September 24, 2025 • 25 mins
Empowered Living With Jeff Byrd.
Welcome to Empowered Living. Listen as Jeff tackles critical issues in a way that brings "Insight for business, leadership, and life!
https://www.talknetworkradio.com/hosts/EmpoweredLiving
Welcome to Empowered Living. Listen as Jeff tackles critical issues in a way that brings "Insight for business, leadership, and life!
https://www.talknetworkradio.com/hosts/EmpoweredLiving
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Hello, this is Gabriella on the scene today with Top
Network Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
We have a real treat for you.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Just around the corner, and that is Empowered Living with
Jeff Bird. Jeff is the owner of Jeffrey for Coaching
and he will be coming to you weekly to teach
you more about empowered living. Now, let's join Jeff already
in the studio.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Hello and welcome.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
I'm Jeff Byrd Jeffrey Berg Coaching, and this is Empowered
Living Now. I hope that we just started a new
year last week, and I hope that your new year
is off to a great start so far. And I
want to start this year off with a topic that
I hope is a theme in all of our lives
throughout this coming year, and that when we get to
(01:20):
this time next year, that we can look back and
the others around us will say, yes, that was a
theme in our lives, and that theme is pushing others up,
pushing them up. Now, unfortunately, we don't hear nearly as
much about pushing people up as we do that somebody
put somebody down, right, that's much more common. But I
(01:41):
want to start a movement that reverses that. Start a
movement of pushing other people up.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Now.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
The reason that this is on my mind today is
because I'd received one of the biggest compliments that I've
ever had just yesterday, two days ago, I posted a
question on Facebook, just asking people what was their greatest
string that benefits other people. And there were beautiful answers
that came back, listening and encouragement and helping them find
(02:09):
their inner strengths and bringing those onto the outside to
manifest in the world around them. But after many many responses,
a friend of mine that I've just met a couple
of months ago, she made the comment, and she's that
at the great gift that you have a great quality
that you let others shine their light without feeling Brent, Well.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Let me tell you that doesn't come overnight.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
But what I have figured out is that there's times,
you know, any of us solopreneurs, you know, we wonder,
you know, about things, how it's gonna work out, if
we're gonna make it and it things can feel threatening,
you know, if there's other people you know doing the
same thing we are, or you know, in any in
anything we do in life, we can feel threatened by
other people who might be.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Better quicker faster or smarter, whatever. It's easy to feel threatened.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
But what I've learned is that on one of the
best things we can do in any situation is to help.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Others dine in their life.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
And when we're somebody who helps make that happen, what
happens is appreciation comes back. It's like we help them
turn up their light and we get the warmth from
it and sometimes illumination from it. And I've learned that
one of the best and quickest ways to be appreciated.
So many people feel underappreciated. They're always looking for appreciation,
(03:28):
looking for respect. Like Rodney Dangerfield just can't get nervouspect
and if you.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Remember him, I'm dating myself there, I know.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
But one of the quickest ways to be respected and
to be appreciated and to develop leadership, which is really
influence of other people, and this is it doesn't matter
if you're on the job, if you're in a large
business organization, or in your home and in your family,
if you're at school, anywhere you are.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
One of the quickest ways to establish.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Leadership and to become appreciated is to be the one
who's always pushing others up.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Even if things are going wrong.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
You know, we can look at other people and see
what was our intention, what were the gifts they were using,
what's the potential there? And always be calling those things
to light, building them, creating opportunities, providing resources. But I
want to talk for a minute about why that doesn't
always happen.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Why is that less common than putting people down?
Speaker 3 (04:23):
And sometimes when I'm teaching and doing leadership training with business,
this and I talked.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
About dealing with bad apples.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Now, all of us have probably been on a team
at some point or another with a bad apple, right,
And so I asked, Usually i'll ask the group that
I want to say, what is what are the qualities
that make a bad apple.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
A bad apple?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
And often the first thing becomes this is is attitude.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
They have bad attitude. They just don't get along with people,
They just put them down.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
And I used to think that it was attitude also,
but i'd hand and this was back a year or
so ago, and I started thinking. I said, I think
that there's more to it than attitude. I think that
there's an underlying cause that create the bad attitude. And
this was just a sense I had, and I thought
about it and thought about it, and one night about it.
