A Seductive Poet - Chewing The Cud - S06E19

This is Chewing The Cud! Your weekly LGBTQIA+ Chat Show! 

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:15):
You're watching Chewing the Cud with Lee Robertson and Dominic Berry.

Speaker 2 (00:21):
There's a distinct roma of Sultan vinegar. Hello, they're watching
Chewing the Cud, your lighthearted weekly look at the world
peaking around a sequin curtain. I'm Lee Robertson and with
me today is the only poet I know who can
rhyme with nantucket. It's dominic Berry. All Hello, Nantucket? What

(00:42):
rhymes with nantucket?

Speaker 1 (00:43):
Oh? You know, Lee?

Speaker 2 (00:45):
Yeah, exactly, chuck it anyway, what have you got for
us this week in the buzz? Well, Lee, I'm glad
that you asked.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
I'm bringing you a story about things that you can
rob on your boy and something which you really should
not rub on your body. And we are going to
have lots of fun playing a lovely game.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
Okay, slightly worries, and then domin it will be slamming
us with poetry. That's what the trendy people say in Spotlight.
But on the screen now you can see I contact details.
It's apt they could t be on your social media now.
If you want to catch up with previous episodes, you
can always binge us on YouTube. Look for Chewing the Cud.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
You can see the names of people who have reached
out and touched our souls going along the bottom of
the screen. But now it is time for lee in
the showbiz.

Speaker 2 (01:47):
Where do you stand on Elton John?

Speaker 1 (01:49):
Ah, I love Elton John. I love. For once on
this show, you're talking about someone that I've heard of.
You're not talking about some influencer. He's Barkey McNaughty. I'm
aware of Elton John. I grew up first autobiography. I
ever read Elton John's first CD. I got his double
very best off, and I saw him in concerts. But

(02:10):
he's not always pleasant. He behave wise.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
I don't know. I've never had sex system, so I
don't know. Well, he's he's he's not just a singer.
He has many, many fingers in many pies. So he's
brought out the Elton John eyewear collection, right, So it's
so what they did was they were approached by this
isn't his eyewear collection. There's a selection of his original

(02:37):
glasses from over the decades.

Speaker 1 (02:39):
That's not him in the middle. That is that not
the actor who played him in Rocket Man.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
He was quite attractive when he was very very young. Yeah,
so that what they've done is they've they've been approached
by Specsavers to design a range of sunglasses. So him
and his partner David Furnish sat down with all his
glasses that he did. They well, that's what they're telling us,
and they went. So he has cabinets and cabinets in

(03:05):
his house with all his glasses in them, and each
one has a story. So what they did was they
kind of chose different ones. This is him with the
actual collection. He's got a good wig on I'm lucky.
I'm not impressed by that one. These are all in
hither collection. So they're things like one's called yellow Brick Road,

(03:28):
obviously it's very obvious. Then we've got Tiny Dancer, I
assuming that's a very small pair of glasses, and then
Crocodile Rock. So he's named them after his head.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
He's not named them. I've been mister cynical today is
the thing? Right? Elton John When he started, he had
years and years and years of not having it and
he was very very humble and reading the autobiography, the
early days are wonderful. But like he's just had an
album come out recently and they've done like a documentary
something I don't know who it is with a female singer,

(04:00):
isn't it Yeah, yeah, yeah, sparky nasty the country singer.
I don't know her name. I don't know modern people,
but like the documentary is just him being vile and
we're all meant to be like nay lovely, no no Lee,
no vile. He's not named these glasses.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
You won't be part of about three hundred quid for
a pair of his sunglasses. No, well that's good because
we've I've actually blurged. If you if you're look in
your couple behind you, there is there is there is,
Yeah there You've got a pair, and I've got a.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
Pair this yeah right, okay, Oh my words? Oh are
these Elton genre? Are these Lee around?

Speaker 2 (04:42):
These are Elton John originals. These are called blue balls?
And see what's these are very It's like he's in
the room I have, I have don't go breaking my heart?

Speaker 1 (04:57):
Oh look at this?

Speaker 2 (04:59):
Look this marvelous. Yeah, that might have changed your mind.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
Do you know who is humble? You know? Is humble
Y d Elton John's one time singing partner of Don't
Go bre She's wonderful. Matter have you. I've kissed the
face of Kiki d consentually.

Speaker 2 (05:17):
I was to say it was it like a nighttime
situation where she woke up and you were just like
leaving over right. Okay, so we can keep them on
if you would lie, I love her?

