Blanch was 41! - Chewing The Cud - S06E25

This is Chewing The Cud! Your weekly LGBTQIA+ Chat Show! 

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:15):
You're watching Chewing the Cud with Lee Robertson and Mike
Benny and Rome said, I've still got some of her
horrible left over from octorial bar. Oh, you're watching Chewing
the Cud, your lighthearted weikly look at the world peaking
around a sequined curtain. I'm Lely Robertson, and with me
today is the man who once forcibly removed from a

(00:38):
sex museum for well pleasuring himself. It's Mike, Bennie and Row.
You wrote that for yourself, didn't you?

Speaker 2 (00:45):
I did, because it's true it wasn't pleasured myself.

Speaker 1 (00:48):
What were you doing?

Speaker 2 (00:49):
I was making inappropriate comments about the exhibits. Oh yeah,
why are you doing kath and King references?

Speaker 1 (00:54):
Because I just liked him? That was what you'd prepared.
Don't judge me. So, Mike, what have you got for
us this week in your big bag?

Speaker 2 (01:05):
Well, I'm bringing a story about a new pill and
they're going to play a little game and.

Speaker 1 (01:09):
They might will be teaching us a lesson in the
applet titled Teach Me a Lesson, But on screen now
you can see our contact details. It's on the Cud TV,
on social media and if you want to catch up
with us on previous episodes, you could always binge watch
us on YouTube look for Chewing the Cud.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
And you can see the names of people reached out
and touched our souls going on the bottom of the screen.
But now it's time for Lee in the Shelbys.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
Were you were a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
back in the day, weren't you? I was, you were
a huge fan.

Speaker 2 (01:44):
I'm not a huge fan. I do remember that the
hardest thing in the world is to live in it,
and that you just have to live in it.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
Yeah, massive geek come, yeah, anyway, you know that we've
spoken before that it's coming back.

Speaker 2 (01:54):
And it has been confirmed it's coming back.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
H And Sarah Michelle Geller is actually going to be
in it as buffet. Okay, but she's going to be
like the mentor rather than the Slayer. So, but she's
not dead. Was she dead in the end program?

Speaker 2 (02:13):
So with the Slayer, the thing of the Slayers is
that when a Slayer dies, a new one is chosen, right,
and at the very end one she activated all of
them because she technically died, right, so she activated them
all so that they could kill the first, so there's
normal vampires.

Speaker 1 (02:29):
I don't know logistics. I just know what's written on here. Okay.
So she has issued a casting call for the reboot
for actors to come forward an audition. So earlier in
the year she announced that this was going the rebit
was going to happen, and she said, we will only
make this show if we know we can do it right.
And I will tell you that we are on the

(02:50):
path there. So she's she's kind of co producing it
and stuff. So there's been a lot of sort of
awkwardness around Josh Wheeler, who produce certain stuff. So he's
not involved in any shape form at all. So she's
the postery. So she's put a postop on social media
that says, are you interested in being the new Buffy
the Vampire Slayer TV show? If you are located in

(03:12):
the US and over the age of eighteen, submit an audition.
Twentieth Television, Searchlight Television, and Hulu are conducting an open
casting call for various roles. So I'm not it's not
Buffy because Buffy the character has already been cast, but
it could be for you know, a vampire in the background,

(03:33):
kid in shop that kind of stuff. So they've confirmed
that the actress that's going to be playing opposite Michelle
Sarah Michelle Galla is going to be Ryan Kira, who
is from Star Wars. Oh yes, a pretty young lady.

(03:57):
I haven't seen that film because so I don't know
about it what it is. And she's also revealed that
several children of her former co stars came into audition
for roles in the reboot, and she was like, no, now,
they won't be children, they will be little children. They'll

(04:18):
be like teens. So I know somebody who was on
the show who's child auditioned on the show. I know
a few people from the show. His children came in. No,
she said, no, So that is that is coming soon.
It's being filled obviously, got to finalize the cast. It's
also been as Alison Hannigan is going back as well.

(04:39):
That's nice. I don't know if it's for a full
part or a cameo part, but there's been social media
pictures of them together. I don't think there's any news
of any other bigger pardon she's sticking flutes. Okay here
first twenty years ago.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
It is your show business, so it could be from
you could.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
See I would imagine very much looking forward to that.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
I see, I liked the TV show. I didn't enjoy
the movie, but the movie was the og. It wasn't
very good.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
It was Mike. It was camp in a bad way,
but it just wasn't good. Oh Mike, what? Oh Mike?

