April 24, 2025 • 55 mins
đź’ˇ About Lafaya Mitchell
Lafaya is the founder of Peace of Mind Therapeutic Solutions and the author of The Lafaya Way parenting book series. She also co-authored the #1 international bestseller Speechless: Giving the Voiceless a Voice, where her chapter “Poked Speechless” shares a personal and compelling story. Her other international bestseller, Poker: A Woman’s Game – The Poker Therapist's Mental Game Strategies for Winning, blends her clinical insights with the strategic mindset of poker.🎧 What You'll Hear in This Episode:
- Why Lafaya wrote Poker: A Woman’s Game and her chapter “Poked Speechless”
- How being a high-functioning “Aspie” (and parenting one) has influenced her life and work
- The surprising way poker became part of her personal and professional life—including how she met her husband at the poker table!
- Her empowering “Parents Empowering Parents” program
- Why advocacy, dignity, and giving a voice to the unheard are at the heart of everything she does
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/chatting-with-betsy--4211847/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, everyone, This is Betsy Worzal. You're a host of
Chatting with Betsy un Passion. World Talk Radio Network, a
subsidiary of Global Media Network LLC, where my t is
to educate, enlighten, and entertain. The views of the guest
may not represent those of the hosts of the station, Folks.
(00:22):
I had an epiphany today actually last night, but I
really thought about it today and I just want to
thank everyone who listens. I am truly, truly honored and
blessed to be able to have a platform where I
can use my voice to help other people and to
(00:44):
have experts on my show who can help you the audience,
have a better quality of life. And I just want
to change the world or make the world a better
place in the time that I have left, which I
don't know what the hollowy Matt is on this earth,
and I know that's my mission. I know that is
(01:06):
what I was called to do. And I just want
to thank pastor World Talk Radio Network, Blowly Caldwell and
who CEO and Genie White is the station manager, for
giving me the opportunity these five and a half years
to do that, and thank you the audience and with
me today is an amazing person. I am so fortunate
(01:31):
to meet all these wonderful people with me today is
last say. I don't sell the name la Faya Mitchell.
She is a licensed marriage and family therapist, a poker
player and electant, but a happy mother of six is
on a mission to calm the effects of quote red
(01:54):
alert range quote. She aspires to share her life changing philosophy,
The Lafayaway, created in over twenty years of real life
and professional experience experiences with the world. She published three
books in the lafay Away Parenting series, recently co authored
(02:16):
a number one international bestseller Speechless, giving that hashtag voiceless
a voice, and that's in quotes. I love the name
of that, and authored international bestseller Poker, A Woman's Game
The Poker therapist mental game Strategies for Winning. Since the
(02:40):
lafay Away is essentially the pathways to fostering, living a
life and alignment with your truest intentions, le Fay has
found a way to apply her fourth Step my theology
use in therapy to battle temporary interruption and logical thinking
in poker and love performancy in competition based environments and
(03:05):
Lesaia has a podcast, The Lessay Away mastering the mental
game of Life. And she is a therapist at Peace
of Mind Therapeutic Solutions. What And I tell you folks,
google Losaya Mitchell because there's just so much about Lesaya.
(03:29):
She is amazing. I'm so happy to have you one.
Welcome Lofaya Mitchell for chutting with Betsy.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Thank you so much, Betsy for that wonderful introduction. I'm
so happy to be here speaking of a wonderful, wonderful
human being.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Oh, thank you so much. And I'm happy that you
were here. You have so much to know where to
go first? But I have to say that you know
the title of the book, the originally co authored Speechless
(04:06):
Giving Handstag A voiceless of voice that touched me. Let's
say aim that really deeply touched me. And I'll tell
you in the audience why. Because there's people who either
they can't or they won't speak up, or people don't
give them the opportunity to speak. I know, I speak
(04:32):
for those who can't speak for those who won't, and
I not. It's like not being given an opportunity to
speak for whatever reason. And that's why I'm so grateful
to Lilan Coldwell, who created Pastoral Took Radio network because
(04:53):
nobody would give her a chance, so she created her
own Interinet radio station so people can have a voice.
And that's why that really touched me. Can you talk
about that book.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
For a little bit. I, Oh, my goodness, okay, I
was actually invited. This was an anthology, so it was
a book made up of multiple so we had about
eight of us eight authors, okay, And I was invited
to bring my perspective on what it feels like to
be a person that is on the autism spectrum, that
(05:29):
is higher functioning. Now I use the term higher functioning
even though I don't quite agree with it. I'm not
in love with it, but that's what that's what's known
out there, so I'll just let it stand. But there
I'm speaking about those who are they're so different that
they don't quite you know, fit in with the rest
(05:51):
of the world. But they're also but they're so high
functioning that often the world is not able to recognize
their challenges. So they can be seen in many ways
as you know, defiant or you know, disrespectful or you know,
just a selfish. There are a lot of different things
out there. That you know, a lot of the assumptions
that people make when they look at another person and
(06:13):
they see certain behaviors, or they see them kind of
shut down at certain times, or they're not able to
speak up for themselves at certain times, when they are
able to do that at other times. So what I
spoke up about was kind of that experience. Just there
are language processing difficulties with those on the spectrum, or
all of those on the spectrum, but on the higher
(06:35):
functioning end quotes higher functioning end.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
They can at one moment.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Be able to express themselves and say what they need
to say, and in another moment be completely shut down
in a way. And I'm talking about their brains literally
can't process what to say or how to say it
in certain upset moments, Okay, and they become so shut.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Down that they are rendered speechless. Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
So my particular chapter I called poked speechless because of
course I love poker, so I always always throw some
words like that in there. But also it's to show
that that sometimes the the becoming speechless is something that
is provoked, something that they can't help that if there
(07:22):
is a stressor on board, all of a sudden, there
they are speechless.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Wow. Lets say, if you were in front of me,
I'm telling you I would hug you. I would hug
you because this is like I couldn't even align th folks.
My son, Josh is on the spectrum and he's high functioning.
So I've very much into you know, and I have
(07:52):
interviewed many people the various disabilities and those who have
high functioning autism, and some of them have aspergers, and
I just I totally understand because sometimes, like I think
my son understands me, but he doesn't.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
And when he was younger, he didn't want to tell
people he didn't understand because he was embarrassed. And I said, Josh,
it's better for you to say, can you repeat it
very slowly? I don't understand them. First, someone to think
you understand and you don't, and then you, you know,
(08:34):
do something that they didn't want you to do. So
it's better just to you know, have had them repeat themselves.
They don't like it, Well that's too bad. So see
that's my jersey. That's my excuse me. So I I
(08:57):
just so I can really relate to that. And that's
when I saw that, you know, the title, I said,
I have asked about that because they're really just hit
me and I said, oh, I got to know more
about this, because you know, it's just you know what, folks,
and I say this on my show all the time.
(09:18):
Every single person deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, yes,
and that's all that people want. And I can't stand
at let fay when someone is you know, treated mistreated
because they're in a wheelchair or because he is a
kinge or a walker and people don't even acknowledge them
(09:43):
or think they can't think that's right. It just strust
me nuts I am.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
And with that, I actually make it actually him, make
sure that I address especially because I know how people
in wheelchairs are treated like they're invisible, right, and they
don't either like they're either like they don't exist or
or like all of a sudden they're because you know,
maybe their legs don't work, that nothing else functions as will.
(10:17):
I guess I don't know what the weird assumptions are,
but but I make it to sit down and we
have conversations and sometimes they're just like oh my goodness,
just you know, almost like thank you for treating me
like a human being. Because like they are right, yeah,
but but oh my god, we have so much in
common because you know, one of the reason that I'm
(10:37):
really passionate about this subject is because my daughters what
what would have been called the you know, what have
been called aspergers before they took the diagnosis away for
political reasons, I guess, or you know, but you know,
some stuff that happened in the past. I wish they
would come with another name though, that would be nice,
but but but to replace it, but they haven't done that.
(10:57):
But my daughter, she's he's higher functioning, and she would
have there was this she would shut down in school.
She was she was mainstream that she would shut down
if the teacher would call on her with no warnings. Okay,
her social anxiety was so high she was literally rendered speechless,
like she could not the teacher would think that she
(11:18):
was being defiant or just not write or trying not
to answer the question. But it was that my daughter,
if you called on her without her expecting you to,
she just shut down, like the brain no operation right
other than pure panic. And so after our teacher reached
out to me about it, I was like, oh, it's
(11:39):
it's for this reason, and here's what you do before
you call on her. Let her know two students before,
after two students, I'm going to call on you, so
she has time to prepare her mind for.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
This to happen. Right, And then they had no.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
They had no struggles with her from that point for
and what I would do every year is I would
go out to the tea and I'll explain to them, Hey,
here are a couple of my daughter's challenges. So here's
how you shut down behavior, you know, and you know,
and let me know if I can assist you in
any other way. Right.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
He brought it through.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Wow, Yeah, that Yeah. I had to tell my son's
teachers when he was younger that he loves routine and
so there's a fire drill and he couldn't take noise
when he was younger, that he might freak out and cry,
and that the routine has changed. Just to say, you
(12:35):
kind of have to prepare him that there's a change.
I mean, I know you can there's a fire drill
that if you do know there's a fire drill, maybe
you can let him know that this is going to
happen so it doesn't freak out. Uh, there's so many
things that people, you know, they don't understand, and dealing
(12:56):
with people who have difficulty with processing and sensory stimuli
that noises could just send people off. But well, thank
you for discussing. I said the your chapter is Cooled Speechless.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
And it's called Hope beasless like I.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
But I used pop because I was playing off of
I play off of you know, the word poker, because
I throw in some an example you know just how
you know when I because when I spoke to that
red alert brain, you know how how red alert brain?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
I use a po poker example of going into red.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Alert brain, right, and and then you kind of led
into talking about how being sent into that mode that
space can cause a person to become speechless.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Basically, Wow, that is amazing. I'll tell you, folks, I'm blessed.