Speaker 1 (05:28):
Can we swap can like you can't? Yeah, I will.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
I'll put the blue balls down for now. Next bit
of Showbus news again. You might have heard of this person,
Juanna Lumley. Yeah, gosh, she's made a heartbreaking statement apparently. Okay,
so she's she's she's been interviewed. She's made the heartbreaking
mission that she doesn't think she has much time left
something Dag knows as an illness or anything. It's just

(05:56):
that at seventy nine she doesn't think a huge amount
of time left on earth.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
I don't know what I'm surprised by that because she's had.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
Such a long different things done. She's done it. She
was a bundle in the nineteen sixties.

Speaker 1 (06:11):
Be Avengers, the British Avengers.

Speaker 2 (06:15):
Obviously Sapphire and Steel. You might not remember Safire and Steel. No, yeah,
I've seen it.

Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yeah, she's and.

Speaker 2 (06:21):
Obviously Patsy in ab Fab and she's going to be
playing Grandma in the Wednesday series on Netflix. That's her
as Grandmama, and then that's her as Patsy. So basically,
what you're saying is that as you're near the top
of the hill, you suddenly think, gosh, there's not a

(06:43):
lot of time left. My time must be coming quite soon,
and I don't want to have wasted a minute being
in this beautiful planet. I used to plan it when
I was young, but as I got older started to
live day to day. When so when I was eighteen,
I long to be thirty. When I was thirty, long
to be fifty. So yeah, basically she kind of like saying,
you know, but I've had a good life. I'm not
actually planning on carking it anytime soon, but you never know.

(07:07):
You have you stalked Johanna Lumley and.

Speaker 1 (07:09):
Touched I've not yet kissed the face of well she has.

Speaker 2 (07:15):
Apparently she has this condition where she can't remember people's names,
and it's an actual thing. It's called proso pannosia, and
it's where she's called it's called face blindness. So I
have to know who people are in advance because I

(07:36):
don't always remember who they are. So she said, I
just kiss everybody because that way I can Oh my god. Wow.
So she's no plans to retire, but she's been doing
it for as long as she can, as long as
she can speak, she said, as long as she can breathe.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
How fantastic. I went to see Focusing at Leonard Cohen
on tour when he was eighty and he was in
Manchester and he was like, I remember when I was
last year. I was only a little kid. I was
only sixty oh, and that was a really sobering moment.
Really made me think. I was like, wow, yeah, yeah,

(08:13):
it was a weel. No, No, it's luck, isn't it.
You can do all the best things, to look after
your help, to make good choices, and sometimes.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
Are going to live forever. At some point that's depressing.
The grim Reaper is going to appear and you're gone.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
I enjoy what I can cheerfully.

Speaker 2 (08:33):
Last bit of show is And you might not get
this one, Dan, You must know who, of course I do.
You may not have watched the series that she's been
presented for the past couple of years. I kissed a
boy and then the female version, I kissed a girl. Okay,
so basically what they do is they get a group
of gay people, put them on an island. Is it

(08:54):
an island or is it just a nice place in Italy?
Italy is not an island anyway, that's that's geography. So
they get these young people and they kind of try
and encourage relationships so that the latest series is forward.
Ten single men are matched and meet for the first
time with a kiss. So they've never met each other before.

(09:15):
They meet at this villa, give each other a kiss.
You might like that because you're into kissing people without
without any knowing meeting each other before.

Speaker 1 (09:24):
There's a there's a guess in each other.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
So season two, which has just started, has got eleven
people in there, including a cheerleading coach, a model, and
notably the shows first to have a challenge under male,
which is fantastic. However, there has been a bit of
BackFlash with people kind of saying, well, you've gone for
all the usual pretty young, thin, attractive people. Where's the

(09:52):
where's the where's the sort of where's the fat ugly
ones or the fat beautiful the fat beautiful ones, where's
the ones that perhaps wouldn't get kissed anyway? So they're
kind of like, yeah, there's something called an instant kiss off,
which is a new thing where contestants are caught off guard.

(10:14):
It is about you, this isn't it. The contestants are
caught off guard and require immediate decisions about their pairings,
so they can just kind of like just go and kiss. Yeah.
Apparently one of the kiss offs occurs during a lightning storm,
adding to the season's heightened drama. I don't know whether
it's actual lightning storm or whether perhaps it's just done know,

(10:36):
with a torch going turning it on.

