September 7, 2025 • 27 mins
This episode was during their highest rated season. It aired on January 6, 1948.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hudson River Radio dot Com. The Johnson Wax Program with
Fiver McGee and Mollie, the makers of Johnson's Wax products
for home and industry Present Fiver McGee and Molly with
Bill Thompson, Gail Gordon, Nitha Q. Bryant, Jess Kirkpatrick and
(00:24):
me Harlow Wilcox. The script is by Don Quinn and
Phil Leslie. Music by The Kingsmen and Billy Mills Orchestra Ladies.
Here's the best way to keep your floors beautiful. Don't
(00:44):
walk on them now. That doesn't mean to move into
the garage. Simply polish your floors with genuine Johnson's paste wax,
and instead of walking on your floors, you'll be walking
on a shining, blowing film of wax. Between your heart
hard shoes and the floors, there'll be a gleaming coat
of tough wax. Your floors will be more beautiful, they'll
(01:06):
last longer, they'll be so easy to keep clean. Your furniture, too,
will take on a new warm beauty if you polish
it with genuine Johnson's paste wax. Tables, chairs, lamps, things
made of leather, they'll all glow with a warm, luster,
so beautiful you want to touch them every time you
walk buy. Believe me, there's no better way to make
(01:29):
your floors and furniture more lovely and protect them than
to polish them with Johnson's paste wax. There's no better way,
because there's no finer wax than genuine Johnson's wax. To
bring out the beauty of the home.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Look on the right china, the right sight, bring out
the beauty of all.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Just to invent a statistic, there are two million, seven
hundred and four thousand, six hundred and thirteen men and
boys in the United States who do parlor magic, and
the number is increasing by the hour. Do you want
to hear it? Increase by one? Then step into the
wistful Vista Magic Shop and join Fibber, McGhee and Malley.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Alright, Chet, remember me, I'm Primy McGee. Yeah, this is
my wife, Molly.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
How do you do?
Speaker 2 (02:33):
I'm sure I was in here last October Chet and
bought a center rubber rabbits chet for a dollar.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Oh yeah, the multiplying rabbit.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Well, what other kind is it?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Now?
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Here's the thing?
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Jet.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
The Elks Club is holding a smoker.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
See they are Well what do you do burn one
of the chairs?
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Oh no, he means they're putting on an entertainment, mister Morris.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah, next week local town darling, and I want to
surprise him. I want to work up some tricks, a
few card tricks, a couple of delusions, and wind up
with something terrific. See like maybe being handcuffed and roped
and sealed into a trunk full of battery acid and
flowered into the river or something like that.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Oh, well, do you know any road tricks?
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Does he?
Speaker 3 (03:15):
Why he can make a five cents to guard last
practically all day.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Well, I'll work up a routine.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
You can handle a few card tricks and vanishing, a
lot of cigarettes and tricks with silk scarves and one
good rope eskate trick, great.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Great vet.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
You're my you're my man, set.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
All right, And if you'll just wait here a few minutes,
I'll get some stuff together and goward with you.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Okay, excuse me, serd me, mister more.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I think you're going to have a lot of fun
with this. McGee. Yeah, I do too. I'm such a
show off anyway, boy, I can just see them else
basics when they see me. Well, for goodness stakes McGee.
Look who just came in? Hello, doctor Gamble, Hello my dear,
hi doc, And what are you doing in the magic shop?
Bothumb If you're trying to find out how to make
(04:03):
yourself disappear, please do so and have them send me
the bill. Look, you stuff the old stand in for
a tired stork, just because I have the energy and
initiative to learn something new to entertain with at the
Oaks Club smoker next week, whereas you'll probably get up
there and make an annual fool of yourself pulling the
(04:25):
wings off a poor butterfly with your wheezy old concertina
that you got for three bucks in a hawk shop
in nineteen all eleven. Don't think, I won't think. I mean,
what if?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Why don't you?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
What was I starting out to say? Well, no one
will ever know, sweetheart, and let's keep it that way.
May I ask what you're doing in here?
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Doctor?
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Are you a magician? Is he a magician? You ever
see his wizard thermometer? He sticks it under your tongue
and pulls three hundred bucks out of your pocket.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Look, wobble jaw.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
An even tempered man, and I dislike to.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Brawl in public.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
But a few more of your snide comments, and I
shall be forced to throw a few knuckles into your
unpaid fourteeth. Who's gonna throw whose knuckles into?
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Who's what?
Speaker 4 (05:16):
Why?
Speaker 2 (05:17):
You creaky old husband that never was?
Speaker 4 (05:20):
You?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Make one move forward me and I'll stop your mushy
old frame right into the woodwork.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Oh yes, don't forget.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I've seen your muscles such as they are, and I
happen to know you couldn't go two rounds with Margaret O'Brien.
You are softer than the obligato to mother McCree. And
you couldn't punch your way out of a snowbank.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Oh no, well, for.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Your information, I got out of a snow now.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Boys voice boys, My goodness.
Speaker 4 (05:51):
After all, mister McGee, I have a few tricks that
I think will do all the instructions and some books held.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Doctor chat or do you know Doc Gambleschet. That's great.
Doc's one of my best and oldest friends. How about it, docy,
old pal, Yes, ours is a very strong friendship. Chat
on a warm day, you can smell it for fifty miles.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
They chat. Did you get me a bird deck? Yeah?
Right here, doctor, I'll put it on the account.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Thanks very much, good day, my dear so long McGee,
dear old boy, so long, lovely old man. Ah, good,
old Doc. I'd cut my right arm off for him,
and he knows it. Yeah, only he'd want to do
(06:38):
it himself and charge me one hundred and fifty.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Bucks for it.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Well, thanks, Chet, this is wonderful. Come on, Molly, good
buy mister Mary golong jet Ah, old boy, this is
just what I wanted, Molly. You know, this might start.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Me on a whole new career.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
It might, is that.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Yeah, as the farmer said when he bought the plow,
this will open up an entirely new field for me.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
I myself, mysterious McGee, the mental marble master of missions,
of magnificent mysteries and making monkeys the many minor manipulators
from Michigan, New Mexico. As you mean it all, its
here comes mister Wimple. Oh hello there, mister Wimple. Oh
I whim hello.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Folks, taking a little stroll, mister Wimple.
