Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Back at it for another episode of the Blonde Byna
See Show. This is not a disabled podcast, even though
you got two disabled superheroes and the number one producer
in New York City. I am your host, f obc
oh ship, I am your host. You know, blond stuff. Well,
if you gotta give you grace, man, I still gotta
get out these clubs. I'm your host. See the Fishery
(00:23):
Blonde Stuff or the voice of the disableds Blonde Poppy
of you nasty Rachel.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I don't want to go away.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
They don't. It keeps hunting me. You feel me. And
I'm here with hot fact papp don't.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Here with a k A frenchy aka French Minaj. I'm
thest and We're here to give you another amazing episode.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
I'm gonna see a lot more. And this is not
a disabled podcast, even though you see two disabled people.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
It's not.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
We gotta step up our wardrobe, bro, she came through
and our shine's pretty pretty pretty.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Severely pretty bullying on a budget, you know, down the street.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
I just do something, not just do something on me too.
I just do something, and I'm like, let me go.
I just threw my bucket on and.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
It's a good look. It's a good look.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
I know this.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
This is my time.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
You want the bucket?
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Yeah, I love a good bucket. Half Thought in the Way.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
And wolf tailor from the halfway. Your podcast, I'm in here,
what's up y'all? Ain't like you motivate me? Your podcast
motivate me.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
You'd be saying that, and I'll be like.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Both motivates everybody. I just see him and then you
can wake up and listen to his because.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Like motivational video, you should do one every day. You
motivate people. I'm trying because I'll be on TikTok scrolling
and my mind just be like wandering somewhere. You just
drop something about relationships.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
And no, he always says, like one thing, I realized
you always say the right thing, like it's like it's
crazy and you just hear it and you're like, wow,
I needed to hear that.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
That's my goal too.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I need to ship because people try to. I feel
like everybody is trying to do something and you're genuinely
being you, So I'm trying to.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
It's a slow grind being yourself sometimes, but it's worth it.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
You gotta keep it. That's why I tell everybody I
can't change who I am to you know, for everybody's appetite,
Like it's either you can do me all the way
or the blessings better yourself.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
The blessings are better. It might be slower, but once
you get there, it's like you see how I'm rocking though.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Ain't and I'm I'm a person that really give people
their flowers. You already breath of fresh air. When it
comes to motivation, sometimes like I can't find motivation, but
then I scroll on TikTok and see one of your videos.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
I said that said, no, this ship give me motivation
to get up, like one of them even resonated. I'm like, damn,
this is the minute predicament. I gotta I gotta leave
my past as my past, like it's my past for
a reason. I said, Nah, Wolf is the truth.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Man.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
You be speaking that ship like God put people in
your life for a reason. She's speaking that ship. And
then when I want to be on my bullshit rank
and ship, go to you go to Frenchy Pigs when
she be a love talking her ship, drinking ahead and
see the best of the Worldsium.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
And what is your sign. Oh yeah, we're ear signs.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
We all go together.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
We balance each other's Gemini's and the cs. We're all
ear signs like like like.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Them everywhere when Earth fire up.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
But the thing where air signs. We're compatible with everyone.
I feel like because I feel like I feel like
I could be with a be around fire, I could
be around water, and I could be around earth.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
And I'm talking.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
About we're not We're not. It's either we're literally like
good or great. Okay, there's nothing else between. And if
you piss us off, then that's the only thing you're
gonna get.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
We mirror you.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
But the only thing is when we mirror you, we're
gonna be more enhanced. And you're gonna be confused because
we're the nicest people ever. We could be the or
we could be the nastiest, and that's what people confuse it.
But you're gonna get what you.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Probably deserves.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
It's like she in and out with my life, in
and out.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
She knows, she knows what to do.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
She said, we be compatible with each other, but she
said we too compatible. One of us gonna break each
other hearts.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
How does it make sense you're too compatible? Y'all should
be too healthy.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
They just toxic.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yeah, just be honest.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
She's we can marry you, So whatever you get, we're
going to give you.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
We like the same ship. So it's like, nah, I
can't fuck with you. It's too perfect. We just alike.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
So how does that? How does that really work? So y'all,
y'all like that she's perfect for you because y'are both
equally toxic. So then what does that? Does that like
equal out to me in a great relationship? Then perfect?
Then what's the problem she's of us going cheat.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
On each other?
Speaker 3 (04:53):
I feel like I'm at the age where toxic isn't
cool anymore. I don't I can't do time.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
I grew up and she said she grew up. But
that pasted their hometos though I've been doing since high school.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
You've been with her since you've been since life grade.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Maybe y'all should stop.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Maybe y'all should call it or call it or not.
It's nice, it's nice nice. I mean, you got you
got like almost like a ten year situation ship over.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
In high school, like seventeen years.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
That's a you know what, low key y'all deserve a
medal for that. That deserve a trophy, because that's that's
the longest time to be committed to a.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Situation, a situation. But why is everybody normalizing situationships?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
He stays, because everybody's cool. We're being toxic.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
But is it because do you think it's because like
our elders, like they stayed and they tolerated a lot.
So our generation is just like, no, fuck that, I'm
not tolerating nothing, and I'd rather just do what I
want to do.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
I don't think I don't think it's that.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
I don't think that.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
I just think we ain't shuit and we just get it.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
You hit it on the head.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
You know. A lot of my parents told us what
not to do. We did it anyway. We haven't our fun,
we haven't our way with this ship. Too much fun,
too much fun.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Yeah, it's too much funny talk together.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
And it's like I'm out. I'm out the game.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
I want to be out the game too.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
I'm out the game.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I may love no toxic ship. It's hard to love.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
It's not hard. You just gotta you gotta be willing
to give what you want from someone else. And I
feel like that's the thing when you people say, like, oh,
we shouldn't expect anything from anyone. No, I expect what
I give. I don't give what anybody's talking about. If
you're my partner, if you're my friend, if you're my relative,
I expect ship from you and you're gonna do it.
If you can't, then you're not gonna be in my life.
That that's not because people always people what do you find?
(06:51):
You don't look for it exactly, You literally don't look
for it comes to you like it literally comes to you,
and you know when you meet that person, you know.
But people don't believe in longevity no more. I feel
like people will mess up a good situation just from
all the thoughts in their head. So it's like you're
having all these inner thoughts like this person. You see
how you said, oh we scared, we mind shewing each other?
Y'all don't even know if y'all would. Y'all just putting
(07:12):
that doubt out there. And when you put that energy
out there, that's what you're gonna give back when you're manifested.
But how about we manifest positivity? How about we manifest
good healthy relationships? How about we manifest like happiness? People
don't believe in that shit no more because I believe
in that shit. When she fixed your life, listen, I
took I did a lot, I did a lot of
(07:32):
I did a lot of work on myself these last
couple of years. On Tuesday, it makes a year that
I've been celibate, you know what I'm saying. So I've
literally I've never in my life after that. No, seriously,
I've never in my life. I've I have not been
a version in a long time, and I never thought
I could do it. But you see how many bonds
are made just off of lust, you know what I'm saying.
And when you have to take that lust away, then
(07:54):
you have to really see love. You have to really
do the work. And it's hard. It's not easy, you
know what I'm saying. Because it's like when you depend
it on something. I was dependent on sexual relations, you
know what I'm saying, Like, that's what my body was
used to, That's what I was accustomed to, That's what
I was used to. That's how you make up, that's
how you deal with a problem. This is what you
do when you're you're mad, That's what you do when
you're happy. That's what you're doing when you're drawing. This
is what you do when you're talking. This is what
you do.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Confused.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
Yeah, and then that's when you build these these bonds,
these trauma bonds, these bonds that aren't realistic and stuff
like that, because it might be a good sex but
a bad relationship.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
So it's like, now you're creating these fucking issues.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
I feel bad. I look, this is what happened, right,
I'm keeping around right like like anybody not looking at
it the word not looking at it right? Boom, all right.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
He always put himself.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
I like you right, working with each other. It just
felt so good. She came over like, Yo, let's make
this official. The Gemini. Yeah, I got a baby do
next week?
Speaker 3 (08:49):
This was what this was fourteen years ago. Wow, so
you did that? You were with it?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
I said, yeah, I got a baby do next week.
She said, you lying?
Speaker 3 (08:56):
So you was cheating on your baby mother. You were cheating.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
He was in and out. You and your baby mother too,
not not me and my baby me and Hume.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
No, but I'm saying you was cheating on your baby
mother if you was having a baby doing she can't.
Let's get into it, into it, we go and dig
into it because I heard stories about you catching your
baby mama cheat, but let's talk about how you cheated.
So you saying, y'all was in and out, but you
and your baby mother was on and off. While y'all
was in and.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Out, me and my baby mother was together, me and
her one on our break. That's why I said, we
always in and out. Right. So she came back at
a time when my baby, my baby and my baby
mother was.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
So y'all was out for nine months.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
This is how me and her head.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
That's how crazy it is, right, type of thing.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
So she always when she came back, she'd, yeah, I
think it's I haven't found nobody that's like you, baby.
We need to try it. I said, I got a
baby do next week. She said. I said, no, I'm not.
She said, you dead ass. Puh My show her the invitation.
She started, So she looked at me. She's like, wow,
(10:03):
the boom eye star water, and I'm like, what the fuck? Damn?
She boom, She left, bought me a gift and everything
from my baby, shower and everything. Right, she puts you again, yeah,
so boom. After that, we still be rocking with each other, right,
what's rocking? We're doing the du after like months later, this.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Is why you and your baby mother, I just want
to be that's while you and your baby mother was done.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Yeah right, so now be rocking boom. So she she
gets she disappeared for her little much. I get shot.
She comes to the hospital.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Nah, she she hitting everybody up?
Speaker 1 (10:41):
What hospital?
Speaker 3 (10:41):
He in?
Speaker 1 (10:42):
This? That? And the third she comes, I'm on the respira.
She's coming over to the respirato bo. When I come
home from the hospital, she comes to the house, she
jumps on me. Be rocking. She calls me, yo, maybe
we should try this.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Relationship, even after the baby, even after.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Even after the blind Yo.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yo, I love her.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
I'm like, yo, I'm in a relationship. She said, what damn?
And then she married somebody for I ain't gonna visit,
you know, yeah, God bless American, no place ouse. So
I'm like, damn, all right, cool, it didn't work. I'm like,
all right, now I'm free from everything. Now I hit
(11:23):
her up talking. She says, I'm pregnant. I said, yeah,
I said, I know what this is.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
You keep missing each other.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Yo.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
She's pregnant by the niggas she married.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
So now I'm like you she said, no, it really is.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
I'm like, what the fuck? So that I'm like, damn,
I know how she felt because I'm feeling in that.
I'm like, all right, cool, all right, you know how
you how your your son? Now, her son was born
two days before I got shot. Mm hmm, so I'm like,
you know how your son doing? Were talking be ribing all?
She just now we just talk and the energy just
(12:01):
feel unmatched because we were dealing with each other with
your teenagers.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Could it be that the energy is unmatched because both
of you knew it's something that you could not have.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
I don't know what it is.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
That's because no, that's literally a toxic thing. You want
them more when you can. That's that's why it feels like,
oh no, I need it now because you have the baby,
I have the baby.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
We go together. Yeah. So now we're older now, right
in our thirties. Now we're talking and then our conversations
is like you don't I don't want to hang up
the phone.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
It just felt so good now we're older that we
know what we want. We talking like were on some
grown streak.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
She come to my birthday party and it's like the
butterflies just came.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Birthday party.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Yeah, okay, she came. That'shi boom. She dancing dancing together
people like damn s no, like you wanted like a
sticker like damn s no. Because when she came in
one of the home we tried to talk to her,
she said, nah, no, I'm here for somebody. So when
he came back there to me, he like, yo, bro,
you gotta go. I try to talk to her. She
(13:01):
dubbed my ship. So we started laughing. But the whole night,
I'm coffing holding it and all that. She dips.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I had that deal with money.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Now next month it was just vanish vanish, like he
was hitting her up.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Like she went back to like disappearing again.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
So I got a question, do you feel like it
hits harder with her because you actually remember what she
looks like? Is that ever like a thing like you
actually can you because you know what she looks like?
Speaker 1 (13:30):
I know she does.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Does it feel better with somebody.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Out of all my relationships? I had fun with her,
like we had fun, like actual fun, and I ain't
talk about just sex like she's somebody that like she's
wanted a home, like I could talk to her about anything.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
It sounds like you need to be sleeping each other.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
We can have fun.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
But it's like yo, it's like one of those chemistry.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Yeah, you feel me like yo.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
She was like, you don't get there.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
She had a call away before I did. She usually
be like, I know you're gonna fuck with you, fuck
with the females. Just make sure that bit's on. Need
nothing in my car.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Gangster like that. That's different ship.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
She was gangster like me. He wasn't together, so she
used to always say, it's not mine, you feel me.
She's always saying, you mind what I respected. And it's
times like when she had niggas and they pulled up whatever,
she would give me a hug. I'm like, he's looking
at us. I'm like, I got you. I'm chilling.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
It's just I don't know what. So what's stopping y'all
from giving us an actual shot?
Speaker 3 (14:35):
You need to propose to her?
Speaker 2 (14:36):
What stop you from giving it the actual shot?
Speaker 1 (14:38):
She said she's skied herself being hurt.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Yeah, she said herself. Are you scared of yourself? Y'all
too much of light? So they scared of getting hurt?
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Me Like, let me tell you, I don't got me.
We don't got to talk for months, right, I taxed
out the BLO I love you. She takes me bigger.
I love you too, Chris, and that would be that different.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
So she's scared of what happening because she she looking
at me as from high school days, like I'm a dog.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Maybe she don't want to ruin the bomb because maybe
the passion is just in the fact that they two
people that can't have each other but one each other.
I'm a dog, a dog, ye'all get together, You're gonna
end up paying each other.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
That's possible, but that but that I feel like sometimes
chemistry just unmatches.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
It could be your twin flame.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Yo. We laughed together.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
It's not easy to find that, bro.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Yo, it's not you feel me laugh together. We joke together.
We played together, like we did it all of this,
so it's like we never took me and I never
had an argument.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
At the same time, do you think that you deserve
better though better than better than her?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
We're grown now, so it's like that we used to
do before, we don't do now.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
But I'm saying, like, do you think you deserve better
than her?
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Ass Nick of that? Come on, sugger, come on, he
she needs better, he's not ship.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
I'm not that.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
I'm that I'm not right where you need her to be.
Then ask that girl.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
Mature so they're like in their mid thirties.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
I'll be thirty five next month.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
So that's your peak. Great that you need to get it.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
A lot I've been. I've been mature when I hit
like thirty thirty one.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
You're a grown ass young man.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
I don't. I don't want what I wanted before.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
So what do you want now? What are you looking
for a woman? Let's put that out there.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
What I'm looking for a woman. I'm looking for peace, okay,
I'm looking for a friendship. I want us to be
best friends. We could talk about anything to each other.
I'm looking for a safe space, like I need her
to be my safe space. I'm looking for happy joy
like looking for a best friend, my best friend, but
we have to be best friends before me.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
I feel like people forget that part in the relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
They figure I don't all serious ship like I hate
from relationships that it just be like we just hey,
get up, you kiss.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
I'm looking for you, spend the whole day avoiding them
when you get home, and then you.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Know, play for your house. We're gonna throw when you sleep,
I'm gonna throw water.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
That's joke. I want that same time. I want to
hold you at night.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
That's what I'm saying. Like the chemistry that you're talking
about with you don't get that with it, You really don't.
It's like, and that's not a bad thing either, just
too serious for me to be too.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Serious for me.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Serious you mean you want something serious, you don't want
it to be taken. So, yeah, that's boring.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
It's just like we just here.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Like, come on, that just means you with a boring person.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Yeah, a lot of people like that. Like the relationships
ain't people no, like know what it is.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
And then it's like because people get complacent in their
relationships and then they just get so used to the person.
It's like you don't have to do anything to please
them anymore. I already got you, And that's what makes
you got to keep trying to get that person each day, Like,
no matter how long you've been with them, you got
to keep trying to make them fall in love with you.
I feel like that's the thing I say, some sweet
ship every day in my MANETs to be a little
(17:56):
so still a real Niga.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Though, all right, but you know what we're talking about,
because we spent enough on me. I told you too much.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
We were telling about friendship.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Relations with your friend. I didn't deny about it.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
No, I don't know what it is, right because all
my friends makes good relationships.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
All your friends would make good relations.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
B he's a dalan friends very much.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
I dealt with a million girls of my life, right.
I slept with probably two million girls in my life, right, okay,
two million, two million?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Right?
Speaker 3 (18:34):
But how many times you had a class?
Speaker 2 (18:36):
I told me some ship?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
I never got hit.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Oh, I told me some ship one time. I still
think he's lying. We was in the uber. You told
me it was about a summer.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Oh yeah, I went crazy on unred girls went crazy
something no class.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I don't believe. And I can refer to watch on
this episode.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
I don't believe.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
See, if you count the whole summer, it's like ninety
it's about one hundred days, and you hit a bitch
every day.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Two girls girls, those three girls a roll to some time.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
And this is while you're blind about saying, maybe you
the same girl.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
I mean tell you no bad right, it was time
I did.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
And that came out like, oh my god, she hit
me with something. Doctor like, yo, you got to drink
gator raade ready, but you.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Hydrated because when you're just drinking and drinking and.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Ship then came out with your I'm like your she
gave me. I'm like no, but it felt like you
were really nothing. But now you're coming out. You did
get here with something. I don't know. He don know
waters he don't know. I didn't get here, but I
thought I did because I'm like, yo, I never because
(19:44):
you ran out. I never because she was everlasting. You
hear me. You thought it was ever last. Last were
the teenagers. We were teenagers. I'm just rolling and I'm
dropping and rolling, dropping and rolling.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
You're alive, Bro, You're alive. It's no, It's just no
fucking way.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
It is a way. It's a lot of guys that
are hundred.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Niggas in a summer, summers three months.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
I'm that nigga. I'm telling you, TikTok no, I'm not Twitter,
my Space, my Space.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
How many of these women do you know personally?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Didn't personally to be honest, and this is before you got.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Blind, I'm calling cat, Bro, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
I'm driving.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
If you hit this comment. If you hit this, we
need to get in.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
The show called Card and then we're gonna get into
the friends. We need to get speaking of French, and
he have to call his lione ass friend right now
because the ain't no way a nigga hundred girls in
the summer.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
I'm telling you, I was a rolling stone nigga.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
You gotta be yo.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
What's the word cause Yocardo? Yeah, I'm live on my
podcast right yeah, yeah, they can hung out called on speaking,
you can hung up so quick the nigga.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
The nigga work in the whaitehouse. That's what they all say.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
He probably a little service well either way, other people
be called either way. You didn't got you you, I say,
I think it's possible.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
You know what I mean. You're a guy, you everything,
and it don't that don't move me no more, though,
definitely don't.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Sex is not better than love. It's only better when
you have being sex with the person you love.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Enjoy I enjoy sex.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
You have to be you have to be in love.
That's where I'm at and that's why it's so easy
for me to be celebrated.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Can you say that again and then go into why
you feel that way sex is better than love, and
go right into it.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Sex ain't better than love unless it's the person that
you love you're having sex with. And the reason I
feel that way is because at this age now, because
I've had platonic sex before, but now at this big
girl age, it's like, I have to be comfortable with you,
because sex gets better than more comfortable.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
You are with a person. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
It's more intimate, and intimacy is not just touching. It's
a mental thing. It's an emotion thing. It's emotional things.
So if I see you're taking care of me, if
I see you're taking care of my mind, if I
see you're taking care of my heart, if I see
you taking care of my soul. When we have that
sexual connection, we're gonna we're gonna open up and wagna,
it's gonna go so crazy as opposed to all right,
I like you the sexist cool. We could have nasty.
(22:25):
You can have nasty sex with somebody you don't really
care about, but it's just at the end, you just
feel dirty. You want them to get the fuck up
off of you. But the person you in love with.
You want to sit there, you want to lay, you
want to cuddle, you want to talk, and you can
still talk about them again. And that's why it's just
like I said, at this age, because everybody, I just
see so many people going around just having sex and
sex and sex, and can they getting these spiritually because
everybody just worries about STDs, but there's spiritually transmitted demons,
(22:49):
you know what I'm saying. So now everybody is just
laying with. Everybody in there, everybody is broken. So now
you're laying with this person that done had a heartbreak
from this person, and now that person's heartbroken.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Now you're trying.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Now you're depressed this person and it's broken. Now you're
getting broke. This person lacks ambition. Now you have no ambition,
and you're just wondering, like, what's wrong with me? Why
am I feeling this way? It's the person you laid
with in the thirty other people that they laying with,
So now that's something that you had a sex with.
One hundred girls, all of them girls, no shade, you
know what I'm saying. All them girls is feeling different
emotions and different feelings and they don't know because they're
fucking a stranger.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
I know for sure. No life is girls I had sex.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
With that I don't know anything.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
I don't remember their names.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
And that's something that that's something that we need to
work on literally as people, because if sex was made
for us to do it so freely, it would be
no STDs. God would have never created that. That's why
STDs are there to put in place like Okay, you
should not be this person.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
STDs and like the emotional responsibility that come with it,
like sex will get you fucked involved with some people
in an emotional way.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
That's like people kill themselves. Yeah, people kill themselves over
the people that they have sex with. People are people
get so emotionally it's connected, they'll give all their money.
You think tricks is a funny thing. These are people
that are so tied to sex that they're willing to.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Go broke for livelihood.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
The people that the people that got somebody that they're
in love with allegedly because I don't believe you could
be in love and want to cheat. You know what
I'm saying, because I my definition is in love. Because
I'm in love with my man. I would never want
him to hurt so I think about his emotions more
than nothing about mom because my emotions are tied to
his and his are tied to mind. So in order
for me to say I love him and I'm in
love with him, I have to be intertwined with his emotions.