Speaker 2 (05:24):
Doesn't change the fact it's not good.

Speaker 1 (05:26):
In your opinion A lot of people. Well, let's hope
is good and it's not rubbish.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
Dolly still involved in it?

Speaker 1 (05:36):
Who Dolly? Who's Dolly Parton? Yes? Why would Dolly Parton
be involved in because she was in the original? Right?

Speaker 2 (05:44):
Do you don't know about this?

Speaker 1 (05:45):
What Dolly Parton? Dolly part did not start in the
original film.

Speaker 2 (05:50):
Helped produce and direct, Okay, not screen credited, funded.

Speaker 1 (05:55):
Okay, do you not know this? Geek? Anyway, let's just
move on. Okay, let's move on. So now, I wasn't
aware about Robert de Niro having lots of children. It's
got about seven Okay, so huh a week. But quite

(06:18):
a mature gentleman, isn't He's kind of like eighties. I
don't know where I'm going with this, but you know what,
so air In de Nero has kind of spoken about
how she's transgender, and her dad, Robert de Niro, has
kind of gone to all her appointments, all her aftercare,

(06:41):
every famous picture of her. There two times us winning
actual Robert DeNiro. It's a lovely story because at the
moment it's all very negative about transgender people. It's all
about just people being horrible and particularly kind of like
older people. But you know, he's supporting his daughter. He

(07:06):
hasn't got an issue with it in the slightest, which
how it should be. They've said that. The first time
that they came up was on Instagram. I actually sent
a text message to her older sister first and said, hey,
guess what I'm going on estrogen, So if you see
me with tits, you know what that is. So her

(07:29):
family were very like a siblings and cousins were very
supportive and with her dad, he said, if you want
to live your life as a woman, that's fine, there's
no problem with it. And she said, he's very much
a love and let live guy, even after to come
with me to appointments and stuff where I was first
starting hormones and he was just like, just make sure
you look after yourself, watch over your health, go to

(07:52):
somebody who knows what they're doing. Don't we tempted to
go and do stuff that you're Yeah so, and he said,
I loved and supported Aaron as my son, and now
I love and support Aaron as my daughter. I don't
know what the big deal is. I love all my children,
he said in a statement, which is lovely, because that's

(08:13):
what needs to happen.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
I just need more love and compassionate word.

Speaker 1 (08:16):
Yeah yeah, And he said, I don't know how I
would present myself to the world, or even present myself
to myself, if I didn't have that knowledge in the
back of my mind that I accept my family for
who they are are. That's a night that's unusually nice.
Yeah it's gone. Something's horrible now, okay, yeah, it's not horrible.

(08:37):
Do you now? So you might not remember these people
considerably younger than you, possibly sea freak Dunroy.

Speaker 2 (08:44):
I do remember seeing you barely.

Speaker 1 (08:48):
So. They were these sort of iconic Las Vegas magicians,
your King before Tiger King. They were this is them
back in the heyday. They did caught a lot controversy
because they use live animals. They kind of bread their
own tigers and stuff bread as in had sex with them,

(09:09):
and then that is controversial. They bred them in with
other tigers, with other tigers. Yeah, So, as with most
things at the moment, there's going to be a film
made about that life, and it is rumored that Jude
Law will star as Seafreed and Andrew Garfield will portray

(09:29):
Roy Horn. Also it I don't think they'll be fit
in this though. It's going to be quite It's a
limited series called Wild Things, The Seagreeed and Roy Show,
Our Story eight episodes story and it's based on the
twenty twenty two podcasts of the same name. So, I
mean the thing with they were very famous for a

(09:54):
age to that point, well, they never actually ever came
out clearly we are dealing with homosexuals here.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
I don't know, you can't say that for definite LIBERACEI
was never officially gay and he was more flamboyant m.

Speaker 1 (10:13):
They There was the there was the infamous incident on
stage where one of the tigers attacked Horn.

Speaker 2 (10:21):
Slipped his digging. Never came out as gayle all one
time accidentally gave a blowjob to a lion. No tigers,
And I mean that's.

Speaker 1 (10:30):
That's as they were. As I mean, they both passed away.
Now that is the gentle that's the one who got
attacked with a lion and tigering and it was so traumatic. Game.
It's very traumatic because he had a stroke just a
bit because of it. Yeah stroke. Yeah. No, he didn't go, oh,

(10:54):
thank you for mourning me. Yeah. And also it kind
of cold about this, like we shouldn't be using animals
as entertainment on stage shows. It's likely that the series
will dive into the rumors surrounding the men's personal emotions show.
And that is the end of this week's show. A

(11:15):
news tiger.

