really really good
job and make them really big difference even though you're diagnosed,
(35:02):
which is linked to my passion, my theme. I'd love
to say, I'm from my learning and my experience. I'm
a catalyst to destigmatize people's approach to mental health, to
use it as a place to, you know, to support
others as well as themselves.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
And again can't say that there's that side as well.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Yeah, So when you had just found out, or soon
after when you'd found out, was there a time I'm
trying to put myself in your shoes of how I
would react in that situation. Was there a time when
you kind of spiraled out of control where you didn't
know how to deal with this new, this possibility that
(35:43):
was staring you in the face.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Did you hit rock bottom?
Speaker 4 (35:49):
That's a really good question, and I do think about
it daily because there's two sides of this.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
I think an older, younger but sort of more.
Speaker 4 (35:59):
Naive Patrick would have said, yeah, I was struggling.
Speaker 3 (36:03):
I was all over the place because I wasn't.
Speaker 4 (36:08):
And I can only put this down to one of
the big H words, which I do a workshop under
the agrees of healing, and the H word which is
part of that is hope. Now, hope for me is
something and I'm not saying everything this is for everyone,
but I think it's something which is linked to the
(36:29):
positive ways.
Speaker 3 (36:30):
Of how a whole well being is connected.
Speaker 4 (36:35):
Is I had a belief, idea, actually gone to a
church this the night before, not knowing what I had
when I was diagnosed, and the word hope. You know,
I had people surrounding me and when I was out
of pain, and I think, whether that be in a church,
whether that be for anyone. It's that protection, that pee
(36:57):
which I also mentioned in Mental Resilience, that pee, what
protection do you have?
Speaker 3 (37:02):
That value?
Speaker 4 (37:03):
So, yes, I was in pain, utter pain. Yes, obviously
I hadn't you know, I I I was struggling a bit.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
I was struggling.
Speaker 4 (37:15):
I had this support to be able to help me
move forward, and I did. Now I'm not saying it
works for everybody, but I think it's worth a go.
When I look back, I think the things I did.
I mean, obviously I'm thinking, what would you know? Am
I more likely to have this again? Statistically? I'm not
(37:37):
going to google that because I take a lot of
confidence that I can hit by a car more, you know,
that kind of side. And when I have to relive
those memories and compare myself to how it was before,
and then maybe I'm not. I think that's dangerous. So
does that make sense? I think I I've.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
Got to give This is where I use the word guidance.
This is what I do.
Speaker 4 (38:02):
I'm not going to advise people to do exactly what
I did, or I'm just saying, you know that used
those ways. But I you know, I did feel I
remember the night before I was diagnosed, I was feeling
in pain and thing.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
What on earth is going on?
Speaker 4 (38:19):
You know, worry is a very big word, and I
was pretty worried. And of course my wife, you know,
she was stuck away. That was the thing to understand.
Everyone's focus was on me, not my wife. Really a
bit of her of course, but she would never admit it.
(38:40):
And again the collaboration was a good one, you.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
Know, having that protection that community around me.
Speaker 4 (38:47):
Helped me to share that, you know, simple thing like
my friends. You know, some people didn't know how to respond,
so we my wife and I, well, my wife delegated
one of a very good friend made of miner to
be the person who would update people, so if people
wouldn't have to get to her, she could focus on
what to do.
Speaker 3 (39:08):
Make sure the kids are okay, and for me as well,
but at the same time, you know, for her to
get some help.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
I remember that hope would a lot of people think
hope is equivalent to wishing for something to happen, but
it's much more powerful than that. The true definition is
something that is given, is like it's a realize. If
you're hoping for something, it can be realized and it
will come to you. And so it gives you that
(39:39):
strength that is out there that you can hang on to.
And I think sometimes you can control stuff and sometimes
you have to let it go. And knowing the difference
is whether you're going to conserve your energy or going
to waste your energy. Yes, a friend, a friend of mine,
(39:59):
had horrendous time when her son died crossing the road
and nine month and he was twenty two. Nine months later,
her daughter crossing the road was knocked over by a
motorbike and suffered severe brain damage. And the hope that
my friend had and I said to her, as we
(40:21):
were going to the hospital for the tenth time, I
don't know how you're doing this, and she said, I
don't have a choice. It's not like you can abandon
your child or you know, you're going through the motions.
But she had to let go of what could be,
what happened, what didn't happen, what could you know, what
future for her daughter was going to because at that
point she was just a vegetable in the bed in oma.
(40:44):
And the fact that she had faith and hope and
people on seven continents were praying for this girl who
was twenty seven at the time. And I think it
was six weeks later she walked out in the hospital
and went to find the surge who'd operated on her
brain and he said, and who are you? She said,
(41:05):
I'm Amy you'reperated on his blah. I said, no, no,
you're not. I am, but you're walking. That's not that's
not what normally happens. No, And you know, and sometime
later her life has been affected by it. Certainly she
can't do and the things she can do, But the
hope that her mum had then has been rewarded in
(41:26):
the fact that her daughter is her best friend now
is still alive.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
And that's what ten years yeah, yeah, years ago.
Speaker 4 (41:34):
Yeah, and this exactly matches what you know, these ages
I mentioned healing. I do have a healer. She's a
spiritual guide. She's not actually Christian, but we connect. And
my point here is that she taught me the ages
she said for healing. And then I would for anyone
to have this, whatever it is, you've got to be honest,
(41:57):
be the stoical person saying I'm okay, and again I
feel this, this collaboration global.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
There's something where I can be like this. It's humble,
like you need and then ask for help.
Speaker 4 (42:09):
Yes, get I'm sorry to hear, to listen to other people.
We're not very good listeners to say how can you
help me? The you're humble, honest and listen and hear,
and then from that you get hope, Oh okay, maybe
things can be done. You get help, and you get happiness.
(42:30):
Of course, the punchline is your heart. Your heart's the
most important thing in some ways. And you know, I
am a father at a school. I think I mentioned
it just you know, much much more wealthy families than me.
Speaker 3 (42:46):
But my heart.
Speaker 4 (42:47):
I have to remind myself though, But my heart tells
me it's you're okay, and you know you're you're lucky.
You know that kind of side the natures of healing,
I would recommend and I do my check my workshops
based around my story.
Speaker 3 (43:03):
I'm not for everybody, no, and.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
Not everybody has kind of that.
Speaker 1 (43:09):
So if they've been through a trauma like that is
one thing. But being aware of your mental health. Sometimes
you can look at somebody who's been through that trauma
and think, well, if he's gone through that, I better
listen to him, because actually I've only tripped over and
I've got hardly any problems. But I still struggle with
my mental health and understanding those kind of processes you
can go through from devastation through to happiness and ultimately joy. Yeah,
(43:36):
then you can take from what other people's experiences are.
You might not have the same experience, but you can
certainly take something from that. That's why I was interested
to find out whether you felt at any point you
were spiraling out of control, or whether you felt, you.
Speaker 4 (43:50):
Know, I think on that point to stop me spiraling control,
I found out of control another it's.
Speaker 3 (43:58):
A sea word. I actually a list of sea words
as well, and one of them is control. Tend to
focus what we.
Speaker 4 (44:03):
Can't control, like when my clients don't come back to me,
when they turn me down.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
You know, That's what I mean.