(24:26):
And because now I'm giving somebody else my my body,
my spirit, my energy, you know what I'm saying. And
that's not fair because then what am I going to
give to him?
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (24:38):
What makes it special? You can love someone.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
In love with him. That's different in love.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
Okay, So what's what's your definition of being in love?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I think being in love is being like drunk, and
it's it's drunk for all the right reasons, you know
what I mean. It's like you like you like overflowing
with your connection with that person, Like you can't see
nothing else but them, you know what I mean. You
got abundance of patience, abundance of understanding. You'll go one
hundred miles to get the job done for them, you
(25:07):
know I mean. That's like being in love is like
the healthy version of obsession, you know what I mean,
You have a healthy obsession with your person because y'all
locked in with the integrity with you're just locked in,
you know what I mean? So when you're in love
with them, it's like nigga, I wouldn't, I would never
do anything. Version of obsession, the healthy version of obsession.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
Clip that the healthy version of fucking obsession.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
That's true.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
And what you think? What's your this asshole.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Immediately right look you bother?
Speaker 3 (25:40):
You got that smirk on his fucking face. What's your
definition of in love? Oh my god, do you even
have one? Take the time you want me to come
back to you want me to go first, or you
want to go?
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Definition of love is like.
Speaker 3 (25:59):
Make up a lie.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
I can'tnot. I can't make up a lot. I've been
in love.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
So how did you feel feelings?
Speaker 1 (26:08):
I was head over hells with this person. I give
the person my shirt off my back, I give the
person my life. I was head over heels with this
person probably still list like. It was never a no,
it was like one of those I just always wanted
to see this person happy, even if it costs me everything,
like yeah, me being down, I wanted to see this
(26:30):
person happy. It's like I wanted this person to win
before I even thinking about me winning. Like I was
head over heels it's like, if I can make this
personal life easier, I felt my life was easy.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Oh my god, guys, he has a heart.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
I really do.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
If I if I'm in love with you, trust hi
believe it's not in this world you gotta wear.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
So your definition of in love is just going above
and beyond for.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Someone and not thinking, I'm not gonna think twice. I'm
gonna make you happy. I'm taking up slack that I
see you slacking in open you in areas that you're
not going to ask me. I'm gonna be there for you.
You ain't never you never got a question me.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah, I love you. I love you.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
I'm locked into you with like I'm loyal. Like back
in the days, I didn't know what love is. So
it's like I treated my niggas way better than I
treat my women.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Oh and you know where a lot of niggas like
real shit.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
It's like I'm lower to tell my niggas, but I'm
not loyal.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
We're going to get into that though, because that's a
whole another that's a whole another topic.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Yo.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
It's bad because it's like I'm lying to my woman,
but I'm not lying to my niggas.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
Because it's because that's the thing. It's so with I'm
gonna give my definition then we could get right into that.
My definition of in love is just it was a
quote from Suicide Squad and it was like don't because
she was like, I'll die for you. Harley Quinn said
it to the Joker and he was like, don't die
for me. That's too easy. I need you to live
for me, you know what I'm saying. So you literally
live for that person. You wake up, the first person
(27:52):
you're thinking about before you go to sleep, the last
person you think about. You're praying for that person, you're
breathing for that person. You want this person to win.
You want to win with this person, and you're picturing
your life and everything with them, and you're willing to
put your life on hold just so there's you know
what I'm saying, But healthy love, you don't have to
do that because y're both going to go together and
you're both going to pour into each other, you know.
So I do understand what in love is. And I
(28:13):
thought I was in love before, but I realized I
just high love for people. Now that I am truly
in love, I realize that it's much deeper than that is.
Being in love is a sacrifice. It is, and it's
a healthy sacrifice. Like you said, it's a healthy obsession.
I'm obsessed with this person and I just want to
win in all bouts of life. But as far as
what you were saying with the loyalty with your niggas,
(28:36):
and I feel like that's why a lot of relationships.
Guys fail in their relationships because their females, their women
will be accent for the loyalty that you're giving. You
know what I mean, your friend, and it's just like
you look, you're complaining. Your bro will call you, Oh bro,
you man da da da dad your thousand something. You
could get cool, be happy da dada as soon as
your girlfriend this bitch. You know what I'm saying, Like no,
(29:03):
I'm talking about my love presas.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Ship and I see help with y'all see ship.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
But not like me.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
I jumped out the window for friends when they called
me before I.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Did my woman.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
But your women would be to want to jump out
the women.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
She could play like damn, oh this nigga say he
need to see you this then and throw you upon
and you gone. But I just asked, you can you
just come and just lay with me? And I gotta
wait until you ready to do it.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Well, I'm like, it's tough because it's a beautiful thing
when a guy has a bond with his homies, Like
that's your that's your chosen family, you know what I mean.
But the problem is a lot of the time niggas
don't understand, like if you in jail, or you in
a rut, or you like, if you need assistance right now,
who's realistically who's the most likely to drop everything and
get to your girl? It's your girl, that woman, Like
(29:52):
if you get if you need to call somebody, like listen,
I need ten thousand dollars right now. Your homies don't
know how they gonna get it, and she don't know
how she's gonna get it. I'm gonna figure it out.
I guarantee you she gonna figure it out first.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
You better put that woman first.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
But that woman first. And this is why I tell
all my bros. I'd be like, it's bros before wholes,
not before your wife. You know what I'm saying. So
if you find somebody that you love, you treat them,
you treat them good, and you treat them with grace,
and at the end of the day, it's never like
a It is a hierarchy because when a man takes
on a wife, you know what I'm saying, Your wife
comes before everything because that's who you're building your family with,
(30:26):
over your mother, your father, all these people, because that's
your new family. The family that you create is more
important than the one you come from, because this is
something that you're nurturing, you're building, and you're growing, and
you can still love the family you come from, but
you have to pour more into the one that you're creating.
And that's why a lot of relationships felt because niggas
be mama's boys, you know what I'm saying. Or it's
a lot of women. It's a lot of women that
(30:46):
got bitter moms and they in they hear about their
relationships and now I'm just taking you're just taking on
all this stuff, like, Okay, your mamma ain't never had
nobody love it right, So she said you be in
loved right now. She in a way, because it goes
it works both ways. Or you got somebody daddy, you
know what I mean. It could go either way, but
at the same time, it's just like, oh, no, you
could go. But like I said, at the same time,
it's just like we have to know as people what
(31:08):
we're willing to go and what we're willing to do
and what we're willing to sacrifice to be with someone,
you know what I mean. And we have to set
boundaries with our friends. We have to set boundaries with
our family members when it comes to our relationships. In
order to have a healthy relationships, you have to set
boundaries with the other people that you had relationships with,
whether that be friends, whether that be family, whether that
be coworkers, exes. You know what I'm saying. You have
(31:28):
to set healthy boundaries. You have to let them know
this is not something I'm willing to compromise and I'm
not gonna settle, you know what I mean. And because
the same way you're bro, you're bro. And that's why
they say a lot of people married people should hang
around married people, you know what I mean, Because you
got to hang around the people you want to be alike,
not the people that you used to be alike that
you used to be like, because you're just gonna stay
as far because he saying set it back. He said
you'll get as far as the motherfucker you talked to
(31:49):
for no reason. So now you're talking to a bunch
of single people while you're in a relationship. You come
to them and you've been in about you, you've been
in about your bitch, and now they putting on the
shit in your air and you're listening. You're like, damn,
this shit does start makes sense. None of these niggas
is happy answer answer he wanted. He wanted to try
the world.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
Put it next to that, yo, big big guys.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Right, Yeah, I'm on the podcast live right, nigga. One summer,
we wasn't going crazy. How many women.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
It was?
Speaker 3 (32:25):
It was it was like dun tea dun me and
you wasn't going crazy.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
This is not possible.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
It was it was outside outside that was wow, some
wow young.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Y'all was playing for Yeah, my producer, right, he said,
not having impossible. We wasn't going to fight Sunday walking
out with ship ya playing for was outside.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
That's why.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
I could believe that y'all had one hundred. But I
can't believe you didn't catch the class.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
I just say that you said, wow, what that's what exactly?
Speaker 2 (33:05):
But you fucked one hundred women in the summer. Yo,
we were crazy, so one hundred a piece.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
I won't say like I'm gonna be honest with you,
like say from like when start turning like like from
like springing like around eastern town.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
So like the end of the summer.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Me and light went crazy, Me and no, Me and
dud went crazy, nasty.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
Hold on, so y'are both sucking one hundred girls a piece.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
He was in the room together with two girls time
sometimes crazy with viral with viral. What this is my
nigga on the corner, man, we're gonna take it. The
patrol was.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
On the corner that they were telling it people.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
I'm gonna say all, I'm gonna say.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
We enjoyed that year was what club mooker sea breeze.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
You have to have like thousand bodies. Yo. He was
breaking date breaking breaking day and Dick.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
And my my grandmother used to wake up and cooking
his breakfast.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
With these viral wake the hose up.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Never came to the date Wednesday they had.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
He was these toes were all along with this that
was outside calls claw you was hitting bitches outside in
the basement on the roof or basement.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
This nigga sounds like Shaggy.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
It wasn't me yea God, I gonna call you when
we get up to the episode.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
This nigga stomp and that's how you know you're reminisced
the he said that was that was the we talked
about that, ladies comment. We need to get at least
one hundred comments, if you know, aunt comments, if you
him just coming or you can you can d m us. No,
let's forget it. Let's get it. We gotta, we gotta,
we need proof. We're gonna do a poll so you
(35:07):
could be anonymous. We're just gonna put it under there.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Robert, did you see that robber one in the chough.
Speaker 3 (35:16):
You know I'm giving him if he gets to an
I'm giving him.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
A last thing I want to say about the friendship
ship though, too. Niggas gotta be honest with themselves. We
we love our homies, especially because a lot of homies
we got like these sandbox stores with them and like that.
That's really what it be about. It be nostalgia keeping
us together. But guys, a lot of our homies be
losers though.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
The whole thing you're back once you girl at the
time needs be the same looking at your girl last
when you walking away. So many excess their friends is
in my d MS right now, and it's just crazy.
It's like, wow, did you always had to be looking
and thinking and these be the ones that give the
no she hole, bro.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
She just she does. She's a bitch.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
I died for my nigga, youre gonna die for your nigga.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Hepre that should be. But as friends, though, we should
hold each other accountable.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
It's not enough of that. It's not people telling their
friends their dead beats.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
Now like when we was young, like me my son Carlo,
there was not because like a lot of like weepe
like we had courage on with each other. You feel
me like growing up they're like, yo, you gotta that
ain't he was running crazy in the hood now niggas,
but your I'm like, no, brother, that she ain't worth.
(36:29):
It ain't worth it bro't worth.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
People be so because it's the it's the cloud. I
feel like men men don't even enjoy sex how they
should because they just be so like boys. Not let
me not say men boys don't enjoy sex because they're
doing it for the cloud of other men. They want
to be able to have bragging points like Okay, there's
many girls and they talk about it with their homies.
They be with that girl for five minutes and be
with their homie all day. And I listened to my
(36:52):
brothers talk about it all day, and I'm like, damn likentes.
I'd be like, do you hate home? I'll be asking them.
I'm like, y'all really not happy because it's like, there's
no way you could just be so many women at
this age. When you were young, we're finding out who
you are, whatever case be, but at this big wrong age,
like I mights to be thirty, I must be in
the thirty in that club. So I don't feel like
anybody that. Yeah, I don't feel like anybody that I
know should be like just flabbergasting and hype up for sex,
(37:14):
you know what I mean? And with multiple like casual
sex and then when people become fathers, when the girl
keeping the baby, I don't know this, but enough to
fuck her though.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
That's what we got to hold each other account. Ain't
me growing up and like that people, I wasn't arounding
all that, And like we used to play the games.
Girls used to be in there. We never paid them
no mind. Playing were talking to each other more than
we talking to them. Playing the games all time was all.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
It's like I just realized it was disconnected.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
Oh my god, we're talking a lot, so you feel me.
So it's like we were playing the game and the
girls in there and we're not paying them no mind.
So it was like I was more into my niggas,
not Pauls no gay shit, than was really payingitenity these females. Yeah,
like and that yo, no life. It's crazy.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
It's like we both outside, you're doing wrong. I ain't
gonna lie. His baby mother left, my baby mather left, but.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Still outside with each other.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Really, he's outside.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
He's like, yo, that's surely best. Fine, Like, nigga, you
can still dance, you can still dance with the girl.
He like, now he gonna go back and tell my
baby mo, nigga, I slap that broke, go ahead. But
it's like I should have like, yeah, right, bro, But.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
How could you not when every song is reinforcing in
your mind. Bros over holes.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Bro, when you hit that jamaking shure, you see they
want to you start doing that.
Speaker 3 (38:34):
But that's what they and that's what they put into
the black community. Everything get trickered down from the Willy
Lynch sterry, like these white people really work. Yeah, and
they really did it. They really learned how to break
up the black family and just keep it that way.
And now it's to the point where we do it
and we don't even see what's going on.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
And that's situated because we think it's culture. So we celebrated.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
It's like this is just normal, the baby dad, baby
mom community. I never wanted that. I grew up in
the two far at home and both of my parents
got remarried, you know what I'm saying. They're with other people,
and they're still with those well my daddy not my daddy,
but you know, like you know, just being like my
parents were married. So I'm not a bastard, you know
what I'm saying. So it's like me and my brother,
we have the same parent. I don't know what it's
(39:13):
like to just sit there and have a bunch of
like broken homes, you know what I'm saying. So I
never wanted that from my child. But I also was
able to accept, like, all right, even if we don't
work out, like we still have a kid and we're
able to co parent and raise them. Not going to
comment on that situation, but I am blessed to have
someone that i'm with now that loves my son like
his own. And that's what it is. And that's why
(39:34):
I promise myself, like the next time I do have
a kid, I have to be married. I have to
have something, you know what I mean. I have to.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
I can't.
Speaker 3 (39:41):
I can't demoralize myself just because I have my own goals.
And I'm not saying you're a bad person because some
people don't want to get married and stuff like that,
and that's okay. It's at the end of the day,
I still believe in marriage. I still believe in love.
I still believe in a healthy family and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
People get married to get married.
Speaker 3 (39:55):
Because it's become so the word.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
Yeah, like you said, like the Willy Land theories, like
people have been finessed. But I need people to understand
when you're going into your thirties or if you're in
your thirties, family is the way we keep scoring for
how you win it in life, no matter what that
everybody has a different version of family, especially in this generation.
But it's like it's only so many nights you can
go out and try to bag something. It's only so
many nights you can wait for somebody to come at
(40:21):
your spot. It's only so many nights you can sleep
with somebody, and then as soon as you get done,
you're like, okay, well where you going? You know, it's
only so many times you can do that. You know
that's bad.
Speaker 3 (40:30):
You can't take that, and you can't take that ship
with you. You can't take all of the all the
material things, all the bodies that you accumulated in life.
Those half those people are not gonna be at your funeral.
Who matters is who would be at your bed side
if you got if you lost everything, if you got sick,
if you got injured. We both got injured and we
both disabled. So it's like we've I know what it
(40:51):
feels like people, I know what it feels like to
the certain people not to be there.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (40:57):
But just put value on people like you. You you gotta.
People are more important than money and stuff like that.
And nowadays our whole generation is so itemized and they
materialize and they only give a fuck about what the
next person has. Oh, I could fuck with him because
he has this, he has a car he has, he
has that he's the corniest motherfucker ever, so poor as ship.
And when you're fuck, you're gonna feel poors.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
You're gonna feel niggas too. It's not material possitions, with
possessions with gods, but it's like the body, the bb.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
L that's the that's the possession and nothing. If you
want to get your body, then I'm not here the shame.
Women do what you want to shame nobody else for
what for not want.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
It's not about shaming them, but it's about the mentality of.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
A guy putting putting the value high value, high value
on a body.
Speaker 3 (41:40):
Value woman is a woman that bought their body as
to someone that's about it.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
That so me personally, I prefer natural body. But I'm
not even saying that. I'm like placing the value on
a body versus the actual person.
Speaker 3 (41:54):
And that's that's all these celebrities get fin us because
they're only looking at what.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
In this bitch.
Speaker 3 (41:58):
You can tell she like money, she had to pay
for everything, and women look at their BBOs as investments,
which they are. You look good, you feel good. You
want somebody that's gonna be able to upkeep that life
style that you just provided for yourself because you feel like,
oh shit, I just invested in this in myself. Now
somebody that's investing me instead of sitting there wondering like, damn,
is this person really? Does this person really love me?
Does this person know they love what you can do
(42:20):
for them?
Speaker 1 (42:21):
Let's start loving the inside not the outside.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
A second ago, y'all was kind of alluding to like
y'all started realizing almost like kind of who was y'all
real friends? Like after y'all experiences and stuff like that,
And I think that's a perfect way to segue into friendship.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Yeah, and definitely the way I look at it, like
like thirteen, I've been rocking with people for years, like
over twenty years.
Speaker 3 (42:43):
How long have you been blind?
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Thirteen years? Right, thirteen years I've been blind. But I
started seeing a shift after I got shot of who
really my friends? Who really not my friends? Was the
ones when I got off the respirator, my son started school,
they took you, mm.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
I'm like, y'all uniform and all that, and I'll.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
Be paid for that shit, bro, Nigga, I'm said, nigga, I'm.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
Sedated they paying for it.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
I'm like these are my real friends. My friend called
me and I put something up and they called me
and they listened to me like y. I never in
my life cried on the phone to a nigga until
I got shot. Those are my friends. Something is wrong.
They dropping everything, they running to me. It was going on, Bro,
talk to me like yo this time and the third
it's time friends call me They like yo.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
Bro.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
Honestly, you may not wanna hear it. You might hang
up the phone. You might not talk to me in
a couple of days. But you act like a bitch
right now, bro. Mm and I got quiet. I'm like,
I I talk to y'alligas later I hang up the
bell ring They pulling up on me? Oo, Bro, what's
up with you?
Speaker 3 (43:42):
Man?
Speaker 1 (43:42):
You act like a female right now? Bro like and
I'm like, damn, like, these are my real niggas. But
then you got niggas that I got shot. I ain't
see it. I ain't hear from y'all no more.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
I ain't hear from y'all. Ain't seeing that now when
I'm driving around, y'all, ain't my car be pushing me moving?
It's like I'm the hottest thing moving. Girls wanted to
be around us, and it's like, now I got shot,
I can't do the things I used to do.
Speaker 2 (44:04):
Now y'all disappeared to you now that they can't get
nothing from you.
Speaker 1 (44:07):
One time, I'm sitting up there, I'm with my girl,
be laying down her. One of the homies called on Facebook.
So I'm sitting there. She's like, oh this such and such.
I'm like, the fuck he going to you for? He called?
He just talking, talking, talking, and I'm just in there
looking like I'm the fuck this nigga up.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
Blonding off but you can't hear.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
Yeah, she got on speaking son herd. She seeing him
saying hi. He said, oh ship tell my brother said
it's good. I talked to you later, hump up the phone. Like, nigga,
you're a bitch, nigga. I know what you did.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Nigga Like, I heard it all, Bro, take care of home.
Speaker 3 (44:48):
Now that's the table and that's the rope.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Man. I got shot. I seen it all.
Speaker 3 (44:53):
It was crazy how you can lose your vision and
see better, yo, My no.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
I got the best vision. The My visit came after
I got after I got shot, because I see what
I see. Who is who who is what? Like, I
would like move around probably like twenty niggas because you
stopped saying what started saying five niggas. That that's real
loyal to the bone with me, real lo, Like I
got a friend right now doing nineteen years in jail
(45:20):
on my podcast page. He's just liking my ship. He's
sharing and ship and this nigga in jazz that's.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
It because this niggas free ain't doing none of that niggas.
Speaker 3 (45:27):
Niggas will.
Speaker 1 (45:30):
Come down to no cat is like real niggas. Like
I'm saying, kay, you shout up to my saying kay,
you support all my parties. I'm like, yo, He like,
I don't watch your podcast, Bro. I'm like why. He like,
I don't want to relive that moment. One day, I'm
in the crib he called me. He just crying and
I'm like, bro, what the fuck is that with you?
He like, Yo, and I just tried to listen to
(45:51):
your podcast, Bro. That shi it broke me down, he said, Yo. Bro,
he said, no, He's supposed to be bigger than what
you is.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
Bro.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
He said, part of that is because of me. I'm
like sharing your shit. I'm not telling you people. He said,
not the word. Need to hear what you're saying. I said, Okay,
I'm accountability. That's good, I said, Cam, I'm good, bro.
He said, nah, nah, Bro, it's not supposed to be
like this, he said, I avoided this. I don't want
to relive this moment no more. Bro. I'm like damn,
and it's like he crying and all. I'm like, okay,
but I'm good, bro, he said, nah, I feel like
(46:18):
I could do more, I could do better. I'm like,
all right, then, I'm my son Ace. I'm like, yo,
I'm stressed. I gotta get my son from Harlem. I
don't know how I gonna do it, he said. I'm
even work to come get you.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
Bro.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
I'm like, damn, these are my real friends, my son
that I just got the phone with my son Carlo.
At one point, I'm like, damn, I got shy. He
disance myself, like nigga, we in the clubs.
Speaker 2 (46:40):
What happened? He caught?
Speaker 1 (46:42):
He hit me one day. He like, yo, you're in
the crib.
Speaker 2 (46:44):
I'm like, yeah, let bring about him and come over.
Speaker 1 (46:46):
I'm like, all right, cool. He come here, like I
just want to apologize, bro. I'm like for what. He said,
I felt like.
