April 21, 2024 • 35 mins
Today's episode we officially announce Mel B is a permanent member of the DirtyT Podcast. We being back controversial guest Delly from season 1. We talk about how to decifer the real meaning behind certain phrases that I direct people use that can't just keep it real.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
M hm, no, I don'tlike to do that. Welcome to Dirty
(00:49):
Tea Podcast. Is your girl v. Savage in the building And it has
been a minute. We've had totake a break. You know, your
girl is doing a million one thingsand I'm the note. I take my
barber state boards tomorrow and then Igraduate next Friday. Watch your head.
(01:10):
She's coming for you. Try tomake her for a beautiful person out of
time. So you know, wehave to have Miss Melby. Hello,
Hello, welcome back. And incase y'all didn't know, Miss Melby has
(01:34):
joined the Dirty Tea Podcast team.Hi, I didn't. Yes, y'all,
your initiation is over. She isan official member. And now it's
been a minute, but we gotDeli back. Welcome back Deli. Thank
you for having on again. Youhad a pretty I want to say,
(01:57):
the most controversial show that we had. You are the only one that got
a comment on review when we sothis was season one too. We did
the dating a single parent episode andhe said, the kids, I mean,
(02:23):
it didn't get the best reviews.There was some upset people, but
you know what they said, though, we're gonna have to go back on
that. We'll put them in.Yeah, because I have thoughts and feelings.
No, no, I mean thatkind of like are close? So
yeah, so that could be thefirst discussion. Today's episode is called What's
(02:52):
the Code? So you know,there's so many things that people say where
you know they didn't mean what theyasked. So, for example, what
does it mean when your partner saysI'm fine but they're clearly not If by
partner we mean you know female,we know I think we know we mean
(03:13):
female or experienced that. I don'tthink guys, really, I mean I
could be wrong. Do you dothat when you're upset you say you're fine.
I'm gonna be honest with you.This might get a couple of other
negative comments. But if a niggascould we swear yes, feel free.
If a nigga's talking about no,I'm fine, dand real sassy, some
(03:36):
fish behavior, you felt me like, yeah, that's gonna I'm gonna just
say no, we don't straight niggasdon't do that. That's I'll leave it
at that. What do you thinkit means if your girl says I'm fine?
I think I could speak for mostof my niggas in this room.
(03:57):
We know that when y'all say this. It's never that because you're gonna make
it known. It's not that youmay not say a vote like verbally,
but you'll do little shit like maybeyou're making dinner and the portions is a
little smaller. Ship might be alittle burnt. Maybe you feel me my
draws that you washing might be likeluke warm, like they still wet.
(04:19):
Type shit like you finding a wayto be petty so that you can ask
like, all right, I knowsomething's wrong with you, babe, what's
going on? Da da da?But in reality, no, it's never
just I'm fine. It means thatyou're not fine, and you want me
to check you about it. Now, y'all, two are women, so
(04:40):
I'm curious. I'm sure they curious. We want to know, like,
but that's my perspective at least.So what about you? You go first,
mil just coming off, you know, put a timmer. Now he
thinks I'm gonna be like a gNo, no, no, I think
(05:02):
I know, mister b and Ikind of like we kind of aligned with
like how we felt about men arereally literal, and I think a lot
of women don't get that they're literal. I think they, you know,
they get kind of in their feelings, like like that was so disrespectful.
You know, they should understand whatthey did, like how and they read
into what happened, whatever happened,they read into it like if he did
(05:26):
that, he was feeling this way. If he did that, like it's
because like he disrespected me, Andit's because he was feeling this way and
that way. And what they don'tunderstand is men are very fucking literal.
If they are mad, you willknow they are mad. They are happy,
you will know they're happy. Ifthey are met, you will know
they are met. To sit thereand read into it and stew on it
and keep it to yourself. Theonly person, I mean, he might
(05:47):
be a little annoyed with your attitude, but the only person that you're making
angry and and and pissing off islike yourself. You're just sitting in that
hostility. But what I will say, what I think is very interesting is
I know me and mister Perfect gotinto like a conversation the other day about
I had to break down, likelike you know, sick or something like
that. When I'm in pain,how I reach out and I'm like,
(06:10):
I'm a little whiny, I'm avery strong woman. And I had to
kind of point that out to himat a moment in our relationship, and
he kind of we talked about itthe other day and he talked about how
like he was always attracted to blackwomen women because they tend to be so
strong and not complaint and he alwayssaw that with his with his family and
(06:30):
the women and his family, theywere just so strong and didn't say anything
and didn't and they would just carrythis this, carry everything, carry all
their feelings, carry carry all this. And I'm like, it's so funny
that it was hard for you todeal with like my perceived like whininess when
I had to sit I'm like,I'm whining because I'm sitting there fucking dying
with this and whatever. It's sofunny that like me being able to voice
(06:54):
what's bothering me and pinpoint what's goingon is one of the reasons that you
were so attracted to me and youappreciated about me, because even though you
were attract you know, you areattracted to strong women. When you're attracted
to a strong woman who can't voiceher pain, who's been through trauma and
can't really get it out, andthey're just sitting there and stewing on it
(07:14):
and you can't like get passed offlike that's that's an issue. So that's
something he really appreciated about me,and we kind of unpacked that and it
was just weird and interesting. Soyeah, I don't know, I love
that for you guys. Yeah,that's you know what, thirteen years and
you're still finding out like weird,crazy shit, crazy shit. That's another
episode. Yeah, so that's mypiece. Sorry, not off, you're
(07:39):
done, But no, I definitelyagree with that. I agree with both
things. I feel like when Ikind of want to pick my battles,
I should say then I'll be likeI'm fine, Like, but it'll piss
me off if someone keeps asking meif like but what's wrong? I know,
(08:01):
like that's gonna piss me off.Like if I told you I'm fine,
it's like it's not that big ofa deal. But if it is
a big deal, then yeah,I just rather hash it out then and
there. I don't like stewing onit and move on. Well, I
think you you you talked about choosingyour battles, and it's like when when
a woman's being like real nitpicky likethat, you didn't do something, and
(08:22):
she's flying off the handle. Alot of times, I feel like that's
a build up of the really bigship and she just can't pinpoint or let
out what's bothering her, and soit's that little ship where she's like hah
ha, Cause it's just like Ifeel like it's not a point where it's
bursting. If that is happening,oh, if it's bursting, Like,
if I've gotten to that point,then I'm not crackling, And but we
(08:46):
try not to get there. Wesuppressed that you savage bring her way In
savage, I will say this.I like what both of y'all had to
say. One thing I agree withher is you know, and I'll speak
(09:07):
for me, but I know thatother men can relate when we go through
something. At least with me,I'm open with it. So if you
ask me and I say I'm fine, nine times out of ten, I'm
not gonna always say I'm fine.But most of the time that's what it
is, because I can communicate whenyou know, I feel some type of
way. Now, if I amin that situation and maybe I feel some
(09:33):
type of way with you, yeah, I've done that before where I could
be like, I'm fine, butit's not awesome. I want you to
figure out what's going on with me. I want you to actually leave me
alone, and then maybe later onI'll come back circling around and let you
know, like, yeah, soI just had a cool down and this
is what's going on. That's howI feel like a lot of men,
(09:54):
at least like me. You knowwhat I'm saying can be so I like
that you said that because we area simple in the way. We simple
with a lot of shit. Weknow when we were hungry, when we
want to fuck, when you know, like simple shit like, we don't
make it a big obstacle. Youknow, we want y'all to know what's
up. But yeah, with women, we know that's what it is.