Speaker 5 (07:22):
Yes, in a way, missus McGee's now, But mostly I'm
sort of a refugee.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Mm mm, sweetie face. That's my big old wife, you know.
Speaker 5 (07:31):
Yes, we know she's giving a bridge party for a
lot of matrons.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
What do you mean matrons older women?
Speaker 5 (07:38):
No, I mean matrons from the county jail. Sweety Face
used to be a guard in the women's section down there,
you know, oh.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Instance at nine.
Speaker 5 (07:47):
Yes, but when she wanted me to put on an
apron and serve the tea, I just stamped my foot
and refused.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Good boy, whim that's the old spirit.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
What was her reaction to that?
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Ha?
Speaker 5 (08:00):
Well it was rady surprising, mister McGee. She got down
on her knees and pleaded with me.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
But you just stood there with courage and determination.
Speaker 6 (08:12):
Mm.
Speaker 5 (08:12):
No, you see, she was kneeling on my neck.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
When I predicted, one of these days you gotta have
a showdown of that woman. Show her who wears the
p I mean, but I don't know whose boss around there.
Speaker 5 (08:33):
She already knows that, mister McGee.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
She is.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
You mean you never really put up a strong protest,
mister Wimple.
Speaker 5 (08:41):
Well yes I.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Did once I really told it, Rod you did.
Speaker 5 (08:47):
I stared right at her and said, look here's sweety face.
I said.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
I didn't even raise my voice.
Speaker 5 (08:54):
Mm look here, you old fright wig, I said, Now,
on na, I'm running his house from now on.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
You do what I say.
Speaker 5 (09:03):
You lay a hand on me once more, I said,
And I owe, I will pulverize you.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
And what did she say. She didn't say a word.
Speaker 5 (09:15):
You know that she twitched a little, And I was
so afraid she'd wake up that I ran into the bathroom,
locked the door, and shinnied out the window. Well, i'd
better be going now, folks.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Goodbye. Hand me that other book there one in my life,
nor no, the other one clever conjuring with coins and cards.
That's the wan, I thank you. Now let me see.
Oh hey, here's a wonderful trick with a banana. You
let the audience examine it, then ask somebody to peel
(09:53):
it over an open dish. They peel it, and the
banana is already slight. Heavenly dad, Then it's clever. How
do you do fat with a needle? You puncture the skin,
work the needle in an arcsy, thus slicing the banana
without apparently busting the skin. You see, And there's some
clever pattern that goes with that pick too.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Well, I can just imagine.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Yeah, it's all given right here in the book as
I pick up the banana, I say, kind of casual.
I say, a friend of mine named Abe and his
sister Anna were walking down the street the other day
and somebody said, here comes a banana. Don't you get
a kiddle, Abe Banna? It's a pun. If you say
(10:33):
Abe and Anna fast, it sounds like a banana. See personally,
I think it's kind of Corney macg Okay, I've spoiled you, snooky.
You've heard me pull so many good jokes around here.
A gag has gotta be dynamite to make you smile.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
But the guys at the Oaks.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Pub from whom I'm gonna do this trick again.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Oh it's the weather man McGee. Mister Williams, come in,
mister Williams.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Hello, missus McGhee, Hello McGhee.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
I oh am I interrupting a game of gin Rummy
or something.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Oh, oh, you mean the decade card. No, I'm just
practicing a few card takes.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Foggy.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Ever, do any slideer hand yourself, like pulling stuff out
of a happ and stuff.
Speaker 4 (11:10):
Where do you think we get our weather forecast?
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Tell mister Williams a card take theory, show him the
one where you let him pick a card out of
the deck.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Is show him that one? Okay, here, Foggy, take a card,
any card. I don't care which one, Just any card.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Go ahead, take a car. Oh, I I'm sorry, I can't.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Why not, mister Williams.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
I promised my mother I wouldn't touch tobacco or playing
cards until I was twenty one.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
You mean you're not twenty one yet.
Speaker 4 (11:44):
Well, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Huh.
Speaker 4 (11:46):
The courthouse in my hometown burned down with all the
birth records. Oh, for all I know, I may not
have been born yet.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
I feel.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
It worries me sometimes too, because when I am born,
I I might be a chetling pony.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
I had really be a horse on you, Foggy.
Speaker 4 (12:11):
Yes, well, if you'll excuse me, I must get home
and call our county observation station.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Checking up on something, mister.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
William Yes, yes, I had a very lengthy argument with
our man out there yesterday, missus McGee. My observations indicated
a violent tornado headed that way, but he insisted it
was impossible.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Very stubborn fellow.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
MM did you finally convince him you were right?
Speaker 1 (12:37):
I'm afraid not.
Speaker 4 (12:39):
He was seen passing over Western Arkansas this morning, still
shaking his head. Well, good day, probably.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
A long father. Well, I wish I'd had my rope
trick work up so I could have showed him that.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
That's allusion. You see.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I get some member of the audience to come up
on the state see and trust me up like a
baile hat. Then they put a screen in front of me.
The orchestra plays the billboard march and in about ten seconds,
how'd I come absolutely free and show them the ropes
with the notts still tied? Well, how do you do that?
Speaker 1 (13:15):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
I haven't read the instructions yet. I got the rope
right here.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
See, this is the rope trick.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
That's gonna be the Hello, mister real coy, Hi junior,
just in time for a bit of mystification. Have a chair,
okay now, Then in my left hand, I have a.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Silver half dollar right right, right right.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
I swing my arm upwards and al kasanamazoo. The coin
has disappeared. No word, went Junior.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Sure it's on the floor right behind you.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
I must have held it wrong. There's a little hook
on it that's supposed to catch in the back of
my pant legs and hang there. I thought I told it,
but I get Oh, well that's childish stuff. Anyway, I'm
gonna specialize on the escape tricks.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
He's working a magic act.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
For the elk smoker. Mister Wilcott, Yeah, you interested in
ledger derman junr ledger germ. That means magic?