Speaker 4 (44:09):
The smaller things in life, what we've been discussing just now,
you know, dying, you know, the big D word. I'm
I'm very you know. I talked with people about that.
I don't want them to be a stigma, but it
is to say, you know, we're all going to We're
all going to die. And I hope listeners aren't going
to be too too annoyed by this. But my point
(44:31):
is about control. We tend to focus what we can't control.
And when I was coming back once, something that helped
me was about finding ways. So, for example, I assume nutrition.
I saw a nutritionist and the nutrition told me not
just what not to eat and what to eat, but
other things around me, like, you know, have a warm bath,
two don't have And I can show you my mobile phone.
(44:54):
Don't have it next to you on your bed, have
it downstairs. Turn off your Wi Fi. Bit of common sense.
Don't eat cow's milk. I'm not saying it's bad for you.
It's a balanced start, but that nutrition has helped me
to have control. And I think that had had an
angle a neurologist who gave a talk I went to
(45:17):
the branch Humor Charity in London, in Baron's Court.
Speaker 3 (45:22):
I remember she's told.
Speaker 4 (45:23):
Me very vividly in front of everyone, like a group
of five hundred people. She said, the most surviving people.
And this is for any trauma, any condition, she said
she's seen. It's not about the medicine. You take the
most the biggest connection of those who do two things,
one who are positive and another one who have control.
(45:45):
So I really took that to what can I control?
What can I do? And I think you we've discussed
that several times on and off that the sea word
to control and help the community you're working with in
you know, the pressures that we have to hit those
numbers to make people.
Speaker 3 (46:05):
Perform better, etc. To just be happy appreciate control themselves.
Speaker 1 (46:13):
Control is about not stressing about what you can't do,
but focusing on what you can do and making that
impact that you can do the tinest little impact. It's
one of our members, Gina always talks about if you
think you have no impact because you're just one person
all on your own and you need an army to
make a difference, try spending the night with a mosquito
(46:35):
and then.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
See what impact that can have.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
You know, it's just we all have that ability to
make a big impact by being in control of what
we can control and not stressing about what we can't.
You have to let some things go. It really doesn't matter.
It's like if you've had an argument with somebody and
it's going around your head, just let it go in
whichever way you can let it go, because just by
ruminating on it, you're bringing back the emotions, and the
(46:57):
emotions are going to be damaging you as well. You
don't really need to be doing that. It's not serving
anyone for you to really live that experience. When you
should have said this, and you could have said that,
and you didn't say that. We should have said that
let it go. Let and that in itself is taking action,
that is making a choice to let it go.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
And the more choices you make to empower yourself, the
better your mental health can be as well.
Speaker 3 (47:21):
I love it, Joe, because that's matches my cees as well.
Speaker 4 (47:24):
Control choice and along with collaboration and also celebrate you know,
those little things that you think people weren't in mind,
but you don't rely on that.
Speaker 3 (47:36):
You know, well, say well done and tap yourself in
the bag.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Yeah, we do that every week on the platform. There's
a post that goes up for the community that says, right,
how was your week? Good stuff and sometimes tell us
the bad stuff as well, but we'll find the good
in there. There's always a little rainbow some way. You
can't always see it, and it's like counting your blessings
and just being grateful for the good stuff that's happened,
and that raises your your vibration in the universe and
(48:01):
then more stuff can come your way.
Speaker 3 (48:04):
Yeah. Yeah, the more you give, the more you get back. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
There's a song I'd want to do.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
There was a song when I was about four or
five nurseries and school. And I think I've said this
on here before, but it was the words were I
won't sing it for you, but the words were. Love
is something. If you give it away just like a
magic penny, hold it tight and you won't have any
Lend it, spend it and you'll have so many they'll
(48:32):
roll all over the floor.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Because love is something.
Speaker 1 (48:35):
If you give it away, you end up having more.
Speaker 2 (48:38):
Yeah, and it's.
Speaker 4 (48:40):
So close to that heart, isn't it that you It's
quite normal to feel I can't do that or I
shouldn't do that. But of course when you do, you
realize it's you know, in different ways.
Speaker 3 (48:54):
I like being a volunteer, you know.
Speaker 4 (48:57):
I mean, I'm giving free workshops to next week, especially
to Mental Health Aware this week. But you know, again,
I don't know what's going to come back, but I'm
confident that things will.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
You'll be sending out that karma to come back to you.
Speaker 3 (49:13):
Well, I hope, I hope. Yeah. I love it.
Speaker 4 (49:16):
When I turn off this, you know, this recording, you know,
hopefully it's probably tenough I might be.
Speaker 3 (49:22):
Like, ah, no, I'm joking. Obviously this is an outtake.
Speaker 1 (49:28):
Obviously, don't we keep those in we never we never
chop anything up. So on that note, if somebody is
struggling with a mental health now or know somebody that
struggles with being positive in fact is going through a
(49:49):
horrendous treatment or experience like you had, and they want
to get hold of you, what's the easiest way that
they can get hold of you.
Speaker 4 (49:59):
I'd say you can go to my website to see
the kind of things I do. So what I can
do is I do two things in terms of I
do want to once if anybody wants to chat with me,
just a you know, a chat, I'm always you can tell.
Speaker 3 (50:14):
Them quite an extrovert.
Speaker 4 (50:16):
I love chatting, but like someone else in this centterview,
which is good. But in the way then I'm very
happy to have a chat with them. So to get
in touch with me, that's one thing. The other thing
is of course that there more work in terms of
mental health training.
Speaker 3 (50:36):
Yes, I do mental Health.
Speaker 4 (50:37):
FIRS stay in England for those who can't see or
see that, but also I do also other programs. So
for Mental Health Warness Week, I'm doing programs back communities.
The best way is to see my email address, which
is and to write on it.
Speaker 2 (50:53):
It's shall I say that loud?
Speaker 4 (50:56):
Patrick at Melville hyphen Solution stop com Melville.
Speaker 3 (51:02):
Hyphen Sorry Melville at Sorry it's not again.
Speaker 4 (51:07):
I'm going to make some of my web address, so
it's Patrick at Melville m E L v I double
l E hyphen Solutions s O l U T I
O n S dot com or my website www dot
Melville Hyphensolutions dot com.
Speaker 3 (51:29):
Just have a look and they're very happy to talk.
Speaker 4 (51:32):
You can see examples of me talking actually professionally as
well in a group like we're c NBC Universal, those
kind of guys or yeah, just go from there.
Speaker 3 (51:44):
I'm really up to and I hope some of the
members will love a chat.
Speaker 1 (51:47):
Or if anybody wants to meet Patrick and you want
to come along to a Collaboration Global session, we have
our guest sessions that he's usually popped up there and
you can have a chat with him there, and you
can find us on Collaboration Global dot org, or you
can come along to check us out on event right
and look for Collaboration Global and all of our sessions
(52:08):
are free and you can register for one.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
Of those as well.
Speaker 3 (52:12):
Catchack.
Speaker 1 (52:12):
I feel like this is a definite part one in
what we're talking about. We've started, we've scratched the surface.