Speaker 2 (11:17):
Asolutely always nice to hear a story about lots of
big pussy.

Speaker 1 (11:20):
Anyway, You're welcome Mike for that hilarious reply back to
my story. So right there, because coming up right after
this short break, we get up to date with the
unusual side of the news in the buzz. Welcome back,
and you're watching Chewing the Card. This is a part

(11:42):
of the show where've be looking to the fun side
of the news as it's Mike with the buzz. It's
a very sick burp, just deep, deep, deeper, belchie one,
because have you been crisps today. I've just got a

(12:03):
smell of beef.

Speaker 2 (12:04):
Have you ever been concerned about pregnancy.

Speaker 1 (12:06):
As I can't walk past a spem bank without feeling.

Speaker 2 (12:15):
Nipping for a quick stack.

Speaker 3 (12:19):
No, no, no, okay, Well it's will be useful to
you then, because you know, contraception wise, there's there's all
the physical devices and there's medical devices.

Speaker 1 (12:30):
Physical physical like condoms, condominiums. Can the coil the coil? Yeah,
the just say no, just say no, it's just dull.
But there's also the medical things like the pill and
the implant. The implant they get something inside and like

(12:52):
taking the pill, but it's physically in you for months
and the end. I don't.

Speaker 2 (13:00):
This is a new contraception, new birth control, and it's
in the form of a gel specifically for men, a
gel gel, right, so birth control that you're supposed to
rub on your back and shoulders, not head and shoulders.
That's a shampoo. Not that we by the way, that

(13:21):
used washing girl and it went.

Speaker 4 (13:24):
Very working by Bloody when they used to have the
little bully that used to come on this and go.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
So it's a reversible and non invasive alternative trasitional contraception
like the snip okay, and basically do it daily and
it delivers hormones to reduce sperm production.

Speaker 1 (13:53):
Well, I'm not sure that's what. It's a long way
from where the sperm is produced there isn't it. Well,
so how does it do it? What does it?

Speaker 2 (14:06):
How does it stop it? How does it stop it? Basically,
if you rub it in, it combines testosterone with pro
estrogen to suppress the sperm production. So you rub it
in basically increase the whole production. Okay, but which I
reduces your sperm production.

Speaker 1 (14:23):
So presumably we are talking about heterosexual men here who
want to have sex with women and not get them pregnant.

Speaker 2 (14:31):
It's for people that generate spum okay, who don't want
to get someone else.

Speaker 1 (14:35):
Pregnant okay, and don't want to use a condom or
take the pill. Yes, I don't know how. I mean
it probably is, it actually works, but I don't know
how committed men are to actually every day rubbing that on.
I mean, if they if they said Rebunnie Johnson, they'll
be there, the.

Speaker 2 (14:54):
Big no baby's ever born ever again of humanity exactly.
That's why they've not done it right. We'll got on
your taint, We'll got on your asshole. No, no, no, kids,
not your pink road. You said that the last time.
Obsessed with your asshole? Anyway, moving on? Do you ever

(15:14):
get the shivers?

Speaker 1 (15:15):
I Nataline Broullier, Only when I'm eating a piece of
toast and I see a ghost. Who get the shifvers
desertal life? Nice?

Speaker 2 (15:25):
I didn't want musical reference.

Speaker 1 (15:29):
Do I get the shivers? That wholesome? Like? Just get
the vinegar shakes every now and again?

Speaker 2 (15:35):
What the vinegar shakes like?

Speaker 1 (15:39):
You know, when you've when you've, when you've shut your load,
and what happens then you go, don't you? It's like
the little after laughter shocks. You know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 (15:53):
Okay, So psychogenic shivers are involuntary responses triggered by emotional stimulis,
which is music, are profound thoughts SMR.

Speaker 1 (16:04):
It's about a SMR. It's not about but that is
included in a SMR. What you've just said there? What
was that just said? Something about electrical pulses?

Speaker 2 (16:15):
Okay, you don't listen to you no where it fell from?

Speaker 1 (16:19):
When your mouth is moving in my head, it's like, yeah,
the theme tunes I love boat.

Speaker 2 (16:29):
Starring me starring And it's not even like the Golden
Girls Afraid.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
Guest starring Robertson.

Speaker 2 (16:41):
Hi depressed depressing thought. Golden Girls Blanch was forty one
in that.

Speaker 1 (16:48):
I know they were considerable, but then that was the eighties,
wasn't it. Everyone lot older than they were and they
died right anyway.

