June 12, 2025 • 37 mins
This week on Black on Black Cinema, the crew returns to announce the next film to be reviewed, "Hard Truths." Set in London, the 2024 film follows the plight of a depressed and nay-saying woman (Marianne Jean-Baptiste) and the relationship with her jovial sister Chantelle (Michele Austin). The random topic of the week is all about June, not only is it Pride Month, but its also Men's Mental Health Month. The guys discuss why dealing with aspect of men's mental health needs to far exceed just the sort of buzzword friendly way mental health is handled especially when it comes to men. What does it mean to be a men, who is effected by these definitions, and more.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I have no idea lesson about the villain too right now,
gon find the last down, BEFO, I make change. Okay,
let's wrap the chase on it.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
You know.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Hello, Welcome to a brand new preview episode for Black
and Black Cinema. I'm your host, Jay, I'm here with
my co host Michaeh.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hey.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
All right, guys, we are back, just the two of us. Look.
This is a preview for episode two eighty four, Hard Truths.
This is the twenty twenty four dark comedy psychological drama
starring Marion Jean Baptiste, Michelle Austen, and David Weber. The
log line here is ongoing exploration of the contemporary world
(00:52):
with a tragic comic study of human strength and weaknesses.
That doesn't tell you anything about this movie.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
It's plot. It's plot follows the plight of a depressed
and naysaying woman and the relationship with her jovial sister.
It's it's, it's it's very much a I haven't seen
it yet, but I saw the trailer. It looks interesting,
and it looks like a good old fashioned like these
are interesting characters talking about interesting things and and going
(01:24):
through the light the day in the life of a
shut in who was depressed.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Yeah, she clearly has a gooraphobia. So yeah, but this
looks very good. Look, if you don't know who mary
Anjean Baptista is, do yourself a favor. She's a phenomenal
actress actually, So yeah, going a little across the pond
here for a movie. So I'm looking forward to this.
You can watch this on Paramount I believe you were
telling me.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
And Paramount Plus and Hulu if you have, you know,
the Paramount plus extension or whatever.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Yeah, and then obviously you could probably rent it on
Amazon and that sort of thing. So check out Hard
Truth and we will get into that next week. Random
topic this week is look, it's June. Everybody knows what
month it is, right, I knows what the big thing
to celebrate for the month is and the answer is
Men's Mental Health Month. I know there are gonna be
(02:16):
people are gonna be like, but what about pride? That's wrong. No,
you can celebrate both things, uh, and you should.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
And then the other people are gonna be like, yeah, brother.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
We're not against that. That's dumb. Don't get a child,
but it is. We are two men of the uh.
The straight persuasion. So uh and we both also deal
with mental health issues because everybody does because we live
in or adjacent to America or any other fucking shit
that's going on. Uh So yeah, just about Look man,
(02:51):
you know, take care of yourself that sort of thing.
And if you're look, if you're mad that we're you know,
we are not talking about pride, which would be fucking
weird listening to this show. Just know that June is
also National Candy Month because it matters, and National Safety
Month and African American Music Appreciation Month, National Dairy Month,
which is important to someone, National Grade Outdoors Month, and
(03:14):
National ic Tea Month because national months are dumb they
make no sense at all. But we are going to
talk about men's mental health. Look, look, I have my
I have my bouts of sort of I wouldn't say
like full on depressive states, but I definitely have my
bouts of what I would call like mental disconnection from
(03:37):
others that happens from time to time, probably more often
than I would like. Look, I think taking care of
your mental health is incredibly important. It's it feels like
the term mental health or dealing with it has become
almost like a buzzword or buzz phrase. But I do
think people should take it seriously and you know whatever
that means to you. But therapy is a good one,
(04:00):
you know, just talking to someone is also if you
can't afford, therapy is also good because I don't think
men necessarily are very good at talking about certain things.
I think we're pretty bad about it. But yeah, what
are your thoughts specifically, what are your thoughts on National
Dairy Month?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Is why we're here. I you know, I do love
a bowl of cereal, And you know, I think mental
health is something that needs to be taken seriously. I
think that you know now that we have. Before we
didn't know what it was, and we didn't know what
to call it, right, you know, especially as men, right,
(04:41):
like as men. And I'll be honest, I still have
this in me. Right. You just got to put up
with it, right, You just got to suck it up, right,
and you can't. That's not healthy, That's not healthy. And
I well, I have never been to I've never been
to a one on one therapist in my previous relationship.
(05:05):
I went to see a therapist once at the at
the best of the woman that I was supposed to
marry at the time, and and I think that helped
her make her decision, which ultimately helped me in the end.
Uh So, therapy works.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
No one's biggest to therapy work.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I think that you know, if you don't have I
I'm not gonna say that therapy is bad. I I
I don't think it is, but I will say is
I understand if for whatever reason, you don't want to
(05:55):
or can't talk to a stranger, in which case I
would recommend that you have a very close friend. Look,
don't don't get don't get a big head about this. Okay,
(06:16):
I don't have I don't have too many friends. I
don't keep I don't keep a wide circle. Right. My wife,
she's a mover and a shaker, and she knows this person,
this person, this person, this person. She's got a lot
of acquaintances. I don't make friends easily. Okay, you can
(06:36):
count on one hand how many people I had that
I call actual friends. And you will have some leftover. Okay,
you have some fingers left over. Uh And and Jay
is at the top of that list. Right. So, whenever
I have something that I really feel like I gotta
get off my chest, I'll go to my friend. And
(07:00):
my friend is my friend because he will tell me
if I don't need to, if something that I don't
necessarily want to hear, but it'll tell it to me
in a way that is palatable. Right, Yeah, that's true,
that's true. Like and and that's what I mean by
a friend. Okay, Like you can't, you can't. And that's
(07:22):
what therapy does, right from what I understand, right that
therapists they are the objective person. Sometimes they'll give it
to you straight, you know, if they have good bedside manner,
they'll make it palatable, but they need to. They need
to tell you about who you are and what you're doing, right,
and if you can't, like if that's embarrassing, right, because
(07:44):
that's embarrassing for me because I'm a very private person
except when I get on a microphone for some reason.
But anyway, I say all this to say, if you
can't afford a therapist, I hope you have a friend.
And if you all you need is one. All you
(08:06):
need is one real like true blue friend and someone
you can be open and honest with. And it has
to go both ways. And that is what helps me
through whatever I'm going through, right, Like if I'm going
through some stuff that I can't talk to my wife about,
probably because it's a well her right, if I'm talking.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Look, I was close.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
But you know it's that all that is mental health, right.
Mental health, like you said, is a buzzword, but it's not.