But how fascinating what you've been through that you know,
most of us do not experience, most of us definitely
do not want to experience. But the bravery and the
fortitude of and the resilience of being able to go right,
let's r in this hospital, let's ruin somebody else and
(52:33):
finding somebody and speaking to people who know people that
know people, and then finding that person that was amazing
to be able to help you. And have you standing
here sharing You've now got this mission in you to
help people with their mental health. It's like the universe
has been following you. It's like, no, not yet, You're
going to this is going to be helping you, and
then you can now go and help other people.
Speaker 2 (52:54):
So thank you for being on the.
Speaker 1 (52:55):
Podcast, and I'm sure we will catch up of you
in the not too distant future.
Speaker 2 (53:02):
Okay, nice to see you. Everybody, Take care,
Hello, and welcome to Being Human Hidden Depths. My name
is Jill Tiny I'm the founder of Collaboration Global, and
one of our newest members is the wonderful Patrick Melville.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Welcome, Patrick, lovely to have you with us today.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Thank you so much for the invite.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
I'm really excited about having the conversation today because we
kind of already started it, didn't we just before the meeting,
just before we press the record button.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
That magic button. There are so many things.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
That we could talk about in this episode because one
of the things you're passionate about is good mental health.
And I love the fact that a lot of people
have had a trauma happened to them and that's kind
of made given them awareness. But there are so many
people out there that still don't have that awareness. And
(00:50):
you kind of think, isn't it obvious, and it actually isn't.
And I don't consider myself to have had a trauma well,
and I look back at my life as a ten
year old, Yes, there was a lot of trauma going on,
and you can get the things that have happened and
tripped you up along the way that has an impact
later down the line. But your impact came later. We'll
(01:11):
talk a little bit about that later.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Let's find out.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
This is about finding out about Patrick and I understand
you don't always get called Patrick.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
No exactly. I'm a non Irish Paddy.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
I love it. So do you celebrate Saint Patrick's though?
Speaker 3 (01:27):
I sort of. We have got a flag.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
My middle kid, William, for some reason, has actually adores Ireland,
so he loves a flag. When we've watched the Six
Nations rugby, he's all over Ireland.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
But that's as close as we get. There's no Irish blood.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Okay, So do you know why Patrick was chosen as
your name?
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (01:52):
I think it was going to be Edward, but my
parents chose Patrick. My uncle was born on Saint Patrick
or St Patrick's Day. He should have been a Patrick
bee it's called Mervin, so my father and mother chose
to grab it. I'm a Patrick now Patty. Well, yeah,
(02:13):
no Irish Paddy. I can do an accent? Can you
do one?
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I should be sure to be sure. Would you like
a cup of tea? That's the one that we always go.
It's good if you could do Northern Irish. That a
lot more difficult.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Yes, yeah, we'll have to work and that the next episode,
thank you.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
So he talks about William, who else is at home?
Speaker 4 (02:37):
So I've got three kids in total. So William is
aged twelve. Tend to talk in school years, so year
seven UK. And then you've got Oliver who's older, who's
year nine. He's fourteen. And my youngest feisty daughters are
called Lucy or Goosey is eight years old and she
(03:01):
is year four. And I've got my lovely wife, and
we are coming up to our wedding anniversary eight seventeen years.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Oh, that's lovely. You're going to do something special?
Speaker 4 (03:13):
Well, we got some ideas we have in the past,
gone to concerts and stuff, and yeah, it's like one
of those things. We want to make it us and
we've got some really good stories which we're going to
reminisce about. But obviously kids get in the way making
an excuse, aren't I Yes we will.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
And you have to work out what's seventeen equates to?
Is it teen or something? It's usually something quite like
string or something like oh well, what can we do string?
Speaker 3 (03:39):
And you can't.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
You've got to get some big ones like twenty five
and first, well.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
Yes, I'm saving money for that and Luckily, my wife
is very you know, she says, I'm no maintenance in
the way that I could choke out a super smart restaurant.
She gets now, I just want to go.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
A pub, have a pip to beer. Oh I love that.
But she's she's great with Let's chat with her. You know,
that's our goal.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Perfect, absolutely perfect.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
So what attracted you to the idea of Collaboration Global
and the community that we're looking after here.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
It's something just you know, some people believe in coincidences.
I don't happy to dig more into that, but the
idea is that I was part of another network and
I just wanted to move into another one, and Collaboration
Globe just stood out as a place to be honest
(04:34):
and to try something else. I've come to the twenty
twenty five in terms of repurposing my work, trying to
find my purpose as well just stepping back and the
Global Colaration like yourself, like the other members, I've already
had chats with them who listen and just give me
that support to know that I am doing the right
(04:56):
thing and to confidence that to give it a go.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
It might not work out first time.
Speaker 4 (05:03):
That's space two. Learn a bit more about myself whilst
you know, we have this long cricket innings. I'm a
big cricket fan. I played my first game for the
season last night. It's like an innings, you know, and
you've got to just don't go in and slog. You
(05:24):
go in and build your confidence. You get to know
the pitch, you get to know everyone around you, You
get the ones who are trying to hit you in
the face.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
What a good analogy, isn't it.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Everyone picks different things of looking at your journey in life,
but that is true, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
You kind of there's a difference.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Between belonging and fitting in. And when you've kind of
found your purpose and you know where you are and
you go, this is my legacy, and this is on
this planet, and I'm out to make a difference to
people's lives, all of a sudden you belong and you
belong to humanity, which is what we're talking about abortion global.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Oh brilliant.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
Ye. When you're trying to fit in, it just feels
a bit awkward and not quite and it then becomes
the slock, doesn't it.
Speaker 4 (06:10):
It does become And I talk about the the atures
of healing, and I think you know, with my story
and work, you know, I get rejected all the time.
So lavive that's my choice. You know, that's my business
for various reasons. And I think one of the ahures
which I use and I promote is for healing, is
about sharing and being honest, and I think, you know,
(06:32):
linked to vulnerability in some ways, that can be a
good way just to understand.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Where are you.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
You're not going to get anything the right first time,
You're not going to get anything right necessarily everything all
the time because those people have a different perspective. And
I think Club Collaboration Global is a good place just
to be honest with that. And I'm early into this process,
as you mentioned, so hopefully I'm confident, you know, I
can be honest and learn from that and see where
(06:58):
this goes.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
I can't predict it, no.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
And life would be boring if you could withn't it?
Speaker 1 (07:04):
And I love the fact already you are being honest
and open and vulnerable and saying, hey, guys, i'd like
some help with this. Can we have a look at this?
Because I don't know about you, but I my brain
works in a way that I think I know what
I want to do or the solution is or the
answer to that problem. But I always want to sound
check it to somebody else, or preferably two or three,
(07:26):
to make me make up my mind and go, yes,
that's what I'm going to choose to do.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Now. It might be they might.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Tell me the complete opposite, but I've heard myself talking
to them. Therefore I can now formulate. And when they
ask me questions about it, it's like, well, obviously it's this,
and it's this, and it's this, and so I might not,
I might not change my mind, but at least I've checked.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
In with them.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I'll tell you here's a lovely exercise that I did
once a while ago for anybody that has a problem.
Whatever your problem is, right whatever, Yeah, I want to
I want to get fit, I want more money, blah blah.
Imagine And I did it this in real life, right.
