Episode 240 (Cruel Jaws - 1995)

Jay is joined by Kevin Kulp ( @kevinkulp.bsky.social ) to talk about Cruel Jaws, the unofficial fifth Jaws film that used footage from a bunch of other shark movies, the plot of Romeo and Juliet, dialogue from Jurassic Park and music from Star Wars, to create a film that still somehow makes sense. On this episode they discuss shark tourists, sea lion bullies and wind-less windsurfing!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hello, and welcome to Deep Blue Sea the Podcast. I
am J. Klewer. On this show. We love shark movies
and we've been to the entire depc tategy is seen
by scene. We're doing it again and but that's not
what we're doing today. Today we're talking about other shark
movies plural, but also just one. Because they were talking
about Cruel Jaws. What is Cruel Jews? It said nineteen
ninety five, which shocked me. I thought it was at

(00:37):
least ten fifteen years older than that film.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
They steal much older, They're still much older.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
Filmed directed by Brunha Mattee under the pseudonym of William Snyder,
it's every shark film we've ever seen rolled into one.
It stars a bunch of people for whom the majority
of it's their only acting credit. Most of the cast
were just in this. We're like, I'm good, never again,
and we're gonna talk about it as shark film goes.

(01:07):
This film has everything. It's got a young woman being
beaten by multiple family members. It's got multiple sweat stains
and various scenes with costumes in it. It's got a
script obsessed with testicle trauma, and as mentioned a clip's
taken from a bunch of other Shark films. So it
seems only right that we have a guest today who

(01:27):
has seen all of those other shark films and every
other Shark film as well. It seems it's one of
our favorite guests. He was asked on for the Last Shark,
one of the many films repurposed footage is used today.
It's Kevin cop Kevin, welcome back to the show.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
It's such a joy to be back. Thank you again
for having me.

Speaker 1 (01:44):
It's thrilled to have you. And I think last time
you're on, you were like, I have to come back
for Cruel Jaws. And this is coming out around the
fiftieth anniversary of Jaws, so it seemed only right that
we talk about not yours, but Cruel Jaws. So before
we get into it, why why did you pick it?
What do I talk about it?

Speaker 2 (02:03):
And I'd like to just point out that you forgot
a couple of things about what this movie has. This
this movie has Mafia members, this movie has this movie
has pet dolphins. And this movie has a small crippled
girl who can swim despite having no despite having had
a broken back.

Speaker 1 (02:25):
Her broken back is magically healed when a shark is
trying to attack her. When she can then walk up
the stairs, she can she can quite companiently put her
foot on a ladder after that assassin.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
This movie has everything. So the reason I want to
talk about Cool Jaws. Cool Jaws is, as Jane mentioned,
an Italian shark exploitation movie that Unless I'm Mistaken was
marketed in some parts of the world as part of
the Jaws franchise. It's got unauthorized, unauthorized footage from multiple

(02:59):
Jaws movie as well as The Last Shark, and to
my knowledge day, they every single image of a shark
in this movie was either stock footage or stolen from
a different film.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
I believe, So that's it. They all looked very familiar,
especially from that that big static fiberglass model from The
Last Shark is used a bunch of times, which I mean,
I understand it. It's great. It's a great giant. I
can't even say puppet. It's not puppet, it's a model.

Speaker 2 (03:30):
It's just a big, pretty sideway shark because it kind
of lists at about a fifteen degree angle. It doesn't
float exactly upright. It's really charming up I love Cool
Jaws for all the wrong reasons you know. Of the
so we've seen now one hundred and seventy four shark movies.
Cool Jaws is right there in the middle at one
hundred and three. The uh In terms of how much

(03:55):
I'd want to watch it again, it is pretty unabashedly terrible.
The writing's bad, the script is bad. The special effects
ranged from good to bad depending on which movie they
were stolen from.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
What about the acting?

Speaker 2 (04:08):
What about the was their acting? I mean, oh, we
do have. One of the main characters is for no
particular reason, referred to as the Viking because his name
is dag like snored sin or something.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
Arnson played by Hulk Hogan look alike.

Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yes, in fact, I believe that he was. He wanted
to be a Hulk Hogan stand in or stuntman something
like that. So that was a very carefully cultivated look.
It has a lot of sort of nineteen eighties nineteen
nineties teenagers on the beach, with all the fashion and
hair that that would suggest, and a surprising number of

(04:47):
people getting eaten. I think they kill count as eleven
or twelve, the twelve at least maybe more.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
Well, not of them get eaten, some of them blow
themselves uptions.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
That's what. Okay, we'll get to this, but I just
want to say for the record that this is my
favorite stupid non shark related death in any shark movie
I've seen.

Speaker 1 (05:06):
I mean, yeah, it's gotta it's gotta be up there.

Speaker 2 (05:09):
Yes, exactly. But we'll we'll we'll talk about that non.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
Shark related deaths in shark movies. That's gotta be a
list we do.

Speaker 2 (05:18):
It is what's the movie where they they rescue somebody
when at the same time they find a fantastic life
raft and they're inside of the life raft and one
of them shoots the flare gun into the life raft
and the person they rescued burns to death.

Speaker 1 (05:34):
Oh, I haven't if whatever that is, I haven't seen
it yet relatively Okay, Okay, I think I'll keep an
eye out for that one. Yeah, we need to do
a list of non shark red deaths in shark films
and shark related deaths in non shark films. It's two different.

Speaker 2 (05:51):
Lists, exactly. This movie Jay is a movie that that
coined the term regretta regretta reg regarda where they know
there's a shark around and they go ahead with a
regarda anyways, despite the fact that people only get eaten
by the shark.

Speaker 1 (06:07):
That's rather Yeah, it is something of a trope in
these films. We've discussed it before, but I watching I
think none of them use the word regatta quite as
many as much as it is used here. The regatta
must go on. And it's actually quite a small part
of the film, and there's there's a lot there's quite
a lot of plot to cruel joys, as he says,

(06:28):
a lot of deaths. I've got six pages of notes.
We're not going to go through all of them. It's
just just like as we're going through as oh well,
I just kind of keep trying to keep track of
the plot as I'm going It was just so much plot.

Speaker 2 (06:43):
Quickly summarize the plot as as a guide for your listeners.
There's a secret US Navy ship, the Cleveland, which has
some sort of top secret cargo, which has sunk off
the Florida Keys for reasons that are unclear. The Navy

(07:04):
did not retrieve the ship. Also, the image they used
in the movie is a pleasure craft.

Speaker 1 (07:13):
Those Navy cruise ships exactly right the Cleveland.

Speaker 2 (07:17):
It turns out the top secret cargo was a Navy
trained killer tiger shark.

Speaker 1 (07:25):
It's very Piranha. It's very like Piranha with the We've
just watched Pirana one and two for this show. Yes
that I had a lot of fun with them. Well, like, hey,
the military is breeding pirana that can go to Vietnam. Great,
So this is very much the military is created as

(07:45):
a super smart su mm hmm, not to cure, not
to cure.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
It's trained to do what sharks do naturally, which is
kill people.

Speaker 1 (07:54):
But this uh, to quote our shark expert and Billy,
uh that Mfort is acting so strange. It's almost like
someone has trained him to attack and kill.

Speaker 2 (08:08):
Well, this is because the other thing we learned from Billy.
What do we know about sharks? We know that they're
a sort of locomotive with a mouthful of butcher knives,
and all they do is eat, swim and make baby sharks.

Speaker 1 (08:19):
And that's all anyway to get rid of them, kill them,
We'll starve them, that's right.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
Yeah, which Billy full of good advice.

Speaker 1 (08:27):
Okay, but he's great.

Speaker 2 (08:30):
So we have the Cleveland, and the Cleveland are sunk. The
movie starts with some people trying to go down to
it's gonna make them rich stealing whatever is down there
on the Cleveland.

Speaker 1 (08:40):
They've managed to hire a boat to go out there,
and it's only before they dive that they tell the
guy they hide a boat from that there was top
secret navy material that went down in the Cleveland. We're
gonna sell it and we're gonna be rich. So it's
real bad dialogue, it's real bad writing. It's just bad.
It's just bad.

Speaker 2 (08:58):
That's that's your classic exposition. Let's tell the drunken boat
captain at night they that we're going to commit a crime.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
And he's he's an accessory to the crime.

