DItM 04-10-25 Borderlands Busted

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hello friends, you have a moment so that we may
discuss our Lord and Savior minarkey, No, seriously, I'm just kidding.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
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(00:56):
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Speaker 6 (02:00):
The following program contains course language and adult themes.

Speaker 4 (02:04):
Listener and discretion is advised.

Speaker 7 (02:26):
I can't see where you coming from. I don't just
switch to run from what that? Oh's bad, but the well,
just stop you frolling from you.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
Good evening to k l r N. This is Thursday Night,
which means it's your early introduction to the weekend. And
this is Disasters into make And how's everybody doing? I
Brad slag or getting ready to walk you down the
dark and dingy alleyways of Hollywood and joining me on
this trek through the mud and the muck of Dreamland

(03:12):
will be none other than screen rants Own Paul Young,
what is going on tonight?

Speaker 6 (03:15):
Paul? How are you doing this? Za and mister Bradley,
Everything working out for you? Okay? There? I know you're
watching or are you watching some basketball? Are you Washington baseball?
What are you watching? You got something going on a night?
What are you watching there?

Speaker 2 (03:28):
Nop, it's hockey. We're into the five and four college
game is on. Apparently March Madness ended this week too.

Speaker 6 (03:36):
I know Florida one. I hate that as a Georgia fan.
I hate to see Florida win anything, but kudos to
them for bringing home the national championship.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
Yeah, I'm completely oblivious to that because the other night
one of my co writers was like, Hey, congratulations of Florida.
I go, what the hell did we do? Now? Tell me?
Oh my god, You're like you just won the championship
And I'm like, what are you doing? Oh? Got it? Sorry? Yeah,
don't like basketball, don't like UF So my interest level
was really hovering around zero. Yeah, completely lost. But yeah,

(04:09):
tonight the Frozen Four is taking place and my team
is Boston University. They're squaring off against Penn State and
if they win, they go to the final Saturday. So
a bit of excitement on my end of things. That's
the way I work.

Speaker 6 (04:22):
Nice. Yeah, I always remember I always forget sometimes that
you're a huge hockey nut.

Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yeah, it is my game, which is weird you.

Speaker 6 (04:31):
Living down here in Florida and the hockey being basically
up north.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
It is, But we do have our own team, by
the way, and the arena cisright on the edge of
the Everglades, which is kind of bizarre and fitting at
the same time. But we're defending Stanley Cup champs. I'm
excited about that. Now. I got a college team on
the verge of a championship too, So I'm in a
good mood. I'm doing well. I'm happy with things.

Speaker 6 (04:53):
I mean, I'm honestly surprised that we haven't covered more
hockey films.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
Well we you know, we did do the bon jovie epic.

Speaker 6 (05:03):
Yeah, that was terrible. I don't know what we were
thinking there.

Speaker 2 (05:09):
That it was terrible. I think it's exactly what we're
it's ticking.

Speaker 6 (05:11):
So we succeeded because that one.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
Wow, uh, that offended me as a hockey fan and
as a movie watcher. Double two minutes in the box
for that one.

Speaker 6 (05:22):
Mm hmm. Now I will I will say that tonight's
movie we picked because of Minecraft, came out last weekend
and we've covered two movies now based on Jack Black
where the Gulliver's Travels earlier in the year when the
when the first trailer was released, and now border Lands
because Jack blackbrs is clap trap in it. Now, let

(05:44):
me just say, as someone who went to go see I,
I told you earlier I had a trilogy of garbage
to watch. I watched Electric State on Netflix, which should
have been a lot better than it was, and then
I followed that up with my Borderlands in Minecraft. Those
are my three in a rows, like in the span

(06:05):
of twenty four hours.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
And so apparently you were in a dystopian ensemble. Kick
he just wanted to It's like it was like sing
through it.

Speaker 6 (06:18):
It was like eating a Twinkie milkshake, followed up by
scarfing down as Mary sour Patch kids, as like I
was trying to give myself movie diabetes all at one time,
both type one and type two of the diabetes. That's
all the diabetes. But I'm gonna be honest with you, son,
and I went to go see Minecraft last night. I've

(06:39):
never played the game. It's just not been my thing.
It was more gear towards him. He's eighteen. It'll be
nineteen in August. He has played that game as recently
as last week, he says, and I got a friend
of mine.

Speaker 8 (06:51):
He's in his forties and he still plays it. He
goes he used he's a teacher. He uses it to
unwind and relax. He's like just be able to control
the universe. He's in for a short period of time,
according to him.

Speaker 6 (07:03):
So I get it. It's got a huge following. I
didn't hate the movie, Brad. Now, I know there's plenty
of criticisms out there to be had for this film.
It's a stupid story, it's a stupid ensemble. They can't
figure out who exactly they want to be the lead
character in this film. There's it's a dumb, dumb, dumb

(07:25):
bad guy main villain. But at the end of the day,
I found myself, my son and I found ourselves laughing
throughout most of the film. And I didn't need to
understand the game to understand the jokes and look, I
just want to be entertained when I go to the
fifth when I go to the movies, and that's what

(07:45):
this movie did for me. I was very shocked, very surprised,
to be honest with you, because we walked in there
thinking it was just gonna be full of just stupidity.
It's not a good movie, but it's an entertaining movie.
It'll probably make a billion dollars of the box office.
It probably deserves it. Jason Momoa is hysterical. He's that

(08:06):
he's very, very funny. Him and Jack Black play well
off each other. The rest of them don't really know
what they're doing there. And Jack Black's trying too hard
to be funny, which is what he does in most
of his roles.

Speaker 2 (08:17):
Same guy, he's kind of suffered a blate, he's uh
ever since Jumanji, he's kind of been on a downward slope,
so he kind of needed this.

Speaker 6 (08:25):
He's trying too hard, Like, we get it. You're You're
a loud, funny, obnoxious kind of guy, borderline of noxious,
and that's his style of comedy. But like, I think
one of his best roles was in that one with
Gwyneth Paltrow and Jason Alexander.

Speaker 2 (08:43):
Oh yeah, the where he no longer saw women as
fat and saw their inner beauty.

Speaker 6 (08:52):
Jack Bluck Fat Movie. I suppose that if you google it,
it's Jack Black Fat Girl Movies. How it comes up
shallow how.

Speaker 2 (09:02):
Right? Yeah, that was. I mean it was an interesting
take on things. But it was a more of.

Speaker 6 (09:08):
A relaxed role for him, right, He didn't that he
wasn't required to be the super funny, obnoxiously loud guy
come through Panda. He plays well to come through Panda.
His voice. That's a great series. It's probably my favorite
out of everything that that that Dreams Works does when
it comes to animation. But he did another movie. It

(09:32):
was a holiday. It was a holiday film, mightn't been
called the Holiday. Yeah, it's a holiday two dozand and six.
So those are like completely out of the box character
wise for him, he's not it's not required to be
loud and obnoxious and funny. He just can be a person.
And if you just bring him into a regular actor,
he's pretty decent.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
And well, that's the thing is he needs to modulate
a bit because whenever you just stick him in front
of a camera and say go do Jack Black, you know,
that's when you just get him gesticulate, taking his shirt
off and just acting you know, hyper caffeinated. I'll tell
you where I thought he did a really good role
was in Tropic Thunder, where he basically was doing a

(10:10):
send up of the type of movies he was doing,
but in a cynical fashion, and like when the camera
was turned off, he was this is a drug addicted
superstar kind of thing, and it's just like, just shut
the hell up and go get me my pills, you
know that. And he played that well. And it's when
you give him framework in which to operate on he

(10:33):
does much better. It's like, listen to your guy does this.
He acts this way, he behaves in this fashion, and
this is his motivation. Jack Black is better than he
did that well in Jumanji and things like that. When
you have some kind of framework and guardrails for him,
much much better. But if it's just go be Jack Black.

Speaker 6 (10:54):
I think the exception to that would probably be School
of Rock because that but that that movie, that movie
suffers if he's not acting that way for this film
because the kids weren't.

Speaker 9 (11:08):
The kids weren't carrying the film. Joan Cusack's character was
well to button up. They needed him to be that
style character in order for that movie to be as
enjoyable as it was.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
Yeah, and then basically in that role he is Jack Lae.
I mean, that's straight out of Tenacious D and everything
else that's him. Yeah, you know, so that that kind
of worked because it was all right, we need what
do we put Jack Block in a high school kind
of scenario? And then it okay, but it's yeah, the
last last few films, he just did what a Christmas
movie a few months ago that everybody hated, and uh, yeah,

(11:47):
he's he needed some kind of redemption here and you
probably got it. Did you see any of the videos
online for Minecraft? What's took place inside theaters? Because there
I've seen a where the audience just went backcrap crazy
at certain times.

Speaker 6 (12:04):
So they're mostly teens, like, they're mostly preteens and early teens,
I say, somewhere between like the eleven and twelve to
sixteen to eighteen crowds, sixteen to seventeen crowd and they're
all parents just dropping them off going there, and they're
they're essentially at least the videos I've watched there are
showing no respect for the decorum inside of a regular

(12:27):
movie theater. We're not talking about people losing their minds
during Han Solo dying and you know and Star Wars,
excuse me, Star Wars or you know, Captain America picking
up thorest hammer and end game. We're not talking about
people going crazy like that. We're talking about kids just
losing all respect for themselves and the people around them
and throwing popcorn and just going nuts. My son sent

(12:49):
me a video on Instagram this morning, and it showed
a bunch of kids getting kicked out of the theater.
The whole theater. The whole theater got it spelled because
they just when the Chicken Jockey came on. I don't
even know what that's about, but the Chicken Jockey came
on and they all just lost their minds, like they're
in the middle of some sort of TikTok meme, and
I'm just like, like I would have had to lose

(13:11):
my absolute shit on everybody. Yeah, that theater I paid money.

Speaker 2 (13:16):
I think these are kids that don't go to movies.
You know, they've never been to a theater before, and
for whatever reason, when this fan service character showed up,
they all lost their minds and they're jumping up and
down in their seats and throwing a popcorn and high
fiving each other. It's like there's a movie taking place there.
You know, that won't sound like the old fart or anything.
But it's like you came for this, Like cheering and

(13:40):
applauding is okay to a degree, but there's still stuff happening. Well,
you know, we're not pausing the movie for your little
emotional outrage here, but this, you know, this is the
new generation. This is now also probably why theaters are
suffering because these kids don't go to theaters and.

Speaker 6 (14:00):
They don't they don't understand that the coorum that's required
to be in public. Like it's we live in the
TikTok generation, you know, where everybody it's okay to just
walk up to women randomly and ask them how many
people they've slept with, And then the women don't find
anything offensive about that and answer the question all because
some some random dude is holding a tiny little microphone

(14:21):
in his hand and his buddy's holding the camera. They're
just going to give out personal information. And they're both
okay with the question being asked and answering the question,
knowing that it's going to be online forever and not
realizing that that at some point they're going to be
forty six with kids and possibly grandkids watching. You know
how many people grandma slept with? On spring Break. It's

(14:42):
just I don't you know.

