Endgame

Episode 69
Endgame

In what is their final episode for the time being, Paul & Ryan discuss why they’re having a hiatus and what projects they’re working on in the meantime.

This episode also includes a feature length episode of Hardy’s Hardest Hats… Turns out the Mind Stone was in Tom’s hat the entire time… and Thanos is after it. With the help of the Avengers, Tom attempts to thwart Thanos, save the universe AND restore the sacred timeline that he and Bane screwed up prior!

Ryan’s 'Highlight of the Week’ reaches desperately for the silver lining. Then Paul attempts to shove his well endowed intellect down Ryan’s throat one last edition of “Suck on my Big Fat Dictionary”.

No guests for the finale. So Ryan & Paul battle it out between themselves by smashing out a game of ‘Why Did They Give Them 1 Star!?’

As always, all OUR links to our socials are growing on a handy Linktree - https://www.linktr.ee/ColdCallersComedy & you can get your hands on our lovely MERCH here - https://teespring.com/stores/cold-callers-comedy

Podcast Promo this week is for The Way Podcast hosted by Bill - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-way-podcast/id1501033629?id=1501033629

Don’t forget, you too could have a mega smooth ball sack like Paul by using the Turf Chopper 3.0 by SmoothMyBalls! Get yours with a discount (automatically applied at checkout by clicking this link: https://www.smoothmyballs.com/coldcallers

We really need your support. We do this because we love it. But right now, due to current times, we’re really struggling. We want to be able to focus more energy into what you hear. And that’s where we need your help. From as little as £3, you can help support us and fund future, exciting content. All whilst getting exclusive bonus content that no one else can hear. So… Wanna be a patron? Here’s where you go - https://www.patreon.com/coldcallerscomedy

All the best & Don't Forget The Comedy!
Members of QTT Media - https://quitethethingmedia.com

RyPaul

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Our mate. I am so psychedabout the guests that I've got lined up
for us for the next episode.Well, yeah, we're not doing another
episode. This is the last episode. So I know that we've sort of
said that, but it's easily undone. We can totally just do one more
episode because this this will end ona high. I promise you it's yeah,
we've already said it, mate,So this is the last one.

(00:22):
You're sorry, but you just gotto tell him no. All right,
fine, John ring I'll ring himnow then, Chili if you him,
I will, because he'll want toknow. He's gonna be very disappointed ringing
for him. Address. Yeah,mate, it's Paul Colcord's got yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, um, yeah, it's a no, mate,

(00:46):
I know. I know he wouldn'the didn't go for it. Yeah,
it's the last one, apparently,as you can't there another one.
Yeah, I know, I'll tellhim, I know. Yeah, listen,
doesn't mean we can't still hang out. Yeah next week, sure,
sure, sure, sure, yeahyeah, get the beers in yeah yeah

(01:08):
yeah yeah, yeah, all right, see the mate, tell her what.

(01:49):
Hello and welcome to the Cold Callerscomedy podcast in association with Quite the
thing meaning a network, not podbreed because they dropped us. It's a
last episode, don't care. Myname is Paul Rich and my name is
Ryan Brannam. Every episode before thisand this one, me and Paul were

(02:12):
gonna get together for a cash up, and we invite you for one last
time to join us. Join usand listen to the back catalog because it's
not going to be a front one. I don't know that's a thing front
it should be. If it's aback you would think, yeah, I
want it. Yeah, I guessthere is. Well, if it's not,

(02:34):
it is now yea, yeah,there is no front catalog. Well
about the back catalog, we'll there'splenty of back catalog the eight episodes for
you to get your teeth sunk intoexactly open your ear holes and listening enjoy.
You know, it's interesting. Actually, I'd quite liked to. I

(02:57):
probably should go back and listen tolike the first episode that we did way
back in twenty nineteen, November twentynineteen, just see how different it is.
I mean, I'm a lot suter. They were like about thirty minutes
long. Yeah, forty tops didn'treally have any segments. Yeah, which
is chatting, just us chatting aboutnothing. No one didn't take off.

(03:19):
Um, but yeah, like youcan obviously if you listen, you can
hear the evolution of the sound andjust the quality in terms of content through
the pandemic as well. Yes,yeah, it's a it's a it's a
time capsure. It's a time capsule. That's I was gonna say, Micael
coosin, but that's better time capsule. Yeah, And it takes you through

(03:42):
takes you through time. I mean, the thing is, you know,
you can still subscribe to us andreview us because it's always helpful, really
is, because we've still got allthose episodes there. But also as well,
like this is not the end forCold Callers Comedy. It is merely
a pause on the Cold Callers Comedy. Can't correct because this is the reason
we're kind of we are sort ofstopping because it's taking up a lot of

(04:05):
our time, as we mentioned lastweek, and we have other things that
we are extremely excited about working onand we just don't have the time to
dedicate them, dedicate to them exactlywhen we're doing this because the podcast,
I think even before we when wefirst started, we didn't quite realize how
much of our lives it would takeup. It's it's it's a beast.

(04:27):
It's a beast. It's a responsibility. It's it's you know, I was
gonna say, it's a chore.That's not fair. It's a it's a
heavy burden. It's it's it's big. It's big. It's big. And
you know, because we're not gettingpaid for it. It would be differently
we're getting paid for it because I'dbe like, well, this is yeah,

(04:49):
this is my job, and thenwe would have enough time to do
this and other things. But instead, like I mean, we're kind of
having to dedicate one day a weekto record, one day week well maybe
two days a week for pole hereto edit it and make make magic with
the sound and editing. Ye,And it's a heavy it is a heavy

(05:12):
burden, and in many ways,I guess a bit of a chore.
It's I think it's a tough thing. Really, Like when we started this
way back in I mean we startedthis way back in like twenty eleven,
twenty twelve, where everyone's but wethis this incarnation of our podcast in twenty
nineteen, we kind of came intoit with an avenue wasn't it to really

(05:34):
sort of like do our do ourstuff, the stuff we wanted to do,
and sort of like try and exploreour comedy again because we had taken
a bit of a break. Butthen obviously the pandemic happened, and alas
that that's not you know, anyone'sfault. But then everybody started sort of
using podcasting as a way of sortof getting their material out there, which

(05:54):
is great. But then the problemis a lot of massive fucking celebrity and
famous comedians started doing the same aswell, and obviously people are going to
be more attracted. Sure. Imean I used to get annoyed by it.
I don't so much anymore because atend of the day, I don't.
I'm not sure they took any ofour listeners. If anything, there's

(06:17):
people that never listened to podcasts thatwould have got into them. Thanks us
celebrities who maybe have sticks stuck aroundso you can look at it that way,
yum, put Michelle Obama can fuckoff. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
As Wills, Wills and not Wills, Prince Prince and Megan they got

(06:46):
a podcast, they probably haven't coming. Yeah, welcome to the podcast.
Who's my wife, Megan. We'regonna be talking about how rich we are.
It's a weird one with them tooin it. I feel I feel

(07:08):
weird about them, like I'm kindof I feel sorry for them, But
at the same time, how canyou feel sorry for someone who goes probably
over a million pounds in their bankaccount. Yeah, but they talk about
struggling like, you know, likepretty's like they're going, like, I
can't believe have been cut off byfucking in palace. I'm sure you can
stretch that the money you've got inyour account out constantly, you know,

(07:30):
like spunking it away. Maybe Ishould send back that second yacht. That's
that's not even a thing. Idon't even know if he's bought a yacht.
It's just a joke, so don'tstart fact checking a joke. I
remember reading this thing of like thisthis this upper middle class family, and

(07:55):
it's like I come up with hisnewspaper saying how hard their life was because
they were possibly have to sell theirtheir summer home to pay for their child's
private education. I was like,fuck, oh, you are not struggling.
If that's the decision you have tomake, you know, the thing
is we have the three cars andwe have the child. It's the goal

(08:26):
of being like, oh, youknow, I think things are really hard.
You know, it's like, fuckoff, are they There's people out
there that kind of like sell theirown home, yeah, exactly, or
putting putting like that, you know, the sort of scraps of money to
get together from the like several jobsthey work just to make sure they can
make rent and eat. And you'recomplaining that your child might not be able

