455 "Slippery When Lit: Cocktails, Boundaries & Cheeto Kinks"

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Yeah, your check one two, check one two?

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Is this Mike On?

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Is this Mike On?

Speaker 3 (00:06):
Hey listen man, it's the one and only Trenks that
a DJ SYSM And you're listening to cocktails Dirty Discussions
with Kikia Medina Monroe.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
Here.

Speaker 1 (00:19):
Today's cocktail is called slippery when lead.

Speaker 3 (00:24):
So this is what you need. Two ounces of Sir
Davis whiskey. We're still on the Sir Davis this week.
Point seven ounces of peach liquor, a half ounce of
fresh lemon juice, a half ounce of brown sugar simple syrup,
or you can do regular simple syrup. One dash of
Anglestora bitters, one spritz of rosewater that sounds rich. And

(00:46):
this is optional, but I would do this. A splash
of ginger liquor that sounds tasty. And you're gonna garnish
this with a lemon twist. And this is how you're
gonna make it. You're gonna add all the ingredients into
your shaker with some ice. Shake it like you're trying
to block his number for good. This time we done
with him. Stop it, strain it into a coop or

(01:07):
rocks glass over fresh ice, and then sprints it again
with your rose water to finish and enjoy a slippery
we lived. Oh that sounds good. I love that and
it's really tasty.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
It is I have. I'm still on my shirt Davids kick.
I have liked whiskey for a long time, but like
in social settings, a lot of people don't. Yeah, like
after twenty eleven to what twenty fourteen, when everybody wanted
to be Hennessy people. After that, then people all of
a sudden turned their back on all of the brown liquors,

(01:44):
and I was like, dang racist because I like them all.

Speaker 1 (01:48):
But you know, though, I remember when we were Hennessy people.
When I was I'm still drinking. I don't even know
that that girl. When I was in I used to
be taken shots of hennous you and him.

Speaker 2 (02:00):
I was drinking Hennessy and appleness. I couldn't get with
the apple juice.

Speaker 1 (02:03):
It was so good.

Speaker 3 (02:04):
It's still good, but it's just Hennessy just does something
to you.

Speaker 1 (02:07):
What happened? Oh y'all, why did I choke you?

Speaker 2 (02:13):
I'm still wondering what the answer to that question is
twelve years later. Anyways, outside of Hennessy, I'm sure you
want to be having this in Arizona. But Vifest is
coming up, I know, And before we was talking about like, Okay,
you're excited about Easter, Ray, I'm excited for you.

Speaker 3 (02:33):
I still don't know what I'm gonna wear. I don't
know what I'm gonna wear, and I don't know how
I'm gonna do my hair. I'm like, Okay, I want
the Martha Stewart look. But I'm really enjoying this bun.
So I'm like, do I want to get braids? I
kind of don't because it's hot in Arizona.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
You don't want the braids.

Speaker 3 (02:46):
I kind of don't because it's like it's so hot
that the braid's gotta be down, you know what. You
know what, even sometimes with braids, you're like, it's hot,
you just want anything.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
Put them on top of my head in a bun.

Speaker 1 (02:56):
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (02:57):
I'm really gotta figure this out. I gotta ASKATGBC, you
know what.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
That's what I do all the time.

Speaker 3 (03:02):
And I do not know why I always do this,
like do what like wait until the last minute to
do things. It's like, I don't understand. I've been known
this is gonna come and I've been planning for it.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
Well, it's actually good that you didn't because you are
so skinny and every week you've lost ten more pounds,
so you wouldn't have been able to fit your stuff.
You would have been in a momo.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
Oh you right, you're right in you're.

Speaker 2 (03:25):
Subconscious new it did?

Speaker 4 (03:27):
It did.

Speaker 1 (03:28):
So I have been ordering stuff.

Speaker 3 (03:31):
This is the first time I haven't ordered anything off
of fashion note, but not because I don't love fashion, No,
but it's only because I don't want stuff to be
breaking and you know what I mean, like it's gonna
be hot. So I found a place called LULUs, and
I had never shopped there before, never even heard of them.
And they have like those loose stresses that I was
talking about, the light, the light, airy things, the Martha
Stewart type of vibe that I was going for. But

(03:53):
now I'm kind of like, I don't know what I
want to wear for Like we're doing a pod class
and I want.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
To sound fun.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
Doesn't that sound like fun?

Speaker 3 (04:03):
But I want to be cute doing it, So I
want to get like a cute little sandal. I think
maybe a little overall and like, but I want something
like unique, like I girl. I don't know, basically, as
you can tell, I don't know what I'm wearing.

Speaker 1 (04:13):
I did order some stuff.

Speaker 3 (04:15):
I haven't figured out what I'm gonna wear to when
I lead the panel discussion or when I interview Lisa.
But I did talk to my nail tech and I
was like, Hey, if I send you some logos, could
you do my nails and make my nails fit the
theme of this retreat, which is Vibefest, which is the

(04:36):
magic of big thinking.

Speaker 1 (04:37):
It's magical.

Speaker 3 (04:38):
You're we're inside of the vortex basically in Arizona and
Sodona specifically, you're around all these minerals, all these rocks, Like,
can you put like some rocks on one? Like?

Speaker 1 (04:46):
What could we do?

Speaker 3 (04:47):
She was like okay, She was like, let me cook
something up real quick and then I'll let you know.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
I was like, I want something that would make Lisa
rayb like what's that? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (04:55):
Like so I'm excited. I think I'm gonna do the
Paradise and Vibe logo. I asked tad you what they
would do, and they send me a picture. On the
show too was actually some of them were cute, some
of them weren't. But they put a QR code on
one of my nails. I was like, oh, that's fire.
I might do it, so we'll see you. I think
I'm gonna get some earrings.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
I don't.

Speaker 3 (05:13):
I tried to get something the other day. My mom
was like, just get earings. I was like what, But
they're so ugly. I don't know ugly. I don't know
how to pick them. Like, it's just like you just
grab the earrings.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
Well you pick a vibe or something or what you like.
I mean, if nothing else, studs, that's a classic.

Speaker 3 (05:31):
And then when when you get the hoops of the
dangly ones, sometimes it's hitting on my shoulder.

Speaker 1 (05:35):
Well, how big are your hoop?

Speaker 3 (05:37):
Well it was big. It was a dangly one, and
I was like, oh what are y'all doing.

Speaker 2 (05:43):
And the earrings, you've got to be careful with those,
like the chandelier style. I think those are better for
like really special occasions, care up and all that, and
you do have to be careful. But I don't buy
those normal. You just do a short little I do
a hoop or just something else. But if it looks
like it's gonna be big, I won't get it online

(06:04):
or so I do. I mean, I just got extras,
just in case bees. I have bought some like that,
and that's why I have random stuff. And I have
a whole costume closet.

Speaker 3 (06:11):
Okay, and see, and I wish I was like that,
but I'll be like never mind, but then I don't
have anything.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
So you're like two dollars, I'm gonna get it. I'm
gonna use it for something.

Speaker 3 (06:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (06:20):
So I'm trying to figure out my earrings and my
jewelry and all that stuff just so.

Speaker 3 (06:22):
I can be cute and comfortable like I want to,
because Arizona is hot and ain't nobody.

Speaker 1 (06:27):
Trying to be uncomfortable.

Speaker 3 (06:29):
I want to be cute, classy, comfortable and just have
a good time. So if you guys don't know what
we're talking about, I am hosting a retreat Vibefest with
Paradise and Vibe August twenty fourth through the twenty seventh,
and it's gonna be a really good time. There is
still available tickets. If you would like to come to
the retreat in person, there's a day pass.

Speaker 1 (06:49):
There's also a virtual.

Speaker 3 (06:50):
Experience, so if you can't make it there, then you
can come and if you just want to see the interview,
you'll be able to purchase that. So go to Paradise
and Vibe dot com and get the information and I
hope to see y'all there. I'm really really excited about
this whole situation, like just it just I think it's
going to be a really good time. I'm hoping my
mom could come, my sister wants to come, and we'll

(07:16):
see what happens.

Speaker 1 (07:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (07:17):
Well, I hope y'all have a.

Speaker 1 (07:18):
Black me too, Me too.

Speaker 2 (07:20):
How you been I have been okay. It is so hot, guys,
and most days that's all I can think of. But
I have been staying busy, doing a million things, everything
all at once. I want to remind you guys. Several
of y'all DMed me. Thank you for letting me know

(07:42):
you will be at podcast Movement next month. I'll be speaking.
I actually just got an email like yesterday, I want
to say, so, my session is on Thursday.

Speaker 1 (07:54):
Are you nervous?

Speaker 2 (07:55):
No, it's going I submit it for the same one
that I did in March, So it's the same thing,
but I have more details and I know the tweaks
I want to make, so I'm more excited. Last time,
I was very nervous, even though this conference is the
big conference. That one was like the smaller one, so
I should be and I wasn't sure which stage it

(08:17):
was and like reading the email, you can't really tell.
So I'm looking at the MAC, I'm like, oh, this
is a big big stage is the big stage and
the main thing. I'm on the podcaster track. So if
you guys are coming to the conference, please reach out
to me. You'll be able to connect with me in
the app that is for everyone. Use the app, y'all.
I have met some really cool people and ahead of
the conference, I would also suggest that you just brows

(08:38):
see who all is speaking. All of the speakers are
already there, and then people when they come to the conference,
they will be on there. And I think it's like
a really I'm gonna be going to a lot of
conference but conferences, but I do like podcast movements and
they everything for the conference is within an app, and
it's like it has its own network, like social network
type of thing. People aren't posting status, is there anything,

(09:00):
but it's a way to exchange contact information, stay in
touch with the people who were at your same session.
This is no because you're not really like you can
send a message, but it's really just so that if you,
let's say we were sitting next to each other in
somebody else's session or whatever, and we were talking and
we forgot to exchange info, if you made sure to

(09:23):
save it, I can go back. I can look at
the app and see who I was there. I'll see
your picture. I can send you a message and something.
You can connect offline, and of course you can continue
to use the app. And if you've been to any
of their conferences, it's not a new thing every year.
So I like that because I'd be forgetting sometimes people
and stuff because you meet so many people anyway. I
am talking about if you have a podcast already, how

(09:47):
you can go from having a podcast and it just
being you know, a podcast, and turning into something that
is a live experience. That's what my session is on.
I'm excited about it. There's a lot of other people
there that I want to meet. My sister will be there,
so she was like, oh, perfect, I'm off Thursday. I'm coming.

Speaker 1 (10:04):
She's gonna be your film girl.

Speaker 2 (10:05):
She's like, I'll get you together. I really want her
there all week, but we will see. And then also
speaking of vacations and going on trips and stuff. I
want to remind you guys, I am going back to Negrill, Jamaica,
to Hedonism with Worst Behavior Tours. So the trip is
December thirteenth through the eighteen. If you're going, if you

(10:26):
go sign up, the deposit depends on if you're standing
by yourself or with other people. They have options for
a double room, single room, triple room. There's lots of options.
They have payment plans. Trip is not until December, but
go ahead and sign up now. And when you sign up,
make sure you let them know that I'm the one
that sent you. Somewhere on there. There's a space for
you to put that. But I'm excited about it. It's gonna

(10:46):
be fun. There are two parties every single day. I
do not know the themes or any of that yet.
I'll let you guys know when I do. But I'm
excited about going back out there. I missed the Memorial
Day trip, but I want to be back on the beach.
I want to relax. Now that I have a better
idea of what to expect. I'm looking forward to going.