Speaker 2 (14:44):
It's a case where this is all skewed reality, because
in order for them to have that moment, they probably
offended about fifty women how many of you slept with?
Screw off, get out of my face, or you know,
push them out, so they have to just keep out
and keep at it, and then that one percenter will
respect on they get their video gold and we get
infected with Hawktua girl for six months.

Speaker 6 (15:06):
Right or longer?

Speaker 2 (15:08):
This is Yeah, these are kids that should be watching
us at home so that when the Chicken character comes out,
they can hit pause and high five their friends on
the sofa and lose their mind and start going online
and sending their text out and oh my god, you
won't believe what just happened. Not's great, you know, And
then twenty minutes later they can restart the movie and
get back into it.

Speaker 6 (15:27):
Like you're not watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show. You know,
this is this is a minecraft movie. It's not I
mean that they were treating it like the Rocky Horror
Picture Show, except not as good. They're not singing a
lot of the songs. They're just losing their mind at
the fan service, and I guess this movie had a
lot of fan service in it.

Speaker 2 (15:46):
Seemed like it. But this is also too why I've
never gone to a movie on opening week a big
movie on opening weekend probably decades. I mean, you know,
garbage movies. Like we love opening weekend sure, because it's
me and three people, right, you know, like if a
world movie comes out, I dread going when it's a
full theater because nobody can stop talking and texting and

(16:08):
doing everything else.

Speaker 6 (16:09):
And it's like cinem Well, we go during the day, so,
you know, because my son I work a weird schedule,
and so we found ourselves with some time at two o'clock.

Speaker 10 (16:17):
In the afternoon. So we go and we catch the
matinee over at the New Cinemak, which is one of
the cleanest theaters in Jacksonville. And there were only like
five or six people in the theater. And of course
I'm sitting next to a mom and her homeschool kid
right next door. I mean there were like four seats away.
I had to sit in seats I didn't buy. That's
how close we were in the same row.

Speaker 6 (16:39):
Like, you got this theater with three hundred seats and
I happened to pick the two next to you. But
it's fine. I mean they're nice recliners and stuff. But
it was funny listening to this kid sitting next to
us and he is like pointing and having the time
of his life at everything that shows up in this movie.
He's like, oh my gosh, that's from the game, and
this is from the game, and oh my god. I
saw this with Billy like he's talking. And I wasn't

(17:01):
really annoyed by it so much as I was like
it kind of enjoying his enjoyment of the movie.

Speaker 2 (17:10):
He's kind of cool.

Speaker 6 (17:11):
He wasn't being obnoxious. He was just like a ten
year old that was enjoying this movie with his mom midday.
And if I didn't like it, I could have moved
down to any of the numerous open roads. You know.
It's just been away from that section. But there was
a set of kids in front of us, like three
or four rows down and you could hear them doing
the same thing with their parents. It's this is a

(17:31):
very clean movie. It is probably the most family friendly
film that has come out this year as far as
like there's there's no sexual end window jokes, there's no
that nonsense where they just kind of peel one in
there for the parents so that they can make it
a little PG thirteen as opposed to PG h there's
the violence is all cartoonish, right, It's you know that

(17:52):
everything that gets hurt or killed is a character, and
there was plenty of opportunity to add that into the
into the film, and they chose not to. So I
give the filmmakers some credit for their restraint, knowing about
exactly who this audience was gonna be pointed towards, and
knowing exactly what it is they wanted to do, and

(18:14):
that was to make money. And they deserve just about
every dollar they're gonna make here because this thing opens
in China. Tariffs are no tariffs. This thing is gonna
just draw in that ridiculous amount of money.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
I'm sure it will. And this, you know, what you're
describing to is them knowing their audience. Because I've got
in our family too, not Minecraft, but Roadblocks, which is
kind of an adjunct game to this one.

Speaker 6 (18:38):
And I told my son that Roadblocks would be the
asylum version of Minecraft if they ever release it.

Speaker 2 (18:47):
Yeah, they'll probably do it with actual visuals from the
game and just put their own script in. That's the thing.
This is in my house. This is played by the
six and the twelve year old. They do this, you know,
and she's in Texas now, and they play with each
other and can talk to each other while they play it,
and so you know, the two cousins stay in contact
that way. It's kind of cool to watch it. So

(19:09):
that's why they did this. I mean literally probably six
to fifteen was their target audience and anybody else's gravy,
so they knew what they were doing. It sounds like
well done. In contrast to that we have probably not
knowing what they're doing. Is the movie we picked to
go with this, So, as Paul and I always like
to do, we like to make a selection based on

(19:31):
what's in the news, well, holidays are going on, or
in this case, what's in theaters. So we have our
own ensemble Dystopian Adventure, and it includes Jack Black. I mean,
we were about as parallel as we can get with
one difference quality.

Speaker 6 (19:48):
I tell you what. Look, look, there's a lot of
money dumped into this movie where they had like a
budget and people made it made thirty three million on
a hundred and twenty million worldwide worldwide. This is a
three year and this movie took three years to make,
which is kind of funny, right because Ariana greenblot Is

(20:13):
does not look anything like she looks now.

Speaker 2 (20:17):
Yes, the teenagers ground Well, I probably should start here
and just say the movie that we're doing tonight is Borderlands.
And if you're scratching your head saying, wait, order, what
the hell was that? This actually did come out in
theaters last fall. This was a major release and it's
directed by Eli Roth, which I got to tell you always,

(20:38):
I always I like Eli Roth as a person. He
seems like utterly hilarious. He's one of our people, by
the way, too. Really he actually stages bad movie viewings
at his home for people in Hollywood and stuff like that.
And he's come up with some gems and talks with
his friends about stuff. But at the same time, he
has a very checkered career you could call it.

Speaker 6 (21:00):
He does. And I don't dislike his films. I like
his storytelling. When he does something really well, it's really
really good.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
Yeah, at times he hits the mark. I mean, he
really kind of made a name for himself with the
hostile ms, you know, the horror movies or it's kind
of his genre. It's in fact, there are people that
looked at this movie and you're like, wow, I can't
believe I'm watching Eli Roth film and there was hardly
any blood. There's violence, but they're not gore, and that's
kind of his his thing. But and he's also known

(21:31):
for Inglorious Bastards, where he played the bear jew that's
kind of his biggest film role. So he's like also
an actor and a director. He's really one of these
guys Immerston Hollywood has a name in Hollywood, but his
career is really checkered. He puts out just clunkers at times.

Speaker 6 (21:48):
It does, but I think sometimes they're often underappreciated for
his his eye. So like most of his stuff is
all like you said, it's bloody and gory, and it's
meant to shock and appall you. It's designed that way.
The Green Inferno is probably the best example of that
in Hostile that those two movies were very They're designed

(22:12):
to shock you as a viewer with just how over
the over the top gore he puts into it. This
movie does not happen.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
And I think that Green Inferno cracks me up. Too,
because it almost seems like he got that one in
under the radar of Hollywood and then once they realize
because this whole thing is basically him mocking environmentalists. These
they're all two good environmental is to go out in
the rainforest to save a tribe and they actually get

(22:44):
set upon. But it's just very.

Speaker 6 (22:46):
Cannibal It's he brings cannibalism in into it.

Speaker 2 (22:49):
Yeah, and.

Speaker 6 (22:51):
That in the last twenty years, it involves cannibalism. That
doesn't that's not the Hills Has Eyes where he goes
into the Brazilian rainforest and and introduce cannibalism as it
actually was not as a horror trope for a bunch
of hillbilly redneck backwoods in breeds.

Speaker 2 (23:10):
Now He's that one really surprised me though, because it's like,
how did you get this made?

Speaker 6 (23:15):
Guy?

Speaker 2 (23:17):
And I think he probably sold it as you know,
these kids go up the woods and cannibals get them,
but then they didn't hype the environmental side of it,
and you know, the overfrightening theme of it is very
satirical and kind of puts the screws to them. So
he I think he got away with one.

Speaker 6 (23:33):
There, But He started this movie in twenty twenty one,
right there, right during the pandemic as it was starting
to kick in, so you know, there were masks everywhere.
But I guess there was some falling out between him
and the and the rad Brothers and how it was
good where the film was like the direction it was taking,
and they didn't think it was going well, so they

(23:54):
fired him, and then they brought in Tim tim Miller
from Deadpool, which he's an executive producer on this thing.
And I like Tim Miller for the most part. I
mean Deadpooled one and two or three is obviously you know,
the best of the series. But he's a good director.
But anytime you bring somebody in to finish somebody else's

(24:15):
work mid mid shift, it just you can tell and
it doesn't work out as well. And I think this
one had to go. There were so many reshoots and
it got to be so expensive that they had to
rewrite the entire score and have somebody else rescore the
film because nothing matched anymore. That's a heck of a
reshoot schedule.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
Yeah, and on top of that, one of the writers
actually had his name taken off of the film.

Speaker 6 (24:42):
Really.

Speaker 2 (24:43):
Yeah, this is a sign of trouble. Basically, this is
when you when you get to this level of reshooting, recalibrating,
moving directors, moving writers, and you start to get to
the point of yeah, this is a mess, and you're yeah,

(25:04):
it pretty much spelled it out. I mean, this scene
was doomed by the time it got to theaters, just
kind of uh met a lot of apathy, and really
I think the advanced word on this then killed the movie.
Once we were a couple of weeks out from release,
and everybody's like, holy crap, can you believe this got made?

(25:25):
And nobody did it, nobody went to see it. Very
dismal performance overall.

Speaker 6 (25:31):
Now, I remember when the video game itself came out
in two thousand and nine. I only played it very,
very briefly. I just didn't have the amount of time
I could invest to it. And like my friends did
and my ward of Warcraft days of spending eight hours
a day playing this game, we're behind me then, because
you know, I had two kids and working a full

(25:52):
time job, so I just couldn't devote it. But I
remember it played very very well. I have a board
game called Wasteland Express Delivery Service and it is essentially Borderlands.
The board game plays almost the same exact way, and
I remember the game being fun and it kicked off
a lot of sequels and prequels and some graphic novel spinoffs,

(26:17):
and so I think that's.

Speaker 2 (26:18):
Actually it's kind of funny because when this came out
and did bomb, I mean, this thing left the crater,
But the makers of the video game series said they
saw increased interest in the video game itself.

Speaker 6 (26:30):
But you would need to because if you wanted to
scratch the Borderland itch, you were not going to get
it from this movie, because it couldn't be further away
from the actual storyline from the actual Borderlands. And that's
kind of your problem with video game series. Even with Minecraft,
there's no story to tell, and any story that is

(26:50):
there to tell is usually told in the video game,
and you have sometimes hundreds of hours of gameplay dedicated
to telling the story over the course of time to
one person. So you're trying to condense all of that.
I mean, take a look at the Halo series as
an example. Halo the video game has been going on
since Xbox was a giant VCR style system, just huge,

(27:15):
and it's probably the most popular video game system that
x Microsoft has ever released, and they tried to do
it in a form of a television show on Paramount
that got canceled after two shows because they immediately showed
his helmet, took his helmet, took the Master Chief's helmet off,
and then started having him have sex with the computer program.

