AM I PARANOID?

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Back at it for another episode of the Blonde But
I see show. I am your host, the offishy blonde Stuffer,
the voice of the disabls, blond Lightning, you know it.
But you can call me see note though you see
you can call me see like on a hundred dollars
like a hundred dollars bill. That's what I am. My
money man, I've been buying my money since I was
like two years old. I think I sled out of

(00:20):
my mama about my money. Man. I'm just saying the
being out the baby man. I sled out my mama
by mama.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
Bread with the money.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
Hey, I came out, and I mean you smell money.
The doctor must have had a role on it. I
had to come out one time.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (00:36):
But and I'm in here with my boy Wolf my
dog know man, and we had two sixty five Canal Street,
motherfucking magic magic. Our voices is magic. I think were
taking over. I mean I said that said damn, I
got a I got I got a lot of bucket
I got a lot of things on the bucket list.
I gotta check off, you know, shows and more merger.

(01:02):
And the crazy thing about it, I was right in
the live show people, and I heard your voice. I said,
I'm not rushing it. I'm not rushing it because I
at first I felt like I gotta do it. I
gotta do it just to see I gotta do it.
I'm like, I'm not rushing it. So I stepped back,
and I'm like, what could I do to grow this podcast?

(01:23):
The blomber down see website is coming, So it's coming,
Like that's the first thing I got. I'm building that blober,
I'm building that blond stuff of community. I'm doing the work.
I listen to your podcasts and to other people podcasts.
I'm like, what could I do to increase this? Even
shout out to Baranda, like I even listen to her podcasts,
And I'm looking at this like I ain't gonna lie.

(01:44):
She don't.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
She's smoking ship, She's doing her thing, and.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
I'm just saying up there, I'm just saying back, and
I'm just like, damn and ship Like every time she
always reminded me, like yo, I learned from you.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
But you know what, the one thing I want to
say about your sister's podcast. And I say this because
I'm like, I listen to podcasts every day because it's
my job.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
But then I'm also like very interested in this type
of ship.

Speaker 3 (02:06):
And one thing that I'll say is your sister's podcast
is uh Doctor Felder Online one, so it's her show.
But what I will say one thing that I think
your sister does really good is she has she has
a great curation of guests with good stories.

Speaker 1 (02:24):
She's been smoking a guest game.

Speaker 2 (02:26):
You get what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
And I will say that, and that's actually been something
that's been difficult for us to do. It's difficult for
us to do, you know. So I think that the
biggest difference between you and your sister's podcast is your
show is like really leaning on who you are, Like
almost like one hundred percent is leaning on Christopher Feild.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
It all me, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (02:47):
And we're trying to we're trying to like move into
that lane and where your sister is at and she
thriving at right now.

Speaker 1 (02:52):
So shout out to and why I look at it
like her guests has grown with her. Yeah, So that's
what it is, is like my guests didn't grow with me,
that they grew looking at me.

Speaker 2 (03:05):
What you mean by that?

Speaker 1 (03:06):
Like like she's new in the podcast space, so it's
like it's no expectations when the guests is coming on.
I felt I set the bar, like if you look
at the numbers from the beginning to now, I set
the ball so high by telling my story. Now I
heard people say how can I come behind that and

(03:27):
tell mons.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
That's a good point. So it's like, that's a good point.

Speaker 1 (03:31):
She's what like episode probably like seven now the last
one is me and huh. So it's like a lot
of people saying say that, like damn, like my story
don't mean nothing once I heard yours, and it's like
it's not about that, it's get your story out there
because you could be impactful to somebody else. A lot
of people saying say, Ohm, gonna come on the show,
Well we book it, and then they hit me up

(03:52):
last minute and say they cancel them.

Speaker 3 (03:54):
Yeah, and it's like there's a there's a certain quality.
So that so the thing is, and you know, I
don't know your sister as well as I know you,
but like these people are connections and personal relationships that
she got from her life outside of being a doctor.

Speaker 1 (04:10):
Crazy thing about it. Some people just she just meeting.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
Right, And there's some people she's just meeting.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
Yo. It's crazy because people hit her up from when
she came on my show, coming over there, hitting her up,
And I'm like, damn, I had this person on my
page and I never got hit up. Like, but I
feel like a lot of people probably be intimidated.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
I think people. I think people don't have taste, bro,
they don't have taste. And I think people's character. I
think there's a lot of good people on earth, but
there's not a lot of great people. And I think
sometimes when people see you, they just don't know what
to feel, so they don't they just don't do nothing,
you know, like.

Speaker 1 (04:47):
That in the regular world. Yeah, like even in the
parties like this sweet I went to the party. Friday
went to a cookout at Pacific BK. You know, we
being Pacific BK to twenty five ladies love R and
B Friday's cook Our Red feel be.

Speaker 2 (05:01):
Gone viral in there.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
But I'm in there, and it's like promoters that normally
say what up to me and keep it pushing, actually
set there and talk to me and let me know
how cool I am and how I'm moving my auraun.
I'm just like, damn, bro, Like how long have you
been around me? And you just now saying it? Like, man,
my DJ shout out to DJ Chrispy walks in and
it was just I couldn't stop people from talking to

(05:25):
me to a point. It was one person that ain't
like a breath, was stinking. I'm like, yo, bro, move me.
When you move, please move me. They like what you doing,
but be in there. And the guy he was like, yo,
you know I heard a lot about you. People talk
about you. I hope it's good things. And he like, yeah,
but I didn't want to hit you up and just
hit you up and say let's work. I got to

(05:46):
see how you move. I got to see your or
I got it for your energy. And he said, and
I'm just talking to you for two minutes and I
just want to like, let's lock these parties in. I said,
so you found a lot out from me in just
two minutes. Sometimes I'll say, yo, bro, he said, just
the way you move, and I see how people gravitate
to you, and yo, you just smove. He said, Nah,
we got a lock in, bro. I'm like, I appreciate that.

(06:08):
You feel me like, let's let's get it going. Boom,
I leave it out move away from there. I ran
into it this gang like. He's a big homie in
the gang. But he's positive though, Like you know what
I mean, he ran his calls. He's been in the streets. Yeah,
he's been in the streets for forever. So he talking

(06:29):
to us and he like, Yo, you know, I commend you,
bro like. I take my head off to you, bro like,
and I'm like somebody in his stature I would never
think will be talking to me the way he was
talking to me.

Speaker 2 (06:40):
Yo.

Speaker 1 (06:40):
I love you, Yo. Whenever I see you, you always
gonna be good. I'm rolling out the carpet for you.
I'm doing this, I'm doing that. I say, I watch you, yo,
I've seen your podcast, You've seen my pot he said. Yo,
I'm telling you doing your thing.

Speaker 2 (06:54):
Yo. You motivate me.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
He said, Yo, Bro, I can say and cry right
now to tell you how much I'm you inspired me.
And I'm I'm just like this the big hope right
here talking to me like this and all that, and
it's like cool. Then I go in the backyard and
then we just talking. I'm just talking to different females
and girls like, Yo, I ain't gonna lie you every
time I like get down depressed. I go to your

(07:16):
page that remind me that it's other people out there
that's going through way worser than what I'm going through.
I'm like, what the fuck did like y'all playing this
and it's just like different people and it's like, Yo,
it just felt good. And then now my DJ got
a DJ. So now we walked up on stage and
I'm just standing there and it's just like just feeling
the energy from the party and then people coming on

(07:38):
stage talking to me. Yo, so you know, Yo, I
need your number. Bro, I'm trying to get next to you.
I'm like, all, yo, give him my flyer when I
want to fly. It just hit me like and we
just sent up there and it's like, damn, I can
honestly say four years ago, I wasn't at this place.

Speaker 2 (07:55):
How does how does all that make you feel?

Speaker 1 (07:59):
I'm doing something right? I mean, I'm actually doing my job.

Speaker 2 (08:02):
Does it make you feel good? Though? It makes me
feel good?

Speaker 1 (08:05):
I accomplish a lot. No, Lie, A lot of people
didn't want to deal with me because I was blind.
They look past me, which is I don't even understand that,
crazy bro. Like it's times like we can have a
conversation and they'll move. They'll skip past me and talk
to my djil or something and he like, why are
you talking to me? He doing that's his party. I'm
just punked for it, right, or they hit him up

(08:26):
over the time. I play like why are you hitting
me up? See no texture and locked you in right,
so why you hit me up? And I'm like, damn, bro,
like why nigga? They giving me my credit?

Speaker 3 (08:35):
That's what I mean again, Like people feel so weird
about it. They don't know what to do, so they
just don't do nothing.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
Yeah, we just like my nigga, like you you just
a person, just a person, Like it's really no different.

Speaker 1 (08:49):
I'm regular. Just I just don't got a vision.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
That's it.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
Like people will not give me my credit.

Speaker 3 (08:55):
And even even that, bro, Like the difference of that
is really more in your pers some the reality versus hours,
because you you show up in a way like you
haven't lost your I don't know if y'all can hear
there's a fucking storm dream behind us and it's I
don't know if you can. They probably can't hear that.
But it's fine.

Speaker 2 (09:12):
Wen shop a carso yeah, yeah, yeah, but yeah, you
you haven't lost your sense of like.

Speaker 3 (09:20):
You still show up in society. You still have your identity.
You haven't lost your identity. So when you show up
in places outside of the obvious that you can't see,
it's like this nigga hasn't changed. He showed he not
asking for a handout, not asking for nobody's sympathy. He
just want to be regular, you know. So when somebody
like I don't know how to act, I don't know

(09:41):
how to like treat the situation. It's like treated the
way you would treat me like I was. I can see,
but maybe that's really them just exposing how ain't ship
that they are.

Speaker 1 (09:50):
It's crazy, brocause I'm just like, damn bro, like, when
are you gonna give me my respect? I put into work,
I put in overtip of this. I'm the one that's
selling y'all. I'm the one that's cash happing in y'all bread.
When I'm gonna get the respect? And I honestly I
got it right now. I feel good like I opened
my phone out and mentions. It's like it's parties that

(10:11):
people put me in. They write up I'm hosting, and
they never even cleared it with me before they wasn't
doing that. I'm like, it's finally paying off. Now I'm
a big deal in the party world. Now I'm a
big deal of it. Like we left the party and
I'll get in the car. My DJ was like, Yo,
you you that nigga. Now, let's see what you're gonna
do with it, he said.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
Because you don't got to hit nobody up the host.