Speaker 1 (10:39):
Well, I've not heard of this before of all the
various many ways people can humiliate themselves on national television.
And I speak as somebody who's who has humiliated who's
a Channel four got me to pull the penis out
for them, So so yeah, that speakers eason to do that.

(11:01):
This is like on the lower end, isn't it. It's
the lower It's not.

Speaker 2 (11:04):
As awful as you think. It's not for me, but
check it out on BBC. I play it. See what
you see what yourself we may be seeing dom on
I kissed a boy and that is it for this
week Shobby's News.

Speaker 1 (11:18):
Thanks Lee. Yeah, I'm up for being on that kissing
all the fat, beautiful people, thin beautiful people. Everyone everyone's
got everyone's got beauty somewhere. They well.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
Stay right there because coming up after this short break,
we get up to date with the usual side of
the news in the buzz. Welcome back and you're watching
Chewing the Card. This is a part of the show
where we look into the fun side of the news

(11:55):
as it's dominic with the buzz.

Speaker 1 (12:03):
Right, thrown in your wear or thrown in?

Speaker 2 (12:08):
Is throning thrown in? Is it a sexual reference?

Speaker 1 (12:11):
It is not necessarily it could be, it could be. Right,
So this is a new term that gen z. You've
heard of them, haven't. You know, scally.

Speaker 2 (12:21):
Wags never stop hearing.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
Right. Thrown in is where individuals pursue a relationship where
they're doing it to enhance their own appearance on like
social media and stuff. So you know, it's less about, oh,
is there a genuine connection? Do I like this person?
It's more about how can this person make me appear in?

Speaker 2 (12:46):
Okay, it's not a new thing.

Speaker 1 (12:49):
Well yeah, people are saying it's like the equivalent of
the sort of old fashioned view of gold inging, like
going with someone just for their money. But this isn't
necessarily about it's about financial it's more about yeah, be.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
Called punching above your weight.

Speaker 1 (13:03):
Apparently, like loads of folks have been really upset because
they meet someone and I think there's the real click
and they only like them because they're a multi award
winning poets.

Speaker 2 (13:16):
These are the crosses you must bear.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
They are, they are okay. I don't think I've ever
been throwned, not to my knowledge.

Speaker 2 (13:28):
Been doing this for donkeys years. They go out with
people who they think. I mean, the most famous one
is is Rita Aura. She goes, she goes like, oh,
I'll go up with him for a little bit. Taylor
Swift she goes through and like nobody's business.

Speaker 1 (13:45):
So it's yeah, they're not necessarily throning, are they, if
they just date more than one person.

Speaker 2 (13:51):
I think. I think certain celebrities kind of go right,
if I go up with this person, this is going
to get me this amount of coverage or attention, and
then I'll move on. I'll work my way up the
celebrity celebrity ladder.

Speaker 1 (14:07):
I agree with what you said a moment ago. I mean,
that's just it's just because all of our lives are
so much more visible online that there's a new frame.
I mean, that's like Madonna, isn't it. You know, when
when Madonna was in the Avita movie, Ping av you
know what Ava Pon did. It's what people have always done,
isn't it. Unless you're just a really talented poet who

(14:29):
just relies on nothing but their rhymes.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
Yeah? Whatever, whatever, gen Z.

Speaker 1 (14:38):
All right, let's move on to the next story. Then
let's see the next story is the purpose behind Imperial
Leathers soap sticker. Oh, that's something you didn't know that
we'd been narrowing about.

Speaker 2 (14:53):
Realize that there was still being made.

Speaker 1 (14:55):
It is. Indeed, they have a distinctive sticker on top,
and there it is. Brits have been stunned after discovering
that this sticker has got a hidden use. Right when
it's placed label side down, it creates a concave surface
that helps water drain away, preventing soap from becoming mushy. Wow,

(15:21):
it's there, you go. Well, I'm just reading what we've
got it. I don't know what this has got to
do with the Gays. I don't know. I mean, well,
they show them up the box. No one's interested in
my mushy concave surface. So you know, like, yeah, yeah,
so the sticker reinforces brand identity has become a nostalgic
feature for many folks.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
Yeah, I'm sure.

Speaker 1 (15:43):
I didn't know it was still going.

Speaker 2 (15:45):
It's like, well, I'm yeah, I'm sure when I'm talking
about the nineteen forties that hugely useful. Do people still
use bars of soap?