Speaker 3 (46:52):
I have not been a friend to you accountability.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
I said, I said, what you mean? He said, Noah,
listen to your podcast, bro, and you said something that
had hit me in my stomach. I'm like, damn me
talking to me, he said, Cause I felt like I
left you. He said, but I don't know how you
feel about coming outside, how you feel about moving. I said, Bro,
you just gotta asks. He said, you know what, You're
absolutely right. Bro. Now he'll call me oo what you're doing.
I'm pulling up on you. I'm doing this now. It's
(47:16):
like I can't get enough of these Niggas'll be like, damn,
leave me alone. I'm talking nigga, like, but like I
lost my friends that I really thought was really my friends,
and now being blind, I see who really did for
me because the people that I'm moving around with now, yo, bro,
now come in, come one one. My son stro shout
out to him. He like, start start using your stick, bro,
(47:38):
I said, man. Yea said, shut up, nigga. He said, nah, Bro,
you look cool with the stick.
Speaker 3 (47:42):
You're like cool.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
I'm like, I look cool. He like, yeah, Bro, he said, nah, yo,
he said, when I see you with your stick, bro,
I get excited, my nigga. The reason why I letter
do the stick shit, I came from going to the
studio where somebody coming by myself now, and that's that's
motivation from friends. It's like, so, I I felt like
I gained so much going blind than I did singing,
(48:08):
but now be going blind. It just showed me who
there for me? Who not there for me? And I
just need to let them go.
Speaker 2 (48:13):
Yo.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
When I got shot, everybody gonna be at the hospital.
But then when I started waking up, I started seeing
who really there in rotations? Who I'm like, Yo, I
need fruit. Anybody running out the door to go get it?
Speaker 2 (48:24):
Community, I said, nah, this is my brother.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
My brother. He was with me when I got shot,
had a whole trip to Disney World.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
Went took him in his door. Though.
Speaker 1 (48:33):
The day I got off the rest spread and he
heard my voice, he said, I'm cutting this shit, this
trip shot. I'm on my way back now.
Speaker 2 (48:41):
Hm.
Speaker 1 (48:41):
Now, my he spusta been out there for seven days.
Only three days he spent out there, No two days.
He got on the M track and came right back
m just to be there with me. That's a love, right, there.
That's a lot.
Speaker 3 (48:53):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
I went not trade none of my friends and for nothing.
I'm glad they they here for a reason.
Speaker 3 (48:58):
I'm glad you had that fucking expence.
Speaker 2 (49:01):
What's your experience like?
Speaker 3 (49:03):
See back cloud is a drug. So, like you said,
everybody's at the hospital. So like I've always been like popular,
you know what I mean, So everybody everybody knows you.
They just I woke up to a bunch of people
and I'm looking at them, like, hey, ain't you the
girl that suck my ex dick in the park? I
literally said that I didn't play. We was friends too,
shout out to you. But I literally had a bunch
(49:24):
of people just around me and I was just looking
and then it's like, okay, but you only want one person,
and that one person that I really wanted she was
not there and we were together every day that it
hurts and I was I just wrote. I couldn't even
talk because I had tubes so down. I couldn't speak.
I had my all my rip, my whole ripcage was shattered.
I had a bunch of broken bones. So I couldn't
do nothing but write in and write a little bit
(49:46):
because I barely could move my arms. I was weak,
and I was just asking for I was asking for her,
and I didn't see her, and then everybody was just like, oh,
telling me what she's doing. And then I think she
came once and she was like, I couldn't see you
like that.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
D D.
Speaker 3 (50:00):
That's why I don't respect nobody like that. My mama
don't want to seem me like this. My daddy don't
want to seem like this. My family don't want to
see me like this, but guess what they do. I
don't want to see me like this, but guess what
I do. So no, I'm not good enough because I
can't do what I used to do with you. But
I was great enough when.
Speaker 2 (50:16):
I was able to you think that's really what it was.
Speaker 3 (50:18):
I just feel like I don't feel like it was that.
I feel like people were used to you in a
certain way. And I'm the strong friend, you know what
I'm saying. I'm the one that's strong for everybody. You know,
So when I couldn't be strong for people and I
needed people to be strong for me, they wasn't. And
that's why I think I'm so independent and so strong
today because I didn't have the opportunity. You know what
I mean, Like my mom, this shit broke her.
Speaker 1 (50:38):
But did you ever think about like shit? Look at
because I.
Speaker 3 (50:42):
Know I don't give no I don't give nobody a grace,
bro because at the end of the day, I don't
want to see nobody in this situation. But I'm a mother.
Speaker 1 (50:49):
I have a kid.
Speaker 3 (50:50):
You understand I'm saying something. God for bit, something happened
to my kid. I love my kid unconditionally.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
This is what you know.
Speaker 3 (50:54):
This is what taught me. Unconditional love. I'm loving my
kid at any state, gova bit anything. You know what
I'm saying, that's unconditional love. So at the end of
the day, that's what I need everybody around me to
love me as my father. My mother day was there,
my family day was there. They didn't treat me no different.
They was making wheelchair jokes. They was doing what they
had to do. They wasn't happy with the situation.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
They was angry.
Speaker 3 (51:11):
My mother pushed me out her pussy. You don't think
she was broken. I was her first child. We did
everything together walking. You know what I'm saying. My father,
I'm his first daughter. My grandmother, I'm her first granddaughter.
I'm my aunt's first nieces. I'm the first of everything
in my family. You know what I'm saying. People still
showed up at me. So I didn't make excuses for
friends because I know where I would be now. I
had guy friends, my guy friends, and this is why
(51:33):
I look at men differently, and I know it's a
different type of loyalty. My guy friend, he was away
all the way in Florida. It's my brother. He flew
back to Queen's next day, you know what I'm saying,
Like he was far away. They was there, my best friend.
Speaker 1 (51:47):
He had beef.
Speaker 3 (51:47):
He couldn't really move around too much. He caught my
mother check on her every day. God rest his soul.
My other brother, Hollywood, he he died as well, but
he was there with the hospital for me every day.
He was a nursing school, coming all the way from
Queens to Manhattan every day, from Long Island to Queens
to this to that, just every day, just to make sure,
just to sit there, even if I'm sleeping. I had
(52:08):
a friend that was homeless, and he was there every day,
breaking curfew from the show to all types of shit,
sneaking in the hospital, trying to spend the night in
the hospital with me, so much so that my mother
let him stay in my room because he checked on
me so much when I was in the hospital. Shout
out to Giovanni. These are the people that I won't forget.
You know what I'm saying, because that's unconditional. The people
that checked on my mother because my mother needed somebody
(52:29):
in those moments, or them that time when I was going.
So it's like, I don't make excuses for people. I
don't give people grace. I don't feel bad for anyone,
and I don't feel bad for how treating them in
their relationships all the way that they are. I do
appreciate the people that I was different because I have
a lot of good people that I was there and
we may no longer be closed, but I'll never forget y'all.
I'll always be grateful, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (52:49):
Let me ask you this. Do y'all feel like when
somebody's been hurt and the friends says they didn't come
to this to see you because they couldn't see you
like that, do you feel like that's an excuse?
Speaker 3 (52:58):
Yeah, just like when people say, oh, I couldn't when
somebody died I couldn't see them like that. Somebody, somebody thigga,
that's the last time. And I don't really I don't
really value funerals because I know that the body is
not physically there. But at the end of the day,
I'm gonna make sure. If I'm not going to make
sure I check on your mom's I'm gonna make sure
I'm doing something, show up some type of way you
show us presence.
Speaker 1 (53:20):
Yeah, but I ain't gonna lie. I would have to
disagree because I got friends like that, Like that's in jail.
He straight tell you, y'all dieing't coming to the funeral,
he said, cause I want to remember y'all. How I
remember y'all.
Speaker 3 (53:32):
That's what I said. So that's different if somebody is
telling you before here. But it's the motherfuckers that sit
there and pretend and do this and do that. And
then how about for men, the people that be in
the streets with you every day doing all this gangster ship.
Something happened for you. They're not even going to spend
they're not even thinking about it. They're not even putting
no money in your mama's packete. They helped you lose
your life. They'll help you lose everything, but won't help
you get shipped, not even a casket. The people that
(53:55):
you the people that I look up to, is the
people that I know if something happened today, they're gonna
help my mama carry my cast it out.
Speaker 1 (54:01):
But those are the ones that you want carrying it.
I don't want nobody carrying.
Speaker 3 (54:05):
I don't want nobody that don't want to be there.
An I've been to, but that's understanding. I've lost a
friend every year since I got shot to gun violence.
You know what I'm saying. I've lost people close to me.
I've lost people younger than me, and I got shot
at fifteen, so to lose somebody younger than me is crazy,
you know what I'm saying. So I had to go
to those funerals. And the final funeral that I did
was d Asia. She died she was about thirteen, and
(54:28):
I said no. You know what I'm saying. I said, no,
no more funerals. I can't do it. I can't do
funerals and next ones I'll go to. You know, with
my longevity, my parents you know when they get older
and stuff like that, and somebody that I'm really really
close to. But I hate people that just go to
funerals for no reason. It's just people that they know
of and stuff.
Speaker 1 (54:46):
Like they want to make a picture where every people
just want to be in pictures.
Speaker 3 (54:49):
They just want to be I can't do funerals for sport.
Speaker 1 (54:52):
After me, I got to really love you for me to.
Speaker 3 (54:54):
Amen, because I'm not putting myself through and I don't
handle grief the right way. I'll be mad, Like you
would think I don't care.
Speaker 2 (55:02):
I don't think I had on grief or I don't.
Speaker 3 (55:04):
Think I don't you would think I don't care because
it's just like I'm so used to just like I
a grieve different, Yeah, because I'll be hurt on the inside,
and then it'll be those random belts. It'll be these
random belts of moments while I'll get these blasts of
emotions and it's like, damn, I miss my homie, you
know what I'm saying. But then there's other times, just
like you know what life goes on, you know what
I mean, Like life goes on, and I think because
(55:24):
I lost so much young, like losing your legs, I
had to grieve myself. I had to grieve my body
at fifteen, I had to grieve my my mobility so young.
So it's like that was just a different type of grief,
and I handled that. I handled that shit with grace,
you know what I mean. People wouldn't know how I
was feeling, like I felt my feelings on my own,
but I never let them shit show. My mama and
my daddy came out, and I was strong for them.
(55:45):
I smiled all laugh because I already know how they
was gonna feel if they've seen me fucked up every day.
I'm the oldest of my sibling.
Speaker 1 (55:51):
That shit hurts you, though, it does because I was
the same way, like I was keeping it in. I
just wanted everybody around me to be happy, but I
was really dying it.
Speaker 2 (56:00):
To a point.
Speaker 1 (56:01):
One day I told my mother, like I'm only alift
because of y'all, and they didn't understand it, like what
are you talking about saying I'm only head to keep
y'all happy? I'm not happy, and that shit fucked everybody up,
Like what are you?
Speaker 2 (56:13):
What are you talking about?
Speaker 1 (56:14):
The reason why I ain't check out is because I'm
making y'all happy. I'm miserable waking up like this every day.
So then it was like, yeah, but you got other
things to live for, Like what.
Speaker 2 (56:24):
Now?
Speaker 1 (56:24):
I don't feel like that. Now now y'all gonna get
all of me. Fuck that, like the good, the bad,
the ugly.
Speaker 2 (56:29):
Y'all getting all of me now.
Speaker 1 (56:30):
But before I'm like, I'm doing this shit to make
my mother happy, holding on to my mother. Shoulders she happy?
Speaker 2 (56:36):
This shit?
Speaker 1 (56:37):
Don't make me have this shit taking away my independence
your son. Yeah, but at that time, I ain't gonna lie.
I feel like my son was better without me.
Speaker 3 (56:44):
You felt like you was just a cripple his life and.
Speaker 2 (56:47):
I'm just here a bird.
Speaker 1 (56:49):
Can we go to the store.
Speaker 2 (56:52):
You don't understand, yuh?
Speaker 1 (56:54):
I don't feel safe awkard with you, Like I ain't
tell him that, but that's how I don't feel safe.
Speaker 2 (56:58):
And and that's parenting right there. That's some tough ship.
Speaker 1 (57:01):
Yeah. And it's like I feel like I'm hindering, like
I'm holding his life back because of my condition.
Speaker 2 (57:07):
That's tough for Like, for that example, you just gave
like your son to be like yo, like I want
to go to the store.
Speaker 1 (57:12):
And you're telling.
Speaker 2 (57:14):
Five because of your fear, Like this is when he
falls five.
Speaker 1 (57:17):
It's like maintaining. Then it's like it's just me and
him and.
Speaker 2 (57:22):
I And as a father, you're you feel like your
biggest offering to your children.
Speaker 1 (57:26):
Is protection, protection, and I feel like I'm keeping So.
Speaker 2 (57:29):
I got to tell you, I got to deny you
from myself right now, that's.
Speaker 3 (57:31):
From a parent period. Protection, your money, the mother wants
to protect, and the fund.
Speaker 2 (57:36):
Right that's a parent period.
Speaker 1 (57:37):
So it's like when you keep letting him down that ship,
that should hurts.
Speaker 2 (57:39):
You even more.
Speaker 3 (57:39):
They eventually start to look like they start to look
at you how you look at myself.
Speaker 1 (57:43):
They're looking at him like a right, will mommy come
we go to the store, but Daddy keep telling me no.
It's like then they start he started looking at me funny.
But it's like now that he's older, he understands now
way you more now to a point like, man, fuck,
it is what it is. I'm gonna go there like yo,
everybody trying to rush to me. Nah, this is something
I gotta do. You wanna go to basketball practice? Come on,
(58:03):
let's go dollars.
Speaker 2 (58:04):
Let's girl.
Speaker 1 (58:04):
I'm' i'm'a trust you to crossman across the street. I said, shit,
don't look right. Let me know doubtless, cause like, don't
my when I and I tell him, I tell my
brother if shit coming our way, like if my past
decide to hunt me, mm, don't worry about me.
Speaker 2 (58:18):
Just go.
Speaker 1 (58:19):
I'm'a deal with it.
Speaker 2 (58:20):
Just go.
Speaker 1 (58:20):
Don't worry about y'all. Shouldn't have to be effected of
what I did in my past. Just go, i'm'a deal
with it. They're like, nah, ween, nigga, just go, Like
my son, don't nigga run the safety.
Speaker 2 (58:30):
You had them conversations with me. I have them conversations
like in the event that.
Speaker 1 (58:34):
Yeah, if anything was to happen, don't worry about me.
Speaker 2 (58:36):
Just go.
Speaker 1 (58:37):
Mm like I talked him. When we turn this corner
and we ben in this corner, they been with us,
take flight. Go I'm good. Don't try to drag me
along cause you you just weighing yourself down. Just go.
I got this nigga like, alright, cool rat. They respect it.
It's times I ran into people that like we had
static back in the days, and I I'm like, yo,
(58:58):
like I'm standing outside the guy you like, yo, see no,
what up? I heard that voice. I'm like, fuck cause
you know that voice and I'm with my son, mm,
his mother, his mother in the star. I'm like, yo,
dollar's going to store cause like I don't know what
type of time he's on. He goes in the store.
So my baby mama, she see what's going on, Like
stay in the store.
Speaker 2 (59:17):
He came mind.
Speaker 1 (59:17):
He's like, yo, what's good?
Speaker 3 (59:18):
Bro?
Speaker 2 (59:18):
Like what up?
Speaker 1 (59:19):
He like it was a siling.
Speaker 2 (59:21):
He like, y'all heard what happened to you? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (59:24):
And like what is we doing?
Speaker 3 (59:26):
Bro?
Speaker 1 (59:26):
Cut to smile. He's like, y'all, I don't wish. I
don't know nobody bro mm sorry. He like I'm holding
my hand out getting nigga at pound be talking regularly,
like Yo, that shit we was beefing about back in
the days. That shit ain't about nothing, Yo. He was dumb,
he was young. We this, that and the third and
my son came out and I got my son behind
me because I still don't know what type of time.
He still don't know what type of time you on?
(59:47):
He like, yo, brol, but YO, take my number. So
I'm like, alright, bro, what's your number? But my son
put it in the phone bag and my mom he's like,
I ain't never gonna use this number. There you take
your number before like yo, height easy, bro, a difference.
So he jumped in the car by let's go because
I don't know if hes gonna spind his block. Let's go.
And for a minute, it's like take my son hand
(01:00:08):
because if you see this car, just go ahead. He cool,
no problem.
Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
Thirteen years nobody.
Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
Ran down on me.
Speaker 3 (01:00:15):
Thank god, God, it's good.
Speaker 2 (01:00:17):
It's people heard what happened to you, bro, which I
don't nobody. I appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (01:00:22):
It's some people that don't care about the disability and
they'll still do it, like.
Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
Yeah, you want to drink, bro.
Speaker 1 (01:00:26):
I'm like, no, I'm good probably with you. With you?
Speaker 2 (01:00:28):
This is this is paranoia you speaking of paranoia? Is
that what this is?
Speaker 1 (01:00:32):
No, I wouldn't say paranoia demons. It's like my I
don't want my my, my past to come back, and.
Speaker 3 (01:00:38):
You've got to move and you gotta move.
Speaker 2 (01:00:41):
Yeah, that's what I mean, because you're having like a
an awareness of what could what happened, you know what
I mean? Like and it's fucked up because I'm listening
to it. It's like you're listening to like the story
of a man being like they're of all the things
that are possible today. Violence is not off the table.
Especially even with this.
Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
People look at it like I got the bend on you.
Speaker 2 (01:01:03):
Now what you gonna do?
Speaker 3 (01:01:05):
It depends on how far the beef goes. And there's
some people with no humility that will go that far.
But then there's some people that feel like there's no
point in doing anything because of you know what I'm saying,
because you can't see.
Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
Yeah, they'll take advantage. I couldn't beat you before I
could beat you.
Speaker 2 (01:01:19):
Let me ask you something. I'm gonna ask you a
real question. Do you think you have done things two
people in this life to warrant that say that, to
warrant that type of reaction? Not for it.
Speaker 1 (01:01:31):
Don't gotta be serious like that.
Speaker 2 (01:01:34):
People just don't give a fuck.
Speaker 3 (01:01:35):
You don't know how far anybody will take it. People
on different levels.
Speaker 1 (01:01:40):
Even seeing we both could see I can whip your ass.
Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
You gonna go back and go get a gun off me?
Speaker 1 (01:01:45):
Right?
Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
You just fought no gun out on none of that.
I'm not trying to care. Just went back and got
a gun to try to kill me.
Speaker 1 (01:01:51):
So not picture yo yo, When he breaks my nose,
then he busts my ship open no, I never got
my gack get him. I'm gonna get him, like one
time that it pissed me off, but I held it down.
He walked like, we're in the club and the guy
he whispering, my heat, I got you. I'm like, I
(01:02:13):
know who it is.
Speaker 3 (01:02:14):
He did it.
Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
I know he is, like, I got you now whisper
back in.
Speaker 2 (01:02:20):
His here do something, Blondie.
Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
No, like, you're not taking my heart.
Speaker 3 (01:02:24):
Bro. Mm hmmm.
Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
He's like, no, I'm just playing with your bro. So no,
I don't play with it.
Speaker 1 (01:02:28):
I said, Yo, you just see me walking through the club.
But the best believe I got a whole bunch of
killers around me. After that, well he did.
Speaker 2 (01:02:35):
He backed up.
Speaker 1 (01:02:35):
He thought about it. He is you crazy? But mind you,
I don't got nobody in there. But I'm showing you
I'm still a nigga if I want to be Oh
my god, I'm just playing with your bro. I'm just
playing with you, bro. You want to drink, bro.
Speaker 3 (01:02:49):
But that's but that's the importance of having real people
around you in situations like that, especially when you know
you have certain things, because like I said, there's people
that I know it's gonna go to that furthest sting
for me, I've been in shootout, not me shooting because
I was just a bystander. I'm a lady. Contrary to
popular belief, I'm a lady. I was just somewhere lit.
(01:03:10):
So it was just like for me, just listening to
your story is different because mine wasn't for me, you
get what I'm saying. So, but there's people that came up.
But you know what, but you had that day that day,
but you know what I mean, you had beef prior
to your situation. I've never had beef, and I still
(01:03:30):
don't you know what I'm saying. So it was just like, well,
maybe I got someone in the wheelchair. Maybe I don't
consider it that, but no, for real, like I just
I don't like just hearing the with the way you
said it because I have people that, like, you know,
random people. I'll go get into it with random people,
but I don't have it as to where it's like damn,
the person that did this to me or something else,
or somebody might do something to me, just because I've
(01:03:51):
had experience before walking. I had girls that don't like
me before the chair, but they're not gonna say nothing.
They're not gonna do nothing because they wasn't doing shit
when I was walking, you know what I'm saying. But
it's like for guys, it's a totally different thing because
it could go so and don't don't get me wrong,
females take it far. Females is killers too. I know
some bitches that that get that really get down, you
know say I'm saying. But at the same time, it's
just like damn. It's really literally like a damn feeling
(01:04:15):
because I'm in a chair and I like when my child,
like I get into arguments with people and I'm not
gonna lie. My son, he'd be like, he'll go right
back with them. He don't play about me. And that
just what scares me because it's like, I know he
gonna get bigger one day. I know he gonna get older,
and I gotta prep him, and I gotta prepare him
for top skin because you know, when he get into
arguments with kids at school and stuff, you know, anything
(01:04:35):
like you get into drum with somebody, they gonna have to, Oh,
your mom's in a chair, you know what I'm saying.
You gotta just be ready to not even give a
fuck about that. You gotta let that shit just fall
off of you, you know what I mean, Because it's
just like, I know, I'm my son's so spot like
at this age, he do not play about me at all,
you know what I mean. So it's like, and I
had him in the chair, so I never had that
experience of what you were feeling, like where you said, oh,
(01:04:56):
I didn't feel comfortable to do this. I made it happen.