I said to somebody who was a stranger, total stranger,
who wasn't allowed to nod or shake their head or
(08:11):
give me advice or even open their mouth, just give
me eye contact and, as Chris Grimes would say, a
damn good listening to. And I had to talk non
stop for about five minutes, which for me is not difficult,
Let's be honest. And so I thought, what do I
talk about? Okay, I'll say about being fit. I'm going
(08:31):
to talk about I've always had that. I get so
far and I don't quite actually get over the line.
You know, I'm okay, but I could.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
Be so much better.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
So I started talking and talking, and you talk about
the problem, you talk around the problem, you talk about solutions,
you talk about what's getting in the way, and then
you pause and you're kind of waiting for this other
person to talk back to you, but they're not allowed,
so you then go. But then there's this, and then
there's that. And I really thought about that, and by
the end of the five minutes, you have found your solution.
(09:03):
And what was ironic? And you said earlier you don't
believe in coincidences. The person who was sat opposite me,
who had been chosen out of about one hundred people
at random, that opposite me, almost smiling to himself while
I was talking and before we side, so that he
could do And I've worked out now I'm going.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
To get fit. Absolutely, there's nothing stopping me in my
need to be fit. So I said, what do.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
You do for a living keep fit instructor. Yeah, ironic,
So we hooked up. But that's the thing for me,
I need to kind of sound out what I'm thinking
in order to get my ideas formulated for me to
know what to do.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
I've got my pan out already, got me thinking about
something else. Good to anything or something that I discussed
with you in our previous chats.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
I love our chats. We have good chats.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
So let's start at the very beginning. As Julie Andrews
would say, it's a very good place you've told me
start singing.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
If you're not careful.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
You told me previously that you've been adopted, and if
anyone was going to guess where you were from, I'd
like people to, you know, your accent wants certainly not
give it away. Tell us a story of how, why
when you were adopted and what effect that's had on you.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Now that's a really yeah, I mean, I'm a good
story about adoption. Really sorry. My parents wanted to adopt.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
They lived in Singapore in the seventies and it was
just really hard for people to do that if from
the UK, and they had friends who's who adopted a
child from Colombia from Bogata. My parents are really interested,
(10:53):
so they asked my friends how to get in touch.
And my parents have got in touch for this orphanage
called like Gasa de la Madre Nino. So I speak
Spanish mainly because I, uh, you know, have that that
connection and that passion heritage.
Speaker 2 (11:13):
Why would you do not want to learn your homeland.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
And I wanted to collaborate and obviously with them, and
I've done a workshop in Colombea as well, Wow mental workshop.
And what happened was that they flew over and pretty
much got.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Got me.
Speaker 4 (11:31):
I was born in the orphanage, which is in Bogota,
in a lovely place now and they're still they're still,
you know, working, they've grown, but I'll come back to that.
So basically there was me and my parents from my
early age always told me that I was adopted. You know,
(11:52):
you hear drama stories of kids being adopted late or
parents aren't telling them and all.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
The kids finding out that the you know, their brothers
not brother. I've got a sister.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
She's not my blood sister, but she's my adopted sister.
She's my sister. My father's from Scotland, my mother is Dutch.
They don't look but sometimes actually people do say, oh,
your mother looks like you, and it doesn't matter in
that scenario. I've always praised it. I've been back when
(12:23):
I was eighteen to the orphanage. It was amazing, quite
emotional to know, you know, my blood was there. I
went down a street with a BBC journalist in South
America who luckily.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Was a contact of a contact.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
He said, walk around with me, and I did, and
he showed me the street, which is one of the
most dangerous streets in Bogata, because everyone, you know, recognized
him and sort of understood his role.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
Help. I met these.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
Kids, you know, who were sort of in some ways okay,
you know they weren't, but say at the same time, they.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
Were who I could have been. In cricketing terms.
Speaker 4 (13:06):
It's like what I call her, I was given a
not out because you know, how long I could I
have lived? Who knows and that kind of so so
many impacts it could have been. So I did that
and it pushed me forward to appreciate my life and
to hopefully do something. And I speak Spanish now, and
(13:29):
have you seen the film Filhmina. Yes, yes, yeah, I
cried in a way because I realized that my birthing mother.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
Never maybe didn't know how I was.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
I always was on my side saying, yeah, I know
where she is if I wanted to go in touch,
but I didn't really got in touch with the orphanage
where I still do.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
I saw them actually, lovely.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
Cointince last Friday, the daughter of the current owner of it,
who's still involved.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Her as well. She lives in Oxford, and she came over.
Speaker 4 (14:01):
We had a lunch to go with my parents, talking
about how lucky we are, and she showed me an
album eighty years to celebrate how long it's been running,
and myself and my parents and my kids, those three
generations and my wife were in the photos. We're a
good story. But you know, it's amazing how things come up.
(14:21):
My daughter says to me lastly, I've mentioned this. She said,
hold On, Patrick, So my grandparents aren't my grandparents.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
I was like, yes, they are, good. Hold On, but
your adoptive Columbia.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
It's like, oh, I'm still living through the process.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
But embracing it. You know, I've seen my parents one day.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
It's that thing, isn't it that when you go to
doctors and they say is there any.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Hot disease in your family?
Speaker 1 (14:50):
You know, it only goes one generation for the kids,
but it doesn't make a huge amount because quite often
these things aren't generational anyway.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Have you actually pursued finding your mom and dad?
Speaker 4 (15:02):
Do you know?
Speaker 3 (15:02):
A very good point.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
I can't because all I know about my birth parents,
and I've got the documents is a lot of legal stuff,
like through the lawyers in those days, through faxes, but
nothing much about them because they were through the orphanage,
and I think they had an agreement the orphanage would
not actively promote them to get in touch. All I
(15:27):
know is my birth father was white skinned. He worked
in a local bank, like a retail, like a local
high street bank.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
My mother was darker skinned and in working in the market.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
So we don't know if they you know, if they
were married, if they had other kids.
Speaker 3 (15:45):
There is a community from La Gassa.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
Who I have been put together where we had to
get together in twenty nineteen, I think, and some of
them have gone and found their birth parents.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
That's a big story, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
When you know expectations And again this is a whole
mental health thing as well. You know, sometimes you don't
know what the outcome can be, not saying yes or no.
If I had the opportunity, but I don't, as.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
I say, you know, I think i'd be Macarma.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Yeah, so I mean, have you left all your details
at the orphanage? So if she was to go back there,
she could cry out about you.
Speaker 4 (16:24):
Okay, Yeah, she could see I'm okay, you know, as
that that motherly aspect. And you know, I think some
of my colleagues, sorry, my other adoptees have to have
these conversations found their birth parents on you know.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
So it's it's an interesting one and I think I
just want to embrace.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
It and take my kids to Bogota to show them
where their blood is from.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
And it's being a peace that you have been a
blessing to your mum and dad and you've had a
good life and they have blessed you. Yeah, it's you know,
sometimes we get hooks up, I think on blood relations
and all this kind of My mum and dad are
now dad. My husband's mom and dad died when he
was twenty one. Yeah, and our kids didn't really know
(17:11):
any grandparents. I mean, Nicky was six weeks old, you know,
when one of them died and it was like, they
are so blessed now that they've got both sets of
grandparents for their children. And it's just we have to
take what we've been given and make the most of
what we have. And when you've got a happy ending
like that with your parents, there's a blessing on both sides, isn't.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
It really it is.
