Line of Duty

Episode 64
Line of Duty

This episode is sponsored by Brüush - https://bit.ly/3xe5g7S

Download our NEW SINGLE ‘Game Over’: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/coldcallerscomedy/game-over

We briefly touch upon the farce that was the formation and subsequent disbanding of the European Super League which caused much furore and outcry in the footballing world.

Ryan’s 'Highlight of the Week' is a little disconcerting. Then I attempt to make Ryan take all the word knowledge I spray at him and soak it in during “Suck on my Big Fat Dictionary”.

In Hardy’s Hardest Hats, Tom Hardy’s quest for the Holy Hat of Christ is reaching its conclusion… the journey will either grant him immortal life - or take it from him.

Actor & ‘Line of Duty’ Star, Alastair Natkiel is our guest in today’s show where we chat about his career in acting, how it started and his time working on arguably the most popular drama on UK TV right now. Oh and we also cracked out a game of ‘Why Did They Give Them 1 Star!?’

Here’s the links for Ali:

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/alastairnatkiel
Twitter - https://www.twitter.com/AlastairNatkiel

Show Promo this week was from the Ye Olde Crime podcast. - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/ye-olde-crime/id1514461061

We really need your support. We do this because we love it. But right now, due to current times, we’re really struggling. We want to be able to focus more energy into what you hear. And that’s where we need your help. From as little as £3, you can help support us and fund future, exciting content. All whilst getting exclusive bonus content that no one else can hear. So… Wanna be a patron? Here’s where you go - https://www.patreon.com/coldcallerscomedy

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All the best & Don't Forget The Comedy!
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RyPaul

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
So it's really not long now,really not long where things are going to
open up again and we can finallymeet up. No, I don't want
that, huh Okay, Hello andwelcome to the Cold Callers comedy podcast in

(00:49):
association with the Podbreed Network and Whitethe Thing Media Network. I'm Paul Rich
and I'm Ryan Brannon. Every episode, me and Paul get together for a
catch up, and we invite youto listen to our most downloaded episode ever
if you haven't already, it's calledWatermelon Sugar. If you'd like to know
why it's the most downloaded episode ever, listen to it and then tell us
why you think it is, becausewe really have no idea why why it's

(01:12):
still being downloaded. It's I thinkit's madness. I think it was a
good episode from what I remember didit a year ago, but I feel
like we've done better ones since since. Yeah, it's just it's it's I'll
tell you what the actual figures are. Yeah, go for it, all
right. Well, since we've joinedSpreaker, the most downloaded episode has been
Watermelon Sugar, and it is almostfive times the most like more downloaded than

(01:37):
the next one. That's how muchway more popular it is than any other
episode, But we don't know why. Maybe it's title. Maybe they think
they're getting how he styles on theepisode. Yeah, we've got Sean Garrett
on there. He's you know,he's got good hair. This got thick,
thick, luxurious curls. Yeah,and a massive but yeah, Paul,

(02:00):
has it been going You've been annoyedrecently? Yes? I have,
mate, Um, please please explainwhy are you renoyed? Why are you
upset? I mean, if youkeep doing that, that will annoy me
a too, So don't do thatagain. Never definitely doing it again if
that, if that annoys you anyammunition? But what apart from me,

(02:22):
what's been annoying you? Well,just over over the weekend? Really?
Um, there was the announce again. This is for sort of this is
football related. So if you don'tlike football, I would say switch off,
but don't keep listening because you knowwe need to downloads in it.
Listen and there's plenty more great thingscoming. But I people who know me

(02:45):
know that I'm an Arsenal fan,big football fan, love it, love
Arsenal. Um. It doesn't runmy life mind, like if I have
to miss a game or miss agame. Sure if we lose, you
know, it's annoying, but there'sdon't you don't scream at you don't scream
at the TV and then not talkfor a day. No, No,

(03:06):
you don't. You know, youdon't go outside and sort of like go
right, I'm going to Tottenham.I'm going to kick someone in because I'm
really annoyed. No, I don't. Yeah, you're not mental, not
mental person. Do you remember whenit was? This was years ago,
This was when Chris Evans not CaptainAmerica radio DJ Chris Evans when he was

(03:28):
first, when he was first kindof like famous, and he was on
the radio. I think he wason Virgin and Virgin Radio and Manchester United
lost the Cup. They lost thefinal and he refused to talk the next
day on his show. He justplayed songs and wouldn't say a word.
It was just songs, advert songs. Wouldn't say wouldn't talk your fucking job.

(03:55):
That imagine that I'm not going outon stage. I'll go out Brian's
saying anything, not saying anything.I'll just do everything. I'll do all
my movements, my blocking will bethe same. But you'll just have to
play against the brick wall. I'mafraid. Anyway, mister Darcy is here
and he has wonderful news. Sorryanyway, carry on. Why Yeah,

(04:20):
so you're a normal person who likeslikes football but is not a mental curves.
Yeah, I'm not. I'm notan obsessive. So yeah, but
my club Arsenal, who have supportedsince I was a weee lad, because
my dad was an our support beforebefore me. You know, he used
to go as a kid. Heused to sneak me in, um five

(04:43):
pound, give it to the oldguy at the the old turnstiles, slip
in with fither. I'm sorry onesecond. Are you saying that you're from
the fifties specifically a film where whereyour dad sneaks you into a stadium?
Is that what your I mean?You know, it's a lot of money

(05:04):
a ticket even back then. Butif you can go in, if you
can just pay pay the turnstyle guya little bit of money, sneak me
in on his lap the security guardpretty much, you can do that those
back then. It wasn't automated turnstyles. You had to see someone with your
ticket and he's like he is five, let me boy in with me,
my boy. They're in little shortswith with a shirt of course and a

(05:28):
flat cap and suspenders. I'm imaginingyou're wearing yeah locks, long socks.
Yeah listen, it's not even likesto go on his lap. At least
were seats, so if it wasthe fifties, everyone be stood up.
So there you go. I'm notliving in the past. Back on that
um anyway. So I've been theArsenal Sports and his kid. Yeah,

(05:49):
recent seasons, I've been very disappointedwith the way the clubs didn't run.
Not like the ownership. He's anAmerican billionaire. He doesn't give a crap
about the club. No, it'smy money. Money, It's about money.
It's all about it's a business nowfootball, Yeah, so much money
involved. My team and five otherPremiership team decided to join something called the

(06:12):
European Super League with other in invertedcommas elite clubs from other parts of Europe,
so Real Madrid and Spain, Barcelonaand in Spain as well, who
else, Juventus into Milan ac Milanfrom Italy. There was going to be

(06:34):
like twelve clubs. They were like, yeah, we're now making we're making
the super League now where all thefounding members can't get relegated, but will
invite other people we think are eliteenough to join our little club, our
little league. But there's no competitionin that. If there's no danger of
being eliminated from it, then whatyou're playing for just to just to win

(06:55):
things, there's got to be jeopardyboth ends. Yeah, we stakes um
and they also none of the supporterswant this. All the supporters associations from
each club in England got together andwe're like, we're not having now.
We don't want that. Yeah,because then the Premiership were like, well
you want to do that, willban you from competing or you'll drop I
mean, this might still happen,they might drop all those clubs back down

(07:18):
to the lower leagues, but Idon't think they will because money, money
talks. But they can certainly.And also but people are saying, oh,
but you know you punish the owners, not not the fans. And
it's true. You you can't punishthe players. You can't punish to punish
the fans, because it's not wedidn't answer it. Players certainly didn't.
Exactly just a very tight lip tothe players to probably just sort of like

(07:40):
you don't say a fucking world.Arsenal. Yeah, but other players from
other clubs have opened up and said, but we don't want we don't want
this to say, you know,and apologize to the fans, you know.
But uh yeah. So it gotto a point yesterday because before Arsenal
pulled out and then obviously I thinkCity pulled out first Matchester City, then
Chelsea were on the version. Arsenalpretty much everyone pulled out by the end

(08:03):
of the nights yesterday, a mereforty eight hours after announcing that they were
doing the thing. So Arsenal andthat are no longer going to be involved
in the serial league. They've pulledout, They've bowed bowed down to the
fans, They've listened to the fansand yeah, and they have made an
apology of sorts. It does feela little forced now. We're only doing

(08:24):
it because we didn't want to beleft behind, and to be fair the
mentality of the club, it probablyprobably was it we didn't want to be
left behind, but come on,man, integrity. Like I've been supporting
them for thirty years of my life, thirty plus years. I've seen lots
of amazing things. I've been veryfortunate and lucky, but I was on

(08:45):
the verge of wondering who I wasgoing to support in the future because I
was seeing that club in a differentway. I was like, well,
maybe the game's gone money. Themoney is so much money involved, and
I was thinking about maybe going toBormwood, you know, Meadow Park,
the stadium, little State, thelittle tiny like a couple hundreds eater little

