March 27, 2024 • 48 mins
En este episodio Andrea te comparte su viaje personal con la desmotivación y los pasos que siguió para recargarse de energía motivadora.
Para aumentar tu motivación, Andrea te sugiere:
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El Club de Impacto es producido por Milky Wave Media.
Para aumentar tu motivación, Andrea te sugiere:
- Comparte tu situación con tu círculo cercano: Conversar con amigos o familiares de confianza puede brindarte apoyo emocional y nuevas perspectivas para enfrentar tus desafíos.
- Conoce tu lenguaje de motivación: Identifica tu tipo de personalidad según las Cuatro Tendencias de Gretchen Rubin: Obligador, Cuestionador, Cumplidor y Rebelde. Cada uno tiene características únicas y estrategias específicas para mantenerse motivado.
- Prepara un plan con anticipación: Anticipa posibles obstáculos y elabora un plan para superarlos. La planificación te ayudará a mantener el rumbo incluso en momentos difíciles.
- Enfócate en una meta a la vez: Dividir tus objetivos en tareas más pequeñas y manejables te permitirá avanzar de manera constante y evitar sentirte abrumado.
- Practica la autocompasión: Acepta que cometer errores es parte del proceso y no te castigues demasiado duro por ellos. La autocompasión te ayudará a mantener una actitud positiva y a seguir adelante.
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Sigue a Andrea:https://www.instagram.com/soyandreapalacio/?hl=es
El Club de Impacto es producido por Milky Wave Media.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
Hello everyone and welcome to a newepisode of the Impact Club. I'
m Andrea Palacio. Happy to bein these episodes where it' s just
you and me where you just letme talk a little bit about my experiences,
about what I' m learning evenfrom our same guests and in these
last two weeks we' ve hadvery interesting guests who have also helped me
(00:29):
in my personal life to find motivation, and that' s that motivation is
the theme of today. I thinkwe' ve all been at some point
in our life where we definitely don' t find where to hang on,
that we don' t know whereto walk, that we just wake up
(00:51):
in the morning or open our eyesin the morning and say what you see
something about the bed, what pointit has. I don' t know
in what order to do things.I don' t think anything tastes the
same to me anymore. It seemslike I' m not enjoying things like
before, but I also recognize thatI' m like in a circle where
I' m also doing nothing toget out of it, but I don
(01:14):
' t know how to get outof it. It' s like we
' re trapped in our own mindsand we limit ourselves, but we just
don' t find the energy insideus that allows us to get out of
that as a mental cell we have. It seems like it requires too much
energy and it' s an energywe don' t have. And I
(01:38):
think it also happens to me thatI listen to these videos, these motivators,
these podcasts, these people, thesecoaches that say discipline, they have
to gain motivation, but what happenswhen you don' t even have the
energy to start that wheel of disciplineanymore, not when you get up every
(02:00):
day, because it seems that evena battle just won the fact of getting
out of bed. I don't think that when you' re already
there, you' re already ata risky point. And I think it
' s time to redefine things,it' s time to look for other
ways that they start to slowly generatethat energy that we need, little by
(02:22):
little that motivation, because it seemsthat to get to where we want to
be so we need a gasoline pitchthat gets us out of there and once
we' re out, we're going to be fine, when the
reality is that we have to learnto generate that little energy and gradually go
(02:43):
forward doesn' t have to befrom one moment to the next, from
one day to the next, thatyou already have to get up super early
to do everything. What you haveto do is feel super good that everything
is perfect, because that' snot how you found yourself in this situation
either. Right, it wasn't like that from one day to the
next. All of a sudden,you stopped feeling that that energy, that
(03:04):
that internal gas was generated was alsoslowly and there' s no rush.
Well, then. I also haveto warn you that if you are in
a more extreme case, you feeldepressed, depressed where it just goes beyond
your willpower. Yes, I wouldrecommend that you look for a professional diagnosis,
(03:29):
because I' m going to tellyou about my experience, but I
' m not a health professional andit seems to me that this process guided
by a health professional can make adifference if you' re in that case,
if you' re just a littlelost or lost and you need that
(03:49):
lucky kick, that helps you focus, that helps you get those big ones
back on track, then you're in the right place. Well,
why do I tell you all this? It turns out that a while ago
I started to feel just like Ijust wrote you, unmotivated, disconnected.
I didn' t know what wasgoing on. If everything was all right,
(04:12):
then where did all this come from? I don' t turn to
see my life and at the sametime I also felt probably a little ungrateful
because I said well, I haveall this, How is it possible that
I can' t get those bigones out of the person I know I
am and take advantage of all theopportunities I have And slowly, silently,
(04:38):
it started to get into my mind, in my body, in my soul
like a shadow, that began tohoard my thoughts, that started to hoard
my emotions, that started to paya little bit, little by little the
light and motivation that I felt insideme and for me. That' s
what I personally called him, Andrea, as a confusion. I had no
(05:00):
address, no direction. So,for a person who is motivated towards a
direction, I have a giant capacityfor self- motivation. When do I
know where I' m going?But he doesn' t know where I
' m going? It makes mewander around from one side to the other,
makes me seem sleepwalking, having nodirection, having no purpose. And
(05:24):
I' m going to tell youa little bit more about that, because
it' s not going to bethe same, there' s not going
to be the same demotivation for youas for me and I bring you some
tools to distinguish what kind of motivationyou have. And I love these tools
because I think they help me alot in my personal life to have known
(05:45):
what motivates me, what are somepersonal tricks and I' m going to
show you what are the different typesof personalities that are motivated by different styles
and different tactics. But let metell you some things that helped me start
generating this inner energy that allowed meto take these little steps towards finding a
(06:09):
new direction, to give a reprogrammingto what I was living and to find
internally. What was the problem?I' d tell you the drop that
deramuel goes to his for this personalchange. For good, it was talking
to people, with my people,with people who love me, who know
(06:33):
me, who know where I getmy things from, but they also know
they' ve been there, they' ve already witnessed the best moments of
my life. So, curiously,also one thing that starts to happen when
there is discouragement is that we startto isolate ourselves, we start to stop
(06:55):
having contact with certain experiences, withcertain people who just fill us with that
little tank of energy and motivation.Not that these exchanges of energy, these
exchanges of anecdotes of experiences that reallynourish us is the word when we stop
(07:16):
having them, we began to isolateourselves little by little and exactly entered a
vicious circle. Then to resume theseconversations with these people who are my people,
who know me, made the differencefor me to wake up from this
world, as a sleepwalker I wasliving in a few months ago and I
(07:43):
think sharing what was happening was thedifference, because I received comments that I
even think about them today, Iremember them again and they wake me up
again. And that' s becausea particular friend told me this person that
you' re telling me that you' re living her life in or myself,
(08:07):
this being that you' re describingher day to day. It doesn
' t sound like the Andrea Iknow, because the Andrea I know where
she puts her eye, puts thebullet. I got cold, the Andrea
told me I know. I've seen her eat the whole world like
(08:31):
this. Anything you want, youget and it' s unstoppable. I
got cold because I said. Yeah, it' s true, yeah,
it' s true that I wasthat person. Yeah, it' s
true that I' m that personActually, and I mean, what'
(08:54):
s going on, who, who' s this ghost that' s possessed
my body. These weeks I talkedto someone else and also shared with him,
but I want to emphasize that theseare people, who are my safe
people. I didn' t openup with anyone. It' s my
(09:15):
people, my close circle, whoknow me well enough, who don'
t need to explain to them howI am, because they already know it,
they' ve lived it, they' ve been witnesses. Then another
person, also close, told mewhat he was talking about. You'
re doing it. All right,you' re going, really good,
(09:35):
I mean, honestly that' swhat you' re telling me. It
' s okay, I mean,it' s not. I don'
t see anything wrong with you feelingthat way. You' re doing a
lot of terrible things, I mean, listen, listen to what you'
re doing, listen to what you' re living and I said it'
(09:56):
s true, it' s true, yes, it' s true,
yes, I' m doing well, yes. When I judge myself against
the best people or personalities or peoplethat maybe I don' t know on
social networks, when I compare myselfto a certain type of people, because
(10:16):
of course there are times that Isay ay maybe, it' s not
enough here, or I would liketo be more here, but there are
times that you have to compare yourselfand you have to say, is that
you see everything that I' veaccomplished and honestly, you see everything that
I' m accomplishing. In fact, just the other day I was reorganizing
my finances, because you have todo that from time to time, like
(10:39):
my first instance was like ay,it can' t be that anguish why.
