The Man In the Mirror

Taking Radicaal Responsibility

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Yeah, Yeah, I got my cleaning, my come, my.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
Body candy, fake the knuckle, who had trust my love?
Take you got my brother.

Speaker 3 (00:27):
Come leading my cop co my come candy, put the
knuckle up and knock who had my love?

Speaker 4 (00:39):
My love?

Speaker 2 (00:39):
Yeah, bless the fantasy my killer in the face.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
Yeah, broadly chacking while you're frightening on your pay. Yeah,
rebel gang bafe, honey, that's the gang.

Speaker 5 (00:49):
Huh.

Speaker 2 (00:50):
Check my paper by my bingess, fuckstine pitch.

Speaker 4 (00:52):
I wrote try and sad me.

Speaker 2 (00:54):
I just wrote line them up and knock them down.

Speaker 1 (00:56):
I treated old like down my nose, give my focusmiling tired,
I don't make.

Speaker 2 (01:00):
Friends and my throats seeing your claim mistakes. I pray
your people get exposed to.

Speaker 5 (01:04):
Let them know.

Speaker 2 (01:05):
I mean, anybody get better when them alone to shoot
the better the jomstone.

Speaker 1 (01:08):
I can't have been u back in the second if
I can figure my yet ready this friend of my
chemistring the.

Speaker 2 (01:12):
Matter packet of piece in the part, and I'm.

Speaker 1 (01:13):
Looking at it when they when they but they put
the dream and believe me tricking another game and the
window to the part jumped in the ride of the
beat like.

Speaker 2 (01:20):
Raiding the ass, and I feel like you with the
five of the sixth. I'm alive, but threes in the
fire and I'm like they see me and I'm getting
like and that it was easy. We never been broken
up with down in the garden. Probably broke your clean.
I got my brother in my cot They cut my buddy.
Can't it be the knuckle up? And nothing's so hot?

(01:41):
Not trust my love.

Speaker 3 (01:43):
I got my brother's in my cote, tripping bout my bucket.

Speaker 6 (01:49):
Come by that the knuckle.

Speaker 4 (01:52):
Love me nothing.

Speaker 7 (01:53):
I'm so hot.

Speaker 4 (01:54):
Never trust my love.

Speaker 8 (01:56):
I don't need nobody else around me, bitch, I got
my brother's trust. Some motherfucker are you niggas on the
cool sick with niggers undercovers bad and boosie.

Speaker 2 (02:05):
Bitches lovers for on the fuck with it out the
rubber bitch mustake that.

Speaker 4 (02:08):
I'm gonna suck that. Don't play me fucking on lame.

Speaker 8 (02:10):
I got my gang of business, bitch, we do no
spit box and leave it stains a business, bitch, blood
suck the motherfucker show my fings a business pitch.

Speaker 4 (02:19):
Gotta scope on my ah. I'm blown brains and up.

Speaker 8 (02:22):
The motherfucker want to get in and I'm gone for Loshi.
Take a minute to get in the back one packing
the back to the back of the life.

Speaker 4 (02:26):
You notice fact that.

Speaker 8 (02:27):
I'm gonna give me your pack of that strong niggas
want to pick up the game, but I'm a niggas
a bag.

Speaker 6 (02:30):
Like the Biggie song.

Speaker 8 (02:31):
You bitch, keep blowing my line said, no, no mind,
and she can't wait to give me that ball. Huh yeah,
right to the loot with the folk like a traveling
the mile of it. Blow like a passing this out
with your whole like she want to deep down and
the thought like, oh shit is too easy.

Speaker 4 (02:43):
All of you niggas too bumming. You're peasy fucking the
round with one of my brothers. I promise you niggas
would never rest the.

Speaker 2 (02:49):
Lean in my cut, my buddy cat this beat. Take
your come, my brothers, come come, my fucking come on
the knuckle up and looking up my love.

Speaker 1 (03:13):
Jay.

Speaker 4 (03:21):
Evening, good evening, good evening. How y'all feeling out there today?
How does everybody feeling? Welcome to the third episode of
Beyond the Beard. I am your host, my I take
a rebel. I am joined today by my co host Ali.

Speaker 6 (03:35):
Yes, sir, how you feeling today, Brother doing good man,
How was your weekend? It's been pretty good so far. Yeah,
that's been good.

Speaker 4 (03:42):
That's up. And we got our resident fat boy in
the building. Also, my brother.

Speaker 9 (03:50):
Brother.

Speaker 6 (03:50):
What it is man?

Speaker 9 (03:51):
You know what it is?

Speaker 4 (03:52):
Man?

Speaker 9 (03:52):
Tis Man?

Speaker 6 (03:53):
Were your hoods?

Speaker 9 (03:53):
Old Man?

Speaker 4 (03:54):
We and this mother Man.

Speaker 9 (03:56):
Let's get it man for a great episode today.

Speaker 4 (04:00):
Yep, yep, We're gonna get straight into it. Anything going
on that you brothers want to talk about the current
events before we get on topic today. Anything on your minds,
your hearts that you want to get on.

Speaker 6 (04:10):
Man, listen, just listen.

Speaker 5 (04:12):
Prayers and condulescens to everybody that was affected with the
tornado situation Friday night. Man, I went to a show Friday.
I went to see my boy Yerdy G headline the
show over at Pops. And it was just like a
weird night, you know what I'm saying. Like it wasn't
like it usually be, you know, And I think it
was because of what happened earlier in that day. A

(04:36):
few acts didn't make it, so yeah, I'm quite sure
it had something to do with what happened that day.
And I just I really, you know, I wish I
had more that I could do for people. Man, these
be the times I wish I had it, you know
what I mean, Like I was rich, you know what
I mean, because proper resources. Yeah, the proper resources is everything.

Speaker 6 (04:56):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (04:56):
Some of my family members was directly affected by that too.
My aunt she's lived in that house since I was eight, yeah, eight,
She been there thirty nine, almost forty years.

Speaker 10 (05:10):
Bro.

Speaker 4 (05:11):
And when I tell you, her, whole street on Auburn
looks like ground zero. It's bad, Bro, It's bad that
whole area. Then at the church at the end of
her street, the pastor of the church actually passed away
in the church from the storm. Oh wow. She she
you know, she feeds people in the neighborhood and stuff

(05:33):
during the weekend, you know, things like that. So when
the storm hits, she went back inside for shelter and
roof collapsed on her. Bro killed her on the pastor
of the church.

Speaker 6 (05:45):
Wow, damn, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 4 (05:51):
And the good thing with good thing with my aunt,
she was at the optometry office getting the eye you mean,
procedure done, so she wasn't even home when in her house.
When she came home though, it was bad.

Speaker 6 (06:05):
Damn.

Speaker 4 (06:06):
The roof is still on the house, but the front
in the back is like toe, Yeah, tore up, man, Damn.

Speaker 6 (06:13):
It's a situation that happened so fast.

Speaker 5 (06:15):
Man, Like I was at the area, you know, I'm
on the south side, so but like it was looking
like it was finna go down over there when wind
was bad, and then it had you know, it just
came and went. So for that to happen in five
minute time, you know what I'm saying, and then the
crazy it could have been worse, like this is lightweight,

(06:36):
yeah compared don't don't get me wrong, not taking away
from what happened to everybody, but it could have been.

Speaker 4 (06:41):
So we've seen what happened in the like further further
down in Missouri. Yeah, like they didn't have had whole
towns wiped out, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (06:49):
So we're so used to this not happening in the
areas like Saint Louis City, right, because it usually happens
in places where it's like real plane land flat, you know.

Speaker 6 (07:00):
So yeah, but they're just a reminder.

Speaker 4 (07:03):
Like over there, like by where the Sheers building is at.

Speaker 9 (07:05):
Yeah, I heard about that.

Speaker 4 (07:07):
I just heard all that today that I rode back
through that today for the second time. I rode back
through that area Central West and Forest Park.

Speaker 6 (07:17):
I heard all that got here pretty good.

Speaker 4 (07:19):
So that was bad.

Speaker 6 (07:20):
It's bad even Forest Park.

Speaker 4 (07:22):
Yeah, inside the park and the residential neighborhood tore up.

Speaker 10 (07:28):
Wow, tore up once again. Man Cadoles is in prayers
to everybody. Man, I just like to say one thing
on this topic. Through these unfortunate times, and it's unfortunate
event one thing that I can say that's a positive
through everything, through this darkness and the cloudiness the community.

Speaker 9 (07:46):
What I have been saying, when it's time to get real, man.

Speaker 10 (07:50):
All with all the beers that goes on within social
media and all the world today, within the city itself,
I do see a lot of unity. I do see
a lot of commune of these coming together, pulling together
to make the efforts in what they need to make
work for them in their community. And I love to
see that we need more of that in the city
at all.