Speaker 2 (09:14):
I'm not quite sure why this sets off a whole
chain of deaths, but apparently it does. And the movie
revolves around a small aquarium with two dolphins and a
sea lion, the which is having the least foreclosed on
by the evil real estate guy in town who wants

(09:34):
the space for a hotel, who.

Speaker 1 (09:36):
Just so happens to be the aquarium. The guy he
runs the aquarium is is Dag the Cogan lookalike, and
his mortal enemy the Capula to his I can't I
think of the Montague is Sam, this hotel guy who's
the big bat of the films. He's one of the

(09:58):
two people playing the jewels Man. Yeah, Maurray Hamilton in
this one. And so yeah, they hate each other. They've
got kids who some of them hate each other, some
of them are in love. Is the Romeo and Juliette
been going on and they're not about it?

Speaker 2 (10:11):
If it's Romeo and juliet If everybody except for Ratio
got eaten by sharks, I think that it's important to
know it. By the way, Jay, and I haven't told
you this before, and this is my proudest moment. I
have been to this aquarium before.

Speaker 1 (10:27):
Well, hey, this is in Florida.

Speaker 2 (10:28):
I believe this is the Theater of the Sea and
Island Morata, Florida, which is where the same small island
where my grandparents used to spend their winters back in
the sixties and seventies. So I have been to the
Theater of the Sea. The fact that I didn't recognize
it as a pollen.

Speaker 1 (10:47):
Yeah, I mean I would say I haven't been there.
It's not very distinct as aquariums go, so they all
kind of merge together a little bit.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
That's true. Oh so the movie really then is a
bunch of people getting eaten while various people try to
kill the shark to stop the shark, disbelieve the shark
as you would probably expect.

Speaker 1 (11:10):
Yes, all right, shall we start absolutely I don't know
what stuff from that I was gonna.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
Let's start with Poco and Jose. Paco and Jose are
two divers who are going down at night in order
to get rich make their fortune by stealing top secret
navy gear that turns out to be a shark. They
go diving at night with no lights. I'd like to
point out, with very little error. At one point, the

(11:43):
drunken boat captain sits upright and screams into a microphone,
despite the fact that neither Paco nor Jose haven'ty ear pieces. Okay,
well we got three minutes of air. They, for reasons
that I can't figure out, instead of swimming into the boat,
they swim into a cave. Uh you I did.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
That happens later as well, when when other people go
exploring in the in the boat, there's there are times
when they're in very kind of natural looking environments rather
than a shipwreck.

Speaker 2 (12:14):
Top secret navy boat turned out to be actually uploading
cave up and then the shark. We're not saying the
shark is particularly smart, but the shark does create a
landslide and noses boulders over the opening yep to trap
Poco and Jose there.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
The shark is is pretty smart because later on it
waits until a starting pistol is fired for attacks of
fence to try and hide the noise. So I think
it is a pretty smart shark.

Speaker 2 (12:42):
Spress shark. This is jay Is it deep blue sea smart?

Speaker 1 (12:48):
I don't think it's quite that machiavelian. I think it's
smarter than the average shark.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
But it's smart enough to load bowlers overhould of trapped
people in there, I guess. But yeah, but it doesn't talk,
it doesn't lip read.

Speaker 1 (13:06):
Sure, I think it's very reactionary. It's not a planet
out the way. It's like this is I can do
this now, and it does that. But it's not like
it hasn't planned this whole scheme now.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
Good point. Yeah, uh So they Paco and Jose. I
think one of them has their air their air hose
cut and the other one has a bomb that is
a small box with a blinking light on it as
is what bombs look like. I don't know why they
have a bomb to go down and steal things from
the Yeah, it.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
Seems quite a destructive means of retrieving whatever whatever they
think they're going to go and get, because they clearly
don't know they're going to get a shark if they
if they do think it's a shark, they are wildly unprepared.

Speaker 2 (13:55):
The they blow up the bowlers that are blocking them
in the grotto, which is definitely not a boat, at
which point the shark eats them, and then the poor
drunken boat captain also the shark charges the boat and
eats him as well.

Speaker 1 (14:10):
The shadow of a shock.

Speaker 2 (14:12):
Yes, a note that no one ever really notices. A
lot of people get eaten on boats in this movie.
And the boats just they don't. They don't stick around,
they don't float away, they just disappear magically.

Speaker 1 (14:26):
They just become another wreck, maybe the sharks collecting them
off of the people, just off of the boats.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
But so then we cut really in a very sharp cut.

Speaker 1 (14:39):
This film just starts as well. There's no like opening
credits or it's just like go it's on Prime right now,
check it out.

Speaker 2 (14:48):
It's it's on two B as well. It then cuts
to an RV sort of large nineteen seventies and being
driven by Billy and Vanessa. Far as I can tell,
Billy's like a college student.

Speaker 1 (15:02):
He's like specializing in marine biology in some way. He's
got an eighteen month trip coming up aboard the Cutty Shark,
which is a research festival dedicated to sharks, it seems.
And Vanessa hates him, loves him, but she hates him.

Speaker 2 (15:21):
She doesn't want to be all goe for eight for
eighteen months. I mean, I can't really blame her, I suppose,
but yeah, they've got a they've got a complex relationship.
It's a good thing. She gets eaten by a shark
before they have to break up, That's what I think.

Speaker 1 (15:34):
Well, I mean she she yeah, we'll get there, get
we'll get there. She goes through quite the reversal of opinions.

Speaker 2 (15:41):
That's true, almost like almost.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
Yeah. So they arrive at the aquarium where little Susie,
who is the girl in the wheelchair, not the same
little Susie who was in Parana, A different child called
Susie with aquatic animals watching a quick succession. It's a
good little kid name I think Susie like a little
still Susie. She's swimming with her pet dolphins, and everyone's like, ah,

(16:08):
Susie's happening great. There's lots of shots of people gogglelied
watching those little girl swimming dolphins. And then when she
gets lifted out of the water and placed in her wheelchair,
just everyone's expressions just kind of drop and are sad
and oh this little.

Speaker 2 (16:22):
Girl paralyzed from the waist down, except when she's in
the water and kicking. Yes, the Susie for the reference
has the worst voice of any actor ever. Yeah. I
thought it was an adult woman doing the voice in
Land Shark, but no, I think that was actually Susie's voice.
It is like nails on a chalkboard.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
Yeah, I'm never I'm rarely a fan of child actors.
There were some particularly bad ones in film Watchers and
Juggernaut from seventy four that has awful child actors, And yeah,
I'm going to put Susie on par with them as
being not good.

Speaker 2 (17:01):
No, Bill, he used to work at the aquarium, is
my understanding. She he used to work for work for DAG.

Speaker 1 (17:07):
I think that makes sense.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
Yeah, Yeah, DAG is our whole Hogan look alike with
perfect teeth and a handle by a blonde handlebar mustache,
who is about to lose. He hasn't paid rent for
three months and he's going to it's going to be
evicted by the evil real estate guy.

Speaker 1 (17:25):
Sure to get Dag's backstory. He tells us that I
lost my wife, my will to live, and most important
of all, Susie's smile. She does a smile, though she
does it all the time. She's so happy. That's a
little girl.

Speaker 2 (17:42):
H Do we know what happened to his wife and
Susie's legs?

Speaker 1 (17:46):
I I want to say car crash, but I don't
know if that's because I'm thinking of something else and
some of the piece of media when i've I've read
that recently.

Speaker 2 (17:55):
My theory is that the poppy, the sea lion, pushed
them into the world and held them down. I don't
trust the.

Speaker 1 (18:03):
Sea lion does love doing that. He's a big fan
of the guy who's trying to take over the aquerum
pushed him into the water. I do like. Later, it
turns out that the mafia, the mob want this aquarium
because that's what that's what mobs want to do. They
need some kind of new front for their money. Don't drink.

(18:23):
I hate the aquarium perfect.

Speaker 2 (18:25):
There's a really interesting total thing that happens because the
sheriff shows up to deliver notice, and everyone's real sad
for a second, and Dag says, well, three days a
long time, a lot of things can happen, and then
like everybody like the whole tone changes to everybody happy,
like catching up with each other, no on anyone.

Speaker 1 (18:47):
Because like Billy is like in the background of the
scene as the sheriff, Shriff's called Francis, but David Luca,
he shows up deliverately notice no no, and then Francis
sees Billy, but yeah, everyone's so happy to see him.
And I feel like in a properly made film, these
scenes would happen with something in between them, different locations.

