May 11, 2025 • 31 mins
Broadcast on March 5, 1940. The giant mess in Fibber’s closet led to a short-lived expression of any household mess being called “Fibber McGee’s Closet.”
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hudson River Radio dot Com.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
The Johnson Wax Program with Fiber McGhee and Mollie, the
makers of Johnson's Wax and Johnson's Self Polishing Glowcoaches present
Marion and Jim Jordan as Fiber McGee and Molly, with
Bill Thompson, the King's Men and Billy Mills Orchestra. The
(00:27):
show opens with Shine and once again it's Fibber McGhee
(02:04):
and Molly Time. Fiber McGhee and Molly. The dramatic story
of a woman with her faith in a man and
a man with his faith in a newspaper. Will some exciting,
unusual or momentous take place in the Little Frame House
at seventy nine Wistful Vista tonight? Or is that expecting
(02:28):
too much?
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
I guess it's expecting too much. Fibber McGhee and Molly.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
Anything interesting in the paper Diary.
Speaker 5 (02:44):
Well, here's an interesting article on crop circless. Molly, you
don't say, yeah, now take corn for instance, Certainly.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
We can take it and we can dish it out.
Speaker 5 (02:55):
Hey, I'm serious. This writer says that if conditions keep up,
the small farmer will be completely anhiliated. Oh hey, what's anhiliated?
Speaker 4 (03:05):
Anhiliated? Why? That means uh? Well? Uh? When a farmer? Well, now,
for instance, where's the dictionary? It's probably in the closet
with the rest of your stuff. Give me your key
and I'll get it for you.
Speaker 5 (03:19):
Oh no, you don't. You lay off the stuff in
that closet. I got all my stuff arranged in there,
just the way I want it.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
Now, don't be silly. Give me the key.
Speaker 5 (03:30):
Okay. I let's see which one of these is the.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
Most heavenly days. Why do you carry all those keys?
Does it make you feel important or something?
Speaker 5 (03:40):
What do you mean important? Every one of them keys
is necessary.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
What's that little key there for?
Speaker 5 (03:45):
Uh?
Speaker 4 (03:46):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (03:46):
That's a padlock key? What padlock for the for the
backyard gate we used to have in Peoria?
Speaker 4 (03:58):
What are you keeping that for your homes?
Speaker 5 (04:00):
No? But if we ever moved back to Peory, I'd
try to rent the same house because this key fits
the pad locked there. You gotta think ahead in these things.
And you see this key here looks like the key
to a can of salmon. No, sorry, es, I use
that to clean my pipe with. Let's see which one
of these keys is the closet door keys.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
See, yeah, maybe we better seat. The closet is locked,
Let me take them.
Speaker 5 (04:23):
Oh it's locked, all right. You don't think i'd leave
all my personal defects laying around for any prowler to
get his hands on.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
McGhee, It isn't locked.
Speaker 6 (04:31):
Right's off alling out?
Speaker 7 (04:39):
Oh hemp McGhee, I'm buried alive.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
Get this junk off of.
Speaker 5 (04:53):
Me, all right? But Dad, radit youre might have been
more car camp.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
There's funny little insects all over me. Brush them off quick.
Speaker 5 (04:59):
Oh calm yourself, calm yourself them or my trout flies
all gone? At Molly, why did you have to go
and mess up?
Speaker 4 (05:08):
Oh dear, come in fever McGinn and Molly, Yes, tell me.
Speaker 8 (05:13):
With all these radio shows being changed, is it true
that you're gonna cut your program down to a half hour?
Speaker 5 (05:19):
What do you mean cut it down? It's only a
half hour now, what boy?
Speaker 8 (05:23):
It sure seems like an hour.
Speaker 5 (05:28):
Well, as the guy says, when he fell off of
the horse and heard something bust that sounded to me
like a rib.
Speaker 4 (05:40):
Never mind that, now, h dear, old dear, look at
all this junk that fell out of that class.
Speaker 5 (05:47):
Don't worry I'll put it back Molly, Oh no.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
You won't.
Speaker 5 (05:50):
Huh.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
We're going to go through that pile of wat notts
and throw everything out we don't need.
Speaker 5 (05:54):
Oh yeah, well, I've been through this stuff a hundred
times and there ain't a thing of it that I
can spare.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
Oh there isn't.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
No.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
What's this old rusty horse you for?
Speaker 5 (06:03):
Well? I found that in nineteen oh eleven. As soon
as I find three more, we can pitch horseshoes in
the backyard.
Speaker 4 (06:14):
I see you expect to find three more?
Speaker 5 (06:16):
You bet youa.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
You don't think the automobile is here to stay.
Speaker 5 (06:20):
E won't be if we don't catch up with the payments.
Him mister, Oh, hello there, little girl, what you.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Want you remember that job? You promised me to take
care of your baby, only you didn't have one. So
I was gonna bring my little brother over and take
care of him. Remember whom do you?
Speaker 4 (06:45):
Yes? Yes? Sure? I right? Well, well a deal is off.
Speaker 5 (06:49):
See what you mean? The deal is off. In the
first place, there wasn't any deal, And in the second,
my mommy.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Had to take my little brother to the doctor today,
so I can't bring him all right.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
Oh that's too bad. What's the matter with your little brother?
Anything serious?
Speaker 3 (07:04):
My mama thinks, so, she thinks soon, she thinks, so
I had to clare my throat there. She thinks he
swallowed a dime.
Speaker 5 (07:19):
Swallowed the dime. We'll say that is serious. Oh no,
it isn't oyous. It is No, it isn't ohious.
Speaker 7 (07:28):
It is.
Speaker 9 (07:29):
He didn't swallow a dime.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
I bet you, huh. It was only eight cents.
Speaker 5 (07:37):
Only eight cents. How do you know?
Speaker 4 (07:39):
Well, we were.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
We were playing slap machine and I fed him to him.
Speaker 5 (07:48):
What you're doing, mister, Well, we're cleaning out this closet.
If you must know, I mustn't, mustn't what? No, no, yes,
why mm oh listen se suppose you've gone home and
annoy somebody else. Go bother your daddy.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
He isn't home.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
He's working on the senseless, on the white the senseless.
He goes to people's doors and asks him how many
people in the family, and how old are you and
all stuff like that.
Speaker 5 (08:19):
There. I bet you, oh, you mean the senses, Jux.
I didn't even think of kids your age knew what
a census was, well.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
I do, I bet you, Yeah, A census is information
plays on the Red, White, and Blue Network.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
While we're waiting for Fiber and Malay to return. I'd
like your attention for just a minute. If you have
valuable jewels, you protect them by keeping them and you're
safe or in a secret compartment. Valuable papers you keep
in a strong box or vault. How can you protect
your valuable furniture, floors and woodwork by locking them under
(09:28):
a safe, protective shield of genuine Johnson's wax. That may
seem like a strong statement, but it's really true. When
you apply a coat of Johnson's wax, you are completely
covering the surface with an invisible yet very tough shield
of real wax. This wax guards the floors and furniture
surfaces against wear and against dirt and moisture. From time
(09:49):
to time, you renew the coating of Johnson's wax, and
your floors and furniture are given permanent protection. What is
equally important they have that rich wax, polished glow. That
good housekeeper is cherish. If your home is not wax
protected and wax beautified, order genuine Johnson's wax paste or
liquid tomorrow.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Eaventy days MCGIE. Imagine all this stuff falling out of
one little closet. How'd you ever get it all in there?
