Marriage, manhood, & showing up

partnership, leadership, humility in marriage

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeh yeh yeh.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
She say you a god damn lite. I ain't gonna
say that. Ship girl, I was gods damn hot.

Speaker 1 (00:31):
So we left the crib.

Speaker 3 (00:33):
Now we in the god damn right.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
She looking goddamn fun. Oh, one of the offshals done
on earth. But she wanted the god damn Scott list
of my problems got there. One on my lot that
won't stop fucking calling. It's crazy how I made up
that way? Every time I see how I see that
ain't in a fact Why you do that? Tell her
your love and next week you Joe saith while you

(00:57):
do why you do that?

Speaker 3 (00:58):
Tell her your one up?

Speaker 2 (00:59):
But next week you do your own thing?

Speaker 4 (01:01):
Why you do why you used to do that?

Speaker 5 (01:03):
I can't explain it, but you know you're working for me.

Speaker 2 (01:05):
She text me, I hate you, I hate you, I
hate you, I hate you about how.

Speaker 5 (01:09):
The fuck can you hate me?

Speaker 2 (01:10):
For ninety shit? Would be the real thing? She no one,
no real got another trait. I never been to one
to try to is played you catch them feelings. I'm
gonna sip on this drink it see's on my fright.
I got real shit. Stress about girl. I ain't worried
about shit.

Speaker 5 (01:27):
Remember that, I try to build you now.

Speaker 4 (01:28):
I ain't worried about shit.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
I got real shit stress about girl, I ain't worried about.

Speaker 3 (01:36):
Remember that I try to build you now.

Speaker 4 (01:38):
I ain't worried about you.

Speaker 2 (01:39):
I found me in the nether Thing. I'm not as
lost as you think. Got play any queens in mom town?
All they need is drinking that dame. So I found
me in the new Thing.

Speaker 3 (01:50):
I'm not as lost as you think.

Speaker 5 (01:52):
Got play any.

Speaker 3 (01:53):
Queens in mom town?

Speaker 2 (01:55):
They mean, I'm like, it's a guy. Damn shame we
didn't crash. We don't buying, but baby, you would have
goddamn blame. See I wanted love, but you on the
goddamn thing, every goddamn thing. Oh on it a bitch
who is on the mold, but you on a goddamn
like h.

Speaker 5 (02:16):
Listen to my problems.

Speaker 2 (02:17):
Got the one in my bed and she just on
a sleep fucking up all of the shit. She only
a wake up to E do this shit. Ever, we
weave like, why you do that? Why ain't you want
to be great? But sleeping until the next day while
you do that? Don't got that much in the bank.
We go out you all the other stay Why you
do that? She can't explain it, but you know it

(02:38):
working for us. She claiming she done all her love,
but really she don't.

Speaker 5 (02:41):
Give a fuck. And I cannot make this ship.

Speaker 2 (02:43):
I ain't this shit be the real thing. She know
on not real, got a never change. I won't be
the one to try to.

Speaker 4 (02:55):
Good even even good evening. We are back. We are back.

Speaker 6 (02:58):
Welcome to another episode to be on the Beer. This
is episode five.

Speaker 4 (03:01):
Today is this is today? I always forget today, man.

Speaker 6 (03:06):
June eighth, June eighth, Today's June eighth.

Speaker 4 (03:09):
Twoenty twenty five. What's going on? Are you feeling? Man?

Speaker 5 (03:14):
Man? I'm good. I'm actually doing good, doing really good.

Speaker 4 (03:17):
Yeah, how was you while you while you?

Speaker 5 (03:19):
We can't man, it's been good. I've got some work
done this weekend, so it's been.

Speaker 3 (03:23):
It's been good.

Speaker 4 (03:24):
Yeah, my weekend's up.

Speaker 6 (03:26):
The transmission blowing my BMW. I'm just like, I'm not good,
feeling good at all. I'm not feeling good at all. Yeah,
dry rental that.

Speaker 4 (03:37):
I don't want to be in.

Speaker 6 (03:40):
Yeah, I ain't feeling it. I'm not feeling it at all.
But yeah, today is episode five. We're talking about marriage,
manhood and showing up. And today we have a guest
co host and guest speaker. This man is a mental
health therapist. We're gonna let him introduce himself and so
everybody can get familiar with him. And who's gonna be
speaking with us today, So Jerald.

Speaker 7 (04:01):
Good evening, Gerald Bentley. I'm a licensed therapist in the
state of Missouri. I've been a licensed therapist since twenty thirteen.
I do private practice therapy and I also am a
behavior therapist for sing those public schools.

Speaker 4 (04:18):
Okay, cool, cool, that's what up. How long have you
been doing that.

Speaker 3 (04:22):
I've been with those public schools since twenty ten.

Speaker 7 (04:24):
And then the position that I'm in now as a
behavior therapist, I got that in twenty eleven.

Speaker 4 (04:30):
Okay cool, No, twenty twelve.

Speaker 3 (04:32):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 4 (04:32):
All right, cool, cool, And you do your practices is
right now.

Speaker 7 (04:37):
I do private practice therapy through LifeStance Health. It's a
nationwide company that provides mental health services throughout the country
and different locations and different offices, and I work a
part time through them.

Speaker 3 (04:51):
In the evenings. Since your clients.

Speaker 4 (04:54):
Okay, cool, cool, that's what's up.

Speaker 5 (04:55):
Pat.

Speaker 6 (04:57):
So yeah, again, the reason that I wanted to, you know,
have you all this because I wanted that that professional
aspect added to the show whenever you're able to. I
reached out to uh MS Grisby and yeah, she she
recommended you. So I again thank you for coming through,
you know, taking time out of your day to even

(05:19):
you know, acknowledge us and do you know, be a
part of what we're doing. So I greatly appreciate that. So, yeah,
we're gonna get into it man now, today's episode episode five,
we'll talk about marriage, manhood and showing up, partnership, leadership
and humility and marriage, communicating like a grown man, and
how to rebuild trust when you've messed up. So these

(05:40):
these these are for me. These are gonna be some
heavy topics. I know for me, I'm just I'm just
being just being honest. He's gonna be some heavy topics
for me. So yeah, this is the first one that's
partner leadership and humility and marriage.

Speaker 4 (05:58):
I'm no longer married, I'm divorced. My ladies.

Speaker 6 (06:02):
She's here with me though now my parent lady. We've
been together for four years and it's a l it's
a it's a it's a growing process. Oh, definitely, you know,
learning each other ins and outs and and the whole nine.

(06:27):
But to be honest, like and she knows these things.
And we've talked like when I was.

Speaker 4 (06:32):
Married, I wasn't.

Speaker 5 (06:36):
You wasn't married. You wasn't married.

Speaker 6 (06:39):
I didn't feel it, didn't feel it didn't No, no,
I wasn't. I wasn't out like wilding and doing none
of that. It just wasn't, like, like we said last week,
when you like it when you have that, and then
you you get something you've you've seen this and you're like, nah,

(07:00):
just saying I noticed, I'm not even happy with this.
Then you experience something else you feel like this feels right,
this is you know what I'm saying like we were
saying before. So yeah, and then and then in that situation,
it was it was a lot when you try to
be there for someone as much as you can be

(07:22):
and then they constantly it was like I don't know
if it was guilt trips or or whatever, but I
want to kill myself. I want to do this, and
I want to do that. And you know, it's only
so much that you can take, and only so supportive
of a person you can be, you know, and it's
just like I'm not great.

Speaker 5 (07:43):
Keep yeah, dealing with the mental strain that that tell.

Speaker 4 (07:47):
You that's what you're gonna do it.

Speaker 6 (07:50):
Then yeah, you know after a point of time. But
after point of time you're like, knock, all right, well
we've been talking about this for years, right, well go
ahead if that's what you want, go ahead. Like that's
where I was with it, you know what I mean,
along with a bunch of other stuff too. When I
was I perfect, No, but I never mistreated her, never did,

(08:12):
you know. But it's just I don't know, I don't
I don't know. I just never That wasn't what it
was supposed to be, right, right, you know what I mean?
And I got out of that.

Speaker 8 (08:25):
Yeah, I mean, well at least you knew, you know,
you had enough sense to figure out that wasn't what
it's supposed to be and you got out of it.

Speaker 5 (08:31):
Because a lot of people.

Speaker 8 (08:32):
Just hold on, just fight and think that that's what
love is is the back and forth, you know, the argument,
the you know, the I want to kill myself and
aldo on, I want to you know, some people they
need that, but you can't provide that, or you get
tired of providing that. You know what I'm saying, After
a while, it just gets tiring, I know, me personally

(08:53):
with my relationship and me and my wife sugar Gris.

Speaker 4 (08:58):
Before I got would you call it sugar grit?

Speaker 8 (09:01):
Yeah, yeah, I had to rewind that. She before I
got to the point of like streaming full time and
doing content creation full time and stuff like that, we
had a lot of you know, back and forth issues
where you know, I just didn't feel like she was
taking care of the home like I wanted it too,

(09:22):
and I was working, and it was just a constant
back and forth, you know, a fight and you know,
well I'm dealing with mental stuff and it's like, well,
after a while, it's like.

Speaker 5 (09:36):
Do something like get the help that you need or if.

Speaker 8 (09:40):
You can't be in the house, go to work and
I'll take care of home, you know what I'm saying. So,
like we were talking about that kind of in the
first episode all the way back, like sometimes for the
mental sake, the roles may have to be reversed quote
unquote whatever the you know, whatever people feel the roles are.
You know what I'm saying, Like she's the one going

(10:00):
the work, I'm the one at home. But I'm also
taking care of all this other stuff that I'm doing
with content and streaming.

Speaker 5 (10:05):
As well as the household too.

Speaker 8 (10:07):
But it was really a thing, like, you know, like
it was almost like we was gonna have to go
our separate ways because I hear you talking about your
mental stuff, but like do something to help.