I am that you had these experts on. I had
no idea that, let's say, and I had so much
and con and what is red alert brain? I don't
(14:10):
even know what that?
Speaker 3 (14:12):
Okay, okay, red alert brain.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
If you have ever had a chance to see the
movie Inside Out, Yes, they take all the feelings and
they put physical form to them, right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Yeah, did that's a cute movie.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
It's a cute movie. And if you haven't, if you guys,
if you haven't seen it, go out and see the
movie if you if you really want to understand, stay
a red alert brain. But it's like the Will Rogers,
we have a problem.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Here, you know.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Oh yeah, so the brain once once triggered in a
in any tough way, and it could be triggers or
of course we know are different for all people. Again,
since like you said, since Rey sensitivities can bring it on,
or many other things, or you know, triggering from past experiences,
whatever it is, can cause our brains to go into
(14:59):
what are call.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
All red alert mode.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Red alert mode is when we get into those feelings
of extreme upset, panic, you know, those kind of things.
So again, it's basically our our brains like warning system,
like here we are, there's a problem here. We need
to you know, we need to regulate and get things
figured out in order to kind of get back into
the into the blue, into a good space.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Yes, I know what. I enjoyed that movie. I'm a
big kid. I'm sixty seven years old, and I'll tell
you what. I related to that movie so much, and
I discussed it with Josh because we saw it together,
and I say, you know what, don't we feel like that?
(15:47):
We get anxiety, we get embarrassed. A very relatable movie
for people of old ages, that's for sure. This one
of the few movies I really did enjoy. I didn't it.
I hope they make another one. I don't think if
(16:08):
they had a first one. I didn't see that one.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Oh wait, no, they did they have. I think they
have two. I think they have two inside out one
and two.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
I believe.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Yeah, I didn't see the first one. But the second
one I really enjoyed. That just came out last year,
last summer, right.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
I believe.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
So, yeah, so I came.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
What I do know, time blames for me. But what
I do yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Too, is that they were both they were both really
good movies.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
But yeah, it's it's that that red alert brain that.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
That I speak to is also what you know kind
of It's that it's also what I call that tilt
mode at T I l T what you describe temporary
interruption in logical thinking. That's what happens when we enter
into red alert brain. We're not quite able to get
our logical fire it's going at that time we're more
(17:03):
pure like animal brain, pure emotion.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
At that point.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
That is, it's interesting because sometimes you know your brain.
I feel like sometimes my brain does freezes, especially with anxiety.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
And I used to be able.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
To handle anxiety very well, like if I had trouble
with appliances, but I don't know. Since my husband died,
since being a caregiver, just like the dryer my dry
eats to be six, that put me in high anxiety.
I got so anxious of that, and I usually don't
(17:47):
I never was like that before. It's just something that
I don't know. I get like that, and I had
to calm myself down. I do my breathing, and I go,
it's gonna be okay. It's not my fault. I guess
because of in the environment I grew up in where
I was the scapegoat, I think, oh, something's wrong, it's
(18:12):
my fault. Even though it's not my fault. I no
control over that. But that's where my brain goes to lesan.
And then I had to you know, the old habits and.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Also taking into a quant because there is now you're
dealing an old trauma. But then also you said after
your your husband passed, right, so then we're in active
grief at that point, and nobody gets to put a
timeframe on how long we grieve. But while we're grieving
or when we're you know, kind of actively in grief
and we're not, and we may be in that, you know,
(18:48):
we can get to acceptance, right, we can get there,
but there are levels to that as well. But until
we get there where we're you know, that full actualizations
then about everything kind of which many people will get
all the way there anyway, but you know, to accept it, right,
and so we're there than than our anxieties or you know,
(19:08):
if we deal in depression and things like that, they're
going to be updates right from these things as well,
so you can have multiple right things going on contributing
to that increased anxiety.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Yeah, yeah, that's true. That that is very true. And uh,
it's like one thing after another of the past five years.
Your book and I have to admit, let's say, I
don't know anything about poker. I never played poker, but
I like your book cover and I like the name
(19:41):
of it. Poker a Woman's game, the poker therapists mental
game strategies for winning and what motivated you to write
your book. I know that you really enjoyed poker. And
if I remember, did you me your husband playing poker?
Speaker 3 (20:03):
I did? Oh my goodness. Okay, so there's so much
to this story.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Okay, let me try to let me try to.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Give you a short version.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
But okay, So I knew nothing about poker until I
saw it on television at age thirty three. First, first,
and foremost, Okay, I was thirty three years old, knew
absolutely nothing about poker. I saw it on the sports
channel ESPN, and the first thing I thought about it was,
why is this card game on.
Speaker 3 (20:31):
The sports channel? That's like the silliest thing I've ever heard.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
So and I was actually almost personally offended, because, you know,
having I'm an ex basketball player, so I'm like, that is.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
Not a sport, right.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
But anyway, the next time I saw it on television,
I was like, you know what, I heard a couple
of words. Now you may you probably laugh at me now,
but heard a couple of words that sounded familiar to me,
like straight and three of a kind, right, put in
a pair, right, things like that, because those are all yeah,
see terms. I man, this game is this game?
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Like y'all see?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
And I was like, let these just like pay attention
to it for a minute and see what it's all about.
And then once I figured out that there was a
psychological component of the game, I was like, oh, okay,
I have to learn how to play this. So that's
how that psychology is my life. I love it, and
I love the things that I was saying too, and
(21:32):
I love I love watching the players play because honestly,
I feel like a lot of the players are on
the spectrum. Honestly, just being honest, Well, you know what,
I could understand that, So it threw it drew a
lot of my attention anyway, So I actually I would
I would actually practice with my with my clients. In therapy,
(21:55):
we had play therapy, and the best kind of play
therapy for a teenager is to play again aim that
you know is kind of shunned by some of the society.
They're like excited, They're like, oh, of course I asked
the parents permission, like, oh, we're doing something you know,
almost kind of bad. In therapy, oh, alis, all of
a sudden, I had kids just opening up about everything
(22:15):
while we're playing, and correct there great therapeutic relationships and stuff.
And so then now when I'm teaching them, you know,
certain strategies and certain things. They're all sold like because
now you know I've captured them.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
And sool I like that. It was, yes, it's very,
very cool.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
And so anyway, I finally got the nerve to go
to one of our local places because I would see
the small little Texas holding the hole of the wall,
Texas hold I'm sorry, and I'm like, I'm like, I'm
gonna go in one day and just try it, you know.
And so I went in there. I had about one
hundred dollars because I'm very very I don't like to
I'm not a huge gambler. I don't love to spend
money on lose money.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
I don't like that.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
So I went there was about one hundred dollars and
found out that they had a little game that I
could pay forty dollars to play in, and of course
I was excited. I was like, oh, all, we have
to use forty dollars and went in there. I think
I was the luckiest. I didn't know what I was doing.
Everything everything, you know, works like magic and goal that
day the only time that ever happened in my life,
and you know, and then I was like, you know,
(23:19):
I really do like this game, and so then I
learned how to play. I met my husband there. He
saw me before I saw him. I was so wrapped
up and trying to figure things out. I didn't see him,
but he definitely saw me because I was winning everything.
And then he became more of my What I felt
like was my bully at first, because he was a
good player. Good players know that, you you know, kind
(23:42):
of go after the players that are new and weak
players because you know those are the ones that are
going to give the most wins.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
And so and so.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
I did not like him very much at all when
I first when he first came on, and then you know,
one day I was like, Okay, you know, he's not
such I saw him kind of in a more of
a social atmosphere.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
I was like, oh, he's not a bad guy.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
And and I thought, oh, he's gonna teach me how
to play poker because I didn't really know how to play.
You know, you gotta teach me all that strategy stuff
I don't understand. And and slowly, but really he did
against his old will. He was he was very against that.
He didn't want to teach me all I was asking
him a bunch of questions he didn't really want to answer,
but he couldn't resist, because you know, I'm charming. He
couldn't resist, and so and so then that's how I
(24:31):
met him. And then we became really good friends for
about three years. And then I did I realized that
I actually had some feelings for him, didn't didn't have
no clue, and so, yeah, but that's how we met.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
And and then sorry.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
That's sweet, No, that's huge, and I love that.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
And then then after many many years, let me speak
this up. And then after many years then of playing,
and we've been now going, I go to courses. I'm
learning how to play because there's a very there's a
very strong strategy to the game. And then I started
to learn that they had a whole mental game aspect
that they would teach to people as well. And that's
where I struggled a lot. So I was learning a
lot of the strategy, but nothing about the mental game,
(25:15):
and not really actually making the connection between my work
in mental health and the mental part of that game.