(11:06):
I don't have the are you.

Speaker 1 (11:07):
Going by yourself or you taking a plus one?

Speaker 2 (11:10):
I'm taking a plus one I don't have the hang
ups that I did, even though I don't look much different.
I did lose about twelve pounds since twenty twenty three,
but I'm still not where I want to be. But
I'm not as stressed, and I can't stress that enough
because that was a big thing for me. Like I'm
walking around here but booty naked, and I don't like

(11:32):
how I look. But I felt better afterwards, and I'm
glad that I went. I'm glad I had that experience
outside of all the wild sex type of stuff, just
being there. Ain't got to worry about tan lines. If
you have one of them cute swimsuits with a little
mesh cutouts, i'd be having random splotches. Anyway, It's going
to be a really good time. I will tell you
guys more details as we get closer, but please go.

(11:52):
If you go, dm me on Instagram. I want to
know who's going. They also have a Facebook group. If
you are one of the people who is always curious
about who all gonna be there when you sign up,
or if you're interested, you can be added to the
Facebook group and you can kind of talk to people
and you'll know what the vibe is going to be.
So I'm excited about that. And then let's see podcast movement,

(12:12):
that book club sign up for the book club. I
forgot what the book is for August put it in
a description box. Oh, yes, we are about to be Yeah,
because when y'all have this, the book club meeting has
happened and all that. For July, I think it was
called Can't Get Enough. It's a book by Kennedy Ryan
whatever her latest one is in that trilogy.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
She can't Get enough of what.

Speaker 2 (12:34):
Some man a romance. But I do like Kennedy Ryan's
romance books. They're pretty good. They're not like it's not
like saying it's not like erotica or raunchy. But she
has some interesting stories and I like that the friend
group that it's based around. Everybody's at a different place
in their life, whether they're married, divorce, has kids, no kids, career, whatever.

(12:55):
And then what else?

Speaker 1 (12:58):
Oh, also.

Speaker 2 (13:00):
My travel group, not worse behavior, but my own. We
are going to be taking another trip next year I
want I don't know yet, and that's what I need
y'all to help with. So right now we are trying
to decide between BALI. I thought about Thailand but y'all
are going to Thailand, and depending on where you go,
and I might be on that trip, we'll see. But Bali,

(13:21):
I've been really thinking about that Greece, and I think
it's kind of a sign that maybe we should go
to Greece, and if not there, maybe Columbia or Saint Lucia.
I told y'all went to Saint Lucia before. But I
think with some tweaks it might be a better experience
because I keep meeting people who were either just there

(13:42):
or they've been, and they told me some other things.
So I think we'll see what happens. But I'm looking
forward to it. I can't wait to take another trip.
I ain't been in the airport in a little minute,
you know, and I want to go somewhere.

Speaker 3 (13:53):
I think that traveling is just oh, it just does
something to your soul. If it's sad, it makes you
feel happy. If you're lost, it can make you feel found.
If you're poor, you can go to another country and
feel rich.

Speaker 1 (14:10):
If your skin is.

Speaker 3 (14:11):
Dried out here, you could go to somewhere else and
it's and your skin is moisturized.

Speaker 2 (14:15):
Like.

Speaker 3 (14:16):
You get to meet other people, you get to experience culture,
the food is different, the way of life is different.

Speaker 1 (14:23):
I mean, I love.

Speaker 3 (14:26):
To travel, So I'm excited that so many different influencers
and podcasters and just people are putting together different groups
to make sure that their community is experiencing travel, which
to me falls under the wellness umbrella because it does
just open up your mind, open up your heart, like

(14:47):
just you just so.

Speaker 2 (14:48):
Many even like how earlier you were talking about Megan
Markle and like being a good hostess and doing those
little things. I was trying to come up with a
ton of things when we went to Cure sole Marchin.
That trip was great. And something that I've noticed on trip,
on some trips that I've been on is whenever whoever
is the hostess, they do those little things. So I

(15:10):
did that for my group, and that's another thing that
I want to make sure that I continue to carry on,
is to make sure you do those little things.

Speaker 1 (15:16):
People forget staff, what did you do?

Speaker 2 (15:19):
I made everybody their little gift bags. I got them
sleep masks. I got them well, not I say a
gift bag, but like it was like a travel emergency
kit kind of. There was medicine in there, motion sickness, headaches, tampons, pads, pantyliners,
hands sanitizer, lip blows, sunscreen, snacks, one of those because

(15:43):
we were in a beach location. One of those cases
that you put your phone in so that it waterproofcase. Yeah,
the waterproof case that was in there. I'm trying to
think of what else. Some little things to go up
under your eyes in case you was you got puffy
eyes as you was up all night, or you had
a long night drinking or whatever ever the case may be.
Just so many different little things. And then when we
had our boat day, I had another set of bags

(16:05):
with stuff for them to get them there. Just like wow,
you said of all these things, and I was like, yeah,
because I'm an overpacker, so let me make it worth it. Yeah.
And I think that you you should do things like that,
whether you're going on like a trip like what we're
talking about, or it's your family, your friends, even just
one other person. I think it's a nice touch.

Speaker 1 (16:25):
It is a nice touch. It's just like it shows
it shows that you care.

Speaker 2 (16:28):
I think that you can keep.

Speaker 3 (16:31):
I am taking a group to Thailand.

Speaker 1 (16:35):
I don't know how big I'm gonna let that group go,
But what kind of Thailand. Are y'all going.

Speaker 3 (16:39):
We're doing two cities. So we're gonna start in Bangkokka.
We'll be in Bangkok for about three days, uh huh,
and then we will I love Bangkok. It's like a
It's like a It's like New York.

Speaker 1 (16:51):
You can shop.

Speaker 3 (16:52):
The clubs are amazing, y'all know. I don't even like clubs.
I'll go to work something in Bangkok.

Speaker 1 (16:58):
Raides out there, yeah, they it's so cheap out there.

Speaker 3 (17:01):
You shop, massages, all the things that a true love
a girl would love to do. We're gonna go to
a drag show and they have a really good one
in Bangkok. And you know, the Asian man is so small.
I really like women the fine. Yeah, we're going to
see a lady boys show. Maybe go do a little
naughty club. So we're gonna start in Bangkok and then
we will depart on another plane and go to Fouquet, Okay,

(17:25):
And Fouquette is like the party town. That's that's where
the beaches are, That's where the beauty is. That is
when I finally started watching the third season of White Lotus,
I was like, oh my gosh, Pepie Islands. We're going
to be going to Peepee Islands, and I'm really excited.
I've started to do some research on some things that

(17:45):
aren't included with the troop that I want to do,
like intentionally for the group that's coming, like some little
informal gatherings. I really want us to get a tattoo together.
How special is that? I already know what I want
us to get. You don't want to get it, but
I feel like you're gonna get it. But also I
was looking up different like spiritual things in Thailand, things
that they do. When I was in Bali, me and
Iana want to go see a bolly on. That's what

(18:07):
Elizabeth Gilbert went to go do and eat, pray, love.
She went to go see the bolly on. He told
her whole life and all this stuff happened. We went
to go see a bolly on.

Speaker 1 (18:13):
It was wild. We went to a village. So I'm
looking for those things in Thailand because they have it.

Speaker 2 (18:17):
They have just a good cultural experience.

Speaker 1 (18:19):
Yeah, they have so far.

Speaker 3 (18:20):
I've seen you can see a thie reader, you can
have a monk pray over you, or you can get
some sort of reading. But I wanted to like go
into a village. You ever's down, We go to the village,
we get these readings and like and see what they
tell us about our love lives.

Speaker 1 (18:33):
I hope we're not crying. We probably won't be crying, but.

Speaker 3 (18:37):
It's so exciting. So I didn't even give you all
the information. If you guys want to come to Timeland
with me on the Lover Girls Layover Thailand twenty twenty six,
make sure you click the link in the description and
join the emails.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
By the time this comes out, you'll probably be able
to book the trip.

Speaker 3 (18:52):
So the ticket the dates yet, Yeah, August August fourteenth
through the twentieth, so the tickets will go live, and
this is twenty twenty six. The tickets will go live
August first. I'm letting our Patreon members get the tickets early,
and there's only eight early bird spots, so just keep
that in mind. Go ahead and uh, go ahead and

(19:13):
take advantage of the little discount.

Speaker 1 (19:14):
But Thailand is very affordable. You have to get your.

Speaker 3 (19:16):
Flight, that's the most expensive part. I remember when I
went with my girlfriend Melissa, and we spent two weeks
in Thailand. We spent maybe one thousand dollars. There was
not a lot of money spent like it, and that's
because we were just extra. Like we got massages and
there was one day where we just did massage after massage.

(19:37):
Two our massage three hours because it just the ladies
are so talented. I'm talking about it. A two hour
massage came to like five dollars. In US, I was like,
when we went to the Naughty Club, they thought we
were rappers because we were throwing the bots.

Speaker 1 (19:50):
You're not even supposed to throw bots. But I felt rich,
Oh my god, so get.

Speaker 3 (19:54):
Your bots together, bitches. We're going to Thailand. Really excited
about it. And there was something else I was gonna
tell everybody. Oh, you guys, and I want to apologize
because I keep.

Speaker 1 (20:08):
Saying Luluse and it is not Luluse.

Speaker 3 (20:11):
The organization that I'm telling you guys about that's in
Tampa that my friend has started. It's called Lula's Legacy
of Love Foundation, and it is one of the very
very few breast cancer organizations in the US that specifically
is dedicated to serving African American women their needs that
they might need if you have breast cancer, even if

(20:32):
it's you going to see if you have breast cancer,
they provide wigs. They are just on a mission to
bridge the gap and care for minority women, especially those
diagnosed with aggressive subtypes of breast cancer. So you guys,
if you would like to donate, if you would like
to join the walk in Tampa on October twenty fifth,
go to www. Dot Lula's Legacy of Lovefoundation dot org

(20:56):
and donate. Do what you need to do, Tell a friend,
to tell a friend. If you live in Tampa, go walk.
I'm going to try to make it, but I'm not
sure if I can yet, but I would love for
you guys to support the Save the Tatas two point
zero Breast Cancer Awareness Walk again. That's October twenty fifth
in Tampa, Florida.

Speaker 2 (21:12):
All right, we are going to move on to our
next segment. Now, this one will this is something new.
We'll be doing this every month. You guys have heard
us talk about Life our X a lot, right. Life
our X is a company that will connect you with
different medical professionals to help you with whatever your health

(21:33):
and wellness goals are. We have both been like, okay,
we want to drop some pounds, and so that's what
we've used it for. It's available to men and women.
They have things for like hair loss or rectile dysfunction, energy, energy,
weight loss. I imagine if you're one of the lucky
ones who doesn't need to lose weight and you actually

(21:53):
are trying to gain they might have something for that.
I don't know, but check in. But we're going to
be doing a check in every single month for the
rest of twenty twenty five. So we also want you, guys,
if you are on your own health and wellness journey,
especially if you have reached out to Life our XS
and you've started your plan, we want you guys to
start sharing with us what you're doing, where you started,

(22:18):
where you're trying to get, and what your progress is.

Speaker 3 (22:20):
And also tell us how you feel. I y'all know,
I love a story. I'm a storyteller. Tell us how
you feel before Life our X and after like And
when I say how you feel, like, what does you
losing weight or getting energy or growing your hair?