I think it was about three o'clock.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
In the morning.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
I woke up, he got up out of bed at
went to write it down, and I woke my wife up.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
While I was I said, I've got it.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
I think I've got what the essential quality of the
bad apple is.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
It's not just attitude.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
It's that they devalue others and they're pushing others down,
and it's as though they're pushing others down to try.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
To make themselves appear higher.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
And I thought, well, why would people do that, you know,
why would people want to push somebody else down to
try to make themselves look good. And it's because I
think that a lot of people don't believe there's anything
good in them to do to get positive recognition, and
so negative recognition is better than no recognition in a
lot of people's minds, or even if it never makes
it do their conscious mind that's what's in the background.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Hey, I want to be noticed. I want to be noticed.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
And if we don't believe that there's anything good that
we have to offer, anything good in us that we
can contribute to others around us, then we just go
on the negative side.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Off of it, start putting people down.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
And I've watched this leave tremendous trails of destruction in
companies and families just in live So it comes down
to this belief. But people do that again, calling out
everybody else's faults and failures.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
And nobody wants to be around somebody like that.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
And if you are in a leadership position and you're
leading to bad apples, I'll tell you, please address it
sooner than later. Call them on it, even if they're
a talented person. A lot of times people don't want
to address a talented, gifted person who's a bad apple
because they're afraid, hey, we.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Can't replace them. Yeah you can.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
And even if you don't replace them exactly at our level,
taking a little lesser level of confidence, but with somebody
who contributes to a healthy culture and gets along with
each other and gets along with other people and helps
build others, you're going to be better off than you
are with that other person. Really, this is bullying when
we talk about this bad apple pushing understuff.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
That's what bullying is.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
You may think of the big the big kid on
the playground that knocked somebody else down, lords and over them,
but anytime we're putting others down, whether it's intellectually or emotionally,
or for a certain skill or lack thereof, that's bullying.
Any attempt to gain control by making someone else feel.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Less, that's bullying.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Now the opposite is healing, and that makes others feel
like more. Recently, I heard somebody say they were we
were doing a little assessment in a group, and they
said that somebody made them feel like that big. Now
that's not good. How about we make people feel like
that big so much more than they actually feel like
they are. That's gonna develop some influence, and that's gonna
(07:48):
establish you very quickly as a leader, because the answer
to so many problems lies in how people feel about
themselves and what they believe. And when you help them
believe more, believe bigger, see moore in themselve and develop
and do more and add more value.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Wow, you're leading.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Now you're in a really good position of influence helping
other people become more.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Have a story I'd like to tell you.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
I was introduced to a young lady by the name
of Emily Income. I guess it was last year. A
friend introduced me to her. And this is a young lady.
She's still in high school. But when she was I
guess maybe eleven twelve something like that, he was being
bullied by some kids in her school and she even
received a death threat that was written to her. And
(08:33):
you know, I'm so impressed by her because what she
did was instead of responding to that acting in fear
lashing back out, what she decided to do was to
take the opposite of that message because she received a
devaluing message. He decided to take the opposite message, a
valuing message, and send it out to everybody around her.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
She started what she calls the Positive Patrol.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
And you can actually that's actually a page on Facebook.
You can see what she's doing if you just look
at positive Patrol. The words are together, positive patrol. There's
no space between positive and patrol. Just go to Facebook
and look up positive Patrol and you can see some
of what she's doing. She started in her school writing
cards that appreciated and affirmed other people and were value
(09:18):
adding statements, and started giving.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Them out to her classmates.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Then she went beyond that and she started reaching out
to first responders, and she goes all over the state
of Virginia.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Her goal by the end of twenty nineteen is to have.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Blanketed all of the first responders in Virginia just with
messages of appreciation and how much their service is appreciated
and how valuable it is.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
And what a difference they're making in the community. Now, wow,
that's huge. She took this.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Devaluing, belittling message and flip that thing on its head
and turned around and started putting.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Out the exact opposite message to.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
Many many many people. Now would that we all would
follow her example. She's definitely a leader in showing us
and modeling this positive example and adding value to the
lives of others. So what are the ways can we
push push each other up? Pushing other people up place
us the focus on the good things and then on
(10:16):
good behaviors, good attitudes, even good motives. Sometimes a person
will have the best intentions in the world but not
get the best results.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
You know, don't put them down for that. Hey, they
were trying to honor.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
That value that now you can you can review things
and see if you can figure out a way to
get better results, but honor their motives and their intentions.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Allow others to shine.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
And again, when we let other people shine, We're going
to be warmed by their appreciation for noticing, and then
they're gonna buy if we do have good ideas, they're
going to buy into them so much better when they
know that we appreciate them and that we value them,
and that we're trying to push them up and to
make them better. Another thing with pushing other people up
(10:57):
is that we show at that exemplary behavior, motives, attitudes,
those things are rewarded. That helps establish a very strong
positive culture.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
There's something that writer and a speaker of mine, a leadership.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Trainer named Patrick Lynchioni, calls the rule of thirds. And
if you picture in front of me three rectangles and
the one rectangle, those are the great people. They're at
the top of the they're the cream of the crop.
