July 8, 2019 • 34 mins
One of the benefits of marriage is that it usually means you have a travel companion, and if you have children, then school breaks are a great incentive to get away.
All that changes with divorce. You no longer have your spouse to travel with. Compounding that, your friends are probably all married so you're not likely to tag along with them. It's even harder when you're an empty nester and the kids are doing their own trips.
A common complaint from newly-singles is that they have no one to go away with so they end up not going on vacation.
But it doesn't have to be that way. You have options. Solo travel is liberating and there is no better way to boost your confidence.
My guest for this Conversation is divorce coach, Martha Bodyfelt, founder of SurvivingYourSplit.com. Martha is a pro at solo travel. Before our Conversation, she'd just returned from a three-week solo trip to South America where she visited Uruguay, Paraguay, Peru and Ecuador.
Listen in to discover Martha's tips for how she makes it work. You'll be inspired.
You'll find a synopsis of our Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/guide-travel-solo-after-divorce
All that changes with divorce. You no longer have your spouse to travel with. Compounding that, your friends are probably all married so you're not likely to tag along with them. It's even harder when you're an empty nester and the kids are doing their own trips.
A common complaint from newly-singles is that they have no one to go away with so they end up not going on vacation.
But it doesn't have to be that way. You have options. Solo travel is liberating and there is no better way to boost your confidence.
My guest for this Conversation is divorce coach, Martha Bodyfelt, founder of SurvivingYourSplit.com. Martha is a pro at solo travel. Before our Conversation, she'd just returned from a three-week solo trip to South America where she visited Uruguay, Paraguay, Peru and Ecuador.
Listen in to discover Martha's tips for how she makes it work. You'll be inspired.
You'll find a synopsis of our Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/guide-travel-solo-after-divorce
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Getting a divorce. Even thinking aboutgetting a divorce can be overwhelming, scary,
and sometimes exciting. Join divorce coachand mediator Mandy Walker for conversations about
divorce. The more you know,the easier it will be to make your
divorce healthier, less trustful, andto put it behind you. Here's Mandy.
(00:23):
Welcome to conversations about divorce. I'mMandy Walker, and today we're talking
about traveling solo after divorce. Oneof the benefits of marriage is that it
usually means that you have a travelcompanion, and if you have children,
then school breaks are a great incentiveto get away. All of that changes
with divorce. You no longer haveyour spouse to travel with you, and
(00:47):
compounding that your friends are probably allmarried, so you're less likely to tag
along with them. It's even harderwhen you become an empty nesta and the
kids are off doing their own things. So a common complaint from newly singles
is that they have no one togo away with, so they end up
not going on vacation at all.But it doesn't have to be that way.
(01:11):
You can travel solo. My guesttoday is divorce coach Martha body Felt,
founder of Surviving Your Split dot Com. Martha has been on the show
several times, and it seems everytime I contact her, she's just getting
back from a trip overseas. Oh, she's just going on one, and
she does it solo, and it'soften to places that are off the beaten
(01:34):
track. So she's my expert togo to on this topic. Welcome Martha,
Hi Mandy, and Hi everybody.And once again, I'm I'm happy
to be here. And I guessyou just you just can't keep me sitting
at home. So, Martha,why don't you really start just share with
our listeners? Where have you justgot back from? So? I look
(01:56):
out back from a three weeks soold trek through South America, calling it
I guess the countries I haven't beento yet in South America, And so
I was. Um. I wasin Uruguay. Um, I was in
Paraguay, which doesn't get more beatentrip off the beaten path, um.
And then I was also in Cusco, Peru exploring Matchupchu as well as Quito
(02:19):
and Ecuador. Wow, um,what made you put these places? So?
I guess I've always been really passionateabout South South America, and I've
I've traveled there quite a bit before, to like Colombia and Argentina and Brazil,
(02:39):
um in Bolivia. But there wassomething about these other places that I
guess a lot of people don't talkabout well, with the exception of um,
with the exception of a cusco inU in Peru, and for me,
I don't know there's I started todo a little bit of research on
them, and they just seem tohave these hidden gems. For example,
(03:00):
I had no idea that Uruguay hadthis amazing priving wine region. And I'm
such a whine Oh I love wine, and so any undiscovered wine territory packed
my bags and I'll go there.Um. And so that was something I
was curious to explore. In Uruguayand as well as Paraguay, it's known
for a lot of its kind ofnatural reserves and uh, one of the
(03:22):
things that really kind of drove methere was there's a there's an area in
Paraguay called in Chackle, which isthis kind of um. It's an area
that's getting rapidly did forest eyes um, but it's it's got this it's this
source of amazing wildlife, particularly birds. And so just kind of going through
that and going through the marsh landsthat was amazing. So those are what
(03:46):
called me there as well as obviouslyMachu Pichu. I wanted to see it
before UM I wasn't good enough physicalshape to go and UM and growing up
I had really good friends growing upwho were from Ecuador, and just how
they talked about it, it justseemed like the beautiful, magical place.
And so one of the other reasonsthat kind of drove me a decision to
(04:10):
go to these places was I wantme, I gotta be honest with me.
Many I found a really cheap businessclass ticket otto. Yeah, so
a little so, a little bitof UM, and I just always go
to South America. The people havealways been really warm. I'm super fortunate,
and that i'd be fool in Spanish, so I figured, you know,
I do. Yeah, so Ifigured Portico, like, why not?
(04:31):
Right, Well, that's exciting,but let's just kind of go back
a little bit. And UM,I do want to say that I think
the um traveling solough is as muchis a challenge for men and women.
So it's not just something that womentravel and struggle with, but you know,
men also because I think a lotof us. You know, we
(04:54):
like to have that companion to travelwith and when we get divorced that that's
gone so well. Motivated your decisionto start traveling solo? Was it always
something you've done before? Just didyou start it after your divorce? So
I'm gonna pick C both A andB. Ever, since I was so,
(05:15):
I came from a big family,and so it was always hard to
kind of find time alone, andso as I grew up and as I
became a teenager and a young adult, I'm always like, hey, I
want to do things by myself.And so I think the seed in kind
of independent travel was planted at meat a young age. When my family,
I was nine, so my otherpresident sisters always were under the age
(05:38):
of eleven. My parents took uson a trip and this was in the
early nineties across the border Tomcgalies,Mexico, and I remember it was this
kind of a fun family day ofshopping, and I took it upon myself
to go wander away from my parentsand my little my little nine year old
self thought, hey, this isthis is really great. I'm not around
(05:59):
my family and I had time tomyself. Of course, my parents didn't
think that was great. So withinfifteen minutes they'd found me, and um,
I got in trouble. If Iright, we should have. But
then I had decided, UM,when I decided to study abroad, when
when I was a college kid,and just the opportunity to really kind of
break away and do things for myselfand make my own decisions and just being
(06:24):
on my own schedule. To me, it was just something I really needed
and I was drawn to. Andso when I was twenty two, I
lived in Spain and during vacations,I um, I hitch hype through Europe.