(09:07):
things. Can you support them aswell? I can? But he's got
the time, mate, one ofthe one of the other. Mate,
I'm goin to see what happens inthe fallout. But it's Yeah. The
kind of explained this to me becauseI mean, you know, because I
heard this whole European Super League thing. I looked it up on Google and

(09:31):
it said that it was a videogame on the Dreamcast that came out in
two thousand and one. So that'swhy I was kind of a, yeah,
well exactly what. I was justkind of like, I don't see
why everyone's got a problem with thegame that's twenty years old, Um,
why is he an issue? Butsomething else arsenal, I haven't won the

(09:52):
league for so long and we're sittingninth in the table. The arrogance to
be like, yeah, we're elitebecause we've got money spurs. Even worse,
they haven't won a major honor infor forty plus years. Yeah,
if that we have one something Idon't remember, mate, No in my
lifetime, Mate, not in mylifetime. Is that I mean European super

(10:16):
League. I don't know who cameup with that name, but I feel
like someone literally wrote on the backof a napkin because it is a terrible
name. But everyone else, everyother sport has a super league. Rugby
has a super League. It's calleddumb, but yeah, super European super
League does sound like they were stringingwords together. Yeah, they were European
League. Isn't there a europe there'salready a European League. Well, it

(10:37):
just says it's the super one,isn't it. Yeah, well the European
Champions there's a Champions League that's justEuropean teams. Yeah, but it's not
just champions it's just elite teams.Elite so if they can't be relegated or
promote, six of the twelve fromEngland and there's like, oh yeah,
but it means we get to playthis amazing you know, you get to

(10:58):
play these teams all the time then, but then that takes away what's so
special about the Champions League and theEuropa League. It's not an everyday thing.
It's not all the time, youknow. That's what makes it special.
That's what makes those nights. Ifyou're doing it every week, it
will lose its mystique, it willlose its you know, whatever the word
I'm looking for is, it willjust lose that. It will just be
our book boring. Now playing RealMadrid again. So what what would you

(11:22):
like to say to the people whoare who came up with this idea and
wanted to do this. What wouldyou like to say to him, Paul,
if you had the opportunity, theywere there in front of you.
If it was if I was lookingat Stan Cronky in the face, the
owner of Arsenal, I'd be like, get out of my club, you
fucking, little, dirty little bitch. Leave my club alone, leave the
country. We don't want you anywherenear our club. Get your dirty,

(11:46):
filthy rich hands off my club andyou can pick I can imagine. Just
to explain to everyone at home aswell, Paul, when he said that,
he actually stood up and grabbed hisown crotch the mic with me so
that you can still hear me becauseI'm a consummate professional. That's how angry
he was about it. Well,there we go. What would you like

(12:07):
to say to them? I'd say, what's what's get your own name?
That was a Dreamcast title in twothousand and one. It's from here originality.
Um, yeah, No, Icouldn't. I mean, I'm you
know, I think like my,my, my, I couldn't give a

(12:28):
ship pull. Yeah. What Iwill say is that a lot of people
obviously came out and were sort ofprotesting about this, saying like this isn't
right, this isn't right. Fairenough you should be able to say that.
Why weren't they getting their heads cavedin by truncheons by the policeman for
standing there and protesting? Because Ithought that was the general consensus of things.

(12:48):
Now, if you're against something Ryan, this mattered. Though. No,
the fuel raw that come with this, and the amount of money that
has been bandied about already, likedo you way put a lot of money

(13:09):
into making this not happen? Essentially, I've been like, no, we
can't just have here throwing money atit. Yeah, they throw more money
in that in that at that inforty eight hours than they ever have in
trying to eliminate racism in football inthe last ten years. Fucking Boris Johnson,
I know I would change the law. He was straight in there.
We were just at like something thatneeds to be talked about football business.

(13:33):
But because what about women who feellike they can't walk the streets tonight without
being attacked and raped and killed.It's uh, yeah, no, it's
it's an interesting thing. I completelyagree with you, Paul, Like it's
not on at all that the youknow, the billionaires are trying to do

(13:56):
this to ruin something that has beena stable for just to make money in
years, just to have money money, and from a business, if you
take away football from the business standpoint, sure it makes sense to want to
keep your business getting more money.But yeah, the community thing, isn't
it. Yeah, a loss ofthe community in the identity of the club

(14:16):
and the fans. You know youwere talking about people have got season tickets
so like from their dads or havebeen passed onto them from their dads.
That's yeah. And then they hadthe nerve and the audacity to call us
legacy fans because they're also looking toget new fans by making this thing.
It's like, oh Jesus, anyway, I've actually ran to a long time,
more longer than I thought about this, and I said I wasn't a

(14:39):
mentalist, and I said, reallyobsessive. But I did go on a
bit of around there. But it'sonly because yeah, you're passionate, passion
passionate. But there we go.I think we've both made very very good
points there. Yes, very important, but it's very important to the community
and people should be able to plainthat the billionaire should be able to get

(15:01):
their own way with changing football.But also maybe you know, double standards
when it comes to other issues likerace or beating kids, or sex or
or anything like that. Yeah,it's um, yeah, it just seems
a little. It's just it's like, yeah, they're rightfully stood out their
approaches. It's right that they shouldbe getting angry. What about everyone else?

(15:22):
So fuck them the right ones.Kids from poor families are going hungry,
they need lunch money, they needfood, tide chores. They're trying
to take our team away into Europeand it's going to ruin sporting competition.
Well, it's bloody outrageous. Iwill change the law if I must.

(15:46):
He's really good at changing the lawto suit them anyway, So it's at
least we know that would work.But it's happened now. It's the Prime
Minister of the country. Why ishe shouldn't be getting involved in football affairs.
It's business that it's still business.It's business and revenue. Where's that

(16:07):
help for the theaters? Yeah?Anyway, fuck this ship, let's move
on. Um it's I guess it'stime for my highlight of the week.
Yeah, highlight the week gas highlightafter weekers highlight. I love the week's

(16:34):
highlight of the week's highlight of theweders highlight of the week highlight after week.
Finally got vaccinated recently, Um,not feeling much of side effect.

(16:57):
Plus I can hear Bill Gates inmy head now telling me what to do,
so bargain that Dragonlight of the weekup the week. So Paul h
what time is it? Ah,I'm whipping out the Oxford as we speak.

(17:19):
Get in me. I booked asa laugh there and don't know if
that came out, but I'm keepingit in because it sounding weird. Oh
yeah, baby, I got somuch knowledge for you. Let me scream

(17:42):
my words into your mouth. Emptymy oop, cab your balls, Let
me beeve sorus your brains out O. Let me see lap down my twelve
in dictionary, suck big fat diction. Hello, and welcome to suck on

(18:15):
my big fat Dictionary with me PaulRich and the cretanous Ryan Brannon. Welcome,
Ryan, Oh, cheers, It'salways nice to be on this.
Wait a minute, cretinous, Yes, son of a bitch, you're welcome.
Last week, last week we didthe suck on my big my dick,

(18:40):
what do we call it? Suckon my dick? Sex stories?
Yeah, the sex sex sexy story. We didn't really come up with a
name for it, yeah, thinkingthinking sex confessions, sex stories or something
completely innocent. Yeah, like yeah, whoopsie stories, whoops daisies, whoopie
tales, whoopsie tales, body talesfor body folks. Anyway, back to

(19:07):
the original format this week, anddo I have a word for you?
Go on and slap it to me. If I was to say the word
gentacular, gentacular, what would Imean sentacular? I mean a j Yeah,

(19:29):
okay, right, that that doesn'tarraw um. See if it was
with a g I would have hadmore guessess genetics. The first word you
say, genitals gentle. Oh right, I was gonna say that was the
thought. That was the first thingyou thought, or genitals. Genitals was

(19:52):
like one of the actually genitals wasthe third one, first one I thought,
but I didn't want to sound likea um yeah, but yeah,
any of those ones gonna work.Gentacular? Is that what you said?
Gentacular? Yeah? Okay, Um, it's not Tracular's brother. How would
you spell it? How did youspell it? Still track as you think

(20:18):
it would be spelt? So jE n T gent ac u l a
r R gentacq lar right? Okay? Um? Or all right, next
thing gen gentacular jack Um, I'mjust gonna have a wild, wild stout.

