"What's in the Box?!"

Episode 67
"What’s in the Box?!"

This episode is sponsored by Brüush - https://bit.ly/3xe5g7S

Voting is STILL open NOW for the QTT Awards. Please consider voting for us for your favourite comedy podcast: https://quitethethingmedia.com/awards-voting/

Amazon have decided that their overworked and underpaid employees don’t need a pay rise… but a zen booth. A small upright coffin where they can go and chill out and meditate in when it all gets too much. We present our take on that.

Ryan’s 'Highlight of the Week' relatable. Then I attempt to shove my well endowed intellect down Ryan’s throat in another edition of “Suck on my Big Fat Dictionary”.

In Hardy’s Hardest Hats, Tom Hardy goes undercover as a Hogwarts student to try and enlist the help of Professor Dumbledore to undo the mess he & Bane made in the past… or now the future… or the past before the previous past. Either way if they fail… we’re all F*****

We’re super excited to be joined by magician & illusionist, Sam Fuller. We talk about what made him want to become a magician before moving on to doing a trick that YOU can ALL play at home (or in the office). Just get any 5 or 6 coins. Oh and we also smashed out a game of ‘Why Did They Give Them 1 Star!?’

Here’s the links for Sam:

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/fullermagic
Twitter - https://www.twitter.com/samtheemagician
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@fuller.magic

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All the best & Don't Forget The Comedy!
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RyPaul

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
M dude, you're okay. Um, I'm not. I'm just I'm just
not doing great because I had tothrow away some I had to throw away

(00:20):
some shoes. Oh and you knowshoes have soles. Oh, for fuck's
sake. Hello and welcome to theCold Callers Comedy Podcast, an association with

(01:07):
Quite the Thing Media and the PodbreedNetwork. I'm Paul Rich and I'm Ryan
Brannon. Every episode, me andPaul get together for a catch up and
we invite you to sit in adark box and contemplate your very existence.
Yes, yes, that's the answer. Isn't it the dystopian future that we're
all worried about. Yeah, tocome into fruition before we get into that.

(01:29):
Yeah, people at home, thoseare very are our loyal listeners or
maybe new listeners. Make sure yougo and rate review and subscribers. Check
out our nurch stores, check outour you know us on Twitter and Instagram
and Facebook and all that, andalso very importantly check out our Patreon page.

(01:49):
Yeah, because you know, whatcan they What can they get for
the Patreon page? They can't getjust from us now. Well, for
certain, they can get a badge. M hmm. They can get a
coaster, they really want one free, well, they get to they get

(02:10):
a shout out, they get votingpower if we ever like ask for you
know, votes and stuff. Theyget to submit a question to one of
the bonus segments, which is Hardy'sHardy Advice, where Tom Hardy gives you
advice but it's only really available toyou. Um, and those are bonus
episodes for you. Also, wehave blue Per episodes. They are bonus

(02:32):
episodes that normal people, normal peoplethat are regularsens don't get to hear because
we're far too professional to have everyonehearing those. So yes, so you
have to pay for the privilege ofhearing us mess up, and we mess
up a lot, so you know, getting a bang for your buck.
Yeah, we're currently how many bluePer episodes have kindly currently go out?
Four? Five? Yeah, fourand I mean there's there's enough for ten

(02:54):
so far. Yeah. Yeah,they're really we're putting them out quicker than
usual. Yeah, even though we'renow moving to fort We've moved to fortnightly
runs. So um. Also checkout our music songs because I can say
this with with with all the confidence, we we are the best podcast um

(03:20):
that has you know, singles inthe charts charts. Yeah, I mean
they're in they're in hr HR.Yeah, they're very low down. We
are the best. We are thebest podcast that also does music out there.
There might be another, I'm surelike there must be like X musicians

(03:43):
or singers that have their own podcasts, but we're better than them. Well
do comedy music, Yes, we'rebetter. Narrows it down. I'm just
trying to narrow it down in England, in England, in definitely, in
definitely in London. Yeah, okay, so we are the best podcast slashed
comedy music makers based in London.It maybe more the Hertfordshire area for North

(04:08):
London, Yeah about the river northof the Thames, north of the Thames,
all right, but south of thereyou go check us out. Yeah,
um so yeah, we mean uh, firstly, i mean, like

(04:31):
it's obviously been two weeks. Howare you, Paul, I'm okay,
Um, anything new? Yeah,well, I'm now I've had my first
fiser Jab had that today the daythat we're recording this Welcome to the Club,
Sunday the thirtieth. Yeah, thefisor Jab. I've got my second

(04:51):
one coming up in a few weeksout. It's because you jumped the que
mate did jump the queue, butit was going to go to waste.
Yeah exactly. It's weird. Thething is near that they go like this
one's done in the bin unless anyonewants ago? Does anyone want to?
I'll go over three already here everyday stop. I just want to be

(05:14):
safe. Um yeah, but myexperience, what was your experience? Like
again? We just in and outright? Yeah, pretty much. I
went in. I mean they barelyasked my name. They know they did,
but I remember like the doctor camein. He had a little joke
with me. He was like itwas like, so you know our older

(05:36):
older was um, he was likeare you ill? At the moment,
I was like no, and thenhe went are you pregnant? And I
was like pretty sure I'm not.We all chuckled. The nurse found it
funny, and then the doctors leftand then in the arm shot me up
with that shit fighter. Yeah yeah, yeah, Um, of course.

(06:02):
What's the three we've got in thiscountry? We've got and Maderna Maderna apparently,
he says the one that people seemto be having the most fluey side
effects I've heard, possibly and astrosencor is the one that most people believe
will kill you. Well, that'swhy they've stopped giving it to people in

(06:23):
my eyes, to be fair.Yeah, but it is something like the
weird thing is though, isn't It'skind of like any any girl who's on
the pill has like a much higherchance of getting blood clots from the pill.
But as soon as something like thisaffects men, it's like, oh,
well, we better do something aboutit. Yeah. Not not sexist

(06:46):
at all, it says, that'sthat's society. Well, I'm not bloody
taking it gild blood. Talking ofJohnson. Also, Johnson and Johnson has
been approved in this country, Yeah, oh god, then there's even more
clots with that. And there apparentlyis all with that one as well.
It's just one because you get I'mJohnson. Yeah, but yeah, no

(07:11):
that that one doesn't it also aswell? Like I'm guessing Johnston Johnson,
same company that do baby shampoo andpowder and talcum powder. You know,
it doesn't film me a confidence faserAstro Seneca Biotech, Johnson and Johnson.
Yeah, pampas um My mind wasn'tso in and out I got there.

(07:39):
There was a stadium that was mynearest one where the Saracens play rugby.
Right, don't know anything about rugby, so that's all I'll say. Um.
I went to a hospital that seemslike a proper place to do it.
Mine was in it like a stadium. So I got there. I
had to sign him. Yeah,so I had to check in first,

(08:01):
they sort of show me what myNHS number was, had to take a
picture of it. You got takenthe wrong way and all of a sudden
on the rugby ki pitch game.Getting back then I had the key for
that. Yeah. Um. Andthen finally got to the front of the
queue, which I thought was gonnabe my job, but it wasn't.