(08:46):
to private school if you don't sellyour summer home. Fuck you, we
don't. We digress a bit um, but yeah, we do have a
lot of things to pipeline for thoseyou have listened to. You are current,
well, I say two songs,three songs because of our Christmas song
as well. Exactly. It's okay, it's still a song, it's still

(09:09):
on it's still on platforms. Butwe had you know, of course Game
Over Tears Fall Down, which cameup this year. That is not the
end. We have a new songcoming out soon, as well as some
of our older songs that we're actuallyredoing and rework remastering. I suppose you
could say, um, Peter songsthat people you know, people probably wouldn't

(09:30):
have heard anyth unless they saw usat live gigs, So we're sort of
like bringing them to the future,which you know, just keep an eye
on our Twitter and our Instagram stufflike that and you'll hear more about them.
Yeah, we're not going away.We're not going away, definitely not
doing podcast. We're like a badsmell. Yeah, we linger and then

(09:52):
come back again. We're talking aboutour music. Yeah. I think maybe
we do have a song coming outvery soon. We said that for a
while, but it's again we've notbeen I've not been able to edit it
and sort of mix it properly becausethis fucking podcast, So without any fellow
do here. Should we have alittle back backstory it or not? I

(10:15):
think we probably should. Yeah,I think we probably shared. Um you
want yeah, sure so, uh, Ryan and I want to start in
our own sort of buddy cop show, you know, set in the eighties,
and if you sort of remember thosesorts of shows and the sort of

(10:35):
theme songs that go with them,it's kind of like a homage to that
really. Um, and it's basicallya song about us pitching our buddy cop
show idea to a TV producer yeah, and this is this is Harold Finkelstein,
wasn't it wank Stain? So here'sa little schnippet the mean Streets basses

(11:33):
on the bean first time. TheBattle the Scotster is star style one Hot
Sun one is the one women tastingsexual sexual thankual killing, he said,

(11:58):
banger in it. I think it'sthe thing, like I know that,
I know, I'm buy it.But every time we do a new song,
I'm like, this is our bestone until the next one, because
the next one, the next onecould be like our Phil Collins inspired one,
which might not be as good.We'll see. I still haven't worked
out lyrics for it. The musicis nearly there, no no idea of

(12:20):
what's going to be about. I'vegone through many different ideas. One was
going to be just someone who getsmad about being in people who jump ques.
Now I'm currently of folk fixated ona man who never remembers where he
puts his keys. So very excitingstuff. Yeah, exactly, very exciting.
But for now, though our newnew new song, it's not new

(12:43):
to us, we've had it inthe Pipeline Prices. But our new song
London Nights, Yeah, with thek K. It's gonna be coming out
as soon. Yeah, I candefinitely checked out. Yeah, as you
know. As well as that,we are actually in the process of working
on another show idea which I meanit'd probably be a podcast maybe as well.
I'd like to quite do it aslike a live podcast recording sort of

(13:07):
show, which I think which wouldwork. I mean, make money.
I am talking about it to younow. This is my pitch, But
think about Paul, people have topay tickets. You want to do it?
Actually how so I don't know howit works. I've got to record
it there and then right, well, yeah, did it go out live
at the same time, or it'sjust re recorded live in a theater,

(13:30):
just recorded live. It's just it'sjust we just we recorded as we do
a live show to an audience.Yeah, and then that would come out.
The podcast would come out later.I mean that would be nice.
I don't think, Hey, anyone'sgoing to come see us. No,
we would. We wouldn't start thatway. We wouldn't start that way.
We did do the music, butoh yeah, we did the music comedy

(13:52):
gig exactly we're going to do.We're doing music music comedy gigs. The
great thing about music comedy gigs iswe can't hear hecklers. That's the best
thing. Yeah, we're too busysinging and you know, doing the music.
We can't say them singing and itsounds like you're gonna go dancing.
We dance behind a little bag.Yeah, but if they do heck or

(14:16):
we just go huh. You knowonly Neil Diamond not kind of gig glove
right, we're gonna be doing weddings. Can begins to knowing. Let's see,
we could do it. Neil Diamondtribute done and touching hands, touching

(14:45):
me? Yeah, yeah, you'reat home there, didn't you? I
could tell? Yeah? I alwaysI always thought like, there's so many
songs about with women's names as atitle ages. I always thought that was
barroon Man alone obviously is Mandy,Yes, yeah, and you are.

(15:05):
There's a lot of you know,rock san another one rock rock exactly,
Beatles, Michelle my Bell, Michellemal I mean they've got loads, didn't
they? It was it eleanor Rigby. Yeah, there's not many. There's
not many songs with his men's namesin it. Dave, No, that's

(15:26):
Samuel. Oh isn't there one aboutI can't remember the singer's name, but
there's one about Sampson, Sampson whowas the singer of that. It's about
to be fair. It's not justa guy. It's the legend Sampson who
cut his hair. All right.Yeah, then that didn't count, and

(15:48):
what kind of does because it's stilla blokes. True, true, true.
That's the thing. You don't.You don't get Regina Specter, Oh
yes, yes you don't. Yeah. You don't get men's names like no,
I got sweet Caroline. You don'tget like lovely Ryan, yeah,

(16:10):
beautiful poll. Yeah. Maybe it'sjust because fabulous Keith. Men are clearly
just obsessed with the ladys, whereasas women when they sing, they sing
about stuff that means more of them, rather than I want to look at
I have sex with this girl.Yeah, oh yeah, Get into my
car. The man dreams. Butyou think of the lab and it's questionable.

(16:41):
It is the It is the blokein Essex leaning out the car.
Come here, get out of mydreams, Get into my car. Fifteen
close enough, come here, JesusChrist for our us listeners. Sixteen is

(17:02):
the legal age. Yeah, ofconcerned, isn't it. Yeah, So
if you think that was really reallybad, which because it is. Um
if you think about it, thewhole thing as good that you can get
married before the age of eighteen,but you have to have your dad's,
dad, mum and dad's consent,which is weird you think about it.
It's all like I want to getmarried. Well, all right, then,

(17:26):
you know, but then again there'sother things. You know, Purity
balls in America, disturbing purity Ohballs. When you said balls, I
just thought you meant like purity balls, like a couple of balls, because
I thought that was you know,that's a great name. Another for another
brand. Sorry, smoothing my balls, but purity balls would be better anyway.

(17:49):
I haven't received my pub munch yet. What else you what are you
going to be working on now thatyou've got a bit of more free time?
Um, well, I summer totime, so moving a tan um
Yeah, yeah, I mean I'mgonna I'm gonna go to the gym a
lot again. Oh nice. Yeah, working on yourself, working on myself.

(18:12):
Yeah, you've got a big,big project. You mentioned it to
me, but I don't know exactlywhat it is, but you said you've
got a big bill, you know, a big project you're working on.
It cost you a lot of moneyor something. Well, yeah, it
was an investment. Um yeah,a large investment. Um. And it's
a project that um, you know, it's tricky, but it will be

(18:33):
really fulfilling when it's complete. Doyour own money or did you get like
outside investors or anything like that?Well, actually Alana and I sort of
went in together on it. Oh, it was like a joint venture.
Okay, that's exciting. Yeah,but it's kind of mainly me that's is
working on it. It's it's anawesomeother reason why we're having to cut,
well not do the podcast and whatit's just taken up way too much of
my time. Yeah. Yeah.So yeah, so it's a bit like

(18:59):
what exactly is it? Is ita big build? You said it was
like a big build. The biggestwas the trickiest get Yeah, um,
Lego Millennium Falcon. What Lego?But the Millennium Falcon, you know,
the big one, the big Waitminute, this is the reason that we're
stopping the podcast because you've got atoy. It's not a toy, Okay,

(19:23):
let's just put that out there now, a toy. It's it's therapy.
Right, Okay, yeah, youtold me that it was a big
cost. You've got a Lana that'sinvested money into this project as well,
and that is a big build.What you what you want? Where's the
lie? I don't know what it? What? What do you mean?

(19:45):
I don't know what? Is this? A big investment? Cost A lot
of money? Yeah, a lot. I'm not gonna say how much.
People can't google it the Ultimate Collectors? Just tell tell how much? How
much six hundred fifty quid on Lego? Are you mental? Yes? That's
why I need the therapy. Fuckingall right? Well, okay, how

(20:12):
how big is it then? Andhow many is I guess in pieces?
How many pieces is it? Over? Seven thousand, seven thousand pieces of
Lego? You spent six hundred andfifty quid on seven thousand pieces of the
Ultimate Collective Edition? Man, Idon't know when that thing's going to be
discontinued. Got to get it now, Okay, Yeah, that's that's fair.