(10:18):
And for the most part, ifyou've been with somebody for more than a
year, a few years, youkind of already know. Like I I'm
an either let her cool down andlet her know because y're mentioned something too,
like if you keep drilling certain females, now they about to explode on
you. And now, y'all,however it's going now, you know,
(10:39):
I ain't saying it's domestic violence.I'm just saying some some females take it
there and now you you feel medoing the ad dance on her like it's
a lot. So what I'm sayingis it depends on the female for real,
because there are aggressive ones and there'syou know, the machalant like they
don't want confrontation, so just talkto me. And then you got the
(11:03):
niggas that I want to hit thefemales, I want to hit you.
So yeah, that's it. SoI have a code and unless you have
to go for it, I guessthis is more of like a mask.
I think it's hard for me.Like you said, like most times you'll
be able to like say, sayhow you're feeling, especially sometimes you may
(11:28):
need time to say how you're feeling, or maybe not need time to say
how you're feeling, but need timelike not to choke her out or whatever.
So it's like just a little bitof time. It's less of a
like verbal code, but more ofa like I have a hard time.
I don't know if men are givingthe space to really feel what they need
to feel. And I have ahard time sometimes knowing when the load is
(11:52):
too much for him and and heit's just you know either or he's sad
about something happening in life or somethingand he or he's or he's trying to
process something and I won't know untilafter. And I feel so because I'm
still putting all like my pressures inmy daily and I'm venting, and just
(12:15):
he is my rock and I'm justputting everything on him, and his is
almost it almost feels like like mycup runs over sometimes and I just I
just can't and I know when Ican say, I can verbalize that,
I can be like I just can'ttake any more of anyone's emotions or whatever.
And it just feels like, forthe most part, he never says
or even I never even see howthat's getting to him. But it does
(12:41):
not even me just just life ingeneral, and I wonder, like,
how do you even know that thatmask is happening? How do you?
And I feel like an asshole becauseI feel like the times where he did
want to let it out, it'slike I was going through so much shit
that I just I needed him tobe strong, like selfish stuff. I
feel like I can verbalize things thatsome people can't verbalize, and I literally
(13:05):
fucking said like I cannot, likeyou cannot not be strong right now,
and that's some bullshit, that's someselfish so fucking bullshit. I don't know.
How do you? How do you? How do you? How do
you? How do you? Like? How do you know? Like that
that sorry, just like you gottabring me back. I'm trying to.
(13:30):
I don't know. I'm trying tofigure out my life. I know you're
breaking out. Girl's happening, right, that's all today. Your business,
mine your business, mine your business? You know, Oh you can't,
So how do you? How doyou see? That? Code of like
(13:52):
to like fifteen minutes to get there, But I'm here, I got there.
I'm gonna be honest with you.The fact that you said, you
admit it that you may not peepthat or you don't know what's going on
with him, but at least you'rewilling to, you know, see that
you're willing to, you know,kind of detect that that already is points
(14:13):
because a lot of women would notcare, like they might even be aware
this is what's going on with him, but in reality, it's still about
them. They're not giving him hisopportunity to share the room or voices of
feelings and Honestly, I'm not tryingto take it away from the combo.
Like we all got social media.We follow blags like the shade room,
(14:37):
this, that and the third.I've seen posts where celebrity men, maybe
not always celebrity, could just bea socialite, a man going through something
traumatizing, maybe with their kids oryou know what, they ax or court
whatever. And man, the commentsfrom the women that nigga sassi at hell,
like what you crying for? Eh? Like y'all niggas the nail emoji,
(15:01):
y'all love that? Yeah, yeah, little nigga, you can't have
no feelings like what Like I knowyou was raised by your mother, single
mom had eyes like ship like that. They going crazy, but let that
(15:22):
ship flip? Oh nah, whaty'all can't understand? Nah, we get
under attack, like it was morewomen coming at men and the comments and
ours getting so tight. I'm arguingwith a bit from Wisconsin that's talking crazy.
Meanwhile, meanwhile, I got onehundred and because they understand, like
(15:46):
like come on now, First ofall, I'm Jamaican, so niggas don't
we don't spare feelings? You feelme? Second of all, like I
respect you until you disrespect me.So in reality, how is it y'all
can have y'all moment, But thenwhen men have their moment, especially when
there's women out there, like damn, I want him to open up,
I want him to be that right, they see it as a weakness like
(16:10):
and I'm here trying to you supposedto be when the world is against me.