(27:35):
That's none of that's in the game you look at.
You look at fighting games like Dead Dead or Alive,
Fantastic Game to Play Tech and Fantastic Game to Play
Dance Dance Revolution. They made a video. They made a
movie about Dance Dance Revolution. It's a dancing video game.
You try to make a movie on it. There's no
story to tell, so you're forced to make one up
and it almost never works. Prince of Persia horrible. I

(27:59):
didn't like it. It doesn't play after the video game.
My wife loved it. Why because she doesn't know the
game right.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
Well, this is always the biggest pratfall when it comes
to video game adaptations is that you have to serve
two audiences. You have to cater to the people that
play the game, but you also have to attract those
that have no idea what's going on, and usually what
happens with these when you try to be happy on
two sides, you end up failing twice and you come

(28:28):
up with a bomb case. Soon point orderlands.

Speaker 6 (28:32):
Well, it helped. It doesn't help that they chose an
absolutely insane cast to play the people in this film,
but it.

Speaker 2 (28:41):
Surprises me.

Speaker 6 (28:42):
Probably the worst ensemble cast ever as symble, and it's
close to being the worst.

Speaker 2 (28:48):
It's the thing is, these are named actors, big named
actors in fact, and you gotta wonder what the hell
attracted them to this script. What was in this that
you go, oh, hell, yeah, I'm going to be in
this funny Uh that's about the only thing. So we're
literally looking at Kate Blanchett, heaven Hart in major roles.

(29:11):
Jamie Lee Curtis shows up in the second half of
his film. She's prominent, and Jack Black. As we talk
about this, one's curious to me. We've talked about this
a couple of times. It happens where they hire somebody
either for voice talent or otherwise and you don't even
know it's them. He plays the voice of the robot Claptrap,
who is the comic relief in this film, and I

(29:33):
think maybe maybe has a funny line in it one
way or another, but it doesn't sound like him. They
modulate his voice entirely, digitize it. I mean, at times
you could say, Okay, maybe that's I'm looking for Jack Black,
is what I'm saying in the voice, and I okay,
that sounded like him a little bit, okay, and that
kind of had his cadence. I guess I could see

(29:55):
it there. But otherwise, why why would you do that
when you're not going to draw people because it doesn't
sound like him? Why would you drop that kind of
money to have somebody not sound like themselves. It just
makes no sense.

Speaker 6 (30:09):
And and this is the worst part. These characters all
have voices in the video game. You could have just
brought in the voice of the original clap Trap from
the video game to play this, to play.

Speaker 2 (30:23):
The voice, and that would have appealed to people better.

Speaker 6 (30:26):
At least David Eddings has been doing that voice along
with Jim fort Faranda for the last since the thing
came out in two thousand and nine. There's no reason
why you couldn't have brought him. That's like replacing Optimist
Prime his voice is recognizable and then replacing him with
Jack Black. That doesn't make any sense. Jack Block's not

(30:47):
a name draw for this film. You don't ever see
his face. You just hear his voice, and you know
Alan Tuck, you know Alan Tuck is sure. Alan Tuck
has been doing voices. I don't know if you knew this,
but he's done voices forever.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
Yeah, he's great at it.

Speaker 6 (31:03):
I mean fantastic at it.

Speaker 2 (31:04):
There's some roles that he's played, like the you know,
the the King, Candy and Wreckon Ralph, unrecognized, like you
would not know what's That's how good he is at
different characterizations. And that's but that's his job. You don't
know him by his actual voice. You know him by
the characters he creates. And he's fantastic when he does it.

Speaker 6 (31:27):
He is. And I bring him up because he was
in the Electric State. I did not know he was
in the Electric State until I watched the credits and
his name just comes up as voice actor and I'm like,
he's so good. He disappears.

Speaker 2 (31:41):
Yeah, you're not gonna say, hey, that's Alan Tudding, but.

Speaker 6 (31:45):
You might as well just had Robert de Niro do it.
You'd be like, that's Robert de Niro's clap Jack. I
recognize the voice.

Speaker 2 (31:53):
Well, this is you know, we got to get into
this mess one way or the other that we're seeing
to be avoiding, so we should probably start to dell
for your I guess well, I.

Speaker 6 (32:02):
Will say that when you look at the at the
people in this film, and this bothered me the whole
time Ariana Greenblot because this movie was filmed when she
was fourteen and she's now almost eighteen. Like, she has
changed so much in three years you're talking about those
are your three formidable years, right where your body changes
the most, in your facial facial construction and stuff, everything

(32:25):
changes the most in those first you know, those pre
teen to teen years. She's unrecognizable. She's she's fourteen. She's
so annoying in this film. And now she's seventeen. She's
a lot better, you know, in movies that she's in now.
But it's just so weird to see her be that
young in a movie where you now see her in
other movies where she is not not that dumb.

Speaker 2 (32:48):
Yeah, And it's you know, a one note character. And
that's the problem with this film. Every character is that
whatever they get introduced as, they are pretty much that
at the end. You know, there's not really development taking.
There's not real advancement or changes or now that we've
got to know them now nothing, they're the same.

Speaker 6 (33:07):
I will say Florian Montagneau or Montanu, the guy that
put the Psycho. He's that's probably probably the closest character
to the video game, and he did it. I thought
he did a pretty using job as that character. Kevin
Heart's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 (33:24):
Yeah, I would say miscast pretty much. Yeah, he doesn't
bring anything they like, I mean ever so often. Yeah,
he I mean he has a kind of an apt
line here or there, but for the most part he
plays this role straight and it doesn't really work. I
mean not that he did a bad job. He just

(33:45):
didn't have a job. Just be Kevin Hart going go
on camera. We just need to see you drive a
car for a while. That's pretty much Kevin Hart, hold
a gun, drive a car. That's what he does in
this movie.

Speaker 6 (33:57):
Kay great, and Ate Blanchett is well is completely miscast
as a as a vault over whatever.

Speaker 2 (34:07):
It's yeah, well she's overcast. If anything, you didn't need
Kate Blanchet for this role. She she's not given, you know,
like a lot of acting rights. She has a ton
of screen time. It does a buying job, I guess,
but she just doesn't have anything to do either except
be kind of a sullen bounty hunter. That's again a
one note character. There's not a lot to it, and

(34:29):
just she develops and we'll get to that by the
end of things, but even then, it's not a big
departure from where she was, So you didn't need Kate Blanchett,
is my point. A lot of competent actresses could have
done this and done just as well, because there wasn't
much to.

Speaker 6 (34:44):
Do, namely, the last action movie that Kate Blanchett was
in that's not Borderlands. She's not an action she's not
an action actress. That's not her thing. She's a fantastic actress,
she's not an action more person. Did she do an
okay job in this, yes, but it was completely off
putting to see her doing this, especially when her hair

(35:07):
never her hair never moved. They created anime hair for
her and just left it there and it she's like
rolling around with the dust and fighting people, and it
just I think you probably better off using somebody like, oh, good, gravy,
what is that? What's that lady's name?

Speaker 2 (35:26):
Tina Mary.

Speaker 6 (35:30):
H The Messengers, she played the Joan of Arc and
she's in Fifth Element Mila Djokovic. She's been great for
that because she's a recognized name, right, so we know
and we're used to seeing her in action. I think
you could have gotten away with Kate Beckhasale. We're used

(35:55):
to seeing her doing action.

Speaker 7 (35:57):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (35:59):
Yeah. And again, this isn't like a complaint on how
Kate Blanchett performed. She did, Okay, It's just like you
didn't need her. You didn't need you know. Basically, you're bringing,
you know, a souped up Mustang to a track that's
made for go karts. You got way too much. You

(36:19):
don't need all that.

Speaker 6 (36:20):
Michelle Rodriguez would have been good in that world because
we've seen her do action and we've seen.

Speaker 2 (36:27):
Her Yeah, and then I mean, that's sense. That's the
level you go for right there.

Speaker 6 (36:31):
That's right, and that's perfect, that's your sweet spot. You've
got too much star power with Kate. With Kate, you've
got just to write amount with Mila, Kate or Michelle.

Speaker 2 (36:41):
Well that's the problem here too, is that there wasn't
enough plot here to hold our attention. So for most
of the movie, I'm saying, why is Kate Blanchet in
this film? You need to distract people from that mindset.
I'm not forty five minutes into the movie thinking why
is she here? She's looks okay and everything else. Why
And I said that throughout the film and even through

(37:02):
the end, as we're gonna find out now. It's it's
always a challenge when you have a movie open with
a monologue to explain all the backstory, and boy, did
we get one here. This is how we're supposed to care.
The galaxy was once ruled by the Iridians. This was

(37:24):
a master race that was supremely advanced past everybody else
and basically made human beings. I don't know, like answer
something like that. Okay, great, then they just disappeared. I'm sorry,
but I already have problems here now master race of

(37:48):
the entire universe, and the woof, they're gone?

Speaker 6 (37:51):
What what? That's what they did in Moonfall? The same
that's the same thing in Moonfall?

Speaker 2 (37:58):
Okay, got it? Well? Then we're told that this master
race left behind crumbs of their technology and humans advanced
magnificently because of this. But there was also a vault
of the Iridian's geniusness I guess left on the planet

(38:19):
of Pandora. So the Iridians I guess knew they were
going to be extinct and made contingency plants. Is that
what we're doing? Well, now, the planet of Pandora is
overrun with corporations, criminals, and treasure hunters, all of which

(38:43):
are looking for this vault on the planet. So we're
in the cosmic wild West.

Speaker 6 (38:50):
I guess well, people just assumed that the vault is
filled with.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
Loot as much technology and wisdom that whoever possesses it
can then rule the universe a new I suppose. Yeah, okay,
but when you got a bunch of bring dead hicks
wearing masks with the IQ of about sixty, you know,
it's kind of like endless energy coal fusion being put

(39:20):
in the hands of a moonshiner with no teeth. It
just doesn't They're they're not gonna benefit that much. I'm
just gonna say it.

Speaker 6 (39:27):
Well, that's how miss mate.

Speaker 2 (39:29):
Yeah. I didn't want to get racist here or anything,
so I didn't acknowledge any particular region where this might
be taking place, so it's not too OpenD. But this
is our setup. This is the pretext of the entire
movie Pandora. Everything takes place there. Okay, got it? Title
card comes up. We'll go to another planet fifty light

(39:50):
years away.

Speaker 6 (39:51):
Right, Yeah, everything happens here.

Speaker 2 (39:53):
Now we're gonna move to a different place now, in
a completely different part of the galaxy. And this this
is where we get introduced to Lilith. This would be
Kate Blanchett actual case.

Speaker 6 (40:05):
And she's an actual playable character from the game, from
the original game, got it?

Speaker 2 (40:12):
So this is this is the true fanserver. She has
very pink hair and it is all swept to one
side and actually has a wave that sticks out past
her ear and it never moves. This is permanent right now.
This is like you said, she's rolling around in the dust,
having gunfights, getting sprayed on with monster urine. Yes, we're
going to get to that soon. And the hair is

(40:34):
always perfect regardless.