(19:11):
Maybe it's not the same take, it's yeah, it's odd.
So yeah, they found there's a body on the beach.
Frances like, hey, Billy, chuck guy Kim in hand, and
so Billy says, oh yes, is like, this isn't a
bow propeller, this is a shark maybe a killer whale,

(19:31):
which I think is like Billy's expertise is killer whales.

Speaker 2 (19:34):
So I think let's be really clear about Billy's qualifications here.
He gets invited down to the beach to see a
corpse and it's a really it's a real Corpsey corpse.
And as far as I can tell, he's like two
years of university. Maybe like he looks at pictures of sharks,
were from a slide.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Projector dissected a fish once.

Speaker 2 (19:56):
Maybe you're not understand what his qualifications are. But that's okay.

Speaker 1 (20:02):
So there's that.

Speaker 2 (20:03):
And this is one of our two people from the
opening scene, we can tell it's a guy with the
with a black wet suit instead of the red wet suits.
Sure the U. And there's a amazing scene as they
do the autopsy where the camera just lingers on the
sheriff and Billy and the medical examiner as they take

(20:25):
a thing of vicked vapo run and one by one
semere little Hitler mustache underneath their noses to block the
smell of the corpse.

Speaker 1 (20:33):
We see them all. It's very like, you don't need
to fill out this is ninety three minutes along this film.
If it's ninety two, that's okay. That's so, that's fine.
You can cut some of this some of these pressure
seconds of scent application.

Speaker 2 (20:47):
Well that's the bottom in the water for a day, Jay,
I mean it's that's right.

Speaker 1 (20:55):
Yeah, So they determined like it was a shock, a
big one. Is the the outcome of the autopsy so good.

Speaker 2 (21:03):
And some of the shark footage they use do involve
big sharks, so I guess it was eaten by one
of the big shark. Big shark scenes stolen from another movie,
not the small shark scenes.

Speaker 1 (21:14):
Yes, the stuff that as shark. That's a big shark,
that's a people in like swimming around in its mouth
kind of show.

Speaker 2 (21:21):
So smash cut to the sheriff and the and the
mayor and our evil real estate guy being very cranky
that they want to shut down the town.

Speaker 1 (21:34):
Yes, this is this is so Jaws. This is so
Jaws too. This is so every film we've ever talked
about in the show, where like the sheriff is like,
there's a shark. People have died from the shark, and
the rich people are like, no, this town thrives on
money in summer, which you know, always a real a

(21:54):
proper argument to make, you know, I'd live in a
beachfront property if if it was closed in summer beach
front town. If it was closed in some of that
would be bad for a lot of people's business.

Speaker 2 (22:06):
But the fact that this is the Florida Keys and
it's warm all year round.

Speaker 1 (22:10):
Yeah, okay, that's a different issue.

Speaker 2 (22:15):
Oh the h and so they convinced the the corner
the Corner to change his shark attack theory. Uh, this
is a big deal because there's an upcoming regatta. We
got told about it an exposition, and they're planning on
using the regatta money in order to save the aquarium. Yes,
and the son of the evil real estate guy was

(22:40):
the winner last year, but our our random aquarium employee,
he's gonna win.

Speaker 1 (22:47):
Oh it's it's I think it's Dag's son, is it son?

Speaker 2 (22:51):
I guess that's right, Bobby, right.

Speaker 1 (22:53):
Yeah, because there's above and as a Ronnie, the two
boring sons, which that those names are too close to me. Uh,
And you'd think I kin'd wish there was a scene
like the real estate guy Sam, he should have been like, ah,
I want the regatta to go on so my son
can reclaim his title. But if I cancel it, they'll
never raise the money to save the aquarium. And I'll

(23:14):
definitely keep it like he should have that kind of conflict,
but he doesn't. He wants the regalab to go on,
he wants the aquarium to go down. These are two
separate sides of his brain. And so they met when
they convinced. The coroner is like, it was an accident,
an accident, no fins, no boat propeller, So what killed it? Then?

(23:37):
What was this acting? No boat propeller, No, no, yes,
boat propellers. You should be like, I don't know. So
then we get we go from there to the beach
where there's what the real estate guy's son, Ronnie is
there with his friend who I'd never caught his name,

(23:59):
but he is just an arsehole. Who the mean is
Ronnie to be honest. And then we see Vanessa approaching
with her friend Glenda and Gloria, who is Ronnie's little sister,
so the real estate guy's daughter, and she has the

(24:19):
she is the Juliet in our tale today. Yes, so yeah,
Ronnie's Ronnie's friend tries to woo Glenda and Vanessa. Yes,
he says that he is a pardon me, a pussy inspector,
one of them. Then I think needs him in the

(24:40):
balls and the chant Dick brain at him for a
long time.

Speaker 2 (24:43):
For just for two long time, and.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
He just like flails, like almost falling over, like really
hammered it up. The acting is bad, and it's not,
if we've stressed enough. The acting is all very bad.
Very few of these people ever acted anything ever. Again, So.

Speaker 2 (25:04):
What we've established now is that the real estate guy's
daughter what's your name again, Gloria, Gloria Gloria Gloria, has
a crush on Dag's son, Bob, and Bob is the
guy who's going to go compete in the regretta.

Speaker 1 (25:19):
Yes against well against the whole town, but specifically against Ronnie,
the real estate guys douchebag son.

Speaker 2 (25:27):
That's right, and he sure is a douchebag. And we
find out that Vanessa, Vanessa and Billy not all things
are going great there.

Speaker 1 (25:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (25:38):
Sure, Vanessa might think that Billy is a humorless jerk
who only cares about sharks and not her. But she
only thinks that because Billy is a humorless jerk who
only cares about sharks and not her.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yeah, although he doesn't really go on the same kind
of journey as as doctor Susan does in depc where
she like appreciates the sharks what they can do, and
then turns and goes, wow, we have to kill the shark.
He just likes sharks, I think, but when he understands
that sharks are a threat, he's happy to like pitch
in and help with his shark knowledge. Right, there's no

(26:14):
there's no character rock for anyone. There's no journey that
anybody goes on.

Speaker 2 (26:20):
You will notice by the way that as they're best
friends and lovers one and children one by one get killed, nobody.

Speaker 1 (26:27):
Grieves, No one cares ape at all. That scene yeah,
where a character is like, my son was just killed
and he says that, but there's just there's no emotion there,
and then he just just moves on with this conversation.

Speaker 2 (26:47):
So we have a scene where the sheriff comes and
confronts Billy. Billy is sitting in the dark looking at
slide projector pictures of sharks for reasons that we're not sure.
The sheriff says, what do we even know about allowing
Billy to deliver my favorite line about their sort of
locomotive with a mouthful of butcher knives. Man, that's going

(27:08):
on my business card.

Speaker 1 (27:09):
What if I was a charge, You're gonna skipped over
a little entirely inconsequential subplot of the real estate guy
trying to poison the dolphins.

Speaker 2 (27:23):
That's right, Yeah, they try to. They he hires some goons,
and the goons stuff a bunch of a fish with
rat poison and stricken inge and try to poison the dolphins.
I can't believe I forgot that.

Speaker 1 (27:36):
And there's like a kind of Lassy esque scene where
Dad goes out to the dolphins, Like the dolphins they're
trying to tell me something little, tell me he's trapped
down the well, and then he smells the fish. This
fish is poison and then they then they think, oh,
one of the dolphins has eaten some of the fish.
So they make the dolphin better by putting it on
an IVY, which just I have to give credit? What what? What?

(28:02):
Can we talk about all the shot films there, when
one does something new, I have to give it credit.
And that's the first time any of these films has
put a dolphin on ivy, So credit what.

Speaker 2 (28:13):
It's amazing how incompetent all the goons are in this
in this movie. The oh, it's the kids, the the
his son and his friends who are trying to poison
on this.

Speaker 1 (28:23):
Right, they're not going to survive this film. And then
Francis the sheriff, Like that's the sheriff. He leaps into
action with like some Starsky and Hutch music as he
scales over the little fence outside the police station.

Speaker 2 (28:40):
Right, I expect him to slide across the hood of
a cop car. This guy is not a man of action.
Let's just be really clear about his name.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
Is Francis Alright, no offense to men. He listens with Francis,
you're you're better than this guy. And in this film
now picking up, like okay, so Francis is clearly our
brody because he's like he's the cop. And then Billy
is our hooper shark guy, and like, right we get
a Quint? Is there a Quint? And no? Not really,

(29:13):
Like the best character in Jews is Quint. So like
they're gonna the best part of Jews are not going
to take is the Quint rule. And you kind of
have like Dag kind of has some quint esque qualities
later on, but he's.