Speaker 1 (22:34):
What does that mean to you? I think that's really
important to know. Like, I think.

Speaker 3 (22:38):
The happiness for me. I even told my trainer this,
and I told Life OURX this, Like looking good and
feeling good. They go together, they live together, and it's
a piece of happiness for me to be able to
look at my body and know that I worked for this.

Speaker 1 (22:54):
I cheated a little bit, but.

Speaker 2 (22:56):
You had help. You've had help.

Speaker 1 (22:58):
A wise person once told me, if you ain't cheating,
you ain't trying.

Speaker 3 (23:02):
So a live person, huh, let us know check in
with us, So we could check in with you.

Speaker 1 (23:08):
Also, it feels good.

Speaker 3 (23:09):
To feel good and know that you have a community
of people supporting you behind you. Like, yeah, girl, get
up into your workout this morning. Take your vitamins. If
you could take a shot, you could take a vitamin.

Speaker 2 (23:20):
That is very true. So just so that we can
start with the check in. So whenever I first started
with life our X, I think I was and I
need to start measuring. I'm gonna do that. And y'all
remember to measure yourselves while you're also weighing yourselves, because
I know that sometimes and this is just a reminder,
sometimes we get on the scale, you're trying to lose weight,
and the scale isn't moving like you want it to,

(23:43):
but your body is still changing. You are actually losing fat,
burning that off, but you might be building muscle or
something else. So take your measurements too. But I started off,
I think I was like one hundred and fifty eight pounds,
way overweight for my height. I'm five three. That's too much.
I am down to one six as of today right
and it's been fluctuating. I want to get under one.

(24:07):
That is my current goal right now. I have not
been doing the gratiest shop. I've been taking my pills,
but I need to make sure that I eat. So
I realized that, like I kind of stopped dropping pounds,
and so when I had my check in with the doctor,
I was telling her, like, I kinda have been around
the same place and nothing has really changed. I do

(24:27):
need to work out. I know that. However, I was
losing a bunch of weight at first, and I realized
because my appetite was suppressed and I haven't been eating
as much, I wasn't eating enough. My body was still
in servation mode. So I was like, I gotta get
some protein shakes or something because I don't be hungry.
So like during the day, what I'm going to do
from today forward, and we'll check in next month and

(24:48):
I'll let y'all know how it's going. I'm going to
make sure that like in the morning when I'm getting up,
I have my protein shake and don't wait until three
four o'clock and eat once and that not be good.
I've been making better choices. Now these weeks are hard.
I need to have some more activities on the weekends
because that's when I do bad, and then it's like
getting back to the beginning. But the good thing is
when you are talking to whoever your medical professional is

(25:11):
with life our ex be honest with them and tell
them what's going on, because they can adjust your dosage.
They can adjust what you're taking to make sure that
it's going to help you. So we talked about some things,
and because I didn't line and say I've been working out,
I'm just stuck, I told her the truth, exactly what's
going on. She gave me some tips, so we're gonna
try those. So hopefully next month when we check in
at the end of August, I will at least be

(25:32):
to one hundred and forty pounds, maybe under, but we'll see.
That's where I'm trying to go. And more importantly, I
have got to lose some inches around every part of
my body, including his head, so we're gonna see what happens.

Speaker 3 (25:43):
Yeah, there was something you said that resonated with me.
I forgot it said what it was, but yeah, check
in with yourself.

Speaker 1 (25:49):
Check in with us.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
Getting on the scale.

Speaker 3 (25:51):
I don't get on the scale, and that's like a
new thing for me. I even told my trainer that.
He was like, what's your goal? How what's your goal?
And the type of person I am that stresses me out.
If you're anything like me, then I'm just get focused
on a number and then I probably will quit. So
I feel you, and I oh, why my brain works
like that. So I don't focus on a number. But

(26:12):
what I do is the things that I'm investing in
now that are going towards my health and my gut
health and just skin health, hair health. It's expensive. Even
with Life our X. You're gonna get a discount using
code cocktails, but you're paying your hard earned money for it,
and so I try to personally, I focus on that
and I'm like, there is no way I'm going to

(26:34):
invest in this and waste it. And so when I
was talking to my representative with Life our X, the
medical professional, I know, she.

Speaker 1 (26:43):
Was like, are you really talking? I was like, yeah,
because I just need you.

Speaker 3 (26:45):
To know everything I have I'm calling my whole diet
the what did I call it? The breakup diet? Because
it started That's what this whole thing started from. That's
why when I say, like I was just trying to
get a piece of happiness, and I was like, well,
what can I can control?

Speaker 1 (27:00):
Okay, I can control my health and my body.

Speaker 3 (27:02):
Yeah, And it started with the breakup diet starting to
like focus on like, okay, you have to eat, even
though I didn't want to eat, so I would eat
things that are healthy. I still do this, eat things
that are healthy but will also keep you full, but
you're not starving. So I stay stocked up with avocados.
I follow my girl Adika. Aika posts post posts, posts

(27:26):
the best snack meals, dinner meals, and they're healthy and
they're tasty. So she does sweet ptato, so I make
sure I always have a bag of sweet potatoes. I
make sure I always have a bag of avocados. I
cut the avocado in half. It doesn't even take long, y'all,
just scoop it. Keep it in the avocado half like
a bowl. Get a scoop of Greek yogurt, put a
little Kinders Blend seasoning on there, and I eat it
and it feels like I know you're gonna think this

(27:47):
sound crazy, but avocado is good fat. It feels like
you ate a meal. If you eat the whole avocado,
you really good. Like it keeps you full of rugula.
Sometimes I just be eating arugula and Greek yogurt. I
know it sounds crazy, but the fact that I have
lost this much weight, I was like, I want to
I want to cater to it, you know what I mean.
I'm in the gym also, and the trainer is not cheap.

(28:08):
I want to make make this make sense. And so
whatever resonates with you, make it just work.

Speaker 1 (28:15):
For whatever it is that you need it.

Speaker 3 (28:16):
So if you don't want to lose as much weight
as I did, because some people don't, some people like,
oh girl, don't you know, figure out your little cocktail plan. Yeah,
your own plan and just stick with it. I think
that's the part that I'm happy about, not even that
the number that I'm at, but I'm sticking to it,
and that's hard for me. And I can't lie. If
I wouldn't have been sad, I probably wouldn't have stuck
to it. And I'm just being honest, like the check

(28:38):
in sad. No, no, you know you don't, don't get sad,
but we want to check in with us, Like how
we check it in with y'all honesty?

Speaker 2 (28:46):
Yeah, because it it also helps. It's annoying sometimes when
you know you ain't been on your shit, but when
you have, it's like, okay, we can talk about this,
So hit us up. Uh, y'all use the hashtag cocktail
c O C K T A L E s R.
So we know that y'all are joining this challenge with
us and let's get to wherever we're trying to go
and help each other. Yeah, I gotta find some more recipes.

(29:10):
I have been finding new ones and like trying different
stuff out. I'm gonna have to send you one. I
think you would like it. It's it's not yogurt, but
you use yogurt to marinate the chicken. It's like some
kind of North African style dish. And I have been
making it every week and I put it. Yeah, I
made the spice blend you marinate the chicken or whatever meat.

(29:33):
I put it on a branzino, about a whole branzino
and I put it on there. It was good. It's
just so good, and I need to bring you a
pack just like a bag of the Seasons blend. But anyway,
you marinate your meat in the yogurt, and if you
didn't know, yogurt will help to tenderize it. And just
plain yogurt. This one doesn't call it for Greek yogurt,
but that would probably work too. Some lemon juice on

(29:54):
oil or avocado oil and the spice. It is so
good and you just you can grisp. It's been raining
a lot. Every time I want to go to the grill,
it starts raining. Not be mad, but I got to
indoor grill and I just have to open up that
side door because it does get smoky. Anyway, It's good
to just try these things. And I'm having more fun
cooking again and all that because I got I gotta

(30:15):
make better decisions in the kitchen because eat not that
I am. But even if I was working out, like
you can't just work out and still eat, you know,
webs every day even I want to. Anyway, y'all tag
us share with us and let us know where you are.
Even if you don't want to share a picture. I
guess that's okay, but still hit us up. So we
can all check in and make sure that we are

(30:35):
staying on top of our stuff. By the end of
the year, we can be whatever the goal is that
you have for yourself. We can all be our goals.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
We can all be our goals.

Speaker 3 (30:42):
And then by next year when you come on the
Lover Girl Trip, we're doing a thirst trap photo shoot.
Oh fun, and you could be ready. You could be ready.

Speaker 2 (30:52):
You know ed it's required. Okay, So we're gonna move
on to weird sex rest a show.

Speaker 4 (31:01):
You said a man is not a necessity. A man
is a luxury like dessert. Yeah, a man is absolutely
not necessity.

Speaker 1 (31:11):
Did you mean that to sound meaning bitter?

Speaker 2 (31:14):
Oh not at all. I adore dessert. I love man.

Speaker 1 (31:18):
I think men are the coolest, but you don't really need.

Speaker 2 (31:21):
Them to live. Weird sex story this week. I've been
fine a little short once. Okay, So this one came
from Reddit. I love Reddit. So the subject is it's
not what she's saying, Lord, it probably is. But a
woman I read it shared this story and she swears

(31:42):
that it's one hundred percent true. I don't know because
it's the Internet. But anyway, she was taking up with
this guy who she'd been casually seeing for a few months.
Things were getting hot and heavy, and he asked if
he could do something a little different. She was open
minded and said sure, thinking maybe it'd be some light
BDSN or four play girl. The man proceeds to crawl

(32:03):
to the foot of the bed, pulls out a ziplock
bag full of Cheetos, and he asks if he can
feed them to her one by one. That's not it
with his motherfucking toes.

Speaker 1 (32:19):
Was he pair?

Speaker 2 (32:21):
No, this is somebody like she had been having sex
with already. It was just like, we want to take this, well,
I want to take this to the next level, and
I want to show you how I like to feed
bitch's cheetos with my toes. Cheat toes. Anyway, She starts
laughing and thinking yeah, but he wasn't. He was dead ass.

(32:42):
So she said, no, she's not into feet or cheetos
in the bed. I forgot about that part. Yo in
the bed with cheatos, Like, we're getting ridiculous now. He
gets embarrassed, tried to laugh it off, saying I just
think it's kind of intimate. You know, that is beyond intimate.
That is too close for Why do you have a

(33:03):
Cheeto in your toes, and then I wonder what kind
of toes you got? You got them fingertoes? He has
to grab a cheeto, Well, maybe he's gonna use his
hand to just put it in there. I don't know,
but it's like, and why cheetos? And also what happened
for him to discover that he's into this. Sometimes some
of the things that people want to try, I'm like, Okay,

(33:25):
this is weird, and whether somebody wants to do it
or not doesn't matter. How did you figure out like this?
I would never think to put a cheeto in my
toes and feed it to somebody or be fed from
somebody's foot.

Speaker 3 (33:38):
Do you have anything like super weird that you are like,
I'm gonna do this one day with somebody who won't
think is weird.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
I'm pretty plain, Jane, Actually, I think because like what
anyway he says, it's kind of intimate. She ended up
letting him feed her one. I didn't think that that
was I don't want to do it. Well, let me
see why are you so adamant about this? Let me
check it out. Maybe you know someone I don't know.
She let him feed them feed her one with his

(34:05):
hand just to smooth things over. Needless to say, that
was the last hook up. Now, I don't know if
she had sex with them or not that night, but
she did let them eat a cheeto. She probably has
so upset that she needed a snack and then say, Okay,
you can go ahead and hit it, but I'm about
to quit it. And I don't blame her.