People was telling me what I wasn't going to able
to do it. I'm like, man, I've been in this
ship as many years because at the time I had
my son in twenteen nineteen, I was in a chair
for eight years already.
Speaker 2 (01:05:07):
We had him in the chair. Yeah, So let me
ask a question that might be ignorant as fuck, like
was it an easier pregnancy because of that?
Speaker 3 (01:05:14):
It was just regular easy compared to what people said,
I didn't have a high risk.
Speaker 1 (01:05:18):
I didn't.
Speaker 3 (01:05:19):
It was just normal. I peed all the time. I
mean at the my my last month, I started wearing
panpus because I was just peeing all the time and
my blood it was just like fuck it. And then
plus I'm sitting on my blood. You know what I'm saying.
So everything is just more pressure. And I'm smaller, so
just being skinny, he's leaning on my kidneys and he's
just pressing on the ship. I didn't have any complications.
I pushed him right out. So it was just like
(01:05:42):
it was simple. It wasn't like I can't say it
was easier heart because I never had the experience walking yeah,
I said, but from my experience, it was just pretty
much like whatever is. And the doctors didn't believe it.
Like when I gave birth. It was literally like the
every obgyn in the hospital this they all came to
just watch. They're like, oh my god, you would have
(01:06:02):
thought I was going the verse of the fucking Messiah.
They're just looking at like, and I'm performing. I got
my hand up to God because this shit hurt, just
like and I'm playing gospel music.
Speaker 2 (01:06:10):
And I know it did, but I'm just thinking, because
I'm sorry, I do.
Speaker 3 (01:06:15):
I fell in down there. So I felt every part.
And that's the worst part about it, because I was like,
if it was any time, if we not to feel
some bit of time, and I couldn't get the epidoor.
I didn't want the episode. I always wanted to do natural,
but even if I could, I don't think I could
because I have the bullet in my back and they
have to put a needle there. I wouldn't want to
could That needle could paralyze you, so I wouldn't want
to take away what I already have. So i'body's fucking
(01:06:38):
And it was also the beauty of just being able
to feel it. Wow, you know what I mean, because
there's some women that can't. And I was just like, Wow,
this shit is crazy. That was at the beginning. I
thought that shit was a joke. I was like, these pitches, pussy,
why because I'm getting the contract. But that wasn't before
my water broke. Once my water broke, I said hell no,
I said, hell no, cut me the fuck open. You
feel that shit going down. It feels like you're taking
(01:06:58):
the biggest ship, I promise you. It feels like you're
taking the biggest, sharpest shit out of your the sharpest
like it felt sharp, like it felt like you're getting sad,
like in your back, like the contractions feel like the
worst cramps in the world. Like that shit, it feels
like a Charlie horse in your stomach, in your back,
and your ass. So that's what I felt, and this
is why.
Speaker 2 (01:07:18):
Niggas gott to pipe down all this smoke for women, bro,
because it's like, I can't even.
Speaker 3 (01:07:24):
The black woman is able to take on the most
amount of pain in the world. And women period could
take on pain, but the black woman, it has the
highest pain tolerance. And that's the craziest, parably scientifically proven, checking.
Speaker 2 (01:07:33):
Out, very scientific.
Speaker 3 (01:07:34):
I love my black queens, man, but it's just but
just like like I said, just the experience of just
my son, this is all he knows. He doesn't know
me from walking, but we have our conversations. He came
to me about two years ago and he's like, you guys,
shot in your back right, like he literally said it
to me.
Speaker 2 (01:07:49):
It's just regular should be the worst.
Speaker 3 (01:07:51):
And he asked me and it was like I was
like like it was like one of those like wow,
like we're about to have this real coming to life
moment this early, like this is how what happens, because
he was this was about he was about four or three, and.
Speaker 2 (01:08:04):
Then she's done telling us, So I want you to tell.
Speaker 3 (01:08:06):
You he was about he was about three and he
literally he's six now. So yeah, this is a minute ago.
I remember we were stading on my couch and I
want I think I recorded it, but I can't remember it.
But it wasn't like the first part like I had
to react him because he already said it, because it's
not like I just had their camera out. So I'm
just listening to him. He's like, yeah, you got shot
in your back, right. I said, how you know? He said,
(01:08:26):
because I just know things. He said, So the guy
that did it, he's a bad guy, you know what
I mean, Like he was asking me questions and he
was like, I want to kill him. He said, that's
just so calmly, like you know what I'm saying. He
still say it. And that's the crazy part, because it's
like I'll be trying to teach him, like, you know,
we don't fill those ways towards people, because I don't
ever want him to think vengeance is is because vengeance
is mine, said the Lord, And I'm very mindful of that.
(01:08:49):
I'm raising a young black king. I'm not raising a
little nigga. So I just want to make sure that
he knows that I don't want him to be like
the person that did this to me just because somebody
did this to me. Violence is never the answer and
when he said it, And then the other day I
was standing up in my walker because I'm just tying
to stretch my legs out getting back in therapy. He
was like, mommy, you you could walk again, and I'm
(01:09:09):
like no. He's like, I was like, what happened? Like
you sad? And he was like, I'm not sad at you.
I'm just sad that you gotta be in a wheelchair.
He was said, I just want you to walk, And
that made me sad. That shit made me like it
broke my heart because then it made me angry at
the person that did this to me, because it's like
somebody took away something from me that I could have
(01:09:29):
given to my son that could have made his life
even differently, because there's things that I want to do.
Like I said on the last podcast we did, that's
just me and my son, but sometimes I have to
incorporate other people. Even the other day this was like Thursday,
I just took him out. We went to this place
and it's a play place, but the playplace is in
the basement, so it's elevated. The first elevator that shit
wasn't working, so we in the elevator we just wait,
(01:09:50):
and I'm just getting discouraged. I'm like, oh, my fucking god.
So now we're like, oh, we're like oh. He's like, Mommy,
we could just go down to escal Now. I know
how to go down the escalator, but I was trying
not to do things that could fuck me up anymore.
I'm already a vegetable. I'm not trying to be a
frozen one. So I'm just like, Okay, let me just
you know, sit there, let me just figure it out.
(01:10:13):
But as soon as I'm about to go down the escalator,
a security guard comes in, Oh, there's another elevator over there.
Speaker 1 (01:10:18):
Did that It's working?
Speaker 3 (01:10:19):
And I was just like, dang god, because I didn't
want to destroy him with seeing all the other kids
go downstairs. Just go right down the escalator. And he
knows the play places down there, he knows what we
came to do, and he would have been hurt. And
he was like, oh, well, we just got to go
to another one, right, That's the way his mind said work,
not realized them. We just paid a fifty six dollars
over to get here. Where are we going? Like I said,
where are we going?
Speaker 1 (01:10:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:10:39):
But he handles it pretty well, he don't play about me.
If somebody disrespects me, he defends me, even though I
don't encourage that, because I'm supposed to protect him, and
that's what I do do to the best of my ability. Luckily,
I'm blessed to have no one really try me on
that forefront to where it's that bad. But I have
people get crazy with my kid there, and my kid
be on go. He'd be on bad time right with me.
He'd be like what he'd be putting this little middle finger.
(01:11:00):
He'd be like, like, you gotta teach your son some men.
My baby got minutes he just gonna play about his moment.
And I'm never gonna tell my son not to defend
his mother because that's what you're gonna do.
Speaker 1 (01:11:08):
That's a big fat period.
Speaker 3 (01:11:10):
Now, how did your son like come to you with
that moment?
Speaker 1 (01:11:13):
Like he was scared to ask me?
Speaker 3 (01:11:15):
How old was he?
Speaker 1 (01:11:16):
He was seven. I feel like he been knew, but
it was just the process of him asking me, like.
Speaker 3 (01:11:24):
What happened, just him preparing himself to ask.
Speaker 1 (01:11:26):
He had people talking about it, so he knew I
wasn't blind. He's like, oh, how did you get blind?
So I'm like somebody hit me. He said, somebody hit you.
I'm like, yeah, somebody hit me. He's like oh, and
he said where they hit you at? So I'm like
he knows something. I said, what do you know?
Speaker 2 (01:11:47):
Zat man?
Speaker 1 (01:11:49):
And he started laughing. I'm like, no, what did you do?
You know? You like, oh, you got shot I said,
So if you know what happened to me while you're
asking me, he said, oh, where did he shot you at?
And he started feeling on feeling in the back of
my head. He telling me everywhere I got shot at,
And just like just to explain that to a seven
year old like and let him fill my bullet wounds
(01:12:11):
and shit, that shit broke me cause it's like, damn,
like these are these are the bullet wounds that change
not just my life, your life. So it's like that
that ship was a hard pillar swak to swallow. Now
it's like certain things he'd be wanting to talk about,
certain thing though, certain things he wanted to do. He's
(01:12:32):
like your father lut and then he'll stop, you ain't
nothing because he I guess he felt like, oh, if
he asked me to do something that he felt like
I can do, it's gonna crush me. I'm like, nah,
looks like what you want to do. I'm like, yo,
but you know it's gonna take you don't want to
do this, and so it's like we don't need nobody.
Come on, let's go. You know what you like.
Speaker 2 (01:12:53):
We go by you go buy your clothes.
Speaker 1 (01:12:55):
We can go downtown.
Speaker 2 (01:12:56):
We could do this.
Speaker 1 (01:12:56):
We go to my had, like, I don't care, Like
I teach you how to travel. I know to travel
still different way around. I told him, even if we
get lost, that's the best way to know how to navigate,
Like be good. We don't worry about it. But then
I had a conversation with my little brother. I said, yoh,
you know, it's a lot of stuff I can't do. Bro,
I said, I need you to step up. Like we
could go me and him go go to the park.
Speaker 2 (01:13:17):
We could dribble the basketball.
Speaker 1 (01:13:18):
I can't. I don't know if he doing it right.
I don't know if that's why I need you to
step in at like take the place of being me. Bro.
Like how I did? He like, say no more, Bro,
I got you. He came, he got my son, He
took him outside. He playing basketball. My son came in
he like he had fun, and I text my brother,
I said, thank you, bro, that's all I just want
you to do. Just give him, like give him the
(01:13:42):
life that you know I would want to give him.
I can't go to the park and do a lot
of shit with him that you could do. Plus it's
like summertime parks, a lot of parks get shot up
in different so I can't travel to the good Yeah,
I can't watch what's going on. I can't take him
to the good parks you can. So that's another reason
why you know, this, this sable shake could be hard,
(01:14:03):
but then it makes you strong. It makes you stronger,
it makes you It.
Speaker 3 (01:14:06):
Makes specially doing it, especially doing it like our way,
you know, because we're independent people and we didn't let's
just stop us where a lot of people tend to
let things break them and people don't realize just because
I don't let you see me break, don't mean I
was never broken, you know what I mean. I had
to mend myself back into this strong being. And you
know it's still sometimes where some pieces fall off, but
(01:14:28):
I pick them up and I goot them back on
and I get right back the fuck up. And that's
what people. People think because you're strong, you've never been weak,
and it's not And weakness can be a strength if
you use it properly, because people will see our disabilities
as a weakness, and people will feel sorry for us,
and they want us to feel sorry for ourselves just
because they're sorry about their life because they looking at it,
like a lot of people say like, oh, I wouldn't
(01:14:49):
know how to do it, because you're not even grateful
for what you have right now. You might have your sight,
you might have your limits, but you're not even grateful
for that. You're still miserable. And whereas we get those
things back, motherfucking my life a one, you know what
I'm saying, Like, because if I'm handling this with grace,
imagine when I get my ship back. God give me
a chance to get that ship back.
Speaker 1 (01:15:06):
Listen, we ce bf W. We can't be fucked with Hello.
Look at it. We can't be fuck with Hello.
Speaker 3 (01:15:13):
And we raising kids. That's me raising kids that's gonna
be even more into it and into the.
Speaker 1 (01:15:18):
World, like me being an adult. And the way it
is my son is way more helpful now to people
because it's like I'm sure he's the way he cared
for me. He had come in and he sees somebody
with the bags here, take it up the stairs, and
it's like, yo, you raised it, raised a good man.
And it's like na, like he just washed it. And
(01:15:39):
it's like I love that ship about him because even
like somebody did way like, oh, I don't know, like
how it is to raise a kid being blonde. I'm like,
the same way if it is singing. And then this
person proceeds to close their eyes and pretend they was blonde.
Speaker 3 (01:15:55):
Who did that? And I said that, I said you
deserve a cap.
Speaker 1 (01:16:00):
You close your eyes. You still don't know how it
feels and why you say that? I said, your eyes
is open now, And she's like, oh yeah, I'm sorry,
like oh, I didn't offend you. Now you good? But
then to me, it's like, yo, that's some fucking ignorance.
Speaker 2 (01:16:15):
Shit ignorance.
Speaker 1 (01:16:16):
I'm fourteen years old. I never had no man helped
me with my child. I never had nobody. I changed pampers,
I got ship on my hand and all that. I
washed them up.
Speaker 2 (01:16:25):
I took them to get here.
Speaker 1 (01:16:26):
Because I took them to get I fixed breakfast, lunch, dinner,
I did it all they did this ship to me.
Speaker 2 (01:16:32):
Getting ship on your hands while being blinds different different.
Speaker 1 (01:16:36):
It is my pet pee, Like, yes, what for this
little boy, I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 2 (01:16:41):
I'm gonna do it though, I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 1 (01:16:42):
It's you know, it's times that I did ship that
I wasn't comfortable to do it, but I did it
for him, and I went in the bathroom. I cried
so he won't see it. There's times when a lot
of ship when he my son. One time I was
on like a little medicine ball, me was all in
the room and all that. That's when I was on
my asks him. My son came and he just kissed
my eyes and I just sat there and he went
(01:17:04):
back and he went playing, and she looked at me.
She said, leave out the room, and I just went
in the bathroom. I just started screaming, and then he
started screaming and everybody screaming. So it's like I'm playing
when really it's like damn, I'm calling through it, bro,
like why do you gotta face this ship?
Speaker 2 (01:17:21):
Why do you?
Speaker 1 (01:17:22):
And then it's like not even just my son, it's
just the kids in general, the kids period. Like my
little sister, she got twins. So he said, Uncle Chris
read this book to me m and then it fucked
me up. I'm like, I said, Booby, I can't read
it to you. He said, you need your glasses. I said,
they fall. I said, Booby, uncle Chris can't see. He said,
(01:17:46):
you need your glasses and he went room to try
to look for my glasses. And it's like, yo, I'm
just sitting up there, and like I called my sister.
I said, Yo, keep your fucking kids away from your
She started last year while I said, yo, Booby just
asked me to read a book. She said, so make
up the story.
Speaker 2 (01:18:01):
But you know what, so I'm not doing I'm not
lying to them. I think it's so interesting how both
of y'all have sons. And the thing is, you'all sons
are definitely going to be turned out to be beautiful
men because they already coming from this place where they
understand giving. But you have to have compassions and strong compassion,
so you're raily to.
Speaker 1 (01:18:20):
Be dangerous too. Though. It's dangerous because like from her
talking about how son they met, our sons is protect this.
I keep telling my son, you don't. You're not here
to protect me I'm here to protect you. So like
when I'm talking, I'm talking to somebody in the streets,
So men stands in front of me, and I'm scared
of that because I don't know if it's the.
Speaker 3 (01:18:42):
Don't don't don't be scared. Don't be scared. You have
to walk when you can't. Like like I always say,
I walk by faith in my bysight. So whenever something
whenever it's something like that happens, and even if I
get into a disagreement, I'm with my child. Don't nobody
putting mother fear of my heart because I know God
protect my child regardless of what I was. And you
know you're gonna be good as well. So them doing that,
(01:19:03):
that's just a that is a strong I get where
you say you can be fearful of it. I do
understand that. But you can't be scared because like that,
that just means you're raising them the right way. You
know you can't see so he gonna be.
Speaker 2 (01:19:14):
Yeah, yeah, he gonna be your eyes.
Speaker 1 (01:19:16):
That man stopped doing that. Bro, He's like what one
time if me and him and a cousin nigga bummed me.
So I'm like yo part in South and the argument started.
I'm like so he like, well, I'm like, I will
fuck you up. So we're going back and forth. But
he and all was blonde though mm hmm, I mean
(01:19:36):
it's stepped in front of me. I grabbed him. Brother,
don't ever in your life doing shit like that. So
the guy was like, yo, y'all, I even know you
was blind, homie, my bad this that and the third uh,
I might as well. He's like, y'all, I was wondering,
why are you holding onto niggas? And I'm coming up
the sidewalk. So I'm like, I'm like, yo, bro, it's cool.
But the mina when I walking, I said there, so
I gotta control my temper. Now that ship could have
(01:19:57):
called even walking. He like we would have had them
and I'm like, no, no, this ain't. This ain't for
you to do, bro, he said.
Speaker 3 (01:20:08):
My son be like, just shut the fuck up, like
if you mad, he's gonna crash. And he's like, mommy, mommy,
I curse, curse. Go ahead, people like you start cursing
a little bad and ship and there's always some and
it's just like, no, we're not about to play. But
at the end of the day, like Wolf said, they
I get what you're saying, but it's just a blessing.
God made them that way for a reason. At the
(01:20:30):
end of the day, when they become husbands, when they
become you know, fathers, when they become leaders in their community,
they're gonna be protected to they at the end of
the day, protectors are protected as long as you're protecting
the right thing, and they're gonna protect other They're gonna
look out for other people with disabilities. My son don't
look at people with disabilities different, well for wheelchairs so far,
he says. He says some funny about something in the arm.
Speaker 2 (01:20:49):
But I do. I do have to make fun of people.
Speaker 3 (01:20:54):
I do have to close up. I have to go
in a second. So we want to leave them. I
just want to leave you guys off.
Speaker 1 (01:21:00):
Wait.
Speaker 3 (01:21:00):
At the end of the day, if you're newly disabled,
if you've been disabled, then you're not knowing who you are.
We can't teach you that. We don't even identify as that.
I identify as a walking.
Speaker 1 (01:21:10):
Person, so you know, identify a nigga that can see exactly.
Speaker 3 (01:21:14):
So at the end of the day, you gotta learn
to love yourself. You have to dig within and if
anything that we could say helps resonate with you. We're
grateful for that. But at the end of the day,
love yourself or nobody else will. What you gotta say.
Speaker 1 (01:21:30):
Being blind is cool. You come over in the dark side.
Speaker 3 (01:21:34):
Everybody want to be blind now.
Speaker 1 (01:21:35):
Everybody want to be motherfucking blind man.
Speaker 3 (01:21:37):
Nobody wearing glasses.
Speaker 1 (01:21:39):
No one when Ray, Charles and Stevee wanting to doing
Nobody ain't want to do this shit that blind pop
you do. Everybody want to close their eyes on the
mo Nah. But I look at it like, man, we
we are superheroes. We all super powers. French. She can't walk,
but I I guarantee you she could go.
Speaker 2 (01:21:53):
She could.
Speaker 1 (01:21:54):
Her journey is way, way further than a lot of
people just walk. Is very dope, Cat, I always talk
about you, you're very dump like when she can't walk,
behind journey, she won't reach like the journey that you
on right now.
Speaker 2 (01:22:12):
You're gonna go farther than the person who can walk.
Speaker 1 (01:22:14):
Thank you, and no line. I look at it like
with my vision. Second thing, well, my vision is so
serious that people that can see can't sit, can't sit
at the table with me. It's different people that.
Speaker 3 (01:22:27):
That's probably people that can walk can't walk the path
that I'm it's only for me. It's the path that
got put out for me.
Speaker 1 (01:22:34):
What about you?
Speaker 2 (01:22:36):
What about me? What about me? Mother?
Speaker 3 (01:22:40):
You got to close them out with man.
Speaker 2 (01:22:42):
Honestly, I've just been doing a lot of listening to
the both of y'all, and I just I love the
things that y'all gotta say. Y'all are very intelligent people.
I love your minds. I love the ship that you
think in your perspectives. I love your energy. I love
your commitment. You know what I mean, I really do.
So I'm inspired, I really genuinely inspired even just be
on the couch with y'all. Just genuinely feel lucky and
(01:23:03):
I'm grateful to be able to sit here with y'all.
Speaker 1 (01:23:05):
And yes, one producer, you gotta get out of medium
fucking studio.
Speaker 2 (01:23:13):
We gotta close it, close it. Yeah, I curse to
but yeah, like subscribe follow Frenchy if you follow, rating
and review, do all the good things and tell a.
Speaker 1 (01:23:22):
Friend, telling friend, we'll be right back back in the
back in the b You're gonna see more of like.
Speaker 3 (01:23:28):
Like subscribe to Blind but now I see And also
a really good show and.
Speaker 1 (01:23:32):
This is this is not a blond podcast, even though
you see two blond superheroes too.
Speaker 3 (01:23:39):
Blind.
Speaker 1 (01:23:39):
I'm blind, Poppy.
Speaker 2 (01:23:40):
You know you need to find me.
Speaker 3 (01:23:42):
Come blond Bobby.
Speaker 1 (01:23:48):
Blond stuff.
Speaker 3 (01:23:50):
Can you take a picture of us well? And I
need my pictures by myself to know you said it's
out for We gotta eat.
Back at it for another episode of the Blonde Byna
See Show. This is not a disabled podcast, even though
you got two disabled superheroes and the number one producer
in New York City. I am your host, f obc
oh ship, I am your host. You know, blond stuff. Well,
if you gotta give you grace, man, I still gotta
get out these clubs. I'm your host. See the Fishery
(00:23):
Blonde Stuff or the voice of the disableds Blonde Poppy
of you nasty Rachel.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I don't want to go away.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
They don't. It keeps hunting me. You feel me. And
I'm here with hot fact papp don't.
