Iron Sharpens Iron | Episode # 159 | Encore Episode # 20

Empowered Living With Jeff Byrd.

Welcome to Empowered Living. Listen as Jeff tackles critical issues in a way that brings "Insight for business, leadership, and life!

https://www.talknetworkradio.com/hosts/EmpoweredLiving

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:29):
Hello, this is Gabriella on the scene today with Top
Network Radio. We have a real dread for you just
around the corner, and that is Empowered Living.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
With Jeff Bird.

Speaker 1 (00:42):
Jeff is the owner of Jeffrey Bird Coaching and he
will be coming to you weekly to teach you more
about empowered living.

Speaker 2 (00:51):
Now let's join Jeff already in the studio.

Speaker 3 (00:56):
Hello and welcome. This is Jeff Bird with Jeffrey Bird
Coaching and you are listening to Empowered Living. Thank you
so much for tuning in and joining me here on
this broadcast. And the title of our topic today is
iron sharpening Iron. Now, don't worry, it doesn't really have
that much to do with iron. We're just using that

(01:17):
as a point of departure to talk about the impact
that we can have on each other. The reason that
I chose this particular title is because of something King
Solomon said many years ago in Proverbs twenty seven seventeen.
In the new International version, it's recorded as iron sharpens iron.

(01:38):
So one person sharpens another. Now you may think, well
that doesn't sound so good. You know, we're making each
other sharpen plenty, and maybe we'll cut each other. That's
that's not really the way that this is meant to
be taken. It's it's not sharpening for that kind of purpose.
It's sharpening for a useful purpose. And think about this.
What it kind of refers to is like if you

(01:59):
see if you see a chef with the two knives
sharpening them against each other, or if there's a grinding
wheel and ourn grinding wheels, somebody sharpening an axe or
a knife on that so that they can be equipped
to do some useful thing with it. And if you
think about it, when we use tools, if we have
sharp tools, sharp tools, what does it does? It does

(02:23):
a number of things. First of all, we don't waste time.
If you've ever tried to chop a tree with a
dull axe, you know that's a frustrating endeavor. It's gonna
take a lot more time than it needs to take,
and you're gonna use number two, We're gonna we're gonna
use a lot more energy, We're gonna use a lot
more effort trying to get that job done. We're not

(02:44):
gonna get the job done as precisely and effectively with
dull tools, or if we're dull people. Maybe you've worked
with some dull people in the past, and you know, well,
you just can't get things done effectively and as efficiently
as they should be getting done if you've got some
dull people on your team that you're trying to work with.

(03:05):
And also there's gonna be a whole lot more frustration
and soreness if you're actually physically working with dull tools.
If you're out trying to chop down a tree with
a dull as, you're gonna be a lot more sore
the next day as a resulted a lot more frustrated
in that endeavor. My wife and I we just bought
some good cutting knives. We like to cook and to cutting.
The knives we had they just weren't cutting it, and

(03:26):
so we bought some good knives and it's amazing the
difference it makes, just like cutting through chicken or beef,
just like we're cutting through butter, and it's just amazing.
Before we used to have to saw and chop, and
then it was frustrating and it took a long time,
and it wasn't very effective or efficient. But what we're
really talking about today isn't so much about tools. We're

(03:47):
talking about ourselves. We're talking about people. We're talking about
the kind of relationships that we can have that make
us our sharpest, our best, our most fit for use
and for getting the job done and being effective. And
there's a few benefits that I'd like to give you
of sharpening each other. Number one is that we know

(04:11):
that we have a true friend. Not just one that
won't tell us what we need to hear and then
talks about us in the parking lot to other people.
But if somebody tells you what you need to hear
and is giving you the truth, the kind truth to
help you become your best, your most effective, reacher potential,
become your sharpest at getting jobs done, you know you've

(04:32):
got a true friend. You don't have to doubt that friendship.
It's the ones you just always tell you what they
think you want to hear, that you have to wonder
what they're saying when they're somewhere else. Number two, a
true friend, one that helps sharpen us helps remove our
blind spots. Now, a blind spot is an areas you
know it from driving. You know there's that little area

(04:54):
next to the car that just hasn't quite gotten into
your side of you mirror and that you just can't
quite see in the rear view mirror. There's that blind spot.
That's why I learned a long time ago just to
look over my to actually turn and look, not just
to trust the mirrors, to make sure there's not somebody
right beside me that I'm getting ready to run into
when I'm changing lengths. We all have blind spots in
our lives. I heard someone speaking recently and they said,

(05:16):
if you don't think you have a blind spot, that's
your blind spot, your primary one. Because we all have
blind spots where we're not seeing ourselves clearly and our
need for growth in certain areas. Now, sometimes a blind
spot can come about because we have grown in an area.