(08:22):
It was just signing properly. Givenmy name again? Okay, did they
take you out the exit background?Again? Just just inside. I was
like, okay, can you jointhis queue of here? Yeah? All
right, And then I'm sort ofqueuing right next to booth and I'm like,
okay, this is where it's goingto happen. Fine, get to
the front and then called we getcalled back to one of the cube because

(08:43):
I'd passed. Because they it waslike a conveyor or like a checkout.
It was like a checkout where numbernine is free. You know, you
go down there. I'm sure MSare the only ones that actually do that,
aren't they. I've seen it.You've never been in when I used

(09:05):
to go show. But it wasn'teven that technical. It was just someone
shouting. So yeah, I wentdown. I thought it would go,
here comes the job. When hewas like, I imagine someone I'm like
a nurse or a doctor stepping outfrom the cubicle, holding the holding the
injection out, just waving it,going like close enough, ready to go,

(09:28):
close enough, I thought, hecomes the job. I get down.
It looks like, you know,they'd sterilize the place. He looked
like they've been cleaning. Sit down. It was a doctor, like a
dude. I guess he was adoctor. I couldn't we understand what he
was saying because we're obviously wearing amask. But also it was really loud
and thick accent. Yeah, andhe gives me this whole rundown about when

(09:52):
when you say a thick accent,do you mean it was a strong sort
of like foreign accent to English orwas he like, hello, foreign accent?
Okay, anyway, trying to tellmy story yeah, sorry, sorry,

(10:13):
And he gives me this whole informationabout asking me, we know whether
I was allergic to any any medication. I said no, Yeah, he
said, uh, you know you'reyou're having the fires a jab, which
is a lot safer than other things. And it was that sentence that was
like, what other things when,of course it's safer than other things like

(10:33):
jumping in front of a car.Definitely probably safe for getting the job jump.
You know, you imagine if youwere listing things off game, like
is it safer than swimming with sharks? And he was like, m what
what about setting yourself on fire?Even even yeah, it's just you know,

(10:54):
it's not a It didn't fill mewith a great deal of them.
Not. I hope that's not theword I'm looking for, like confidence.
There was the survival chances to onein ten okay thousand. Anyway, he

(11:15):
go and he lifts it all goesright, you're good to go, and
said, no, I'm not.You don't giving me the job yet He's
like, no, you don't dothat here. This is just a consultant
consultation. The same time, you'rejust trying to limit they obviously have like
maybe three people giving injections, likethree people who have to do a thousand
people each and they're just sort ofdelaying it to keep the queues down.

(11:37):
What else can we do? Sendthem on a little merry go around.
So then I join another queue justto sit down again, right, And
then I sit on these chairs,and then I had to join another queue
to finally get a job. AndI got the job, and then I
had to wait again to be letgo. So all know what, I
was in there just over an hourand had to wait an hour of my

(12:03):
day. Yeah, I had topay for parking. Cheeky they get pound.
I think how many thousands of peopleare going in every day? Oh
I might just go through with myeyes that or just be like being like
another second person to pay a pound? Please? Thank you? Anyway?

(12:26):
Oh yeah are you? Or youbuy a load of tickets and you're like
two pounds. Yet that's a prettycool little device, isn't it. I've
seen I've seen buskers and even somehomeless people using those, and I kind
of think sent to an address,yeah for it? Yeah, So I

(12:46):
was like, this is suspicious.I mean he's only asking for a quid,
but still, well yeah, no, it's impressive with the buskers.
Is that kind of it's that kindof thing of the excuse of there's got
no change, well you need change. Yeah, that's what I get the
market though, I get that.I didn't take out any money today,

(13:07):
that's all right, I do card. Oh okay, as I'm running off,
I'm sorry, I'm terribly I wasjust trying to be polite because I
want to leave said than the peopleI got last week. A woman was
like, these are twenty five poundsfor these that's a that's a bit much.

(13:33):
I was like, what do youthink they're worth? Then twenty I
was like, so we weren't farout, were we. Anyway, she
ended up getting them for twenty five, so she just wanted to see if
if she could get down what's yourfinal price on this? Well, what's

(13:54):
written? That's literally what I'm like. Now, that's what's written. What
do you think this is bizarre?No, it's it's it's a market in
stains like, yeah, oh dear, this isn't This isn't the last cruise
I'll give you. I'll give youthirty yeah, I'll give you twenty five
cash now, well, well,yeah, that is kind of the idea,

(14:16):
but I won't watch what's written onthe ticket? Do you miss?
Do you miss being able to sortof like spit in your hand and shake
someone's hand on a deal like deal? And what I know, what I
do miss is being able to chopoff people's hands when they steal stuff.

(14:37):
Oh Christ, You know. Theweird thing is this is going slightly off
topic because obviously that's a joke.Is a Joke's a joke, like,
you know, we don't mean anyoffense by it, and you know you
are offended. We apologize to apologize, but that is kind of like that
is a joke in reference to isthat used to happen and ladding and stuff

(14:58):
like that. It's a real place, aggrabar ag. Yeah, not a
real place, but you know it'sa kind of reference to that kind of
you know, idea of a placeback you know, many many many minion
mini many years ago, whereas Englandwere just as bad, I mean easily
worse, if anything. Like someof the torture methods and stuff like that
we used to do on people absolutelyare end us and I'd like to think

(15:20):
we're past those days, but we'renot. We're not. And who do
we have to thank for that,Ryan, mister Bezos. Absolutely, yes,
I mean you've got I think you'vegot the story in front of the
own you I can. Yeah,all right. So Amazon have come up

(15:43):
with a brand new way to helpemployees when they're struggling to keep their sanity
amid copious amounts of workload and gruelingmental struggles. Um so I oh,
so they're going to pay them fortheir breaks, No, let them go
to the to They're gonna let themgo to the toilet whenever they want and

(16:03):
not have to not dock their wagesfor whenever they need to take a piss
or it. No, no,that's not it. But what they have
got is something called a zen booth. It's like a meditation box or a
mindful practice room, and it's allpart of their sort of new working well
program. This is what this iswhat they've said. Yeah, physical and

(16:25):
mental activities, wellness exercises, andhealthy eating support intended to help their workers
recharge and re energize. Where they'regoing to this little kiosk, basically this
tiny little box, a coffin sizebox where they can watch videos of guided
meditations and positive affirmations and calming sceneswith sounds and more so patronizing, isn't

(16:48):
it is? It is like there'seven oh god, insiders, a small
desk and a single monitor, afew shelves with plants, a small fan,
and a skylight meant to imitate abright blue sky in case employees forget
what that looks like during exhausting tenhour megacycle shifts. Put a toilet in

(17:15):
there as well. Washed. Butyou don't want to spend like shit.
Uh So that's what they've they've they'vethey've been and I feel like they've thought,
this is an amazing idea. We'regoing to be the first pioneer this
zen booth. Look how look howcurrent we are? How about the current
and pay pay what a proper wage? Yeah, you can guarantee that some

(17:38):
prick in a suit in a boardroom. Who was that? What it was
like? You know on probably likesort of you know, ninety thousand a
year. We went to Thailand once. Yeah, it was kind of like,
uh, you know, meditations.You know, I think it's very
hard on the employees. Um,do you what, Let's get lunch's liquid

(18:00):
literally with lunch, and then we'llcome back and we'll discuss this idea who
came Yeah, probably that kind ofguy who came up with this idea of
a fucking box for people to sitin a dark box, a dark box
with with whale sounds and and animitation sky. But they can go whenever
they want ifever. They're clearly like, oh I need a little I need

(18:23):
some time. It's alas, itdoesn't say because like the thing is obviously
like the whole thing is. Youknow, they stop the wages lunch,
they stop the wages at toilet time. But this is a mental health issue.
Of course I'll stop the wages.It'll stop people going I'm struggling again.
Can I just use the box again? Yeah, it's start to sit

(18:44):
in there all day. Yeah.They might have a little time limit on
it, or the amount of timesyou can use it in a day.
I don't know. That's not howmeditation works. You can't put a time
stamp on meditation. We we evergo at it. I you know,
I think the Jeff Bezos is ais a horrible human being. Um,