Speaker 1 (10:34):
No more they hitting you up the host.

Speaker 2 (10:36):
You that guy.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
Let's see what you're gonna do with it now. I said,
I'm gonna show you what I'm gonna do with it. Bro,
I'm taking it over. He was like, Yo, you've been
taking it over for the past year. Now, I said,
I'm gonna continue to keep taking it over like a lot.
I had to party in the choke ho for over
a little over, yet now owned it. Owned this scene.
Niggas gotta give me my credit. And not only it's like, yeah,

(10:59):
anybody could, but for me to do it visually and
pig I feel like y'all should lay out the red carpet,
give me my flowers for don't I think so?

Speaker 3 (11:07):
I think anything any listen, any goal you accomplish, any victory,
you make any progress that you make, Bro, as a
person who does not have their vision, you should one
thousand percent get extra credit for anything that you do
because you gotta go through so much more. Like you
said on this podcast, you gotta work ten times.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
So any like, any little Bro, any little effort, any
little win, any little victory that you get, niggas should
be clapping their hands and celebrating you.

Speaker 1 (11:39):
Bro.

Speaker 2 (11:39):
Not because not because like niggas is trying to like
Dick Rod. But it's like, Bro, it's amazing, Yo.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
Bro, I'm outside passing off flyers.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
Blind, don't even know where the niggas at for real, Just.

Speaker 1 (11:50):
Like Bro, people hold a conversation don't even know I'm blind,
but I'm keeping them for something like yeah, yeah, should
when you're number out on the fly, you don't see
my number? Shorty, she looked you, She like, oh I
found I found it? If we started laughing, why y'all
laughing for I say, y'all, I can't even see, but
thank you.

Speaker 2 (12:07):
Let me ask you something.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
Some people might be looking at you and they can't
tell that you're blind, but I feel like you can
kind of tell, like something going on.

Speaker 2 (12:17):
Do you think people be thinking you like ane bread.

Speaker 1 (12:20):
Sometimes some people think I'm drunk. They be like, yah,
you're drunk. I'm like, yeah, NOA, well, I'm not drunk.

Speaker 2 (12:27):
Because you like squirtch your eyes sometimes and you kind
of look off to the side. Maybe.

Speaker 3 (12:31):
I mean, for the most part, you actually make like
direct eye cons as best as you motherfucking can. But
you do a great job at that. But for people
who got zero con like that'm just meeting you. You outside,
you're passing out flyers.

Speaker 1 (12:41):
It's crazy because people don't know. I don't heard people
argue with other people he's not blind and they're like,
yes he is, and they're not coming like why, but
they're like, yo, bro, you really blind? Bro'm like yeah,
but they're like, nah, you're lying. Bro. I'm like, what
I got allowed for my nigga? You want me to
call my mom money that I'm lining for. I'm like, nah,

(13:01):
this is really me, bro. But it feel good because
it just shows like I'm on a lot of people
right though.

Speaker 2 (13:07):
Oh for sure.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
I just texted afther day. I'm like, yo, I ain't
gonna lie, bro, I gotta do more. I feel like
I'm slacking.

Speaker 2 (13:12):
I'm not doing enough. I gotta do more.

Speaker 1 (13:14):
I just walk up like I accomplished this party ship,
but it's like what snacks, what's next? And I get
motivational for TikTok, like the disabled people, the whole disabled
community on TikTok. I get motivated off that ship. Bro,
I'm working hard, but it's other people out there working
hard as me. That's disable, that's living life and all

(13:36):
you bro, ain't lie. It's this girl on TikTok. I
think her name man is Shelley. She's blonde, but she
motivates me. She had a blond song on Apple and everything.
I said. I need that, I need that life, I
need that exposure. Yeah, I need those guessing they be

(13:58):
in Houston, it'd be different for this, so it's like
it's kind of hard to like to connect with uh
somebody else my statue like disabling all lone. They're in Houston,
then it's like it'd be hard for them to get
out probably get to me. And then I don't want
to go to Houston, and then I get ghosted and
it's like I just wasted time of going to Houston

(14:18):
setting up a studio, you know, like you know what
I mean. And then I think like I run into
I've run into brick walls being out here moving around.
How do I know They're not gonna fall into a
brick wall and can't get to the studio? It be,
it'd be tricky and I understand. So it's like I
can't let it stop me. So what are we gonna do?

(14:39):
Real bringing it? This is not a disabled podcast. The
host just disabled, but we are blind steppers. We don't
wait to see. We just move. So if you have
a moment where you contemplate it and we're scared to
jump in the street, nah, you gotta say, man forgot,
I'm gonna just jump in the stree to see what's

(15:00):
gonna happen. I'm a blond stepper. I'm not gonna wait
until I feel like it's the moment. I'm gonna just
move and if I fail and get back up and
I'm gonna try it again. So I'm in a rebranding stage.
I mean in a rebranding mode. First episode, like first season,
it was really about me getting shot what I'm going through.
Then it's like I was going in that direction that angle.

(15:20):
Then bringing different people in, but then will really change
my thought process of this whole podcast of me. Change
was Miss Molly Mistress Molly once. I did that episode
with her, and it's like, I see, like this podcast
no longer have to be a disabled podcast, oh for sure.
And then I see the numbers and I see how

(15:42):
people reacting to it. And then it's like people love
a cool they love to hit the disabled storage whatever
the case may be, but they love it more when
they see the disabled nigga having fun. I'm having fun.
I'm throwing things that, bro, So it's like it's something different.

Speaker 2 (15:57):
That's why I fuck with you, because you get it, bro.

Speaker 1 (15:59):
Yo, Bro. Millions, like even the homies laughed at me.
They're like, Yo, you've really bent over Laha beat you.
You would never do that before you know how to
do fire play with you. Like you really coming out
your people really stant to see your personality. It ain't
just all down moments. And I I mean I do.
I'm gonna study to the park. I'm a student up

(16:20):
the podcast. I even go back and watch my old
episodes and study of it. It was starting off depressing, crying,
people could relate to it. I want to show people
that I'm not in the dark no more so, like
why I keep like, if you want me to, if
you love them episodes when I'm in the dark, then
go back and look at my own ship. Y'all gonna
see me laugh. You're gonna see me joke, y'all gonna

(16:42):
see me play. You're gonna see me doing it all
Like I can't be in that dark space no more.
So it's like I might be. I'm rebranded. Now. Let
me see what type of have you seen? When I
sent you to guy that that was walking on the
block act like he was blind with a dog. He
was like, yo, you think you think you're lying? Yig
Because me being blonde and he doing that, it brings

(17:03):
light to the blonde community. At the same time, it
shows that, yo, we can laugh no matter what condition
we are in. Like I laughed at it. When they
sit to me and they show you doing I laugh.
So the people looking at me like some people looking
at it like damn, that's insensitive. But he making fun
of it. He giving us a lie, Like I feel

(17:24):
like we are the disabled people that's being forgot about it.
That's forgot about he's bringing light to us. Nah, I'm
with that ship.

Speaker 2 (17:31):
Happiness is a choice, man, Yo, Sometimes you.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
Got to get a good laugh to wipe away your
tail like the Cris and all that, and I'm gonna
help you if it's coming down crazy. When we leave it,
I'm doing a wallow video.

Speaker 2 (17:46):
Running in the ring.

Speaker 1 (17:46):
I've been waiting for this day to go. I'm running
in the rain doing a wallow video. But that's all
that ship motivates me.

Speaker 3 (17:53):
Bro, you know, I want to I want to speak
on something that you just said. Were you're saying, like,
you know, people feel better about seeing and the blind
person having fun, And I think that's such an important
point because you know, as we are young black men
trying to figure out how to navigate the podcast space,
trying to figure out how to really market, how to

(18:13):
really brand, you know, we're really figuring.

Speaker 2 (18:15):
This out as we go. And that is definitely a
conclusion because you know, we bounce back in between.

Speaker 3 (18:20):
Like the motivation motivations, but it's really I feel like
like the majority of it is like the motivation and
the self development aspect of it. So I've been through
something but I overcame it though, and trying to channel
from that place.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
And that that that never has to go away.

Speaker 3 (18:38):
However, like you said, the mistress Marley episode, it's like,
I'm still living my life.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
I'm living my life. Plus you learning about dominatrix. Dad,
you probably by throwing a closet because you fail it
was too tight board all that. Nah, I showed like
if I might, I throw a dominations where love. So
it's still educational saying now y'all gotta well love of
this time of the third I'm like, oh damn, that's

(19:05):
what I always thought, Like she teaching us. Then she
telling us the moments of her dancing and how she
became where she is and her limits of doing certain things.
So it's like it ain't just a bad thing. It's
like I'm educating people on different Like it's smart smart.
It's a different episode for Miss Marley. Billy Billy is
a different episode from smart. And I can hit Billy

(19:30):
up and comfortable being on his show. He coming on
my show. I'm comfortable and I kept it. I talked
about I was homophobic at once upon the time the
ship Billy talk about. I listened to Billy podcasts to
this day, shout out to Billy needed to be study
podcasts and he talked reckless. But I can laugh and
bypass it because It's like if it ain't, if it

(19:50):
ain't stepping on your neck, then let it. Then bypass it.
He's targeting the audience. I mean, I love his point
of views and a lot of things I look at.
I listen to your podcasts. It's different from my podcast,
any different from Billy podcast. But I learned from it.
So why like I could be a student and incorporate
little things into my show, Like I could go let

(20:13):
field laughing joke, Like when I had the blonde comedian,
we laughed, we joked. It was a lot of crazy
shit that was said. But then when I seen that
he didn't have the confidence in himself to talk to
women and all that, we went back to motivation. So
why we can't have fun and bring motivation to the same.

Speaker 3 (20:30):
Yeah, exactly, exactly, And it goes right back to the
conversation how we first started it. You know, it's like,
one thing your sister's doing really well is she is
really pulling in these guests, and we just got to
get back into that, you know what I mean. And
so actually, because I'm thinking right now, I want to
hit Imani up from the Brothers in Law podcasts and

(20:53):
try to get that.