(20:33):
Why what would you build it andthen sort of seal it and then
what sell it? Possibly is definitelynot why would I? It's okay,
So it's just it's just for displaypurposes. Yeah, I'll play with it
obviously. Oh yeah, it's it'seight hundred and sixty one pages the manual,

(20:53):
the man what I've got or wasit or was it four long?
Was it four sixty one? Itwas something like that. It's a binder.
It's a it's a big binder.And it's how there's like seventeen hundred
steps. There's a there's nearly twothousand steps, Yeah, to go through
to build it. Yeah, JesusChrist, how I mean, how long

(21:17):
dragging this is going to take youto build? I'm getting a lot quicker
now that you don't have to dothis. Yeah, way quicker. I'll
get it done by tomorrow. She'sI'm I'm taking my time with him,
my sweetest time with it, enjoyingit. I am, I am.
I am enjoying it without the judging. I'm not. No, I'm not
judging. It's you know, it'swhat you wanted. I just did it

(21:38):
like she she got half, shepaid half because my birthday birthday slash Christmas
present. Well that is nice,that's very nice. Are you letting her
build anything? No, it's mypresent mate. So but I do find
it very therapeutic and all seriousness.It's just I shut off, like everything

(22:00):
else goes out my brain and I'mjust one with the brick. To be
fair, I like I do likeLego um or is they say in the
US Legos? That's weird. Iknow they put the song. I don't
know even if even if it's asingular block. Yeah, oh I stepped
on a piece of Legos. Thatis that what Lana says. And you

(22:22):
correct her every time if you're inyou're in England, the I love every
every time. Yeah, it doesconfuse me that, oh you, oh,
you buy some Legos. It's like, yeah, I bought some Lego.
Just look at the box doesn't sayLegos, does it. That's always
confused me. It's like, youknow, you don't say sheeps think of

(22:48):
it in that in that respect withso many people, I know, wow
are yousoes? Anyway? So butyeah, the important thing that the port
thing is though that obviously like we'vegot a lot on. Yes, we're
excited about the future where where everythingsare going to go with Cold Callers comedy.
Then we're coming out excited this onecoming out of lockdown, hopefully all

(23:15):
restrictions. Just to say on thenineteenth of July, God all our podcasts
has been doing delta variant practically duringthis mess, isn't it? It has?
Yeah? I wonder how many otherpodcasts are going to end now you
can go jo. Yeah, butyou know things are looking up. They

(23:36):
are Uh. I'm getting a um, this is weird. I'm getting like
a distress call coming through. Yeah, it's weird. Yeah, yeah,
he go. I know we areour phone, our crew is made up

(24:03):
of I've gotten mammoly. This it'snot a war prow. I repeat,
this is not a war prow.Hear me Anddred joice you have had the
privilege of being saved by the greatTitan. Smile for even in death you

(24:25):
have become children of fanoms. Iknow what it's like to lose, to
feel so desperately that you're right,yet you fail none less. It's frightening.
Turns the legs to jelly. Iask you to one end, dread

(24:48):
it, run from it. Destinyarrives all the same and now it's here,
or should say I am tell meas guardian who has the stones on
earth? The stones or your brother'shead? Fastly, I'm not an as

(25:17):
guardian. Secondly, we have abane ra comes bane Sir possible old fathers,

(25:41):
let the dark magic flow through meone last time, where unless he

(26:08):
can cute, we would never behow God LOOKI no, he will have
gone to Earth to protect the mindstone. Find him and you will find the
stone. But what is the stonecontained in? How do we know?

(26:32):
That's easy? It's in a hat. How hot is y'all? How hot?
How hot is y'all? How hotis? How hot is y'all?
Hobbi's HORDESTI hoties hoties? Oh?What does your fucking hat? Mate?

(27:08):
Hello, and welcome to Hardy's HardestHats, the show that proves that Hatty
Jakes was the best one in thecarry on movies. As always, I'm
your host, Tom Hardy from RawWarpek Blinders. So anyway, I've been
spending a lot of time trying tocorrect the mistakes that Bain and I made

(27:30):
in the past. We've fucking triedeverything, going back in time magic actually
that's it. But it's been reallyhard and unwell knacked. And on top
of that, I haven't tested asingle hat and ages and quite frankly,
in terms of audience satisfaction in thatsense, it's been a real fucking letdown

(27:53):
bast on my fucking fault, ourfault. At a school of wizards and
witches, every prick will be wearinga hat. I tried to find that
sorting out fuck, but I keephim on a really high shelf. I'll
tell you though, he's well pointless. Even if he says you're in one
ass, you can tell him toget fucked and join another one. Anyway.

(28:15):
I left that school with another wizardfuck who isn't actually a wizard fuck
but a sorcerer. Fuck It doesn'twear a hat either, but he does
have a pretty bitching cape o fitssexy would go with anything anyway, I
digress. I'm here in a housecalled the Sanctum sank Sorbum or some bollocks.

(28:37):
We're trying to figure out how wecan correct the timeline so that the
off shoots from the prime. Blahblah blah yadda yaddha, some sort of
shit is all better. But he'staking for fucking ever to get it salted.
Mate. May I remind you,mister hard either, you are the
one that caused all of this.Yah. I know, but I didn't
mean to. I was just havinga laugh in it. You think affecting

(29:00):
the timeline as a choke. Well, no, but it is a little
bit funny. I'm sorry. Okay, I promise I won't fuck up chime
again. Now have you figured outhow to fix it yet? This would
go a lot faster if you helped? Do I have to? It's well
boring. Can't we just order pizzaand they've put on a podcast or something.
You just ate a whole box ofcereal and you listen to the entire

(29:23):
back catalog of Cold Caller's comedy podcast. Yeah, I want to listen to
it again. And that box ofCoco Pops didn't even make a dent.
Mate, it wasn't me. Fuckit out? Wait a minute, bye.

(29:48):
I couldn't stop you, mister Hardie. He's too powerful. Oh it's
too powerful that us. He's coming. He wants the milestone. You fucking
work the milestone, but we don'tknow where it is. It's spin with
you this whole time on your head, mister Hardie. You've had the milestone

(30:14):
in your hat this whole time.But I was a supposed to fucking arrow.
I bought this hat down at Spaitfield'sMarket years ago. I just thought
it looked wicked cool in it abit different, Marte Bane, come with

(30:34):
me. We need to find TonyStark and hold them off. Tom,
you need to go somewhere safe.Where fucking now? This place is mental.

(30:56):
Africa is so cool and futuristic,nothing like how Bars Johnson described it.
No wonder they're always sending me emailswanting to give me money. There's
so much of it here. Iam sorry, mister Hardy, but the
only way to restract their mindstone isto destroy your hat. I understand,
my We've been through some good timestogether and some bad times and some quite

(31:19):
frankly weird as shit times. Ifit's that could talk, I'll tell you.
But this is for the benefit ofthe world. It would take time
to remove it. The stones powersare more than our people have ever dealt
with. It is stuck very firmly. Yeah, I'm not surprised that hat

(31:40):
isncrossed with grime. Every six monthsI have to take a chisel to it,
just so it doesn't make my headsthink of shit, My king,
the enemy are attacking the first field. We canning get defenses. If they
break through multiple points, they won'tbe able to protect the city. Oh
now, who are we gonna do. I haven't got any weapons to protect

(32:00):
myself. I love give us aspear thing, get off, give it
enough, we have no choice.Open the battery and the north that will
force him to attack at one point. General, gather all of courses and
prepare for attack. And somebody getthis man a hat. Yes, King,

(32:24):
I'm getting a hat. Oh whatis this? It is made from
vibranium. Oh yes, all right, and I'm can do some proper damage
with this. I feel like ourjob. I have some of the sigliens.
Fuck shit, Sorry, I'd onlyplay with outside a promise. Yeah,

(33:09):
yeh who fucking now? This ismental. I think it came hope.
Sorry, that's not worried Disney ofme. Honestly, folks are open.
This is crazy. There's so manymental multi armed aliens here. War
is rating and arm I'm having thetime of my life. Mate, take

(33:32):
this your fuck true naughty tool?Are you look out? Wow? Thanks
very much? All right? Nicebeard, say you've copied me. I
don't know who you are. Sorry, I'm Armrdy. My I am Steve

(33:52):
Rogers. Mate? Are you grute? You dropped the bold air tree Beard?
Hey, hasn't that one got yourhat, but the one I'm wearing
more. No, your other hat, the one with the mindstone. Oh
shitting out he does as well.Right, Remember your training, Tom,
Remember when you were a boy andthe only friends you had was a frisbee

(34:15):
and a potato. Again, that'skind of sad. No one asked you
sold your boy. Right. Herewe go. Yeah, what a rider,
chops kitchen? Not bad, notbad. I'm not to see you

(34:37):
froud on that. Yeah, weneed to get over there. There's so
many of them. I know,were overwhelmed. What is Wait a minute,
fine, dreamy days days. Ithought we may have lost some Sergeant

(35:21):
captain, can you get sergeant captain? Though it was a sergeant major.
He's here, quick take the mindstonehat. A bit weird wearing two acts,
but all right, eyes up,stay sharp, Oh ship made.