Speaker 6 (08:08):
Times, all times, not just when disaster strikes. I definitely
agree with that. I definitely feel that a lot.

Speaker 4 (08:13):
And that's that's why I made a post earlier, you know,
and I said, you know, for everybody that's out here
claiming these hoods. Yeah, yeah, you know what I'm saying,
Like you are you really outside helping seeing that?

Speaker 5 (08:25):
And that's the thing, Like it is beautiful to see
everybody coming together and doing it. But I do wish
we've seen a lot more younger, younger guys exactly Like
I know my little cousin he he bout like twenty five,
twenty six, he made a post and Saint Louis versus
hip hop on Instagram. They shared it kind of went

(08:47):
viral a little bit, talking about let's get out here
and help.

Speaker 6 (08:49):
You know what I'm saying. So it's good to see
at least my cousin right, and I'm I'm happy that
he doing it.

Speaker 5 (08:56):
Hopefully it really you know, and maybe we just ain't
seeing right, But I would really like to see the
youngsters if they are out there, I would like them
to really be showcased and highlighted.

Speaker 4 (09:07):
That's what I'm saying, because I mean they I believe
if they were just like they post everything else they
should be, they would be outside posting that. And you
know what I mean, they would be outside posting that
like yo were outside were helping clean We're doing, you
know what I'm saying, even if it's just for the
cloud purpose, you know what I'm saying, But at least
at least it's getting they would be out there doing that,

(09:28):
you know what I'm saying. If they were out there
doing that, if they was, yeah, I feel that, you
know what I'm saying. So but then again, you know,
I don't know. It's a lot of people affected by that,
so you never know, like they might not even be
in the move. But none of that, you know what
I mean.

Speaker 6 (09:41):
I know I wouldn't.

Speaker 5 (09:42):
And that's what I was gonna says too, is like, well,
is it is it that they ain't in the move
for it or like that they don't really know what
they do in these type of situations because of the.

Speaker 4 (09:57):
Morale of everybody is down.

Speaker 6 (09:58):
The morale is down. But like you know, I was
talking with somebody about just like.

Speaker 5 (10:08):
How emotional the young men are now. You know, they
listen to a lot of emo, a lot of sad
boy music, Rob Wave about her up, you know, and
it's more than just him.

Speaker 6 (10:19):
Though you had Juice World that was before him.

Speaker 4 (10:22):
I don't listen to neither one of them neither, can
I tell you one Rob waves.

Speaker 5 (10:26):
On I can't either, but I know people send me
this stuff and when I listen to it, I'm like, man,
how do y'all like a dude? Just send me a
some kid that's blowing up and he basically sounds just
like Juice World sounds just like I have heard some
Juice World depressed and it sounds just depressed and emotional.
I'm like, man, this is what's wrong with y'all. Y'all
wake up in the morning listening to this type shit?

Speaker 6 (10:48):
So is it because they so fucking you know.

Speaker 5 (10:53):
Down, Yeah, like they don't know what they emotionally, they
just can't fucking handle it, Like you know what I.

Speaker 10 (10:59):
Mean, a little bit of both of what you guys
are saying. It's a little bit of that, And I
think it's I think they just scared of the perception.
You know how some people live in one reality and
they got this image that they don't that they got
everybody how everybody sees them, and some people just don't
want to be those people, like they don't want to
look weak, like like I see you, you, you brought

(11:21):
you all the time, but you don't want to be seen.

Speaker 9 (11:24):
But to me, the homeless are helping y'all.

Speaker 4 (11:27):
See, people need to understand what the definition of gangster is.

Speaker 9 (11:30):
Fact.

Speaker 4 (11:31):
That's all right.

Speaker 6 (11:32):
We touched on a little bit last week.

Speaker 4 (11:34):
We need you need to understand what the definition against
it is because if you really want to be gangster
in and about your hood, that's being gangster and about
your hood. Gangsters back in the day, what they considered
quote unquote gangsters, they took care of the neighborhood for real.
No matter how much dope they sold, no matter how
many people they shot, no matter who they threw off

(11:54):
the roof, they took care the neighbors.

Speaker 6 (11:56):
That's why the neighborhood loved them.

Speaker 4 (11:58):
They took care to they That's why you able to
go if the police chased you, you was able to
run in any house in that neighborhood because they know,
like he gonna take care of us. He looked out
what's over here, like that's how it used to be.
That's the era I come from. You know what I'm saying.
I'm for those who don't know, I'm forty seven, that's
the era I come f. You know what I'm saying.
So it's that's and I keep that type of mentality

(12:20):
to this day. You know what I'm saying. Even when
I was out in the streets doing wrong, I never listen.
I never sold drugs. If you had your kids with you,
get away from me, get away from me. I'm not
gonna give you nothing until you come back because I
because and just to be transparent, I saw my little
brother and sisters when I see because my mom was

(12:44):
an addict. So I saw my little brother and sister
when I would see them come up to me and
they got the kid with him, Like, nah, I don't
do that's don't do that, you know what I mean.
Don't do that, you know what I'm saying. Or if
you're pregnant, definitely not. I'm not giving you nothing you

(13:04):
can get. You're gonna get it from somebody. But it
just wants I don't want that on me, you know
what I'm saying. So, yeah, it's just certain things that
we did in the hood that they solidified gangst and principles.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 (13:18):
It's something that just isn't present for real when it
comes to quote unquote gangs to yeah, mentality.

Speaker 4 (13:25):
Now gangster, Now, how many people you can shoot, how
many ops you got, how many ops you laid down,
and you know what I'm saying, that's how much time
you can do, how much time you like.

Speaker 6 (13:38):
Back in the day, it was like gangster not to
go to jail, like for real, for real. And if
you did go to jail, it was gast not the squeal.

Speaker 4 (13:46):
Not to tell.

Speaker 9 (13:47):
It's like.

Speaker 6 (13:50):
The norm.

Speaker 4 (13:50):
It's like he told ye, ain't tell on me though,
all right, but when you get out there, get out
to create you next. I know niggas that went to jail, bro,
they got bailed out and killed. Mm hmm. You know
what I'm saying, just to keep a joker from talent,

(14:11):
he locked up, go get him. Mm hmm. All right,
I think they end up go getting the dude. And
the next thing, you know, well loll he right here
to god Bro. The next thing you know, you find
this nigga in the park, wrapped up because he caught
their case. And the nigga he the big man, go
go baill y mo out.

Speaker 6 (14:29):
I got it.

Speaker 4 (14:29):
Don't worry about what I mean. So like they got
the definition against all that stuff. Man. But yeah, yeah, anyway,
move right along. We're gonna get into this this topic
of discussion today. The title of today Show is called
the Man in the Mirror Taking Radical responsibility. What that

(14:54):
means for a lot of us, definition will always very
your perception of that is always going to vary. So
get into like personal stories of failure and growth, accountability
versus blame, and daily habits that can build your self discipline. Yeah,

(15:18):
so that's the that's the topic of today show. That's
what we're gonna delve into. If you know anything, and again,
any any topics that I come up with at any
point in time, you know, because this is all just
means just sitting back and coming out of stuff with
my mind off personal experience, you know, so any point
in time there's anything that you know you want to

(15:40):
just hey, you know what, We're gonna jump into this
because we can totally go off topic and get back
on topic to at the same time, you know what
I'm saying. But yeah, because I don't want it to
seem like you.

Speaker 5 (15:52):
Know, nah nah we I think we uh, we did
very well last week getting off the topic and getting
back to top.

Speaker 6 (15:59):
Yeah for sure, for I think we did very good
at that.

Speaker 5 (16:03):
But yeah, personal stories of failure and growth. Shit me personally,
I mean I feel like my biggest personal failure is
my first marriage. But again I was very young.

Speaker 6 (16:24):
When I got married. I got married when I was
twenty years old.

Speaker 5 (16:27):
So but I feel, you know, just looking back on that,
that was I wish I could have been there for
my children. I kind of touched on that last week
for my older children, just being there more for them
more in their lives like I am in my young
children's lives now, you know what I mean.

Speaker 6 (16:45):
And we can't always.

Speaker 5 (16:50):
Fight what's gonna happen or they're inevitable so to speak,
you know what I mean.

Speaker 6 (16:54):
But that's my biggest I feel like personal failure.