They're at the top of the pile. They're very positive,
they get things done there. They're a good part of
your culture. The middle ones they're the average people. And
(11:38):
then the other rectangle, those are the people who pull
everybody down.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
They're the bad apples.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
They're the ones that are negative. They're critical, they never
want to go along with anything, they never believe.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
The best in anything.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
A lot of times those are the ones that I've
found in working with teams that get most of the attention,
it's those people at the bottom. So when they get
most of the attention, then the people in the middle go,
oh wow, they get more.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Attention than the ones doing all the red stuff. Why
bother trying? Let me just go and be part of
the problem. Get all the attention they get, And then.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
The ones at the time they go, why why are
we doing all this work when we don't get the
recognition and all these problems. People are always getting all
the attention and there's nothing left for us, and we're
not being built up and developed, and so some of
them are going to leave and others are just going
to become indifferent.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
But if you do it the other way around, if
we put all.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
The attention, the praise, the recognition, and the resources and
to help provide and create opportunities for those up at
the top and push them up, then what happens is
the ones in the middle go, oh wow, it really
does pay to do to put your best effort in
there and develop yourself and do things well. And then
the people at the bottom, some of them are going
(12:45):
to go, oh, my goodness, we've been doing this all wrong.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Some of them are going to get it.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
Other ones are just gonna leave on their own because
they don't want to be part of such a positive culture.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
They just don't see themselves fitting in. So that's the
way to do it.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
Building people up, pushing others up and honoring them and
value them. That helped create a very positive culture in
an organizational environment. But it also works in any environment,
not just a business. That works in a family life,
It works in nonprofits, it works in other community organizations,
it works everywhere. And the other thing with pushing others
(13:18):
up is it encourages them by revealing strengths that they
may not have recognized in themselves. Now many of you
have heard me tell parts of my story. Part of
the reason that I'm doing what I do today and
love what I do is that other people saw strengths
in me that I didn't know I had. It made suggestions,
(13:38):
created opportunities, open doors for me. And one of them
I wrote to Think a couple of years ago, and
she wrote back and she said I only saw what
was obvious, And my response to was, well, it wasn't
obvious to me.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
I didn't see it.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
And it took somebody else seeing it and creating that.
And so what that did is it opened doors of
realization for me. And when we do that with other people,
when we see their good qualities and call them out.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Oftentimes they don't know, but that might open.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
The door of opportunity through which they walk into their
destiny and their greatest purpose and their greatest effectiveness and
their greatest personal fulfillment. The other thing it does is
it just builds strong teams, strong families, strong communities, strong organizations.
When everybody this occurred to me years ago, when everyone,
if everybody on earth, was appreciating all the people around them,
(14:29):
nobody would feel unappreciated. Right, So each one of us,
we don't have to wait for somebody else to start.
Each one of us we can start ourselves and do
something for somebody else, Appreciate something for somebody else.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Just let them know. If somebody pops into your mind
even as you're hearing this, just reach out and shoot
them a note. Just let doesn't have to be long,
doesn't have to be staffy. Just say, hey, you know you.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Did such astudger, you mean such and such a w
I just don't appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Thank you, so much for being you.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
And if everybody's appreciating everybody else around them, then nobody
feels unappreciated. And the last thing it does is just
like the message that I got on Facebook, it demonstrates
unthreatened leadership. Since we know that our leadership is strengthened
most by not withholding things from others, but by giving
(15:16):
and lifting others. That's when we're the very best leaders.
If you're a leader, if you have people reporting to
you in any capacity, if you've got that, when if
you're a leader and you just don't want to give
away power, you don't want to empower, you don't want
people to know what you know you're threatened by, Oh
how if they know it, maybe I won't be needed.
So many people in leadership positions really aren't leading because
(15:39):
everybody's looking at I mean, if you're doing that, guess what,
everybody knows it, and it minimizes trust. But if you're like, wow,
you've got this strength, Let's figure out how you can
best use that. Let's figure out how you can best
develop that, and you shine that light and let them
shine their light. Boy, people are gonna trust you, They're
gonna want to follow you.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
They're going to want to be around you.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
And and even if somebody else rises that can fill
your position, well, is you multiply yourself. Expansion is going
to happen, and who knows next thing. You may not
be just the director of this little group. Has people
expanded and rise up and more people are developed, you
may end up being the director of a much larger
group that's got a lot more resources at your disposal
(16:20):
and for you personally. The next thing is that other
people's successes as we pushed them up, may create opportunities
for us and others going forward. What if you helped
somebody see something that they didn't see in themselves, and
they developed it and started some new business, some new organization,
(16:45):
some new endeavor, and there might end up being a
place for you in that. Guess who guess who's going
to be on their first on their list to call
when they realize that, hey, there's a need for something
that you've got the opportunity and the abilities to fill,
They're going to call you first. And the last thing
is that when you push other people up, you are
(17:05):
seeing value and potential. Regardless of the circumstances. There may
be people around you who have value and who have
potential that they has not been.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Recognized and is not manifest.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
But one of the things of an uplifter and of
a leader is that they see beyond the immediate. One
of the things about leaders is they know how to
cast a vision. They see beyond the immediate. They see
the potential. They see the gifts and the strengths that
are kidding maybe to other people and often to others,
but they see them and then they go out of
(17:40):
their way to help develop them and help lift those
people up, who in turn are going to do be
able to lift.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Up those around them.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
So we're going to take a break and we're going
to come back with a few personal applications.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Jeff will be back shortly to wrap up today's message.
This is i's still on the scene today Network Radio.