Speaker 4 (17:35):
It's too easy to do the what ifs. And I've
learned that fine sort of in several parts of my life.
And I know we'll come on to that, but you can.
It's quite normal for the mind to really focus on
what could have happened. Quite defensive, is quite But if
you understand that, then sometimes you can manage it in
(17:55):
a better way and just you know, say, you know,
look at the good sides and say, well, that could have.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Happened as well.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
And there are some children out there that probably wish
they've been adopted because they don't like their parents, or
they don't you know, maybe they're in an awful situation
and their parents are unable to parent them normally and
they're stuck and they wish they could get out.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
So, yeah, it's complicated.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
So you come over to the UK you've got lovely parents.
When you were about eight or nine, what was your
thing that you were into, What was the thing that
made you happy?
Speaker 3 (18:34):
And a very good point.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
I love sport, so I went to school which played cricket,
and I got into it quite quickly. Cricket is for anyone.
You don't have to be an expert to understand what
an amazing game it is in the way that, unlike anything,
you are a group, but at the same time yourself,
by yourself, you need super resilience, Like when you're batting
(18:58):
and everyone's sort of talking to you and you're trying
to put you off. You know, no other sport, it's
it's other sports too quick. This one in between when
the bulls are bold as about when you're by yourself
and you hear these these words coming to you and
at the same time you work together as a team,
proper community. And I really embraced that that cricket thing,
(19:19):
and my preps were with something called court cricket, where
you had a wall and people used to go in
bat and bowls. You know, the whole school would come
and bowl at that individual to try and if they
got the book the batter out, then they will go
and bat. So that whole process really got me into
it and led me to one of my claims of fame.
(19:41):
I'm an international cricketer. I played for Peru now twenty
year in South America and there was an international game Brazil, Peru,
Chile and Argentina and got talking. My Colombian ancestry, got
me close, got me you know, it was close enough
(20:02):
for the same coming work.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Wow, I thought you were going to say you were
a ringer. They told you in because oh, yeah he
can play, let's bring him in. Yeah he's he's all right.
Speaker 3 (20:10):
He's good lad, exactly exactly, yeah blood.
Speaker 4 (20:15):
But yeah, cricket was a great one and it just
got me talking and it helped me when I got
older and whole adolescents and these kind of tough schools
to actually be able to manage those moments when you
know it's tough adolescents and then all this pressure and
all this kind of need to fit in, and cricket
(20:39):
gave me something that actually I still do. I played
cricket yesterday that as I was before.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
It's really interesting to me that the things that people
are connected to and have happy memories of are very
connected to what they're doing there and how you view cricket.
I've never heard cricket spoken about like that before. I've
heard about the tea tail that tries to explain the
(21:08):
rules and nobody understands what the rules are, but the
actual understanding that people are talking to you and kind
of getting into your head about what you're doing, and
it's a psychological game as well as a physical game,
and the fact that you have to be in tune
with your team in order to come together as one.
It's really interesting that when you consider what you do now,
(21:30):
we haven't even scratched the surface of that, but when
you consider what you do now as a mental health advocate,
it really does see that starting point and that little
stepping stone of what you've come to. Now you understand
the essence of what community is about. You understand the
essence of communication and how important it is and connection
(21:52):
and understanding where people are coming from and where they
want to go to.
Speaker 4 (21:56):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's that classic cliche, but I've
learned to appreciate cliches. You know, when it's when you
stop take yourself away a bit like our twenty twenty
five chat about me, what am I doing, and I
look back and I think, wow, you know how high
you know, like a mountain climber. You look back and go,
(22:16):
oh my gosh, I'm so high, you know, and you
look at all these boulders you just avoided, or the
learning you did, or the people who helped you to
go around and now they're on another track. You just
appreciate how high you are and don't look at sort
(22:37):
of your feet only.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Well, it's interesting because some people see that analogy from
a point of view if you get to the top
of the mountain and then you look over there.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
And oh, there's that mountain, and there's that mountain on
that one, and you forget to look down and go
want this one already. I'm on a wealth of knowledge.
I'm on a wealth of experience.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
So sometimes you have to pause as you say that beautiful,
press that pause.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Button and just go, huh, Actually, I do know.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
My stuff, and I do know who I want to help,
and I do know where I'm going to take that next.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Step, and that mountain over there is the one that
I'm going to go to. It's interesting.
Speaker 1 (23:14):
So you're currently climbing the new mountain because you have
parked your car in that space that says I want
to help people with their mental health. One of the
reasons we're talking about that today is we're coming up
in the UK to Mental Health.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Aware this week, which one day is not enough.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
We've got the whole week and there are One of
our members is the founder of the World Mental Health Forum,
a place for people to have really good conversations about this,
and he has a week for the Forum which he
does in October. This Awareness Week is something that is
dear to your heart, not just because you've had that
(23:54):
experience of being adopted when you were younger and possibly
you know, as you say, adolescence is all a coaster
of emotions, isn't it, But you've also had a deeper,
meaningful experience that most of us want to have. Always
like crazy and how you dealt with I'm curious to
(24:15):
know how you dealt with it. So do you want
to explain what happened when you became ill, what were
the symptoms, how you kind of the realization what was
going on in your mind when you kind of found
out how serious it was.
Speaker 4 (24:28):
So I'd love to use the theme of community to
sort of as the kind of lens for this because
it's a really good relevant side for me to link
that too, and you'll obviously.
Speaker 3 (24:43):
Hear as well as others about this.
Speaker 4 (24:45):
So in twenty seventeen, I was about to jump on
a plane to go to Japan. It was a brilliant
initiative I'd worked so hard to gain and get. When
the Financial Time said Patrick, come out. Because I'd worked
in marketing, because of my own consultancy business where I
(25:08):
was helping them sell to people like myself in the
old days, they said come out to Japan. I was like,
I've never been Japan. And I was also working with Google,
the big brand, doing some training on their behalf for
their clients. And then I had to stop because I
fell off my bike in Victoria. Suddenly, I'd cycle on
(25:32):
the London for twelve years. I'd taken on all the
traffic thankfully, never had a problem, never got knocked off,
but this time was slightly weird. I went to Chelsea,
went to the hospital and they did a scan on
my shoulder because that's where the pain was, and they're like, right,
(25:52):
anything else. I was like, now I'm fine, I've got
to go. And of course this is kind of this
non collaboration attitude when you work alone. And I'm sure
people listeners and viewers will connect with this fact that
you're you know, you you have a reason to look
after yourself last because you have family clients. Just one more,
(26:16):
one more little email to send. Yes, I did, and
then my parents, my kids went away on holiday and
I was fine, so I thought. And three weeks four
weeks later, I was had been ignoring this pain in
my mind and my head left in the front pain, pain,
(26:39):
and even the memory had been going and you know,
I wasn't being very professional, but I still had to
just finish the work before I jumped on a plane
to go and see my kids and wife. But I
didn't because I had to go to Winchter Hospital with
utter pain. And they took a scan CT scan which
(27:00):
only takes five seconds and then.