In that game, we remember I talked about past timas
and how we could be retriggered. I was always retriggered
because I grew up very very poor. I grew up,
you know, always wondering, you know, if we were gonna
be okay, and so doing things like going out to
(25:36):
play poker, where you know there's a chance to lose
all of your chips all the time right when you're
in There was something that was causing me quite a
bit of like panic, panicky feelings.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Well when I played right.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
And so I met with a mental game strategist and
when he started to kind of teach me some of
what he knows, I recognized right away. I was like,
oh my goodness, I teach all of this and more
to my clients. Never made the connection before that. And
I'm like, and I believe that the four steps that
(26:09):
I teach to my parents on how to how to
keep their you know, how to prevent from oh my goodness,
there's so much attached to this, but how to prevent
from provoking their kids. And I don't mean provoking negative
way parents out there that I'm not parent blaming. I'm
just saying sometimes we're unintentionally putting the wrong energy in
into and getting the wrong reactions from our kids. So
(26:31):
no blaming, it's just unintentional. Okay, So but the four
steps I would teach parents on how to.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
Avoid doing that would work very well.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
For what it was I was dealing with in poker,
in what we call was called tilt, tilting and poker,
and so yeah, then after that it just became kind
of like, oh, this is.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Interesting, let's figure out how it all comes together.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Wow, that's like I really I don't know anything about
Punk Girdle. I do remember seeing it on TV, though,
So I had a laugh when you're talking about singing
on ESPN, because yeah, it was on TV, and I'm thinking, then,
how boring is that to be watching poker game for
a long time. I'm not one for sports anyway, but
(27:17):
that's just you know, I think my mother's I would
go over to my mother's parents' house. They would play
poker or some kind of game. I think it was
poker though, but I never really got into that. But
I was mentioning about I'm thinking of the movie Raymand
with Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman and how he counted
(27:43):
how he was winning because he was memorizing all that.
So I always think that a game of like poker
would be very interesting. I mean, an easy game in
a way for someone who with high functioning because they
commemorate the rules the hands. There's the great and memorizing memory.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Yes things.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
They have Sabbot like skills where they can recognize patterns,
pick up on the patterns and yeah, also and keep
and keep tracked in their minds of all the statistical
likelihoods that you know how hands will play out. You
can tell by the way other people play hands what
you have in your hand. You can you can actually
(28:37):
calculate out the odds of them having what hands they have.
You can calculate out what they think you might have
based on your play.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
There are so many facets to it.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
That those who are high functioning UH on the optimum
section high functioning end, I believe most of our best
players out there would be considered what the old school adverts.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
But now.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
I would not be surprised. So where do they get
the name, uh, poker face? I go, they have their
poker face on. It is that to show no expression,
so you don't give away your your hands.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
That's exactly and and again that favors those who are
of the blood of blood epic, the blooded epics, right,
they don't ressiveness the anyway.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
That's that is just too funny. I don't know why.
I just thought of that the movie and Dustin Hoffmann
being in the casino when you're talking about that, because
I think they asked him to leave, because I was like, yeah,
because who's winning, Yeah, and yeah, it's it's just fascinating.
(29:59):
I I had to share the story with you in
the audience when I thought them before about respect. There's
a young man who calls me once in a while.
He went to school with Josh and he's on the
spectrum and he memorizes things like I can't believe I am.
(30:20):
I tell him I go listen. I barely can remember
what it did last week, let alone twenty years ago.
But he said to me, and he always says this
to me when he calls me. He said, Betsy, you
treat me with respect and dignity. I feel so good
around you. Yeah, and how it's like it's heartbreaking when
(30:47):
people don't get treated with respect. So I that just
came up in my mind, and I just want to
tell the audience, please treat people how you want to
be treated. Because I always say, by the grace of God,
(31:08):
go I any fool automobile accident, stroke, anything can happen
to anyone at any time. And think about how you
will want to be treated if you don't have all
your faculties together, if you're in a wheelchair, if you're
using a walker, how would you want someone to treat you?
(31:30):
And you know people might think a little harsh. I
don't apologize for it lessay. I am a Jersey girl
and my father's daughter. I just say it how it is.
I'm just very straightforward that way, and I don't sugarcoat. Yeah,
I don't sugarcoat anything. Excuse me. And you have you
(31:57):
do a lot of work with parents. Can you talk
about the services that you offer? And I'll ask you
about you know how people could get in contact with you.
But you offer a lot of great account I call
(32:18):
it counseling services for parents. And I know you're in California,
But do you do zoo like zoom for people that
are in other states? Yes?
Speaker 3 (32:28):
I do.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
I Actually, you're right, I'll offer quite a few services.
I have and my history done a lot of work
with just families, parents, parents, families, they're the kids. Usually
I work with the entire units, so siblings included. So
this is just to provide the education that they need
in order to kind of get themselves on track with
(32:51):
and I think you mentioned it in the bio portion,
but kind of you know, more warrants on track as
far as responding in alignment with what they truly intend.
Because most parents are you know, they love their children,
they want what's best for them. But there are a
lot of parental mistakes that we as parents can make
out there if we're not informed, especially with our kids
(33:13):
out there that I call the pastors. Okay, the kids
that maybe they're on they either you know, the higher
functioning end of the spectrum, or maybe they're not diagnosed
at all.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
They just but they but you know that they're a
little different.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
They don't function right quite you know, quite the same
as everyone else, right, So learning how to work with
those differences becomes very important. What I've started to do
more of over the years is do more parent training
that I call it my PEP trains Parents Empowering parents.
(33:47):
So I like to bring together smaller, small groups of
parents and educate them on my four cores that I
call them the La Failway Corps for because this helps
them to start to have better interactions and understand their
own the reasons behind some of the parents themselves, their
own reactions to the kids, because there's a lot of
(34:10):
pieces to it. Like many parents experience parental grief and
don't they don't, they don't realize it. They have to
grieve that idealized versions of their child they had in
their heads that they that they never Like I said,
none of this is intentional. None of us get a
manual right on how to raise our kids. But there
are just certain things that just are automatic for us.
(34:32):
We just assume that our kids will, say, be able
to communicate with us right on time, and be able
to respond in the ways that are considered typicult in society,
right like and I'm putting in air quotes caring about
what others care about, you know, things like that. And
if they don't care about what we care about, then
then if the assumption is made that they don't care
(34:53):
about us, or that they're selfish, or they're you know,
all these things. And so you know what I do
is I teach them, you know, how it works a
bit differently, and that they care, that the kids care
is just the way that they show their caring is
in a different way. And that there are certain portions
that that may be lacking or missing for them from
(35:14):
from their literal brain biology to be able to respond
in the ways that we're expecting. So like that show,
and always it's always bugged me to that kind of
that idea that you know, people on the spectrum, you know,
can't show empathy. I think they've done away with that finally,
but sometimes it still comes out every once in a while.
But that's not the truth. They just the way that
(35:36):
they show empathy is in and the ways you teach
them how to show empathy is a go a different
way about doing it right. And so but yeah, you know,
not enough mirror neurons have something to do with that.
So they're not able to connect viscerally to other people's experiences.
They're not So it's say a neurotypical child, where to
see another person, say, crying and sad or something right.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
For your typical neurotypical kids.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
They feel that right, and for some who are on
the spectrum, not all, because that's not true for all
on the spectrum either. They're not able to literally feel that.
So then the ability to connect with the way the
other person is feeling is hindered a bit, right, So
then you deal with them slightly different anyway I go.
So I go through, I have my trainings go through.
(36:23):
It's a four modules, and I teach them the four steps,
and by the time they come to the other end
of it, they're able to relate with their child who
is is or it is not on the spectrum, maybe
just slightly made differently wired, differently better than what they
were be fearing. And I do that for I do
(36:44):
that for individual parents, and then it kind of expanded
out to write one to many. So then I started
to do this through some a few nonprofit agencies. I
would train their staff so that they can work with
the parents. So you know, it's kind of grown.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Wow that that is so incredible. I'm getting a clump
here because I could have used you forty forty years ago.
You were just like me, Hi to my grasshopper. Probably
(37:23):
it's so true parental grief. I experienced that I did. Folks.
You know, when you think your child and I hate
to use the word normal, but I don't know what
else to use. But and then you find out there's
something you know they're they're different, and then your hopes
(37:45):
and dreams are crashed. And it took me a long
time to adjust to my view of what I had
for for my son. And you know I did, but
it and there was no one to talk to at
that time, you know, because at that time they blamed
the mother, but there was something different but the child.
(38:10):
I was told that I was over protective mother, My
son was lazy, and they these like I know what
you call it special needs at that time, which is
what it was called, they really weren't addressed. But they
are now and I'm glad. I'm glad things have improved
(38:31):
with getting services. There's more mental health available, and you
know it's true how people, you know, the kids respond now.
My husband, man, we were huggers. We loved to hug.
Joshua doesn't like to hug. I know he loves me,
(38:51):
he told me every day. But he's not a hugger.
He will not come up and hug me. And he
but when he was young, he'd like to said, I'm
my lap. But he was not a hugger. And I
you know, they had that sensory. Some people don't like
to be touched. They don't like certain materials, certain fabrics.
(39:13):
Excuse me, uh, touching them, and you know that was
that took some getting used to. But I had to
tell you this. Let's say, and I know the one
has heard it before. Josh was so good with his father.
My husband had early on said Olzheimer's. And Josh was
(39:39):
so good with caregiving, and he took it seriously and
he was proud to be a caregiver. He was so
proud he was He would wear a T shirt that
said caregiving is my superpower. And he was, uh, really
funny with some people. And somebody in church said, Josh, Josh,
(40:04):
I'd call your dad up. He won't know who I am.
And you know, they say out of the mouth of babes.
Josh said, well, it's not hard, brother Bill. You call up,
you say, hey, brother Matt, how are you. I'm so
and so from you know wherever, and how you doing today? Well,
(40:25):
and then he says, it's not rocket science. I cracked
up laughing.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
I absolutely love it because you know and that that
is is wonderful. How clearly you guys did a wonderful
job with Josh, and and they're the abilities that they
do have can become like superpowers because that ability to
use that super logical brain right at times where other
people cannot.
Speaker 3 (40:50):
So they're caught up in emotions, so they're almost they're
mistreating people, right like.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
People who again are you know, I mean accidentally mistreating people.
Whereas you can have people, you know, certain people on
the spectrum that will know exactly what to do because
it makes sense to do that, and they will be
fully engaged when it makes sense.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
To do it.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
They don't get fully engaged in things that don't make
a lot of sense, yeah, but they'll get fully engaged
in things that make that that make logical sense.