If you're just tuning in, you're listening to Empowered Living
with Jeff BYRN. If you've missed any part of today's message,
you can hear it again online as well as the
entire archive of Empowered Living at www dot dot Network
(18:18):
Radio dot com or search keyword hashtag empowered Living. We
would like to acknowledge our music partners Sound Ideas for
Corporate to the Max and Kevin McLeod for Airport Lounge.
Any scriptures read during this broadcast are from the New
American Standard version of the Holy Bible.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
If you would like.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
To learn more about Jeffreybird Coaching, visit www dot Jeffbirdcoaching
dot com. That is j e F F b y
r D Coaching dot com. Do a Facebook search for
ad coaching rocks, or drop Jeff aligne at jem at
(19:02):
Jeffburg Coaching dot com Again j e ff byrd coaching
dot com. Let Jeff's coaching rocks be the building blocks
of your empowered success.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Now let's go back to Jeff.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
For the rest of the day's message, and.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Welcome back if you're just tuning in.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
I'm Jeff Bird with Jeffrey Berg Coaching, and this is
Empowered Living.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Today.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
We've been talking about pushing others up, and a few
takeaways that I want to talk about as we close
out today are Number One, one of the best ways
I think that you can find out others' strengths are
to ask good questions to give them a chance to
really express themselves.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
I asked the question on Facebook the other day.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
I said, at the beginning of this broadcast, and somebody
just in asking that question, somebody noticed the strength I
had that I wasn't even thinking about and was able
to responded. That really lifted me up in the process
of lifting others up. But I also have a monthly
networking group called Empowered Networking, and that's here in the Hampton.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Roads, Virginia area.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
If you are interested, you can drop me a line
at Jeff at jeffbergcaching dot com and I'll get you
the newsletter out and get you the details of that
so that you can join us. But one of the
things I do each month is that we pick a
topic and I ask questions, and people that I have
known for years have come and responded in these groups,
(20:34):
and I have heard wisdom come out of their mouths
that I never knew existed, and I thought, oh my goodness, Wow,
there's so much more going on there than I ever understood,
just because I wasn't asking the right questions and giving
them a chance to really reveal.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Who they were and their best thinking.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
So so often we need to create an environment in
which we can really get to other people's strengths in
normal some normal, normal environments, they may not be evident,
but in asking questions, getting their wisdom, getting their input,
we can often find out what their strengths are that
we can value, that we can create opportunities for that
(21:11):
we can help grow.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Number two is just look for the good in other people.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
You know, it's so easy to get our mindset kind
of negatively and focused on all the bad things or
the things that aren't going the way we want, or
what so and so did or didn't do that we
didn't like. But we can just as easily with practice,
tune that dial, tune it into looking for the good,
giving people the benefit of the doubt, looking for the
(21:38):
right motives, the right attitudes, the right words and actions
that are coming from others. And when we see that,
point it out, let them shine, give them the spotlight.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
The shot saidn't a prideful thing. This is all we're
so great, we're doing good things to be noticed.
Speaker 4 (21:51):
It's not that we're just living out and creating the
opportunity for others to live out from the beauty of
just being themselves, exercising their natural God given gifts and
interests and aptitudes.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
And just developing those and then just pointing them out
and watching the value that adds to people around them
and to our world. Number three is when we start
seeing and discovering these strengths and seeing the good.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Let's connect people. Let's connect them.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
With opportunities to use their strength that somebody that we
know might have a need in somebody else we know
has a strength that can meet that need. Let's put
them together. People appreciate connectors. Connection is a good thing.
Or we can say, hey, you know, here's a person
and they have a seem to have some aptitude in
this area, but it needs to be developed. Let's connect
them to some books, just some resources, to some seminars,
to podcasts, YouTube videos, ted talks. But there's so many
(22:48):
things out here these days that can build people who
have some aptitudes and who have a willingness to be developed.