Still haven't told my parents that,um, but ever since then,
and so this is all before Iwas married. And so when I was
(06:44):
married, you know, we traveledplaces, but I'd realized that I had
had my own travel style and thingsthat I like to do that that my
spouse at the time didn't. Andso to me, I always felt a
little bit kind of resentful having totravel with someone. And so when my
marriage didn't work out and we didget divorced, to me, it was
(07:04):
almost kind of an emancipation because thenI felt like it gave me permission to
travel again. And I go occasionallywith girlfriends, but most of the time
it's it's me and I and Ilove that freedom to do it myself and
to meet new people, and it'sit's the most to me. It's the
most amazing thing that somebody can do. And so do you plan your own
(07:28):
the whole trip or do you joina tool tool like go to Uruguay and
join a tool there's seeing the sightsthat you particularly want, or do you
do it all just solo on yourown? So it really depends on the
trip. But for most time,for so I would say maybe about ninety
(07:49):
five percent of the time, Iwill book my own stuff. Now,
I want to tell your audience sothat this comes from a lot of experience.
So if this seems kind of overwelming to you, don't worry.
You can start small. You canplan a weekend trip by yourself. You
can then plan a long weekend tripby yourself. But you know, I've
been doing this for years and I'veI've been to seventy five countries and so
(08:13):
it comes with practice. But you'renot going to feel comfortable doing it by
yourself until you start doing it byyourself. So to your question, I
do start usually with thinking about whatare some places I want to go,
and then I'll put airline alerts tosee what the airfares are. And you
can set those with places like kayakdot com that if you say want to
(08:35):
go for example, say you knowyou're living in the United States and you
you really would like to go tosee Austria or Germany in the fall,
there's nothing wrong with putting that inin like a search agent on kayak dot
com, and so they'll start sendingyou alerts when prices drops, so you
(08:56):
can get like a general idea.So that's what I usually do first,
is I book the big international airlineticket or even domestic one first, and
then once that's done, then Istart looking at, okay, what places
visit, and then I start thinkingabout that. Then I start looking at
lodging. Usually for me, Ireally like the local flavor, so I
(09:18):
love using air VnB. It's it'san amazing way to live locally, just
like a normal person would. It'san amazing way to kind of experience what
a local lives like. You canfind some incredible deals. I was in
the penthouse in Montevideo and Uruguay witha view of the river beautiful top of
the line, you know, kindof furnishings and things like that, all
(09:41):
for fifty dollars a night. Soyou can find these incredible deals everywhere you
go. Or if you would likea instead, if you would prefer to
go through a hotel, I loveusing booking dot Com and incredible deals on
that as well. So regardless ofif you would like an apartment, sal
catering or a hotel, those arethe two things I use, and I
(10:03):
have never been disappointed, and Idid. I would saying I think too
if if the idea of planning allof that completely yourself was overwhelming, and
say you're just wanting to get startedout. I do see trips advertised by
companies like travel Zoo. You knowthat you could go to Iceland, or
(10:26):
you could go to Greece, oryou could go to Barbie, and that
would be a good way. Iwas thinking that that would be a good
way of starting out, because thenyou don't know you're not traveling on your
own, that it is organized andyou meet up with people on the trip,
but it means that you're still ableto travel even though you don't have
(10:48):
your your companion, your your spouse. Absolutely and that's what I've done in
a couple of countries as well.When I was in the Middle East and
Jordan, I felt nervous about bookingit myself, and so one of the
there's a couple ways you can dothis. Some of my favorite kind of
group tours that you can do isthere's a one called Intrepid Travel that you
(11:11):
can go to their site you cango to on the go tours. That
one is amazing. It's a Britishbased company. It's fantastic. You can
go to Rhodes Scholar and that's roadand all of these ones. Everything is
planned for you, so you caneven search by say you want to take
a holiday in Spain and you wantto go to Madrid, but you're not
(11:33):
really sure where to start. Theseplaces will have trip options for you that
show the full itinerary, and theywelcome solo travelers because what they'll do is
usually have small groups and so you'llyou'll think that you're going by yourself,
but the moment you get on thatbus, you're meeting a group of maybe
six, seven or eight really neatpeople from around the world that you get
to spend time with. And sothat's that's an excellent if you are nervous
(11:56):
about going by yourself or traveling itby yourself, absolutely we try one of
those tour groups there. Those thoseare fantastic as well. And do you
if you go on one of thosetour groups, you still still they always
used to charge single people supplements becauseyou stay in the room by yourself.
Is that still the case? Isthat fairly typical? Is that what you
(12:18):
should expect? So it is casedependent, it's company dependent, and it's
trip dependent. Sometimes there are toursthat they're running failed on and so as
an incentive to book maybe a monthin advance versus six months in advance,
they will waive the single supplement,they'll reduce it. But sometimes I know
(12:39):
that if you just even if youjust do a Google search saying tour group
free, you know no single supplement. And that's the thing that your readers
are going on to start looking for, is single supplement because those are the
tour groups that will charge you extraif you're not sharing. Right, So
it definitely, it definitely depends.But that's also something remember that you can
negotiate with the with the tour withthe tour company, right, good point.
(13:05):
So you know, if you wereplanning this for your first time or
just getting started, would you tellsomebody to try something in the US first?
I think it depends, and Ithink it definitely depends on the person
in that there is no reason anybodycannot travel out of the United States if
(13:28):
you want to, if you wantto go and do that. In my
experience, it seems that it's easierto find tour groups in born countries.
UM. But the thing is,if you want to travel, and if
you're nervous but you still want totravel to Europe, there's no reason why
you can't just you know, goand do it. Do it in Europe
(13:48):
or China or whatever you want.You don't have to stay in the US
if you don't want to. Butif you do feel like there are places
in America that you want to see, say you want to go to four
Corners, say you want to goto the Pacific Northwest, say you want
to go on a blues tour inthe South, you can absolutely find tours
or travel there. It all dependson what you want to do. And
(14:11):
I kind of use this very kindof corny. This is going to be
really corny, So I'm I'm arningyour readers of that. When people say,
Martha, I don't know where totravel. A really amazing tour guys
that I met when I was inRussia. He said, Okay, this
is how you know where to travel? What is the city you see in
your dreams? And that is theanswer to where you should travel. It's
(14:33):
so Russian and poetic. It's completelythat completely what a you know, a
poetic Russian person would say. Butif there's a place that you've always wanted
to go that you haven't had timeto, whether that's in the United States,
maybe you haven't been to the GrandCanyon, maybe you want to go
speak Silly in Disneyland. It doesn'tmatter if it's in the US or not.
Wherever you want to go, justgo and do it. And there's
(14:54):
options for you to be able toto realize that dream of Jeers, right.
And you should look at what activitiesyou like so like, you know,
you don't have to go see majorcapital cities. You could go on
a bike tool absolutely, or aculinary tour or a if you or like
a wild wildlife tour wind tore exactly, or something that one of my um
(15:20):
I'm a divorce coaching blogger and somethingthat one of my clients is actually going
to be doing. Literally next week, she's going on a volunteering trip to
Costa Rica. So this is anamazing opportunity. So she's going to be
helping at a local school teaching kidsEnglish. She's a she's a science teacher,
(15:41):
so she's going to be teaching themsome kind of fun science stuff.