Speaker 1 (34:23):
She probably has X for him.

Speaker 2 (34:24):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. She hit it that night,
but that was it.

Speaker 3 (34:27):
Women always do this thing of like we don't want
to hurt somebody's feelings, so you just gonna do it.

Speaker 1 (34:31):
Y'all stop doing that. But Thuras I would have took
the cheetos and pored him out.

Speaker 2 (34:35):
Well, I like Cheetos. I'm not gonna waste so good cheetos.
But we're not about to be playing foot seat with
the cheetos. Anyway. That's said for weird sa If y'all
have seen anything on the internet, anything anywhere you want
to tell your friend's business, we won't share names. Send
it on over weird Sex at cocktailspot dot com and
now we'll move on to everything else. Okay, so this week.

(34:59):
Last week we had Ashley on from sex with Ashley,
and we had a whole bunch of things to talk about,
but we didn't get through all of them, so I
saved some for us to just talk about with us.
One of the things was she's a sex educator and
she's telling people things, teaching people things because she learned right.
I thought about sex education and it's been on my

(35:20):
mind a lot ever since we did the episode, because
ahead of the show, like planning out the show, I
keep thinking like, what was I taught? I don't remember
if it was you or somebody else. No, it was
when I was on Poor Mind where we were talking
about like what did your parents teach you about dating?

Speaker 1 (35:38):
And when about dating? Not sex dating?

Speaker 2 (35:40):
Yeah, And so then it made me think after that,
I was like, what have I actually been taught from
someone else about sex? Pleasure was definitely never a thing
like that. It was really just like don't get pregnant.
And then in school they would tell us some stuff.
But even like magazines, books and stuff. For so much

(36:03):
of the stuff that I've learned, I learned about sex
early on. It just seemed like, Okay, this is how
you please someone else. It was never about us or
it's not about like really figuring out what you want.
It's about whoever else And I didn't really like that.
I wanted to talk to Ashley about it. We didn't
get to it, but I wanted to ask you, what,

(36:25):
if anything, were you actually taught about sex from anyone,
like growing up in early adulthood and what do you
wish you would have been taught that you had to
learn on your own later? Did you learn did anybody
teach you anything about sex?

Speaker 4 (36:40):
For real?

Speaker 3 (36:41):
You know, teach me anything like like because I.

Speaker 2 (36:49):
Mean like anything like okay. For example, with me, we
didn't have a lot of deep discussions about what happened, like, Okay,
I know you have sex, and you can get pregnant.
You can also get different STIs diseases, viruses, some things
are curable, some things are but we didn't really go
into details. It's like, don't do it because this will

(37:10):
happen and then later, like even in classes learning like
the different parts of my body and what I could
touch to feel good, Like even at a college level,
I took a human sexuality class, there wasn't a lot
about pleasure for women specifically, And as I reflect on
my life, it just makes me think so now that
your mom is gonna teach you how to have sex

(37:31):
and the positions, but like my mom, are any feelings
or anything.

Speaker 3 (37:35):
My mom was really hands on and open minded about that,
like the educational part of like, you do need to
know your body parts and you need to know that
safety with them and good touch bad touch.

Speaker 1 (37:52):
Like she definitely went through that with us.

Speaker 3 (37:53):
But we had to learn about puberty at home, not
even a school because I don't even really remember sex
at school.

Speaker 1 (37:58):
I'm trying to remember. I'm like, I don't even think
I learned it.

Speaker 2 (38:01):
In the health class. It was very Yeah, the whole
school year.

Speaker 1 (38:05):
Yeah, my mom.

Speaker 3 (38:06):
Made us watch she I remember it would be almost
every Saturday, or at least two saturdays out of the month,
and Malik would have to watch this video.

Speaker 1 (38:15):
She'd get these.

Speaker 3 (38:16):
Videos the library, I guess the library, and we had
to watch them separately, and me and Macca would be
together and Malik would have his video to watch and
it was about puberty and it was these it was
like a collection of like the same tapes and they
would have these scenarios. I remember there was one about kidnapping,
and then there was one about your body, and there
was different series, and it was just like teaching girls.

(38:38):
One day you'll start your period, and she, my mom
taught us that, and she taught us about our vaginas.
This is a vagina. This is not a cookie, This
is not a milki. You know how people give it
cute names. This is a vagina. And she would you know,
one day it's gonna grow hair. She would talk about
stuff like that, and you might start feeling certain things
like she would say that.

Speaker 1 (38:57):
She never really talked about sex.

Speaker 3 (38:58):
The only time that she really talked about sex was
when I was going to college. And I remember we were
at the Parks Mall and I think it was my
last weekend in Texas and it was me and my
mom and my brother were at the Parks mo. We
sat down in the food court. I got a little
bourbon chicken and rice. Going to the mall, get a
little bourbon chicken and rice with the juice on the rice.

(39:19):
And we were sitting there and I'm just eating my
little bourbon chicken and my mom was like, we just
want to talk to you about college.

Speaker 1 (39:25):
You're about to go to Atlanta.

Speaker 3 (39:26):
I didn't know what to expect from Atlanta, and I
thought Sierra was going to be dancing on cars and
step teams will be marching down the streets. I just
couldn't wait to find Bobby Valentino. I mean, you couldn't
tell me anything. I was like, I am going to Atlanta.
I'm gonna want two step. I wasn't thinking about sex anyways.

(39:48):
That My mom was like, listen, and I want your
brother to be a part of this, because you just
need to know from a man, like how the men
are going to be looking at you coming as a freshman.
And they and they talked about it in that aspect,
and they my mom and my brother. They were like,
you're gonna have sex in college, and this is probably
gonna be a time when you have the most sex
of your life.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
I remember them verbati.

Speaker 3 (40:07):
I'm saying that, and you need to protect yourself and
you need to be careful. And my mom was just
really adamant on like, you know, don't be doing the
drunk sex and don't.

Speaker 1 (40:16):
I'm like, whoa nothing?

Speaker 2 (40:18):
But thank.

Speaker 3 (40:20):
God, then God got my back because somebody is watching
out for me. But they did, my mom and my dad,
I gotta say both of them. I was talking to
a guy friend about this the other day, cause he
has kids, and I asked him did he know do
you know your child? And he was like, what do
you mean by the like, yeah know my child? No, no, no,
but do you really know your child? Like do you
know if he's having sex? He not doing that yet,

(40:42):
he's about to go to college, you know, like do
you ever have you had the conversation?

Speaker 2 (40:47):
Like, have you had the conversation?

Speaker 1 (40:48):
I just have you had the conversation?

Speaker 3 (40:50):
I love that I had parents that weren't the conversation
is uncomfortable, but they didn't let that stop them, you
know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (40:56):
They were like you like, what kind of stuff would
your dad say?

Speaker 1 (40:59):
I'll never forget.

Speaker 3 (41:01):
My dad told me me and Hannah were cracking.

Speaker 1 (41:04):
I told Hannah this story. I didn't my dad didn't
want his girls being stupid.

Speaker 3 (41:09):
And my dad one day was like, come sit down
talk to me and I was like, because we were
crying over somebody every every other month.

Speaker 1 (41:17):
My dad was like, you cannot be an oakie dope girl.

Speaker 3 (41:21):
And I was like, what is that? You know, old
people just be having words that make sense and.

Speaker 2 (41:26):
We need to know what this means.

Speaker 1 (41:28):
I was like, what's an oki do?

Speaker 2 (41:30):
Girl?

Speaker 3 (41:30):
It means you just okay with everything, you know, never
make a decision, you just let you just okay, you
just okay, okay. That's an okie dog girl. You know
what happens to Oki dough girls. And my dad started
telling me about some Oakie dope girls back in his day.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (41:42):
And I mean he had a real conversation with me,
like I wasn't his daughter.

Speaker 3 (41:46):
If you go out here and you act like this
with men, this is what's gonna happen.

Speaker 1 (41:50):
Do not do that. Every man that you sleep with
is not gonna love you.

Speaker 3 (41:55):
I mean he's he was talking to me like an
He doesn't always talk to me like that, but in
that specific situation, he was like, you really need to
get this through your mind like that, you're gonna be
sitting here sad all the time. Men don't work like that.
Get up you know that girl? Then she's like stand up.
But then when I was really heartbroken and it really
was a loving situation, my dad could handle that differently.

Speaker 1 (42:15):
My dad never talked to me about sex.

Speaker 3 (42:16):
It was like relationships, relationships and dealing with me.

Speaker 1 (42:21):
But he never was like talking about sex.

Speaker 3 (42:23):
And I think I'm fine with that, but My parents
just wanted us all to have a level of awareness
with everything, just like just know what you're doing, if
you're gonna do it, know what you're gonna do. And
so I appreciate that they like so teaching me. I
think they just taught me to like, these are the
things that can happen. And you don't want to be

(42:46):
like such and such, do you?

Speaker 5 (42:50):
Well, yeah, I bet it's hard to be a parent
because it's just you really have a whole person that
you hope, you hope, especially when you send them way
out into the world, you hope your child's not stupid,
and you really don't know until you go let them.

Speaker 1 (43:05):
I mean, you don't know if you had a dumban baby.

Speaker 2 (43:07):
Bird has to like try and you can't like make
decisions for your child forever because they don't learn, they
don't know, and one day you won't do it or
you can't do it, and then what like part of
parenting I think is to give your kids the tools
to be independent and to be able to do these
things without having to call you for every little thing

(43:30):
and needing your approval or your guidance all the time.
Sometimes okay, but hopefully if you are thinking about this
as you are raising your children. They're learning all along
the way. What have you learned about establishing actual boundaries
with sex for you? Nobody teaching you this, But what

(43:52):
have you learned? And is it hard you think? I
don't think it's hard for me to set boundaries with sex,
with like what I want, what I like, what I
don't like, and all of that. The boundaries that are
hard for me is like the other stuff, not sex sex.

(44:13):
I can be very like, no, I'm not doing that,
the other stuff. That's when I make concessions, like maybe
I don't. I can't think of something specific, it'll take
me too long. But just thinking about how like you
deal with another person when you're dating, the relationship style stuff.
Maybe there's something that I wasn't okay with or we
talk about it, or I didn't even know I wasn't

(44:34):
okay with it, something happens, we talk about it, I'm like,
I don't like this. I might not be as strong
with my boundary about how somebody acts and make a
million excuses or just be hopeful because it's like, okay,
I do things set upset people, if then people hurt people,
and if you call me out on it. I would
like some room to be able to make a change,
because if I wasn't intentionally trying to hurt you, Okay,

(44:56):
I didn't think about it like that. I hear you,
I see it, I get it. I want to change,
but I'd be doing that too damn much. And I
wish that I would be better with boundaries in every
aspect of life, not just some stuff. You know, what's
it like for you with boundaries?

Speaker 3 (45:13):
Boundaries with sex? I guess where I'm lacking them is
I don't If I'm being honest, I don't think I'm
good at the.

Speaker 1 (45:25):
Like no means no part, like even just on my behalf.

Speaker 3 (45:29):
I feel like maybe there's a lot of women that
struggle with that, where like you maybe don't want to
have sex, and you and you still do.