Speaker 9 (10:45):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (10:46):
I don't know. I guess I just inherit a gift
for packing. My great aunt Minnie had a job stuffing
pimentos into olives. Oh hey, look at this, Molly, the
taborette I made in manual training.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
It's only got three legs.
Speaker 5 (11:03):
They wouldn't let me stay in the fifth grade another year.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Ah McGhee. Look one of our old dance programs before
we were married. I didn't know you were so sentimental, deardie.
Speaker 5 (11:16):
Is that a dance program? I was saving it on
account of that little pencil hanging onto it. You never
know when you'll need a pencil.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
Listen to this Walts Walts, Turkey Trot, Wallts, Bunny, Hug Walls, Texas,
Tommy Walls, what no shot, Grizzly Bear Waltz. You had
every dance with me but the last Walls. The gee,
who did you dance that one with?
Speaker 5 (11:49):
Why? Nobody? We sat that one out in the buggy, remember, Oh.
Speaker 4 (11:55):
Yes, And we couldn't go back to the dance because
you sat on a box of Lowney's chocolate covered cherries
and spoils your white pets.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
That was the night that took the sea. Come in, Oh,
hold Johnny, hold door.
Speaker 10 (12:13):
Hey, I'm looking for a nice room in the neighborhood.
Got wonder Red.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
No, I don't believe so, mister Rolteimer.
Speaker 10 (12:20):
Oh come on, kids, I'll pay three bucks a week
with meals, or two bucks a week and eat out
for two and a half if you leave me. See
the funny paper first on Sundays.
Speaker 5 (12:35):
Nothing doing, old timer. We ain't taking borders, hey, absolutely not.
The last border we had was a tap dancer kept
me awake all morning. I finally got tired of it,
knocked him cold with one of his steel plated shoes,
and stuffed it into his own trunk.
Speaker 4 (12:52):
Eye Incidentally, McGhee, where did you ship that trunk.
Speaker 5 (12:58):
Off to Buffalo?
Speaker 8 (13:00):
Wow?
Speaker 10 (13:03):
That's pretty good, Jae, But that ain't the way I
hear it. We I hear it one fella's hair Tailorfeller say,
he said, I see where Scarlet the Hara got the
Academy awards. Yep, share Telorfeller. She lost out with Red,
but she's sure got her Oscar. Well, I'm sorry you'd
(13:27):
got a room for me. Slept in the park all
last summer and didn't like it.
Speaker 5 (13:31):
The roof leet it's wrong. I'm getting a little tired
of all. I'm gone with the wind gags. I don't
know how a picture about the bluegrass country could produce
so many bumb plugs.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
I'll never mind dat McGee. Isn't there any of this
junk we can throw away? Now?
Speaker 5 (13:55):
Well, let me see, mommy, how about this old photograph
album here?
Speaker 4 (13:58):
I should say not, that's got all our family pictures
in it. Oh, dear, who's this funny little man with
the walrus mustache?
Speaker 5 (14:05):
Me? Oh, that's my great uncle Roscoe. We were pretty
proud of Uncle Rouscolle. He was the first white child
in the county to be blackballed by the elks.
Speaker 4 (14:17):
Ah. Here's one of my auntad and Aunt Carrie. They
both had big family.
Speaker 5 (14:21):
Now how many kids they have? Anyway?
Speaker 4 (14:23):
Ten between them? Add six and carry four? McGhee, Now
what are you going?
Speaker 5 (14:30):
Well, hello there, folks.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
I was just going by and I thought, well, what
goes on here? Have you been buying out an antique store?
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Ho?
Speaker 8 (14:38):
Harlo?
Speaker 4 (14:38):
This is just a lot of stuff McGee's been hoarding
in the closet, mister.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Wilcox, isn't it wonderful how much you can pack into
so little space. For instance, you only give me about
six lines to tell how Johnson's glow Coat saves hours
of house cleaning because it beautifies and protects linoleum with
absolutely no rubbing or buffet. But in those six lines,
I think I can get the idea ca pretty well
that a self polishing preparation like glow Code is the
(15:03):
very essence of good housekeeping. Boy, it's so easy to
use that it's easy to tell about me.
Speaker 5 (15:09):
Marvelous folks, that guy has dedicated his whole life to
Johnson's glow Code.
Speaker 8 (15:14):
What do you mean, hollow?
Speaker 5 (15:15):
They tell me the way back when you were in college,
they wanted you to stroke the crew and you said no,
no stroking, no rubbing, and no buffing, even for dear
old University of Southeastern Nebraska.
Speaker 4 (15:31):
Is that?
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Oh No, I wasn't the crew man. I went out
for rotc.
Speaker 5 (15:36):
Oh Reserve Officers training car.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
No revolutionizing old time cleaning.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
Well, so long fall, Now he got you there McGee.
Speaker 5 (15:50):
Yep, As the golf ball says, when I landed five
feet from the tee, I think I've been topped. Well,
let's get busy Molly and put this stuff back into bus.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
You mean you're going to keep all this junk? Can't
we throw any of it out?
Speaker 5 (16:03):
No, sir, I got a use for every one of
these things.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Now you don't need this, do you.
Speaker 5 (16:08):
Huh?
Speaker 4 (16:08):
What good is one snowshoe?
Speaker 8 (16:09):
Why?
Speaker 5 (16:10):
One?
Speaker 4 (16:10):
What snowshoe?
Speaker 5 (16:13):
Is that a snowshoe? Oh shucks? No wonder Billy Mills
beating me so bad playing tennis?
Speaker 10 (16:22):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (16:22):
Now, what come in?
Speaker 5 (16:24):
I assist him? Oh, hey, Molly, look it's Gracie Allen.
Speaker 4 (16:37):
Well hello, Gracie. Won't you come in?
Speaker 9 (16:39):
Oh? No, thank you, Molly, And I wouldn't have dropped
in if I'd known you were entertaining.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
Oh we ain't entertaining. Oh you are too.
Speaker 9 (16:45):
I think you're very entertaining. Now you say something nice
about judging me.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Oh tm, Yeah, Well I heard Gracie that the difference
between our shows is that yours is always in the
middle of the week and our this is always weak
in the middle.
Speaker 5 (17:01):
Oh, Gracie, what's this I hear about you running for
president of the United States.
Speaker 9 (17:06):
Oh, there's nothing to it.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
Oh you mean you're not running for president? Huh?
Speaker 9 (17:10):
Oh, I mean I'll be elected there's nothing to it.