Speaker 6 (40:36):
Well, and in the series, in the game series, she
is the overall main protagonist, so it's not they didn't go,
like go out of their way to make her the
main protagonist in the movie. So they did that part
of it right, except however, they turned her into a
bounty hunting shooter in a western setting and in the game.

(40:59):
She has magical powers that she knows about, but you
have them to begin with. You start the game with
those powers she had.

Speaker 2 (41:07):
Finally, Okay, so that's even okay, that makes our ending
of this movie even more stupid. But we got plenty
of other barricades to crash through. First, I should say,
I probably should point out this. We also have a
scene where there's a young girl in what we're told
is a prison cell, but it looks like basically a

(41:29):
holding deck on Star Wars, and this would be Tina.
She outside of her door, here's a bunch of commotion
and banging. The door opens, and then a masked individual
by the name of Roland Greeves. This would be Kevin Hart.
Oh my gosh, opens the door breathing like Darth Vader,

(41:50):
and then in comedic fashion, whips it out and say, man,
you can't breathe in this mask. Stupid mask like it was.

Speaker 6 (41:55):
A scene from Spaceballs.

Speaker 2 (41:57):
Yeah, like this is.

Speaker 6 (41:59):
It would have been had Rick Morenos come out of
retirement and taken that helmet off at the beginning of
this film, then to have Kevin Hart steal that line
and it looks.

Speaker 2 (42:08):
Pretty much you know, it's formulated similar to Darth Vader's mask.
He's got the same kind of wrap around and mouth fusion.
So oh, that was comedy, got it as they hit
us over the head with a snowshovel. But we're supposed
to believe he fought his way all the way into
this complex while wearing this mask he can't breathe in.

Speaker 6 (42:24):
I don't know which scenes were reshot for this film.
Tim Miller did two weeks worth of reshoots or three
weeks worth of reshoots. I feel like this had to
have been one of them, because it stands out two
as too comedic as of an opening, almost like what
they did with Justice League, where the reshoots made Batman

(42:47):
two comedic, like it didn't make sense for because he's
not comedic that way for the rest of the film,
Like that was like a ridiculous, over the top kind.

Speaker 2 (42:56):
Of it's only like one or two instances where it
was like Kevin hart Star to come up through the
character like it's comedy. No, And I probably should point
out this too. When Eli Roth was he wasn't taken
off of this and replaced by the director. They had
to do reshoots, I guess because they didn't test well
and stuff, and Eli Roth wasn't available. He was shooting

(43:18):
another movie at that point, and ironically it was they
were doing remember the movie Grindhouse, Yes, the Robert Rodriguez film,
and they had all those movie trailers and a bunch
of those have now been made into actual movies, like Machete.
He had one it was called He actually shot the
trailer and Grindhouse from one called Thanksgiving where you got

(43:39):
a killer Pilgrim on the holiday. They did that. They
actually ended up making that movie and he was directing
and that's what he was doing, so he couldn't do
the reshoots for Borderlands. They had to bring in Tim
Miller at that point. But yeah, it does you get
a definite tonal difference when you see these kind of scenes.
And I'm with you that probably was a reshoot, well,

(44:02):
a minimal set and pretty quickly shot.

Speaker 6 (44:05):
Now, Kate, while we are kind of criticizing Kate Blanchet's
casting in her role, she doesn't do a terrible job
and she's at least believable in the role of that right.
I don't think she ever knows how to do it,
but she's not bad. She's not bad actress. Obviously, no,
Kevin Hart's role as Greeds. It's more miscast than Tom

(44:28):
Cruise is Jack Reacher, because Greeves is like the six
foot three, six foot four, hulking black guy soldier in
the game, Like he's just a big dude. Now in
the second game, there is a dude called Salvador that
he could have played, and they could have just done that.

(44:48):
He's a short, stature, short tempered gun zerker is what
they call him. That would have been great. He could
have used that one, but they wanted to bring the
original character into they're running Greeds. Dude. You know many
people that they could have brought in to play that
role and it would have been better.

Speaker 2 (45:04):
Uh yeah, I just it doesn't seem to fit. Never's
even a scene later in the movie where they make
a joke about Kevin Hart being short, I should say
Roland being short, Like I really been awesome.

Speaker 6 (45:18):
But you know, you know Michael Jay White from Spawn,
he doesn't do much than like be action films now,
him and Scott Atkins, but they made their they've made
their career and their name in Hollywood playing those kind
of those movies. He would have worked. He would have
been great because then you can keep them the star
power still focused on Kate, whereas now you're sharing screen

(45:40):
time with two star actors. He would have been awesome
in it.

Speaker 2 (45:46):
Well, let's add that to the list of bad mistakes
in this. So Kevin Hart breaks in and he says
that he's there to rescue Tina. Her dad has sent
him to rescue her, and they have to shoot their
way up. We got some action scenes and then there's
while they're escaping, a crazy inmate blasts through the glass

(46:06):
enclosure he's held in.

Speaker 6 (46:10):
This is.

Speaker 2 (46:14):
Well, the name is Kreeg, and this is my problem
with it. He he busts through, runs into these two,
and then a couple of soldiers come up to try
to stop them all. He dispatches the soldiers. Roland manages
to make friends with him because he finds out Kreeg
likes Tina. But there's a voice over you hear on
the like the loudspeakers or something. Oh my god, one

(46:34):
of the psychos got loose. All he did was bust
through the glass that you were holding him in. He
did it. It wasn't like they shot the glass to
freehom or anything like that. They were running away and
this guy breaks out and runs into him. Makes no sense,
what one Why didn't he do that earlier too? How
are you not containing the others and him? When this

(46:56):
batch it's just the whole thing was just pure convenience.
It's like, but now they had to go to the trio.

Speaker 6 (47:03):
Well, they had to create that the band of ensemble
as quickly as possible, and that was as quick as possibly.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
Here's the way you do it to make sense. While
they're running by, Tina grabs greaves arm and makes them
stop and say wait, wait, wait, that's Creed. You got
to get him lose. He's like, what he's a psycho? Yeah,
but he could help us. Boom, you blast the glass.
He's free, he takes care of the soldiers. You could
probably even do it in the last time. And now
you've got your band of people starting up, and it

(47:33):
makes sense this way. He's just like, I'm going to
break glass now and does it.

Speaker 6 (47:37):
Well, they didn't want to use Kreeg in the proper
way anyway. They didn't really introduce him. And I mean,
we understand as an audience, we understand the relationship that
he has with Tina. We don't understand why they have
that relationship, but we understand the the hulking brout that
doesn't speak much has a soft spot and a sense

(47:58):
of duty to the young girl, but we don't ever
understand why. Because he is, they make psychos out for
the rest of the game, the rest of the game
actually and the rest of the movie to be these bloodthirsty,
you know, Lord of the Flies kind of situation where
they're just killing each other constantly and fighting and bickering,

(48:18):
and you know, it's essentially it's their form of Orcs
from Lord of the Rings, but we don't understand why.
It's like an orc coming over and starting to protect Frodo. Okay,
we understand that he has a sense of duty to him,
but why is that sense of duty exist? We don't know.
They probably be better off if they had taken Kreeg
and introduced him in a band of psychos and him

(48:41):
suddenly having a change of heart watching Tina about to
get killed and not sitting well with him, and he
just turns on him.

Speaker 2 (48:51):
Now they're all right, I mean, you feel like there's
a history here, but they don't want to tell us
that history. So it's like, well, okay, they're just buddies.

Speaker 6 (48:58):
And I think the history. I think the history would
matter like a lot.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
Nothing really matters here, So now they're free. We cut
to the planet on the other side of the universe
and meet Lilith. She's at a bar. She just collared
somebody for her duty and doesn't go turn them in.
She just takes them to the bar and has a drink.
It's like, don't you want to finish your job? But

(49:23):
he's on the bar next to her while she's talking
to the bar maid. And then three guys come up
start bickering with her and they have another job. YadA YadA.
One guy kills her bounty. Now you have to help
us out with our task, and she spins around shoots them.
There's another guy way off in the corner that does
the slow golf clap cliche much movie, and he starts

(49:50):
talking to her. This is Atlas speaking through another individual.
They have this neck device that somebody else can occupy
their face and communicate to others remotely. Okay, But while
the body's laying on the ground, he's talking to her
and he needs her to do the job of going
to rescue his daughter Tina, who has been kidnapped. And

(50:11):
now we have to believe that Greeves has broken free
from the military unit that Atlas operates to go kidnap
his daughter, and she needs to go rescue the daughter.
This is our plot now. And Lili says, I'm never
going back to that planet. I hate that place. You

(50:34):
can't pay me enough, and then he shoots her some
money through a risk device and she's like, well that's enough.
Next thing, you know, guess what Lilith is on Pandora.
That was easy. But she goes through some type of
taxi service from Atlas, shows up in this red box
that just lands on the planet and there she goes.

(50:56):
And while she's traver through the wasteland of this place,
you know a lot of debris and wreckage all over
the place, there's a robot spying on her, peeking her
out corners, checking up on her or something. Then makes
himself known. He's a one wheel robot with a camera,

(51:20):
can speak, has gesturing arms, and a wicked sense of humor.
We're supposed to believe this is claptrap. He's the comic
relief voiced by Jack Black, and we're told that he
was placed on the planet strictly and before the case

(51:44):
of Lilith I don't know. Uh, I don't know why
that was significant, but that will become significant.

Speaker 6 (51:55):
Nobody knows. They don't. There's no explanation to any of
the things that are happening in this as to why
things are in the movie, but not why things are happening.

Speaker 2 (52:06):
This is the first indication that, wait a second, something's
going on here. They're not going to fully explain it,
but at the same time, we can figure it out
because of everything else is just so damned obvious. So
she hasn't been on the planet in a decades, she says,
we learned this through various other backstory monologues. Her her

(52:27):
mother has died. Her mother gave her up for particular reasons.
We're going to find it out. She's very sullen about this,
she's bitter about it. Didn't want to come back to
this planet. But this robot just happens to be bouncing
around the place waiting for the day of Lilith. Ever
does come back, and she does, so, Yeah, there's something
going on.

Speaker 6 (52:46):
Here and.

Speaker 2 (52:50):
He's got all these abilities. She gives a picture of Tina.
The robot knows where they're at. They start to go
on a venture and look for Tina lives now in
how much time has elapsed? Do they ever really explain
that from her kidnapping? Because she's on this tower of

(53:11):
decrepit vehicles they look like taxis or something. It's got
to be forty feet tall, and she's got her own
residence inside of this thing.

Speaker 6 (53:19):
Well, they did a decent job creating the environment from
the video game, But when you're playing the video game,
you don't need to understand why that environment exists. You
just you're in the environment and you just play the game.
It doesn't matter that those details don't matter. But in
the movie those that detail matters for the story, but

(53:40):
they don't ever give it to you.

