EP. 5 First Love Feat. Izzy, Mel B, and Mr. Boombastic

Did you have a first love? Does anyone you've dated afterwards compare? How do you know your in love?

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
M h no, I don't liketo do that. It's welcome to Dirty

(00:45):
Tea Podcast. Is your girl hesavage in the building and uh we're continuing
with season three and I got mygirls and mister Boombostik here. Say hi,
mister Boombostik because he got a fullof food. Put him on the
spot. We'll coming back around here. It's your girl, ezy. Hi,

(01:08):
it's smelly mal heir. Yeah,welcome back, everybody, you know,
get the gang together, gang gang. Yeah. I'm just you know,
got a fuck with my boy.But just to let y'all know,

(01:29):
y'all, girl is now officially thebrand ambassador for Guess. Yes, more
collaborations coming up. There's a lot, you know, going on and keep
it hush hushed, but for nowyou will see your girl in uh titot

(01:51):
out pretty soon and looking for modelsand uh looking you know, to do
some projects in the future. Sohit your girl up at Dirty Tea Podcasts
at gmail if you're interested, sendme some modeling pecks, picks, pecks,
Oh my god, the picks,sen me, the picks, not
the Pecksno, no, thank you, unless you don't mind your ship popping

(02:20):
up. My OnlyFans because you know, we gotta pay the bills somehow.
But yeah, send me your picksif you're interested in doing some modeling.
And we have, like you know, rooftop parties we're gonna be doing in
the summer. There's gonna be alot going on with that, and I'll
keep you guys posted. But let'sget back on track. So today's episode

(02:47):
is not just about your first love, but maybe how it impacted your future
relationships. Does there anyone compare tothat initial feeling when you were untainted?

(03:07):
You no walls up? Now Igot the Trump towers up, like the
Trump towers are sky high, andI'm like, who sent you? Yeah,
So I don't know, how doyou guys feel about it? Sorr
take that little shot shot, youdunk the whole bottle. I thought we

(03:30):
were taking a shot. I thoughther responsible. I mean, I mean,
you know, all the way upyou do things and first love,
Jim Bem. I guess my thoughton it is like when you when I
think of first love, it's noteven doesn't even have to be the first
person you're with, the first personwhatever, it's that first person, like

(03:51):
you had like those feelings, withthose emotions with that that connection with that
they're after, you know, becauseit probably for of us didn't work out
every every relationship there after. Youknow, in your head subconsciously, you
know, if only at the beginning, you always kind of compare the two,
and you're always kind of like,why don't I feel that way?

(04:14):
Or why why don't I have thesame kind of chemistry? And and yeah,
I don't know that was my thatwas my thought on it. Do
you feel like your initial first love? Would you still consider them your first
love? You know how sometimes they'relike ooh, no, that wasn't love.
That was like puppy love, orthat was just like lustful. Yeah,

(04:35):
so so, ma, I guesshow I describe it, like like
yeah, yes, and no,I think it's a different kind of love.
It's it's so I've been with misterperfect for twelve and a half years
and I call him perfect. Wecould get into that another day because everyone
else thinks he's perfect. That hasnothing to do with me. So don't

(04:56):
think I'm over here like miss love. No, No, it's just it's
just whatever. But I've been withhim for like twelve and a half years,
and we've discussed this. He hashis first love. I have my
first love, and it's like thefeeling isn't the same that first love.
To me is almost like you havethat blind those blind spots where you just
like push everything to the side andyou don't see it. And it's always

(05:18):
like that underlying feeling of like you'reso well infatuated or in love with them,
Whereas when you're like in that reallove, it's it's like you have
days where you hate the person.You have days where you where you or
where you're like where you feel likeyour roommates, or where you feel like
you know. That's why they saylove is work, because you have to

(05:40):
work through those those ebbs and flows, right Whereas with your first love,
I think you you just let yourselfremain blind to it because of that feeling.
At least at least that's how itwas for me, that's how it
was for him, Like I hadto be absolutely appalled with him before I
could, like, you know,get out of that, and same for
him. And I think I think, even like hearing stories from other from

(06:05):
other men and other women, theycan't always I feel like they can't always
have healthy relationships because they're always likelike, oh, I don't. I
don't feel that that way about him. I'm not feeling chemistry. I'm not
feeling this. I don't know ifthey're the one because I wonder if they're
always chasing that feeling that they hadand I feel like wasn't like real.