Speaker 5 (17:15):
Oh yeah, well, I ain't want to indulge in no
idle gossip, Gracie. But I've heard whispers about Dewey and
Hull and Garner and taff being in the White House
next year. But I suppose they're just rumors.
Speaker 9 (17:26):
They are not. I'll be running the White House and
I'm not gonna take in any rumors.
Speaker 4 (17:34):
What's your party, Gracy?
Speaker 9 (17:35):
Oh, well it's my own party, the Surprise Party.
Speaker 4 (17:38):
Uh. What an adorable name, do you?
Speaker 9 (17:40):
Oh, I'm still glad you liked it.
Speaker 4 (17:42):
Well, you can count on our votes, Grasy. I always
said there should be a woman in the fightout.
Speaker 5 (17:47):
Ah about missus Roosevelt.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
She's never in the fight house. Molly.
Speaker 9 (17:57):
Do you play bridge?
Speaker 5 (17:58):
No?
Speaker 4 (17:58):
I don't.
Speaker 9 (17:59):
Oh that's too bad. I'm forming my cabinet and I
need seven more bridge players.
Speaker 5 (18:06):
How big a cabinet You gonna.
Speaker 9 (18:07):
Have just two tables?
Speaker 5 (18:10):
You need a good pool player.
Speaker 9 (18:12):
Well, no, I'm having the pool table taken out. The
eighth ball gets in front of too many people.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
By the way, Gracie, when do you expect to move
into the White House?
Speaker 9 (18:23):
January first?
Speaker 5 (18:24):
January first. You ain't gonna be inaugurated on New Year's Eve?
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Are you well?
Speaker 9 (18:28):
I may not be inaugurated, but I'll be feeling pretty good. Well,
I guess I'll be running along now.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
I'm glad you dropped in, Gracy. Do you think you
can handle your campaign? All right?
Speaker 9 (18:42):
Oh? Yes, I can handle my campaign. No, the bubbles
always tickle my nose a little bit. Well, thank you both,
and don't forget my slogan, Grace's the lighthouse with Gracy tonight.
Speaker 5 (19:01):
The Kingsman sing Caposalem Kambozelum Kuzem was the daughter of
the bar uh.
Speaker 6 (19:13):
Z zoom zoom zoom Zu.
Speaker 11 (19:15):
In ancient days there lived a Turk cohorrent beast within
the east who did the prophet's holy work as Baba
of Jerusalem.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
He had a daughter, Sweden sparcle mad bear with flaming
hand and all the barber.
Speaker 11 (19:27):
Like a Turk except her name, Cabozlum walk.
Speaker 5 (19:30):
Capuz Alum all Capus.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
The Kaboos, a daughter of the bar.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Zoom zuzzon zoom Zone.
Speaker 11 (19:43):
A boy resided near to see. His name was Sam,
a perfect lamb. He was of ancient pedigree and capable
Mathusa Lamb.
Speaker 10 (19:50):
He drove the trade in prospered well and Gunny Saxon
Johnson's waxen ringing at the barber's bell.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
He met, he loved, he would kwan Kauzl the daughter
of the bab Jerusalem, all Rusalem fall Kabouslem.
Speaker 11 (20:06):
The loves were discovered.
Speaker 12 (20:07):
By the barber.
Speaker 8 (20:09):
The barber the.
Speaker 5 (20:11):
Bar soon so soon, zom so so so.
Speaker 11 (20:17):
The Baba went beside himself or got his prayers, and
rushed comstairs and took a postman from his shelf and.
Speaker 13 (20:22):
Came back to bamboos all the youth that made them.
Then he took and choked them both and nothing altogether,
and pitched them in the bruk.
Speaker 5 (20:30):
Of Kidron, near Jerusalem.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
All us life, all Uzel and kaboos al in honor
of the barber Baba. The barber soon so so so
so soon.
Speaker 13 (20:47):
And saw the ancient legend poles when they had gone
from bad along.
Speaker 12 (20:55):
The Eastern More.
Speaker 13 (20:57):
Life throws its shadows, rang so love.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
The way lot I can't puss.
Speaker 13 (21:09):
On air falls on the ruined the walls. Of course,
the salmon three old hats is seen to kids. Kabooslumkaboos,
paull camooslum paul.
Speaker 11 (21:23):
Caps and capos Alom, the daughter of the barber.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
All caboosnow caps and capos Alom the dollar out the
barber soon.
Speaker 11 (21:34):
Zoon zoon zoon zo.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
Tell me, I've about exhausted my impatience with you boy
back and all this useless jump back in that closet.
How about these old books?
Speaker 5 (22:00):
See him? Oh then, well that's my correspondence course in taxidermy.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
Taxidermy, Why on earth did you want to study taxis?
Speaker 3 (22:09):
Well?
Speaker 5 (22:09):
How did I know? It meant stuffing birds and animals?
And there I was stuck with the chauffeur's license, a
city map, and a pair of puttees.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
Well, hurry up and put your playthings back in the class. Okay,
it looks terrible laying round here on the floor with it.
Speaker 12 (22:25):
I'll get it.
Speaker 5 (22:27):
Hello, No, this is the McGhee residence. You got the
wrong number? Oh is that you? Mert?
Speaker 4 (22:34):
He gad every week the same thing, Annis.
Speaker 5 (22:40):
How's every little thing? Mert? What's eh? Your uncle Gulliver?
Oh that's too bad. And they ain't found the body yet.
Speaker 4 (22:49):
Oh heavens mcgie. What happened?
Speaker 5 (22:50):
MERT's uncle drove his car off the cliff and had
to walk home. They found the chassis up in the tree,
but they don't know where the body is. What same, Hurt?
Oh that's okay, Murt. Everybody has a wrong number now
and then except Durving Berlin. Well, now let's see it.
Speaker 4 (23:09):
McGhee. Why are you saving this long stick of bamboo?
Speaker 5 (23:13):
Why, Molly? That's Scott's got a very definite purpose. If
I was offered a job as sparring partner for Joe Lewis,
that's the ten foot pole, I wouldn't touch it with see,
I gotta right.
Speaker 4 (23:29):
Oh, for goodness sakes, come in. Oh, how do you do?
Missus Uppington's so nice to see you. Do you do,
missus McGhee, And mister McGee, Hi, good hivens? What at home?
Speaker 14 (23:40):
Maggott looks as if there'd been an explosion in.
Speaker 4 (23:43):
Here and now just some things that fell out of
the closet. Missus Uppington McGee had everything in there but
the kitchen sing Ooh, really everything but the kitchen. Single
may is not amusing.
Speaker 14 (23:55):
But what I came in for, missus McGee, was to
tell you about the symphony concert I've been planning with.
Speaker 4 (24:00):
No yes, the symphony concert. Well, it's about time something
was happening about that, missus Uppington.
Speaker 5 (24:05):
I've been waiting so long for that concert, Uppy. I'm
even getting suspicious of Billy Mills. I'm afraid he's a
non conductor.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
Well we must be patient, you know. There's been so
many difficulties.