(05:39):
Say there was an area that I was very poor
in and didn't behave very well in, and I spent
a lot of time and I grew a lot. Say
maybe as starting out, I was maybe a two or
three on a scale of one to ten. And I
grew and I spent time, and I developed that area
and paid attention to it, and I got up to
maybe a seven, and I think, wow, look how well
I've done. Sure have grown a lot. What I'm not

(06:00):
seeing is the area left to grow because I'm so
focused on the area I already have grown, and so
that remaining area where I could still develop and become
better becomes a blind spot that I can't see, and
another person can help me see that. I remember hearing
a man say one time that he had done something

(06:23):
and it went very, very well, and he was all
proud of himself for doing this, and an older mentor
friend of his came to him and he said, hey,
you did real good. Now get over it. In other words,
stop looking at how good you did, and get back
out there and get to it and see what else
you can do good and see how you can continue
to develop. So that was a good friend. He helped
him overcome that blind spot. Number three. When we're sharpening

(06:48):
each other, we are walking together on a path toward
growing our strengths and managing our weaknesses lest we hinder
ourselves and others. And the last thing I want is
I want to do a lot of good things and
bring a lot of good things to people and build people.
And that's what I hope is happening as you're listening today,
that you're getting some good thoughts and ideas and that

(07:10):
they're helping you grow and they're building you up and
they're encouraging you. But I don't at the same time
want to have aspects of my life that if you
knew about, you wouldn't listen to me anymore. So we
need others to help us, because all of us Mark
Twain said, all of us are like the moon. We
have a dark side we don't want anybody to see.
And so the more we can strengthen and enhance those

(07:31):
things and overcome the weaknesses that we all have, we
all have weaknesses, and the wiser we get, I think,
the more we know not to trust ourselves, that we
need the help of God and other people to stay
on track and to keep becoming our best, because there's
always those times in our thinking and in our hearts
that nobody else knows about where we get down or
we're tempted to be led astray, and walking together and

(07:52):
sharpening each other can help us stay on track, remember
the truth, remember the goals, keep the vision before us,
and keep moving towards it and developing ourselves and not
getting led astray and getting off track. Number four benefits
of sharpening each other. The fourth benefit is that others
see possibilities for me that are beyond my current beliefs

(08:17):
and ability to see. They can see potential in me
that I can't see in myself, and others can see
that in you. One of the things I love to
do is see somebody who just exhibits tons of potential
and just to let them know what I see and
what I believe in them and how much I believe
in them. And one of the dear friends that I
have that's done this for me is the producer of

(08:38):
this very show. His name's Chuck Christy, and I remember
a few years ago when he had this vision of
me speaking before people and building others up, and I
just didn't see it. I didn't believe it. I didn't
see that for myself. That wasn't the way I viewed myself.
But he saw that, and here we are a few
years later, he ended up getting hold of this radio
station and allowing me to do this show and producing

(09:01):
it for me, and here we are working together in
that area of vision that he had that I didn't
have for myself. But he saw it, and as he developed,
he came to have resources that could create opportunities for me,
and here we are doing this. Another one is a
friend of mine, Kay Crinshaw. She owns a company that
I used to work for, and when she hired me,

(09:23):
I was kind of surprised. I honestly, I didn't think
I had the skills or the qualifications for it. I
was excited about it, but I didn't really think much
that she would hire me. Didn't really believe in myself.
But she hired me and gave me opportunities. And then
years later I wrote her to think her for seeing
in me what I didn't see in myself, and she
wrote back and she said, well, all I did was

(09:44):
see what was obvious. And I said, well, it may
have been obvious to you, but it wasn't obvious to me.
And that's been the case with me for much of
my life. I've came from a fairly negative self image
when I was younger, and it's taken and a lot
of other people seeing in me what I couldn't see
in myself and then creating opportunities and encouraging me and

(10:06):
providing me with resources. And we can do that for
each other. Most of us can use somebody to come
along and see in us. See farther down the road,
see farther ahead, see greater opportunity and potential than what
we see for ourselves, and to encourage that and strengthen that,
and who knows, maybe you'll even be able to provide
an opportunity for somebody that they wouldn't have on their

(10:27):
own at some point in time, or maybe they can
do that for you as well. And number five, when
we're sharpening each other and we start working together, they
provide strengths in areas where I lack giftedness and natural strengths,
and that enables greater productivity through collaboration. Now, if there's