(20:42):
Wait a minute, can I getit in a sentence? Sure?
Yeah? Oh that was a gentacularcup of tea. Okay, okay,
Because I was going to go forsomething like size, like you know when
it's of like when something's very big. But I don't think it is that
now. I think it's more liketentacular, like it's very refreshing. That's

(21:08):
my guess. But I think maybeI fold you with the tea. Oh
no, oh, no, whywhat is it? It's not it's not
that all right, Well, thenI'm asking you because I'll tell you another
one to see if you can bearit down. Oh okay, what you're
making love? Oh? Just sometentacular bacon. I mean, in that

(21:33):
case, I would guess is eitherhot or very kind of you know,
sort of juicy. But did youget juicy tea? You can't get juicy
tea, liquidy water, wet.Yeah, no, you're not gonna get
it. No, it's it's anadjective for any breakfast related item. Well,

(21:56):
I drink tea whenever, and alot of people do baking whenever.
Have you ever been to a intoa into a burger joint? They always
they always put bacon in it.I mean, I'm Jewish, I don't
need bacon. Sorry, Rabbi.Um, but because gentaculum are items that

(22:18):
are breakfauty taken with for breakfast,just say breakfast, your fucks, Like,
what's wrong with you? Why doyou have to be like white a
convoluted fucking word to say items forbreakfast? You're just pissy that you have
to suck on my big vat dictionary. It's podcast promo time and this week,

(22:45):
I want to draw your attention toa lovely podcast called Not Before Coffee
was an exclamation mark, which,obviously when I first saw that, it
definitely got my attention because I ama coffee fiend, as is the host
of this podcast called Ray. We'vebeen on her podcast before. It's a
real fun show where she talks aboutthe book she's read or film or TV

(23:06):
that she's watched with guests, andwe were guests on her show once and
we had a lot in common.You know, all three of us love
Chris Evans. I mean Ryan possiblyloves in the moment if he got the
chance, he would love to smashhim, but that is for another day.
Anyway, let Ray tell you more. Hi. I'm Ray, self

(23:27):
confessed book, film addict, hermit, long time depression sufferer, and caffeine
fiend, and Not Before Coffee Italk about everything from books, TV and
movies to the more serious topics likemy own personal journey through life struggling with
various mental health issues. But notuntil I've had at least three mugs of

(23:48):
the roast of bean and temporarily satedmy long term addiction. So if you
want to get to know more,about me and all the ways I pass
my time during the week, notincluding work, and you fancy the idea
of hearing me talk about the thingsthat interest me new books, old books,
TV and movies of all kinds,plus the weird and wonderful of my

(24:10):
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(24:32):
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(24:55):
your oral care routine. Well,I'm actually really excited about this. I've
never been excited for a Tom Hardyepisode before. Yeah, it's I'm interested
to see what happens too. It'sweird because I feel like I've seen this
before. Yeah, me too,but it seems very familiar. It does,

(25:15):
but I don't think it is.I think it's an original, brand
new story. Original, Yeah,completely original. All right, Well,
let's find out what's happened to toTom Hardy and Bain. How hard?
How hard? How hard? Oh? What does your fucking may? Hello,

(25:48):
Welcome to another episode. I've hardisartists hats. There's show where ten
contestants go into a big ten tobake cakes. No, I'm only fucking
with you. That's the great Britishbreak off. Quitnest that hardness schools.
If they baked cakes in the shaperhats and then warn them, then I
smashed them in that would be adifferent story. As always, I am

(26:12):
your host, Tom Hardy from Moneythe Peaky. I'm holding out for a
peaky till the end of the Blinders. After last week, me and Junior
escape from Germany and travel to theMiddle East in search of the Holy Hat.
If none of that makes any senseto you, then you should have
listened to last week and the weekbefore that. I ain't gonna hold your

(26:33):
fucking hand. Go back and listento it. Your lazy bastards. If
you do know what I'm talking about, good you fucking should. What do
you want though? Fucking Cookie andMaryland's chockey Shippy Cookie would go down a
tree right now, Oh Howard ChipshawHOI anyway, We're in a place near

(26:55):
Alexandretta, known by the locals asa nacalat or God's embrace, more like
Devil's arshole. It's sandy, dustyand proper shitty. I'm in a right
foul mood, sweating my bollock stuff. I'd like to be my dry cleaner.
It's gonna be like emptying a greasepan from a George Foreman grill.

(27:17):
It ain't lean, that certainly mean. Oh well, I need to use
a hanky to mop up some ofmy swampy gooch. Oh oh that is
messy. Oh Christ, it's somethingall right, Salah, here's your hanky
back mate, Ah, thankle myfrid um hm can already fill moisture forming

(27:45):
again, Junior cannot borrow your anky, mate, No, Dad, this
is it the entrance the world,the entrance to the final resting place of
the third night Guardian. Huh.The police we've been searching for what we've
been searching for. You Just wherethe hat is, mister Hardy, those

(28:07):
Jesus Christ. No need to curse, I'm just starting a question. No,
it's the head of Jesus Christ,the Holy Head Jesus is ha.
That's exciting. That's what we've beensearching for for the last few weeks.
Damn it, daddy, this wasyour idea. All right. Fucking now,
I'm just a little delirious from thisfeat. It's fucking horrible. My

(28:30):
cock feels like it's floating in theeverglades, and my mouth is as dry
as a nun's from pum. Let'sget inside after you, Junior. Fucking
fuck me. Could barely see anything. It's so dark. Saying that,
I think my eyes are starting toadjust. Yeah, there we go.

(28:55):
I was burning in the deck.You merely adopted it. Oh yeah,
mate, It was funny the firsttwo times you've done it, but now
you're just milking it. Oh allright, best behavior, Sarah. Shut

(29:17):
your fucking mouth, mate, Ididn't say anything. What did I just
say? Both of you? Therethey are. It looks like they're sending
people in to get past the boobytraps. Booby oh, speaking of that,
there's an Austrian bird. I knowshe's a body, but I'd love
to send my tomb raider into atambel of doom again. Kends that but

(29:41):
me scare the shit out of me. Get over there, hands up.
Well, if it isn't the hardyboys interfering of my plans again, don't
you really think that we'd let youget away with this? You know what,
I'm glad you're here. I'm goingto have that hat. You'll see
you'd look well, shit, youdon't even have the head fer hats.

(30:04):
Oh, I will wear it.You're going to get it for me.
Shooting me you won't get you anything. You know something, Bain, you're
absolutely right, dead dead, juniordead. That brick fucking shock me.

(30:32):
Pardon me. Only the healing powerof the hat can save your father.
Now it's time to ask yourself whatyou believe. Fucking m right the breath
of God. Rely, the penitentman will pass. The penon man will

(30:56):
pass. Our read, the penitentman will pass. I'm need the penitent
man will pass. The penitent man. The penitent man, penitent man,
penitent man, penitent man is humblebefore God, penitent penitent the penitent man
is humble, kneels before God.I kneel befound. No one puny blades.

(31:22):
I'm through, mister Hardy, padis through. Oh ah, oh,
mister Hardy, You've got you frommy hand, you patty fuck sorry,
Laddie, Wait a minute, gamelyer, No, no, mister
Hardy, this sella quick pain.He doesn't have much time. The word

(31:47):
of God leading the footsteps of God. Will he proceed? See it in
the footsteps of God, the wordof God. No, mister Hardy,
try not to talk. This ismy shower too. I like the name
of God, the name of dog. I mean God, Jehovah. But
in English alphabet God starts with agee fuck me video. In the Latin

(32:17):
alphabet, Jehovah starts with an eye. Okay, here we go. Ay
wait, it's not that far.Is a power examp him over? You
know this ain't the first time I'vebeen sure. Oh really, yeah,
I wouldn't recommend it. Oh wait, I just remember you must believe,

(32:39):
boy, you must believe he isall the way through bullets a mystic Oh
ouchy elsa kiss your better love?Not there? Yeah? Yeah, oh

(33:01):
hello, I knew you'd come.My strength has left me. You are
strangely dressed for a night. I'mnot exactly at night. I was chosen
as I was the bravest, themost worthy, until another would come to
challenge me to single combat. Inow ask it to you. Listen.

(33:24):
I don't have time to explain.But here, here are so many hats.
Which one is it? You mustchoose, but choose wisely, for
as the true hat will give youlife, the false hat will take it
from you. I'm not a historian. I have no idea what it looks
like. Let me choose, Thankyou doctor. Yeah, oh yes,

(33:51):
it's more beautiful than I ever imagined. It certainly is the hat of the
King of Kings, eternal life.M it's uncomfortable. It's squeezing my head.
What is happening to me? Hechose poorly? What's wrong? Pain?

(34:22):
Dad would have loved to have seenthat. Come on, there's still
time to save him. It wouldnot be made of gold. Yeah,
that's the hat of a capenter.Only one way to find out. You
have chosen wisely. But the hatcannot pass beyond the great seal that is

(34:46):
the bargain and the price of immortality. Everything is going dark, I don't
like here. No, don't letJosh track direct component he's a terrible director.
It'll make me look stupid. Man, quick, bam, he's running

(35:09):
a high fever. Dear Dad,wear this hat. I don't wanna.
I hate hats. No, he'dmake me too late. Quick, let's
put it on his head. Yeah, how do you feel dead? I

(35:32):
feel, I feel, I feelfan fucking tastic. Mate, I'm alive.
I'm alive. You did it,Junior. You saved me fucking bacon.
So this is the art of christ. Ugly fucking at gets at.