Speaker 1 (20:54):
There oh yeah, yeah, yeah, because he definitely owe me
a debate. You're debating about that. Definitely, we definitely the
big because not for nothing, And I mean he could
definitely look at this podcast. I just have a different
take on it for the simple fact. What's going on
in New York City, Lady, It's just crazy.

Speaker 3 (21:14):
Bro, I just seen some shit on my timeline the
other day. It's some nigga going around stabbing people, damn
stabbing people.

Speaker 1 (21:20):
Right then, you had another person that kidnapping, kidnapped, try
to kidnap a seven year old. Bro picked him up
and ran and then when a family when the parents
ran behind him, he threw the baby to the floor,
the seven year old to the floor. And it's like,
these people are not about to go to jail. Or
did you see on the J train when the man

(21:40):
tried to snatch the girl a grown ass woman. Yeah,
that I heard about and the men whipped his ass.
That's what he's home.

Speaker 2 (21:51):
Yeah, he's home because it's the mental health piece.

Speaker 1 (21:53):
Bro. Man funck that, but you put him back on
the streets to do something else, not for nothing. Anybody
could plead mental health and come home then, So what
are we supposed to do about that eighteens with seventeen
eighty year old getting killed for a water gun for
a water fight. Yeah, I gotta I got a different

(22:14):
output on it, got a different out man. They need
to be in jail. Some of these people need to
be jail. Throw away the key. A girl said she
I raped Corneylan fourth for July. Everything turning on the
news is always bullshit. So you think jel is not. Yeah,
jail is not for a incent person, but let's put

(22:36):
these guilty motherfucker's in there. And it goes back to
saying a lot of people call me on that com
and I said, I shouldn't be like, I'm not happy
to be for New York for what's going on. A
lot of people a lot of people hit me up
on that ship say I ain't gonna lie, bro. I
feel you, I understand you. People scared to say this ship.

Speaker 2 (22:56):
Of course they are.

Speaker 1 (22:57):
No, not me. I'm comfortable with Brooklyn, New York. Yeah,
I said it it's gainsters on my podcast. That's looking
it's regular people. And I still go outside people like,
ain't gonna lie, bro, that shit is real?

Speaker 2 (23:07):
What you say?

Speaker 1 (23:08):
Why? Because I'm dodging the police and I'm dodging the
hood niggas. I would not. I've refused to let either
one kill me. Eighteen year old girl got arrested, end
up dead in the sound in the Bronx. So who
is we talking about?

Speaker 2 (23:25):
Oh and it's like a soul quote unquote suicide.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
Yeah, they said, oh she she killed herself with the
five hours. What's going on here?

Speaker 2 (23:33):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (23:33):
Bro No, So he definitely on me at debate. Yeah,
I just I literally just hit him. Be definitely all
a bait. I mean even even tel when I'm bigging talk,
we can even reach out to them. We can talk
God nasty ship. This podcast is for everybody. I don't
I don't know, like the way the mouth, the way
my mind work is. I don't single out nobody because

(23:57):
I don't want nobody to single out. There's blind host.
I don't want I don't want nobody look at it.
Oh he's blind. So now we're not We're gonna go
in a different direction. I welcome everybody because I want
anybody to welcome me. Yeah, and by me being welcome,
the next blond, next person in the wheelchair, the next
person that's blond, the next person that's cyah, puzzon, go

(24:19):
come right behind me and do the same thing like
you got it. Once I go through the door like
I'm opening you know, like you open the door, close
the door, you let the air out. Now I'm opening door,
like hold my disabled niggas come in.

Speaker 3 (24:30):
And then that's like real DEI at that point, you know,
it's just like, yo, we were at the table just
because we earn the right to be here, like we're
not asking for those specific favors like you build up
the blonde. But now I see Bland branded platform and
it becomes so big. It's like I'm not here because
I'm blind. I'm here because I'm killing shit. It just
so happened to be blind blind.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
And now I see the voice of the disabls right
right that that that that the disabls have a voice.
I'm really about to start pushing that ship, bro and
put different risk like bands on it, like representing different things,
because it's like we don't have a voice and we
need it. I got, I got, I gotta, I really

(25:10):
gotta push that narrative because like like you said, dr right,
how many blond how many disabled people is really at
the round tables?

Speaker 2 (25:19):
I don't know if nothing for real, neither, I don't know,
if nothing, how to be the first.

Speaker 3 (25:24):
Yeah, there's nothing but face and opportunity. Gotta put somebody
like you to come at the table, and you know,
and like we need the world needs fresh ideas, you
need new perspective.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
I got them all. I got them all. Go ahead,
shout out to the master connect the agency and Nicole too, like,
I ain't gonna lie. I just met her December, and
she supports me, motivates me to keep pushing. I'm the
only disabled person in the group and it's like thirty

(25:58):
maybe like thirty forty people in the only disabled person
in the group. And every time we have our meetings
and different people come on to teach us different things.
She always made sure she put the light on me.
She like when they be like, Okay, we're gonna do
we on zoom, Okay, cool, we're gonna do the PREMIU presentation.
Oh do y'all see this. She'll come, She'll take herself off.

(26:22):
Mel Chris is this this is this? This this this
that's on it? Oh Chris is Chris is our member.
He's visiting pig got shot through gun violence. Got a
beautiful story. It's like, damn, I appreciate her. That's why
every chance I get, I will promote her brand because
like she don't let me feel left, Yo, don't let

(26:42):
me feel left. I can hit her up and Chris,
no problem, I got you. Oh, Chris, like what you
feel like? She always made sure she includes me and
that's why I'm like, Yo, that's what I love about her,
And I'm always gonna push her brand. It's like she
she she's a person that want me that the round table.
So it's like I gotta think of for that. So

(27:04):
it's like I gotta, I gotta, we gotta create more
rooms with disabled people. Is in it? More space? Like
not for nothing? How many disabled podcasts do you really know? Bro?

Speaker 2 (27:13):
It's really not bro. This this whole space is nothing
but opportunity for you.

Speaker 1 (27:19):
The whole space, Like I really don't run into disabled podcasts.
I see disabled content creators, but in the podcast world
don't see.

Speaker 2 (27:30):
Let me ask you something, what is a soft life
for a black man? What is it? Well, what is
a soft life for a black man?

Speaker 1 (27:40):
Soft?

Speaker 2 (27:40):
Light life?

Speaker 1 (27:42):
Soft life?

Speaker 2 (27:42):
Yeah? What is a soft life for a black man?

Speaker 1 (27:49):
Like like like playing flowers is like that, talking like
that like, that's what that's what you need. I don't know.
I don't that's what you get. I don't know. I
like why in in in the like the space I live,
I can't afford to be soft. You can't afford to

(28:09):
be soft. Like my soft light is me being up
on a female. That's my that's my soft life. But
in the streets, I can't be soft.

Speaker 3 (28:21):
But when you say the streets though, like because help
help people understand the difference of the streets, right, because
sometimes when people say the streets, they think, like you
involved in.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
A civilian just.

Speaker 1 (28:34):
Walk being a civilian, even in Brooklyn, Like you're still
in a concrete jungle. You're still in the jungle. So
it's like me in the streets, I'm not I'm not
in gang activity no more. I'm not selling drugs, I'm
not hanging on corners. I'm not doing none of that.
But when I go out, I'm still a target. So
as I walk, my pasture is different. I tell you

(28:57):
my body up, you hit my shoulders, he's like you're
hitting a brick wall, Like because you're ready for I'm
ready for whatever, because nobody ain't gonna do shit to me.
And saying mental health.

Speaker 2 (29:09):
Oh hell no, I'm ready to go.

Speaker 1 (29:11):
I'm ready to Like today, we walking and I come
out the pharmacy and walking. Just got two pays and
a person was so close to me that they bumped
the shot out of my own and knocked the two
pass out for a minute. The ol me snacks to
be like, why the fuck are you so close to me?

(29:33):
They he picked it up, they gave it to me.
I said, you got something to say? He said, I'm sorry.
I all right, cool, I enjoy your day, and we
walked off. But it's just like and my niece and something.
They laughed because it was just like my already one.
He don't know I'm blind tour. Then it's like this

(29:53):
is a big nigga I am. I'm not. I apologize
and I give it to him, like.

Speaker 2 (29:59):
Come on, bro, like you too clean and no funny shit.

Speaker 3 (30:02):
If I don't think you blind and I think you drunk,
I definitely don't want to piss you round because you've
have to be on some shit, don't you don't.

Speaker 1 (30:09):
Want to do that. And it's like my backstraight, my
chest is out, I'm tightening it. So it's like the
way I walk it's like I can't afford to be soft.

Speaker 3 (30:20):
Okay, but right, but so when I think about a
soft life, right to me, a soft life for me
is like waking up in the morning not necessarily having
like nowhere I gotta rush to all like that. So
like me explaining from my side, you know what I mean.
So it's like I get to wake up, get to
get out of bed, you know what I'm saying. Like
when when I want to, it's like, okay, cool, make

(30:41):
some tea something I like a warm drink, you know,
I mean, I don't really drink coffee as much these days,
so I like maybe some lemon water, some simple you
know what I mean, Sit my tea, I sit down.

Speaker 2 (30:50):
By the window. You know what I'm saying, sunlight coming
through for the warmth, shit like that. You know what
I mean.

Speaker 1 (30:55):
Soft life's your soft life. That's like soft life for me.
I don't go no seft like because I ain't at
that point yet. I don't got no something like because
when I wake up, the first thing that's on my
mind it's like what could I do today that make
me improve or getting a couple of steps further in life.
So it's like when I wake up. The first thing
they said. The first thing I get up, I thank

(31:16):
God for another day. And cool. Let me get my phone.
I scroll on TikTok to see who up, who putting
content out?

Speaker 2 (31:23):
Okay, what I'm what I'm not doing?

Speaker 1 (31:26):
Okay? Cool, I'm going to chat gbt iright, help me
out with the disabled, helped me out building this whole
blo official blind step of brand everything. Then I'm listening
to the Breakfast Club. Listening to the Breakfast Club, I
get different things out of it of how they entertain
an audience, to incorporate, how can I entertain the audience
as far as the live shows and everything else. I

(31:48):
listen to commercials to see how they really sell shit
like a real marketer.

Speaker 2 (31:54):
But you can still do that and have a soft
life though, you know I can still do it.