Not everybody does, but the ones that do, they're the
ones that pour our energy into and help connect them
with opportunities to develop and.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Use their strengths.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
And then the last one is number four is strengthen
any culture that you happen to be in. A corporate culture,
a church culture, a family culture, a community culture, whatever
culture you're in, even just with your friends.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Strengthen that culture by.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Highlighting the good in others and showing how the good
in them benefits other people. We all need to know
that we're making a difference in the world. We all
need to know that our life is relevant somehow. Often
I work with a lot of senior communities, and often
in the senior communities, we see that the seniors who
know that their life has value, even if it's caring
(23:42):
for a pet or a plant, they're carrying something else
is dependent on. They're making a difference in the life
of something else, and they know that.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
And when we know that.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Our lives make a difference on a small or large
level to many people, boy, that really strengthens us and
strengthens people and gives us good motivation to go on,
gives us reason to overcome the challenges that come to us,
all to keep making a difference, to keep moving forward,
to keep growing and developing ourselves.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
And as we.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
Do that, as we see that good in others, if
it's possible, just let's create opportunities for them to lead
and reproduce their giftedness and others who can benefit from them,
who have a similar type aptitudes and giftedness and can
learn Let's find those people who have something to share
and encourage them and create opportunities as we're able for
them to share.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
That into other lives who can off those shine. So
thank you so much for tuning in. I'm jeff Bird
with Jeffrey Bird.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Coaching and this has been empowered living at the bat
Hello, this is Gabriella on the scene today with Top
Network Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
We have a real treat for you.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Just around the corner, and that is Empowered Living with
Jeff Bird. Jeff is the owner of Jeffrey for Coaching
and he will be coming to you weekly to teach
you more about empowered living. Now, let's join Jeff already
in the studio.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
Hello and welcome.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
I'm Jeff Byrd Jeffrey Berg Coaching, and this is Empowered
Living Now. I hope that we just started a new
year last week, and I hope that your new year
is off to a great start so far. And I
want to start this year off with a topic that
I hope is a theme in all of our lives
throughout this coming year, and that when we get to
(01:20):
this time next year, that we can look back and
the others around us will say, yes, that was a
theme in our lives, and that theme is pushing others up,
pushing them up. Now, unfortunately, we don't hear nearly as
much about pushing people up as we do that somebody
put somebody down, right, that's much more common. But I
(01:41):
want to start a movement that reverses that. Start a
movement of pushing other people up.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Now.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
The reason that this is on my mind today is
because I'd received one of the biggest compliments that I've
ever had just yesterday, two days ago, I posted a
question on Facebook, just asking people what was their greatest
string that benefits other people. And there were beautiful answers
that came back, listening and encouragement and helping them find
(02:09):
their inner strengths and bringing those onto the outside to
manifest in the world around them. But after many many responses,
a friend of mine that I've just met a couple
of months ago, she made the comment, and she's that
at the great gift that you have a great quality
that you let others shine their light without feeling Brent, Well.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Let me tell you that doesn't come overnight.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
But what I have figured out is that there's times,
you know, any of us solopreneurs, you know, we wonder,
you know, about things, how it's gonna work out, if
we're gonna make it and it things can feel threatening,
you know, if there's other people you know doing the
same thing we are, or you know, in any in
anything we do in life, we can feel threatened by
other people who might be.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Better quicker faster or smarter, whatever. It's easy to feel threatened.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
But what I've learned is that on one of the
best things we can do in any situation is to help.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
Others dine in their life.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
And when we're somebody who helps make that happen, what
happens is appreciation comes back. It's like we help them
turn up their light and we get the warmth from
it and sometimes illumination from it. And I've learned that
one of the best and quickest ways to be appreciated.
So many people feel underappreciated. They're always looking for appreciation,
(03:28):
looking for respect. Like Rodney Dangerfield just can't get nervouspect
and if you.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Remember him, I'm dating myself there, I know.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
But one of the quickest ways to be respected and
to be appreciated and to develop leadership, which is really
influence of other people, and this is it doesn't matter
if you're on the job, if you're in a large
business organization, or in your home and in your family,
if you're at school, anywhere you are.
Speaker 2 (03:51):
One of the quickest ways to establish.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Leadership and to become appreciated is to be the one
who's always pushing others up.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Even if things are going wrong.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
You know, we can look at other people and see
what was our intention, what were the gifts they were using,
what's the potential there? And always be calling those things
to light, building them, creating opportunities, providing resources. But I
want to talk for a minute about why that doesn't
always happen.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Why is that less common than putting people down?
Speaker 3 (04:23):
And sometimes when I'm teaching and doing leadership training with business,
this and I talked.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
About dealing with bad apples.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Now, all of us have probably been on a team
at some point or another with a bad apple, right,
And so I asked, Usually i'll ask the group that
I want to say, what is what are the qualities
that make a bad apple.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
A bad apple?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
And often the first thing becomes this is is attitude.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
They have bad attitude. They just don't get along with people,
They just put them down.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
And I used to think that it was attitude also,
but i'd hand and this was back a year or
so ago, and I started thinking. I said, I think
that there's more to it than attitude. I think that
there's an underlying cause that create the bad attitude. And
this was just a sense I had, and I thought
about it and thought about it, and one night about it.
I think it was about three o'clock.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
In the morning.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
I woke up, he got up out of bed at
went to write it down, and I woke my wife up.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
While I was I said, I've got it.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
I think I've got what the essential quality of the
bad apple is.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
It's not just attitude.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
It's that they devalue others and they're pushing others down,
and it's as though they're pushing others down to try.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
To make themselves appear higher.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
And I thought, well, why would people do that, you know,
why would people want to push somebody else down to
try to make themselves look good. And it's because I
think that a lot of people don't believe there's anything
good in them to do to get positive recognition, and
so negative recognition is better than no recognition in a
lot of people's minds, or even if it never makes
it do their conscious mind that's what's in the background.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Hey, I want to be noticed. I want to be noticed.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
And if we don't believe that there's anything good that
we have to offer, anything good in us that we
can contribute to others around us, then we just go
on the negative side.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Off of it, start putting people down.