Speaker 1 (15:54):
I do? Do you? I do?

Speaker 2 (15:56):
I imagine you're a kind of a a bespoke vegan product.

Speaker 1 (16:01):
Do you have absolutely read me? Correct?

Speaker 2 (16:03):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (16:04):
So I go around the vegan festivals performing my poetry.
Leeds is coming up. Come see me at Leeds Vegan Festival,
that's on the cards. Yeah, And I do try and
get stuff because you know, I'm an independent poet, you know,
I'm with a relatively small publisher. And so when you
buy stuff from folks like that, as opposed to Imperial leather,

(16:27):
you know, you're supporting someone who's trying to set themselves,
trying to be a little bit removed from the rat race.
And there's loads of soap making people at the vegan festivals.
So yeah, I generally make it from the.

Speaker 2 (16:41):
Sweat of vegans, don't they little buckets?

Speaker 1 (16:47):
Ye? Vegan tears, Vegan.

Speaker 2 (16:50):
Tears wonder well, that was very useful.

Speaker 1 (16:56):
Less plastic in it, less plastic rather than using shower
jel if you get lovely soap, yeah, okay, get from
a local road. It's just in.

Speaker 2 (17:05):
That's very seventies. Isn't it a rope? Do you remember
soapen a rope?

Speaker 1 (17:10):
I'm aware of its existence.

Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yes, just me them.

Speaker 1 (17:14):
Yeah. Of course. It's not only Lee's mushy concave in
which I'm interested. I'm interested in all beautiful, fat mushy
concaves of all love viewers. I'm linking to the Dad
even Oaks story about the beautiful fat people doing that.
Call the throatback social media quick, yeah, yeah, send us,

(17:36):
send us, send us your photos. He a fat, mushy concave.
We'd love to see him on at the Cuds TVV.
That's the one that takes us to our story of
the weekly, the story of the leak. We not story
of the leak, story of the week.

Speaker 3 (17:55):
Right.

Speaker 1 (17:56):
We know the Imperial lever is pleasant upon the body.
But I'm going to chat about something which is not
pleasant on the body, Lee, which people have been doing.
People have been doing and it's not pleasant, it's not healthy.

Speaker 2 (18:10):
It's not good it's good.

Speaker 1 (18:12):
It's not good for the gen z. I mean, I'm
making a presumption that it's gen z doing this.

Speaker 2 (18:17):
That's right. What are the something on themselves?

Speaker 1 (18:19):
Cooking oil? Okay, cooking oil so fry light. Yeah, so
people have been using this for the purpose of tanning.
That's what people are doing as a way of getting
their skin to.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
Look at Chrispot like crackling.

Speaker 1 (18:37):
Ah, how awful. So are the trend echoes past behaviors
from the nineteen seventies, highlighting a recurring issue with unsafe
tanning methods. You see, dermatologists emphasize that such practices are
dangerous and colead to premature aging and skin cancer. So

(18:59):
don't put tanning oil on your mushy concave. Stick it up.

Speaker 2 (19:05):
There, tanning oil on your mushy coun cave. But don't
put cooking oil on your mushy coun cave. Tanning oil.
We want, oh, sometime we want.

Speaker 1 (19:14):
Yeah, I said it wrong, didn't but but well, probably
external use, only one would presume, I.

Speaker 2 (19:20):
Would assume, yeah, yeah, yeah, unless you you know, spreading
good and get in a bit of something.

Speaker 1 (19:26):
What what a recurring theme in these stories about the
pressures that folks are on. I often think about, like
everybody does, about leaving social media altogether. But but you know,
we we we are so often. You know, good stuff
comes from it. You know. I'm a public speaker. You
know my career, I make connections through being on the

(19:49):
Instagram and the Facebook and all that. People literally offer
me work through that way. But yeah, you do become
more image conscious, don't you Like? You know you you
want to put far up because no one, no one
reads words to that. You've got to have an image.
You've got to have an image if you're doing social
media posts. So people do worry about am I tanned?
In our Fersma, just put a filter on yourself. It's

(20:12):
that top tip, just in top tips. Yeah, don't don't
become a suckling pig or one of these beautiful glasses.
That's it, that's it. I saw Lulu in concert. I
didn't kiss the face of Lulu. I didn't kiss the face.
But Lulu covered in oil. Well, she said, she said,
she went these days, she went dark glasses and hat.
I've always been I've had the great pleasure to date

(20:35):
a large number of gentlemen, and they've all been beautiful
in there.