It's not just like go to a shrink, sit on
the couch, right, It's not. It's not that, right. Mental
health is taking a day off if you need to
take if you if you can take a day off,
(09:00):
if you got the means to take a day off,
take a day off. Right. I don't get paid a
ton of money, but what I do get what part
of that is that they throw sick time at you, right,
Like you you got two hundred dollars a sick.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Time, use them till one hundred hours.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Yeah, bro, like to this office ever, right, I mean
that's kind of the mentality if you sick, stay your
ass at home, work from home. But if you if
you have that kind of setup, and I'm I realize
I'm fortunate to have that kind of setup, ye, but
I'm quick to take a sick day, right, or a
(09:38):
mental health day or whatever. I know people I know
like baby boomers and old gen xers think like, suck
it up, nigga, Like, nah, if I'm if I'm stressed out,
I'm gonna take a day. I'm gonna take I might
take too, just to like all of that is mental health, right,
getting finding something you like doing and then making it
(09:59):
a hot that's part of mental health. You don't need
to be we as men society society, in my opinion,
that's kind of put you know, the owners of men
to be you know, provide, provide, provide, right, And to
the point where it kind of backfired, right, because I
(10:23):
don't have a problem with a man wanting to feel
like he's got to provide, but because nobody wants to
do nothing, nigger in the house, nobody, Right, you gotta
do something?
Speaker 3 (10:34):
But could you could you could extend that to both sexes,
because I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Do nothing exactly, And that's my point, And that's that's
the point I'm getting to, Right, You don't you can't, yes, provide,
But at the same time, like you can't say that
I'm a provider and therefore I'm gonna subjugate you. Like
that's not cool, yo, Like that's that's all I fucking
(11:00):
toxic maschiolina. Shit comes from like you can't do that now. Look,
my wife makes about sixty thousand dollars more than me, right,
and but we can't live where we live without both
of us. Yeah, and it's not it's not, it's it's
it's a give and tape, right with with with relationships
(11:24):
and I and and we we each have the thing
that we do to kind of make us to center us. Right,
she's in the horticulture. She'll go out there. I don't
I don't get it, but she'll go out there and
she'll spend hours out there just trying to you know,
horticulture or whatever because it mellows her out and it
(11:46):
calms her down. I take pictures of toys like a
child because it mellows me out and calms me down.
And that's the thing that you gotta realize. Look, I'm rambling.
I'm rambling, but look.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
I mean, but I think those I think you're touching
on some good points here, Like you know, it's just
one of those things. Yeah, Look, you do have to
have some level of outlet. I mean, I don't mean
to bring this into like because I want to have
a general conversation, but this is gonna get like slightly more.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Specific, Like.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
I think there is so much damage that has been
done to men by men, right like, yea, you know
there there is. And I'm not gonna sorry, ladies, not
gonna let you off the hook either, right because there is.
But like, ultimately, guys have done these horrendous things to men.
Rich is like, here is this tiny little box that
(12:43):
is what it is to be a man. You shove
men into this little box and you push them out
into the world, and then when reality hits and you
cannot fit into that box for whatever reason, whether it
is you need to be a provider. And it's like,
all right, cool, but I don't have enough education because
you know my circumstances. I was, you know, poor and
(13:06):
couldn't afford to go to college, or or maybe I
just don't have the capacity to do those type of
jobs so I can't make a million dollars and stuff
like that. Those hurt men. But the people who created
that box were men, right like, and we don't have
this space to be whatever it is we should be
as human beings. Like there there's an interesting report right
(13:27):
like this the quote unquote like male loneliness epidemic. We're
both married, so we we got we got out of
the game, uh smartly before all this Shenanians us.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
No, but I'm just saying like that that was you
and your pathetic, sad life at the end of the day.
But apparently there's like millions of people like you, which is,
I can't imagine, my god, society, what we're gonna do.
So a lot of these dudes are complaining about that, right,
and look, that's fair, that's that's fair. But I think
(14:02):
a lot of that loneliness is because they don't have
the ability to be their true self or even know
what their true self is, because they're trying to fit
into the small box and then present that box to
women and Gou I was told that this is the
box that you prefer, and it's like, I don't want
that because that one is like cool, you like kill
(14:24):
yourself to be a provider, but you're emotionally dead and
you don't know how to like like be relaxed, and
you don't know how to stand with me as a
partner and stuff like that. And the guys are just
like okay, and the woman's like cool, go back and
break that box. And then come back to me as
you know, as a fully formed adult. But they don't
know how. And again that box has been made by men, right,
(14:48):
And when I say I don't let women off the hook,
because some women try to reinforce that box fucking search
on Instagram of all the like this is what a
man needs, the b type of shit, and it's like
you just just putting nails into the box so it
can't break even more, which is fucked right. So there's
this whole study about like very specifically, like the political
(15:10):
aspects of this, right, and just like how like conservative
men who can't date anymore because it's second they say
they're conservative. A lot of women are like, oh fuck yourself,
and they're so they don't put that they're conservative on
dating apps, which I just want to be humorous and
U and this they deserve this as far as I'm concerned,
But they don't put that they're conservative, right, they say, oh,
I'm non political, or they lie in to they're liberal
(15:32):
or whatever. And these women are like they've done interviews.
They're like, if you are conservative, why do you want
to date? Just go date conservative women and why are
you trying to date these liberal women, and the conservative
guys are like, well, and it's like amazing how they
don't get it. They're like, well, when you date these
(15:52):
conservative women, they want you to be a provider right away.
They want you to do all this other stuff. And
they're like, so you just missed the point. Then you
don't even like this, Like, but you've been so conditioned
to say that these things. And look, there's nothing wrong
with wanting to be a provider. I'm not saying that.
What I'm saying is that can't be the only thing
(16:15):
that defines you because when those things fall away, when
you lose your job or you try to change careers. Hello,
did that went from making a shit ton of money
to what it feels like being paid like a fucking intern?
D it crazy? But like my wife and I went
from being financially exactly the same to me making significantly less. Now,
(16:37):
if my wife was married to me based on the
idea of here are these outlined things that you have
to do, what happens to our marriage in a rough
patch like that?
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Right?
Speaker 3 (16:49):
But that's not why we got married. She knew that
I was changing careers. We had the conversation together, right,
So in the if the roles were reversed, it wouldn't
be any different. So so for me, we as men
have got to break these shackles of what other men
have done to us, Right, Yeah, I think it just
(17:10):
is so harmful. It's so fucking harmful, dude. If you
just let go a lot of that shit and think about, like,
what do you want for your life? I'm gonna tell you,
i'letna put you on some fucking game, you know what. Like, look,
stop watching fucking Instagram and thing and that's what like
normal women think. Okay, they don't like all of this curated,
(17:30):
balloon popping bullshit that you see. This is not real life, Like,
this is not this is not real life.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Right.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
How I know is because people get together all the time. Okay,
it's not real life. But if you could just take
your time, if you're in that shit and just be like,
what do I want for myself? Stop thinking about it
in the context of others, What do I want for myself?