I come home to you. You'resupposed to be my peace. And
then imagine somebody being your piece,supposed to be a peace, but you
getting called sassy for letting her know, like damn, Yo, I just
feel like today it wasn't my day. I need a mental health day,
Like I even took off from work, and then you got a female like
(16:33):
pitch ass nigger taking off from work. But back to you, I respect
you for being like yo. Iacknowledge that I might not acknowledge your feelings
out that point in time, Butlet me spend the block again for you
and see and understand you. There'snot a lot of women out there you
(16:56):
feel me like, I really feellike that should be notice. And to
answer your question, it really dependson your partner how you can really gauge
what's going on with them. It'sjust communication. Yeah, I just got
to keep talking. But that that'smy take. But yeah, the world
is crazy today with woman not knockingoff. I'm just saying in general,
(17:17):
like the words sassy being used overone hundred and thirty million times, like
it's crazy. Yeah, it ain'tnothing sassy about me or any of my
niggas unless they're on some secret shit. But yeah, that was my point
of view. My bad. Wellthat's no. I definitely agree with everything
you said, but I'm not adude. But what I will say is,
(17:41):
I know I'm a really good communicatorthanks to therapy. But if I'm
having a day where I don't wantto talk about it, but I'm letting
you know. If you see thissign, this means I'm feeling this type
of way, so I beel Likewhen I'm really angry, I do dishes.
So if you see me going hardon those plates and just walk away,
(18:07):
come back in twenty four hours andI'll reconvene and yeah, I'll be
fine after that. But on alighter note, this is a huge one.
When a guy says she's just mycousin. How many times, way
too many times? I want toask room situation. I mean, if
(18:30):
you from the island, you don'tthere's got there's gotta be women that play
that card too. Oh yeah,like that my cousin though, Like is
it supposed to be a safe routeor like yeah not go ahead continue my
bath. No. No, Ifeel like like if you run, like
(18:52):
say, you don't worry about her, right right right, Like like from
this perspective, so like if youif you get it, you're a man
or whatever, and you run intosomebody he dealt with, he'll lie and
be like, oh, that's justmy cousin or whatever. Everybody's your cousin.
(19:14):
You're gonna lie. You got alarge family love to see that.
So the nigga's saying played cousin,he really just trying to be under the
family act like correct. Okay,So on some little little meach type ship
like oh okay, I got youwith the groceries and ship. I'm sure
there's girls that do that ship too. I don't trust that ship. I
(19:37):
know some married cousins and my bloodis from islands, You think that that's
that's not. No. I feellike they use the word cousin just because
it's like obviously if you're dating someonefor a while, you've met their immediate
family, but there's always you can'tmeet all of the cousins, you know
what I mean. Nah, butshe said blood cousins stuff. So are
(20:02):
we talking about this, I'm talkingabout black people cousin, They ain't really
your blood. That's my cousin,Like you know, because everybody's cousin.
Guy calls me because just because we'rethe only and they're like when they're like,
she's like my sister, she's likemy she's like my sister, or
(20:22):
he's like my brother. That's justlike my sister. I would never the
girl. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying, saying,
that's cousin. That's what I thought. That's what I thought. Yeah,
yeah, I mean it could bethat too. It could be that
too. Apparently there's a few pointof view. All I know is they
lying about who that person is tothem. That's all I know. That's
(20:45):
why I'm asked. I think hejust answered it. It means he's still
dealing with the JA, right orshe responded said something like that. Okay,
that's why I said that she isfor someone And thanks to the studio
audience for chiming in. So hoabout how about when a woman is like,
(21:08):
that's he's my best friend, andI would never like, that's just
that's just my best friend. That'sI'm not gonna hold you. I used
that before and I definitely not thesocks off that bitch. I'm not even
gonna hold I mean, I'm gonnabe honest. I ain't saying I'm like
that now. But like Nigga wasthe bestest friend niggas in this room,
(21:30):
I ain't the only one you feelme. I was like, yo,
but I got videos with Shorty,so like, nah, you got the
videos? Where she got the videos? I got the videos? Does she
know you have videos? No,she don't know damn thing. She is
(21:52):
not my fault. If you agreedwith it when she was wavy, it
wasn't right. You feel me,Like, if you've ever been intimate with
mister Jelly, you might want togive him a call at Rick Ross,
let's get let's get that click feelme. I don't want none of y'all
(22:12):
trying to get out of me likeit was consensual. Well this took the
next one. I don't even knowwhat's happening anymore. I can't. I
(22:36):
can't right now, But I don'tknow at my point of view if someone's
my friend or my friend, ifthey're thinking or looking at me in a
different type of way outside of friendship. I there's nothing I can do about
that. All I can there wasbe like, you're in the friend zone.
That's what it is. And Iknow and I know, viz friends
(22:56):
zone. Listen matter, we know, we know we're not gonna say names,
but we know what nigga. Weknow one nigga. You heard that
it's bad Yeah, yeah, makingsongs making no, let me stop.
Sure, I only know one songabout me out here. So I think
(23:22):
the men that were like, they'rejust that's just like our good friend or
whatever. It's it's because that's theboundary we set because we are just not
into them, and it would takea whole fucking polar like a whole shift
of how we viewed them, likeit have to be like maybe years later
and just a different hold on Itdepends. It depends on the It depends
(23:45):
on the female. Yeah, no, it do. But y'all have said
that I've been with my best friendfor thirteen years, so don't I'm just
saying like not necessarily all. I'mjust saying, like the way she described
it, that's how certain not namingit, certain females will describe it.
Say the nigga that she's talking to, she might be rocky, and she
go to that nigga, you alreadyknow what's in the back of his head.
(24:08):
And I mean some niggas is smoothwhen the when the henni's in the
system, and next thing you knowis like that meme nobody, he's looking
at more hands and you feel Imean, she riding and ship like,
yeah, they offering moral support ina physical way. You feel me he
was waiting to offer it facts.So I'm just saying it could go both
(24:32):
ways. But I do believe thatniggas can have real, genuine female friends
because I besides all the laughing,I do have them, you know,
and I never fucked with them.I mean I have I have really good
male friends, but my good malefriends it's like I introduced to I introduced
to my man and we're like kindof like friends as a couple because it's
(24:52):
just I don't know, it's justlike I could honestly even hanging out with
him by myself, not even likeit's like weird. I mean it's not,
we're not would it be weird hangout with here? Man? No?