Speaker 2 (29:26):
Also little paralyzed Susie as Quint.

Speaker 1 (29:30):
I mean, yeah, sure, she's she's she's got a sub story. Yeah,
she's not quite as dramatic as that.

Speaker 2 (29:37):
She was paralyzed after the Indianapolis went down, you see it.

Speaker 1 (29:41):
Yeah, it's perfect, went down some forty years before she
was born, for sure.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
Right, what's the next scene?

Speaker 1 (29:52):
The Francis confronts the real estate guy like, hey, you
tried to poison the dolphins. Like, I don't even know
what you're talking about.

Speaker 2 (30:00):
Great credit, He doesn't because the his kid did it.

Speaker 1 (30:04):
True, but his the realestate guys come back to dag Is,
tell your bob to stay away from my daughter, or
you can buy another wheelchair. And he says this in
front of the little girl in the wheelchair. This guy,
I'm pretty sure is the villain of this film. Just what,

(30:26):
just this is a problem. This guy's bad news. I
think there's sam fella. I don't like this guy. He
doesn't he mean he gets pushed in the poor a
couple of times.

Speaker 2 (30:39):
His son gets eaten by Yeah, it's it. That was
quite a line. Like when I say this movie has
bad writing, I'll take that as the exception. Thank you
very much.

Speaker 1 (30:51):
That was brutal. Buy another wheelchair.

Speaker 2 (30:55):
Anyway, run as Sousie too, so.

Speaker 1 (31:01):
They managed to Francis is talking to the mayor again
and Sam again. It's been like it's not repeated kind
of scenes, and look he's going around in circles. Uh
the regatta. Sam says he'll get some anti shark barriers.
Francis is like, now, remember you're the ones who wanted
to open a diner for sharks. Good, good line.

Speaker 2 (31:24):
And then just a note, did you write down the
cost of the anti shark barriers for the regatta?

Speaker 1 (31:29):
I did not.

Speaker 2 (31:30):
Each one is thirty thousand dollars.

Speaker 1 (31:32):
Okay, that is less than Sam Jackson pays, but Russell
Franklin pays for aquatica. But then fences are less than aquatica.

Speaker 2 (31:40):
Okay, well that's good. The I don't knowing where where
this is and where the key is. I don't understand
how they can put up any kind of anti shark
barriers because there's not really a inlet or like if
they're out in the open ocean, well they're probably just they.

Speaker 1 (31:59):
Just go around whether the regat is going to be
and they just kind of stop the sharks trying to
get in this way sort of go around.

Speaker 2 (32:05):
That's also they've got people in boats with guns like
you can shoot into.

Speaker 1 (32:13):
Water film trying to shoot sharks with guns, trying to
shotgun a shark from a long way away.

Speaker 2 (32:23):
Oh, it has helicopters and people in helicopters with with
sult rifles and helicopters. Now to be fair, right, that
was that scene is taken directly from the last Shark.

Speaker 1 (32:37):
Yeah, it is then to so so this is when
we're going to go to Billy and Vanessa. They've got
plans to go out in the evening and they're making
out and like Glenda's gonna come around. Glenda knocking on
the door and it's it's Francis and he's like, Billy,
there's a problem with the shark again. And so it's like, right, sure,
I'll count my plans and go out. And Vanessa not

(32:58):
happy about this, and she gets him automatum once them
for all, it's me or the sharks. What do I
have to do? Throw gills? And then Glinda shows up
and she and Glenda ran head out, but we once
Billy says he's made up his mind and he's gonna
help with the shark.

Speaker 2 (33:15):
Which I think it's really amazing that she hit on
his fetish just like that.

Speaker 1 (33:20):
She tells him to find the tallest skyscraper you can
and throw yourself off it and then go f yourself
wrong way round. That's the wrong order.

Speaker 2 (33:31):
Florida. The tallest buildings like two stories.

Speaker 1 (33:35):
Maybe well, I mean it depends on far they go,
and they could go to Orlando. There's some pretty like
tower of Terror. Maybe sure. My knowledge of Florida is
theme parks, because that's what I've been doing Florida.

Speaker 2 (33:48):
I'm actually I'm stopping for a second, wondering how the
heck Billy got that probably one hundred thousand dollars RV
to drive down to Florida in the first place.

Speaker 1 (33:58):
Maybe it's his parents, may be it's Vanessa's. Oh it
might be sure maybe yeah, maybe she yeah, or like
her parents were. So they go out whatever. Then cut
to Dag DAGs reading Susie or DAGs put in sister
bed and she's like, what are the problem with sharks?
Asked some questions about sharks, and he's like giving her

(34:18):
fairly non committed answers because she's like six, and then
he starts reading her tom thumb and she passes out
just like two words into tom thumb she headed the
pillow and I think she may have died. I don't know.
This is the worst child acting you've ever seen. And
you have to remember every shot of this. This was
the best take they had. It may have been the

(34:39):
only take they had for some of them. I don't
know they shot up, but this was the best take
they did, Susie.

Speaker 2 (34:47):
I mean, to their credit, it's quite possible that the
people making the film were just as irritated by Susie's
voice as I am. Oh. Yeah, they spent a lot
of time with Tom Thumb, a surprising amount. I think.

Speaker 1 (35:06):
Yeah, he didn't need to keep reading she was out.

Speaker 2 (35:10):
Don't worry, Susie, You'll never have any exposure to sharks.
It'll be fine.

Speaker 1 (35:15):
As then we see Vanessa and Glenda go out dancing
without Billy, and they run into Ronnie and Ronnie's friend.
The friend says he has a spare set of bulls,
and Vanessa's he's got enough to go around. A bad
comeback doesn't mean anything, it's just bad banter. But then

(35:36):
Vanessa and Ronnie kind of depart and head head to
the water head out into the water. Vanessa goes out first,
Ronnie spends ages taking his shoes off, and you think, oh,
this Vanessa's just shown she's like a villain. She hates
Billy because he likes sharks. Get the sky break, So
she's now in the water. She's gonna get in by
a shark. Oh, and then Ronnie goes in. We know

(35:57):
he's a dick. These people are gonna be eaten. And
the end like they're in the water for ages, and
then the other two show up with a megaphone and
start pretending they're the police, and they get rolled up,
and then Ronnie runs out and Vanessa comes out. You think, oh,
so what was this scene for? Why do we spend

(36:18):
doesn't he anyone?

Speaker 2 (36:19):
This happens time and time again at the end when
one or two of the three people who go down
to kill the shark should be eaten at one point
or another. No, no, it doesn't happen.

Speaker 1 (36:32):
But what we do learn in this instance, and it's
something we haven't seen before, is that at some point
in this shark's life they got a boy attached to it,
a booie attached to it, which is a pink, bright,
pink thing, and that lets you know when that comes
to the service, there's a shark there I see before. No,
I do feel like that. Maybe something that should have

(36:53):
been included is why is that attached to the shark.

Speaker 2 (36:57):
I'm going to go with secret Navy tigers.

Speaker 1 (37:01):
This is actually part of the shark. Is part of
the mutation that it went under to become smart? Is
it grew a giant inflatable?

Speaker 2 (37:10):
Yes, obviously someone had seen jars and said, boy, it
sure is handy to know where the shark is by
those floating barrels, which.

Speaker 1 (37:18):
You know, as filmmaking techniques go, it is. It is great,
that's a that's a good show hand But the big
difference is in yours, they explain, they show what happened.
That's where this film just kind of missed them up
a little bit. So we have a town meeting Quint
with with no Quint the quick. This is when Quinn

(37:38):
should be introduced, but isn't because he's not in this film.
You have like Billy explaining the various parts of a shark,
like it's supposed to hit it in the head like
it's a zombie or the.

Speaker 2 (37:51):
Back of the neck something like that. Yeah, neither neither,
which the best of my knowledge is where you should
actually shoot a shark.

Speaker 1 (37:58):
And that's not how the shark is dispatched later in
this way, and Sam, the realestate guy, says that absolutely
nothing will happen. You have my word on that, which
you know because he put the fences and everything's going
to go. And then get some shots of the fences
being put in and they look very flimsy.