But in an addition to that,she's also going to be able to go
on some fun trips to the tothe rainforest and to the national parks while
she's there. So disguise the limitif you are interested. You know,
if if you're a religious person andyou want to go on a religious tool,
that's something that you can do.So it's basically, this guy is
(16:04):
the minute or for what you want, for what you want to do,
whatever interest there is, there isa trip for you to take advantage of
that interest. And I absolutely believethat I have lots more questions for you.
But first we're going to take ashort break. You're listening to conversations
about divorce. I'm Mandy Walker,and today we're talking about traveling solo after
(16:26):
divorce. My guest today is Marthabody felt. Martha is founder of Surviving
Your Split dot Com. She's adivorce coach. But Martha's been on the
show several times and every time Icontact her, it seems like she's just
getting back or she's just off toexplore another country, and she does it
(16:48):
solo. So she's a vast wealthof knowledge on this topic. Martha,
you also have a free download forour listeners, the Divorce Goddess Guide.
Can you share a little bit aboutthat please? I'd love to so every
everybody who's listening, if you headover to Surviving Your Split dot com,
what I have for you for aninstant download is my free Divorce Recovery Guide.
(17:12):
And what this Divorce Recovery Guide isgoing to do is it's a collection
of essays as well as kind ofworkbook exercises in it that's going to help
you learn how to move on.If you're feeling stuck, there's exercises,
narrative are going to kind of shakeaway your inertia. It's going to show
you how to get your groove back, and it's going to show you how
to start creating a life that youabsolutely love. So if you'd like instant
(17:34):
acts to a head over to survivingyour split dot com and get it.
I'd love to share that with you. Thank you, Matha. So I
wanted to ask you if you couldshare with us, like, what are
some of the benefits that you haveexperienced from traveling solo? I think the
(17:55):
two main benefits that I have beenable to you throughout travel on other trips
as well as when I come backto when I come back home are confidence.
That is the number one thing ifyou want to learn how to be
more confident, and if that's somethingthat you struggle with the number one way
to make yourself more confident is togo and travel by yourself. Because you
(18:19):
know what, It's not going tobe comfortable, and that's okay because it's
getting you out of your comfort zoneand you know what, it's showing you
that you can do this, thatyou're strong. You may have gone through
a bad divorce, you may havea different humanity, be going through a
hard time in your life. Butyou know what, if you can navigate
recovering from dysenterian Vietnam, if youcan navigate and negotiating with a guy in
(18:41):
a Delhi, navigate you negotiating witha guy in a market in New Delhi
and getting the price you want ifyou can navigate and haggering with somebody to
go into the pyramids and not getripped off, because they will try to
rip you off if you're a Westerner. You come back from that and you
come back to your normal life,and if you can do those things,
that's going to give you this kindof sense of accomplishment, and it's really
(19:03):
going to help you internalize, youknow what, I can do all that
stuff by myself. So there's noreason I can't go into work and negotiator
rays, there's no reason I can'ttell my ex spouse, hey, I
need you to watch the kids thisweekend. So that insilient of confidence is
something that I have not been ableto find any other thing in my life
that has given me that confidence thatthat only solo travel can. And the
(19:27):
other thing's going to help you do. Oh go ahead. I was going
to ask you if that surprised you. Has it surprised me? I think
I think at the beginning that didthat because especially when I did decide to
travel after my divorce, and Ihadn't been traveling, you know, I
(19:49):
was married, you know, foralmost ten years, and I wasn't traveling
solo during that time, and soall that kind of sense of wonder and
independence I felt before I got married, when I was traveling solo, I
thought that was gone. I thoughtthat that that young, you know,
kind of vivacious person had left withthe end of the marriage. And so
(20:14):
the reason that I then, Ithink the first trip that I took solo
after after my um, after mydivorce, was was in Argentina um.
And you know, when you're you'renot feeling really great, you know,
after after your divorce, at leastI wasn't, and so you know,
touching down and then you know,being able to communicate with people and being
able to adjust to the weird quirksthat are in a foreign country that aren't
(20:37):
in America that I remember starting tofeel really good about myself. And then
the trip that I went to afterthat, I started to feel better about
myself the trip that I went toafter that, And so whenever I would
come back after those trips and Igo to work, you know, I
have coworkers say, you just seemedso much happier and so much more confident
(20:59):
when you come back from these trips, and that surprised me because you know,
I wasn't thinking about becoming more confidentduring the trips. I was just
trying to you know, make itout at wise right, so you cannot
just cannot get dysentrry and to notget kick pocketed. Um. And so
I guess it did. It didsurprise me at the beginning. But even
(21:22):
your zone is I'm traveling solo.I'll tell you, Mandy, that is
something I never take for granted,and it's something that I'm always appreciative of
long trips. Is coming back realizing, hey, if I can do that,
I can do anything. What elsecan I do? And then you're
gonna mention another benefit that you'd experiencedtraveling solo. Absolutely, and so this
(21:45):
is um, this is one thatI think is definitely I mean it's it
can happen domestically as well as internationallythat you can gain when you travel solo.
You gain resilience and flexibility. Andwhat I mean by that is if
say, for example, your youryour plan gets canceled and you're stranded in
(22:06):
airport in a small provincial town inChina, um, and there's there's nobody
there who you know, can canunderstand what you're saying, there's nobody there
who's going to care if you sitand cry and make a big deal.
There's no one that's gonna there's nobodythere that's going to care if you're feeling
bad or if you're feeling stressed andinconvenient, you know, inconvenience. So
(22:27):
what happens when you're in a situationlike that, or what happens when,
um, you get a flat tirein some country, bumpkin road outside of
Havana and you're like, what dowe do? Um, there's no triple
A in Cuba. Um. Youyou figure it out. You figure it
out, and it's UM. Andso when that, when those experiences happen,
(22:48):
and they always will, you realizethat you don't need to be stressed
about anything because you are going tofind a solution or the people that you're
with are going to help you finda solution. And so that also,
I think giving that resilience which happensduring international travel, I think when you
come home, kind of a byproductof that is you gain a better perspective
(23:11):
and it helps you put your lifein perspective that sure the divorce isn't good,
Sure I'm feeling bad. Sure,my circumstances have changed, but you
know what, I have now experiencedthis other part of me being in this
sporn area that I'm going to takewith me. And it definitely once you've
gone through something such as um,I wish I was making all the stuff
(23:33):
up, but I'm not. Suchas you know, a flood in the
Moroccans deture and so you get strandedin a town for three days because that's
how long it's going to take forthe next airplane to go to Marrakesh.
