March 6, 2024 • 58 mins
¿Te has preguntado por qué se repiten ciertos patrones en tu vida? En este episodio exploramos la fascinante conexión entre la profecía autocumplida y las heridas de la infancia.
Junto a la psicoterapeuta y especialista Abigail Ordoñez, hablamos sobre cómo las experiencias tempranas pueden influir en las elecciones de pareja, en la dinámica laboral y en la forma en que enfrentamos desafíos.
En este episodio hablamos:
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Sobre el invitado:
Conoce más sobre Abigail Ordoñezhttps://www.abigailordonez.com/
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Suscríbete y sé el primero en enterarte de los nuevos episodios.
No olvides compartir un screenshot y mencionar a Andrea en Instagram @soyandreapalacio o conecta con Andrea en Linkedin.
Sigue a Andrea:https://www.instagram.com/soyandreapalacio/?hl=es
El Club de Impacto es producido por Milky Wave Media.
Junto a la psicoterapeuta y especialista Abigail Ordoñez, hablamos sobre cómo las experiencias tempranas pueden influir en las elecciones de pareja, en la dinámica laboral y en la forma en que enfrentamos desafíos.
En este episodio hablamos:
- Cuáles son las seis heridas de la infancia: rechazo, abandono, traición, humillación e injusticia.
- Cómo identificarlas en mí y en otros
- Cuál es un primer paso a sanar mi herida de la infancia
- De dónde vienen las heridas de la infancia
____
Sobre el invitado:
Conoce más sobre Abigail Ordoñezhttps://www.abigailordonez.com/
____
Suscríbete y sé el primero en enterarte de los nuevos episodios.
No olvides compartir un screenshot y mencionar a Andrea en Instagram @soyandreapalacio o conecta con Andrea en Linkedin.
Sigue a Andrea:https://www.instagram.com/soyandreapalacio/?hl=es
El Club de Impacto es producido por Milky Wave Media.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
Hello everyone and welcome to the newepisode of the impact club. I am
Andrea Palacio and today I am veryhappy to bring you a fascinating topic and
to begin with, I want toask you a question and that you will
answer me as you go listening therewherever you are some sees that sense that,
(00:26):
despite all your efforts to change,to improve, to get ahead,
to be a better person, youconstantly find yourself facing with the different versions
of the same problem or with differentversions of the same relationship. Notice that
it' s like you' replaying the same role over and over and
(00:51):
over and over again in your ownstory, for example, no matter what
you do in all your relationships,your partner ends up cheating, you end
up cheating or no matter how manytimes a vacancy opens in the company you
work in. They never give youthe promotion, and well, they do.
We bring a subconscious script that wecarry with us through life, a
(01:12):
script that basically reproduces and that determinesthe experiences that we attract. That'
s where, then, it kindof develops this thing that we' ve
heard, that it' s calledself- fulfilling prophecy, not like all
men cheat, all women are interested. Well, then, in this episode
(01:34):
we will explore this connection between,well, this internal script that makes us
attract situations and the connection between theexperiences we had in childhood and how that,
then, affects how we live ourlives today. What is the role
of these wounds in our relationships,in our decisions, in building our own
(01:57):
emotional well- being. And forthis we are accompanied by Abigail Ordonez.
She' s a prominent psychotherapist.He specializes in therapy, brief online coaching
anatology. She offers psychological coaching andtherapy sessions in Mexico and Canada. And,
well, I' m particularly happyto have Abby with us because she
' s my colleague. She's my friend from the radio show we
(02:21):
have here in Canada on Saturdays atten o' clock in the morning,
on the ninety- nine FM inwithout Filter and I' ve heard how
By has the ability to explain atopic that, maybe it' s a
little bit complex and probably an episodeis going to fit us just to explain
this topic, but she has theability to simplify these topics and explain them
(02:45):
in a rich way for us mortals. So, the goal is that ABBY
helps us identify what these childhood woundsare. And if not, it is
that in this episode we will notbe able to understand how to heal them.
But it only identifies RSS takes usa little step forward to our healing.
So, without further ado, therewas the claude impact. Thank you
(03:08):
so much, Andrea. No,well, I' m happy, happy
life to be here with you andyour audience. And yes, what we
said doesn' t all start tostart looking. All the problems we have
as adults start from childhood. Thisdoesn' t mean that childhood is destiny,
that' s how it went,as a child, if you were
(03:30):
beaten, if you suffered violence,if you suffered abandonment, because it'
s already going to be the restof your life. No, but it
does determine somehow. Certain patterns whatyou just said. You just said it,
super well, certain patterns of behaviorthat I don' t know where
they come from, but it's just the same until I didn'
t pass. It' s likethe test. I' m going to
(03:51):
take the test over and over again, but if I don' t know,
I haven' t studied, Ihaven' t seen at least one
guide. Or I' m gonnakeep flunking it. And that' s
the sad part. People who endtheir lives and never find out what they
had exactly. Hey, abe,well, why don' t you give
us a little introduction to this childhoodinjury thing. How psychologically you would define
(04:14):
them and where they come from,where childhood wounds originate. Let' s
put it this way all human beings, all of them. Hey jump the
Ilama, yes, to the TallaiLama, not how much he hasn'
t gotten himself into too poor AlaiLama. Well, we all have wounds
to solve. We all came tothis plane. And I' m not
(04:36):
talking about mystical things, or spiritualthings, or anything, no, but
we all came to this plane,because just to solve the things, the
challenges that are, what is puttingyou, let' s put it as
a game. You don' tget into the game and you have to
get to certain levels or you haveto work out certain things. Well,
(04:59):
the series them from childhood. Theyare like this, inadvertently, our parents
or caregivers created wounds that you didn' t realize, but they affected you.
But when you' re a kid, a lot of people you ask
them hear what your childhood was like, and almost everyone says very well.
It was great. I had ahappy childhood, I played, I laughed
(05:20):
clearly, of course at that timeit was for you, it was happiness,
but there really were certain wounds thatyou didn' t realize. Or
you did realize, but you didn' t know how to solve them.
And when you know how to solveit, the only thing you do Poko
has tools, the only thing youdo is hide it with several piles of
(05:48):
buried cement, because you don't know how to solve it, because
you don' t know how tointerpret, for example, already in something
very serious by an abuse and aphysical abuse of a person who, as
a matter of course, sexual abusealways comes from relatives, close people.
Imagine, the person who has totake care of me is supposed to do
(06:10):
this to me, how I solveit. Then I am filled with shame,
I am filled with speculations of whatthey will think of me and more
and the adult, because already,in this case a pedophile tells him if
you say anything to someone, Iwill kill your mother. Then, obviously,
(06:32):
the child begins to create more fear. But what does he do?
As one has the total function ofhis brain, because he is growing.
All he does is hide it.But what do you think Andres when it
comes out is about and have doneseveral studies between the ages of twenty-
(06:56):
five and thirty- five. That' s where these wounds start to come
out and sprout. What they arewhen we are usually developing professionally, when
it is usually the stage of life, where you are choosing your partner,
where even some are starting to havechildren at the worst moment when it comes
out. Exactly, yeah, andI love that what you mention it because
(07:20):
you think what that is, oh, it' s because I got married,
oh, it' s because I' m working in this place.
Oh, well, it was myson, and you' re starting to
get scared about what you' reliving for, but he' s not
really here. Maybe that shot him, but it was really how he had
(07:41):
to get out at some point afloatthat problem. What are the wounds are
five rejections of abandonment humiliation, betrayaland injustice. How it is detected if
I have rejection, If I haverejection, I am a person who avoids
(08:01):
large meetings. I' d ratherfight with people I know who already feel
comfortable, comfortable. No. Ialso think you have to do things right
so they don' t reject you. If you make them wrong, they
' ll most likely judge you.You' re starting to think, too.
(08:24):
I think that girl or that guydoesn' t like me. What
' s more, I don't like it. I don' t
like him. It means that firstI refuse before I accept someone good rejection
so that you don' t rejectme exactly. I am so afraid of
rejection and rejection notice that I thoughtit was, well, not very common,
(08:50):
but it is much more common inpeople to reject, because it is
a primitive fear. Obviously, whenwe were in gru a post obviously that
we didn' t want to berejected, because if you were rejected,
what happened you didn' t diethere left in it, because because it
was nomad nova, the cave andyou who knows where aha and there you
(09:13):
stayed and only because you weren't going to survive. So it'
s a very primitive fear, thatyes, somehow we have to solve it.
But the fear of rejection or whatis the wound of rejection, they
say and there are studies also thatsometimes comes from conception. Hey, I
didn' t expect it. Ididn' t expect to get pregnant what
(09:35):
I' m gonna do. Thenalso rejection. There, that' s
where what you' re doing Listen, I didn' t do anything.
I didn' t do it anymore, because it came as a surprise to
me. No and the clear,that is, the little blessing. Then
from there, you start to feelthat rejection. Then so many families,
too, in this case maybe shedoes what she does want, but dad
(09:56):
doesn' t. The dad goesand there and then he starts a mix.
My father rejects me, but healso abandons me. I mean,
you can have more than one childhoodwound entirely. In fact, you can
have five and I usually led oneor. But usually yes, people,
(10:20):
if not treated, can develop anotherfixed wound. It may be despite not
being in childhood, a traumatic eventmay occur that will develop another wound.
Of course because it kind of linksa subject you had in childhood that maybe
didn' t affect me that much. But since you didn' t solve,
(10:41):
for example, the issue of rejection. I' m going to explain
it as Karl Joung explained, whichI love. He says he abandons you,
he doesn' t abandon you,but you don' t grow up
with a dad and that' svery common with Latinos totally Latino culture.
So, well, for cigars theyleft. He went for cigarettes to Dad.
(11:05):
So that kid we' re goingto say he' s a kid
and his mom says that he abandonedus, is that your dad abandoned us.
Imagine no, then I have thatrejection, but I feel that abandonment.
Then start a passive one. Thatsmall. When I grow up and
start, for example, to havea little friend at school, the little
(11:28):
friend leaves and the little friend sayswell, the little friend leaves because he
changed his house, not because hewanted not to. But then, waiting
for his friend, his friend neverreturns and does not know why, because,
because they did not send him thememorandum that they were going to change.
Then that wound grows because if myfriend left me pltiriormente he goes to
(11:48):
high school and then he falls inlove there and then he has his first
girlfriend and then the girlfriend a weektells him no longer I don' t
love you, because no, no, I don' t want to have
a boyfriend and then he sees herwith another. Then that wound grows because
it says wow, everyone leaves me. I don' t have, as
(12:13):
I can say, I can't have a relationship. I mean,
everybody leaves me. And then,from there his dog dies, because it
' s time to die his dog, he leaves his dog. Not then
does that void grow. Then,when a job goes and at work they
fire him and tell him no longerwith you, you no longer believe the
(12:35):
wound to such an extent that whenthey get to Therapy they say, well,
notice that I don' t know. I barely had this girlfriend with
me. I don' t knowtwo months. I don' t know
why it hurts so much. Butit hurts me so much to see We
' ve been two months or totell you something more scary, a housewife,
(13:00):
a mother, married a woman whohad a good one going single who
had the lady of the Aseo whohelped her, the lady of the ACEU
you tell her that, sir,I' m not going to be here.