Speaker 2 (53:41):
They're just there, like she didn't want to leave where
she was at she was they say she was in prison,
but she was kept rather well in very nice conditions,
you know, fed well and everything else. Now she's living
in a wasteland inside of what is basically a junk yard,
and I mean like set up shop. She's got her
own room, she is. It's all appointed with stuffed animals

(54:02):
and clothing and everything looks like she's been living there
for two years.

Speaker 6 (54:06):
And they're on the run. They look you know, right,
they're supposed to be on the run from everybody, people
are hunting them down. They've got the same amount of clothing.
They don't. They haven't changed clothes at all. She's still
wearing the exact same outfit. Greens is wearing the same outfit,
and Psycho hasn't changed. There's no there's no way to
judge time.

Speaker 2 (54:26):
Do we ever get explained why she's wearing rabbit ears.

Speaker 6 (54:30):
Now because the character in the movie in the game
wears rabbit ears.

Speaker 2 (54:33):
Well, yeah, I kind of figured that, but they don't
expl Like the whole time, she's got two foot tall
rabbit ears, stuffed rabbit ears on her head throughout with
no reference to it. They don't serve a purpose. It's
not like it has a blue band on her forehead
and I thought like that was either gonna be a

(54:53):
communication device or it sends out pulse waves or something. No,
she just has these stupid rabbit ears on all the time.

Speaker 6 (55:00):
Because in the in the game, she's a thirteen year
old demolitions expert. So in order to just not make
her a very small, tiny blonde that likes to blow
shit up, they gave her rabbit ears to kind of
make her stand apart. Okay, in the game to makes
sense in the game, right, because she would just look

(55:21):
like a tiny five foot three blonde demolition expert.

Speaker 2 (55:26):
But did they ever explain that in the movie. I've
never once heard that she was a demo expert. So
when Kate Blanchet shows up and tries to collect her,
she's now on top of this tower of vehicles and
she starts throwing stuffed animals at Lilith, which blow up everywhere.
And this is her thing throughout the movie. When it
when needed, she has a hand grid ad or a
bomb or something. They never said that she was a

(55:48):
demo expert. That would have made more sense. But here
it's just all convenience. Dan, I got sixty rogues chasing goes.
We need a bomb, here's my bunny and she throws
it and it blows up and they get a great,
what Bob, it's Bob.

Speaker 6 (56:02):
The bomb buddy, and she that's that's her main weapon.
And again in the game, it doesn't. You don't need
it to make sense in the game. You just okay,
I've got unlimited ammo, I've got unlimited bombs. I can
find things in a chest like that. Stuff needs to
be explained in a movie, and just doing it doesn't
explain it. If she was like to find the ears

(56:23):
in one of those old vehicles and go oh, I've
always wanted rabbit ears and she just puts them on. Okay,
now you've explained how she has these rabbit ears and
why she's wearing them, Or if it's a remote control
for her bombs that she can use to explode something randomly,
you know, like long distance. Okay, you've explained them. Now

(56:44):
it's just a prop. It's just a prop she wears
for no reason. It's not like it's a jacket, you
know what I mean. It's not a jacket or a
pair of pants. I don't need you to explain why
somebody's wearing boots. But if she's gonna put on these
rabbit ears all movie long and they never fall off,
or they surgically implanted to the side of.

Speaker 2 (57:01):
Her head, how do they not fall This is how
stupid and lazy the movie is. Though it would take
one line or one quick two second scene to explain
the rabbit ears, or one line in a couple of
seconds to explain that she's a demolitions expert now or something.
But she goes from being a fourteen year old girl
in a jail cell on another planet to having bombs

(57:25):
at her disposal. H I mean that quickly, Like, now
I've got fifteen stuffed rabbits that can blow up when
I want them to. Huh.

Speaker 6 (57:34):
Right, she's leaving them like like C four, just plan
them all about and then she can control mine, control
them all to go off at once or whenever she
wants to.

Speaker 2 (57:44):
Well the you know, and the whole time too. I'm thinking,
wait a second, Uh, where's Grieves, the guy that kidnapped her,
because she would think he'd kind of want to protect
her and make sure nobody finds her. But then he
rolls in later on scene, conflict and fighting and arguing
is stuff. And then all of a sudden Atlas has
his what do they call it, the Scarlet Brigade or something.

(58:06):
All of his soldiers start rolling in and one figure
is on a hovercraft and apparently she and Grieves have
a history. Now they have to get away.

Speaker 6 (58:19):
What was her name? Is her name? Was she Commander Knox? Yes?

Speaker 2 (58:23):
Mad mocks?

Speaker 6 (58:25):
No, mad mocks mad Moxie.

Speaker 2 (58:28):
Oh no, no, I'm sorry. With her clothes on, Commander Knox. Okay,
so that's not confusing. We have one Knox and one
Mox Knox and Mox. Wow, that that helps. That's why
I got confused. I just saw the double X and
said that's them, and they both spell it with two exes.
By the way, that were more helpful.

Speaker 6 (58:50):
I don't think Max was in the game. Yeah, Mad Moxie,
she's a bartender. She was in the game. I don't
think Knox is in the game.

Speaker 2 (58:57):
So we have a chase scene here and it goes
down for a while, and while they're trying to flee
and there's a shootout and there's other things taking place,
Greeves takes his truck and cuts a hard left and
goes into a wasteland that this is the perfect getaway
and a big sign. It just says don't go here

(59:19):
because there's a lot of monsters and they urinate a lot.

Speaker 6 (59:24):
What.

Speaker 2 (59:25):
So they're cutting through this wasteland arguing a little bit.
The robot is chirping away in the back seat. I
don't know why they still have him. He at no
point in time that they say we need this robot,
and everybody's annoyed by the robot, but they take him
with everywhere.

Speaker 6 (59:43):
He provides very very little comic relief for the film,
very little.

Speaker 2 (59:50):
Doesn't shut up, but yeah, that's his entire purpose.

Speaker 6 (59:55):
He reminded me of that Catskill comedian from the Heart
keeps Yes, that's what he reminded me of, just saying
stuff to hope.

Speaker 2 (01:00:05):
Just you know, it's a little more animated, very very
bothersome wouldn't shut up and yeah, yeah, annoying as hell.
But they're they're driving through this wayslam and for no
reason whatsoever, Tina rolls down the window. Greaves turns around

(01:00:26):
and says, no, roll the window up. They start arguing,
like she just wants the window down for no reason,
and he's like, roll it up right now. She's like now,
And the entire car gets blasted with fluid on the inside.
Monster You're in. Every everybody's now coated in monster piss.
His truck is ruined because of it. This is funny,

(01:00:51):
I mean, that's how it's sold. But I'm thinking we're
supposed to laugh at this can serve no purpose other
than that. Now in the process, all of the red
vehicles have caught up with them, pins them down. They're trapped.
Breeze has an idea, though there's a cliff right in
front of them. A monstrous, hulking creature comes up, full

(01:01:16):
of tentacles and a large mouth. He's got an idea. Well,
Thresher drives off the cliff edge. Thankfully there was a
ramp there, convenient He goes airborne. Right as he's going
into the mouth, shoots a couple of missiles, blows out
the back of the monster's head, goes through the head
and lands on the other side. That he had no
way of knowing was there because you can't see past

(01:01:37):
a monster.

Speaker 6 (01:01:38):
But now, fun fact, there's a cameo in this scene.
Oh you may not have seen it. Now you will
recognize the cameo when I tell you about it, and
you'll kick yourself with the butt for not seeing it
when it happened. Do you remember you've seen speed right?
Gatta reeves?

Speaker 2 (01:01:58):
Right?

Speaker 6 (01:02:00):
Uh? Was it nineteen ninety nineteen ninety two, ninety three?
Some of that? Sure?

Speaker 2 (01:02:04):
Sure?

Speaker 6 (01:02:05):
All right? Did you recognize the cameo from that scene
in this movie?

Speaker 2 (01:02:12):
I did not.

Speaker 6 (01:02:13):
It's the same ramp that they used to jump the
bus over the over the hole in the freeway. It's
the same ramp they used and they get it. It's
a cam It's an un little known cameo that showed
up in this movie. It's a blink and you miss
it kind of cameo.

Speaker 2 (01:02:27):
It's an easter egg. Is that what you're saying?

Speaker 6 (01:02:29):
That's right, it's an easter egg. I'm glad to see.
I'm glad to see speed ramps still getting work in this.

Speaker 2 (01:02:34):
You know, thirty years there we go. Sure, there's a throwback.
So this, this absolutely stupid and insane attempt works perfectly,
with maybe the exception of the tire breaking, that's about it.
But they land on the other side, they get away.
Everything's just blended stupid too.

Speaker 6 (01:02:55):
Like he just went through being shot at, pissed on, uh,
running over bike, having all these bikes and laser shoot
in him, and what actually gets him is his shock's
break and he loses a tire. Like that's what that's
what does this truck in? Did you see, dude? Did
you see how he was driving that jeep? It was

(01:03:17):
clearly made for somebody bigger than him. He has arms
on that steering wheel are fully extended the whole the
whole time he's driving. I was surprised he wasn't sitting
on phone books and didn't have like blocks of wood
on the on the gas pedal.

Speaker 2 (01:03:33):
That I would have loved to see his shot with
the door opened. That might be the key.

Speaker 6 (01:03:39):
There's so much room in that vehicle, like it was
like it was built for shack and all they could
do was sticking in it. He's holding the wheel out.
Go back and look at that scene. I might even
tweet it out where he's got his arms and he's
driving that thing his arm. No one drives with her
arms fully extended. I'm talking full elbow locking.

Speaker 2 (01:04:03):
Yeah it was. Yeah, if I didn't even appreciate it
that much because I was distracted by all the other nonsense.
And literally that's what we're dealing with. So I guess
I gotta kind of throw something out here too. There
was mention somewhere along the line that there was one

(01:04:24):
remaining daughter of the Iridians. Apparently that's supposed. This is
all part of the mythology I guess of Pandora, and
if she's she's going to be the key to whatever
is inside of the vault. This is like a needed component,
I guess. And they come to a realization that Tina

(01:04:46):
is probably the key, because she explains her quasi father
Atlas has one of the three keys needed to open
the vault that nobody can find, but it had some
blood on it. He used that DNA in Jurassic Park
fashion to create a clone that is now Tina. And

(01:05:09):
he feels like this now is him creating this daughter
of the Iridians. And this is why Atlas needs Tina
in order to open the vault. Why didn't he just
have her locked up wherever the hell he's at. Why
was she had some remote location that he had no
access to. None of this is making sense at all.

(01:05:32):
I'm you know, I'm not the person for this movie
because I tend to not overthink things, but initially think things.
You go to the trouble of cloning an Iridian, why
not retain her, you know, maybe keep her at home,
maybe make her think you're actually her father so she'll
stick around for you when you need her. No, I'm
gonna stick her in a cell somewhere.

Speaker 6 (01:05:55):
And she was like not the first, Like he created multiples.

Speaker 2 (01:06:00):
Right, Oh diddy, I might have missed that part.