(35:52):
This isn't good. I understand youfear. This is one little one.
Oh hurts today. I lost morethan you could know. You know nothing
about the beauty of a hat,your big purple scroking chin can't now.

(36:15):
I will gain what is needed fromyour hat. No, what we were
for haigh, No, I shallmake things perfect that hat. It costs

(36:40):
everything. Well, jump pound twentyfive because I hackled the guy down.
But still no, I will takeaway your pain. Yes, I'm spending,
but would breakfast you did it?Oh yeah, buddy, yeah break

(37:10):
up. My should have gone forthe head. Yeah, you really should
have done. Barine, Who whatdid you do? What did you do?

(37:32):
Where do you go? Oh?Barlocks? This doesn't seem good?
Go back? What boy's happening?Mister Hardy? I don't feel so good.

(37:53):
I don't want to go. Idon't want to go. Why are
you touching me? H? Whatthe fuck? What the hell is this?
What is happening? Or go norwish? Like everyone is turning into
it. I don't fucking know,but I'm losing my shit, mister Hardy.

(38:17):
Who is it? Brain? Absolutely, mister Hardy? Brain brain?
Fine? Oh god, Honey's honest. Hi hodays honeysidas hois hodays to be

(38:52):
continued? Mate, f Ryan FuckRyan. Okay, I'm just gonna have
to cut to a quick commercial breakwhilst I figure out what the hell is
going on. This is the waypodcast the militias needed to have a heads

(39:16):
up. I was coming. Ipersonally think that if you like in chess,
so that's how deeply addiction go andin most of my life having a
conversation, they've been given no optionto either join or die. Snipers and
that it was a military j Colecame and hung out most of the choir
session. I'm standing at the studioblast looking out into the studio. If

(39:39):
you want to know more about theWay podcast go to podcast Theway dot Com.
Today's podcast is presented by Podgo.Podgo is the easiest way for you
to monetize your podcast, providing podcasterswith a flat rate. But that's so

(40:00):
you always know how much you getwhen you include an ad from podco I
pry today to become a member justlike us and immediately be connected with advertisers
that fit your audience. That's podgodot com, add p o dgo dot
coo and be sure to add ourpodcast in the how did you hear about
Podgo section of the application. Nowon with the show. Okay, so

(40:25):
m Ryan's blipped away. Yeah,that was kind of like horrible brown tissue
paper sort of floating away on mywebcam image here. So Jesus Christ,
I guess that shit happened. Sofor those of you still around listening,

(40:50):
thanks for staying for those of youthat aren't where you can't hear me,
so sorry, Just someone's got topick up those headphones. I guess.
Um. Luckily, I recorded Ryan'sHighlight of the Week with him earlier in
the week because it was pressing.I'll guess, I'll just I guess,
I'll just play that, and JesusChrist, I need to I need to

(41:14):
make a I gotta make a phonecalls. Frights highlight of the week,
You Gager's highlight after weeker rights highlighthighlight, Love the week's highlight of the

(41:35):
week, Gas highlight of the weaker, rights highlight of the week's highlight after
week. Woke up at ten amthis morning and realize, oh fuck,
late for work, And then Iremembered I'd been fired, so it was

(41:58):
all good. Ryan, why'd youget fired? Oh yeah, you're not
there, I guess. Luckily.Again, we prerecorded suck, I'm a

(42:20):
big fat dictionary. Um, Butnow when I say it anyway, it's
just gonna sound like I'm just shoutingsuck, I'm a big fad dictionary to
no one. It's kind of weird, weirder than it is saying it to
anyone anyway. But okay, I'lldo the leading. Ryan. Are you

(42:40):
ready to get on your knees.I'll take that as yes. Right,
open your mouth and prepare to receivemy juicy knowledge. Oh yeah, baby,

(43:01):
I've got so much knowledge for you. Let me spream my words into
your mouth. Empty my o caboballs, let me be saorus your brains
out. Oh, let me seelap down my twelve ins dictionary, suck

(43:31):
my big fat dictionary. Hello,and welcome to suck on my big fat
dictionary for the last time. ThankChrist, you've been a terribly good sport.
Ryan. I have to say,yeah, no, I mean I
enjoy this segment. I feel likeI'm learning what i'd like to say.

(43:52):
I feel like I'm learning because ifI'm honest, I always forget the next
week what the word was that you'venever you say, you've never used any
of the new words that you've learnedin public yet, Um no, okay,
I need to. I feel likethis is the number of reason I
need to go back and listen toall the old episodes. Sure, yeah,

(44:13):
yeah, so you can relearn.If anything, that's a great idea
for all of you at home whowho maybe want to expand their Vocabum.
Yeah, check out these segments again. Is that the word? You know?
It's very good? No, I'vegot a pretty cool word. I
think. I think it's funny.Yeah, all right, okay, go

(44:36):
for it. Okay. So ifI was to say, oh, yeah,
fucked up last episode. I forgotto have the music coming at the
right place. It came in ata random place. I was like,
Oh, I knew I forgot something. Anyway, If I was to say
the word abo phobia, abo phobia, abo phobia, what would it?

(45:00):
What would I mean? I meanit's a fear of something, obviously because
it's a phobia. Is it ab o andin phobia? Is that it
ai b o h pete and obviouslyphobia? Sorry? Yeah, um ai

(45:23):
h phobia abobophobia? Um oh man, I feel like I'm gonna kick myself.
You are Maybe you should write itdown? Why would that help?
Is that a clue? It couldhelp? I mean I don't have a

(45:43):
pen, paper, Um forget it? Is it? Is it a fear
of writing? No? Well,that was a good because it would have
been a good the clue it was. It was something that might have helped
you. I mean, I cankind of picture it a b o eyebow
iyebow, I bow with an hoh a I b o h phobia.

(46:09):
Boh. You're right with the factthat's a fear. Although yeah, any
numb he could have got that.I mean my guess would be because this
is our last episode, like fearof the end or something. Oh no,

(46:32):
it's not. I Let picture itin your head. If you can't
write it down, picture it inyour head, maybe even type it on
your screen. Um, okay,well I've got a bit of paper.
One second. Okay, does thispen work? Okay? So I one

(46:52):
second? Thing on it? Uma I b o h Yeah a ball
in phobia that hasn't helped. Okay, spell it backwards? Uh hobbio hobbia

(47:24):
from the beginning of the word spellit backwards? A wait a minute,
is it like okay? Is itlike? Is it like a fear of
what's the word? When it's likespot the same way as it is forwards
backwards? Is it like a fearof that? Yes? What is that

(47:45):
word? Palindromees? Palindromes? That'sit? Yeah, I mean I can't
give you. I gave you amassive clue, but I just thought I
wanted you to have some kind ofa win. I love I love the
fear of fear of Palo Jones becauseit really a fear of the word itself.
Yeah, I know, it's justfucking the person you made up is
a bastard, you know what Imean. It was like the one that