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Yes, yes, I know, and yes I am in a
way I sell it.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
You sell magic? What do you mean, mister Wicker? Oh, Molly,
won't you ever learn not to ask questions like that?
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Well, I mean selling Johnson's self polishing glow code is
selling magic, Molly. See the way glow code brings out
the beauty and color of attire linoleum and eliminates old
fashioned rubbing. Buffing and scrubbing is nothing else than sheer magic.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Yeah, but slighter handles a slightly.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Even the housewife who is sleight of hand and slender
of figure can apply Johnson's blow coat because it's so easy.
You just pull a little out, spread it around with
a long handled apply.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
I think means it certain tricks for more eas.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
As I'm saying, there are certain tricks that smart housewives
learn that save them ours and hours of time and
trouble and glow Cote is one of them makes linoleum
sparkle with a protective gloss with such a minimum of time.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
And I look the waxy yes, proud. Is it possible
to hold a conversation with you without you ringing in
a commercial?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Well, now let me think. No, I guess not.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Well how'd you ever talk to your wife long enough
to ask her to marry you?
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Oh? I just said, honey, I said, stick out the
third finger of your left hand and close your eyes.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
And she did, and you slipped a cheap diamond ring
on it and that was it.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Eh? No, No, I tied a little string around it.
That was to remind her to get some more glow coats.
She was all out well, her eyes filled with tears
on account of how I was so thought ah. And
then I said, look, baby, I said, why don't you
marry me and let me take care of the glow coat?
Speaker 7 (15:42):
What she said?
Speaker 1 (15:43):
She said, okay, go home, me too. Okay, So one.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
I am in that rope with you, kittle thinks now
let me see the book? Uh? Thanks? Hey, when I
do this act at the Elks Club next week, you
you'll be my assistant, won't you? Hand me hand me
stuff and stuff. Hand me stuff and stuff. If you
want me to, deary, why, certainly I want you right
up there beside me to see. You're cute and pretty.
(16:16):
You'll give the act class.
Speaker 6 (16:17):
Oh h ain't you sweet?
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Well, I'll be glad to help, deary. Good Now, let
me see. Now I woulda saw a woman in half,
take a large saw and a small woman.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Oh no, none, Armiga, your assistant just resign. Huh oh yeah,
but mom, you go ahead and practice your magic. Deary,
y'all go upstairs and start the lawndry sawing a woman in.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Hat for goodness to say, Oh okay, baby, ah, there
goes a good kid. It's a wise woman that knows
when to give her husband a not robe. My doubt
if this is one of the times, cause if I
don't get things all followed up at that elk smumper,
I'll come in hin Oh hello, there.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Come in.
Speaker 6 (17:03):
Okay, what you're doing, mischief? What you're doing? Watch you?
Speaker 2 (17:07):
I'm doing some magic.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Sis.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Don't touch any of my equipment there now, I'm working up.
Speaker 6 (17:11):
A nect You like magic, Oh boy, I love magic.
My uncle is a magician too, I bet you.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
He is, eh yeah, h h, I says he is.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
He's fine a magician.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
Ooh, your uncle? Which one?
Speaker 6 (17:22):
I got lots of uncle?
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Alta WINEO oh, I just told you told me what that?
Speaker 6 (17:29):
I got lots of uncle who has I have?
Speaker 1 (17:32):
I know it?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
And one of 'em is a magician.
Speaker 6 (17:36):
Sure that's my uncle Elmer. He's a farmer.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Now wait a minute. He's a magician and a farmer.
What can he do?
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Can he wave his hands over a white handkerchief and
turned into a rabbit?
Speaker 6 (17:49):
No, no, what he can wave his ticket three cows
and turn him into a pasture. Hey, do something, mister
gwan do come in?
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Go on?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Well, now, let me see. I got a great watch trick.
But I can't show you that one because I have
to have somebody from the audience hand me a wristwatch,
and you wouldn't.
Speaker 6 (18:08):
Well, here, mister, here's the witch watch. You take this one?
Speaker 4 (18:11):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Soll say that's pretty. You must have had a good Christmas.
Speaker 6 (18:15):
I had on both pass and I get all kinds
of nice press.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Yeah, okay, okay, okay, Now wa where do I get
the book open to the watchtick? Let me see, I'm
merely take my pocket handkerchief, thus and wrap the watch
in the us.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
See now I take this hammer. Mm hm, I see,
it says, take the hammer and pound the watch out
flat there.
Speaker 6 (18:37):
Now, Oh boy, what happens now?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Mister just a minute now, let me finish reading. It says,
before using the hammer, be sure you have safely palmed
the watch and slipped the dummy watch into the handker.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
Gosh, a dummy watch? He missed it?
Speaker 6 (18:58):
Did you do something wrong?
Speaker 2 (19:00):
Oh, Teenie, this is awful. I don't know what to say.
The watch is ruined. It's a mess. W was it
a very expensive watch system? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Huh.
Speaker 6 (19:07):
I just picked it up off the table for you
when you asked me to handle a Wie. It isn't
my watch, mischief watch, my wristwatch.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Why gee, this is worse than I thought.
Speaker 6 (19:19):
Oh yeah, I wonderful magician, messic. You can just wave
a hammer and make a monkey of yourself.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
I got all my tricks worked out, knoxcept the rope
es gate, Molly, I'm working on that. Hey here, help
me tie this clothes line around me.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Well, my goodness, with all that clothesline tangled around your neck,
you look like an amateur cowboy trying to rope a call.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Against the wind? Are you better?
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Because wait a minute, come in.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Oh hi, old time right now, mister old timer kidser.
Speaker 7 (19:59):
Hey, what you doing with a rope around your neck? Johnny? Oh?
I was just getting rid of Oh, don't do it, Johnny.
Things can't be that bad boy.
Speaker 6 (20:07):
Why he's just going to see.
Speaker 7 (20:09):
He reconsider Johnny, don't be hasty. What if you are
a dismal failure in life? But if you have made
a mess of your life? What if everything you touch
does turn them up? What if everybody does say you're
just the same and the crank case of life?