I still can' t be whereI want to be, because this
still costs me work, that is, why, why I don' t
win as I would like, what' s missing. I already have a
lot of time that I entered asa force, to the labor camp,
(11:01):
because I' m not yet amillionaire, no and in that I said
you don' t know what.I mean. I must change this dialogue.
The reality is that rather for whatI have for the income I have
from everything I do. I handlethe money amazingly. I mean, anyone
would say this woman wins triple whatshe earns from everything she does, but
(11:26):
the reality is that I' mextremely good at managing because I do wonders
with what I have. Rather,that dialogue must be changed. And the
other thing they told me is Ifeel like you' re not liking the
life you have or what you're doing. I feel like what you
(11:46):
' re not liking is who you' re being who you' re becoming.
This is the one that destroyed me. I totally said, I'
m totally blaming everything outside, whenI' m really not being the person
(12:07):
I know I am. I'm letting go. So, my first
thought was how this changed, asI recognized it, as I take responsibility,
as I say ok, yes,I have the ability, I have
had it, I have shown itseveral times how motivated I am. No.
(12:28):
And this is where the part Iwant to share comes from, which
reminded me of a book I readthree four years ago. I don'
t remember any more about one ofmy favorite authors who talks and studies about
the science of happiness. She's called Gretchen Rubin. She has a
podcast called Happyre. I think he' s dating his brother. I'
(12:50):
m not sure if your sister,but I had the first contact with her
was literal, the first book Iread when she started my strongest personal transformation
I' ve ever had in mylife. It was the first book that
started the Snowball and took me toanother book and to another book and another
(13:11):
book I wrote to him because hisbook, which at that time yes,
well, it wasn' t thisI' m going to tell you,
but that book that I read,which was his first book, is called
Project Happiness Project Happiness Gretchen Rubin,and I wrote to thank him and he
answered me. Then it made mevery happy and that' s why I
(13:31):
' m so fond of him becausehe answered me. But this one I
think his third book, or somethinglike that is called the four trends or
The For Tendenses. I' mon my way to dance mata, but
forgive me for my accent. Well, the joke is that she is this
(13:52):
book, because as there are thelanguages of love that I have mentioned here
several times, which is how youlike to be loved and how you like
to give love, for example,gifts, words of affirmation, acts of
service kind of quality. We allhave everything agan always, but there is
(14:13):
one in particular that characterizes us well. It seems that this is another,
another kind of way of classifying archetypes, but in this case it has to
do with people, personalities based onhow they respond to the different internal expectations,
that is, the expectations that youhave about yourself and external expectations,
(14:37):
that is, expectations that are notwhat you impose yourself on but those that
you feel that the external world,the other people have about you ok.
Then she divides these four tendencies.In these personalities, the first is the
(14:58):
complimenter, the second is the questioner, the third is the obligor and finally,
the last is the rebel. Let' s start with the complimenter and
you' re going to listen tothe different features. If I want you
(15:18):
to go thinking if it' syou, if it' s not you,
and I want you to identify.I love identifying people I know,
because I think I can love thembetter, I can communicate better. In
the end, I' m acommunicator. I love to speak the language
of the people around me and Ifeel that when I know them better,
(15:41):
we communicate better and in the sameway. I' m so excited that
I' m always thinking like thisand you' re what language of love
you have and you' re whatkind of tendency you have. So,
I like how to decipher people,read good people. This is gonna give
you a lot of tips. Let' s talk about the main features.
What are the main challenges with whichdifferent trends are encountered and what are strategies
(16:04):
to motivate you. So let's not waste any more time and let
' s go with the complimenter,which is also known in English as the
up holder. These people like tomeet both internal and external expectations and have
no problems fulfilling either of them aremotivated. What motivates them is duty and
(16:26):
obligation. They are capable of fulfillingpersonal commitments, but they are also capable
of fulfilling commitments that have to dowith others. They are the easiest to
deal with in terms of expectations.But I mean, you know you can
count on that person and that personknows that he can count on himself.
(16:48):
But there comes a time when allthe time being that complimenter or that complimenter
overwhelms them by trying to meet allexpectations. Sometimes people see them as people
who are very reliable, very responsible, they can get tired of the rules
and procedures. No. So I' m going to list a number of
(17:10):
features and I' m going tothink if this or this is you.
The first characteristic of the keeper isself- discipline. Compliers have enormous self
- discipline. It' s thesepeople that there are times that honestly I
' m clearly not a complimenter,but you say I see them and I
(17:30):
say cursed, damn good joke,obviously, but I say how it can
be that this person is the Sonthe kind of people who truth merely gives
courage because they say from tomorrow everyday I' m going to get up
at such an hour. I'm going to have salad every day with
breast and rice and I' mgoing to do an hour and a half
(17:56):
of exercise. But besides, I' m gonna do my homework, I
' m gonna have a relationship andthey can and they keep it over time
and they do it from day one. I just have one of my best
friends that' s like that andit surprises me too much, but by
putting her in this category, itmakes me understand and makes me understand her
(18:18):
and I say ok I mean.It' s not that I don'
t have willpower, it' snot that I don' t know because
sometimes I saw her I say howshe can, because I can' t,
because I don' t have thatability, just like she doesn'
t and I compare myself. Butthe reality is that we are different people
and she has enormous self- discipline. They don' t need any supervision
or many stimuli to fulfill what theyhave to do. They just come up
(18:38):
with it, they do it ifthey leave the job, the school,
whatever they' re doing homework,they do it too. They are the
people who are going to meet,because they are going to meet that is
why they are fulfilling. Another featureis that they are very reliable, that
is, they are super reliable.If a complimenter tells you it' s
(18:59):
going to be something, both hisfriends and colleagues at work can trust what
they' re going to do,and they can also trust themselves that if
they promise they' re going todo something, they' re going to
do it. Another feature has todo with that they meet all expectations,
that is, we had already saidinternals as personal objectives, their own,
(19:22):
their personal values, but also externalexpectations such as deadlines, deadlines, labor
responsibilities, All that they fulfill andthis is where you will understand even more
who they are like that, Theylove the rules. They are fans of
rules, they have inherent respect forrules and procedures. Compliers believe that the
(19:45):
rules are to be met and areset for a reason and have to be
made and feel very uncomfortable and havefor some reason. They' re forced,
they have to break the rules.You tempt them like a lot of
good. What are the main challengesof these people who, despite all the
(20:06):
good they have of all the strengths, also have challenges. It does not
seem like no, but the firsthas to do with loevinast flexibility. Well,
they are so attached to following therules to the letter and all the
procedures that they find it very difficultto adapt to situations that are unexpected or
(20:30):
constantly changing. You may feel stressed, you may feel uncomfortable when some circumstances
require you to be flexible or changeyour plans to the way you intended.
Another challenge is that they can beoverloaded. They run the risk of being
(20:52):
overburdened, that is, because theyhave a very good exposure to responsibilities,
they love to meet expectations and theydon' t have a good one,
because the meeters run the risk oftaking too much burden and it costs them
work and say no to new commitments, even when they can no longer handle
one more. Another characteristic and challengeof the compliances is that they are extremely
(21:21):
self- critical, as they areestablished, expectations to themselves very high.
Compliments are really hard on themselves whenfor some reason they cannot meet their own
standards or their own goals. Ifyou are a complimenter, here are some
strategies to motivate you even more andto manage your type of expectations even better
(21:48):
and healthier more intelligently. The firstis to learn to say that not for
the only way to prevent you fromoverburdening is to learn the art of saying
no to all the additional commitments,which do not align with your priorities or
with the ability you have today tosay that it is not a challenge,
(22:11):
but it is a challenge that invitedyou to fulfill another strategy has to do
with without difficulty of flexibility. Let' s talk about planned flexibility, that
is, try, foresee or incorporatea certain degree of flexibility into your plans
(22:33):
so that not everything is so rigidand they will always present unforeseen events,
there will always be things that youwill have to move. So wait for
that and then it' s partof not accepting that you have to have
a degree of adaptability and plan forthat to happen so that you don'
(22:56):
t feel so overwhelmed or so overwhelmed. And finally, for the adherents to
practice self- pity, this isalso because they are too strict on themselves
and, as always, they wantto meet all expectations, especially those that
self- imposed. Well, andthis I think applies not only to the
complimenters, but to everyone. Butif you practice self- pity for yourself,
(23:22):
be able to balance, because allthe challenges associated with meeting internal and
external expectations and thus have a morebalanced and thus more satisfying life. Well,
those are the complimenters of Gretchen Rubin' s four trends of fort tend
s Tendensis. Let' s goto number two, and that' s
(23:45):
where I' m going to tellyou. Guess who this person is.