Excuse me, I' m goingto my village, she goes back
to her village and she goes toTherapy and says I don' t know
why it hurts so much that Juanj seba and then of course because there
(13:26):
the wound is widening, not exactly, because you' re not treating her.
So, imagine there, you're accumulating it there, because the
bride already betrayed me, or myfriend betrayed me, or it adds up
to him. They turned me downfrom a job I' m no good
at all, that' s peace, it' s somehow adding up your
(13:46):
wounds and getting entangled. They're getting tangled. Then the first is
rejection, rejection And if we weredone saying how it heals, don'
t refuse not to reject ourselves.And it' s easy to say,
Andrea, it' s easy tosay. But we always find a hair
(14:07):
in the rice. We' realways ay Look no more than Gorda,
Look nothing more than Flaca. Lookat nothing else I don' t have
here, look at nothing else.How did I get this x and z
always why not? I got it, Lagio, why not? Got it?
Chinese, why not? And youstart not accepting, starting with your
body, not accepting in the wayyou are in, not accepting the life
(14:31):
you are leading. So not rejectingourselves, yes, carries a whole way,
that is, nothing more. Itmakes me think that this wound may
be very linked to criticism, notto say, it could be your correct
me if it' s wrong,but it hurts them a lot if someone
(14:52):
criticizes them and they are their worstjudges themselves. You didn' t say
it very well I' m self- critical that any criticism that comes,
I already believed it and not justthat. This one turned me down.
I mean, you' re notaccepting that maybe a comment, a review,
an opinion, you' re notalready saying this rejected me and you
(15:13):
know what. Well, I won' t talk to you again, and
then you start turning yourself down.And that' s why they like little
people and if this life isn't treated, they can be very,
very lonely. Yes, of course, it makes sense to me to see
if I assume that you are rejectingme and I reject you, because self
(15:35):
- fulfilling prophecy, because the otherperson will perceive what happens to this madman
or is crazy that he is suddenlydoing this aggressiveness. No, and he
effectively rejects you, they reject youexactly like that. So, just like
you said next life' s abandonment. Here we have already given the example
(15:56):
of the abandonment that is growing,it goes credit, it is growing.
What to do, what is right, how is a person with the life
of abandonment, look at a personwith the one- way of abandonment.
He' s a person who doesn' t know or can' t set
limits. How so, if Ilove a person and think it is love,
rather I have dependence on that person, I have no dignity because I
(16:22):
am going to beg, because Iam so afraid of abandonment that I end
up mutilating myself to fit that person. That is, for example, if
I did not like eating asparagus,but since the couple eats paragus and says
buyo that rich asparagus and then Isay good, you have to eat asparagus
so that the other one loves me. You start doing things that just so
(16:45):
they don' t abandon you becauseit' s a terror. You start
living as a couple, for example, an anxious love. Where you are,
why didn' t you call me, I already have the two popcorn
and she didn' t answer mebecause she ignores me. But it'
s been an hour, it doesn' t matter. I mean, I
don' t know, I mean, sometimes the feeling that I' ve
(17:08):
already given up on something can evenbe exaggerated. He' s not here
for anything. He didn' tsend me a message in the morning and
many people disguise him as not.But I want you to write to me
when I get home, because Icare sick is. You' re reinforcing
that you do love me, don' t you love me, don'
t you, that I am?True, if I am in your life,
I am in your thoughts. Eventhese kinds of people don' t
(17:30):
like their partners going on trips aloneor with friends. These couples feel they
must be together all the time forall sides. These couples sometimes feel a
lot of anxiety when they don't know about the couple, even try
to have if they could cuff thereal like that with wives. There they
(17:53):
go, there they go, realpeople, because they suffer this fear of
abandonment, so what to do here, well it' s not to abandon
you. How everything has to dowith yourself. Not giving up or how
not to abandon you means if you' re working on a project, because
(18:14):
that' s another one. Hey. This type of person usually abandons projects,
abandons them and makes it easy forthem. They don' t end
what they start. They don't end what they start. And that
' s just a person who abandonedhimself. That' s when I don
' t care about my projects,I care about your projects, because if
(18:37):
I care about your projects, youwon' t abandon me. It'
s based on the other person.Okay, and then you start quitting?
And you also said so with self- fulfilling prophecy, because I' m
beginning to abandon myself. I don' t exercise just because I' m
looking out for the other person.I don' t start taking care of
(19:00):
my profession or my job or whatI' m doing. And then,
as long as you' re onthe lookout for that person, you'
ve given up. And now,yes, that person won' t like
you anymore. So wow and theyend up abandoned. That way you'
re super strong. Yes, ifnot, the consequence of this life is
just the greatest fear you have,for example, of fear of abandonment.
(19:26):
That' s what' s goingto happen to you because you start not,
because we' re talking about thatgypsy valdiation coming to you and it
' s going to hit you andit' s going to hit you right?
It' s just that you startdoing little actions that you don'
t realize where the other one you' re suffocating clear where it' s
painted colors, because you say no, no good it' s west not
(19:52):
clear so much you say you won' t go, don' t go
and talk to anyone else, don' t go on a trip that suffocates
the person And what you want mostspace from you. He just wants to
get away from you and you won' t let him. No, as
you think, they' re evenpeople who check cell phones Yeah, you
like to check cell phones. Therehe who is listening to us, therefore,
(20:15):
waters, because I believe that hereis a fear that you have and
can also be combined with the fearof betrayal. Okay, now, we
' re on our way, butgood. The third is the wound of
humiliation. The wound of humiliation here, yes, you can' t set
limits, but to others of courseyou put limits on them, but here
' s putting a limit on otherpeople when other people bully you. This
(20:38):
is usually the children who suffered bullyingand we would think that in school children
are very cruel. But sometimes it' s the same family, the same
family that starts criticizing you. Lookat nothing but paws like that. There
he looks at your pimp eyes andgives him nicknames. This is not the
(21:02):
elbis, it' s the elvis, like the elbyc because it' s
the album, so they start sayingthings there for the same family, not
the narigón, the ugly black,that is, they start all these violent
words. How can you put alimit on your dad if he' s
(21:22):
bullying you, how can you putthe limit on a guy who' s
making fun of your tummy, ismaking fun of your hair, is making
fun of your name, because todaymorning I was not giving a class with
one person and several people and hesays no. No, I call myself
my first name is I don't know, Juanita, but I don
(21:47):
' t want you to call meJuanita. I want my middle name,
which is to see her ah okand why you don' t like her,
Juanita, you don' t knowat school how they made fun of
me, don' t you.And you keep that, that is,
even your own name, which isthe first word you identify with. Well,
you don' t identify. Youdon' t identify with who you
(22:08):
are. You don' t acceptyourself, but here you limit us.
I repeat again. They are notto you of course they are, but
they are above all to others.The others hurt you, they borrow you
as an adult, they keep bullyingyou. You' re kidding. You
can even turn yourself into a bullist. You can be a person. Funny
(22:30):
you want to like me for thisday of humiliation. What you felt and
who liked are the typical Samaritans whowant to help everyone. Everybody does hears
that they don' t. Don' t help me with this and you
' re in trouble. Oh,no, I mean, there you go
and help,' cause what areyou gonna think? No. No,
(22:51):
no, no, I have togo and I have to go to the
rescue of the famous Salvador hero syndrome. Hey, you' re saying all
this, so it' s alreadythe three you said. I' ve
thought about my cousin, my friend, being like this all these things.
So I say either, I'm placing the people in my circle and
the truth is that what makes mefeel a little bit of compassion, that
(23:14):
is, I swear to you,even that I identify people I love in
these categories as you say them andI say no poor thing, poor thing
like what they lived, but they' re definitely like archetypes that, while,
like you said, you can havemore than one. It seems to
me that I have been identifying andeven made me think a little bit about
(23:36):
the languages of love, that is, for those who are not familiar.
It is that Gary Chapman, anauthor who took out this book called The
Languages of Love, which basically saysthat we do not all give love in
the same way nor do we expectto receive love in the same way.
Not then a little bit. Itseems to me that I, being listening
to you and thinking about people Iknow and or O O O O or,
(24:00):
how I can love them the waythey accommodate their wound, how I
can make them feel loved so thattheir wound activates us. I don'
t love you saying that, becausewhat Sandrea thinks, that we can'
t do anything to make the otherone heal. It' s not this
(24:21):
idea. I have the Savior's. Then go ahead and look,
you' re already identifying yourself.Don' t notice that a person with
the idea of humiliation is a bitof a roll. They' re always
chubby. Then you' re awanker. I think that' s where
you say hey, but a littlebit more a person with the humiliation going
yes, they usually tend to berolly. Doing a little bit doesn'
(24:48):
t want to go aha exactly full. No. No, no, not
overweight, but yes, somehow theytend to be above their natural weight.
Okay. And because this protection isfor protection. The fat is supposed to
somehow help protect you, that is, this humiliation they lived through even though
they exercise. It' s justthat it' s awesome. Andre,
(25:11):
once you make him conscious, yousay I already know where my wound is,
you make him conscious and then theystart to lose weight. But before
they didn' t realize, theycouldn' t tell you they' re
the clowns of the class, they' re the funny ones, they'
re the ones you always count onAnd you can say hey, but I
can meet thin people in quotes.Ah, but you may have one,
(25:33):
you may have something robust in yourlife that doesn' t leave you.
For example, he always has aproblem. Let' s put it this
way with the order. He doesn' t always have something, he'
s got a lot of things,he' s got problems, so he
(25:53):
' s got something pretty robust,but usually it' s always the body.
It' s always the body.Hey and now that you also mention
the fact that they like to bethe funny ones several times that I'
ve been watching specials like stand upcomedy. Suddenly I say these people,
for I do laugh at what theysay and how they can make fun of
themselves. But if you take awaythe funny part of what they' re
(26:15):
saying, it makes me that,to be funny maybe, they had to
have had experiences, not so pretty. The truth and I think they even
develop it as a defense mechanism,not entirely. Totally and if you look
at it almost regularly. The funnycomedians, they' re rollers. No,
(26:41):
you' re not, but yes, you' re definitely right.