Speaker 2 (38:21):
So I said, I've never seen a shark movie before.
It's ninety five. Man, he should have seen Jars. It's
been twenty years.

Speaker 1 (38:27):
Should have seen four of the Jaws. At this point,
Francis is then on the beach with he's like being lifeguard,
disguises everything, apparently everything and it's helicopters are looking for
the shark. Both are looking for the shark. And another
great thing, I've not seen any of these find of
films before. There's some tourists who saw that the shark

(38:49):
on the news and have come to come and see
the shark, and when they get there, they're disappointed. The
sharks not in the water. Every came on this wedding
see the shark. I thought he was British, but he
might be British. He's not from Florida.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
Right, Is this where we go to see the shark. Yeah,
that was kind of fun actually, so.

Speaker 1 (39:13):
That he's there with his wife and a kid, and
they were just so disappointed that they're not seeing someone
get which I think that probably happen. They must happen,
you know, we'll see I want to say, a shark,
it's there, let's go. H So that's that's good.

Speaker 2 (39:27):
And then you see you see ja that the the
real the mayor is wrong, right, the shark is bringing
people into town.

Speaker 1 (39:34):
There we go tourism. Yeah, he's he's should be working
for the tourist bart or shouldn't we So a tiger
shark is caught. Billy is skeptical, even though he said
it was a tiger shark earlier. He then looks, he goes,
not this tiger shark.

Speaker 2 (39:50):
The mouth isn't quite right. I've heard this somewhere before,
I can't remember where. Maybe we should cut it open
and see if the people are inside.

Speaker 1 (39:58):
Which it again in Jaws, they have the good reason
of we don't want to cut open have that little
Kindner kid spilling out on the dock. There's no Kindtner
kid in this one. There's no reason not to cut
the charcope. But this is going to fall out as
an adult or parts of an adult. That's fine, no
one cares about that. So but he is then told

(40:18):
that he's seen too many movies, like, yes, he's seeing Jaws,
like the people who made this film anyway. So then
we have the regatta. The regretta is in phil Swing
and Ronnie.

Speaker 2 (40:30):
Is there there on a wind surf.

Speaker 1 (40:33):
The windsurfing, right, it's a windsurfer regatta.

Speaker 2 (40:37):
Definitely not filmed in a studio someplace.

Speaker 1 (40:39):
I mean parts of it there is water involved. And
then parts of it you see the actors of Bob
and Ronnie just kind of shot from the chest up
in an entirely windless environment, just kind of bobbing around
holding a sale. And like Ronnie is supposed to be
the champion, but also Ronnie likes to kick and attack
other competitors, which I think is how you win. But

(41:01):
then he also earlier, earlier in this film, we we
we saw that he's the kind of guy who goes like, hey,
my dad's this guy, you know who I am? So
clearly he wins on nepotism more than anything else. Right,
a bad guy.

Speaker 2 (41:15):
Again, Then the barrel or the booie pops.

Speaker 1 (41:20):
Up up and starts attacking people and boards.

Speaker 2 (41:25):
Everybody starts to panic, the the sheriff, so everyone starts
screaming for the kids to get out of the water.
We've seen this in so many movies. Uh, And as
is traditional, when you yell at someone on a windsurf
windsurfing board, you get out of the water. They fall over.

Speaker 1 (41:39):
Yep, and like some people do get eaten. No one
that we know, like Ronnie falls in the water and
there's like panicking and I'm pretty sure it's Bob that
pulls him out and saves him, but that's his never
addressed later in the film. And then you know, there's
there's chaos and bedlam.

Speaker 2 (41:56):
Uh.

Speaker 1 (41:57):
Actually I did. Like before the regatta starts, there is
one guy doing the countdown and he's doing like every
number of the countdown. We even seen him say like
thirteen seconds to go, Like wow, this guy, this guy
is earning his paycheck for this.

Speaker 2 (42:09):
He says thirteen seconds ago, and then they cut away
and like about fifteen seconds go by, and then he
comes back and says ten.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
Seconds, So we get some of the exact This is
the real footage from the Last Shark, isn't this one?
Because there's there's the raft being broken off and then
the people falling off the raft and the big plastic
board model of the shark from the Last Shark with
is exact. Did this film come into any kind of

(42:37):
legal trouble that you know, from doing this?

Speaker 2 (42:40):
Yes, they did so. I'm looking at the at the
Wikipedia page right now, and it says the film utilizes
unauthorized footage from the Jazz Film series as well as
other movies, and was marketed in some regions as a sequel,
although it has no official or narrative connections to the franchise.

(43:01):
And somewhere they mentioned that there was there was some
problems as a result. I don't think they got I mean,
what are they going to assume him for? Right? Oh?
Here we go. A Blu Ray release was planned, but
ultimately canceled due to the film's unauthorized use of footage.

Speaker 1 (43:18):
I know there's a documentary on this film as well.
You have you seen that?

Speaker 2 (43:23):
I haven't seen it. Okay, it came out it's called
Twilight John last.

Speaker 1 (43:28):
Year, twenty twenty four, but I haven't.

Speaker 2 (43:31):
I really want to see this now.

Speaker 1 (43:32):
I haven't tried. There's there's chaos abound on the shore
with all these people washing in and in the chaos, Vanessa,
who has had a real character change. She's not bad
or angry at Billy anymore or trying to cheat on him.
She's just friendly and with the family and and all
as well. Again so good. She manages to let go

(43:56):
of Susi's wheelchair, which does a which battleship for tenpkins
all the way onto the dock and launched Susie into
the water where there is a shot. So Susie is flailing,
Vanessa jumps in, saves her, get Susie out, but then
Vanessa is killed. Yes, and he is on the shore
screaming like no one's ever screened.

Speaker 2 (44:17):
Before, any if this sort of thing ever happened, Like
you lose one kid and then it's all trauma counselors
and the town is grieving and it makes national news.
In this case, we're just losing person after person, teenager
after teenager. Does anyone care? Not a one.

Speaker 1 (44:36):
There's there's there's no shot of missus Kintner at the
veil or anything. There's no humanizing of any of these people.
There's no But then I'm sorry, this this got me.
We then have France. Oh yeah. Then we have got

(44:57):
to a scene where they're in the hospital. So Susie
being seen to and she's like, is Vanessa okay? And
her father lies to her and says, yes, Vanessa is fine.
When Vanessa is dead, and then the.

Speaker 2 (45:07):
Ever resolved that does Susie ever learn the Vanessa?

Speaker 1 (45:12):
She still thinks, Yeah, shed for the farm up state.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
I'm sorry, Vanessa didn't love you enough to stick around.

Speaker 1 (45:22):
So when when my wife was a child, her parents
told her that the dog went to live on a farm,
and it was since we've been together that she found
out that was not the case. Yeah, so, oh that
was a bad day.

Speaker 2 (45:40):
The dogs hanging out with Vanessa.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
Okay, So don't ever say that to your kids, people,
because it sticks with some and it just makes it worse,
draws me. So we then have Billy, Dag and France's
team up on the Sam in the in the hospital,
insisting that Sam put up a bounty for the shark.

(46:05):
And then they have another town meeting. This is this
is the Quincy and this would be like, hey, they
come and get the shark. And so Ronnie Roddy whatever,
the real estate guy's son, his friend Ronnie Lewis. Yeah,
Ronnie's Ronnie's friend who I'm going to say He's called
Tommy because Tommy in the cast and I don't know this,
so Tommy the friend. He decides that his best action

(46:28):
now is to be the kid at the start of
Jurassic Park, and that means that Dad can then do
the Sam Neil Alan Grant speech from Jurassic Park about
how the sharks. I love Jurassic Park. It's my favorite
film full time. So as soon as someone starts doing
a speech where it was like the shark's going to
get you here and here or maybe here across the stomach,

(46:49):
the one is you're still alive that eats you, which
is not. That's raptors and sharks attack in different ways.
This is not the appropriate way to use that speech.
I get your your stealing liberally actual footage from other
shark films, but now you're taking dialogue from Jassic Park,
which came out less than two years before this film
was released. It became the biggest film of all time

(47:12):
within like a year and a half of this film
haven't come out. You cannot do this unless you're in
a parody. This isn't a parody. I can't understand how
anyone let them get away with it. And then later
in the film they used the Star Wars theme song
I don't they used to score from Star Wars twice,
and I thought I was going insane.