Speaker 3 (27:02):
You you know, just check in and move on.
Speaker 4 (27:03):
But no, forty five minutes later, thankflails with my mother.
Oh minutes later, no one had come, and I was like,
what's going on? And then the junior doctor turned up
and said to me, mister Melville, come with me. There
were four doctors nurses next to her. They took me
into a ward and then we're in the war.
Speaker 3 (27:23):
They shut the curtains and sat down. I remember the
scrove so vividly because they all hugged and sat next
to my mother. Oh not next to me.
Speaker 4 (27:35):
Wow. Fact, I don't mind in some ways, but you
know it didn't. But I just remember that moment. I
was like, okay, and the junior doctor told me, mister Melville,
we found a massive brain tumor and in front of
your left side of the brain.
Speaker 3 (27:51):
And I was like, well, what does that mean. Yeah,
in such a new territory.
Speaker 4 (27:56):
And they told me it's called a glia blastone up.
Speaker 3 (28:02):
It's the highest level you can get for it. At four,
I'm out of nowhere.
Speaker 4 (28:08):
And yeah, you will pump you for the steroids and
you can go up to the ward.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
Yeah, and then you can call people. Oh my goodness,
what they said. Yeah, we're not account hospital. Oh no.
Speaker 4 (28:23):
So I was like okay, okay. So I went upstairs felt,
you know, thankfully my mother was there. You know, that
collaboration angled where.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
That she was there to help me something.
Speaker 4 (28:37):
Matt, my wife obviously was away on holiday and hoping
that I'll join, and I had to just call and
find contacts who knew contacts The first place was hospital
was first hospital.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
Was Southampton, and they were very.
Speaker 4 (29:00):
Well, they were doing their job, but not with me
because then no one answered my calls. That's the first
place I had to call the cancer experts.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
So the hospital that you were in just basically said
we can't help you. And you were the one that's
being shown the initiative and bringing around to other hospitals
to go wait, can you wow?
Speaker 4 (29:21):
That's increasing exactly so ironic that the more severe sometimes
the less hots of you know, so a.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
Hospital can do, the more you have to do. Yeah,
I learned from that.
Speaker 4 (29:32):
Actually I quite moving onwards in the way that I
had to do it myself. I had more control, call
friends of friends and again this protector group came to me.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
I talk about the six sees of mental resilience and one.
Speaker 4 (29:46):
Of the biggest protection in the framework of communities, and
I was able to in a couple of days, I
was able to contact a friend of a friend who
said he had the same issue and he recommended to
speak to someone in London, a neurosurgeon based in university
(30:08):
in London.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
I was forget the name, and he.
Speaker 4 (30:12):
Was called Neil Holland and his pa said come over
so I could get discharged, and I was able to
speak to him, and then fast tracking, he said, we
can have a go, literally, we'll have a go with
who happens You are tire enough.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
That's not exactly heartening. Is it a go? We'll see
you know, it's like, well better than nothing?
Speaker 3 (30:34):
Yeah, and also moving forward.
Speaker 4 (30:36):
I think one of the like anything, when you can't
do anything, will you feel isolated?
Speaker 3 (30:42):
That can really lead to a negative reaction.
Speaker 4 (30:46):
Thankfully I was able to move a bit forward and
he was able to do operation. I had it pretty
much a week later, and he took up most of it.
Speaker 3 (30:57):
He said, Okay, we'll see how it goes. Of course
you never know.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
I remember signing a fourth saying this might happen, this
might happen.
Speaker 3 (31:04):
I okay, that's okay, that's okay, wow, And I came back.
Speaker 4 (31:14):
Luckily, I was able to go awake after being the
intensive unit for a while, and my wife was next
to me, and I could talk. I could move, thankfully.
Young I was thirty nine, and I didn't google anything
because if you google terminal brain cancer, then you're not
(31:38):
going to get and of course Google's not for that. No,
it turned out at a seven point five.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
Percent while we're right WHOA.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
Which I find out by mistake last year. Wow, but
I'm here, I'm alive seven years later, and it's it's
it's it's amazing experience. And to know that, you know,
you know the famous film, I'm sure you know the
jail and anyone listening the film Sliding Doors, what if?
(32:07):
But I'm here and I've had you know, I had
radiotherapy for six weeks. Apparently I'm getting older, my brain
is older, so I do have a bit of memory loss.
Speaker 3 (32:20):
That's okay.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Yeah, I plan be.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Not perfect perfect, but I could get epilepsy and that's normal.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
So again I have to sort of move that. And
thankfully I'm a very positive person.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
The good things and I was able to find other
ways to help myself and chemotherapy twos and then the
amazing story my doctor said, my college is called.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
Paul said, you're stable. I was like, what's that mean.
Speaker 4 (32:51):
He goes your stables like well, and he goes, you're
a mission. My country gone the remaining part from.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
Where the operation had gone. So I'm very privileged.
Speaker 4 (33:03):
I'm very lucky to be here, and that's why I
have to remind myself, I'm not going to make them
millions of pounds that other people make, But what I
am going to do is make a difference. And like OVID,
I was able to do that as well in different ways,
not just me, but collaborating with other companies and people
who really wanted to help. So that's where that's what
(33:26):
led me into my next working space.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Right.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
So wow, I mean, were you tempted to go back
to the original hospital and go but dah, you could have.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
You could have helped me a bit more. Perhaps, Well, yeah,
that was the waste of time.
Speaker 4 (33:45):
I mean, if I'm going to be honest and say,
people with fighting cancer put my hammers in, No, that's
a waste of energy fighting cancer. How do you fight cancer?
I think cancer is an illness which comes into I
get what people want to say. I say, you're wasting energy.
It's sort of working. It's an illness which you should
(34:08):
work with in terms of focus on ways to sort
of things that you can control. You know, fighting is
like what bang?
Speaker 3 (34:19):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (34:20):
And I and I embraced in some ways. It's really weird.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
I embraced that I had that, but I didn't say
I wanted to stay. I just said I wanted, I
want you to go.
Speaker 4 (34:28):
I think you know I've I've.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Got a lesson from this. I want to continue helping people.
Speaker 4 (34:39):
And of course there's a lovely lady called Sophie Savage
who sadly passed away, but she said sort of working.
I think she's as working with cancer. Don't stop as
soon as diagnosed. I mean, you can't do what you do.
And this is actually linked to mental health. People are
diagnosed with something can still do a really really good
job and make them really big difference even though you're diagnosed,
(35:02):
which is linked to my passion, my theme. I'd love
to say, I'm from my learning and my experience. I'm
a catalyst to destigmatize people's approach to mental health, to
use it as a place to, you know, to support
others as well as themselves.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
And again can't say that there's that side as well.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Yeah, So when you had just found out, or soon
after when you'd found out, was there a time I'm
trying to put myself in your shoes of how I
would react in that situation. Was there a time when
you kind of spiraled out of control where you didn't
know how to deal with this new, this possibility that
(35:43):
was staring you in the face.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Did you hit rock bottom?
Speaker 4 (35:49):
That's a really good question, and I do think about
it daily because there's two sides of this.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
I think an older, younger but sort of more.
Speaker 4 (35:59):
Naive Patrick would have said, yeah, I was struggling.