Speaker 2 (16:59):
So brother, the reason that we do it is the
whole walking over your grave kind of thing. It's that
whole your body is reacting to something emotional mm hmm,
might or stimulus fingers, So that whole body shaking thing, right,
it's just your body reacting to a psychological trauma.

Speaker 1 (17:22):
Not actually somebody walking over your grave in the future,
which is spoiled.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
My ideas of getting very at sea. Oh way to
people walk up a bit?

Speaker 1 (17:30):
Did you just like burp up a bit of water? Oh,
somebody's sailed over my grave, my watery grave.

Speaker 2 (17:38):
But if you're having a watery, watery grave, why don't
share that with us at the TV? On social media
and therapy and numbers are all about the screen now.
But that really is nice to our story of the week.

Speaker 1 (17:55):
Ah, you're sorry, No, no, I just really remb myself
leaft today. I'm really happy.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
The medications kicked in when you're having intimate time, yes
with your partner. Yes, and the dog comes and cleans
up afterwards.

Speaker 1 (18:23):
With the story.

Speaker 2 (18:23):
Please, my first day doesn't count. How long do you last?

Speaker 1 (18:31):
What did I had somebody make an offensive remark my
ear when you said what was?

Speaker 2 (18:34):
How long do you last?

Speaker 1 (18:35):
How do I long? Do my last?

Speaker 2 (18:37):
What?

Speaker 1 (18:38):
When?

Speaker 2 (18:38):
When you're in for granted? Oh?

Speaker 1 (18:45):
How long does it takes to heat up her hot
pocket in the microwife?

Speaker 2 (18:50):
Depends on how powerful your microwave is, but about ninety seconds? Yeah,
half of that four player as well?

Speaker 1 (18:57):
I know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (18:59):
Well, A recent survey has come out analyzing the average
duration across the country, okay, of quital interaction quital what
do you think the UK averages?

Speaker 1 (19:10):
Well, the average length of a sex session? Are we
talking about straight here? We're talking about gave you a
We're talking doesn't it? Just so? Is it penetrate sex? Yes,
I'm going to say day and a half, possibly.

Speaker 2 (19:29):
The day and a half.

Speaker 1 (19:30):
Oh, and I'm getting confused with those those animals, which
one is the sex for a long time? I'm going
to go with about a minute and a half, two minutes,
possibly if the feeling's sexy.

Speaker 2 (19:48):
Two minutes.

Speaker 1 (19:48):
Yeah, about two minutes. Okay.

Speaker 2 (19:50):
The average UK duration is nineteen minutes per session.

Speaker 1 (19:54):
Oh okay. Did they do other things in that apart
from the old penetration? No?

Speaker 2 (20:01):
I think they stop and have a cup of tea?

Speaker 1 (20:04):
No are they? Are they counting that entire thing? Like hello, lady,
I assuldn't say, lady, I'd like to put my penis.

Speaker 2 (20:17):
So I've been to Paradise, lady, you lady? Perhaps straight
people do sing that spread eagle on my bed?

Speaker 1 (20:25):
Is it all of that? Is it the like this
poor play or just depending it's that the school boy?
It's just okay, nineteen minutes. I don't believe that.

Speaker 2 (20:41):
How do you do it? Thirty seconds?

Speaker 1 (20:44):
I don't think any. I think I don't know. I
don't think they do for nineteen minutes?

Speaker 2 (20:51):
Yeah, okay, So cities like Bristol and Edinburgh right have
reported the longest average session, with places like London and Birmingham.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
Sure is there a reason for that? Is it pollution?

Speaker 2 (21:10):
They're just busy, busy people busy around. They can't stand
unless later wait for it to get to the bottom.
They've got to run down it because the trains that
are every three minutes.

Speaker 1 (21:19):
You see for nineteen minutes. That's planned. That's planned sex.
That's like, don't forget we're having sex tonight. Oh, that's
not impromptu sex. That's yeah, I didn't tell you. It's
not impromptu sex. That's not like a quick shot. That's like, oh,
we're driving along in the car. It's a lovely sunny day.

(21:40):
All pull over, get your cock out. Sorry, I'm just
having a fantasy. Whoa, Yeah, nineteen minutes.

Speaker 2 (21:52):
That's all from the buzz this week.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
Thank you, Mike. I'm gonna give a whole fifteen minutes
this evening, but I'm talking about five two thirty seconds.

Speaker 2 (22:07):
Yeah, you are welcomely, but don't go anywhere as can
we After this short break, we have a game for
you to play.