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Now, way, I'm not too.
Speaker 7 (20:26):
Late, Johnny. You're just a kid, just a big kid.
Probably when I was your age, Johnny, I was a
failure too, Not as bad as you are, but a failure.
And now look at me.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
No, they ain't.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Gonna sell him, is it?
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Older? If I'm gonna turn out like you, all.
Speaker 7 (20:46):
The world ain't a bad son.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
It just looks bad.
Speaker 7 (20:50):
Of course. Europe is in a mess. Food prices are
getting higher every day. I got no money, but money
eat everything, Johnny. Think of anything at aint though, But
we always got our friends. Can't think of any off hand,
but we must have some well, as long as we
(21:10):
got a home of our own. Week, come to think
of it, who's got a home? Got throwed out of
my room this afternoon?
Speaker 4 (21:20):
Hey, Johnny, Yeah, I'll.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
Tie me a loop on the other end of that
rope with you.
Speaker 7 (21:31):
SYS fourteen and a half.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Things are worse than I thought.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Oh no, miss Joe Timer, you're all mixed up.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Sure, I'm just getting ready to do some rope escape.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Fix your old timer.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
As soon as I can get somebody to tie me
up good, I'll bounce off these ropes like Jersey Joe Walcott.
Speaker 7 (21:53):
That's pretty good, Johnny, But that ain't the way I
hear it way I heard it one for ourselves.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Tell her for their say.
Speaker 7 (22:00):
Hey, he said, I see where a man's the government.
Fellers are in trouble for speculating in wheat.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
That to color Feller.
Speaker 7 (22:09):
I suppose the radio comedians will hop on that pretty quick.
They're scared to said the first fella. They all been
speculating in corn.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Well, I better get busy in practice escaping from this stroke. Hey,
where are you going, Molly? Aren't you gonna stay in time?
Speaker 3 (22:35):
I'll have to do it when I get back here.
I almost forgot I have to run down the grocery store.
You have a molly back in the half hourt.
Speaker 4 (22:41):
So do you?
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Yeah, but this is a fine state of how do
you do? Nobody to tie me up?
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Shucks?
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Well, maybe if I go out on the porch, some
neighbor will give me a hand. Oh, there comes Foggy Williams.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
I'll bet you.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Oh no, I ain't foggy. Oh he looks like a
good guy.
Speaker 4 (22:59):
Though.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Hey, but you got a minute to spare.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
I've been rather a hurry, mister. But what's on your mind?
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Look, but I wonder if you'd mind doing me a favor.
This may sound a little chilly of you, but come
on and hat, I'll go ahead.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
What's on your mind?
Speaker 2 (23:12):
Well, I'm practicing a little magic. You're see some rope
escape tricks like Whodinian those guys used to do? See Eh,
So I wonder if you'd mind tying me up with
his clothesline. My wife is out and I want to
practice keep loose before she gets back.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
You want me to tie you up?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Yeah? Just wrap this rope around me. Good, tie my
feet and ankles and well, this is a new one,
but give.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Me the rope.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
I'll take a loop around your wrist like this and
run it around. Lay me down here on the dead body. Yeah,
now across your chest and a half hitch around both ears,
and I'll loop it around your ankles. It's not too
tight now, but you're strangling my ankles. Oh, I'm sorry.
I'll loosen it a little and around your knees a
(23:55):
few times and there that tight. Now, swell, bud, you've
got some dandy nuts in there. I took a course
in not tying some of those knots. I invented myself. Yeah,
this may take quite a while. And get lucy, it's
not still't seemed to slip.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
They won't slip. I appreciate all this cooperation.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
This is my business, you know, your business tying people up.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
No robbery. I'm a burglar by trade.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
Well raise up a little. You're lying on your wallet.
Speaker 7 (24:34):
Hey, put that back.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
You give me the give me the.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Phone, call the cops, call my wife.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
I'll just relax pop. Just won't hurt a bit.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
Now, where do you keep your silver in the sideboard?
The silver? Why no, the silver's right through that door, Bud.
That door there, Oh, I think, uh, this one that's gone,
just yank it off it, budon, give me he thinks
(25:22):
he puts some knots on me? Does he if I
can get hold of that book of instructions before he
comes to off on the cup?
Speaker 1 (25:29):
And the other day a little boy came up to
me on the street and said shine, mister. Oh. That
started me thinking, I wonder what would happen if a
little boy came up to your door and said, shine, lady,
your floors. I mean, now, a bright young fellow with
(25:50):
the arms, with the can of Johnson Self Polishing glocot
with it, he could leave your kitchen, linoleum and another
floor shining and gleaming in just two shakes. You probably
wouldn't hire him, though four With Johnson's glow coat you
can do the job and two shakes yourself. It certainly
is easy. You merely apply and let dry. There's no
rubbing or buffing. Johnson's self polishing blow coat shines as
(26:11):
it dries. It gives your floors linoleum a new look,
a rich, lustrous new beauty. They're so easy to keep
clean too. A wife with a damp cloth and dust,
dirt and stilled things vanished. Better not wait for a
smart little boy, though, get some glow coats. In a
few minutes and with very little effort, Johnson's self polishing
blow coat will protect and bring out the beauty of
(26:33):
your floors.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Look on the right side, shine off the right.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Side, bring out the beauty of the.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
And when the cops did get here, Molly, it took
him ten minutes to find the guy under that pile
of stuff. I can imagine you should have seen him
trying to identify him with that moose head down over
his shoulders.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
They probably thought he was an else.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah, just look at that pileot jump boy. That closet
is dynamite.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
Yes, and someday I'm going to dynamite that closet.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Good Night, good night all.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
This is Hollow Wilcox speaking for the makers of Johnson's
white product for home and industry, inviting me to be
with us a guy next to the night. Good night.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company's
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Radio dot com
Hudson River Radio dot Com. The Johnson Wax Program with
Fiver McGee and Mollie, the makers of Johnson's Wax products
for home and industry Present Fiver McGee and Molly with
Bill Thompson, Gail Gordon, Nitha Q. Bryant, Jess Kirkpatrick and
(00:24):
me Harlow Wilcox. The script is by Don Quinn and
Phil Leslie. Music by The Kingsmen and Billy Mills Orchestra Ladies.