(19:07):
but yeah, I've still got AmazonPrime like absolutely hypocrites, We absolute hypocrites,
like you know, as much aswe are saying this is terrible this
is awful. Yeah, I mean, are we just adding to the problem?
Yeah yeah, but also like it'sbeen quite This is the thing that's
confused me a little bit because it'sbeen known for years now about poor working

(19:29):
conditions in the warehouses. So whydo people continue to apply? Because people
are desperate? I know there arecountless other jobs like that that aren't Amazon.
Yeah, but I mean I don'tknow, I mean I don't know.
That's probably coming from me, likefrom a place of privilege where yeah,

(19:49):
yeah, yeah, we're a differentjob. But this is tough,
isn't It kind of always confused me, like it's quit, but I know
not everyone can just quit. Yeah. This is the thing. This is
the horrible, horrible truth, isthe sort of you know, there are
there are shitty jobs like this thatwill exploit the easier and yeah, they'll

(20:11):
be easier to get and and theywill be and they will exploit people with
people who are desperate. I thinkthat's what it is. Industry. They
take everyone. Yeah yeah, yeah, probably because their turnover is so so
quick, like probably people last months. I wonder if they think, I
mean, it's this bloody box,it's it's not that big, it's big

(20:33):
enough for one person and only they'reonly wanting one person to get in it.
Obviously. Um, I'm gonna callit the boo box. Well,
let's goist it further. Let's let'slet's not install this this zen booth.
What about this a sensory deprivation tank. I mean, bring your swim suit

(20:53):
into work if you've got to getin there. It's really relaxing. I
mean, don't get me wrong,I've always liked the idea of having a
little personal space to go to.Like some people smoke and they get to
go and have a smoke break yeah, by themselves outside and whatever. I
know, there's such thing as abreak room, but you have to share

(21:15):
that with other people. And yeah, I'm like, sometimes you just want
to be alone. I do.I do take myself to the shitter on
a break just so I can bein a cubicle. Sometimes I would have
thought you would have been a carperson. You would have like popped out
and sat in your car on yourown with the doors locked and the windows
wind up. Not in a hotday, windows wound down. Still doors

(21:37):
locked, music music blaring, soif anyone tries to talk to you,
you can just go huh, andit's given the finger. Yeah, I
just I who thought this was agood ideas. And I'd imagine as well
that Jeff Bezos would probably sign off, signs off on big important decisions like

(21:57):
this, like putting a dystopia boxsounds great. Nowhere else sounds great.
As long as I can save money, I can afford this next super yacht,
I'm happy. Yeah. Do youknow, Paul, if you were
to earn a billion pound huh everyyear for the rest of your life,

(22:21):
yes, you still wouldn't be anywherenear as rich as Jeff Bezos. He
doesn't need it all. He doesn't, he doesn't, no one, no
one needs a billion pounds or abillion dollars. No one does. And
the excuse of oh, yeah,but it's you know, in your lifestyle,
Yeah, it doesn't to support myfamily. What I mean, are

(22:44):
your family immortals? Are you?Are you planning on being here here forever?
I mean, let's face it,there's there's there's several people. There's
a few people that are probably goingto be planning that. One is Murdoch,
one is Elon Musk. I mean, I think Elon Musk might be
immortal. Anyway, I don't eventhink he's from Earth. So now he's

(23:07):
one of the He's one of theEternals, isn't he. That's what it's
going to be revealed in the Eternalsfilm. Elon Musk is one of them.
But yeah, Jeff Bezos will definitely, he'll definitely figure out a way
to stay alive. What's his namethe Scottish actor who's one of the Eternals,
Oh, Richard Madden, Mitchard Maddie. Yeah, he plays with older
gimpy brother. Yeah. Is heScottish him real life? Is he?

(23:30):
Yeah? I've only seen him inGame of Thrones and he's obviously Northern Scottish.
That makes sense. Oh yeah,I don't know. So I did
see him in Rocketman and he isScottish and he's good and he's he's having
relations with Tara Ogerton. Well John, Yeah, um, let's just stay
I wonder I'm just wondering if theyjust think maybe people will end it all

(23:55):
inside this zen booth because suicide boothand then and then it also saves him
getting a coffin and so it's justlike proper conveyor belt in they go dead.
He did buried next My god,thing as they did that in Future
Armor as a joke, the suicidebooths. It's a dystopian future thing that

(24:17):
people just like go into the booth. Yeah it was. That's so dark,
so dark, and yet it's comingtrue. Mac groaning again again predicting
the future. He is, that'swhat it is, right anyway. Anyway,

(24:37):
that's quite dark and depressing. Soyeah, step into your own little
zen booth and let me know whatthe highlight of your week was. Okay,

(25:00):
I love the week. The weekI thought I'd missed the tube the
other day I hadn't. There wasanother one like a minute later. That's

(25:23):
all good. That the week afterweek, Yeah, I mean say,
you know, it's one of thosethings. There's nothing more. I feel
like we're quite privileged with the Tubehere in London because you know, you
always go down here, miss thetube and you look up and it's like
another one in a minute or twominutes time. When it's more than three

(25:45):
minutes, I feel like everyone goes, are you fucking kidding? There's nowhere
to sit and you just know thatplatform is going to get full. Yeah
exactly. That's why. I meanTube is good. Thames Link not so
much Yeah. If if you've missedone, you got weight like ten twenty
minutes. Ten. If one's canceled, the next one's coming in about twenty

(26:07):
minutes. You know that one willprobably be canceled too or delayed. And
you're just like, well, Iguess I'm into lunch. Yeah, talking
talking of the tube. Yeah,I believe you've got something big and cylindrical
for me, haven't you. No, I've got a normal, normal shape

(26:33):
dogs for dictionary hair mate before yourolled it up. No, it's not
a scroll. I'm not from ancienttimes. Well, a lot of these
words are very old. That's true, that's very true. I see your
point. It's taken but battered away. But first there's a little ad break,
including a podcast promo. Oh,for fuck's sake, Bruce is an
electric toothbrush that will change the wayyou think about brushing your teeth. With

(26:56):
powerful sonic technology and ultra gentle bristles, the Rush redefines what it means to
have super clean teeth. It's likethat feeling when you just lead the dentist
a fresh, whole mouth clean everysingle day. Better. Yet, our
listeners get fifteen percent of their totalpurchase with code pot fifteen. Follow the
link in the show notes and enterthe code POT fifteen at checkout to get

(27:18):
your exclusive discount and upgrade your oralcare routine. Hey, this is Kate.
I'm a forensic psychologist and crisis clinician, and I collect stories everything from
true crime to trauma to parenthood.There's a lot more in common between depression
and sociopathy, or between serial killersand podcasters than you might think. Are

(27:45):
you sure you really want to know? This is ignorance? Was bliss at
iwbpodcast dot com and iWB podcast onsocial media. Oyeh, oh yeah,

(28:06):
baby, I got so much knowledgefor you. Let me scream my words
into your mouth, empty my opencab your balls, Let me be saurus
your brains out. Oh, letme see lap down my twelve ins dictionary.

(28:36):
Suck my big fat dictionary. Hello, and welcome to suck on my
big fat dictionary with me. PaulRich and Ryan Brannon is with me too.
I'm gonna stop you there because Iknow what was gonna come. You're
gonna be like, oh, theridiculously stupid liept as you like to say

(29:00):
often, and I'm just gonna I'mgoing to stop you from doing that and
just say thank you for having me. I'm excited to receive your blessing.
But you do realize that I didn'tactually insult you. I just actually introduced
you because I know how much youhate it. No, I know,
I know, But I didn't stopme from doing anything. I stop myself.