(48:07):
was like a long word. Fearof long words. Yeah, hipper monsters
hippomnsters is daiaphobia something like that.Yeah, yeah, no hipper Monstross says
a quit deliophobia. I remembered youremember that. I think I remember that
one. You know, it's becauseit took you about fifteen attempts to do
it fifteen and the rest and yetfive zero. Yeah. Abophobia is a

(48:32):
fear of Palan James, amazing,amazing. What's I think? What's the
longest palandone? That's a good question. I feel like the one I know
is like race car. That's apretty good one. That's a pretty good
one in it um which would googleit? I am because I did remember
one. It's longer than race car, and I've forgotten it though now.
Tata Ratat was another one. Longteapparently. Oh it's the it's the it's

(49:00):
the sound that you would imitate theknock of a door. It's twelve letters
tatter attacked. Oh, I see, which is where it's on the matter,
beer, isn't it? It islearning so many words in this last
ever suck on my big fat Dickson. Oh I do like. I like

(49:20):
the fact that desserts is stressed backwards. That's another one. There's no palendrome.
No desserts stressed dessert still not apalindrome, though, what are you
talking about? Spelt the same wayforwards? It is backwards, correct desserts
and stressed is not the same word. No, no, but it's spelt

(49:44):
the same back If you put amirror there, it doesn't have to be
spelt the exact same it is.It's different dessert desserts backwards it's stressed.
Yeah, I know, but that'sthat's that's not the definition of a palindrome,
is it. I thought a palindromewas it has to be the same
word forwards as it is backwards.Race car, race car. Yes,

(50:07):
you're right. But if I said, oh, the ice cream looks anxious,
I guess you could say it's oneof it's it's stressed desserts. And
have I said it is a sentencelike that, Then it's a palindrome.
Oh all right, fair enough.Yeah, if you said stressed desserts or
desserts stressed, then yeah, Iguess yeah, d level it's another one.

(50:30):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah right, it's in tweeters. Um,
some people have names that are palindromes. Yeah, this is true. We've
already said Bob Dad name is Dad? It? Mum? Uh yours movie?

(50:54):
I hated that film anyway, butthat's a let's say yes, stuck
on my big fat let's say youknow you want to say, tell me
what I need to do? AnotherHall and drome? Boy? What are

(51:15):
you doing? What you what yousay it? Oh? Yeah, you
want me to say when you doit? Come back? Sorry, sucker,
my big fat right? Looking backat good times? Um? Little

(51:40):
did Ryan know that after getting onerelatively right he would he be blipped away.
I can't cope with this. Umyeah um. If you're still out
there listening, thanks, Um.I'm hoping we'll get through this together whatever

(52:06):
it takes. Haties, what doesyour fucking hat mate? Hello, folks,

(52:30):
welcome to Artie's Artist Hats the showthat that fucked me. No,
I'm not in a good place people. We lost so much, friends,
loved ones, my hat and worstof all, Bain, my beautiful,
musculine monstrosity, Bain hot Goldie adwouldn't it a fly General Giant or saying

(52:53):
that he has killed a lot ofpeople in the past, But it was
an angel. He was right downto itch. Its wings were clipped too
soon. You're fucking bastards. Itgets worse. I've been calling past friends,
and so many have gone to JerryButler, Christian Bale, Tom Hardy

(53:14):
from Legend, Tom Hardy from Venom, Tomardi from Inception, Mark Strong has
gone too. He made me feeluncomfortable with the best of times. But
I can't help him. Miss thatShawny Dome. Everyone who ever meant anything
to me is gone. I'm stillhere, Jericho, fucking fuck off you
fuck Ron Weasley. I thought Icould help. If I need a winey

(53:37):
little ship bag, I'll let youknow. Hey, we've all asked people,
Tom Great My only company in thismisery is talking vermin and its little
raccoon Feller. This isn't it timeto fall apart? Time? Oh such
a face, Rogers. You're thisclose to get a slap you Erry and
prick you're upset, so I'll letthat slide. I preferred you with a

(53:58):
beard. It may you look likea ship version of me, but now
you can tell you clearly got nobullocks. Watch it you want to see
my erie boulders. Show you whata real large barstard looks like. Oh,
big man and a vibranium hat.Take that off. What are you?
Biscuit connoisseur, topiarist to viral lover? I know guys with none of

(54:19):
that worth ten of you. I'velistened to old episodes of Hardy's Hardest Hats.
The only thing you really fight foris yourself. You're not the guy
to make the sacrifice. Play tolay down on a wire and let the
other guy crawl over you. Ofcourse not that will be stupid. Just
step over it or come around.Always a way out. You know you
may not be a threat, butyou better start pretending to be a hero.

(54:42):
Hero like you. You're a labrat, rogers, no offense,
rocket. Everything fucking special about youcame out of a bottle. May put
on the hat. Let's go afew rounds. Maybe I will, We'll
do it. Then I gonna goon. I'll do it because I want
to not because you said so.I'm not saying anything. Yeah, but

(55:06):
you're looking at me like you wantme too, So that's putting me off.
Man, Maybe don't look at him. You seem to be stolen.
Fuck off? Who asked you for? Fuck? Shake? Why couldn't you
been snapped away? Your little narrowfuck? You know what? Funck this?
Yeah, that's enough. We haveFanos's location prep for launch. We're

(55:31):
going off world. Me and Baneused to go off world all the time.
Dese fall down my face? Ah, the single life. Nothing beats

(55:52):
a home cooked meal after wiping outhalf of life in the universe. M
All right, Thanos? Where arethe stones? I destroyed them? What

(56:20):
after I'd used them? They hadno further purpose. No, he's lying.
No he's not. My father ismany things a liar. He is
not, Thank you daughter. PerhapsI misjudged you, Tom What have you

(56:46):
done? Oh? Weren't for theheart? Hello, folks, it's mere
Joe. Already after my trip tospace, things went from bad to worse.

(57:08):
The time space continuum. It's stilla mess and now I'm all alone.
I'm proper given up in it.Phonely you could see how much ship
wobbles now The only good thing inmy life is Coco Pops and Dickinson's real
deal. Sometimes Judge n drew fromin the mood, go away, No,

(57:30):
thank you. I don't want anymore visitors, well wishers or distant
relations. I said, fuck off. Right, that's it. Someone's gonna
get a bunch in the dick eight. Damn. Oh hello, little mate,
Hey Jericho, you know my nameis Tom, he said it.

(57:53):
Damn, we need your help.We have a plan to bring everyone back.
I can't. Okay, I've movedon after what happened with you know
who? Voldem up? No,Fanish you fuck. Five years is a
long time. I'm over it.Five years, Tom, it was only

(58:16):
last week. Listen, I'm notputting a hat back on. Okay,
my hat wearing days are done,don't you say that? Yeah? Hat?
So who you are? You've gottaput the hat back on. I
do look good in a hat,that is true. But alas no,
what's done is done. It's toolate. It's never too late. Do

(58:38):
it for all the Tom Hardies,do it for Mark Strong, do it
for Bane? Well? What canI say? I guess I have no
choice somewhere to hat because they wantto somewhere to had to prove summring bar

(59:01):
must wear their hat because no oneelse will. Yeah that doesn't make any
sense, but yeah, come on, what are we doing? We're doing
at time heist? Okay, thisis the plan. We'll all travel back

(59:24):
to different points in time when thestones were on Earth, bring them back,
and use them to reverse what Thanosdid. Tony, I understand,
But who's strong enough to use them? I will? The gamma radiation means
I'm the only one strong enough towithstand their power. I was made for
it. Hang on a minute,one am. We only just meeting Tony

(59:45):
Stark and a hulk because Ryan forgotto write them in earlier. Yeah that
does sound like him. Useless prickSpeaking of useless pricks, where's all kai?
Oh? Oh you know the onetone he was and Mash fires a
baron arrow and says they're taking hobbitsto eyes and guard. I volt not

(01:00:06):
to be teamed up with this guy. Yeah, look, I want to
be teamed up with you, yourfucking squirrel Cabert. Let's do this whatever
it takes, whatever it takes,whatever it takes. Yeah, wherever he
bakes? Oh, what does yourfucking hat mate. Hello, Welcome to

(01:00:37):
Artis Artists Ats, the show whereif a hat ain't hard, it might
as well be a fucking cake you'rewearing because you will get battered. Get
it, batter cake. It's athing of that one. I'm your host,
Tom Hardy from Peeking Duck with PlumbSauce blinder Us, and today I'm

(01:01:00):
meeting a very special guest. Hellomate, Tom? Is that me?
Yeah? Mate, I've traveled intime because I need your help. Is
this it back to the future episode? Nah? Mate, you'll do that
later on. Oh really, howwas it? Yeah? It's all right
mate. You make some questionable choiceswhen you get your end away. Oh

(01:01:21):
but on the plus side, youdo get your end away wallop. Well
I look forward to that. Sowhat are you doing here? Well,
I need to borrow your hat?Mate. Listen mate, I know i'm
you and you're meeting everything from thefuture, but if you think you're getting
my aut you can fuck right off. Yeah. I was afraid you're going
to say that. Don't writing anhappy shad? He What is going on

(01:01:52):
here? Baine? Mister getting Bain. He's a dicket version of me from
the future. I've never heard you, mister Hardy, either of you right?
How about I let you test mynew hat. It's made from the
hardest metal ever in it, vibranium. I thought the hardest metal was adamantium.