(35:52):
Good to see you, Dad,You too, Junior. Dad. Please
don't call me, Elsa? Whatare you doing? Come on, Ben,
we have the hat. It's ours, yours and minds. Don't cross
the seal. Remember what the Knightsaid? The hat can't leave this place.

(36:15):
I like to say, go.I love to watch a leave dad.
Whoa, it's a compliment if anything, Elsa, I've got to give

(36:35):
me your overhead. I ultimost reached. The head. Can't hold on to
you. You're slipping just a littletoad. It's all right, boy,
I've got you. Fuck me,you have right. I've almost got the

(36:57):
hat, Dad. I can getit, Junior. I can't emphasize how
heavy you are here. I'm gonnadrop you almost got it, fain Faine,
tell it, Carrol Faine. Isthat a night fellow? Yes,

(37:20):
that's him. He's over five hundredgiver goodbye, five hundred years old,
killed by a pillar. Fucking youknow, Junior, Elsa never really believed
in that. She thought she'd founda prize. Tell you what was a

(37:43):
prize? Though her sweet illumination.Nobody gonna say, ellum nation, what
did you find? Junior? Pleasestop calling me there? Surely what is
this with this this Julia? Well, that's his fucking name, tom hard
Junia. I like Bain. Inamed the dog bain do. The dog

(38:05):
got nick from Doc Brown. Hewas called Heine stain or summy, so
I changed it to Bain. Gothim a little muzzle like yours, and
everything named you after the dog,I was called bain bad tell him dog.
I never remembered you being called Bain. Julia. Well, one thing
I can't tell your folks is thatthe Holy hat of Christ certainly brought me

(38:29):
back to full strength. So it'sdefinitely hardy enough. Right, let's fucking
do this, Charlie, haucking.That is the fucking end myte Everyone has

(38:54):
a binty bill. Everyone likes tofeel the bale. Why star, Yes,
it's that time again for why didthey give them one star? The
one star movie review? Game show, game because we're playing and show because

(39:16):
it's on our podcast. If youhear it somewhere else, just tell us
okay, and we're going to callthe police. I think I think I
think the police can arrest people forthat, for copying this. A few
weeks ago, this was like we'llgo around your house smash your face in.
Now it's like we might call thepolice. Is that wrong? I've

(39:37):
been told I've been to tone itdown, so it's too toned down now
I think you know next the jugularYeah, the jugular vein, yes,
yeah, more than that later.Um. Yes, So today, as
always, for this segment, wehave a special guest, and it really
is a special guest. Um.I'm very we're very lucky to have nabbed

(40:00):
him, especially during this current sortof month or so. He's appeared in
many a TV show. This oneis very popular in the UK, and
I think it's making making its wayover to the US as well. It
is Line of Duty Joete, andI'll say I'll say that again without sounding
like an absolute wally line from Lineof Duty. And he's a great friend

(40:22):
of mine here he is ales thnat Kill. Hello, Hello, Hello,
Hello, are we doing? We'redoing okay? Oh, thank you,
thank you so much for coming onthe show, giving us your precious
time. That's pair of idiots,my pleasure. I'm not sure how precious
my time is really, but yeah, no, absolutely, guys, it's
pleasure to be here. It's gonnabe laugh it is. We're actually recording

(40:45):
on the days. I believe it'sthe penultimate episode of Line of Duty this
season, or is it is thepenultimate episode this evening? Yes, And
there were originally only supposed to besix episodes this season, and I actually
didn't know that there was going tobe a seventh until everybody else knew that
they started advertising the series and thatthere were now seven episodes. So it's

(41:08):
interesting for me, especially because Ihave read all six episodes as it originally
was, so I know what's happening, and I know what happens tonight,
but then I have no idea whatmight happen in that seventh episode. So
interesting, So it's cool. I'mlooking forward to it. You're not going
to do Tom Holland and just spoilit. I'll try not to, but

(41:30):
I mean, I actually I physicallycouldn't for episode seven because I have no
clue whatsoever. But yeah, I'lltry and keep what happens tonight under my
hat well, to be fair,when this is it would have played yesterday,
so it's I don't want to spoilit for me though, because I'm
watching it today. It's on everyone'slips at the moment. So yeah,

(41:52):
it must be very exciting to bea part of. But we'll get to
that in just a sec. Iusually start off my hard hitting questions with
the hardest of them all. Okay, so here we go. How are
you mate? You right? I'malright, mate, I'm alright, I'm
good. I'm good. It's beena funny old year, hasn't it.

(42:13):
But as I'm sure everybody you've hadon has been saying, but yeah,
I'm good. I moved back homeliving with my parents, turned forty in
lockdown and living with my parents,so that was, you know, life,
life affirming. But but no,it actually, it's actually, to
be fair, been brilliant and I'mvery lucky that I've been able to do

(42:36):
that this last year, and Ihave keep being keeping relatively busy ish with
the ups and downs of an actingcareer that have been um, you know,
haven't really gone away through this pandemicfor me. I've had Obviously,
there was a time I had nothinggoing on a tour, but so I
set up a couple of little venturesto keep myself ticking over from home.

(43:00):
But in terms of like auditions andwork and stuff, I've had the odd
bit and Bob just like any otheryou know, a bit more quiet than
normal, but like any other time, just you know, it's been quiet
at times, it's been like relativelybusy at times. So but yeah,
no, I'm good. I'm good, life is life is good. I've

(43:20):
got my dog asleep next to me, you know, so I can't complain
really, no, I'm good.How are you? Oh right, Yeah,
that's an answer you don't want tohear, one of those gone I
was gonna say. So it isa weird one thinking about like I mean,

(43:43):
I've done you know, simility,you know, to both you and
Paul done a couple of auditions throughoutthe year, but nowhere near as much
as before, but it's all beenobviously self tapes. Yeah, I don't
know how I'm going to feel whenI go back into a room and have
people looking at me again. Well, I had I had to go down
to London. I've been down afew times the last few weeks. For

(44:06):
I was in the Jersey Boys process, which is coming back down, coming
back into the West End in thesummer, and I was going getting through
the rounds, having you know,you know, I did the first couple
of things on self tape and thenhad to go down and then I've been
down three times. Yeah, threetimes. I just found out on Thursday
that I'm no longer being considered,so that's great, but you know,

(44:30):
but it was weird. It wasweird but great at the same time.
As soon as I drove into London, I was like, oh, I've
missed London and didn't realize how muchI had. But also just being in
a room, you know, allwith masks on and socially distance and everything.
But but it was great. Butas as things start to get going
again, I'm finding myself a bitmore like I actually quite enjoy just not

(44:53):
going out. I've realized this actuallymight be I'm a bit of a ball
legg to actually go and do likeactually how to commute and leave the house
and stuff. But I know exactlywhat you mean. It's just very very
comfortable don't at home. There's likethere's days we're kind of like, oh
my god, get me out.But yeah, I know what you mean.

(45:15):
It's kind of nice not to haveto deal with people. Yeah,
definitely, I was bad before lockdowns, right, I was really bad at
going out. I don't know whatthe hell I'm going to be like when
we finally can maybe maybe I'll justbe out all the time just because I
can now. I don't know.I think there's been a few I've heard
of it, and you know,I've probably potentially been part of a couple

(45:37):
of occasions already last weekend where Ithink people have got a bit over excited.
We went around to my cousins lastweekend. We went from walking apart
with a dog, then round tohears for some food and drinks. And
his wife was out and she'd saidthat she was going to be back by
about eight o'clock or something, andshe wasn't any text her and nothing,

(45:58):
and then he text her at nineand nothing thing, and it's getting later
and later, and then eventually sheshe kind of stumbled in and I think,
you know, it was the firsttime that she'd been out and met
friends for however many months, Thesethese ladies who had gone for some lunch
at three pm and had all gonecome home, come home at seven,
come home at like ten eleven atnight, or absolutely, I think,

(46:23):
to be fair, I think there'sprobably quite a few examples of that happening
around the country at weekends at themoment. But it will be brilliant to
get back to a bit more normality. Yeah. I was in the pub
the other night, actually sat inthe pubs outside of it, just just
grinning and bearing it through the cold, so I could have an actual point

(46:44):
rather than from a can or abox. It's freezing, isn't it?
Absolutely freezing? Yeah. This timelast year was a heat wave. That's
what annoys me. It's like,why couldn't have been this weather? Oh
yeah, of course, Well yeah, we're almost there, we're getting there,
nearly there. To be fair,that first lockdown was it, as
you say, It was boiling,wasn't it? And it was really nice?