(10:50):
an area that not just that I have a bad
attitude and I need to work in that and get
a better attitude, but if there's an area that I'm
really not good in, not gifted in naturally, like bookkeeping. Uh,
I'm not great with book keeping. Okay, Now I can
work and work and work, and I'm only going to
get but so good. So it's far better if I
partner with somebody who's good at that already, who's already
strong in that area. So other people bring strengths to

(11:13):
a team that I lack, but that are needed for
that team to ever reach its fullest potential. So finding
those other people and encouraging them to keep developing in
their strong areas, and them to keep encouraging me to
develop in my areas of strengths. As we do that
and encourage each other and bring those different things to
the team, we can accomplish far more than we ever

(11:34):
could on our own. Now, a little while back, I
was reading in a magazine an article about horses, and
it was talking about draft horses. And as you may know,
we have those big, beautiful Budweiser Clydesdale draft horses up
in Williamsburg nearby, and seeing them on the commercials and
they're just majestic, and they're so strong, and they're they're

(11:56):
elegant and they're beautiful. But these draft horses, if if
a person, if you get two draft horses and each
of which can pull eight thousand pounds, and you put
them together yeting thousand pounds, they can pull as much
as twenty four thousand pounds. It's an exponential function when

(12:17):
they were If a very skilled trainer comes along who
enables these horses to work together in the best way possible,
to stop pulling in its own direction or doing its
own thing, but to genuinely embrace this idea of team pulling.
Those horses can then be trained to pull up to
thirty two thousand pounds when they're working together in perfect unity.

(12:42):
And that's the way it is with us when we
work with other people. Now, this has taken me a
long time to learn. I'm an only child. I ended
up being very distrustful of so many people early on
and just tried to do everything on my own and
had a little bit of success in some areas, but
nothing like what the exponential growth. What's happening now is
I'm partnering with other people and letting other people in.

(13:04):
And that's what I want to talk about now. I
want to talk about All of these sound great, but
there are some hindrances to allow it to working with
other people in this sharpening type of relationship. And the
first thing that I think that really hinders us is pride.
Because pride, and I'm speaking from personal experience here, pride

(13:27):
thinks that it can do it on its own, that
it's got it all together, that it doesn't need anybody else.
Pride is closed. Pride is an internally closed stance to
the benefit and the advice and the help that can
be had from other people. Pride closes itself, whereas humility
opens a space in our minds and in our hearts

(13:50):
to receive what we lack. We're open, we want it.
We know we don't have at all, but we want
to become as much as we can be. So we're
open to other people who have been there, who are
farther down the road, who have sound counsel and wisdom
and good advice and other resources, and we actively seek
those things. In fact, now I'm at this stage, I'm in.
I can't hardly get enough. I'm just so eager to

(14:13):
read and to study and to learn, and to attend
conferences and to listen to people who are farther down
the road and have more wisdom. I just can't wait.
Whereas all these years I was closed to it. I
wish I had started this practice many many years ago.
The second hindrance and reason that I think that we're
not open to sharpening relationships is fear. Fear that others

(14:34):
will react negatively to us if we are open or
if we speak openly. Both of those carry with them
some significant fears sometimes. The first of all, we're fear
of being open and dropping the guard and letting ourselves
be seen be vulnerable. Maybe you've heard Brene Brown talk
about vulnerability on her TED talks. If you happen to die,

(14:57):
highly recommends you look those up. They are powerful and
like she said, she refers in one of those TED
talks to a man who had gone on stage and
just been very, very open, and she said that when
we think about opening up, we think that's such a
weak thing to do. Then she asked the audience how
many thought that that was courageous for that man to

(15:17):
get on stage and be open, and every hand went up.
We look weak, that we're going to look like we
don't have it together. But when we admit that and
people see us being open and still working, still getting up,
still moving on, still becoming better, everybody thinks that's courageous. Now,
that's the difference between people thinking you're courageous and just weak.

(15:39):
If you're just open and just you're just overwhelmed by everything,
Oh my gosh, that just overwhelms me. Don't know what
to do about that. That's just too much. If you're
just crumbling under everything, then people are going to think
you're weak. But that's not what we want. And sometimes
when I'm doing trainings with businesses. I've had many managers say,
how do I be open with my team without them
running all over me? And I think the open the

(16:00):
key there is to be open about reality, strengths and weaknesses,
but to let them know just because that's there, you're
not just crumbling. You're going to and together we're going
to figure out a way to get better and to
overcome this. And so they see you being honest and open,
but they also see you being strong and you're resolved
to move forward and not let not tolerate anyone walking