Speaker 4 (17:00):
And I can agree with that for me personally too,
because I'd be having an to me, I think it'd
be a pride thing. My pride and my ego gets
in the way sometimes of me actually, like I get

(17:21):
it my own way, and my pride and ego sometimes
or not even sometimes it's not even pride in ego,
it's just not knowing how to approach a situation or
not wanting to rough on any feathers in a situation.
So I sometimes I just try to act like it
didn't happen, or try to just let it blow over.
And then try to approach a situation later not realizing

(17:45):
that for real, that issue was still there. You know
what I'm saying, Because like even with my like one
of my kids moms, my daughter, like the last argument
that we had was because I don't really recall for real,
but I know I had something to do with me
really not doing something that she thought I should have

(18:06):
did in a timely manner or something like that, right,
And so the thing that gets me is that it's like, Okay, well,
if you can't do this when I need it done
or this, I don't feel like this is enough even
though you're doing what you can do because granted, this
is not the only kid that you have, even though okay,
that's not her fault, but you know, you do what

(18:28):
you can do for who you can do it for.
And then sometimes I feel like I'm only allowed to
do so much because of the way that I have
to deal with that mom to you know, communicate or whatever. Right,
But long story short, well, if you can't do this
or you can't do that, then you know, you really
don't need to talk towards or you know. So it's

(18:50):
like sometimes I'll sit there and I'll be like, Okay,
well fucking that's where you're at all, right, But I
missed my daughter every day. I think about my daughter
every day, bro. But sometimes it's like, what do you?
How do you? How do you, even without dealing with

(19:12):
the smart mouth and the and the and the smart ship,
is gonna come out of somebody's mouth, even approach the
situation again after because you're gonna hear it, you know
what I mean, especially if you know the person you're
dealing with. Yeah, I've been, You're gonna you're gonna hear it,
you know what I mean. But your intentions as a
father is not to say I don't want to deal,
I don't want to talk to my daughter, I don't

(19:33):
want to do this, I don't do it. I don't.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (19:35):
It's not that, but it Yeah, but it makes you
almost forced to be in that position.

Speaker 4 (19:41):
But right, it makes you almost forced to even be
that way, you know what I mean? I don't know,
but it's it's again like that's like I said, I
totally resonate with what you just said. I feel like when.

Speaker 5 (19:55):
When I was in a situation like that, the only
time I've been in a situation like that was with
the ex wife, and when I was in a situation
with that where it's like every time I try to
talk to her logically or you know, just be rational,
and she says some smart shit that make you want to,

(20:16):
you know what I'm saying, slap the shit out of it,
just to be real.

Speaker 4 (20:20):
And then.

Speaker 6 (20:21):
It's like I just I'm just not gonna deal with
the shit at all, you know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (20:26):
Fortunately for me, when me and hers, me and her
relationship dissolved, she came back to Saint Louis, and shortly
after I did too, so and when I came back,
she was only living a block away from my mom,
so I had access to my children. I could see
them every time every day and things like that. And
then they was coming of age where they had cell

(20:47):
phones and things like that. So it never got to
a point where it was like, well if you can't
do this, not like because she would call me like
I need five hundred dollars today to get whatever, and
I'm like, well, you're gonna have to wait until next
week because I don't got it today.

Speaker 6 (21:05):
I got my own life, my own bills, and this,
that and the other. And then it's like when you
got to take care of these kids all this, you know,
and it's like.

Speaker 5 (21:12):
One thing leads to the next in the conversation and
it's now it's just like, well, you.

Speaker 6 (21:17):
Know what, I'm not even gonna deal with. I don't
want to deal with you. It's not that we want
to deal with the kids, it's her that we don't
want to deal with.

Speaker 10 (21:25):
You know, I definitely understand that I go through that
that situation now, so you know what I'm saying, not
being able, well, I don't deal with my my first
two kids mother as now. But that's why, because when
you do try to speak to someone logically as you
put it, and you do be the one that be

(21:47):
the peacemaker, it's like, damn, the first thing somebody want
to do is a tech.

Speaker 9 (21:52):
They attack your pride.

Speaker 10 (21:54):
They because you know, of course, you know you've been
with them of someone like that intimately and close like that.

Speaker 9 (22:00):
They know your buttons. They gonna always know your.

Speaker 10 (22:02):
Buttons, and it's like they know your defaults, you know
what I'm saying. So me being in that situation and
having to rebuild spiritually, because that attacks you spiritually more
than anything, more than anything, because as men, it's some

(22:25):
stuff women don't won't understand, just like it's some stuff
we won't understand period with them being women, we.

Speaker 9 (22:31):
Just won't understand. And it's just you don't understand.

Speaker 10 (22:35):
The spirituality of a man of a hurt man is different,
especially when it comes to them kids and having to
deal with an unpeaceful person. When you're a peaceful person,
it's like one of the worst things in the world
to deal with because it's like, where do you go
from here when you can't because it's like every option

(22:56):
you want to take as a man, and as one
of those alpha males, you be like man, like you said,
like sometimes you just want to be like, yeah, I
think it discount you know.

Speaker 9 (23:05):
What I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (23:06):
But you know what's gonna happen.

Speaker 9 (23:07):
Now, you know what's gonna happen.

Speaker 10 (23:09):
It's way deep in and raps so a hundred percent
understand that it's with the baby moms and having to
go through the tomorrow with the kids.

Speaker 5 (23:19):
I haven't seen my two kids in about two years,
and I feel like that we was kind of talking
about that last week, you know, I said that the
biggest part of being a man to me is being
there for your children, for your family, and so when
you take that away and I can't be there for him,

(23:39):
and I can't be in their lives, especially when you
like all of my kids, I'm pretty much I wasn't
there for my my daughter's birth and her birthdays today.

Speaker 6 (23:51):
But I wasn't there for her birth.

Speaker 5 (23:52):
But that's only because there was no one to be
there for my son. So I had to be with
my son while she was at the hospital having my daughter,
and her mom was there, you know what I'm saying.
But I've been in all their lives from day one,
you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (24:05):
That's the only ones birth that I missed.

Speaker 5 (24:09):
You know, So when you in their life day to
day and that gets taken away from me, that that,
like you said, that just breaks your spirit, you know
what I mean, It really breaks your spirit. And then
when you're trying to make it better, and no matter
what you do, the woman's always you always bumping.

Speaker 6 (24:26):
Heads with her.

Speaker 5 (24:27):
It's like, man, it's just it's just a it's just
a situation that you can't really do nothing about because
she ain't never gonna see it how she wanted to
see it. Whether it's mental, you know what I'm saying,
Like we were talking about a lot of this shit
is because of the way people is brought up, and
you know they upbringingst they seen their mamas or whoever

(24:51):
go through or do certain things that you know, off
and it just rubs off. And that's you know, an
unfortunate man, even rub off for realists in their DNA
like shit, motherfuck can't even help it. You know, you
see a kid you don't know, nobody else did tumble,
but just all of a sudden, this kid tumbling because

(25:12):
his DNA his uncle is daddy.

Speaker 6 (25:14):
Did that ship?

Speaker 5 (25:15):
You know what I'm saying, Like my son is he's
six years old. That boy can he done beat Gang
of Games? Video games pretty tough ones. He said he
beat his first game when he was three years old.
That's because it's in the DNA.

Speaker 4 (25:34):
I gain right.

Speaker 6 (25:36):
I ain't never beat games like that when I was
his age.

Speaker 5 (25:39):
But because I game and because I'm cultivating that ship,
it's already in his blood.

Speaker 6 (25:43):
Bro.

Speaker 5 (25:44):
Like he never held a controller backwards, you know how
kids always He never did that. Never did that, bro,
So it be in the DNA. Like the attitude a
lot of this ship. You know what I'm saying, don't
even know why we're doing this, right, you know? Yeah, yeah,

(26:05):
So you know, if you're dealing with a person like that,
it's just a situation where you can't really do nothing
about it. But the fortunate thing is that with technology
and these cell phones and these kids want to know,
they get curious, nigga, they want to know it was
my daddy really a piece of shit, like they say,
and then they get they get their conversation. See, because

(26:25):
if it wouldn't be real with y'all, My oldest son
is not biologically mine. Yeah, there was a point where
he was like fifteen, his mama started putting him out
the house. When he's like fourteen fifteen. When she started
putting him out, he was at my place. Me and

(26:49):
my wife now at the time had our first daughter
on the way, and all kinds of things like that.
He was there with us.

Speaker 6 (26:58):
And then after their mom moved into a new place.

Speaker 5 (27:03):
And when she moved, my daughter was there too because
she was able to her bus was closer to my house.
It just kind of made sense, and she ended up
wanting to stay there, and I was like, I don't
really care if you stay here, but we gotta do something.
So I hit the mom up and I was like, listen,
you got them on food stamp on a food stamp

(27:23):
case with you, and she was like yeah. I was like,
I need you take them off of it. Let me
put them on the case for me, and I'll break
you off some money that's not happening, is what she
told me. Now, I'm finna get eight hundred dollars. I
don't need all eight hundred. I only need six because

(27:45):
at the time my wife was on stamp. So we're
gonna have money, and I'm gonna give you some money.
I'm gonna give you some money to put something in
your household that's not gonna happen because of what her
situation is.