Speaker 14 (24:19):
For one thing, we're having trouble with the facilities at
the Eagles Hall.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
What's wrong, missus Uppington. Oh it's the eagles, my dear.
Speaker 14 (24:28):
Yes, they're all roosting up in the rafters and during
rehearsals they drop eggs on the orchestra.
Speaker 5 (24:37):
You ought to call them down and give them seats
in the first row. Uppy. Them birds are critics, Yes, indeed.
Speaker 4 (24:44):
They're certainly a whole. Not please, miss mcguie. It's discouraging enough.
Speaker 10 (24:48):
As it is.
Speaker 5 (24:49):
I heard they had a kind of an accident during
rehearsal the other night.
Speaker 4 (24:52):
Oh yes, and it was so embarrassing.
Speaker 14 (24:54):
So yes, the musician playing the electric guitar reached for
a high note and blue egg refuse in the building.
Oh bye, But those dear dear boys been tried. I'm
playing just as if nothing had happened.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
Really, missus Uppington, But how could they read their music
in the dark.
Speaker 14 (25:11):
Woo, my dear, that's exactly what I asked doctor Mills,
and he said in his most delightful man, don't worry
about it, babe. Those mugs can't even read music with
the lights on. Oh really, I thought that was just
too gay?
Speaker 4 (25:30):
Am I being a silly girl?
Speaker 5 (25:32):
Why I must be going good Bob goodbye again?
Speaker 4 (25:44):
Isn't she ridiculous? McGee? All the time she's back in
that symphony orchestra, she's dreaming about Billy Mill.
Speaker 5 (25:50):
Well, that's always been a pretty romantic spot down by
the old Mills dream. Don't you get it, Molly, I said,
Donne funny. Macgee was spontaneous? Where was I?
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (26:04):
Yeah, do you really think you can get all this
stuff back in that closet?
Speaker 5 (26:08):
Why? Sure I can. And I don't want anybody touching
these things either, but me, they're too valuable. Oh I'd
have had it done an hour ago if I hadn't
been interfered with. All right, you do it, then I've
got some work to do.
Speaker 4 (26:18):
In the kitchen.
Speaker 5 (26:19):
All right, I'll get it dead, ratit. I wish somebody'd
crawl in through the window, just for the novely of it.
Come in.
Speaker 6 (26:28):
All.
Speaker 8 (26:30):
Yeah, I just thought i'd come by and tell you that. Well,
my goodness, what's all this?
Speaker 5 (26:34):
Oh, just something out of my closet. I'm straightening it out. Hey,
gild or Sleeve, put that hatchet down.
Speaker 8 (26:39):
I'll do no such thing. That's my boy scout hatchet.
You barred last summer, that gratit.
Speaker 5 (26:46):
It ain't nothing of the kind. That's my boy scout hatchet.
Look at the insignia on the handle there. I'll patrol.
Speaker 8 (26:53):
Well.
Speaker 12 (26:54):
I belonged to the owl patrol myself. Oh yeah, you
and the owl patrol. Oh why you don't even know
the password of the owl patrol. Who Oh, somebody must
have told you. Listen here, Gildersleeve. I'll bet you don't
(27:16):
know a thing about scout.
Speaker 8 (27:17):
I do too. I was an eagle scout with twenty
six merit badges.
Speaker 5 (27:21):
Go on, Can you tie a sheepshank? Can you imitate
the mating cry of the chimney swallow? Can you tell
which way is north when you're lost in the wood?
Speaker 8 (27:28):
Certainly? Ah, I face south and then turn around quick.
Speaker 5 (27:35):
Gildersleeve, If you're really a scout, you can do your
daily good turn by scramming out of here and letting
me finish putting this stuff back in the closet.
Speaker 8 (27:42):
Well, all right, McGee, you're sure that is my hatchet on.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
My word of honor as a member of the All
Patrol Gildersleeve.
Speaker 8 (27:49):
Well, all right, McGee, I'll see you later. Okay, say
uh give me the password again, will you?
Speaker 5 (27:56):
Hoo hoo? Oh boy Scott, that guy couldn't build a
fire and a haymb by rubbing two sticks of dynamite together.
Oh well, I gotta get the rest of it. It's
(28:19):
like about all of it. Yep, it's all packed back
in the boy what job? Hey, Molly, Molly? What look?
I got all that stuff back in the closet, all straightened.
Speaker 4 (28:29):
Out, splendid me splendid.
Speaker 5 (28:32):
And after this one you want something out of there,
let me get it for you.
Speaker 4 (28:34):
All right. But now that you got the dictionary out
of there, why don't you leave it out? We may
need it again. Oh what's the matter?
Speaker 5 (28:43):
I forgot to leave it out. I packed the dictionary
back in there.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
Oh heavenly days.
Speaker 5 (28:48):
Hey, now you stay away from there. I know exactly
where I put it. I can hit it out without Molly, Yes,
(29:11):
I found the dictionary. How do you spell anahiliated?
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Weber and Molly will be back in just a moment.
In the meantime, I'd like to read you a brief
letter received recently from a gentleman in New York State.
For the past fifteen years, he writes, I have installed
many linoleum floors as I am a linoleum layer. Most
every time, upon completion of an installation, I am asked
this question, how can I preserve or improve the finish?
Speaker 5 (29:44):
Well?
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Since glowcoat has been on the market, I have used
it with perfect satisfaction, so I always answer, use Johnson's
glow cooat and no other well. Now, coming from a
man who knows his linoleum, that is a pretty sound recommendation.
Glow coat does present, nerve and improve linoleum, whether it's
new or old. It makes linoleum last longer, makes it
(30:05):
easy to keep clean, brings out the colors. And remember
there's no rubbing or buffing with glow coat because it's
self polishing. You simply apply and let dry. In twenty
minutes your floor is sparkling with new beauty. Try Johnson's
self polishing glow Coat on your floors. Order a can tomorrow.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
Now look wiggy, that junk of yours is positively not
going back into that class.
Speaker 8 (30:38):
No, yes it is.
Speaker 4 (30:39):
Oh no, it isn't.
Speaker 5 (30:40):
Ooy hey a wrong routine.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
Well all right then, but if it does go back
in there, I'll arrange it myself. Now, you keep your
hands off at this time.
Speaker 5 (30:50):
You're gonna do it all by yourself. I am fine.
As the fat lady says when she took off her corset,
that lets me out, nagee.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
This is Harlow Wilcox speaking for the makers of Johnson's
Wax and Johnson's Self Polishing glow Tote, inviting you to
be with us again next Tuesday night.
Speaker 8 (31:18):
Good night.