Speaker 5 (10:19):
Like see you know.

Speaker 8 (10:21):
And she ended up getting a therapist and things like that.
So and this is something we talk about on the
streams and when we live all the time together. So
I definitely could understand, you know, when somebody's like and
it wasn't too extreme like she was like I'm gonna
kill myself with things like that, But it's just other
things mentally, you know what I mean. Even though she's

(10:41):
not saying it, she may have very well been feeling
that way. I mean, you know, I know it's times
that I felt that way, whether I'm lashing out and
telling somebody that or not. Really that's I think that's
the issue, is that a lot of times people ain't
lashing out and saying, well, I feel like I'm gonna
kill myself, and they just hiding it, keeping it and

(11:02):
they cover with smiles and.

Speaker 5 (11:04):
Jokes and laughter, and the next thing. You know they
done over those whatever they did to take theirself away.

Speaker 7 (11:11):
And yeah, So I think the biggest I don't know
if it's misconception, but mispiece of the puzzle I'll say,
is there's no conversation before you even exchange rings. I've
dealt with many a couple in therapy and it's like, so,
did you guys talk about this for you got married?

Speaker 5 (11:32):
No?

Speaker 3 (11:33):
Just talk about this?

Speaker 5 (11:34):
No?

Speaker 3 (11:34):
How about this?

Speaker 8 (11:35):
No?

Speaker 3 (11:35):
But what did y'all talk about?

Speaker 7 (11:38):
And a lot of problems can be avoided just by
having that open, honest communication and saying, hey, this is
my expectation, what's your expectation?

Speaker 3 (11:49):
And how do we get those two the line up.

Speaker 7 (11:52):
The other thing is once you get that part figured out,
understanding that this person that I'm attaching myself too.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
Is a living, breathing human being that's.

Speaker 7 (12:02):
Going to evolve and change over time, it's unavoidable. Yeah,
can I evolve and change over time with you?

Speaker 3 (12:11):
Is the other piece. Again, I've been married divorced, and that's.

Speaker 7 (12:16):
One of the main cogs in the wheel for me
was as I saw things changing for me, it's like, well,
I let you stay home work two jobs, why can't
you support me when I say, hey, what I'm currently
doing now doesn't work for me.

Speaker 3 (12:35):
I want to go back to school.

Speaker 7 (12:37):
It's like, well, wait, it was cool for you to
go back, but it ain't cool for me.

Speaker 3 (12:42):
I can't save my own life.

Speaker 7 (12:44):
I can't get out of the situation that I'm watching
it slowly kill me. I'm seeing the health issues, I'm
seeing things pop up that had never been on the
radar before. But now it's like, na, you need to
state there. Why so again, what does that evolution process
look like? What is my expectation as we evolve? Can

(13:07):
as we evolve as individuals, can we come back to
the table and have those open and honest conversations.

Speaker 3 (13:13):
Say, hey, you know what I've.

Speaker 7 (13:15):
Been thinking, I don't want to do what I'm doing
the more can I would you support me if I
chase this dream? Well? Yeah, okay, cool? And what does
that mean? What does that look like? Like you said,
the other biggest issue is those perceived gender roles.

Speaker 3 (13:34):
In a marriage.

Speaker 7 (13:35):
Again, that's something you talk about up front. Some people
ain't cut out to be housewives, but they can manage
a checkbook, they can start businesses, they can do those
kinds of things. But being at home, keeping a house clean,
raising kids. That ain't they ministry? That ain't they called them?
And you need to be able to understand again the

(13:56):
person that you're linking up with. Okay, so if that
ain't what you do, I know I can't keep a
house worth shit, well then we need to oops, sorry.

Speaker 4 (14:07):
Are you good? We speak freely here?

Speaker 7 (14:09):
If I know I can't keep a house, then we
need to either make enough money, we hire somebody, and we're.

Speaker 3 (14:15):
Gonna have to pitch in and do it together.

Speaker 7 (14:18):
And again, it's those conversations that constantly evolve, that constantly
are on the radar and have to come up because again,
the minute you see something falling off changing, don't hold
on to it and start to regret and get animosity.
Let's sit down and let's talk. And then every conversation

(14:39):
ain't personal. Can we sit down and have a conversation
and it's not a personal attack, it's just, hey, I
need to bring this to the table because we need
to figure something out and then let the chips fall
the way they made from there. Once you've done all
those things, then it's okay, look this just ain't working

(14:59):
for me.

Speaker 3 (15:02):
You're you're unwilling or unable to change.

Speaker 7 (15:07):
I can't keep doing this because now I'm becoming somebody
that I don't recognize that I don't like, or I'm
doing things that aren't fitting an already full plate. We
got to come up with something else. And again, maybe
the solution is we go our separate ways and we
figure out how to, if their kids involved, raise these

(15:27):
kids together.

Speaker 3 (15:30):
So that they can be the best that they can be.

Speaker 7 (15:33):
Again, communications gotta be there, and there has to be
a willingness on both sides to.

Speaker 3 (15:40):
Have that talk.

Speaker 6 (15:42):
Right, See, and that that was a problem, not was
that that is a problem of my communication. I don't
mean no ill will by no harmed by not communicating
on whatever. But some stuff I avoid because of the feeling.

Speaker 4 (16:05):
I guess.

Speaker 3 (16:05):
Can I tell you why?

Speaker 7 (16:08):
When have we as men ever been taught how to communicate?
When have we as men ever been shown Hey, these
are the emotions that come up for you as you
move through life. Here's how you manage that, Here's how
you navigate that in a healthy, productive way.

Speaker 3 (16:24):
When does that ever happen for you?

Speaker 4 (16:27):
Rarely?

Speaker 5 (16:27):
Error?

Speaker 7 (16:29):
Again, you probably were an adult the first time somebody
tried to show you well, that's a long time of
trial and error, and you develop bad habits out of
trial and error. Because you find something that quote unquote
works for you in that moment, you stick with it
because again that's what we do as human beings. Once
I find something that works, I don't you like those hands?

(16:52):
Or you don't mess up something that works. So again,
if it's worked up to this point, now I'm in
a different situation that it's not working, well, my thing
is to cut the situation out because I know this
works for me. But again, it's not about me. It's
about how do I make this work for us?

Speaker 5 (17:09):
Right?

Speaker 3 (17:09):
And that's again so.

Speaker 7 (17:11):
When you say communication, yeah, don't surprise me at all.
Don't because again, when we ever taught, when we were
ever allowed to cry as a young boy, the one
thing I can honestly say is I may darn sure
that when I sat with my two kids, I pushed

(17:33):
a man. I don't mind you crying, but when you cry,
let's understand why we're crying. What is it that the
crying is doing for you in this moment? Okay, now
that you've gotten that out, what we're gonna do about
because again, there still has to be some type of action.
There still has to be some type of way to
move forward from that spot that made you cry. Initially, Okay,

(17:55):
once you got hold of that, now you can manage
any emotion. I can get angry without becoming destructive. I
can get sad without becoming angry. I can be disappointed
and hold that disappointment in the right way and move
forward from I can learn the life lessons that pop
up along the way and really take in the lesson

(18:16):
from it and not feel like, Man, don't get me.
Do you get yourself? Do you understand yourself? Can you
embrace yourself? Can you look at the person in the
mirror and be comfortable with what you see?

Speaker 5 (18:31):
So?

Speaker 7 (18:31):
Yeah, that so you saying that didn't surprise me at all.
Matter of fact, I probably not knowing didn't know you
back then, but yeah, I'm pretty sure that you not
knowing how to communicate it, her not being cool with
whatever was going on on her side, y'all was clashing
and eventually, like you said, I can't do this no more.

Speaker 6 (18:54):
Yeah, but it's like, even like even now right like,
it's stays that that I would think, like even with
my my current relationship with my lady now, some things
I don't really I never really tripped off of until
she says how it affected her.

Speaker 4 (19:10):
Right to me is like I I didn't okay, I
didn't even that. Yeah, that's the feedback.

Speaker 6 (19:21):
And but to me, it's it's not it's it's a
certain situation. It could come off as dismissive or not
not you know, trying to or not being attentative enough when.

Speaker 4 (19:38):
That you know, I think we just move.

Speaker 5 (19:43):
Right.

Speaker 6 (19:45):
So something that we see is like small and minute,
I don't have to say nothing about that or it's nothing.
But if she really love you or something, you know,
even though you may not think it, may have a
fact you both right some kind of way it did,

(20:05):
you know what I mean. But you don't really understand
that until you're made to sit down and listen and
then see that reaction that she has from that noncommunication,
miscommunication or whatever it was it you created, right or
that I created.

Speaker 4 (20:23):
And then something it just and then that that that goal.

Speaker 6 (20:26):
That comes with because I like peace, I like fun. Right,
So then if you know, like me, if I know
I rubbed my lady the wrong way, sometimes I'll be like.

Speaker 4 (20:40):
I don't say nothing, you know, but her she's different words.

Speaker 5 (20:46):
No, let's talk about her.

Speaker 8 (20:48):
Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, that's how
I am. Don't let me see no attitude. What's what's
wrong with you? What's up? Like as soon as I
sense some attitude, what's the attitude?

Speaker 5 (21:02):
Don't come in here with no attitude?

Speaker 6 (21:04):
What I but see with me where I was always different?

Speaker 4 (21:09):
And I know where it comes from because.

Speaker 6 (21:12):
Like and I notice now even some stuff that from
my childhood, it affects me and my thinking as an adult.
So certain certain shit that I would get punished for
or or whatever for even as an adult. I'm like,
I'm not gonna do or say this because I remember
even when I was little, how the outcome of doing that,

(21:38):
you know what I mean?

Speaker 4 (21:38):
So I won't even say I just.

Speaker 8 (21:41):
Yeah, like I think for me, it's like, you know,
I got I got married young twenty and silence was
you know.

Speaker 5 (21:54):
A thing like I didn't.