Speaker 2 (20:40):
I've been milky white, never.

Speaker 1 (20:45):
Dated all all the crown creeds.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
Doesn't matter what creed you want, don't matter what race,
you don't cover yourself in oil.

Speaker 1 (20:55):
I've always been very proud of just like being like,
you know, when it's.

Speaker 2 (20:59):
Going back to the door in times when the ghost white,
corpse like complexion was was designed.

Speaker 1 (21:07):
But it's like authenticity, isn't it. This is my point.
I'm very clumsily making that, like you know, we are,
we are who we are, and I wonder, I wonder
if it is being one's authentic self to cover oneself
in fries light.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
Yeah, tasty.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
Well that is all from the buzz this week.

Speaker 2 (21:31):
Thank you for that, Dominica. I'm going to be off
to get some Chrisp and Fry after this show.

Speaker 1 (21:37):
Don't do that, Lee, be your authentic, beautiful self. You're lovely,
You're lovely. You don't need itly, you don't need any
Crisp and fry anyway. Don't you go anywhere, because we
have coming up a game for all of you to
play along.

Speaker 4 (21:53):
With in our Game of the Week, Welcome back.

Speaker 2 (22:04):
To Chewing the Card with Mealy Robertson and Dominic Berry.
Now this part of the show is where we play
a game and this is one for the person who
gets very excited by bombs.

Speaker 1 (22:14):
Dominic, I do that is that is factually accurate?

Speaker 2 (22:18):
Would you like to make your way?

Speaker 1 (22:20):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (22:20):
How thrilling to the game zone.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
Day of the week.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
So this week we are playing any hole is a Goal,
where Dominic and I go heads ahead to try and
work out what is the picture? Are you ready, Dominic?

Speaker 1 (22:43):
I was bored already.

Speaker 2 (22:45):
Okay, let's have the first. I'm gonna say, whole. Apparently
this is this is a whole.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
Oh my words. Let me look at it through the
eyes of l some john like me.

Speaker 2 (23:02):
Is it? Is it a human hole? Or is it? Ah,
I've been told it is not a human hole.

Speaker 1 (23:09):
This you know? Goodness me, goodness me. It is a hole.

Speaker 2 (23:16):
It's a hole.

Speaker 1 (23:17):
So we look in all we've got to guess.

Speaker 2 (23:19):
We've got to guess what what hole it is. I'm
I don't really know. I'm going to I'm going to
say some kind of fruit.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
It looks a little bit like one of the pac
Man ghosts that we have for is it is? It
is is a pac Man ghost born of a kind
of mother ghost and like a kneeber. It kind of
splits up. I think it's a giant pac Man ghost.
That's just given for.

Speaker 2 (23:44):
Let's let's see what it is. I'm really hoping it
is a gaping pac Man ghost.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
Oh, could there be more wrong?

Speaker 2 (23:56):
It is a geranium leaf. I believe it looks like nice. Okay,
let's have a little let's have the next hole.

Speaker 1 (24:08):
Ah, this is easy. This is for all us, beautiful
fat people, beautiful fat people. It's a donor in Italy.
It's a donut. We know about them, don't we? We
know about them. It's like lovely fondant fancy.

Speaker 2 (24:25):
It is as a beautiful fat person myself, as a
fondant fancier, I'm going to say that is a donut hole.

Speaker 1 (24:35):
Yeah, it's not like someone who's just dropped their trousers
for an STD examination. It's not that, although the bobbly
bits suggest that could be a possibility.

Speaker 2 (24:47):
Yeah, I mean, it could be a clown's gizzy bumhole.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
But across the line, across the line, it's a lovely donut,
isn't it a look if I'm now unable to think
of anything other than clowns, and therefore, well, that's probably

(25:11):
a good thing. We could all do with eating fewer donuts,
couldn't we. So if you want to eat fewer donuts,
just imagine that it's a clown's STD ridden orifice and
that will prevent you from devouring your own. Yes, the
next one, it's one nilt no, yeah, but one or

(25:36):
one hole in it?

Speaker 4 (25:37):
One?

Speaker 1 (25:37):
All? What's this? I think this is a tear in
the fabric of time and space. This looks like something
from a Doctor Who episode, isn't there. I think it's
a hole in reality.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
I think it's a hole in the ground and you're
just looking up at the sky.