Speaker 5 (31:19):
This is a nation little broadusin
Speaker 11 (31:21):
Company Hudson River Radio dot com
Hudson River Radio dot Com.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
The Johnson Wax Program with Fiber McGhee and Mollie, the
makers of Johnson's Wax and Johnson's Self Polishing Glowcoaches present
Marion and Jim Jordan as Fiber McGee and Molly, with
Bill Thompson, the King's Men and Billy Mills Orchestra. The
(00:27):
show opens with Shine and once again it's Fibber McGhee
(02:04):
and Molly Time. Fiber McGhee and Molly. The dramatic story
of a woman with her faith in a man and
a man with his faith in a newspaper. Will some exciting,
unusual or momentous take place in the Little Frame House
at seventy nine Wistful Vista tonight? Or is that expecting
(02:28):
too much?
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
I guess it's expecting too much. Fibber McGhee and Molly.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
Anything interesting in the paper Diary.
Speaker 5 (02:44):
Well, here's an interesting article on crop circless. Molly, you
don't say, yeah, now take corn for instance, Certainly.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
We can take it and we can dish it out.
Speaker 5 (02:55):
Hey, I'm serious. This writer says that if conditions keep up,
the small farmer will be completely anhiliated. Oh hey, what's anhiliated?
Speaker 4 (03:05):
Anhiliated? Why? That means uh? Well? Uh? When a farmer? Well, now,
for instance, where's the dictionary? It's probably in the closet
with the rest of your stuff. Give me your key
and I'll get it for you.
Speaker 5 (03:19):
Oh no, you don't. You lay off the stuff in
that closet. I got all my stuff arranged in there,
just the way I want it.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
Now, don't be silly. Give me the key.
Speaker 5 (03:30):
Okay. I let's see which one of these is the.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
Most heavenly days. Why do you carry all those keys?
Does it make you feel important or something?
Speaker 5 (03:40):
What do you mean important? Every one of them keys
is necessary.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
What's that little key there for?
Speaker 5 (03:45):
Uh?
Speaker 4 (03:46):
Uh?
Speaker 5 (03:46):
That's a padlock key? What padlock for the for the
backyard gate we used to have in Peoria?
Speaker 4 (03:58):
What are you keeping that for your homes?
Speaker 5 (04:00):
No? But if we ever moved back to Peory, I'd
try to rent the same house because this key fits
the pad locked there. You gotta think ahead in these things.
And you see this key here looks like the key
to a can of salmon. No, sorry, es, I use
that to clean my pipe with. Let's see which one
of these keys is the closet door keys.
Speaker 4 (04:20):
See, yeah, maybe we better seat. The closet is locked,
Let me take them.
Speaker 5 (04:23):
Oh it's locked, all right. You don't think i'd leave
all my personal defects laying around for any prowler to
get his hands on.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
McGhee, It isn't locked.
Speaker 6 (04:31):
Right's off alling out?
Speaker 7 (04:39):
Oh hemp McGhee, I'm buried alive.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
Get this junk off of.
Speaker 5 (04:53):
Me, all right? But Dad, radit youre might have been
more car camp.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
There's funny little insects all over me. Brush them off quick.
Speaker 5 (04:59):
Oh calm yourself, calm yourself them or my trout flies
all gone? At Molly, why did you have to go
and mess up?
Speaker 4 (05:08):
Oh dear, come in fever McGinn and Molly, Yes, tell me.
Speaker 8 (05:13):
With all these radio shows being changed, is it true
that you're gonna cut your program down to a half hour?
Speaker 5 (05:19):
What do you mean cut it down? It's only a
half hour now, what boy?
Speaker 8 (05:23):
It sure seems like an hour.
Speaker 5 (05:28):
Well, as the guy says, when he fell off of
the horse and heard something bust that sounded to me
like a rib.
Speaker 4 (05:40):
Never mind that, now, h dear, old dear, look at
all this junk that fell out of that class.
Speaker 5 (05:47):
Don't worry I'll put it back Molly, Oh no.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
You won't.
Speaker 5 (05:50):
Huh.
Speaker 4 (05:50):
We're going to go through that pile of wat notts
and throw everything out we don't need.
Speaker 5 (05:54):
Oh yeah, well, I've been through this stuff a hundred
times and there ain't a thing of it that I
can spare.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
Oh there isn't.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
No.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
What's this old rusty horse you for?
Speaker 5 (06:03):
Well? I found that in nineteen oh eleven. As soon
as I find three more, we can pitch horseshoes in
the backyard.
Speaker 4 (06:14):
I see you expect to find three more?
Speaker 5 (06:16):
You bet youa.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
You don't think the automobile is here to stay.
Speaker 5 (06:20):
E won't be if we don't catch up with the payments.
Him mister, Oh, hello there, little girl, what you.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Want you remember that job? You promised me to take
care of your baby, only you didn't have one. So
I was gonna bring my little brother over and take
care of him. Remember whom do you?
Speaker 4 (06:45):
Yes? Yes? Sure? I right? Well, well a deal is off.
Speaker 5 (06:49):
See what you mean? The deal is off. In the
first place, there wasn't any deal, And in the second,
my mommy.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Had to take my little brother to the doctor today,
so I can't bring him all right.
Speaker 5 (07:00):
Oh that's too bad. What's the matter with your little brother?
Anything serious?
Speaker 3 (07:04):
My mama thinks, so, she thinks soon, she thinks, so
I had to clare my throat there. She thinks he
swallowed a dime.
Speaker 5 (07:19):
Swallowed the dime. We'll say that is serious. Oh no,
it isn't oyous. It is No, it isn't ohious.
Speaker 7 (07:28):
It is.
Speaker 9 (07:29):
He didn't swallow a dime.
Speaker 4 (07:31):
I bet you, huh. It was only eight cents.
Speaker 5 (07:37):
Only eight cents. How do you know?
Speaker 4 (07:39):
Well, we were.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
We were playing slap machine and I fed him to him.
Speaker 5 (07:48):
What you're doing, mister, Well, we're cleaning out this closet.
If you must know, I mustn't, mustn't what? No, no, yes,
why mm oh listen se suppose you've gone home and
annoy somebody else. Go bother your daddy.
Speaker 4 (08:04):
He isn't home.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
He's working on the senseless, on the white the senseless.
He goes to people's doors and asks him how many
people in the family, and how old are you and
all stuff like that.
Speaker 5 (08:19):
There. I bet you, oh, you mean the senses, Jux.
I didn't even think of kids your age knew what
a census was, well.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
I do, I bet you, Yeah, A census is information
plays on the Red, White, and Blue Network.
Speaker 2 (09:05):
While we're waiting for Fiber and Malay to return. I'd
like your attention for just a minute. If you have
valuable jewels, you protect them by keeping them and you're
safe or in a secret compartment. Valuable papers you keep
in a strong box or vault. How can you protect
your valuable furniture, floors and woodwork by locking them under
(09:28):
a safe, protective shield of genuine Johnson's wax. That may
seem like a strong statement, but it's really true. When
you apply a coat of Johnson's wax, you are completely
covering the surface with an invisible yet very tough shield
of real wax. This wax guards the floors and furniture
surfaces against wear and against dirt and moisture. From time
(09:49):
to time, you renew the coating of Johnson's wax, and
your floors and furniture are given permanent protection. What is
equally important they have that rich wax, polished glow. That
good housekeeper is cherish. If your home is not wax
protected and wax beautified, order genuine Johnson's wax paste or
liquid tomorrow.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Eaventy days MCGIE. Imagine all this stuff falling out of
one little closet. How'd you ever get it all in there?