Speaker 3 (06:07):
And I've watched this leave tremendous trails of destruction in
companies and families just in live So it comes down
to this belief. But people do that again, calling out
everybody else's faults and failures.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
And nobody wants to be around somebody like that.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
And if you are in a leadership position and you're
leading to bad apples, I'll tell you, please address it
sooner than later. Call them on it, even if they're
a talented person. A lot of times people don't want
to address a talented, gifted person who's a bad apple
because they're afraid, hey, we.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Can't replace them. Yeah you can.
Speaker 3 (06:43):
And even if you don't replace them exactly at our level,
taking a little lesser level of confidence, but with somebody
who contributes to a healthy culture and gets along with
each other and gets along with other people and helps
build others, you're going to be better off than you
are with that other person. Really, this is bullying when
we talk about this bad apple pushing understuff.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
That's what bullying is.
Speaker 3 (07:03):
You may think of the big the big kid on
the playground that knocked somebody else down, lords and over them,
but anytime we're putting others down, whether it's intellectually or emotionally,
or for a certain skill or lack thereof, that's bullying.
Any attempt to gain control by making someone else feel.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Less, that's bullying.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Now the opposite is healing, and that makes others feel
like more. Recently, I heard somebody say they were we
were doing a little assessment in a group, and they
said that somebody made them feel like that big. Now
that's not good. How about we make people feel like
that big so much more than they actually feel like
they are. That's gonna develop some influence, and that's gonna
(07:48):
establish you very quickly as a leader, because the answer
to so many problems lies in how people feel about
themselves and what they believe. And when you help them
believe more, believe bigger, see moore in themselve and develop
and do more and add more value.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Wow, you're leading.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Now you're in a really good position of influence helping
other people become more.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Have a story I'd like to tell you.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
I was introduced to a young lady by the name
of Emily Income. I guess it was last year. A
friend introduced me to her. And this is a young lady.
She's still in high school. But when she was I
guess maybe eleven twelve something like that, he was being
bullied by some kids in her school and she even
received a death threat that was written to her. And
(08:33):
you know, I'm so impressed by her because what she
did was instead of responding to that acting in fear
lashing back out, what she decided to do was to
take the opposite of that message because she received a
devaluing message. He decided to take the opposite message, a
valuing message, and send it out to everybody around her.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
She started what she calls the Positive Patrol.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
And you can actually that's actually a page on Facebook.
You can see what she's doing if you just look
at positive Patrol. The words are together, positive patrol. There's
no space between positive and patrol. Just go to Facebook
and look up positive Patrol and you can see some
of what she's doing. She started in her school writing
cards that appreciated and affirmed other people and were value
(09:18):
adding statements, and started giving.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Them out to her classmates.
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Then she went beyond that and she started reaching out
to first responders, and she goes all over the state
of Virginia.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Her goal by the end of twenty nineteen is to have.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Blanketed all of the first responders in Virginia just with
messages of appreciation and how much their service is appreciated
and how valuable it is.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
And what a difference they're making in the community. Now, wow,
that's huge. She took this.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Devaluing, belittling message and flip that thing on its head
and turned around and started putting.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Out the exact opposite message to.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
Many many many people. Now would that we all would
follow her example. She's definitely a leader in showing us
and modeling this positive example and adding value to the
lives of others. So what are the ways can we
push push each other up? Pushing other people up place
us the focus on the good things and then on
(10:16):
good behaviors, good attitudes, even good motives. Sometimes a person
will have the best intentions in the world but not
get the best results.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
You know, don't put them down for that. Hey, they
were trying to honor.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
That value that now you can you can review things
and see if you can figure out a way to
get better results, but honor their motives and their intentions.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Allow others to shine.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
And again, when we let other people shine, We're going
to be warmed by their appreciation for noticing, and then
they're gonna buy if we do have good ideas, they're
going to buy into them so much better when they
know that we appreciate them and that we value them,
and that we're trying to push them up and to
make them better. Another thing with pushing other people up
(10:57):
is that we show at that exemplary behavior, motives, attitudes,
those things are rewarded. That helps establish a very strong
positive culture.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
There's something that writer and a speaker of mine, a leadership.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Trainer named Patrick Lynchioni, calls the rule of thirds. And
if you picture in front of me three rectangles and
the one rectangle, those are the great people. They're at
the top of the they're the cream of the crop.