(16:21):
over you. The third thing that I believe is a
hindrance to these sharpening relationships is defensiveness. And my goodness,
this is one of the worst. I think we just
won't let we just can't handle anybody seeing that there's
an area of need or an area to be developed
in us. I think that this is a result of

(16:44):
poor self image, and it causes us to push others
and their counsel away. And I know people like this,
and they have such a fragile sense of self that
even though they've got gifts and they could be developed,
and they could be grown and the sky would be
the limit, they don't let people speak into their lives

(17:05):
because they can't handle admitting to themselves that there's an
area that needs that they need help in. When we're
all in that, but we all need help, we all
can improve. But when the sense of self and that
self image is too fragile, we often will push other
people away and we won't let them speak into that one. No, no,
I'm good here, I've got you know, who are you

(17:26):
to talk to me? This is this is what I
call them that yeah but you syndrome. Somebody comes to
you and they genuinely want to help and so and
they try to bring up an issue, and instead of
accepting that and listening to it and it seeing the
good intent and the good that could come of it,
we just say, well, yeah but you and start listing

(17:47):
faults with the other person. Okay, yeah, but you syndrome.
And that's refusal to receive counsel and justifying it by
faulting others. So now I've got a double problem. Now
I've got the same price them that I had to
start with. I refuse to grow because I won't let
anybody speak to me about it or help me. And
now I'm justifying that by blaming them and saying, well,

(18:08):
you're not perfect, look at all your faults. So now
my focus is on other people's faults. Now I've got
a two for whole problem, rather than saying, wow, you know,
thank you so much for that. Thank you, thank you
for coming to me, thank you even if they do
it imperfectly, thank you for pointing that out. I appreciate that.
Let me think about that, let me see I can
I can improve in that area. Because if you take
that this, this, yeah, but you syndrome to the point

(18:29):
of absurdity, what it would be like is saying that
only a perfect person can speak to me. If you're
not perfect, if you have a fault, I can't tolerate
anything but a perfect person speaking to me, So I
won't let you speak to me. So that obviously is
ridiculous and absurd, and there's no way to grow there.
When we're there, we will remain bound and stuck, bound

(18:54):
and stuck until the point where we're willing to let
other people speak into our lives, receive advice, receive wisdom,
receive good counsel, and work together to improve. And then
when we start seeing that, hey, I do have work
and I can get even more worth and we start
opening that door and receiving resources and let other people

(19:14):
speak in well, our work starts compounding. We become worth
more as people, We get paid more for jobs, we
get up for promotions because now we're not just working harder,
we're actually working better because we are better. We have
become better people. So we're going to take a break
and in just a minute we're gonna come back and
we're going to look at a few application personal applications

(19:35):
of what we've been discussing today.

Speaker 1 (19:39):
Jeff will be back shortly to wrap up today's message.
This is Gabriella to Steal on the scene today with
Top Network Radio. If you're just tuning in, you're listening
to Empowered Living with Jeff Burr. If you've missed any
part of today's message, you can hear it again online
as well as the entire archive of a at www

(20:03):
dot dot Network Radio dot com or search keyword hashtag Empoweredliving.
We would like to acknowledge our music partners, Sound Ideas
for Corporate to the Max and Kevin McCloud for Airport Lounge.
Any scriptures read during this broadcast are from the New

(20:23):
American Standard version of the Holy Bible. If you would
like to learn more about Jeffrey Bird Coaching.

Speaker 2 (20:30):
Visit www dot Jeffbird Coaching dot com that is j
E F f b y r D Coaching dot com.

Speaker 1 (20:41):
Do a Facebook search for at coaching rocks, or drop
Jeff a line at Jeff at Jeffbird Coaching dot com
against j E F f B y r D Coaching
dot com. Let Jeff's coaching rocks be the building blocks of.

Speaker 2 (20:59):
Your forward success. Now let's go back to Jeff for
the rest of today's message.

Speaker 3 (21:08):
And welcome back. This is Jeff Bird with Jeffrey Bird
Coaching and you're listening to Empowered Living and our topic
today has been iron sharpening iron, and what we're really
talking about is how we can work together to help
sharpen each other in our relationships, sharpening us to make
us most fit, or getting things done well, getting things

(21:30):
done effectively, and being purposeful and intentional in our lives.
And I want to leave you with eight applications today.
Number one is seek out those who will speak into
your life honestly and allow you to do the same.
Let me tell you this is difficult to find these

(21:51):
people even when you want it it's hard. We can
start by opening the door and being vulnerable. And because
most people they just not comfortable with telling other people
what they see as their faults, we can start by
telling people, Hey, say, I think I really need to
grow in this area. You know what do you see?
Kind of get the conversation going. But seek out those
people and when you find them, hang on to them.