(47:04):
But yeah, this last this lastkind of al Fresco dining over the
last few weeks has not been that. It's not let's put it this way,
it's not been like being in Tuscanyon a nice balmy evening, is
it really? Never mind? Birminghamdoesn't have quite the same doesn't quite have
the same vibe. But it's allgood. It's all good. Um.

(47:25):
With with the auditioning, you know, you said everyone's got the masks on,
I'm just trying to prepare myself whenI eventually have an audition again.
But did you have to have amask as well while singing? Not whilst
singing, but whilst doing the movementcall all the way? Like while we
were learning the choreography and stuff thewhole time. Then with when it came

(47:50):
to like performing that that stuff we'dlearned, we were allowed to take the
masks off. See your smiles,Yeah exactly, tits and teeth. But
it was it was actually quite hotthat day in contract in country to what
we've just said, and I wasin a full suit mask forty five minute

(48:12):
dance corps. It was. Itwas a sweaty one, but it was
good. It was good. Didit well? Obviously didn't get that well
because I didn't get it. Butit was nice to be back in that
situation again, we've all been theremany more often than not as well.
Oh yeah, well, you know, onto the next It's a show.
It would have been amazing. It'sa show I've always wanted to do,

(48:35):
and to come out of this thisyear with a west End contract. And
I've done a few west End shows, I've never played a lead in the
west End, and so this wasto play one of the four, one
of the four Jersey Boys, oneof the four boys themselves, and it
would have been great, you know, to come out of this and to
go into the west End on ayear's contract playing a lovely role, but

(49:00):
not to be never mind, that'sthe make goes. Yeah, exactly,
I'm on exactly. Yeah. Again, we're gonna we're gonna talk a bit
about the west Enders a sect,But briefly, what made you get into
acting anyway? I'm sure people wouldlike to know. Um, well,
my it's all it's in my family. Well that the industry is in my

(49:20):
family. Um My dad was atheater director and then a TV director and
then a TV kind of executive.Um, and my mom trained as an
actress. Although she never really kindof stuck at it professionally. My my
grandfather and my grandfather actually taught IanMcKellan, and there's a there's actually these

(49:45):
Ian's like a I mean, Isay Ian like he's a mate, but
he's he you know. Whenever mymum used to go to Stratford to see
Ian McKellen in Shakespeare or whatever,they would always go and say hello at
stage or and stuff, so therewas a contact, you know. And
so my grandfather loved his drama.He was a teacher, but he loved

(50:07):
and he did amateur dramatics and stuff. So it's always been in the family.
And yeah, I just went toyou know, a bit of a
cliche really, but I saw Layerswhen I was about eight and just thought
that's what I'd like to do.And then I actually really wanted to be
a cricketer. But then I wasn'tgood enough to do that. And clearly

(50:30):
I'd never had any aspirations to doanything sensible or or like, you know,
proper, never ever wanted a properjob, clearly, so when it
became abundantly clear that I wasn't goingto be good enough to be a cricketer,
that's when I really kind of turnedmy attention fully, probably about fifteen

(50:52):
or so, turned my attention fullyto the acting. It's no way ever
since. I mean, you know, which is great. Yeah, I
wanted to be a racing car driverwhen I was a kid. I realized,
you you need a lot of backingand a lot of money for that.
Yeah, didn't did not happen.And you need to know how to

(51:15):
drive. I can drive, Paul, Oh, yeah, it does generally
house. Yeah, Paul's my bestfriend. By the way, it doesn't
know anything about me, apparently,know you wanted to be a racing car
driver. That's mental. See,doesn't know anything about me. Yeah,

(51:35):
I'm glad that. I'm glad thatI could have played some small part in
this, in this development of yourrelationship. Every year he asked me where
my birthday is, So that's Iknow it's around summertime anyway, but that's
generic three month period. Yeah,it's one of the four seasons. I
can't remember which one. Aition,don't bring up the four seasons. The

(52:07):
what I was gonna say, obviouslywe we obviously I always do that.
Obviously we met hate saying obviously obviouslynot obvious to a lot of people.
No, it's not obviously to us. To us, yeah, we met
in twenty ten, um in wellin England first, but that's where we
met, or just rehearsing for somethingcalled the Tenors, and we went to

(52:30):
the Netherlands and did a little tourthere. Um and I remember at the
time you were a little bit downbecause things weren't quite happening for you yet.
And things eventually did happen amazingly.But you're you do hustle, and
I don't mean that in a disparagingway. You you never rest and that's

(52:53):
a good thing. You're always like, right, I need this, I
want this, I'll make it happen, and you plug away, and you
plug away, And obviously you thengot into Shrek the Musical and um,
I remember seeing it was lord yeahand amazing. Mate, you were incredible,

(53:13):
and I remember talking to you after. But ever since then, I've
modeled my career on yours, thinking, well, Ali hadn't done the west
in yet. He took seven years, and now I'll look back, I'm
like, hang on a minute,it's now been full. I've been double
that in fourteen years for me.But it's fine, it's fine, mate,
don't worry about it. Um.But I wanted to actually just talk
about the fact that you never younever give up, and that's something I've

(53:36):
always respected about you, and Ijust yes, I want to say well
done mate, Well thank you.That's that's very kind and it's um,
it's one of those things I don'tknow, like I had in our very
first day of drama school, um. And maybe it's helped by the fact
that I've come from a family that, you know, my godfather's an actor

(53:57):
as well, like my dad todirect him. I had a conversation with
my dad when I was about fifteenand I said, like, this is
really what I want to do andhe said, well, you know how
hard it's going to be. AndI said, well, well yeah,
and obviously you don't know how hardit's going to be until you're actually doing
it. I think that's one ofthose things that you can only ever learn
for yourself once you're actually in amongstit. But maybe I was prepared quite

(54:22):
well for it in that terms becauseit had been drilled into me that it
was going to be going to betricky at times. Then on our very
first day of drama school, ourhead of acting sat us all down,
all these like twenty five fresh facedkids, all excited, and he said,
right, in five years time,So taking in three years of your
training, in five years time,if you know five of you have worked

(54:44):
professionally or six whatever, he said, you know a few handful, then
we'll have done quite well. Andin you know, ten years time,
if if there's a few of youstill going, will have done very well.
And in fifteen twenty years time,if there's one or two of you
still going, it will have donereally well. Statistics grant cheers. But

(55:05):
for me, that actually, thatreally that did inspire me, That made
me go. I looked around andI genuinely was like, I'm I'm going
to be one of those. I'mgoing to be one of them. I
just and I just had a determinationabout it. And it's it's but like
anybody, it's just it's just beenreally up and down. Like I had
a good start, then you know, it all dropped off a cliff,

(55:29):
which was around the time where Imet you, actually, Paul. And
although that year I had done anice job, my first like big tour,
you are like a UK number onetour that earlier that year in twenty
ten, but nothing had really happenedafter that, and then we were doing
the Holland thing. So I'd hadthis, you know, graduated, had
a few good years, and thena real up and down, up and

(55:52):
down, up and down, andthen from about two thousand and yeah,
when I got Shrek two thousand andtwelve, thirteen, Yeah, that had
been seven years is trying to getinto a West End show, as you
say. And then four years lateror three and a bit years later,
I've done three. So it tookme seven years to get one, and
then like buses, I've done threeand three years and things have been better

(56:16):
since then, but they're still upand down. Like it's still you know,
it's quiet for me at the moment, big time, and I know
it's a weird year and everything,but I still have periods where you feel
like, oh God, nothing's happening, or but yeah, I suppose I
have always been fairly good at justkeeping going and having a bit of determination

(56:37):
and making sure that I don't justlet it get me down to too much
and just just try and keep going. And I suppose I've got a bit
of a track record of knowing thateventually something will come in, even if
it's a you know, six weeks, six months, a year, blah
blah blah. Eventually something has landedalways. So I suppose I do have

(57:00):
a bit of confidence that even ina quiet period, there will be something
coming up at some point, justGod knows when. Well, that's a
really good mindset to have. Youdon't rest in your laurels, and you
make it happen even if it's yeah, if it's not happening, you make
it happen as much as you can. I think there's yeah, there's there's

(57:22):
so much about what we do that'sout of our control. Like, for
example, take this Jersey Boys thing. So the reason I haven't got it
is because my because of my movement, because the movement wasn't good enough,
and I had, you know,I had a couple of wand to one
sessions with the resident choreographer. Iwas working my ass off and he was
saying in the rooms and I canreally see how hard you've worked on this,

(57:43):
But ultimately, you know, it'snot what I chrained, and I
trained in straight theater. I don'thave any background in movement at all.
I can get by and I cando gigs, and I can do like
I can learn routines if I havetime to do it. But I'm not
a natural dance and I'll ltimately Iwasn't good enough for what they wanted,
and so I can't actually really controlthat because I can't change what I've trained

(58:07):
it. I can't change I can'tturn the clock back and be a pineapple
every day, you know, likegetting a beer, becoming a better dancer,
like I just can't. So youultimately just go, well, I'll
try and make it happen as bestI can, but ultimately there's there's bits
about it that are out of yourhands, and that's when you just need
a bit of luck to land theright thing at the right time, which

(58:28):
fortunately for me over the years,I have had that on a number of
on a few occasions. So yeah, talking to that. You've made appearances
in certain programs like Casualty, Corey, Hollyoaks, but Line of Duty,
how did that come about? That'swhat's on everyone's lips and you eat in
series five? How did that comeabout? I was in series five.