(06:26):
You remember your first love, itwas a it was a windy day.
I just feel like sometimes when youthink about first love, it gotta be
like real. They gotta be likeI don't know, you would have to

(06:47):
like know the trials and trip relationsto understand what love is to be like
my first love. So when youwere a teenager, there's no one where
you'd be like that. I don'tfeel like when I was a teenager,
I was in love. I wasin lust with a lot of women when
I was a teenager. But likelove is like something that's like tough,

(07:08):
because like she said, you likesometimes you really like hate the person,
like you know what I'm saying.Like you could be in a situation that's
like you know, this isn't foryou, but you're just hanging on because
like it's a comfortability thing and it'slike a bunch of things. That's what
I mean. I feel like youcan't really say you were in love until

(07:30):
you witness adulthood, like you knowwhat I mean, because it's different statures
of like even being in relations withpeople, like you might feel like you're
in love because someone has good sex, or like you're just comfortable there,
or you know, you just linkon a lot of different levels. It's
not really like, yeah, ofcourse some women get digmatized, not this

(07:55):
one. How about you? Imean, I don't know. That's tough,
like you said, because mhm,yeah, when you're young, I
think you feel like you're in lovewith everyone that you're with, you know,
I mean, huh, it's yes, definitely, definitely. I had

(08:18):
a different experience. I don't know. That's why I said. I can't
really you know, pinpoint the specifics. But I mean, every relationship I
was in, I would kind ofthinking I'm in love. You know,
I'm in love, But it's like, were you really in love? That's
the question. I don't know.You know you're in love when the toxicity
comes out, you knocking on inthe middle of the night, you know,

(08:45):
That's what I'm saying. Like thathappens often for you. Do you
think now, looking back, doyou feel like you were in love because
you said at the time you feltlike you always in love. Like when
you look back now, do youfeel like you were in love? I
can probably say maybe one specific personbecause I still you know, I'm not

(09:11):
saying I'm in love with them,but I still got love for them to
this day and it's been how long, Like this was when I was fifteen,
sixteen years old and to this day, like I love them to death,
like you know what I mean.He's my friend and I would always,
you know what I mean, havelike that good relationship with him,
and I think it's maybe maybe itwas. I couldn't say for one hundred

(09:33):
percent sure, so I guess likewith that being said, and that's what
I'm getting to like, when you'rewhen you're in like a curt relationship,
can nobody else compare? And that'skind of what that's That's kind of where
I'm like getting at. And Ifeel like I hear a lot very often
with men too, like when thatwoman that they really cared about, and

(09:58):
I'm not saying it can't be theother way, but when they that woman
that they really cared about fucked themover from then on, it's like you
know they don't feel that same waytowards other women, and then they treat
them like shit because you pay forthat. And I'm not saying women don't
do it too, It's just Ido hear it a lot very often.
Yeah, I think I think it'sdifferent for men, you know, than

(10:18):
women. I mean obviously, likeeverybody loves differently. Everybody feels like,
yeah, I think every relationship completelyseparately. I literally I can say I've
loved quite a few people, butthe love was different for each and every
single one of them. And Idon't think anyone was lesser more than the

(10:39):
other. It was just different.I feel like you would felt going into
a relationship trying to think it's goingto add up to your old relationships because
people are different like that. Youcan't. That's different things. Yeah,
Like if I'm in a relationship withyou right now, it's things that you
did that I love, and it'sthing that you did that I hate.
Like, so it's gonna be thesame no matter where you go. Like
if you on, you're gonna findnew things that you love, and it's

(11:03):
going to be new things you hate. So it's just like I love hate
things I don't know. I thinkit's really a generational thing too, because
nowadays, like you said, youknow, you have the Trump Towers up
and stuff like, oh yeah,they're up there. I feel like when
you're younger, you're not the expectationsof being in love is not the same
as being an adult because different thingsmatter. When you're an adult. Somebody