Speaker 6 (27:57):
Whatever.

Speaker 5 (27:58):
So any long story short, we got into a whole thing,
a whole argument whatever. I left my house. I was
gonna pull up over there. I was hot, but I
turned my ass back. I turned my ass and went
back home, and I just told my children the truth
that my oldest son ain't biologically mine told my daughter

(28:18):
because he wasn't there at the time. When he came
in the house, me and him went to the park.
We had to talk and if I wouldn't have had
that talk with them. I probably wouldn't have the relationship
that I have with them now because it made them
understand so much shit, like we be.

Speaker 6 (28:35):
Looking at our mamas like our mama is a saints.
Oh no, they don't be saints. No that you know
what I'm saying. And that's the thing. So like, but
when we had that talk, I told him, listen, I
don't want you to treat your mama no differently.

Speaker 5 (28:50):
And it was a little bit of turmoil, but because
you know, they had to leave my house, Like I'm
trying to do what I could do to provide, and
she's not gonna compromise, so y'all have to go be
with her. And by that time, my son was old enough,
he was eighteen, he was out here. He was living
on his own anyway, you know what I'm saying. Boy
been out here since fifteen sixteen, having apartments and shit,

(29:13):
you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (29:13):
So but yeah, it's tough to say the least, you
know what I mean. And just imagine this situation.

Speaker 5 (29:21):
What I got got kids that you know or yours,
one that you raised that you know is not yours,
and he's never been treated no differently.

Speaker 6 (29:33):
You know what I'm saying. He's my son.

Speaker 5 (29:36):
But it's just the thing, like all that you find
that shit out. I found that out when he was
seven years old. Up until that point, that's just my son.
So all you imagine all the shit that y'all talking
about dealing with.

Speaker 4 (29:51):
And then add that on top. Yeah, my old nigga,
I ain't.

Speaker 6 (29:55):
Trying to cut you off.

Speaker 4 (29:56):
You good.

Speaker 5 (29:56):
I'm talking about ready to kill up some shit, looting
myself several times. H Then you get a boyfriend, let
the nigga talk crazy to me.

Speaker 6 (30:08):
Want on my birthday?

Speaker 5 (30:12):
Listen man, listen. Plots was in the mind, bro, I
know where to do. I wasn't even here then, but
it's because where you know, my mind is here. When
I was in Indianapolis, niggas loved me because they was like,
you repped Saint Louis Rams, Cardinals. I don't rep no coats.
They used to talk bad about the Rams. Then I

(30:34):
started seeing the.

Speaker 6 (30:35):
Patriots was whooping the Coats every year.

Speaker 5 (30:38):
I became a Patriots fan because they came to my
Super Bowl party and the Rams lost to the Patriots,
and they ate my food and they rooted for the Patriots.
How you gonna root for the Patriots that your rival team?
Were they in the same conference? Nah, fuck you niggas.

Speaker 6 (30:57):
And every year Old Brady was cut. It threw for men.

Speaker 5 (31:02):
Knocking their ass out in the playoffs because they Manny
was taking them. They was a good team for sure,
but you gotta remember they was bad because Marshall Falk left.

Speaker 6 (31:15):
The Coats came.

Speaker 5 (31:17):
That's played for he was a coach, he was a
star for the Coats. And if they have kept Marshall
Falk because they had got Marvin Harrison and what was
the other guy that they had the Coats? They had
Marvin Harrison and some other receiver I can't remember.

Speaker 4 (31:36):
They came to the Rams.

Speaker 6 (31:37):
No, the Coats. Remember when they got Manning. They had
Marvin Harrison and they.

Speaker 4 (31:41):
Had oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, damn.

Speaker 5 (31:46):
I can't remember the other receiver name. And then they
had album was not what's the doum? The motherfucker that
was the running back? He had dreads and ship I
can't remember his name, Edrin James.

Speaker 6 (32:02):
There you go, I what did he play football?

Speaker 9 (32:09):
Viral?

Speaker 5 (32:10):
You know?

Speaker 6 (32:15):
But yeah, dog, so yeah, just that that's like for me,
that'll be my personal biggest story of failure.

Speaker 5 (32:25):
But like I said, the growth from that is actually
having a relationship with them kids.

Speaker 10 (32:31):
Now.

Speaker 5 (32:31):
My daughter just turned twenty four today, my son gonna
be twenty six at the end of July. We was
just all at my mom's house designa you know what
I'm saying. You know, So that's the growth from it.
But I had to go through that feeling of failure
to even get to that. But also that comes from
the conversation when the children get of age. For both

(32:53):
of you guys, you know where you able to have
a conversation like I wanted to be there, but your
moms was like yes, and either they gonna hold it
against you and resent you or they gonna accept and
be like, yeah, I feel like our kids they gonna
been a scene of Tyler Perry movie or two.

Speaker 4 (33:12):
By the time, cause it was like they were with
My oldest son and his mom did everything to keep
me from him. I mean everything. I would link up
back with him, give him my number. He stayed with
me when he was seven up until maybe he was
like maybe. It was like I don't even think it

(33:33):
was a full year. And then she was like, I
want my son back and I'm like, damn ye, Now,
mind you. I was in the fits from the time
he was born to the time he was seven. Oh,
so you was able to So when I come home,
I was still communicating with him.

Speaker 6 (33:48):
Yeah, but you're trying to get the actual bonding time.

Speaker 4 (33:51):
You know what I'm saying. He knows who I am.
You know what I'm saying. He came out there to
visit me. They broke they had contact visits, so they
brought him out there to see me. You know what
I'm saying. I touched him, hugged and played with him, laughed,
and you know what I'm saying. Then I started this
program where we read to our kids over a cassette
tape O cold. So I would read books to him,

(34:13):
The Bill, the Little Bill, the Bill Cosby Books, and
the little Children's books. I would read those books to
him in a cassette tape and mail them home and
send them to him so where he gets them, you know,
I call him, we'll talk about it, you know what
I'm saying. So I built a good relationship even behind
the wall with him that way.

Speaker 6 (34:31):
That's awesome.

Speaker 4 (34:32):
So then when I came home, I'm like, yo, I
want him to come stay with me, you know what
I'm saying. So he came home and stay with me. Now,
mind you, at this point in time, I'm fresh out,
you know what I mean, from the fads. And I
got my apartment in camp I stayed in Camfield because
they kicked me out of Delaware. They told me don't
come back. OK So I had to come here. So

(34:54):
when I came here, I got an apartment you know
what I'm saying, in Camfield. So I got the apartment.
My son came to stay with me. Everything was good,
and then one day she just flipped out. She just
did give him back and all this that okay. Cool.
So from the time he was seven, it's the time
he was sixteen, he ain't really see him. Nah, she

(35:15):
wouldn't let me see him. No content, like nothing, nothing.

Speaker 5 (35:18):
It was just flipped the switch though, So because like
to me, you was really not trying to cut you off,
but she was really being an active father. Like my
dad was sending me easy cassette tapes, you sending books,
and you were sending books like literally, my dad sent
me easy and I listened to it and I was like,
why the fuck did he send me this?

Speaker 6 (35:39):
But like a twelve thirteen year old boy.

Speaker 4 (35:41):
You know, My point of it is, even with her
doing all that, trying to keep the distance and all this, right,
he's sixteen at this point. Him and her husband got
into an altercation because her husband told her before they
even got married, I don't like your son.

Speaker 6 (35:57):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (35:57):
My son was seven, but you know that's here now there, right,
So they got into an altercation. He told me had
to leave. So when he told me he had to leave,
he's just out now. At the time, in twenty sixteen,
I just happened to be over here. I came over
here to visit for Thanksgiving from Atlanta. I was just

(36:18):
here to visit. I was on my way back. He
found me and found where I was and called me
and told me what was going on. So I'm like, damn.
So after he told me what was going on, He's
going to Pattonville High School. He's playing ball. You know,

(36:38):
he had stuff going on. He was going out for
the football team too, so there's a lot of stuff
he was doing. Right, So he'd like, yo, they put
me out this, that, and the third, Like fuck, all right, cool,
I stopped everything I had going on and moved here.
That day from just connecting back with him, right, I call,

(37:03):
made a couple of calls and then a look, some
shit can changed in the last twenty four hours. I'm
not coming back. I found no time soon. What's going on?

Speaker 10 (37:13):
This?

Speaker 6 (37:13):
That?

Speaker 4 (37:13):
And the third my son I fan hit us back
when you get you? You know, all right? Cool Benner?
Since Yeah, you know what I'm saying, Bennerson, I had
two more kids here, you know what I'm saying. But
even after talking with him and him moving in with

(37:33):
me and having that conversation, He's like, I knew it
wasn't you.