Speaker 8 (21:57):
You know, there's certain things you just let go or
not even talking about certain things, or when you do
talk about certain things, it's like already a big issue.

Speaker 5 (22:08):
If not for you the other person.

Speaker 8 (22:10):
More than anything, it was just I was too young,
you know what I'm saying, you shouldn't be even in
a relationship at that age. I pushed for, I don't look,
don't get the relationship to you in your thirties if
you ask me, like you know what I'm saying looking
back in retrospect thirty five for real, but especially if
we're talking about having kids. But I just like now

(22:32):
in my life, I know that I'm not going to
let the issue just slide by. Like I said, if
I sense an attitude, what is the problem, what is
the attitude about? If you tell me nothing, I'm gonna
be like, I hear you, but it's something wrong with you.

Speaker 5 (22:50):
And you're gonna you we're gonna talk about it.

Speaker 8 (22:53):
And my grandfather like he didn't say nothing, you know,
he didn't say nothing, and then he died of a
massive heart attack because he wasn't saying nothing. In my opinion,
you know what I'm saying. So I'm not not saying nothing.
If I'm gonna die of a massive heart attack, I'm

(23:14):
gonna die of a massive heart attack while saying some shit.
You feel me Like, that's the way I feel about it,
you know, because I was taught as a kid not
to let it, not to bottle it. Up talk about
it and things like that. But my mother is also
in the medical profession. She was a nurse for my

(23:35):
whole life, you know what I'm saying. They're talking about
a woman who had full ride scholarships but got pregnant
with me because she was brilliant, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (23:45):
So she had to work after she had me, But.

Speaker 4 (23:50):
She knew, she.

Speaker 8 (23:51):
Knew about mental health and things like that, even in
the eighties when it wasn't a.

Speaker 9 (23:57):
Thing like it is now, you know, So she was
telling me, you know, like like he was saying, you know,
it's okay to cry, it's okay to talk about your
feelings and emotions and things like that.

Speaker 8 (24:12):
But then when you're in the neighborhood, it ain't, you
know what I'm saying. And then when you're dealing with
these little tag head ass wholes, they don't have no
moral they don't have no morals, ethics training, same things
we don't have.

Speaker 5 (24:28):
Because we're not taught.

Speaker 8 (24:30):
You know what I'm saying, Even though I might have
been taught a little bit more, the streets is you know,
that takes over when that's when that.

Speaker 5 (24:39):
Is what it is, So you know, it could be.

Speaker 8 (24:43):
It could be tricky the whole thing, but definitely, communication
is a thing that we're not taught, most of us,
even though I was taught a little bit of it.

Speaker 5 (24:54):
My mother was working two or three jobs. I wasn't.
She wasn't.

Speaker 8 (24:57):
My father was in the penitentiary. We talked about this.
We talked this all time on my streams. My grandmother
and grandfather raised me. My grandfather was a stoic command
didn't say nothing, worked hard, didn't never call in when
he didn't work. When he wasn't working through the week,
he was in the country on the weekends. He was
chopping wood, moving rocks, he was building ship.

Speaker 5 (25:18):
You know.

Speaker 4 (25:19):
He was always worked, always moving on.

Speaker 8 (25:21):
Didn't talk about none of that shit, Like what we
talking about, right, He ain't talking about none of that.
He was drinking some black coffee, reading his newspaper. Wife
was bitching.

Speaker 5 (25:31):
He wasn't saying nothing. I'm not being that.

Speaker 4 (25:37):
I'm not right.

Speaker 5 (25:39):
So we're going to talk about it, because, like you said,
I like to have fun. I want to play my game.
That's what I want to do.

Speaker 8 (25:46):
And I cannot play my game and the capability at
the at I can't play at my foolest potential if
you got attitude.

Speaker 5 (25:57):
And then it is this and that and that. I can't.

Speaker 8 (26:00):
So we need to figure this out because I got
ship to do over here.

Speaker 5 (26:04):
This is part of my whole life, you know, music
and gaming.

Speaker 8 (26:12):
I gotta be able to be good sometimes maybe not
all the time.

Speaker 6 (26:15):
I get it, you get because we was into it
and I was playing. I was in the World series
on m mail.

Speaker 3 (26:19):
Man, Listen, we gotta get this together.

Speaker 4 (26:22):
No, I lost lost, Yeah, I fucking lost. I lost. Yeah.

Speaker 8 (26:29):
Yeah, because mentally, and it might sound silly, and that
that MLB, that's real baseball.

Speaker 5 (26:37):
That's real. That ain't that ain't no video.

Speaker 4 (26:39):
Game that ship real, right, right, So you.

Speaker 8 (26:42):
Gotta be mentally there to throw the pinches to hit
the you know, I don't even mess with MLB because
it's too real.

Speaker 4 (26:49):
Right and from the love of that game, bro.

Speaker 5 (26:51):
Yeah, but it's real, like you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 8 (26:55):
So if you ain't mentally there, it's like really playing
the sport, you ain't gonna be focused on it.

Speaker 5 (27:02):
Like it used to be. Times, man, when I.

Speaker 8 (27:03):
Be blowing Call of Duty games because I'm I'm not
mentally there, are I be doing well in the game
and I start thinking about some other ship outside of
the game, and I lose a game, like damn, I
should have won this, but this much. Yeah, but because
I'm just not mentally there and it's I couldn't do it.

Speaker 4 (27:24):
So my next question is what does what does what
does real partnership look like?

Speaker 8 (27:37):
I think that's that's kind of different things for different people.

Speaker 5 (27:40):
My bad. They think they think that's different things for
different people.

Speaker 7 (27:43):
I'm sitting here thinking there is no Yeah, there is
no universal answer. Remember, first thing I said is whatever
the two of you decide, that's what it is.

Speaker 3 (27:53):
Because I mean, like, because everybody's circumstances.

Speaker 5 (27:56):
Yeah, we know, we know. Let's just be real. We
know crackheads that have been madly in love.

Speaker 6 (28:04):
There's no love like crackhead love. There is no love
like crackhead love.

Speaker 4 (28:10):
Exactly.

Speaker 8 (28:11):
I'm telling you, cheaters. Dysfunction, dysfunction. Some people really thrive
and bond over dysfunction, Like you got a lot of
You gotta think about how many people really in relationships
because of trauma bonding?

Speaker 5 (28:28):
Oh this happened to me? Who that happened to me too? Well,
then my daddy was a drug and my daddy was
a drug dad too. Oh, now you got two people
who was the dysfunctional.

Speaker 4 (28:39):
Trauma bonding and got a dysfunctional gime.

Speaker 5 (28:43):
But Americas.

Speaker 8 (28:47):
And the crazy thing is is that I've been in
the most rule.

Speaker 5 (28:54):
Of misery.

Speaker 8 (28:57):
Like my grandmother and grandfather, they took me to Iron Mountain,
Missouri just about every weekend up until I was about twelve.
Who Iron Mountain? Right, it's an Iron Mountain. This Missouri
is like.

Speaker 5 (29:12):
Close to Farmington.

Speaker 8 (29:13):
It's some really dope spots down there actually, like Johnson
shut Ins, Elephant Rock State Park.

Speaker 4 (29:18):
I just I just heard about Frog Hollow, Missouri.

Speaker 8 (29:21):
Now that's even you know what I mean. But when
we used to go down there, that's like an hour
and a half away.

Speaker 5 (29:27):
When you drive in, you got a main role.

Speaker 8 (29:31):
But we used to hit a gravel road and then
we drive all the way back into the end of
that and then our property was the last on the road,
and that was dirt when I was a kid, like,
it was a dirt road until they got to the
point where they had enough money to get electricity put
back there. Because I'm talking about I was in the country.

(29:52):
We was doing lanterns, bro kerosene lanterns. My grandpa had
to pump the landern and like the motherfucker you can hear,
like tisne landers landers, Coleman lanterns.

Speaker 4 (30:05):
Like cobble streets type.

Speaker 5 (30:06):
There wasn't even no cole streets. Yeah, yeah, that they
put on those type of streets.

Speaker 8 (30:13):
So and then, like I said, to the point, and
then they got to a point where like him and
my uncle put the money together and they got electricity
in there. And for them to get electricity in there,
they had to get a gravel road. It's still a
fucking gravel road. But my point is is that I've
been to the ruralist places and the dysfunction is there.

Speaker 5 (30:37):
To hear, it's.

Speaker 8 (30:38):
Universal, and dare I say it's worse in some of
them rural areas.

Speaker 4 (30:45):
Yeah, I have seen that.

Speaker 5 (30:46):
Because I've seen, man, listen, yeah, I have seen that.

Speaker 6 (30:50):
You know what trip me out? This is not really
a rural part. And this may be kind off subject
for a second, but when I was working on Amazon, right,
I used to be bounding like deep south Saint Charles,
like deep deep Winceville and all type of crazy places
all out there, right, But this was there, This one

(31:11):
part of Saint Charles that I never knew existed.

Speaker 4 (31:15):
And when I tell you, this place is like duck
Dynasty on steroids out here. This I didn't even know.

Speaker 6 (31:24):
They had trailer parks back here, their trailer parks back
there in this one part right, and it's nothing. But
first of all, when I when I turned in, I
saw a bunch of little mixed kids and diapers and
stuff just running around all outside.

Speaker 4 (31:41):
I said, this is crazy.

Speaker 6 (31:43):
It's first thing I saw baby outside, dirty diaper mixed here.
Tell look at jelly mixed. Look up, and it's like
it's it's the whole trailer park community out here that's hidden,
ducked off in the back, away from everything else, and
it's nothing but black and white couples, couples lower class.

Speaker 4 (32:07):
Like and I'm looking, I'm like, this is deep.

Speaker 6 (32:10):
When I tell you every couple that was there, it
was nothing but mixed babies in this whole community and
the whole thing. And it just blew me because I've
never seen this, never knew this, this part of Saint
Charles's existed. They don't show this part. I never knew it,
you know what I'm saying. I never knew bro.