Pursue that what makes you happy then, because I'm gonna
put you on. When a woman sees that a man
(17:57):
is happy with who he is, that is what's attractive,
not the fake shit. You can't keep up that fake
bullshit forever you have a fucking heart attack at twenty five,
be yourself, learn to be comfortable in yourself. And look,
when you're married and you're living your life. There's other
aspects of mental health, which we'll talk about, right, which
is why you have to address it for yourself, for
(18:18):
your wife, for your kids, for your husband, depend you know,
it's Pride month. Whatever you have to you have to provide,
you have, you have to provide a stable person yourself
for others. That to me is what a provider is,
not just monetarily, but I think we get so wrapped
up in like how much cash you got in your
bank account. That shit's crazy, man. Like you know, as
(18:40):
I heard someone say, which I thought was really funny
and I'll stop here, they said, if black people only
gave a fuck about finding partner, if like black women
only needed dudes who were rich, Because that's like the
new narrative now speaking about documunity very specifically, if that
were true, you wouldn't be fucking born like we've all
been broke for for generations. So this idea that you
(19:03):
have to have this is a lot. That's a lot
and onct.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Yeah, it's you know, my dad, Uh, I lost my
job a couple of months before I was supposed to
get married and my dad. I love my dad, but
my dad was like, so, uh you still having a wedding,
Like yeah, yo, Like like like right, but it's it's
(19:34):
but it's that mentality, right, like, well you don't you
don't have a job, so you might not you know,
be able to provide and that, and you know, like yeah, no,
we're gonna we're gonna do it, right, Like she's not
leaving me. We're not that postponing the wedding, right like,
we're we're gonna do it because I'm gonna be able
to bounce back. And relationships, well, I guess we not
(19:58):
necessarily relationships. This is about mental health. Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know what to tell you. Like you're always
gonna you're always going to just by existing, right, especially
as a black person in this country, especially right now
(20:19):
you are. That's that's just like an added layer of stress,
right exact. So it's imperative for your Yeah, there's a
reason why our elders you know, died of die of
heart attack and hypertension and all high blood pressure and
all that shit. It's because like it's hard being black,
(20:39):
it's hard being any minority, right, but you know, I'm
I'm I'm black, so I can only speak on that.
And there's a certain level of BS that you just
got to put up with and or you'll go crazy.
And in order to not go crazy, you gotta find
(21:01):
an outlet, like you said, right, Like you got to
release the pressure. It's very important, man, because I you know,
I don't want to see anybody die, you know what
I mean, especially you people. You people are nice, yeah,
most of you.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
I see your comments.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Yeah, but it's different challenges and you know, different seasons
of your life bring different challenges.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
And that's a good way of saying that.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yeah, and you you just have to you just have
to adapt, and that's and that's what we do. Yeah, yeah,
you have to.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
I mean, I just I don't want to see it.
And sadly I am saying it like a generation of
young men who I think know the words, right, which
I is is a good thing, right, Like they can
sort of pantomime the words in the in the phrases
of like dealing with mental health. But I think it's
(22:01):
still really hard. I think it's really scary for guys
to just be like, what what's the what's the the
bill bird joke? He was like why, I was like,
how are you? Was like, I'm sad, and she's like yo, whoa,
whoa what what the fuck? Like she didn't know what
to do right, and it's just like, yeah, I'm just sad.
Like men don't sation like that. They don't, and other
(22:22):
men will tell you like yeah, Like like I was saying,
just just beare down and just deal with it. But
that's that's not good man, it's not and.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
That doesn't make you, that doesn't make you more of
a man. Like that's the mentality that dudes have, right, like,
especially if we're hearing it from you know, our eldest, right,
But it's that it's that thing that you and I
talk about offline a lot where it's like, well I
had to go through it, so you got to go
through it. No, that's that's literally not how evolution works.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
You're supposed to hard soft times makes shut up, shut up,
shut the fuck up, because I'm not getting it.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
You know, Jonah's didn't get his head bashed into the
ground so that I could do it, Like, yeah, not progressed.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
Like, okay, what a weird transition, but like, yes, you're correct,
and literally jay Z told you this hove with you that,
so you don't have to go through that, right, Like
these are lyrics in a rap song and it seems
very silly, but that's the point, is that you're supposed
to want to take on shit so that your kid
behind you doesn't have to take on that. It doesn't
(23:35):
make you more of a man to just want to
also be miserable. That's terrible. What the fuck who taught
you that? Like that's that is a terrible way. Oh,
you gotta make sure your kids are tough. Your kids
can be tough in other ways. You can make them
mentally resilient. You can make them compassionate people. You don't
need to make hard, brutal, socially dead human beings because
(23:57):
like that's the way dad did it. Like, okay, that
used to beat your mom with a mop handle. That
doesn't mean you keep doing it. That's dumb. We gotta
be better than that. And like there is a level
of difficulty in life. Like you said, no matter who
(24:18):
you are, right, unless you were born on fucking third
base and you thought you hit a triple type of shit.
You like, there are just parts of life that are
going to be, you know, steeped in adversity. It just
it is what it is. But you don't have to
try to like, I'm gonna make sure my kids got
it hard. Oh yeah, we have a car, but you
gotta walk six miles of school.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Why?
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Like why that's there are other things. There are other things,
especially to young boys. There are other things that you
can teach them.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Right.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
Look, I want men to get it together, not just
because I am a man and because I live in
the world, but I got a daughter and I don't
want her growing up in a time of a bunch
of you hard men, hard times hit.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
I don't want that.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
Right, Like, this is not building what it is to
be a man. What it means to be a man
is the answer is It's complex. Anybody who tells you
this is the answer is incorrect. You are taking a
very complex thing about who a human is in the
human experience and then trying to put it in a
(25:24):
box that doesn't work. Be a good person, be you know,
you know, do what you can to help people, right,
be kind, and try to make the world better than
when you where you found it. That's the beginnings of
what it is to be a man. But I would
(25:45):
argue those are the beginnings of being a good person period.
So like, to me, we do such damage trying to
fit it into a thing that can be you know,
set on a podcast so that it can go out
to millions of people. I mean, that's just not how
(26:07):
the world works. And you know, I'd be happy to talk.