Speaker 1 (22:14):
Along with Welcome back to Chewing the Cord with me
Lee Robertson and Mike, Benny and Roe. Now, this part
of the shower is where we play a game, and
this one is for the person who wants confused asking

(22:36):
for a small gravy with asking for a baby. It's Mike.
It's a roll of eyes for then asking for a
baby little boy comes on then to usher that joke
out day of the week, so on this week's game,

(23:04):
Mike is I'm going to give Mike a scenario, and
he is going to do an impression of a celebrity
or well known person doing that scenario. You ready, Mike,
so we're playing who is that? Then? My first scenario
for you is a celebrity in an an summer shop. Okay,

(23:29):
other sex shops are available.

Speaker 2 (23:31):
Okay, I don't like it. That's why I buzzed it.
I just told that you're very good my pants around
my nipples.

Speaker 1 (23:44):
I know who this is, but that was a very
poor interpretation of the of the situation, was it.

Speaker 2 (23:50):
If you get it right, surely that means it was
a good.

Speaker 1 (23:54):
Kick on. I can't fit that inside me. I'm going
to need something smaller and I'm not. I'm going to
say Simon Callow, No, Simon Powell, not Simon Cowl, Simon Kwow.
Oh hello Simon Cowl.

Speaker 2 (24:12):
He Simon Cowl. Yes, yes, okay, it's interesting.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
This is going to be. The next scenario is a
celebrity going into their local hair salon and asking for
a perm.

Speaker 2 (24:28):
Okay, help me, hairdresser. You're my only hope. I need
the buns on side of my head made curly frizzy fries.

Speaker 1 (24:38):
You see, you're not actually doing an impression. You're just
saying words that they say.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
I am doing a breathy voice.

Speaker 1 (24:42):
That is Princess Leia.

Speaker 2 (24:44):
It was Princess Leia.

Speaker 1 (24:48):
The next celebrity scenario I am giving you is a
celebrity eating in a branch of a well known fast
food emporium but finding a pube in their burger.

Speaker 2 (25:06):
Okay, oh my god, I found I found approval of owner.
No no, no, no, no, no, you no celebrity, don't count.

Speaker 1 (25:16):
Oh my god, I found it. Oh my god, I
found a cuban that burger. No no, no, no, no no no.
Uh is that is that a celebrity?

Speaker 2 (25:24):
Huh? I would if Haley would relate to eat the
pubies too. No, No, I thought a massive penis Lee
thinks I'm just in timber Lee.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
Oh I was gonna say, Michael Jackson.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
Did he have a massive Peenis I ate those cubes?

Speaker 1 (25:48):
Justin Bieber?

Speaker 2 (25:49):
Yes, justin Bieber? Remember what is penis pictures leaked?

Speaker 1 (25:57):
No? What can I do?

Speaker 2 (25:59):
No, let's situation please?

Speaker 1 (26:00):
No. The next celebrity situation is a celebrity going through
customs at the airport and the alarms going up. I
don't think that's fair.

Speaker 2 (26:20):
It's not my fault. I've got lots of money. My
father's rich, my brother's rich. I'm one of the best
people in the world.

Speaker 1 (26:26):
Ever. I nincompoopery nincom poopery. Weeks it's well, it's a politician.
I am assuming of some hand. It's not Churchill, no

(26:48):
eaced a little bit. I'm going to go with Bojo.

Speaker 2 (26:54):
It was indeed Boris Johnson.

Speaker 1 (26:55):
Oh wonder. Oh you're very good at these, aren't.

Speaker 2 (26:58):
They I am? And then they're just me saying words.

Speaker 1 (27:02):
Yeah, you're not actually putting much into the impersonation. It's
just you know, catchphrases.

Speaker 4 (27:08):
They I'm thinking about the right celebrity.

Speaker 1 (27:13):
The next celebrity situation is a celebrity having to rock
up at A and E because they've fallen in the
shower and the scrubbing brush has gone up their bottom.

Speaker 2 (27:30):
Free so someone accuge TV celebrities, right, accuge people on
TV as well.

Speaker 1 (27:38):
I don't feel like film celebrities you've got on the cards, Okay.

Speaker 2 (27:43):
Just making sure because some of these people are aren't celebrities,
like your gym teacher. Oh no, don't use those right
so that's why I'm checking. I can do TV people.
Get TV people.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
Right. So listen to me right.

Speaker 2 (27:58):
What we're gonna do is a tall story.

Speaker 1 (28:00):
Right.