(22:14):
We need them, We all need them very much. Number
two is acknowledge the need for others' perspectives and help.
None of us can do this alone. If it's worth doing,
it's going to take more than just us. Trust me,
I've tried most of my life to do so many
things just on with my own ability. And now that

(22:34):
I've got help, now that I've got mentors, now that
I've got a good solid team when i can talk
to the growth has just been so much easier, fun
and effective. Number three, see beyond what others currently see
for themselves. Have a greater vision of what their gifts
could lead to and where they could be and what

(22:55):
they could do than they have. Believe in them before
they do, and let them know you believe in them,
don't you see it on the inside. Let him know,
just like I said earlier about my friend Chuck and
what he saw for me, and now it's actually a reality.
Even when I didn't believe it, he still saw it
and he spoke it out loud to me and let
me know, and that made a difference. It planted that seed,
and it planted that vision, and now it's actually become reality.

(23:18):
Number four, Celebrate the strengths others have that you do not,
and see how together a greater difference can be made.
I used to be so intimidated. I thought I had
to be the best at everything. It was absolutely ridiculous.
And I was just intimidated when I was around people
who were smarter in certain areas than I was. And

(23:39):
now I tell you what, you bring him around me none,
I'm like, oh good, let's be friends, because I never
know what I might need that strength you've got. And
I'm so glad other people are good. I'm so glad
I've got I've got friends that are good in marketing
and good in broadcasting and good in and other things
that I'm just not good in. And I don't want
to guess what. I don't want to be good in him.
I don't want to have to learn all about that.

(23:59):
I just want to call them up when I need
something to say, hey, can you take this and learn
with it for me? So that I can spend my
time doing the things that I'm really good at and
most effective at. So let's not be intimidated by other strengths.
Let's celebrate them and praise them and make friends with
them like a like one friend of mine used to say,
make friends before you need Them's just be friends and
see what good we can do together. Number five is

(24:20):
open space in your heart and mind to receive from others.
Like I said, pride closes itself up, closes its heart
and it's mine. Humility open space in our hearts and
mind and says, hey, wow, let me see what I
can learn from every person I meet there And when
we go into difficulties, there's a lesson here somewhere. Let's
learn everything we can from everybody we can, and let's
just open ourselves up to That makes it so much

(24:41):
easier to be around and makes life so much more
enjoyable and fun too. Number six. Work to overcome fear
and speak the truth for the greatest good. We're not
trying to win arguments by doing this. We're not putting
other people down, We're not finding fault with them. What
we're doing, I mean, is seeking the greatest good, development

(25:02):
and effectiveness for everybody. All we're doing is trying to
become our best together, not our best alone to impress somebody.
Let's just be open with each other, forget about impressing them,
and then put all of our resources and best thinking
together to see how we all can become our best.
Number seven, Lose the defensiveness. Stop. We have to stop

(25:24):
defending ourselves against what others would say to us. Now,
some people probably have a great attitude when they come
to us. Others could could really improve on their attitudes.
Maybe maybe they're even angry when they say something to us.
But let's do this, no matter how it comes to
who comes to us or how they present what they
want to say, Let's look for the nugget of gold

(25:46):
in the pile of dirt. Let's look for the thing
that they're actually saying and see if there's an area
we can actually improve in and thank them for bringing
it to our attention, regardless of their attitude. Now they
have a bad attitude, Hey, we're taking the high room.
We're showing them how it's done. If they have a
good attitude, we're just thinking them humbly and working together
with it, walking together with them. Number eight, this is

(26:09):
the last one. Realize that if you acknowledge an area
to grow in, you don't become less valuable. So many
people think, oh my gosh, if I just if I
admit that I'm not that great at that, I'm just
going to be less valuable, and people are going to
see me as less valuable. No, if you admit it
and you start working on it and growing in it,
they're going to see you as courageous, as open, as honest,

(26:31):
and as more valuable. It's going to enhance your value
proposition to other people. People honor they don't despise unless
they have some really serious issues. Those who own their
needs for growth and who seek counsel and resources and
good friends to work together with and develop themselves to
be their best for the people around them and for

(26:53):
the world around them. People honor that. They don't despise that.
So thank you so much for tuning in. This is
jeff with Jeffrey Bird Coaching, and this has been empowered
living and I'm so glad that you tuned in today.
I hope that these this time together has given you
some thoughts and some ideas about how we can actually
become our best together and working in these iron sharpening

(27:15):
iron relationships so that we can become our most effective
and fit for use, both for our own good and
the good of the world around us. Thank you so much,
God bless you. See you next time.