(58:49):
It's a funny bit of a funnystory. Again, this came at a
point where I'd I'd been with mycurrent agent, who are wonderful Kendy Scott
associates, and I've been with themfor a year and a year or so,
and I've had some really nice auditions. I've had a couple of offers
on little things that that we've notaccepted, and blah blah blah blah blah.

(59:14):
And I was getting nice auditions,but still not a huge amount of
screen auditions. And I was togo into a number of casting director workshops
and I went to one with Gordoncow who's the associate for Kate Rage James
who cast Lenergy or Cocastle Energy toDaniel Edwards and had a good chat with
him and he said, you know, afterwards, he said, oh,
so what's going on? I said, well, I just it's very very

(59:37):
quiet. And he said, well, you've got you know, you've got
a nice show, real you've gotgood headshots, you've got a nice CV,
you've got a great agent. Ilove Fiona, she's great. So
everything's in place. And he said, what are your contacts like? And
I said, well, I don'treally have many, but I have a
vague contact with Jeff M. Curia. And he said, well, what

(59:59):
do you mean, And I said, well, could I could access I
don't know him, but I can. It was through I played golf,
and it was through a sounds veryboogie, but it is through through the
golf, a golf connection. Thegolf society that I'm a part of it
was called the Stage Golf Society.But I'd never met Jed. And it's
not the done thing, you know. It's everybody's there because they love playing

(01:00:20):
golf. They're not there to tryand get auditions for TV shows, but
there are there are a few likefamous names and phases involved. Anyway,
I said, I could have Ido have access to his email address,
but it's really not that appropriate forme to use that connection really, And
Gordon was like, god, yeah, I just email him, and he
said, but just say you've metme and um and and I've I've recommended

(01:00:45):
that you email him our email Danielas well, who was casting Series five
at that time, and we willkeep you on our radar. So I
emailed Jed. I've done. I'vedone a feature film actually that I had
a trailer for that was a policething. So I emailed Jed and said,
look, hi, Jed, youknow we've never met, but but

(01:01:06):
you may recognize my name from fromthe golf stuff, etc. I'd love
to be considered full energyt I've alwaysloved the show which I had and here's
a trailer to a recent film Idid, and blah blah blah, blah
blah. And he replied quite quickly, actually saying, oh, thanks for
your email, nice to hear fromyou. We'll bear you in mind.
And that was kind of it then, and it then became a you know,

(01:01:28):
a pretty normal process. But Ithink that initial contact and that initial
thing from Gordon saying go for it, do it, do it, do
it, gave me a bit ofa person. Then my agent submitted me
for the role, and they reallypushed for it. I think they pushed
two or three times to just makesure I got an audition or self tape
and I did. And I wasin Edinburgh at the time, and I

(01:01:52):
sent this self tape in doing ashow up there at the festival. Sent
this tape in on the Wednesday,and got a call on the Friday for
my agent and a bit of chitchat. And I didn't think for a
second, having to only sent thetape in on the Wednesday, didn't think
for a second it would have anythingto do with line of GT. So
it did a little bit chit chatand then he was like, right,

(01:02:15):
well, got some nice needs foryou online a GT. And I was
just believe it. Literally couldn't believe. I thought that, you know,
because I was in Edinburgh. Ithought they would do a self tape and
then I'd have to go to Londonfor a recall and do it, you
know, meet people and be inthe room with people and do it all
properly, but literally one tape.And subsequently I've been told by you know,

(01:02:38):
some feedback that I was independently everybody'swho watched the tapes, including director
and producer and Jed and everyone apparentlyindependently everybody's first choice for the role.
So that was really lovely to hear, right, So, yeah, it
was. It was one of thoseserendipitous moments. I think, where a

(01:02:59):
little bit of and that's where Iagain, that's where a bit of luck
And what's that's fairly cheesy phrase whenum, well that well, no,
like but luck is when preparation meetsopportunity or something. Oh yeah, yes,
and it was, and I thinki'd been doing I had been doing
these work casting workshops a lot,and I'd been put getting my emails out

(01:03:22):
there, and I've been taking action. I've been I had been focusing on
a certain few different people and certainfew different shows, and you know,
yeah, as you say it,stars aligned at that point, and I
did the workshop with Gordon at theright time. I sent the email at
the right time. There was apart that I was right for or potentially
right for, and I did agood tape and so you know, yes,

(01:03:44):
I got And that's I think justfor any job, that's the luck
that you need for those things toall come together. So yeah, it
was and it was just amazing.It was brilliant to be part of series
five and then to get us backfor my involvement in this season, which
is not huge, but just tohave gone back and to be a recurring

(01:04:06):
character across two seasons is is amazing. That's what That's what my next question
was going to be. Obviously,how long after series five was released did
you find out how what was he? You know, what was that like
receiving that phone call um what Iwas going to be in season six?

(01:04:26):
Yeah? Yeah, um, Iactually did. It's actually hadn't been officially
confirmed. And my mate of mine, who plays Buckles in the show,
actually mate with Nigel boy fellow Bram. Yeah, and Nige and I met
years ago through a mutual friend andwe've we've known each other a while um

(01:04:49):
and he actually messaged me a going, oh, congrats, and I was
like, congrats on what. SoI'm reading episode four, season six and
you're in it. I was like, have I But but then after that
it all got confirmed. But thenI didn't want to like count any chickens

(01:05:12):
at all because I mean, obviouslyI hadn't had the confirmation. And I
told a couple of people, likemy brother was like, well, do
you think they're going to use adifferent actor? And I was like,
no, they're not going to usea different actor. Don't say that.
I didn't think they were going to. I'm thinking it, but like he
said, I just he said,well, why haven't they called it?

(01:05:34):
And I said, well, itmust just be they're just getting through different
people and you know, doing contracts, and I'm not into episode four,
so they won't have to an al. I'm only doing a scene or two,
so it's not like they need toplan a huge block of filming for
me, they'll just need me forone day, which they'll be able to
for two days whatever, they'll beable to fit him. So anyway,

(01:05:54):
Yeah, then then the official contactcame and I hope I weren't getting trouble
for same all of that. Idon't think. I don't think I will.
No one listens, yea, butyeah, no, And it was
it was just amazing and it wasgreat to go back. There was a
lot of the same crew there,obviously, same creative, well jed and

(01:06:15):
funny enough, the producer of thisseason is a guy called Ken Horne,
who produced something that I did whenI was very new out of drama school,
one of my first Telly jobs,which actually never got broadcast. So
I hadn't seen Ken since two thousandand five, so fifteen years or so,
seeing till it since the teen Ken, So that was nice. And

(01:06:36):
then you know, a lot ofthe crew, quite a few of the
crew were the same, wardrobe werethe same. You know, a couple
of the makeup girls are the same. So it was like and having been
there for eight weeks on the previousseason, it was like going back to
an old an old little family reallyand it's it's just it's just great.