That' s why it' sthe clown' s analogy and he'
s crying the same joker and allthose who somehow want to make him laugh,
want to have a good time.It really was because they had a
bad time, the most animal hada bad time and well, that'
(27:04):
s what we have to do here. Oh, that wound is self-
respect. Of course we do,it' s putting limits on each other,
because that' s where we start. It' s the first step
with this wound. But it's really self- love, self-
love, accepting yourself, you say, hey, but rejection here is more
(27:26):
self- love, because it's not really rejecting me. It'
s just that I don' teven love myself, it' s just
that I can' t even seemyself, I' m blurry. Everyone
else matters but me. So it' s very very much here. This
kind of life is more delicate,because it has reached a point where the
(27:48):
person could see her very happy,but inside she is very depressed and usually,
when the studies are done, suicidalpeople have at once this type of
wound of humiliation. Then it's very important to treat her. The
next wound is treason. Now I' m not saying that everyone who has
(28:11):
the idea of humiliation is going todo this, everyone is going to want
to take it away. You don' t, but you do have to
treat her, because she can wanderto a point where you let yourself get
humiliated. In the same workplaces there' s also good, so it'
s treason. I was just sayinghere. I remember a couple of clients
(28:34):
who said hey, but it's good. That life is a good
look. They' re leaders,they' re usually successful people. They
are people who put the eye,put the bullet, don' t create
goals, despair with other people whoare slow. They like to be in
(28:56):
control, and here comes the badstuff, not the first thing. I
said nice in quotes, but theylike to be in control. They'
re manipulators, they' re veryanxious, they' re always starting in
the future. They have no peaceof mind. They' re with an
activity all the time. What doyou imagine, what can have you bad
and everything I said in quotation marksyou to your goals. Well, you
(29:18):
make me remember in a company Iworked in a few years ago that for
some reason I said this company.I don' t know if it'
s the owner or in general,but this company has the betrayal wound because,
I mean, I really came tothat company when it' s been
(29:44):
several years since a person left withthe competition and had taken several people away.
So the communication with the employees waslike a don' t talk to
anyone, they can' t communicatewith anyone and make any little thing that
was slightly suspicious, hut, itwas scary for you. In fact,
I started a project outside the company, which had nothing to do with the
(30:07):
company, which was a personal project, and I got a giant scolding for
myself. I like it completely unjustified. And, curiously, because in the
end I don' t end upbetraying them, but in the end I
said well, I' d betterdo my project, because these people can
(30:29):
' t be so controlling, theydon' t have a limit to personal
space, that is, in mypersonal projects. It doesn' t mean
I' m going with the competition, but I felt that the communication within
the company was that they couldn't get over that trauma that had happened
to people that I hadn' teven met before. But for everything it
(30:51):
was an apprehension with each of theemployees. And then in the end,
you go, that is, inthe end it generates you so much,
because dissatisfaction that yes, you gototally you said it so well and you
described it so well that that isthe problem, the distrust. I don
(31:12):
' t think anyone can do betterthan me, and that starts carrying a
lot of luggage you don' teven need. But that' s why
it' s control. I haveto be in control, because he doesn
' t trust you. I don' t trust what you' re gonna
do. In fact, I thinkyou' re going to betray me.
(31:33):
I don' t trust everything you' re doing. In fact, now
that I remember, curiously, afterI left, they came back with the
competition, another group of people repeatedthemselves to them and that' s exactly
what happens. You remember we saidthat in your greatest fear, what the
professor said, your greatest fear iswhat your life is going to become.
(31:55):
And it' s true, that' s the biggest fear that I have,
that' s that they fail me, that' s that they betray
me for that control or, that' s why I manipulate, because what
you think they end up cheating onyou, betraying you being Infieles but why
this happens. Well, we saidand how the dad or mom can betray
you when you' re a kidLook, for example, she promises to
(32:20):
take you to the circus or she' s going to take you somewhere you
were waiting for disney Lando and thenshe tells her when you' re going
to take me there, my littleboy, because right now, we have
a lot of expenses. How doyou think or already plainly tell him I
told him that. I never toldyou that. Yeah, Dad, you
' re not true, you're crazy, or you can say no,
(32:49):
hey, Dad, look what myfriends told me to see if we
could go to a school, myschool friends with a little party. Yeah,
yeah, and since the boy's happy enough, Dad tomorrow is
school of ay no, no,son, no, I don' t
have time right now. I havea lot to do. I' m
not gonna be able to take yourmom. He won' t be able
to take you Forget it. Forgetit, forget it. We don'
(33:15):
t think, we don' tthink that the children might have certain illusions,
but they' re dumb that whata child is, that it didn
' t stay. They may beunfulfilled promises, but it may also be
that a child may think that childrendo not realize. They' re silly
in quotes, but not really.The children realize everything. If Dad'
(33:38):
s unfaithful, it hurts to seeMom cry then. And if the kids
who fuck infidelities of one of thedads and ask them to keep quiet aren
' t betraying their other dad ormom don' t see her, i
e your dad eh that I kissedthe lord or I won' t tell
(33:59):
your mom that I was going upto my friend then exactly, exactly.
All right. That' s howthat wound starts to just betray you how
we' re going to solve thislife by not betraying you. I remember
the example of a clenta where Itold myself to tell them, I do
(34:21):
an activity for them so that theyrealize many things of their shadow. Not
what we said last time. Andthen this lady' s shadow said she
didn' t like her husband's infidelity, her ex- husband'
s. I don' t likeinfidelity, I don' t like that
he' s a liar and he' s unfaithful. And then, when
you see what develops it is theactivity, the law of the mirror,
(34:42):
that is, what you are seeingin your husband. It' s you
and he says you' re notgoing to apologize. But I' ve
never, never been unfaithful in mylife. No, no, no,
but I mean nobody' s sayingno. It' s not like you
' re wrong. How you thinkI' m going to be unfaithful.
I never, that is, you' re telling me that I don'
t like that my ex- husbandwas unfaithful because I' m unfaithful.
(35:05):
No, well, I mean,look, you think infidelity only happens from
one couple to another. I mean, treason isn' t that. The
betrayal is that you were unfaithful.With yourself, something in your heart,
deep inside your heart. You knewthat you didn' t have to be
in that relationship, but you werestill there and sometimes that way we betrayed
(35:30):
each other. Andrea. We're in a job where we don'
t like it, where we don' t want it, but there we
are in a relationship where I'm already here. But good for this,
by ye by z I follow inthat relationship that compromises your values,
not exact, exact, so theway to heal this wound is not to
(35:51):
betray me. You have to dowith me, you don' t have
to go see outside anything, youhave to have the confidence that I'
m going to be able to eitherwith you or without and you don'
t have the confidence that you're not going to betray me or you
' re going to betray me,you' re going to have the confidence
(36:14):
in me that I' m goingto be able to drive if you do.
That' s because trust hears.No one I mean, you can
' t give him the trust,because we know someone and you' re
even talking to them about things youshould be talking about and you' re
giving them that trust. But trust, as you rightly say, is not
outside. Trust is, though Iknow I told you, although I know
(36:36):
I' m giving you a certainpayment. I' m confident that even
if you don' t give mereciprocity, I' m gonna get out
of this one. And finally,the wound of injustice. Oh, this
day of injustice. This is it, oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! There are many people who,
(36:57):
for example, not everything has tobe perfect. Perfection is bad.
Many people say don' t seeif it' s going to be a
sweeper, make it a good sweeper, make it the best sweeper of all.
That' s low self- esteem. How can you think you'
re gonna be the best you're doing? It' s low self
- esteem, because you' regetting ready, because you' re comparing
(37:22):
yourself to other people. For example, there are corporate values. Not what
is the value of being the bestcompany transported. And there you also say
companies have identity and you say,because look how curious not how they have
to compare with their competition, becauseso they even see it as competition in
(37:45):
order to succeed. I mean,your goal is to be the best.
I mean, I' m goingto crush others, not literally, but
somehow I' m going to leaveothers down, because I' m going
to not look. Everyone in thislife is worth the same, but the
person with the wound of injustice feelsit is worth less. That' s
(38:07):
why they have to get upstairs,because it' s unfair. It'
s unfair that I' m worthless, but you see the paradox.
I have to be worth the same. Oh no, since I feel like
something less is going, I haveto get upstairs. So with perfection,
with good manners, with being Samaritan, because that is usually Samaritan people who
(38:27):
teach that they are helping because therethey have a wound of injustice, because,
then, you, what you haveto be teaching that you are helping
people, why you make it publicso that they see that I am good,
that I, that I, I, give that I, but they
really do it more for the purposeof, for example, not the people
(38:51):
who seek the struggle of those ofhuman rights. No. No, no,
it' s not that human rights, it' s that people in
the community. It is that whatinjustice all these people are because having an
unsolved injustice wound where they feel less, that is to see those who eat
(39:17):
or do not eat something to thisis the rule that everyone should follow and
if you are not following it,then Shamon You, what a shame for
you And this is the best dietthere is And I try to convert everyone
and attack those who do not followit. Come on, come on,
(39:42):
because that' s their thinking.Black white. If you' re not
with me, you' re againstit. If you eat animals, you
' re mean. If you onlyeat vegetables, you' re good.
You' re helping the planet,that is. Come on, he says
(40:04):
to Celsus that a lot of somethingis always too much. Then, when
we have it, it' sinjustice. Even the same words are giving
you signs of love. He's got that person talking a lot about
injustice, the other one talking alot about everybody. You' re betrayed
by humiliation. He says no.It' s not that you have to
(40:28):
help because one or the end ofthe day, because that' s life,
that' s life. Life's bad for you, not abandonment.
He always says woe not to seeGod I wish and that something will
not happen to him, because lookhere I will say something very equal and
they will burn the dungeons because themoms, the moms have a very narcissistic
(40:55):
theme. Oh, my God,I don' t want anything to happen
to him. I' m worried. If you notice, I' m
worried. Yeah, I don't want anything to happen to you,
but because I know that if somethinghappens to you, I' m gonna
(41:15):
be worried. I' m goingto suffer, not for you me,
but for what I can do tomyself, because I' m going to
suffer and, in fact, rightnow that you mention moms and the issue
of injustice. I think a lotabout people comparing them to their brothers,
not how you should be more likeyour sister, like your brother, like
(41:36):
your cousin. To that it couldbe an example of total justice and always.
But why aren' t you likea lupita? I know how to
lupita, look calmly, or ifthey don' t have brothers, if
they don' t have cousins,I at your age, I at your
(41:59):
age, I already had. Andyes, well, there' s the
wound of super marked injustice where youwant to balance everything, you want to
balance it, but unfortunately, youdon' t balance it. You'
re more unbalanced, you' remore unbalanced. Then what to do,
then be fairer. But with yourselfand all this, Andrea, because it
(42:21):
takes a lot of clear terapeu work, this is just the exact surface.