Speaker 1 (31:58):
But I feel like I'm not at that place right now.
Mm hmmm, I feel like that.

Speaker 2 (32:02):
What makes What do you do that makes you feel good?
Like like if you have so? Let me ask you this.

Speaker 3 (32:06):
If you feel like you're not at that place right now,
Let's create an imagine. Imagine the scenario where you was.
What would your soft life look like if you had.

Speaker 2 (32:15):
It your way.

Speaker 1 (32:16):
I had it my way. Yeah, waking up and then
under the same room for my kids hits of course,
my lady m waking up to. I don't got to
be masculine. I could be in my soft boy. I
could kids on the forehead, go on the front and

(32:39):
just listen to ESPN and you know, even get my
cheffing on, like cooking and just like no kids in
the world. You feel me like I ain't drinking, no tea,
no hot teeth under that but all that. But you know,
going in there, I'm cooking breakfast. I'm bringing breakfast to
what I mean to the kids, to the to the wife,

(32:59):
to the message is and just like relaxing and just
enjoying my my family because like my that's my family
within my family.

Speaker 2 (33:08):
Like I'm enjoying my family.

Speaker 1 (33:10):
I mean, look, lift up the window, let the fresh
air like flow through the house and just listen to
like just listen to music. Is just relaxed and no
kid in the world. Now, why why can't you?

Speaker 2 (33:22):
Why can't you do that right now?

Speaker 1 (33:24):
Well, because I gotta work ten times harder day y'all.
But see.

Speaker 3 (33:30):
You can still do all of those things while making
time to get to the to the to the business. Yeah,
because it's twenty four hours in a day. Yeah, you got,
you got plenty of time.

Speaker 2 (33:42):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (33:42):
It's twenty five hours in a day. Right, But my
twenty four hours look different from y'alls, Like I really
have to work. I'm working on other people time and
sometimes just to press that button on chat GBT.

Speaker 2 (33:53):
Right, so I got to speed up.

Speaker 3 (33:56):
Ready as soon as you wake up, you're ready to
use CHATGBT. People, not necessary, you're.

Speaker 1 (34:00):
Awake, So you got okay, tell is open g BT
for me? Open up? Just pressing around to that ship,
that ship viborated, got it, start talking, start talking to me,
try to delegating and work. I said, damn, who up
right now? Fuck up my face time? Did you see

(34:20):
that point? Think like you dead ass?

Speaker 2 (34:23):
Dead ass?

Speaker 1 (34:25):
Hit that button? I talked to you, lady, canty'll sucking
up my conversation. She picked up the conversation. By wait,
they can press it through face time. No, I got
two phones FaceTime, one phone on the screen. They tell
me I hit it. I hang up on them because
now she's picking up you talking, so.

Speaker 3 (34:41):
You FaceTime is somebody on one phone And then you
putting it on the screen, putting the camera, but you
don't even know what but you blinde so you don't
even know how to like get it to look at
the but you you got both hands in your and
your you got both phones in your hands, like this
be like this right so.

Speaker 1 (34:56):
This face time like yeah, this right here, right here,
this here right here right there. Boom, I go from
there all think I have to say open chat GBT,
the going to maybe.

Speaker 2 (35:04):
I'm laughing because like I am have resource for that.

Speaker 1 (35:08):
This is like, yeah, I got I got, I got
to So my twenty five hours different from everybody twenty
four hours.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
We're brother.

Speaker 3 (35:15):
I would like to say that I'm gonna get to myself. Ever, yeah, listen,
trust and believe bro, Trust and believe Bro.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
I'm gonna get to it. But no, I felt like
I went through myself ever the first year eight years,
I got shot just being down.

Speaker 2 (35:30):
I don't think you did, though, because it didn't feel soft.
You said, didn't feel soft, it didn't feel solid. Sleeping
all day, Well, it's not what you do, it's how
you do it, though you like sleeping all day.

Speaker 1 (35:39):
I wasn't active. I was just in the house.

Speaker 2 (35:42):
I just listening to music.

Speaker 1 (35:44):
Now, I wasted a lot of time. I wasted time,
but I needed the time. But I still wasted that time.
Now I'm up, I'm active. I'm not going back to
that so ever, Like I go back to that sof ever,
when I saw my motherfucker first check my first deal.
When I can say it's I can.

Speaker 3 (36:02):
Like kind it ain't gonna happen then either, because then
the work gonna really kick up, because now you've got
a contractual obligation.

Speaker 2 (36:09):
Yeah to quote to me quotas.

Speaker 1 (36:10):
Yeah, when I'm on that plane, the jet, Oh, I'm relaxed.
I'm in the sky, you know, the sky, and I'm
just thinking about nothing, you know, and it's like I
got space. I'm not on spirit when the ship is
on my knees and all that. Even though that's crazy
because I could have all the money in the world,
I'm still going spirit though. It's gonna keep me humble,

(36:35):
keep me.

Speaker 2 (36:35):
Spirit is trash.

Speaker 1 (36:36):
Yeah, I always take spirit. Also give me ship the
ones that I be taking. One time, I went to
Atlanta for Atlanta for forty five dollars.

Speaker 2 (36:48):
That's that's pretty fucking affordable. That's pretty right.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
It took me to Orlando. So you ain't no bag
in Atlanta. You ain't had no bags. Book bag, that's
what I need, don't. I don't do carry I do
carry on.

Speaker 3 (37:00):
I don't check in checking in it. I feel like
checking in is like that'll never be my bag. Like
I'm listen, oh something ever do when I'm in the airport.
I got the personal bag, I got my carry on.

Speaker 2 (37:10):
That's it. That's all I need, no matter how many
days I'm there, that's.

Speaker 1 (37:13):
All I need. Dofle bag king.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
That's all I'm working.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
I'm working on a blah diffel bag. Yeah, blah an
I double bag, blah bad book bag. Because now it's
like I'm thinking branding now.

Speaker 2 (37:25):
But hold on, I want to not to cut you off.
Want to get back to this though.

Speaker 3 (37:28):
I think that one day you'll realize, because like I'm
looking at it like this, bro, Yes, you were working
trying to get to the bag. Yes, you were working,
and you ambitious and you're trying to create a generational
shift in your one lifetime. But because you don't know
when that's gonna happen, because you don't know what order

(37:50):
of events is gonna take for you to like transition
into like that happening.

Speaker 2 (37:55):
I think right as a friend that.

Speaker 3 (37:58):
You this nigga smirking, I think as a friend that
you should find little ways not to waste time, right,
not to just take your foot off the gas, because
I can understand as a black man that make you
feel uncomfortable to take your foot off the gas because like,
with my foot on not on the gas, then where
am I going?

Speaker 2 (38:13):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (38:13):
To trust me, but you're talking to a nigga who
is like overstands that ship. But also I have definitely
found the benefits of like doing little things that just
that just it really help for real because like once
you feel rested in a way, not necessarily sleep, but
you feel rested in a sense where it's like, oh yeah,
I'm ready to get to it, you know what I mean,

(38:34):
little things like whatever that is for you, no matter what.

Speaker 1 (38:37):
That is, bro, Like I would just Mike walk through
the punks, and that's that's what I do. You know
what I'm saying, that's yourself. I get it.

Speaker 2 (38:44):
Yeah, But my soft.

Speaker 1 (38:47):
I don't know, Like I really like the closest soft
moment I have is I'm just in the houses listening
to music that's good.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
That's good.

Speaker 1 (38:55):
That's something that that's the closest.

Speaker 2 (38:57):
That's the closest.

Speaker 1 (38:58):
Yes, I don't watch the TV. Right music playing and
I'm just listening to the beat. Then I got to
play it back and now I'm listening to the words. Now,
now listen to the word play. So it's like that's
that's my my time when I'm just I'm just zoned
out in a sauna.

Speaker 2 (39:17):
Bro, you know what the sign is.

Speaker 1 (39:20):
I know what it is.

Speaker 3 (39:20):
I wonder if you would enjoy that because I can
understand certain things, like there's a walk in the park
even would you would you get anything from that?

Speaker 2 (39:30):
Because you literally can't see.

Speaker 1 (39:31):
It even when I could see it out of it
dog shipping in the parking lot.

Speaker 2 (39:39):
I know a lot of people that actually feel that way.

Speaker 1 (39:41):
No more. I was never a park person Prospect Park
and Central never yeh. Never that I don't do nothing
for you for me trees, but not that she don't
do ship nothing at all, do nothing. But I ain't
gonna lie. The first time I ain't gonna lie. I
read out that I didn and have to be I

(40:02):
didn't have to be tough outside is when I went
to Puerto Rico. Okay, I letterally walked the streets and
I was at peace. My body wasn't tense, it was
loose and be on the beach and then like that
sun just shining on me. It was just different. I
don't know if because I was with the woman of

(40:24):
my life or is because I was just in the
north environment. It just just felt different. Like the water
just warm, bouncing on my legs and I ain't get
deep in it, but it just bouncing on. Yeah, it
was just it was just freeze. Just felt relaxed. Then
we went to the pool and it was just me
and behind the pool and it just like just being
in the pools, like I know, I ain't got nothing

(40:45):
to worry about. I'm just sitting there and it's like
till my mom thinking like damn, can I still swim?

Speaker 2 (40:52):
Should I try it?

Speaker 1 (40:53):
Just it just it just felt relaxing good and I'm
just listening to music and it just it was it
was a vacation that it wasn't no turn up. I
wasn't turned up another but it was one of those vacations.

Speaker 2 (41:05):
It was on your soft life ship.

Speaker 1 (41:06):
Yeah. I was just like I spent some time in
the room than I did outside.

Speaker 2 (41:11):
Really, but you felt like you was on vacation.

Speaker 1 (41:14):
I felt I knew I was feltic. I didn't want
to leave, like it was well needed. For a moment,
my mind was off. I didn't think about no podcasts,
I ain't think about nothing. But then now we're going
back to New York, and I was like, all right,
this was well needed because I took a break from

(41:35):
back home to a point nobody couldn't get in touch
with me, no access. The only person that got access
to me was my child.

Speaker 3 (41:43):
Do you think that because you were on vacation you
can't actually see the place you live in New York?
You can't actually see the place right? Do you think
that it becomes more about a mindset than anything, because
a lot of the things you're not, like, you're not
seeing the people in the cars and the trash on
the sidewalks and ship like that. But it's like, but

(42:04):
mentally you feel like I'm in New York, And especially
because you've seen before, it's like, oh, I know what
comes with it, especially if you in the neighborhood you've
always been in too.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
It's a mindset, but the same, it just felt different.