Once you have that kind of stuffhappened to you, you know, being
late for your train when you getback in the United States, really kind
of it really kind of pales incomparison. So it definitely makes you a
(23:56):
lot more resilient, a lot moreflexible, and I get a lot less
stressed. And so I think that'sdefinitely a gift that traveling can do when
you're solo, because you have tofigure it out yourself. You can't rely
on your husband or your wife,right And I suspect though that you if
you're going to do this, youcan't go into it thinking well, what
(24:17):
if this, and what if that? What if this? Because otherwise,
listening to all your experiences, you'dlike, I think, I'm just going
to stay home exactly exactly, andthat's the thing, and that's definitely it's
it's a balance and you definitely getthat. The more you travel by yourself
is you want to be prepared andyou want to be vigilant, but you
(24:38):
don't want to be paranoid. Sothat A couple of other questions I have
for you is like I think,in terms of choosing which countries to go
to, do you usually check theState Department website to see if there are
any travel advisories against that? Sure, I do that, And what I'll
(25:03):
also do, Oh, because differentdifferent countries, you know, even you
know, the English speaking countries orthe European countries have different risk tolerances.
So for the longest time, youknow, the State Department would say don't
go to Mexico City, don't goto Mexico City. But then for example,
I would go to the Australian youknow, the Ministry of Corn Affairs
(25:25):
or whatever it is in Australia,I know it said, hey, just
don't go to these particular neighborhoods inMexico City. So you have to understand
it's all about your comfort level,and it's a lot of things that are
also a little bit nuanced. Sothat is to say, am I going
to advise anybody or am I personallygoing to go take a vacation in Aleppo,
(25:47):
Syria? No, but I wasin Beirut last year, in Cairo
last year and had an absolutely incredibletime. So it's about being smart understanding
that, yeah, you aren't goingto go to you shouldn't go to a
bad neighborhood, but in what acity has had, like as a constant
(26:07):
war or violent conflict, it isgoing to take the advice of those travel
advisories. But then it's also goodto understand there is a little bit of
gray area that makes sense. AndI know that's a totally squishy answer,
but that is definitely something that youyou know, once you travel, you
become a little bit more aware ofthose nuances. And I'm feel funny because
(26:30):
I'm oh, go ahead, Iwas I would think that you'd want you.
You know, if you're just startingout, you're a veteran, You
are a veteran solo traveler, soyou have risk tolerance is much higher than
somebody who's just going to starting out. I would say, you know,
maybe starting out you just want toplay it safe and stop stop getting some
(26:51):
of that confidence and the resilience andsome of the experiences. Yeah, I've
dealt with that. I've dealt withthat. It didn't throw me off,
So now I'm ready to take togo somewhere where maybe there's a little bit
more risk to it. Absolutely,absolutely, and I'm a I'm a big
advocate of that because that's something thatI've I've done myself that Absolutely start out
(27:14):
small and start out safe. Ifyou're not used to traveling internationally really and
you just want to kind of dipyour toe in the water, absolutely go
to a place that you're going tofeel comfortable. Go to Iceland, experience
Iceland by yourself. You can totallydo that. If you want, go
go to Australia and so these placesthat you feel that you will be comfortable.
(27:37):
And absolutely, you know, there'snobody saying that you can't go to
Libya as your first time traveling abroad. But you know, don't think that
you have to go be an adventureby yourself throughout the Middle East unless you
want to. You can absolutely startsmall if that's something that you would feel
safer with. But something I wouldalso remember, I would all to kind
(28:00):
of advise, um, you know, listeners and this is this is you
know kind of this is something thatI kind of butt head with my mother
on this all the time. Youknow, she'll say, um, She'll
say, uh, because your guys, you know, your listeners, your
your kids never do that with you, right, Um, but uh,
oh, well, why are yougoing to Colombia. It's it's so it's
so dangerous there. Why are yougoing to Mexico again? It's so dangerous
(28:22):
there? And something I would justkind of um, shan't we remind um,
uh, you know, listeners.And this could be a whole other
topic. Is um, safety canbe an illusion because there's a lot of
people who went to a country musicconcert in Las Vegas two years ago thinking
they were safe. There's lots ofkids who go to school every day in
(28:45):
America thinking they're safe. Um,so that is kind of something. And
when we think things are dangerous,I'll go their foreign I would I definitely
kind of invite people to examine ourplaces in America that other countries are thinking
are dangerous. As an example,I was in El Salvador. I was
no Salvador three years ago that peopleare like, oh, it's ravaged by
(29:07):
civil war. Yes, twenty yearsago it was. And I was in
El Salvador, in San Salvador whenthose Baltimore riots were happening in twenty fifteen,
and I had my host family,a family I was staying with,
saying, oh, my gosh,don't you live near Baltimore. Oh my
gosh, that's so dangerous, andthey were seeing that on their TV.
So that I think that travel isit definitely invites you to think about to
(29:33):
change your perspective of Hey, thereare places in you know that are you
know, across the world that areabsolutely lovely that maybe we think there are
there places that are dangerous, absolutely, but maybe you know there's ones that
are as quote safe as in theUnited States. So it's just on the
safety thing that you mentioned about yourmom and one of the points I have
(29:57):
to talking about safety precautions. ButI think men and women are like like
telling other people where you're going togo, giving them the itinerary, checking
imperiodically, making sure that you havea means to communicate with people back home.
And I think to travel insurance.Make sure you've got medical insurance and
(30:22):
a way to get repatriated back tothe US if you need to, Absolutely
and the number one thing, andI do it all the time. It
doesn't matter if I'm going, youknow, to Canada for a weekend,
it doesn't matter. Whenever I leavethe United States, I make sure I
have a good travel insurance policy.And by that, I mean you want
(30:45):
to get covered, and travel insurancepolicies are so you know, they can
be really good price. I meanI had one. I was in Asia
for like four months a couple ofyears ago, and that four months covered
up to five hundred thousand dollars.If I needed to be if I needed
an emergency evacuation, it covered onehundred thousand dollars. If I needed medical
(31:07):
care somewhere, it included, itincluded, I think it was a reimbursement
of five thousand dollars if my luggagegot stolen, if I had baggage delays
or flight delays or anything like that. And so for four months coverage that
was about three hundred dollars, meaningthat if you you know, if if
any listener wants to take a trip, you know, for a week or
(31:30):
two weeks to get like a reallygood travel insurance policy leading like a rock
solid platinum one which probably not goingto cost you any more than like one
hundred or one hundred and fifty dollars, which is total piece of mind.
Did a good prose, Yes,it's absolutely worth it. And I know
I even I traveled to Hawaii withmy kids and she, my daughter,
(31:51):
burst her air drum on the flightcoming down into Hawaii, and then that
same virus gave me vertigo, sowe both ended up having to have steroid
shots to get us fit to beable to fly back, and the cost
of that was about a thousand dollars. Unfortunately, we did travel insurance,
and I was very glad we didexactly. And something that you're you know
(32:12):
that the listeners might also want tocheck is their credit card might already provide
some of that travel as So definitelycheck your credit card, UM and the
and see what they provide. Andif they provide minimal, you can always
go UM and find UM find youknow, a better policy elsewhere. And
(32:36):
that's such a simple is that's justa simple you know, googling travel insurance
policies and comparing every everything that's availableto you. Right well, Matha,
that's a great tip. And youknow, we are out on time,
and I feel like we've just kindof we've probably just got everybody's interests going
(32:57):
absolutely and um and if I'm ifanybody has any questions about that, go
ahead and shoot me an email atMartha at Surviving your Split dot com.