Questioners, questioners how they deal withexpectations. You guessed. Questioners then do
not accept what expectations have to askthemselves why they will only obey an expectation
if they believe it makes sense.That is to say that all external expectations
(24:15):
make them internal expectations, because theywill only follow the rules if they agree
with them. That is, forexample, a complimenter might see that if
you go to a pool, youmight see that the rule is they have
to be used. Rather you don' t have to wear sandals inside the
pool area and the complimenters would sayok that' s the rule. Then
(24:41):
without sandals let' s go andthe questioner would say how they won'
t wear sandals. That doesn't make sense. It is very dangerous
to walk and sandals in an areathat is wet, which is constantly full
of water. On the contrary,they have to wear sandals. Then I
don' t care that the ruleis that you can' t be with
(25:02):
sandals. I' m gonna wearsandals because it doesn' t make sense
of the rule. No. Ifyou think the rule makes sense, you
have no problem complying with it.So this approach can also lead to an
innovation, efficiency, but they canbe perceived as very resilient people. So
the distinguishing feature is that they questionall expectations and do not accept them as
(25:26):
valid until they have analyzed and understoodwhy they have those expectations felt for them.
Who do you think you are?Who do you think you are?
I' m a hundred percent questioner. I identify myself one hundred and one
(25:47):
percent in this category. What characterizescritical thinking to questioners. We have a
strong inclination, a giant inclination towardscritical thinking. We take nothing for granted.
We tend to deeply analyze the reasonbehind each rule or expectation. I
(26:07):
mean, we' re the typicalpeople who at work tell us from tomorrow
they' re all going to haveto dress up come dressed in red.
But why are we gonna come dressedin reds that why? Or what?
I mean, what' s thepoint behind that. If you tell me,
ah, well, it' sthat tomorrow this is International Red Dressing
Day and we want to commemorate whateverit is. Ah ok ok, then,
(26:33):
if there' s a reason behindthat, ok I accept it,
then I' ll sell you beastin red. And it can also be
like the fact that it' sthe day to come dressed in red.
It means absolutely nothing. I hadnothing to do with that? Why am
I gonna come in red? IfI said it was blue, that doesn
' t make sense. I don' t come in red. Yeah,
(26:56):
well, that' s a questioner' s mind. Another feature is that
they have an internal motivation, thatis, their main convictions are internal.
So if a task or an expectationaligns with its values or seems logical,
then they will do it without anyproblem. They' re very independent.
(27:17):
They value that they value their freedom, their autonomy to make decisions. They
prefer to follow their own path insteadof blindly following someone' s guidance.
As much as there is tradition.No. Another feature is that they like
efficiency and improvement. We are constantlylooking for ways to improve systems. Anyone
(27:42):
who has worked with me, particularlythose who have worked with me at the
restaurant will know this is true.You have to listen to our tendency to
question the status quo can lead toinnovators, it can lead you to be
innovative and more efficient solutions and solvers. With that phrase I tend to question
(28:03):
the status quo. That phrase definesme how tired a questioner is. I
' m just telling you. Themain challenges are just frustration with arbitrary rules.
Analysis paralysis uff this happens to meas we need to have all the
information before making a decision. Sothat can lead to indecision or delays,
(28:26):
especially when the information is incomplete.We are overwhelmed by the perception of challenge.
Others may see the questioners as stubborn. Indeed, especially in situations where
conformity is valued or expected. That' s why I can' t.
(28:47):
That' s why I feel trappedin old- fashioned companies. That'
s all I' m gonna sayabout it. Some strategies for questioners to
choose battles. I' m wiselymaking myself completely quick to identify when it
' s worth questioning a rule andwhen it' s best to move on.
I' m going to help questionersavoid wear and maintain harmonious relationships.
(29:14):
What a laugh I am remembering somany things to establish personal systems, this
is true. I love systems androutines based on my own research. It
' s a This same episode isan investigation into how to establish a system
that can help me stay organized efficientlyand that makes sense to why I'
(29:40):
m doing what I' m doingthe way I' m doing it.
My case is closed, okay.And finally, for questioners like me,
effective communication developing skills to communicate theirquestions and decisions in a constructive way can
minimize misunderstandings and conflicts, especially inenvironments where their tendency can be seen as
(30:00):
such. I really do identify withthis is that I think there are times
that the questioners here defending less,we are misunderstandings like the abelothos in my
is defense, in environments where thereare robots that just don' t question
anything and that are just willing tojust. Right. I' m really
(30:23):
gonna follow the rules, even ifthey' re just telling them to sit
on a cliff. Oh, yeah, here I come. I think it
' s stupid. Definitely, nodoubt I' m questioning. Let'
s go to the obligor trend numberthree. This is the majority of people,
i e, I think that eightypercent of the population are obligors and
(30:45):
it is the people who respond superwell to external expectations, but it is
the internal expectations that put themselves thatthey cannot, i e, it is
the typical person who cannot do somethingfor himself, i e why. If
I stay to meet my friend Pepitoat the gym, yes, I go
to the gym, but when Iwant to go alone or alone. I
(31:10):
can' t just mean I don' t feel that you have no self
- discipline, but ah didn't tell you your friend, chuchita,
your mom, not out of school, not out of work, because there
you do and you make it perfect, because then let me tell you dear,
dear that you are a coercer.They are excellent at working for others
(31:30):
and meeting deadlines when they know thatothers depend on them, but they have
more trouble meeting their personal goals,if they do not feel that external pressure
coming from outside. Well, then. That is one of the characteristics of
responsibility towards others. People perceive themas truly reliable. They have very good
(31:56):
performance in team roles in which responsibilityis expected from them have quite difficulty with
self- motivation. So, ifyou' re in this episode, I
' m sure you might be acoercer, and I hope this will happen
(32:16):
to you. Good as a goodquestioner. Information gives me peace. I
hope that this gives you and thatyou understand that it has nothing to do
with you or your friend or yourfriend who can propose something and has a
huge self- motivation, has ahuge discipline. You' re not broken
(32:37):
or broken or there' s nothingwrong. With you, it' s
just your kind of personality and it' s got a lot of good stuff
about this personality and I' mgonna show you how you can take advantage
of this personality and how you cando like tricks to turn this part around
(33:01):
and yourself, so put yourself insituations where you get excited when you prevent
your motivation from ending, so good. Another feature is that in order to
achieve personal goals, they seek externalsupport structures, i e deadlines, accountability
systems, setting expectations with fellow workingfriends that quotation marks force the name to
(33:27):
meet the main problems, because thefirst and number one are resentment, because
there are times that they cannot sayno either, but to others they do
not know how to put limits toothers. But I think they have that
number two that they don' tknow by any limits, but that leads
them to be resentful, because thereare times that they feel they overload it.
(33:51):
The expectations of others are not,so they are constantly putting the needs
of others in front of theirs andjust in numbers two. Of the difficulties
is that it is very difficult forthem to set limits for their tea because
they prioritize external demands above those ofthem and they find it difficult to put
(34:15):
healthy limits, which can lead themto exhaustion. And the final difficulty they
face is personal frustration. Of course, if they do not find the external
structures to motivate themselves, then theyfeel that they are not able to do
anything for themselves, then what aresome strategies for the obligors, since you
(34:39):
know how to create systems of externalresponsibility. This fascinates me, I mean,
if you say I want to goto the gym, but the truth
is, I mean honestly, Iwant to be exercise, but really,
I mean, I can' tjust, I can' t alone,
I just need to make myself.To myself. You don' t have
to become one of the complimenters,you don' t have to change the
(35:02):
trend, you don' t haveto change who you are just get to
know yourself and generate strategies and systems, that is, join groups. I
don' t know, because Isay I don' t know how to
exercise, because if this works foryou, then join a team, where
a team depends on you. Ipromise you that you will never miss or
(35:24):
stay Drinking with a friend or friend, with your partner, with your mom,
with your dad have a partner toexercise or even join a study group.
Do something you put that little trapon. If you already know you
' re not going to do italone or alone. Well, then join
(35:44):
something that you know benefits you and, besides, you' re very good
at the subject, very good,very good at being part of a team.