Speaker 1 (25:54):
I'm not just being silly. I think it does look
like one of those things where you'd get on, you know, space.

Speaker 2 (26:02):
A worm run.

Speaker 1 (26:04):
Yeah, that that kind of thing. I reckon. Yeah, I'm
sticking with my answer.

Speaker 2 (26:10):
Was I right?

Speaker 1 (26:11):
No? Water? So water is like not ground.

Speaker 2 (26:19):
It's closer to the bloody than a bloody wormhole in
the in the sky.

Speaker 1 (26:24):
Falls right, So at least my one was in the
air and that's a hole in the air.

Speaker 2 (26:32):
Wow, Okay, well neither was when then.

Speaker 1 (26:39):
All right, I'll go with that blurry holes like going
to the sauna without your contacts, and.

Speaker 2 (26:50):
I don't know what that is. People, there's that that
horrible phobia, isn't there of holes?

Speaker 1 (26:58):
Can't relate, can't relate. I think this is another edible hole.
I think this is another hole that you could stick
your tongue in. That's what I think. I think it's
which is my personal favorite kind of hole. I think
this one it looks like I think it looks like
in all sorts. Do you remember Bertie about sticking your

(27:18):
tongue in Bertie Bassetts?

Speaker 2 (27:20):
Holy, I don't remember that.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
You're familiar with Bertie.

Speaker 2 (27:24):
I'm family. I mean, I've never I've never been chagged
about him.

Speaker 1 (27:28):
But everyone has their fetish. We're not into kink shaming
in chewing the cuds. So some people, you know, they
have their you know, their pups or their you know,
BDSM is a Bertie Bassett is a genuine kink.

Speaker 2 (27:45):
I think that this is a hole in Dominic's brain. Yeah,
let's see.

Speaker 1 (27:53):
Oh no, that's horrible.

Speaker 2 (27:55):
What I can't look at that. That's that thong.

Speaker 1 (27:58):
That's photoshop. That's not real. Surely that's not real. That's horrible.

Speaker 2 (28:03):
That's that's that's that's a gun.

Speaker 1 (28:14):
It's off what lee, it's off what make you go
Away's a gun.

Speaker 2 (28:19):
It's that fear of holes in there's like.

Speaker 1 (28:24):
A it's not real, is it? That's like photo shop. Sure,
it's gone like.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
Things like like honeycombs. That's creepy, like random holes in
things that it's a phobia.

Speaker 1 (28:43):
So, but that is a fake image.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
Galleries that a fake. It's fine. I don't have Google.
I'll go on YouTube and typing skin holes horrible? Anyway,
should we get the next So it's still.

Speaker 1 (29:00):
On one all, aren't we one? All? Is that correct? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (29:04):
One?

Speaker 1 (29:05):
Right? Is this could be the deciding answer? Ly, let's
find out that is a plug hole? By plug, I
don't mean plug, the character from the Bash Street kids
in the Bino. I don't mean plug thought I.

Speaker 2 (29:25):
Was looking random celerity longer from the Bino.

Speaker 1 (29:34):
And to be specific, I think it is a sink
plug hole. I don't think it's a bath or bath
plug hole. I think it's a plug hole of an
unclean sink.

Speaker 2 (29:46):
Yeah, I'm going to go with a waste disposal hole. Yeah. OK,
let's find out. Oh I think we both were right?

Speaker 1 (30:01):
Well, no, I'm right, Lee, it's a sinkhole. What are
you talking about? It could be well, you know what
do you mean? A waste disposed?

Speaker 2 (30:10):
That's what we call them in the seventies, isn't it.

Speaker 1 (30:13):
That's what you called sinks seventy well, waste. No, you're
going to plug up your pipes. If you do that,
you're not.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
It's the seventies. Nobody cared.

Speaker 1 (30:23):
No, no, no, no, I'm I'm let's ask the gallery.
Does Lee get a point where his incorrect answer? Gallery
they're saying, we both get a point.

Speaker 2 (30:35):
Leave the unfair right, Let's have another hole.

Speaker 1 (30:43):
Oh, I think I know what this is. I think
show us, show us a close up image, show us
a close up. Let's have another look, right, I think
I don't know. I'll tell you what I was going
to say, but I've changed my mind. I was going
to say cheese greater. That's what I was gonna say,
bring non vegan or you can grape vegan cheese. But
I don't know that. I think they would be more

(31:05):
symmetrically apart if it was cheese great. Why are you laughing?