(01:02:15):
Don't be a silly campaign had aman too, was a pop star
in the eighties. He's got youthere, your Darth prick. Sure,
solly, did you move the head? Did mister Hardy test the hat?
Yeah? Go on, smack himone wrong? Why didn't you? Fuck?

(01:02:37):
Yeah? Fucking hell glad. Inever tested my old hat when I
had it because that was barely atwo out of ten. Cool. My
ass does look good in them trousersthough, that's England's ass. Yeah,
don't make it weird, mate,Hyeah, we made it, piece of

(01:03:15):
pits. Mate. Where's where's Natasha? She didn't make it, did she?
She's dead? No, she saidto let me smash up around within
our winding. Well she never saidit exactly, but it was definitely implied.

(01:03:37):
This is not the time of themorning. We need to use the
stones. Cool? Will you godo that? I'm gonna take a ship.
Been at all night and since weleft, well, I'll tell you
what, folks, after everything arebeen through. This has been especially mental.

(01:04:02):
This just goes to show you thathats are serious fucking business, made
a very serious business, not dumband fucking stupid, like Paul's sister said.
Yeah, Lauren, I listened tothe feedback. Well all, well
the ends well, because now wehave the stones, we can bring everyone

(01:04:26):
back and correct the time. Likesounds like the bulk has snapped his fingers,
so I guess we've won. Well, hey, f Tom, Tom,

(01:05:01):
are you okay? Oh my head? What happened is outside? Who
is dan Us? What? ButI fucking sliced off his melon? He's
just sitting there. He's dead.How is this possible? It's a younger
version of the one we thought.I thought by eliminating half of life,

(01:05:23):
the other half would thrive. Butyou have shown me that's impossible. As
long as there are those that rememberwhat was, there will always be those
that are unable to accept what canbe so ungrateful, I guess I'll have

(01:05:49):
to kill you all. Why theyounger versions always dickheads? Get him?
Fuck hell? Thanks for the warning. Listen, mate, you really need
to chill out. That's just rude. Just shrek wanna breathe I'll buy truce.

(01:06:17):
Yeah, you just kill everyone elseinsteady stop getting up. I could
do this all day and now youdie? Is this is this the end?

(01:06:43):
The herb you fucking want mate inover on your left. Fine,
you're alive. I didn't think I'dlet you fight this alone, did you?
Ah? You big, beautiful fuckyou. I brought some friends.

(01:07:04):
Hello, my itt me legend Tom. Remember from the first episode this is
the way. Yeah, it's meo strong, I'm oiled up. I'm
ready to whisper sductively into your ear. Tom, not even enough for whatever?
Top which stop me? Hardy.Let's kill these sons of bitches astill
of East dang Us. It seemsyou need summer assistance again, mister Hardy.

(01:07:29):
Does this mean you cared about methis whole time? Always explain?
Wow, everyone is here? Yeah, we're all here. Oh, for
fuck's sake, I'm here to you, lady ghibbly finally a ginger I like
I can hear you. Yeah,you're fucking meant to Will What are we

(01:07:53):
waiting for? Avengers? Let's testsome fucking acts, my yell, come

(01:08:14):
and get some it's been I'm unfree already. Murmur nineteen I want to
be beaten by some masculinity. Getthe man now, boys, there's plenty
events to cave in come. Weneed to get the stones away from than
us. Oh I want you wantme to fucking do a bay it.
You need to get the scot Lang'struck. It has a quant Who the

(01:08:35):
fuck is scot Lang? He said? Have you been listening to anything?
We've been doing this whole time,bits and paces. Honestly, it doesn't
matter. Just find that vehicle.Why fucking may just go? Oh?
Why missing? Hello? I haterunning, mister Harley. Hey, it's

(01:08:56):
good to see you. Man.That was so crazy. One minute I'm
like there and in the next Igot my wire. Okay, we'll gone
later. There's the truck, right, I want us a person to do
it again? Fucking now? Wellnow I will never know. I'll be
taking my stoves now, all right? Get this is getting old granny fast.

(01:09:26):
Give it back you Lila fuck startbe family jewels athetic. I think
you could have stopped me. Iam inevitable? How did you? No?

(01:09:54):
And all right I'm tom fucking mate. Wow, we did it,

(01:10:19):
we day, we did it.We did it, mister Hardie. We
did Oh I don't feel so good. Ah, that's a bit better,
but still not great. It's allright, mister Hardie. We're going to

(01:10:41):
be okay. You can rest now. What what are you doing? Call
me a fucking ambulance, right,prick? Oh, rest my friend,
Yeah, rest just for a minute, closed my eyes for a bit,

(01:11:05):
Rest forever and slate night. Rest. We are guarante here today to bid
farewell to a great man, trumHardy peaky fucking Blinders. Only everyoneted to

(01:11:31):
do was find the hardest hat,and in many ways I think the hardest
hat was the one he wore inhis hat. He may have been a
handful of times rude and sometimes abrasive. In some instances he was just belligerent,

(01:11:53):
but in the end he made theultimate sacrifice to save us all.
He was truly a hitting room.But to me he will always be my
friend, top bloke. Oh I'mgoing to miss him along. Besore he
died, he was able to recordthis message. Hello, is this thing

(01:12:19):
on? Yeah? Hello, It'sme to Harney from Petty fucking blind Us,
coming to you from beyond the grave. Hello, mate, I'm a
ghost mate, No any fucking withyou. This is actually a holidam not

(01:12:41):
I got from Tony Stark aka metalMan. If you're watching this, I
am dead. I didn't make it, but hopefully I managed to save the
day and bring everyone back to life. Also, I hope that I manage
to test his hip out their hatsalong the way to my nearest and dearest.
Do not cry for me, Argentina. Sometimes shit happens, But what

(01:13:08):
is grief but a hat enduring Fredam, you go out there and munch and
whatever you fucking want, Mate,You've earned it. Mark. You use
those velvety tones to tell pricks inthe cinema to shut their funting traps.
Ghimli, you're beardy. Fuck youkeep swinging their acts like I swing my

(01:13:28):
massive hug. Jerry Butler, Jaffacakes are biscuits. You fuck talking to
Jaffers. Ron Weasley, if you'rethere, should have been your mate,
you little shit. You should bedead, not me. You're trying and
will come and bain, my bigbeautiful masculine mountain. You keep on being

(01:13:54):
you because you're perfect in every singleway, and bain. I love you
three. I love you three hatsfor you folks at home. All I
can say is thank you. Forjoining me on my journey and adventures.
We've tested a lot of hats together, and I've loved every single fucking one.

(01:14:17):
For my fun review, I'm goingto review this show Hardy's Hardest Hats.
I have to give it a solidinn It Infrenity War out of ten.
Definitely hardy enough. So long youfacts and farewell. How do I?
How do I turn this? Howdo I turn this? Finger?

(01:14:42):
Hardy's Hardiest Hardies honeys is the fuckingend, my mate. I'm so relieved

(01:15:11):
to have you back. I wasso scared. I didn't think I was
ever going to see you again.What what? I don't know what happened?
That was weird? What you weregone? Mate? You've blipped away.
I'm blipped and then you just blippedback. I'm blipped back. What
was it? Sies? Um righthome about um? You couldn't be weird?