(01:06:58):
It's a great, great, greatshow to be a part of, very
special, very lucky, amazing.Yeah, yeah, people are there who
haven't seen it, go watch itstreaming now, all episodes available on I
Player. And to be fair,to be fair, like, actually,
if you haven't watched it, watchingit binging it from the start is actually

(01:07:20):
quite a good thing because it's Jedis so clever with how he links everything
to previous series and previous characters andstuff. So if you do watch it
all in one go, you're thelinks are much fresher in your memory than
yeah, you know, because Ithink that's one of been there that has
actually been a little degree criticism ofthis season that it's that it's so complex

(01:07:44):
and so linked back to people,that characters old characters that people don't necessarily
remember. But then I did seea comment on a review that had said
that, and then this guy hadcome into saying, well, you know,
you wouldn't expect to join Game ofThrones at season six and know what's
going on. Yeah, you canjoin the season one and not know that's

(01:08:06):
true, you know, but butyeah, it's I remember I watched the
very first episode I watched the veryfirst season pretty much when it came out,
and the first sequence in episode one, season one, which I won't

(01:08:27):
support. I won't say exactly whathappens if anybody hasn't seen it, but
just from the from that moment,I was just thought, Wow, this
is good, and so I've lovedit. And actually that whole first season
was filmed in Birmingham and my there'sa card chase in the final episode that
actually goes down my cousins road,which is literally around the corner they use
their road, and there's various sitesthat you recognize from being from Birmingham from

(01:08:50):
in that opening season, and thensince then they've shot it all in Belfast.
But so I was just a fanof the show from from the get
go. To have therefore now endedup in it um is just wicked.
I love it. As I say, I do feel very very very lucky
that I get to be a partof it. Definitely, Where can we

(01:09:12):
find you on social media? What'syour kind of you know, your your
Instagram, candles, handles, That'swhat I'm looking for. If they happy
to give them out, Yeah,yeah, of course they're both at Alista
Nakil. I think my Twitter oneas capital a capital N. An instagram
is just all lower case, Ithink. But yeah, both of them

(01:09:34):
are Aliston, Natkio and nice andeasy Ala s t a rum which which
always gets mell spelled, but nevermind. In fact, I get made
my name is and misspelled. Butthat's all right. I think it just
felt wrong on my phone. IfI'm honest, that's am. I had
it slaved many years ago. Itdoesn't It doesn't help that I spelled my

(01:09:55):
alley a spell Ali Ali, butthen my Alister is a la, so
up. I blame my parents.I blame my parents. I blame them
for most things. To be fair, and do you have any other questions?
Poor? Shall we? I thinkI think it was a nice,
nice moment to leave that. Actually, this is where I bring on a

(01:10:16):
YouTuber called obsidian Ant always gesture tohim like he's in the house. He's
not, he's not, And hedoesn't know why I do this, but
I basically, I basically just dohis voice because I think it's a it's
a great voice, okay, Andhe basically reads out the rules of the

(01:10:39):
game for people at home who mayhave come in on this episode as being
their first one. I woke thedog up. Yeah, you can play
along. I loved how disinterested hewas at your episode. Oh yeah,
I think Yeah, that really mademe chuckle. Yeah, I couldn't give
a shit, could Gleetings, Aliston, nat Kill and Welcome to why Do

(01:11:04):
They give Them? One Star?Do You One Star? Movie Review?
Game? This is the game wherePaul and Ryan will each read out a
one star review from a particular movie. Those two reviews will contain all the
information you need for you to answerwhat movie they have picked. If you
get it wrong, we'll white toevery casting director in the UK and tell
them about your exploits and answer them. Paul has some interesting stories he could

(01:11:28):
tell. Oh, I don't he'sjoking. May now, I'm not joking.
I am not joking. That's whatwe will do, so you better
get it white. Then, onceyou've hopefully answered correctly, it'll be your
turn to read out to one starreviews for the film you've picked from there,
the host must get it right orPaul will suffer the exact same fate.
Hey, I Scott cleaned, Ikind of want to get it wrong,

(01:11:50):
just so, Okay, now Iknow what's at stake. I've got
options. Now, what's at stake. I think I need to choose ones
that are actually really dig it difficultfor you, right, Well, what
you can do obvious If there's certainelements of the review that are obvious obvious,

(01:12:13):
your character names, you can sayor yeah, um okay. So
I'm going to go first with mine, and then Paul will do his and
you can have a guess. Okay, okay, So this is one start
at ten. The reviewer's name isreaper Man Sure, which is a great,
great name, and the title ofthe title of the review is I

(01:12:38):
Yeah, that's the It's yeah,yeah, Okay, here we go.
This is the worst film I've everseen. There, I said it.
I don't know why exactly I hateit so much. I like to think
it's because after being hyped up forso long from across the part, on

(01:13:00):
the newspapers, on TV, Chrispackets, toilet rolls, etc. It
turned out to be the unfunniest thingsince Impotence. It is dire. I
never laughed once, and my skinhurt from the amount of cringing I was
doing. Blank and his Blank teammust have watched this film open mouthed in

(01:13:25):
horror. As Blank was uttered inthe same sentence as Blank. I've made
this quite hard. I know,I know. I might come back to
that if you're struggling. I knowI did. Blank. The main character
is lame in every respect. Beat the obvious gags that I could see

(01:13:48):
coming from across the horizon. Blank'shalf Scottish, half something else accent or
the flat lifeless rendered in a hurrygraphics that's another company wouldn't use on their
mobile phones. It's difficult to understandhow anyone could enjoy this tripe, and
don't get me started on the recentOscar victory. Excuses may be made,

(01:14:12):
but I don't think that there's avalid there's a valid one for sloppy scriptwriting
and half baked animation being bulked outwith a few celebrities and a lot of
money. Kids like it, doThey? Kids like a lot of things,
including bullying, picking their noses,and soiling their underwear. So that
doesn't make this a good film.And it did well at the box office,

(01:14:34):
which means it must be good.A third of the world is communist?
Does that make them right? Doesit? Now? You don't have
to guess right away if you're notentirely sure we do have another review for
you, but yeah, Paul,Paul, you've got you do your review

(01:14:57):
post. It's a good idea,it might it might help a little one
start out of ten A movie forAmericans. First, I'm going to say
some things I didn't know before goingto the theater. The movie is a
parody of Disney movies, so Idon't expect very much from from the Sorry,
the writing is terrible, very muchfrom the because it isn't the major

(01:15:20):
objective here objective and it's a totallycomputer generated movie. That's a thing you
don't see every day. I meanit is anyway. Secondly, you won't
You won't give this movie an eightunless you are an American or a monkey
of Americans. Try people who tryto be like American. Apparently that's a

(01:15:40):
monkey. But because you'll need toknow a lot of American culture. All
American fairy tales have been on Disneylandand no American culture. Generally, this
movie is better than average movies.Why is it given us a one?
Then has nice computer graphics and somefunny stuff, but is it most to

(01:16:01):
seven? Oh? If you wantto see this movie, watch it in
theaters, or you won't enjoy thecomputer graphics at all, and it'll only
be a little funny. Movie reviewgave it one star. Yeah, um
yeah, oh my god. Anyany ideas well the half Scottish accent thing

(01:16:28):
as ah man and then animation?Do you want me to read the lines
that I went I went crazy withthe blank. I've got a clue for
him, but go on, giveme. We picked this especially for you.
Oh it must be sure, yeah, yeah, of course, of

(01:16:55):
course. I tell people. Peoplewhen they do one star of views of
films usually usually dislike it. Quitea lot. People who did one star
of views of this film hated it, like hate, like with so much
anger in them, Like they justwent on absolute rants and like it was
really hard to pick our favorite ofviews because there was so much hate for

(01:17:16):
it. I just said, Imean, yeah, it's funny, like
I mean, I know you've featuredtoy story in the in the past,
so we couldn't do it today,but I wish I repeat the one yeah,
because it was just ridiculous, likethis guy when he said terrifying,
the very thought of toys coming alivehas like so we like very thought of

(01:17:39):
it as like scarred me. SoI burned all my children's toys and then
my wife left me. Yeah,people have some very straight, very very
strange reactions to things. How canyou not like? Okay, right way,
it's over to you. I knowit's b yeah, I mean,

(01:18:00):
it hasn't dated very well. Surely, you know, the graphics aren't as
good as they were, but neitheris like early Pixar, you know,
the first toy story and stuff likethat looks doesn't look amazing now. But
some people just don't have a soulclearly, clearly or a sense of humor.
Okay, Ali, hit us withyour it's with your reviews. What

(01:18:24):
have you got for us? Okay, this is actually one of my favorite
films ever. Okay, okay,So I have been under the impression since
I first heard about Blank then itwas a classic, must watch at least
once in your lifetime film. Turnsout it's not. For all the accolades

(01:18:44):
this film received over the years.It has a shocking rating on IMDb,
and it does and that does notshow me in the least. The only
thing that shocks me is the factso many people talk about Blank being a
great movie. The whole movie seemedto stretch seemed like a major stretch and
pointless, just just a bunch ofguys who got together to play with their
toys. I'm not usually bothered bytechnical inaccuracies, as I think movies do

(01:19:08):
need to take artistic license with theirwork, but Blank was ridiculous. There
is no way the Navy would lethis trainees behave like this, and the
character is a bunch of art andthe characters are a bunch of arrogant,
conceited pricks. No, not pricks, pigs. Everything seemed pointless that the
movie is an insult to everyone portrayedin it. I've now seen it and

(01:19:30):
I never ever want to see itagain. So that review one, Oh,
okay, I'm not sure there's alot of clues in there, but
I'm trying to link it all together. I've seen I don't know if you
might agree with this, see whatthis is? The second one is yeah
maybe maybe yeah, okay, um, and then fight okay, and then

(01:19:55):
this one. Blank is is simplyone of the dumbest stories ever submitted to
film. The movie lacks each andevery characteristic of real entertainment that I can
think of. The characters are imagined, imagined by Dulling's in witted. The
story is typical war movie crap playedas a backdrop to a bunch of typical
romantic crap, and the dialogue issubhuman. Blank and Blank have about as

