Get Them Past the Complaint

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
And now effective communication with Phil Zeller, CEO Dale Carnegie
Southwest Michigan. Has somebody you care about complain to you
about something recently? You know what I'm talking about, somebody
in your life just complaining about something. Maybe it's the weather,
maybe it's politics, maybe it's something that's not being done

(00:21):
the way they like to be done. I hear this
all the time from people, and I see people really
get exasperated with other people that are complaining. Well, here's
the thing for you today, Phil Zeller, effective communication. You
don't have to get frustrated with it. You don't need
to stop those people. What you need to do is
help those people. Now, Now, I did say, these are

(00:42):
people that you care about, So let's keep this for
the record. I did ask that question. I did say
that I should say, these are people that you care about.
So if these are people that you care about and
they're complaining and you want to help them to get
beyond that, to move forward, there's a way to do it,
and there's a way to do it that's not offensive,
and there's a way to do it where you can
actually get them to learn in the conversation and hopefully

(01:04):
over time what they'll do is learn to correct themselves
because something that they're complaining about stuff is simply, as
we know, just a waste of time energy, and it
costs money because time is money. Right, So if somebody
is around you and they're complaining. I had this happen
this past week. I was with a person and they
were really frustrated with another human being, and they were

(01:25):
sharing with why they were frustrated. And I was listening
to them, and I heard their frustration, and their frustration
was based upon what they were thinking in their own head.
Nowhere in that frustration, I hear them say, this person
specifically said this or did this to me. This is
just what I think, This is how I feel, this
is what I interpret. And that's a very natural reaction

(01:48):
for human beings to do. Right. They're interpreting things how
they perceive them based upon what's going on in their mind.
All of our heads are filled with a million different
things going on, right, And one's perception is one's reality.
We know this. So the reality in the situation is
is their perception helping them or hindering them. And in

(02:09):
that essence, when I have a friend of mine or
someone in my family, who's frustrated with somebody or complaining
about somebody and they actually want to talk about it.
It gives an opportunity to help them understand where that
frustration is coming from. And oftentimes it's not specifically the
other person, it's their interpretation of what they're understanding to

(02:29):
be true through that other person. And it's a very
interesting thing to understand. Are we talking about people? Are
we talking about logic? Are we talking about emotion? What
is it that we're talking about? Well, human beings are
emotional creatures. I've shared this with you before on the
show here effective Communication. Human beings at the core were

(02:49):
emotional creatures that we use any logic we can to
support the way we feel. So when somebody is giving
you an argument about something that they're frustrated with and
complaining of something, the question is why are they complaining
about it? Is it because they want to fix it?
They just want to vent they what is the reason why? Well,

(03:11):
for you, you're just hoping they get over this bad
day and over this complaint so they can move on
and we can get something more productive. Right, So I've
shared this with you before as well here on the show.
Is that we train people how to treat us, whether
you like it or not. You train people how to
treat you by the way you act and react. If
you patronize a complaint, go, oh yeah, i'd complain about

(03:33):
that too if I was you. Oh yeah, that person's awful.
Oh awful, awful, awful. Okay, So you can patronize that
all day long, but you're going to hear this story
come up over and over and over again. It's going
to cause it cost you countless hours of your time
that was wasted because you chose to patronize a person
rather than explore what is the real issue with this person.

(03:55):
So what I did the other day was this person
shared with me example of some and they were really
frustrated that another person was doing. And I said, from
that example you just gave me, why do you think
they would act that way? And the first knee jerk
reaction for everybody, oh, they're because they're an idiot, right,
because I hear what you're saying, and I'm still I

(04:19):
want to know why, why? Why would they act that way?
And so what you're doing is you're causing the other
person to actually think about what it is they're complaining
about and why this person would do what they did
that would cause this reaction for them to get upset
and complain. So then you can explore with them to understand, well,
what's going on in that person's life, what would lead

(04:40):
them to think that way? Because I hear what you're saying,
and why would they think differently? And all of a sudden,
what you'll see is the light bulb will come on.
The person will stop complaining, and let's start trying to
figure out why would this person say this, why would
they do this? And they would we go on just
the ridiculous criticisms because they're an idiot, okay, doesn't solve anything,

(05:01):
and that doesn't move us forward or just wasting more time.
So go ahead and dig deeper with them and ask them,
why do you believe the person would say that or
do that? And explore this with them, and what you're
gonna find is that they're gonna stop complaining around you
because you're gonna help them overcome the thing they're complaining about. Now,
they're gonna love being around you. But sometimes when they

(05:22):
just want to complain, you're not gonna be the first
person they call. Just trust me on this, all right,
And The good thing is if you do this with people,
people will know that you are an effective communicator and
you're helping them to overcome their challenges. Now go make
it happen.