(29:22):
All right, fair enough, butI you know, maybe you knew
that I was going to stop you. So I appreciate that and I'm glad.
So anyway, I'm here with theairhead Ryan, Ryan Brannon, and
I've got a long word for you. Well, I've not got a long
word. It's a medium length averageas you say. It's not the word,

(29:42):
it's a sentence you put it inexactly. It might not be huge,
but it can do some damage.But it's certainly rare. Okay,
all right, I'm I think I'mready going in. All right. If
I was to say the word octothorpe, octor thorpe, what would I
mean? Well, octo that suggestseight, So I mean, that's like,

(30:11):
that's what I'm getting from that,um octo thorpe por I mean,
can anything thought park That is howit spelled. Yeah, I don't feel
like it's eight thought parks. Idon't feel like that's what you're what you're
looking for. That's a good gooddejection. Um octo thorpe um? What

(30:41):
is is it? Is it?Like? Is it a verb? Is
it? Is it? Is ita name? I put this in a
sentence? Okay, okay, umoh, I don't know. It's a

(31:02):
noun. It's a noun, soit's a it's a thing. Yeah.
Yeah, I think if I putit in any sentence it will give it
away. Yeah. Yeah, that'sfair. Um, I'm yeah, I'm
not really I'm not really sure togo. I'm just going to sort of
guess it's along the lines of amultitude or something that has a multitude of

(31:22):
something like eight or something. Yeah, that's what I mean. I'm going
to guess. I mean common sensewould say, yeah, that's you're nearly
there, but it couldn't be furtherfrom it. No. Um, okay,
I'm trying to think of a goodsentence. Okay, if you're going
to say that, you'd better usean octathorpe on Twitter. The only other

(31:48):
thing I'm thinking of is the actorgallon, which is like the ring where
people get where two million one move? Um? Yeah, So if you're
going to say. So if you'regoing to say that, you want to
use an Octor Thorpe, especially onTwitter, especially on Twitter. So eight
words? What limited? Limited amountof words? Nah? I don't.
I don't know another word for theolder hashtag, the old hash key symbol.

(32:15):
It's the name of that symbol.There you go. Yeah, that
makes sense, doesn't it? Doesit? Because well yeah, because it's
like four four lines. Four lines. Oh no, but there's four lines.
But then you've got, um,eight ends, haven't you eight ends
to it? It doesn't make sense. But also none at all. I'm

(32:37):
looking on my keyboard for the hashthe hash symbol and I can't see it.
Oh, this doesn't exist. Youhave to press the option key and
the pound and number three. Wellthat's confusing, Yeah, at least on
mind anyway. Yeah, yeah,I'm sure it's the same. Yeah,

(32:58):
that's it. That's it. Soyou know what you can do. I
can guess you can hashtag suck upmy big fat dictionary. Well, I'm

(33:20):
I don't know about you, Paul. I'm curious to see what's happening with
with our risiden hat expert Tom Hardy. I mean, he's been getting it
wrong. This whole time. Bythe way, I found out something this
week. Oh yeah, what's that? I think it was probably from you,
but you're not going to say itthat. You know, Tom Hardy's

(33:43):
been in, you know, lookingfor milners and stuff for hats, but
he's looking in the wrong place becauseif you want to find a hat for
a man, Oh yeah, there, you go to a hatter. Yeah,
Milners only make hats for women.Yeah, not just how wouldn't known?
Yeah? Any reason I know thatis because I currently work in a

(34:04):
building that used to be a milliner's. Yeah. That's the only only reason
I know. Yeah, the onlyreason I know there. You go there,
go there every day. Um,I'm not that bothered about what's happening
to Tom Hardy. I'm kind ofsick of it, but I'm sure plenty
of you are interested. What isgoing to happen? So and we're contractually
obliged to still on the pain ofdeath. So yeah, well, enjoy

(34:30):
I guess Hardy's Hardest Hats? Howhard is? How hard? How hard?
How hard is? What does yourfucking Hello and welcome to another rabisode

(34:57):
of Hardie's Hardest Hats, The shoulderCrude. If you want to seduce a
lady into bed, you best putsomething on your head in it safety first,
So double on tendre their mate.So take that how you will.
As always, I'm your host,Tom Hardy from Ipeky Spell on You and

(35:19):
now You're blinds. Last week meand Bain did our best to get ourselves
out of a mess we got ourselvesinto in the previous week's episodes when we
fucked up the time space continuum,absolutely bollocked it, we did, so
the only option we had left wasto try and magic our way out.

(35:42):
I was gonna go back and seegandhouf by a proper burning that bridge.
When I sold his white horse toa glue factory, how was I supposed
to fucking know they made them intoglue. I thought they just got the
horses to stick things back together.After how good they were with Humpty Dumpty.
I mean he died, but theydid their level breast anyway, I

(36:02):
have to resort to the help ofanother wizard fuck who was a headmaster in
his school in Scotland. His nameis Humdrumble Door or something. Why air
bid you know to look He's likethe Pepsi version of Gandolf does the same
thing as Coke, but he's shitterin every fucking way. But still I'm

(36:24):
hoping he can resolve things, asI've heard rumors that he owned something called
a time turner or possibly a TinaTurner. I don't know. I wasn't
really baying attention, but now I'mon the train up there to find out
a freaking out. Plus he mighthave a wizard that I can finally test,
because it's been weeks now since I'veactually been able to test any hat

(36:45):
A fucking's all. I'm having togo incognito, so I'm pretending to be
a school kid. I'm wearing glassesbecause you know it worked for Batman.
I must say this train is certainlyluxurious. I just wish this little ginger
prick opposite me would stop staring.Did you say something? So? Nah,

(37:06):
mate, nothing at all, anddon't call me sir. I'm just
another magic school kid like you.But you have a beard. Yeah,
it's a magic beard, isn't it. Oh that scar on your forehead,
how did you get that? Well, that's a bit of a sore subject.
Oh I'm sorry. What happened?Well, it turns out when running
into the woolwork platform nine and threequarters. You should make sure you're in

(37:30):
the right station first. Were younot at King's Cross? Nah? I
was in brent Cross. I've neverbeen to brent Cross. Don't bother mate?
Fuck old harms sense that's about it? Hello? Is this seat taken
good? I'm sitting here fucking now. Do people not bubble with their seat
allocations on tickets anymore? I'm HermioneGranger. Who are you? Hi?

(37:54):
I'm Ron Weasley and who are you? Marry? Um? Ye arm Ron
Weasley? But that's his name,right? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah?
I mean do you not know yourname? Maybe a fucking checond I'm freaking

(38:15):
he did run into a wall.So that's how you broke your glasses.
I can fix those, Oculus ripero. Oh wow, you fix me specs.
Very impressive. That's what happens whenyou study well, or at least
you're obnoxious about it. Stuck up, Carl, So what is your name?

(38:36):
It's uh, Jerry, your nameis Jerry. No, let me
fucking finish. It's Jerry Coke handlenut. Are you just naming things around
you? No, smart hoss,that's my name. Jerry Coke Candle nat.

(39:00):
What's your familiar? Is that likestreet linger or something? She means
your animal companion? All right,I've got me dog here. Funny story.
I thought i'd lost him in Italy, but he found his way back
like some sort of pigeon. What'shis name? I don't fucking no one
ever asked him sweets for anyone andtweets. Yeah, I'll have him.