Speaker 2 (47:34):
Yeah it's I heard that, and I was like, wait, no,
they could, and they did credit Michael Michael Morihan is
a credited composer, but all the music is stock music
other than the stuff they stole from Star Wars.

Speaker 1 (47:48):
Wow, It's just they're stealing the best stuff from the
best stuff. And I don't why they're doing.

Speaker 2 (47:55):
Okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, all right, So
we have the Jurassic Park speech right when next.

Speaker 1 (48:01):
Then people go out to hunt the shark. So you
get Ronnie, Tommy, Glenda who is now with Ronnie, and
other guy, doesn't matter who he is. They take out
what like Ronnie's's like Samo's boat. I think they hunt
the shark with a giant lump of meat, just you know.

(48:22):
Glenda says it's her mum's pot roast. That's not a
pot roast.

Speaker 2 (48:25):
That's huge.

Speaker 1 (48:26):
That's a pot roast like thirty people, and it's not
not the only time. I think Francis the sheriff later
has that exact same lump of meat in a later scene.
That's so good. So yes, they have a shotgun. They
have a twelve kay shotgun to hunt a shark. They
do some long distance shotgun shooting. When they see the shark,

(48:47):
Ronnie yells at his friend who's driving the boat, to
pull over, to pull the boat over.

Speaker 2 (48:54):
This is unabashedly we alluded to this in the beginning
of the podcast. This is unabashally my face written, non
shark death in any shark this is great because a
bunch of chaos happens, right and Ronnie falls into the
water at one shot. Yeah, that's first, the shark gets

(49:15):
stuck in the propeller. He starts the boat and the
and it carves out the top of the shark. Do
we ever see this wound in any other shots?

Speaker 1 (49:23):
We do not.

Speaker 2 (49:23):
Is there a reason why does this wouldn't make any difference? No?

Speaker 1 (49:30):
One shock? Then perhaps that's the only way that's a
big a little shocks.

Speaker 2 (49:35):
They're firing at it with rifles and with shotguns. Of course,
none of this does anything. And at one point, after
Ronnie falls into the water and is gonna be eaten
by the shark. Glinda thinks somebody else thinks, I guess
Tommy probably thinks that the thing to do is to
throw gasoline on the shark. Glinda thinks the thing to

(49:59):
do is to fire the flare gun at the shark.
Glinda is standing behind Tommy Yeph and the whole boat explodes.
I mean, they just steal the footage from another from
I think one of the Jaws movies. But the the
fact that she was she chose to fire the flare

(50:21):
gun right at her friend who was pouring gasoline makes
me laugh every single time.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
It's a very Darlin Awards kind of death. And yeah,
it's I was just very I couldn't stop off. I
had to pause the film until I had recovered from
this scene because.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
Immediately cuts to the good guys over on their boat,
on Dag's boat, going what was that sound?

Speaker 1 (50:50):
It sounds like people were just being morons in the distance,
And then on dagship they're having a similar issue with
their rudder. Well, these does in this town of forty,
it seems, and there's a device who's going to go
in the water and fix the rudder, and you know,
dag once he's like fixing his boat by hitting it
with a wrench. Uh. And but Bob says that I'm

(51:13):
the helmsman, it's my job and just leaps into the water.
And then this is another one of those like what
was this scene for? Because everything just kind of goes fine.

Speaker 2 (51:23):
You expect somebody to get eaten or some kind of drama.
Now it's and it's just a rope around the rudder
and it's not even around the rudder's around the propeller.

Speaker 1 (51:31):
And the shark appears, doesn't get anyone. It's fine. There's
some tension, I guess, but we've just had like four
characters be killed, so I didn't. I wasn't expecting Bob
are like romantic lead to then be taken out of it,
but so he wasn't. But then we have Francis, who
is the sheriff and previously we've only seen him in

(51:53):
like his police uniform. He now needs to do some
police duty in a helicopter, and to do so, he
has decided to d exactly like a guy from the
Last Shark. It's an odd decision. I don't know why
he did it, but that's what's happened.

Speaker 2 (52:05):
I could only think that you get it so that
they could use footage from another movie.

Speaker 1 (52:10):
It's a nice idea. We'll have to just assume I
guess so, yes, and we just have a bunch of
shots from the Last Shark of helicopter flying over the water,
dangling down meat. They get too close to the shark.
They like pull and the shark, But unfortunately we cut

(52:33):
away before the helicopter explodes, so the last shot, sorry,
crul Jewels, will not appear on the Exploding Helicopter podcast.

Speaker 2 (52:41):
In the Last Shark, this scene was much better because
we got to see the mayor of that town grabbing
onto the helicopter as the shark was eating his feet,
and it's very clearly a dummy. It's an amazing shot.
And of course we don't have any of that here.

Speaker 1 (52:55):
Yeah, as shark films with helicopters in go this is bad.
Like Deep has, DC has non shark related Would you
consider Brenda and the helicopter crews death in dec to
Be Shark to be a death by shark because the
shark is pulling the helicopter into aquatica.

Speaker 2 (53:15):
Yeah. In general, there's only a handful of movies where
a helicopter appears and doesn't get taken down by a shark.
That's my takeaway, right, don't if you're in a helicopter,
don't go in your shark because the shark will win.

Speaker 1 (53:26):
Yeah, well that that is the general consensus of the
Exploding Helicopter podcast. In site is a Will Slater friend
of the show. He could notice that whenever the helicopter
in a film, the helicopter tends to explode, and so
he started cataloging it. He's up to over seven hundred
films at the moment with exploding helicopters in them.

Speaker 2 (53:44):
I saw a Bigfoot movie where Bigfoot makes a helicopter explode,
So I'm fully on board with this, all right, So
the so there goes Francis, there goes There goes our
Sheriff Town helicopter where the death count continues to rise.

Speaker 1 (54:01):
Yeah, and now the real estate guy Sam is visited
by the mafia boss who loves smelling cigars and cells.
Sam like who is says, oh, my son is this
is the you know, my son just died and no
one cares, including Sam. So the mafia guys have brought

(54:21):
in some some mussel some goons who are dressed very interestingly.
How would you describe these guys dress?

Speaker 2 (54:28):
Oh my god, I mean the kind of one guy
is dressed like a like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Terminator kind
of a sort of like muscle hard hard muscle Jim
rat Hind And the other guy is wearing brightly colored
Taurus gear and he's about five feet tall.

Speaker 1 (54:45):
Yeah, he reminded me of Joe Pantaliano in the Bad
Boys films. Just kind of Hawaiian share or Hawaiian full
suit at one point, kind of and just kind of
shouty and yelly. Lot worse of an actor than Jerry Pants.
So they be brought in to handle the shark. Gloria

(55:07):
tries to leave, her dad hits her and throws her
in her room. She escapes out the window. Good because
what we needed was some child battery.

Speaker 2 (55:16):
I think that was.

Speaker 1 (55:17):
That was and like her brother hit her earlier and
her dad's doing it. You know, Apple didn't fall far
from the tree. So then she Glory then gets out
and makes her way to the research center where Dag,
Billy and Bob and Larry, who's another guy works for Dag.

Speaker 2 (55:38):
Larry's the violent one. I'll point out that Larry's actor
is also named Larry. And you know they named the
character because the actor couldn't remember his character's name, and
so they probably just decided to call him his real name.
That's my guess.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
Yeah, I mean, I think that happens quite a lot,
and I'm fine with that. It makes things what, it
makes things easier for one person than great. So they're
at the research center. Billy he's done some research and
he's discovered the military, the Navy had a trained shark
on board, and that's what the problem is. Here. Everything's
fitted together.

Speaker 2 (56:12):
Billy has put together a huge map. It is a
very large piece of paper right covers most of the
table and as far as I can dell, it's just
covered with his own little doodles of sharks and ships.

Speaker 1 (56:25):
Yeah, I think so. Yeah. And when they realize that
that things are in danger because Gloria overheard the combination
between Sam and the mafia who want the aquarium, they
were Little Susie, the sixth year old you have a wheelchair,
is on her own at the aquarium.

Speaker 2 (56:45):
On her own. You know that she's sitting there like
in the wheelchair and able to roll it, just going.

Speaker 1 (56:53):
Is there Anyboddy, I'm a child.

Speaker 2 (56:58):
She's fine.

Speaker 1 (56:58):
So they all to the aquarium, go past the goons
in the car.