Speaker 3 (42:19):
Because I'm like if it's like, could you could you
have that Puerto Rico mindset in New York City?

Speaker 1 (42:24):
No, okay, you got that Puerto Rico mindset in New
York City.

Speaker 2 (42:27):
You don't get it alive.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
M you can't do it. That's why when I was
in Puerto Rico and Puerto Rico, but when I land
and JFK and I smelled that year, I'm back at home.

Speaker 2 (42:41):
Way the air smell from the air smell.

Speaker 3 (42:45):
You can you know how New York City smell like
like when you as a blind person, when you in
New York City, as soon as you get off that plane,
different you can smell it in the air, New York.

Speaker 1 (42:54):
And Puerto Rico to smell two different ways, two different ways.
Soon that ain't laying that. I got a whif for
that New York smell. It went back into walking through
the airport. Let me tell you, my body up just
like that, just like that snap back.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
So New York City is uh, triggers your anxiety a
little bit, got you.

Speaker 1 (43:16):
You gotta be tough to live in New York City.
Everybody not made for New York City. Not built for
New York City.

Speaker 2 (43:21):
That's true.

Speaker 1 (43:22):
So it's like big like raised head my whole life
and then going to like when I went to Vegas,
people will bump you and you'll bump somebody in there
say sorry to you.

Speaker 2 (43:32):
Oh yeah for sure. Texas like that too, So then
it's rude to bump into people.

Speaker 1 (43:36):
Go to New York, part it self, Yeah, you ain't
see me. So it's like you gott will always be
on your toes.

Speaker 2 (43:45):
Nigga saying part in itself is crazy.

Speaker 1 (43:48):
And I was I said that numerous times, but.

Speaker 2 (43:51):
You're saying that, like, nigga, pardon you.

Speaker 1 (43:53):
Yeah, part in yourself one thousand percent, part in yourself,
one thousand part. Move to the side, like are you
talking and you you talking in the middle of cyberg Up.
Now you're a part self. Give me a pushing. They move,
keep a pushing. But it's like in Vegas, I didn't

(44:15):
go through that and puler Rico, I didn't have to
go through that.

Speaker 2 (44:19):
Yeah, So it's like you got it's like the.

Speaker 1 (44:23):
The mind frame of New York you gotta be tough.

Speaker 3 (44:26):
Well, you know, it's crazy because in these cities that
we're living in, whether it's New York, Dallas, Chicago, Los Angeles,
it puts a it puts a person into a mode
of survival. It puts a person into survival mode. But
us as black people, we look at survival and success
is the same thing a lot of the time, because

(44:48):
it's like any day that I'm above ground is it's
a win.

Speaker 2 (44:52):
It's a win, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (44:53):
But it's fucked up though, because like eventually, like I
was saying about the soft life, you eventually you you
stay in that long enough to hopefully one day get
out of it, and then you can look back and
you can realize, like, oh, surviving and success is not
necessarily the same thing, or at least you graduate beyond.

Speaker 1 (45:11):
That place when you realize it no longer it's a
part of your life. You shouldn't just want to sell
out no more. You should want to win.

Speaker 3 (45:17):
But that's what the soft life is about, you know
what I mean, Because like when I listen, when I
first came to New York, coming to New York.

Speaker 2 (45:26):
Really taught me.

Speaker 3 (45:27):
It was a lot of ways I had like a
survivor's mentality, and I needed to let go of a
lot of that shit because it wasn't service actually hurting me,
you know what I'm saying, Because like when I first
got to New York.

Speaker 2 (45:40):
I realized when it didn't help that I was in
a new place. But two I realized, like I have
a very.

Speaker 3 (45:45):
Anxious way of like perceiving the world and seeing things,
you know what I mean, Like I think I not
as much anymore, but still very much so, though but
not as much anymore. Like I think about violence and
danger all the time, you know what I mean. I'm
constantly thinking about like what if this happened?

Speaker 2 (46:05):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (46:06):
Like I see somebody and I think that though it's not,
but it is though. So it's like again to black people,
surviving and success is the same thing, right, So at
one point in your life, you're thinking like that to
stay ahead of the curve, right, you know what I mean,
So you can make sure you got you got a

(46:27):
good chance of preventing something bad happening, and that's a
good thing. But you've eventually got to understand, let's say
you have one hundred thoughts today, Let's say one hundred,
Let's say eighty.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
Or fifty of those thoughts went into like I need
to survive.

Speaker 3 (46:45):
This is what I gotta do just in case something
happened in my case, I was thinking about what if
I'm on the street and somebody trying to hurt me?

Speaker 2 (46:51):
What am I prepared to do? You know what I mean?
But you go through that whole day and it never happened. Though,
you get what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (47:00):
Because it never happened, your mind doesn't necessarily understand the
difference between what you're preparing for that didn't happen versus
what did happen, because on a biological level, you're in
preparation for it to happen as if it did.

Speaker 1 (47:14):
Yeah, that's like being safety and sorry.

Speaker 2 (47:17):
It is right.

Speaker 3 (47:18):
Indeed, this is the survivor's mentality though, you know what
I mean, Because that's why it's so complicated being a
black person though, because on one half it's exactly what
the fuck you just said, you know, I mean, it's
better safe than sorry. But there's another half. But this
is the side of surviving though, the other side of
living and thriving is understanding that you're hurting yourself by
being prepared for stuff that's not happening.

Speaker 1 (47:40):
Now, I get it by growing up in New York City,
growing up in Brooklyn, the way I was raising everything.
It's times when I walk and I've just seen a nigga.
I'm like, he gonna try something. And I woke and
it's just like the pace I woke slantest cloud like
in the corner of my eye, got to see everything
you're doing. I crossed the street one day. I'm walking.

(48:00):
I'm walking slant him. I'm like, all right, he just
looking like he's trying to do bust some move on me.
I crossed the street. He crossed the street. That's okay,
I'm walking. I said, I see what I see what
it is. Mina is two thirty three o'clock in the morning,
going home. I'm like, I know what I'm gonna do.
When I hit this corner, I'm gonna tear ass. I

(48:23):
been the corner. Once I bit the corner, I started
running crossing the street. And as I'm running, he bent
the corner too, but he don't thinking. I'm just walking
already to ask, so I already know what you're trying
to do, not on me, not on my watch, chap,
And it's like, I don't know what you got on you, nap.
I know you had not, I would whipped your I
would have stayed right there to your turn. I would
have whipped your ass. But for you to sit and

(48:45):
following me, you gotta have something on you. Nah, I'm
going once I to ask, and I said, he been
the corner with me. All right, call to your ass.
I ain't gonna stop you. You're gonna waste your time
running and to go from there. But it's the monster
living in New York? Am I stay living in Brooklyn,
in the ghettos and the HUDs, like I got it.

(49:05):
I always I don't think the worst, but I always
I'm not naive to it either.

Speaker 2 (49:12):
So let me ask you this.

Speaker 3 (49:13):
If you lived in another neighborhood in New York that
was less known for violence, Let's say you lived in
that neighborhood for a whole year, do you think something
like that, being in a different environment would help you
start to kind of peel.

Speaker 1 (49:28):
From thefl Yeah. No, you still gotta be on your
does because different environment, different crime, And it may not
be the crime that you used to but it's a
different type of crime.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
Though. What if you, like in Williamsburg or something like that,
still go down in Willisburg? Okay?

Speaker 1 (49:40):
What if you in like Carroll Gardens, a green point
should probably still go down over there? You just don't
hear about it should still probably go down in Puerto Rico.
We I just don't know.

Speaker 3 (49:53):
But that's my whole point though. So it's like you're
gonna carry that mentality like everywhere you.

Speaker 2 (49:57):
Go because bro, listen, listen, gotta I gotta be prepared it.

Speaker 3 (50:00):
Listen, Bro, listen, trust me when I say, you're not
talking to a nigga, like, what was that the the
other day?

Speaker 2 (50:07):
Who was doing the episode?

Speaker 3 (50:08):
You like, somebody was like wolf in the suburbs, suburbs,
you know what I mean. I ain't from the fucking suburbs.
So it's like, trust me, bro, you're not talking to
a nigga who had a spoon, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (50:19):
But but.

Speaker 2 (50:22):
This this way of thinking though, you know what I.

Speaker 3 (50:24):
Mean, it's like it's not it's not beneficial. And I
understand why it's necessary at times, you know, because at
the end of the day, it's like my nigga, I
gotta make it home.

Speaker 1 (50:34):
So that's my that's my main biggest focus.

Speaker 3 (50:36):
But I think, I think, and it's in a lot
of ways, I can't really speak to this because I
didn't grow up in an area that is like us
as as vicious as New York like Dallas, got his
own version of violence.

Speaker 2 (50:50):
That, of course is violence everywhere for you know what
I mean.

Speaker 3 (50:52):
But I would say places like New York and Los
Angeles and like places like Chicago, it's different, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 1 (50:58):
It's like another one too.

Speaker 3 (51:01):
It's way more concentrated. So there's a level of this
that I really can't speak to. And and I understand that.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
You don't know when I turn it off.

Speaker 2 (51:09):
When I walk through them.

Speaker 1 (51:10):
When I walk through my building, dolls and that door closed.
I I'm good, man, I'm good safe. Yeah, it's sixteen
apartments in my building.

Speaker 2 (51:20):
I know.

Speaker 1 (51:22):
Each one of these apartments is willing to help me
if I need help.

Speaker 2 (51:26):
Mm hmm. If you gotta knock on somebody door, I
knock on somebody door.