Speaker 3 (41:18):
It can make it make working with a beautiful thing,
like my daughter, for example.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
If it doesn't make sense, she's just she's like, I'm
not interested. I'm just interested. But if you if there's
really a need, right, there's somebody really has an authentic need,
she is so there for them, like with everything she has,
without tiring because she because it makes sense to her
that they have that need.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
If that makes sense, yeah, no it does. Because I
was amazed because Josh understood more about Oldzheimer's than so
cold intuligent people, and he did not like. Josh did
not like when people would joke about old timers because
he was it's not a joke. Now, yes, in our
(42:05):
house we would have a dark sense of humor that
we needed to survive. But uh, you know, but when
people would just make jokes and making fun of people,
that's you know, that's different. And he would say, oh,
it's no joke. And he was just really was he was,
(42:31):
He's a blessing, you know. And when he went to
a funeral of someone who was actually my age. We
went to grammar school together, and he said, Mom, I
cried at Deborah's funeral. Was that okay? I said, of course,
it's okay. Shows you have compassion. That's beautiful. There's nothing
(42:52):
wrong with crying. And I think, and I, you know,
say this all the time and raising boys, we need
to teach them that it's okay to cry about losing
someone and to show, you know, feelings in a constructive
(43:12):
environment and the supportive environment. And I've been a mental
health advocate for many, many years, and the one good
thing about COVID is that it brought mental health to
the forefront, which should have always been there. But when
(43:33):
celebrities said, oh, I suffer from depression, I'm going for support,
it made it more acceptable should have always been acceptable,
and I just you know, really, I'm a very strong
mental health advocate and I love the work that you're
doing and helping parents that I don't know if if
(43:56):
you consider me on this spectrum. But I was very
shy when younger. I'm so shy. People don't believe that,
but I am. And my mother was forced me to
go to youth group meetings and forced me to go
to dances and I was miserable, and she would say,
did you have a good time now? Nobody talked to me?
(44:17):
So did you talk to them now? And I don't?
Speaker 2 (44:22):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (44:24):
What do you do if you have a shy child?
Do you push them to socialize or what do you
do with that situation?
Speaker 2 (44:32):
I'll I think with a shy child, the most logical
thing to do is to if you're going to promote
right interaction with others, not you don't just throw them
into groups, into large groups of people and say here
go to the dance or here go do this thing.
And you do much better to maybe try to arrange
(44:53):
for maybe one on one with people who are similar,
maybe similar, you know where there's there, the shyness is there,
and maybe you can kind of do kind of a
warm you know, get together. You find somebody that they
already maybe like or are comfortable with. It'd be even
better if you found someone that's their age that you
can kind of put one person that's that's kind of
(45:15):
social that they get along with right together with them,
maybe another shy person, and try to see how that goes.
Make suggestions for what to do, because a lot of times,
you know, shy people are just afraid of those things,
like those weird, awkward silences and because they don't have
anything to say, and you know, and not not having
(45:37):
anything to do or you know what I mean, or
feeling like the other person's gonna feel like they're weird
or boring or you know those kind of things. So
so really having activities planned where you can talk to
the three about, hey, what do you guys like to do?
You know, what kind of I'm old school, so like,
what kind.
Speaker 3 (45:52):
Of boring gings do you like? Car games?
Speaker 2 (45:53):
Do you like, you know, stuff that's going to set
them up for some interaction you know, individual on the phone.
Speaker 1 (46:03):
Yeah, No, those are good ideas because I didn't like
being pushed to socialize, and you know, especially if you
feel you know, insecure, and you know it's just being
into being forced into this group of people. And to
(46:24):
this day, I don't like being in large groups. One
to one, I'm fine, but putting me in a group
of people, you wouldn't even know I'm in the room.
People say, I don't believe that, but you know, people
would be like, well, how do you talk to people?
Interview people. I don't have a problem with that because
it's one to.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
One, but it's all per different. There's a purpose to it.
There is a mission that you have and you're drawing
from them, you know, kind of aspects of meeting that mission.
So it makes sense, right, I'm the same. I'm not
the most social person in the world. People don't believe
that either, because I'm very to be loud and bubbly
(47:04):
and all those kind of things. I love to laugh,
I love all those things. But truly, my husband is
my true other. We are very alike and most of
the time we are attached to each other at the
hip and I do not spend a lot of time
with other people.
Speaker 1 (47:21):
I can't understand that. Yes, yeah, Matt was a homebody.
He didn't like socializing, so I've always we did Yeah,
socialized much. And it's funny because Josh he loves to
socialize and he goes to karaoke once a week, which
(47:43):
would think it's great. And it's much more sociable than
his father I was, and that I am, so, you know,
and it's great to see because he was very shy
when he was younger. So that's really a big step.
So I'm very happy about that, a very proud of
(48:08):
I tell him all the time, you know, I'm proud
of him. And it's blessing to be his mom. I
was blessed. They didn't see it forty one, while he'll
be forty one in July. But I see it now.
God blessed me, you know, tremendously. Uh, let's say, where
can people purchase your book The Poker a Women's Game,
(48:36):
The Poker Therapist, the Mental Game Strategies for Winning. Where
can people purchase that?
Speaker 2 (48:42):
Okay, so you guys can purchase that through either Amazon
then go to Amazon dot com if you search the
name of the book Poker a Woman's Game, they'll take
it straight to it and also Barnthanmoble dot com also,
and I do plan on coming finishing up an audio
version that I've been working on, so that should be
(49:04):
coming and I would I would hope in the next
few weeks. But I'm just me and audio. We don't
get along. But I've been I just make mistakes and
I have to keep thinking and rethinking and rereading. But
when I'm reading now, just talking, I'm I'm fine, but
reading my own book, oh my goodness.
Speaker 3 (49:23):
But but yeah, audio version should be coming out soon.
Speaker 2 (49:28):
I also have another book, guys, coming out that I
have not decided on the title yet, but it is
my love note to passers, to the kids out there
that don't fit in but you know, really want to
like crave to crave that social interaction that has such
a hard time with it. I'm actually writing a book
(49:48):
to them right now, and I feel like I'm kind
of those kids, so so I very much. It's just
like my love project. So that'll be coming out soon too.
But you guys can keep up and hear more about
all of these things. Okay, if you're listening on my podcast,
the La Failway Podcast, mastering the Mental Game of Life
with a Poker Twist, right, Kim fit all those words
(50:09):
in there, but with a poker twist. So I'm gonna relate,
be relating the things in life. It's in a fun
way to poker concepts. So I'm gonna be talking pure poker.
What I tell people is I'm not a professional poker player, right,
I'm a professional therapist who plays who plays poker at
a professional level. Okay, So it's more I'm more on
(50:32):
the mental game of life and then throwing in some
of those fun concepts like tilt in poker that can
help people relate in in a lighter way. Right, So
you got to get up with some of the newer
happenings there. You can find everything at La failway dot com.
Guys like La fail way dot com will take you
to everything. So that's like kind of my center.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
Oh okay, that's great. And what outlets as your podcast?
Do you wine Apple or does that listen on your
on your website? Yeah, I'm great.
Speaker 2 (51:12):
Okay, Well, well we'll be posting them and I might
use the wrong words because again I'm old school thinking,
but we'll post them all on YouTube for sure, and
then we'll be working through Spotify and Apple. Okay, okay,
so you'll get the video version basically on YouTube, and
(51:34):
then the audio versions through Spotify and and Apple.
Speaker 1 (51:40):
Oh great, well, folks, I'll tell you what. I definitely
gonna have to listen to Let's Say this podcast because
I just love talking to you in this show and
thank you so much, uh Let's say, and Mitchell for
coming on. I so enjoy talking to you. You are amazing.
(52:01):
And Folks, all the information about le Fay and Mitchell
will be and the blog that Jennie White is the
station manager, rights and produces the show. I would definitely
go on Lefaya's website which will be in the blog
because she is self fascinating. I didn't even mention half
the things about letsay because they take out the whole
(52:23):
show about There is so much, so much that Lesaya
does has done, and I would definitely take a look
at the website and get her book or books. And
just was wonderful talking to you. Say thank you so
(52:44):
much for spending time with me today. I appreciate all
that you do to help others.
Speaker 2 (52:51):
Yank, You're welcome for having me Basi and I'm hoping
that I can invite you over because I'd love to
have you on my podcast. It's all about playing the hand.
You're built right, so so often in life we're kind
of built bad hands. And it's not about you know,
it's not about the hand. It's about how you play
it right, That's true. And you're so encouraging, So I'll
love to invite you later, of course, but talk about it.
Speaker 1 (53:16):
Sure, well, I would love to come on because it's
definitely a lot I could talk about, that's for sure. Uh.
I tell people I could tell how to survive and
thrive during caregiving. And you know, definitely you know how
(53:37):
to survive and thrive during grieving. I mean, yeah, I
could talk about a lot of different topics, but yes,
I would. I would, Yes, I would. I would love that.
And folks, you know you can follow me on Facebook.
That's the e Worzel w or Z e L and
(53:59):
I have a support group hashtag kick Alzheimer's ass Movement
if you're looking for support group, if you're a caregiver,
and you know, always, folks, as I always say at
the end of my show, in a world where you
can be anything, to please be kind and shine your
light bright because we need it now more than ever before,
(54:20):
and thank you for listening. Subscribing you don't already subscribe,
It is for free. I'm on Spotify, Speaker, Amazon Music.
I heart the name. Just a few and thank everyone
for listening. Share the show to help other people. Tell
people about Lesaya. She wants to hear from you. She
wants go on her website, listen to her podcast. You know,
(54:45):
I'm here to help people, and I love to promote
other people because I don't have all the answers, and
I listen to the podcasts. It's nothing wrong with that.