Not my my my my friend.Oh it's it's weird and it's awkward
and it's just I honestly, nowthat I've been in a relationship so long,
(25:17):
it's just really I don't it's alwaysjust a funner time. Even if
like it's me Frank and me.Don't use the government. That would be
I told you, damn it.Somebody and that's it. Somebody going to
gas. They should get this girlwater. Oh I'm sorry. If somebody's
(25:42):
friend zoned their friend zone, likeDelly said, there's a hard list,
but that is what it is andit ain't going past that. And it
would take Jesus to come down andget you. No, no, I
mean, mister perfect is real.So he figured that ship out. He
(26:06):
just would not allow himself to befriend zoned. I tried, like I
tried. I tried, and hewas just like nah, and the friend
zone could come up out of it. You know what it is. You
know what it is if you youknow, especially especially for a single woman
when she doesn't have a man,but she kind of wants that person to
cuddle with and hang out with andwhatever whatever. That's what you're and you're
(26:32):
and you're fucking and you're you're givingthat to her, that that relationship without
anything, you know, anything thatyou then it's like she'll keep you there
and just there is a roster forthat. So there's there's the friend zone,
there's you made the roster. Idon't happen. I want to get
(26:52):
to know you by Every girl hasa backup plan. I don't care what
you say. I mean, Iwould, I would texts. No,
that's why like when dudes be like, oh she would such and such.
Now she must have been cheating onme the whole time. No, she
(27:15):
wasn't cheating on you. She didn'tneed to cheat on you. There was
yeah in place when like so whenyou say said, no, one's irreplaceable,
right with me, it's not aperson, it's just a preference.
It's just money. It'd be money, like money, Yeah, a lot
of money, Like a dude witha lot of money. That would be
my backup plan because I wouldn't dobullshit again for fucking free. Period yeah,
(27:37):
period, period, not ever soanyway, So if the money is
right, okay, oh no,no, no, no, no,
no, no no. It's himthat okay, And it only doesn't work
out if he dies because you don'thave a way out, you know,
(28:00):
And even in the next life.It's not till death do you part.
He met the he could or ifI if I died, if yeah,
I doubt, I doubt enough toknow. I know, yep, not
till death do what's part? It'sme. He could marry someone else if
(28:22):
I'm dead, but it's still mewhen we die. He sucked up.
It's okay, I don't know.You want to go, you can go.
He's out. I mean if itwas, if it was anyone else,
but not him. Just like Ijust don't give a fun anymore.
(28:45):
I'm just like, you know,doing me, living my life. I've
been through too much ship to beNo you could, you can talk that.
You appreciate you. We got abottle man. I feel like we're
moving on up, moving on up. We're doing big things. The Dirty
Tea Podcast Little Girls. All right, so we got time maybe for one
(29:14):
more because we gotta wrap it up. But what does it mean when you
call it? What do you callugly? Child like? What is the
way of saying they ugly without sayingthey ugly, y'all want to take this.
Let's say heart that is a goodone. I refrained from common in
(29:38):
yo, like that's that's a territorywhere people fight and kill for their kids.
So you better be you better beready for well, you don't say
it, you just say, oh, would you look at him? Would
you look look at that? Yo? But is everything so if you think
they're not peeping it, or you'dbe like they got a full head of
(30:03):
hair, meaning they hairy as fuck. You just popped out a monkey.
They had a head full of hair, girl, you must have had heartburn.
Or look at how precious, soprecious you tapped into your other side
(30:23):
with that one. I'm not agood liar, so I just we have
a studio audience in the back.You gotta say loud. If you got
none nice to say, don't saynone at all. That's right, that's
a good one. But when whenthat photos, it's a lot of it's
a lot of knucking and bucketing afterthat. But when photos, yeah like
(30:47):
that, yeah, not for real. Damn, you gotta run when she's
coming because you already know, like, oh go with the stroulder kind of
heart reaction to everything, or whenyou're like, oh wow, they grew
up so fast that means they looklike a thoti or this is definitely fact
(31:18):
read between the lines. That's right. You can't do nothing to reverse that.
If they got an ugly pickny though, like, but rich people don't
be ugly like that. Money canmake anything look pretty. I'm sorry,
only like you got some ugly babiesget botox and what absolutely you know what
(31:47):
I've seen some I've seen some uglybabies and ugly children that grow up to
be like super handsome, super beautiful, because you know, they bug eyed
when they babies, but when theygrow up with but guys, they're going
like, oh look at her bigbeautiful eyes. But it looked like it
took like twenty seven years ago.Yes, yeah, ugly child. Then
(32:17):
you'd be like, bless you,no, give me some of that.
This girl in high school look likeshe got run over by tires and I
was hoping in prayer her baby wasn'tgonna look like that. But yes,
both children did, Yo, blesstime. Maybe when they're twenty seven they'll
look cute or whatever. You don'tknow. I don't think so. I
(32:38):
think it's too late. This isdefinitely the savage. Yeah, she's savage
on v savage. She's savage onthe savage. On that note, we
got to take a pin in it, and we gonna come back to that.
(33:00):
I mean, yo, when Isaid that, if she is she
apparent and you already know she madeugly kids, Damn, I'm not gonna
hold you at the time the topic. I don't know if her daughter was
necessarily ugly, but like, Ijust know that between her and her daughter,
(33:22):
if we was to eat, I'mthe nigga that's getting like a twenty
dollars meal, and them two niggastogether will be like one hundred and twenty
like ten like eat too fucking muchlike And I know that's coming crazy from
me, but like, no,she raising a right, Shorty, is
like twelve years old with the fuckingthirty two year old frame. Because you
(33:45):
mad big yo, Like slow downon the fucking uber eats. MA have
a good night. Nah. Ijust had to get that out, all
right. I hope you feel better. My bread wasted. Carey for yourself
and not your family, for dully, let it out, let it out.