They're at the top of the pile. They're very positive,
they get things done there. They're a good part of
your culture. The middle ones they're the average people. And
(11:38):
then the other rectangle, those are the people who pull
everybody down.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
They're the bad apples.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
They're the ones that are negative. They're critical, they never
want to go along with anything, they never believe.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
The best in anything.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
A lot of times those are the ones that I've
found in working with teams that get most of the attention,
it's those people at the bottom. So when they get
most of the attention, then the people in the middle go,
oh wow, they get more.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Attention than the ones doing all the red stuff. Why
bother trying? Let me just go and be part of
the problem. Get all the attention they get, And then.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
The ones at the time they go, why why are
we doing all this work when we don't get the
recognition and all these problems. People are always getting all
the attention and there's nothing left for us, and we're
not being built up and developed, and so some of
them are going to leave and others are just going
to become indifferent.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
But if you do it the other way around, if
we put all.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
The attention, the praise, the recognition, and the resources and
to help provide and create opportunities for those up at
the top and push them up, then what happens is
the ones in the middle go, oh wow, it really
does pay to do to put your best effort in
there and develop yourself and do things well. And then
the people at the bottom, some of them are going
(12:45):
to go, oh, my goodness, we've been doing this all wrong.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
Some of them are going to get it.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
Other ones are just gonna leave on their own because
they don't want to be part of such a positive culture.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
They just don't see themselves fitting in. So that's the
way to do it.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
Building people up, pushing others up and honoring them and
value them. That helped create a very positive culture in
an organizational environment. But it also works in any environment,
not just a business. That works in a family life,
It works in nonprofits, it works in other community organizations,
it works everywhere. And the other thing with pushing others
(13:18):
up is it encourages them by revealing strengths that they
may not have recognized in themselves. Now many of you
have heard me tell parts of my story. Part of
the reason that I'm doing what I do today and
love what I do is that other people saw strengths
in me that I didn't know I had. It made suggestions,
(13:38):
created opportunities, open doors for me. And one of them
I wrote to Think a couple of years ago, and
she wrote back and she said I only saw what
was obvious, And my response to was, well, it wasn't
obvious to me.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
I didn't see it.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
And it took somebody else seeing it and creating that.
And so what that did is it opened doors of
realization for me. And when we do that with other people,
when we see their good qualities and call them out.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Oftentimes they don't know, but that might open.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
The door of opportunity through which they walk into their
destiny and their greatest purpose and their greatest effectiveness and
their greatest personal fulfillment. The other thing it does is
it just builds strong teams, strong families, strong communities, strong organizations.
When everybody this occurred to me years ago, when everyone,
if everybody on earth, was appreciating all the people around them,
(14:29):
nobody would feel unappreciated. Right, So each one of us,
we don't have to wait for somebody else to start.
Each one of us we can start ourselves and do
something for somebody else, Appreciate something for somebody else.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Just let them know. If somebody pops into your mind
even as you're hearing this, just reach out and shoot
them a note. Just let doesn't have to be long,
doesn't have to be staffy. Just say, hey, you know you.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
Did such astudger, you mean such and such a w
I just don't appreciate that.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Thank you, so much for being you.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
And if everybody's appreciating everybody else around them, then nobody
feels unappreciated. And the last thing it does is just
like the message that I got on Facebook, it demonstrates
unthreatened leadership. Since we know that our leadership is strengthened
most by not withholding things from others, but by giving
(15:16):
and lifting others. That's when we're the very best leaders.
If you're a leader, if you have people reporting to
you in any capacity, if you've got that, when if
you're a leader and you just don't want to give
away power, you don't want to empower, you don't want
people to know what you know you're threatened by, Oh
how if they know it, maybe I won't be needed.
So many people in leadership positions really aren't leading because
(15:39):
everybody's looking at I mean, if you're doing that, guess what,
everybody knows it, and it minimizes trust. But if you're like, wow,
you've got this strength, Let's figure out how you can
best use that. Let's figure out how you can best
develop that, and you shine that light and let them
shine their light. Boy, people are gonna trust you, They're
gonna want to follow you.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
They're going to want to be around you.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
And and even if somebody else rises that can fill
your position, well, is you multiply yourself. Expansion is going
to happen, and who knows next thing. You may not
be just the director of this little group. Has people
expanded and rise up and more people are developed, you
may end up being the director of a much larger
group that's got a lot more resources at your disposal
(16:20):
and for you personally. The next thing is that other
people's successes as we pushed them up, may create opportunities
for us and others going forward. What if you helped
somebody see something that they didn't see in themselves, and
they developed it and started some new business, some new organization,
(16:45):
some new endeavor, and there might end up being a
place for you in that. Guess who guess who's going
to be on their first on their list to call
when they realize that, hey, there's a need for something
that you've got the opportunity and the abilities to fill,
They're going to call you first. And the last thing
is that when you push other people up, you are
(17:05):
seeing value and potential. Regardless of the circumstances. There may
be people around you who have value and who have
potential that they has not been.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Recognized and is not manifest.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
But one of the things of an uplifter and of
a leader is that they see beyond the immediate. One
of the things about leaders is they know how to
cast a vision. They see beyond the immediate. They see
the potential. They see the gifts and the strengths that
are kidding maybe to other people and often to others,
but they see them and then they go out of
(17:40):
their way to help develop them and help lift those
people up, who in turn are going to do be
able to lift.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Up those around them.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
So we're going to take a break and we're going
to come back with a few personal applications.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
Jeff will be back shortly to wrap up today's message.
This is i's still on the scene today Network Radio.
If you're just tuning in, you're listening to Empowered Living
with Jeff BYRN. If you've missed any part of today's message,
you can hear it again online as well as the
entire archive of Empowered Living at www dot dot Network
(18:18):
Radio dot com or search keyword hashtag empowered Living. We
would like to acknowledge our music partners Sound Ideas for
Corporate to the Max and Kevin McLeod for Airport Lounge.