I love travel. I love toshare the gift to travel with people,
and I think regardless of your confidencelevel, or your income level, or
your ability level, there's always anopportunity for you to travel and do something
(33:22):
that you will. That's a greatmessage, Martha, and I am going
to post your link to the DivorceGoddess Guide in the show right up,
and they'll have the link to yourwebsite. Taking a break from work,
from home and from your daily routineis therapeutic and revitalizing. I want to
tell us is don't let the factthat you don't have a travel companions stop
(33:45):
You's just like most new activities,just because you haven't done it before doesn't
mean you can't and it doesn't meanthat you won't enjoy it. So be
bold, be courageous, and beadventurous. Thank you for listening. Today,
if you hop over to my blogsincem divorce dot com, you'll find
a synopsis of the show there.And you can follow me at Since my
(34:06):
Divorce, on Twitter and on Facebook. And I hope you'll join us next
time for more conversations about divorce
Getting a divorce. Even thinking aboutgetting a divorce can be overwhelming, scary,
and sometimes exciting. Join divorce coachand mediator Mandy Walker for conversations about
divorce. The more you know,the easier it will be to make your
divorce healthier, less trustful, andto put it behind you. Here's Mandy.
(00:23):
Welcome to conversations about divorce. I'mMandy Walker, and today we're talking
about traveling solo after divorce. Oneof the benefits of marriage is that it
usually means that you have a travelcompanion, and if you have children,
then school breaks are a great incentiveto get away. All of that changes
with divorce. You no longer haveyour spouse to travel with you, and
(00:47):
compounding that your friends are probably allmarried, so you're less likely to tag
along with them. It's even harderwhen you become an empty nesta and the
kids are off doing their own things. So a common complaint from newly singles
is that they have no one togo away with, so they end up
not going on vacation at all.But it doesn't have to be that way.
(01:11):
You can travel solo. My guesttoday is divorce coach Martha body Felt,
founder of Surviving Your Split dot Com. Martha has been on the show
several times, and it seems everytime I contact her, she's just getting
back from a trip overseas. Oh, she's just going on one, and
she does it solo, and it'soften to places that are off the beaten
(01:34):
track. So she's my expert togo to on this topic. Welcome Martha,
Hi Mandy, and Hi everybody.And once again, I'm I'm happy
to be here. And I guessyou just you just can't keep me sitting
at home. So, Martha,why don't you really start just share with
our listeners? Where have you justgot back from? So? I look
(01:56):
out back from a three weeks soold trek through South America, calling it
I guess the countries I haven't beento yet in South America, And so
I was. Um. I wasin Uruguay. Um, I was in
Paraguay, which doesn't get more beatentrip off the beaten path, um.
And then I was also in Cusco, Peru exploring Matchupchu as well as Quito
(02:19):
and Ecuador. Wow, um,what made you put these places? So?
I guess I've always been really passionateabout South South America, and I've
I've traveled there quite a bit before, to like Colombia and Argentina and Brazil,
(02:39):
um in Bolivia. But there wassomething about these other places that I
guess a lot of people don't talkabout well, with the exception of um,
with the exception of a cusco inU in Peru, and for me,
I don't know there's I started todo a little bit of research on
them, and they just seem tohave these hidden gems. For example,
(03:00):
I had no idea that Uruguay hadthis amazing priving wine region. And I'm
such a whine Oh I love wine, and so any undiscovered wine territory packed
my bags and I'll go there.Um. And so that was something I
was curious to explore. In Uruguayand as well as Paraguay, it's known
for a lot of its kind ofnatural reserves and uh, one of the
(03:22):
things that really kind of drove methere was there's a there's an area in
Paraguay called in Chackle, which isthis kind of um. It's an area
that's getting rapidly did forest eyes um, but it's it's got this it's this
source of amazing wildlife, particularly birds. And so just kind of going through
that and going through the marsh landsthat was amazing. So those are what
(03:46):
called me there as well as obviouslyMachu Pichu. I wanted to see it
before UM I wasn't good enough physicalshape to go and UM and growing up
I had really good friends growing upwho were from Ecuador, and just how
they talked about it, it justseemed like the beautiful, magical place.
And so one of the other reasonsthat kind of drove me a decision to
(04:10):
go to these places was I wantme, I gotta be honest with me.
Many I found a really cheap businessclass ticket otto. Yeah, so
a little so, a little bitof UM, and I just always go
to South America. The people havealways been really warm. I'm super fortunate,
and that i'd be fool in Spanish, so I figured, you know,
I do. Yeah, so Ifigured Portico, like, why not?
(04:31):
Right, Well, that's exciting,but let's just kind of go back
a little bit. And UM,I do want to say that I think
the um traveling solough is as muchis a challenge for men and women.
So it's not just something that womentravel and struggle with, but you know,
men also because I think a lotof us. You know, we
(04:54):
like to have that companion to travelwith and when we get divorced that that's
gone so well. Motivated your decisionto start traveling solo? Was it always
something you've done before? Just didyou start it after your divorce? So
I'm gonna pick C both A andB. Ever, since I was so,
(05:15):
I came from a big family,and so it was always hard to
kind of find time alone, andso as I grew up and as I
became a teenager and a young adult, I'm always like, hey, I
want to do things by myself.And so I think the seed in kind
of independent travel was planted at meat a young age. When my family,
I was nine, so my otherpresident sisters always were under the age
(05:38):
of eleven. My parents took uson a trip and this was in the
early nineties across the border Tomcgalies,Mexico, and I remember it was this
kind of a fun family day ofshopping, and I took it upon myself
to go wander away from my parentsand my little my little nine year old
self thought, hey, this isthis is really great. I'm not around
(05:59):
my family and I had time tomyself. Of course, my parents didn't
think that was great. So withinfifteen minutes they'd found me, and um,
I got in trouble. If Iright, we should have. But
then I had decided, UM,when I decided to study abroad, when
when I was a college kid,and just the opportunity to really kind of
break away and do things for myselfand make my own decisions and just being
(06:24):
on my own schedule. To me, it was just something I really needed
and I was drawn to. Andso when I was twenty two, I
lived in Spain and during vacations,I um, I hitch hype through Europe.
Still haven't told my parents that,um, but ever since then,
and so this is all before Iwas married. And so when I was
(06:44):
married, you know, we traveledplaces, but I'd realized that I had
had my own travel style and thingsthat I like to do that that my
spouse at the time didn't. Andso to me, I always felt a
little bit kind of resentful having totravel with someone. And so when my
marriage didn't work out and we didget divorced, to me, it was
(07:04):
almost kind of an emancipation because thenI felt like it gave me permission to
travel again. And I go occasionallywith girlfriends, but most of the time
it's it's me and I and Ilove that freedom to do it myself and
to meet new people, and it'sit's the most to me. It's the
most amazing thing that somebody can do. And so do you plan your own
(07:28):
the whole trip or do you joina tool tool like go to Uruguay and
join a tool there's seeing the sightsthat you particularly want, or do you
do it all just solo on yourown? So it really depends on the
trip. But for most time,for so I would say maybe about ninety
(07:49):
five percent of the time, Iwill book my own stuff. Now,
I want to tell your audience sothat this comes from a lot of experience.