Speaker 5 (37:37):
M hm.

Speaker 4 (37:38):
I knew it was her. I knew it because he knew,
he knew I loved him. He felt that he saw it.
I you know what I'm saying, he experienced it.

Speaker 6 (37:47):
I mean, you was fucking sending them cassette taste, reading.

Speaker 4 (37:49):
The books, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (37:51):
So he knew, bro, you wanted a relationship with him. Yeah,
that's the thing.

Speaker 5 (37:55):
I feel like a lot of a lot of dads
and even like I want to go kind of reflect
just on last week. You know, he was talking about
father's knowing, you know, more like stepping up and being
fathers more now, And I think that fathers wanted to
do that back in the day as well. It's just

(38:16):
the fact of a matter of the same type of
things was happening to him.

Speaker 6 (38:20):
Now.

Speaker 5 (38:21):
One thing that's changed a little bit since then is
is that the court systems are a little bit more
in the.

Speaker 6 (38:28):
Favor of fathers.

Speaker 4 (38:29):
They used to be.

Speaker 5 (38:30):
Yeah, without any regard for the father. You're wrong, She's
got all the you know, whatever she says is what
it is.

Speaker 6 (38:41):
Now.

Speaker 5 (38:42):
You know, we got lawyers that are willing to take
these cases. They're willing to fight for men, you know
what I'm saying. And you know that's that's the thing
that's changed. But I can't deny the fact that there
have been probably a lot of fathers over the years
that have wanted to do the same thing being alive

(39:02):
and the kid is you know, the mother won't allow it.

Speaker 6 (39:05):
The kid finds out later it wasn't the father.

Speaker 4 (39:07):
You know what I'm saying. Do you know how many
do you know how many broken relationships there are? Can
you imagine how many broken relationships there are because the
father doesn't want the father wants that relationship with his kid,
father loves that kid or those children the father does
not want to repeat the same cycles that he went
through if he did.

Speaker 6 (39:26):
Or did not go through that facts.

Speaker 4 (39:30):
But it's the woman that somehow we can't get around that.
A lot of us can't get around dealing with the attitude,
the temperament, the sarcastic shit, you know what I'm saying,
All the drugs just to have that relationship. It makes

(39:51):
you be like, yeah, I don't want to do it.
I don't even want to deal with none of that.
So think what y'all want, because you know, she she
painting the story.

Speaker 9 (40:00):
And that's the thing.

Speaker 4 (40:04):
Both.

Speaker 6 (40:05):
I was thinking about that the other day.

Speaker 5 (40:06):
I was thinking about like toxicity and relationships and stuff.

Speaker 6 (40:10):
Like that, and I'm like, you know, most of the
dudes that I know aren't toxic. It be the chicks.

Speaker 8 (40:18):
Now.

Speaker 5 (40:18):
I could just be my perspective because I'm a dude,
but like, from what I see, most of the dudes
ain't toxic.

Speaker 4 (40:24):
Now. Do I know some dog as niggeras Yeah I do.

Speaker 6 (40:27):
I do very well. So.

Speaker 5 (40:29):
But I do think a lot of this happened has
to deal with the fact of the matter of what
age range are we talking about, you know, Like for me,
for me, I was twenty when I got married.

Speaker 6 (40:40):
It's too young.

Speaker 5 (40:42):
I'm forty six now, I'll be forty seven on Christmas.
Twenty is too young.

Speaker 6 (40:48):
So you know, a lot of those things that the
attitude and the.

Speaker 5 (40:56):
Hormonal shit, emotional shit whatever, we didn't know how to
deal with that shit.

Speaker 6 (41:00):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (41:01):
Now, I barely know how to deal with it now,
you know what I'm saying. So my lady now is
still teaching me how to learn how to you know, yeah, man,
he's crazy for me.

Speaker 5 (41:10):
For me, I learned a lot from just studying martial
arts and ship. It helped me with mental ship a lot,
you know what I'm saying. When I was younger, and
and then just carrying that over into my old age
is it helped with mental fortitude a lot. But if
you ain't really got an outlet where you you know

(41:31):
how to deal with your anger, your aggression, you know,
we come from an environment where we did we settle.

Speaker 6 (41:36):
Things with using anger and aggression. You know what I'm saying.
It don't matter, you know. I know y'all be looking
at me like I'm a white guy. I'm looking at
the camera.

Speaker 5 (41:49):
But listen, I come from an area where we deal
with things with anger and aggression, you know.

Speaker 6 (41:54):
What I'm saying. So and then going into a situation
where you got to deal with a woman.

Speaker 5 (42:02):
You know, from the same environment, from that same environment,
and then some of them, you know, like some women,
you know, they may portray like I'm a little bit
different than an environment, but then when you actually get.

Speaker 6 (42:15):
Them pregnant, let's be real, actually get them pregnant. You
see that all? Well, you ghetto, you know, you geto.
So there's nothing wrong with that. I love me a
good ghetto girl. I love the hood rats, I said
all the time on live streams. I love them. I
think a lot of people need to a lot of

(42:35):
dudes need to just not just confess with the truth.

Speaker 5 (42:42):
You know what the truth is, the dudes be having
these getting these these chicks.

Speaker 6 (42:48):
That's you know, you deal if you listen like this, Okay,
you deal with slut after sloot after slut, Well maybe
you like sluts.

Speaker 5 (42:57):
You just gotta you just gotta understand that that you
can't deal with them on an emotional level. You just
gotta slot them out and let them gonna do what
they're gonna do. Because they slush, they like to do that,
and it's if that's what you gotta but you gotta.

Speaker 6 (43:14):
Gotta come to terms with that.

Speaker 5 (43:15):
That's why niggas become pimps and ship because they had
come the times with that.

Speaker 4 (43:19):
Man. I had a homeboy that I had a homeboy
that had a straight surety was I'm talking about her name.
Find her name was fan Deisha.

Speaker 6 (43:31):
Wow, right, hey, yeah, like fand okay, yeah yeah, Fondisha.

Speaker 4 (43:40):
Cold bloody show. When I tell you, this was the
ugly motherfucker walking, bro ugly, ugly leave wow. But her
body was like banging, what the fault? Yeah, she was
the ugliest hell. But their body put a lot of
niggas in the hood and smash fan, you know what
I'm saying. So we tell him, I ain't ever been there.

(44:01):
I just couldn't do it. But I know a lot
of niggas that we didn't call it coming up by
the front crib late night, two three in the morning
when they think I'm coming to make a late night
sailing and caught you coming up out of there. Caught you.
You know what I'm saying, gotch you?

Speaker 9 (44:17):
So he.

Speaker 4 (44:21):
It's always that one in the neighborhood. Well, you tell
him like, don't do it. Don't do that. Man. If
if you're gonna do it, do it and move on.
Let that be that he's bringing a roll pulling up
on the block. She in the passage you see brings
in in the passage you see back then, back in

(44:43):
the day, Shirln's was the ship. So if you had
a match, if you had a shirln your girl had
a match with Shirland, everybody knew y'all was getting money
on the block. You know what I'm saying. She pulled up,
they got the match and Shirln's on mannak wolin what
you're doing?

Speaker 9 (45:00):
Man?

Speaker 4 (45:01):
We drove his ass for about a week, bro. So
one day we got a Chinese store called John's. John's
where we go get all the subs and ship from.
So we're sitting in front of Johns. Fanisha cribbs catter
corner from John's. So we sitting on the front steps
winning our food to get done. We smoking. All we

(45:23):
hear is.

Speaker 6 (45:27):
We look over, Yeah.

Speaker 4 (45:29):
He popping in some dude coming out the window. A
find Dha grib.

Speaker 6 (45:35):
Coming out the window.

Speaker 4 (45:36):
Yeah he's yeah, he could he couldn't because he couldn't
come through the front door because he was coming through
the front door. We sat there and watched it. We
sat here. We didn't know he had pulled up, but
we saw Fandisa go to the crib with old Bull.
So when they ain't the crib, were like, got another one.
So we looking. We like where Brian at? So we're

(45:57):
looking around. We call him b like, we're be here.
We don't see were like, man, Bee's happened to come
up on the block he's from.

Speaker 6 (46:04):
He's so happy to come up.

Speaker 4 (46:05):
We ain't tripping. Were sitting there is a liquids Wards
that just came out classic, So we're sitting there listening
when came I swear, Bro. We sit here and listening
to this ship, right, so it's to break down when
you go and this nigga don't pull this nigga pulled

(46:32):
up and walked in the crib and we didn't know it.

Speaker 6 (46:34):
Bro.