Then they' ll appreciate you verymuch, too. Another is to
set a little limits, learn tosay no to new responsibilities, and you
are already overburdened, so that theycan prevent you from meeting your own goals,
(36:07):
with your own goals. Then,another strategy for the tendency of the
obligors is to recognize and accept thatyou have a need for external expectations,
instead of seeing this as a weakness, because you are surely right now as
(36:30):
good, why I can' tbe more like the compliance flight as a
tool for you to start creating anenvironment that allows you to succeed in your
personal and professional goals. Don't fight it And what you can do
finally is set clear boundaries. Communicateyour boundaries. This can help you with
(36:50):
external expectations and prevent both exhaustion andresentment. So, that was trend number
three. Let' s go withtrend number four. It is the rebellious
trend, for yes, if thekeeper loves to meet expectations, they have
(37:12):
no problem with internal and external expectations. And then the questioner, all his
expectations that the motives are internal andfor the obligor, all the expectations that
motivate him are external. Well,the rebel doesn' t care about both
external and internal expectations. They valuefreedom, autonomy very much. If they
(37:37):
want to do something rather, ifthey do something, it' s because
they want to, not because theyhave to go at the pace they want.
But that can also make us havesome difficulties with consistency, with the
fulfilment of commitments. So let's talk about some of the rebels'
more characteristic. The first is thatthey value freedom. Their freedom is autonomy.
(38:00):
It' s above all else.Don' t let them feel bound
to any rules, any expectations.This is my grandmother. In fact,
it makes me laugh, and mygrandmother because it' s you that there
are times that these people look likeMorfi' s law you tell them or
reverse psychology. Not you tell themto do one thing and it' s
(38:21):
gonna be another. But aside,for example, my grandmother listens to what
she does. He lives a longway from my parents' house and when
I don' t know there's some food or something, my mom
tells him. My mom asked youfor a clouder to come over here and
the same thing back and say no. If you want to put the money
(38:43):
back on me and I' masking for it. No. What my
grandmother does is she really wants tokeep the money and go on public transportation.
But not, I mean, ifmy mom insists on it, insists
on it, you did rather,I mean, she does whatever she wants
then and in fact she doesn't say anything, I mean, you
don' t even explain or evenfight. He just says oh yeah.
Thank you very much. This onewe see be and it won' t
(39:07):
renege. He' s just gonnaget out, he' s gonna take
the bus and he' s gonnago home and take the money. My
grandmother is rebellious, who would say. Right. Another characteristic of the rebels
is that they act on their ownterms. They are motivated more by their
current identity and present desires than byany prior commitment or external expectation. I
(39:29):
mean, yeah, I' vebeen with you for a month now that
we' re going to asyinar.But the truth is, today, I
kind of felt like going downtown andhaving a coffee and buying stuff. So,
I cancel you, I mean,no matter what we' ve met
before, it doesn' t matteranything, like I move as I feel.
But, on the other hand,this makes them very creative and innovative,
(39:51):
because just as they are not ina box and do not behave like
quotation marks, they should therefore endif very creative. They have a very
creative mind. Another feature is thatthey are very independent. They prefer to
find their own way, do thingsin their own way and just right this
sometimes leads them to have unique andless traditional solutions. What are the main
(40:16):
challenges, the main challenges of therebel people who, because they have a
lot of resistance to the routine.There are times when they find it hard
to keep a routine, to haveschedules, to work in environments such as
work, school, because in thoseenvironments a consistent, responsible person is highly
(40:44):
valued, who you can predict willbe there and for them it is not.
Another challenge is that, because theyconstantly have conflicts with the authorities because
they resist, but of course,to make control, directed, directed to
any place. So, when someonetells them what to do, they don
' t like it, or anyeven a system doesn' t, too.
(41:06):
It doesn' t necessarily have tobe a person. Another challenge is
to meet commitments. They find itvery difficult, especially if along the way
they lose interest or feel that thiscommitment can limit their freedom and autonomy.
So, if you identified yourself asa rebel and master reme, then here
(41:30):
are some strategies. The first isto find personal joy in actions. You
can frame your tasks and responsibilities ina way that reflects your actions and personal
values. That is, every thingthat, in quotation marks, has to
do it your way and that isa way to express your individuality. Another
(41:55):
strategy is set your own rules,which I think goes hand in hand,
that is, you create your customsystem that merges you to move into this
world where there is structure, wherethere is a way in which things are
done. You create your own systemto move in this world that allows you
to achieve your goals, that helpsyou stay motivated, motivated and committed.
(42:21):
Another is to identify what those valuesand desires are, that is, identify
what is important to you, andthat can help you a lot to meet
external expectations. For example, ifyou see yourself as a healthy person,
you can choose to exercise regularly.Not because you should exercise, because that
(42:45):
' s what everyone says, sayssocial media, all the doctors, your
mom, your dad, your friend. It' s not because you should
exercise, but because it' sconsistent with who you want to be,
because there are times that happens,that is, a rebellious person, even
though you see yourself with a healthyperson, like everything tells you that you
have to exercise. Oh, Idon' t do it now. No,
(43:06):
I mean, identify what your valuesare and what your desires are.
And the truth is that they havea unique approach to life and sometimes that
potential can be felt as prisoners.But learning to channel those resistances to productivity
and self- expression can also haveincredible results, because they are just outside
(43:31):
those lines in which society moves.Well, those are Gretchen Rubin' s
four trends. I hope that youwill identify yourself or the people you love
also obligors, questioners, complimenters andrebels. And to finish this episode,
(43:52):
we talked first about talking to yourpeople. Then step number two that I
have neglected to self- motivate isto know what kind of motivation I have
and generates a strategy around it.For example, in my case I want
to change my routine. Then Isay what I' m going to put
in my routine. As a goodquestioner, I say and why I'
(44:14):
m going to do this, becauseit' s important to me. But
if I was a complimenter, I' d say how good I' m
going to go by some rules,I mean, I' m going to
be guided by the things that aresaid to be a person needs to be
to have a full life. Andthat' s what I' m gonna
do. If I were a coercer, I' d say as well what
(44:36):
things are important to me that maybeI' m not giving myself the time
and how I can do that trickof doing external motivations that will help me
meet my goals. Which group Igo into, which friend or with which
family I commit myself to who Ican recharge and it is not a weakness
to do so in order to fulfillmy goals. And if I' m
(45:01):
rebellious, I can' t stopthinking when I don' t follow others.
Well, if I' m therebel trend, also what' s
important to me and what makes senseto me while thinking about what I'
m supposed to do what' simportant to me and how I can create
a system that suits me to befree without locking myself in anything. No,
(45:27):
and, well, since you knowwho my step number three is.
I' m not going to dictateso much time to these steps anymore.
I' m just gonna mention them. In my experience, they helped me
get out of that pothole, thedemotivation after knowing which one I am next.
It was fair to have a planpreventing obstacles. Okay, I know
(45:50):
which one I am then what I' m going to do how I'
m going to move around that.The fourth point I would like to share
with you today, which helped meget out of demotivation is to conquer a
goal at once not to say more. From tomorrow I' m going to
change my life 100%, asI mentioned a moment ago. It seems
(46:14):
very overwhelming to me to conquer something, that is if part of your then
goal goals is perhaps to eat healthier. Well, you don' t have
to hear the super and buy.I don' t know four hundred pesos
(46:34):
in super healthy food for the wholeweek. Just make a better decision the
next day. And then the nextday and then the next day. Don
' t try to change radically ifit works perfect. But if it overwhelms
you, conquer one thing at atime it doesn' t have to be
perfect one day at a time.And finally, the fifth point that I
want to share today from my experienceto get out of demotivation is don'
(46:58):
t be so hard on yourself?Don' t be so hard on yourself
or so hard on yourself? Ireally want you to accept it, see
it, and like my friend toldme that I converted you at first,
you' re doing well, you' re doing what you can. You
(47:20):
' re doing a lot of whatyou can. Turn that on and move
on to the page. Go onto the page. Yeah, maybe there
are things that aren' t workingout, yeah, maybe there' s
a lot of things that give youanxiety, that are out of your control.