Here's the best way to keep your floors beautiful. Don't
(00:44):
walk on them now. That doesn't mean to move into
the garage. Simply polish your floors with genuine Johnson's paste wax,
and instead of walking on your floors, you'll be walking
on a shining, blowing film of wax. Between your heart
hard shoes and the floors, there'll be a gleaming coat
of tough wax. Your floors will be more beautiful, they'll
(01:06):
last longer, they'll be so easy to keep clean. Your furniture, too,
will take on a new warm beauty if you polish
it with genuine Johnson's paste wax. Tables, chairs, lamps, things
made of leather, they'll all glow with a warm, luster,
so beautiful you want to touch them every time you
walk buy. Believe me, there's no better way to make
(01:29):
your floors and furniture more lovely and protect them than
to polish them with Johnson's paste wax. There's no better way,
because there's no finer wax than genuine Johnson's wax. To
bring out the beauty of the home.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Look on the right china, the right sight, bring out
the beauty of all.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Just to invent a statistic, there are two million, seven
hundred and four thousand, six hundred and thirteen men and
boys in the United States who do parlor magic, and
the number is increasing by the hour. Do you want
to hear it? Increase by one? Then step into the
wistful Vista Magic Shop and join Fibber, McGhee and Malley.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Alright, Chet, remember me, I'm Primy McGee. Yeah, this is
my wife, Molly.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
How do you do?
Speaker 2 (02:33):
I'm sure I was in here last October Chet and
bought a center rubber rabbits chet for a dollar.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Oh yeah, the multiplying rabbit.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Well, what other kind is it?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Now?
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Here's the thing?
Speaker 1 (02:47):
Jet.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
The Elks Club is holding a smoker.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
See they are Well what do you do burn one
of the chairs?
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Oh no, he means they're putting on an entertainment, mister Morris.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah, next week local town darling, and I want to
surprise him. I want to work up some tricks, a
few card tricks, a couple of delusions, and wind up
with something terrific. See like maybe being handcuffed and roped
and sealed into a trunk full of battery acid and
flowered into the river or something like that.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
Oh, well, do you know any road tricks?
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Does he?
Speaker 3 (03:15):
Why he can make a five cents to guard last
practically all day.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Well, I'll work up a routine.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
You can handle a few card tricks and vanishing, a
lot of cigarettes and tricks with silk scarves and one
good rope eskate trick, great.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Great vet.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
You're my you're my man, set.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
All right, And if you'll just wait here a few minutes,
I'll get some stuff together and goward with you.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Okay, excuse me, serd me, mister more.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
I think you're going to have a lot of fun
with this. McGee. Yeah, I do too. I'm such a
show off anyway, boy, I can just see them else
basics when they see me. Well, for goodness stakes McGee.
Look who just came in? Hello, doctor Gamble, Hello my dear,
hi doc, And what are you doing in the magic shop?
Bothumb If you're trying to find out how to make
(04:03):
yourself disappear, please do so and have them send me
the bill. Look, you stuff the old stand in for
a tired stork, just because I have the energy and
initiative to learn something new to entertain with at the
Oaks Club smoker next week, whereas you'll probably get up
there and make an annual fool of yourself pulling the
(04:25):
wings off a poor butterfly with your wheezy old concertina
that you got for three bucks in a hawk shop
in nineteen all eleven. Don't think, I won't think. I mean,
what if?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
Why don't you?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
What was I starting out to say? Well, no one
will ever know, sweetheart, and let's keep it that way.
May I ask what you're doing in here?
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Doctor?
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Are you a magician? Is he a magician? You ever
see his wizard thermometer? He sticks it under your tongue
and pulls three hundred bucks out of your pocket.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Look, wobble jaw.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
An even tempered man, and I dislike to.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Brawl in public.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
But a few more of your snide comments, and I
shall be forced to throw a few knuckles into your
unpaid fourteeth. Who's gonna throw whose knuckles into?
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Who's what?
Speaker 4 (05:16):
Why?
Speaker 2 (05:17):
You creaky old husband that never was?
Speaker 4 (05:20):
You?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Make one move forward me and I'll stop your mushy
old frame right into the woodwork.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Oh yes, don't forget.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I've seen your muscles such as they are, and I
happen to know you couldn't go two rounds with Margaret O'Brien.
You are softer than the obligato to mother McCree. And
you couldn't punch your way out of a snowbank.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Oh no, well, for.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Your information, I got out of a snow now.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Boys voice boys, My goodness.
Speaker 4 (05:51):
After all, mister McGee, I have a few tricks that
I think will do all the instructions and some books held.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Doctor chat or do you know Doc Gambleschet. That's great.
Doc's one of my best and oldest friends. How about it, docy,
old pal, Yes, ours is a very strong friendship. Chat
on a warm day, you can smell it for fifty miles.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
They chat. Did you get me a bird deck? Yeah?
Right here, doctor, I'll put it on the account.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Thanks very much, good day, my dear so long McGee,
dear old boy, so long, lovely old man. Ah, good,
old Doc. I'd cut my right arm off for him,
and he knows it. Yeah, only he'd want to do
(06:38):
it himself and charge me one hundred and fifty.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Bucks for it.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Well, thanks, Chet, this is wonderful. Come on, Molly, good
buy mister Mary golong jet Ah, old boy, this is
just what I wanted, Molly. You know, this might start.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Me on a whole new career.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
It might, is that.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Yeah, as the farmer said when he bought the plow,
this will open up an entirely new field for me.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
I myself, mysterious McGee, the mental marble master of missions,
of magnificent mysteries and making monkeys the many minor manipulators
from Michigan, New Mexico. As you mean it all, its
here comes mister Wimple. Oh hello there, mister Wimple. Oh
I whim hello.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Folks, taking a little stroll, mister Wimple.