Speaker 1 (51:29):
But when I'm in that building, I'm not worrying about
if somebody in this building waiting for me. I'm not
worried about somebody behind the stairs, not wear about somebody
on the roof. I walk in that building, I'm not
worry about nothing. It's like I'm safe. I come in
the house four or five in the morning. I don't
know who in that building that whole way. When I

(51:51):
walk upstairs, I walk upstairs no care in the world,
taking my keys out. I don't even be paying attention.
I'll be on the phone, laughing and all that. I
might listen to, no foot steps, none of that. To
put the key in, I go on my building. It's
one time. I'm walking up the stairs. He just came
in from the party and walking up the stairs and
I'm counting my money and I heard movements in the

(52:13):
hall way. Put my money in my pocket. I put
my phone in my pocket. I'm just listening to some more.
And then I'm walking. It's like four in the morning,
so take my keys out. And then as I'm walking
to my floor, I started hearing the movements again. So
I'm like, if this is not not attendant person, if

(52:34):
it is somebody here, they don't know I'm blind. Walk
up the stairs. I said, you ready to die? And
then I heard my baby brother boys. I said, you
better stop doing it like that. You're about to get
yourself fucked up just now. And said, oh no, not
like what the fuck are you doing in the hallway?
And she's like, oh, I left my keys or how
was you coming in here? Like I said, yo, you

(52:55):
better stop doing that ship because you could. It could
have went bad for you just now. And I just
went in my building. But I'm not worried about it.
It's times I went. I was drunk and from the
sleep on my step on the floor of my building,
on the floor I live on. I might let me
just sit ahead because I was so drunk, I ain't
even I could never put the keys in the door.
Might let me sleep here for a little man, sleep

(53:16):
some of this shit off. Seven eight o'clock. The man
I like, tapped my lady like, Chris, you are right,
give me your keys. Let me help you open the door.
So now I was, I was saying at this time,
opening door, gave my keys, all right, thank you, mister Jimmy.
He ain't not no problem. You're young, you having fun
like cool, went inside. I closed the door, locked that

(53:37):
went in the room, took my clothes off. I'm safe.
I ain't worried about nobody robbing me or sticking me
up or doing no harm in my building.

Speaker 2 (53:45):
Now that's what that's what home is for.

Speaker 1 (53:47):
I'm safe and feel good, and not even just to
say my my building, my block. I feel safe when
I'm on my block because why it's nothing but love
over there. Everybody's watched me grow up, from the gangsters
to the crackheads, to the drunks to the elderly. They
all watch me grow up the corner stall like they

(54:09):
watched me grow up generations. Now they watching my son
grow up. So it's like I'm not worried about nothing.
When I'm on my block. It's straight love. Like I
come downstairs in it, they jump the help, you need help?
Where you gonna you need? You got a cab out
here walking to the cap. Yeah. So it's like I
feel good. I want my block down to the people
that that that's up to no good. They not even

(54:31):
doing no bullshit to me. They sat that they talk
and you need help, you need something from the store.
I got you, Like, I'm good, bro. It's like I'm
just catching some mere I ain't no problem. They go
about their way.

Speaker 2 (54:45):
You think if you had like the money to move
with your move right now out of New York, were
out of.

Speaker 3 (54:52):
That out of that building. I don't know even if
you have the money, Yeah, I don know. Like I
got twenty thousand to blow like on a new place.

Speaker 1 (55:01):
The new place is not my place.

Speaker 2 (55:03):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (55:04):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
When I move.

Speaker 1 (55:06):
I love where i'm at. I'm comfortable while i'm at.
I'm safe while i'm at, So it's like and then
the community is the neighborhood is good. So it's like
what I'm moving for. I feel good.

Speaker 2 (55:16):
Down to the delivery. People knows me.

Speaker 1 (55:20):
They know my condition. When they putting the money in
my hand, they tell me what they're putting in my head?
Why would I leave that?

Speaker 2 (55:27):
Yeah, that's real. I don't know, that's real.

Speaker 1 (55:30):
I would not leave that at all. From the corner
store to the Chinese restaurant, to the Spanish restaurant to
the chicken spot, I don't got to tell them.

Speaker 2 (55:38):
And they know they're going. You think you're gonna spend
the rest of your life on the block.

Speaker 1 (55:43):
When I signed that contract, I can't different text bracket.
I gotta I gotta get going.

Speaker 2 (55:48):
Yeah nah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
You gotta gotta grow one day, you gotta grow. You
gotta grow out of that right man with And it's
like I signed that big there. I gotta. I gotta
take my son out of this so he can see
something better.

Speaker 3 (56:00):
That's gonna be interesting because I can see how because
this neighborhood. You've been in this neighborhood your whole life,
and so even when you could see, you were there,
so without your vision, you still feel very familiar. And
I'm sure that's a really important feeling for you.

Speaker 2 (56:19):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (56:20):
It's like I know where everything's supposed to be. The
building is still here, I know what this building look like,
I know the voices of the people to move into.

Speaker 2 (56:28):
Like all of that be changed. I can imagine that
being a challenge all the way.

Speaker 1 (56:32):
Yeah, like I could be herb be next to a
down to a person that's playing on me. They're just
sitting out there waiting for me to come in. I
will never feel safe until I get inside of.

Speaker 2 (56:46):
My door of my apartment. Yeah, I hope that.

Speaker 3 (56:50):
I hope that eventually one day that mentality becomes less
and less of a thing for me.

Speaker 2 (56:55):
It would never.

Speaker 1 (56:57):
I won't even work on it.

Speaker 3 (56:59):
No, no, no, no, no, don't say never, because I
think again, as black people, we got to live these
multi dimensional life lifestyles.

Speaker 1 (57:07):
Right.

Speaker 2 (57:07):
So again, like I'm I'm a type of person, bro,
you know, I don't.

Speaker 1 (57:13):
Know, I get what you're saying, But people is wicked. Nah.

Speaker 2 (57:17):
No, But that's what I'm saying though too.

Speaker 3 (57:19):
It's like because sometimes emotions are a double ed sword
every single time, right, and you can't feel something for
somebody that you don't feel inside of your body, and
so there's an there's an exchange happening at all times, right,
And it's difficult to try to rationalize with somebody who

(57:39):
live in a dangerous neighborhood to not feel that, because
it was like, but then who won't be there for
me when I got my my, my, my guard all
the way down and then somebody try to get the
up get the drop on me, and now look at me.
I was fucking around, moving around, goofy, acting like ship
was sweet, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (57:55):
That?

Speaker 2 (57:55):
And that's what No, that no, that I understand.

Speaker 3 (57:58):
But at the same time, though, it comes a place
in your life where you gotta make a choice to
find a way to bring more peace into your life,
you know what I mean. And then also it's about
at some point given.

Speaker 2 (58:12):
A little bit more.

Speaker 3 (58:16):
Huh grace, No, not grace, hell no, giving a little
a little bit more space for God to cook just
a little bit more, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (58:24):
Because it's like.

Speaker 1 (58:27):
I get it, but getting shot, I ain't giving that.
I ain't giving that. I ain't even holding you. Get shot,
gotta stop you right there.

Speaker 2 (58:36):
I ain't like, go cook no.

Speaker 1 (58:40):
Money. Now it's off for me to take over the parts. No,
hell no, hell no, I'm going to build it. I'm like, hey,
how are you doing with the Hey, I'll be like,
I hope he ain't think an pushed me inside. I
whipping ass like I ain't within none of that.

Speaker 2 (58:58):
You know what?

Speaker 3 (58:58):
Let me let me say something, m h, I don't
mean to be insensitive at all, bro, because you know what, Bro, honestly,
you dead.

Speaker 2 (59:07):
Ass got shot. Bro, like helitized, Bro, I ain't fucking
around with nothing, you know what? Like, I don't mean
to be insensitive at all.

Speaker 1 (59:14):
Now you're not You're not being insensitive because like we
just living. We're living in two different words. It's like
maybe if I could see it, it'd be different, but
me being like where I am not, ain't gonna lie.
I don't even trust to overeats, don't dash niggers.

Speaker 3 (59:28):
And it's like, bro, like when you think about trauma,
trauma is such a popular word in this era that
we're living in right now because we all kind of
starting to realize that we all have some right and
it's it's different levels to trauma, right, but I would
say your your trauma is like one of the highest
that somebody could experience, like one of the highest categories.

Speaker 1 (59:48):
So it's like, I'm gonna let that shit happen to
get Nah, can't cook with me, cook on somebody else.
It's over. It's over because it's time of overeats. Like God,
you had your chance, you had it, won't have it again.
So it's time when uber eats and all that come.
I closed the door before I turned my back and
walk up the stairs one time, like I'll go down

(01:00:10):
and there get the food. So I let the dog
go and I'm walking, but the door didn't close, and
I had to I had the food in one hand
and I had to drink in the next hand. So
I heard somebody. Somebody came in behind me. Your hands occupied,
So in my mind is it's the Uber eat. Nigga
turned around, I said, will fuck you up the gudment?

(01:00:32):
Let No, No, it's me, Bro, it's me. I'm like,
oh ship my bag, I thought you do bro? He
like no, no, no, he started laughing. It almost went down.

Speaker 2 (01:00:43):
But why your first response not like like oh you
need something else, Like.

Speaker 1 (01:00:46):
No, it ain't nothing else. What you're coming behind me
for you?

Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
What do you think?

Speaker 3 (01:00:51):
So if it was the Uber eat nigga, what do
you think? I mean, like you said, there's no reason,
I don't know, like you're still paring.

Speaker 1 (01:01:00):
Niggas don't speak English and none of that. I don't
know what you capable. I'm gonna beat your ass.

Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
Huh, you're still paranoid.

Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
That's not paranoids being cautious.

Speaker 2 (01:01:07):
You're paranoid.

Speaker 1 (01:01:08):
Bro is cautious.

Speaker 2 (01:01:10):
You're a paranoid.

Speaker 1 (01:01:11):
I can't see what's going on.

Speaker 3 (01:01:12):
It's more than just cautious. Cautious is just like awareness.
But you paranoid because like this is the second story
you to share with me that you wasn't you was
cautious about something, but because you don't got no space
for misinterpretation, your first reaction with violence.

Speaker 1 (01:01:30):
Yeah, it's always going to lead to that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:32):
That's paranoid.

Speaker 1 (01:01:32):
It's always going to lead to that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:34):
It's more than caution.

Speaker 1 (01:01:35):
Why I'm gonna let you know blind, I'm going to
work you. I'm going to It's never going to be
another chance to see down in the hospital. I don't
know your assid it's either my life for yours. It's
going to be you're still going to be yours.

Speaker 2 (01:01:50):
You're still paranoid and you know it rightfully. So Bro,
that's what I said earlier, Like none of that.

Speaker 3 (01:01:54):
I don't mean to be insensitive because it's like your
situation is just so much more drastically different.

Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
So I get it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:01):
I get it.

Speaker 3 (01:02:01):
But you know what I'm gonna be with nothing. I'm
gonna be one thing. I'm gonna be praying you just
you just gave me something to add to the prayer list.
I'm gonna be praying that that the paranoia come out
of me. Yeah for sure, that definitely the paranoia. And
then just like the right, the right events get set
up in your life where you can feel comfortable with
taking a handoff and listen, the most important thing about

(01:02:25):
me saying all this, Bro, I understand Bro as a
black man, I don't know. This is really sad to
be honest, but like, I don't know if the hand
will ever really be off because we because there's too
many threats to us, even if you're living in a
good neighborhood. Okay, well, now I gotta worry about white
officers or white people calling the police and being like, like,

(01:02:47):
I remember me and my mom, me, my mom my sister.
We lived in this house, man, and it was the
first time we lived in like an actual house. Right,
So it's a white neighborhood. And I remember one time
me and my homies was playing outside in the front.
So there was an apartment complex right behind my house. Literally,
like there's an alleyway, there's a gate with where our

(01:03:08):
backyard was. There's an alleyway, and then on the oppit
side of the alleyway there's an apartment complex. And that
shit was just like all the fucking hood kids, all
the ghetto kids lived there, right, you know, that's the
best way to explain it, because it's like the neighborhood
wasn't necessarily the hood. It wasn't the neighborhood, wasn't the
hood at all, but it was some hood shit going
on in that apartment complex.

Speaker 2 (01:03:27):
But that's how I called like it's the ghetto, you
know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (01:03:29):
I think the hood is like a whole neighborhood, and
the ghetto is like it depends on who you ask,
you know, what I mean. But anyway, I was friends
with them niggas because we black, you know what I'm saying.
So I'd be like, yo, I live in a house
right over here, me and me in the front yard,
you know what I'm saying, my mom. And when my
mom not here, she not allowed me to have company over,
but we could chill in the front yard. Thought you know,
I mean, I remember one time somebody called the police,

(01:03:50):
bro and the police pulled up while we all in
the front So of course police pull up, and the
homies like, hold on, what the fuck? You know what
I'm saying, what's going on? And I'm like, hold on,
let me see what's going on. And then the officer
asked me, yo, like do you live here? I'm like, yeah,
I live here. That's why we're playing in the front yard,
you know. And thank god the officers was cool and

(01:04:11):
chill about it, because if they really had that racism
in their heart, they could have my mom wasn't home,
they could have really pressed that line even further. But
it was just the fact that like I was thinking, like, damn,
we we neighbors. We neighbors, you know what I mean.
I'm like, because whoever made this call. They in their
house and they can see us, so it's like, why

(01:04:34):
the funk would we be in the front. You get
what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (01:04:37):
It's like, Oh, it don't matter though we kids skin color,
So I understand.

Speaker 1 (01:04:44):
Yeah, I don't know if ever get over it.

Speaker 3 (01:04:46):
You say, hey, but you but my but my thing
is I'm in a place in my life and again
I didn't get shot, so understand that changes everything. But
I'm in a place in my life where I realized
I gotta choose me because paranoid thoughts started fucking me up.
You know what I mean, Like I really be having
thoughts like like I really do be thinking like a

(01:05:07):
nigga could kill me at any moment, Like I really
feel like that you can.

Speaker 1 (01:05:10):
I know you can. I was coming from seeing as
that got shot.

Speaker 3 (01:05:14):
But what I gotta what I gotta do is I
gotta understand and Bro again, I gotta keep making this
disclaimer because I gotta, I gotta. I gotta really let
you know, Bro, I feel you, bro one hundred percent
as much as I fucking can, right.

Speaker 1 (01:05:33):
Because it's numerous times I have moments like that.

Speaker 2 (01:05:35):
Well it's just like Nigga's like Okay, Well it's like, yeah,
trust God and all that, but I you know, I
wasn't not trusting God when I got shot three times.

Speaker 1 (01:05:42):
People like, yeah, trust God. But I said that said
like no disrespect, and people might look at it like, wait,
how can you say that. No.

Speaker 2 (01:05:49):
I feel I'm not gonna pump.

Speaker 1 (01:05:50):
My life in God hands while I'm walking on this earth.
I'm a defendant. The way I defend it. The way
I defend it might not be God liking, but I'm
a defenditi way I defend it.

Speaker 3 (01:06:01):
I think that God understands the severity of what happened
to you, and I think that guy understands that you
need time and very specific things to happen in life
for you to ever get to a place where you
could even have the thought of putting the trust back
for God's.

Speaker 1 (01:06:19):
Hand, Oh yeah, being free, like yeah, trust.

Speaker 3 (01:06:25):
That you do your part up there. I'm gonna do
my part down here, and I think that's what it
should be. Like I was on the phone my mom earlier.
You know, my mom is a big proponent of you know,
my mom got a super super strong relationship with God,
and sometimes like her relationship leans toward like you know

(01:06:45):
got to do it. The wait God to do it,
and I'll be like, I'm gonna do it. Yeah, I
don't gotta wait on God because God give us free will.

Speaker 1 (01:06:52):
People say that, I don't say, not understand myself. Yeah,
I'm gonna do it, and I ain't gonna he doing
enough about waking up in the morning. It's not like
one time the Rising Man, I believe it with the
Rising Man boom, I'm coming out the door. He in
the hallway, but he's not saying nothing. He's on my
floor but not saying nothing. But despite the sense is tingling,

(01:07:17):
I said, somebody in this hallway. Well, I came out,
I closed the door and I'm just fumbling with the
keys because it's like a right, who is what they
were trying to do? I ain't know who the rising man?
So he said that, he said he's now he talks.
He said, do you know where the main line at

(01:07:37):
the cable and all that. I'm like, no, I said,
but when you see somebody in the whoway, you should
have talked. That should have been the first thing you
do is just say how you doing? You need you look,
you need help or something. He said, I'm so sorry.
I locked the door and all that, and I'm just
like just locked the door, and I'm just saying, like
plotting on somebody in his building. I don't know who

(01:07:59):
you are. These people be set up there and the
ups and all that and rush somebody crib or paranoid.
It's like I locked the door and I'm started walking
down the stairs and I'm walking down and he's still there.
I waited for a minute and then I went to no,
it's like, I parent up. I just kept.

Speaker 2 (01:08:19):
One time.

Speaker 1 (01:08:20):
Big mother left out my crib early. And then she
calls me. But I just came in not too long ago.
But I'm drunk, so she calls me. I answered. She
calls me again. I'm like, yo, she said, Yo, it's
somebody in your building. So somebody in my building, yeah,
I said, don white. She said, they just sitting on
the stoopid. When I came out, they started walking down

(01:08:42):
the stairs. I said, he was sitting on the stage
like yeah. I'm like all right, I said, just stay
right there. He's like all right, So she she looking
at She said, he walked in the back of the
building like he went down and walked in the back
of the steps like cool. I put my sweatpants on,
put it, I put my gloves on. So now she
walking down the this and that, and I left the
dope and so you can't hear your closing none of that.

(01:09:04):
So you really can't tell two people coming down the
stairs because as she walked, I'm walking down the stairs,
like we walking down together. So when she get down,
he peeked his head. I said, what the fuck are
you doing in this building? It was a bomb, like
the door was open downstairs. So he just like needed
somewhere the crash, He said, oh no, you know, I
just needed somewhere.

Speaker 2 (01:09:23):
Just turn the thir I said, I don't know what
you about. Get up out this building.

Speaker 1 (01:09:28):
And then he's walking. He just put it here like
please don't hit me, Please don't hit me, please just
please upright, not this guy, Just get up out this building,
like this building is not for that. You can smoke
crack up, don't smoke cracking here. He left out the building.
But it's like, now, what if I didn't do that,
whould just say what he would have like grabbed up
and tried to do We're not doing that in here,

(01:09:48):
Like my building has got cameras all over that bitch,
so so it's like you would have got caught. But
he's like, no, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm
never I will never come back in this building no
more because I'm acting like I got signed on me,
so he please please be Definitely, they definitely be doing that.

Speaker 2 (01:10:02):
So I then lived in the building in the Bronx.

Speaker 3 (01:10:05):
Before, where people would like routinely be in the lobby
and like there was radiators in the lobby, so they'll
be in a lobby getting warm, keeping warm, you know
what I'm saying. Or they'd be like I've seen a
lady one time it was snowing. She was drying her
fucking jacket on the radiators, but she was down there
like dancing and ship.

Speaker 2 (01:10:24):
Like that like on some wow shit, you know wow
what they're thinking.

Speaker 3 (01:10:29):
Yeah, well, listen, I just want to make I just
want to I just want to make this point because
I don't listen. I don't disagree with nothing you saying, bro,
but like I really hope that one day you can
get to a place when it makes sense, when it
makes sense, you know what I'm saying. Because I don't
think you should rush to be moved out of nothing,

(01:10:51):
because the reality is we live in these realities where
danger is like infinitely possible. And that's just what it
is to be a black man to It's one to
be a black man and two to be a black
man in certain kind of neighborhoods.

Speaker 2 (01:11:04):
So that's just what it is.

Speaker 3 (01:11:05):
You know, you gotta move smart because nigga's a lot
of dumb niggas around. But I pray that one day
you can get to a place where you really understand
that as of right now, it's this way of thinking
it's beneficial to you, but one day it won't. And
that's gonna be the crazy part, like when you realize,

(01:11:26):
like damn, like I really did leave. I'm not even
in that neighborhood no more, but I still feel this way,
and you're gonna start to understand like you kind of
become like a prisoner in your own body in the
sense because it's like your reality don't necessarily reflect the
internal reality that you living in. And that's something that
and this sounds weird, but that's something that I experienced

(01:11:47):
in New York ironically, right, because it's like so many
people feel how you feel in New York and me
being an outsider. I don't heard so many crazy stories
from people who live here, so many stories bro about
people getting ribbed. I don't heard stories from niggasho hit
the robbin. I dodn't heard stories from niggas who don't
got ribbed, you know what I mean. I done heard
all types of shit.

Speaker 2 (01:12:04):
So this player love, right, So this.