Speaker 1 (45:38):
You know what I mean, It's like like why do you?
Why are you?

Speaker 3 (45:43):
Why don't you just not go to the house or
you know what I mean, like if you really know that's.

Speaker 2 (45:48):
What, or leave the house if you're there.

Speaker 3 (45:51):
I think for me, it's like a just don't go
you are sometimes you already know the vibes of like
what somebody is on, and then you and you already
also know that you're not good at saying no, and
so you're like, but I'm still gonna go and have
the drink, And now here I am, he's slowly taking.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
My drawers down. I'm like, I didn't want to do this,
and now.

Speaker 3 (46:13):
It was like, ah, like I'm not good with that,
and that is something, honestly that I'm working on.

Speaker 1 (46:19):
Now.

Speaker 3 (46:19):
That's why I don't I'm not putting myself even around
it until I can trust myself enough to know that
I can be like, you know what, No, I'm actually
not gonna do that. And if you don't like me
after that, you just don't like me after that.

Speaker 2 (46:31):
What do you think makes it hard for you to
stick to like I don't want to do this.

Speaker 1 (46:38):
Because sometimes I think that I battle with the.

Speaker 3 (46:42):
You can have sex and not need a relationship, when
if I'm being honest, I personally am not like that anymore.
There was a time when it was like okay, but
then when I look back at it, it's like.

Speaker 1 (46:53):
Well, was it really okay? Because then there was.

Speaker 3 (46:55):
Times when you having crash out moments, you drinking a lot,
you acting crazy, and let's not a time it came
from it somebody's son.

Speaker 1 (47:02):
So like I'm trying to figure that out.

Speaker 3 (47:04):
It's like I don't really want to do that, Like
I feel like I don't even I'm starting to get
turned off if you even try to too soon, because
it's like this is a like I don't I feel
I've been feeling powerful, like I told you that, like
when we when I told you like not having a
man in me right now, like I feel like I
have so much power. I feel so light and so

(47:24):
how dare you think you're getting it? You know, I
don't think I'm better than anybody. I just feel like
I don't know some of my behavior. I can't even
believe that I was doing that. I have fun, don't
get twisted. You know, I probably do like I'm human,
like I have to do it. But they're still just
sometimes where it's like, Wow, there were some people where
it was like I really laid down with you and
I am appalled, Like have you ever seen somebody out

(47:47):
at the store or something.

Speaker 2 (47:48):
I just instantly feel embarrassed, Like y'all ever had a
flashback moment and you feel embarrassed. It's worse when you
see the person you're standing there and you're looking at them,
and maybe they're talking to you and you're stuck. They're
probably still stuck on stupid like they were when you
were blind, and they think that you just must be
spending exciting and it's really like, I can't believe I
did this shit, and you're just running through everything that

(48:09):
you ever did, considered, cried over and all that bullshit,
and for what. I'm actually about to move on to disgust.
But I'm just in shock right now because I wasn't
expecting to see you. What about not like somebody you're
not in a relationship, but you are in a relationship
with someone you've already had sex and it's fine to
have sex with them, but maybe in this moment or

(48:32):
a phase or something, you don't want to do it.
That's someone that's harder for me than just like, I'm
not fucking you, I haven't fucked you, I'm not about to.
I'm sorry that you thought that that one's easier to
say no to than somebody who've already had sex with
been having sex with. Maybe I'm sad, maybe I'm depressed,
or maybe I'm mad at them or trying to figure
something out, or just not feeling great. I don't be lately.

(48:55):
I don't want to have sex when I'm not feeling great.
It's not something to fix. I think that's when shit
be getting all confused and bad and bad.

Speaker 1 (49:04):
And I feel like a lot of women struggle with that.

Speaker 3 (49:06):
I struggle with that, Like I think I've said it
a few times on this on the show I was
a wanted to say on this podcast, like it.

Speaker 1 (49:12):
Wasn't like I'm not a part of anyway.

Speaker 3 (49:14):
I've said it a few times, but that was, honestly
the first time I've ever really dealt with something like that,
where it's like you're in the relationship and in loving
the person and like you don't want to have sex,
and like the person is really like excuse me, ma'am.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
But you did put your foot down, so was it easier?

Speaker 1 (49:34):
And I didn't put my foot down right away?

Speaker 3 (49:35):
I was feeling that I didn't want to have sex
and my body wouldn't.

Speaker 1 (49:39):
Wouldn't my body I never have like a dry vagina ever,
and it just wouldn't. It just wouldn't.

Speaker 3 (49:48):
And I was like, oh my god, I'm trying to
figure out my body. Why is it doing this? Like
why I am attracted to him? The sex is really good,
why is it doing so? I didn't want to hurt
his feelings. I think what happens with me is I
get so concerned about Well, another reason why I'm taking
a break. I'm more concerned about your feelings than mine.
I'm more concerned about you being upset that so though,

(50:10):
so I won't even address what I'm going through.

Speaker 1 (50:12):
So for the longest I didn't tell him.

Speaker 3 (50:14):
I was just I'm a great actress and I'm going
through the emotions and doing it and performing yeah, and like.
And then one day I was like, I'm just not
feeling this and like.

Speaker 4 (50:26):
It.

Speaker 3 (50:27):
Like he was okay with it for like an like
a few nights, and then after that it was like.

Speaker 2 (50:31):
Like it was like they wrat this shit up.

Speaker 3 (50:34):
It was like the way that certain men can get
where it's like you actually feel like you you.

Speaker 1 (50:39):
Get a part of my body. You're not even my husband.
If you're my husband, I think I could kind of
get it.

Speaker 3 (50:43):
But even still, this is somebody's body. I'm trying to
figure it out. I'm trying. I do like sex, so
we should all be concerned, like what is going on,
like and why do I feel like it? I feel
like this, it's more necessary for me to be concerned
about you than it is me trying to figure out
what the fuck is going on with me? And I

(51:04):
mean it caused it caused like a lot of mental breakdowns,
like of like me being like, dang, like he's right no.

Speaker 1 (51:14):
About me being.

Speaker 3 (51:15):
Wrong for not having sex with him. Now, I really
was like, no, no, wait a minute, you're not right.

Speaker 2 (51:19):
Did he ever say like a reason that he felt
like you were wrong for that? Yeah, you're just like
I want it and we're together, you know, this is this.

Speaker 3 (51:28):
Is It was so degrading and embarrassing that like, and
he didn't say this verbatim, but there were some things
that he said where it was like, because because of
some of the things that he felt like he did
for me, how dare I at the.

Speaker 1 (51:48):
Least not have sex with you?

Speaker 3 (51:50):
And I just think that's a wild that's just that's
if anybody is in a situation like that, that's not okay.
And and I had to have somebody, a friend of mine,
tell me that that is a form of emotional abuse.

Speaker 1 (52:04):
Yeah, And I wasn't looking at it like that because
we're used to it.

Speaker 3 (52:08):
You're used to like if the man won't have sexy
you just do it, and you just do it because
that's not fair. You started off having sex, how dare
you not drop your drolls for him?

Speaker 1 (52:20):
Now?

Speaker 2 (52:22):
Like men can change their minds, they can do all
of these different things, but we have to stay the sun.

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Speaker 1 (54:01):
I said I'm struggling.

Speaker 3 (54:03):
I remember, I was like, I'm really struggling with like
it was a lot going on my I don't know
if I have said this. Where my dad had cancer
and that was a lot. It was a lot of
stuff going on. I was trying to get through real
estate school. I was trying to pivot into a career
so that I could make more money because he didn't

(54:26):
think that I made enough money and it was really
it was so much judgment going on in the house,
but it wasn't like a it was weird because it
wasn't like you're going upside my head and screaming and
like you We were still having a good time. But
there would be things that he would say that would
affect me. He didn't even know what e fact it was.
It was mean, and it was like he didn't even

(54:48):
know it though.

Speaker 1 (54:49):
He was just like.

Speaker 3 (54:51):
Some of the stuff I've already said, and he was
just like, well, I mean, I'm right, and I would
just be like.

Speaker 1 (54:57):
Can we were talking.

Speaker 2 (54:58):
About I'm the one that is right about how I
feel if I'm telling you. I think that's something too
that lately I've been seeing people say a lot of things.
I'm sure a lot of it had to do with
the Diddy trial and all that, and people's discourse online
about how they view abuse, and somebody was like, oh,

(55:20):
y'all should cover it on the show. No, first of all,
I'm gonna get you worked out. Those kind of topics
are very touchy, and something that I think that people
don't realize or forget or don't consider is like abuse
and control. They go hand in hand, right, but it's

(55:42):
not always violent, it's not always loud, it's not always
ugly looking. And sometimes people think, well, because he doesn't
actually hit you or he shoved you, he didn't give
you a black eye, somebody always has it worse. Those
kind of things will have people with themselves to accept

(56:02):
something but like, no, it's all not okay, And the
baseline should be how you actually feel inside. Nobody else
can tell you if that person hurts you really bad.
It's up to does it hurt, Like maybe it's not
that big of a deal to somebody else, really and truly,
but if it's a big deal to you, it's a
big deal. It's just it and it's you.

Speaker 1 (56:22):
And that's just it.

Speaker 3 (56:23):
There were several times when we would have conversations about
the show, and that's something that always gets like very
sensitive because it's like it used to get to a
point to talk about boundaries. It's like, wow, like I
had to work on boundaries on standing up for myself,
being an advocate for myself, which, if I'm being honest,
I'm not good at that. Like I can be an
advocate for other people, but sometimes people say some wild

(56:46):
things to me and I'll just be like, you're probably right,
I probably do need to change that. And sometimes it's
that's not always the answer. It's like, bro, if you
want to change this much about me, you probably need
to go get a whole different person.

Speaker 1 (56:56):
Like I don't really know what you want to do. Everybody.

Speaker 3 (56:58):
I don't hide nothing. It's like I go meet people
and be like, don't know, bike tell him, but the pop.

Speaker 1 (57:02):
No, you're gonna know, and like the first.

Speaker 2 (57:05):
Conversation if you don't know already, yeah, and.

Speaker 1 (57:08):
Like not in a flexi type of way, it's just like, oh, yeah,
I got this podcast.

Speaker 3 (57:11):
Like anyways, it started to be like this conversation and
a man came up in the airport and was like,
oh I listened to the show's when we were we
were going somewhere and I don't I can't remember, but
I was like thank you, like think and he wasn't disrespectful.
I always introduced him immediately because I also am really
big on respect.

Speaker 1 (57:30):
That's when anybody's sitting there, you don't just.

Speaker 2 (57:32):
Saying while you keep going because I gotta put a
pin in that because I've got something to say about them. Introduction,
I'll just.

Speaker 3 (57:37):
Be like, oh yeah, great to meet you things, this show,
this is my boyfriend, such and such, thank you and like.
It started to get to the point where sometimes he
would say things like, you're proud of that.

Speaker 2 (57:49):
Excuse me, you don't take your black ass whole? Are
you not coming with me for us to do something
for this thing that you're insinuating. I should not be
proud of no type on your computer.

Speaker 3 (58:02):
I would be like yeah, And then I remember one time,
the last one of the last times we talked. This
is probably what really ended it because I went the
fuck off, I'm talking about awe good, I'm.

Speaker 1 (58:11):
Talking about it got DISRESPECTU. I think I called him gay.
It was you know, you just mad.