(34:14):
I should have claimed, Shorty,That's how I feel like I should
have I should have claimed Shorty soI could get some bread back, all
right. I'm like, no,we'll see you next week. Good night,
Shorty. Man. No, Idon't like to do that. It
(35:01):
is made of bagg
M hm, no, I don'tlike to do that. Welcome to Dirty
(00:49):
Tea Podcast. Is your girl v. Savage in the building And it has
been a minute. We've had totake a break. You know, your
girl is doing a million one thingsand I'm the note. I take my
barber state boards tomorrow and then Igraduate next Friday. Watch your head.
(01:10):
She's coming for you. Try tomake her for a beautiful person out of
time. So you know, wehave to have Miss Melby. Hello,
Hello, welcome back. And incase y'all didn't know, Miss Melby has
(01:34):
joined the Dirty Tea Podcast team.Hi, I didn't. Yes, y'all,
your initiation is over. She isan official member. And now it's
been a minute, but we gotDeli back. Welcome back Deli. Thank
you for having on again. Youhad a pretty I want to say,
(01:57):
the most controversial show that we had. You are the only one that got
a comment on review when we sothis was season one too. We did
the dating a single parent episode andhe said, the kids, I mean,
(02:23):
it didn't get the best reviews.There was some upset people, but
you know what they said, though, we're gonna have to go back on
that. We'll put them in.Yeah, because I have thoughts and feelings.
No, no, I mean thatkind of like are close? So
yeah, so that could be thefirst discussion. Today's episode is called What's
(02:52):
the Code? So you know,there's so many things that people say where
you know they didn't mean what theyasked. So, for example, what
does it mean when your partner saysI'm fine but they're clearly not If by
partner we mean you know female,we know I think we know we mean
(03:13):
female or experienced that. I don'tthink guys, really, I mean I
could be wrong. Do you dothat when you're upset you say you're fine.
I'm gonna be honest with you.This might get a couple of other
negative comments. But if a niggascould we swear yes, feel free.
If a nigga's talking about no,I'm fine, dand real sassy, some
(03:36):
fish behavior, you felt me like, yeah, that's gonna I'm gonna just
say no, we don't straight niggasdon't do that. That's I'll leave it
at that. What do you thinkit means if your girl says I'm fine?
I think I could speak for mostof my niggas in this room.
(03:57):
We know that when y'all say this. It's never that because you're gonna make
it known. It's not that youmay not say a vote like verbally,
but you'll do little shit like maybeyou're making dinner and the portions is a
little smaller. Ship might be alittle burnt. Maybe you feel me my
draws that you washing might be likeluke warm, like they still wet.
(04:19):
Type shit like you finding a wayto be petty so that you can ask
like, all right, I knowsomething's wrong with you, babe, what's
going on? Da da da?But in reality, no, it's never
just I'm fine. It means thatyou're not fine, and you want me
to check you about it. Now, y'all, two are women, so
(04:40):
I'm curious. I'm sure they curious. We want to know, like,
but that's my perspective at least.So what about you? You go first,
mil just coming off, you know, put a timmer. Now he
thinks I'm gonna be like a gNo, no, no, I think
(05:02):
I know, mister b and Ikind of like we kind of aligned with
like how we felt about men arereally literal, and I think a lot
of women don't get that they're literal. I think they, you know,
they get kind of in their feelings, like like that was so disrespectful.
You know, they should understand whatthey did, like how and they read
into what happened, whatever happened,they read into it like if he did
(05:26):
that, he was feeling this way. If he did that, like it's
because like he disrespected me, Andit's because he was feeling this way and
that way. And what they don'tunderstand is men are very fucking literal.
If they are mad, you willknow they are mad. They are happy,
you will know they're happy. Ifthey are met, you will know
they are met. To sit thereand read into it and stew on it
and keep it to yourself. Theonly person, I mean, he might
(05:47):
be a little annoyed with your attitude, but the only person that you're making
angry and and and pissing off islike yourself. You're just sitting in that
hostility. But what I will say, what I think is very interesting is
I know me and mister Perfect gotinto like a conversation the other day about
I had to break down, likelike you know, sick or something like
that. When I'm in pain,how I reach out and I'm like,
(06:10):
I'm a little whiny, I'm avery strong woman. And I had to
kind of point that out to himat a moment in our relationship, and
he kind of we talked about itthe other day and he talked about how
like he was always attracted to blackwomen women because they tend to be so
strong and not complaint and he alwayssaw that with his with his family and
(06:30):
the women and his family, theywere just so strong and didn't say anything
and didn't and they would just carrythis this, carry everything, carry all
their feelings, carry carry all this. And I'm like, it's so funny
that it was hard for you todeal with like my perceived like whininess when
I had to sit I'm like,I'm whining because I'm sitting there fucking dying
with this and whatever. It's sofunny that like me being able to voice
(06:54):
what's bothering me and pinpoint what's goingon is one of the reasons that you
were so attracted to me and youappreciated about me, because even though you
were attract you know, you areattracted to strong women. When you're attracted
to a strong woman who can't voiceher pain, who's been through trauma and
can't really get it out, andthey're just sitting there and stewing on it
(07:14):
and you can't like get passed offlike that's that's an issue. So that's
something he really appreciated about me,and we kind of unpacked that and it
was just weird and interesting. Soyeah, I don't know, I love
that for you guys. Yeah,that's you know what, thirteen years and
you're still finding out like weird,crazy shit, crazy shit. That's another
episode. Yeah, so that's mypiece. Sorry, not off, you're
(07:39):
done, But no, I definitelyagree with that. I agree with both
things. I feel like when Ikind of want to pick my battles,
I should say then I'll be likeI'm fine, Like, but it'll piss
me off if someone keeps asking meif like but what's wrong? I know,
(08:01):
like that's gonna piss me off.Like if I told you I'm fine,
it's like it's not that big ofa deal. But if it is
a big deal, then yeah,I just rather hash it out then and
there. I don't like stewing onit and move on. Well, I
think you you you talked about choosingyour battles, and it's like when when
a woman's being like real nitpicky likethat, you didn't do something, and
(08:22):
she's flying off the handle. Alot of times, I feel like that's
a build up of the really bigship and she just can't pinpoint or let
out what's bothering her, and soit's that little ship where she's like hah
ha, Cause it's just like Ifeel like it's not a point where it's
bursting. If that is happening,oh, if it's bursting, Like,
if I've gotten to that point,then I'm not crackling, And but we
(08:46):
try not to get there. Wesuppressed that you savage bring her way In
savage, I will say this.I like what both of y'all had to
say. One thing I agree withher is you know, and I'll speak
(09:07):
for me, but I know thatother men can relate when we go through
something. At least with me,I'm open with it. So if you
ask me and I say I'm fine, nine times out of ten, I'm
not gonna always say I'm fine.But most of the time that's what it
is, because I can communicate whenyou know, I feel some type of
way. Now, if I amin that situation and maybe I feel some
(09:33):
type of way with you, yeah, I've done that before where I could
be like, I'm fine, butit's not awesome. I want you to
figure out what's going on with me. I want you to actually leave me
alone, and then maybe later onI'll come back circling around and let you
know, like, yeah, soI just had a cool down and this
is what's going on. That's howI feel like a lot of men,
(09:54):
at least like me. You knowwhat I'm saying can be so I like
that you said that because we area simple in the way. We simple
with a lot of shit. Weknow when we were hungry, when we
want to fuck, when you know, like simple shit like, we don't
make it a big obstacle. Youknow, we want y'all to know what's
up. But yeah, with women, we know that's what it is.