Speaker 3 (00:38):
Here with a k A frenchy aka French Minaj. I'm
thest and We're here to give you another amazing episode.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
I'm gonna see a lot more. And this is not
a disabled podcast, even though you see two disabled people.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
It's not.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
We gotta step up our wardrobe, bro, she came through
and our shine's pretty pretty pretty.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Severely pretty bullying on a budget, you know, down the street.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
I just do something, not just do something on me too.
I just do something, and I'm like, let me go.
I just threw my bucket on and.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
It's a good look. It's a good look.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
I know this.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
This is my time.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
You want the bucket?
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Yeah, I love a good bucket. Half Thought in the Way.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
And wolf tailor from the halfway. Your podcast, I'm in here,
what's up y'all? Ain't like you motivate me? Your podcast
motivate me.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
You'd be saying that, and I'll be like.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Both motivates everybody. I just see him and then you
can wake up and listen to his because.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Like motivational video, you should do one every day. You
motivate people. I'm trying because I'll be on TikTok scrolling
and my mind just be like wandering somewhere. You just
drop something about relationships.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
And no, he always says, like one thing, I realized
you always say the right thing, like it's like it's
crazy and you just hear it and you're like, wow,
I needed to hear that.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
That's my goal too.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I need to ship because people try to. I feel
like everybody is trying to do something and you're genuinely
being you, So I'm trying to.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
It's a slow grind being yourself sometimes, but it's worth it.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
You gotta keep it. That's why I tell everybody I
can't change who I am to you know, for everybody's appetite,
Like it's either you can do me all the way
or the blessings better yourself.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
The blessings are better. It might be slower, but once
you get there, it's like you see how I'm rocking though.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Ain't and I'm I'm a person that really give people
their flowers. You already breath of fresh air. When it
comes to motivation, sometimes like I can't find motivation, but
then I scroll on TikTok and see one of your videos.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
I appreciate that.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
I said that said, no, this ship give me motivation
to get up, like one of them even resonated. I'm like, damn,
this is the minute predicament. I gotta I gotta leave
my past as my past, like it's my past for
a reason. I said, Nah, Wolf is the truth.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Man.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
You be speaking that ship like God put people in
your life for a reason. She's speaking that ship. And
then when I want to be on my bullshit rank
and ship, go to you go to Frenchy Pigs when
she be a love talking her ship, drinking ahead and
see the best of the Worldsium.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
And what is your sign. Oh yeah, we're ear signs.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
We all go together.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
We balance each other's Gemini's and the cs. We're all
ear signs like like like.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Them everywhere when Earth fire up.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
But the thing where air signs. We're compatible with everyone.
I feel like because I feel like I feel like
I could be with a be around fire, I could
be around water, and I could be around earth.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
And I'm talking.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
About we're not We're not. It's either we're literally like
good or great. Okay, there's nothing else between. And if
you piss us off, then that's the only thing you're
gonna get.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
We mirror you.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
But the only thing is when we mirror you, we're
gonna be more enhanced. And you're gonna be confused because
we're the nicest people ever. We could be the or
we could be the nastiest, and that's what people confuse it.
But you're gonna get what you.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
Probably deserves.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
It's like she in and out with my life, in
and out.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
She knows, she knows what to do.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
She said, we be compatible with each other, but she
said we too compatible. One of us gonna break each
other hearts.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
How does it make sense you're too compatible? Y'all should
be too healthy.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
They just toxic.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yeah, just be honest.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
She's we can marry you, So whatever you get, we're
going to give you.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
We like the same ship. So it's like, nah, I
can't fuck with you. It's too perfect. We just alike.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
So how does that? How does that really work? So y'all,
y'all like that she's perfect for you because y'are both
equally toxic. So then what does that? Does that like
equal out to me in a great relationship? Then perfect?
Then what's the problem she's of us going cheat.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
On each other?
Speaker 3 (04:53):
I feel like I'm at the age where toxic isn't
cool anymore. I don't I can't do time.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
I grew up and she said she grew up. But
that pasted their hometos though I've been doing since high school.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
You've been with her since you've been since life grade.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
Maybe y'all should stop.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Maybe y'all should call it or call it or not.
It's nice, it's nice nice. I mean, you got you
got like almost like a ten year situation ship over.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
In high school, like seventeen years.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
That's a you know what, low key y'all deserve a
medal for that. That deserve a trophy, because that's that's
the longest time to be committed to a.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Situation, a situation. But why is everybody normalizing situationships?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
He stays, because everybody's cool. We're being toxic.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
But is it because do you think it's because like
our elders, like they stayed and they tolerated a lot.
So our generation is just like, no, fuck that, I'm
not tolerating nothing, and I'd rather just do what I
want to do.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
I don't think I don't think it's that.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
I don't think that.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
I just think we ain't shuit and we just get it.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
You hit it on the head.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
You know. A lot of my parents told us what
not to do. We did it anyway. We haven't our fun,
we haven't our way with this ship. Too much fun,
too much fun.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Yeah, it's too much funny talk together.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
And it's like I'm out. I'm out the game.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
I want to be out the game too.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
I'm out the game.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I may love no toxic ship. It's hard to love.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
It's not hard. You just gotta you gotta be willing
to give what you want from someone else. And I
feel like that's the thing when you people say, like, oh,
we shouldn't expect anything from anyone. No, I expect what
I give. I don't give what anybody's talking about. If
you're my partner, if you're my friend, if you're my relative,
I expect ship from you and you're gonna do it.
If you can't, then you're not gonna be in my life.
That that's not because people always people what do you find?
(06:51):
You don't look for it exactly, You literally don't look
for it comes to you like it literally comes to you,
and you know when you meet that person, you know.
But people don't believe in longevity no more. I feel
like people will mess up a good situation just from
all the thoughts in their head. So it's like you're
having all these inner thoughts like this person. You see
how you said, oh we scared, we mind shewing each other?
Y'all don't even know if y'all would. Y'all just putting
(07:12):
that doubt out there. And when you put that energy
out there, that's what you're gonna give back when you're manifested.
But how about we manifest positivity? How about we manifest
good healthy relationships? How about we manifest like happiness? People
don't believe in that shit no more because I believe
in that shit. When she fixed your life, listen, I
took I did a lot, I did a lot of
(07:32):
I did a lot of work on myself these last
couple of years. On Tuesday, it makes a year that
I've been celibate, you know what I'm saying. So I've
literally I've never in my life after that. No, seriously,
I've never in my life. I've I have not been
a version in a long time, and I never thought
I could do it. But you see how many bonds
are made just off of lust, you know what I'm saying.
And when you have to take that lust away, then
(07:54):
you have to really see love. You have to really
do the work. And it's hard. It's not easy, you
know what I'm saying. Because it's like when you depend
it on something. I was dependent on sexual relations, you
know what I'm saying, Like, that's what my body was
used to, That's what I was accustomed to, That's what
I was used to. That's how you make up, that's
how you deal with a problem. This is what you
do when you're you're mad, That's what you do when
you're happy. That's what you're doing when you're drawing. This
is what you do when you're talking. This is what
you do.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Confused.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
Yeah, and then that's when you build these these bonds,
these trauma bonds, these bonds that aren't realistic and stuff
like that, because it might be a good sex but
a bad relationship.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
So it's like, now you're creating these fucking issues.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
I feel bad. I look, this is what happened, right,
I'm keeping around right like like anybody not looking at
it the word not looking at it right? Boom, all right.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
He always put himself.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
I like you right, working with each other. It just
felt so good. She came over like, Yo, let's make
this official. The Gemini. Yeah, I got a baby do
next week?
Speaker 3 (08:49):
This was what this was fourteen years ago. Wow, so
you did that? You were with it?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
I said, yeah, I got a baby do next week.
She said, you lying?
Speaker 3 (08:56):
So you was cheating on your baby mother. You were cheating.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
He was in and out. You and your baby mother too,
not not me and my baby me and Hume.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
No, but I'm saying you was cheating on your baby
mother if you was having a baby doing she can't.
Let's get into it, into it, we go and dig
into it because I heard stories about you catching your
baby mama cheat, but let's talk about how you cheated.
So you saying, y'all was in and out, but you
and your baby mother was on and off. While y'all
was in and.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Out, me and my baby mother was together, me and
her one on our break. That's why I said, we
always in and out. Right. So she came back at
a time when my baby, my baby and my baby
mother was.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
So y'all was out for nine months.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
This is how me and her head.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
That's how crazy it is, right, type of thing.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
So she always when she came back, she'd, yeah, I
think it's I haven't found nobody that's like you, baby.
We need to try it. I said, I got a
baby do next week. She said. I said, no, I'm not.
She said, you dead ass. Puh My show her the invitation.
She started, So she looked at me. She's like, wow,
(10:03):
the boom eye star water, and I'm like, what the fuck? Damn?
She boom, She left, bought me a gift and everything
from my baby, shower and everything. Right, she puts you again, yeah,
so boom. After that, we still be rocking with each other, right,
what's rocking? We're doing the du after like months later, this.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Is why you and your baby mother, I just want
to be that's while you and your baby mother was done.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Yeah right, so now be rocking boom. So she she
gets she disappeared for her little much. I get shot.
She comes to the hospital.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Nah, she she hitting everybody up?
Speaker 1 (10:41):
What hospital?
Speaker 3 (10:41):
He in?
Speaker 1 (10:42):
This? That? And the third she comes, I'm on the respira.
She's coming over to the respirato bo. When I come
home from the hospital, she comes to the house, she
jumps on me. Be rocking. She calls me, yo, maybe
we should try this.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Relationship, even after the baby, even after.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Even after the blind Yo.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yo, I love her.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
I'm like, yo, I'm in a relationship. She said, what damn?
And then she married somebody for I ain't gonna visit,
you know, yeah, God bless American, no place ouse. So
I'm like, damn, all right, cool, it didn't work. I'm like,
all right, now I'm free from everything. Now I hit
(11:23):
her up talking. She says, I'm pregnant. I said, yeah,
I said, I know what this is.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
You keep missing each other.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Yo.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
She's pregnant by the niggas she married.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
So now I'm like you she said, no, it really is.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
I'm like, what the fuck? So that I'm like, damn,
I know how she felt because I'm feeling in that.
I'm like, all right, cool, all right, you know how
you how your your son? Now, her son was born
two days before I got shot. Mm hmm, so I'm like,
you know how your son doing? Were talking be ribing all?
She just now we just talk and the energy just
(12:01):
feel unmatched because we were dealing with each other with
your teenagers.
Speaker 3 (12:04):
Could it be that the energy is unmatched because both
of you knew it's something that you could not have.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
I don't know what it is.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
That's because no, that's literally a toxic thing. You want
them more when you can. That's that's why it feels like,
oh no, I need it now because you have the baby,
I have the baby.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
We go together. Yeah. So now we're older now, right
in our thirties. Now we're talking and then our conversations
is like you don't I don't want to hang up
the phone.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
It just felt so good now we're older that we
know what we want. We talking like were on some
grown streak.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
She come to my birthday party and it's like the
butterflies just came.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Birthday party.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Yeah, okay, she came. That'shi boom. She dancing dancing together
people like damn s no, like you wanted like a
sticker like damn s no. Because when she came in
one of the home we tried to talk to her,
she said, nah, no, I'm here for somebody. So when
he came back there to me, he like, yo, bro,
you gotta go. I try to talk to her. She
(13:01):
dubbed my ship. So we started laughing. But the whole night,
I'm coffing holding it and all that. She dips.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
I had that deal with money.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Now next month it was just vanish vanish, like he
was hitting her up.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Like she went back to like disappearing again.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
So I got a question, do you feel like it
hits harder with her because you actually remember what she
looks like? Is that ever like a thing like you
actually can you because you know what she looks like?
Speaker 1 (13:30):
I know she does.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
Does it feel better with somebody.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Out of all my relationships? I had fun with her,
like we had fun, like actual fun, and I ain't
talk about just sex like she's somebody that like she's
wanted a home, like I could talk to her about anything.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
It sounds like you need to be sleeping each other.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
We can have fun.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
But it's like yo, it's like one of those chemistry.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Yeah, you feel me like yo.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
She was like, you don't get there.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
She had a call away before I did. She usually
be like, I know you're gonna fuck with you, fuck
with the females. Just make sure that bit's on. Need
nothing in my car.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Gangster like that. That's different ship.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
She was gangster like me. He wasn't together, so she
used to always say, it's not mine, you feel me.
She's always saying, you mind what I respected. And it's
times like when she had niggas and they pulled up whatever,
she would give me a hug. I'm like, he's looking
at us. I'm like, I got you. I'm chilling.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
It's just I don't know what. So what's stopping y'all
from giving us an actual shot?
Speaker 3 (14:35):
You need to propose to her?
Speaker 2 (14:36):
What stop you from giving it the actual shot?
Speaker 1 (14:38):
She said she's skied herself being hurt.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Yeah, she said herself. Are you scared of yourself? Y'all
too much of light? So they scared of getting hurt?
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Me Like, let me tell you, I don't got me.
We don't got to talk for months, right, I taxed
out the BLO I love you. She takes me bigger.
I love you too, Chris, and that would be that different.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
So she's scared of what happening because she she looking
at me as from high school days, like I'm a dog.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Maybe she don't want to ruin the bomb because maybe
the passion is just in the fact that they two
people that can't have each other but one each other.
I'm a dog, a dog, ye'all get together, You're gonna
end up paying each other.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
That's possible, but that but that I feel like sometimes
chemistry just unmatches.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
It could be your twin flame.
Speaker 1 (15:23):
Yo. We laughed together.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
It's not easy to find that, bro.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Yo, it's not you feel me laugh together. We joke together.
We played together, like we did it all of this,
so it's like we never took me and I never
had an argument.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
At the same time, do you think that you deserve
better though better than better than her?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
We're grown now, so it's like that we used to
do before, we don't do now.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
But I'm saying, like, do you think you deserve better
than her?
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Ass Nick of that? Come on, sugger, come on, he
she needs better, he's not ship.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
I'm not that.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
I'm that I'm not right where you need her to be.
Then ask that girl.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
Mature so they're like in their mid thirties.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
I'll be thirty five next month.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
So that's your peak. Great that you need to get it.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
A lot I've been. I've been mature when I hit
like thirty thirty one.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
You're a grown ass young man.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
I don't. I don't want what I wanted before.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
So what do you want now? What are you looking
for a woman? Let's put that out there.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
What I'm looking for a woman. I'm looking for peace, okay,
I'm looking for a friendship. I want us to be
best friends. We could talk about anything to each other.
I'm looking for a safe space, like I need her
to be my safe space. I'm looking for happy joy
like looking for a best friend, my best friend, but
we have to be best friends before me.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
I feel like people forget that part in the relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
They figure I don't all serious ship like I hate
from relationships that it just be like we just hey,
get up, you kiss.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
I'm looking for you, spend the whole day avoiding them
when you get home, and then you.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Know, play for your house. We're gonna throw when you sleep,
I'm gonna throw water.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
That's joke. I want that same time. I want to
hold you at night.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
That's what I'm saying. Like the chemistry that you're talking
about with you don't get that with it, You really don't.
It's like, and that's not a bad thing either, just
too serious for me to be too.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Serious for me.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Serious you mean you want something serious, you don't want
it to be taken. So, yeah, that's boring.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
It's just like we just here.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Like, come on, that just means you with a boring person.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Yeah, a lot of people like that. Like the relationships
ain't people no, like know what it is.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
And then it's like because people get complacent in their
relationships and then they just get so used to the person.
It's like you don't have to do anything to please
them anymore. I already got you, And that's what makes
you got to keep trying to get that person each day, Like,
no matter how long you've been with them, you got
to keep trying to make them fall in love with you.
I feel like that's the thing I say, some sweet
ship every day in my MANETs to be a little
(17:56):
so still a real Niga.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Though, all right, but you know what we're talking about,
because we spent enough on me. I told you too much.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
We were telling about friendship.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Relations with your friend. I didn't deny about it.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
No, I don't know what it is, right because all
my friends makes good relationships.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
All your friends would make good relations.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
B he's a dalan friends very much.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
I dealt with a million girls of my life, right.
I slept with probably two million girls in my life, right, okay,
two million, two million?
Speaker 2 (18:33):
Right?
Speaker 3 (18:34):
But how many times you had a class?
Speaker 2 (18:36):
I told me some ship?
Speaker 1 (18:37):
I never got hit.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Oh, I told me some ship one time. I still
think he's lying. We was in the uber. You told
me it was about a summer.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Oh yeah, I went crazy on unred girls went crazy
something no class.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I don't believe. And I can refer to watch on
this episode.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
I don't believe.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
See, if you count the whole summer, it's like ninety
it's about one hundred days, and you hit a bitch
every day.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
Two girls girls, those three girls a roll to some time.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
And this is while you're blind about saying, maybe you
the same girl.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
I mean tell you no bad right, it was time
I did.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
And that came out like, oh my god, she hit
me with something. Doctor like, yo, you got to drink
gator raade ready, but you.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Hydrated because when you're just drinking and drinking and.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Ship then came out with your I'm like your she
gave me. I'm like no, but it felt like you
were really nothing. But now you're coming out. You did
get here with something. I don't know. He don know
waters he don't know. I didn't get here, but I
thought I did because I'm like, yo, I never because
(19:44):
you ran out. I never because she was everlasting. You
hear me. You thought it was ever last. Last were
the teenagers. We were teenagers. I'm just rolling and I'm
dropping and rolling, dropping and rolling.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
You're alive, Bro, You're alive. It's no, It's just no
fucking way.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
It is a way. It's a lot of guys that
are hundred.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Niggas in a summer, summers three months.
Speaker 1 (20:13):
I'm that nigga. I'm telling you, TikTok no, I'm not Twitter,
my Space, my Space.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
How many of these women do you know personally?
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Didn't personally to be honest, and this is before you got.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
Blind, I'm calling cat, Bro, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (20:30):
I'm driving.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
If you hit this comment. If you hit this, we
need to get in.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
The show called Card and then we're gonna get into
the friends. We need to get speaking of French, and
he have to call his lione ass friend right now
because the ain't no way a nigga hundred girls in
the summer.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
I'm telling you, I was a rolling stone nigga.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
You gotta be yo.
Speaker 1 (20:55):
What's the word cause Yocardo? Yeah, I'm live on my
podcast right yeah, yeah, they can hung out called on speaking,
you can hung up so quick the nigga.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
The nigga work in the whaitehouse. That's what they all say.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
He probably a little service well either way, other people
be called either way. You didn't got you you, I say,
I think it's possible.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
You know what I mean. You're a guy, you everything,
and it don't that don't move me no more, though,
definitely don't.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
Sex is not better than love. It's only better when
you have being sex with the person you love.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Enjoy I enjoy sex.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
You have to be you have to be in love.
That's where I'm at and that's why it's so easy
for me to be celebrated.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Can you say that again and then go into why
you feel that way sex is better than love, and
go right into it.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
Sex ain't better than love unless it's the person that
you love you're having sex with. And the reason I
feel that way is because at this age now, because
I've had platonic sex before, but now at this big
girl age, it's like, I have to be comfortable with you,
because sex gets better than more comfortable.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
You are with a person. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
It's more intimate, and intimacy is not just touching. It's
a mental thing. It's an emotion thing. It's emotional things.
So if I see you're taking care of me, if
I see you're taking care of my mind, if I
see you're taking care of my heart, if I see
you taking care of my soul. When we have that
sexual connection, we're gonna we're gonna open up and wagna,
it's gonna go so crazy as opposed to all right,
I like you the sexist cool. We could have nasty.
(22:25):
You can have nasty sex with somebody you don't really
care about, but it's just at the end, you just
feel dirty. You want them to get the fuck up
off of you. But the person you in love with.
You want to sit there, you want to lay, you
want to cuddle, you want to talk, and you can
still talk about them again. And that's why it's just
like I said, at this age, because everybody, I just
see so many people going around just having sex and
sex and sex, and can they getting these spiritually because
everybody just worries about STDs, but there's spiritually transmitted demons,
(22:49):
you know what I'm saying. So now everybody is just
laying with. Everybody in there, everybody is broken. So now
you're laying with this person that done had a heartbreak
from this person, and now that person's heartbroken.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Now you're trying.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
Now you're depressed this person and it's broken. Now you're
getting broke. This person lacks ambition. Now you have no ambition,
and you're just wondering, like, what's wrong with me? Why
am I feeling this way? It's the person you laid
with in the thirty other people that they laying with,
So now that's something that you had a sex with.
One hundred girls, all of them girls, no shade, you
know what I'm saying. All them girls is feeling different
emotions and different feelings and they don't know because they're
fucking a stranger.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
I know for sure. No life is girls I had sex.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
With that I don't know anything.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
I don't remember their names.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
And that's something that that's something that we need to
work on literally as people, because if sex was made
for us to do it so freely, it would be
no STDs. God would have never created that. That's why
STDs are there to put in place like Okay, you
should not be this person.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
STDs and like the emotional responsibility that come with it,
like sex will get you fucked involved with some people
in an emotional way.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
That's like people kill themselves. Yeah, people kill themselves over
the people that they have sex with. People are people
get so emotionally it's connected, they'll give all their money.
You think tricks is a funny thing. These are people
that are so tied to sex that they're willing to.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Go broke for livelihood.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
The people that the people that got somebody that they're
in love with allegedly because I don't believe you could
be in love and want to cheat. You know what
I'm saying, because I my definition is in love. Because
I'm in love with my man. I would never want
him to hurt so I think about his emotions more
than nothing about mom because my emotions are tied to
his and his are tied to mind. So in order
for me to say I love him and I'm in
love with him, I have to be intertwined with his emotions.
(24:26):
And because now I'm giving somebody else my my body,
my spirit, my energy, you know what I'm saying. And
that's not fair because then what am I going to
give to him?