Speaker 8 (32:30):
Yeah, yeah, Like when I used to go to the country, man,
Like you see.

Speaker 5 (32:35):
I'm light and listen. When I was a kid, I
used to be a lot darker because I used to.

Speaker 8 (32:41):
Be playing outside a lot more, you know what I'm saying,
so they could tell that I was mixed. But them
white folks used to be saying some stuff down there.
My grandma used to be talking about stuff that I
ain't understand until I got grown, like calling people biggs
and she'd be like kind of rushing me out the
store and certain ship like that. I ain't realized for

(33:02):
a long time that they was really paying attention if
anybody was following them to us going back in there,
because you know, I'm a mixed kid going all down
here in the country all these white people, right, And
I didn't know that.

Speaker 3 (33:17):
I didn't.

Speaker 8 (33:17):
I didn't realize that until I got grown. Like damn,
my grandma was going off on family members because of
their racism back in those days. But yeah, man, the dysfunction, Uh,
it spans from rule all the way to you know,
to where we at and realizing sometimes because we so

(33:39):
wrapped up in what we wrapped up in, and a
lot of times we look at the white folks just
say it like that, like.

Speaker 4 (33:46):
They got everything figured out, and they don't.

Speaker 8 (33:50):
They a lot of the times, man, they they they
are way worse than they were.

Speaker 5 (33:57):
Yea, they would not like to admit it.

Speaker 4 (34:00):
Even the ones we were just talking about this the
other day.

Speaker 6 (34:03):
Even even even the the the European communities.

Speaker 4 (34:08):
That are well off, they are miserable.

Speaker 5 (34:11):
Well, yeah, a lot of times.

Speaker 4 (34:12):
They be miserable.

Speaker 6 (34:15):
Kids on here and when kids doing all type of crap,
kids liking black people, theyin't miserable.

Speaker 7 (34:21):
I'm a black therapist, but my clientele is probably seventy
thirty white. Yeah, because we don't go to therapy because
it was never acceptable in our neighborhoods until recently and
even now it's well, you ain't gonna tell nobody issue.

Speaker 3 (34:39):
No b would be saying here between me and you.

Speaker 6 (34:42):
Yeah, And it's because that was always looked at as
a weak thing.

Speaker 4 (34:47):
It was the stigma was something wrong with you, wrong.

Speaker 7 (34:50):
With you, you aren't right, and no, people are just
not realizing agrees to this.

Speaker 3 (35:00):
It's not either you crazy or you're not. Because again,
I remember being I was a kid in the eighties.

Speaker 7 (35:07):
And it was always that different dude in the neighborhood
that didn't nobody food with. But he come around, he tripping.
I'm going to go in the house. But now you
know what that is.

Speaker 5 (35:20):
Yeah, now we got a name.

Speaker 3 (35:22):
For me that it ain't just he just.

Speaker 5 (35:25):
Looked him to just ignore him.

Speaker 8 (35:29):
They had a place right around the corner, not far
that was for that called you acted up too much.
They caught your ass right over there. They don't do
that no more. They try to give you some medicine.

Speaker 7 (35:43):
But yeah, the fact that Malcolm Bliss is right in
it used to sit right in the middle of the community.
I mean, people don't put together the thought process and
the history of Saint Louis and why stuff looks the
way that it does if you think about it.

Speaker 3 (36:01):
That was all white folks that lived over here.

Speaker 7 (36:04):
Malcolm Bliss was up. We didn't move this way because
we're allowed to.

Speaker 5 (36:10):
Till the eighties, Yeah, black folks.

Speaker 3 (36:12):
Bishop of Byrd High School.

Speaker 7 (36:14):
I went to cardnor Ria just started getting fifty to
fifty black and.

Speaker 3 (36:20):
White while I was in school.

Speaker 7 (36:23):
And so it's funny when show up to games and
I'm like, damn when they get all black teams, because
that wasn't the case, right, Saint Mary's all South green,
all white.

Speaker 5 (36:37):
Yeah to reason, Yeah, to Resent, that's real.

Speaker 7 (36:41):
The Smith whenning diverse it is now Yeah, because money talks,
and we got to keep these doors open.

Speaker 5 (36:49):
That's the other one I can't.

Speaker 8 (36:51):
It's like all them private boys' schools.

Speaker 7 (36:56):
If you was black and lived in Saint Louis from
the well take it from nineteen ninety back you went.

Speaker 3 (37:04):
You had two options.

Speaker 7 (37:06):
You either went to Mercy and Mersey closed nineteen eighty eight,
or you.

Speaker 3 (37:12):
Went to couidn Ruda.

Speaker 7 (37:14):
If you lived in North County, you might could go
to Rosary High School. But even then that's because you
lived way up there and it was its own little
contained community.

Speaker 3 (37:27):
You didn't leave North County right, You stayed up there.

Speaker 7 (37:31):
But as again population changed, more of them started.

Speaker 3 (37:35):
To move out. We moved in Mercy.

Speaker 7 (37:38):
I mean Mercy closed partner where Aquina is right there
off of two seventy and what is that two seventy FLORYSCA.

Speaker 3 (37:46):
Road is now the North County Christian.

Speaker 7 (37:50):
It's that building that was Aquinas Mercy High School. Because
Aquinas was losing white students. Because all the white folks
moved out Merse they did they called themselves, well, we're
gonna accommodate the black folks that are moving north and
combining y'all with acquintess to keep the school. Look, the
thing they weren't counting on is everybody didn't move north.

(38:14):
Everybody didn't want to get their kid way out there.
And if you were like me, you had to take
the bus. You had to go to card in the
Ritter now because there was nowhere else for you to
go unless you was gonna go to one of the
all boys schools, which that meant you.

Speaker 3 (38:27):
Went to Slough CBC, di smet behind it.

Speaker 7 (38:32):
And most of them was predominantly white, and they was
They was real clear on making you feel.

Speaker 4 (38:39):
Like you didn't belong there.

Speaker 3 (38:41):
CBC was the only one that I had.

Speaker 7 (38:44):
Friends that went there was like, dude, you can come here.
It's different here.

Speaker 3 (38:49):
And I was like, but why y'all in the school
for all boys?

Speaker 7 (38:53):
That was my hand gul, I don't care about white folks.
That's cool, but why is it all both? So make
that make sense? But again, and friends that graduated from
SNOW was like, dude, I hated it there the whole
four years.

Speaker 3 (39:09):
Why'd you stay? But again, it was it meant something
to say yes.

Speaker 8 (39:15):
I went yeah, right, yeah, and you was almost guaranteed
to go to Saint Louis University when you came out.

Speaker 3 (39:23):
Of the right because they was gonna get you. Right.

Speaker 7 (39:27):
So, yeah, that that dysfunction, that not being able to
see how it can change or is there are other options?

Speaker 3 (39:37):
Yeah, when you blind, you don't know.

Speaker 7 (39:41):
But when somebody take the blindfold off, then you got
a responsibility.

Speaker 3 (39:43):
You have to do something.

Speaker 4 (39:44):
Different, right, you got it all right?

Speaker 6 (39:48):
So that that would bring us to this to the
next topic, the rebuilding justin the one, the only.

Speaker 4 (39:56):
Justin Mimi, you said, what's up?

Speaker 5 (39:58):
Okay, what up?

Speaker 6 (40:00):
So how do you how to rebuild trust when you've
messed up?

Speaker 3 (40:04):
Oh?

Speaker 8 (40:05):
Man, see here you go, there you go for me.

Speaker 5 (40:13):
For me, I don't feel like I've ever messed up
to the.

Speaker 8 (40:16):
Point where I have to really rebuild trust that's already
spending the other party, that's for me. I don't really
feel like there's been times where I've been the.

Speaker 5 (40:31):
Person that has to rebuild the trust.

Speaker 8 (40:33):
And and when it was those times, that was way
back when I was in my twenties and I shouldn't
even been.

Speaker 5 (40:41):
Married or doing none of the stuff I.

Speaker 8 (40:43):
Was doing anyway, So uh yeah, I don't. I will
say this rebuilding, this rebuilding trust is tough. I feel
like once it's broken, its damnar impossible to rebuild a
lot of times because the person who's to rebuild the
trust doesn't want to do the work, you know what

(41:03):
I'm saying. And then like there's a scrutiny that comes
about with it depending on what the trust is. Because see,
a lot of times we talk about trust, it's like
you fucked someone and that I don't trust you, And
that is not all. Trust is so many things. Can
I trust you to pay these bills? M Can I

(41:26):
trust you to wash these dishes? Can I trust you
to clean the toilet that you took a shit in it?

Speaker 3 (41:33):
It could be.

Speaker 8 (41:34):
Trust is so many things. Can I trust you to
drive me from from here to the store when I
get old? Can I trust that you're gonna wipe my ass?

Speaker 3 (41:45):
Like?

Speaker 8 (41:45):
Trust is a lot of things, but we only look
at trust as.

Speaker 5 (41:52):
Are you fucking somebody else? Are you messing around with
somebody else?

Speaker 6 (41:56):
So you know, for me, the main thing I really
trip off all the other stuff. That's the main thing
that people, that's the main thing people be tripping on.

Speaker 7 (42:04):
I got to push back because again, not all the
couples that come to therapy it's about infidel.

Speaker 3 (42:15):
And I'll say to you all the same thing I
say to them. It's a choice.

Speaker 7 (42:21):
Can I wake up every goddamn morning and say, no,
matter what, I'm riding with you if the minute I'm well,
I don't know, we need to talk. Yeah, every goddamn morning.
You have to wake up and choose to love and

(42:42):
trust the other person. Okay, you didn't watch the distance
like you said you was. I need you get on
that or at least be courteous enough to say, hey, baby,
I know I was supposed to watch this last and I
ain't doing Can you Can you get.

Speaker 3 (43:02):
Again? Can I talk and be open about talking?