(01:20:19):
much romantic chemistry on screen as Jayand Silent Bob. None of the actors
act the way real people act ortalk the way real people talk. All
right, I think, I think, I think what I think. I'm
going to have a guess. Gofor it, go for it. Is
it top Gun? It is topGun? Yes, very good, top

(01:20:44):
Gun? Very good. There weren'tactually that many clues in there, apart
from the navy bit and the arrogantconceited pricks slash pigs pigs. Yeah,
it wasn't that clear, Like youknow it? What kind of you know
what it is? I think it'sbecause it is a lot of people's favorite
A lot of people love this filmand we haven't done it. And I

(01:21:05):
guess that's how I kind of deducedfrom the first one. I absolutely love
that film. I could, Ipretty much can can recite it word for
word, not like now, butlike if I'm watching it, you know,
I know the question I can Ican basically speak It was in slide
of it you stick. In fact, my WhatsApp thing is is talk to

(01:21:33):
me goose and Ryan's favorite animal isa goose. I love it when a
plan comes together absolutely, Ali,you have been an absolute pleasure to have
on the podcast. Thank you somuch again for coming on one more time.
Before you'll leave us, let usknow where we can find you on

(01:21:56):
the social media's yeah, on theInstagram and Twitter at Aliston nat Kiel.
And that's about it really, Ithink don't have any of the others.
I'm not on TikTok too old forTiktokum clubhouse. You know, they're all
springing up now, all these newnew ones, aren't they. But discord

(01:22:17):
Yeah, no idea to be honest, just just a good old fashioned I
mean I struggle to get to gripswith Instagram really, I know. Yeah,
yeah, so yeah, good oldgood old Twitter and Instagram at Aliston
nat Kill. Fantastic. Better luckin the future and maybe we'll chat together
soon. Yeah, that'd be nice. Thank you so much for having me

(01:22:39):
on. Guys, it's been areal laugh pleasure, awesome, Yes,
thank you very much, Aliston natKill. What pleasure having him on.
Absolute pleasure. I'm a bit guttedhe's gone, because I do. I
did want to find out what horrendousthings you got up to an Amsterdam that
is for another day? Is it? Is it the kind of stuff that

(01:23:00):
would just end your relationship with Alana? That that is that bad? No,
probably my mother, you are nolonger may send He's get all right,

(01:23:23):
going all right. So if youenjoyed that game, you've never played
it before, this is your chance. You can definitely answer if you know
the answer to these films that we'reabout to read reviews for. So this
film is any one film? Tworeviews, then email us the answer.
Okay, Cold Calleder's Comedy at gmaildot com. Wait wait, wait,
before we do that, which shouldwe say? Who won last week?

(01:23:45):
For fuck's sake, I just Ijust want to get on with it.
Yes, we had two winners andthey are previous winners of the podcast before.
So the answer was inside The answerwas inside Out. Yeah, Pixars
wonderful. I might add inside Out. It's such a it's such a great

(01:24:06):
film, and I'm like, Iwill happily admit bowl my eyes out whenever
I watch it, like absolutely floodsthe tears um yeah, quite a lot,
such a such a such a sadfilm. It's such a good it's
just a clever film as well,that really very cleverly explains how your personality
develops throughout the stages of your lifeas you get older. And it's so

(01:24:30):
cleverly done and quite frankly anyway thathe doesn't thinks it's a bad movie.
He's in human. Yeah, they'reprick if that's you, let us know,
right in a cold Corner's comedy.So who won? Who got who
got it right? You were saying, yes, Lindsay got it right?
From the year Oldie year old crimepodcast. Well done, Rovo, Yeah,

(01:24:55):
well, Ravo. It's a goodpodcast all about crimes. But you're
old ones fantastic. Isn't all crimesyear old ones unless they were like today?
Huh So it isn't all crimes oldcrimes done today? Specifically Yield?
Oh, I see right, it'sa very old like really old, really

(01:25:18):
old yeah Lee Yield anyway, right. But the second place been a guest
on our show before as well.It is Ariel Cooksie from Malice and Down
to Folk podcast. And here isyour congratuatory nod yourself. Sorry seen stupid

(01:25:51):
thing. That is, it isnodding to know what's getting worse and worse
every week. And I kind ofwish that people could see us doing it.
But at the same time, Idon't. That sounds like there's something
like dark happening. Is not somethingis dark happening. It's not that dark.
I'm not joking right, so thisweek, So if you think you

(01:26:12):
know the answer and you want ouranswer because you know the answer, and
you're like, I know it,I want to win, I want my
name read out, I want tonod. All you need to do is
you can tweet us at Cold Callers. You can instagram us like via DM
and stuff like that, at ColdCallers Underscore Comedy. You can Facebook us
just typing Cold Callers Comedy in thesearch and I'm sure we'll come up.

(01:26:36):
Or you can you can send usan email at Cold Callers Comedy at gmail
dot com. Or if you seeus in the street, if you're down
the down Stains market and you seePaul buy something on Saturday, buy something,
and then you can answer, yeah, as you're handing over your you
know, cold hard cash, giveme answer. Just be like, this

(01:26:58):
is a lovely top. I wantto take this inside out. Well no,
it's actually the right way around,love if you just idiot. So
many people have said that to metoday. Yeah. Anyway, So here
are your reviews. Okay, umshot, I go first, Paul.
Yeah, not just one star,side one start added ten. Not just

(01:27:26):
bad but horrible. Okay, let'smake this simple. This is perhaps the
worst movie ever made. It ismore than predictable. It's so a lack
originality that I not only figured outwhat was going to happen throughout the entire
movie less than ten minutes into it. I could even tell you the lines
of each character before they spoke them. Well, that's a gift they should,

(01:27:50):
I mean, yeah, because I'mpretty sure there's not you know,
the main thing that happens at thebeginning doesn't happen at least fifteen twenty minutes.
Yeah. Yeah. The highly toutedeffects, they were average and best,
and considering the budget of this film, they could have been infinitely better.

(01:28:11):
The acting, editing, and cinematographywere far from cutting edge. The
best part of this film that itends, but not nearly soon enough.
Your best bet skip this movie.Watch the miniature golf tournament on the ESPN
two instead, that's very specific.I love it when people start digging into
like all the cast and crew aswell, and they're just sort of like

(01:28:31):
annocated and fuck himself. Like theassistant ad it might as well killed themselves.
Bringing So, okay, here's myreview. I just want to say,
first of all, my reviewer's nameis Fountain Pen. Yeahs a very

(01:28:55):
posh pen. So here's the review. Boring, loud and silly one start
at ten. Childish presentation, boringin parts, very silly overall, very
silly overall, noisy, irritating soundtrack, unnecessarily long scenes, just people talking,

(01:29:19):
strange direction techniques, very few realthrills, a lot of hype,
and I never realized what enormous noseTom Cruise has. Maybe that's why one
of the female leads also has agiant schnozzle. Jesus Christ. I think

(01:29:42):
I know who he's talking about aswell, and that's just so rude.
The film was a gross disappointment,though I guess die hard Cruise fans will
eat it up. Any I didn'trealize Tom Cruise was in diard. Any
comparison between any be comparison between thiseffort and the TV series is virtually pointless

(01:30:05):
as the TV shows were fast,exciting, clever, superbly directed, full
of suspense, with a lot ofsharp dialogue and actors who are true craftsman.
Sorry, but this flick is areal bummer. There we got fans
another top film, that's funny.We just had Top Gun now yeah,

(01:30:25):
and we had Tom Cruise film likea week or so ago as well.
Yeah tomorrow. Yeah. Well ifyou know this one, you know,
well, Ryan said earlier, youknow what to do. You know what
to do. Email us at ColdCallers Comedy at gmail dot com, Tweet
us at Cold Callers, Instagram's atCold Callers, comment Underscore Comedy. Don't

(01:30:45):
forget to rate, review and subscribe, and you know, stop pulling your
pudding some in your arshole to youknow, because of alwise you you won't
be able to do You won't beable to do those things rate, review
and subscribe because you'll have no hands. You become a patron. You can
pull that food and thumb that oursole as much as you like, yeah,

(01:31:08):
exactly, because you would have alreadybeen doing your bit exactly. So
for our patrons out there, youyou know, just just thumb away and
tug away, pull away, tugaway anyway, Um, just see you
see you next week then, Iguess yeah. And if you see us
out in the street, please don'tcome up and say hello. We may
sound friendly, but we're not.Okay, bye. I'm actually rather terrified

(01:31:30):
of people right now. I've beenindoors a lot slight noise at the door,
and I kind of a cower behindthe sofa. Yeah, uh,
see you later. Bye bye nowbye bye bye