(39:21):
Which ones? All of them?I want them all, lave the cart.
I can't believe you're buying all thesweets to share with us. You're
really pushing your luck. You are. Oh, I'm stuffed. I feel

(39:44):
sick. I've had so many.Why did all the ones I get taste
like socks or crusty Asshow you neverknow what flavor you'll get. That's what's
fun and surprising. Yeah, byexpecting maybe an orange or coffee flavor.
Not day I'll come fly over.So you're the one who bought the whole
sweet card. I must say,I'm surprised to see you hanging around with

(40:07):
the legs of these two, aWeasley and a mud blood. You're just
saying words at me now. I'mDraco mouth for me, and you must
be Jericho Candle fuck made that gotround quick, faster than a horse drawers
in the floors. Well, you'rewelcome to leave these two dregs and join
me in my cabin. Now you'reright. If anything, your hair is

(40:27):
actually making me eyes? Are youold enough to be using for rooxide?
This is my natural hair? Whyyou were Torgarian? Oh? What from
Game of Thrones? Oh? Youknow the one. It's got dragons and
tits and ass and fanny and shagging. Pretty sure the bloke from Soldier Soldier
was in it. Do your ownFlynn, No, James Cosmo kward station

(40:50):
final stop fucking finally dying for aship And I wasn't going to go in
there after never Wood used it.They don't call him long bottom for nothing
gets out Next time on Arties ArtistActs, two students welcome now, School

(41:17):
of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Griffind Ah, I'm compelled for whatever he said.
Oh I'm going to smash you in, mister Sawynet. And what is the
difference between monk said and wolvesburne?Um? The spelling and the pronunciation pretty

(41:42):
clearly. Frame isn't everything, isit? M mister candlenut Bush, you're
a wizard Jericho Core you're a bigfellow. Is everything in proportion down there?
Fucking now, it's like an adultholding a mallow? He a co
candleman. Good boys, let's finishthis how we started it. My check

(42:10):
it right? Time time to becontinued, mate. Everyone has a point

(42:34):
of view. Everyone likes a filmreview. It is a movie is a
bra? Why did they give themone star this movie? Yes, it's
that time again for why did theygive them one star? The one star
movie review? Game? Show?Game because we play it, and show

(42:55):
because it's on our podcast. Ifyou hear it somewhere else, give us
a call. Dull that number forthe Cold Callers comedy and then we will
then call our friend the Rock togo around there and who their candy asses?
Does he still do that? Doeshe still whoop candy asses? I'm
sure he can if he had to. Yeah, I'm sure he could as

(43:15):
well. To be fair, becausewe have that contact now, yeah,
yeah, we're on, yeah,Dwayne, we're on first name basis.
Um. Yeah, so yes,yeah, that's a contact that we've made.
You didn't expect that. That's arabbit. We pulled out the hat.
And with that being said, wedo have a fantastic guest on today's

(43:37):
show. He is an illusionist,a magician, a mind flare, the
man you want to entertain you andyour friends. His name is Sam Fuller.
Hello, all all right, I'mgood. It's lovely to have you
on the show. Sam Pleasure.Yeah, me and you. We go
back what ten years, I'd saysomething. Yeah, they're about yea,

(44:00):
hopefully not showing. Yeah. Imean this is the reason why we do
things over zoom now, so wecannot tell how horrific we actually are.
And there was there was a videorecently of a guy who was like I
think he was doing some sort ofonline live kind of thing, live kind

(44:23):
of interview, and the camera fallsand he picks it up, and as
he picks it up, you cansee that he's wearing no trousers. He's
like an older man and a veryhe's very very distinguished. Yeah. But
yeah, Sam, like, likeI said, I've known you like ten
years or so totally and and yeah, I mean you've been sort of going

(44:47):
in leaps and mounds with your yourmagic do try. Yeah. Yeah,
we're hoping the next trick will bea huge leap and bound like you know,
you know, sort of uh old, I was gonna say, Dave
angela, hang on, who isthat? Of course it is Dave Angel.

(45:13):
Yeah, you know the rest seeingitself, I gave him both one.
But yeah, tell us a bitabout where where your kind of like
career in magic started. Well,sir, well, you know, you
know what is probably the most boringquestion I always get asked because I don't

(45:34):
know the answer, which it's amystery. It's a mystery to me,
which is mine? Don't say boringquestions, boring answer true, insult the
presenter. Yeah, ok, yeah, I don't know the answer. That's
the metal fee. It's a mystery. You know. None of my family.

(46:00):
One day you were just so likejust a car. I was just
a card tricks. This rabbit comefrom Yeah, he wasn't born, he
was just pulled out of a hat. Yeah, it was that the goat
case. Yes, baby see.I thought it was going to be similar
to the reason why I I whenI was when I was younger and I
was like, I want to bea magician. I obviously didn't, but

(46:22):
I was going to say this connectionnow, as a kid, I got
like a magic box set as likea birthday present. I wanted to do
this because obviously, obviously, exactlyand obviously the reason I did this is
because I wanted to. I wantedto marry Debbie McGee, like every did.

(46:45):
So I assumed that would be thereason that you'd be like if Paul
Daniels, Yeah, yeah he's gonenow when he bless him such a oh
my god mess him once miserable sod. But yeah, an amazing magician,

(47:07):
very I think he was a talent. He was a very talented, like
showman as well as magician, wasn'the. I think that's what made him
so special. Yeah, he was. He was great at all the talk
and that, which you know,I hope and say, you know that
his influence did rub off, youknow, a bit of him, bit
of Devin Brown growing up. Youknow, it's got me out of a
couple of scrapes. I must say, Well, I was doing it,

(47:27):
you know, because it don't alwaysgo right. Sorry there for you boys,
but it doesn't always go right.I'm sorry you chucking the many I
mean tricks I've seen you do,Sam have gone, I've gone well,
so you know, you know,I think I mean fairly point. The

(47:51):
point, the point I was goingto make was though I think there are
several professions that I think are verylike in terms of entertainment that are more
terrifying than others. And I thinkcomedian's definitely one. You're out there on
your own, you know, people, people feel like they're allowed to heckle
you for some reason, which isjust weird. But also I think magician
as well, because yes, obviouslyyou practice, you get good, you

(48:14):
know, you know what you're doing, it's still an element that could go
wrong. Maybe neurosurgeon should be upthere as well. Magician I meant,
I meant more like nerve racking interms of entertainment, just unless you consider
neurosurgeon entertaining. It used to be. That's why they called it a theater.

(48:35):
True, true, but yeah,you know it's it's you know,
there was once when I tipped aclass of wine over a woman. It
was a birthday. It was anew jacket. That was terrifying. Part
of the trick. Do you knowwhat? She had this big burly boyfriend
who came up and he was toodrunk to realize. I was, Oh,

(48:58):
I'm glad I've got that one.Al right, I let Yeah,
that's a magic god love it.Well, now we understand where you started,
which is you don't know, howis it? How is it going?
Now? Hey, well we're verywell. You know, it's interesting
at the moment of course, likemost of us, you know, COVID
happened for most of us, andyeah, yeah, everything kind of dried

(49:22):
up. Everything dried up and allof a sudden, you know, going
into the virtual space. And me, I would say personally, the magicians
have adapted particularly well. We werekind of some of the first ones on
on that kind of platform, whichis really cool. It's it's been interesting

(49:43):
doing stuff, you know, whenpeople were there at home, and it's
gonna be a little bit different todaywith people who can't even see me,
but you know, doing stuff andpeople can see you there at home.
It's it's crazy, but it makesit even more fulfilling in a way.
I can do things that I wouldnever be able to get away with in

(50:04):
real life. You know, youknow, you got your and get punished
by a burly boyfriend. Yeah,no burly boyfriends. No. No little
kids chasing you around the gig.Oh my god. It's yeah, no
offense to them, but god blimeingsome kids you just follow you around,
dipping dipping in your pockets when whenyou're a magician, not just following your

(50:24):
around like pie Piper, but youknow, dipping in your pockets, pulling,
pulling your scarves out of your pocketsand all that stuff. Oh my
god, they get annoying and you'renot allowed to hear. No you're not.
But I did sneeze blood on someone, so yeah, yeah they were
terrified. I was. I wasthinking were more. Yeah, it was

(50:49):
a there's a treat where you know, a card appears in appears in a
mouth, and I was doing itto these two little girls and the cold
appeared in my mouth. I hada cold saw that was just paling,
and as I smiled my liko burstsblood went all over them and then I
sneezed. Unless he's going on God, that is horrific. Absolutely MORTI money.