Speaker 2 (31:12):
But he goes, you're allowed to grate your cheese. You
can't do that. You don't ever greater, you just eat
it from the packet. I I think it's a strawberry
of strawberry holes.

Speaker 1 (31:29):
Do you know what? I'm going to stick with cheese greater, just.

Speaker 2 (31:31):
Too, He's going to go with cheese grader. I'm going
to sit with could.

Speaker 1 (31:33):
Be an unusual angle, couldn't it? For the love of God, right,
I think we should have real.

Speaker 2 (31:46):
Just like he does it. It's done it on purpose
because he knows I don't like has done it. Okay,
that's enough whole action for now. But coming up after
this short break, we get all close and personal without
even buying me a drink. It's Dominic in Spotlight. Welcome back.

(32:14):
You are still watching Dominican Lee in Chewing the Cud. Now,
Domic is going to bring us some of his brilliant
poetry in Spotlight.

Speaker 1 (32:28):
Brilliant poetry. You say that's setting it up in it, Well,
I think I've been on Chewing the cud so often
now I've done like all the greatest hits. So I'm
going to the book that's the compilation. I'm going for
some deep cuts Lee, some deep cut someone. So I'm
a forty six year old person and I'm going to

(32:50):
share a poem that I wrote when I was twenty six.
Is a twenty year old poem Lee and It's about
going out to the Nike and having a lovely time.

Speaker 2 (33:03):
Oh can't wait.

Speaker 1 (33:04):
Yeah, yeah, So this poem is called This room has lips.
They pucker to the beat, a glitter smeared kiss, as
warm as lovers sweat. These dim lit walls are open

(33:25):
mouth bricks, salivating, smacking molten honey, as the mirror ball
drawls light. We dance, wet as fresh varnish nails, sticky
blotches on sin, blessed skin. Hallowed be the flame, Halloween,

(33:50):
be thy name. A fiery tongue that licks the flesh,
caresses every unwrapped chest. We done in lines like bright
jagged teeth, grinding together, solid sharp eyes glisten like newly

(34:11):
drilled fillings.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
This room has had a feast.

Speaker 1 (34:15):
Of sweet treats now, It whispers, lies with hot, treacherous lips,
sweeter than a shared Alco pop. It says, dominic morning

(34:37):
will not come. I want to be drunk, sucked through
a straw, eyes, first absorbed, digested into this room.

Speaker 5 (34:54):
Don't spit me out, Clamp your jaw hard on my leg,
don't send me home, Grip me here where I feel
tasty where I might have a chance.

Speaker 1 (35:16):
Of being swallowed. Wow, that was twenty six year old dominant. Right,
that's a bit fruity, I was. That was a bit follows,
a bit fruity, full of juice, full of juice, that is, Yeah,
three words to describe a dominic in his twenties. Full

(35:37):
of juice, full of juice, juice.

Speaker 2 (35:41):
Wow. That that that was? That was that was, that
was erotic. So we we we've been to the nightclub.
We've we've found out that you like like it's sticky.
Let's hear the next one.

Speaker 1 (35:54):
Oh, with joyly with joy. So another one from the
same time period as a mid twenties gay fella would
try and seduce men with my poetry. So this was
very much written in that frame of mind. So again

(36:15):
not said this probably about two decades, two decades since
I was forming this pime. How will it feel now,
let's find out. Let's find out this biome goes like this.

Speaker 6 (36:26):
You should be naked, tugged, strip to your radiance. You
are raw, stark, pure, electrifying skin, inter stellar moral, melting wonder.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
Ultra violent heat. I am your satellite, satellite of lust.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
Rip out clothes and.

Speaker 1 (36:55):
Shine burm through this vacuum of fabric. Tear those hollows
of textile, free your fire, smack nudity, soft magnetic curves.

(37:18):
Your natural beauty's eclipsed by eternal night of denim. Nipples
chafe on cold cotton, concealed thighs secretly shake, nuclearly fused,
aching to break. I know you're super nova. Quakes beneath

(37:38):
airless gulf of cloth touch me, and.

Speaker 3 (37:46):
Body hair prickle upright like tiny bursts of sola flair,
trying to penetrate a dark fiber space between us.

Speaker 2 (38:10):
Did that get your laid much?

Speaker 1 (38:12):
Yeah? Yeah it did. Actually, yeah yeah it did. Yeah yeah.