Any scriptures read during this broadcast are from the New
American Standard version of the Holy Bible.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
If you would like.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
To learn more about Jeffreybird Coaching, visit www dot Jeffbirdcoaching
dot com. That is j e F F b y
r D Coaching dot com. Do a Facebook search for
ad coaching rocks, or drop Jeff aligne at jem at
(19:02):
Jeffburg Coaching dot com Again j e ff byrd coaching
dot com. Let Jeff's coaching rocks be the building blocks
of your empowered success.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Now let's go back to Jeff.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
For the rest of the day's message, and.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Welcome back if you're just tuning in.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
I'm Jeff Bird with Jeffrey Berg Coaching, and this is
Empowered Living.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Today.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
We've been talking about pushing others up, and a few
takeaways that I want to talk about as we close
out today are Number One, one of the best ways
I think that you can find out others' strengths are
to ask good questions to give them a chance to
really express themselves.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
I asked the question on Facebook the other day.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
I said, at the beginning of this broadcast, and somebody
just in asking that question, somebody noticed the strength I
had that I wasn't even thinking about and was able
to responded. That really lifted me up in the process
of lifting others up. But I also have a monthly
networking group called Empowered Networking, and that's here in the Hampton.
Speaker 2 (20:11):
Roads, Virginia area.
Speaker 3 (20:13):
If you are interested, you can drop me a line
at Jeff at jeffbergcaching dot com and I'll get you
the newsletter out and get you the details of that
so that you can join us. But one of the
things I do each month is that we pick a
topic and I ask questions, and people that I have
known for years have come and responded in these groups,
(20:34):
and I have heard wisdom come out of their mouths
that I never knew existed, and I thought, oh my goodness, Wow,
there's so much more going on there than I ever understood,
just because I wasn't asking the right questions and giving
them a chance to really reveal.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Who they were and their best thinking.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
So so often we need to create an environment in
which we can really get to other people's strengths in
normal some normal, normal environments, they may not be evident,
but in asking questions, getting their wisdom, getting their input,
we can often find out what their strengths are that
we can value, that we can create opportunities for that
(21:11):
we can help grow.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Number two is just look for the good in other people.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
You know, it's so easy to get our mindset kind
of negatively and focused on all the bad things or
the things that aren't going the way we want, or
what so and so did or didn't do that we
didn't like. But we can just as easily with practice,
tune that dial, tune it into looking for the good,
giving people the benefit of the doubt, looking for the
(21:38):
right motives, the right attitudes, the right words and actions
that are coming from others. And when we see that,
point it out, let them shine, give them the spotlight.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
The shot saidn't a prideful thing. This is all we're
so great, we're doing good things to be noticed.
Speaker 4 (21:51):
It's not that we're just living out and creating the
opportunity for others to live out from the beauty of
just being themselves, exercising their natural God given gifts and
interests and aptitudes.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
And just developing those and then just pointing them out
and watching the value that adds to people around them
and to our world. Number three is when we start
seeing and discovering these strengths and seeing the good.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Let's connect people. Let's connect them.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
With opportunities to use their strength that somebody that we
know might have a need in somebody else we know
has a strength that can meet that need. Let's put
them together. People appreciate connectors. Connection is a good thing.
Or we can say, hey, you know, here's a person
and they have a seem to have some aptitude in
this area, but it needs to be developed. Let's connect
them to some books, just some resources, to some seminars,
to podcasts, YouTube videos, ted talks. But there's so many
(22:48):
things out here these days that can build people who
have some aptitudes and who have a willingness to be developed.
Not everybody does, but the ones that do, they're the
ones that pour our energy into and help connect them
with opportunities to develop and.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Use their strengths.
Speaker 3 (23:03):
And then the last one is number four is strengthen
any culture that you happen to be in. A corporate culture,
a church culture, a family culture, a community culture, whatever
culture you're in, even just with your friends.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Strengthen that culture by.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Highlighting the good in others and showing how the good
in them benefits other people. We all need to know
that we're making a difference in the world. We all
need to know that our life is relevant somehow. Often
I work with a lot of senior communities, and often
in the senior communities, we see that the seniors who
know that their life has value, even if it's caring
(23:42):
for a pet or a plant, they're carrying something else
is dependent on. They're making a difference in the life
of something else, and they know that.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
And when we know that.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Our lives make a difference on a small or large
level to many people, boy, that really strengthens us and
strengthens people and gives us good motivation to go on,
gives us reason to overcome the challenges that come to us,
all to keep making a difference, to keep moving forward,
to keep growing and developing ourselves.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
And as we.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
Do that, as we see that good in others, if
it's possible, just let's create opportunities for them to lead
and reproduce their giftedness and others who can benefit from them,
who have a similar type aptitudes and giftedness and can
learn Let's find those people who have something to share
and encourage them and create opportunities as we're able for
them to share.
Speaker 2 (24:30):
That into other lives who can off those shine. So
thank you so much for tuning in. I'm jeff Bird
with Jeffrey Bird.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
Coaching and this has been empowered living at the bat
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