Speaker 7 (43:08):
And then can I trust and believe that what you
tell me is what we're doing, Because don't say yeah,
I got you and no big deal and it is
a big goddamn deal. Don't make it or put somebody
to believe that it's something minor when it's something major
for you.

Speaker 3 (43:28):
Again, one of the.

Speaker 7 (43:31):
Steadfast cardinal things that I tell people is if you
treat people the way.

Speaker 3 (43:36):
You want to be treated, you probably gonna be okay.

Speaker 7 (43:40):
Because if I don't want nobody saying nothing crazy to me,
probably shouldn't say you get.

Speaker 3 (43:44):
Crazy to nobody else. If I don't want you.

Speaker 7 (43:46):
Cussing at me, I probably shouldn't cuss at you. I
don't want you putting your hands on me. I damn
sure putting their hands on you. I mean, you've run
down the lit me of things that you can do,
and you think if the situation was reversed, how would
I feel? And that's where your empathy comes in. That's
where your understanding comes in. That's where you, like you said,

(44:09):
rebuilding the trust.

Speaker 3 (44:10):
Well, yeah, okay, I know shit happens.

Speaker 7 (44:14):
I ain't gonna bite I ain't gonna bite your head
off because.

Speaker 3 (44:17):
I know we both.

Speaker 7 (44:18):
Bus shit get missed.

Speaker 3 (44:21):
Mm hmm. But you can't keep missing. You can't just
throw your hand and fuck it.

Speaker 5 (44:26):
I ain't doing it now.

Speaker 7 (44:28):
At least talk to me say hey, I can't. I
thought I could do this. I really I'm overwhelmed. Can
you take this?

Speaker 3 (44:36):
You can? I wait? Can I at least switch off
with nothing else? If you're not gonna.

Speaker 7 (44:40):
Take it on one hundred, can you at least trade
off with it and give me something off of your plate.

Speaker 3 (44:45):
I'll take it over, and.

Speaker 7 (44:46):
You take this because I can't do this and it's
fucking us both up. So again, can I open myself up,
be vulnerable, be honest, and move forward, because then I
chose to be with you. I want to be with you.
And a lot of times what happened is it's me, well.

Speaker 3 (45:10):
We needed to be together. Why well, we.

Speaker 7 (45:14):
Made these babies, so we didn't want the baby grew
up in But God knew the work. Even though you
made the child, you still could have had conversations to
make sure that what you.

Speaker 3 (45:26):
Were doing to move forward was right.

Speaker 7 (45:30):
I mean, granted, everybody gets caught up in their physical
and they want to get their.

Speaker 3 (45:34):
Little thing off, and that's cool. I get that. Even
if you do that and.

Speaker 7 (45:39):
You're not responsible enough to be using some type of
birth control, at least have an understanding enough of who
you're with, because the potential to make a baby is there.

Speaker 3 (45:51):
Hell, and that ain't the worst thing that can happen
with having sex. God, that's the lightweight.

Speaker 5 (46:00):
Kill us something that's the blessing of having that is
having a child. All this other stuff.

Speaker 7 (46:06):
But I've heard people talk about man, I can't believe
I had baby with their food.

Speaker 3 (46:12):
But you're the one god making it. Laid you down?
What you mean you can't believe what you think was
gonna happen?

Speaker 8 (46:18):
That's the thing, not knowing, not knowing the person you
did it three times right and then right and then.

Speaker 3 (46:23):
Double down, had multiple babies, and it's like.

Speaker 5 (46:25):
Come on, yeah, you're doing that's the crazy thing.

Speaker 7 (46:28):
Who are you talking to? Make it makes sense to me?
What was What was your thought process? And then they
mad at the other person. It's like, but wait a minute,
did they show you anything different?

Speaker 3 (46:39):
Ever? What? And again?

Speaker 7 (46:44):
It's cool to have expectations of somebody, but your expectations
can't out do theirs. I know I don't want shot
out of my life. You can't make me want ship
out my life.

Speaker 3 (46:57):
Do I need to say that again?

Speaker 5 (47:00):
Right?

Speaker 3 (47:00):
I get hear you, hear you so again A lot
of times.

Speaker 7 (47:05):
Well he'll be a good dude if he just, or
she'll be a good lady if she just.

Speaker 3 (47:11):
But if that ain't what she wanted, or that ain't
what he won't fuck it. It's the rap is not
happening again.

Speaker 7 (47:18):
Can I get up every goddamn morning for the rest
of my life and decide no matter what, I'm with you,
and can you make the same decision for me?

Speaker 3 (47:29):
If not, then we so we just be cool.

Speaker 7 (47:34):
We can be in a relationship, but we don't need
to take it no further than this, because any further
requires added responsibilities and accountability, because they go hand in hand,
because if I slipped this ring on your fingers, there
are some expectations here, there's some accountability here.

Speaker 3 (47:50):
I'm going to call you on your bullshit, just like
expect you to call me over.

Speaker 5 (47:54):
And that's the thing.

Speaker 8 (47:55):
I feel like we got a society that's like, don't
have expectations, don't expectations, don't know, don't acknowledge the fuck
that I expect. I got expectations. I mean, I'm be
real with you. If I'm if I'm supporting what you're doing,
I expect you to support what I'm doing. If I'm
helping you do what you're doing, I expect you to

(48:15):
help me do what I'm doing. I don't give a
damn what people be talking about. I feel like a
lot of people be you know, having these trying to
be so politically correct and say, oh, I support I
don't expect nobody to do that, and nah, help with that.
I expect you to do what I'm doing equally, especially
if we're doing the same type of things, you know

(48:37):
what I mean. So you want me to and for me,
it's like with content creation streaming. So you want me
to sit and watch you. You want me to sit
and be in your chat for two three four hours,
but then when I go live, you just want to
pop in there and say, hey, I got you tabbed up.
And that's that I'm posing.

Speaker 5 (48:56):
Nah nah nah, keep this chat moving like I keep
yours moving. Tune in, be the first one.

Speaker 8 (49:03):
Like I always, I expect things, man, listen, and people saying, oh, don't,
I don't got no expectations, Man, listen, you better talk
about your expectations, like he's saying, before you get married,
before you even lay with somebody.

Speaker 6 (49:16):
But then if you say you don't have no expectations
and you do something against them, then the first thing
he says, I expected this or I expected you to
be all right.

Speaker 4 (49:24):
But you so you did have expectations. You did.

Speaker 3 (49:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (49:29):
I tell people all the time, the only thing you
can expect from somebody is they gonna be the person
that they.

Speaker 4 (49:33):
Are that's facts.

Speaker 8 (49:35):
And once they show you to be who they are,
and once they show you you got the technowledge and
accept and if you do, and that's what that's like.
I tell people this, when you get in a relationship,
you are saying, I'm gonna be able to accept this
much bullshit from this person, and you're gonna you're gonna

(49:58):
stick with whose bullshit you can accept else Because everybody
got some bullshit going on right regardless if you want
to admit it to yourself or not. For a whole
bunch of women, he don't do nothing but sit up
play the game, when in reality I wish I had
a lot more time to play the game. I don't
as much as you may think I don't. But that's

(50:22):
the bullshit, you know what I'm saying. For some people,
that's the bullshit.

Speaker 5 (50:26):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 8 (50:27):
I liked I like to be to myself. I don't
like to do a lot. I don't really get into
going out and stuff like that. Like your wife's saying earlier,
she don't do a lot. She'd rather take trips.

Speaker 5 (50:37):
Me too. I'm just not financially in the spot to
do that right now.

Speaker 8 (50:41):
But as soon as I can That's what I'm on
because all this other shit don't excite me.

Speaker 4 (50:45):
We have a plane in a minute, you know, Like.

Speaker 6 (50:50):
With her, Yeah, I've been places, right, but the place
that I've been to was always like.

Speaker 4 (51:01):
Either unperforming.

Speaker 6 (51:03):
Or I was in some when I was living that lifestyle,
I was going there for something totally different that I
didn't even no buness being there for.

Speaker 4 (51:10):
You know, it was work, right, work, work, yeah, work.

Speaker 6 (51:16):
But I've started to tell the four years we've been together,
I've seen like places that I've been to, I've seen
them differently.

Speaker 4 (51:27):
M h, same place.

Speaker 5 (51:30):
But it's different, different you actually seeing it.

Speaker 4 (51:33):
Yeah, I'm experienced, I'm experiencing.

Speaker 3 (51:36):
I got the perfect analogy for you. You drive the same.

Speaker 4 (51:40):
Route to work, more muscle memory.

Speaker 7 (51:44):
Sitting in the past seat and go that route and
all kind of stuff that when they put that there.

Speaker 3 (51:50):
When did this happen?

Speaker 4 (51:51):
When she do that?

Speaker 3 (51:53):
Listen and it's like, what the whole different world sitting
in that other scene.

Speaker 8 (51:59):
And what's crazy this is that for me as a gamer,
right when I'm playing the game, I don't see all
this other ship that I'll see if I watch somebody
play that same game, because because when I'm not playing it,
I'm not seeing the background, I'm not seeing the dragon
fly by, I'm not seeing all this extra fun, you know.

Speaker 5 (52:21):
But when I actually sit back and watch somebody else.

Speaker 8 (52:23):
But damn, a UFO just popped down and got an
alien a bottle that was dope.

Speaker 5 (52:27):
I don't even see that because I'm too.

Speaker 3 (52:30):
To the game.

Speaker 4 (52:30):
So man, there's the same.

Speaker 6 (52:31):
There's just this spot that I like that I just
got turned on to cross Saint Louis Klachi. All right, yeah,
I see, just listen, is it about It's about the
house bait dry this way a million four times, never
paid it, no damn attention. I'm thinking, I'm thinking the

(52:52):
only one is in c I'm thinking the only one
they got is in Cree Corps by my job.

Speaker 3 (52:55):
It's one right up the street here.