But today you' re where you' re with who you' re
doing what you' re doing.If you don' t like it,
(47:42):
start slowly looking for a strategy andmobilizing yourself. What gives anxiety is not
moving, not taking action, notbeing just doing nothing. You don'
t like being the person who acceptscertain things. You don' t like
the person you' re becoming orwho you already are. She' s
(48:02):
away from the person you want tobe. You don' t have to
become this person from one day tothe next just start taking steps, start
being more aware and turn the page. Don' t be so hard,
don' t be so hard.Okay, I love that you' re
here. I' m leaving youmost of the impact club audience. Listen
(48:22):
in Spotify and Spotify there is anoption within the episode to do a survey.
Then I' d like you tohelp me see how many obligors we
have, how many obligors, howmany questioners and how many rebels. Just
put your vote there out of purecuriosity and listen to each other in the
next you remember the impact you wantto see in the world. I'
(48:44):
m Andra Palacio. See you nexttime What do I think?
Hello everyone and welcome to a newepisode of the Impact Club. I'
m Andrea Palacio. Happy to bein these episodes where it' s just
you and me where you just letme talk a little bit about my experiences,
about what I' m learning evenfrom our same guests and in these
last two weeks we' ve hadvery interesting guests who have also helped me
(00:29):
in my personal life to find motivation, and that' s that motivation is
the theme of today. I thinkwe' ve all been at some point
in our life where we definitely don' t find where to hang on,
that we don' t know whereto walk, that we just wake up
(00:51):
in the morning or open our eyesin the morning and say what you see
something about the bed, what pointit has. I don' t know
in what order to do things.I don' t think anything tastes the
same to me anymore. It seemslike I' m not enjoying things like
before, but I also recognize thatI' m like in a circle where
I' m also doing nothing toget out of it, but I don
(01:14):
' t know how to get outof it. It' s like we
' re trapped in our own mindsand we limit ourselves, but we just
don' t find the energy insideus that allows us to get out of
that as a mental cell we have. It seems like it requires too much
energy and it' s an energywe don' t have. And I
(01:38):
think it also happens to me thatI listen to these videos, these motivators,
these podcasts, these people, thesecoaches that say discipline, they have
to gain motivation, but what happenswhen you don' t even have the
energy to start that wheel of disciplineanymore, not when you get up every
(02:00):
day, because it seems that evena battle just won the fact of getting
out of bed. I don't think that when you' re already
there, you' re already ata risky point. And I think it
' s time to redefine things,it' s time to look for other
ways that they start to slowly generatethat energy that we need, little by
(02:22):
little that motivation, because it seemsthat to get to where we want to
be so we need a gasoline pitchthat gets us out of there and once
we' re out, we're going to be fine, when the
reality is that we have to learnto generate that little energy and gradually go
(02:43):
forward doesn' t have to befrom one moment to the next, from
one day to the next, thatyou already have to get up super early
to do everything. What you haveto do is feel super good that everything
is perfect, because that' snot how you found yourself in this situation
either. Right, it wasn't like that from one day to the
next. All of a sudden,you stopped feeling that that energy, that
(03:04):
that internal gas was generated was alsoslowly and there' s no rush.
Well, then. I also haveto warn you that if you are in
a more extreme case, you feeldepressed, depressed where it just goes beyond
your willpower. Yes, I wouldrecommend that you look for a professional diagnosis,
(03:29):
because I' m going to tellyou about my experience, but I
' m not a health professional andit seems to me that this process guided
by a health professional can make adifference if you' re in that case,
if you' re just a littlelost or lost and you need that
(03:49):
lucky kick, that helps you focus, that helps you get those big ones
back on track, then you're in the right place. Well,
why do I tell you all this? It turns out that a while ago
I started to feel just like Ijust wrote you, unmotivated, disconnected.
I didn' t know what wasgoing on. If everything was all right,
(04:12):
then where did all this come from? I don' t turn to
see my life and at the sametime I also felt probably a little ungrateful
because I said well, I haveall this, How is it possible that
I can' t get those bigones out of the person I know I
am and take advantage of all theopportunities I have And slowly, silently,
(04:38):
it started to get into my mind, in my body, in my soul
like a shadow, that began tohoard my thoughts, that started to hoard
my emotions, that started to paya little bit, little by little the
light and motivation that I felt insideme and for me. That' s
what I personally called him, Andrea, as a confusion. I had no
(05:00):
address, no direction. So,for a person who is motivated towards a
direction, I have a giant capacityfor self- motivation. When do I
know where I' m going?But he doesn' t know where I
' m going? It makes mewander around from one side to the other,
makes me seem sleepwalking, having nodirection, having no purpose. And
(05:24):
I' m going to tell youa little bit more about that, because
it' s not going to bethe same, there' s not going
to be the same demotivation for youas for me and I bring you some
tools to distinguish what kind of motivationyou have. And I love these tools
because I think they help me alot in my personal life to have known
(05:45):
what motivates me, what are somepersonal tricks and I' m going to
show you what are the different typesof personalities that are motivated by different styles
and different tactics. But let metell you some things that helped me start
generating this inner energy that allowed meto take these little steps towards finding a
(06:09):
new direction, to give a reprogrammingto what I was living and to find
internally. What was the problem?I' d tell you the drop that
deramuel goes to his for this personalchange. For good, it was talking
to people, with my people,with people who love me, who know
(06:33):
me, who know where I getmy things from, but they also know
they' ve been there, they' ve already witnessed the best moments of
my life. So, curiously,also one thing that starts to happen when
there is discouragement is that we startto isolate ourselves, we start to stop
(06:55):
having contact with certain experiences, withcertain people who just fill us with that
little tank of energy and motivation.Not that these exchanges of energy, these
exchanges of anecdotes of experiences that reallynourish us is the word when we stop
(07:16):
having them, we began to isolateourselves little by little and exactly entered a
vicious circle. Then to resume theseconversations with these people who are my people,
who know me, made the differencefor me to wake up from this
world, as a sleepwalker I wasliving in a few months ago and I
(07:43):
think sharing what was happening was thedifference, because I received comments that I
even think about them today, Iremember them again and they wake me up
again. And that' s becausea particular friend told me this person that
you' re telling me that you' re living her life in or myself,
(08:07):
this being that you' re describingher day to day. It doesn
' t sound like the Andrea Iknow, because the Andrea I know where
she puts her eye, puts thebullet. I got cold, the Andrea
told me I know. I've seen her eat the whole world like
(08:31):
this. Anything you want, youget and it' s unstoppable. I
got cold because I said. Yeah, it' s true, yeah,
it' s true that I wasthat person. Yeah, it' s
true that I' m that personActually, and I mean, what'
(08:54):
s going on, who, who' s this ghost that' s possessed
my body. These weeks I talkedto someone else and also shared with him,
but I want to emphasize that theseare people, who are my safe
people. I didn' t openup with anyone. It' s my
(09:15):
people, my close circle, whoknow me well enough, who don'
t need to explain to them howI am, because they already know it,
they' ve lived it, they' ve been witnesses. Then another
person, also close, told mewhat he was talking about. You'
re doing it. All right,you' re going, really good,
(09:35):
I mean, honestly that' swhat you' re telling me. It
' s okay, I mean,it' s not. I don'
t see anything wrong with you feelingthat way. You' re doing a
lot of terrible things, I mean, listen, listen to what you'
re doing, listen to what you' re living and I said it'
(09:56):
s true, it' s true, yes, it' s true,
yes, I' m doing well, yes. When I judge myself against
the best people or personalities or peoplethat maybe I don' t know on
social networks, when I compare myselfto a certain type of people, because
(10:16):
of course there are times that Isay ay maybe, it' s not
enough here, or I would liketo be more here, but there are
times that you have to compare yourselfand you have to say, is that
you see everything that I' veaccomplished and honestly, you see everything that
I' m accomplishing. In fact, just the other day I was reorganizing
my finances, because you have todo that from time to time, like
(10:39):
my first instance was like ay,it can' t be that anguish why.
I still can' t be whereI want to be, because this
still costs me work, that is, why, why I don' t
win as I would like, what' s missing. I already have a
lot of time that I entered asa force, to the labor camp,
(11:01):
because I' m not yet amillionaire, no and in that I said
you don' t know what.I mean. I must change this dialogue.
The reality is that rather for whatI have for the income I have
from everything I do. I handlethe money amazingly. I mean, anyone
would say this woman wins triple whatshe earns from everything she does, but
(11:26):
the reality is that I' mextremely good at managing because I do wonders
with what I have. Rather,that dialogue must be changed. And the
other thing they told me is Ifeel like you' re not liking the
life you have or what you're doing. I feel like what you
(11:46):
' re not liking is who you' re being who you' re becoming.