Speaker 6 (01:06:05):
Yeah, he created multiples of her. She's like, I'm not
the first, or you know, the rest didn't survive or
something like that.

Speaker 2 (01:06:12):
Yeah, there was. There was some weepy scene with her
and Lilith where she's like, well, technically he's my father.
What do you mean technically well he created me. Oh,
you know, sadness whatever. But we're told they have to
go to some paradise city to get more information. So

(01:06:33):
they go to a bar, but because there's now a
bounty out on Grieves, they all have to wear a mask.
The mask is a larger than their head video representation
that looks both stupid and stands out in a crowd

(01:06:53):
because nobody else is wearing one of these Neon colored
three dimensional video masks on their head, and like they're
passing bounty signs every twenty feet with his face on it.
If you do a wide shot of four hundred people
in a crowd and five of them have neon colored
video masks, John, guess who I'm looking at as a suspect.

Speaker 6 (01:07:17):
Yeah, that was such a waste of special effects money
because it's unneeded. It's unneeded money, right, you could have
done something completely different there and it work out. They
could have been wearing actual mask or just put a hood,
And that's Hollywood. Loves to do this. Here's a put

(01:07:39):
a hood over your head and nobody knows who you are.
Put on a ball cap and nobody recognizes you.

Speaker 2 (01:07:44):
Sunglasses or something. Maybe I don't you know, but this
is and here's the dumb part. There was this early
scene where Lilith takes a taxi cab and the cab
driver's NOTx just as hell convinced that she's a treasure hunter.
She tells him seventy five times she's not was trying
to sell. She's walking through the street with this huge
mask on her head. He recognizes her in a heartbeat. Immediately,

(01:08:09):
he says, and you I told you you were a
treasure hunter. She's like, I never met you before. Sure, sure,
I just like having a conversation right in the middle
of a crowd. You're not who that is. I know
who you really are, and nobody even blinks. It's just
this kind of movie. Well, Kevin Hart knows that they
have to go speak to a specific doctor because she

(01:08:32):
holds she is the vault expert on the planet to wish.
I immediately say, how the hell can anybody be an
expert about something that nobody can find?

Speaker 6 (01:08:46):
Right?

Speaker 2 (01:08:48):
I mean, this is like saying, I'm the expert on
the lost Ark of the Covenant. Well, really, where is it?
Nobody knows. I don't think any Boddy then is gonna
call me an expert. I'm sorry, but that's just so
they have to go there. So the first thing they
do is go to a barky.

Speaker 6 (01:09:09):
Of course you do. Why wouldn't you go to a bar.

Speaker 2 (01:09:13):
This is where they meet the proprietor, who is Gina Gershon.
And Gina Gershon again is overcast. She serves really no
purpose in this movie, with one exception, and that would
be cleavage. So okay, maybe, yes, she's wearing a boostie
and uh yeah, tough to make eye contact while speaking

(01:09:35):
to her unless you're Lilith I guess. But then she
explains they basically have to go to the bartender to
figure out how to get to the doctor. And Gina,
this is Mad Mox, the bartender, not Commander Knox.

Speaker 6 (01:09:52):
Don't get confused, Mad Maxie, and.

Speaker 2 (01:09:58):
She she's supremely helpful. She's like, oh wow, yeah, absolutely,
I'll give you every single piece of information that you need,
and if the authorities show up, I'm going to do
my best to help you get away. Why I don't.
Apparently there's a history. Moxie knew Lili's mom, and you
know your mother always raved about you. So I'm going

(01:10:18):
to do every single thing in my power to help you,
and tells them you go escape through there, hit a
button on the elevator, say echo, it'll take you up
to the doctor's layer, seven thousand feet into the sky
of this building while we waylay the people that are
chasing it. Also, while they're going through all of this,

(01:10:38):
Greeves still has that video mask on, and a guy
recognizes him again. Another member of the army that Grieves
used to be, is like, I knew that was you.
So Grieves towards his mask off, and everybody now in
the bar can see it's him. What the hell are
you doing? Nothing in this movie supposed to work, and

(01:11:01):
everything works is what happens here the.

Speaker 6 (01:11:04):
Right It's not good writing.

Speaker 2 (01:11:06):
So this guy, you know, he's chatting it up. Hey,
we're good friends. I would never turn you in, I think,
do you see there's a palty on you?

Speaker 6 (01:11:13):
Ha haa.

Speaker 2 (01:11:13):
And meanwhile his hand is slowly going for his gun.
Why he didn't sit and grab his gun and pointed
at him and say, let's go, I want my money.
He takes five minutes to do this, at giving little
time to come up and shot collar him. He drops
it a floor. They escape before the other soldiers show up.
She gets in the elevator. They go to the laboratory
and beat the doctor.

Speaker 6 (01:11:34):
Now have you ever seen a more annoying cameo than? Uh,
what's that? Fella's name was? The comedian? He's a comedian?
Is the Korean comedian? He's in there that want to
get shot? Collored?

Speaker 2 (01:11:47):
Oh right, Bobby Lee, Bobby Lee.

Speaker 6 (01:11:50):
That is the most annoying cameo. I think I've seen
it a very long time.

Speaker 2 (01:11:55):
He's like, I think I've seen him in something else
where he was more annoying.

Speaker 6 (01:11:58):
Actually, oh, like his comedy is okay. I don't have
a problem with this comedy. This character is annoying because
he's like, oh, man, hey, you're my bro, Hey my
bros right.

Speaker 2 (01:12:10):
I mean every single thing he says is clearly fake.
Hey rolling, yeah, my buddy. Hey, we've been like the
tightest friends, right, you and I we go way back,
and that I would never no, I'm not gonna tell
people you're here. Perish that thought. We should have a

(01:12:31):
drink together while I go for my gun on the side.
You're right, buddy, yeah, nothing about it is even close
to genuine.

Speaker 6 (01:12:39):
But and it's the laugh. I'm like, I want to
just punch him in the face.

Speaker 2 (01:12:47):
But the whole time Grieves is buying into it. That's
that's what makes it even worse. It's like, I'm waiting
for him to go like, yeah, yeah, you're right, stop
stop gribing your gun. He doesn't. He's like, no, that's think.
I'm so relieved to hear you say that. That is fantastic.
It was great to hear on this movie. I already
hate it. And we've been at a bar twice. You
would think I'd be on board here, but no. So

(01:13:10):
now they get up, they make it to the laboratory.
This is Professor Tannis, the vault expert, and all of
a sudden there's problems because her and Lilith have a past.
Tennis and Lili's mom were best friends. Lili's mom gave
her up to Tennis, but then she also gave her

(01:13:32):
up to a band of thieves, which is what turned
her into a bounty hunter at the age of ten,
and she resents the hell out of Tennis.

Speaker 6 (01:13:44):
She supposedly raised her, and this doesn't make any sense.
Jamie Lee Curtis is right now, we're just gonna go
with basic ages. She's sixty six years old. Kate Blanchett
is fifty three, No, fifty five, she's fifty five years old.
So you're telling me that that Lela's mom gave her
over to an eleven year old or be raised by

(01:14:08):
because they're only eleven years in difference difference in.

Speaker 2 (01:14:10):
Ages, right, But this is but the story itself makes
no sense because we're told that Tannis was like her
foster mother. But at the same time, Lili's is pissed
off because she was cast aside to be raised by
this band of thieves. It's like, well, how and when
did that happen? How when did the crossovers place? Tennis

(01:14:34):
just drop her off at the bus station or something.
I'm trying to follow, And this is supposed to be
like melodrama in the background under bubbling the whole plot here. Oh,
how are they gonna go forward from here? With this
tension between them? Nobody gives a crap. It's like, can
we get through this? Because we know Tennis is gonna
join up?

Speaker 6 (01:14:53):
We know it.

Speaker 2 (01:14:54):
We saw the poster where all six heads look into
the hole and Tannis is there. She's gonna do it,
just get throats. Uh, And so they they tell Professor
Tannis we got a key. It's basically a triangle or
a cone shaped rock. Tannis happens to know where the

(01:15:14):
second key is, Well, why didn't you get it? And
she's got this sprawling laboratory, right, she has this massive,
expansive thing with all of her research of the vault,
I suppose, but she keeps all her information in one
notebook that's up on a shelf, tucked away behind stuff

(01:15:36):
that she has to access through a footstool. Why wouldn't
that be out front and center where she can get
it anytime she needs to she's.

Speaker 6 (01:15:42):
Doing the research. Yeah, Well, Jamie Lee's Jamie Lee Curtis's
character is pretty dumb in this entire film. I don't
mean the character itself, I mean the person planet. So like,
there's interviews where she in the move in the game,
Tannas's character says she doesn't like to be around or
doesn't get along very well with people, And that can

(01:16:03):
be construed a couple of ways. You could take it.
In the Clint Eastwood Grand Torino style way where she
doesn't want to be brown people. Or you could do
what Jamie Lee Curtis did and say, my character is
autistic and I mean she's super smart and it doesn't
function well with society. I guess that's fine if if
that's where you want to go with that, but you
need to actually have that explain. It's like like The

(01:16:26):
Good Doctor, right, they created a character that's autistic but
has become a doctor, and they lead up to the
point of that being created. If you don't have time
to explain that Tannis is on the spectrum, then don't
make that part of her character because we don't have
time to understand it. As an audience.

Speaker 2 (01:16:47):
I never even picked up on that, like you would
have to watch an interview. Never had an instance of
them saying like, well, this is why she's like that.

Speaker 6 (01:16:55):
No, not even once Jamie Lee Curtis had to say
that during an interview. He said, well, my characters stand
office in the game. Some can consider her to be autistic,
and that's how I played her. You can't just do
that on your own, Like you're not a main character,
You're a side quest character that comes into play for
the don't just put yourself on the spectrum and just say, hey,

(01:17:17):
I hope you figure it out, because the audience is
looking at you like you're an idiot the whole time.
You're just a buffoon. It's a buffoon of a character
because you waited to explain the character's motivations in an
interview that only I found while I was doing research
for this movie.

Speaker 2 (01:17:35):
Uh, well, there's her autism comes into play though, because
she informs them where this is that her notebook says
that there are a bunch of guys taking a ridian
stuff and putting them in a warehouse, and they found
what they thought was a piece of pottery, but is
actually the second key.

Speaker 6 (01:17:58):
And the only one that knows that.

Speaker 2 (01:18:00):
And well she knows that because she's the expert on
the vault, Paul. You see, this is where her expertise
comes into play. And this is an underground bunker and
you have to go through two levels of marauding bands
of killing people. One they get through easily. The other
is a bunch of psychos and they're in the psycho realm,

(01:18:27):
and there's hundreds of these assholes and they're all fighting
each other and setting themselves on fire and nuts and
clap trap. The robot says, I've just run every possible scenario,
millions of them. We have a zero percent chance of succeeding. Now, question,
we know that Tina is a bomb expert and has

(01:18:50):
bombs at her disposal. Why didn't they use the bombs then.

Speaker 6 (01:18:54):
And just start throwing them all over there?