(10:18):
And for the most part, ifyou've been with somebody for more than a
year, a few years, youkind of already know. Like I I'm
an either let her cool down andlet her know because y're mentioned something too,
like if you keep drilling certain females, now they about to explode on
you. And now, y'all,however it's going now, you know,
(10:39):
I ain't saying it's domestic violence.I'm just saying some some females take it
there and now you you feel medoing the ad dance on her like it's
a lot. So what I'm sayingis it depends on the female for real,
because there are aggressive ones and there'syou know, the machalant like they
don't want confrontation, so just talkto me. And then you got the
(11:03):
niggas that I want to hit thefemales, I want to hit you.
So yeah, that's it. SoI have a code and unless you have
to go for it, I guessthis is more of like a mask.
I think it's hard for me.Like you said, like most times you'll
be able to like say, sayhow you're feeling, especially sometimes you may
(11:28):
need time to say how you're feeling, or maybe not need time to say
how you're feeling, but need timelike not to choke her out or whatever.
So it's like just a little bitof time. It's less of a
like verbal code, but more ofa like I have a hard time.
I don't know if men are givingthe space to really feel what they need
to feel. And I have ahard time sometimes knowing when the load is
(11:52):
too much for him and and heit's just you know either or he's sad
about something happening in life or somethingand he or he's or he's trying to
process something and I won't know untilafter. And I feel so because I'm
still putting all like my pressures inmy daily and I'm venting, and just
(12:15):
he is my rock and I'm justputting everything on him, and his is
almost it almost feels like like mycup runs over sometimes and I just I
just can't and I know when Ican say, I can verbalize that,
I can be like I just can'ttake any more of anyone's emotions or whatever.
And it just feels like, forthe most part, he never says
or even I never even see howthat's getting to him. But it does
(12:41):
not even me just just life ingeneral, and I wonder, like,
how do you even know that thatmask is happening? How do you?
And I feel like an asshole becauseI feel like the times where he did
want to let it out, it'slike I was going through so much shit
that I just I needed him tobe strong, like selfish stuff. I
feel like I can verbalize things thatsome people can't verbalize, and I literally
(13:05):
fucking said like I cannot, likeyou cannot not be strong right now,
and that's some bullshit, that's someselfish so fucking bullshit. I don't know.
How do you? How do you? How do you? How do
you? How do you? Like? How do you know? Like that
that sorry, just like you gottabring me back. I'm trying to.
(13:30):
I don't know. I'm trying tofigure out my life. I know you're
breaking out. Girl's happening, right, that's all today. Your business,
mine your business, mine your business? You know, Oh you can't,
So how do you? How doyou see? That? Code of like
(13:52):
to like fifteen minutes to get there, But I'm here, I got there.
I'm gonna be honest with you.The fact that you said, you
admit it that you may not peepthat or you don't know what's going on
with him, but at least you'rewilling to, you know, see that
you're willing to, you know,kind of detect that that already is points
(14:13):
because a lot of women would notcare, like they might even be aware
this is what's going on with him, but in reality, it's still about
them. They're not giving him hisopportunity to share the room or voices of
feelings and Honestly, I'm not tryingto take it away from the combo.
Like we all got social media.We follow blags like the shade room,
(14:37):
this, that and the third.I've seen posts where celebrity men, maybe
not always celebrity, could just bea socialite, a man going through something
traumatizing, maybe with their kids oryou know what, they ax or court
whatever. And man, the commentsfrom the women that nigga sassi at hell,
like what you crying for? Eh? Like y'all niggas the nail emoji,
(15:01):
y'all love that? Yeah, yeah, little nigga, you can't have
no feelings like what Like I knowyou was raised by your mother, single
mom had eyes like ship like that. They going crazy, but let that
(15:22):
ship flip? Oh nah, whaty'all can't understand? Nah, we get
under attack, like it was morewomen coming at men and the comments and
ours getting so tight. I'm arguingwith a bit from Wisconsin that's talking crazy.
Meanwhile, meanwhile, I got onehundred and because they understand, like
(15:46):
like come on now, First ofall, I'm Jamaican, so niggas don't
we don't spare feelings? You feelme? Second of all, like I
respect you until you disrespect me.So in reality, how is it y'all
can have y'all moment, But thenwhen men have their moment, especially when
there's women out there, like damn, I want him to open up,
I want him to be that right, they see it as a weakness like
(16:10):
and I'm here trying to you supposedto be when the world is against me.