I listen to a lot of different podcasts. So you know,
anyone who could help me, I'm listening and I recommend
(55:07):
you do the same. And that's I have to say today, folks,
this is Betsy Worthel, your host of Chatting with Betsy
and fetchor wal Talk Radio Network, a subsidiary of Global
Media Network LLC. So we chat again. Be safe everyone,
Bye bye now
Hello, everyone, This is Betsy Worzal. You're a host of
Chatting with Betsy un Passion. World Talk Radio Network, a
subsidiary of Global Media Network LLC, where my t is
to educate, enlighten, and entertain. The views of the guest
may not represent those of the hosts of the station, Folks.
(00:22):
I had an epiphany today actually last night, but I
really thought about it today and I just want to
thank everyone who listens. I am truly, truly honored and
blessed to be able to have a platform where I
can use my voice to help other people and to
(00:44):
have experts on my show who can help you the audience,
have a better quality of life. And I just want
to change the world or make the world a better
place in the time that I have left, which I
don't know what the hollowy Matt is on this earth,
and I know that's my mission. I know that is
(01:06):
what I was called to do. And I just want
to thank pastor World Talk Radio Network, Blowly Caldwell and
who CEO and Genie White is the station manager, for
giving me the opportunity these five and a half years
to do that, and thank you the audience and with
me today is an amazing person. I am so fortunate
(01:31):
to meet all these wonderful people with me today is
last say. I don't sell the name la Faya Mitchell.
She is a licensed marriage and family therapist, a poker
player and electant, but a happy mother of six is
on a mission to calm the effects of quote red
(01:54):
alert range quote. She aspires to share her life changing philosophy,
The Lafayaway, created in over twenty years of real life
and professional experience experiences with the world. She published three
books in the lafay Away Parenting series, recently co authored
(02:16):
a number one international bestseller Speechless, giving that hashtag voiceless
a voice, and that's in quotes. I love the name
of that, and authored international bestseller Poker, A Woman's Game
The Poker therapist mental game Strategies for Winning. Since the
(02:40):
lafay Away is essentially the pathways to fostering, living a
life and alignment with your truest intentions, le Fay has
found a way to apply her fourth Step my theology
use in therapy to battle temporary interruption and logical thinking
in poker and love performancy in competition based environments and
(03:05):
Lesaia has a podcast, The Lessay Away mastering the mental
game of Life. And she is a therapist at Peace
of Mind Therapeutic Solutions. What And I tell you folks,
google Losaya Mitchell because there's just so much about Lesaya.
(03:29):
She is amazing. I'm so happy to have you one.
Welcome Lofaya Mitchell for chutting with Betsy.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Thank you so much, Betsy for that wonderful introduction. I'm
so happy to be here speaking of a wonderful, wonderful
human being.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Oh, thank you so much. And I'm happy that you
were here. You have so much to know where to
go first? But I have to say that you know
the title of the book, the originally co authored Speechless
(04:06):
Giving Handstag A voiceless of voice that touched me. Let's
say aim that really deeply touched me. And I'll tell
you in the audience why. Because there's people who either
they can't or they won't speak up, or people don't
give them the opportunity to speak. I know, I speak
(04:32):
for those who can't speak for those who won't, and
I not. It's like not being given an opportunity to
speak for whatever reason. And that's why I'm so grateful
to Lilan Coldwell, who created Pastoral Took Radio network because
(04:53):
nobody would give her a chance, so she created her
own Interinet radio station so people can have a voice.
And that's why that really touched me. Can you talk
about that book.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
For a little bit. I, Oh, my goodness, okay, I
was actually invited. This was an anthology, so it was
a book made up of multiple so we had about
eight of us eight authors, okay, And I was invited
to bring my perspective on what it feels like to
be a person that is on the autism spectrum, that
(05:29):
is higher functioning. Now I use the term higher functioning
even though I don't quite agree with it. I'm not
in love with it, but that's what that's what's known
out there, so I'll just let it stand. But there
I'm speaking about those who are they're so different that
they don't quite you know, fit in with the rest
(05:51):
of the world. But they're also but they're so high
functioning that often the world is not able to recognize
their challenges. So they can be seen in many ways
as you know, defiant or you know, disrespectful or you know,
just a selfish. There are a lot of different things
out there. That you know, a lot of the assumptions
that people make when they look at another person and
(06:13):
they see certain behaviors, or they see them kind of
shut down at certain times, or they're not able to
speak up for themselves at certain times, when they are
able to do that at other times. So what I
spoke up about was kind of that experience. Just there
are language processing difficulties with those on the spectrum, or
all of those on the spectrum, but on the higher
(06:35):
functioning end quotes higher functioning end.
Speaker 3 (06:38):
They can at one moment.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Be able to express themselves and say what they need
to say, and in another moment be completely shut down
in a way. And I'm talking about their brains literally
can't process what to say or how to say it
in certain upset moments, Okay, and they become so shut.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Down that they are rendered speechless. Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
So my particular chapter I called poked speechless because of
course I love poker, so I always always throw some
words like that in there. But also it's to show
that that sometimes the the becoming speechless is something that
is provoked, something that they can't help that if there
(07:22):
is a stressor on board, all of a sudden, there
they are speechless.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Wow. Lets say, if you were in front of me,
I'm telling you I would hug you. I would hug
you because this is like I couldn't even align th folks.
My son, Josh is on the spectrum and he's high functioning.
So I've very much into you know, and I have
(07:52):
interviewed many people the various disabilities and those who have
high functioning autism, and some of them have aspergers, and
I just I totally understand because sometimes, like I think
my son understands me, but he doesn't.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
And when he was younger, he didn't want to tell
people he didn't understand because he was embarrassed. And I said, Josh,
it's better for you to say, can you repeat it
very slowly? I don't understand them. First, someone to think
you understand and you don't, and then you, you know,
(08:34):
do something that they didn't want you to do. So
it's better just to you know, have had them repeat themselves.
They don't like it, Well that's too bad. So see
that's my jersey. That's my excuse me. So I I
(08:57):
just so I can really relate to that. And that's
when I saw that, you know, the title, I said,
I have asked about that because they're really just hit
me and I said, oh, I got to know more
about this, because you know, it's just you know what, folks,
and I say this on my show all the time.
(09:18):
Every single person deserves to be treated with dignity and respect, yes,
and that's all that people want. And I can't stand
at let fay when someone is you know, treated mistreated
because they're in a wheelchair or because he is a
kinge or a walker and people don't even acknowledge them
(09:43):
or think they can't think that's right. It just strust
me nuts I am.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
And with that, I actually make it actually him, make
sure that I address especially because I know how people
in wheelchairs are treated like they're invisible, right, and they
don't either like they're either like they don't exist or
or like all of a sudden they're because you know,
maybe their legs don't work, that nothing else functions as will.
(10:17):
I guess I don't know what the weird assumptions are,
but but I make it to sit down and we
have conversations and sometimes they're just like oh my goodness,
just you know, almost like thank you for treating me
like a human being. Because like they are right, yeah,
but but oh my god, we have so much in
common because you know, one of the reason that I'm
(10:37):
really passionate about this subject is because my daughters what
what would have been called the you know, what have
been called aspergers before they took the diagnosis away for
political reasons, I guess, or you know, but you know,
some stuff that happened in the past. I wish they
would come with another name though, that would be nice,
but but but to replace it, but they haven't done that.
(10:57):
But my daughter, she's he's higher functioning, and she would
have there was this she would shut down in school.
She was she was mainstream that she would shut down
if the teacher would call on her with no warnings. Okay,
her social anxiety was so high she was literally rendered speechless,
like she could not the teacher would think that she
(11:18):
was being defiant or just not write or trying not
to answer the question. But it was that my daughter,
if you called on her without her expecting you to,
she just shut down, like the brain no operation right
other than pure panic. And so after our teacher reached
out to me about it, I was like, oh, it's
(11:39):
it's for this reason, and here's what you do before
you call on her. Let her know two students before,
after two students, I'm going to call on you, so
she has time to prepare her mind for.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
This to happen. Right, And then they had no.
Speaker 2 (11:56):
They had no struggles with her from that point for
and what I would do every year is I would
go out to the tea and I'll explain to them, Hey,
here are a couple of my daughter's challenges. So here's
how you shut down behavior, you know, and you know,
and let me know if I can assist you in
any other way. Right.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
He brought it through.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Wow, Yeah, that Yeah. I had to tell my son's
teachers when he was younger that he loves routine and
so there's a fire drill and he couldn't take noise
when he was younger, that he might freak out and cry,
and that the routine has changed. Just to say, you
(12:35):
kind of have to prepare him that there's a change.
I mean, I know you can there's a fire drill
that if you do know there's a fire drill, maybe
you can let him know that this is going to
happen so it doesn't freak out. Uh, there's so many
things that people, you know, they don't understand, and dealing
(12:56):
with people who have difficulty with processing and sensory stimuli
that noises could just send people off. But well, thank
you for discussing. I said the your chapter is Cooled Speechless.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
And it's called Hope beasless like I.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
But I used pop because I was playing off of
I play off of you know, the word poker, because
I throw in some an example you know just how
you know when I because when I spoke to that
red alert brain, you know how how red alert brain?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
I use a po poker example of going into red.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Alert brain, right, and and then you kind of led
into talking about how being sent into that mode that
space can cause a person to become speechless.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Basically, Wow, that is amazing. I'll tell you, folks, I'm blessed.
I am that you had these experts on. I had
no idea that, let's say, and I had so much
and con and what is red alert brain? I don't
(14:10):
even know what that?