Speaker 2 (57:05):
Hey, this this movie is energy efficient. Everybody. They leave
and they turn around to come back and turn off
the lights.

Speaker 1 (57:12):
Well that's it. Billy kind of dithers like, oh, should
I take all my research? And it's ah no, but
I will, I will turn the lights off. I think
that probably took longer than going to pick up a
bit of paper. So they run past the goons and
the goons are like, hey, that's who're supposed to be following.
Should we follow them? And they're like, no, let's go
where they came from. This isn't that's how you follow.

Speaker 2 (57:36):
Worse than that? Jay he says, yes, we should follow them,
but let's first go see what they were doing is
split up. What makes me wonder how they were planning
on following them if they run in and steal the map.

Speaker 1 (57:49):
They run see what's going on and take the map,
and then they go and like yeah, they go and
hoboitage the boat. Sabotage is the word to go and
sabotage the boat. So they yeah, they dag and the
rest of them get to the aquarium and they're like, oh, Susie,
fine whatever, and they decide, okay, you, Bob and Larry,

(58:12):
you go to the boat, Gloria you can stay. Yeah, Billy,
do your shock research whatever. And then so Bob and
Larry go to the boat and they're looking around the
boat and they go like, ah, everything looks okay, and
then off screen a voice goes wrong and the two
sleep out and club them over there.

Speaker 2 (58:31):
Boat is tiny. There is no place for them to hide.
You know, they were standing there in their outlandish garish
chorus gear, just trying. Those guys are so bad at
spotting things. Oh my goodness.

Speaker 1 (58:44):
It's just the leaping out getting wrong. And then like
why would you? Why would you do that?

Speaker 2 (58:49):
And they give them both They hit them, They hit
each each guy once they drop, you know, major traumatic
brain injury. Those guys who go into the hospital are
probably gonna I know, they're fine the next day.

Speaker 1 (59:02):
Yeah, well they've been. They're related to Susie or Bobbers
at least who passes out very quickly. So maybe it's
just a family trait of easy like fainting goats. It
is a family of fainting goats that look like humans.
If they have goats in Viking Lands, don't they like Scandinavia? Yes? Good,

(59:24):
So then the goon's head out. This is when my
notes get a little bit sparser. They head out on
to see to go and find the shark. The terminator
goon is the diver and Joey Pants gooon is the
guy stays on the boat, and they both they both
take shop. So the shark gets the diving goon but
doesn't kill him under the water, brings him up to

(59:45):
the surface and kills him on the surface.

Speaker 2 (59:50):
And that's what happens because they had that footage from
last shark and wanted to use it. And that's that's understandable.
I think. I'm not quite sure. Like they were us
to stop those other guys, and they did sabotage the boat.
Then they decide they're going to go out and kill
the shark and get the money for themselves, but also
steal the top secret research on the Cleveland. Like there's
a lot going on, and they're mafia guys.

Speaker 1 (01:00:12):
And they had seen Billy's research that pointed out that
the military research was a shark.

Speaker 2 (01:00:21):
They're not many brain awards, I think now, and they're
both they're gone.

Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
Yeah. So then we see Dag saying goodbye to Susie,
Bob saying about Gloria, Billy and Larry just kind of
watching with real gormous expressions, and then the four guys
head out on their boat again.

Speaker 2 (01:00:43):
Billy is quietly saying goodbye to Vanessa because he didn't
have a chance to. I mean, he's not really, he's.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
Just not forgotten her. Did she exists? I think? Moved
on plenty more fishing to see for Billy, and we
got so we don't get the Star Wars music again.
Like out in the middle of the water, Bob, Billy
and Larry swim down to lay the explosive charges because

(01:01:10):
if wat out, the shark lives in the boat, which
again is the plot of Prona two. They blow up
the boat and blow up the fish, and so they're
going to blow out the boat and kill the shark.
So they go down there, we get on. I love
it when they just kind of intercut nature shots into
these kind of films, like we get an octopus for
a while. That's always that's sometimes the best part of
these films. It's just like, hey, the Blue Planet footage

(01:01:31):
that's in these great all for him.

Speaker 2 (01:01:33):
So at some point, Jay, you should watch Umu the
Shark God, which is I think from nineteen fifty six.
Involves a try a jungle idol that someone stole the
eyes from and as a result, curse is cursed by sharks.
But the but at one point they're on a boat
and they just say, look at that majestic sea battle underwater,

(01:01:56):
and it just cuts to an octopus and an aquarium
eating a fish for like three minutes.

Speaker 1 (01:02:02):
I mean, we watch that awesome and I'll put it
on the list. So, yeah, they're down their planting the
real cartoon red cylinders of dynamite with string wicks. Despite
being underwater, Dag's on the surface. He's a shark, gets
the shotgun, tries the shotgun, the shark fails, and then

(01:02:24):
we get quite a lot of like swimming scenes. He's
a pretty blue, quite murky, but they're still pretty blue.
So that's good. We can't have any I mean, I
was working, I was doing the spreadsheet as I was
coming through, so we didn't weren't really told what the
plan is. I think I was kind of tiral, what
are they what are they doing here?

Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
And yeah, blowing up the bowloon, I guess is the planet.
But there's this weird thing where they go down and
like two of them come up, and they left Billy
down below, and so somebody goes back down for Billy.
But then Billy comes up, and so now there's still
one of them down there. This is prime opportunity for
somebody get eaten by a shark.

Speaker 1 (01:03:03):
We have Larry, a character no one cares about. He
was like barely a character. He's not named in the film,
I think, or barely. And they all go down, they
all come back up.

Speaker 2 (01:03:19):
No reason for them, didn't make any sense at all,
and they all survived, and they blow up the vote.

Speaker 1 (01:03:26):
Yes, and they blow up the shark. And when I
say blove the shark, I mean they pop the shark's
head off.

Speaker 2 (01:03:31):
The tub toy. It was a shark tub toy. This
was footage that was used. I don't think that was I.

Speaker 1 (01:03:38):
Think the Last Shark or I've definitely seen it before.
There is a film just called Shark exclamation Mark with
Burt Reynolds. It might be in that. Probably I've seen
a bunch of these now, so as of you, you've
seen way more than I have.

Speaker 2 (01:03:55):
So it's from it's from Great White nineteen eighty one,
which I think it's another that is the Last Shark. Yeah, okay, yep,
that is the Last Shark. Okay, so the it's from
Last Shark.

Speaker 1 (01:04:09):
Okay, great So yeah, Like it just just pops it
off there and you don't have the kind of the
classic pringles popping noise as it comes off, but that's
a shame. And then cut up on the deck where
everyone's just kind of cheering and celebrating for way too long. Again,
just cut out like ten seconds out of every scene,
like especially the scenes where the the scene starts three

(01:04:35):
beats later the characters start moving. Cut out like take
off some friends. This film could easily lose two minutes
and be so much better.

Speaker 2 (01:04:42):
To them that Mark polonious Shark movies have, which we
prefer to is my line your line challenge, where I
say my line and then there's a half second, and
you say your line and there's a half second.

Speaker 1 (01:04:55):
These films are not directed by Robert Wman at all.
So there and then we go to the land and
everyone's clapping, the dolphins are performing. Yeah yeah, yeah, Sam
very reluctant to give over the one hundred thousand pounds
reward check two one hundred thousand dollars reward check to
dag to save the aquarium. And so this official guy

(01:05:17):
who's a big, big, high standing in town, his son's
just been killed. Everyone laughs when I Seelim pushes him
in the water again. This figure he's the bad guy,
but he's still like, I feel like, got some kind
of presence in the community. And I was like, ha,
you got pushed in the pool again. His sons killed.

(01:05:39):
And the credits then we get some more Star Wars
music again, so three times actually the Star Wars theme
is played, and it's like it's the opening, like opening
cruel music of Star Wars. You get like five six
seconds in and it differs a little bit, but it's unmistakable,
and that's cruel. Jaws. I keep on it the last
Shark for some reason. That's that's cool, Jaws. I had

(01:06:00):
a lot of fun with this film. It's the kind
of I'm I'm watching more of these films on my own.
At the moment, my wife has all but said no,
I'm done, no more. Yeah. Well, it's also I'm kind
of I'm living away from her like during the week,
so she's like you can watch those films when you're
away and we're back, we can watch I don't know

(01:06:22):
the last of us good stuff, so which fair enough.