Speaker 5 (07:22):
Yes, in a way, missus McGee's now, But mostly I'm
sort of a refugee.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Mm mm, sweetie face. That's my big old wife, you know.
Speaker 5 (07:31):
Yes, we know she's giving a bridge party for a
lot of matrons.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
What do you mean matrons older women?
Speaker 5 (07:38):
No, I mean matrons from the county jail. Sweety Face
used to be a guard in the women's section down there,
you know, oh.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Instance at nine.
Speaker 5 (07:47):
Yes, but when she wanted me to put on an
apron and serve the tea, I just stamped my foot
and refused.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Good boy, whim that's the old spirit.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
What was her reaction to that?
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Ha?
Speaker 5 (08:00):
Well it was rady surprising, mister McGee. She got down
on her knees and pleaded with me.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
But you just stood there with courage and determination.
Speaker 6 (08:12):
Mm.
Speaker 5 (08:12):
No, you see, she was kneeling on my neck.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
When I predicted, one of these days you gotta have
a showdown of that woman. Show her who wears the
p I mean, but I don't know whose boss around there.
Speaker 5 (08:33):
She already knows that, mister McGee.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
She is.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
You mean you never really put up a strong protest,
mister Wimple.
Speaker 5 (08:41):
Well yes I.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Did once I really told it, Rod you did.
Speaker 5 (08:47):
I stared right at her and said, look here's sweety face.
I said.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
I didn't even raise my voice.
Speaker 5 (08:54):
Mm look here, you old fright wig, I said, Now,
on na, I'm running his house from now on.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
You do what I say.
Speaker 5 (09:03):
You lay a hand on me once more, I said,
And I owe, I will pulverize you.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
And what did she say. She didn't say a word.
Speaker 5 (09:15):
You know that she twitched a little, And I was
so afraid she'd wake up that I ran into the bathroom,
locked the door, and shinnied out the window. Well, i'd
better be going now, folks.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
Goodbye. Hand me that other book there one in my life,
nor no, the other one clever conjuring with coins and cards.
That's the wan, I thank you. Now let me see.
Oh hey, here's a wonderful trick with a banana. You
let the audience examine it, then ask somebody to peel
(09:53):
it over an open dish. They peel it, and the
banana is already slight. Heavenly dad, Then it's clever. How
do you do fat with a needle? You puncture the skin,
work the needle in an arcsy, thus slicing the banana
without apparently busting the skin. You see, And there's some
clever pattern that goes with that pick too.
Speaker 3 (10:10):
Well, I can just imagine.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Yeah, it's all given right here in the book as
I pick up the banana, I say, kind of casual.
I say, a friend of mine named Abe and his
sister Anna were walking down the street the other day
and somebody said, here comes a banana. Don't you get
a kiddle, Abe Banna? It's a pun. If you say
(10:33):
Abe and Anna fast, it sounds like a banana. See personally,
I think it's kind of Corney macg Okay, I've spoiled you, snooky.
You've heard me pull so many good jokes around here.
A gag has gotta be dynamite to make you smile.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
But the guys at the Oaks.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Pub from whom I'm gonna do this trick again.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Oh it's the weather man McGee. Mister Williams, come in,
mister Williams.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Hello, missus McGhee, Hello McGhee.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
I oh am I interrupting a game of gin Rummy
or something.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Oh, oh, you mean the decade card. No, I'm just
practicing a few card takes.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Foggy.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Ever, do any slideer hand yourself, like pulling stuff out
of a happ and stuff.
Speaker 4 (11:10):
Where do you think we get our weather forecast?
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Tell mister Williams a card take theory, show him the
one where you let him pick a card out of
the deck.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Is show him that one? Okay, here, Foggy, take a card,
any card. I don't care which one, Just any card.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Go ahead, take a car. Oh, I I'm sorry, I can't.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
Why not, mister Williams.
Speaker 4 (11:32):
I promised my mother I wouldn't touch tobacco or playing
cards until I was twenty one.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
You mean you're not twenty one yet.
Speaker 4 (11:44):
Well, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Huh.
Speaker 4 (11:46):
The courthouse in my hometown burned down with all the
birth records. Oh, for all I know, I may not
have been born yet.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
I feel.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
It worries me sometimes too, because when I am born,
I I might be a chetling pony.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
I had really be a horse on you, Foggy.
Speaker 4 (12:11):
Yes, well, if you'll excuse me, I must get home
and call our county observation station.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Checking up on something, mister.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
William Yes, yes, I had a very lengthy argument with
our man out there yesterday, missus McGee. My observations indicated
a violent tornado headed that way, but he insisted it
was impossible.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Very stubborn fellow.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
MM did you finally convince him you were right?
Speaker 1 (12:37):
I'm afraid not.
Speaker 4 (12:39):
He was seen passing over Western Arkansas this morning, still
shaking his head. Well, good day, probably.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
A long father. Well, I wish I'd had my rope
trick work up so I could have showed him that.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
That's allusion. You see.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I get some member of the audience to come up
on the state see and trust me up like a
baile hat. Then they put a screen in front of me.
The orchestra plays the billboard march and in about ten seconds,
how'd I come absolutely free and show them the ropes
with the notts still tied? Well, how do you do that?
Speaker 1 (13:15):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
I haven't read the instructions yet. I got the rope
right here.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
See, this is the rope trick.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
That's gonna be the Hello, mister real coy, Hi junior,
just in time for a bit of mystification. Have a chair,
okay now, Then in my left hand, I have a.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
Silver half dollar right right, right right.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
I swing my arm upwards and al kasanamazoo. The coin
has disappeared. No word, went Junior.
Speaker 1 (13:42):
Sure it's on the floor right behind you.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
I must have held it wrong. There's a little hook
on it that's supposed to catch in the back of
my pant legs and hang there. I thought I told it,
but I get Oh, well that's childish stuff. Anyway, I'm
gonna specialize on the escape tricks.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
He's working a magic act.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
For the elk smoker. Mister Wilcott, Yeah, you interested in
ledger derman junr ledger germ. That means magic?
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Yes, yes, I know, and yes I am in a
way I sell it.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
You sell magic? What do you mean, mister Wicker? Oh, Molly,
won't you ever learn not to ask questions like that?