I would love to talk to a lot of these
guys who sort of put masculinity in a box. It's like,
all right, cool, masculinity is having big muscles, all right, Cool,
what happens when you get old? What happens? What happens
is your masculinity when you base it like that doesn't
make any sense. Like masculinity is protecting, protecting others, all right,
(26:31):
Like that guy's bigger than you and kick the shit
out of you. Now what, you're not a man anymore, right,
Masculinity is is you know, standing in front of a
woman and opening the door and making her walk through
behind you or whatever. Okay, seems weird. It seems weird
that you base it on these like weird arbitrary things
(26:53):
like that's not to me what it is to be
a man. But again I cannot tell you what it
is to be a man in some definitive way because
life is complex. You know what it is to be
a good person? Do that? That's it, that's it.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Yeah, Look, you can start.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
The road to being a good man.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Yeah, yeah, just be good people. I think is is
is the the the best way to sum that up.
And you know what being a good person is you
you know right? Right? You know, I think the goal
in for every every man. I Look, I do believe
(27:36):
in the idea of men should be protectors. You should try. Right,
if something's happening to somebody and you've got the means
to do it, and you got you got the you
got the means to do it, you should you should help. Right,
with great power, there must also come great responsibility. A
(28:00):
captain America's shield back then.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
A giant glasshouse.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Okay, but but you, but you have to take care
of yourself. Also. Look, my wife, my wife, she will,
she will. She we love our kids and she will
do everything for them and and to the detriment of herself. Uh.
(28:28):
Sometimes and I have to keep reminding her that when
you're in an airplane exactly. You can put your mask
on first and then you help people, right, it's not
that is not selfish, it's not as a man. As
a man, your mental health should take priority. You gotta
(28:49):
work on yourself. If if you're trying to attract somebody,
if you're broken, other people will see it. So you
gotta you gotta put your own mask on first, and
then you can go out and you know, try to
do what you want to do. But you got to
be whole. You got to be whole. And I remember
(29:10):
when I told my wife, I believe I gave my
proposal story on here many many many years ago. I'm
only reminded of it because it's like the anniversary of
it right this month. And I told her when I
first met her that I was a broken man. And
(29:34):
because I was, and and I was able to put
myself back together, right, But she is the glue that
keeps me together. And and you got to be able
to put yourself back together. And if you could put
yourself back together, if you're trying to find somebody, that
person will keep you together. But they're not going. But
(29:56):
nobody wants to. When nobody wants to put nobody wants
to clean up somebody else's mess. Yeah, yeah, you can't.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
You can't come into a relationship on some humpty dumpty
shit like off the wall what I like.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
No, that's like clean this up woman like nah, no, no, no,
you clean up your own mess, and then y'all can
make messages together. And when y'all make message together, y'all
can clean them up together. And you gotta work on
yourself first, put your mask on first, and then you
can go out. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
No, I one hundred percent agree with that. It's it
is we We often are so charged with the idea
of like I gotta take that hill, you know, you know,
and protect everybody. It's like, bro, you got shot at
the bottom of hill, wrap your leg up first, like
before you before you go to protect. You gotta make
sure that you come into that relationship, whatever relationship, by
(30:48):
the way, not just even romantic, whatever those relationships are,
even with other friends. Right, you got to come in
in a position of self worth, self honor, right, you know,
having confidence in yourself, not arrogance. Confidence confidence not arrogance,
(31:09):
because there is a distinction, there's a very large distinction.
And when you are more put together, right, because you know,
as you Christians say, God's working on all of us.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
You guys believe that.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
But you know, when you come in as fully formed
as it is possible at that moment for you, you show
up for people in a different way you do. You
cannot show up for them truly, whether that's your family,
whether it's you know, romantic partners or children or whatever,
you cannot show up to them unless you are in
some level of progress, right, because you're always moving towards
(31:50):
the sort of idea of you, right. I mean, I've
learned a lot about myself in the last two years,
significantly about myself and like how I see the world,
which I thought would be which which in hindsight feels
weird at forty at the time I was forty three,
but at forty five it's like, no, I do. I like,
(32:15):
I quite literally see the world in vary not fundamentally
different ways, but I see myself in some fundamentally different ways.
So it's that comes from talking to people, That comes
from you know, age and being more open minded about
certain things.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
Yeah, there's a quote that is usually attributed to Muhammad Ali.
If it's not, I apologize, but it's something to the
effect of if a man has the same if a
man at fifty has the same mentality as he did
at twenty, he's wasted thirty years of his life. Yeah yeah,
(32:52):
and that's and that stuff like that comes with you know,
experience and talking to people and and and yeah, man, like, anyway, look,
work on yourself if you take this, if you if
you are serious about Men's Mental Health Month and are
not using it as a weapon to try and shut
(33:14):
down gay people for some reason. If you're serious about it,
then I really would like you all to just say, hey,
how you doing, like calls your call your friend, uh
and ask him how he's doing. Be genuine with it, right, Like,
if we all can, if we all can play around
(33:37):
with that, with that little meme or game where where
dudes were calling each other and telling them good night
and sweet dreams, right like, that's fun that's funny, but
it's funny.
Speaker 3 (33:49):
Right, we can do We can do this right on
a serious man.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
On a serious note, and then you could tell them
sweet dreams.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
Yes here, male homophobia is weird, giant children, dude, it's
so stupid. But that's but that's all. It's all very true,
and we just we got to do better for ourselves,
(34:18):
so you can do better by society, Like you just can't.
Look man, men who are allowed to be who they
truly want to be, whatever that looks like for them,
and not from a perspective of using that as like
a weird like well, I'm just an oppressive piece of shit,
like that's not that's not what we mean. But a
(34:41):
person who is truly enlightened about who they are and
trying to make the world a better place and not
to subjugate others or to stand above others and things
like that. When men show up in those ways, things
change in significant ways, right, Like women have been largely
all this path of like oh, we gotta work on
(35:02):
this mental health shit. They've been on this path.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
You know.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
Again, the path is not done, but they've been on it.
Really kind of in our generation, right, we're both in
our mid forties. That's where it's kind of starting to move, right, Like,
I know a lot of contemporaries who are just like, yeah, no, obviously.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
I'm in therapy.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
That's insane. Why would you not be look at all
this trauma you've brought, right, So I feel like it
just started in our generation. Maybe slightly before that, but
it is it is our job to sort of normalize
that because young men coming up behind us, the better
we show them that these things are normalized and it's okay.
(35:40):
Then they figure out, oh, this is what it is
to try to be a fully realized person. I'm not
gonna say to be a man, but to be a
fully realized person, whatever it is for them. And look,
and I say this to men as well as women
of all ages. Stop trying to put men in a box.
It doesn't help them. It doesn't help you. Like it
(36:03):
just doesn't. If you're trying to put your son in
a box, or your nephew in a box, or yourself
in a box, or your husband in a box, you
are hurting them and you are also hurting yourself. You
are so just yeah, you know, for some people, this
month is about coming out of the closet. For men
is breaking out of a box. And for and for
(36:24):
the dairy people, I guess it's a cardon. I don't
know the national months or dub but look, let's end
it there. We just wanted to do a quick PREVIEUW episode.