Speaker 3 (14:12):
Okay, okay, red alert brain.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
If you have ever had a chance to see the
movie Inside Out, Yes, they take all the feelings and
they put physical form to them, right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Yeah, did that's a cute movie.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
It's a cute movie. And if you haven't, if you guys,
if you haven't seen it, go out and see the
movie if you if you really want to understand, stay
a red alert brain. But it's like the Will Rogers,
we have a problem.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Here, you know.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Oh yeah, so the brain once once triggered in a
in any tough way, and it could be triggers or
of course we know are different for all people. Again,
since like you said, since Rey sensitivities can bring it on,
or many other things, or you know, triggering from past experiences,
whatever it is, can cause our brains to go into
(14:59):
what are call.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
All red alert mode.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Red alert mode is when we get into those feelings
of extreme upset, panic, you know, those kind of things.
So again, it's basically our our brains like warning system,
like here we are, there's a problem here. We need
to you know, we need to regulate and get things
figured out in order to kind of get back into
the into the blue, into a good space.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Yes, I know what. I enjoyed that movie. I'm a
big kid. I'm sixty seven years old, and I'll tell
you what. I related to that movie so much, and
I discussed it with Josh because we saw it together,
and I say, you know what, don't we feel like that?
(15:47):
We get anxiety, we get embarrassed. A very relatable movie
for people of old ages, that's for sure. This one
of the few movies I really did enjoy. I didn't it.
I hope they make another one. I don't think if
(16:08):
they had a first one. I didn't see that one.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Oh wait, no, they did they have. I think they
have two. I think they have two inside out one
and two.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
I believe.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Yeah, I didn't see the first one. But the second
one I really enjoyed. That just came out last year,
last summer, right.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
I believe.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
So, yeah, so I came.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
What I do know, time blames for me. But what
I do yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Too, is that they were both they were both really
good movies.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
But yeah, it's it's that that red alert brain that.
Speaker 2 (16:40):
That I speak to is also what you know kind
of It's that it's also what I call that tilt
mode at T I l T what you describe temporary
interruption in logical thinking. That's what happens when we enter
into red alert brain. We're not quite able to get
our logical fire it's going at that time we're more
(17:03):
pure like animal brain, pure emotion.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
At that point.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
That is, it's interesting because sometimes you know your brain.
I feel like sometimes my brain does freezes, especially with anxiety.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
And I used to be able.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
To handle anxiety very well, like if I had trouble
with appliances, but I don't know. Since my husband died,
since being a caregiver, just like the dryer my dry
eats to be six, that put me in high anxiety.
I got so anxious of that, and I usually don't
(17:47):
I never was like that before. It's just something that
I don't know. I get like that, and I had
to calm myself down. I do my breathing, and I go,
it's gonna be okay. It's not my fault. I guess
because of in the environment I grew up in where
I was the scapegoat, I think, oh, something's wrong, it's
(18:12):
my fault. Even though it's not my fault. I no
control over that. But that's where my brain goes to lesan.
And then I had to you know, the old habits and.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Also taking into a quant because there is now you're
dealing an old trauma. But then also you said after
your your husband passed, right, so then we're in active
grief at that point, and nobody gets to put a
timeframe on how long we grieve. But while we're grieving
or when we're you know, kind of actively in grief
and we're not, and we may be in that, you know,
(18:48):
we can get to acceptance, right, we can get there,
but there are levels to that as well. But until
we get there where we're you know, that full actualizations
then about everything kind of which many people will get
all the way there anyway, but you know, to accept it, right,
and so we're there than than our anxieties or you know,
(19:08):
if we deal in depression and things like that, they're
going to be updates right from these things as well,
so you can have multiple right things going on contributing
to that increased anxiety.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Yeah, yeah, that's true. That that is very true. And uh,
it's like one thing after another of the past five years.
Your book and I have to admit, let's say, I
don't know anything about poker. I never played poker, but
I like your book cover and I like the name
(19:41):
of it. Poker a Woman's game, the poker therapists mental
game strategies for winning and what motivated you to write
your book. I know that you really enjoyed poker. And
if I remember, did you me your husband playing poker?
Speaker 3 (20:03):
I did? Oh my goodness. Okay, so there's so much
to this story.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
Okay, let me try to let me try to.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Give you a short version.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
But okay, So I knew nothing about poker until I
saw it on television at age thirty three. First, first,
and foremost, Okay, I was thirty three years old, knew
absolutely nothing about poker. I saw it on the sports
channel ESPN, and the first thing I thought about it was,
why is this card game on.
Speaker 3 (20:31):
The sports channel? That's like the silliest thing I've ever heard.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
So and I was actually almost personally offended, because, you know,
having I'm an ex basketball player, so I'm like, that is.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
Not a sport, right.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
But anyway, the next time I saw it on television,
I was like, you know what, I heard a couple
of words. Now you may you probably laugh at me now,
but heard a couple of words that sounded familiar to me,
like straight and three of a kind, right, put in
a pair, right, things like that, because those are all yeah,
see terms. I man, this game is this game?
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Like y'all see?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
And I was like, let these just like pay attention
to it for a minute and see what it's all about.
And then once I figured out that there was a
psychological component of the game, I was like, oh, okay,
I have to learn how to play this. So that's
how that psychology is my life. I love it, and
I love the things that I was saying too, and
(21:32):
I love I love watching the players play because honestly,
I feel like a lot of the players are on
the spectrum. Honestly, just being honest, Well, you know what,
I could understand that, So it threw it drew a
lot of my attention anyway, So I actually I would
I would actually practice with my with my clients. In therapy,
(21:55):
we had play therapy, and the best kind of play
therapy for a teenager is to play again aim that
you know is kind of shunned by some of the society.
They're like excited, They're like, oh, of course I asked
the parents permission, like, oh, we're doing something you know,
almost kind of bad. In therapy, oh, alis, all of
a sudden, I had kids just opening up about everything
(22:15):
while we're playing, and correct there great therapeutic relationships and stuff.
And so then now when I'm teaching them, you know,
certain strategies and certain things. They're all sold like because
now you know I've captured them.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
And sool I like that. It was, yes, it's very,
very cool.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
And so anyway, I finally got the nerve to go
to one of our local places because I would see
the small little Texas holding the hole of the wall,
Texas hold I'm sorry, and I'm like, I'm like, I'm
gonna go in one day and just try it, you know.
And so I went in there. I had about one
hundred dollars because I'm very very I don't like to
I'm not a huge gambler. I don't love to spend
money on lose money.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
I don't like that.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
So I went there was about one hundred dollars and
found out that they had a little game that I
could pay forty dollars to play in, and of course
I was excited. I was like, oh, all, we have
to use forty dollars and went in there. I think
I was the luckiest. I didn't know what I was doing.
Everything everything, you know, works like magic and goal that
day the only time that ever happened in my life,
and you know, and then I was like, you know,
(23:19):
I really do like this game, and so then I
learned how to play. I met my husband there. He
saw me before I saw him. I was so wrapped
up and trying to figure things out. I didn't see him,
but he definitely saw me because I was winning everything.
And then he became more of my What I felt
like was my bully at first, because he was a
good player. Good players know that, you you know, kind
(23:42):
of go after the players that are new and weak
players because you know those are the ones that are
going to give the most wins.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
And so and so.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
I did not like him very much at all when
I first when he first came on, and then you know,
one day I was like, Okay, you know, he's not
such I saw him kind of in a more of
a social atmosphere.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
I was like, oh, he's not a bad guy.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
And and I thought, oh, he's gonna teach me how
to play poker because I didn't really know how to play.
You know, you gotta teach me all that strategy stuff
I don't understand. And and slowly, but really he did
against his old will. He was he was very against that.
He didn't want to teach me all I was asking
him a bunch of questions he didn't really want to answer,
but he couldn't resist, because you know, I'm charming. He
couldn't resist, and so and so then that's how I
(24:31):
met him. And then we became really good friends for
about three years. And then I did I realized that
I actually had some feelings for him, didn't didn't have
no clue, and so, yeah, but that's how we met.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
And and then sorry.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
That's sweet, No, that's huge, and I love that.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
And then then after many many years, let me speak
this up. And then after many years then of playing,
and we've been now going, I go to courses. I'm
learning how to play because there's a very there's a
very strong strategy to the game. And then I started
to learn that they had a whole mental game aspect
that they would teach to people as well. And that's
where I struggled a lot. So I was learning a
lot of the strategy, but nothing about the mental game,
(25:15):
and not really actually making the connection between my work
in mental health and the mental part of that game.
In that game, we remember I talked about past timas
and how we could be retriggered. I was always retriggered
because I grew up very very poor. I grew up,
you know, always wondering, you know, if we were gonna
be okay, and so doing things like going out to
(25:36):
play poker, where you know there's a chance to lose
all of your chips all the time right when you're
in There was something that was causing me quite a
bit of like panic, panicky feelings.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Well when I played right.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
And so I met with a mental game strategist and
when he started to kind of teach me some of
what he knows, I recognized right away. I was like,
oh my goodness, I teach all of this and more
to my clients. Never made the connection before that. And
I'm like, and I believe that the four steps that
(26:09):
I teach to my parents on how to how to
keep their you know, how to prevent from oh my goodness,
there's so much attached to this, but how to prevent
from provoking their kids. And I don't mean provoking negative
way parents out there that I'm not parent blaming. I'm
just saying sometimes we're unintentionally putting the wrong energy in
into and getting the wrong reactions from our kids. So
(26:31):
no blaming, it's just unintentional. Okay, So but the four
steps I would teach parents on how to.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
Avoid doing that would work very well.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
For what it was I was dealing with in poker,
in what we call was called tilt, tilting and poker,
and so yeah, then after that it just became kind
of like, oh, this is.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Interesting, let's figure out how it all comes together.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Wow, that's like I really I don't know anything about
Punk Girdle. I do remember seeing it on TV, though,
So I had a laugh when you're talking about singing
on ESPN, because yeah, it was on TV, and I'm thinking, then,
how boring is that to be watching poker game for
a long time. I'm not one for sports anyway, but
(27:17):
that's just you know, I think my mother's I would
go over to my mother's parents' house. They would play
poker or some kind of game. I think it was
poker though, but I never really got into that. But
I was mentioning about I'm thinking of the movie Raymand
with Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman and how he counted
(27:43):
how he was winning because he was memorizing all that.