Speaker 4 (46:36):
So by the time we look up, dude is coming
out the window because he can't come through the front
because he coming through the front. Oh man, that was
where we rolled his ass for like a week. But yeah,
he was trying to take that one and make and
he didn't fell in love with it. And tried to
make her that one, and we're like, she's that's that's
not who she is.

Speaker 10 (46:55):
No, no, no, it's got to be like to that extent,
we are really had that one that we know we
shouldn't have been messing with, but we chose to keep
messing all guilty pleasure.

Speaker 5 (47:08):
I had one that I did, and it was because
I was trying to be opportunistic.

Speaker 6 (47:15):
I think that's how I always be honest, being honest.

Speaker 5 (47:19):
It was I was trying to be opportunistic with that
one because I seen to come up, but it wasn't
worth for what I had to.

Speaker 4 (47:26):
Go to getting to pay out.

Speaker 6 (47:29):
It wasn't worth for that.

Speaker 5 (47:30):
All.

Speaker 6 (47:31):
I get it.

Speaker 5 (47:31):
I understand all of everything that I do still had
to come from hard work, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (47:37):
So it was an opportunity that wasn't worth it any
too much opportunity.

Speaker 9 (47:42):
I was young, it was just that one. It was
my first slop, so it was like.

Speaker 10 (47:50):
It was my first I didn't want it was like
the same what they say, I just lost my best eat.

Speaker 9 (47:56):
I'm in a dark space.

Speaker 6 (47:57):
It was one of them. I was like, no, I
don't want you to go see and that's the thing
like this. This one wasn't the greatest. It was just
she was what she was, and uh, you know, I
just wasn't down for the ride.

Speaker 5 (48:18):
But in the retrospect though, it's all about you know,
if you got the mental fortitude, what can you do
with that? For instance, with being Fondsha, he could have
he could have been very lucrative.

Speaker 6 (48:32):
Okay, I think he was.

Speaker 4 (48:34):
You see.

Speaker 10 (48:35):
You see if you listen to the story he said
at first, If you listened at first, it wouldn't know
what you called him.

Speaker 9 (48:40):
It was popular with the surance.

Speaker 4 (48:42):
No, that's now.

Speaker 5 (48:43):
He was lucrative in his own right because they had
to match joints. Right, So he was already doing what
he was doing because he's buying a ship. What I'm
saying is is that he could have bought most ship
because what he should have been doing was Okay, I
see what you're doing. Well, I'm a toill ride with you.
But if you're gonna ride with me, bitch, every time
you got a nigga over here, I'm gonna need some

(49:04):
of You're gonna have to He's gonna have to break
his pockets. See, he wasn't on his pimping.

Speaker 6 (49:09):
He was in his heart. So he's got to shooting,
risking cases, burning up the block. Man, You Niggas was trying.

Speaker 4 (49:20):
First. That was my brother as Nigga.

Speaker 6 (49:24):
That wasn't that Nigga was getting money.

Speaker 4 (49:31):
He wasn't he was getting money.

Speaker 6 (49:34):
Niggas doesn't have money. It ain't no way. It was
his first captain.

Speaker 5 (49:37):
Captain save if he if he had the match and ships,
he already had his mind.

Speaker 6 (49:42):
He already knew something. You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (49:45):
It was she just she did.

Speaker 5 (49:47):
I ain't gonna lie bro know who she did something different,
she had to. She did something nobody else did. Twirled
the tongue or something.

Speaker 4 (49:55):
I don't know that one move on move.

Speaker 6 (49:59):
But whatever she did, he should have. He should have
capitalized in my in my old age, in retrospect.

Speaker 5 (50:08):
Looking back at all this ship, you should have capitalized
thof of it instead of being mad at her for
her nature.

Speaker 10 (50:15):
In fact, that's why I think that's another thing that
everybody get. No, I think that's another thing we all get.
That's what get us, I guess trickers out of our
spot in general and general population is we don't sel
we can't accept a true nature we have problems with it.

(50:38):
It is vice versa. But I'm saying we got it hard.
Men are way more emotional than women. I don't care
what nobody saying me and most men, I'll say I'll
say most. I mean like being way more emotional women. Bro,
how many how many deaths women?

Speaker 9 (50:55):
Don't you? You see way more depths over men killing
other men over me?

Speaker 6 (51:00):
Do you feel? But that's not emotion. That's that ain't emotion.

Speaker 4 (51:04):
That's ego. That's different. That's that's ego. That's pride.

Speaker 6 (51:07):
That ain't emotion.

Speaker 4 (51:08):
That's different.

Speaker 9 (51:08):
That's my pride.

Speaker 6 (51:10):
Pride, that's my pride is hurt. My my, my, my
ego hurt. You. I think that's everything though, that's everything
you want. I mean you, it's there's emotion and emotion.

Speaker 4 (51:21):
That's emotion that pushed you to do that.

Speaker 6 (51:24):
But I think that's more of a thing. Like my
pride is hurt, my ego is broken. You know what
I'm saying. He doesn't like you know, nigga, get no doubt.

Speaker 4 (51:32):
If a niggas sitting there crying while shooting for sucking
this girl, Naw, he ain't gonna hit nothing. I mean,
I don't see niggas.

Speaker 11 (51:41):
Now that in the movie, in the movie of what
exactly what you're talking about, exactly what you're talking about, nigga.

Speaker 10 (51:53):
Jakie promoter, he was a police crime and that the
nigga you know, try to But now you know, like
I'm saying, that's crazy, you know, Like, but I understand
when you said it like that.

Speaker 5 (52:07):
You gotta understand. Yeah, you gotta do. You gotta deal
with people for who they are and you gotta accept that.
That's a big thing with relationships. You gotta you get
in a relationship with a person. People get in relationships.
They don't gonna change this. I'm gonna change that, man.
You gotta deal with the person. You gotta find a
person that you're willing to deal with this ship.

Speaker 4 (52:24):
And I'm gonna tell you nothing since you said that,
right because my lady and you know, I gotta give
a lot of respect to her, man, because she's helped
me grow in a lot of areas, a lot of
areas that I thought I had figured out and I
was doing some man ship about it. I really wasn't
until she showed me like, nah, that's not what you do,
That's not how you treat people. That's not you know

(52:46):
what I'm saying. And to be completely transparent, it took
it took me the fuck up a couple of times, man,
to you realize what she was saying. You know what
I'm saying, because like she's put up, She's put up
with shit for me, Bro. I haven't done no real bad,

(53:08):
like outlandish, you know, just typical man shit, you know
what I mean. But she's had a lot of grace
with me, Bro and showed me what really loving somebody
for real is, unconditionally showing me, like what having a

(53:33):
a a helpmate and not a help weight is. That's
something my cousin used to always say, make sure you
get you a helpmate, not a help weaight. And I
didn't understand what he meant until four years ago, you
know what I mean. God bless the dead Kenny. But yeah, man,
and and and it's just like certain shit I would do,

(53:58):
like even even something as simple like I might forget
to like I know, I know right now she kind
of and her feelings about it because I didn't go
wash her car, right, But in my defense, I meant
to do it. I got notes where I meant to
do it. This weekend. It's in my notes to watch

(54:18):
both of our cars this weekend. Yesterday I had to watch.
I watched my car.

Speaker 6 (54:21):
Well.

Speaker 4 (54:21):
I want to go wash my car yesterday, but I
couldn't because of something with the machine, so I just
vacuumed it out and just wiped it down with a rag.
But I had it in my notes to do hers today.
We slept in all day until eleven something, you know
what I'm saying. So by the time I got up
with it, by the time we got up, she had
to start getting ready because she had a birthday party

(54:42):
to go do, et cetera, et cetera. Long story short,
she ended up taking the car to the car wash herself.
And I know from she feels some type of way
about it, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (54:52):
But that's not It wasn't intentional, right, you know what
I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (54:56):
It wasn't intentional, you know what I'm saying. But something something,
certain things, even as small as we may see that,
it's not small to her. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
So she gets emotional about stuff like that, and whereas
we'll blow it off like yeah, that's one thing, I'll
do it later I'll do it. I just didn't you know.

(55:18):
But yeah, so I think women being more women are.
Women are more emotionally intelligent and more emotional than men are.
I agree.

Speaker 9 (55:28):
Well, yeah, that's I definitely agree because scientifically proven. Right now, Yeah,
I definitely agree.

Speaker 10 (55:34):
Because on a story tip, if I may, he ain't
when it comes when we're talking about grace and we're
talking about like a uh stand tall behind you on
the side.

Speaker 4 (55:48):
Of you like what he said.

Speaker 9 (55:50):
I like what he said. A helpmate not a help.
Wait when I tell you shout out to my wife
is will because with.