So if this seems kind of overwelming to you, don't worry.
You can start small. You canplan a weekend trip by yourself. You
can then plan a long weekend tripby yourself. But you know, I've
been doing this for years and I'veI've been to seventy five countries and so
(08:13):
it comes with practice. But you'renot going to feel comfortable doing it by
yourself until you start doing it byyourself. So to your question, I
do start usually with thinking about whatare some places I want to go,
and then I'll put airline alerts tosee what the airfares are. And you
can set those with places like kayakdot com that if you say want to
(08:35):
go for example, say you knowyou're living in the United States and you
you really would like to go tosee Austria or Germany in the fall,
there's nothing wrong with putting that inin like a search agent on kayak dot
com, and so they'll start sendingyou alerts when prices drops, so you
(08:56):
can get like a general idea.So that's what I usually do first,
is I book the big international airlineticket or even domestic one first, and
then once that's done, then Istart looking at, okay, what places
visit, and then I start thinkingabout that. Then I start looking at
lodging. Usually for me, Ireally like the local flavor, so I
(09:18):
love using air VnB. It's it'san amazing way to live locally, just
like a normal person would. It'san amazing way to kind of experience what
a local lives like. You canfind some incredible deals. I was in
the penthouse in Montevideo and Uruguay witha view of the river beautiful top of
the line, you know, kindof furnishings and things like that, all
(09:41):
for fifty dollars a night. Soyou can find these incredible deals everywhere you
go. Or if you would likea instead, if you would prefer to
go through a hotel, I loveusing booking dot Com and incredible deals on
that as well. So regardless ofif you would like an apartment, sal
catering or a hotel, those arethe two things I use, and I
(10:03):
have never been disappointed, and Idid. I would saying I think too
if if the idea of planning allof that completely yourself was overwhelming, and
say you're just wanting to get startedout. I do see trips advertised by
companies like travel Zoo. You knowthat you could go to Iceland, or
(10:26):
you could go to Greece, oryou could go to Barbie, and that
would be a good way. Iwas thinking that that would be a good
way of starting out, because thenyou don't know you're not traveling on your
own, that it is organized andyou meet up with people on the trip,
but it means that you're still ableto travel even though you don't have
(10:48):
your your companion, your your spouse. Absolutely and that's what I've done in
a couple of countries as well.When I was in the Middle East and
Jordan, I felt nervous about bookingit myself, and so one of the
there's a couple ways you can dothis. Some of my favorite kind of
group tours that you can do isthere's a one called Intrepid Travel that you
(11:11):
can go to their site you cango to on the go tours. That
one is amazing. It's a Britishbased company. It's fantastic. You can
go to Rhodes Scholar and that's roadand all of these ones. Everything is
planned for you, so you caneven search by say you want to take
a holiday in Spain and you wantto go to Madrid, but you're not
(11:33):
really sure where to start. Theseplaces will have trip options for you that
show the full itinerary, and theywelcome solo travelers because what they'll do is
usually have small groups and so you'llyou'll think that you're going by yourself,
but the moment you get on thatbus, you're meeting a group of maybe
six, seven or eight really neatpeople from around the world that you get
to spend time with. And sothat's that's an excellent if you are nervous
(11:56):
about going by yourself or traveling itby yourself, absolutely we try one of
those tour groups there. Those thoseare fantastic as well. And do you
if you go on one of thosetour groups, you still still they always
used to charge single people supplements becauseyou stay in the room by yourself.
Is that still the case? Isthat fairly typical? Is that what you
(12:18):
should expect? So it is casedependent, it's company dependent, and it's
trip dependent. Sometimes there are toursthat they're running failed on and so as
an incentive to book maybe a monthin advance versus six months in advance,
they will waive the single supplement,they'll reduce it. But sometimes I know
(12:39):
that if you just even if youjust do a Google search saying tour group
free, you know no single supplement. And that's the thing that your readers
are going on to start looking for, is single supplement because those are the
tour groups that will charge you extraif you're not sharing. Right, So
it definitely, it definitely depends.But that's also something remember that you can
negotiate with the with the tour withthe tour company, right, good point.
(13:05):
So you know, if you wereplanning this for your first time or
just getting started, would you tellsomebody to try something in the US first?
I think it depends, and Ithink it definitely depends on the person
in that there is no reason anybodycannot travel out of the United States if
(13:28):
you want to, if you wantto go and do that. In my
experience, it seems that it's easierto find tour groups in born countries.
UM. But the thing is,if you want to travel, and if
you're nervous but you still want totravel to Europe, there's no reason why
you can't just you know, goand do it. Do it in Europe
(13:48):
or China or whatever you want.You don't have to stay in the US
if you don't want to. Butif you do feel like there are places
in America that you want to see, say you want to go to four
Corners, say you want to goto the Pacific Northwest, say you want
to go on a blues tour inthe South, you can absolutely find tours
or travel there. It all dependson what you want to do. And
(14:11):
I kind of use this very kindof corny. This is going to be
really corny, So I'm I'm arningyour readers of that. When people say,
Martha, I don't know where totravel. A really amazing tour guys
that I met when I was inRussia. He said, Okay, this
is how you know where to travel? What is the city you see in
your dreams? And that is theanswer to where you should travel. It's
(14:33):
so Russian and poetic. It's completelythat completely what a you know, a
poetic Russian person would say. Butif there's a place that you've always wanted
to go that you haven't had timeto, whether that's in the United States,
maybe you haven't been to the GrandCanyon, maybe you want to go
speak Silly in Disneyland. It doesn'tmatter if it's in the US or not.
Wherever you want to go, justgo and do it. And there's
(14:54):
options for you to be able toto realize that dream of Jeers, right.
And you should look at what activitiesyou like so like, you know,
you don't have to go see majorcapital cities. You could go on
a bike tool absolutely, or aculinary tour or a if you or like
a wild wildlife tour wind tore exactly, or something that one of my um
(15:20):
I'm a divorce coaching blogger and somethingthat one of my clients is actually going
to be doing. Literally next week, she's going on a volunteering trip to
Costa Rica. So this is anamazing opportunity. So she's going to be
helping at a local school teaching kidsEnglish. She's a she's a science teacher,
(15:41):
so she's going to be teaching themsome kind of fun science stuff.
But in an addition to that,she's also going to be able to go
on some fun trips to the tothe rainforest and to the national parks while
she's there. So disguise the limitif you are interested. You know,
if if you're a religious person andyou want to go on a religious tool,
that's something that you can do.So it's basically, this guy is
(16:04):
the minute or for what you want, for what you want to do,
whatever interest there is, there isa trip for you to take advantage of
that interest. And I absolutely believethat I have lots more questions for you.
But first we're going to take ashort break. You're listening to conversations
about divorce. I'm Mandy Walker,and today we're talking about traveling solo after
(16:26):
divorce. My guest today is Marthabody felt. Martha is founder of Surviving
Your Split dot Com. She's adivorce coach. But Martha's been on the
show several times and every time Icontact her, it seems like she's just
getting back or she's just off toexplore another country, and she does it
(16:48):
solo. So she's a vast wealthof knowledge on this topic. Martha,
you also have a free download forour listeners, the Divorce Goddess Guide.