This is the one that destroyed me. I totally said, I'
m totally blaming everything outside, whenI' m really not being the person
(12:07):
I know I am. I'm letting go. So, my first
thought was how this changed, asI recognized it, as I take responsibility,
as I say ok, yes,I have the ability, I have
had it, I have shown itseveral times how motivated I am. No.
(12:28):
And this is where the part Iwant to share comes from, which
reminded me of a book I readthree four years ago. I don'
t remember any more about one ofmy favorite authors who talks and studies about
the science of happiness. She's called Gretchen Rubin. She has a
podcast called Happyre. I think he' s dating his brother. I'
(12:50):
m not sure if your sister,but I had the first contact with her
was literal, the first book Iread when she started my strongest personal transformation
I' ve ever had in mylife. It was the first book that
started the Snowball and took me toanother book and to another book and another
(13:11):
book I wrote to him because hisbook, which at that time yes,
well, it wasn' t thisI' m going to tell you,
but that book that I read,which was his first book, is called
Project Happiness Project Happiness Gretchen Rubin,and I wrote to thank him and he
answered me. Then it made mevery happy and that' s why I
(13:31):
' m so fond of him becausehe answered me. But this one I
think his third book, or somethinglike that is called the four trends or
The For Tendenses. I' mon my way to dance mata, but
forgive me for my accent. Well, the joke is that she is this
(13:52):
book, because as there are thelanguages of love that I have mentioned here
several times, which is how youlike to be loved and how you like
to give love, for example,gifts, words of affirmation, acts of
service kind of quality. We allhave everything agan always, but there is
(14:13):
one in particular that characterizes us well. It seems that this is another,
another kind of way of classifying archetypes, but in this case it has to
do with people, personalities based onhow they respond to the different internal expectations,
that is, the expectations that youhave about yourself and external expectations,
(14:37):
that is, expectations that are notwhat you impose yourself on but those that
you feel that the external world,the other people have about you ok.
Then she divides these four tendencies.In these personalities, the first is the
(14:58):
complimenter, the second is the questioner, the third is the obligor and finally,
the last is the rebel. Let' s start with the complimenter and
you' re going to listen tothe different features. If I want you
(15:18):
to go thinking if it' syou, if it' s not you,
and I want you to identify.I love identifying people I know,
because I think I can love thembetter, I can communicate better. In
the end, I' m acommunicator. I love to speak the language
of the people around me and Ifeel that when I know them better,
(15:41):
we communicate better and in the sameway. I' m so excited that
I' m always thinking like thisand you' re what language of love
you have and you' re whatkind of tendency you have. So,
I like how to decipher people,read good people. This is gonna give
you a lot of tips. Let' s talk about the main features.
What are the main challenges with whichdifferent trends are encountered and what are strategies
(16:04):
to motivate you. So let's not waste any more time and let
' s go with the complimenter,which is also known in English as the
up holder. These people like tomeet both internal and external expectations and have
no problems fulfilling either of them aremotivated. What motivates them is duty and
(16:26):
obligation. They are capable of fulfillingpersonal commitments, but they are also capable
of fulfilling commitments that have to dowith others. They are the easiest to
deal with in terms of expectations.But I mean, you know you can
count on that person and that personknows that he can count on himself.
(16:48):
But there comes a time when allthe time being that complimenter or that complimenter
overwhelms them by trying to meet allexpectations. Sometimes people see them as people
who are very reliable, very responsible, they can get tired of the rules
and procedures. No. So I' m going to list a number of
(17:10):
features and I' m going tothink if this or this is you.
The first characteristic of the keeper isself- discipline. Compliers have enormous self
- discipline. It' s thesepeople that there are times that honestly I
' m clearly not a complimenter,but you say I see them and I
(17:30):
say cursed, damn good joke,obviously, but I say how it can
be that this person is the Sonthe kind of people who truth merely gives
courage because they say from tomorrow everyday I' m going to get up
at such an hour. I'm going to have salad every day with
breast and rice and I' mgoing to do an hour and a half
(17:56):
of exercise. But besides, I' m gonna do my homework, I
' m gonna have a relationship andthey can and they keep it over time
and they do it from day one. I just have one of my best
friends that' s like that andit surprises me too much, but by
putting her in this category, itmakes me understand and makes me understand her
(18:18):
and I say ok I mean.It' s not that I don'
t have willpower, it' snot that I don' t know because
sometimes I saw her I say howshe can, because I can' t,
because I don' t have thatability, just like she doesn'
t and I compare myself. Butthe reality is that we are different people
and she has enormous self- discipline. They don' t need any supervision
or many stimuli to fulfill what theyhave to do. They just come up
(18:38):
with it, they do it ifthey leave the job, the school,
whatever they' re doing homework,they do it too. They are the
people who are going to meet,because they are going to meet that is
why they are fulfilling. Another featureis that they are very reliable, that
is, they are super reliable.If a complimenter tells you it' s
(18:59):
going to be something, both hisfriends and colleagues at work can trust what
they' re going to do,and they can also trust themselves that if
they promise they' re going todo something, they' re going to
do it. Another feature has todo with that they meet all expectations,
that is, we had already saidinternals as personal objectives, their own,
(19:22):
their personal values, but also externalexpectations such as deadlines, deadlines, labor
responsibilities, All that they fulfill andthis is where you will understand even more
who they are like that, Theylove the rules. They are fans of
rules, they have inherent respect forrules and procedures. Compliers believe that the
(19:45):
rules are to be met and areset for a reason and have to be
made and feel very uncomfortable and havefor some reason. They' re forced,
they have to break the rules.You tempt them like a lot of
good. What are the main challengesof these people who, despite all the
(20:06):
good they have of all the strengths, also have challenges. It does not
seem like no, but the firsthas to do with loevinast flexibility. Well,
they are so attached to following therules to the letter and all the
procedures that they find it very difficultto adapt to situations that are unexpected or
(20:30):
constantly changing. You may feel stressed, you may feel uncomfortable when some circumstances
require you to be flexible or changeyour plans to the way you intended.
Another challenge is that they can beoverloaded. They run the risk of being
(20:52):
overburdened, that is, because theyhave a very good exposure to responsibilities,
they love to meet expectations and theydon' t have a good one,
because the meeters run the risk oftaking too much burden and it costs them
work and say no to new commitments, even when they can no longer handle
one more. Another characteristic and challengeof the compliances is that they are extremely
(21:21):
self- critical, as they areestablished, expectations to themselves very high.
Compliments are really hard on themselves whenfor some reason they cannot meet their own
standards or their own goals. Ifyou are a complimenter, here are some
strategies to motivate you even more andto manage your type of expectations even better
(21:48):
and healthier more intelligently. The firstis to learn to say that not for
the only way to prevent you fromoverburdening is to learn the art of saying
no to all the additional commitments,which do not align with your priorities or
with the ability you have today tosay that it is not a challenge,
(22:11):
but it is a challenge that invitedyou to fulfill another strategy has to do
with without difficulty of flexibility. Let' s talk about planned flexibility, that
is, try, foresee or incorporatea certain degree of flexibility into your plans
(22:33):
so that not everything is so rigidand they will always present unforeseen events,
there will always be things that youwill have to move. So wait for
that and then it' s partof not accepting that you have to have
a degree of adaptability and plan forthat to happen so that you don'
(22:56):
t feel so overwhelmed or so overwhelmed. And finally, for the adherents to
practice self- pity, this isalso because they are too strict on themselves
and, as always, they wantto meet all expectations, especially those that
self- imposed. Well, andthis I think applies not only to the
complimenters, but to everyone. Butif you practice self- pity for yourself,
(23:22):
be able to balance, because allthe challenges associated with meeting internal and
external expectations and thus have a morebalanced and thus more satisfying life. Well,
those are the complimenters of Gretchen Rubin' s four trends of fort tend
s Tendensis. Let' s goto number two, and that' s
(23:45):
where I' m going to tellyou. Guess who this person is.