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (24:38):
What makes it special? You can love someone.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
In love with him. That's different in love.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
Okay, So what's what's your definition of being in love?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I think being in love is being like drunk, and
it's it's drunk for all the right reasons, you know
what I mean. It's like you like you like overflowing
with your connection with that person, Like you can't see
nothing else but them, you know what I mean. You
got abundance of patience, abundance of understanding. You'll go one
hundred miles to get the job done for them, you
(25:07):
know I mean. That's like being in love is like
the healthy version of obsession, you know what I mean,
You have a healthy obsession with your person because y'all
locked in with the integrity with you're just locked in,
you know what I mean? So when you're in love
with them, it's like nigga, I wouldn't, I would never
do anything. Version of obsession, the healthy version of obsession.
Speaker 3 (25:26):
Clip that the healthy version of fucking obsession.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
That's true.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
And what you think? What's your this asshole.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
Immediately right look you bother?
Speaker 3 (25:40):
You got that smirk on his fucking face. What's your
definition of in love? Oh my god, do you even
have one? Take the time you want me to come
back to you want me to go first, or you
want to go?
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Definition of love is like.
Speaker 3 (25:59):
Make up a lie.
Speaker 1 (26:01):
I can'tnot. I can't make up a lot. I've been
in love.
Speaker 3 (26:05):
So how did you feel feelings?
Speaker 1 (26:08):
I was head over hells with this person. I give
the person my shirt off my back, I give the
person my life. I was head over heels with this
person probably still list like. It was never a no,
it was like one of those I just always wanted
to see this person happy, even if it costs me everything,
like yeah, me being down, I wanted to see this
(26:30):
person happy. It's like I wanted this person to win
before I even thinking about me winning. Like I was
head over heels it's like, if I can make this
personal life easier, I felt my life was easy.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Oh my god, guys, he has a heart.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
I really do.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
If I if I'm in love with you, trust hi
believe it's not in this world you gotta wear.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
So your definition of in love is just going above
and beyond for.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Someone and not thinking, I'm not gonna think twice. I'm
gonna make you happy. I'm taking up slack that I
see you slacking in open you in areas that you're
not going to ask me. I'm gonna be there for you.
You ain't never you never got a question me.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah, I love you. I love you.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
I'm locked into you with like I'm loyal. Like back
in the days, I didn't know what love is. So
it's like I treated my niggas way better than I
treat my women.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Oh and you know where a lot of niggas like
real shit.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
It's like I'm lower to tell my niggas, but I'm
not loyal.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
We're going to get into that though, because that's a
whole another that's a whole another topic.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
Yo.
Speaker 1 (27:27):
It's bad because it's like I'm lying to my woman,
but I'm not lying to my niggas.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
Because it's because that's the thing. It's so with I'm
gonna give my definition then we could get right into that.
My definition of in love is just it was a
quote from Suicide Squad and it was like don't because
she was like, I'll die for you. Harley Quinn said
it to the Joker and he was like, don't die
for me. That's too easy. I need you to live
for me, you know what I'm saying. So you literally
live for that person. You wake up, the first person
(27:52):
you're thinking about before you go to sleep, the last
person you think about. You're praying for that person, you're
breathing for that person. You want this person to win.
You want to win with this person, and you're picturing
your life and everything with them, and you're willing to
put your life on hold just so there's you know
what I'm saying, But healthy love, you don't have to
do that because y're both going to go together and
you're both going to pour into each other, you know.
So I do understand what in love is. And I
(28:13):
thought I was in love before, but I realized I
just high love for people. Now that I am truly
in love, I realize that it's much deeper than that is.
Being in love is a sacrifice. It is, and it's
a healthy sacrifice. Like you said, it's a healthy obsession.
I'm obsessed with this person and I just want to
win in all bouts of life. But as far as
what you were saying with the loyalty with your niggas,
(28:36):
and I feel like that's why a lot of relationships.
Guys fail in their relationships because their females, their women
will be accent for the loyalty that you're giving. You
know what I mean, your friend, and it's just like
you look, you're complaining. Your bro will call you, Oh bro,
you man da da da dad your thousand something. You
could get cool, be happy da dada as soon as
your girlfriend this bitch. You know what I'm saying, Like no,
(29:03):
I'm talking about my love presas.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Ship and I see help with y'all see ship.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
But not like me.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
I jumped out the window for friends when they called
me before I.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Did my woman.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
But your women would be to want to jump out
the women.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
She could play like damn, oh this nigga say he
need to see you this then and throw you upon
and you gone. But I just asked, you can you
just come and just lay with me? And I gotta
wait until you ready to do it.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Well, I'm like, it's tough because it's a beautiful thing
when a guy has a bond with his homies, Like
that's your that's your chosen family, you know what I mean.
But the problem is a lot of the time niggas
don't understand, like if you in jail, or you in
a rut, or you like, if you need assistance right now,
who's realistically who's the most likely to drop everything and
get to your girl? It's your girl, that woman, Like
(29:52):
if you get if you need to call somebody, like listen,
I need ten thousand dollars right now. Your homies don't
know how they gonna get it, and she don't know
how she's gonna get it. I'm gonna figure it out.
I guarantee you she gonna figure it out first.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
You better put that woman first.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
But that woman first. And this is why I tell
all my bros. I'd be like, it's bros before wholes,
not before your wife. You know what I'm saying. So
if you find somebody that you love, you treat them,
you treat them good, and you treat them with grace,
and at the end of the day, it's never like
a It is a hierarchy because when a man takes
on a wife, you know what I'm saying, Your wife
comes before everything because that's who you're building your family with,
(30:26):
over your mother, your father, all these people, because that's
your new family. The family that you create is more
important than the one you come from, because this is
something that you're nurturing, you're building, and you're growing, and
you can still love the family you come from, but
you have to pour more into the one that you're creating.
And that's why a lot of relationships felt because niggas
be mama's boys, you know what I'm saying. Or it's
a lot of women. It's a lot of women that
(30:46):
got bitter moms and they in they hear about their
relationships and now I'm just taking you're just taking on
all this stuff, like, Okay, your mamma ain't never had
nobody love it right, So she said you be in
loved right now. She in a way, because it goes
it works both ways. Or you got somebody daddy, you
know what I mean. It could go either way, but
at the same time, it's just like, oh, no, you
could go. But like I said, at the same time,
it's just like we have to know as people what
(31:08):
we're willing to go and what we're willing to do
and what we're willing to sacrifice to be with someone,
you know what I mean. And we have to set
boundaries with our friends. We have to set boundaries with
our family members when it comes to our relationships. In
order to have a healthy relationships, you have to set
boundaries with the other people that you had relationships with,
whether that be friends, whether that be family, whether that
be coworkers, exes. You know what I'm saying. You have
(31:28):
to set healthy boundaries. You have to let them know
this is not something I'm willing to compromise and I'm
not gonna settle, you know what I mean. And because
the same way you're bro, you're bro. And that's why
they say a lot of people married people should hang
around married people, you know what I mean, Because you
got to hang around the people you want to be alike,
not the people that you used to be alike that
you used to be like, because you're just gonna stay
as far because he saying set it back. He said
you'll get as far as the motherfucker you talked to
(31:49):
for no reason. So now you're talking to a bunch
of single people while you're in a relationship. You come
to them and you've been in about you, you've been
in about your bitch, and now they putting on the
shit in your air and you're listening. You're like, damn,
this shit does start makes sense. None of these niggas
is happy answer answer he wanted. He wanted to try
the world.
Speaker 2 (32:07):
Put it next to that, yo, big big guys.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
Right, Yeah, I'm on the podcast live right, nigga. One summer,
we wasn't going crazy. How many women.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
It was?
Speaker 3 (32:25):
It was it was like dun tea dun me and
you wasn't going crazy.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
This is not possible.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
It was it was outside outside that was wow, some
wow young.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Y'all was playing for Yeah, my producer, right, he said,
not having impossible. We wasn't going to fight Sunday walking
out with ship ya playing for was outside.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
That's why.
Speaker 3 (32:54):
I could believe that y'all had one hundred. But I
can't believe you didn't catch the class.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
I just say that you said, wow, what that's what exactly?
Speaker 2 (33:05):
But you fucked one hundred women in the summer. Yo,
we were crazy, so one hundred a piece.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
I won't say like I'm gonna be honest with you,
like say from like when start turning like like from
like springing like around eastern town.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
So like the end of the summer.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Me and light went crazy, Me and no, Me and
dud went crazy, nasty.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
Hold on, so y'are both sucking one hundred girls a piece.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
He was in the room together with two girls time
sometimes crazy with viral with viral. What this is my
nigga on the corner, man, we're gonna take it. The
patrol was.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
On the corner that they were telling it people.
Speaker 2 (33:55):
I'm gonna say all, I'm gonna say.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
We enjoyed that year was what club mooker sea breeze.
Speaker 3 (34:04):
You have to have like thousand bodies. Yo. He was
breaking date breaking breaking day and Dick.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
And my my grandmother used to wake up and cooking
his breakfast.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
With these viral wake the hose up.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Never came to the date Wednesday they had.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
He was these toes were all along with this that
was outside calls claw you was hitting bitches outside in
the basement on the roof or basement.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
This nigga sounds like Shaggy.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
It wasn't me yea God, I gonna call you when
we get up to the episode.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
This nigga stomp and that's how you know you're reminisced
the he said that was that was the we talked
about that, ladies comment. We need to get at least
one hundred comments, if you know, aunt comments, if you
him just coming or you can you can d m us. No,
let's forget it. Let's get it. We gotta, we gotta,
we need proof. We're gonna do a poll so you
(35:07):
could be anonymous. We're just gonna put it under there.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Robert, did you see that robber one in the chough.
Speaker 3 (35:16):
You know I'm giving him if he gets to an
I'm giving him.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
A last thing I want to say about the friendship
ship though, too. Niggas gotta be honest with themselves. We
we love our homies, especially because a lot of homies
we got like these sandbox stores with them and like that.
That's really what it be about. It be nostalgia keeping
us together. But guys, a lot of our homies be
losers though.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
The whole thing you're back once you girl at the
time needs be the same looking at your girl last
when you walking away. So many excess their friends is
in my d MS right now, and it's just crazy.
It's like, wow, did you always had to be looking
and thinking and these be the ones that give the
no she hole, bro.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
She just she does. She's a bitch.
Speaker 2 (35:58):
I died for my nigga, youre gonna die for your nigga.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Hepre that should be. But as friends, though, we should
hold each other accountable.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
It's not enough of that. It's not people telling their
friends their dead beats.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
Now like when we was young, like me my son Carlo,
there was not because like a lot of like weepe
like we had courage on with each other. You feel
me like growing up they're like, yo, you gotta that
ain't he was running crazy in the hood now niggas,
but your I'm like, no, brother, that she ain't worth.
(36:29):
It ain't worth it bro't worth.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
People be so because it's the it's the cloud. I
feel like men men don't even enjoy sex how they
should because they just be so like boys. Not let
me not say men boys don't enjoy sex because they're
doing it for the cloud of other men. They want
to be able to have bragging points like Okay, there's
many girls and they talk about it with their homies.
They be with that girl for five minutes and be
with their homie all day. And I listened to my
(36:52):
brothers talk about it all day, and I'm like, damn likentes.
I'd be like, do you hate home? I'll be asking them.
I'm like, y'all really not happy because it's like, there's
no way you could just be so many women at
this age. When you were young, we're finding out who
you are, whatever case be, but at this big wrong age,
like I mights to be thirty, I must be in
the thirty in that club. So I don't feel like
anybody that. Yeah, I don't feel like anybody that I
know should be like just flabbergasting and hype up for sex,
(37:14):
you know what I mean? And with multiple like casual
sex and then when people become fathers, when the girl
keeping the baby, I don't know this, but enough to
fuck her though.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
That's what we got to hold each other account. Ain't
me growing up and like that people, I wasn't arounding
all that, And like we used to play the games.
Girls used to be in there. We never paid them
no mind. Playing were talking to each other more than
we talking to them. Playing the games all time was all.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
It's like I just realized it was disconnected.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
Oh my god, we're talking a lot, so you feel me.
So it's like we were playing the game and the
girls in there and we're not paying them no mind.
So it was like I was more into my niggas,
not Pauls no gay shit, than was really payingitenity these females. Yeah,
like and that yo, no life. It's crazy.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
It's like we both outside, you're doing wrong. I ain't
gonna lie. His baby mother left, my baby mather left, but.
Speaker 1 (38:10):
Still outside with each other.
Speaker 2 (38:13):
Really, he's outside.
Speaker 1 (38:14):
He's like, yo, that's surely best. Fine, Like, nigga, you
can still dance, you can still dance with the girl.
He like, now he gonna go back and tell my
baby mo, nigga, I slap that broke, go ahead. But
it's like I should have like, yeah, right, bro, But.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
How could you not when every song is reinforcing in
your mind. Bros over holes.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
Bro, when you hit that jamaking shure, you see they
want to you start doing that.
Speaker 3 (38:34):
But that's what they and that's what they put into
the black community. Everything get trickered down from the Willy
Lynch sterry, like these white people really work. Yeah, and
they really did it. They really learned how to break
up the black family and just keep it that way.
And now it's to the point where we do it
and we don't even see what's going on.
Speaker 2 (38:50):
And that's situated because we think it's culture. So we celebrated.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
It's like this is just normal, the baby dad, baby
mom community. I never wanted that. I grew up in
the two far at home and both of my parents
got remarried, you know what I'm saying. They're with other people,
and they're still with those well my daddy not my daddy,
but you know, like you know, just being like my
parents were married. So I'm not a bastard, you know
what I'm saying. So it's like me and my brother,
we have the same parent. I don't know what it's
(39:13):
like to just sit there and have a bunch of
like broken homes, you know what I'm saying. So I
never wanted that from my child. But I also was
able to accept, like, all right, even if we don't
work out, like we still have a kid and we're
able to co parent and raise them. Not going to
comment on that situation, but I am blessed to have
someone that i'm with now that loves my son like
his own. And that's what it is. And that's why
(39:34):
I promise myself, like the next time I do have
a kid, I have to be married. I have to
have something, you know what I mean. I have to.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
I can't.
Speaker 3 (39:41):
I can't demoralize myself just because I have my own goals.
And I'm not saying you're a bad person because some
people don't want to get married and stuff like that,
and that's okay. It's at the end of the day,
I still believe in marriage. I still believe in love.
I still believe in a healthy family and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (39:53):
People get married to get married.
Speaker 3 (39:55):
Because it's become so the word.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
Yeah, like you said, like the Willy Land theories, like
people have been finessed. But I need people to understand
when you're going into your thirties or if you're in
your thirties, family is the way we keep scoring for
how you win it in life, no matter what that
everybody has a different version of family, especially in this generation.
But it's like it's only so many nights you can
go out and try to bag something. It's only so
many nights you can wait for somebody to come at
(40:21):
your spot. It's only so many nights you can sleep
with somebody, and then as soon as you get done,
you're like, okay, well where you going? You know, it's
only so many times you can do that. You know
that's bad.
Speaker 3 (40:30):
You can't take that, and you can't take that ship
with you. You can't take all of the all the
material things, all the bodies that you accumulated in life.
Those half those people are not gonna be at your funeral.
Who matters is who would be at your bed side
if you got if you lost everything, if you got sick,
if you got injured. We both got injured and we
both disabled. So it's like we've I know what it
(40:51):
feels like people, I know what it feels like to
the certain people not to be there.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (40:57):
But just put value on people like you. You you gotta.
People are more important than money and stuff like that.
And nowadays our whole generation is so itemized and they
materialize and they only give a fuck about what the
next person has. Oh, I could fuck with him because
he has this, he has a car he has, he
has that he's the corniest motherfucker ever, so poor as ship.
And when you're fuck, you're gonna feel poors.
Speaker 2 (41:18):
You're gonna feel niggas too. It's not material possitions, with
possessions with gods, but it's like the body, the bb.
Speaker 3 (41:25):
L that's the that's the possession and nothing. If you
want to get your body, then I'm not here the shame.
Women do what you want to shame nobody else for
what for not want.
Speaker 2 (41:34):
It's not about shaming them, but it's about the mentality of.
Speaker 1 (41:36):
A guy putting putting the value high value, high value
on a body.
Speaker 3 (41:40):
Value woman is a woman that bought their body as
to someone that's about it.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
That so me personally, I prefer natural body. But I'm
not even saying that. I'm like placing the value on
a body versus the actual person.
Speaker 3 (41:54):
And that's that's all these celebrities get fin us because
they're only looking at what.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
In this bitch.
Speaker 3 (41:58):
You can tell she like money, she had to pay
for everything, and women look at their BBOs as investments,
which they are. You look good, you feel good. You
want somebody that's gonna be able to upkeep that life
style that you just provided for yourself because you feel like,
oh shit, I just invested in this in myself. Now
somebody that's investing me instead of sitting there wondering like, damn,
is this person really? Does this person really love me?
Does this person know they love what you can do
(42:20):
for them?
Speaker 1 (42:21):
Let's start loving the inside not the outside.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
A second ago, y'all was kind of alluding to like
y'all started realizing almost like kind of who was y'all
real friends? Like after y'all experiences and stuff like that,
And I think that's a perfect way to segue into friendship.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Yeah, and definitely the way I look at it, like
like thirteen, I've been rocking with people for years, like
over twenty years.
Speaker 3 (42:43):
How long have you been blind?
Speaker 1 (42:44):
Thirteen years? Right, thirteen years I've been blind. But I
started seeing a shift after I got shot of who
really my friends? Who really not my friends? Was the
ones when I got off the respirator, my son started school,
they took you, mm.
Speaker 2 (43:01):
I'm like, y'all uniform and all that, and I'll.
Speaker 1 (43:03):
Be paid for that shit, bro, Nigga, I'm said, nigga, I'm.
Speaker 2 (43:06):
Sedated they paying for it.
Speaker 1 (43:08):
I'm like these are my real friends. My friend called
me and I put something up and they called me
and they listened to me like y. I never in
my life cried on the phone to a nigga until
I got shot. Those are my friends. Something is wrong.
They dropping everything, they running to me. It was going on, Bro,
talk to me like yo this time and the third
it's time friends call me They like yo.
Speaker 2 (43:29):
Bro.
Speaker 1 (43:29):
Honestly, you may not wanna hear it. You might hang
up the phone. You might not talk to me in
a couple of days. But you act like a bitch
right now, bro. Mm and I got quiet. I'm like,
I I talk to y'alligas later I hang up the
bell ring They pulling up on me? Oo, Bro, what's
up with you?
Speaker 3 (43:42):
Man?
Speaker 1 (43:42):
You act like a female right now? Bro like and
I'm like, damn, like, these are my real niggas. But
then you got niggas that I got shot. I ain't
see it. I ain't hear from y'all no more.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
That's crazy.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
I ain't hear from y'all. Ain't seeing that now when
I'm driving around, y'all, ain't my car be pushing me moving?
It's like I'm the hottest thing moving. Girls wanted to
be around us, and it's like, now I got shot,
I can't do the things I used to do.
Speaker 2 (44:04):
Now y'all disappeared to you now that they can't get
nothing from you.
Speaker 1 (44:07):
One time, I'm sitting up there, I'm with my girl,
be laying down her. One of the homies called on Facebook.
So I'm sitting there. She's like, oh this such and such.
I'm like, the fuck he going to you for? He called?
He just talking, talking, talking, and I'm just in there
looking like I'm the fuck this nigga up.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
Blonding off but you can't hear.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
Yeah, she got on speaking son herd. She seeing him
saying hi. He said, oh ship tell my brother said
it's good. I talked to you later, hump up the phone. Like, nigga,
you're a bitch, nigga. I know what you did.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Nigga Like, I heard it all, Bro, take care of home.
Speaker 3 (44:48):
Now that's the table and that's the rope.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Man. I got shot. I seen it all.
Speaker 3 (44:53):
It was crazy how you can lose your vision and
see better, yo, My no.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
I got the best vision. The My visit came after
I got after I got shot, because I see what
I see. Who is who who is what? Like, I
would like move around probably like twenty niggas because you
stopped saying what started saying five niggas. That that's real
loyal to the bone with me, real lo, Like I
got a friend right now doing nineteen years in jail
(45:20):
on my podcast page. He's just liking my ship. He's
sharing and ship and this nigga in jazz that's.
Speaker 2 (45:25):
It because this niggas free ain't doing none of that niggas.
Speaker 3 (45:27):
Niggas will.
Speaker 1 (45:30):
Come down to no cat is like real niggas. Like
I'm saying, kay, you shout up to my saying kay,
you support all my parties. I'm like, yo, He like,
I don't watch your podcast, Bro. I'm like why. He like,
I don't want to relive that moment. One day, I'm
in the crib he called me. He just crying and
I'm like, bro, what the fuck is that with you?
He like, Yo, and I just tried to listen to
(45:51):
your podcast, Bro. That shi it broke me down, he said, Yo. Bro,
he said, no, He's supposed to be bigger than what
you is.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
Bro.
Speaker 1 (45:58):
He said, part of that is because of me. I'm
like sharing your shit. I'm not telling you people. He said,
not the word. Need to hear what you're saying. I said, Okay,
I'm accountability. That's good, I said, Cam, I'm good, bro.
He said, nah, nah, Bro, it's not supposed to be
like this, he said, I avoided this. I don't want
to relive this moment no more. Bro. I'm like damn,
and it's like he crying and all. I'm like, okay,
but I'm good, bro, he said, nah, I feel like
(46:18):
I could do more, I could do better. I'm like,
all right, then, I'm my son Ace. I'm like, yo,
I'm stressed. I gotta get my son from Harlem. I
don't know how I gonna do it, he said. I'm
even work to come get you.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
Bro.
Speaker 1 (46:30):
I'm like, damn, these are my real friends, my son
that I just got the phone with my son Carlo.
At one point, I'm like, damn, I got shy. He
disance myself, like nigga, we in the clubs.
Speaker 2 (46:40):
What happened? He caught?