Speaker 4 (52:58):
Had no clue. But there's one on Lindbergh.

Speaker 6 (53:02):
Yeah, And I'm like when they put that there, She's like,
that's been there.

Speaker 4 (53:07):
I've never seen it, never seen it.

Speaker 7 (53:10):
Because that muscle memory, you focused on those important landmarks
to help you get to where you're going. And that's
why you That's why I said I had the perfect
analogy for you, because you go the same route to
work without fail unless there was an accident or something. But
you're we're creatures of happy. Like I said, we do
the same things over and over again because we know

(53:32):
they work. It's can I be adaptable enough that when
this is not working, I can do something else? And
that's where nine of us struggle.

Speaker 3 (53:44):
Yeah, we struggle at it and it's like, I don't know,
I just can't do well. Give it a try. What
can it hurt?

Speaker 4 (53:55):
And I get that a lot because I have a
like I got a business.

Speaker 6 (54:04):
Now with this business, I want this business to I
really want this business to flourish, right as we all
will with our own business.

Speaker 4 (54:16):
She asked me to quit my job.

Speaker 6 (54:21):
Focus on the business. I'm scared, to be honest with you,
I'm scared, man. But now it's coming to the point
where my job where so much bs coming in to
play with the job. I feel like I'm being forced
at this point to quit and do that. And I've

(54:44):
been thinking about this for the past like a week
or two, you know what I mean. So I'm feeling
like that's what I'm being forced to do. And because
focus on that.

Speaker 8 (54:54):
You listen, You're gonna do this whether you want to
or not. That's the universe, the god lord, whatever.

Speaker 5 (55:01):
It is telling you, let me tell you something.

Speaker 8 (55:06):
Just take you gotta take the leap, because when when
when Look me and.

Speaker 5 (55:10):
Sugar Grits, like I said earlier, we was getting.

Speaker 4 (55:12):
Into it, bro, Sugar grit bro.

Speaker 8 (55:18):
Talking about do it listens, was, you know, going back
and forth, and then I said, listen, go back to work.
If you can't do this, go to work. I'll do
this and I'll do what I want to do because
I can handle that. Do go back to work and
get you some therapy or whatever.

Speaker 5 (55:35):
She did that. Man, listen, it was a fucking wednesday, Bro.
I was at my job. The plant manager said, hey, Ali,
let me talk to you. Say what's up? He said, Man,
be real with me. Do you plan on staying at
this job?

Speaker 8 (55:52):
I said, Man, the minute my content and streaming shit
pop off, I'm out of here, or the minute I
get out opportunity, I'm out of here. So I could
do that, and I was like, and he was like,
because I wanted to train you this, that and the other.
I was like, man, y'all, I've been here putting in
work for y'all, going above and beyond, y'all had the
opportunity to do that with me two three years ago.

Speaker 5 (56:15):
Soon as I get an opportunity, I'm out, bruh.

Speaker 8 (56:19):
On Friday, Sugar Gris text me while I was at
work and said, you could put in your two week notice.
I was shook because I was scared, but I told
that man, hey, I'm out of here putting in my
two I went and told the owner of the company.

(56:42):
Because the owner was.

Speaker 5 (56:43):
There every day.

Speaker 8 (56:43):
That's why I loved that job. It was a real
small company, family oriented. If I had something going on,
I could leave. It wasn't no problem. But I went
in the office. I told him, let me put in
my two week notice. And then the plant manager got
win of it.

Speaker 5 (56:56):
He was like, damn, I just said something to y'all.

Speaker 8 (56:59):
Told you as soon as I get the opportunity, I'm out.
And it's like, that's what I gotta do.

Speaker 5 (57:06):
You know.

Speaker 8 (57:06):
I was shoot though, like them two weeks leading up
to my last day.

Speaker 5 (57:13):
Oh my god, I know what I do with this working?

Speaker 3 (57:17):
You know what I'm saying is you know and then go.

Speaker 5 (57:20):
Back to the trust thing. Is she gonna work? Is
she gonna go to work?

Speaker 8 (57:24):
Is she gonna you know what I mean, because she
been taking care of home and she been holding that
ship down this whole time. Shout out to sh Gris.
But you gotta take the leap, is you know what
I'm saying. The universe gonna force you in the situations.

Speaker 6 (57:38):
Yeah, and yeah, yeah, I'm seeing that. I'm feeling that. Yeah,
I really am. So yeah, it's it's it's gonna be
a process for me. I gotta I gotta get I gotta,
I gotta get.

Speaker 4 (57:51):
Out my way.

Speaker 5 (57:51):
It's definitely.

Speaker 6 (57:52):
And see the thing that the thing that deters me
right is because like I have and I know this
is gonna happen throughout business regardless. Because even when I
when I was selling cars, when I had my dealer's
license in my lot in Georgia, I went through ship,
but that was different because that's guaranteed to me. This
new venture that I'm stepping into, I know, I feel like.

Speaker 4 (58:17):
I because we got a good product.

Speaker 6 (58:21):
So again, it's just me having to get out my
own way and stop being fearful because I know every
two weeks I got this coming into my account. I
know that, you know what I mean, I know that's coming.
I don't want to be that guy is like sitting

(58:42):
on the couch like, trust me, you know what I mean.
I got my boxes. I'm just sitting here on the
couch flipping through channels. And I don't want to be him.
That's a that I'm scared of.

Speaker 5 (58:54):
That you gotta be.

Speaker 8 (58:55):
I will say this. You gotta be self motivated. You
gotta be a very self motivated individual. And you have
to get to your point like your work has to
be your work.

Speaker 5 (59:06):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying. You got to create
the job.

Speaker 8 (59:09):
You know, with everything that I do, if I just
got up every day and said, uh whatever, I don't know,
it's just like it wouldn't work. But I have to,
like every Tuesday, schedule content for the full week, every
Monday Wednesday. Well, you know what I'm saying. And listen,
I've been doing this shit for a long time. We

(59:30):
just really started a business last year. I'm just really
starting to put things in place where Okay, we're gonna
we're gonna stream at a certain schedule, we're gonna do this,
that and the other. Even though I've been doing things scheduled,
I've been doing a lot of things sporadically, but it
takes some time to get it figured out, you know
what I mean, because with what you're gonna be doing,

(59:51):
with what I do, with anything that's business where you
ain't got a guaranteed check where you got a product.
But for me, it's like I got a produc but
people might not understand the product.

Speaker 5 (01:00:02):
You product.

Speaker 8 (01:00:02):
You got a product that's physical, right, So that's a
little bit easier because you can show him like, look,
feel it, see it? You want to buy this shit
night in a way, you know what I'm saying. But
it's it's like still, you gotta be self motivated. You
gotta push yourself to do it. You gotta be the boss.
You gotta set the deadlines. And it's a lot.

Speaker 5 (01:00:22):
It's a lot. Then it is scary.

Speaker 8 (01:00:24):
But man, once you take the leap and it really
started working out for.

Speaker 4 (01:00:29):
You, I think you gonna Yeah, I'm gonna jump into it.

Speaker 3 (01:00:33):
My little brother just hit me up because he's listening.
Shout out to Ryan. He said.

Speaker 7 (01:00:38):
Rebuilding trust usually is difficult because people approach rebuilding trust
with an unrealistic expectation. People go in thinking get or wait.
People go in thinking getting asked to do what's hard.

Speaker 3 (01:00:54):
Wait.

Speaker 7 (01:00:55):
People go in thinking getting as to what you had
is the goal?

Speaker 3 (01:01:01):
Oh and never get back. Okay, So.

Speaker 7 (01:01:07):
One thing is you can't keep looking in the rearview
mirror like I thre three thousand saying, spaceships.

Speaker 3 (01:01:15):
Don't have review mirrors.

Speaker 7 (01:01:16):
The windshield right, even in your car, the windshield is
a lot bigger than the review mirror because you're supposed
to be moving forward. It ain't trying to get back
to nothing. It's what does this new reality look like?
And every time something comes up, every time something is done,
every time we make another decision, Okay, what does this

(01:01:38):
reality mean for us now?

Speaker 5 (01:01:39):
For real?

Speaker 3 (01:01:40):
And what is this next reality gonna look like? And
like you're.

Speaker 7 (01:01:43):
Saying, having that trust in that being able to take
that leap. I tell people all the time, I'd rather
be spiritual than.

Speaker 3 (01:01:50):
Religious, because.

Speaker 7 (01:01:54):
If you truly believe in the religion the way that
is taught, you have to be spiritual. You have to
know that every living thing around you is connected. And
it's through those connections you find it. Like you said,
you didn't know me, but you asked somebody.

Speaker 3 (01:02:13):
I got a perfect person for you. I'm finna link
y'all up. I got you, and the rest is history.
You met again.

Speaker 7 (01:02:22):
I've done this a couple of times, and most times
it's because, ooh, you need.

Speaker 3 (01:02:28):
A black therapist.

Speaker 7 (01:02:29):
I know, a black male therapist for you to talk
to get you a whole different insight. And a lot
of times it's because I know women black women therapists,
and they're like, it ain't a whole bunch of y'all
out here, I know. I then sat through the class
and was the only black male.

Speaker 3 (01:02:45):
In the room.

Speaker 6 (01:02:46):
I had them, let me tell you something, right, I
went to the I started doing this therapy thing right
the lie.

Speaker 4 (01:02:53):
I went to a lady.

Speaker 6 (01:02:53):
At first, the lady I went through, all my sessions
were heard, and she was like, all right, well let
me get this your ineration so I can do the
building d She was like, well I think you got this.

Speaker 4 (01:03:04):
Never heard from her again. I'm like, huh.

Speaker 6 (01:03:07):
So then I switched to this black man, same building,
same off. What's that Halls Ferry Baby off Horse Faerry. Anyway,
had two sessions with this guy.

Speaker 4 (01:03:21):
Then another session.