Speaker 6 (55:59):
Our higher it be a lost be a lost cause.

Speaker 9 (56:04):
Boy, because from this.

Speaker 6 (56:10):
Look look what he's saying on the wood. If the
owls can talk that, they would.

Speaker 10 (56:16):
Say kid no for real though, because I'm gonna tell
you when it when we're on the topic of the
main topic of person like radical responsibility, like taking responsibility,
accountability is to blame, like when I tell you for
me personally, like he said, I should probably been what
you would like for real, like as a man, I

(56:41):
have to rebuild myself for not just me, but for
my wife, my family, as a man that has stepped
out and cheated and and went through a whole nother
situation the process and rebuilding because you gotta you gotta
rebuild you, you gotta rebuild.

Speaker 9 (57:04):
Her from top to bottom. As far as.

Speaker 4 (57:08):
That's that's the end all b R. Right there. See,
that's why I was even telling you what I was
telling you before when you and I had a conversation,
because I went through that. And and even even even now, Bro,
I believe I still go through it because I messed
up with my chick before more than once, more than twice.
But she's had she's had enough, She's had enough grace

(57:28):
with me and enough love for me to stick with
me and work through that even when she didn't have to,
you know what I'm saying. So so for for for
for those type of situations, like I said that, the
things that she's shown me and has taught me, even
even some ship like I said, even with the car situation,
even not even like I got notes to do it right,

(57:52):
I just didn't get around to doing it right, you
know what I'm saying. But even with that, those are
situations that agitate her or frustrator but I believe that
she know, Okay, he kind of absent minded or whatever
case may be, he's not doing it on purpose. I
would hope that you know what I'm saying. But she's
had enough grace with me through my major fuck ups

(58:16):
where I know it's it's more than just whatever we
may think. It may be like, you don't need me,
right right? You love me, you need me because you
love me, but you don't need me. Yeah, yeah, you
know what I mean. So I have to learn. I've

(58:37):
had to learn a lot of shit in the last
four years dealing with her, because relationship wise, I thought
I had it. A lot of men thought we had
it figured out. Facts take a couple of days by
a couple of gives do this, do that? I didn't know.
I didn't know what the fuck reassurance was. I didn't Yeah,

(58:58):
I never had to give reassurance to anybody, so I
never knew what that was to give to her. And
so by the time then when she brings it up
and I'm not giving her that reassurance that she needs,
I'm lost because I don't even know what you're talking about. Yeah,
but she had to break it down to me more
than once about what that actually is and what that means.

(59:20):
And as a man, if you love somebody and you
know you want this relationship to work. You gotta swallow
that ship, no matter how sour it may taste, of
how bad it may feel. Told me that not care
told him that because because I've learned it and went
through it. Bro I've learned it and went through it,
So you have to learn how to You got to

(59:42):
learn how to take it and not feel some type
of way about it.

Speaker 6 (59:45):
Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 4 (59:47):
And I like even even like if we get into
arguments of disagreements Islamically, there's a thing where I have
to wait three days before I even bring that conversation
up to you. She does not agree with that at all,
because is don't let too much time linger because then
that you know, that causes another issue. So I still
I have to learn how to address a situation if

(01:00:10):
it's bad or you know, don't want us to go
to bed mad or wake up with it the next morning.
I have to learn how to address those situations and
give her reassurance if that's what's needed, or come to
a resolution or something like that, because it messes up
the environment, that the atmosphere in the house, especially.

Speaker 9 (01:00:28):
When it's not the normal, when it's not the normal.

Speaker 4 (01:00:31):
I love playing in, being goofy with my check bro.
I love this shit. It's straight up.

Speaker 10 (01:00:35):
I'm starting to get to that point because like in
this and he can attest to all this from I
want to say, what was it like September of last year.

Speaker 9 (01:00:48):
Where all this ship keeps September of last year.

Speaker 10 (01:00:53):
It took all the way probably until like consistently the
last three weeks for it for the shift change for
me and my wife to happen. Because it's always good energy,
but it's the my fuck ups and all the bullshit
that I didn't accumulated before. I had to be like,

(01:01:14):
look all right, Nicky, need to get your ship together,
because yeah, like I got one of the ones. Like
it's very few people that got one of the ones.
Like it's not that many women left in this especially
in this city.

Speaker 6 (01:01:30):
NA. And I think I think overall, like I feel
like the pickings is super slim. I would hate to
be a young man. And I mean I don't and
if I if I was.

Speaker 5 (01:01:41):
To lose my wife or we'll go our separate ways
or whatever would happen tomorrow. If I be outside I am,
I'm gonna be doing exactly what I'm doing, but I'm
gonna be full blown pimping with it.

Speaker 6 (01:01:55):
I'm not settling down. It's nothing happening.

Speaker 4 (01:01:58):
You'd be outside.

Speaker 9 (01:02:00):
I've been done.

Speaker 4 (01:02:01):
I'm done. I'm glad because but.

Speaker 9 (01:02:05):
I ain't wearing aboudy because I ain't going to.

Speaker 6 (01:02:08):
It's just too much. It's too much, way too much.

Speaker 4 (01:02:11):
I'm glad I don't have to. I'm glad I don't
have to live in that space.

Speaker 6 (01:02:16):
I don't.

Speaker 5 (01:02:16):
I don't live in that space, you know, Like I
feel like I don't want to live in it, and
I don't want to, you know, Like before my wife
came along, my life was moving pretty fast.

Speaker 6 (01:02:29):
Like I didn't care.

Speaker 5 (01:02:30):
I did not care if I didn't care if I died.
I didn't care my life. I mean, I was doing
you know stuff and you know, working and a lot
of things like that. As far as I was very
lucrative at the time, I just say that between making
music and just hustling, I was lucrative.

Speaker 4 (01:02:50):
I believe if I didn't have my kids, I would
if I didn't, I don't know, I don't even. I
don't know, I can't even. I don't know. I don't
think I would be.

Speaker 5 (01:03:01):
She wouldn't have came along. I would have probably been
out of here about now, like my children.

Speaker 4 (01:03:07):
My children would be will probably you know, keep me
calm and I'm too old for the bullshit. But relationship wise,
I don't think i'd be where I'm at.

Speaker 6 (01:03:18):
Yeah, yeah, I definitely And I.

Speaker 4 (01:03:21):
Still got I still got the ways to go, I
still got some stuff to learn, because again this is
my I've been in committed relationships, but I don't think
none of them were real committed relationships. Again, bro, I
don't think none of them were real, you know what

(01:03:41):
I mean? Whereas this is like I'm forced to take accountability.
I'm forced to look at things from a different perspective.
Not forced, I want to say forced I've grown into
because she doesn't force me to do anything. I've grown

(01:04:03):
into these behaviors and still got some growing to do
in these behaviors. Right, but I'm way better, I believe,
than I was beforefore. Right now, I can feel that,
and that's totally due to me wanting to put in
the work. Yeah, because I love her, But it's also

(01:04:23):
her showing me what that is, right. I didn't have
that before. Before it was just you know, make money.
We go out and do what that bro my I was.
Let me tell you this, I was married, nobody knew
who she was. M can tell you what she looked like.

(01:04:46):
Only two people could tell you who she was. That
was Maids and Archie and Zeus three. Nobody else can
tell you who she was.

Speaker 6 (01:04:54):
Stress Now, why just because you ain't want nobody to know?

Speaker 4 (01:04:59):
Now? Wasn't that I didn't want anybody to know. It
just wasn't that type of relationship. It was no fun
for real. There was no spontaneity. There was no ups
and downs, good and bad moments. But it was more.
It wasn't even the good that I wouldn't say bad either,

(01:05:20):
but I don't know what to call it. It just
wasn't that vibrant type of relationship I have. And now
you know what I'm saying. Like me and my lady,
we travel everywhere together, we go out, we go out
to eat, like we've literally dated, if not once a week,

(01:05:42):
couple times a month for the last four years we've
been together. Didn't do that when I was married, right
right at all? You know what I mean? All other
relationships prior to that didn't do none of that. So

(01:06:03):
I truly believe that it's the person you're gonna do,
which you there's a person for everybody. And it was
crazy because we was joking this morning and she was like,
she said something along the lines of, you know, she
always tells me you're my favorite song. She always tell

(01:06:25):
me that, and I tell her you my favorite strain
of weed. I get how off you every day. So
but she said this morning like, you know, something a
long the lines of, but I just said, again, you're
my favorite person, You're for me, et cetera, et cetera.
So I made a joke like, you know, yeah, where
the hell was your ass at? Not much stuff I

(01:06:47):
didn't been through you could have saved me from if
you know what I mean. It took you so damn long, right,
you know what I'm saying. But it's fucked up that
you have to go through certain people in life to
even get to the one that you feel like this
is fit. And then for men, sometimes we be so
caught up in the shit that we've done with previous

(01:07:09):
people that when we get that one, we're still caught
up on the shit that we did with those previous people,
or the behaviors or attitudes that we had with those
previous people, and we display that in the new relationship, right,
the new great good kids. You know, you know the
feeling from when if you're used to this and then

(01:07:32):
you try this, not because it's new and it feels good,
but it feels right. So it's like, and I don't
want to put this in the context of cheating, but
I'm just using this metaphorically. You've been with You've been
getting the same treatment from this person for the longest.