Speaker 2 (58:15):
When you do that. I ain't really no coming back.
You gotta be sure.

Speaker 3 (58:18):
Yeah, I called him gay, and I said, I said
some bad y'all know how I can get you.

Speaker 1 (58:23):
I got there.

Speaker 3 (58:24):
But I told him, I said, you know, you look
at some of the things in my life as like
a like a like it's a failure. And I look
at I look at cocktails.

Speaker 1 (58:34):
It makes my eyes get juicy.

Speaker 3 (58:36):
I'm not gonna be crying, but I look at when
anybody has anything negative say which hasn't happened in a
really long time. But anybody close normally family members are
people close to you that don't know how hard you
worked and how much just what Karen and I have
gone through to just keep going and the work that
goes into and I looked. I remember I was just

(58:57):
like wow, Like we were in therapy, all of them
about whole year in there. I was really just in
there fighting for my life, like just getting tossed around
five for my life, Like what the fuck did I
do to desert? Anyway, I was like, let me tell
you something. I was like, we took something that was nothing.
I don't whatever you got going on? Anybody who took
something that was nothing? And we we had at one

(59:18):
time there was nobody listening to this show.

Speaker 1 (59:22):
Kiera and are.

Speaker 3 (59:23):
Two women, two women, two a woman band, traveling death's
in the family, dealing with depression. We don't always get along.
We took something and we saw a picture and a
vision and we stuck to it, you know what I mean, Like,
it's not like that. What is so disrespectful? I just

(59:45):
remember being like, you look at that because you.

Speaker 2 (59:47):
Have say that though, like what was what was it
about the show that he felt like you shouldn't be proud.
Is it because you just trying to pretend to be conservative?

Speaker 3 (59:57):
No, it was you know, when we would have like
serious conversation and even though they were still to me,
it was just rude.

Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
But we just weren't gonna It just came out that
we just weren't. It just wasn't. This wasn't gonna work.
I was with somebody who is so militant with.

Speaker 3 (01:00:15):
Everything, Like he wasn't even in the military, right he wasn't,
but he worked very close with them mm hmm. And
he was very just like structured to the point where
I thought it was so attractive.

Speaker 1 (01:00:27):
Like when I first met him, I was like, this
is I remember you're talking about that. It was just
it was so attractive.

Speaker 3 (01:00:32):
And I still think structure like that and people is attractive,
Like just like this type of discipline, the type of
I look at people, whatever you've built, whatever you've done,
whether you're entrepreneur or you work for somebody, like I think,
I just I respect it anybody's hustle. And he he
did that, and I was like, wow, like six figures
before thirty uh, all of these accomplishments that he had

(01:00:54):
on this list that he actually met I was I
was very like proud of him. That's so amazing that
you stuck to that and you didn't come for money,
you know what I mean. Yeah, And he when he
met me, even though he knew everything about me, like
you already knew, I wasn't like you. There ain't no
way you walk in my house and think I'm like
you like you, Like I don't have color codes in

(01:01:15):
the closet, that's how.

Speaker 1 (01:01:17):
That's how. Yeah, I don't even know. It is something
beyond organized.

Speaker 3 (01:01:20):
Because even when we started to blend our lives and
I moved in, that ended up being an issue because
when we started living together, it wasn't like mine. I
was like, this is ours, and it was like all
of my stuff. People be like, don't put that there,
but put it. It was just OCD to.

Speaker 2 (01:01:35):
Those like you're a stay over girlfriend for the weekend
living together.

Speaker 3 (01:01:41):
I remember, So I was like, I can't even get
comfortable because you take everything in more move it because
it's the excuse is it's not organized.

Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
No, it's not how you want it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:51):
And so it just everything was like that, and so
he was starting to look in my life and just
nitpick everything, like you don't have your life together, look
at my life and look at yours verbatim. And it
was just like, oh, I don't know if. And I
would really just sit in the car and cry and
talk to other people in relationships and be like, is
this how this goes? Are people in the house dealing
with this? And surprisingly I found out a lot of

(01:02:12):
people are like married people like you're in the house.

Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
Just being ripped apart, like and Kiki.

Speaker 3 (01:02:22):
It was just I learned a lot about a lot myself,
people paying attention to things partnership, because that was another thing.
It was like he only looked at partnership being a
good partner as being able to contribute financially, and that's
this was always an argument. That's not the only part
of partnership. Yes, you need to be able to contribute.
There are so many other things that you need. People

(01:02:43):
need to contribute to a partnership that matter.

Speaker 2 (01:02:48):
Yeah, everything is not money.

Speaker 1 (01:02:50):
Who is going to love in this?

Speaker 3 (01:02:53):
Like?

Speaker 1 (01:02:53):
Who can you even do?

Speaker 4 (01:02:55):
You?

Speaker 3 (01:02:55):
He didn't have We didn't have the capacity to give
each other what we actually need to.

Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
When it got down to the nitty gritty part of
like just a relationship, what did you need that you
were missing. I need love, like love but kind love.

Speaker 2 (01:03:12):
What you mean when I say how would somebody do that?

Speaker 1 (01:03:16):
You do that by.

Speaker 3 (01:03:19):
Just a missing parts being able to emote. I know
what you feel, because you're gonna know what I feel, happy, sad, angry.

Speaker 1 (01:03:28):
I can tell you that.

Speaker 3 (01:03:30):
But if I got to try to figure this out,
like because you just don't tell anybody anything, and this
isn't funny, but I know it was funny. That was
why I went through the journal. Who the fuck am
I with about that? Like I couldn't take it anymore.
I was like, this doesn't make sense. Like I was like,
I have to know what what is your emotion?

Speaker 2 (01:03:50):
Wait a minute, So what was y'all doing in therapy?

Speaker 1 (01:03:53):
He wasn't in therapy. But that's not that's not if
you're someone in therapy, I can only do this in therapy.

Speaker 2 (01:04:00):
She not in here with us. Do you think that
maybe he thought I know that I'm the right one
between the two of us. So if I say it
with the third party, she's gonna tell her and I already.

Speaker 3 (01:04:12):
Never even happened, and he did never that almost if
I'm being honest, most of the time we would sitting
in therapy, the therapist would be like.

Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
I was right, and it wasn't about right or wrong.

Speaker 3 (01:04:22):
It was about like, do you see the other person
if you tell me you would like for me to
change something good or bad, healthy or not. If I'm
in a relationship with you, nine times out of ten,
I'm gonna change it. We go, Let's see how it goes.
Let's see how it goes.

Speaker 2 (01:04:36):
Do you take a beat to see, like, do I
think I even want to change this? Or do I
like how I am? Do you do that?

Speaker 3 (01:04:44):
And that's why I don't need to be in nobody's relationship.
You're right, because that doesn't that.

Speaker 1 (01:04:49):
You should because how you feel, Yeah, how do you feel?
And I feel like I don't really know, like I
really well.

Speaker 2 (01:04:59):
I feel like he had you fucked up and he's
that's wild, Like it was you got me going to therapy. However,
often y'all would go and you all, this is the time,
the only time you want to talk. I think if
I was in your shoes in a situation like that
with someone, I would want to keep going because it
is like, this is the only time I get to
hear it, So let's hear He's the only time I
get and if I still have feelings like I want

(01:05:21):
to work through this, that has to be exhausted.

Speaker 1 (01:05:25):
It was exhausting, it was scary.

Speaker 3 (01:05:26):
But then it was weird because like relationships are and
love is so weird because then we still had some
beautiful moments together even through all of this. It was
like everything wasn't a lie. It's not like I was
sitting here like telling the stuff about our religion. It
was like, I'm really like no, it was like it
was great, and then it just wasn't like it wasn't.

Speaker 2 (01:05:45):
I think when you still want something and you're still
in something, it's easy to like no matter if it's
twenty seven things on the pro list and one hundred
and thirty seven on the odds, is still like I
don't care. I mean I care.

Speaker 1 (01:06:00):
I love you.

Speaker 2 (01:06:00):
I love you. I'm gonna work it out. I'm gonna
focus on the positive and not get stuck in the negativity.

Speaker 1 (01:06:08):
But when you ask me what do I need? This
is what I need.

Speaker 3 (01:06:11):
And this was always the fight, and this is again
why I'm not dating, because I don't know if I
can find it.

Speaker 2 (01:06:17):
But I need.

Speaker 1 (01:06:19):
Let me not say need.

Speaker 3 (01:06:20):
I would like for you to not give up on me.
I'm the type of person where it's like, I don't
really give up on people.

Speaker 1 (01:06:31):
I don't give up on people. I believe in you
and you know it, or I don't you.

Speaker 3 (01:06:36):
Know what I mean, and I'm not gonna be with you,
you know what I Mean's like if I'm with somebody
who's trying to be a rapper or something, I really
don't believe in you, like I'm not like, I don't
tear you down.

Speaker 2 (01:06:45):
If it's something that you're working towards. Don't just like
who you are, like and hope and I'm gonna change
when I am happy with who I am, but I'm
working towards something. This is what I'm going to You
can't give up because it's not on your timeline.

Speaker 3 (01:06:59):
Yeah no, And there was there was no uplifting like
the things that like, not that the cheering is always necessary.
I don't really need a lot of applause, but like
from the person that I'm in a relationship, I do.
I'm the type person where I do need you to say, like,
I really see you and you're doing a great job.

Speaker 1 (01:07:16):
I remember, Oh we can't real vulnerable.

Speaker 3 (01:07:18):
I remember I was I've been reading a lot about shame,
and it talks about how like if you hold things in,
it just festers and you feel even more shameful because
you're like, dang, like you all share that. Nobody and
went through that when nine times out of ten everybody
has a lot of embarrassing shit that they're still putting
up with.

Speaker 4 (01:07:33):
There was.

Speaker 3 (01:07:36):
There was a moment where we had another conversation. My
car wasn't clean, and normally it is, but I was
really stressed. Again, We're in therapy and you had a
depression car I had.

Speaker 1 (01:07:49):
I was in real estate school. I was stressed. I
was trying to pass the test. I was trying to
learn I don't do good and stuff like that.

Speaker 3 (01:07:54):
I was crying every day, Dads, sick, everybody falling apart,
like my whole family. It just felt like everybody was
in having an attack on them. When I say, don't
give up on me, like I need you to see me,
I need you to see pay attention to things we
would be sitting there talking about like I don't know
why she's acting like this, You don't you you.

Speaker 2 (01:08:16):
All of these other these outside things plus was what
I've shared, what I have actually shared with you. You
didn't have to play a guests and game. I'm telling you.
You see it and you're confused, and you're confused.

Speaker 4 (01:08:27):
So I was.

Speaker 3 (01:08:28):
I was helping out some people in my family financially,
which I really shouldn't have even been doing.

Speaker 1 (01:08:32):
But again, I'm gonna do it. Sometimes I'll do it.
There's certain people in all for your like, if listen,
we're gonna figure this out.

Speaker 3 (01:08:39):
He thought that was irresponsible. Okay, you're a liability. You're
like it was like everything was like, you're gonna take
all my money and spend it. He never said that,
but it was like the actions were like that.

Speaker 1 (01:08:48):
So I remember he had said, dang, I just I
forgot what I was about to say. He said, this.

Speaker 2 (01:09:00):
Happened on next Gen NYC for my girls, who hit
me up and said, Joab and watching.

Speaker 3 (01:09:05):
I've seen some people in the comments saying that was
a good that was a good plug that you told
him about.