(11:24):
that gives you stability, Like whenyou're a kid, you're not thinking about
stability, You're thinking about fun.Yeah, how many times they can have
sex with you? I kind ofdid just because I was in a staple
home. So you kind of wantsomebody that has like at least a plan.
You don't expect them to have theirshit together at seventeen, but like
at least a plan for their lives, like I think. But like I

(11:50):
I had someone who I can Honestly, I thought at the time he was
the love of my life. Butat that age, like fifteen sixteen years
old, obviously you have and livelong enough. But he opened my eyes
to love, So I that's whatI consider him. He's the one that
let me know I could get tothat point because I didn't think I could.
I was very heartless person. Theice queen I went through a lot

(12:16):
of ship, A lot of ship. Yeah, I went through a lot.
So I just didn't trust anybody,didn't want to let anybody in.
And he opened my eyes that thereare good people. And I think,
I don't think I even recognize himtoday if I saw him, but I
remember him. It is But whoeveryou are, what you did, or

(12:48):
your name, it's bad. It'sso bad, people think, but I'm
not. He opens life to awhole new wor the I call my life.
This is what women do. No, I think that's I think that's
definitely super healthy, and that's Idon't think everyone takes it that way,

(13:11):
but I think that's super healthy wayto look at it, to look at
it like every relationship is different,and obviously like I've had to look at
it that way too. I thinkI think in the beginning of my relationship
now, it was because it wasdifferent, because it wasn't let's say,

(13:31):
puppy love. I knew this personwas a great person, and it's just
I wasn't feeling those feelings and andI was like, I thought it would
be like more instant, and Ithought it would be quicker, and I
was so worried to be like,it's like, why would I feel it
for like an asshole? And thenlike there's a good person right here and

(13:52):
and they're just not coming quickly.So that's what I struggled with. But
I was like, let me seewhere this goes, see what happens,
and lucky you know, there wasups and downs, but luckily enough,
like we we toughed it out.But that's something like I definitely struggled with
in the beginning. And so canI tell you something I learned this in

(14:13):
life, like being in different situationslike this might sound crazy, but women
love ship heads mm hmm they do. Like good guys finished last you see
how you got your sleeves rolled upready for a gangst? They comes short
with this little hot you can't comeshort. It's just like the bad guys

(14:41):
are more exciting, more fun.The good guys are like I have to
be like, are you kidding me? But leave it up to a female
you would rather have not you,But females would rather have gangster for the
excitement the second. So for me, I I mean that was never my

(15:03):
like want. Some people on theshow might have a different we want some
needs and attractive what have you sothat was never so what I wanted.
Like even with my first love,it's like I really I think in my
head when he did, like reallynice things, I made them bigger than

(15:24):
what they were, and I likeblocked out things that he did that weren't
so great. He wasn't a badperson like I think, like is he
no, Like, he wasn't abad person. He wasn't a bad friend.
He wasn't he you know, myfamily got along with him and everything.
He just wasn't a good boyfriend.And it took me a while to
like learn that. And I've alwaysI've always been more attracted to like someone

(15:46):
who was kind and someone who wasnice. I don't I don't think everyone's
like that. I don't think everyman's like that, but that's where I
was always. I think it wasjust harder for me to see when he
did things that were shit because itwas my first love. And even so
with with the second person I waswith before mister Perfect, my second relationship,

(16:10):
he was like nice, but thenhe was like I think he was
like narcissistic, So I wouldn't seeI wouldn't he was just he was nice,
but he would he was very jealousand stuff, and so extremely jealous,
extremely jealous of me, And sohe was jealous of Izzy, like

(16:33):
he was like I couldn't even hangout with Izzy, very jealous of her.
But it's like I was, Iwasn't make sense now he disappeared,
So I was, but I wasattracted to like him being disappeared for a
hot second, and I'm like,where my girl at? Like that sometimes
be like that, I can't lockme down. I need to last,

(17:00):
but let me spread ways. SoI've never confirmed any one that any of
my boyfriend's cheating on me anything likethat or doing I think that was I
think that was where I struggled to, Like, if someone like cheats on
you or hits you or or doessomething insane shit to you, you could
be like, oh no, fuckthat, I'm not dealing with that.