Questioners, questioners how they deal withexpectations. You guessed. Questioners then do
not accept what expectations have to askthemselves why they will only obey an expectation
if they believe it makes sense.That is to say that all external expectations
(24:15):
make them internal expectations, because theywill only follow the rules if they agree
with them. That is, forexample, a complimenter might see that if
you go to a pool, youmight see that the rule is they have
to be used. Rather you don' t have to wear sandals inside the
pool area and the complimenters would sayok that' s the rule. Then
(24:41):
without sandals let' s go andthe questioner would say how they won'
t wear sandals. That doesn't make sense. It is very dangerous
to walk and sandals in an areathat is wet, which is constantly full
of water. On the contrary,they have to wear sandals. Then I
don' t care that the ruleis that you can' t be with
(25:02):
sandals. I' m gonna wearsandals because it doesn' t make sense
of the rule. No. Ifyou think the rule makes sense, you
have no problem complying with it.So this approach can also lead to an
innovation, efficiency, but they canbe perceived as very resilient people. So
the distinguishing feature is that they questionall expectations and do not accept them as
(25:26):
valid until they have analyzed and understoodwhy they have those expectations felt for them.
Who do you think you are?Who do you think you are?
I' m a hundred percent questioner. I identify myself one hundred and one
(25:47):
percent in this category. What characterizescritical thinking to questioners. We have a
strong inclination, a giant inclination towardscritical thinking. We take nothing for granted.
We tend to deeply analyze the reasonbehind each rule or expectation. I
(26:07):
mean, we' re the typicalpeople who at work tell us from tomorrow
they' re all going to haveto dress up come dressed in red.
But why are we gonna come dressedin reds that why? Or what?
I mean, what' s thepoint behind that. If you tell me,
ah, well, it' sthat tomorrow this is International Red Dressing
Day and we want to commemorate whateverit is. Ah ok ok, then,
(26:33):
if there' s a reason behindthat, ok I accept it,
then I' ll sell you beastin red. And it can also be
like the fact that it' sthe day to come dressed in red.
It means absolutely nothing. I hadnothing to do with that? Why am
I gonna come in red? IfI said it was blue, that doesn
' t make sense. I don' t come in red. Yeah,
(26:56):
well, that' s a questioner' s mind. Another feature is that
they have an internal motivation, thatis, their main convictions are internal.
So if a task or an expectationaligns with its values or seems logical,
then they will do it without anyproblem. They' re very independent.
(27:17):
They value that they value their freedom, their autonomy to make decisions. They
prefer to follow their own path insteadof blindly following someone' s guidance.
As much as there is tradition.No. Another feature is that they like
efficiency and improvement. We are constantlylooking for ways to improve systems. Anyone
(27:42):
who has worked with me, particularlythose who have worked with me at the
restaurant will know this is true.You have to listen to our tendency to
question the status quo can lead toinnovators, it can lead you to be
innovative and more efficient solutions and solvers. With that phrase I tend to question
(28:03):
the status quo. That phrase definesme how tired a questioner is. I
' m just telling you. Themain challenges are just frustration with arbitrary rules.
Analysis paralysis uff this happens to meas we need to have all the
information before making a decision. Sothat can lead to indecision or delays,
(28:26):
especially when the information is incomplete.We are overwhelmed by the perception of challenge.
Others may see the questioners as stubborn. Indeed, especially in situations where
conformity is valued or expected. That' s why I can' t.
(28:47):
That' s why I feel trappedin old- fashioned companies. That'
s all I' m gonna sayabout it. Some strategies for questioners to
choose battles. I' m wiselymaking myself completely quick to identify when it
' s worth questioning a rule andwhen it' s best to move on.
I' m going to help questionersavoid wear and maintain harmonious relationships.
(29:14):
What a laugh I am remembering somany things to establish personal systems, this
is true. I love systems androutines based on my own research. It
' s a This same episode isan investigation into how to establish a system
that can help me stay organized efficientlyand that makes sense to why I'
(29:40):
m doing what I' m doingthe way I' m doing it.
My case is closed, okay.And finally, for questioners like me,
effective communication developing skills to communicate theirquestions and decisions in a constructive way can
minimize misunderstandings and conflicts, especially inenvironments where their tendency can be seen as
(30:00):
such. I really do identify withthis is that I think there are times
that the questioners here defending less,we are misunderstandings like the abelothos in my
is defense, in environments where thereare robots that just don' t question
anything and that are just willing tojust. Right. I' m really
(30:23):
gonna follow the rules, even ifthey' re just telling them to sit
on a cliff. Oh, yeah, here I come. I think it
' s stupid. Definitely, nodoubt I' m questioning. Let'
s go to the obligor trend numberthree. This is the majority of people,
i e, I think that eightypercent of the population are obligors and
(30:45):
it is the people who respond superwell to external expectations, but it is
the internal expectations that put themselves thatthey cannot, i e, it is
the typical person who cannot do somethingfor himself, i e why. If
I stay to meet my friend Pepitoat the gym, yes, I go
to the gym, but when Iwant to go alone or alone. I
(31:10):
can' t just mean I don' t feel that you have no self
- discipline, but ah didn't tell you your friend, chuchita,
your mom, not out of school, not out of work, because there
you do and you make it perfect, because then let me tell you dear,
dear that you are a coercer.They are excellent at working for others
(31:30):
and meeting deadlines when they know thatothers depend on them, but they have
more trouble meeting their personal goals,if they do not feel that external pressure
coming from outside. Well, then. That is one of the characteristics of
responsibility towards others. People perceive themas truly reliable. They have very good
(31:56):
performance in team roles in which responsibilityis expected from them have quite difficulty with
self- motivation. So, ifyou' re in this episode, I
' m sure you might be acoercer, and I hope this will happen
(32:16):
to you. Good as a goodquestioner. Information gives me peace. I
hope that this gives you and thatyou understand that it has nothing to do
with you or your friend or yourfriend who can propose something and has a
huge self- motivation, has ahuge discipline. You' re not broken
(32:37):
or broken or there' s nothingwrong. With you, it' s
just your kind of personality and it' s got a lot of good stuff
about this personality and I' mgonna show you how you can take advantage
of this personality and how you cando like tricks to turn this part around
(33:01):
and yourself, so put yourself insituations where you get excited when you prevent
your motivation from ending, so good. Another feature is that in order to
achieve personal goals, they seek externalsupport structures, i e deadlines, accountability
systems, setting expectations with fellow workingfriends that quotation marks force the name to
(33:27):
meet the main problems, because thefirst and number one are resentment, because
there are times that they cannot sayno either, but to others they do
not know how to put limits toothers. But I think they have that
number two that they don' tknow by any limits, but that leads
them to be resentful, because thereare times that they feel they overload it.
(33:51):
The expectations of others are not,so they are constantly putting the needs
of others in front of theirs andjust in numbers two. Of the difficulties
is that it is very difficult forthem to set limits for their tea because
they prioritize external demands above those ofthem and they find it difficult to put
(34:15):
healthy limits, which can lead themto exhaustion. And the final difficulty they
face is personal frustration. Of course, if they do not find the external
structures to motivate themselves, then theyfeel that they are not able to do
anything for themselves, then what aresome strategies for the obligors, since you
(34:39):
know how to create systems of externalresponsibility. This fascinates me, I mean,
if you say I want to goto the gym, but the truth
is, I mean honestly, Iwant to be exercise, but really,
I mean, I can' tjust, I can' t alone,
I just need to make myself.To myself. You don' t have
to become one of the complimenters,you don' t have to change the
(35:02):
trend, you don' t haveto change who you are just get to
know yourself and generate strategies and systems, that is, join groups. I
don' t know, because Isay I don' t know how to
exercise, because if this works foryou, then join a team, where
a team depends on you. Ipromise you that you will never miss or
(35:24):
stay Drinking with a friend or friend, with your partner, with your mom,
with your dad have a partner toexercise or even join a study group.
Do something you put that little trapon. If you already know you
' re not going to do italone or alone. Well, then join
(35:44):
something that you know benefits you and, besides, you' re very good
at the subject, very good,very good at being part of a team.
Then they' ll appreciate you verymuch, too. Another is to
set a little limits, learn tosay no to new responsibilities, and you
are already overburdened, so that theycan prevent you from meeting your own goals,
(36:07):
with your own goals. Then,another strategy for the tendency of the
obligors is to recognize and accept thatyou have a need for external expectations,
instead of seeing this as a weakness, because you are surely right now as
(36:30):
good, why I can' tbe more like the compliance flight as a
tool for you to start creating anenvironment that allows you to succeed in your
personal and professional goals. Don't fight it And what you can do
finally is set clear boundaries. Communicateyour boundaries. This can help you with
(36:50):
external expectations and prevent both exhaustion andresentment. So, that was trend number
three. Let' s go withtrend number four. It is the rebellious
trend, for yes, if thekeeper loves to meet expectations, they have
(37:12):
no problem with internal and external expectations. And then the questioner, all his
expectations that the motives are internal andfor the obligor, all the expectations that
motivate him are external. Well,the rebel doesn' t care about both
external and internal expectations. They valuefreedom, autonomy very much. If they
(37:37):
want to do something rather, ifthey do something, it' s because
they want to, not because theyhave to go at the pace they want.