Speaker 3 (01:12:08):
Place is definitely not a fucking fairy tale pop off
my neck. But at the same time, though, I started
developing my level of like internal peace here, you know
what I mean. And that's really just about the grace
of God because I didn't heard so many terrible stories
that it's like, you know, you never really know when

(01:12:28):
a nigga going nigga.

Speaker 2 (01:12:29):
I was when I lived in the Bronx.

Speaker 3 (01:12:31):
I would take the six all the way up uh
to one sixty first and I would walk past Yankee
Stadium to get to my house every day, Right, it
was just the everyday thing. I'd be working late nights here.
I go there every single day. But one night we
was all in the living room. I got the four roommates.
One of my roommates came in the crib running this
shit and he was just like, Bro, there was two niggas.
That was I feel like they was chasing me off

(01:12:51):
the train. It's like, damn for real, Like to me,
that was like I take that walk every day. That
could have been me, you know what I mean. So
of course it could all always be you, you know,
but somehow call it delusion, call it whatever. It probably
is delusion. But I've been able to find some peace
here because first of all, I realized I had a
problem once I got here, you know what I mean.

(01:13:12):
And then I was doing work. It's certain books I
was reading too, but I started doing work to just
take one finger off, you know what I mean, because
I be paranoid for shit that's not happening, and it's
it's creating anxiousness in my body. My nervous system is
getting fucked.

Speaker 2 (01:13:28):
Up, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (01:13:28):
I can't really, I can't really heal, you know what
I mean, I can't really you get what I'm saying.
So it's it's it's tough because it's like sometimes you
don't got an option to be all the way out
to even have them type of thoughts yet too, So
I understand that. But that's that's something that I hope
that you experience one day because as I'm undoing some
of the the paranoia in my mind.

Speaker 2 (01:13:49):
I realized, like, Damn, I was living hard, bro. I
was living hard.

Speaker 3 (01:13:54):
I bro was I was prepared for danger for one
hundred days and danger never came to me, you know
what I mean. And that's when you be like, Damn,
that's that's tough. But your situation is so different because
it's like now I got shot nigga, the fun it's
a different ball game.

Speaker 1 (01:14:09):
Whenever changed when I got contract shooters around me. Right
when I got contract shooters, I ain't paranoid. No, until then,
I always be on my toes.

Speaker 2 (01:14:22):
No, it's a real thing.

Speaker 1 (01:14:23):
Always things don't sound right to me. I just like
all I'm a parent fears it ain't move right. You
walk behind me too, I'm like a Damn, I ain't
walking around me yet, Like be moving? Why you walking
around me? Like what do you want to stay behind
me for? Let me move to the side you walk?

Speaker 2 (01:14:41):
Yeah, Like I got wrong like that.

Speaker 1 (01:14:45):
Yeah, No, it's like I just be cautious. She's of Brooklyn.
Got to be cautious.

Speaker 2 (01:14:54):
You gotta be cautious.

Speaker 1 (01:14:55):
Gotta be cautious.

Speaker 2 (01:14:56):
Yeah, listen, man, for no slip ups. Quick, let me
ask you something before we get out of here real quick.

Speaker 3 (01:15:02):
And I'm still trying to see if I get this
motherfucking chicken sounds I know that sounds crazy. You ever
look at a couple. You ever look at a couple
and can just tell that they're not gonna work? You
ever be around a couple and you can just tell
they're not gonna work?

Speaker 1 (01:15:16):
Hell?

Speaker 2 (01:15:16):
Yeah? How can you tell?

Speaker 1 (01:15:19):
Should be toxic as fuck? But you're still facing it
to work? And it's not. It's not it?

Speaker 2 (01:15:24):
How can you tell even though you can't see him? Like,
how do you be knowing?

Speaker 1 (01:15:27):
It's like the energy that they're giving each other tells
me like if they're not for each other, Like and
so far I've been getting it ready. Yeah, I'm like, nah,
it ain't for you though. It's just like especially when
you know a person like I like, I could know you,
but I don't gotta know like y'r yr girl or

(01:15:48):
whatever the case may be. But just knowing you and
I see how this person is taking you out of
your element. I'm like your brothers, she's not for you? Yeah,
if I know you, calm If a person got to
make you ras, it's your voice and act like something
that you normally not a Yo, bro, you gotta maybe
you gotta step back. Even though you may feeling this girl,

(01:16:09):
she might not be for you. You got two different people.
She wants this, you want that. It's like, nah, I guess.
Plenty of times I told homies, I ain't gonna say names,
but I'm like, she's not for you, bro, she just
did for what you got right now. Nah nah nah bro,
it ain't like that. Ain't like that. I'm telling you, bro,
like that. But when it's gone, what happened?

Speaker 2 (01:16:30):
Who you with?

Speaker 1 (01:16:31):
You? With me? Now? You still you back with me?
And she living our life like shit that they oh,
I don't do this now they doing it with somebody else,
like how do you feel? And it's times I warn
homies like, yo, bro, don't do this, don't do that.
Yet they still did it and it came back and
bite up in their ass. It's just I go off energy.
I read energy. I read a person all bro, and

(01:16:53):
they really for you if you're doing something dumb and
if they barking on you like yo, why are you
doing this this? And the third that's the person that
care for you they wouldn't be going that now. A
person that don't care for you, they don't care if
you're doing something dumb or knight. Can they benefit off it?
That's all they care about. If you set this to
a baby map saying out, I could rob this bank

(01:17:16):
and I know I could get away with it, and
she don't have a problem with that, you know what
she's there for.

Speaker 3 (01:17:22):
I could usually tell when a couple not gonna work,
like you said, when the energy is just not right.
And I'm not talking about I know couples argue. So
sometimes y'all could have y'all, y'all could be disagreeing on something.
Y'all could have just came from a misunderstanding.

Speaker 1 (01:17:36):
Every damn time is like yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:17:37):
But it's like, but sometimes the energy just be like
like sometimes I see a motherfucker that be holding hands
down the street, but they do they look like they
don't even want to be there. You know, look, especially
you could it's the woman, bro. You could always tell
through the woman the guy too.

Speaker 2 (01:17:52):
Obviously.

Speaker 3 (01:17:53):
I mean really, I take that back, because you could
tell through both of them, you know what I mean.
But when a woman just looking like actually, I take
that back because she could just be upset for me
your reasons to be really what I'm.

Speaker 1 (01:18:02):
Saying there, it's like y'all walking and it's like she
kind of walking behind you, and it's.

Speaker 2 (01:18:09):
Like y'all both just looking happy, like y'all feel like
y'all have to do this.

Speaker 1 (01:18:12):
Yeah, Yeah, y'all trying to prove a point that like
y'all at work or something like, y'all trying to prove
a point that this could work. Yeah, y're trying too hard.
You're not y'all not happy, Like.

Speaker 3 (01:18:22):
Neither one of y'all can be our best self when
y'all around people. And that's a telltale sign because it's like, damn, like,
I know, you're probably way cooler than this, but you
stuck in this emotion because.

Speaker 1 (01:18:33):
You're around this person. This person can bring your energy
down and you can see been there, and you can
see different patterns been there that person. You're like, Damn,
this ain't no to you, So why you moving like this? Bro?
That person can bring the person's spirit down. Yeah, get
rid of the nigga, get rid of up. I say

(01:18:54):
the whole way I said it, like, gotta get rid
of it. You gotta start all over. No, more way
people twenty five. I keep wearing people out of your life.

Speaker 2 (01:19:02):
Man, So we're gonna take Shorty on the day before
we get out of here. And what's up with that?
This Nigga's scared, bro, I ain't never scared of nothing.

Speaker 1 (01:19:12):
Scared. You know. I just gotta way down.

Speaker 3 (01:19:15):
You know you gotta go way down. Did you send
it the last episode? You see what I'm talking. You
see what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (01:19:22):
I ain't even do it. It's crazy, think about it.
I ain't even do it. I'm quite sure she heard it.

Speaker 2 (01:19:26):
Though Nigga sent it a fucking episode.

Speaker 1 (01:19:29):
I'm gonna send them get out of the matter.

Speaker 2 (01:19:31):
Fact.

Speaker 1 (01:19:31):
Yeah, I'm gonna sit.

Speaker 2 (01:19:32):
Down and get out.

Speaker 1 (01:19:33):
I wasn't last time. I'm mna send other question too.
Like I was watching to dig that somebody said at
your acts, if you were to get married, can they
sit in the front row and can they sit in
the front row and be happy for you? They say no,
but I mean they didn't get over you. Right, Let's

(01:19:55):
see what the ans gonna be me or nothing. I
was like, I woke your ey.

Speaker 2 (01:20:01):
I'm the one that's giving you away.

Speaker 1 (01:20:02):
I'm doing it all because you're really happy, Yo, certain people,
I want you to be happy.

Speaker 2 (01:20:07):
I want everybody to be happy, Yo, that's the goal.

Speaker 1 (01:20:10):
Real everybody happy to world is a better place?

Speaker 2 (01:20:14):
Where's a better place? Sound like Gospel of Me?

Speaker 1 (01:20:16):
Hello? Where can they find you up?

Speaker 2 (01:20:19):
Man?

Speaker 3 (01:20:19):
Don't worry about me, man, worry about this podcast. Support
this podcast. If you're listening and you at the end
of the podcast right now, send a message to the
blind but now I see Instagram account, send a message.
Let us know, yo, I really enjoyed this podcast episode.

Speaker 2 (01:20:37):
Let us know.

Speaker 3 (01:20:38):
We're trying to get the special people who wanna be
a part of all the special things when it happens.
So if you made it this far because a lot
of my blind because use a motherfucking blind step, because
a lot of niggas don't make it this far in
podcast episode, it's weird.

Speaker 2 (01:20:52):
I finish it anything I start. I have a I
feel like I got an obligation.

Speaker 3 (01:20:55):
To finish to you know what I mean too, just
to see what direction like, even if it's not that great,
like I'm gonna it just can't be terrible.

Speaker 2 (01:21:03):
As long as it's not terrible, I'm gonna finish it.

Speaker 1 (01:21:05):
So I got I gotta finish it because I want
to see what direction with angle you're going in and
everything else, so signed out too, But I just want
you to know when you're stepping out there and purpose.
They just know that every step you take is going
to be great. Don't wait to see it, just move

(01:21:25):
it my step.

Speaker 2 (01:21:27):
Peace,