Speaker 2 (28:02):
I went, I went to the shower. Want to take
a basted bag with me just in case of need
the ship and I fell over. I got the brushed
up at my arse. Don't tell anyone. Don't put oh
caught that.

Speaker 1 (28:14):
Don't put that in wholly. I'd like to say that
that's extremely homophobic. It is also offensive, and HR will
be notified because you're trying to do me. I'm not
trying to do you. I just did an impression of you. Wow. Rude.

(28:34):
They don't have the accidental insertion Clinic my uncle hospital
for nothing. My name robertson board. That's average situation is
a celebrity awaking in the night to a ghost stood
at the end of their bed naked.

Speaker 2 (28:54):
Oh there's a ghost.

Speaker 1 (29:00):
That is so poor. Just using the catchphrase of the person,
it's Beyonce.

Speaker 2 (29:09):
No oh, okay, yes it was Beyonce.

Speaker 1 (29:19):
Then it was Beyonce.

Speaker 2 (29:23):
Okay, get the next one.

Speaker 1 (29:24):
Then okay, the next celebrity. The situation is a celebrity
finds themselves abducted by aliens, wakes up on a table
about to be probed.

Speaker 2 (29:39):
Okay, I hate him control she should be up here,
not me.

Speaker 1 (29:49):
What a low level joke saying that she looks like
a horse, because that would be.

Speaker 2 (29:54):
So just a parker because she looks like a horse for.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
Huh, I just come backack, because they're all about aliens.
You know? Was she marth attacks?

Speaker 2 (30:04):
She died?

Speaker 1 (30:04):
It didn't she?

Speaker 2 (30:05):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (30:05):
They took her head off and put it on the
dog's body. Yeah. Next celebrity situation is the celebrity turns
up at an award ceremony to find that not one,
but two other celebrities are wearing the exact same outfit
as them.

Speaker 2 (30:24):
It's all very very specific thing.

Speaker 1 (30:26):
I know.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
It really harms me in what I can do with it.
When you use a leg and the days of Tuesday
and it's raining.

Speaker 1 (30:37):
Don't hate the.

Speaker 2 (30:40):
I don't hate the game, hate the player. Rightly, good one, Megan, Meghan,
they're wearing the same outfit as me. This would not
have happened if I was still talking to Daddy, but
I'm not anymore because I want to be independent and
get lots of money off the Daily Mail because I.

Speaker 1 (30:58):
Can that was Prince Harry because you said Megan at
the beginning, so I knew.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
I mentioned his daddy.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
Do we need to think of any musceneris because I
am struggling. Yes, we need to do we need to
select celebrity. Situation is celebrity. He gets up in the morning, goes, oh,
look at me, dusty rug, goes to get there, goes
to plug in their dyson and it doesn't work. Do

(31:36):
you bet you if I said anythings?

Speaker 2 (31:41):
Okay with all of that are oh that rug's dusty
bitch cleaning.

Speaker 1 (31:51):
Well, just because of the generic, I'm gonna go with
chare Yes, mohamad doesn't work, bitch, that's what you should
have done.

Speaker 2 (32:01):
We've got a clue you've started it with a wall
as well.

Speaker 1 (32:05):
My god damn grubby rug baker. Anyway, Okay, that's seen
off for now. Coming up after this break, we get
learning something I have been told I will enjoy in
teach me a lesson. Walking back, you are still watching

(32:31):
Mike and lay and chewing the cud. Now Mike has
whipped down at his aqutra months and he's ready to
show us all and teach me a lesson.

Speaker 2 (32:47):
So we're going to do something fun today, right, and
it's something you mentioned a long time ago about and
I keep wanting to do it, but we never get around.

Speaker 1 (32:54):
To doing it.

Speaker 2 (32:55):
So first entity, I needed to glove up. Oh so
can you put it on your your black gloves please, Latex.

Speaker 1 (33:03):
They are a little bit I'm very allergic to. Now
text did you have the money earlier?

Speaker 2 (33:10):
There? What was that?

Speaker 1 (33:17):
I was just had a little self deprecating joke.

Speaker 2 (33:19):
Okay, cool, there we go. Right, So, because they're handling food,
so we need to be loved up.

Speaker 1 (33:32):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (33:32):
Now, the first thing I want you to.

Speaker 1 (33:33):
Grab I'm god, I'm oh, I've ripped out. Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
Okay, right now, always do you wage to grab your.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
Potato to visit change Jackson impressions? Okay, potato.

Speaker 2 (33:54):
Yeah, So with your scalpel carefully, I want you to
make small little lithers of potato.