Speaker 6 (01:03:22):
I think I had to cancel for or reschedule for something,
whatever case was. He never he never contacted me back.
I reached out to him a couple of times. He
never never nothing right. But even in those sessions that
we had, the two that we did have, it wasn't
I wasn't getting nothing from me. He was just like

(01:03:46):
he was basically just sit there with his legs looking
at me.

Speaker 7 (01:03:51):
Everybody ain't for everybody. It's no different than any other
relationship in your life, finding a therapist, finding a doctor,
finding a dennis. If you can't be comfortable, and again
back to if I can't trust you, you got to
show me. And it goes both ways because I've had clients, Jared,

(01:04:12):
what you mean you.

Speaker 3 (01:04:13):
Do'ton't see me no more because you ain't ready to
do this work. Go figure your shit out.

Speaker 7 (01:04:21):
I want to do this work because again, the work
comes with accountability.

Speaker 3 (01:04:26):
The work comes with doing.

Speaker 7 (01:04:30):
You do the work the other six days and twenty
three hours that you're not in the room with me.
So when you walk in and you repeatedly tell me why,
I know you said Gerald, I should take a look
at this, but.

Speaker 3 (01:04:41):
I ain't get around to it. Okay, So what we're
gonna talk about. You don't have nothing. This ain't for me,
This ain't my therapy session. This is for you.

Speaker 7 (01:04:51):
So now I have an absent my conversation was based
on you having done what we said you was gonna
do last session, and you keep showing me that you.

Speaker 3 (01:05:00):
Ain't about to work. Hey, bro, take some time.

Speaker 5 (01:05:04):
Figure this out right, really do that deep.

Speaker 3 (01:05:08):
Dive look and figure out if this is really what
you want to do, and can you do it with me?
Because I'm gonna hold you accountable.

Speaker 7 (01:05:16):
I'm gonna ask so in my notes, I said that
you were supposed to do this, this, this, this before
you come back to me next session.

Speaker 3 (01:05:23):
Did you do any of them things? Doger?

Speaker 7 (01:05:25):
Okay, So what we're gonna talk about. I ain't even
gonna get mad. I ain't finn harp on it. Okay, cool?
So not only do you got to do them things,
I might throw a couple more things at you to
check out or look into, because again, you told me
you didn't like where you were standing. You want to
stand somewhere else. Let me show you how to stand

(01:05:46):
over here.

Speaker 3 (01:05:47):
But if you're not gonna do it, then what we
wasting time for.

Speaker 7 (01:05:51):
I don't want to take your money or the insurance
company's money and you're not gonna do no work, because
that ain't why I got into this. I got into
this because I believe in my heart of hearts that
this was where I was supposed to be, This is
what I'm supposed to be doing, because they kept giving
me breadcrumbs throughout my life to show me, hey man,

(01:06:11):
your this is your thing right here, do this And like.

Speaker 3 (01:06:16):
The typical kid, faughted, faulted my aunt.

Speaker 7 (01:06:24):
I love her to death, told me when I went
away to college, baby, I want you to go into education.

Speaker 3 (01:06:28):
I loved her like she was crazy.

Speaker 7 (01:06:31):
That won't be no teacher youth, got your rabbit ass mine.
So I took my ass up school, made it in business,
came home, can find a job.

Speaker 3 (01:06:41):
So I went to law enforce corrections officer.

Speaker 7 (01:06:45):
Got there, paid the bills, kept the lights on, kept
food in my belly, clothes on my back, did what
it was supposed to do.

Speaker 3 (01:06:53):
But this, God, this ain't for me.

Speaker 7 (01:06:59):
I got the was for me, And that same ay
back when I was eighteen, said baby, I need you
just going to education.

Speaker 3 (01:07:07):
Came back to me and said I wanted you to go.

Speaker 7 (01:07:11):
On education because back then that was the pathway to
get you where I wanted.

Speaker 3 (01:07:15):
You to be. Oh well, way, ain't tell me that.

Speaker 7 (01:07:19):
And she said the most powerful thing that one person
had ever said to another one. You should have trusted
me when I told you, and I crumbled on the
inside in front of her. I mean broke down, boo hoo,
crying because I knew better. She had never stirred me
wrong my entire life. And the one time fact, I

(01:07:41):
need you to go to school major and.

Speaker 3 (01:07:46):
I paid for it. Corrected. Hey, you ain't got to
start in the classroom now now.

Speaker 7 (01:07:55):
Because there is a teaching shortage and there's a shortage
in school's period and they bid black men to come.
I can get you in a school doing what I
wanted you to do in the first place, and that's
to be a guy, and that's counselor to be an
everyday force in little black boys and little black girls' lives.

Speaker 3 (01:08:11):
Okay, sign me up where I started. Nigga, that's your problem.
Figure it out. Oh okay, right, and to work. I
went that.

Speaker 7 (01:08:21):
The conversation took place at Christmas of twenty two thousand
and nine. I was in school that mist January of
twenty ten. Graduated and no, that was two thousand and eight.
Graduated in twenty ten, was working at had my first

(01:08:42):
school job in Parkway twenty the two thousand and nine
twenty ten school year. Left there came the same those
public schools and been there ever since. And like I said,
kept dropping. Hey, I noticing what you were supposed to
be doing. But just wait, work with me here. Hey,

(01:09:03):
I know you did to do a program. You wanted
to do school Land professional counseling. Take this bread from me.
Keep putting money in your pocket, keep doing what you
need to do, because I got you. I'm gonna get
you there. You keep trusting me, I'm gonna keep getting there.
And every time I.

Speaker 3 (01:09:18):
Looked up, the answer showed up at the door.

Speaker 7 (01:09:23):
Like I said, I went from being a guidance counselor
in elementary school and babies is the little ones ain't
my calling? And people laugh at me all the time
because I say I love middle school kids.

Speaker 3 (01:09:35):
They the most dysfunctional.

Speaker 7 (01:09:36):
Of all three of the school groups. The babies they
try their way through everything. The high school ones think
they know everything and you can't tell them nothing but them.

Speaker 3 (01:09:47):
Jokers in the middle. That's where all that, That's why
all the action happened. Because I got to.

Speaker 7 (01:09:52):
Transition from being a baby to moving into becoming an
adult in three years, sixth grade, I still want to
do the stuff I was doing at the elementary school.

Speaker 3 (01:10:03):
Wait, y'all ain't going for it. So I got to
come up with something new. Yes, you do it.

Speaker 7 (01:10:07):
This ain't gonna happen here by the time I get
you to eighth grade. I got to get you independent
enough in your thought process that now I can hold
myself accountable, because now it's all for real.

Speaker 3 (01:10:18):
They're not just gonna push me.

Speaker 7 (01:10:20):
Along if I don't show up the class. Ain't nobody
canna come and look at me if I don't do
the work, and nobody.

Speaker 3 (01:10:26):
Finna ask me of mister Jones, you didn't turn in
your homework today.

Speaker 7 (01:10:30):
What they're gonna do is at the end of the
at the end of the quarter, to slide that old
hot f.

Speaker 3 (01:10:35):
On your brother.

Speaker 7 (01:10:36):
And then if you fin the semester, now you're in
in jeopardy of having to repeat that class because you
ain't got enough.

Speaker 3 (01:10:46):
Credits to graduate. Right again, can I be accountable to myself?
And these are the skills that.

Speaker 7 (01:10:55):
You learn as you moved through school, that you take
forward into adulthood and again back into the whole relationship thing.

Speaker 3 (01:11:04):
We missing it because ain't nobody holding nobody.

Speaker 7 (01:11:09):
Accoum ain't nobody putting demands on nobody. Hell, we ain't
demanding nothing of ourselves. So then we get out of
here and get grown.

Speaker 3 (01:11:17):
You want me to do what? I ain't doing that
for you? Okay? What you mean? Okay? Who ain't got you?

Speaker 7 (01:11:28):
And again it's where you You just don't know a
good woman?

Speaker 3 (01:11:32):
Actually, yeah I do, Actually, yes I do. I do.

Speaker 7 (01:11:37):
Trust me because again, like I said, if I can
get up every morning, look myself in the mirror and say,
you know what, no matter what riding.

Speaker 3 (01:11:47):
Or done with this motherfucker, no matter what.

Speaker 7 (01:11:51):
You should be able to do the same thing in
your mirror. If not, ain't no sense of you being here?
What's most important? That's important? And how do we get
there together? And again that man, I just got this
feeling something just I don't know, something's head do this
because remember when you reached out, it was like Sunday evening.

(01:12:13):
I was like, damn, brother, must thin't look at the
sports calendar, work ship because the.

Speaker 4 (01:12:20):
Game is on sports calendar.

Speaker 3 (01:12:24):
He fucking up my evening. What I'm gonna make it?
I can sacrifice?

Speaker 4 (01:12:29):
Come on, yes, sir, yes sir.

Speaker 7 (01:12:32):
And again that's it's going to happen all of your life.
You will find those little nuggets, those bread crumbs you
to take a step to move you out of the way,
to move you into whatever the next thing is. And
can I trust and have faith in that there's forces
out there, bigger, stronger, faster than me making it all

(01:12:53):
move and makes sense. They got the playbook. I just
got to run the places. And like I said, that's
why her saying that to me was so devastating. I
tried to give you the play book. I told you
what played a run? You ran it over and around? Bullshit,
lost twenty yards. Boy, you ain't Michael. Who do you

(01:13:13):
think he's running?

Speaker 5 (01:13:14):
Run right? Right right?

Speaker 3 (01:13:16):
Okay?

Speaker 6 (01:13:17):
Just to get your update to to score is forty
one fifty nine. OKC is up on Indiana.

Speaker 4 (01:13:23):
Let you know I'm on it too.

Speaker 7 (01:13:26):
And the reason I ain't tripping off her because, like
I said, it's the last five minutes that's the most important,
because right right right, with either one of these teams,
the game ain't over till.

Speaker 4 (01:13:35):
It's it's halftime right now.