Can you share a little bit aboutthat please? I'd love to so every
everybody who's listening, if you headover to Surviving Your Split dot com,
what I have for you for aninstant download is my free Divorce Recovery Guide.
(17:12):
And what this Divorce Recovery Guide isgoing to do is it's a collection
of essays as well as kind ofworkbook exercises in it that's going to help
you learn how to move on.If you're feeling stuck, there's exercises,
narrative are going to kind of shakeaway your inertia. It's going to show
you how to get your groove back, and it's going to show you how
to start creating a life that youabsolutely love. So if you'd like instant
(17:34):
acts to a head over to survivingyour split dot com and get it.
I'd love to share that with you. Thank you, Matha. So I
wanted to ask you if you couldshare with us, like, what are
some of the benefits that you haveexperienced from traveling solo? I think the
(17:55):
two main benefits that I have beenable to you throughout travel on other trips
as well as when I come backto when I come back home are confidence.
That is the number one thing ifyou want to learn how to be
more confident, and if that's somethingthat you struggle with the number one way
to make yourself more confident is togo and travel by yourself. Because you
(18:19):
know what, It's not going tobe comfortable, and that's okay because it's
getting you out of your comfort zoneand you know what, it's showing you
that you can do this, thatyou're strong. You may have gone through
a bad divorce, you may havea different humanity, be going through a
hard time in your life. Butyou know what, if you can navigate
recovering from dysenterian Vietnam, if youcan navigate and negotiating with a guy in
(18:41):
a Delhi, navigate you negotiating witha guy in a market in New Delhi
and getting the price you want ifyou can navigate and haggering with somebody to
go into the pyramids and not getripped off, because they will try to
rip you off if you're a Westerner. You come back from that and you
come back to your normal life,and if you can do those things,
that's going to give you this kindof sense of accomplishment, and it's really
(19:03):
going to help you internalize, youknow what, I can do all that
stuff by myself. So there's noreason I can't go into work and negotiator
rays, there's no reason I can'ttell my ex spouse, hey, I
need you to watch the kids thisweekend. So that insilient of confidence is
something that I have not been ableto find any other thing in my life
that has given me that confidence thatthat only solo travel can. And the
(19:27):
other thing's going to help you do. Oh go ahead. I was going
to ask you if that surprised you. Has it surprised me? I think
I think at the beginning that didthat because especially when I did decide to
travel after my divorce, and Ihadn't been traveling, you know, I
(19:49):
was married, you know, foralmost ten years, and I wasn't traveling
solo during that time, and soall that kind of sense of wonder and
independence I felt before I got married, when I was traveling solo, I
thought that was gone. I thoughtthat that that young, you know,
kind of vivacious person had left withthe end of the marriage. And so
(20:14):
the reason that I then, Ithink the first trip that I took solo
after after my um, after mydivorce, was was in Argentina um.
And you know, when you're you'renot feeling really great, you know,
after after your divorce, at leastI wasn't, and so you know,
touching down and then you know,being able to communicate with people and being
able to adjust to the weird quirksthat are in a foreign country that aren't
(20:37):
in America that I remember starting tofeel really good about myself. And then
the trip that I went to afterthat, I started to feel better about
myself the trip that I went toafter that, And so whenever I would
come back after those trips and Igo to work, you know, I
have coworkers say, you just seemedso much happier and so much more confident
(20:59):
when you come back from these trips, and that surprised me because you know,
I wasn't thinking about becoming more confidentduring the trips. I was just
trying to you know, make itout at wise right, so you cannot
just cannot get dysentrry and to notget kick pocketed. Um. And so
I guess it did. It didsurprise me at the beginning. But even
(21:22):
your zone is I'm traveling solo.I'll tell you, Mandy, that is
something I never take for granted,and it's something that I'm always appreciative of
long trips. Is coming back realizing, hey, if I can do that,
I can do anything. What elsecan I do? And then you're
gonna mention another benefit that you'd experiencedtraveling solo. Absolutely, and so this
(21:45):
is um, this is one thatI think is definitely I mean it's it
can happen domestically as well as internationallythat you can gain when you travel solo.
You gain resilience and flexibility. Andwhat I mean by that is if
say, for example, your youryour plan gets canceled and you're stranded in
(22:06):
airport in a small provincial town inChina, um, and there's there's nobody
there who you know, can canunderstand what you're saying, there's nobody there
who's going to care if you sitand cry and make a big deal.
There's no one that's gonna there's nobodythere that's going to care if you're feeling
bad or if you're feeling stressed andinconvenient, you know, inconvenience. So
(22:27):
what happens when you're in a situationlike that, or what happens when,
um, you get a flat tirein some country, bumpkin road outside of
Havana and you're like, what dowe do? Um, there's no triple
A in Cuba. Um. Youyou figure it out. You figure it
out, and it's UM. Andso when that, when those experiences happen,
(22:48):
and they always will, you realizethat you don't need to be stressed
about anything because you are going tofind a solution or the people that you're
with are going to help you finda solution. And so that also,
I think giving that resilience which happensduring international travel, I think when you
come home, kind of a byproductof that is you gain a better perspective
(23:11):
and it helps you put your lifein perspective that sure the divorce isn't good,
Sure I'm feeling bad. Sure,my circumstances have changed, but you
know what, I have now experiencedthis other part of me being in this
sporn area that I'm going to takewith me. And it definitely once you've
gone through something such as um,I wish I was making all the stuff
(23:33):
up, but I'm not. Suchas you know, a flood in the
Moroccans deture and so you get strandedin a town for three days because that's
how long it's going to take forthe next airplane to go to Marrakesh.
Once you have that kind of stuffhappened to you, you know, being
late for your train when you getback in the United States, really kind
of it really kind of pales incomparison. So it definitely makes you a
(23:56):
lot more resilient, a lot moreflexible, and I get a lot less
stressed. And so I think that'sdefinitely a gift that traveling can do when
you're solo, because you have tofigure it out yourself. You can't rely
on your husband or your wife,right And I suspect though that you if
you're going to do this, youcan't go into it thinking well, what
(24:17):
if this, and what if that? What if this? Because otherwise,
listening to all your experiences, you'dlike, I think, I'm just going
to stay home exactly exactly, andthat's the thing, and that's definitely it's
it's a balance and you definitely getthat. The more you travel by yourself
is you want to be prepared andyou want to be vigilant, but you
(24:38):
don't want to be paranoid. Sothat A couple of other questions I have
for you is like I think,in terms of choosing which countries to go
to, do you usually check theState Department website to see if there are
any travel advisories against that? Sure, I do that, And what I'll
(25:03):
also do, Oh, because differentdifferent countries, you know, even you
know, the English speaking countries orthe European countries have different risk tolerances.