(17:22):
And the thing and they they crossedboundaries that just because they didn't cheat on
me, just because they didn't dothis, just because they didn't do that,
didn't mean that they were good enoughfor me because they weren't trying to
do better in other areas. Andit's like no one's perfect, but we
should all we should be trying tomove together in this relationship and be doing

(17:44):
better together. And so that Ithink that's what I really struggle with,
Like it's just never had time forme and possibly cheating on me, but
I never confirmed it, and andthat had to be enough. Like they're
showing me that they don't care aboutme because they can't be there for me.
And and so without confirmation, youknow, you're trying to ask them

(18:06):
and they're like they're like, no, I love you, and no.
You kind of have to like tellyourself like they're showing you who you are.
And that's almost harder because you Alot of times we want that confirmation.
We want to see, we wantto see or we want to hear
from them like oh I did dothis, or or I don't love you,
I want to be on for thestreets or whatever, like we want
to like hear it. Let's notget in twisted. I've had some good

(18:27):
drug dealer boyfriend shout out to y'all, y'all know who you are. They
they're some good ones. Just becausethey don't make their money the most best
way. Well, I let notcall it on and I guess if they
learn you're providing a service that peoplewant they clearly need. I mean,

(18:49):
I guess one time worker because thefucking school kept sending the pull backers to
my house. And I'm like,I wish I could afford drugs. I
wish I could. I would bea happier person right now. Drugs are
pretty cheap right now. So Idon't think that's started love me. She
thought it was hilarious. They're affordableto be an addict right now. That

(19:12):
would be great. I wouldn't thinkabout any of this ship. But no,
that's not in the cards for me. But I will say though,
those people were the ones that gaveback to their community. Those are the
people that keep Dirty Tea podcasts rolling. Thank you guys for buying your cardiers,

(19:32):
for buying your Gazelle shout out.Shout out to the street pharmacist.
Y'all keep the lights going and keepthe lights on, keep the lights on.
Thank you guys. This is whereI don't even want to get into
this you guys. Let you guyson this topic right here. I'm just
saying, like people who I wouldcall like my hard working uh association,

(20:00):
it's and whatnot, they don't beanother episode. Let's put it in that
we don't bring that back. I'mjust saying they give back and they put
money back into their peoples, andI respect them for that. That's people
saying, all right, I'm gonnajust say this. People that have street

(20:21):
pharmaceuticals, they tend to be alittle more loose with the spending money.
I think people that work for theirmoney a little more tight because they understand
they have to work really hard.But that's why I don't purchase from like
big chains. I rather put moneyin my people's pockets because I know how

(20:44):
hard it is to get that,you know, because you work so hard
for it. Like I'm always supportingmy friends in any entrepreneurships that they do,
And that's how it should be.You should be given back to your
peoples, not to everyone else thatis already made. It Like you're trying
to help everyone eat, and I'malways collaborating and impairing people up and try

(21:07):
to let everybody eat. You know, that's just my mentality. Why try
to help somebody that wouldn't even seeyou, Right, they don't even know
who you are. I know you, they would never be able to know
who you are, right, Idon't care what you spend and they're not
helping you. I have one morequestion back on topic. Do you feel
like you ever like you've been comparedin your relationship to like oh all the

(21:27):
time and you've and you feel likeyou have to pay for the person that
fucked them over the person that Idon't deal with those people. When you
get your mental right, come backand see me. If I'm still single,
maybe we can go from there.But I don't tolerate that shit because
I've been through it too, LikeLord knows, I have been through it

(21:48):
over and over again, and Inever take it out on the next person.
That has to do with mental healthfor me, in my personal opinion,
like you didn't mourn that relationship,and you need to mourn that relationship
in order to move on. Youneed to see that person as their own
entity. I have nothing to dowith that. But then I know people