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Well, I mean selling Johnson's self polishing glow code is
selling magic, Molly. See the way glow code brings out
the beauty and color of attire linoleum and eliminates old
fashioned rubbing. Buffing and scrubbing is nothing else than sheer magic.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Yeah, but slighter handles a slightly.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Even the housewife who is sleight of hand and slender
of figure can apply Johnson's blow coat because it's so easy.
You just pull a little out, spread it around with
a long handled apply.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
I think means it certain tricks for more eas.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
As I'm saying, there are certain tricks that smart housewives
learn that save them ours and hours of time and
trouble and glow Cote is one of them makes linoleum
sparkle with a protective gloss with such a minimum of time.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
And I look the waxy yes, proud. Is it possible
to hold a conversation with you without you ringing in
a commercial?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Well, now let me think. No, I guess not.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
I don't.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Well how'd you ever talk to your wife long enough
to ask her to marry you?
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Oh? I just said, honey, I said, stick out the
third finger of your left hand and close your eyes.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
And she did, and you slipped a cheap diamond ring
on it and that was it.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Eh? No, No, I tied a little string around it.
That was to remind her to get some more glow coats.
She was all out well, her eyes filled with tears
on account of how I was so thought ah. And
then I said, look, baby, I said, why don't you
marry me and let me take care of the glow coat?
Speaker 7 (15:42):
What she said?
Speaker 1 (15:43):
She said, okay, go home, me too. Okay, So one.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
I am in that rope with you, kittle thinks now
let me see the book? Uh? Thanks? Hey, when I
do this act at the Elks Club next week, you
you'll be my assistant, won't you? Hand me hand me
stuff and stuff. Hand me stuff and stuff. If you
want me to, deary, why, certainly I want you right
up there beside me to see. You're cute and pretty.
(16:16):
You'll give the act class.
Speaker 6 (16:17):
Oh h ain't you sweet?
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Well, I'll be glad to help, deary. Good Now, let
me see. Now I woulda saw a woman in half,
take a large saw and a small woman.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
Oh no, none, Armiga, your assistant just resign. Huh oh yeah,
but mom, you go ahead and practice your magic. Deary,
y'all go upstairs and start the lawndry sawing a woman in.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Hat for goodness to say, Oh okay, baby, ah, there
goes a good kid. It's a wise woman that knows
when to give her husband a not robe. My doubt
if this is one of the times, cause if I
don't get things all followed up at that elk smumper,
I'll come in hin Oh hello, there.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Come in.
Speaker 6 (17:03):
Okay, what you're doing, mischief? What you're doing? Watch you?
Speaker 2 (17:07):
I'm doing some magic.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Sis.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
Don't touch any of my equipment there now, I'm working up.
Speaker 6 (17:11):
A nect You like magic, Oh boy, I love magic.
My uncle is a magician too, I bet you.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
He is, eh yeah, h h, I says he is.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
He's fine a magician.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
Ooh, your uncle? Which one?
Speaker 6 (17:22):
I got lots of uncle?
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Alta WINEO oh, I just told you told me what that?
Speaker 6 (17:29):
I got lots of uncle who has I have?
Speaker 1 (17:32):
I know it?
Speaker 2 (17:35):
And one of 'em is a magician.
Speaker 6 (17:36):
Sure that's my uncle Elmer. He's a farmer.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Now wait a minute. He's a magician and a farmer.
What can he do?
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Uh?
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Can he wave his hands over a white handkerchief and
turned into a rabbit?
Speaker 6 (17:49):
No, no, what he can wave his ticket three cows
and turn him into a pasture. Hey, do something, mister
gwan do come in?
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Go on?
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Well, now, let me see. I got a great watch trick.
But I can't show you that one because I have
to have somebody from the audience hand me a wristwatch,
and you wouldn't.
Speaker 6 (18:08):
Well, here, mister, here's the witch watch. You take this one?
Speaker 4 (18:11):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (18:12):
Soll say that's pretty. You must have had a good Christmas.
Speaker 6 (18:15):
I had on both pass and I get all kinds
of nice press.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Yeah, okay, okay, okay, Now wa where do I get
the book open to the watchtick? Let me see, I'm
merely take my pocket handkerchief, thus and wrap the watch
in the us.
Speaker 4 (18:28):
Sure.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
See now I take this hammer. Mm hm, I see,
it says, take the hammer and pound the watch out
flat there.
Speaker 6 (18:37):
Now, Oh boy, what happens now?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Mister just a minute now, let me finish reading. It says,
before using the hammer, be sure you have safely palmed
the watch and slipped the dummy watch into the handker.
Speaker 4 (18:56):
Gosh, a dummy watch? He missed it?
Speaker 6 (18:58):
Did you do something wrong?
Speaker 2 (19:00):
Oh, Teenie, this is awful. I don't know what to say.
The watch is ruined. It's a mess. W was it
a very expensive watch system? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Huh.
Speaker 6 (19:07):
I just picked it up off the table for you
when you asked me to handle a Wie. It isn't
my watch, mischief watch, my wristwatch.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Why gee, this is worse than I thought.
Speaker 6 (19:19):
Oh yeah, I wonderful magician, messic. You can just wave
a hammer and make a monkey of yourself.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
I got all my tricks worked out, knoxcept the rope
es gate, Molly, I'm working on that. Hey here, help
me tie this clothes line around me.
Speaker 3 (19:43):
Well, my goodness, with all that clothesline tangled around your neck,
you look like an amateur cowboy trying to rope a call.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Against the wind? Are you better?
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Because wait a minute, come in.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Oh hi, old time right now, mister old timer kidser.
Speaker 7 (19:59):
Hey, what you doing with a rope around your neck? Johnny? Oh?
I was just getting rid of Oh, don't do it, Johnny.
Things can't be that bad boy.
Speaker 6 (20:07):
Why he's just going to see.
Speaker 7 (20:09):
He reconsider Johnny, don't be hasty. What if you are
a dismal failure in life? But if you have made
a mess of your life? What if everything you touch
does turn them up? What if everybody does say you're
just the same and the crank case of life?