We will be back next week for the movie Hard Truths.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Again.
Speaker 3 (36:37):
You can watch this on Paramount and you can also
rent it on like Amazon Prime and all that other stuff,
So check that out and we will see you guys
next week.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
See you bye yeah yeah out
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Dep
I have no idea lesson about the villain too right now,
gon find the last down, BEFO, I make change. Okay,
let's wrap the chase on it.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
You know.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Hello, Welcome to a brand new preview episode for Black
and Black Cinema. I'm your host, Jay, I'm here with
my co host Michaeh.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Hey.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
All right, guys, we are back, just the two of us. Look.
This is a preview for episode two eighty four, Hard Truths.
This is the twenty twenty four dark comedy psychological drama
starring Marion Jean Baptiste, Michelle Austen, and David Weber. The
log line here is ongoing exploration of the contemporary world
(00:52):
with a tragic comic study of human strength and weaknesses.
That doesn't tell you anything about this movie.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
It's plot. It's plot follows the plight of a depressed
and naysaying woman and the relationship with her jovial sister.
It's it's, it's it's very much a I haven't seen
it yet, but I saw the trailer. It looks interesting,
and it looks like a good old fashioned like these
are interesting characters talking about interesting things and and going
(01:24):
through the light the day in the life of a
shut in who was depressed.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Yeah, she clearly has a gooraphobia. So yeah, but this
looks very good. Look, if you don't know who mary
Anjean Baptista is, do yourself a favor. She's a phenomenal
actress actually, So yeah, going a little across the pond
here for a movie. So I'm looking forward to this.
You can watch this on Paramount I believe you were
telling me.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
And Paramount Plus and Hulu if you have, you know,
the Paramount plus extension or whatever.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Yeah, and then obviously you could probably rent it on
Amazon and that sort of thing. So check out Hard
Truth and we will get into that next week. Random
topic this week is look, it's June. Everybody knows what
month it is, right, I knows what the big thing
to celebrate for the month is and the answer is
Men's Mental Health Month. I know there are gonna be
(02:16):
people are gonna be like, but what about pride? That's wrong. No,
you can celebrate both things, uh, and you should.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
And then the other people are gonna be like, yeah, brother.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
We're not against that. That's dumb. Don't get a child,
but it is. We are two men of the uh.
The straight persuasion. So uh and we both also deal
with mental health issues because everybody does because we live
in or adjacent to America or any other fucking shit
that's going on. Uh So yeah, just about Look man,
(02:51):
you know, take care of yourself that sort of thing.
And if you're look, if you're mad that we're you know,
we are not talking about pride, which would be fucking
weird listening to this show. Just know that June is
also National Candy Month because it matters, and National Safety
Month and African American Music Appreciation Month, National Dairy Month,
which is important to someone, National Grade Outdoors Month, and
(03:14):
National ic Tea Month because national months are dumb they
make no sense at all. But we are going to
talk about men's mental health. Look, look, I have my
I have my bouts of sort of I wouldn't say
like full on depressive states, but I definitely have my
bouts of what I would call like mental disconnection from
(03:37):
others that happens from time to time, probably more often
than I would like. Look, I think taking care of
your mental health is incredibly important. It's it feels like
the term mental health or dealing with it has become
almost like a buzzword or buzz phrase. But I do
think people should take it seriously and you know whatever
that means to you. But therapy is a good one,
(04:00):
you know, just talking to someone is also if you
can't afford, therapy is also good because I don't think
men necessarily are very good at talking about certain things.
I think we're pretty bad about it. But yeah, what
are your thoughts specifically, what are your thoughts on National
Dairy Month?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Is why we're here. I you know, I do love
a bowl of cereal, And you know, I think mental
health is something that needs to be taken seriously. I
think that you know now that we have. Before we
didn't know what it was, and we didn't know what
to call it, right, you know, especially as men, right,
(04:41):
like as men. And I'll be honest, I still have
this in me. Right. You just got to put up
with it, right, You just got to suck it up, right,
and you can't. That's not healthy, That's not healthy. And
I well, I have never been to I've never been
to a one on one therapist in my previous relationship.
(05:05):
I went to see a therapist once at the at
the best of the woman that I was supposed to
marry at the time, and and I think that helped
her make her decision, which ultimately helped me in the end.
Uh So, therapy works.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
No one's biggest to therapy work.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I think that you know, if you don't have I
I'm not gonna say that therapy is bad. I I
I don't think it is, but I will say is
I understand if for whatever reason, you don't want to
(05:55):
or can't talk to a stranger, in which case I
would recommend that you have a very close friend. Look,
don't don't get don't get a big head about this. Okay,
(06:16):
I don't have I don't have too many friends. I
don't keep I don't keep a wide circle. Right. My wife,
she's a mover and a shaker, and she knows this person,
this person, this person, this person. She's got a lot
of acquaintances. I don't make friends easily. Okay, you can
(06:36):
count on one hand how many people I had that
I call actual friends. And you will have some leftover. Okay,
you have some fingers left over. Uh And and Jay
is at the top of that list. Right. So, whenever
I have something that I really feel like I gotta
get off my chest, I'll go to my friend. And
(07:00):
my friend is my friend because he will tell me
if I don't need to, if something that I don't
necessarily want to hear, but it'll tell it to me
in a way that is palatable. Right, Yeah, that's true,
that's true. Like and and that's what I mean by
a friend. Okay, Like you can't, you can't. And that's
(07:22):
what therapy does, right from what I understand, right that
therapists they are the objective person. Sometimes they'll give it
to you straight, you know, if they have good bedside manner,
they'll make it palatable, but they need to. They need
to tell you about who you are and what you're doing, right,
and if you can't, like if that's embarrassing, right, because
(07:44):
that's embarrassing for me because I'm a very private person
except when I get on a microphone for some reason.
But anyway, I say all this to say, if you
can't afford a therapist, I hope you have a friend.
And if you all you need is one. All you
(08:06):
need is one real like true blue friend and someone
you can be open and honest with. And it has
to go both ways. And that is what helps me
through whatever I'm going through, right, Like if I'm going
through some stuff that I can't talk to my wife about,
probably because it's a well her right, if I'm talking.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Look, I was close.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
But you know it's that all that is mental health, right.
Mental health, like you said, is a buzzword, but it's not.