Speaker 9 (10:45):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (10:46):
I don't know. I guess I just inherit a gift
for packing. My great aunt Minnie had a job stuffing
pimentos into olives. Oh hey, look at this, Molly, the
taborette I made in manual training.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
It's only got three legs.
Speaker 5 (11:03):
They wouldn't let me stay in the fifth grade another year.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Ah McGhee. Look one of our old dance programs before
we were married. I didn't know you were so sentimental, deardie.
Speaker 5 (11:16):
Is that a dance program? I was saving it on
account of that little pencil hanging onto it. You never
know when you'll need a pencil.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
Listen to this Walts Walts, Turkey Trot, Wallts, Bunny, Hug Walls, Texas,
Tommy Walls, what no shot, Grizzly Bear Waltz. You had
every dance with me but the last Walls. The gee,
who did you dance that one with?
Speaker 5 (11:49):
Why? Nobody? We sat that one out in the buggy, remember, Oh.
Speaker 4 (11:55):
Yes, And we couldn't go back to the dance because
you sat on a box of Lowney's chocolate covered cherries
and spoils your white pets.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
That was the night that took the sea. Come in, Oh,
hold Johnny, hold door.
Speaker 10 (12:13):
Hey, I'm looking for a nice room in the neighborhood.
Got wonder Red.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
No, I don't believe so, mister Rolteimer.
Speaker 10 (12:20):
Oh come on, kids, I'll pay three bucks a week
with meals, or two bucks a week and eat out
for two and a half if you leave me. See
the funny paper first on Sundays.
Speaker 5 (12:35):
Nothing doing, old timer. We ain't taking borders, hey, absolutely not.
The last border we had was a tap dancer kept
me awake all morning. I finally got tired of it,
knocked him cold with one of his steel plated shoes,
and stuffed it into his own trunk.
Speaker 4 (12:52):
Eye Incidentally, McGhee, where did you ship that trunk.
Speaker 5 (12:58):
Off to Buffalo?
Speaker 8 (13:00):
Wow?
Speaker 10 (13:03):
That's pretty good, Jae, But that ain't the way I
hear it. We I hear it one fella's hair Tailorfeller say,
he said, I see where Scarlet the Hara got the
Academy awards. Yep, share Telorfeller. She lost out with Red,
but she's sure got her Oscar. Well, I'm sorry you'd
(13:27):
got a room for me. Slept in the park all
last summer and didn't like it.
Speaker 5 (13:31):
The roof leet it's wrong. I'm getting a little tired
of all. I'm gone with the wind gags. I don't
know how a picture about the bluegrass country could produce
so many bumb plugs.
Speaker 4 (13:52):
I'll never mind dat McGee. Isn't there any of this
junk we can throw away? Now?
Speaker 5 (13:55):
Well, let me see, mommy, how about this old photograph
album here?
Speaker 4 (13:58):
I should say not, that's got all our family pictures
in it. Oh, dear, who's this funny little man with
the walrus mustache?
Speaker 5 (14:05):
Me? Oh, that's my great uncle Roscoe. We were pretty
proud of Uncle Rouscolle. He was the first white child
in the county to be blackballed by the elks.
Speaker 4 (14:17):
Ah. Here's one of my auntad and Aunt Carrie. They
both had big family.
Speaker 5 (14:21):
Now how many kids they have? Anyway?
Speaker 4 (14:23):
Ten between them? Add six and carry four? McGhee, Now
what are you going?
Speaker 5 (14:30):
Well, hello there, folks.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
I was just going by and I thought, well, what
goes on here? Have you been buying out an antique store?
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Ho?
Speaker 8 (14:38):
Harlo?
Speaker 4 (14:38):
This is just a lot of stuff McGee's been hoarding
in the closet, mister.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
Wilcox, isn't it wonderful how much you can pack into
so little space. For instance, you only give me about
six lines to tell how Johnson's glow Coat saves hours
of house cleaning because it beautifies and protects linoleum with
absolutely no rubbing or buffet. But in those six lines,
I think I can get the idea ca pretty well
that a self polishing preparation like glow Code is the
(15:03):
very essence of good housekeeping. Boy, it's so easy to
use that it's easy to tell about me.
Speaker 5 (15:09):
Marvelous folks, that guy has dedicated his whole life to
Johnson's glow Code.
Speaker 8 (15:14):
What do you mean, hollow?
Speaker 5 (15:15):
They tell me the way back when you were in college,
they wanted you to stroke the crew and you said no,
no stroking, no rubbing, and no buffing, even for dear
old University of Southeastern Nebraska.
Speaker 4 (15:31):
Is that?
Speaker 2 (15:33):
Oh No, I wasn't the crew man. I went out
for rotc.
Speaker 5 (15:36):
Oh Reserve Officers training car.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
No revolutionizing old time cleaning.
Speaker 4 (15:41):
Well, so long fall, Now he got you there McGee.
Speaker 5 (15:50):
Yep, As the golf ball says, when I landed five
feet from the tee, I think I've been topped. Well,
let's get busy Molly and put this stuff back into bus.
Speaker 4 (16:00):
You mean you're going to keep all this junk? Can't
we throw any of it out?
Speaker 5 (16:03):
No, sir, I got a use for every one of
these things.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Now you don't need this, do you.
Speaker 5 (16:08):
Huh?
Speaker 4 (16:08):
What good is one snowshoe?
Speaker 8 (16:09):
Why?
Speaker 5 (16:10):
One?
Speaker 4 (16:10):
What snowshoe?
Speaker 5 (16:13):
Is that a snowshoe? Oh shucks? No wonder Billy Mills
beating me so bad playing tennis?
Speaker 10 (16:22):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (16:22):
Now, what come in?
Speaker 5 (16:24):
I assist him? Oh, hey, Molly, look it's Gracie Allen.
Speaker 4 (16:37):
Well hello, Gracie. Won't you come in?
Speaker 9 (16:39):
Oh? No, thank you, Molly, And I wouldn't have dropped
in if I'd known you were entertaining.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
Oh we ain't entertaining. Oh you are too.
Speaker 9 (16:45):
I think you're very entertaining. Now you say something nice
about judging me.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Oh tm, Yeah, Well I heard Gracie that the difference
between our shows is that yours is always in the
middle of the week and our this is always weak
in the middle.
Speaker 5 (17:01):
Oh, Gracie, what's this I hear about you running for
president of the United States.
Speaker 9 (17:06):
Oh, there's nothing to it.
Speaker 4 (17:08):
Oh you mean you're not running for president? Huh?
Speaker 9 (17:10):
Oh, I mean I'll be elected there's nothing to it.