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Now, way, I'm not too.
Speaker 7 (20:26):
Late, Johnny. You're just a kid, just a big kid.
Probably when I was your age, Johnny, I was a
failure too, Not as bad as you are, but a failure.
And now look at me.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
No, they ain't.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Gonna sell him, is it?
Speaker 2 (20:43):
Older? If I'm gonna turn out like you, all.
Speaker 7 (20:46):
The world ain't a bad son.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
It just looks bad.
Speaker 7 (20:50):
Of course. Europe is in a mess. Food prices are
getting higher every day. I got no money, but money
eat everything, Johnny. Think of anything at aint though, But
we always got our friends. Can't think of any off hand,
but we must have some well, as long as we
(21:10):
got a home of our own. Week, come to think
of it, who's got a home? Got throwed out of
my room this afternoon?
Speaker 4 (21:20):
Hey, Johnny, Yeah, I'll.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
Tie me a loop on the other end of that
rope with you.
Speaker 7 (21:31):
SYS fourteen and a half.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
Things are worse than I thought.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Oh no, miss Joe Timer, you're all mixed up.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Sure, I'm just getting ready to do some rope escape.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
Fix your old timer.
Speaker 2 (21:44):
As soon as I can get somebody to tie me
up good, I'll bounce off these ropes like Jersey Joe Walcott.
Speaker 7 (21:53):
That's pretty good, Johnny, But that ain't the way I
hear it way I heard it one for ourselves.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Tell her for their say.
Speaker 7 (22:00):
Hey, he said, I see where a man's the government.
Fellers are in trouble for speculating in wheat.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
That to color Feller.
Speaker 7 (22:09):
I suppose the radio comedians will hop on that pretty quick.
They're scared to said the first fella. They all been
speculating in corn.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Well, I better get busy in practice escaping from this stroke. Hey,
where are you going, Molly? Aren't you gonna stay in time?
Speaker 3 (22:35):
I'll have to do it when I get back here.
I almost forgot I have to run down the grocery store.
You have a molly back in the half hourt.
Speaker 4 (22:41):
So do you?
Speaker 2 (22:42):
Yeah, but this is a fine state of how do
you do? Nobody to tie me up?
Speaker 1 (22:48):
Shucks?
Speaker 2 (22:48):
Well, maybe if I go out on the porch, some
neighbor will give me a hand. Oh, there comes Foggy Williams.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
I'll bet you.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Oh no, I ain't foggy. Oh he looks like a
good guy.
Speaker 4 (22:59):
Though.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
Hey, but you got a minute to spare.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
I've been rather a hurry, mister. But what's on your mind?
Speaker 2 (23:04):
Look, but I wonder if you'd mind doing me a favor.
This may sound a little chilly of you, but come
on and hat, I'll go ahead.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
What's on your mind?
Speaker 2 (23:12):
Well, I'm practicing a little magic. You're see some rope
escape tricks like Whodinian those guys used to do? See Eh,
So I wonder if you'd mind tying me up with
his clothesline. My wife is out and I want to
practice keep loose before she gets back.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
You want me to tie you up?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Yeah? Just wrap this rope around me. Good, tie my
feet and ankles and well, this is a new one,
but give.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Me the rope.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
I'll take a loop around your wrist like this and
run it around. Lay me down here on the dead body. Yeah,
now across your chest and a half hitch around both ears,
and I'll loop it around your ankles. It's not too
tight now, but you're strangling my ankles. Oh, I'm sorry.
I'll loosen it a little and around your knees a
(23:55):
few times and there that tight. Now, swell, bud, you've
got some dandy nuts in there. I took a course
in not tying some of those knots. I invented myself. Yeah,
this may take quite a while. And get lucy, it's
not still't seemed to slip.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
They won't slip. I appreciate all this cooperation.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
This is my business, you know, your business tying people up.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
No robbery. I'm a burglar by trade.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
Well raise up a little. You're lying on your wallet.
Speaker 7 (24:34):
Hey, put that back.
Speaker 1 (24:36):
You give me the give me the.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Phone, call the cops, call my wife.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
I'll just relax pop. Just won't hurt a bit.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
Now, where do you keep your silver in the sideboard?
The silver? Why no, the silver's right through that door, Bud.
That door there, Oh, I think, uh, this one that's gone,
just yank it off it, budon, give me he thinks
(25:22):
he puts some knots on me? Does he if I
can get hold of that book of instructions before he
comes to off on the cup?
Speaker 1 (25:29):
And the other day a little boy came up to
me on the street and said shine, mister. Oh. That
started me thinking, I wonder what would happen if a
little boy came up to your door and said, shine, lady,
your floors. I mean, now, a bright young fellow with
(25:50):
the arms, with the can of Johnson Self Polishing glocot
with it, he could leave your kitchen, linoleum and another
floor shining and gleaming in just two shakes. You probably
wouldn't hire him, though four With Johnson's glow coat you
can do the job and two shakes yourself. It certainly
is easy. You merely apply and let dry. There's no
rubbing or buffing. Johnson's self polishing blow coat shines as
(26:11):
it dries. It gives your floors linoleum a new look,
a rich, lustrous new beauty. They're so easy to keep
clean too. A wife with a damp cloth and dust,
dirt and stilled things vanished. Better not wait for a
smart little boy, though, get some glow coats. In a
few minutes and with very little effort, Johnson's self polishing
blow coat will protect and bring out the beauty of
(26:33):
your floors.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Look on the right side, shine off the right.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
Side, bring out the beauty of the.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
And when the cops did get here, Molly, it took
him ten minutes to find the guy under that pile
of stuff. I can imagine you should have seen him
trying to identify him with that moose head down over
his shoulders.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
They probably thought he was an else.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah, just look at that pileot jump boy. That closet
is dynamite.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
Yes, and someday I'm going to dynamite that closet.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
Good Night, good night all.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
This is Hollow Wilcox speaking for the makers of Johnson's
white product for home and industry, inviting me to be
with us a guy next to the night. Good night.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company's
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Radio dot com
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