Speaker 1 (46:42):
He hit me one day. He like, yo, you're in
the crib.
Speaker 2 (46:44):
I'm like, yeah, let bring about him and come over.
Speaker 1 (46:46):
I'm like, all right, cool. He come here, like I
just want to apologize, bro. I'm like for what. He said,
I felt like.
Speaker 3 (46:52):
I have not been a friend to you accountability.
Speaker 1 (46:55):
I said, I said, what you mean? He said, Noah,
listen to your podcast, bro, and you said something that
had hit me in my stomach. I'm like, damn me
talking to me, he said, Cause I felt like I
left you. He said, but I don't know how you
feel about coming outside, how you feel about moving. I said, Bro,
you just gotta asks. He said, you know what, You're
absolutely right. Bro. Now he'll call me oo what you're doing.
I'm pulling up on you. I'm doing this now. It's
(47:16):
like I can't get enough of these Niggas'll be like, damn,
leave me alone. I'm talking nigga, like, but like I
lost my friends that I really thought was really my friends,
and now being blind, I see who really did for
me because the people that I'm moving around with now, yo, bro,
now come in, come one one. My son stro shout
out to him. He like, start start using your stick, bro,
(47:38):
I said, man. Yea said, shut up, nigga. He said, nah, Bro,
you look cool with the stick.
Speaker 3 (47:42):
You're like cool.
Speaker 1 (47:43):
I'm like, I look cool. He like, yeah, Bro, he said, nah, yo,
he said, when I see you with your stick, bro,
I get excited, my nigga. The reason why I letter
do the stick shit, I came from going to the
studio where somebody coming by myself now, and that's that's
motivation from friends. It's like, so, I I felt like
I gained so much going blind than I did singing,
(48:08):
but now be going blind. It just showed me who
there for me? Who not there for me? And I
just need to let them go.
Speaker 2 (48:13):
Yo.
Speaker 1 (48:14):
When I got shot, everybody gonna be at the hospital.
But then when I started waking up, I started seeing
who really there in rotations? Who I'm like, Yo, I
need fruit. Anybody running out the door to go get it?
Speaker 2 (48:24):
Community, I said, nah, this is my brother.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
My brother. He was with me when I got shot,
had a whole trip to Disney World.
Speaker 2 (48:31):
Went took him in his door. Though.
Speaker 1 (48:33):
The day I got off the rest spread and he
heard my voice, he said, I'm cutting this shit, this
trip shot. I'm on my way back now.
Speaker 2 (48:41):
Hm.
Speaker 1 (48:41):
Now, my he spusta been out there for seven days.
Only three days he spent out there, No two days.
He got on the M track and came right back
m just to be there with me. That's a love, right, there.
That's a lot.
Speaker 3 (48:53):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (48:53):
I went not trade none of my friends and for nothing.
I'm glad they they here for a reason.
Speaker 3 (48:58):
I'm glad you had that fucking expence.
Speaker 2 (49:01):
What's your experience like?
Speaker 3 (49:03):
See back cloud is a drug. So, like you said,
everybody's at the hospital. So like I've always been like popular,
you know what I mean, So everybody everybody knows you.
They just I woke up to a bunch of people
and I'm looking at them, like, hey, ain't you the
girl that suck my ex dick in the park? I
literally said that I didn't play. We was friends too,
shout out to you. But I literally had a bunch
(49:24):
of people just around me and I was just looking
and then it's like, okay, but you only want one person,
and that one person that I really wanted she was
not there and we were together every day that it
hurts and I was I just wrote. I couldn't even
talk because I had tubes so down. I couldn't speak.
I had my all my rip, my whole ripcage was shattered.
I had a bunch of broken bones. So I couldn't
do nothing but write in and write a little bit
(49:46):
because I barely could move my arms. I was weak,
and I was just asking for I was asking for her,
and I didn't see her, and then everybody was just like, oh,
telling me what she's doing. And then I think she
came once and she was like, I couldn't see you
like that.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
D D.
Speaker 3 (50:00):
That's why I don't respect nobody like that. My mama
don't want to seem me like this. My daddy don't
want to seem like this. My family don't want to
see me like this, but guess what they do. I
don't want to see me like this, but guess what
I do. So no, I'm not good enough because I
can't do what I used to do with you. But
I was great enough when.
Speaker 2 (50:16):
I was able to you think that's really what it was.
Speaker 3 (50:18):
I just feel like I don't feel like it was that.
I feel like people were used to you in a
certain way. And I'm the strong friend, you know what
I'm saying. I'm the one that's strong for everybody. You know,
So when I couldn't be strong for people and I
needed people to be strong for me, they wasn't. And
that's why I think I'm so independent and so strong
today because I didn't have the opportunity. You know what
I mean, Like my mom, this shit broke her.
Speaker 1 (50:38):
But did you ever think about like shit? Look at
because I.
Speaker 3 (50:42):
Know I don't give no I don't give nobody a grace,
bro because at the end of the day, I don't
want to see nobody in this situation. But I'm a mother.
Speaker 1 (50:49):
I have a kid.
Speaker 3 (50:50):
You understand I'm saying something. God for bit, something happened
to my kid. I love my kid unconditionally.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
This is what you know.
Speaker 3 (50:54):
This is what taught me. Unconditional love. I'm loving my
kid at any state, gova bit anything. You know what
I'm saying, that's unconditional love. So at the end of
the day, that's what I need everybody around me to
love me as my father. My mother day was there,
my family day was there. They didn't treat me no different.
They was making wheelchair jokes. They was doing what they
had to do. They wasn't happy with the situation.
Speaker 1 (51:10):
They was angry.
Speaker 3 (51:11):
My mother pushed me out her pussy. You don't think
she was broken. I was her first child. We did
everything together walking. You know what I'm saying. My father,
I'm his first daughter. My grandmother, I'm her first granddaughter.
I'm my aunt's first nieces. I'm the first of everything
in my family. You know what I'm saying. People still
showed up at me. So I didn't make excuses for
friends because I know where I would be now. I
had guy friends, my guy friends, and this is why
(51:33):
I look at men differently, and I know it's a
different type of loyalty. My guy friend, he was away
all the way in Florida. It's my brother. He flew
back to Queen's next day, you know what I'm saying,
Like he was far away. They was there, my best friend.
Speaker 1 (51:47):
He had beef.
Speaker 3 (51:47):
He couldn't really move around too much. He caught my
mother check on her every day. God rest his soul.
My other brother, Hollywood, he he died as well, but
he was there with the hospital for me every day.
He was a nursing school, coming all the way from
Queens to Manhattan every day, from Long Island to Queens
to this to that, just every day, just to make sure,
just to sit there, even if I'm sleeping. I had
(52:08):
a friend that was homeless, and he was there every day,
breaking curfew from the show to all types of shit,
sneaking in the hospital, trying to spend the night in
the hospital with me, so much so that my mother
let him stay in my room because he checked on
me so much when I was in the hospital. Shout
out to Giovanni. These are the people that I won't forget.
You know what I'm saying, because that's unconditional. The people
that checked on my mother because my mother needed somebody
(52:29):
in those moments, or them that time when I was going.
So it's like, I don't make excuses for people. I
don't give people grace. I don't feel bad for anyone,
and I don't feel bad for how treating them in
their relationships all the way that they are. I do
appreciate the people that I was different because I have
a lot of good people that I was there and
we may no longer be closed, but I'll never forget y'all.
I'll always be grateful, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (52:49):
Let me ask you this. Do y'all feel like when
somebody's been hurt and the friends says they didn't come
to this to see you because they couldn't see you
like that, do you feel like that's an excuse?
Speaker 3 (52:58):
Yeah, just like when people say, oh, I couldn't when
somebody died I couldn't see them like that. Somebody, somebody thigga,
that's the last time. And I don't really I don't
really value funerals because I know that the body is
not physically there. But at the end of the day,
I'm gonna make sure. If I'm not going to make
sure I check on your mom's I'm gonna make sure
I'm doing something, show up some type of way you
show us presence.
Speaker 1 (53:20):
Yeah, but I ain't gonna lie. I would have to
disagree because I got friends like that, Like that's in jail.
He straight tell you, y'all dieing't coming to the funeral,
he said, cause I want to remember y'all. How I
remember y'all.
Speaker 3 (53:32):
That's what I said. So that's different if somebody is
telling you before here. But it's the motherfuckers that sit
there and pretend and do this and do that. And
then how about for men, the people that be in
the streets with you every day doing all this gangster ship.
Something happened for you. They're not even going to spend
they're not even thinking about it. They're not even putting
no money in your mama's packete. They helped you lose
your life. They'll help you lose everything, but won't help
you get shipped, not even a casket. The people that
(53:55):
you the people that I look up to, is the
people that I know if something happened today, they're gonna
help my mama carry my cast it out.
Speaker 1 (54:01):
But those are the ones that you want carrying it.
I don't want nobody carrying.
Speaker 3 (54:05):
I don't want nobody that don't want to be there.
An I've been to, but that's understanding. I've lost a
friend every year since I got shot to gun violence.
You know what I'm saying. I've lost people close to me.
I've lost people younger than me, and I got shot
at fifteen, so to lose somebody younger than me is crazy,
you know what I'm saying. So I had to go
to those funerals. And the final funeral that I did
was d Asia. She died she was about thirteen, and
(54:28):
I said no. You know what I'm saying. I said, no,
no more funerals. I can't do it. I can't do
funerals and next ones I'll go to. You know, with
my longevity, my parents you know when they get older
and stuff like that, and somebody that I'm really really
close to. But I hate people that just go to
funerals for no reason. It's just people that they know
of and stuff.
Speaker 1 (54:46):
Like they want to make a picture where every people
just want to be in pictures.
Speaker 3 (54:49):
They just want to be I can't do funerals for sport.
Speaker 1 (54:52):
After me, I got to really love you for me to.
Speaker 3 (54:54):
Amen, because I'm not putting myself through and I don't
handle grief the right way. I'll be mad, Like you
would think I don't care.
Speaker 2 (55:02):
I don't think I had on grief or I don't.
Speaker 3 (55:04):
Think I don't you would think I don't care because
it's just like I'm so used to just like I
a grieve different, Yeah, because I'll be hurt on the inside,
and then it'll be those random belts. It'll be these
random belts of moments while I'll get these blasts of
emotions and it's like, damn, I miss my homie, you
know what I'm saying. But then there's other times, just
like you know what life goes on, you know what
I mean, Like life goes on, and I think because
(55:24):
I lost so much young, like losing your legs, I
had to grieve myself. I had to grieve my body
at fifteen, I had to grieve my my mobility so young.
So it's like that was just a different type of grief,
and I handled that. I handled that shit with grace,
you know what I mean. People wouldn't know how I
was feeling, like I felt my feelings on my own,
but I never let them shit show. My mama and
my daddy came out, and I was strong for them.
(55:45):
I smiled all laugh because I already know how they
was gonna feel if they've seen me fucked up every day.
I'm the oldest of my sibling.
Speaker 1 (55:51):
That shit hurts you, though, it does because I was
the same way, like I was keeping it in. I
just wanted everybody around me to be happy, but I
was really dying it.
Speaker 2 (56:00):
To a point.
Speaker 1 (56:01):
One day I told my mother, like I'm only alift
because of y'all, and they didn't understand it, like what
are you talking about saying I'm only head to keep
y'all happy? I'm not happy, and that shit fucked everybody up,
Like what are you?
Speaker 2 (56:13):
What are you talking about?
Speaker 1 (56:14):
The reason why I ain't check out is because I'm
making y'all happy. I'm miserable waking up like this every day.
So then it was like, yeah, but you got other
things to live for, Like what.
Speaker 2 (56:24):
Now?
Speaker 1 (56:24):
I don't feel like that. Now now y'all gonna get
all of me. Fuck that, like the good, the bad,
the ugly.
Speaker 2 (56:29):
Y'all getting all of me now.
Speaker 1 (56:30):
But before I'm like, I'm doing this shit to make
my mother happy, holding on to my mother. Shoulders she happy?
Speaker 2 (56:36):
This shit?
Speaker 1 (56:37):
Don't make me have this shit taking away my independence
your son. Yeah, but at that time, I ain't gonna lie.
I feel like my son was better without me.
Speaker 3 (56:44):
You felt like you was just a cripple his life and.
Speaker 2 (56:47):
I'm just here a bird.
Speaker 1 (56:49):
Can we go to the store.
Speaker 2 (56:52):
You don't understand, yuh?
Speaker 1 (56:54):
I don't feel safe awkard with you, Like I ain't
tell him that, but that's how I don't feel safe.
Speaker 2 (56:58):
And and that's parenting right there. That's some tough ship.
Speaker 1 (57:01):
Yeah. And it's like I feel like I'm hindering, like
I'm holding his life back because of my condition.
Speaker 2 (57:07):
That's tough for Like, for that example, you just gave
like your son to be like yo, like I want
to go to the store.
Speaker 1 (57:12):
And you're telling.
Speaker 2 (57:14):
Five because of your fear, Like this is when he
falls five.
Speaker 1 (57:17):
It's like maintaining. Then it's like it's just me and
him and.
Speaker 2 (57:22):
I And as a father, you're you feel like your
biggest offering to your children.
Speaker 1 (57:26):
Is protection, protection, and I feel like I'm keeping So.
Speaker 2 (57:29):
I got to tell you, I got to deny you
from myself right now, that's.
Speaker 3 (57:31):
From a parent period. Protection, your money, the mother wants
to protect, and the fund.
Speaker 2 (57:36):
Right that's a parent period.
Speaker 1 (57:37):
So it's like when you keep letting him down that ship,
that should hurts.
Speaker 2 (57:39):
You even more.
Speaker 3 (57:39):
They eventually start to look like they start to look
at you how you look at myself.
Speaker 1 (57:43):
They're looking at him like a right, will mommy come
we go to the store, but Daddy keep telling me no.
It's like then they start he started looking at me funny.
But it's like now that he's older, he understands now
way you more now to a point like, man, fuck,
it is what it is. I'm gonna go there like yo,
everybody trying to rush to me. Nah, this is something
I gotta do. You wanna go to basketball practice? Come on,
(58:03):
let's go dollars.
Speaker 2 (58:04):
Let's girl.
Speaker 1 (58:04):
I'm' i'm'a trust you to crossman across the street. I said, shit,
don't look right. Let me know doubtless, cause like, don't
my when I and I tell him, I tell my
brother if shit coming our way, like if my past
decide to hunt me, mm, don't worry about me.
Speaker 2 (58:18):
Just go.
Speaker 1 (58:19):
I'm'a deal with it.
Speaker 2 (58:20):
Just go.
Speaker 1 (58:20):
Don't worry about y'all. Shouldn't have to be effected of
what I did in my past. Just go, i'm'a deal
with it. They're like, nah, ween, nigga, just go, Like
my son, don't nigga run the safety.
Speaker 2 (58:30):
You had them conversations with me. I have them conversations
like in the event that.
Speaker 1 (58:34):
Yeah, if anything was to happen, don't worry about me.
Speaker 2 (58:36):
Just go.
Speaker 1 (58:37):
Mm like I talked him. When we turn this corner
and we ben in this corner, they been with us,
take flight. Go I'm good. Don't try to drag me
along cause you you just weighing yourself down. Just go.
I got this nigga like, alright, cool rat. They respect it.
It's times I ran into people that like we had
static back in the days, and I I'm like, yo,
(58:58):
like I'm standing outside the guy you like, yo, see no,
what up? I heard that voice. I'm like, fuck cause
you know that voice and I'm with my son, mm,
his mother, his mother in the star. I'm like, yo,
dollar's going to store cause like I don't know what
type of time he's on. He goes in the store.
So my baby mama, she see what's going on, Like
stay in the store.
Speaker 2 (59:17):
He came mind.
Speaker 1 (59:17):
He's like, yo, what's good?
Speaker 3 (59:18):
Bro?
Speaker 2 (59:18):
Like what up?
Speaker 1 (59:19):
He like it was a siling.
Speaker 2 (59:21):
He like, y'all heard what happened to you? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (59:24):
And like what is we doing?
Speaker 3 (59:26):
Bro?
Speaker 1 (59:26):
Cut to smile. He's like, y'all, I don't wish. I
don't know nobody bro mm sorry. He like I'm holding
my hand out getting nigga at pound be talking regularly,
like Yo, that shit we was beefing about back in
the days. That shit ain't about nothing, Yo. He was dumb,
he was young. We this, that and the third and
my son came out and I got my son behind
me because I still don't know what type of time.
He still don't know what type of time you on?
(59:47):
He like, yo, brol, but YO, take my number. So
I'm like, alright, bro, what's your number? But my son
put it in the phone bag and my mom he's like,
I ain't never gonna use this number. There you take
your number before like yo, height easy, bro, a difference.
So he jumped in the car by let's go because
I don't know if hes gonna spind his block. Let's go.
And for a minute, it's like take my son hand
(01:00:08):
because if you see this car, just go ahead. He cool,
no problem.
Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
Thirteen years nobody.
Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
Ran down on me.
Speaker 3 (01:00:15):
Thank god, God, it's good.
Speaker 2 (01:00:17):
It's people heard what happened to you, bro, which I
don't nobody. I appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (01:00:22):
It's some people that don't care about the disability and
they'll still do it, like.
Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
Yeah, you want to drink, bro.
Speaker 1 (01:00:26):
I'm like, no, I'm good probably with you. With you?
Speaker 2 (01:00:28):
This is this is paranoia you speaking of paranoia? Is
that what this is?
Speaker 1 (01:00:32):
No, I wouldn't say paranoia demons. It's like my I
don't want my my, my past to come back, and.
Speaker 3 (01:00:38):
You've got to move and you gotta move.
Speaker 2 (01:00:41):
Yeah, that's what I mean, because you're having like a
an awareness of what could what happened, you know what
I mean? Like and it's fucked up because I'm listening
to it. It's like you're listening to like the story
of a man being like they're of all the things
that are possible today. Violence is not off the table.
Especially even with this.
Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
People look at it like I got the bend on you.
Speaker 2 (01:01:03):
Now what you gonna do?
Speaker 3 (01:01:05):
It depends on how far the beef goes. And there's
some people with no humility that will go that far.
But then there's some people that feel like there's no
point in doing anything because of you know what I'm saying,
because you can't see.
Speaker 1 (01:01:16):
Yeah, they'll take advantage. I couldn't beat you before I
could beat you.
Speaker 2 (01:01:19):
Let me ask you something. I'm gonna ask you a
real question. Do you think you have done things two
people in this life to warrant that say that, to
warrant that type of reaction? Not for it.
Speaker 1 (01:01:31):
Don't gotta be serious like that.
Speaker 2 (01:01:34):
People just don't give a fuck.
Speaker 3 (01:01:35):
You don't know how far anybody will take it. People
on different levels.
Speaker 1 (01:01:40):
Even seeing we both could see I can whip your ass.
Speaker 2 (01:01:43):
You gonna go back and go get a gun off me?
Speaker 1 (01:01:45):
Right?
Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
You just fought no gun out on none of that.
I'm not trying to care. Just went back and got
a gun to try to kill me.
Speaker 1 (01:01:51):
So not picture yo yo, When he breaks my nose,
then he busts my ship open no, I never got
my gack get him. I'm gonna get him, like one
time that it pissed me off, but I held it down.
He walked like, we're in the club and the guy
he whispering, my heat, I got you. I'm like, I
(01:02:13):
know who it is.
Speaker 3 (01:02:14):
He did it.
Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
I know he is, like, I got you now whisper
back in.
Speaker 2 (01:02:20):
His here do something, Blondie.
Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
No, like, you're not taking my heart.
Speaker 3 (01:02:24):
Bro. Mm hmmm.
Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
He's like, no, I'm just playing with your bro. So no,
I don't play with it.
Speaker 1 (01:02:28):
I said, Yo, you just see me walking through the club.
But the best believe I got a whole bunch of
killers around me. After that, well he did.
Speaker 2 (01:02:35):
He backed up.
Speaker 1 (01:02:35):
He thought about it. He is you crazy? But mind you,
I don't got nobody in there. But I'm showing you
I'm still a nigga if I want to be Oh
my god, I'm just playing with your bro. I'm just
playing with you, bro. You want to drink, bro.
Speaker 3 (01:02:49):
But that's but that's the importance of having real people
around you in situations like that, especially when you know
you have certain things, because like I said, there's people
that I know it's gonna go to that furthest sting
for me, I've been in shootout, not me shooting because
I was just a bystander. I'm a lady. Contrary to
popular belief, I'm a lady. I was just somewhere lit.
(01:03:10):
So it was just like for me, just listening to
your story is different because mine wasn't for me, you
get what I'm saying. So, but there's people that came up.
But you know what, but you had that day that day,
but you know what I mean, you had beef prior
to your situation. I've never had beef, and I still
(01:03:30):
don't you know what I'm saying. So it was just like, well,
maybe I got someone in the wheelchair. Maybe I don't
consider it that, but no, for real, like I just
I don't like just hearing the with the way you
said it because I have people that, like, you know,
random people. I'll go get into it with random people,
but I don't have it as to where it's like damn,
the person that did this to me or something else,
or somebody might do something to me, just because I've
(01:03:51):
had experience before walking. I had girls that don't like
me before the chair, but they're not gonna say nothing.
They're not gonna do nothing because they wasn't doing shit
when I was walking, you know what I'm saying. But
it's like for guys, it's a totally different thing because
it could go so and don't don't get me wrong,
females take it far. Females is killers too. I know
some bitches that that get that really get down, you
know say I'm saying. But at the same time, it's
just like damn. It's really literally like a damn feeling
(01:04:15):
because I'm in a chair and I like when my child,
like I get into arguments with people and I'm not
gonna lie. My son, he'd be like, he'll go right
back with them. He don't play about me. And that
just what scares me because it's like, I know he
gonna get bigger one day. I know he gonna get older,
and I gotta prep him, and I gotta prepare him
for top skin because you know, when he get into
arguments with kids at school and stuff, you know, anything
(01:04:35):
like you get into drum with somebody, they gonna have to, Oh,
your mom's in a chair, you know what I'm saying.