(01:15:34):
No, yeah, I couldn't holda pen um, let's be weird.
It was just like, you know, it's like no time has passed,
but it has for me. Yeah, how long has it been?
Half hour? Wow? That's insaneit yeah, that's pretty mental. It's
weird as well now because it meansthat I'm like, you're half an hour

(01:15:55):
older. Yeah, yeah, thisis true, there younger, you just
know. But I've caught up.You've caught up to me by half an
hour. So okay, right,um, I want to go first,
have you? You have to introduceit, ain't you? Okay? Sure?

(01:16:21):
So the music? Oh yeah,the last time. Yeah, everyone
has a point of view. Everyonelikes to film the movie star? Yes,

(01:16:45):
is that time again? For whydid they give them one star?
The one star movie review? Gameshow game because we play it and show
because it's on our podcast. Ifyou hear it's somewhere else, fuck it.
You know it's too late now,it's our last episode. So if
they want to steal our ideas,let them. Yeah, sad fucking losers.
Um, there we go. Normallywe have a guest on, but

(01:17:10):
we thought this is our last episode. Makes sense for us to play the
game on each other. Excuse meto play, just play, just the
two of us, play play witheach other, Play with each other.
Yeah, one last that's the otherthing we're going to be doing now we
got more free time, yes,um but yeah, yeah, I mean

(01:17:31):
we could do a little you like, all right, boy, how are
you doing I'm good. How areyou? I'm fine, Thanks for coming.
Yeah, thank you for coming.All the best. Yeah, where
can we find you? On socials, Cold Callers, Underscore Comedy on Instagram?

(01:17:55):
Huh um, cold Callers on Twitter? H yeah, on Facebook,
Cold Callers Comedy cool? What aboutyou? Um? Yeah, well you
can find me on Cold Callers,Underscore Comedy on Instagram and oh let me
wait, I just need to checkit. Um okay, yes, oh

(01:18:18):
yeah, thanks. So on Twitterit's at cold Callers and you can you
can find me there, Paulo.Where can we find you? Though?
I just told you? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry to me,
I'm Paul dot Rich. I'm notthat's a lie. I'm Paul Rich

(01:18:38):
underscore actor on Twitter. On Instagram, I'm Paul Rich dot actor on Instagram,
so I think on on Instagram,I'm You're Ryan Bryan Brannon your on
Instagram, and I think I'm thesame on the same Yeah, yeah,
Ryan, I changed mine because Iwas worried I was getting hacked. Oh

(01:19:04):
did you? Yeah, but youcan't do dots on Twitter, so I
had to do on score to keepit. So yeah, there, we
allow us. I mean, Ioccasionally post stuff on Instagram. It's usually
nonsense, vain vain nonsense here,occasionally, probably about being in a market.

(01:19:27):
Yeah, I've realized I've stopped rereum resharing. Was reposting cold caller
stuff ages ago. I think mystory my app stopped working, and so
I just gave up enough to share, just sharing my story. Yeah,
but I don't even look at yourstories. I didn't think you did.

(01:19:49):
Actually, I was like that wasweird, Like everyone loads of people look
at my story except for Paul.I just don't look at the stories.
I don't know why. Yeah,I love story, the story anyway,
it's not what we were talking about. We're here to play the one star
movie review game? Yes, sodo I need to get still? Got

(01:20:12):
him on to play? Yeah?I know it's all right. He's going
to explain the rules for everyone.Okay, good eatings all you lovely humans
at home or in the carle withwork, and welcome to why did they
give them? One star? Theone Star movie Review Game? This is
the game where Paul and Ryan willeach redoubt a one star review from a

(01:20:32):
particular movie. Those two of you'swill contain all the information the other needs
for them to answer. What amovie they have picked. I'm sorry about
the script. It's usually written forsomeone who's a guest, but you know,
I'm trying to adapt it to thesame time. If Ryan gets it
wrong, Paul will make him dosomething really bad and embarrassing. And if

(01:21:00):
the Paul gets his wrong, thenWine will make him do something equally as
bad as them and embarrassing also.Then once, once they've answered their questions,
hopefully it'll be over quickly and wecan all go and do something much
better with our lives. Obsidian,Thank you very much. It's been a

(01:21:20):
pleasure, fellas. And he's offthere, he goes him. He's guns
riding, he's riding, he's huge, long legs. Sure body though,
Yeah, God, Ann, whowants to go first? I guess I

(01:21:43):
will go for it? Yeah,you go first? Okay, one start
out of ten. It certainly islarge ready like that, lots of flashing
lights and loud noises. Little elsewent home and watched The Wolverine the second
one to be reminded of what Ilike in a popcorn flick. The whole

(01:22:09):
review I got. I mean,okay, I guess it's a it's a
like a blockbuster like action film.Maybe comic book. Possibly, I don't
know, um, certainly large don'tif that's a clue or not. Is
it a clue? I don't thinkit is. Okay, fair enough,

(01:22:30):
Okay, right, give us this, give us a second one thing because
I don't yeah clue. I mightgive you a couple, because I've got
a few short ones. Yeah yeah, one start out of ten money grab.
Nothing about this movie is memorable.The story was so bad that had
to be solely to make another movieafter this, which they did what I

(01:22:57):
don't know. The reason they madethe movie was to make another one or
something. Yeah. Oh, stillno clue. It's got a sequel.
Okay, it's got a sequel.It's some sort of big blockbuster film.
Okay, so you haven't got itfrom now, I'd give you the third
review. Okay, you might getfour because this was by a guy called

(01:23:19):
the Guy. All right, completedown a movie. I can't believe I
paid money and wasted hours of mylife watching this trash. If I could
go back in time and stop myselffrom seeing it, I would. I
don't watch superhero movies to walk outof the movie more sad than when I
walked in. Okay, so weknow it's a superhero movie. We know

(01:23:44):
that there was a sequel to it, or is that a trick? Was
there no sequel to it? Maybe? And it's a downer superhero movie as
well. I mean, the thingis like, I'm thinking Logan, but
I swear we already did Logan,so I don't think it can be Logan.

(01:24:06):
Oh man, this is a toughone because the guy said that first
what was the first or second one? He was like, oh, I
went back and watched the Wolverine.That's why I'm thinking Logan. But it
can't be Logan because we did doit. It's not. Yeah, yeah,
man, I can give you anotherreview. Yeah, give us another
review because I'm really struggling. Okay, okay, one start out of ten.

(01:24:29):
Save your time and your money.It's a real downer, right.
I wish I could have my twoand a half hours back. The film
was over long and packed with waytoo much violence for what it delivered as
entertainment. It also spent too muchtime focusing on the villain and his rationalizations
for genocide. I found myself wonderingif such indulgences would seem inappropriate to dwell

(01:24:53):
on for a real mass murder likerudolph Us. What is it appropriate dramatically
for Blank? Answer? It's not. This was the worst Blank film I've
ever seen. Okay, I guessI got I got swayed because obviously we
did end Game in the past,but in Infinity War yeah, oh man,

(01:25:23):
very good, very good, verygood. Yeah. And uh and
you know in theme with the episodeas well, what we've done is well
with what Tom Hardy did. Yeah, exactly, not us. Nothing to
do. We didn't do a thing. You didn't do anything for staff an
hour. I was on my own. Yeah, lazy. I'm sorry.

(01:25:44):
I'm so sorry. Um okay,right, here's my one. I'm gonna
have to cut little bits of itbecause it's too obvious of them. Okay.
One start of ten racist, homophobic, that's our favorite kind of stuff.