Hey, and I' d liketo go back to this thing of watching.
I think it' s important toidentify with one of them, but
it also seems relevant to me toidentify the people we love primarily our partner.
(42:45):
Not that there are many times thatit seems to me that there are
some wounds like that complement each other. No, and that' s why
we attract the kind of people weattract. You can tell us a little
more about that. You' vealready touched the bread roads because definitely,
the couple' s problems. Ialways like to give this phrase. Couple
(43:06):
problems are not couple problems, theyare unsolved childhood wounds, they are disguised
as couple problems. And here comestogether, for example, a person who
is afraid of rejection, who doesn' t want to feel rejection, I
don' t want to be rejected. And there' s a person who
(43:30):
' s afraid to give up.So, in other words, for example,
a person who is afraid of rejectionis a person who avoids, avoids
meetings, avoids people, avoids conflicts, avoids all that because he says no,
no, no, here they won' t accept me and you know
what I best paint in colors andthe other, fear of abandonment, is
(43:55):
what it is. Doesn' the speak blah blah? Bla? Bla?
Bla? Bla, so you don' t owe her, because like
silence, she' s silent.I have to say something because I have
to please the person I' mwith because he' s not one of
(44:15):
those and he' s going toleave me for serious. So what if
they feed each other. No,the one with the rejection says no,
no, no, I' mnot going to be rejected here. Better,
I' m leaving before contact andthe abandonment guy says, but where
you' re going, I'm going after you. I' m
going to do everything you need exactlyand then the other one starts to feel
(44:38):
nice in quotes. But that's a very toxic thing. He'
s the famous one. It's the famous toxic relationship, because there
' s a lot of men,so I' m telling you, you
' ve already gotten into the oneswho sang the least, many men who
usually have the rejection wound, thatis, they' re very avoidative.
And there are many women who areusually people who are very afraid of abandonment,
(45:04):
not feeling that security because they grewup and without dad and did affect
them too much then. But,well, there may be the other way
around. But, Ahorita, I' m going to give the example of
men who say ay is toxic,because he is the levitative and the woman
is the one who is looking forhim every half hour. How you'
(45:27):
re in love. You didn't text me two hours ago. What
happened? Where you' re incommand Yes, you call me true.
It' s true, yes,remember me exactly, tell me exactly,
I like you to tell me thatyou love me my love. And then
the other one says oh already startedagain not and I was checking your cell
phone and the toxic, the toxic, but he internally enjoys, enjoys because
(45:54):
he' s not feeling rejected.And here comes something very perverse, a
dynamic in which he first, becausehe tried to conquer. She says ah,
yes, I like this one andthis one doesn' t go away
and then grabs it instead of holdingit, holding it like this, grabs
(46:17):
it like this and even with thetwo ros. Then the other person says
ay wait. This one, yes, but let' s go calmly and
when he sees that he only giveshim a little bit of love, she
says what happened. Then she throwsa stream of love at him. So
(46:37):
and then he says oh, look, I don' t do much and
she throws a lot of love atme. Then she throws back a drop
of love, nothing more so thatthe other gets hooked and she feels that
with all her love she will changeit and it will be that person who
conquered it again. But he's super perverse. Or so it is,
(47:01):
and that' s when he startsto have attention elsewhere. Hey,
Avi, look, something very curioushappened to me. Now that you were
saying each of them like I saweach other. I saw a part of
me in each of them, ofcourse I think I identified myself well.
In fact, I identify particularly withtwo, but I saw myself a little
(47:25):
at all and I also think andI think I would also like to clarify
this with the audience, because Ialso see in my childhood and say so
my parents. I think I considermy parents the best dads in the world
and I didn' t have aproblem. My parents are still together.
They gave me the best education.I' ve heard of stories of friends
(47:45):
and companions throughout their lives that maybethey haven' t had what I consider
a privileged family, a privileged childhood. How come I still have injuries.
Of course, I told you thatall human beings came here and sometimes unintentionally
and are parents, but they canalso be caregivers. Okay, those who
(48:09):
were careful of you might also havefelt a rejection, that you felt a
certain abandonment that that nanny left,that in my daughter' s case,
that happened, the nanny left andthen I already had anxiety. It may
also be that someone made a commentto you, because even natural normal and
(48:34):
you already took it as my hairis Chinese and ugly and then you start
to be the bullist of your life. No, or you see something out
there in a novel or the thingsthat educated us there when we were kids,
that also stayed very, very,very stuck. Not the subject of
(48:55):
betrayal, that there is always abetrayal, there is always an infidelity,
of course the primary source of thisunconscious and irremediable wound that will create your
childhood. They' re your parents. Usually, they' re your parents
(49:16):
and we can heal. I mean. I mean, there' s a
time when we' re a hundred- per- cent healed, like I
' m saying this question a littlebit incredulous, because I' m saying
we' re never going to makea hundred percent perfect. That' s
clear to me. But then,I mean, we' ll always live
with our wound. I' llanswer you. As one once told me,
(49:40):
my teacher of Buddhism, not me, my teacher of Buddhism, said
what looks the most like happiness andthe closest thing to happiness is peace.
And if something brings you peace,it' s not that you' re
perfect, it' s not thatyou have all the money in the world
(50:00):
and all the pros and all thematerial issues and a body rather is.
When you have peace, you arecloser to happiness. When you have peace,
you' re not thinking about problemsthat are unnecessary, like, for
example, they' re going toreject me or I' m going to
(50:22):
find a partner, they' regoing to abandon me or like I'
m going to do in this job, nobody wants me. I have to
fight more for abc in treason.Well, you' re not going to
get into a business with anyone,because you' re always going to have
mistrust, you' re not goingto grow, I mean, all those
(50:45):
are well earthly, well human problemsthat if you give yourself a little chance
to feel that peace, in thatpeace, you' re not worried,
because what you' re going todo to invest tomorrow. You don'
t have a problem if your childrengrow up and leave your home or if
(51:05):
you don' t have a partneror if someone dies your family. You
say hey, but how you're not going to get anxiety, you
' re not going, but it' s just that right now the famous
mindfulness isn' t happening, becauseand now the one that comes right now
is that it' s not thatright now you and I don' t
have those wounds. You and I, right now we' re reflecting,
(51:28):
philosophizing on the wounds, but rightnow we don' t have them.
And that' s just it.Just the goal of, for example,
a person who enters therapy, whois aware of what is happening to him,
who is aware of the tools hehas to confront him, and who
is achieving a certain peace. AndI don' t think we can talk
(51:52):
about this without mentioning the word responsibility, because it seems to me that once
you identify what your wound is andI think I do, that is what
I said at the beginning, yes, it seems that we attract certain circumstances,
that the script of our life constantlyputs the same circumstances on us.
But it seems to me that whenyou already have the consciousness, the knowledge,
(52:16):
the self- knowledge of what happens, why it happens. I think
that' s where emotional intelligence andresponsibility come in, because I can say
maybe. I' m afraid they' ll abandon me, but I know,
I know I have that wound andthen, when I have that anxiety,
I take responsibility for how to respond. There' s already a decision
(52:37):
involved and he' s not anautopilot who' s going to be self
- fulfilling prophecy. That' sso nice of you to say, Andrea.
That' s the responsibility. Iwould also add this word to the
reorganisation. What is refitalization. Asthe wounds created us primarily from the parents
(53:00):
and without wanting an eye, becausethere will be many who won, because
they see then if it gives guilt, my parents has it. It'
s how I am and how I' ve been in life. No,
no, because childhood is not destiny. But since you' re an adult,
that is, when you miss akid, of course, of course
you did, of course it hurtyou, of course it hurt you that
they did. But now that you' re an adult, now that you
(53:21):
' re an adult, it's your turn to make your mom and
dad. When you' re yourdad and your mom, when I'
m responsible, I don' tneed a couple to get through financially.
I don' t need a coupleto feel loved, because then he comes
in. I' m telling you, things are getting messy. But what
relationship- based contingent self- esteemis, I only have self- esteem
(53:45):
when I have a relationship. Ionly have your self- esteem when I
have a partner. Then it canalso be my anxiety, my fear of
abandonment. Then when somehow you say. I' m going to have the
confidence to move forward by my ownmeans. Whatever happens, then you'
re becoming your dad and your mom. That place, I' m sure
(54:10):
you' re clear, yes,and that' s where it comes in.
Don' t abandon yourself, don' t betray yourself, don'
t reject yourself. I mean,when we were kids, mom and dad
were just going down to dinner,eat the vegetables, go to physical education
class. Today we have to tellourselves to see Andreita, eat the vegetables,
(54:34):
go to sleep, see do mewell pick up the room, but
it' s yourself. It hasto become the parents, because if nobody
else, nobody' s coming,nobody' s coming to tell you,
listen to me, you' renot eating horrible, you' re not
exercising. This one. Why aren' t you doing something you like where,
(54:57):
where was this passion you had.There' s not gonna be anyone
coming to tell you anything. Thatis, if you abandon yourself, if
you reject yourself, if you donot take care of yourself, if you
do less yourself or compare yourself toother people. You get yourself into those
tricks all by yourself, and it' s you alone who now plays that
(55:22):
role they played at some point,or maybe our parents didn' t do
it, and look how well youmention it that way, because I would
add to that Andale Andrea or AndaleAbigail eat them vegetables. I wish my
mom had told me my love Eatthe verduritas. Yeah, the truth was
me. I want to tell myselfabout my life, my love, my
(55:45):
darling, why I have to talkto other people like that. If I
don' t talk to myself likethat, then talk to myself with a
lot of love, with a lotof love and say my love, because,
like some vegetables, how they dothe verduritas and I make them clear
how strong I have been. Ithink, literally, this is just the
(56:06):
surface of practically psychotherapy, but Ithank you very much because you actually gave
it to us like this, andin the mouth. I think it'
s the most basic thing that wouldhave to arouse our curiosity. And I
hope this episode has done this toyou, that it has aroused a curiosity
(56:30):
to understand you more, to knowyou more and that, hopefully, this
will lead you to take another stepforward, because I promise you that when
we take responsibility and this part ofbecoming adults and taking on our adulthood.
They definitely come with this issue ofresponsibility that they do Sometimes it scares,
(56:50):
Sometimes it scares you that you haveto stop yourself alone and take responsibility for
your life because you do it oryou don' t. The consequences come,
but it has a very nice side. It has a very nice side
to be an adult and be responsiblefor what you believe in your life.
So, really, thank you,Jabby, for giving us this, this
(57:12):
muddy subject so important in the developmentof a full life. On the contrary,
thank you very much for the space. And definitely go to therapy.