(01:07:54):
Don't feel right, you don't feel good at all. Then
you can meet that one. It feels right, it feels good,
your enjoy everything about it. But then you still gotta

(01:08:15):
go back and deal with what over here with don't
feel right, because you're still locked in over here to
what don't feel right or don't feel good at all.
So now you know what you want and what you're missing,
not because it's something new, but because it feels right, right,
see what you've been missing. You know, what I'm saying

(01:08:36):
makes sense, makes a lot of sense. So it's not
it's not a cheating thing. Because for me, I'm to
be honest, I didn't want this situation no more, no way,
And I've expressed that I don't want to do this
no more. I can't do this no more. Was it

(01:08:56):
cheating technically, yeah, because I'm still married right right right?
But emotionally and mentally out and checked out of that
shit a minute.

Speaker 6 (01:09:07):
Of detected right, yeah, the connection be gone?

Speaker 4 (01:09:12):
Yeah, things like that, and then but then you know,
it's like, but then you get blamed for doing what
you what you feel is right for your life.

Speaker 6 (01:09:23):
Yeah, but was there Like I think the.

Speaker 5 (01:09:29):
The blame comes into play a lot of the times
when a conversation wasn't had you know what I'm saying,
Like you never say, well, maybe you do, but it's
just like they're not getting it, they're not receiving I
can't do this with you no more.

Speaker 6 (01:09:46):
I can't you know, I don't want to do this
no more. I want to you know.

Speaker 5 (01:09:50):
So it just comes down to it becomes cheating if
you don't just leave them, you know what I mean,
When you just leave them.

Speaker 6 (01:09:58):
Flat out, then now you've you can do whatever you want.

Speaker 4 (01:10:01):
Oh we're still cheating.

Speaker 6 (01:10:02):
Well, and.

Speaker 7 (01:10:04):
It's still it's still even if you even if you
did it that way, that's going to be her story. Yeah,
not for real, because that would be him or her
story for either way go man or woman, that's going
to be their story.

Speaker 5 (01:10:17):
It's girls who I've dealt with who I was not
their boyfriend, but in their mind I was, so you know,
and I'm telling them about the other girls that I
talked to and because then I'm not their boyfriend, but
in their mind I am.

Speaker 6 (01:10:35):
So yeah, I get that what you're saying.

Speaker 9 (01:10:37):
You know, I got a question for you, gentlemen.

Speaker 10 (01:10:40):
So with you going along back to what you were
saying when you were just speaking and when you were
talking about the joke you cracked with you know what
I'm saying with your wife.

Speaker 4 (01:10:50):
And you was like, you know what took you so long?

Speaker 9 (01:10:52):
Why are you saying me?

Speaker 4 (01:10:53):
And you was like, it's a shame.

Speaker 10 (01:10:55):
You gotta go through all these different people to find
their one. Have y'all able thought? And I'm asking y'all
because I love the shit.

Speaker 9 (01:11:04):
Out of my wife. Couldn't see me without my wife,
and I know you gentlemen feel the same about you.
When if I got a doubt anybody else, I ain't
gota doubt y'all.

Speaker 10 (01:11:14):
How y'all ever, just thought though, just on some weird shit,
like out of all these people that you had to
go through to get to your one?

Speaker 9 (01:11:21):
Just how y'all ever thought? Just it just took one
wrong move for you not to make it to your one.

Speaker 10 (01:11:28):
Like you do a lot of shit in our day
to day. It's a lot of shit that goes on.
There's been a lot of people that you come across.

Speaker 4 (01:11:37):
I don't believe in. I don't believe it.

Speaker 9 (01:11:38):
You ain't never thought about that.

Speaker 4 (01:11:39):
I don't believe in wrong moves like that.

Speaker 5 (01:11:42):
Yeah, I feel like I feel like the moves that's
lead that led up to this was all necessary for
me to be able to, you know, be who I
am when I come across the person that I need
to be with or whatever. But more than anything, like
I don't really look back, damn all these people I.

Speaker 6 (01:12:01):
Had to go through.

Speaker 5 (01:12:02):
I mean, I felt what he said before, like, damn,
why what took you so long to get here?

Speaker 6 (01:12:07):
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (01:12:08):
I feel that.

Speaker 5 (01:12:09):
But more than anything, my feel, my feeling is is
I shouldn't have been focused on these bitches. I should
have been focused on getting his money right. I should
have been focused on having the careers.

Speaker 6 (01:12:23):
A thing.

Speaker 4 (01:12:23):
There's a thing in Islam called called a qa d
are called up and that is the law of decree.
So meaning everything that's happening to you and for you
and your life is already written from the day you
were birth to the day that you expire. So everything
that's going to happen, You got a plan on what

(01:12:45):
you want to do in five minutes from now. God
got a totally different plan for what's going to happen
in five minutes from now, totally different. So I don't
believe in those mistakes there are what's happening in my
life is supposed to happen. Now. I can do thing
to affect certain outcomes of my life, maybe, but what's
going to happen for me, God already got written for

(01:13:07):
me to happen the way it's supposed to happen.

Speaker 5 (01:13:09):
Yeah, That's why I feel like when people bring up
that we're living in the simulation thing, I say, no
the fuck we're not, because I played enough simulations to
know we're not living in a simulation. Because if we
lived in a simulation, there would be somebody by now
who could tell us step by step how to get
through this system in this game of the simulation that

(01:13:32):
we're living in, and there's not one fucking person.

Speaker 6 (01:13:35):
They could tell you that.

Speaker 5 (01:13:36):
They can tell you how they did it, but they
can't tell you really how it happened, right, They can
just tell you how they did it.

Speaker 4 (01:13:44):
And that might not make sense to.

Speaker 6 (01:13:45):
A lot of people, but that's just what it is.

Speaker 5 (01:13:48):
And that goes for successful musicians, athletes, streamers, any entertainer, anybody.
In my opinion, there is no blueprint or role to success,
No fucking blueprint for Elon Musk. Besides motherfucker who got
just a whole bunch of money put down toward you know,
Bill Gates, wasn't no blueprint.

Speaker 6 (01:14:09):
He just got some money and stole the Nigga program
and then the rest is history, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 4 (01:14:17):
So and the rest is history.

Speaker 6 (01:14:19):
You feel me?

Speaker 4 (01:14:20):
All right, y'all, that's our time for this evening. We
appreciate everybody who tuned in again another great show. I
appreciate my co host Ali Versus for coming through. I
appreciate all Little bro our second co host, Chez Royal
Hoods over coming through. Appreciate all you guys online for
chiming in and checking in. That is our show, Beyond

(01:14:42):
the Beer. We will be back next week on the
twenty fifth. The show next week on the twenty fifth,
I'm really looking forward to. I got a guest coming
in for that show who's going to have a story
just to share with the listeners as well as well
as my own personal story and being real transparent about
some things with my father. That's what it's. That's what
the show is about, you know, sons and fathers. So

(01:15:06):
that show I really believe is gonna be a real good,
deep one. Yeah, So y'all really want to stay tuned
for that one because I got some things playing next
week for that guys, got any thing you want to
say before we get up? Otter Man, I see y'all
next week, Yes, sir.

Speaker 9 (01:15:23):
See y'all next week. Something come through.

Speaker 10 (01:15:25):
Appreciate y'all for having me. You know what it is, bro,
you know beyond the beard. I love the platform. Dig
what y'all doing, so appreciate it. Appreciated.

Speaker 4 (01:15:36):
Today's episode is sponsored by Soul Expression Socks. Soul Expression
Socks Expression Soul through Us. Anything that you have for
your personalization needs for sneakers, socks, shirts, hoodies, whatever it
may be, you can hit me up at Soul Expressions
on Instagram, Facebook, The website will be up by next week.
I promise y'all. I'm slacking some things, but I got

(01:15:58):
some financial stuff if I gotta get out the way,
but I'm going to get that done. I'll promise you
that way. You know, you're gonna be able to order
online and see things that we got going on and
some of the styles and prints that we are able
to provide you with. And that is our time, guys,
it is beyond the Beard. We will see you guys
next week. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah

Speaker 2 (01:16:31):
Heah as sat your guys down.