Speaker 2 (01:18:57):
Blow these assholes up, and you can go to your
little secret hatchway that'll take you down to the warehouse.
But no, Also, we're told every single person on this
planet is looking for this vault. How is it the
psychos or anybody else that knows about his warehouse hasn't
been tearing this thing to shreds looking for the key

(01:19:19):
because the warehouse is filled with aridian stuff. I mean,
these are the things that just pop in my head
that blow up this movie throughout. It's like, wait, it's
right there, go for it.

Speaker 6 (01:19:32):
No, but.

Speaker 2 (01:19:35):
That was a one piece of comedy. Basically, I saw
from the robo ers a zero percent chance And they're like, well,
did you run any scenarios where you're the bait? And
he's like what, And that's what they do. So he
comes rolling through the band of psychos, and apparently for
some reason, Claptrap is made out of something that's indestructible.

(01:19:55):
So they he gets the attention of every single psycho
on him, every one of them opens fire on him,
so the other five behind them can get into the
hatchway and get into the warehouse, and Claptrap makes it.

Speaker 6 (01:20:09):
By the way, Well he's indestructible.

Speaker 2 (01:20:12):
Somehow survives this. But now they're in the warehouse and
this is basically where they stored the arc of the Covenant.
This place is massive, and there's tens of thousands of
crates in this place, and you're going to find this
little ceramic key that's about four inches tall in one
of these crates. Where do we begin? So Lilith just

(01:20:35):
starts going around with a flashlight, looking at various boxes.
Sees one shelf that's got a bunch of boxes on it.
She stops, she goes, she opens the very first box.
There's the second key.

Speaker 6 (01:20:47):
She was drawn to it again, she's drawn to it.
And I think they're using this as a way to
explain what is happening to her near the end of
the film.

Speaker 2 (01:20:58):
But well, this is when I was This is when
I just said, I go well, she's got to be
the lost daughter. Has to be. There's just no other way,
because otherwise I'm going to kick my television because if
she's not the daughter and found this rock, I'm going
to be supremely pissed off at the end of this building.
So she better damn well be the lost daughter. No

(01:21:21):
other explanation works here. But she finds this, and now
now they got it, and somebody has come to the
realization and they say, well, the third key has to
be Tina. She's the one. And then Tannis comes to
the conclusion somehow that if she's the third key when

(01:21:43):
they use her to open a vault, it's going to
kill her.

Speaker 6 (01:21:48):
And because it's all consumed, they don't know if that's
actually happening or not. They aren't sure everything beings consumed.

Speaker 2 (01:21:55):
But also at this point, Tina has been nothing but
personally annoying as hell. She is like this preteen, you know,
bickering when everybody hates it, and then also knows she's
supposedly the lost daughter, so she's got this air of entitlement. Yeah,
I'm special and I'm not gonna die because I'm the

(01:22:18):
special daughter of the Iridians, and you need me to
open it and not that that and hut the hell
up because I'm the best. And but at the same time,
we're supposed to think now, like Lilith and the others
care deeply about her and don't want her to die.

Speaker 6 (01:22:32):
And I guess that's I guess they did a good
job creating a an annoying fourteen year old because oh.

Speaker 2 (01:22:39):
No, she was believable. I mean I was of the
opinion of, you know what, let her open the vault
and die. That's a win win scenario. We get in
and we're done with her, Let's see what happens. I'm
all told, that's not a bad scenario in my book.
I'm just saying, but hell, well, we're okay. So we

(01:23:04):
got to this point. I'm trying to even put this
movie together now. At the beginning, Atlas, by the way,
gave Lilith a signaling device once he got Tina. She
was supposed to hit the signal they would come and
collect her early on, though it got destroyed accidentally and
she gave it the clap trap to fix. So by

(01:23:25):
this late point in the film, clap track comes up.
Never once working on this, but says, hey, I fixed
it convenient, and then she's about to use it, but
she instead smashes it on the wall because now she
wants to protect Tina because now she loves Tina the annoying,
sullen preteen. And just as she does so, a drone

(01:23:45):
comes floating in from Atlas all along, it had a
tracking unit in there from the start. Hah, so he
has a video message. He pops up, has a conversation
with Lilith. Lilith tells him eventually that she doesn't want
to turn teena over, but conveniently in movie Magic, Tina

(01:24:08):
only heard half of the conversation and thinks that Lilith
is going to turn her in. So now Tina throws
a bomb.

Speaker 6 (01:24:17):
In order to.

Speaker 2 (01:24:19):
Kill Lilith and get away on her own. Except she
doesn't kill Lilith, she only knocks her out.

Speaker 6 (01:24:27):
Yeah, or you can't you can't kill the lead character love.

Speaker 2 (01:24:31):
No, no, but let's see, and this made no sense either.
Lilith comes to and clap Track comes rolling in, and
he's celebrating because he thinks she's dead and that he's
now free. But then she's alive and he's like, oh damn.

(01:24:54):
But he has an R two D two fashion a
hologram message from Lili's mother and basically, you know, tells
her how she's special and that you're one of the Oridians,

(01:25:14):
and it's like, this is the kind of thing. Why
didn't he tell her this at the very first time
he met her, when she first landed on the planet,
and he's like, I've been sent here to take care
of you. That's why I always created. Wouldn't that be
the time to show this message.

Speaker 6 (01:25:33):
Like he's a he's a terrible R two D two,
That's what this is. They just ripped, straight up ripped
this from Star Wars. This is the R two D
two and uh, Princess Leah all over again, except worse.
Cloud Trap talk does non stop talking throughout this entire film, NonStop,

(01:25:54):
but yet somehow has forgotten to actually mention this particular
part of the information that was important and programmed in
him by her mother. Goett of here.

Speaker 2 (01:26:05):
So, now that they've got the second Stone, they have
to fight their way through the psychos once again.

Speaker 6 (01:26:11):
And we.

Speaker 2 (01:26:13):
Basically see Kevin Hart kill as he gets just monster
mashed by these guys. Tina throws a bunch of bombs,
but then, for whatever reason, later, Greeves comes to underneath
the dead guys. That made sense. Not everybody escapes in
an elevator. This elevator is shooting up a shaft at

(01:26:35):
warp speed with no brakes, not gonna They're gonna pop
out of the top of it. We see a massive
explosion on the surface of the planet and then all
five characters mystically appear on the planet surface. They were
transported somehow, teleportation took place.

Speaker 6 (01:26:54):
What does she call it hyper transference or something. Yeah,
it's spontaneous hypertransference. It was some weird something weird like that.

Speaker 2 (01:27:03):
Yeah, it's stupid, is what it should be called. And
now Tina believes she was the one that did it,
and Tanna's even looks at her and says, oh my gosh, Tina,
how'd you do that? She's like, I don't know. I
guess I'm just super magical and special. Then everybody else
around the world but me. And the difference is that
Lilith is off on the side vomiting as a result

(01:27:25):
of this, and we're supposed to think, oh, it's like
motion sickness, that's why she's getting sick. No, because she's
the chosen one and she had to use her powers
in her defectory in this way. That's what's taking place.
I'm on board at this point. Okay, I'm the big
twist is already revealed. Lilith is the special daughter, not Tina.
It's obvious now, but they still play this off like

(01:27:47):
it's a big twist. So, Holly crap, where are we
Tanna's tells the story now that the mystical daughter is
like what a fire hawk or a phoenix type character.

Speaker 6 (01:28:06):
That's a firehawk is what they call her.

Speaker 5 (01:28:09):
And.

Speaker 2 (01:28:10):
She's gonna save and protect Pandora. This is what Tina's
supposedly going to be. But we're all looking at Lilith
now going it's obviously her and I don't even know
how did they find this pathway to the vault. It
was under a pile of garbage. How did they know
it was there? Did I miss something?

Speaker 6 (01:28:32):
Yeah, Creek saw it. He's just randomly standing in some random,
lest random spot and he's looking at like symbol and
they're like, well, not now, Creig, we're talking. You know,
you cry a dumb oath symbol smash pull away, Creig.
You're a genius. He's he's not a genius. He spotted
something you two were arguing over. That makes him a genius,

(01:28:54):
it makes you two dummies. That's there's different.

Speaker 2 (01:28:57):
Yeah, they're I know, they're kind of like not a
cap there. They're between a couple of mountains, you know,
in a pathway. And I forget the geological term because
this movie is just crushed my cerebrum. And yeah, they
so they find this spot. There's something in the ground,
and now now is the time where they're gonna open it.

(01:29:18):
They're gonna use the two keys plus Tina. This is
gonna open the vault finally. So they stick the stones in.
Light appears in the dust and the rocks. She occupies
the two footholds, holds her arms out, big swell of music,
and nothing happens. Gorsh She's not the magical key after all, Paul.

(01:29:46):
And at this point now she.

Speaker 6 (01:29:49):
Says, you are special, just in a different way. Yeah,
like your special, Like remember that short bust you got
off of earlier when I rescue you got to say belong.

Speaker 2 (01:30:03):
And now we see the Crimson Shoulder soldiers rolling in
and a giant aircraft comes hovering over them, and there's
Atlas now and they've come to the realization that huh,
Lilith must be the secret daughter. And then we have
this montage of flashbacks of all the little clues they

(01:30:25):
lapped in the movie that tell us this that we
knew from pretty much damn day one. I'm sorry, but
when she found that damn rock in that warehouse on
the first box she opened, I was like, Okay, she's
the one that's her. But now it's you got to
go through this hole song and dance of the big reveal. Oh,

(01:30:47):
and now Atlas holds a knife to Tina's throat to
compel Lilith to go after this. Tannas says, no, you
could die, or you're gonna give over everything in the
vault to Atlas. Can't do this. Sometimes you gotta break
eggs and make an omelet, says Lilith or something to
that effect. And Bob at this point, it's just like,

(01:31:08):
get this shit done. And they go to this big
fight scene, right, it's like all of them and they
have a terrible fight. Well they have the battle takes
place where all of a sudden, Lilith transforms and she's
got these fire wings and float gun battle erupts. She's

(01:31:35):
able to place protection shields on all of her friends
and they can shoot everybody and kill them all. And
then Atlas directs the floating ship to start firing on Lilith.
She gets impacted a few times, not really damaged, but
it hurts her enough and she loses power or such.

(01:31:57):
Then she surges up into the ship. This is such
I feel I feel stupid explaining this climax. It's just
but she tries to fly into the gun, but apparently
there was a force field and it drives her back,
and now she's lost all her powers. All the shields
on her friends drop off, and Atlas chuckles, and now

(01:32:19):
he's got the drop on her, and he turns the
guns on the ship up to ten. I guess, so
that's one constant kill beam that's gonna wipe her out.

Speaker 6 (01:32:30):
This one goes to eleven probably.

Speaker 2 (01:32:33):
But then she just arbitrarily regenerates and can fight back
this massive power beam again. Brad starts overthinking if she
had that much defensive power over the super beam, why
didn't she have it against the lesser fire weapons.