Speaker 2 (38:16):
I hate it when my nipples get chapped by cotton.
This was one of the worst things ever.

Speaker 1 (38:21):
Shut this time, then shut the times. Yeah. Yeah. When
I was at school, there was this kind of concept
that poetry was like this really old fashioned, fuddy duddy thing.
And then I moved to Manchester where I live, and
Manchester is full of poets and they all have it
off with each other all the time, and it's lovely.

(38:43):
It's really good. I enjoy it like a poet orgy.
Yeah yeah, yeah, it's great, it's lovely. It's lovely. So yeah,
it was far cry from how I was told poetry
was at school. Hooray, hooray for free love for all, hooraii, hooray.

Speaker 2 (39:05):
For sexual satellites or yeah whatever it was.

Speaker 1 (39:09):
Yeah, but I mean I'm forty six now, so you know,
I'm less involved in that kind of scene. Now, I'm
more alike, you know.

Speaker 2 (39:16):
Only as old as the sexual satellite. You stick up
your bomb.

Speaker 1 (39:23):
That's going to be the name of my next book.

Speaker 2 (39:26):
I want to cut. Well, you have one more, Oh,
I'd love to.

Speaker 1 (39:34):
I'd love to. I've shared two medium length ones with you, Lee,
I'd like to end with a short, stuppy one. If
I may.

Speaker 2 (39:45):
A poetry equivalent of a childe why not?

Speaker 1 (39:48):
Why not? So? Those were those were quite free versy poems,
both of them. They had some internal rhymes. But this
one's a very strict structure of very precise rhythmic meter.
You awarely of the limerick.

Speaker 2 (40:04):
Boistered on the burning deck, he burnt his bomb o
heck it.

Speaker 1 (40:11):
Well that's two fifths of a limerick. Yeah, that's that's
as much as we're getting. That's as much as we're getting,
all right, So I've got a five line very strictly
composed limerick about me being a vegan gay poet, right
and leale. I would love it if my vegan gay

(40:32):
limerick made you laugh and chuckle. But if it doesn't,
if it doesn't thee, I demand at least a groan.
That's what I demand to groanly. I demand your grownly
are you?

Speaker 2 (40:45):
Are you old nature or just an ordinary groan?

Speaker 1 (40:48):
Just to submit to whatever noise comes.

Speaker 2 (40:50):
Naturally, whether the words strike.

Speaker 1 (40:53):
Yeah, it's only five lines. Prepare the noise has got
to come quite soon.

Speaker 2 (40:58):
A line and then I'm done.

Speaker 1 (41:00):
Yeah, yeah, all right, lovely, lovely, all right, vegan gay limerick.
Here we go, Here we go. A vegan called Dom
came around here and said, please do not call me
a queer. I just love chickpeas and tahini, so please,

(41:22):
I'm a homosexual, my dear.

Speaker 2 (41:28):
Yeah. I could have ended that with what was it?
Thomas and something? What was it?

Speaker 1 (41:40):
Homosexual is meant to sound like homosexual? What was the
thing that you have to explain it?

Speaker 2 (41:45):
Watches and chickpeas and tahini.

Speaker 1 (41:49):
It's cleverly, No, you could have got some poetry feedback
from lencly please outcome it. How could it be Bai Yeah.

Speaker 2 (42:04):
Get down on sock on Maweeni and was dominic in spotlight.
So if the people at home have connected with those
those raunchy poems, where can they purchase such a volume?

Speaker 1 (42:25):
What a good question. All good bookshops, they all good bookshops.

Speaker 2 (42:30):
So ones and some bad ones.

Speaker 1 (42:32):
There's no such thing, no such thing. Yeah, yeah, you
can get them from places like Waterstones or Smith's or
any of those places. But do you know what if
you get it direct from the publisher, if you go
on the website of Flapjack Press, that's supporting independent traders.
That's a nice thing to do it, that's nice thing.
And come see me, Come see me in one of

(42:52):
the vegan festivals where I'll be serving cheese maybe grate
and cheese and soaping me.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
Yeah. Yeah, that's a day.

Speaker 1 (43:06):
That is almost the end of the show. But now
on your screen you can see our contact details. It
is at the cub TV on all your social media,
and if you want to catch up with previous episodes,
you can always binge us on YouTube look for Chewing

(43:28):
the Cud.

Speaker 2 (43:28):
Thank you for watching, and we'll see you again next week.
Bye bye.