You gotta just be ready to not even give a
fuck about that. You gotta let that shit just fall
off of you, you know what I mean, Because it's
just like, I know, I'm my son's so spot like
at this age, he do not play about me at all,
you know what I mean. So it's like, and I
had him in the chair, so I never had that
experience of what you were feeling, like where you said, oh,
(01:04:56):
I didn't feel comfortable to do this. I made it happen.
People was telling me what I wasn't going to able
to do it. I'm like, man, I've been in this
ship as many years because at the time I had
my son in twenteen nineteen, I was in a chair
for eight years already.
Speaker 2 (01:05:07):
We had him in the chair. Yeah, So let me
ask a question that might be ignorant as fuck, like
was it an easier pregnancy because of that?
Speaker 3 (01:05:14):
It was just regular easy compared to what people said,
I didn't have a high risk.
Speaker 1 (01:05:18):
I didn't.
Speaker 3 (01:05:19):
It was just normal. I peed all the time. I
mean at the my my last month, I started wearing
panpus because I was just peeing all the time and
my blood it was just like fuck it. And then
plus I'm sitting on my blood. You know what I'm saying.
So everything is just more pressure. And I'm smaller, so
just being skinny, he's leaning on my kidneys and he's
just pressing on the ship. I didn't have any complications.
I pushed him right out. So it was just like
(01:05:42):
it was simple. It wasn't like I can't say it
was easier heart because I never had the experience walking yeah,
I said, but from my experience, it was just pretty
much like whatever is. And the doctors didn't believe it.
Like when I gave birth. It was literally like the
every obgyn in the hospital this they all came to
just watch. They're like, oh my god, you would have
(01:06:02):
thought I was going the verse of the fucking Messiah.
They're just looking at like, and I'm performing. I got
my hand up to God because this shit hurt, just
like and I'm playing gospel music.
Speaker 2 (01:06:10):
And I know it did, but I'm just thinking, because
I'm sorry, I do.
Speaker 3 (01:06:15):
I fell in down there. So I felt every part.
And that's the worst part about it, because I was like,
if it was any time, if we not to feel
some bit of time, and I couldn't get the epidoor.
I didn't want the episode. I always wanted to do natural,
but even if I could, I don't think I could
because I have the bullet in my back and they
have to put a needle there. I wouldn't want to
could That needle could paralyze you, so I wouldn't want
to take away what I already have. So i'body's fucking
(01:06:38):
And it was also the beauty of just being able
to feel it. Wow, you know what I mean, because
there's some women that can't. And I was just like, Wow,
this shit is crazy. That was at the beginning. I
thought that shit was a joke. I was like, these pitches, pussy,
why because I'm getting the contract. But that wasn't before
my water broke. Once my water broke, I said hell no,
I said, hell no, cut me the fuck open. You
feel that shit going down. It feels like you're taking
(01:06:58):
the biggest ship, I promise you. It feels like you're
taking the biggest, sharpest shit out of your the sharpest
like it felt sharp, like it felt like you're getting sad,
like in your back, like the contractions feel like the
worst cramps in the world. Like that shit, it feels
like a Charlie horse in your stomach, in your back,
and your ass. So that's what I felt, and this
is why.
Speaker 2 (01:07:18):
Niggas gott to pipe down all this smoke for women, bro,
because it's like, I can't even.
Speaker 3 (01:07:24):
The black woman is able to take on the most
amount of pain in the world. And women period could
take on pain, but the black woman, it has the
highest pain tolerance. And that's the craziest, parably scientifically proven, checking.
Speaker 2 (01:07:33):
Out, very scientific.
Speaker 3 (01:07:34):
I love my black queens, man, but it's just but
just like like I said, just the experience of just
my son, this is all he knows. He doesn't know
me from walking, but we have our conversations. He came
to me about two years ago and he's like, you guys,
shot in your back right, like he literally said it
to me.
Speaker 2 (01:07:49):
It's just regular should be the worst.
Speaker 3 (01:07:51):
And he asked me and it was like I was
like like it was like one of those like wow,
like we're about to have this real coming to life
moment this early, like this is how what happens, because
he was this was about he was about four or three, and.
Speaker 2 (01:08:04):
Then she's done telling us, So I want you to tell.
Speaker 3 (01:08:06):
You he was about he was about three and he
literally he's six now. So yeah, this is a minute ago.
I remember we were stading on my couch and I
want I think I recorded it, but I can't remember it.
But it wasn't like the first part like I had
to react him because he already said it, because it's
not like I just had their camera out. So I'm
just listening to him. He's like, yeah, you got shot
in your back, right. I said, how you know? He said,
(01:08:26):
because I just know things. He said, So the guy
that did it, he's a bad guy, you know what
I mean, Like he was asking me questions and he
was like, I want to kill him. He said, that's
just so calmly, like you know what I'm saying. He
still say it. And that's the crazy part, because it's
like I'll be trying to teach him, like, you know,
we don't fill those ways towards people, because I don't
ever want him to think vengeance is is because vengeance
is mine, said the Lord, And I'm very mindful of that.
(01:08:49):
I'm raising a young black king. I'm not raising a
little nigga. So I just want to make sure that
he knows that I don't want him to be like
the person that did this to me just because somebody
did this to me. Violence is never the answer and
when he said it, And then the other day I
was standing up in my walker because I'm just tying
to stretch my legs out getting back in therapy. He
was like, mommy, you you could walk again, and I'm
(01:09:09):
like no. He's like, I was like, what happened? Like
you sad? And he was like, I'm not sad at you.
I'm just sad that you gotta be in a wheelchair.
He was said, I just want you to walk, And
that made me sad. That shit made me like it
broke my heart because then it made me angry at
the person that did this to me, because it's like
somebody took away something from me that I could have
(01:09:29):
given to my son that could have made his life
even differently, because there's things that I want to do.
Like I said on the last podcast we did, that's
just me and my son, but sometimes I have to
incorporate other people. Even the other day this was like Thursday,
I just took him out. We went to this place
and it's a play place, but the playplace is in
the basement, so it's elevated. The first elevator that shit
wasn't working, so we in the elevator we just wait,
(01:09:50):
and I'm just getting discouraged. I'm like, oh, my fucking god.
So now we're like, oh, we're like oh. He's like, Mommy,
we could just go down to escal Now. I know
how to go down the escalator, but I was trying
not to do things that could fuck me up anymore.
I'm already a vegetable. I'm not trying to be a
frozen one. So I'm just like, Okay, let me just
you know, sit there, let me just figure it out.
(01:10:13):
But as soon as I'm about to go down the escalator,
a security guard comes in, Oh, there's another elevator over there.
Speaker 1 (01:10:18):
Did that It's working?
Speaker 3 (01:10:19):
And I was just like, dang god, because I didn't
want to destroy him with seeing all the other kids
go downstairs. Just go right down the escalator. And he
knows the play places down there, he knows what we
came to do, and he would have been hurt. And
he was like, oh, well, we just got to go
to another one, right, That's the way his mind said work,
not realized them. We just paid a fifty six dollars
over to get here. Where are we going? Like I said,
where are we going?
Speaker 1 (01:10:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:10:39):
But he handles it pretty well, he don't play about me.
If somebody disrespects me, he defends me, even though I
don't encourage that, because I'm supposed to protect him, and
that's what I do do to the best of my ability. Luckily,
I'm blessed to have no one really try me on
that forefront to where it's that bad. But I have
people get crazy with my kid there, and my kid
be on go. He'd be on bad time right with me.
He'd be like what he'd be putting this little middle finger.
(01:11:00):
He'd be like, like, you gotta teach your son some men.
My baby got minutes he just gonna play about his moment.
And I'm never gonna tell my son not to defend
his mother because that's what you're gonna do.
Speaker 1 (01:11:08):
That's a big fat period.
Speaker 3 (01:11:10):
Now, how did your son like come to you with
that moment?
Speaker 1 (01:11:13):
Like he was scared to ask me?
Speaker 3 (01:11:15):
How old was he?
Speaker 1 (01:11:16):
He was seven. I feel like he been knew, but
it was just the process of him asking me, like.
Speaker 3 (01:11:24):
What happened, just him preparing himself to ask.
Speaker 1 (01:11:26):
He had people talking about it, so he knew I
wasn't blind. He's like, oh, how did you get blind?
So I'm like somebody hit me. He said, somebody hit you.
I'm like, yeah, somebody hit me. He's like oh, and
he said where they hit you at? So I'm like
he knows something. I said, what do you know?
Speaker 2 (01:11:47):
Zat man?
Speaker 1 (01:11:49):
And he started laughing. I'm like, no, what did you do?
You know? You like, oh, you got shot I said,
So if you know what happened to me while you're
asking me, he said, oh, where did he shot you at?
And he started feeling on feeling in the back of
my head. He telling me everywhere I got shot at,
And just like just to explain that to a seven
year old like and let him fill my bullet wounds
(01:12:11):
and shit, that shit broke me cause it's like, damn,
like these are these are the bullet wounds that change
not just my life, your life. So it's like that
that ship was a hard pillar swak to swallow. Now
it's like certain things he'd be wanting to talk about,
certain thing though, certain things he wanted to do. He's
(01:12:32):
like your father lut and then he'll stop, you ain't
nothing because he I guess he felt like, oh, if
he asked me to do something that he felt like
I can do, it's gonna crush me. I'm like, nah,
looks like what you want to do. I'm like, yo,
but you know it's gonna take you don't want to
do this, and so it's like we don't need nobody.
Come on, let's go. You know what you like.
Speaker 2 (01:12:53):
We go by you go buy your clothes.
Speaker 1 (01:12:55):
We can go downtown.
Speaker 2 (01:12:56):
We could do this.
Speaker 1 (01:12:56):
We go to my had, like, I don't care, Like
I teach you how to travel. I know to travel
still different way around. I told him, even if we
get lost, that's the best way to know how to navigate,
Like be good. We don't worry about it. But then
I had a conversation with my little brother. I said, yoh,
you know, it's a lot of stuff I can't do. Bro,
I said, I need you to step up. Like we
could go me and him go go to the park.
Speaker 2 (01:13:17):
We could dribble the basketball.
Speaker 1 (01:13:18):
I can't. I don't know if he doing it right.
I don't know if that's why I need you to
step in at like take the place of being me. Bro.
Like how I did? He like, say no more, Bro,
I got you. He came, he got my son, He
took him outside. He playing basketball. My son came in
he like he had fun, and I text my brother,
I said, thank you, bro, that's all I just want
you to do. Just give him, like give him the
(01:13:42):
life that you know I would want to give him.
I can't go to the park and do a lot
of shit with him that you could do. Plus it's
like summertime parks, a lot of parks get shot up
in different so I can't travel to the good Yeah,
I can't watch what's going on. I can't take him
to the good parks you can. So that's another reason
why you know, this, this sable shake could be hard,
(01:14:03):
but then it makes you strong. It makes you stronger,
it makes you It.
Speaker 3 (01:14:06):
Makes specially doing it, especially doing it like our way,
you know, because we're independent people and we didn't let's
just stop us where a lot of people tend to
let things break them and people don't realize just because
I don't let you see me break, don't mean I
was never broken, you know what I mean. I had
to mend myself back into this strong being. And you
know it's still sometimes where some pieces fall off, but
(01:14:28):
I pick them up and I goot them back on
and I get right back the fuck up. And that's
what people. People think because you're strong, you've never been weak,
and it's not And weakness can be a strength if
you use it properly, because people will see our disabilities
as a weakness, and people will feel sorry for us,
and they want us to feel sorry for ourselves just
because they're sorry about their life because they looking at it,
like a lot of people say like, oh, I wouldn't
(01:14:49):
know how to do it, because you're not even grateful
for what you have right now. You might have your sight,
you might have your limits, but you're not even grateful
for that. You're still miserable. And whereas we get those
things back, motherfucking my life a one, you know what
I'm saying, Like, because if I'm handling this with grace,
imagine when I get my ship back. God give me
a chance to get that ship back.
Speaker 1 (01:15:06):
Listen, we ce bf W. We can't be fucked with Hello.
Look at it. We can't be fuck with Hello.
Speaker 3 (01:15:13):
And we raising kids. That's me raising kids that's gonna
be even more into it and into the.
Speaker 1 (01:15:18):
World, like me being an adult. And the way it
is my son is way more helpful now to people
because it's like I'm sure he's the way he cared
for me. He had come in and he sees somebody
with the bags here, take it up the stairs, and
it's like, yo, you raised it, raised a good man.
And it's like na, like he just washed it. And
(01:15:39):
it's like I love that ship about him because even
like somebody did way like, oh, I don't know, like
how it is to raise a kid being blonde. I'm like,
the same way if it is singing. And then this
person proceeds to close their eyes and pretend they was blonde.
Speaker 3 (01:15:55):
Who did that? And I said that, I said you
deserve a cap.
Speaker 1 (01:16:00):
You close your eyes. You still don't know how it
feels and why you say that? I said, your eyes
is open now, And she's like, oh yeah, I'm sorry,
like oh, I didn't offend you. Now you good? But
then to me, it's like, yo, that's some fucking ignorance.
Speaker 2 (01:16:15):
Shit ignorance.
Speaker 1 (01:16:16):
I'm fourteen years old. I never had no man helped
me with my child. I never had nobody. I changed pampers,
I got ship on my hand and all that. I
washed them up.
Speaker 2 (01:16:25):
I took them to get here.
Speaker 1 (01:16:26):
Because I took them to get I fixed breakfast, lunch, dinner,
I did it all they did this ship to me.
Speaker 2 (01:16:32):
Getting ship on your hands while being blinds different different.
Speaker 1 (01:16:36):
It is my pet pee, Like, yes, what for this
little boy, I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 2 (01:16:41):
I'm gonna do it though, I'm gonna do it.
Speaker 1 (01:16:42):
It's you know, it's times that I did ship that
I wasn't comfortable to do it, but I did it
for him, and I went in the bathroom. I cried
so he won't see it. There's times when a lot
of ship when he my son. One time I was
on like a little medicine ball, me was all in
the room and all that. That's when I was on
my asks him. My son came and he just kissed
my eyes and I just sat there and he went
(01:17:04):
back and he went playing, and she looked at me.
She said, leave out the room, and I just went
in the bathroom. I just started screaming, and then he
started screaming and everybody screaming. So it's like I'm playing
when really it's like damn, I'm calling through it, bro,
like why do you gotta face this ship?
Speaker 2 (01:17:21):
Why do you?
Speaker 1 (01:17:22):
And then it's like not even just my son, it's
just the kids in general, the kids period. Like my
little sister, she got twins. So he said, Uncle Chris
read this book to me m and then it fucked
me up. I'm like, I said, Booby, I can't read
it to you. He said, you need your glasses. I said,
they fall. I said, Booby, uncle Chris can't see. He said,
(01:17:46):
you need your glasses and he went room to try
to look for my glasses. And it's like, yo, I'm
just sitting up there, and like I called my sister.
I said, Yo, keep your fucking kids away from your
She started last year while I said, yo, Booby just
asked me to read a book. She said, so make
up the story.
Speaker 2 (01:18:01):
But you know what, so I'm not doing I'm not
lying to them. I think it's so interesting how both
of y'all have sons. And the thing is, you'all sons
are definitely going to be turned out to be beautiful
men because they already coming from this place where they
understand giving. But you have to have compassions and strong compassion,
so you're raily to.
Speaker 1 (01:18:20):
Be dangerous too. Though. It's dangerous because like from her
talking about how son they met, our sons is protect this.
I keep telling my son, you don't. You're not here
to protect me I'm here to protect you. So like
when I'm talking, I'm talking to somebody in the streets,
So men stands in front of me, and I'm scared
of that because I don't know if it's the.
Speaker 3 (01:18:42):
Don't don't don't be scared. Don't be scared. You have
to walk when you can't. Like like I always say,
I walk by faith in my bysight. So whenever something
whenever it's something like that happens, and even if I
get into a disagreement, I'm with my child. Don't nobody
putting mother fear of my heart because I know God
protect my child regardless of what I was. And you
know you're gonna be good as well. So them doing that,
(01:19:03):
that's just a that is a strong I get where
you say you can be fearful of it. I do
understand that. But you can't be scared because like that,
that just means you're raising them the right way. You
know you can't see so he gonna be.
Speaker 2 (01:19:14):
Yeah, yeah, he gonna be your eyes.
Speaker 1 (01:19:16):
That man stopped doing that. Bro, He's like what one
time if me and him and a cousin nigga bummed me.
So I'm like yo part in South and the argument started.
I'm like so he like, well, I'm like, I will
fuck you up. So we're going back and forth. But
he and all was blonde though mm hmm, I mean
(01:19:36):
it's stepped in front of me. I grabbed him. Brother,
don't ever in your life doing shit like that. So
the guy was like, yo, y'all, I even know you
was blind, homie, my bad this that and the third uh,
I might as well. He's like, y'all, I was wondering,
why are you holding onto niggas? And I'm coming up
the sidewalk. So I'm like, I'm like, yo, bro, it's cool.
But the mina when I walking, I said there, so
I gotta control my temper. Now that ship could have
(01:19:57):
called even walking. He like we would have had them
and I'm like, no, no, this ain't. This ain't for
you to do, bro, he said.
Speaker 3 (01:20:08):
My son be like, just shut the fuck up, like
if you mad, he's gonna crash. And he's like, mommy, mommy,
I curse, curse. Go ahead, people like you start cursing
a little bad and ship and there's always some and
it's just like, no, we're not about to play. But
at the end of the day, like Wolf said, they
I get what you're saying, but it's just a blessing.
God made them that way for a reason. At the
(01:20:30):
end of the day, when they become husbands, when they
become you know, fathers, when they become leaders in their community,
they're gonna be protected to they at the end of
the day, protectors are protected as long as you're protecting
the right thing, and they're gonna protect other They're gonna
look out for other people with disabilities. My son don't
look at people with disabilities different, well for wheelchairs so far,
he says. He says some funny about something in the arm.
Speaker 2 (01:20:49):
But I do. I do have to make fun of people.
Speaker 3 (01:20:54):
I do have to close up. I have to go
in a second. So we want to leave them. I
just want to leave you guys off.
Speaker 1 (01:21:00):
Wait.
Speaker 3 (01:21:00):
At the end of the day, if you're newly disabled,
if you've been disabled, then you're not knowing who you are.
We can't teach you that. We don't even identify as that.
I identify as a walking.
Speaker 1 (01:21:10):
Person, so you know, identify a nigga that can see exactly.
Speaker 3 (01:21:14):
So at the end of the day, you gotta learn
to love yourself. You have to dig within and if
anything that we could say helps resonate with you. We're
grateful for that. But at the end of the day,
love yourself or nobody else will. What you gotta say.
Speaker 1 (01:21:30):
Being blind is cool. You come over in the dark side.
Speaker 3 (01:21:34):
Everybody want to be blind now.
Speaker 1 (01:21:35):
Everybody want to be motherfucking blind man.
Speaker 3 (01:21:37):
Nobody wearing glasses.
Speaker 1 (01:21:39):
No one when Ray, Charles and Stevee wanting to doing
Nobody ain't want to do this shit that blind pop
you do. Everybody want to close their eyes on the
mo Nah. But I look at it like, man, we
we are superheroes. We all super powers. French. She can't walk,
but I I guarantee you she could go.
Speaker 2 (01:21:53):
She could.
Speaker 1 (01:21:54):
Her journey is way, way further than a lot of
people just walk. Is very dope, Cat, I always talk
about you, you're very dump like when she can't walk,
behind journey, she won't reach like the journey that you
on right now.
Speaker 2 (01:22:12):
You're gonna go farther than the person who can walk.
Speaker 1 (01:22:14):
Thank you, and no line. I look at it like
with my vision. Second thing, well, my vision is so
serious that people that can see can't sit, can't sit
at the table with me. It's different people that.
Speaker 3 (01:22:27):
That's probably people that can walk can't walk the path
that I'm it's only for me. It's the path that
got put out for me.
Speaker 1 (01:22:34):
What about you?
Speaker 2 (01:22:36):
What about me? What about me? Mother?
Speaker 3 (01:22:40):
You got to close them out with man.
Speaker 2 (01:22:42):
Honestly, I've just been doing a lot of listening to
the both of y'all, and I just I love the
things that y'all gotta say. Y'all are very intelligent people.
I love your minds. I love the ship that you
think in your perspectives. I love your energy. I love
your commitment. You know what I mean, I really do.
So I'm inspired, I really genuinely inspired even just be
on the couch with y'all. Just genuinely feel lucky and
(01:23:03):
I'm grateful to be able to sit here with y'all.
Speaker 1 (01:23:05):
And yes, one producer, you gotta get out of medium
fucking studio.
Speaker 2 (01:23:13):
We gotta close it, close it. Yeah, I curse to
but yeah, like subscribe follow Frenchy if you follow, rating
and review, do all the good things and tell a.
Speaker 1 (01:23:22):
Friend, telling friend, we'll be right back back in the
back in the b You're gonna see more of like.
Speaker 3 (01:23:28):
Like subscribe to Blind but now I see And also
a really good show and.
Speaker 1 (01:23:32):
This is this is not a blond podcast, even though
you see two blond superheroes too.
Speaker 3 (01:23:39):
Blind.
Speaker 1 (01:23:39):
I'm blind, Poppy.
Speaker 2 (01:23:40):
You know you need to find me.
Speaker 3 (01:23:42):
Come blond Bobby.
Speaker 1 (01:23:48):
Blond stuff.
Speaker 3 (01:23:50):
Can you take a picture of us well? And I
need my pictures by myself to know you said it's
out for We gotta eat.
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