(51:28):
So if anything, the virtual onesare working out met Yeah, yeah,
I definitely say so. Yeah.Wear trousers, yeah, and you
can just wipe down a screen thatwell from experience pay that's another tone.
I'm sorry. This is a classypod culture. I shouldn't have said that.

(51:49):
You said not wearing any trousers.It's my own fault. What would
you, what would you say yourkind of magic style is more like because
I kind of seen you do both, Like I've seen you do the kind
of more traditional magician card tricks andsort of you know, more traditional I've
said, yeah, whereas I've alsoseen you do that kind of more Darren
brown as Paul said mind flare,Yeah, kind of like tricks. Which

(52:15):
are you know? I think bothare very impressive, but obviously they've both
got a very different audience. Ohthere is there one you prefer doing more?
Is there one you lean more towardsit? I suppose it's like anything,
really, you know, you youadapt for the situation, don't you,
like a I do know that.A couple of years back, the
biggest compliment I've ever had was itwas this. It was this what was

(52:37):
it like a gal at dinner?I was doing I was doing all my
stuff, you know, I wasdoing a bit of Darren Brownie kind of
mind reading stuff. And at theend of it, you know, I
had I had well, you know, it's like professors, doctors, the
people you fear as a magician,you know what, I know, engineers,
you like shit. And at theend of it, this bloke came

(52:57):
up to me, you know,Beard proper professor looking, and he came
up to be Puls moved to oneside. He went, you know,
I know what you're doing there.I know what you're doing. I was
like, crap. He was like, you know, I'm a professor in
you know, neurolinguistic programming and youknow psychology, and I know what you're
doing. But it's wonderful. You'rethe best I've ever seen doing that.
Brilliant thing is though I weren't doingany of that is just you know,

(53:21):
a bit of string and a packof cards. But he don't know any
massive compliment that he thought I wasdoing what I was projected. I guess
you know what I was pretended todo. What was amazing, absolutely amazing.
I mean, well, you're goingto do some tricks with us today
with the audience. He can playalong. So do the audience at home

(53:45):
need to prepare anything? Yeah,I'd say so so for those guys at
home, so I could pause thisof course. Uh, you know,
grab yourself a couple of coins minimumfive. Well he got up to sixty
odd six sixty or coins, butyou know, it depends how much time
you've got. So as many coinsas you like, does not matter the

(54:06):
currency. It can be a coupleof theme part tokens. It doesn't even
have to be coins. As longas there's a heads and the tails,
that's all you need. Okay,gents, Okay, Now, the great
thing about this coin trick is thething is I already know where it's gonna
go because I'm going to push youin a certain direction. Okay, it's
show. It's gonna be a bitviolent, Poul. I'm sorry, psychological

(54:29):
bullying, Ryan, I can't seeyou. Hey, we're gonna go with
it. Can you hear me atleast? Yeah? I can hear you.
Now, make sure you've got fivecoins in front of yourself, and
make sure they're all tails side up. Okay, what would you count a
euro as the tails side? Thereare some woman or something or the other

(54:52):
some woman? Yeah, described eside? Okay, one side? So
on a two euro, it's somegoogling guys. They're got google what side?
So on the two on the twoeuro, there's a there is a
woman's face on one side. Thisis where it gets This is where it
gets complicated. Was on a oneeuro on one side it's a musical instrument.

(55:16):
I think, and on the otherside it is Europe. So I'm
going to guess the Yeah, yeah, that'd be that'll be the heads.
That's funny said the other way around. That's weird that it's just because the
other coin, the other one isthe tails, is Europe. So I'm
gonna I'm fine. I've got tosay this. This podcast is educational as

(55:37):
well, wasn't it. That isdefinitely the heads. Yeah, Europeans listing.
Please call in section do we do? We don't call? No,
well no, make ane were giventhat information at the end, So make

(55:57):
sure you've all tails up. Nowwe're gonna mix mix things around. Sorry,
Sims, I've got online heads up. Fuck sake, Ryan, I
was I was too busy trying tofigure out what was the head that's worrying.
Well, okay, right, I'mgoing to push all of you guys

(56:21):
too. You'll go go to heads. Okay, it's going to be heads
at the end of the day.Okay, but right now, make sure
your tails up. Okay. Now, if you want, you guys and
everyone listening on to turn two ofthe coins heads up. If you want
your choice. This is all aboutchoices, if you want, Okay,

(56:45):
So if you if we know,but if if we're going to turn,
we have to turn tow yes,yeah, okay, okay, well tell
you what. Let's ask Let meask you all again. If you want
turn two more coins heads up,you can turn the same two if you
want up to you and a thirdtime if you want turn two coins up

(57:14):
the other way round your choice.I can't see much movement there, Ryan,
but I already know that I willpush you towards Okay, okay,
okay, right, tell you whatone coin this time? Everyone turn every
turn one coin over. Everyone,turn one coin over, no choice this

(57:39):
time? Okay. Once again,turn any coin over. Okay, and
once more, turn any coin over. Okay. Now everyone should be in
a pretty random position. You couldhave turned things over if you want it

(58:00):
to your choice. Now I wantyou to take your non dominant hand and
place it over any coin you like. Put it over the top of any
coin. Yeah. Now, allof the coins that you can see that
are tails up, disregard them,get rid of them, push them off

(58:22):
to one side. Yep, yep, at home, you better be Yeah.
Now this is the last thing herewe go. So for every heads
that you can currently see, Iwant you to flip that coin under your
hand. So if you can seetwo heads, you would turn the coin

(58:44):
twice underneath your hand. If youcan see one head face up on the
table, left, turn it up. Gotcha. I'm I'm not quite sure
what you mean. The coin that'salready under our hand. Flip that once
if you see if you see onehead, the amount of heads that you
can see left on the table,and undeh? Okay, okay, so

(59:07):
one, two? All right?Have you got two heads face up there?
Ryan? No? Have you gotfree? Yes? There we go.
That's not the trick now, Isaid at the beginning heads. Heads
is where I'm going to push youall to go to. It was your
choice to turn coins over. Liftyour hands. Everyone. Have you got

(59:30):
is it heads? Yeah? Mine'stails? Ryan doing? Everyone else at
home should be heads as well.Though, let's try it once more.
We'll try it once more. We'lldo slightly differently. Ryan, get your
coins back, yeah, and makesure they're all tails up. Ryan isn't

(59:51):
sure what's tails and what's not.I'm going with that, getting coins back
everyone and tails up. I don'tknow why because I turned mine three times,
which should have meant that it wouldhave gone head's tails heads. I
don't know why it happened. Itshould have worked because I'm a genius.

(01:00:16):
Now, everyone's tails up. NowI want you to turn two coins over.
Okay if you want, wasn't itif we want? No, no,
just turn turn two over. Uhhuh uh huh yeah, let's do
it again. Turn two coins over. Mmm mm hmm yep, yeah right

(01:00:43):
now, go on. Let's umwith both hands a coin in each,
turn it over simultaneously, and oncemore. Any coins you like two cool,
simultaneously turn them over. H Okay, Now if you want, you

(01:01:06):
can do that again if you want. Now pick any any coin and turn
that over. Just one and onelast thing to do. Pick any two
coins if you want, and turnthem over if you want. Now cover

(01:01:32):
any coin with your non dominant hand. Get rid of the tails, all
the tails that you can see,m and for every head that you can
see, flip the coin under yourhand. So if you can see three
heads, turn that coin under yourhand three times. If you can see

(01:01:54):
seven heads, turn it seven times. Sixty to sixty heads, turn sixty
times. You should have had lesscoins. Okay, okay, boys like
I say, this should all pointyou towards heads, which got Ryan heads.