Speaker 5 (17:15):
Oh yeah, well, I ain't want to indulge in no
idle gossip, Gracie. But I've heard whispers about Dewey and
Hull and Garner and taff being in the White House
next year. But I suppose they're just rumors.
Speaker 9 (17:26):
They are not. I'll be running the White House and
I'm not gonna take in any rumors.
Speaker 4 (17:34):
What's your party, Gracy?
Speaker 9 (17:35):
Oh, well it's my own party, the Surprise Party.
Speaker 4 (17:38):
Uh. What an adorable name, do you?
Speaker 9 (17:40):
Oh, I'm still glad you liked it.
Speaker 4 (17:42):
Well, you can count on our votes, Grasy. I always
said there should be a woman in the fightout.
Speaker 5 (17:47):
Ah about missus Roosevelt.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
She's never in the fight house. Molly.
Speaker 9 (17:57):
Do you play bridge?
Speaker 5 (17:58):
No?
Speaker 4 (17:58):
I don't.
Speaker 9 (17:59):
Oh that's too bad. I'm forming my cabinet and I
need seven more bridge players.
Speaker 5 (18:06):
How big a cabinet You gonna.
Speaker 9 (18:07):
Have just two tables?
Speaker 5 (18:10):
You need a good pool player.
Speaker 9 (18:12):
Well, no, I'm having the pool table taken out. The
eighth ball gets in front of too many people.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
By the way, Gracie, when do you expect to move
into the White House?
Speaker 9 (18:23):
January first?
Speaker 5 (18:24):
January first. You ain't gonna be inaugurated on New Year's Eve?
Speaker 4 (18:27):
Are you well?
Speaker 9 (18:28):
I may not be inaugurated, but I'll be feeling pretty good. Well,
I guess I'll be running along now.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
I'm glad you dropped in, Gracy. Do you think you
can handle your campaign? All right?
Speaker 9 (18:42):
Oh? Yes, I can handle my campaign. No, the bubbles
always tickle my nose a little bit. Well, thank you both,
and don't forget my slogan, Grace's the lighthouse with Gracy tonight.
Speaker 5 (19:01):
The Kingsman sing Caposalem Kambozelum Kuzem was the daughter of
the bar uh.
Speaker 6 (19:13):
Z zoom zoom zoom Zu.
Speaker 11 (19:15):
In ancient days there lived a Turk cohorrent beast within
the east who did the prophet's holy work as Baba
of Jerusalem.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
He had a daughter, Sweden sparcle mad bear with flaming
hand and all the barber.
Speaker 11 (19:27):
Like a Turk except her name, Cabozlum walk.
Speaker 5 (19:30):
Capuz Alum all Capus.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
The Kaboos, a daughter of the bar.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Zoom zuzzon zoom Zone.
Speaker 11 (19:43):
A boy resided near to see. His name was Sam,
a perfect lamb. He was of ancient pedigree and capable
Mathusa Lamb.
Speaker 10 (19:50):
He drove the trade in prospered well and Gunny Saxon
Johnson's waxen ringing at the barber's bell.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
He met, he loved, he would kwan Kauzl the daughter
of the bab Jerusalem, all Rusalem fall Kabouslem.
Speaker 11 (20:06):
The loves were discovered.
Speaker 12 (20:07):
By the barber.
Speaker 8 (20:09):
The barber the.
Speaker 5 (20:11):
Bar soon so soon, zom so so so.
Speaker 11 (20:17):
The Baba went beside himself or got his prayers, and
rushed comstairs and took a postman from his shelf and.
Speaker 13 (20:22):
Came back to bamboos all the youth that made them.
Then he took and choked them both and nothing altogether,
and pitched them in the bruk.
Speaker 5 (20:30):
Of Kidron, near Jerusalem.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
All us life, all Uzel and kaboos al in honor
of the barber Baba. The barber soon so so so
so soon.
Speaker 13 (20:47):
And saw the ancient legend poles when they had gone
from bad along.
Speaker 12 (20:55):
The Eastern More.
Speaker 13 (20:57):
Life throws its shadows, rang so love.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
The way lot I can't puss.
Speaker 13 (21:09):
On air falls on the ruined the walls. Of course,
the salmon three old hats is seen to kids. Kabooslumkaboos,
paull camooslum paul.
Speaker 11 (21:23):
Caps and capos Alom, the daughter of the barber.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
All caboosnow caps and capos Alom the dollar out the
barber soon.
Speaker 11 (21:34):
Zoon zoon zoon zo.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
Tell me, I've about exhausted my impatience with you boy
back and all this useless jump back in that closet.
How about these old books?
Speaker 5 (22:00):
See him? Oh then, well that's my correspondence course in taxidermy.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
Taxidermy, Why on earth did you want to study taxis?
Speaker 3 (22:09):
Well?
Speaker 5 (22:09):
How did I know? It meant stuffing birds and animals?
And there I was stuck with the chauffeur's license, a
city map, and a pair of puttees.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
Well, hurry up and put your playthings back in the class. Okay,
it looks terrible laying round here on the floor with it.
Speaker 12 (22:25):
I'll get it.
Speaker 5 (22:27):
Hello, No, this is the McGhee residence. You got the
wrong number? Oh is that you? Mert?
Speaker 4 (22:34):
He gad every week the same thing, Annis.
Speaker 5 (22:40):
How's every little thing? Mert? What's eh? Your uncle Gulliver?
Oh that's too bad. And they ain't found the body yet.
Speaker 4 (22:49):
Oh heavens mcgie. What happened?
Speaker 5 (22:50):
MERT's uncle drove his car off the cliff and had
to walk home. They found the chassis up in the tree,
but they don't know where the body is. What same, Hurt?
Oh that's okay, Murt. Everybody has a wrong number now
and then except Durving Berlin. Well, now let's see it.
Speaker 4 (23:09):
McGhee. Why are you saving this long stick of bamboo?
Speaker 5 (23:13):
Why, Molly? That's Scott's got a very definite purpose. If
I was offered a job as sparring partner for Joe Lewis,
that's the ten foot pole, I wouldn't touch it with see,
I gotta right.
Speaker 4 (23:29):
Oh, for goodness sakes, come in. Oh, how do you do?
Missus Uppington's so nice to see you. Do you do,
missus McGhee, And mister McGee, Hi, good hivens? What at home?
Speaker 14 (23:40):
Maggott looks as if there'd been an explosion in.
Speaker 4 (23:43):
Here and now just some things that fell out of
the closet. Missus Uppington McGee had everything in there but
the kitchen sing Ooh, really everything but the kitchen. Single
may is not amusing.
Speaker 14 (23:55):
But what I came in for, missus McGee, was to
tell you about the symphony concert I've been planning with.
Speaker 4 (24:00):
No yes, the symphony concert. Well, it's about time something
was happening about that, missus Uppington.