(22:10):
who are like close friends of mine. One guy, I'm like, yo,
you're You're one of the best peopleI know. How are you still
single? Because I compare everybody toyou, viv And I'm like, don't
do that, because you're comparing whoyou think I am. You've never been
in a relationship with me. Youdon't know how I am. I'm completely
different in a relationship than I amjust out fucking around chilling and you know,

(22:33):
just being regular friendships. Like I'ma whole different person, So you
can't go off of that, see, And it sounds like it sounds like
we all know that and understand that. But like you said, like your
friend compare everybody to you. It'slike I've heard of that, like so
often, compare everybody to someone thatyou really care about or somebody that you
were with or what have you.And it's just I feel like that's why

(22:56):
they can't be happy and relationships andthat I don't know that if you're not
happy in a relationship, that's onyou. I've been I'm not. But

(23:18):
it's true, like if you don'tlike something changing, just I'm ready for
something and the person is not asready as I am. They probably still
dwelling on the past and not completelyheld. But I thought with their heart
instead of their mental sometimes your heartis gonna leave you astray. That's that's

(23:40):
a hard thing because you have twopeople right in a relationship and you both
are in different places right, Soit's like, you know, like that
happens all the time, it's likeone persons in it, you know,
for the win, and the otherperson's got to get there, or it
is not really totally in it,and it's like what you do? What

(24:00):
do you do? Sometimes this isthe way of life, opposite attracting everything.
So you might be here, theymight be there. It's total opposite.
But it's just like something that drawsyou together. And the thing is
just like from the beginning of therelationship or from the you know, when
you guys are first starting to talkor date, whatever you want to call
it. I've always been to aperson say look, I'm gonna let you

(24:23):
know what I'm looking for, whatI want, but never the problem with
that is they will agree with youor say oh, me too, and
then turn around and fucking do somethingtotally opposite because they are looking in your
eyes. They're thinking, I'm goingto get this vagina right. No,

(24:45):
person, so you're telling me everythingyou want. I might know in my
mind that I'm not capable of things, but I didn't tell you that because
you want I want some vagina exactly. That's that's the fun. Why do
you vagina? I don't know vagina? Then you have you know what I

(25:10):
mean. Then that's when the problemscoming, when they start like busting out
your car windows and like you know, following you. I mean, that's
that's when I see. So basically, what you're telling me is you thought
you wanted this vagina, but youdidn't because you don't know how to control
yourself after this vagina. Right,I never bust windows in my life.
Well, I mean, I'm talkingabout both parties, right, it's about

(25:34):
exist don't. Well, but that'swhat I'm saying. It's I'm not saying
it's the guys. It's both likeit can go either way. But what
I'm saying is that's what ends uphappening, you know what I mean.
So it's like, why not justbe up front and keep you on at
the beginning. I think we shouldhave a whole I think should person I

(26:00):
put my ship on the table andI and I mean what I say,
and I say what I mean,that's it, that's me. I think
we should have a whole episode thatcould be lying in the way and then
and then once you get it,like what happens there chemistry. I don't
think you can put a pen inthis, you know, come back to
this conversation. But how long dowe have for this conversation? Jo saying,

(26:25):
you know, we we're gonna takea break and we're gonna come back
with part two, and then wewill reiterate how bust how you get to
that point, you get to thatpoint, and what makes you get to
that point? Because I think it'sa very important conversation. It happened windows

(26:47):
in the future, and if itdoesn't hit your girl, V said,
job, I got niggas that workfor safe Light. We're gonna have the
Busters and the bust Busters Bustes.Look out for that episode. I just
or you end up running somebody over. I mean, I don't know that's
that almost happened a couple of times, but I know people have. I'm

(27:11):
just saying it sounds like here andwe have some busties here, so we're
gonna apparently that might be the nextepisode. So yeah, hilarious. All
right, So check us out onsocial media. Dirty Tea Underscore that's the
letter to Dirty t Underscore podcast.You can catch us on Snapchat, I

(27:36):
G Facebook, and who knows,maybe someday we'll be back on OnlyFans,
but it for some reason they won'tlet me reopen my account, but you
know we're working on it. Plansfor the future, good night, everybody's man charter