Go to therapy. It' sa very good investment. It' s
the best we can do. Ithink there' s a before and after
when we go with a good therapist, because ay there too. That'
(57:37):
s another thing, but do goand never be afraid to ask for credentials
from that therapist. It' svery important. Let' s leave ABBY
' s data because I know thatyou consult online also in case anyone wants
to talk to her, know,a little bit more of the services she
gives, let' s leave itin the description of this episode and then
(58:00):
again, thank you very much.Thank you so much Let' s hope
to have you back soon to scratcha little bit more on this subject that
gives a lot to talk about.Of course I' m delighted with a
pleasure. Thank you very much andgood to you that you are listening to
us. Thank you so much forgetting to this part of the episode.
If you think this information can helpsomeone if while you were listening to this
(58:21):
episode, you were thinking about yourfriend, your friend, your mom,
your dad, your partner, andyou were saying how today. I'
d like you to know this informationright now. Click on the share button
send it to you, because weare all making a stronger impact on our
circle first and gradually we will havea stronger impact in the world. Thank
(58:42):
you. I' m Andrea Palacio, and remember the impact you want to
see in the world until the nextlook. What a wey I can think of.
Hello everyone and welcome to the newepisode of the impact club. I am
Andrea Palacio and today I am veryhappy to bring you a fascinating topic and
to begin with, I want toask you a question and that you will
answer me as you go listening therewherever you are some sees that sense that,
(00:26):
despite all your efforts to change,to improve, to get ahead,
to be a better person, youconstantly find yourself facing with the different versions
of the same problem or with differentversions of the same relationship. Notice that
it' s like you' replaying the same role over and over and
(00:51):
over and over again in your ownstory, for example, no matter what
you do in all your relationships,your partner ends up cheating, you end
up cheating or no matter how manytimes a vacancy opens in the company you
work in. They never give youthe promotion, and well, they do.
We bring a subconscious script that wecarry with us through life, a
(01:12):
script that basically reproduces and that determinesthe experiences that we attract. That'
s where, then, it kindof develops this thing that we' ve
heard, that it' s calledself- fulfilling prophecy, not like all
men cheat, all women are interested. Well, then, in this episode
(01:34):
we will explore this connection between,well, this internal script that makes us
attract situations and the connection between theexperiences we had in childhood and how that,
then, affects how we live ourlives today. What is the role
of these wounds in our relationships,in our decisions, in building our own
(01:57):
emotional well- being. And forthis we are accompanied by Abigail Ordonez.
She' s a prominent psychotherapist.He specializes in therapy, brief online coaching
anatology. She offers psychological coaching andtherapy sessions in Mexico and Canada. And,
well, I' m particularly happyto have Abby with us because she
' s my colleague. She's my friend from the radio show we
(02:21):
have here in Canada on Saturdays atten o' clock in the morning,
on the ninety- nine FM inwithout Filter and I' ve heard how
By has the ability to explain atopic that, maybe it' s a
little bit complex and probably an episodeis going to fit us just to explain
this topic, but she has theability to simplify these topics and explain them
(02:45):
in a rich way for us mortals. So, the goal is that ABBY
helps us identify what these childhood woundsare. And if not, it is
that in this episode we will notbe able to understand how to heal them.
But it only identifies RSS takes usa little step forward to our healing.
So, without further ado, therewas the claude impact. Thank you
(03:08):
so much, Andrea. No,well, I' m happy, happy
life to be here with you andyour audience. And yes, what we
said doesn' t all start tostart looking. All the problems we have
as adults start from childhood. Thisdoesn' t mean that childhood is destiny,
that' s how it went,as a child, if you were
(03:30):
beaten, if you suffered violence,if you suffered abandonment, because it'
s already going to be the restof your life. No, but it
does determine somehow. Certain patterns whatyou just said. You just said it,
super well, certain patterns of behaviorthat I don' t know where
they come from, but it's just the same until I didn'
t pass. It' s likethe test. I' m going to
(03:51):
take the test over and over again, but if I don' t know,
I haven' t studied, Ihaven' t seen at least one
guide. Or I' m gonnakeep flunking it. And that' s
the sad part. People who endtheir lives and never find out what they
had exactly. Hey, abe,well, why don' t you give
us a little introduction to this childhoodinjury thing. How psychologically you would define
(04:14):
them and where they come from,where childhood wounds originate. Let' s
put it this way all human beings, all of them. Hey jump the
Ilama, yes, to the TallaiLama, not how much he hasn'
t gotten himself into too poor AlaiLama. Well, we all have wounds
to solve. We all came tothis plane. And I' m not
(04:36):
talking about mystical things, or spiritualthings, or anything, no, but
we all came to this plane,because just to solve the things, the
challenges that are, what is puttingyou, let' s put it as
a game. You don' tget into the game and you have to
get to certain levels or you haveto work out certain things. Well,
(04:59):
the series them from childhood. Theyare like this, inadvertently, our parents
or caregivers created wounds that you didn' t realize, but they affected you.
But when you' re a kid, a lot of people you ask
them hear what your childhood was like, and almost everyone says very well.
It was great. I had ahappy childhood, I played, I laughed
(05:20):
clearly, of course at that timeit was for you, it was happiness,
but there really were certain wounds thatyou didn' t realize. Or
you did realize, but you didn' t know how to solve them.
And when you know how to solveit, the only thing you do Poko
has tools, the only thing youdo is hide it with several piles of
(05:48):
buried cement, because you don't know how to solve it, because
you don' t know how tointerpret, for example, already in something
very serious by an abuse and aphysical abuse of a person who, as
a matter of course, sexual abusealways comes from relatives, close people.
Imagine, the person who has totake care of me is supposed to do
(06:10):
this to me, how I solveit. Then I am filled with shame,
I am filled with speculations of whatthey will think of me and more
and the adult, because already,in this case a pedophile tells him if
you say anything to someone, Iwill kill your mother. Then, obviously,
(06:32):
the child begins to create more fear. But what does he do?
As one has the total function ofhis brain, because he is growing.
All he does is hide it.But what do you think Andres when it
comes out is about and have doneseveral studies between the ages of twenty-
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five and thirty- five. That' s where these wounds start to come
out and sprout. What they arewhen we are usually developing professionally, when
it is usually the stage of life, where you are choosing your partner,
where even some are starting to havechildren at the worst moment when it comes
out. Exactly, yeah, andI love that what you mention it because
(07:20):
you think what that is, oh, it' s because I got married,
oh, it' s because I' m working in this place.
Oh, well, it was myson, and you' re starting to
get scared about what you' reliving for, but he' s not
really here. Maybe that shot him, but it was really how he had
(07:41):
to get out at some point afloatthat problem. What are the wounds are
five rejections of abandonment humiliation, betrayaland injustice. How it is detected if
I have rejection, If I haverejection, I am a person who avoids
(08:01):
large meetings. I' d ratherfight with people I know who already feel
comfortable, comfortable. No. Ialso think you have to do things right
so they don' t reject you. If you make them wrong, they
' ll most likely judge you.You' re starting to think, too.
(08:24):
I think that girl or that guydoesn' t like me. What
' s more, I don't like it. I don' t
like him. It means that firstI refuse before I accept someone good rejection
so that you don' t rejectme exactly. I am so afraid of
rejection and rejection notice that I thoughtit was, well, not very common,
(08:50):
but it is much more common inpeople to reject, because it is
a primitive fear. Obviously, whenwe were in gru a post obviously that
we didn' t want to berejected, because if you were rejected,
what happened you didn' t diethere left in it, because because it
was nomad nova, the cave andyou who knows where aha and there you
(09:13):
stayed and only because you weren't going to survive. So it'
s a very primitive fear, thatyes, somehow we have to solve it.
But the fear of rejection or whatis the wound of rejection, they
say and there are studies also thatsometimes comes from conception. Hey, I
didn' t expect it. Ididn' t expect to get pregnant what
(09:35):
I' m gonna do. Thenalso rejection. There, that' s
where what you' re doing Listen, I didn' t do anything.
I didn' t do it anymore, because it came as a surprise to
me. No and the clear,that is, the little blessing. Then
from there, you start to feelthat rejection. Then so many families,
too, in this case maybe shedoes what she does want, but dad
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doesn' t. The dad goesand there and then he starts a mix.
My father rejects me, but healso abandons me. I mean,
you can have more than one childhoodwound entirely. In fact, you can
have five and I usually led oneor. But usually yes, people,
(10:20):
if not treated, can develop anotherfixed wound. It may be despite not
being in childhood, a traumatic eventmay occur that will develop another wound.
Of course because it kind of linksa subject you had in childhood that maybe
didn' t affect me that much. But since you didn' t solve,
(10:41):
for example, the issue of rejection. I' m going to explain
it as Karl Joung explained, whichI love. He says he abandons you,
he doesn' t abandon you,but you don' t grow up
with a dad and that' svery common with Latinos totally Latino culture.
So, well, for cigars theyleft. He went for cigarettes to Dad.
(11:05):
So that kid we' re goingto say he' s a kid
and his mom says that he abandonedus, is that your dad abandoned us.
Imagine no, then I have thatrejection, but I feel that abandonment.
Then start a passive one. Thatsmall. When I grow up and
start, for example, to havea little friend at school, the little
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friend leaves and the little friend sayswell, the little friend leaves because he
changed his house, not because hewanted not to. But then, waiting
for his friend, his friend neverreturns and does not know why, because,
because they did not send him thememorandum that they were going to change.
Then that wound grows because if myfriend left me pltiriormente he goes to
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high school and then he falls inlove there and then he has his first
girlfriend and then the girlfriend a weektells him no longer I don' t
love you, because no, no, I don' t want to have
a boyfriend and then he sees herwith another. Then that wound grows because
it says wow, everyone leaves me. I don' t have, as
(12:13):
I can say, I can't have a relationship. I mean,
everybody leaves me. And then,from there his dog dies, because it
' s time to die his dog, he leaves his dog. Not then
does that void grow. Then,when a job goes and at work they
fire him and tell him no longerwith you, you no longer believe the
(12:35):
wound to such an extent that whenthey get to Therapy they say, well,
notice that I don' t know. I barely had this girlfriend with
me. I don' t knowtwo months. I don' t know
why it hurts so much. Butit hurts me so much to see We
' ve been two months or totell you something more scary, a housewife,
(13:00):
a mother, married a woman whohad a good one going single who
had the lady of the Aseo whohelped her, the lady of the ACEU
you tell her that, sir,I' m not going to be here.
Excuse me, I' m goingto my village, she goes back
to her village and she goes toTherapy and says I don' t know
why it hurts so much that Juanj seba and then of course because there
(13:26):
the wound is widening, not exactly, because you' re not treating her.