Speaker 5 (01:13:37):
I turned that game off the other night just because.

Speaker 4 (01:13:40):
I was pissed.

Speaker 6 (01:13:40):
Man and Halliburton bro said, I was pissing.

Speaker 7 (01:13:44):
I was like, I said, I'm sitting there watching and
I said, They're gonna lose this game. And they were
still up about fifteen at the time, and I'm sitting
there and I'm texting with my son.

Speaker 3 (01:13:56):
I'm like, hey, man, they finna lose. He was like that.

Speaker 7 (01:13:58):
I said, watch how they come down court. It's an
early shot in the shot.

Speaker 3 (01:14:03):
Clock and they're one and done.

Speaker 7 (01:14:04):
No rebounding that, I said. And then they come back
the other way and they can't get a stop. Now,
I said, they Indiana's getting whatever they want on the
offensive end.

Speaker 3 (01:14:15):
And that's how you lose a lead.

Speaker 5 (01:14:17):
You not scoring and you.

Speaker 7 (01:14:18):
Not stopping them. And he was like that, man, you
better on this. Nope, but again, you don't have the
ebbs and flow of life are just like those in
a basketball game. For one minute, you up by twenty,
next minute, you scrapping to try and.

Speaker 3 (01:14:39):
Hold on to their lead. Hell, now you're down by ten.
And I would just say that about.

Speaker 7 (01:14:43):
How I'm losing because you didn't do the necessary things
to keep moving in the right direction. You took things
for granted, you took a playoff here, and all it
takes is one person not to.

Speaker 3 (01:14:56):
Do their job.

Speaker 5 (01:14:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:14:59):
I mean that's why team sports is the greatest thing going.

Speaker 7 (01:15:04):
My kids play football, basketball, baseball, lacrosse. You need to
learn them life lessons. You need to understand we all
ain't created it.

Speaker 5 (01:15:16):
Yeah, you need to.

Speaker 7 (01:15:17):
Understand that sometimes you to hammer, sometimes you to nail.
You need to understand how to how to lose with
grace and win with grace. Because you want, you want
to show me somebody's character. Show me their character when.

Speaker 4 (01:15:32):
They down, when they I.

Speaker 7 (01:15:35):
Don't need to see them up, show me when they
get their ass killed.

Speaker 3 (01:15:38):
What they look like on the sideline. Then mh what
what what are they doing? How they talking to their teammates?
What's their interactions with the coach?

Speaker 7 (01:15:48):
M Again, part of the reason why I got out
of coaching is because you can't coach kids no more
because everybody parents think they baby the nixt Jordan's and
they you standing in the way they baby getting to
the league.

Speaker 3 (01:16:03):
No, your baby's standing in a way.

Speaker 4 (01:16:05):
Trash your baby.

Speaker 3 (01:16:06):
Only practice when we practice.

Speaker 5 (01:16:07):
He's standing in his own way.

Speaker 7 (01:16:09):
Right Again, your therapy work ain't just in the fifty minutes.

Speaker 3 (01:16:14):
To be standing in this office.

Speaker 7 (01:16:15):
You got to do the work the other six days
a week, twenty four hours in that day. I mean
twenty three hours in the day because I'm taking an hour.

Speaker 3 (01:16:25):
Can you do the work the mother time?

Speaker 7 (01:16:27):
When I ain't standing over you saying hey, man, look,
I know we talked about this.

Speaker 3 (01:16:31):
Did you really think about it? Did you sit down.

Speaker 7 (01:16:33):
With your significant other and have that conversation? Like I
told you too, you need to bring your significant other
here and I help you to have that conversation. I
take all the excuses off the table.

Speaker 3 (01:16:43):
Now what man? Well you joel.

Speaker 7 (01:16:48):
Okay, let me know when you're an excuse.

Speaker 5 (01:16:51):
Let me know when you're at having no time.

Speaker 7 (01:16:54):
I got all the time in the world because it
ain't my life, my relationship, But let me know where
you're at.

Speaker 3 (01:16:59):
If you need my help to that conversation.

Speaker 7 (01:17:00):
Bringing just let me know she comes so I can
be prepared to know this is where the therapy.

Speaker 3 (01:17:06):
Session is going.

Speaker 7 (01:17:07):
And I've had clients he let's been. I think I'm
gonna bring my wife. I think I'm ready to have
that conversation. I'm bringing my boyfriend. I think we're ready
to have I'm ready to say to him the things
I need to say. Cool, bring them, And the first
thing I say is I'm just here for support. Don't
look at me, look at them.

Speaker 3 (01:17:26):
You got this and talk, start talking.

Speaker 7 (01:17:32):
Right And the only way I interject is, hey, don't
think you really getting what's being said.

Speaker 3 (01:17:42):
He Let me try and explain it.

Speaker 7 (01:17:43):
Let me break this down for you, let me clear
up where you're struggling. Let me check in with you
to see how this is landing for you. Because again
they start to talk and it just glad and.

Speaker 3 (01:17:58):
Let's check see where they are.

Speaker 7 (01:17:59):
Let's check see if they understand and listen, they got
any questions, Let's hold on, slow down and because again
communication is the exchange of ideas. It's not one side
that you don't just get to talk another person listening.
That's the end. Because if that's what you're looking for, No,

(01:18:20):
can I give information, but can I also receive it?
I saw a thing on it was like one of
them social media platforms, and it talked about it was
a panel discussion and one brother said that women feel
that they're great communicators.

Speaker 3 (01:18:39):
And he said, and I'm not going to dispel that,
but I'm going to tweak it.

Speaker 7 (01:18:45):
You're a great talker. You can say whatever is on
your mind, But do you really listen? Are you really
receptive to what's being said back to you based on
what you said? Like, damn, make all the sense in
the world, because it do take both sides, because it
ain't just given information. Can I also receive it and

(01:19:08):
process and understand? And can I take off my pumps
and put on your tennis shoes or your timboats and
see what you see?

Speaker 3 (01:19:18):
Can you take off your timblings and.

Speaker 7 (01:19:19):
Put on my slides or put on my high heel
and understand where I'm coming from?

Speaker 3 (01:19:24):
That's communication? So again, yeah, can I trust that you
can do that?

Speaker 7 (01:19:32):
Can I trust that you're going to do that every
god damn day for the rest of our lives? Because
that's what the little ring is supposed.

Speaker 3 (01:19:39):
To mean.

Speaker 7 (01:19:41):
The wedding, ain't it ain't the end, it's the beginning.

Speaker 3 (01:19:46):
That's a whole other topic.

Speaker 6 (01:19:48):
You do, I'll get you right there, right way, man,
that's that's getting close to our time.

Speaker 4 (01:19:58):
Hey, listen, your insight on everything you said?

Speaker 6 (01:20:02):
I thoroughly perspected and I enjoyed having you here today.

Speaker 5 (01:20:06):
Man.

Speaker 4 (01:20:08):
Yeah, it's see.

Speaker 6 (01:20:10):
You gotta figure out I know your son, they got you.
You got your next three ones figured out.

Speaker 4 (01:20:14):
So yeah, we gotta get you. Nah, I ain't gonna
bring nobody in here for that now.

Speaker 6 (01:20:20):
We ain't doing that unless y'all want to get together
and throw something up here, and that's something different.

Speaker 4 (01:20:25):
But no, we ain't doing none of that. Yeah, we're
gonna be off.

Speaker 6 (01:20:29):
But yeah again, anything you want to lead out with Ali, No, I.

Speaker 5 (01:20:36):
Think I think, uh, everything is everything for me.

Speaker 8 (01:20:40):
I think we had a good conversation today.

Speaker 6 (01:20:43):
Yes, sir, you got any any social media platforms anything
you want to in any way? Anybody looking for mental
health services, they can reach out to you or contact
you or how does that go?

Speaker 7 (01:20:54):
My email address is real simple, It's the Bentley Wellness
Group at Gmail. That's my own personal business email. Like
I said, if you go to lifestancehealth dot com. Okay,
I'm out of the Maryland Heights office which is off
of Dorset in two seven again, you can.

Speaker 3 (01:21:16):
Find me there.

Speaker 7 (01:21:17):
I used to have a Psychology Today profile and as
soon as I get my stealth back in order, I'm
gonna get that back going. Yes, sir, Black therapists in
Saint Louis. If you do a Google search, I will
pop up.

Speaker 3 (01:21:33):
Got you so again, if you want the help.

Speaker 7 (01:21:37):
It's there and like I said, it ain't got to
be me because everybody don't vibe with everybody.

Speaker 3 (01:21:44):
Do yourself a favor, find somebody that vibes with you and.

Speaker 4 (01:21:47):
Do the work, Yes, sir, Yes, sir.

Speaker 6 (01:21:50):
And on that note, man, I appreciate you guys for
tuning in, everybody who checked in on the lives, everybody
who's watching on YouTube and other streaming platforms. I greatly
appreciate it, everybody for tuning in. This is episode five
of Beyond the Beard. Thank you to mister Bentley for
coming out again. Shout out to my co host Ali
and your boy Mantaga were out of here for the day.

(01:22:12):
See you guys week after next. Next week, we ain't
gonna bear, so we'll holler at y'all later.

Speaker 4 (01:22:18):
Respect us. I'm just standing there, yo.

Speaker 6 (01:22:45):
It is so many vibes and Jason, but look my
voice today and I have to go doctor doctor.

Speaker 4 (01:22:55):
I promise you it's don't working.

Speaker 3 (01:23:00):
Yeah, I'm about to go crazy tonight.

Speaker 8 (01:23:03):
Why what.

Speaker 3 (01:23:11):
Mm hmm, let's been way bout it, I guess.

Speaker 5 (01:23:19):
So then wait the ship for.

Speaker 7 (01:23:21):
A long time.

Speaker 3 (01:23:22):
Yn the jin d.

Speaker 7 (01:23:25):
Birthday, Man's Dan thinking about h