Speaker 1 (01:09:09):
I can't start watching it, but.

Speaker 2 (01:09:10):
It's an easy watch. I love watching rich people go
through rich people's ship so that I can escape with
regular Why yeah, you gotta watch it on TV. And
then she say okay, well this.

Speaker 3 (01:09:23):
Is what Okay, my car is not paid off. I
have never had any shame about that. My car is
not paid off. I never have had any shame about that.

Speaker 2 (01:09:32):
He was got car notes if they got a damn car.

Speaker 1 (01:09:35):
I don't know who he thought he got into a
relationship with. And I don't know how you thought I living.

Speaker 3 (01:09:41):
Maybe because you know what people you know how people
really are, like you are your circle, Like I know
I've gotten everyone around me is somebody or making money.

Speaker 1 (01:09:48):
Not that you're a famous person, but you just have
done really well. But also I'm like.

Speaker 2 (01:09:53):
They some of them still got car anyway, if we
have in car notes, and it's depending on what you're
getting alone on especially homes, you don't need to spend
up all your cash even if you had enough cash
to buy it. Well, cars different in the house, but
you know it is it's just like the car. Why
do you have to Why are you making me feel
a way about a car?

Speaker 3 (01:10:12):
Not?

Speaker 2 (01:10:13):
That's weird.

Speaker 3 (01:10:13):
The carno became an issue. He was like, I have
three cars, and just listen, I have three cars. We're
really sitting here at I think we were even on
a date, at dinner, not at date. I have three
cars and they're all paid off. Check please, and you
I'm already in the relationship.

Speaker 1 (01:10:33):
We didn't put we not. I wasn't check please. I
was like, can you just pay it off?

Speaker 3 (01:10:38):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:10:38):
That set it?

Speaker 3 (01:10:39):
That set it off? Could you have PTSD? I don't
want a man to buy me dinner. Don't ask me
if I need anything. I don't want your money. And
we need to be very clear. I don't want anything
from you. I have never been that type of person.

Speaker 2 (01:10:52):
You have turned into a white family.

Speaker 3 (01:10:53):
If you ask I have PTSD, I truly do. I
don't know what the fuck these niggas want.

Speaker 2 (01:10:58):
You want to lead, you want not you want to help,
but then you mad I want to be in charge,
but you want us to do the same work. You
want to be getting a promotion, but we got the
same otherfucking job. Hell no, I don't.

Speaker 4 (01:11:11):
I don't.

Speaker 1 (01:11:12):
I've never even said I don't want to work. I
was like, oh, well I don't.

Speaker 5 (01:11:16):
I have a car.

Speaker 1 (01:11:17):
No, I don't really know what you want me to do.
That's my situation.

Speaker 3 (01:11:21):
It was.

Speaker 1 (01:11:22):
It got this got really bad, and I can't believe that.

Speaker 2 (01:11:26):
I can't believe it's over a carno.

Speaker 1 (01:11:28):
No, there were several of this at this other thing. Yeah,
I can't believe that he would get worked out.

Speaker 3 (01:11:33):
It was something different every it started to be something
different about me. And then if I I'm not going
to share his business here because that would be disrespectful.

Speaker 1 (01:11:40):
But if I told you some of the things that
he did, everybody really would be.

Speaker 3 (01:11:44):
Like, Okay, go to Thailand now and just move into
the jungle and raise the elephants, because what is you doing?

Speaker 1 (01:11:51):
Like I really was like, Okay, you gotta don't. It's
weird because I feel like I've dated every type of man.

Speaker 3 (01:11:58):
You can't let the man that looks good on paper
for you because that's what happened, and he looks great
on paper, But what do we look like in real life?
And it's interesting because if I feel like I don't
look good on paper, but I feel like I do
look good in real life. And I'm not talking about
physical I'm talking about like who you are at your core?
How yeah, how you show up for people, You help
people even if you don't got it, Like what are

(01:12:19):
you talking about? Like what are you talking about?

Speaker 2 (01:12:23):
That's wild? I think that, Like I think that's what
upsets me and annoys me. And why I log off
the internet so much, no' and be wanting to talk
to anybody on there for real, because so often you
see these things like you just said you want to lead,
but then you want this, and y'all are arguing about
you financing a car. Many people finance cars and a

(01:12:45):
ton of other shit. Right, many men would be like, Okay,
let me get you on track. Let me get you
on track, and let me show you how to do this.
And this wasn't a trick situation. He really had me
feeling like my last person that I was dealing with
would have never had me even if I would have.
First of all, I don't do that. I'm not like
pay my carnal.

Speaker 1 (01:13:01):
I don't do that.

Speaker 2 (01:13:02):
I can pay it.

Speaker 3 (01:13:04):
The last man I know when I he has kind
of come back around, like what happened? I told him
some of these things and he was like, that's absolutely wild.

Speaker 4 (01:13:11):
It is.

Speaker 3 (01:13:11):
That's absolutely why. There's no reason to make somebody feel
so bad about it. And it made me even more
mad because it worked.

Speaker 2 (01:13:19):
Yeah, that's really bad.

Speaker 1 (01:13:20):
See what you get mad at? You're it realized you
got me in here calling suicide hotlines.

Speaker 3 (01:13:28):
I can't I can't do I can't. I was like,
I can't, I can't do this. And he doesn't think
he did anything wrong.

Speaker 1 (01:13:36):
That's a god damn sha.

Speaker 2 (01:13:39):
I don't want you to say what it could be
if there's anything, But do you think that now, being
so far removed from that relationship, is there anything that
you felt like you did do wrong?

Speaker 4 (01:13:52):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (01:13:53):
And that's crazy for you to be able to say
that so quickly, so confidently, and you know that this
other person didn't. I think that when relationships don't work,
no matter what kind of relationship, whether it was a
real relationship, situationship, whatever, but it doesn't work, you got
to realize you did something. It couldn't all be on
the other person. I've definitely done my fair share of

(01:14:15):
really trifling things. A lot of times I'd be acting
like a nigga, and that's why I feel like I
know what they be thinking. But we'll save that for
another day because we're gonna move on. We still ain't
get through the rest of the stuff. We don't our
notes for a while because we got plenty of topics.
I wanted to make sure we had an overload. But
thank you for sharing, y'all. That's crazy and if y'all

(01:14:36):
are going through it, I have a private moment with yourself.
If you feel like you can relate right now in
your current relationship with what Medina has shared, maybe you
need to ask yourself if this is really where you
want to be. I love to remind people just because
somebody or something looks good on paper, it does not

(01:14:57):
always mean that it is, and you need to think
about how you feel. That's why I don't like interview
saw questions on a date That couple with some other things.
Is why, like, I don't all the way mind defining
a relationship, But sometimes I feel like people wuld be
so focused on that they don't ask nothing else. I

(01:15:17):
will tell you all this really quick. I went out
with this guy and his family, and I can't remember
if I said this last time I'm recording, but anyway,
I'll say it again and just skip ahead. Two minutes.
I was talking to his cousin and she was like, oh,
just hang on, like he's really a good guy. And
she was saying all this stuff as if she knows

(01:15:39):
that he didn't introduce me as his girlfriend, and so
she's assuming that he is pussy footing around. It is
me she's assuming it's him, and I'm just like you're
but you're also saying all this, and you saying that
lets me know you don't really know a lot about
what is going on between us, which is fine, expect

(01:16:00):
you to. But it's interesting that people always assume that
men are the one who can't make a decision or
won't commit or whatever. It's me. I can say that,
and if somebody asks, I have no problem being honest
about that, and then with him we can talk about that.
You gotta talk about those things. Do and don't let
other people pressure you into getting into something whatever reason,

(01:16:22):
whatever hang up you have or whatever. Be honest with
your person and maybe they'll understand, maybe they want, but
you have to take what comes with that before you
start accepting shit you don't want.

Speaker 1 (01:16:31):
And let me just add one more thing to that,
the family stuff that you just talked about.

Speaker 3 (01:16:35):
I also think that there is this people assume that, like,
you know, if you're the youngest girl of the family,
or like you were spoiled, or women get girls get
treated a certain way. Pay attention to how people are
with their family. There was a moment where and I
did see this, I just didn't really know how to
Sometimes you don't know how to process, how to deal
with There would be some moments where we would be

(01:16:55):
doing family stuff and everybody in the family would like
almost like praise him in this way of like it
wasn't outright weird.

Speaker 1 (01:17:06):
It wasn't.

Speaker 3 (01:17:06):
But there were momentary would be like, why are we
all only like it's almost like he was on a
pedestal to everybody in the family.

Speaker 1 (01:17:15):
And I was like, at first it was beautiful, this
is like, he's because he's done well for him.

Speaker 3 (01:17:20):
I think it's because he's done well for him at
such a young age and and stayed on track and
not done anything wrong, which I again, I think you
should know your kids, because I would be like, oh,
y'all don't know him.

Speaker 1 (01:17:33):
I mean, you know, all oftimes you're looking at me like,
oh you don't.

Speaker 3 (01:17:35):
Y'all don't know each other an the hot tea and
pay attention to some of the things that I remember
once when we were at dinner and someone in his
family had said, like said that he doesn't ever show emotions,
and they said when they said it, he got really upset.

Speaker 1 (01:17:46):
Was like, don't say that. And I was like this,
and I know.

Speaker 2 (01:17:51):
I knew I wasn't feel crazy.

Speaker 1 (01:17:53):
They wouldn't make me feel crazy. He would make me
feel crazy. Everybody says it's about you.

Speaker 2 (01:17:58):
And then he was like, don't say that.

Speaker 1 (01:18:00):
He was like he was, don't say He was like,
that's not true. But the way it was, you know
how you just look at how something because.

Speaker 2 (01:18:05):
The other that was what was meant. It didn't have
to be verbalized.

Speaker 3 (01:18:09):
And I was just like h and I'll never when
we had really broke up and I was crying, ready
to die, and he called his mom one day never mind,
but I did ask sometimes you need to ask, like
what's going on with people? What was he like when
he was in school? Can he can you play basketball?
Because that basketball team, I'm telling you right now. And
then I learned some stuff. He he never made the

(01:18:32):
basketball team and it had she said, if it really
he went, I didn't know how bad live black boys
really want to go to the basketball league.

Speaker 1 (01:18:39):
And I asked my brother, I league, did you ever
really think you were going to the NBA? He was
like yeah, And I was like, why did you think that?
He was tall and basketball?

Speaker 4 (01:18:52):
And I was like something.

Speaker 3 (01:18:53):
I was asking my friend who we called from the are.
I was like, how many of them go? He was like,
it's probably gonna be two.

Speaker 4 (01:18:58):
Yeah, I went to the league.

Speaker 2 (01:19:01):
There are millions of men in this country alone. Half
of y'all that ninety percent of y'all that thought y'all
was going will never make it. Ten percent of that
ninety is going overseas, and that's it.

Speaker 1 (01:19:16):
And so I didn't realize how deep that had affected him.

Speaker 3 (01:19:18):
So then I started playing. So one day we went
to my friend's party. I'm gonna keep this real quick.

Speaker 1 (01:19:22):
Oh I'm so sorry.

Speaker 3 (01:19:23):
God went to the party. I was like, well, you know, everybody,
my brother can play ball. I've seen him play. He
can play.

Speaker 1 (01:19:27):
He's not league ready, and my dad can still play.

Speaker 3 (01:19:29):
He can.