It's not just like go to a shrink, sit on
the couch, right, It's not. It's not that, right. Mental
health is taking a day off if you need to
take if you if you can take a day off,
(09:00):
if you got the means to take a day off,
take a day off. Right. I don't get paid a
ton of money, but what I do get what part
of that is that they throw sick time at you, right,
Like you you got two hundred dollars a sick.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Time, use them till one hundred hours.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Yeah, bro, like to this office ever, right, I mean
that's kind of the mentality if you sick, stay your
ass at home, work from home. But if you if
you have that kind of setup, and I'm I realize
I'm fortunate to have that kind of setup, ye, but
I'm quick to take a sick day, right, or a
(09:38):
mental health day or whatever. I know people I know
like baby boomers and old gen xers think like, suck
it up, nigga, Like, nah, if I'm if I'm stressed out,
I'm gonna take a day. I'm gonna take I might
take too, just to like all of that is mental health, right,
getting finding something you like doing and then making it
(09:59):
a hot that's part of mental health. You don't need
to be we as men society society, in my opinion,
that's kind of put you know, the owners of men
to be you know, provide, provide, provide, right, And to
the point where it kind of backfired, right, because I
(10:23):
don't have a problem with a man wanting to feel
like he's got to provide, but because nobody wants to
do nothing, nigger in the house, nobody, Right, you gotta
do something?
Speaker 3 (10:34):
But could you could you could extend that to both sexes,
because I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Do nothing exactly, And that's my point, And that's that's
the point I'm getting to, Right, You don't you can't, yes, provide,
But at the same time, like you can't say that
I'm a provider and therefore I'm gonna subjugate you. Like
that's not cool, yo, Like that's that's all I fucking
(11:00):
toxic maschiolina. Shit comes from like you can't do that now. Look,
my wife makes about sixty thousand dollars more than me, right,
and but we can't live where we live without both
of us. Yeah, and it's not it's not, it's it's
it's a give and tape, right with with with relationships
(11:24):
and I and and we we each have the thing
that we do to kind of make us to center us. Right,
she's in the horticulture. She'll go out there. I don't
I don't get it, but she'll go out there and
she'll spend hours out there just trying to you know,
horticulture or whatever because it mellows her out and it
(11:46):
calms her down. I take pictures of toys like a
child because it mellows me out and calms me down.
And that's the thing that you gotta realize. Look, I'm rambling.
I'm rambling, but look.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
I mean, but I think those I think you're touching
on some good points here, Like you know, it's just
one of those things. Yeah, Look, you do have to
have some level of outlet. I mean, I don't mean
to bring this into like because I want to have
a general conversation, but this is gonna get like slightly more.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Specific, Like.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
I think there is so much damage that has been
done to men by men, right like, yea, you know
there there is. And I'm not gonna sorry, ladies, not
gonna let you off the hook either, right because there is.
But like, ultimately, guys have done these horrendous things to men.
Rich is like, here is this tiny little box that
(12:43):
is what it is to be a man. You shove
men into this little box and you push them out
into the world, and then when reality hits and you
cannot fit into that box for whatever reason, whether it
is you need to be a provider. And it's like,
all right, cool, but I don't have enough education because
you know my circumstances. I was, you know, poor and
(13:06):
couldn't afford to go to college, or or maybe I
just don't have the capacity to do those type of
jobs so I can't make a million dollars and stuff
like that. Those hurt men. But the people who created
that box were men, right like, and we don't have
this space to be whatever it is we should be
as human beings. Like there there's an interesting report right
(13:27):
like this the quote unquote like male loneliness epidemic. We're
both married, so we we got we got out of
the game, uh smartly before all this Shenanians us.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
No, but I'm just saying like that that was you
and your pathetic, sad life at the end of the day.
But apparently there's like millions of people like you, which is,
I can't imagine, my god, society, what we're gonna do.
So a lot of these dudes are complaining about that, right,
and look, that's fair, that's that's fair. But I think
(14:02):
a lot of that loneliness is because they don't have
the ability to be their true self or even know
what their true self is, because they're trying to fit
into the small box and then present that box to
women and Gou I was told that this is the
box that you prefer, and it's like, I don't want
that because that one is like cool, you like kill
(14:24):
yourself to be a provider, but you're emotionally dead and
you don't know how to like like be relaxed, and
you don't know how to stand with me as a
partner and stuff like that. And the guys are just
like okay, and the woman's like cool, go back and
break that box. And then come back to me as
you know, as a fully formed adult. But they don't
know how. And again that box has been made by men, right,
(14:48):
And when I say I don't let women off the hook,
because some women try to reinforce that box fucking search
on Instagram of all the like this is what a
man needs, the b type of shit, and it's like
you just just putting nails into the box so it
can't break even more, which is fucked right. So there's
this whole study about like very specifically, like the political
(15:10):
aspects of this, right, and just like how like conservative
men who can't date anymore because it's second they say
they're conservative. A lot of women are like, oh fuck yourself,
and they're so they don't put that they're conservative on
dating apps, which I just want to be humorous and
U and this they deserve this as far as I'm concerned,
But they don't put that they're conservative, right, they say, oh,
I'm non political, or they lie in to they're liberal
(15:32):
or whatever. And these women are like they've done interviews.
They're like, if you are conservative, why do you want
to date? Just go date conservative women and why are
you trying to date these liberal women, and the conservative
guys are like, well, and it's like amazing how they
don't get it. They're like, well, when you date these
(15:52):
conservative women, they want you to be a provider right away.
They want you to do all this other stuff. And
they're like, so you just missed the point. Then you
don't even like this, Like, but you've been so conditioned
to say that these things. And look, there's nothing wrong
with wanting to be a provider. I'm not saying that.
What I'm saying is that can't be the only thing
(16:15):
that defines you because when those things fall away, when
you lose your job or you try to change careers. Hello,
did that went from making a shit ton of money
to what it feels like being paid like a fucking intern?
D it crazy? But like my wife and I went
from being financially exactly the same to me making significantly less. Now,
(16:37):
if my wife was married to me based on the
idea of here are these outlined things that you have
to do, what happens to our marriage in a rough
patch like that?
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Right?
Speaker 3 (16:49):
But that's not why we got married. She knew that
I was changing careers. We had the conversation together, right,
So in the if the roles were reversed, it wouldn't
be any different. So so for me, we as men
have got to break these shackles of what other men
have done to us, Right, Yeah, I think it just
(17:10):
is so harmful. It's so fucking harmful, dude. If you
just let go a lot of that shit and think about, like,
what do you want for your life? I'm gonna tell you,
i'letna put you on some fucking game, you know what. Like, look,
stop watching fucking Instagram and thing and that's what like
normal women think. Okay, they don't like all of this curated,
(17:30):
balloon popping bullshit that you see. This is not real life, Like,
this is not this is not real life.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
Right.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
How I know is because people get together all the time. Okay,
it's not real life. But if you could just take
your time, if you're in that shit and just be like,
what do I want for myself? Stop thinking about it
in the context of others, What do I want for myself?