So for the longest time, youknow, the State Department would say don't
go to Mexico City, don't goto Mexico City. But then for example,
I would go to the Australian youknow, the Ministry of Corn Affairs
(25:25):
or whatever it is in Australia,I know it said, hey, just
don't go to these particular neighborhoods inMexico City. So you have to understand
it's all about your comfort level,and it's a lot of things that are
also a little bit nuanced. Sothat is to say, am I going
to advise anybody or am I personallygoing to go take a vacation in Aleppo,
(25:47):
Syria? No, but I wasin Beirut last year, in Cairo
last year and had an absolutely incredibletime. So it's about being smart understanding
that, yeah, you aren't goingto go to you shouldn't go to a
bad neighborhood, but in what acity has had, like as a constant
(26:07):
war or violent conflict, it isgoing to take the advice of those travel
advisories. But then it's also goodto understand there is a little bit of
gray area that makes sense. AndI know that's a totally squishy answer,
but that is definitely something that youyou know, once you travel, you
become a little bit more aware ofthose nuances. And I'm feel funny because
(26:30):
I'm oh, go ahead, Iwas I would think that you'd want you.
You know, if you're just startingout, you're a veteran, You
are a veteran solo traveler, soyou have risk tolerance is much higher than
somebody who's just going to starting out. I would say, you know,
maybe starting out you just want toplay it safe and stop stop getting some
(26:51):
of that confidence and the resilience andsome of the experiences. Yeah, I've
dealt with that. I've dealt withthat. It didn't throw me off,
So now I'm ready to take togo somewhere where maybe there's a little bit
more risk to it. Absolutely,absolutely, and I'm a I'm a big
advocate of that because that's something thatI've I've done myself that Absolutely start out
(27:14):
small and start out safe. Ifyou're not used to traveling internationally really and
you just want to kind of dipyour toe in the water, absolutely go
to a place that you're going tofeel comfortable. Go to Iceland, experience
Iceland by yourself. You can totallydo that. If you want, go
go to Australia and so these placesthat you feel that you will be comfortable.
(27:37):
And absolutely, you know, there'snobody saying that you can't go to
Libya as your first time traveling abroad. But you know, don't think that
you have to go be an adventureby yourself throughout the Middle East unless you
want to. You can absolutely startsmall if that's something that you would feel
safer with. But something I wouldalso remember, I would all to kind
(28:00):
of advise, um, you know, listeners and this is this is you
know kind of this is something thatI kind of butt head with my mother
on this all the time. Youknow, she'll say, um, She'll
say, uh, because your guys, you know, your listeners, your
your kids never do that with you, right, Um, but uh,
oh, well, why are yougoing to Colombia. It's it's so it's
so dangerous there. Why are yougoing to Mexico again? It's so dangerous
(28:22):
there? And something I would justkind of um, shan't we remind um,
uh, you know, listeners.And this could be a whole other
topic. Is um, safety canbe an illusion because there's a lot of
people who went to a country musicconcert in Las Vegas two years ago thinking
they were safe. There's lots ofkids who go to school every day in
(28:45):
America thinking they're safe. Um,so that is kind of something. And
when we think things are dangerous,I'll go their foreign I would I definitely
kind of invite people to examine ourplaces in America that other countries are thinking
are dangerous. As an example,I was in El Salvador. I was
no Salvador three years ago that peopleare like, oh, it's ravaged by
(29:07):
civil war. Yes, twenty yearsago it was. And I was in
El Salvador, in San Salvador whenthose Baltimore riots were happening in twenty fifteen,
and I had my host family,a family I was staying with,
saying, oh, my gosh,don't you live near Baltimore. Oh my
gosh, that's so dangerous, andthey were seeing that on their TV.
So that I think that travel isit definitely invites you to think about to
(29:33):
change your perspective of Hey, thereare places in you know that are you
know, across the world that areabsolutely lovely that maybe we think there are
there places that are dangerous, absolutely, but maybe you know there's ones that
are as quote safe as in theUnited States. So it's just on the
safety thing that you mentioned about yourmom and one of the points I have
(29:57):
to talking about safety precautions. ButI think men and women are like like
telling other people where you're going togo, giving them the itinerary, checking
imperiodically, making sure that you havea means to communicate with people back home.
And I think to travel insurance.Make sure you've got medical insurance and
(30:22):
a way to get repatriated back tothe US if you need to, Absolutely
and the number one thing, andI do it all the time. It
doesn't matter if I'm going, youknow, to Canada for a weekend,
it doesn't matter. Whenever I leavethe United States, I make sure I
have a good travel insurance policy.And by that, I mean you want
(30:45):
to get covered, and travel insurancepolicies are so you know, they can
be really good price. I meanI had one. I was in Asia
for like four months a couple ofyears ago, and that four months covered
up to five hundred thousand dollars.If I needed to be if I needed
an emergency evacuation, it covered onehundred thousand dollars. If I needed medical
(31:07):
care somewhere, it included, itincluded, I think it was a reimbursement
of five thousand dollars if my luggagegot stolen, if I had baggage delays
or flight delays or anything like that. And so for four months coverage that
was about three hundred dollars, meaningthat if you you know, if if
any listener wants to take a trip, you know, for a week or
(31:30):
two weeks to get like a reallygood travel insurance policy leading like a rock
solid platinum one which probably not goingto cost you any more than like one
hundred or one hundred and fifty dollars, which is total piece of mind.
Did a good prose, Yes,it's absolutely worth it. And I know
I even I traveled to Hawaii withmy kids and she, my daughter,
(31:51):
burst her air drum on the flightcoming down into Hawaii, and then that
same virus gave me vertigo, sowe both ended up having to have steroid
shots to get us fit to beable to fly back, and the cost
of that was about a thousand dollars. Unfortunately, we did travel insurance,
and I was very glad we didexactly. And something that you're you know
(32:12):
that the listeners might also want tocheck is their credit card might already provide
some of that travel as So definitelycheck your credit card, UM and the
and see what they provide. Andif they provide minimal, you can always
go UM and find UM find youknow, a better policy elsewhere. And
(32:36):
that's such a simple is that's justa simple you know, googling travel insurance
policies and comparing every everything that's availableto you. Right well, Matha,
that's a great tip. And youknow, we are out on time,
and I feel like we've just kindof we've probably just got everybody's interests going
(32:57):
absolutely and um and if I'm ifanybody has any questions about that, go
ahead and shoot me an email atMartha at Surviving your Split dot com.
I love travel. I love toshare the gift to travel with people,
and I think regardless of your confidencelevel, or your income level, or
your ability level, there's always anopportunity for you to travel and do something
(33:22):
that you will. That's a greatmessage, Martha, and I am going
to post your link to the DivorceGoddess Guide in the show right up,
and they'll have the link to yourwebsite. Taking a break from work,
from home and from your daily routineis therapeutic and revitalizing. I want to
tell us is don't let the factthat you don't have a travel companions stop
(33:45):
You's just like most new activities,just because you haven't done it before doesn't
mean you can't and it doesn't meanthat you won't enjoy it. So be
bold, be courageous, and beadventurous. Thank you for listening. Today,
if you hop over to my blogsincem divorce dot com, you'll find
a synopsis of the show there.And you can follow me at Since my
(34:06):
Divorce, on Twitter and on Facebook. And I hope you'll join us next
time for more conversations about divorce
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