Speaker 2 (01:06:27):
I will say, though, Jay, that this movie is a
particularly good one to watch with someone, because there's some
shark movies that are bad, that are just bad. Cool
Jaws has the joy of being really fun to make
fun of as you watch it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:06:40):
I was on my own watching this but audibly laughing
multiple times. I just sat in my room, headphones on,
laughing to myself. It's a very sad state of affairs.
But I had fun with it, had a good time.

Speaker 2 (01:06:57):
This is a movie that is distinguished by, you know,
the girls shooting the flare guns through the gasoline and
blowing themselves up. It's got dolphins, it's got a sea lion,
It's got little Susie in the wheelchair falling into the ocean,
the uh right down that dock, and and so many
things to mock.

Speaker 1 (01:07:16):
Yeah, it's good SETI film, but it's a good time. Great. Well,
did you have any any other thoughts on Crow Joels
we cover?

Speaker 2 (01:07:25):
Yes? You know, I make a lot of fun of it, right,
But if you had given me the job of putting
together a shark movie and saying, Kevin, you're not allowed
to film any shark footage. You just have to take
it from other movies. Like overall, it did okay.

Speaker 1 (01:07:40):
Yeah, as like an art project. It's like a challenge
to make. I mean, it could have been a lot worse.

Speaker 2 (01:07:49):
I am deeply lucky that you asked me on to
talk through this because this was a huge amount of fun.

Speaker 1 (01:07:57):
I mean, there's there's no one else we would rather
have had on to talk about it. So there's no
one else who would have wanted to kill On to
talk about it.

Speaker 2 (01:08:04):
Oh, I know what you're saying, Jake Wood.

Speaker 1 (01:08:06):
Okay, not so very happy to have had you on, Kevin.
And I mean there's there's like one hundred and fifty
other sharp films you've seen that we haven't covered yet.
So by all means, stake your claim and pick your
next one whenever you want.

Speaker 2 (01:08:19):
People accepted about this. Overall, I think like a little
bit like Ghost Shark Cool Jaws is fun to watch
with a group of people, possibly if you're drinking, because
there's so much there to dig into and make fun of.
And yet the plot, no, it's a lot of plot
and it kind of hangs together.

Speaker 1 (01:08:41):
I mean, yeah, but also there is a lot of it,
so I I feel like if you are watching it
with friends and miss a little bit, it's so it's okay,
You're fine because it's the same thing's gonna happen in
fifteen minutes again anyway, So it's all right, great, Well
that that will do it for talking on that. That's
but there's one thing we need to do, which is
how deep, how blue? And a new thing since you

(01:09:02):
were last on how much at sea is cruel Jaws,
so whole new page of a spreadsheet, so listen says
this is your first time. Welcome. Whenever I watch these films,
I go through and work out on average, how deep
the action is taking place out throughout the film, how

(01:09:23):
blue everything is on screen, and now how much the
film takes place at sea. We have things take place
at sea, on land, in the air, on water, because
not all water a is sea. So if it's like
in an aquarium, for instance, that's water, it's not sea,
or in the void, which is where credits take place.
Avoid So as we all know, deep blue sea is

(01:09:45):
approximately fourteen and a half meters or forty seven and
a half feet deep, about thirty one percent blue, and
approximately eighty nine percent of deep sea takes place at sea. Kevin,
do you think Cruel Jaws is deeper, bluer, and more
at sea than deep blue sea?

Speaker 2 (01:10:01):
I think the Cool Jars is less deep, less blue,
and less at sea than deep blue sea.

Speaker 1 (01:10:08):
Okay, well, it is indeed less deep because there's stuff
as soon as something gives up in a helicopter pretty
real length of time. The stats are screwed, so there
are some bits when they're down in underwater, but on
average this works out of being just under a foot
above sea level, which is sixty sixty fifth in our

(01:10:31):
rankings of deafness. It is slightly higher than a tank
another great helicopter in a shark movie film, and slightly
lower than Pirates of the Caribbean at World's End, which
has no sharks in it at all, or helicopters. In
terms of blueness, it is actually bluer than deep blue sea.
It is probably forty three point.

Speaker 2 (01:10:51):
Blue because it's long spent outside.

Speaker 1 (01:10:55):
Yes, this is the thing. They shoot a lot of
day for night in this film, and when they make
it look like night, they just put a blue tint
over it, so all of the night time of sines
are just blue. So it's bluer than Shark to Puss,
less blue than the ra can a film title I
still cannot see. Sorry, Ricky. We had someone on who

(01:11:16):
was Canadian who kept on saying like the Rakin and Mark,
and I was just just just won't sit in our heads.
I did.

Speaker 2 (01:11:25):
But at a movie that's one third travelog, one third bickering,
and one third bad CGI.

Speaker 1 (01:11:30):
Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's a film that could have
been better. But there we are. And in terms of
seen us, this film is takes place. Thirty three point
five percent of this film is at sea, so that
is more. That's less at sea than Purana to This Morning,
more at sea than a film called Survive from last year,
which have you seen Survive?

Speaker 2 (01:11:52):
I haven't seen.

Speaker 1 (01:11:53):
It doesn't have sharks in it, so you tell me
the reason to watch it. But it's whenever it comes up,
I have to tell people what about it because it's
a weird little film no one has existed in which
a family I think they're like French South American combination.
Somehow they go out at sea and they go to
sleep and they wake up the next day and the
ocean has disappeared.

Speaker 2 (01:12:12):
This is that film this carpet of crabs or something.

Speaker 1 (01:12:16):
Okay, yeah, so that that is kind of the spoiler
of the film, as they say, Okay, I as a
I tried to watch Traders, but no, you're fine. But
in the like description of the film, like on the
blurb and Wikipedia, well, I'm it says like there's like
the monsters are awakened from beneath the crust of the

(01:12:37):
other like it's some real like the Kraken or Kaiju
from Pacific Rimar coming out. And then it's just a
bunch of crabs and this is really disappointing, and you know,
there's a lot of them, and they're they're a problem
in that kind of amount, but it's just a bunch of.

Speaker 2 (01:12:50):
Crabs, very motivated crabs. Jay.

Speaker 1 (01:12:54):
Yeah, but I like the dialogue of like where's the
ocean gone? It's like, isn't it obvious the ocean's gone
with a lamb and it's going to come back in
five days? How do you want that out? It just
we've we've looked into the science. It's what's going to happen?
Though you list the what are you talking about it's

(01:13:16):
a silly film, but we had we had a film
with it, so yeah. So this is more at Sea
than Survive because there's less sea and survived because the
seeds abyss. So this puts it eleventh on our scenes ranking.
But we've got very few films on there yet. We've
only done twenty six of the film so far. Have
a see ranking. That's fine, So that will do it

(01:13:37):
for our coverage of cruel jobs. Kevin, do you have
anything you want to plug? Your shark movie ranking list?
Is that available for.

Speaker 2 (01:13:43):
The So my shark was I stopped updating it in
the reddit thread where I put it. I will be
reposting it with all one hundred and seventy four hundred
and seventy five movies in the subreddit bad Movies at
some point in the next week or so, so by
the time the podcast comes out. Uh and if anyone

(01:14:03):
needs a fight wants to find me, I'm on Blue
Sky at Kevin Culp at Blue.

Speaker 1 (01:14:06):
Sky Fantastic Listeners. You can follow this show all over
social media at Deep Blue Sea, pod email us, deep
busypoductumil dot com. If you have any shark movie recommendations,
they can be better than Cruel Jaws. They can be
worse crudows, doesn't matter. I just need to have sharks
in them. And next week on the show it's another
deep By chapter. I believe Preacher will be going into

(01:14:28):
the Oven next week. Fun times for everybody, but Preacher
and the shark at the end of that chapter doesn't
fare well for them, so come back next week for
that one. You can find everything Mark does over at Movies,
Films and flex dot com. My site is lifeless is
film dot com. I'm still going through Twin Peaks for
the first time, so that's fun times. Yeah, come back
next week for As for Cruel Jaws, thank you once

(01:14:50):
again to my guest Kevin Kelp. Help Kevin Culp. Sorry,
it's because there's a I don't know if you watch
anything on on drop Out, there's a there's a D
and D thing where there's a character called Evan Kelp
Kelp and it's that's I hear that a lot, so yeah,

(01:15:13):
Kevin ken that must have done. But thank you Kevin
for being on the show. I have been Jake Lewer
and we'll deep Blue see you next week. H