Pursue that what makes you happy then, because I'm gonna
put you on. When a woman sees that a man
(17:57):
is happy with who he is, that is what's attractive,
not the fake shit. You can't keep up that fake
bullshit forever you have a fucking heart attack at twenty five,
be yourself, learn to be comfortable in yourself. And look,
when you're married and you're living your life. There's other
aspects of mental health, which we'll talk about, right, which
is why you have to address it for yourself, for
(18:18):
your wife, for your kids, for your husband, depend you know,
it's Pride month. Whatever you have to you have to provide,
you have, you have to provide a stable person yourself
for others. That to me is what a provider is,
not just monetarily, but I think we get so wrapped
up in like how much cash you got in your
bank account. That shit's crazy, man. Like you know, as
(18:40):
I heard someone say, which I thought was really funny
and I'll stop here, they said, if black people only
gave a fuck about finding partner, if like black women
only needed dudes who were rich, Because that's like the
new narrative now speaking about documunity very specifically, if that
were true, you wouldn't be fucking born like we've all
been broke for for generations. So this idea that you
(19:03):
have to have this is a lot. That's a lot
and onct.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Yeah, it's you know, my dad, Uh, I lost my
job a couple of months before I was supposed to
get married and my dad. I love my dad, but
my dad was like, so, uh you still having a wedding,
Like yeah, yo, Like like like right, but it's it's
(19:34):
but it's that mentality, right, like, well you don't you
don't have a job, so you might not you know,
be able to provide and that, and you know, like yeah, no,
we're gonna we're gonna do it, right, Like she's not
leaving me. We're not that postponing the wedding, right like,
we're we're gonna do it because I'm gonna be able
to bounce back. And relationships, well, I guess we not
(19:58):
necessarily relationships. This is about mental health. Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know what to tell you. Like you're always
gonna you're always going to just by existing, right, especially
as a black person in this country, especially right now
(20:19):
you are. That's that's just like an added layer of stress,
right exact. So it's imperative for your Yeah, there's a
reason why our elders you know, died of die of
heart attack and hypertension and all high blood pressure and
all that shit. It's because like it's hard being black,
(20:39):
it's hard being any minority, right, but you know, I'm
I'm I'm black, so I can only speak on that.
And there's a certain level of BS that you just
got to put up with and or you'll go crazy.
And in order to not go crazy, you gotta find
(21:01):
an outlet, like you said, right, Like you got to
release the pressure. It's very important, man, because I you know,
I don't want to see anybody die, you know what
I mean, especially you people. You people are nice, yeah,
most of you.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
I see your comments.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Yeah, but it's different challenges and you know, different seasons
of your life bring different challenges.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
And that's a good way of saying that.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yeah, and you you just have to you just have
to adapt, and that's and that's what we do. Yeah, yeah,
you have to.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
I mean, I just I don't want to see it.
And sadly I am saying it like a generation of
young men who I think know the words, right, which
I is is a good thing, right, Like they can
sort of pantomime the words in the in the phrases
of like dealing with mental health. But I think it's
(22:01):
still really hard. I think it's really scary for guys
to just be like, what what's the what's the the
bill bird joke? He was like why, I was like,
how are you? Was like, I'm sad, and she's like yo, whoa,
whoa what what the fuck? Like she didn't know what
to do right, and it's just like, yeah, I'm just sad.
Like men don't sation like that. They don't, and other
(22:22):
men will tell you like yeah, Like like I was saying,
just just beare down and just deal with it. But
that's that's not good man, it's not and.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
That doesn't make you, that doesn't make you more of
a man. Like that's the mentality that dudes have, right, like,
especially if we're hearing it from you know, our eldest, right,
But it's that it's that thing that you and I
talk about offline a lot where it's like, well I
had to go through it, so you got to go
through it. No, that's that's literally not how evolution works.
Speaker 3 (22:52):
You're supposed to hard soft times makes shut up, shut up,
shut the fuck up, because I'm not getting it.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
You know, Jonah's didn't get his head bashed into the
ground so that I could do it, Like, yeah, not progressed.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
Like, okay, what a weird transition, but like, yes, you're correct,
and literally jay Z told you this hove with you that,
so you don't have to go through that, right, Like
these are lyrics in a rap song and it seems
very silly, but that's the point, is that you're supposed
to want to take on shit so that your kid
behind you doesn't have to take on that. It doesn't
(23:35):
make you more of a man to just want to
also be miserable. That's terrible. What the fuck who taught
you that? Like that's that is a terrible way. Oh,
you gotta make sure your kids are tough. Your kids
can be tough in other ways. You can make them
mentally resilient. You can make them compassionate people. You don't
need to make hard, brutal, socially dead human beings because
(23:57):
like that's the way dad did it. Like, okay, that
used to beat your mom with a mop handle. That
doesn't mean you keep doing it. That's dumb. We gotta
be better than that. And like there is a level
of difficulty in life. Like you said, no matter who
(24:18):
you are, right, unless you were born on fucking third
base and you thought you hit a triple type of shit.
You like, there are just parts of life that are
going to be, you know, steeped in adversity. It just
it is what it is. But you don't have to
try to like, I'm gonna make sure my kids got
it hard. Oh yeah, we have a car, but you
gotta walk six miles of school.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Why?
Speaker 3 (24:40):
Like why that's there are other things. There are other things,
especially to young boys. There are other things that you
can teach them.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Right.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
Look, I want men to get it together, not just
because I am a man and because I live in
the world, but I got a daughter and I don't
want her growing up in a time of a bunch
of you hard men, hard times hit.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
I don't want that.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
Right, Like, this is not building what it is to
be a man. What it means to be a man
is the answer is It's complex. Anybody who tells you
this is the answer is incorrect. You are taking a
very complex thing about who a human is in the
human experience and then trying to put it in a
(25:24):
box that doesn't work. Be a good person, be you know,
you know, do what you can to help people, right,
be kind, and try to make the world better than
when you where you found it. That's the beginnings of
what it is to be a man. But I would
(25:45):
argue those are the beginnings of being a good person period.
So like, to me, we do such damage trying to
fit it into a thing that can be you know,
set on a podcast so that it can go out
to millions of people. I mean, that's just not how
(26:07):
the world works. And you know, I'd be happy to talk.
I would love to talk to a lot of these
guys who sort of put masculinity in a box. It's like,
all right, cool, masculinity is having big muscles, all right, Cool,
what happens when you get old? What happens? What happens
is your masculinity when you base it like that doesn't
make any sense. Like masculinity is protecting, protecting others, all right,
(26:31):
Like that guy's bigger than you and kick the shit
out of you. Now what, you're not a man anymore, right,
Masculinity is is you know, standing in front of a
woman and opening the door and making her walk through
behind you or whatever. Okay, seems weird. It seems weird
that you base it on these like weird arbitrary things
(26:53):
like that's not to me what it is to be
a man. But again I cannot tell you what it
is to be a man in some definitive way because
life is complex. You know what it is to be
a good person? Do that? That's it, that's it.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
Yeah, Look, you can start.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
The road to being a good man.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Yeah, yeah, just be good people. I think is is
is the the the best way to sum that up.