Speaker 2 (01:19:30):
You know how you see playing like me?

Speaker 1 (01:19:32):
Yeah? Yeah, Well I thought that my man can play.
He got the old school car collection.

Speaker 2 (01:19:38):
We went to my friends cars and ain't got nothing
to do with it.

Speaker 1 (01:19:41):
I didn't. I don't really know what has to do
with the genetics.

Speaker 2 (01:19:44):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:19:44):
But we got out there and we're at my friends.
It's my friends. There was a it was a mansion
party there.

Speaker 3 (01:19:49):
The guys started playing with some hoodig because they was
all like let's play ball, and he went out to
the player. I was drinking with some of my girlfriends
and I looked at I was like, what's going on?

Speaker 2 (01:19:56):
Did he go play?

Speaker 1 (01:19:57):
He went to play?

Speaker 2 (01:19:59):
He went to play.

Speaker 1 (01:20:00):
It was bad.

Speaker 3 (01:20:01):
I mean I saw I was looking from a distance
and people were looking like who is this?

Speaker 2 (01:20:05):
And I was like, how you getting in the game?

Speaker 1 (01:20:08):
He was, and he was shooting like he was gonna
make it and didn't. He was trying to dribble, And
did you feel embarrassed? I feel embarrassed when I.

Speaker 2 (01:20:14):
Just kept drinking, Yeah, that'll wipe it away unless you
do something. It was but this, I would rather do
something and cut up and show my black ass before
I sat there and watched and I was like, it
got secondhand embarrassing. I just want to be embarrassed by
my own shit.

Speaker 3 (01:20:31):
But he don't think he'd do anything wrong, so he didn't.
He wasn't looking at it like he thinks he can play.

Speaker 2 (01:20:36):
He did good that day.

Speaker 1 (01:20:37):
I think that day, yeah, and I think he thought
he was going to go to the league for anything.

Speaker 2 (01:20:42):
It's still there. That's crazy. That's another thing I was
talking to Lexandre about and we were like, don't invite
us if you know that you might embarrass us, like
go have your guide time. Yeah, I don't want to
see that because now I'm looking at you. Yeah, and
I'm not going to talk to you nice. I'm shame.
We down at the function you over here, look tag
me and ship. I feel like I might be able

(01:21:03):
to at least keep it. I know I can't, but
if you're not playing good, this is dumb. Come in
the kitchen and help us out. So well, you haven't
been through anything like this, any aha moments, anything that
you can share with us.

Speaker 1 (01:21:20):
Yeah, are you in it now? Are you? Do you
sit in your car and cry?

Speaker 2 (01:21:23):
Do you need help? Are you contemplating hurting yourself or
someone else?

Speaker 1 (01:21:30):
Because?

Speaker 2 (01:21:30):
Uh yes, story for another day, Story for another day.
We're gonna move on and when we come back, it'll
be time for the advice. And if you want to
send us something, make sure you email us advice at
cocktail squat dot com. I have to run into you, Okay,

(01:22:13):
we're gonna run. I hope I didn't have Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:22:17):
Good that I was looking to.

Speaker 2 (01:22:24):
That happened. Yes, I've definitely thought about that.

Speaker 1 (01:22:34):
Okay, we're just starting advice and you just do that one.

Speaker 2 (01:22:39):
I'll skip this one. We're ready. Can you start with Medina.

Speaker 1 (01:22:46):
Far four three two? Okay, So we are back with
advice if you guys have any advice that you need
from us.

Speaker 3 (01:22:56):
If I was listening to the show, I would send
in an advice letter anonymously and gets advice from Kiki
A Medina. So I'm gonna start it off. This one
is titled am I doing too much for a one?

Speaker 1 (01:23:06):
Nice stand? Yes? Okay, So first of all, Hey, Kiki
A Medina, I love y'all.

Speaker 3 (01:23:12):
I've been listening for years and y'all have gotten me
through some wild dating phases. Okay, here's my dilemma. I'm
going on vacation soon and I already know what I want.
Do we already read this this one where she got
a She's like, do I get a Yoni steam?

Speaker 2 (01:23:27):
Do the one that says, can I recycle dick from
my past life?

Speaker 1 (01:23:30):
Okay? Okay, I'm doing a different one. Can I recycle
dick from my past life?

Speaker 2 (01:23:35):
Maybe?

Speaker 1 (01:23:36):
I think?

Speaker 2 (01:23:36):
So?

Speaker 1 (01:23:37):
Hi, Kiki Amadina, So I need y'all to weigh in.

Speaker 3 (01:23:39):
I've been single for about a year now, and I've
been trying to stay strong and not recycle any old situations.

Speaker 1 (01:23:47):
Oh good luck on that.

Speaker 3 (01:23:49):
But there's one man who has me in a choke hold.
We dated way back in college, great sex, good vibes,
but he was immature. Fast forward to now, he's real appeared,
looks better than ever, and he's been.

Speaker 1 (01:24:02):
Saying all the right things.

Speaker 3 (01:24:03):
Problem is, I don't know if I'm genuinely interested or
just digmatized by the memory of what that thing did
to me in twenty fifteen.

Speaker 1 (01:24:11):
Is it ever okay to recycle a dick from your past?
Or is it always a trap? Signed? Reformed but reaching
for the roster.

Speaker 2 (01:24:18):
I like that, Yeah, you can do it. You can
do it now. Okay, that's my initial reaction.

Speaker 1 (01:24:25):
What you want?

Speaker 2 (01:24:26):
Because you got me confused? Why are we questioned this?
If this was a sex thing, do you feel like
you're about to catch feelings yours? There's something I don't mean, Like,
what's the deal? Was it always just a sex thing?
Or were y'all dating? And then you realized later this
was like a fuck buddy thing and I was glamorizing it.

Speaker 3 (01:24:41):
Like or because you think you were dating and he
was hiding you, Like, was your confidence shot because of it?

Speaker 1 (01:24:46):
Because I get that now. If it was something like
that where you were having sex and it was secret
sex and you really be sad, maybe you shouldn't re.

Speaker 2 (01:24:52):
Sec But if you were having a good time and
it was like whether whether anybody wanted something else, how
did you leave the situation? Are your feelings hurt? If
your feelings ain't hurt and you're okay, and he didn't
do anything like disrespectful, it just never turned into anything,
I think that's okay. If he disrespect flat out disrespect, no,

(01:25:12):
don't go back.

Speaker 1 (01:25:13):
If it's in a relationship, don't go back.

Speaker 3 (01:25:15):
If there's like a key part of this that you've
left out on purpose to make this sound like it's okay, don't.

Speaker 2 (01:25:19):
Don't go back. Don't go back.

Speaker 3 (01:25:21):
Yeah, I've been telling some of my girlfriends that have
been sharing situations with me. I'm this is what I'm saying.
If the man is gonna have you crying all summer, ah.

Speaker 1 (01:25:32):
Do we want to be crying this summer? No, this
is a beautiful summer.

Speaker 2 (01:25:36):
You don't want to cry in the summer. You don't
want to cry in the fall or the winter. We
want you to have good lives. We want you to
be happy. Do you know what happens when you spend
all day crying? You look stupid? Yeah, dusty hair, uneven, ashy, sad,
that face.

Speaker 1 (01:25:53):
You don't want that. I wish I could show y'all
before a picture of me in October, and.

Speaker 2 (01:26:00):
Now my photo memories popped up on me from twenty
twenty butterball Turkey, I'm skipping Thanksgiving. That's a goddamn lie,
but that's how it made me feel. And I was like,
why'd you? Why are there photos?

Speaker 1 (01:26:17):
What's going on? Well? Are you sleeping with me? You
don't need to be sleeping with because that'll do it.

Speaker 2 (01:26:22):
Depressed? He never, god damn thing. Yeah, not really moving?

Speaker 1 (01:26:26):
Yeah, do a check in, do a check in, sais
and then you answer that question.

Speaker 2 (01:26:31):
I get and walker every day. That's gonna help you
get to moving because I got to take my girl out,
and when I don't, she cuts up. Yeah, maybe I
need to because I ain't moving enough. Anyway, that's it
for advice. If this is a safe dick to hop
on top of, it's a cocktail girl after you after

(01:26:52):
you do it anyway, you.

Speaker 3 (01:26:54):
Know, because I'm not gonna lie really quick. I'm not
gonna lie while I'm not having sex. There have been
a few people that were okay to block when I'm
in a relationship. I'm in a relationship if niggas not
gonna ac right, you guys, it was blocking niggas while
you because you can't be seen on Some people just
don't stop, like I am stop like just stop. And
so there are some people that were like you, they're
work well, they're great, and I am unblocking you.

Speaker 1 (01:27:13):
How you doing.

Speaker 3 (01:27:14):
I'm not hopping on the dick, But if I was
gonna hop on a dick, I know which dick I
would be hopping on.

Speaker 1 (01:27:20):
There's a safe one. We all got a safe one
that we can fall back on.

Speaker 2 (01:27:24):
A few. Anyway, we're gonna move on to the cocktails.
If you have a cocktail that you want to share
on the show, make sure you email it to us
cocktails at cocktailspod dot com. Okay, uh huh uh.

Speaker 1 (01:27:43):
But if you ain't got back, how do it on?

Speaker 4 (01:27:46):
Mean?

Speaker 3 (01:27:46):
You think?

Speaker 4 (01:27:49):
Is this cat.

Speaker 1 (01:27:54):
Once upon a time not long ago?

Speaker 4 (01:27:55):
I was.

Speaker 2 (01:27:59):
So so this one says what I thought I had
this on?

Speaker 3 (01:28:06):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (01:28:07):
Hello, no this today? I'm line when not reading this,
I'm so sorry, smitten, indigmatized we will get to you
next week. This is very long. That's okay. We will
read it, but it won't be today. I would like
to go home and make my own cocktail, and we
got another thing to do, so yeah, we won't have

(01:28:30):
it this week. But y'all keep sending them in. And
also I would like to know I've been curious because
that cheeto shit threw me off. What kind of stuff
have y'all been into or curious about trying, whether you've
done it or not that you kind of feel embarrassed about.

(01:28:53):
Send it to us, like send us an email or something.

Speaker 3 (01:28:56):
Yeah, or send us a voice note only if you're
good at telling stories. If you're not good telling the
story just right, and.

Speaker 2 (01:29:03):
I would prefer you email it just if we can
use it or something.

Speaker 3 (01:29:07):
I wonder if we could have chat GPT read a cocktail. Yeah,
it would sound dry.

Speaker 4 (01:29:13):
Huh.

Speaker 3 (01:29:13):
No, you don't be talking to I've never talked to
mine because to me, that's not vast weird and it's scary,
like shut up girl, the nerve.

Speaker 2 (01:29:20):
Of her, that's what made oh at the moment that
I talked to you like a person instead of typing
it with my thumb that's weird. Okay, well, we're gonna go.

Speaker 1 (01:29:31):
We're gonna go, you guys.

Speaker 3 (01:29:32):
Click all the descriptions, the links and the description. Yes,
make sure you check everything out that we have going on. Travel, Travel, Travel,
Donate to the Breast Cancer Lula's Love Foundation, book Club, Kiki's.

Speaker 1 (01:29:44):
All the things, just support everything. We love you, love you,
love you.

Speaker 4 (01:29:47):
Bye goodbye, bye bye bye, good bye bye bye. We
are the drive.

Speaker 3 (01:30:02):
We bye bye bye

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