(01:26:04):
One absolutely god awful blank monstrosity.This film is Blank shows himself to
be the pompous, self righteous,English hating Burke. I always suspect that
he was. Anyone who proclaims thismovie claims this to be the best film
of the made is obviously a moviesimpleton. Blank is racist, homophobic,

(01:26:26):
and the biggest load of old twaddleI've ever had. The misfortune to sit
through, and then he does aquote from the film and then says,
oh, shut up. So that'sthat's the first review. Like I said,
there was a few little lines Ihad to cut because I felt if
I said them, you'd be likeostis. Okay, but there was a

(01:26:47):
fairly big clue in there. Right, No, I don't have it,
so okay, right one start atten. It's a wonder alex under the
Great didn't turn up. Dear,dear me. This was nearly as bad
as the film Titanic, where theEnglish portrayed is locking Irish passengers below deck

(01:27:14):
to drown as it was against therules, as it was against the rules
to allow them on the upper deckseven as the ship was sinking. To
say that Blank comes across as racistand insulting is to put it mildly.
All that has been said regarding historicalinaccuracies has already been said in previous reviews.
Blank certainly seems to have an axto grind or in this case,

(01:27:36):
a broadsword with the English, andmuch like the Patriot, it portrays a
nation that spawned the biggest empire theworld has seen as inept, duplicitous,
cowards way to go blank have giventhis load terribles, have given this load
of tripe a one, as Icannot give it a zero. I think

(01:27:57):
there are a few Englishmen who wouldlike to bump into this jumped up little
dwarf and give him a history lesson. I mean, I'm sure you've got
it from that, But I dohave a third one, just incase.
God, I thought we covered thefilm. That's why I was a bit
confused. So my first instincts,brave Heart is brave Heart. I need

(01:28:23):
to read it, this bird reviewbecause it just okay. So Once at
Ten is by Chris Murray. ChrisMurray. Three, Let he whose country
is without sin cast the first stone. I think that even I think that
to even things up, Hollywood shouldfinance emotion picture in which Sean Connery,
playing in Aborigine, leads leads hispeople in an uprising against their white Australian

(01:28:46):
oppressors. If nothing else, itwould give mel Patriot Gibson an overdue taste
of his own medicine. Now,if you will kindly excuse me being English,
I have some evil to go anddo. I think the hilarious thing
is that like people do just likesay, he's racist towards English, Like,
yes, but we're terrible people.It's not racist either xenophobic. Oh

(01:29:16):
man, so so funny. Soso for the lines I cut from the
first one where what an absolutely godawful codsporing wet swinging, I was like,
if I said that, you'd definitelyget it. I wouldn't remember that.
Funny enough, well, codsporing.You know the thing that they wear
on their kilt, that codsporing thing, it's just called a sporing. Now

(01:29:40):
I think they removed the codsporing,but the cod bit yeah, yeah,
yeah, but I would have forgottenthat. Anyway, there we go.
Well, there you go. Weboth don't have to do anything in embarrassing,
so I mean I kind of wantto do I'm embarrassing, go on
with it out for you. I'lltake a bit of unrolling. Yea,

(01:30:06):
And now I'm embarrassed. You don'tsee me if anything, you let it
wink at me. Oh oh,dear. Well this has been fun,
and I mean that not just thisepisode. It's been fun for the last
sixty nine episodes, and of coursewe ended on episode sixty nine, no
exactly, but this is the thinglike I mean, yeah, you guys

(01:30:29):
at home don't get to listening toany more of this, but you will
get to experience other things that we'regonna be doing. Listen to other songs,
like we say, you know wehave this have a podcast idea which
is you know, it's it's itwon't be for a while, but it's
it's you know, we will bewhen we will be back, Yeah,
in some sort of way, somesort of way. And also maybe not

(01:30:49):
this format, but you know,yeah, we'll sorry, we're gonna save
format. Well what see, Ithink you know Tom Hardie us still open
for as his advice line is stillopen, so if you do want to
catch some more Hardy's Hardy advice,you can, but that's on our Patreon
so exactly because we thought he wasdead, but I got a text message

(01:31:11):
about ten minutes ago saying, psychyou can I believe this is not the
same. I think this is TomHarley even Peaky Blinder season six, as
opposed to two other the other multiverseversion of him sort of correct. So
he's still going to carry on withHardy's Hardest Advice, Hardy Advice in the

(01:31:32):
absence of Tom Harley from peaky fuckingBlinder season two exactly exactly. You know,
very matter, so better so matter. Yeah, there's not much else
more to say. Really, it'slike it's it's the end of something great,
but it's not the end of us. I think that's the most positive

(01:31:57):
thing to say. And it's notat the end either, really, because
you know we might want to comeback. Who knows Lockdown four point zero
could becoming soon. Pol will havenothing to do. He's not wrong there,
he's not wrong there. Yeah,stay brave, stay wild. You

(01:32:21):
know what I've been watching way toowhen he created Peterson videos. Really,
that's how he ends every video,Stay brave, stay wild. After he's
glit himself get stung by like aridiculous insect or bitten. I've watched him.
I don't know why. I've juststarted watching them because they're informative too,

(01:32:42):
but also I'm like, I wantto see someone gets stung by a
bullet hant or I want to seesomeone gets stung by an executional wasp.
It's called an executional wasp. Whatis what's the pain meter called? Again?
It's named after someone, isn't itit is? Remember what it is?
Keith Keith. It's like Schmidt oryeah, something like that, isn't

(01:33:04):
it? Yeah, paint indecks ifyou if you know what it is,
tweeters let us know. No onedoes anymore. They know. I'm just
gonna google it. Yeah, giveus a ring, call us up.
Yeah, Schmidt, I was right, Schmidt, Schmidt. Because there's another
one, like for chilies. Isn'tit the hottest chili meat? What's that

(01:33:25):
one? Do that one as well? Fuck it? Last episode? Do
we one Scoville scale? That's Scovillescale. That's the one. So yeah,
the one there's a chili called Dragon'sBreath. No, it's gotta be
very spicy, surely I think it'snot. It might be number three.
That's not even the first one,because I thought like the spiciest one was

(01:33:46):
like the way it used to be, like the Carolina Reaper or something,
which was like a cross between theGhost Pepper and the like a Scotch bonnet
or whatever. It was a scorpion. I don't know, fucking no,
I had Carolina Reaper. It wasit was hot. It was hot.

(01:34:08):
Yeah, that's yeah, that's that'sone of the hottest in the world.
But that was overtaken yeah by becauseI think I don't know how they scale
it, but one point five millionscoville units is the Carolina Reaper. Yeah?
Did that make you sweat? Ihad it? Yeah, yeah,

(01:34:29):
I think so it was like anafter after sweat sort of thing, like
you sort it was kind of thesethings where it tasted really nice, but
then it was like you know,yeah, So the Dragon's Breath Chili was
tested at two point four eight million, which is well over it's nearly one
million over the Carolina Reaper, butthen and then now supposedly surpassed several months

(01:34:54):
later by pepper X whatever that is. Is that something that's been grown or
like three point eight three point oneeight million schobal units pepper X. I
mean surely that would just kill you. Oh, because someone created the Carolina
pepper. I guess crossbreeding, crossbreeding. Yeah, it was like what
is it got? It's like ghostpepper and something else. That's how they

(01:35:15):
cross bread it or something. People. This is what some people do.
Best name is it is bread bya name called ed Curry. So and
mean that little tidbit. Yeah,I think we'll leave it there. It's
it's been a pleasure as always.Palow. Yeah, it's been a pleasure.

(01:35:38):
Sometimes it's your Yeah, but yeah, go back listen to our episodes
still, people, you know,you can still rate, You can still
rate, and you can still review, and you can still subscribe even if
this is the last one. Goback listen to them, because who knows,
if all of a sudden we havea spike of listeners that are going
through the episodes listening to you know, and we get like under thousands of

(01:36:00):
downloads, and all of a suddenwe're raking in cash from it, then
yeah, we'll probably come back.But yeah, but your friends in that,
tell your friends in that. I'vealways it's not gonna happen if you
if you're not gonna do any ofthat, you can what can they do?
Ryan? Well, you know,if if you stop pulling your PUDs,
stop summing your asshole, rate yourview and subscribe, tell your mates,

(01:36:23):
mate and your faces. Yeah,so glad to have you all back
from the blip as well, thefifty percent of year that weren't there for
some of that show. You madeit back in time and go back and
listen, like I'm making out,we do it live. It doesn't mean
sense for if anything, people wouldbe like so weird. I'm blipped out

(01:36:45):
of existence the other day just listeningto the Cold Callers podcast and yeah,
that's why, that's what happened,all right? Well mate, um,
I guess if we speak to youin them, play a bit more song
to close them out or leave themwanting more? Yeah, a little bit,

(01:37:09):
leave more you can let. Youcan wind back and listen to it
if you want, or just waituntil it comes out. Ye ain't got
along to wait, or it couldbe out already if you've waited this long
to listen to it. Yeah,yeah, right enough for this ship. I