Speaker 1 (34:02):
You're looking at me, understand what you mean.

Speaker 2 (34:04):
So you're going to cut the potato into little strips.

Speaker 1 (34:10):
Chips. Chips.

Speaker 2 (34:12):
Yeah, like chips.

Speaker 1 (34:17):
Okay, starchy, starchy, delicious, tiny little fairy chips.

Speaker 2 (34:27):
Little tiny chips. Now, the reason why we're doing tiny
little chips is because a while ago you got very
excited about tiny food. I did, and so today we
are making tiny food.

Speaker 1 (34:37):
Oh no, you don't know, no.

Speaker 2 (34:42):
Tin food. Yeah, okay, so you went a small portion
of chips.

Speaker 1 (34:47):
I've got a tiny little portion of chippies.

Speaker 2 (34:55):
I was gonna say, you've got a little bit more
excited about this, and I realized what we're doing, haven't you. Okay,
so you got some chips, You.

Speaker 1 (35:03):
Got some little chippies.

Speaker 2 (35:05):
Okay, Now these are going to take the longest to cook.

Speaker 1 (35:08):
Oh no, what do you mean? Have we got a
teeny tiny fryer?

Speaker 2 (35:12):
No, you've got an iron. Oh so I want you
to greaseproof paper. You're board? Oh, pop your chips on
m okay, and I'm gonna suggest you put your chips
at the left hand side of your paper.

Speaker 1 (35:29):
Well, I suggest you mind your own business.

Speaker 2 (35:31):
Because of what's coming in a bit, because I've planned this,
rather than you go a let's watch it on YouTube.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
Do I have to fold the paper?

Speaker 2 (35:38):
We have to fold the paper in half? Right, But
the sealed ends you want far to the right, and
you want your chippies on the left. Chip is near
the open end.

Speaker 1 (35:50):
The sealed end. Don't want what right? So you don't sigh.

Speaker 2 (35:58):
You're supposed to be a teacher, and this teacher's sighing. Right,
So chip is on that side, fold on that side,
fold over, okay, and I'm just gonna move it slightly
out of the way and pop the iron on top
of that. Actually want to put up in the side
that's close.

Speaker 1 (36:18):
Enough, see perfectly?

Speaker 2 (36:20):
Actually right?

Speaker 1 (36:21):
Would you as if you watch, I'm not talking to
the voices in my head. I'm talking to the annoying
little gremlin that's head in the in the in the
in the room where there's buttons. Yeah, I am talking
to people in my head. Right.

Speaker 2 (36:35):
So, now you've done that, and you've got you've got
the iron and it started to cook.

Speaker 1 (36:38):
Right, put the iron on the little chippies, on.

Speaker 2 (36:39):
The chippies and just leave them cooking. Oh okay, yeah?
Is it on full?

Speaker 1 (36:48):
Do I know if it's on when it touches it off?
Oh no?

Speaker 2 (36:55):
What are we saying?

Speaker 1 (36:56):
Oh no, I turned the switch on. Oh right, that's fine.

Speaker 2 (37:02):
Anyway, next thing we need to do is we need
to make the bun. Now I've given you an actual
sized bun that's not a tiny bun, is it.

Speaker 1 (37:11):
Right?

Speaker 2 (37:12):
You need to make this bun into a small bun.
And the way you're gonna do that is you're gonna
cut the middles out.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
It's very wasteful, isn't it.

Speaker 2 (37:20):
We'll do that on the top hand the botom.

Speaker 1 (37:22):
Squash it down, squash it.

Speaker 2 (37:24):
Down a little bit and cut it you okay, So
you got your bun.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
Okay, it's like a macaroule.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
I've gone smaller, and now we need to do the
burglary bit of your bun.

Speaker 1 (37:38):
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 (37:39):
So I've given you some prime beef meat meat okay,
and just works smaller like that and make it too
like a bun.

Speaker 1 (37:52):
Shape, like a patty, like a Malteser size, like a
Malteser size, depending on the size of your This is sexual.
It's what's a very asmr.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
Okay. So I've got ten little piece of patty.

Speaker 1 (38:12):
It is my patty too big.

Speaker 2 (38:16):
I think your patty might be a little large.

Speaker 1 (38:24):
Please Daddy, it's my patty too big.

Speaker 2 (38:29):
And then I've also given you a piece of bacon
to cut and make the same size as you.

Speaker 1 (38:33):
But nobody has answered my question about my patty.

Speaker 2 (38:35):
Yes, it's too big. I have repeatedly said it is
too big.