And you know what being a good person is you
you know right? Right? You know, I think the goal
in for every every man. I Look, I do believe
(27:36):
in the idea of men should be protectors. You should try. Right,
if something's happening to somebody and you've got the means
to do it, and you got you got the you
got the means to do it, you should you should help. Right,
with great power, there must also come great responsibility. A
(28:00):
captain America's shield back then.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
A giant glasshouse.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Okay, but but you, but you have to take care
of yourself. Also. Look, my wife, my wife, she will,
she will. She we love our kids and she will
do everything for them and and to the detriment of herself. Uh.
(28:28):
Sometimes and I have to keep reminding her that when
you're in an airplane exactly. You can put your mask
on first and then you help people, right, it's not
that is not selfish, it's not as a man. As
a man, your mental health should take priority. You gotta
(28:49):
work on yourself. If if you're trying to attract somebody,
if you're broken, other people will see it. So you
gotta you gotta put your own mask on first, and
then you can go out and you know, try to
do what you want to do. But you got to
be whole. You got to be whole. And I remember
(29:10):
when I told my wife, I believe I gave my
proposal story on here many many many years ago. I'm
only reminded of it because it's like the anniversary of
it right this month. And I told her when I
first met her that I was a broken man. And
(29:34):
because I was, and and I was able to put
myself back together, right, But she is the glue that
keeps me together. And and you got to be able
to put yourself back together. And if you could put
yourself back together, if you're trying to find somebody, that
person will keep you together. But they're not going. But
(29:56):
nobody wants to. When nobody wants to put nobody wants
to clean up somebody else's mess. Yeah, yeah, you can't.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
You can't come into a relationship on some humpty dumpty
shit like off the wall what I like.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
No, that's like clean this up woman like nah, no, no, no,
you clean up your own mess, and then y'all can
make messages together. And when y'all make message together, y'all
can clean them up together. And you gotta work on
yourself first, put your mask on first, and then you
can go out. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
No, I one hundred percent agree with that. It's it
is we We often are so charged with the idea
of like I gotta take that hill, you know, you know,
and protect everybody. It's like, bro, you got shot at
the bottom of hill, wrap your leg up first, like
before you before you go to protect. You gotta make
sure that you come into that relationship, whatever relationship, by
(30:48):
the way, not just even romantic, whatever those relationships are,
even with other friends. Right, you got to come in
in a position of self worth, self honor, right, you know,
having confidence in yourself, not arrogance. Confidence confidence not arrogance,
(31:09):
because there is a distinction, there's a very large distinction.
And when you are more put together, right, because you know,
as you Christians say, God's working on all of us.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
You guys believe that.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
But you know, when you come in as fully formed
as it is possible at that moment for you, you show
up for people in a different way you do. You
cannot show up for them truly, whether that's your family,
whether it's you know, romantic partners or children or whatever,
you cannot show up to them unless you are in
some level of progress, right, because you're always moving towards
(31:50):
the sort of idea of you, right. I mean, I've
learned a lot about myself in the last two years,
significantly about myself and like how I see the world,
which I thought would be which which in hindsight feels
weird at forty at the time I was forty three,
but at forty five it's like, no, I do. I like,
(32:15):
I quite literally see the world in vary not fundamentally
different ways, but I see myself in some fundamentally different ways.
So it's that comes from talking to people, That comes
from you know, age and being more open minded about
certain things.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
Yeah, there's a quote that is usually attributed to Muhammad Ali.
If it's not, I apologize, but it's something to the
effect of if a man has the same if a
man at fifty has the same mentality as he did
at twenty, he's wasted thirty years of his life. Yeah yeah,
(32:52):
and that's and that stuff like that comes with you know,
experience and talking to people and and and yeah, man, like, anyway, look,
work on yourself if you take this, if you if
you are serious about Men's Mental Health Month and are
not using it as a weapon to try and shut
(33:14):
down gay people for some reason. If you're serious about it,
then I really would like you all to just say, hey,
how you doing, like calls your call your friend, uh
and ask him how he's doing. Be genuine with it, right, Like,
if we all can, if we all can play around
(33:37):
with that, with that little meme or game where where
dudes were calling each other and telling them good night
and sweet dreams, right like, that's fun that's funny, but
it's funny.
Speaker 3 (33:49):
Right, we can do We can do this right on
a serious man.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
On a serious note, and then you could tell them
sweet dreams.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
Yes here, male homophobia is weird, giant children, dude, it's
so stupid. But that's but that's all. It's all very true,
and we just we got to do better for ourselves,
(34:18):
so you can do better by society, Like you just can't.
Look man, men who are allowed to be who they
truly want to be, whatever that looks like for them,
and not from a perspective of using that as like
a weird like well, I'm just an oppressive piece of shit,
like that's not that's not what we mean. But a
(34:41):
person who is truly enlightened about who they are and
trying to make the world a better place and not
to subjugate others or to stand above others and things
like that. When men show up in those ways, things
change in significant ways, right, Like women have been largely
all this path of like oh, we gotta work on
(35:02):
this mental health shit. They've been on this path.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
You know.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
Again, the path is not done, but they've been on it.
Really kind of in our generation, right, we're both in
our mid forties. That's where it's kind of starting to move, right, Like,
I know a lot of contemporaries who are just like, yeah, no, obviously.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
I'm in therapy.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
That's insane. Why would you not be look at all
this trauma you've brought, right, So I feel like it
just started in our generation. Maybe slightly before that, but
it is it is our job to sort of normalize
that because young men coming up behind us, the better
we show them that these things are normalized and it's okay.
(35:40):
Then they figure out, oh, this is what it is
to try to be a fully realized person. I'm not
gonna say to be a man, but to be a
fully realized person, whatever it is for them. And look,
and I say this to men as well as women
of all ages. Stop trying to put men in a box.
It doesn't help them. It doesn't help you. Like it
(36:03):
just doesn't. If you're trying to put your son in
a box, or your nephew in a box, or yourself
in a box, or your husband in a box, you
are hurting them and you are also hurting yourself. You
are so just yeah, you know, for some people, this
month is about coming out of the closet. For men
is breaking out of a box. And for and for
(36:24):
the dairy people, I guess it's a cardon. I don't
know the national months or dub but look, let's end
it there. We just wanted to do a quick PREVIEUW episode.
We will be back next week for the movie Hard Truths.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Again.
Speaker 3 (36:37):
You can watch this on Paramount and you can also
rent it on like Amazon Prime and all that other stuff,
So check that out and we will see you guys
next week.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
See you bye yeah yeah out
Speaker 1 (37:01):
Dep
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