(01:02:14):
Hey, so yeah, a littlesomething they could do at home.
But like I said before we cameon here, I've made you guys a
little something that I'm going to puton my Instagram. At least you guys
can have it as well if youwant a little interactive trick with you guys

(01:02:34):
that I've made up that hopefully isa point something you can do the screen
kids. Yeah, and with thatin mind, Sam, if you could
actually just give us your social mediainfo, where can we find you and
that interactive nugget? Yes, soon Instagram. I do love my Instagram,
so I'm on there as full ofmagic. There's also also under London

(01:03:01):
Magician. The website is full ofmagic code at uk um yeah those my
main bits. Also TikTok Now I'mdown with the kids, Uh to teach
us TikTok. I put a videoon there. What most days I put
a new video on there. Soit's I've been going, you know,

(01:03:21):
getting the magic out. Yeah,a lot of watches and likes and ticket
he's doing all right. Um,you know the old person's string. But
you know you just have to deletethe problem. That's what we do.
Cool, lovely stuff, right,but I think it's time just place the
game. So I don't know whatit was, So Paul, Paul,

(01:03:45):
bring on your your hench, hugemuscular friends. It might not be no
exactly the last time we called hima little mate and I thought, you
know this time amazing gentlemen. ObsidianAnt from YouTube feel like christa Walker Star
Obsidian Ants from you Tube. Thetube talks about the Elite Dangerous The Elite

(01:04:16):
Dangerous game. Okay, gleeting SamFuller, and welcome to why did they
give them one Star? The onestar movie review game. This is the
game where Paul and Ran will eachread out a one star review from a
particular movie. Those two reviews willcontain all the information you need for you
to answer what the movie they havepicked. If you get it wrong,

(01:04:40):
we will make you go on tourunder the guise of full of shit.
Yeah. Yes, So then onceyou've hopefully answered correctly, it'll be your
turn to read out to one starreviews for the film that you've picked.
From there, the host must getdid right or suffer a very similar fate

(01:05:01):
where they have to call their podcastthe Cold Callers shit podcasting. Yeah,
although we might get more downloads,but the ship cast I would download that
curiosity. Cool. So we're gonnago first. So we've got one film

(01:05:25):
for you that me and Paul goingto read reviews from. I'm gonna go
first, So here we go.This is by K David Bushnell. He
gives this film one start out often seven point nine makes me lose faith
in IMDb. Okay, that's theheadline, and then he goes again seven
point nine, O ding seven questionmarks. Yeah yeah, there's loads,

(01:05:48):
and then some exclamation marks at theend, so he's really like, angered
but confused seven point nine? Areyou kidding me? I turned this off
halfway through. Corny and campy,unoriginal and cliche, not one interesting character.
Maybe if you're below the age often you might enjoy this one.

(01:06:10):
What a bore fest and a jokeof a movie not for adults or any
person above the age of ten.Furthermore, how the hell is this rated
seven point nine? It blows mymind even as kids movie, even as
a kid's movie, it sucks.The story is long, boring and not
intriguing. Every person I was watchingit, we'd agreed to turn it off,

(01:06:33):
and there were three girls because girls. Obviously, you know they'll they'll
watch any old There goes the riskof the followers. I would hate this
as an eight year old, andI hated it now as a twenty three

(01:06:54):
year old who is enrolled at filmschool at the University of Louisiana. Was
with Louisville that's it. So yeah, it's a twenty three year old who
was enrolled at film school at theUniversity of Louisville. Um, I mean,
I've never heard of the film courseat Louisville. I don't know it's
where it's enrolled. But does hemean studying, Because most people would say

(01:07:18):
studying they would not learn anything yet. Maybe he hasn't started. Yeah,
He then says again seven point nine. Come on, IMDb voters, there
we go. That's that's your firstreview from you there, okay, which
you won't get a lot from.Yeah, I'm trying to start seven point

(01:07:39):
nine. No, no, Ithink anything from that. I'm not at
all widely seen as a good filmby most except for the except for this
guy and a few others. UmPole, go for film, a kids
film, kids film, possibly fromthe possibly, yeah, possibly, I
might as well go anyway, onestart out of ten. It's not worth

(01:08:03):
a dog turd morning spoilers. I'mnot sure where. By the way,
here's what happened when they made thismovie. They took the writers of Harry
Potter, Lord of the Rings andPirates of the Caribbean and threw them in
a room with Peter Pan playing inthe background. This pile of crap is

(01:08:24):
what they came up with. Betweena gay pirate's flying ship whose balloon is
insufficiently sized to keep it aloft,and some kind of magic that throws you
across the world. And if that'snot enough to keep you away, then
nude octogenarian witches will be. Eventhough they don't show the whole thing,
they don't need to. It's disgusting. And I suggest that if you pull

(01:08:45):
this one off the bottom of alake with your fishing powle, you throw
it back. I heard a pauseafter pulling this one off, just after
you had talked about the old women. Oh wow, f year old you
so um. So there's a fairlybig clue in the Actually, I think,

(01:09:10):
yeah, so there's a gay pirateship that's something about a hot air
balloon. I heard ye. Myhead went up. But this you could
say house was a pirate ship andhe did that sum no oh christ um

(01:09:31):
oh whoa no ye nail all theones these I've listened to it like that's
the first thing I've got. Idon't know if Stardust is the one I
need to claimb that's all Okay,that was there Wasn't there anyone really big

(01:10:00):
clue in that gay pirate the filmso well done. Over to Sam,
time for you to it's with yourreviews and see if we can get them.
Truly awful by Al Bundy Fleet onestar. Implausible, completely silly.

(01:10:25):
That pretty much sums it up.The only plus side is the incredible number
of great looking women, nutshell tensand great legs in the movie. Main
actor destroys this with his monstrosity couldbe anything wow. But there's too many

(01:10:51):
words there that have completely like morethan one meaning there this I love nutshell
tens, Yeah, destroy with hismonstruct it just a bad actor. I
hope that's what they mean. Christthere's not but there's women in the film.

(01:11:13):
Yes, okay, okay, Imean it's been a long time since
I've seen the movie picture of women. Okay, let's see, let's see
you the worst film ever. Onestar Donmo C mellow that's who. It's
bywo C. Mellows and he's he'sbullet pointed it. Okay, this movie

(01:11:42):
is a classic in brackets. Thenhe's got bullet points. So one,
it's just a bad cartoon. Twomain actor did it only for the money
period, pree. It has theworst girl ever. I've admitted something.
There played a CIA agent. Ifthe CIA was ruled by Forrest Gump or

(01:12:06):
rain Man. Four. Rio deGenerio Genario Generio as it appears in the
movie is not the real Rio deGenario. There's a carnival. It's a
poor example for poor research. SanPedro Airport, free press, free question

(01:12:27):
marks. The producers did the impossible, turned Drax into one of the most
uninteresting villains. They fix the errorwith Dracks personality on the new villain of
Dad. It's the worst, folks, the worst in the series. It's

(01:12:47):
simple as that. Okay, there'sa lot going on there. Boys,
there's a few names there. Ilet go. Yeah, I do have
a level one yea yeah. Imean I heard the name Drax and I
obviously thought Guardians the Galaxy, andnow I'm thinking of Moonraker. Okay,