I come home to you. You'resupposed to be my peace. And
then imagine somebody being your piece,supposed to be a peace, but you
getting called sassy for letting her know, like damn, Yo, I just
feel like today it wasn't my day. I need a mental health day,
Like I even took off from work, and then you got a female like
(16:33):
pitch ass nigger taking off from work. But back to you, I respect
you for being like yo. Iacknowledge that I might not acknowledge your feelings
out that point in time, Butlet me spend the block again for you
and see and understand you. There'snot a lot of women out there you
(16:56):
feel me like, I really feellike that should be notice. And to
answer your question, it really dependson your partner how you can really gauge
what's going on with them. It'sjust communication. Yeah, I just got
to keep talking. But that that'smy take. But yeah, the world
is crazy today with woman not knockingoff. I'm just saying in general,
(17:17):
like the words sassy being used overone hundred and thirty million times, like
it's crazy. Yeah, it ain'tnothing sassy about me or any of my
niggas unless they're on some secret shit. But yeah, that was my point
of view. My bad. Wellthat's no. I definitely agree with everything
you said, but I'm not adude. But what I will say is,
(17:41):
I know I'm a really good communicatorthanks to therapy. But if I'm
having a day where I don't wantto talk about it, but I'm letting
you know. If you see thissign, this means I'm feeling this type
of way, so I beel Likewhen I'm really angry, I do dishes.
So if you see me going hardon those plates and just walk away,
(18:07):
come back in twenty four hours andI'll reconvene and yeah, I'll be
fine after that. But on alighter note, this is a huge one.
When a guy says she's just mycousin. How many times, way
too many times? I want toask room situation. I mean, if
(18:30):
you from the island, you don'tthere's got there's gotta be women that play
that card too. Oh yeah,like that my cousin though, Like is
it supposed to be a safe routeor like yeah not go ahead continue my
bath. No. No, Ifeel like like if you run, like
(18:52):
say, you don't worry about her, right right right, Like like from
this perspective, so like if youif you get it, you're a man
or whatever, and you run intosomebody he dealt with, he'll lie and
be like, oh, that's justmy cousin or whatever. Everybody's your cousin.
(19:14):
You're gonna lie. You got alarge family love to see that.
So the nigga's saying played cousin,he really just trying to be under the
family act like correct. Okay,So on some little little meach type ship
like oh okay, I got youwith the groceries and ship. I'm sure
there's girls that do that ship too. I don't trust that ship. I
(19:37):
know some married cousins and my bloodis from islands, You think that that's
that's not. No. I feellike they use the word cousin just because
it's like obviously if you're dating someonefor a while, you've met their immediate
family, but there's always you can'tmeet all of the cousins, you know
what I mean. Nah, butshe said blood cousins stuff. So are
(20:02):
we talking about this, I'm talkingabout black people cousin, They ain't really
your blood. That's my cousin,Like you know, because everybody's cousin.
Guy calls me because just because we'rethe only and they're like when they're like,
she's like my sister, she's likemy she's like my sister, or
(20:22):
he's like my brother. That's justlike my sister. I would never the
girl. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying, saying,
that's cousin. That's what I thought. That's what I thought. Yeah,
yeah, I mean it could bethat too. It could be that
too. Apparently there's a few pointof view. All I know is they
lying about who that person is tothem. That's all I know. That's
(20:45):
why I'm asked. I think hejust answered it. It means he's still
dealing with the JA, right orshe responded said something like that. Okay,
that's why I said that she isfor someone And thanks to the studio
audience for chiming in. So hoabout how about when a woman is like,
(21:08):
that's he's my best friend, andI would never like, that's just
that's just my best friend. That'sI'm not gonna hold you. I used
that before and I definitely not thesocks off that bitch. I'm not even
gonna hold I mean, I'm gonnabe honest. I ain't saying I'm like
that now. But like Nigga wasthe bestest friend niggas in this room,
(21:30):
I ain't the only one you feelme. I was like, yo,
but I got videos with Shorty,so like, nah, you got the
videos? Where she got the videos? I got the videos? Does she
know you have videos? No,she don't know damn thing. She is
(21:52):
not my fault. If you agreedwith it when she was wavy, it
wasn't right. You feel me,Like, if you've ever been intimate with
mister Jelly, you might want togive him a call at Rick Ross,
let's get let's get that click feelme. I don't want none of y'all
(22:12):
trying to get out of me likeit was consensual. Well this took the
next one. I don't even knowwhat's happening anymore. I can't. I
(22:36):
can't right now, But I don'tknow at my point of view if someone's
my friend or my friend, ifthey're thinking or looking at me in a
different type of way outside of friendship. I there's nothing I can do about
that. All I can there wasbe like, you're in the friend zone.
That's what it is. And Iknow and I know, viz friends
(22:56):
zone. Listen matter, we know, we know we're not gonna say names,
but we know what nigga. Weknow one nigga. You heard that
it's bad Yeah, yeah, makingsongs making no, let me stop.
Sure, I only know one songabout me out here. So I think
(23:22):
the men that were like, they'rejust that's just like our good friend or
whatever. It's it's because that's theboundary we set because we are just not
into them, and it would takea whole fucking polar like a whole shift
of how we viewed them, likeit have to be like maybe years later
and just a different hold on Itdepends. It depends on the It depends
(23:45):
on the female. Yeah, no, it do. But y'all have said
that I've been with my best friendfor thirteen years, so don't I'm just
saying like not necessarily all. I'mjust saying, like the way she described
it, that's how certain not namingit, certain females will describe it.
Say the nigga that she's talking to, she might be rocky, and she
go to that nigga, you alreadyknow what's in the back of his head.
(24:08):
And I mean some niggas is smoothwhen the when the henni's in the
system, and next thing you knowis like that meme nobody, he's looking
at more hands and you feel Imean, she riding and ship like,
yeah, they offering moral support ina physical way. You feel me he
was waiting to offer it facts.So I'm just saying it could go both
(24:32):
ways. But I do believe thatniggas can have real, genuine female friends
because I besides all the laughing,I do have them, you know,
and I never fucked with them.I mean I have I have really good
male friends, but my good malefriends it's like I introduced to I introduced
to my man and we're like kindof like friends as a couple because it's
(24:52):
just I don't know, it's justlike I could honestly even hanging out with
him by myself, not even likeit's like weird. I mean it's not,
we're not would it be weird hangout with here? Man? No?