But that can also make us havesome difficulties with consistency, with the
fulfilment of commitments. So let's talk about some of the rebels'
more characteristic. The first is thatthey value freedom. Their freedom is autonomy.
(38:00):
It' s above all else.Don' t let them feel bound
to any rules, any expectations.This is my grandmother. In fact,
it makes me laugh, and mygrandmother because it' s you that there
are times that these people look likeMorfi' s law you tell them or
reverse psychology. Not you tell themto do one thing and it' s
(38:21):
gonna be another. But aside,for example, my grandmother listens to what
she does. He lives a longway from my parents' house and when
I don' t know there's some food or something, my mom
tells him. My mom asked youfor a clouder to come over here and
the same thing back and say no. If you want to put the money
(38:43):
back on me and I' masking for it. No. What my
grandmother does is she really wants tokeep the money and go on public transportation.
But not, I mean, ifmy mom insists on it, insists
on it, you did rather,I mean, she does whatever she wants
then and in fact she doesn't say anything, I mean, you
don' t even explain or evenfight. He just says oh yeah.
Thank you very much. This onewe see be and it won' t
(39:07):
renege. He' s just gonnaget out, he' s gonna take
the bus and he' s gonnago home and take the money. My
grandmother is rebellious, who would say. Right. Another characteristic of the rebels
is that they act on their ownterms. They are motivated more by their
current identity and present desires than byany prior commitment or external expectation. I
(39:29):
mean, yeah, I' vebeen with you for a month now that
we' re going to asyinar.But the truth is, today, I
kind of felt like going downtown andhaving a coffee and buying stuff. So,
I cancel you, I mean,no matter what we' ve met
before, it doesn' t matteranything, like I move as I feel.
But, on the other hand,this makes them very creative and innovative,
(39:51):
because just as they are not ina box and do not behave like
quotation marks, they should therefore endif very creative. They have a very
creative mind. Another feature is thatthey are very independent. They prefer to
find their own way, do thingsin their own way and just right this
sometimes leads them to have unique andless traditional solutions. What are the main
(40:16):
challenges, the main challenges of therebel people who, because they have a
lot of resistance to the routine.There are times when they find it hard
to keep a routine, to haveschedules, to work in environments such as
work, school, because in thoseenvironments a consistent, responsible person is highly
(40:44):
valued, who you can predict willbe there and for them it is not.
Another challenge is that, because theyconstantly have conflicts with the authorities because
they resist, but of course,to make control, directed, directed to
any place. So, when someonetells them what to do, they don
' t like it, or anyeven a system doesn' t, too.
(41:06):
It doesn' t necessarily have tobe a person. Another challenge is
to meet commitments. They find itvery difficult, especially if along the way
they lose interest or feel that thiscommitment can limit their freedom and autonomy.
So, if you identified yourself asa rebel and master reme, then here
(41:30):
are some strategies. The first isto find personal joy in actions. You
can frame your tasks and responsibilities ina way that reflects your actions and personal
values. That is, every thingthat, in quotation marks, has to
do it your way and that isa way to express your individuality. Another
(41:55):
strategy is set your own rules,which I think goes hand in hand,
that is, you create your customsystem that merges you to move into this
world where there is structure, wherethere is a way in which things are
done. You create your own systemto move in this world that allows you
to achieve your goals, that helpsyou stay motivated, motivated and committed.
(42:21):
Another is to identify what those valuesand desires are, that is, identify
what is important to you, andthat can help you a lot to meet
external expectations. For example, ifyou see yourself as a healthy person,
you can choose to exercise regularly.Not because you should exercise, because that
(42:45):
' s what everyone says, sayssocial media, all the doctors, your
mom, your dad, your friend. It' s not because you should
exercise, but because it' sconsistent with who you want to be,
because there are times that happens,that is, a rebellious person, even
though you see yourself with a healthyperson, like everything tells you that you
have to exercise. Oh, Idon' t do it now. No,
(43:06):
I mean, identify what your valuesare and what your desires are.
And the truth is that they havea unique approach to life and sometimes that
potential can be felt as prisoners.But learning to channel those resistances to productivity
and self- expression can also haveincredible results, because they are just outside
(43:31):
those lines in which society moves.Well, those are Gretchen Rubin' s
four trends. I hope that youwill identify yourself or the people you love
also obligors, questioners, complimenters andrebels. And to finish this episode,
(43:52):
we talked first about talking to yourpeople. Then step number two that I
have neglected to self- motivate isto know what kind of motivation I have
and generates a strategy around it.For example, in my case I want
to change my routine. Then Isay what I' m going to put
in my routine. As a goodquestioner, I say and why I'
(44:14):
m going to do this, becauseit' s important to me. But
if I was a complimenter, I' d say how good I' m
going to go by some rules,I mean, I' m going to
be guided by the things that aresaid to be a person needs to be
to have a full life. Andthat' s what I' m gonna
do. If I were a coercer, I' d say as well what
(44:36):
things are important to me that maybeI' m not giving myself the time
and how I can do that trickof doing external motivations that will help me
meet my goals. Which group Igo into, which friend or with which
family I commit myself to who Ican recharge and it is not a weakness
to do so in order to fulfillmy goals. And if I' m
(45:01):
rebellious, I can' t stopthinking when I don' t follow others.
Well, if I' m therebel trend, also what' s
important to me and what makes senseto me while thinking about what I'
m supposed to do what' simportant to me and how I can create
a system that suits me to befree without locking myself in anything. No,
(45:27):
and, well, since you knowwho my step number three is.
I' m not going to dictateso much time to these steps anymore.
I' m just gonna mention them. In my experience, they helped me
get out of that pothole, thedemotivation after knowing which one I am next.
It was fair to have a planpreventing obstacles. Okay, I know
(45:50):
which one I am then what I' m going to do how I'
m going to move around that.The fourth point I would like to share
with you today, which helped meget out of demotivation is to conquer a
goal at once not to say more. From tomorrow I' m going to
change my life 100%, asI mentioned a moment ago. It seems
(46:14):
very overwhelming to me to conquer something, that is if part of your then
goal goals is perhaps to eat healthier. Well, you don' t have
to hear the super and buy.I don' t know four hundred pesos
(46:34):
in super healthy food for the wholeweek. Just make a better decision the
next day. And then the nextday and then the next day. Don
' t try to change radically ifit works perfect. But if it overwhelms
you, conquer one thing at atime it doesn' t have to be
perfect one day at a time.And finally, the fifth point that I
want to share today from my experienceto get out of demotivation is don'
(46:58):
t be so hard on yourself?Don' t be so hard on yourself
or so hard on yourself? Ireally want you to accept it, see
it, and like my friend toldme that I converted you at first,
you' re doing well, you' re doing what you can. You
(47:20):
' re doing a lot of whatyou can. Turn that on and move
on to the page. Go onto the page. Yeah, maybe there
are things that aren' t workingout, yeah, maybe there' s
a lot of things that give youanxiety, that are out of your control.
But today you' re where you' re with who you' re
doing what you' re doing.If you don' t like it,
(47:42):
start slowly looking for a strategy andmobilizing yourself. What gives anxiety is not
moving, not taking action, notbeing just doing nothing. You don'
t like being the person who acceptscertain things. You don' t like
the person you' re becoming orwho you already are. She' s
(48:02):
away from the person you want tobe. You don' t have to
become this person from one day tothe next just start taking steps, start
being more aware and turn the page. Don' t be so hard,
don' t be so hard.Okay, I love that you' re
here. I' m leaving youmost of the impact club audience. Listen
(48:22):
in Spotify and Spotify there is anoption within the episode to do a survey.
Then I' d like you tohelp me see how many obligors we
have, how many obligors, howmany questioners and how many rebels. Just
put your vote there out of purecuriosity and listen to each other in the
next you remember the impact you wantto see in the world. I'
(48:44):
m Andra Palacio. See you nexttime What do I think?
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