So, imagine there, you're accumulating it there, because the
bride already betrayed me, or myfriend betrayed me, or it adds up
to him. They turned me downfrom a job I' m no good
at all, that' s peace, it' s somehow adding up your
(13:46):
wounds and getting entangled. They're getting tangled. Then the first is
rejection, rejection And if we weredone saying how it heals, don'
t refuse not to reject ourselves.And it' s easy to say,
Andrea, it' s easy tosay. But we always find a hair
(14:07):
in the rice. We' realways ay Look no more than Gorda,
Look nothing more than Flaca. Lookat nothing else I don' t have
here, look at nothing else.How did I get this x and z
always why not? I got it, Lagio, why not? Got it?
Chinese, why not? And youstart not accepting, starting with your
body, not accepting in the wayyou are in, not accepting the life
(14:31):
you are leading. So not rejectingourselves, yes, carries a whole way,
that is, nothing more. Itmakes me think that this wound may
be very linked to criticism, notto say, it could be your correct
me if it' s wrong,but it hurts them a lot if someone
(14:52):
criticizes them and they are their worstjudges themselves. You didn' t say
it very well I' m self- critical that any criticism that comes,
I already believed it and not justthat. This one turned me down.
I mean, you' re notaccepting that maybe a comment, a review,
an opinion, you' re notalready saying this rejected me and you
(15:13):
know what. Well, I won' t talk to you again, and
then you start turning yourself down.And that' s why they like little
people and if this life isn't treated, they can be very,
very lonely. Yes, of course, it makes sense to me to see
if I assume that you are rejectingme and I reject you, because self
(15:35):
- fulfilling prophecy, because the otherperson will perceive what happens to this madman
or is crazy that he is suddenlydoing this aggressiveness. No, and he
effectively rejects you, they reject youexactly like that. So, just like
you said next life' s abandonment. Here we have already given the example
(15:56):
of the abandonment that is growing,it goes credit, it is growing.
What to do, what is right, how is a person with the life
of abandonment, look at a personwith the one- way of abandonment.
He' s a person who doesn' t know or can' t set
limits. How so, if Ilove a person and think it is love,
rather I have dependence on that person, I have no dignity because I
(16:22):
am going to beg, because Iam so afraid of abandonment that I end
up mutilating myself to fit that person. That is, for example, if
I did not like eating asparagus,but since the couple eats paragus and says
buyo that rich asparagus and then Isay good, you have to eat asparagus
so that the other one loves me. You start doing things that just so
(16:45):
they don' t abandon you becauseit' s a terror. You start
living as a couple, for example, an anxious love. Where you are,
why didn' t you call me, I already have the two popcorn
and she didn' t answer mebecause she ignores me. But it'
s been an hour, it doesn' t matter. I mean, I
don' t know, I mean, sometimes the feeling that I' ve
(17:08):
already given up on something can evenbe exaggerated. He' s not here
for anything. He didn' tsend me a message in the morning and
many people disguise him as not.But I want you to write to me
when I get home, because Icare sick is. You' re reinforcing
that you do love me, don' t you love me, don'
t you, that I am?True, if I am in your life,
I am in your thoughts. Eventhese kinds of people don' t
(17:30):
like their partners going on trips aloneor with friends. These couples feel they
must be together all the time forall sides. These couples sometimes feel a
lot of anxiety when they don't know about the couple, even try
to have if they could cuff thereal like that with wives. There they
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go, there they go, realpeople, because they suffer this fear of
abandonment, so what to do here, well it' s not to abandon
you. How everything has to dowith yourself. Not giving up or how
not to abandon you means if you' re working on a project, because
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that' s another one. Hey. This type of person usually abandons projects,
abandons them and makes it easy forthem. They don' t end
what they start. They don't end what they start. And that
' s just a person who abandonedhimself. That' s when I don
' t care about my projects,I care about your projects, because if
(18:37):
I care about your projects, youwon' t abandon me. It'
s based on the other person.Okay, and then you start quitting?
And you also said so with self- fulfilling prophecy, because I' m
beginning to abandon myself. I don' t exercise just because I' m
looking out for the other person.I don' t start taking care of
(19:00):
my profession or my job or whatI' m doing. And then,
as long as you' re onthe lookout for that person, you'
ve given up. And now,yes, that person won' t like
you anymore. So wow and theyend up abandoned. That way you'
re super strong. Yes, ifnot, the consequence of this life is
just the greatest fear you have,for example, of fear of abandonment.
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That' s what' s goingto happen to you because you start not,
because we' re talking about thatgypsy valdiation coming to you and it
' s going to hit you andit' s going to hit you right?
It' s just that you startdoing little actions that you don'
t realize where the other one you' re suffocating clear where it' s
painted colors, because you say no, no good it' s west not
(19:52):
clear so much you say you won' t go, don' t go
and talk to anyone else, don' t go on a trip that suffocates
the person And what you want mostspace from you. He just wants to
get away from you and you won' t let him. No, as
you think, they' re evenpeople who check cell phones Yeah, you
like to check cell phones. Therehe who is listening to us, therefore,
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waters, because I believe that hereis a fear that you have and
can also be combined with the fearof betrayal. Okay, now, we
' re on our way, butgood. The third is the wound of
humiliation. The wound of humiliation here, yes, you can' t set
limits, but to others of courseyou put limits on them, but here
' s putting a limit on otherpeople when other people bully you. This
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is usually the children who suffered bullyingand we would think that in school children
are very cruel. But sometimes it' s the same family, the same
family that starts criticizing you. Lookat nothing but paws like that. There
he looks at your pimp eyes andgives him nicknames. This is not the
(21:02):
elbis, it' s the elvis, like the elbyc because it' s
the album, so they start sayingthings there for the same family, not
the narigón, the ugly black,that is, they start all these violent
words. How can you put alimit on your dad if he' s
(21:22):
bullying you, how can you putthe limit on a guy who' s
making fun of your tummy, ismaking fun of your hair, is making
fun of your name, because todaymorning I was not giving a class with
one person and several people and hesays no. No, I call myself
my first name is I don't know, Juanita, but I don
(21:47):
' t want you to call meJuanita. I want my middle name,
which is to see her ah okand why you don' t like her,
Juanita, you don' t knowat school how they made fun of
me, don' t you.And you keep that, that is,
even your own name, which isthe first word you identify with. Well,
you don' t identify. Youdon' t identify with who you
(22:08):
are. You don' t acceptyourself, but here you limit us.
I repeat again. They are notto you of course they are, but
they are above all to others.The others hurt you, they borrow you
as an adult, they keep bullyingyou. You' re kidding. You
can even turn yourself into a bullist. You can be a person. Funny
(22:30):
you want to like me for thisday of humiliation. What you felt and
who liked are the typical Samaritans whowant to help everyone. Everybody does hears
that they don' t. Don' t help me with this and you
' re in trouble. Oh,no, I mean, there you go
and help,' cause what areyou gonna think? No. No,
(22:51):
no, no, I have togo and I have to go to the
rescue of the famous Salvador hero syndrome. Hey, you' re saying all
this, so it' s alreadythe three you said. I' ve
thought about my cousin, my friend, being like this all these things.
So I say either, I'm placing the people in my circle and
the truth is that what makes mefeel a little bit of compassion, that
(23:14):
is, I swear to you,even that I identify people I love in
these categories as you say them andI say no poor thing, poor thing
like what they lived, but they' re definitely like archetypes that, while,
like you said, you can havemore than one. It seems to
me that I have been identifying andeven made me think a little bit about
(23:36):
the languages of love, that is, for those who are not familiar.
It is that Gary Chapman, anauthor who took out this book called The
Languages of Love, which basically saysthat we do not all give love in
the same way nor do we expectto receive love in the same way.
Not then a little bit. Itseems to me that I, being listening
to you and thinking about people Iknow and or O O O O or,
(24:00):
how I can love them the waythey accommodate their wound, how I
can make them feel loved so thattheir wound activates us. I don'
t love you saying that, becausewhat Sandrea thinks, that we can'
t do anything to make the otherone heal. It' s not this
(24:21):
idea. I have the Savior's. Then go ahead and look,
you' re already identifying yourself.Don' t notice that a person with
the idea of humiliation is a bitof a roll. They' re always
chubby. Then you' re awanker. I think that' s where
you say hey, but a littlebit more a person with the humiliation going
yes, they usually tend to berolly. Doing a little bit doesn'
(24:48):
t want to go aha exactly full. No. No, no, not
overweight, but yes, somehow theytend to be above their natural weight.
Okay. And because this protection isfor protection. The fat is supposed to
somehow help protect you, that is, this humiliation they lived through even though
they exercise. It' s justthat it' s awesome. Andre,
(25:11):
once you make him conscious, yousay I already know where my wound is,
you make him conscious and then theystart to lose weight. But before
they didn' t realize, theycouldn' t tell you they' re
the clowns of the class, they' re the funny ones, they'
re the ones you always count onAnd you can say hey, but I
can meet thin people in quotes.Ah, but you may have one,
(25:33):
you may have something robust in yourlife that doesn' t leave you.
For example, he always has aproblem. Let' s put it this
way with the order. He doesn' t always have something, he'
s got a lot of things,he' s got problems, so he
(25:53):
' s got something pretty robust,but usually it' s always the body.
It' s always the body.Hey and now that you also mention
the fact that they like to bethe funny ones several times that I'
ve been watching specials like stand upcomedy. Suddenly I say these people,
for I do laugh at what theysay and how they can make fun of
themselves. But if you take awaythe funny part of what they' re
(26:15):
saying, it makes me that,to be funny maybe, they had to
have had experiences, not so pretty. The truth and I think they even
develop it as a defense mechanism,not entirely. Totally and if you look
at it almost regularly. The funnycomedians, they' re rollers. No,
(26:41):
you' re not, but yes, you' re definitely right.
That' s why it' sthe clown' s analogy and he'
s crying the same joker and allthose who somehow want to make him laugh,
want to have a good time.It really was because they had a
bad time, the most animal hada bad time and well, that'
(27:04):
s what we have to do here. Oh, that wound is self-
respect. Of course we do,it' s putting limits on each other,
because that' s where we start. It' s the first step
with this wound. But it's really self- love, self-
love, accepting yourself, you say, hey, but rejection here is more
(27:26):
self- love, because it's not really rejecting me. It'
s just that I don' teven love myself, it' s just
that I can' t even seemyself, I' m blurry. Everyone
else matters but me. So it' s very very much here. This
kind of life is more delicate,because it has reached a point where the
(27:48):
person could see her very happy,but inside she is very depressed and usually,
when the studies are done, suicidalpeople have at once this type of
wound of humiliation. Then it's very important to treat her. The
next wound is treason. Now I' m not saying that everyone who has
(28:11):
the idea of humiliation is going todo this, everyone is going to want
to take it away. You don' t, but you do have to
treat her, because she can wanderto a point where you let yourself get
humiliated. In the same workplaces there' s also good, so it'
s treason. I was just sayinghere. I remember a couple of clients
(28:34):
who said hey, but it's good. That life is a good
look. They' re leaders,they' re usually successful people. They
are people who put the eye,put the bullet, don' t create
goals, despair with other people whoare slow. They like to be in
(28:56):
control, and here comes the badstuff, not the first thing. I
said nice in quotes, but theylike to be in control. They'
re manipulators, they' re veryanxious, they' re always starting in
the future. They have no peaceof mind. They' re with an
activity all the time. What doyou imagine, what can have you bad
and everything I said in quotation marksyou to your goals. Well, you
(29:18):
make me remember in a company Iworked in a few years ago that for
some reason I said this company.I don' t know if it'
s the owner or in general,but this company has the betrayal wound because,
I mean, I really came tothat company when it' s been
(29:44):
several years since a person left withthe competition and had taken several people away.