Speaker 6 (01:32:56):
Because Brad, she wasn't focused or determined to at the time.
She needed to be focused and determined enough to make
it happen. Oh, it was just I wasn't gonna die before,
and now I will die. You've made me super angry
and upset. More power to my will block everything. That's

(01:33:17):
that's the sty standard trope in most of these films,
where the main protagonist is succumb to the villain's you know,
powerful attack, and then she realizes she needs to be
more willful in her ability to overcome, and then suddenly
can overcome the villain super powerful attack. It's a super trope.

(01:33:40):
It's not. It's not. One of my favorites. Is like,
if this was going to kill you before, suddenly it's
not going to kill you simply because you're determined. Yeah,
they call the determination over will trope. It's got a
name that they talk about it. I've seen it talked
about online prior.

Speaker 2 (01:33:55):
Well, it's the same we saw it in Harry Potter
where you know they have that one client mactic thing
when they're both shooting their wands at each other and
it melts in the middle because they're both strong down.
It's really we're doing this well.

Speaker 6 (01:34:09):
In superhero movies in general do this kind of thing.
And that's why Captain America's kind of battle against Thanos
was so fun and visceral to watch because in order
for them to go to have that power surge, it
had to be Monoymano his sword versus CAP's shield, and

(01:34:30):
they were right next to each other. But where Iron
Man has to fight people and not always but like
Captain Marvel and those kind of things, when they do
laser beams or they do wands firings, all the actress
and the actors can do is just put their hand
more out, Like you know, I had my elbow ben

(01:34:52):
just a little bit when we were fighting before, but
now I'm pushing all the way out and that means
there's more power into it, and it's just not as
fun to watch. So I like, I'm more of a
visceral guy, like I said, you know, with Captain Thanos,
that fight was amazing because they were together, things were clashing.
Power had to overcome power.

Speaker 2 (01:35:10):
We'll see, I'll disput you here, Paul. Sometimes use both hands,
so if you're holding the one with two hands instead
of one, more power. See how that works? Now, oh
oh twice as much. So this happens, and you know,

(01:35:33):
you see the gun surge in her defense and they
just square off and it floats in front of her
for a good and I don't know, it felt like
two hours or so, until she gets one final burst
and fires it back at the gunship. Now it starts
to blow up and slowly descend on them, and everybody's
about to die. Where's Tina? Where's this? Where's that? Atlas

(01:35:55):
has Tina now and threatens to kill her unless Lilith
opens the portal the vault, which she does. These mystical
rocks gather up into an archway and that creates the
doorway into the vault. The three of them go in.
Everybody's standing back and looking and saying, I can't believe

(01:36:15):
she did that. Now we're inside the vault, Paul, it's
black blue lights start to crawl all over the floor.
Oh my gosh, this is underwhelming. Like they're in there,
and Atlas still has Tina held, telling Lilith now she
has to do something, I guess, But Lilith can appear

(01:36:40):
in different places, and then she gets his communicator weapon
and now he no longer has the drop on Tina.
Tina gets free and then a gigantic monster rises up
from nowhere in the background. The two of them escape while.

Speaker 6 (01:37:00):
Way unexplained, unseen until this point, and unexplained. Is it
a space thresher? Nobody knows, It's just is it Cthulhu
coming out of the coming out of the the hole
in the nobody knows it was just comes to grabs,
it goes.

Speaker 2 (01:37:14):
That's it. I was happy because this meant the movie
was ending. That's all I cared about. So they were
walking away. Tentacles come out and start wrapping up at
List while he screams, no, don't do this to me.
They walk out of the vault and we end the
movie with fireworks and they celebrate that they survived.

Speaker 6 (01:37:32):
But does that ons get eaten? Is he getting destroyed?
Are they ripping in limb for limb? Is he gonna
be slowly digested like a sarlac pit over the course
of the next thousand years? Nobody knows, Like there's there's
no explain. It would be completely different. Has she had
walked in there and then like the guardians of a
ridium or a radium or I don't carry him come

(01:37:53):
down and they're like, uh, you do not deserve this knowledge,
and blah blah blah, and we will encase you. They
put him like Noah's style kind of it's just drug
to his death. We assume drug to a different peril
unknown so terrible rty. I bet you that was part
of the reshoot too.

Speaker 2 (01:38:12):
This is how the movie ends. Now they all they're
I don't know, at a hotel or something, and they're
all just glad handing and fireworks are going off because
the entire city is celebrating. What Like, I get that
these five are happy they survived, but why does the
rest of this area celebrate this like you guys made it?
Fireworks show? What the helps? Here's the thing, here's how

(01:38:36):
I can describe this entire movie. We got into the vault?
What did we see and what did we learn? Paul?

Speaker 6 (01:38:43):
Not a single thing, not a idea, anything in it.

Speaker 2 (01:38:47):
This movie is Heraldo Rivera's Mafia vault.

Speaker 6 (01:38:51):
It's just an open ball. There's a bunch of like
floating cubes and other nonsense in the air. There's no
explanation as to what you're looking at. Did she take
him in? Like what if she Here's an ending for you, Brad,
this would have been so much better. She takes him
into the vault with with uh, with Tina. He gets

(01:39:11):
drugged down by let's just don't explain the giant squid
arms coming out. He gets drugged down, and she walks
out and goes, that's not the real vault, that's the
fake vault that they use as a security system. And
then she takes everybody into the actual vault and there's
just pound you know, just stacks and stacks of paperwork

(01:39:34):
or something that makes sense where you can explain that
there's there's riches, and there's all this other stuff to
make the work the planet better. There's not a lot
of water, so maybe there's there's water in here. It's
just this beautiful, open, pristine area that they have kind
of cultivated and kept protected. And then you ended there.
I don't need to see fireworks on display. You haven't

(01:39:55):
created a band of rabble rousers that are going to
go out like the Guardians of the Galaxy and start
protecting the universe with some stuff. So just end it
and the vault with them finding the journey to the
center of the Earth. Kind of majestic area.

Speaker 2 (01:40:09):
But I think the only way this could have been
less satisfying is if they walked in a room, had
it it was over lit, there was one beam coming down,
there's a stand in the center of the room and
you walk up and there's like a tiny flash drive.
This has all the technology of the Iridians on it. Oh,
it's not compatible with my computer role credits. I mean,

(01:40:31):
it would have been just that stupid. This literally was
al Capone's vault of a movie. Nothing was in the
damn thing. Nothing they didn't So so this is Borderlands.
It's available on streaming. I'm gonna tell you don't do it.

Speaker 9 (01:40:51):
This is.

Speaker 2 (01:40:54):
And like, visuals were great. I mean, the the wasteland
looked good, and a lot of the scenes and the
setting and costumes and all of that meant nothing. There's
nothing in this movie mattered.

Speaker 6 (01:41:06):
In the In the scene where they're driving the truck
and they're trying to get through the threshers. As he
takes a dangerous left and goes towards the thresher pit,
there's a they pass a sign right there at the
end of the canyon. Who put it up, nobody knows.
Just a sign in the middle of nowhere and it
says danger thresher piss And I feel like that should

(01:41:30):
be the title of tonight's episode, because.

Speaker 2 (01:41:36):
Yes, this movie definitely definitely pissed on us.

Speaker 6 (01:41:40):
It deserves, it deserves a warning.

Speaker 2 (01:41:44):
You don't care about any characters, you don't care what's
going on, and as much as you follow this you have,
it doesn't amount anything. And then we open the big
vault that every single person on this plane is looking
for and nothing, We don't there's a monster inside, and
then we close the door. Thank you movie. So yeah,

(01:42:11):
i'll say this, avoid it. You mentioned a few movies
you've just been watching. I'll say this. Go go to
Netflix and check out Electric State. It's not a really
good story, but it is really amazingly shot.

Speaker 6 (01:42:25):
The visuals are really.

Speaker 2 (01:42:26):
Really really good.

Speaker 6 (01:42:27):
Some of the robots don't look like robots. Same with
Minecraft that the visuals and Minecraft are the same way.
The villagers don't look like villagers. It's some of the
special effects are getting a lot better.

Speaker 2 (01:42:38):
Yeah, well, the thing with the Electric State, I mean
this is definitely it's fan service. It's kind of like
Ready Player one, where it's a lot of retro and
throwback nods, you know, to the eighties and nineties, and
it's got these little cultural touch points all throughout it.
But visually it's hilarious too. And yeah, it doesn't make
much sense it's not a gaging story, but just watching

(01:42:59):
it really is amazing. Three hundred They spent three hundred
million making that movie. Yeah, yeah, it was like they've
they sold that as like one of the most expensive
movies ever made. And it goes to Netflix.

Speaker 6 (01:43:16):
No wonder. My Netflix account has gone up to like
twenty seven dollars a month from the nine ninety nine
I used to pay.

Speaker 2 (01:43:22):
Yeah, but it's I'd say, well, they spent the money.
You can see it because i mean, you get a
bunch of you know, robots that are broken down and
and you know, the paint is shredded on them and
stuff like that, so they look old and like they've
been out in the desert for a while, and it's
kind of cool the way they made it look. I'll
say that, much much more engaging film than this this

(01:43:44):
this one, No Borderlands deserved to die like it did.
So that'll do it for it is one, Paul. Why
don't you then let everybody know where you can find
more of your content.

Speaker 6 (01:44:02):
At movie Paul, And uh, that's kind of it right now.
I'm not really bouncing around too many other places.

Speaker 2 (01:44:08):
At the moment, not even on TikTok, on your toilet account.

Speaker 6 (01:44:12):
I'm not not anymore. It's just I hadn't been on
there in a while. I've got one video that's blown up,
but it's all rarely related because some rail pharmers had
found it, and it's just a video of a small,
tiny train. I don't a wive's blow it up. So
train porn, train porn only, we call it only trains.

Speaker 2 (01:44:33):
There we go. As for myself, you can check me
out daily. I'm over at town hall dot com. I've
got a media column there called Rift from the Headlines,
almost on the front page of Red State on the regular.
And I've got a twice weekly podcast there called Liable Sources,
Digging into the Media Mayhem. And you can hear more
of me on this network. Next Thursday, I'll be here

(01:44:55):
at Kala Orn with Ortie Packard as we guide you
through the entertainment news that's vite to your culture and
lifestyle on the Culture Shift, And every Tuesday, I'm here
with the ever effervestent Aggie reek In on the Cocktail Lounge,
distracting you from all of the hysteria and politics and
news by giving you culture and leisure, sports and drinking

(01:45:18):
and art and all kinds of other distractions for you
in a fun manner in a bar setting. And then
if you need more of me than that less face,
as you do if you head over to JITTERI am
at Martini Shark. All right, Paul, we got we got
a fortnite in front of us before our next episode.
So we're going to have to conjure up something new,
something enjoyable on the bad side of things, something better

(01:45:41):
than this.

Speaker 6 (01:45:43):
I don't think we can find anything better worse than this.

Speaker 2 (01:45:46):
We'll try, because we always seem to be able to
do that right here on disasters in the making.

Speaker 6 (01:45:57):
There to come home. This say no place, no no
hear out this, say no place, no no better man.
It's saying no place, no no here out