Speaker 5 (24:05):
I've been waiting so long for that concert, Uppy. I'm
even getting suspicious of Billy Mills. I'm afraid he's a
non conductor.
Speaker 4 (24:15):
Well we must be patient, you know. There's been so
many difficulties.
Speaker 14 (24:19):
For one thing, we're having trouble with the facilities at
the Eagles Hall.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
What's wrong, missus Uppington. Oh it's the eagles, my dear.
Speaker 14 (24:28):
Yes, they're all roosting up in the rafters and during
rehearsals they drop eggs on the orchestra.
Speaker 5 (24:37):
You ought to call them down and give them seats
in the first row. Uppy. Them birds are critics, Yes, indeed.
Speaker 4 (24:44):
They're certainly a whole. Not please, miss mcguie. It's discouraging enough.
Speaker 10 (24:48):
As it is.
Speaker 5 (24:49):
I heard they had a kind of an accident during
rehearsal the other night.
Speaker 4 (24:52):
Oh yes, and it was so embarrassing.
Speaker 14 (24:54):
So yes, the musician playing the electric guitar reached for
a high note and blue egg refuse in the building.
Oh bye, But those dear dear boys been tried. I'm
playing just as if nothing had happened.
Speaker 4 (25:07):
Really, missus Uppington, But how could they read their music
in the dark.
Speaker 14 (25:11):
Woo, my dear, that's exactly what I asked doctor Mills,
and he said in his most delightful man, don't worry
about it, babe. Those mugs can't even read music with
the lights on. Oh really, I thought that was just
too gay?
Speaker 4 (25:30):
Am I being a silly girl?
Speaker 5 (25:32):
Why I must be going good Bob goodbye again?
Speaker 4 (25:44):
Isn't she ridiculous? McGee? All the time she's back in
that symphony orchestra, she's dreaming about Billy Mill.
Speaker 5 (25:50):
Well, that's always been a pretty romantic spot down by
the old Mills dream. Don't you get it, Molly, I said,
Donne funny. Macgee was spontaneous? Where was I?
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (26:04):
Yeah, do you really think you can get all this
stuff back in that closet?
Speaker 5 (26:08):
Why? Sure I can. And I don't want anybody touching
these things either, but me, they're too valuable. Oh I'd
have had it done an hour ago if I hadn't
been interfered with. All right, you do it, then I've
got some work to do.
Speaker 4 (26:18):
In the kitchen.
Speaker 5 (26:19):
All right, I'll get it dead, ratit. I wish somebody'd
crawl in through the window, just for the novely of it.
Come in.
Speaker 6 (26:28):
All.
Speaker 8 (26:30):
Yeah, I just thought i'd come by and tell you that. Well,
my goodness, what's all this?
Speaker 5 (26:34):
Oh, just something out of my closet. I'm straightening it out. Hey,
gild or Sleeve, put that hatchet down.
Speaker 8 (26:39):
I'll do no such thing. That's my boy scout hatchet.
You barred last summer, that gratit.
Speaker 5 (26:46):
It ain't nothing of the kind. That's my boy scout hatchet.
Look at the insignia on the handle there. I'll patrol.
Speaker 8 (26:53):
Well.
Speaker 12 (26:54):
I belonged to the owl patrol myself. Oh yeah, you
and the owl patrol. Oh why you don't even know
the password of the owl patrol. Who Oh, somebody must
have told you. Listen here, Gildersleeve. I'll bet you don't
(27:16):
know a thing about scout.
Speaker 8 (27:17):
I do too. I was an eagle scout with twenty
six merit badges.
Speaker 5 (27:21):
Go on, Can you tie a sheepshank? Can you imitate
the mating cry of the chimney swallow? Can you tell
which way is north when you're lost in the wood?
Speaker 8 (27:28):
Certainly? Ah, I face south and then turn around quick.
Speaker 5 (27:35):
Gildersleeve, If you're really a scout, you can do your
daily good turn by scramming out of here and letting
me finish putting this stuff back in the closet.
Speaker 8 (27:42):
Well, all right, McGee, you're sure that is my hatchet on.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
My word of honor as a member of the All
Patrol Gildersleeve.
Speaker 8 (27:49):
Well, all right, McGee, I'll see you later. Okay, say
uh give me the password again, will you?
Speaker 5 (27:56):
Hoo hoo? Oh boy Scott, that guy couldn't build a
fire and a haymb by rubbing two sticks of dynamite together.
Oh well, I gotta get the rest of it. It's
(28:19):
like about all of it. Yep, it's all packed back
in the boy what job? Hey, Molly, Molly? What look?
I got all that stuff back in the closet, all straightened.
Speaker 4 (28:29):
Out, splendid me splendid.
Speaker 5 (28:32):
And after this one you want something out of there,
let me get it for you.
Speaker 4 (28:34):
All right. But now that you got the dictionary out
of there, why don't you leave it out? We may
need it again. Oh what's the matter?
Speaker 5 (28:43):
I forgot to leave it out. I packed the dictionary
back in there.
Speaker 4 (28:46):
Oh heavenly days.
Speaker 5 (28:48):
Hey, now you stay away from there. I know exactly
where I put it. I can hit it out without Molly, Yes,
(29:11):
I found the dictionary. How do you spell anahiliated?
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Weber and Molly will be back in just a moment.
In the meantime, I'd like to read you a brief
letter received recently from a gentleman in New York State.
For the past fifteen years, he writes, I have installed
many linoleum floors as I am a linoleum layer. Most
every time, upon completion of an installation, I am asked
this question, how can I preserve or improve the finish?
Speaker 5 (29:44):
Well?
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Since glowcoat has been on the market, I have used
it with perfect satisfaction, so I always answer, use Johnson's
glow cooat and no other well. Now, coming from a
man who knows his linoleum, that is a pretty sound recommendation.
Glow coat does present, nerve and improve linoleum, whether it's
new or old. It makes linoleum last longer, makes it
(30:05):
easy to keep clean, brings out the colors. And remember
there's no rubbing or buffing with glow coat because it's
self polishing. You simply apply and let dry. In twenty
minutes your floor is sparkling with new beauty. Try Johnson's
self polishing glow Coat on your floors. Order a can tomorrow.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
Now look wiggy, that junk of yours is positively not
going back into that class.
Speaker 8 (30:38):
No, yes it is.
Speaker 4 (30:39):
Oh no, it isn't.
Speaker 5 (30:40):
Ooy hey a wrong routine.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
Well all right then, but if it does go back
in there, I'll arrange it myself. Now, you keep your
hands off at this time.
Speaker 5 (30:50):
You're gonna do it all by yourself. I am fine.
As the fat lady says when she took off her corset,
that lets me out, nagee.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
This is Harlow Wilcox speaking for the makers of Johnson's
Wax and Johnson's Self Polishing glow Tote, inviting you to
be with us again next Tuesday night.
Speaker 8 (31:18):
Good night.
Speaker 5 (31:19):
This is a nation little broadusin
Speaker 11 (31:21):
Company Hudson River Radio dot com
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