So I always think that a game of like poker
would be very interesting. I mean, an easy game in
a way for someone who with high functioning because they
commemorate the rules the hands. There's the great and memorizing memory.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Yes things.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
They have Sabbot like skills where they can recognize patterns,
pick up on the patterns and yeah, also and keep
and keep tracked in their minds of all the statistical
likelihoods that you know how hands will play out. You
can tell by the way other people play hands what
you have in your hand. You can you can actually
(28:37):
calculate out the odds of them having what hands they have.
You can calculate out what they think you might have
based on your play.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
There are so many facets to it.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
That those who are high functioning UH on the optimum
section high functioning end, I believe most of our best
players out there would be considered what the old school adverts.
Speaker 3 (29:01):
But now.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
I would not be surprised. So where do they get
the name, uh, poker face? I go, they have their
poker face on. It is that to show no expression,
so you don't give away your your hands.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
That's exactly and and again that favors those who are
of the blood of blood epic, the blooded epics, right,
they don't ressiveness the anyway.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
That's that is just too funny. I don't know why.
I just thought of that the movie and Dustin Hoffmann
being in the casino when you're talking about that, because
I think they asked him to leave, because I was like, yeah,
because who's winning, Yeah, and yeah, it's it's just fascinating.
(29:59):
I I had to share the story with you in
the audience when I thought them before about respect. There's
a young man who calls me once in a while.
He went to school with Josh and he's on the
spectrum and he memorizes things like I can't believe I am.
(30:20):
I tell him I go listen. I barely can remember
what it did last week, let alone twenty years ago.
But he said to me, and he always says this
to me when he calls me. He said, Betsy, you
treat me with respect and dignity. I feel so good
around you. Yeah, and how it's like it's heartbreaking when
(30:47):
people don't get treated with respect. So I that just
came up in my mind, and I just want to
tell the audience, please treat people how you want to
be treated. Because I always say, by the grace of God,
(31:08):
go I any fool automobile accident, stroke, anything can happen
to anyone at any time. And think about how you
will want to be treated if you don't have all
your faculties together, if you're in a wheelchair, if you're
using a walker, how would you want someone to treat you?
(31:30):
And you know people might think a little harsh. I
don't apologize for it lessay. I am a Jersey girl
and my father's daughter. I just say it how it is.
I'm just very straightforward that way, and I don't sugarcoat. Yeah,
I don't sugarcoat anything. Excuse me. And you have you
(31:57):
do a lot of work with parents. Can you talk
about the services that you offer? And I'll ask you
about you know how people could get in contact with you.
But you offer a lot of great account I call
(32:18):
it counseling services for parents. And I know you're in California,
But do you do zoo like zoom for people that
are in other states? Yes?
Speaker 3 (32:28):
I do.
Speaker 2 (32:29):
I Actually, you're right, I'll offer quite a few services.
I have and my history done a lot of work
with just families, parents, parents, families, they're the kids. Usually
I work with the entire units, so siblings included. So
this is just to provide the education that they need
in order to kind of get themselves on track with
(32:51):
and I think you mentioned it in the bio portion,
but kind of you know, more warrants on track as
far as responding in alignment with what they truly intend.
Because most parents are you know, they love their children,
they want what's best for them. But there are a
lot of parental mistakes that we as parents can make
out there if we're not informed, especially with our kids
(33:13):
out there that I call the pastors. Okay, the kids
that maybe they're on they either you know, the higher
functioning end of the spectrum, or maybe they're not diagnosed
at all.
Speaker 3 (33:22):
They just but they but you know that they're a
little different.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
They don't function right quite you know, quite the same
as everyone else, right, So learning how to work with
those differences becomes very important. What I've started to do
more of over the years is do more parent training
that I call it my PEP trains Parents Empowering parents.
(33:47):
So I like to bring together smaller, small groups of
parents and educate them on my four cores that I
call them the La Failway Corps for because this helps
them to start to have better interactions and understand their
own the reasons behind some of the parents themselves, their
own reactions to the kids, because there's a lot of
(34:10):
pieces to it. Like many parents experience parental grief and
don't they don't, they don't realize it. They have to
grieve that idealized versions of their child they had in
their heads that they that they never Like I said,
none of this is intentional. None of us get a
manual right on how to raise our kids. But there
are just certain things that just are automatic for us.
(34:32):
We just assume that our kids will, say, be able
to communicate with us right on time, and be able
to respond in the ways that are considered typicult in society,
right like and I'm putting in air quotes caring about
what others care about, you know, things like that. And
if they don't care about what we care about, then
then if the assumption is made that they don't care
(34:53):
about us, or that they're selfish, or they're you know,
all these things. And so you know what I do
is I teach them, you know, how it works a
bit differently, and that they care, that the kids care
is just the way that they show their caring is
in a different way. And that there are certain portions
that that may be lacking or missing for them from
(35:14):
from their literal brain biology to be able to respond
in the ways that we're expecting. So like that show,
and always it's always bugged me to that kind of
that idea that you know, people on the spectrum, you know,
can't show empathy. I think they've done away with that finally,
but sometimes it still comes out every once in a while.
But that's not the truth. They just the way that
(35:36):
they show empathy is in and the ways you teach
them how to show empathy is a go a different
way about doing it right. And so but yeah, you know,
not enough mirror neurons have something to do with that.
So they're not able to connect viscerally to other people's experiences.
They're not So it's say a neurotypical child, where to
see another person, say, crying and sad or something right.
Speaker 3 (36:00):
For your typical neurotypical kids.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
They feel that right, and for some who are on
the spectrum, not all, because that's not true for all
on the spectrum either. They're not able to literally feel that.
So then the ability to connect with the way the
other person is feeling is hindered a bit, right, So
then you deal with them slightly different anyway I go.
So I go through, I have my trainings go through.
(36:23):
It's a four modules, and I teach them the four steps,
and by the time they come to the other end
of it, they're able to relate with their child who
is is or it is not on the spectrum, maybe
just slightly made differently wired, differently better than what they
were be fearing. And I do that for I do
(36:44):
that for individual parents, and then it kind of expanded
out to write one to many. So then I started
to do this through some a few nonprofit agencies. I
would train their staff so that they can work with
the parents. So you know, it's kind of grown.
Speaker 1 (37:00):
Wow that that is so incredible. I'm getting a clump
here because I could have used you forty forty years ago.
You were just like me, Hi to my grasshopper. Probably
(37:23):
it's so true parental grief. I experienced that I did. Folks.
You know, when you think your child and I hate
to use the word normal, but I don't know what
else to use. But and then you find out there's
something you know they're they're different, and then your hopes
(37:45):
and dreams are crashed. And it took me a long
time to adjust to my view of what I had
for for my son. And you know I did, but
it and there was no one to talk to at
that time, you know, because at that time they blamed
the mother, but there was something different but the child.
(38:10):
I was told that I was over protective mother, My
son was lazy, and they these like I know what
you call it special needs at that time, which is
what it was called, they really weren't addressed. But they
are now and I'm glad. I'm glad things have improved
(38:31):
with getting services. There's more mental health available, and you
know it's true how people, you know, the kids respond now.
My husband, man, we were huggers. We loved to hug.
Joshua doesn't like to hug. I know he loves me,
(38:51):
he told me every day. But he's not a hugger.
He will not come up and hug me. And he
but when he was young, he'd like to said, I'm
my lap. But he was not a hugger. And I
you know, they had that sensory. Some people don't like
to be touched. They don't like certain materials, certain fabrics.
(39:13):
Excuse me, uh, touching them, and you know that was
that took some getting used to. But I had to
tell you this. Let's say, and I know the one
has heard it before. Josh was so good with his father.
My husband had early on said Olzheimer's. And Josh was
(39:39):
so good with caregiving, and he took it seriously and
he was proud to be a caregiver. He was so
proud he was He would wear a T shirt that
said caregiving is my superpower. And he was, uh, really
funny with some people. And somebody in church said, Josh, Josh,
(40:04):
I'd call your dad up. He won't know who I am.
And you know, they say out of the mouth of babes.
Josh said, well, it's not hard, brother Bill. You call up,
you say, hey, brother Matt, how are you. I'm so
and so from you know wherever, and how you doing today? Well,
(40:25):
and then he says, it's not rocket science. I cracked
up laughing.
Speaker 2 (40:30):
I absolutely love it because you know and that that
is is wonderful. How clearly you guys did a wonderful
job with Josh, and and they're the abilities that they
do have can become like superpowers because that ability to
use that super logical brain right at times where other
people cannot.
Speaker 3 (40:50):
So they're caught up in emotions, so they're almost they're
mistreating people, right like.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
People who again are you know, I mean accidentally mistreating people.
Whereas you can have people, you know, certain people on
the spectrum that will know exactly what to do because
it makes sense to do that, and they will be
fully engaged when it makes sense.
Speaker 3 (41:08):
To do it.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
They don't get fully engaged in things that don't make
a lot of sense, yeah, but they'll get fully engaged
in things that make that that make logical sense.