Speaker 3 (36:03):
I was all over the place because I wasn't.
Speaker 4 (36:08):
And I can only put this down to one of
the big H words, which I do a workshop under
the agrees of healing, and the H word which is
part of that is hope. Now, hope for me is
something and I'm not saying everything this is for everyone,
but I think it's something which is linked to the
(36:29):
positive ways.
Speaker 3 (36:30):
Of how a whole well being is connected.
Speaker 4 (36:35):
Is I had a belief, idea, actually gone to a
church this the night before, not knowing what I had
when I was diagnosed, and the word hope. You know,
I had people surrounding me and when I was out
of pain, and I think, whether that be in a church,
whether that be for anyone. It's that protection, that pee
(36:57):
which I also mentioned in Mental Resilience, that pee, what
protection do you have?
Speaker 3 (37:02):
That value?
Speaker 4 (37:03):
So, yes, I was in pain, utter pain. Yes, obviously
I hadn't you know, I I I was struggling a bit.
Speaker 3 (37:14):
I was struggling.
Speaker 4 (37:15):
I had this support to be able to help me
move forward, and I did. Now I'm not saying it
works for everybody, but I think it's worth a go.
When I look back, I think the things I did.
I mean, obviously I'm thinking, what would you know? Am
I more likely to have this again? Statistically? I'm not
(37:37):
going to google that because I take a lot of
confidence that I can hit by a car more, you know,
that kind of side. And when I have to relive
those memories and compare myself to how it was before,
and then maybe I'm not. I think that's dangerous. So
does that make sense? I think I I've.
Speaker 3 (37:58):
Got to give This is where I use the word guidance.
This is what I do.
Speaker 4 (38:02):
I'm not going to advise people to do exactly what
I did, or I'm just saying, you know that used
those ways. But I you know, I did feel I
remember the night before I was diagnosed, I was feeling
in pain and thing.
Speaker 3 (38:16):
What on earth is going on?
Speaker 4 (38:19):
You know, worry is a very big word, and I
was pretty worried. And of course my wife, you know,
she was stuck away. That was the thing to understand.
Everyone's focus was on me, not my wife. Really a
bit of her of course, but she would never admit it.
(38:40):
And again the collaboration was a good one, you.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
Know, having that protection that community around me.
Speaker 4 (38:47):
Helped me to share that, you know, simple thing like
my friends. You know, some people didn't know how to respond,
so we my wife and I, well, my wife delegated
one of a very good friend made of miner to
be the person who would update people, so if people
wouldn't have to get to her, she could focus on
what to do.
Speaker 3 (39:08):
Make sure the kids are okay, and for me as well,
but at the same time, you know, for her to
get some help.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
I remember that hope would a lot of people think
hope is equivalent to wishing for something to happen, but
it's much more powerful than that. The true definition is
something that is given, is like it's a realize. If
you're hoping for something, it can be realized and it
will come to you. And so it gives you that
(39:39):
strength that is out there that you can hang on to.
And I think sometimes you can control stuff and sometimes
you have to let it go. And knowing the difference
is whether you're going to conserve your energy or going
to waste your energy. Yes, a friend, a friend of mine,
(39:59):
had horrendous time when her son died crossing the road
and nine month and he was twenty two. Nine months later,
her daughter crossing the road was knocked over by a
motorbike and suffered severe brain damage. And the hope that
my friend had and I said to her, as we
(40:21):
were going to the hospital for the tenth time, I
don't know how you're doing this, and she said, I
don't have a choice. It's not like you can abandon
your child or you know, you're going through the motions.
But she had to let go of what could be,
what happened, what didn't happen, what could you know, what
future for her daughter was going to because at that
point she was just a vegetable in the bed in oma.
(40:44):
And the fact that she had faith and hope and
people on seven continents were praying for this girl who
was twenty seven at the time. And I think it
was six weeks later she walked out in the hospital
and went to find the surge who'd operated on her
brain and he said, and who are you? She said,
(41:05):
I'm Amy you'reperated on his blah. I said, no, no,
you're not. I am, but you're walking. That's not that's
not what normally happens. No, And you know, and sometime
later her life has been affected by it. Certainly she
can't do and the things she can do, But the
hope that her mum had then has been rewarded in
(41:26):
the fact that her daughter is her best friend now
is still alive.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
And that's what ten years yeah, yeah, years ago.
Speaker 4 (41:34):
Yeah, and this exactly matches what you know, these ages
I mentioned healing. I do have a healer. She's a
spiritual guide. She's not actually Christian, but we connect. And
my point here is that she taught me the ages
she said for healing. And then I would for anyone
to have this, whatever it is, you've got to be honest,
(41:57):
be the stoical person saying I'm okay, and again I
feel this, this collaboration global.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
There's something where I can be like this. It's humble,
like you need and then ask for help.
Speaker 4 (42:09):
Yes, get I'm sorry to hear, to listen to other people.
We're not very good listeners to say how can you
help me? The you're humble, honest and listen and hear,
and then from that you get hope, Oh okay, maybe
things can be done. You get help, and you get happiness.
(42:30):
Of course, the punchline is your heart. Your heart's the
most important thing in some ways. And you know, I
am a father at a school. I think I mentioned
it just you know, much much more wealthy families than me.
Speaker 3 (42:46):
But my heart.
Speaker 4 (42:47):
I have to remind myself though, But my heart tells
me it's you're okay, and you know you're you're lucky.
You know that kind of side the natures of healing,
I would recommend and I do my check my workshops
based around my story.
Speaker 3 (43:03):
I'm not for everybody, no, and.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
Not everybody has kind of that.
Speaker 1 (43:09):
So if they've been through a trauma like that is
one thing. But being aware of your mental health. Sometimes
you can look at somebody who's been through that trauma
and think, well, if he's gone through that, I better
listen to him, because actually I've only tripped over and
I've got hardly any problems. But I still struggle with
my mental health and understanding those kind of processes you
can go through from devastation through to happiness and ultimately joy. Yeah,
(43:36):
then you can take from what other people's experiences are.
You might not have the same experience, but you can
certainly take something from that. That's why I was interested
to find out whether you felt at any point you
were spiraling out of control, or whether you felt, you.
Speaker 4 (43:50):
Know, I think on that point to stop me spiraling control,
I found out of control another it's.
Speaker 3 (43:58):
A sea word. I actually a list of sea words
as well, and one of them is control. Tend to
focus what we.
Speaker 4 (44:03):
Can't control, like when my clients don't come back to me,
when they turn me down.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
You know, That's what I mean.
Speaker 4 (44:09):
The smaller things in life, what we've been discussing just now,
you know, dying, you know, the big D word. I'm
I'm very you know. I talked with people about that.
I don't want them to be a stigma, but it
is to say, you know, we're all going to We're
all going to die. And I hope listeners aren't going
to be too too annoyed by this. But my point
(44:31):
is about control. We tend to focus what we can't control.
And when I was coming back once, something that helped
me was about finding ways. So, for example, I assume nutrition.
I saw a nutritionist and the nutrition told me not
just what not to eat and what to eat, but
other things around me, like, you know, have a warm bath,
two don't have And I can show you my mobile phone.