So the communication with the employees waslike a don' t talk to
anyone, they can' t communicatewith anyone and make any little thing that
was slightly suspicious, hut, itwas scary for you. In fact,
I started a project outside the company, which had nothing to do with the
(30:07):
company, which was a personal project, and I got a giant scolding for
myself. I like it completely unjustified. And, curiously, because in the
end I don' t end upbetraying them, but in the end I
said well, I' d betterdo my project, because these people can
(30:29):
' t be so controlling, theydon' t have a limit to personal
space, that is, in mypersonal projects. It doesn' t mean
I' m going with the competition, but I felt that the communication within
the company was that they couldn't get over that trauma that had happened
to people that I hadn' teven met before. But for everything it
(30:51):
was an apprehension with each of theemployees. And then in the end,
you go, that is, inthe end it generates you so much,
because dissatisfaction that yes, you gototally you said it so well and you
described it so well that that isthe problem, the distrust. I don
(31:12):
' t think anyone can do betterthan me, and that starts carrying a
lot of luggage you don' teven need. But that' s why
it' s control. I haveto be in control, because he doesn
' t trust you. I don' t trust what you' re gonna
do. In fact, I thinkyou' re going to betray me.
(31:33):
I don' t trust everything you' re doing. In fact, now
that I remember, curiously, afterI left, they came back with the
competition, another group of people repeatedthemselves to them and that' s exactly
what happens. You remember we saidthat in your greatest fear, what the
professor said, your greatest fear iswhat your life is going to become.
(31:55):
And it' s true, that' s the biggest fear that I have,
that' s that they fail me, that' s that they betray
me for that control or, that' s why I manipulate, because what
you think they end up cheating onyou, betraying you being Infieles but why
this happens. Well, we saidand how the dad or mom can betray
you when you' re a kidLook, for example, she promises to
(32:20):
take you to the circus or she' s going to take you somewhere you
were waiting for disney Lando and thenshe tells her when you' re going
to take me there, my littleboy, because right now, we have
a lot of expenses. How doyou think or already plainly tell him I
told him that. I never toldyou that. Yeah, Dad, you
' re not true, you're crazy, or you can say no,
(32:49):
hey, Dad, look what myfriends told me to see if we
could go to a school, myschool friends with a little party. Yeah,
yeah, and since the boy's happy enough, Dad tomorrow is
school of ay no, no,son, no, I don' t
have time right now. I havea lot to do. I' m
not gonna be able to take yourmom. He won' t be able
to take you Forget it. Forgetit, forget it. We don'
(33:15):
t think, we don' tthink that the children might have certain illusions,
but they' re dumb that whata child is, that it didn
' t stay. They may beunfulfilled promises, but it may also be
that a child may think that childrendo not realize. They' re silly
in quotes, but not really.The children realize everything. If Dad'
(33:38):
s unfaithful, it hurts to seeMom cry then. And if the kids
who fuck infidelities of one of thedads and ask them to keep quiet aren
' t betraying their other dad ormom don' t see her, i
e your dad eh that I kissedthe lord or I won' t tell
(33:59):
your mom that I was going upto my friend then exactly, exactly.
All right. That' s howthat wound starts to just betray you how
we' re going to solve thislife by not betraying you. I remember
the example of a clenta where Itold myself to tell them, I do
(34:21):
an activity for them so that theyrealize many things of their shadow. Not
what we said last time. Andthen this lady' s shadow said she
didn' t like her husband's infidelity, her ex- husband'
s. I don' t likeinfidelity, I don' t like that
he' s a liar and he' s unfaithful. And then, when
you see what develops it is theactivity, the law of the mirror,
(34:42):
that is, what you are seeingin your husband. It' s you
and he says you' re notgoing to apologize. But I' ve
never, never been unfaithful in mylife. No, no, no,
but I mean nobody' s sayingno. It' s not like you
' re wrong. How you thinkI' m going to be unfaithful.
I never, that is, you' re telling me that I don'
t like that my ex- husbandwas unfaithful because I' m unfaithful.
(35:05):
No, well, I mean,look, you think infidelity only happens from
one couple to another. I mean, treason isn' t that. The
betrayal is that you were unfaithful.With yourself, something in your heart,
deep inside your heart. You knewthat you didn' t have to be
in that relationship, but you werestill there and sometimes that way we betrayed
(35:30):
each other. Andrea. We're in a job where we don'
t like it, where we don' t want it, but there we
are in a relationship where I'm already here. But good for this,
by ye by z I follow inthat relationship that compromises your values,
not exact, exact, so theway to heal this wound is not to
(35:51):
betray me. You have to dowith me, you don' t have
to go see outside anything, youhave to have the confidence that I'
m going to be able to eitherwith you or without and you don'
t have the confidence that you're not going to betray me or you
' re going to betray me,you' re going to have the confidence
(36:14):
in me that I' m goingto be able to drive if you do.
That' s because trust hears.No one I mean, you can
' t give him the trust,because we know someone and you' re
even talking to them about things youshould be talking about and you' re
giving them that trust. But trust, as you rightly say, is not
outside. Trust is, though Iknow I told you, although I know
(36:36):
I' m giving you a certainpayment. I' m confident that even
if you don' t give mereciprocity, I' m gonna get out
of this one. And finally,the wound of injustice. Oh, this
day of injustice. This is it, oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! There are many people who,
(36:57):
for example, not everything has tobe perfect. Perfection is bad.
Many people say don' t seeif it' s going to be a
sweeper, make it a good sweeper, make it the best sweeper of all.
That' s low self- esteem. How can you think you'
re gonna be the best you're doing? It' s low self
- esteem, because you' regetting ready, because you' re comparing
(37:22):
yourself to other people. For example, there are corporate values. Not what
is the value of being the bestcompany transported. And there you also say
companies have identity and you say,because look how curious not how they have
to compare with their competition, becauseso they even see it as competition in
(37:45):
order to succeed. I mean,your goal is to be the best.
I mean, I' m goingto crush others, not literally, but
somehow I' m going to leaveothers down, because I' m going
to not look. Everyone in thislife is worth the same, but the
person with the wound of injustice feelsit is worth less. That' s
(38:07):
why they have to get upstairs,because it' s unfair. It'
s unfair that I' m worthless, but you see the paradox.
I have to be worth the same. Oh no, since I feel like
something less is going, I haveto get upstairs. So with perfection,
with good manners, with being Samaritan, because that is usually Samaritan people who
(38:27):
teach that they are helping because therethey have a wound of injustice, because,
then, you, what you haveto be teaching that you are helping
people, why you make it publicso that they see that I am good,
that I, that I, I, give that I, but they
really do it more for the purposeof, for example, not the people
(38:51):
who seek the struggle of those ofhuman rights. No. No, no,
it' s not that human rights, it' s that people in
the community. It is that whatinjustice all these people are because having an
unsolved injustice wound where they feel less, that is to see those who eat
(39:17):
or do not eat something to thisis the rule that everyone should follow and
if you are not following it,then Shamon You, what a shame for
you And this is the best dietthere is And I try to convert everyone
and attack those who do not followit. Come on, come on,
(39:42):
because that' s their thinking.Black white. If you' re not
with me, you' re againstit. If you eat animals, you
' re mean. If you onlyeat vegetables, you' re good.
You' re helping the planet,that is. Come on, he says
(40:04):
to Celsus that a lot of somethingis always too much. Then, when
we have it, it' sinjustice. Even the same words are giving
you signs of love. He's got that person talking a lot about
injustice, the other one talking alot about everybody. You' re betrayed
by humiliation. He says no.It' s not that you have to
(40:28):
help because one or the end ofthe day, because that' s life,
that' s life. Life's bad for you, not abandonment.
He always says woe not to seeGod I wish and that something will
not happen to him, because lookhere I will say something very equal and
they will burn the dungeons because themoms, the moms have a very narcissistic
(40:55):
theme. Oh, my God,I don' t want anything to happen
to him. I' m worried. If you notice, I' m
worried. Yeah, I don't want anything to happen to you,
but because I know that if somethinghappens to you, I' m gonna
(41:15):
be worried. I' m goingto suffer, not for you me,
but for what I can do tomyself, because I' m going to
suffer and, in fact, rightnow that you mention moms and the issue
of injustice. I think a lotabout people comparing them to their brothers,
not how you should be more likeyour sister, like your brother, like
(41:36):
your cousin. To that it couldbe an example of total justice and always.
But why aren' t you likea lupita? I know how to
lupita, look calmly, or ifthey don' t have brothers, if
they don' t have cousins,I at your age, I at your
(41:59):
age, I already had. Andyes, well, there' s the
wound of super marked injustice where youwant to balance everything, you want to
balance it, but unfortunately, youdon' t balance it. You'
re more unbalanced, you' remore unbalanced. Then what to do,
then be fairer. But with yourselfand all this, Andrea, because it
(42:21):
takes a lot of clear terapeu work, this is just the exact surface.
Hey, and I' d liketo go back to this thing of watching.
I think it' s important toidentify with one of them, but
it also seems relevant to me toidentify the people we love primarily our partner.
(42:45):
Not that there are many times thatit seems to me that there are
some wounds like that complement each other. No, and that' s why
we attract the kind of people weattract. You can tell us a little
more about that. You' vealready touched the bread roads because definitely,
the couple' s problems. Ialways like to give this phrase. Couple
(43:06):
problems are not couple problems, theyare unsolved childhood wounds, they are disguised
as couple problems. And here comestogether, for example, a person who
is afraid of rejection, who doesn' t want to feel rejection, I
don' t want to be rejected. And there' s a person who
(43:30):
' s afraid to give up.So, in other words, for example,
a person who is afraid of rejectionis a person who avoids, avoids
meetings, avoids people, avoids conflicts, avoids all that because he says no,
no, no, here they won' t accept me and you know
what I best paint in colors andthe other, fear of abandonment, is
(43:55):
what it is. Doesn' the speak blah blah? Bla? Bla?