(01:13:14):
Moonraker. Yes, indeed my firstever bombs It's it's it's a classic.
It's one of those ones that Ithink as a kid, I loved it
as a kid because obviously, likethey're in space, they've got laser battles
and stuff like that. Just gotjaws, jaws. It kills people.
Yeah, the gay pirates, Yeah, it kills people. Draps is a

(01:13:40):
great villain. Yeah, just dying, doesn't he get Yeah, he shoots
him with dart. One of themkills you instantly. The other one that
sunges you or brilliant and then asli take a giant link for mankind Mogin

(01:14:03):
Moore, come on. Yeah.And the eyebrow, all about all about
the eyebrow? Was it drags dragsthat got Yeah? Yeah it was for
some reason. I just I hearddrags. I was at instant guard in

(01:14:24):
the galaxy. Wow, lovely stuffonce again, Sam, where can we
find you on the socials? Onthe socials so Instagram it's a full of
magic, not full of shit.I've got it right. Magic. Also
London magician. Just type in Sam, full of magician. I'll come up
anywhere. Um, I'm being bookedeverywhere. Bookins real life bookings are now

(01:14:48):
coming through again, so you knowif you've got weddings, funerals. I've
done two funerals in my life.I'll come and tell you people don't books
be we don't book funerals. Magiciansfunerals. Hilarious. This is my win.
But I'm picturing the trick with thewhen the woman gets in the box

(01:15:11):
and then half. It was easy, but it was easy to back the
grieving widow and you're there going picka card. I've got you, I've
got your ring to he checked thecoffin. I'll bring them back, but

(01:15:31):
that's another undrew quid. It's beenit's been absolute pleasure. Sam, And
thank you so much for coming onthe show. Everybody. Sam Fuller,
Yes, thank you very much.Sam Fuller the magician there. What a

(01:15:53):
guest, what a guy. I'mspeechless, speechless. You all didn't see
that card trick that he did duringthe break, but um, it was
impressive. And then what he showedus that was I can't say not not
suitable for work mate, mate,check him out if you can, because

(01:16:17):
he is a very impressive and you'refucking phone. It's not the thing is
it's not coming out of my phone. It's it's because my phone is connected
to my laptop. So whenever Iget what's that, No, I don't
don't know what. I don't knowwhat. It's just text. It's my
dad text to me to dad.If you listen to this, you'll know
that you cheers college. Um,but yes, it's time for you to

(01:16:46):
play at home. Yeah, it'syour turn. The first What was last
week's answer? It was, ofcourse Road to Perdition. Yeah, exactly,
Road to Perdition. Great film.You haven't actually seen it, of
you, Paul, No, butit's good. It's good. It's um,
I mean it's I wouldn't say it'sTom Hanks's best, but it's still
a very good film. Definitely notas bad as the reviews were making out.

(01:17:11):
Road to Ship that was one ofthem, wasn't it. Yeah?
Road to Nowhere was another. Imean to be honest, those reviews did
make me question whether I wanted tosee it. But those are extreme cases
and I get that. But prettyquickly Hot on the buzzer, um was
one of our one of our ouractual our biggest supporting, biggest does that

(01:17:38):
that's the right word? Are toptier, most top tier biggest supportive patron
that we have. And the winnerwas Aerial Cooksie Yes, host of the
Malice Pot, not the Malice Podcast, but Malice Podcast, and one of
the hosts co hosts of Down toFolk. You haven't listened to those already,

(01:18:01):
go listen down on it, getdown on it. M M yeah,
because we're also down to folk.So yeah, so well done.
Ariel came second. Second was HelenGarland from Sheffield. Well done Helen Garland,
Helen, Helen Therellan, I didn'thear you, Sorry, Helen,

(01:18:24):
Hellen, Sorry it was it wasn'ta silent h elensell Um there you get,
you don't get. You don't geta well done, you get a
congratulated dirty nod. So here isyour cratul dirty nod. Oh my lips.

(01:18:45):
Quick. Now it's time to playat home. If you think you
know the name of the movie,just contact us via Twitter Cold Callers,
send us, send this little tweetthe song that you were doing. That
was nice. Thank you. Ifyou know the name, what is it?
If you know I've forgotten that already, it's right. You can listen

(01:19:08):
back. You can context us onthe Instagram, which is of course at
cold Callers Underscore Comedy and you canlook us up on the Facebook and you
can also send us an email atCold Callers Comedy. I was remember that

(01:19:29):
Cold Callers Comedy at gmail dot com. So times the reviews, Umm,
Paul, you're gonna go first?Yeah, I think I best Okay,
I'd better right, Okay, onestart out of ten hideous. I was
expecting something similar to Bohemian Rhapsody.Boy, was I wrong? Total dribble

(01:19:58):
not dribble dribble. I love women. Probably, Yeah, I mean I
think I don't know if I've gotsomething similar in this one. Um,
okay, So I clearly this person'sthis person's first language is not English,
so I will forgive that. Althoughtheir name is renegade, dog is what

(01:20:20):
even that they put it around thewrong way, like dog is renegade or
the name is dogg is um terrible? One star out of ten. He
is a victim about thirty seconds intothis mess of a film, then a
mess of a film, then theit becomes a musical drama. In was

(01:20:44):
hoping this was going to e sorry, was going to eat about his music.
It was not. It was aboutwhat a mess he is as a
person. But even that they messedup in rubbish. Do yourself a favor
and skip it. I wish Ihad four out of seven people found that

(01:21:05):
review helpful. That's you know,over half, yeah, half, that's
why it's point five over half.I might give it a thumbs I'm not
gonna. I can't. I can'tdo it. I can't bring myself to
give it the thumbs don't do it. I didn't you have to log in
just to do that anyway, hesaid on this one of my phone apps.
So I think it would do itanyway. But I don't want my

(01:21:25):
name put to that thumbs up.Do the thumbs down there. I don't
want to. I don't want toacknowledge that. It's the thing. Okay,
fair enough. If you want toreedge us, if you want to
acknowledge us and let us know whatyou think the movie is, as Ryan
said, you can contact us onTwitter, Instagram, Facebook, or email
us. Yeah, he already saidall those. Just didn't you idea?

(01:21:45):
Yeah, cold callers, um findus fangs bro Until next time, don't
forget to review, and don't forgetto listen to our music. We've actually
you know, next next time wetalk. Yeah, we may have a
little bit of news about a newsong coming out. Maybe yeah, it's

(01:22:05):
two. It's like for us it'sthree weeks away, priul like, I
feel like we might have news bythem. I don't know. It depends
on how quick I can get theediting gun. But yeah, sure,
yeah, but yeah, actually morethan three weeks away. Yeah exactly,
because that's just when it was twoweeks. When when this comes out?

(01:22:27):
No a week? Oh no,you're right? Three three? Yeah,
but yeah, yeah, don't forgetto rubscribe. Listen to our music.
Going to patron it was money,tell us you love us, She loves
us by voting for us as BestComedy twenty twenty one at the Quite the
Thing Media podcast towards check it outor Quite the Thing media dot com.

(01:22:48):
And if you don't want to dothat, then I guess you probably should
take your hands out of your pantsjust for one second, stop pulling your
potstup thumb in your arse out atleast rate review and subscribe. That's you
know, that's that's the very leastwe are, actually the very least we
ask of you to listen the nextbit, the next very least thing that
we would like you to do isIs that just please until your mates don't

(01:23:12):
keep us a secret? Yeah,don't keep you know? Yeah right,
we're done with this shit. Yeah, I mean they'll they'll enjoy that.
I feel like anything. Oh stopshit