(44:54):
Don't have it next to you on your bed, have
it downstairs. Turn off your Wi Fi. Bit of common sense.
Don't eat cow's milk. I'm not saying it's bad for you.
It's a balanced start, but that nutrition has helped me
to have control. And I think that had had an
angle a neurologist who gave a talk I went to
(45:17):
the branch Humor Charity in London, in Baron's Court.
Speaker 3 (45:22):
I remember she's told.
Speaker 4 (45:23):
Me very vividly in front of everyone, like a group
of five hundred people. She said, the most surviving people.
And this is for any trauma, any condition, she said
she's seen. It's not about the medicine. You take the
most the biggest connection of those who do two things,
one who are positive and another one who have control.
(45:45):
So I really took that to what can I control?
What can I do? And I think you we've discussed
that several times on and off that the sea word
to control and help the community you're working with in
you know, the pressures that we have to hit those
numbers to make people.
Speaker 3 (46:05):
Perform better, etc. To just be happy appreciate control themselves.
Speaker 1 (46:13):
Control is about not stressing about what you can't do,
but focusing on what you can do and making that
impact that you can do the tinest little impact. It's
one of our members, Gina always talks about if you
think you have no impact because you're just one person
all on your own and you need an army to
make a difference, try spending the night with a mosquito
(46:35):
and then.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
See what impact that can have.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
You know, it's just we all have that ability to
make a big impact by being in control of what
we can control and not stressing about what we can't.
You have to let some things go. It really doesn't matter.
It's like if you've had an argument with somebody and
it's going around your head, just let it go in
whichever way you can let it go, because just by
ruminating on it, you're bringing back the emotions, and the
(46:57):
emotions are going to be damaging you as well. You
don't really need to be doing that. It's not serving
anyone for you to really live that experience. When you
should have said this, and you could have said that,
and you didn't say that. We should have said that
let it go. Let and that in itself is taking action,
that is making a choice to let it go.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
And the more choices you make to empower yourself, the
better your mental health can be as well.
Speaker 3 (47:21):
I love it, Joe, because that's matches my cees as well.
Speaker 4 (47:24):
Control choice and along with collaboration and also celebrate you know,
those little things that you think people weren't in mind,
but you don't rely on that.
Speaker 3 (47:36):
You know, well, say well done and tap yourself in
the bag.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Yeah, we do that every week on the platform. There's
a post that goes up for the community that says, right,
how was your week? Good stuff and sometimes tell us
the bad stuff as well, but we'll find the good
in there. There's always a little rainbow some way. You
can't always see it, and it's like counting your blessings
and just being grateful for the good stuff that's happened,
and that raises your your vibration in the universe and
(48:01):
then more stuff can come your way.
Speaker 3 (48:04):
Yeah. Yeah, the more you give, the more you get back. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:08):
There's a song I'd want to do.
Speaker 1 (48:11):
There was a song when I was about four or
five nurseries and school. And I think I've said this
on here before, but it was the words were I
won't sing it for you, but the words were. Love
is something. If you give it away just like a
magic penny, hold it tight and you won't have any
Lend it, spend it and you'll have so many they'll
(48:32):
roll all over the floor.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Because love is something.
Speaker 1 (48:35):
If you give it away, you end up having more.
Speaker 2 (48:38):
Yeah, and it's.
Speaker 4 (48:40):
So close to that heart, isn't it that you It's
quite normal to feel I can't do that or I
shouldn't do that. But of course when you do, you
realize it's you know, in different ways.
Speaker 3 (48:54):
I like being a volunteer, you know.
Speaker 4 (48:57):
I mean, I'm giving free workshops to next week, especially
to Mental Health Aware this week. But you know, again,
I don't know what's going to come back, but I'm
confident that things will.
Speaker 2 (49:09):
You'll be sending out that karma to come back to you.
Speaker 3 (49:13):
Well, I hope, I hope. Yeah. I love it.
Speaker 4 (49:16):
When I turn off this, you know, this recording, you know,
hopefully it's probably tenough I might be.
Speaker 3 (49:22):
Like, ah, no, I'm joking. Obviously this is an outtake.
Speaker 1 (49:28):
Obviously, don't we keep those in we never we never
chop anything up. So on that note, if somebody is
struggling with a mental health now or know somebody that
struggles with being positive in fact is going through a
(49:49):
horrendous treatment or experience like you had, and they want
to get hold of you, what's the easiest way that
they can get hold of you.
Speaker 4 (49:59):
I'd say you can go to my website to see
the kind of things I do. So what I can
do is I do two things in terms of I
do want to once if anybody wants to chat with me,
just a you know, a chat, I'm always you can tell.
Speaker 3 (50:14):
Them quite an extrovert.
Speaker 4 (50:16):
I love chatting, but like someone else in this centterview,
which is good. But in the way then I'm very
happy to have a chat with them. So to get
in touch with me, that's one thing. The other thing
is of course that there more work in terms of
mental health training.
Speaker 3 (50:36):
Yes, I do mental Health.
Speaker 4 (50:37):
FIRS stay in England for those who can't see or
see that, but also I do also other programs. So
for Mental Health Warness Week, I'm doing programs back communities.
The best way is to see my email address, which
is and to write on it.
Speaker 2 (50:53):
It's shall I say that loud?
Speaker 4 (50:56):
Patrick at Melville hyphen Solution stop com Melville.
Speaker 3 (51:02):
Hyphen Sorry Melville at Sorry it's not again.
Speaker 4 (51:07):
I'm going to make some of my web address, so
it's Patrick at Melville m E L v I double
l E hyphen Solutions s O l U T I
O n S dot com or my website www dot
Melville Hyphensolutions dot com.
Speaker 3 (51:29):
Just have a look and they're very happy to talk.
Speaker 4 (51:32):
You can see examples of me talking actually professionally as
well in a group like we're c NBC Universal, those
kind of guys or yeah, just go from there.
Speaker 3 (51:44):
I'm really up to and I hope some of the
members will love a chat.
Speaker 1 (51:47):
Or if anybody wants to meet Patrick and you want
to come along to a Collaboration Global session, we have
our guest sessions that he's usually popped up there and
you can have a chat with him there, and you
can find us on Collaboration Global dot org, or you
can come along to check us out on event right
and look for Collaboration Global and all of our sessions
(52:08):
are free and you can register for one.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
Of those as well.
Speaker 3 (52:12):
Catchack.
Speaker 1 (52:12):
I feel like this is a definite part one in
what we're talking about. We've started, we've scratched the surface.
But how fascinating what you've been through that you know,
most of us do not experience, most of us definitely
do not want to experience. But the bravery and the
fortitude of and the resilience of being able to go right,
let's r in this hospital, let's ruin somebody else and
(52:33):
finding somebody and speaking to people who know people that
know people, and then finding that person that was amazing
to be able to help you. And have you standing
here sharing You've now got this mission in you to
help people with their mental health. It's like the universe
has been following you. It's like, no, not yet, You're
going to this is going to be helping you, and
then you can now go and help other people.
Speaker 2 (52:54):
So thank you for being on the.
Speaker 1 (52:55):
Podcast, and I'm sure we will catch up of you
in the not too distant future.
Speaker 2 (53:02):
Okay, nice to see you. Everybody, Take care,
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