Speaker 1 (38:38):
Make it, make my patty smaller, make it smaller.

Speaker 2 (38:42):
Okay, it's a small piece of bacon as well.

Speaker 1 (38:52):
Then what do I do?

Speaker 2 (38:54):
Okay, so you could a small piece of bacon as.

Speaker 1 (38:56):
Well around my patty.

Speaker 2 (38:57):
Not just a small piece of bacon. Where you've got
a piece of bacon? Yes, but where do I put
taste small piece of bacon?

Speaker 1 (39:05):
Where do I put the small piece of bacon?

Speaker 2 (39:07):
Nowhere? Right now? You just need to cut it first.
Put the patty down on one thing. Cut a small
piece of bacon.

Speaker 1 (39:17):
Did you know that pepper pigs mom's had a baby?
Was delicious? As I got into the bacon, it's very exciting.
Apparently it's a cartoon.

Speaker 2 (39:30):
Who's it exciting for children?

Speaker 1 (39:32):
Okay?

Speaker 2 (39:34):
Never cut those pieces of meat up now?

Speaker 1 (39:36):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (39:36):
Okay, you want to put these under iron as well.

Speaker 1 (39:38):
Now the chippies, so you take it off.

Speaker 2 (39:41):
The chip is right the ship to see I started
to cook quite nicely. That so you've got some chippies
are cooked quite nicely. You don't want to put the
meat very close to the chippies.

Speaker 1 (39:54):
Put my meat where might want to put it?

Speaker 2 (39:56):
Okay, and close it up and pop the iron.

Speaker 4 (40:01):
You need cher pease, and hear the single ready is
it starts to cook?

Speaker 2 (40:08):
So now we're just going to do the toppings for
the burger. So I've given you a radish, some lettuce,
tomatoes and onion.

Speaker 1 (40:20):
Oh that's not very typical.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
And it's a it's a different type of bug, just
being different, right, and some cheese. So I just want
you to prepare your toppings. So it needs to be
small pieces of things.

Speaker 1 (40:38):
M m hm.

Speaker 2 (40:46):
M m m m. Okay, now just for forwarding about
the cheese. So cheese that you out of dates, so
please don't eat it. It's for display purposes only.

Speaker 1 (41:05):
I just eat a little bit while you'll die.

Speaker 2 (41:09):
I'm just gonna check on the meaty stuff. Yeah, okay,
it's almost cooked. How's your burger and meat coming on?

Speaker 1 (41:19):
Let's have a look, shall wait?

Speaker 2 (41:20):
Yea, let's have a look. Yeah, I wasn't on for
most of it.

Speaker 1 (41:28):
Well, it looks like somebody's shut it out.

Speaker 2 (41:31):
Don't assemble your burger. So you're going to put the
meaty bits on cheese. That's ratie.

Speaker 1 (41:42):
All right.

Speaker 2 (41:42):
And while while the struggles with fine motor skill, that's
me teaching you a lesson.

Speaker 1 (41:58):
Shall we need to taste them don't you need to
taste them because they'll be delicious. I taste one of
these chippy chips that has the appearance of being cooked
on the outside, but it's very much still rang.

Speaker 2 (42:15):
Well, mine are cooked and mine are much smaller.

Speaker 1 (42:18):
To Okay, so let's try the burger. I don't know
if I'm gonna be able to fit it all in.
You mean your mouth, m am.

Speaker 2 (42:31):
I supposed to buy it and shove it all in.

Speaker 1 (42:37):
That has the consistency of something.

Speaker 2 (42:41):
That's the flavor of a burger.

Speaker 1 (42:44):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (42:46):
What' from with you?

Speaker 1 (42:46):
Now?

Speaker 2 (42:47):
Why if you're face doing that?

Speaker 1 (42:48):
Face out? Then don't you I don't think that's cooked?

Speaker 2 (42:58):
No, non, spit it.

Speaker 1 (43:00):
Out If it's not, it's Can you get diseases off? Bake?

Speaker 2 (43:04):
Yes? What quite quite strong ones?

Speaker 1 (43:08):
Well, it's my last show, the.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
Last Moments on Earth. Well that's almost the end of
the show for now and almost the end of Lee
on screen. There you can see how contact details. It's
at the coud TV on social media, and if you
want to catch up with previous episodes, you could binges
on YouTube look for Chewing the Cud.

Speaker 1 (43:27):
Thank you for watching, and we will see you all
again next it will. I wor because I'm dead, but
other people will. Bye.