Not my my my my friend.Oh it's it's weird and it's awkward
and it's just I honestly, nowthat I've been in a relationship so long,
(25:17):
it's just really I don't it's alwaysjust a funner time. Even if
like it's me Frank and me.Don't use the government. That would be
I told you, damn it.Somebody and that's it. Somebody going to
gas. They should get this girlwater. Oh I'm sorry. If somebody's
(25:42):
friend zoned their friend zone, likeDelly said, there's a hard list,
but that is what it is andit ain't going past that. And it
would take Jesus to come down andget you. No, no, I
mean, mister perfect is real.So he figured that ship out. He
(26:06):
just would not allow himself to befriend zoned. I tried, like I
tried. I tried, and hewas just like nah, and the friend
zone could come up out of it. You know what it is. You
know what it is if you youknow, especially especially for a single woman
when she doesn't have a man,but she kind of wants that person to
cuddle with and hang out with andwhatever whatever. That's what you're and you're
(26:32):
and you're fucking and you're you're givingthat to her, that that relationship without
anything, you know, anything thatyou then it's like she'll keep you there
and just there is a roster forthat. So there's there's the friend zone,
there's you made the roster. Idon't happen. I want to get
(26:52):
to know you by Every girl hasa backup plan. I don't care what
you say. I mean, Iwould, I would texts. No,
that's why like when dudes be like, oh she would such and such.
Now she must have been cheating onme the whole time. No, she
(27:15):
wasn't cheating on you. She didn'tneed to cheat on you. There was
yeah in place when like so whenyou say said, no, one's irreplaceable,
right with me, it's not aperson, it's just a preference.
It's just money. It'd be money, like money, Yeah, a lot
of money, Like a dude witha lot of money. That would be
my backup plan because I wouldn't dobullshit again for fucking free. Period yeah,
(27:37):
period, period, not ever soanyway, So if the money is
right, okay, oh no,no, no, no, no,
no, no no. It's himthat okay, And it only doesn't work
out if he dies because you don'thave a way out, you know,
(28:00):
And even in the next life.It's not till death do you part.
He met the he could or ifI if I died, if yeah,
I doubt, I doubt enough toknow. I know, yep, not
till death do what's part? It'sme. He could marry someone else if
(28:22):
I'm dead, but it's still mewhen we die. He sucked up.
It's okay, I don't know.You want to go, you can go.
He's out. I mean if itwas, if it was anyone else,
but not him. Just like Ijust don't give a fun anymore.
(28:45):
I'm just like, you know,doing me, living my life. I've
been through too much ship to beNo you could, you can talk that.
You appreciate you. We got abottle man. I feel like we're
moving on up, moving on up. We're doing big things. The Dirty
Tea Podcast Little Girls. All right, so we got time maybe for one
(29:14):
more because we gotta wrap it up. But what does it mean when you
call it? What do you callugly? Child like? What is the
way of saying they ugly without sayingthey ugly, y'all want to take this.
Let's say heart that is a goodone. I refrained from common in
(29:38):
yo, like that's that's a territorywhere people fight and kill for their kids.
So you better be you better beready for well, you don't say
it, you just say, oh, would you look at him? Would
you look look at that? Yo? But is everything so if you think
they're not peeping it, or you'dbe like they got a full head of
(30:03):
hair, meaning they hairy as fuck. You just popped out a monkey.
They had a head full of hair, girl, you must have had heartburn.
Or look at how precious, soprecious you tapped into your other side
(30:23):
with that one. I'm not agood liar, so I just we have
a studio audience in the back.You gotta say loud. If you got
none nice to say, don't saynone at all. That's right, that's
a good one. But when whenthat photos, it's a lot of it's
a lot of knucking and bucketing afterthat. But when photos, yeah like
(30:47):
that, yeah, not for real. Damn, you gotta run when she's
coming because you already know, like, oh go with the stroulder kind of
heart reaction to everything, or whenyou're like, oh wow, they grew
up so fast that means they looklike a thoti or this is definitely fact
(31:18):
read between the lines. That's right. You can't do nothing to reverse that.
If they got an ugly pickny though, like, but rich people don't
be ugly like that. Money canmake anything look pretty. I'm sorry,
only like you got some ugly babiesget botox and what absolutely you know what
(31:47):
I've seen some I've seen some uglybabies and ugly children that grow up to
be like super handsome, super beautiful, because you know, they bug eyed
when they babies, but when theygrow up with but guys, they're going
like, oh look at her bigbeautiful eyes. But it looked like it
took like twenty seven years ago.Yes, yeah, ugly child. Then
(32:17):
you'd be like, bless you,no, give me some of that.
This girl in high school look likeshe got run over by tires and I
was hoping in prayer her baby wasn'tgonna look like that. But yes,
both children did, Yo, blesstime. Maybe when they're twenty seven they'll
look cute or whatever. You don'tknow. I don't think so. I
(32:38):
think it's too late. This isdefinitely the savage. Yeah, she's savage
on v savage. She's savage onthe savage. On that note, we
got to take a pin in it, and we gonna come back to that.
(33:00):
I mean, yo, when Isaid that, if she is she
apparent and you already know she madeugly kids, Damn, I'm not gonna
hold you at the time the topic. I don't know if her daughter was
necessarily ugly, but like, Ijust know that between her and her daughter,
(33:22):
if we was to eat, I'mthe nigga that's getting like a twenty
dollars meal, and them two niggastogether will be like one hundred and twenty
like ten like eat too fucking muchlike And I know that's coming crazy from
me, but like, no,she raising a right, Shorty, is
like twelve years old with the fuckingthirty two year old frame. Because you
(33:45):
mad big yo, Like slow downon the fucking uber eats. MA have
a good night. Nah. Ijust had to get that out, all
right. I hope you feel better. My bread wasted. Carey for yourself
and not your family, for dully, let it out, let it out.
(34:14):
I should have claimed, Shorty,That's how I feel like I should
have I should have claimed Shorty soI could get some bread back, all
right. I'm like, no,we'll see you next week. Good night,
Shorty. Man. No, Idon't like to do that. It
(35:01):
is made of bagg
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