Speaker 3 (41:18):
It can make it make working with a beautiful thing,
like my daughter, for example.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
If it doesn't make sense, she's just she's like, I'm
not interested. I'm just interested. But if you if there's
really a need, right, there's somebody really has an authentic need,
she is so there for them, like with everything she has,
without tiring because she because it makes sense to her
that they have that need.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
If that makes sense, yeah, no it does. Because I
was amazed because Josh understood more about Oldzheimer's than so
cold intuligent people, and he did not like. Josh did
not like when people would joke about old timers because
he was it's not a joke. Now, yes, in our
(42:05):
house we would have a dark sense of humor that
we needed to survive. But uh, you know, but when
people would just make jokes and making fun of people,
that's you know, that's different. And he would say, oh,
it's no joke. And he was just really was he was,
(42:31):
He's a blessing, you know. And when he went to
a funeral of someone who was actually my age. We
went to grammar school together, and he said, Mom, I
cried at Deborah's funeral. Was that okay? I said, of course,
it's okay. Shows you have compassion. That's beautiful. There's nothing
(42:52):
wrong with crying. And I think, and I, you know,
say this all the time and raising boys, we need
to teach them that it's okay to cry about losing
someone and to show, you know, feelings in a constructive
(43:12):
environment and the supportive environment. And I've been a mental
health advocate for many, many years, and the one good
thing about COVID is that it brought mental health to
the forefront, which should have always been there. But when
(43:33):
celebrities said, oh, I suffer from depression, I'm going for support,
it made it more acceptable should have always been acceptable,
and I just you know, really, I'm a very strong
mental health advocate and I love the work that you're
doing and helping parents that I don't know if if
(43:56):
you consider me on this spectrum. But I was very
shy when younger. I'm so shy. People don't believe that,
but I am. And my mother was forced me to
go to youth group meetings and forced me to go
to dances and I was miserable, and she would say,
did you have a good time now? Nobody talked to me?
(44:17):
So did you talk to them now? And I don't?
Speaker 2 (44:22):
Is it?
Speaker 1 (44:24):
What do you do if you have a shy child?
Do you push them to socialize or what do you
do with that situation?
Speaker 2 (44:32):
I'll I think with a shy child, the most logical
thing to do is to if you're going to promote
right interaction with others, not you don't just throw them
into groups, into large groups of people and say here
go to the dance or here go do this thing.
And you do much better to maybe try to arrange
(44:53):
for maybe one on one with people who are similar,
maybe similar, you know where there's there, the shyness is there,
and maybe you can kind of do kind of a
warm you know, get together. You find somebody that they
already maybe like or are comfortable with. It'd be even
better if you found someone that's their age that you
can kind of put one person that's that's kind of
(45:15):
social that they get along with right together with them,
maybe another shy person, and try to see how that goes.
Make suggestions for what to do, because a lot of times,
you know, shy people are just afraid of those things,
like those weird, awkward silences and because they don't have
anything to say, and you know, and not not having
(45:37):
anything to do or you know what I mean, or
feeling like the other person's gonna feel like they're weird
or boring or you know those kind of things. So
so really having activities planned where you can talk to
the three about, hey, what do you guys like to do?
You know, what kind of I'm old school, so like,
what kind.
Speaker 3 (45:52):
Of boring gings do you like? Car games?
Speaker 2 (45:53):
Do you like, you know, stuff that's going to set
them up for some interaction you know, individual on the phone.
Speaker 1 (46:03):
Yeah, No, those are good ideas because I didn't like
being pushed to socialize, and you know, especially if you
feel you know, insecure, and you know it's just being
into being forced into this group of people. And to
(46:24):
this day, I don't like being in large groups. One
to one, I'm fine, but putting me in a group
of people, you wouldn't even know I'm in the room.
People say, I don't believe that, but you know, people
would be like, well, how do you talk to people?
Interview people. I don't have a problem with that because
it's one to.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
One, but it's all per different. There's a purpose to it.
There is a mission that you have and you're drawing
from them, you know, kind of aspects of meeting that mission.
So it makes sense, right, I'm the same. I'm not
the most social person in the world. People don't believe
that either, because I'm very to be loud and bubbly
(47:04):
and all those kind of things. I love to laugh,
I love all those things. But truly, my husband is
my true other. We are very alike and most of
the time we are attached to each other at the
hip and I do not spend a lot of time
with other people.
Speaker 1 (47:21):
I can't understand that. Yes, yeah, Matt was a homebody.
He didn't like socializing, so I've always we did Yeah,
socialized much. And it's funny because Josh he loves to
socialize and he goes to karaoke once a week, which
(47:43):
would think it's great. And it's much more sociable than
his father I was, and that I am, so, you know,
and it's great to see because he was very shy
when he was younger. So that's really a big step.
So I'm very happy about that, a very proud of
(48:08):
I tell him all the time, you know, I'm proud
of him. And it's blessing to be his mom. I
was blessed. They didn't see it forty one, while he'll
be forty one in July. But I see it now.
God blessed me, you know, tremendously. Uh, let's say, where
can people purchase your book The Poker a Women's Game,
(48:36):
The Poker Therapist, the Mental Game Strategies for Winning. Where
can people purchase that?
Speaker 2 (48:42):
Okay, so you guys can purchase that through either Amazon
then go to Amazon dot com if you search the
name of the book Poker a Woman's Game, they'll take
it straight to it and also Barnthanmoble dot com also,
and I do plan on coming finishing up an audio
version that I've been working on, so that should be
(49:04):
coming and I would I would hope in the next
few weeks. But I'm just me and audio. We don't
get along. But I've been I just make mistakes and
I have to keep thinking and rethinking and rereading. But
when I'm reading now, just talking, I'm I'm fine, but
reading my own book, oh my goodness.
Speaker 3 (49:23):
But but yeah, audio version should be coming out soon.
Speaker 2 (49:28):
I also have another book, guys, coming out that I
have not decided on the title yet, but it is
my love note to passers, to the kids out there
that don't fit in but you know, really want to
like crave to crave that social interaction that has such
a hard time with it. I'm actually writing a book
(49:48):
to them right now, and I feel like I'm kind
of those kids, so so I very much. It's just
like my love project. So that'll be coming out soon too.
But you guys can keep up and hear more about
all of these things. Okay, if you're listening on my podcast,
the La Failway Podcast, mastering the Mental Game of Life
with a Poker Twist, right, Kim fit all those words
(50:09):
in there, but with a poker twist. So I'm gonna relate,
be relating the things in life. It's in a fun
way to poker concepts. So I'm gonna be talking pure poker.
What I tell people is I'm not a professional poker player, right,
I'm a professional therapist who plays who plays poker at
a professional level. Okay, So it's more I'm more on
(50:32):
the mental game of life and then throwing in some
of those fun concepts like tilt in poker that can
help people relate in in a lighter way. Right, So
you got to get up with some of the newer
happenings there. You can find everything at La failway dot com.
Guys like La fail way dot com will take you
to everything. So that's like kind of my center.
Speaker 1 (50:54):
Oh okay, that's great. And what outlets as your podcast?
Do you wine Apple or does that listen on your
on your website? Yeah, I'm great.
Speaker 2 (51:12):
Okay, Well, well we'll be posting them and I might
use the wrong words because again I'm old school thinking,
but we'll post them all on YouTube for sure, and
then we'll be working through Spotify and Apple. Okay, okay,
so you'll get the video version basically on YouTube, and
(51:34):
then the audio versions through Spotify and and Apple.
Speaker 1 (51:40):
Oh great, well, folks, I'll tell you what. I definitely
gonna have to listen to Let's Say this podcast because
I just love talking to you in this show and
thank you so much, uh Let's say, and Mitchell for
coming on. I so enjoy talking to you. You are amazing.
(52:01):
And Folks, all the information about le Fay and Mitchell
will be and the blog that Jennie White is the
station manager, rights and produces the show. I would definitely
go on Lefaya's website which will be in the blog
because she is self fascinating. I didn't even mention half
the things about letsay because they take out the whole
(52:23):
show about There is so much, so much that Lesaya
does has done, and I would definitely take a look
at the website and get her book or books. And
just was wonderful talking to you. Say thank you so
(52:44):
much for spending time with me today. I appreciate all
that you do to help others.
Speaker 2 (52:51):
Yank, You're welcome for having me Basi and I'm hoping
that I can invite you over because I'd love to
have you on my podcast. It's all about playing the hand.
You're built right, so so often in life we're kind
of built bad hands. And it's not about you know,
it's not about the hand. It's about how you play
it right, That's true. And you're so encouraging, So I'll
love to invite you later, of course, but talk about it.
Speaker 1 (53:16):
Sure, well, I would love to come on because it's
definitely a lot I could talk about, that's for sure. Uh.
I tell people I could tell how to survive and
thrive during caregiving. And you know, definitely you know how
(53:37):
to survive and thrive during grieving. I mean, yeah, I
could talk about a lot of different topics, but yes,
I would. I would, Yes, I would. I would love that.
And folks, you know you can follow me on Facebook.
That's the e Worzel w or Z e L and
(53:59):
I have a support group hashtag kick Alzheimer's ass Movement
if you're looking for support group, if you're a caregiver,
and you know, always, folks, as I always say at
the end of my show, in a world where you
can be anything, to please be kind and shine your
light bright because we need it now more than ever before,
(54:20):
and thank you for listening. Subscribing you don't already subscribe,
It is for free. I'm on Spotify, Speaker, Amazon Music.
I heart the name. Just a few and thank everyone
for listening. Share the show to help other people. Tell
people about Lesaya. She wants to hear from you. She
wants go on her website, listen to her podcast. You know,
(54:45):
I'm here to help people, and I love to promote
other people because I don't have all the answers, and
I listen to the podcasts. It's nothing wrong with that.
I listen to a lot of different podcasts. So you know,
anyone who could help me, I'm listening and I recommend
(55:07):
you do the same. And that's I have to say today, folks,
this is Betsy Worthel, your host of Chatting with Betsy
and fetchor wal Talk Radio Network, a subsidiary of Global
Media Network LLC. So we chat again. Be safe everyone,
Bye bye now
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