Bla? Bla, so you don' t owe her, because like
silence, she' s silent.I have to say something because I have
to please the person I' mwith because he' s not one of
(44:15):
those and he' s going toleave me for serious. So what if
they feed each other. No,the one with the rejection says no,
no, no, I' mnot going to be rejected here. Better,
I' m leaving before contact andthe abandonment guy says, but where
you' re going, I'm going after you. I' m
going to do everything you need exactlyand then the other one starts to feel
(44:38):
nice in quotes. But that's a very toxic thing. He'
s the famous one. It's the famous toxic relationship, because there
' s a lot of men,so I' m telling you, you
' ve already gotten into the oneswho sang the least, many men who
usually have the rejection wound, thatis, they' re very avoidative.
And there are many women who areusually people who are very afraid of abandonment,
(45:04):
not feeling that security because they grewup and without dad and did affect
them too much then. But,well, there may be the other way
around. But, Ahorita, I' m going to give the example of
men who say ay is toxic,because he is the levitative and the woman
is the one who is looking forhim every half hour. How you'
(45:27):
re in love. You didn't text me two hours ago. What
happened? Where you' re incommand Yes, you call me true.
It' s true, yes,remember me exactly, tell me exactly,
I like you to tell me thatyou love me my love. And then
the other one says oh already startedagain not and I was checking your cell
phone and the toxic, the toxic, but he internally enjoys, enjoys because
(45:54):
he' s not feeling rejected.And here comes something very perverse, a
dynamic in which he first, becausehe tried to conquer. She says ah,
yes, I like this one andthis one doesn' t go away
and then grabs it instead of holdingit, holding it like this, grabs
(46:17):
it like this and even with thetwo ros. Then the other person says
ay wait. This one, yes, but let' s go calmly and
when he sees that he only giveshim a little bit of love, she
says what happened. Then she throwsa stream of love at him. So
(46:37):
and then he says oh, look, I don' t do much and
she throws a lot of love atme. Then she throws back a drop
of love, nothing more so thatthe other gets hooked and she feels that
with all her love she will changeit and it will be that person who
conquered it again. But he's super perverse. Or so it is,
(47:01):
and that' s when he startsto have attention elsewhere. Hey,
Avi, look, something very curioushappened to me. Now that you were
saying each of them like I saweach other. I saw a part of
me in each of them, ofcourse I think I identified myself well.
In fact, I identify particularly withtwo, but I saw myself a little
(47:25):
at all and I also think andI think I would also like to clarify
this with the audience, because Ialso see in my childhood and say so
my parents. I think I considermy parents the best dads in the world
and I didn' t have aproblem. My parents are still together.
They gave me the best education.I' ve heard of stories of friends
(47:45):
and companions throughout their lives that maybethey haven' t had what I consider
a privileged family, a privileged childhood. How come I still have injuries.
Of course, I told you thatall human beings came here and sometimes unintentionally
and are parents, but they canalso be caregivers. Okay, those who
(48:09):
were careful of you might also havefelt a rejection, that you felt a
certain abandonment that that nanny left,that in my daughter' s case,
that happened, the nanny left andthen I already had anxiety. It may
also be that someone made a commentto you, because even natural normal and
(48:34):
you already took it as my hairis Chinese and ugly and then you start
to be the bullist of your life. No, or you see something out
there in a novel or the thingsthat educated us there when we were kids,
that also stayed very, very,very stuck. Not the subject of
(48:55):
betrayal, that there is always abetrayal, there is always an infidelity,
of course the primary source of thisunconscious and irremediable wound that will create your
childhood. They' re your parents. Usually, they' re your parents
(49:16):
and we can heal. I mean. I mean, there' s a
time when we' re a hundred- per- cent healed, like I
' m saying this question a littlebit incredulous, because I' m saying
we' re never going to makea hundred percent perfect. That' s
clear to me. But then,I mean, we' ll always live
with our wound. I' llanswer you. As one once told me,
(49:40):
my teacher of Buddhism, not me, my teacher of Buddhism, said
what looks the most like happiness andthe closest thing to happiness is peace.
And if something brings you peace,it' s not that you' re
perfect, it' s not thatyou have all the money in the world
(50:00):
and all the pros and all thematerial issues and a body rather is.
When you have peace, you arecloser to happiness. When you have peace,
you' re not thinking about problemsthat are unnecessary, like, for
example, they' re going toreject me or I' m going to
(50:22):
find a partner, they' regoing to abandon me or like I'
m going to do in this job, nobody wants me. I have to
fight more for abc in treason.Well, you' re not going to
get into a business with anyone,because you' re always going to have
mistrust, you' re not goingto grow, I mean, all those
(50:45):
are well earthly, well human problemsthat if you give yourself a little chance
to feel that peace, in thatpeace, you' re not worried,
because what you' re going todo to invest tomorrow. You don'
t have a problem if your childrengrow up and leave your home or if
(51:05):
you don' t have a partneror if someone dies your family. You
say hey, but how you're not going to get anxiety, you
' re not going, but it' s just that right now the famous
mindfulness isn' t happening, becauseand now the one that comes right now
is that it' s not thatright now you and I don' t
have those wounds. You and I, right now we' re reflecting,
(51:28):
philosophizing on the wounds, but rightnow we don' t have them.
And that' s just it.Just the goal of, for example,
a person who enters therapy, whois aware of what is happening to him,
who is aware of the tools hehas to confront him, and who
is achieving a certain peace. AndI don' t think we can talk
(51:52):
about this without mentioning the word responsibility, because it seems to me that once
you identify what your wound is andI think I do, that is what
I said at the beginning, yes, it seems that we attract certain circumstances,
that the script of our life constantlyputs the same circumstances on us.
But it seems to me that whenyou already have the consciousness, the knowledge,
(52:16):
the self- knowledge of what happens, why it happens. I think
that' s where emotional intelligence andresponsibility come in, because I can say
maybe. I' m afraid they' ll abandon me, but I know,
I know I have that wound andthen, when I have that anxiety,
I take responsibility for how to respond. There' s already a decision
(52:37):
involved and he' s not anautopilot who' s going to be self
- fulfilling prophecy. That' sso nice of you to say, Andrea.
That' s the responsibility. Iwould also add this word to the
reorganisation. What is refitalization. Asthe wounds created us primarily from the parents
(53:00):
and without wanting an eye, becausethere will be many who won, because
they see then if it gives guilt, my parents has it. It'
s how I am and how I' ve been in life. No,
no, because childhood is not destiny. But since you' re an adult,
that is, when you miss akid, of course, of course
you did, of course it hurtyou, of course it hurt you that
they did. But now that you' re an adult, now that you
(53:21):
' re an adult, it's your turn to make your mom and
dad. When you' re yourdad and your mom, when I'
m responsible, I don' tneed a couple to get through financially.
I don' t need a coupleto feel loved, because then he comes
in. I' m telling you, things are getting messy. But what
relationship- based contingent self- esteemis, I only have self- esteem
(53:45):
when I have a relationship. Ionly have your self- esteem when I
have a partner. Then it canalso be my anxiety, my fear of
abandonment. Then when somehow you say. I' m going to have the
confidence to move forward by my ownmeans. Whatever happens, then you'
re becoming your dad and your mom. That place, I' m sure
(54:10):
you' re clear, yes,and that' s where it comes in.
Don' t abandon yourself, don' t betray yourself, don'
t reject yourself. I mean,when we were kids, mom and dad
were just going down to dinner,eat the vegetables, go to physical education
class. Today we have to tellourselves to see Andreita, eat the vegetables,
(54:34):
go to sleep, see do mewell pick up the room, but
it' s yourself. It hasto become the parents, because if nobody
else, nobody' s coming,nobody' s coming to tell you,
listen to me, you' renot eating horrible, you' re not
exercising. This one. Why aren' t you doing something you like where,
(54:57):
where was this passion you had.There' s not gonna be anyone
coming to tell you anything. Thatis, if you abandon yourself, if
you reject yourself, if you donot take care of yourself, if you
do less yourself or compare yourself toother people. You get yourself into those
tricks all by yourself, and it' s you alone who now plays that
(55:22):
role they played at some point,or maybe our parents didn' t do
it, and look how well youmention it that way, because I would
add to that Andale Andrea or AndaleAbigail eat them vegetables. I wish my
mom had told me my love Eatthe verduritas. Yeah, the truth was
me. I want to tell myselfabout my life, my love, my
(55:45):
darling, why I have to talkto other people like that. If I
don' t talk to myself likethat, then talk to myself with a
lot of love, with a lotof love and say my love, because,
like some vegetables, how they dothe verduritas and I make them clear
how strong I have been. Ithink, literally, this is just the
(56:06):
surface of practically psychotherapy, but Ithank you very much because you actually gave
it to us like this, andin the mouth. I think it'
s the most basic thing that wouldhave to arouse our curiosity. And I
hope this episode has done this toyou, that it has aroused a curiosity
(56:30):
to understand you more, to knowyou more and that, hopefully, this
will lead you to take another stepforward, because I promise you that when
we take responsibility and this part ofbecoming adults and taking on our adulthood.
They definitely come with this issue ofresponsibility that they do Sometimes it scares,
(56:50):
Sometimes it scares you that you haveto stop yourself alone and take responsibility for
your life because you do it oryou don' t. The consequences come,
but it has a very nice side. It has a very nice side
to be an adult and be responsiblefor what you believe in your life.
So, really, thank you,Jabby, for giving us this, this
(57:12):
muddy subject so important in the developmentof a full life. On the contrary,
thank you very much for the space. And definitely go to therapy.
Go to therapy. It' sa very good investment. It' s
the best we can do. Ithink there' s a before and after
when we go with a good therapist, because ay there too. That'
(57:37):
s another thing, but do goand never be afraid to ask for credentials
from that therapist. It' svery important. Let' s leave ABBY
' s data because I know thatyou consult online also in case anyone wants
to talk to her, know,a little bit more of the services she
gives, let' s leave itin the description of this episode and then
(58:00):
again, thank you very much.Thank you so much Let' s hope
to have you back soon to scratcha little bit more on this subject that
gives a lot to talk about.Of course I' m delighted with a
pleasure. Thank you very much andgood to you that you are listening to
us. Thank you so much forgetting to this part of the episode.
If you think this information can helpsomeone if while you were listening to this
(58:21):
episode, you were thinking about yourfriend, your friend, your mom,
your dad, your partner, andyou were saying how today. I'
d like you to know this informationright now. Click on the share button
send it to you, because weare all making a stronger impact on our
circle first and gradually we will havea stronger impact in the world. Thank
(58:42):
you. I' m Andrea Palacio, and remember the impact you want to
see in the world until the nextlook. What a wey I can think of.
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