Are You A Good Friend?

Passive friendship vs Active friendship!

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
So are you a good friend? What do you think
about that? For a second? Are you a good friend?
I really look into yourself, I be honest with yourself.
Are you a good friend? Now? It's made layers to
that question and then the answers that can be told.

(00:27):
I feel like I'm a wonderful friend when I when
I'm able to be a good friend and a wonderful
friend I can be. I can't be a good friend
to everyone, so I gotta do something's play there you go.
I can going to do so much, so I know
I can't be but I always strive to be a

(00:49):
good friend. So I always hit the mark now, and
that's being honest. So I can't be everything to everybody.
None of us can, right. But I think my friendships,
and you know, and I always say there's different types
of friendships, different highures of friendships. But I'm on this
thing about but I feel like there's still a thing

(01:10):
of active friendships and passive friendships. And as this comes out,
I did a blog post on this this week, and
I'm seeing a lot more passive friendships, meaning friendships that
are just like you know, I mean that talk about
I'm not talking about acquaintances or colleagues or people that

(01:34):
you're you're that you like and you're friends, but you
don't you don't talk all the time anyway, or they
live far away and so you're far away friends, you're online.
There's that's doesn't count to me. I mean, if the
friendships count, but that doesn't. I'm not about that. I'm
talking about the old school. You live in the same area,

(01:56):
same city of sorts. You know, la can be you
know large as you live something California him. You can
physically see each other or not. You can you you
are you, you have the ability to get together or

(02:16):
you can or be there for each other. And I'm
wondering is that even important anymore? I feel it's important.
We're lacking it. But I just always want to know
these newer, newer, newer ages, newer generations and just how
life is changing since the pandemic online is as is

(02:38):
it important anymore people feel like it's important to be
a good friend. I think in theory, but I think
in theory everybody wants to think they're a good friend.
They want to think that they don't want to hurt
people on purpose, as I don't do that and when
I think they think, they want to think that they

(02:59):
can counted on by finding even the most well. Many
people are not good friends. They're okay friends, or they
are passive friends. Because I always say a good friendship
goes through tough times. They might have tough times might

(03:24):
and the good times you get both usually have both,
so when you're up and when you're down, that person
is there for you and I and I have no
blueprints on how you should act. It's just that they
contribute how they how uniquely they are. Some folks are
the folks who just tell you straight up, what the

(03:46):
f what the f a you do? And that's how
they talk, and that's how they talk to you. You
know that, and that usually works for you, right. Or
you are the ones who just say give you, I'm
here to give you a hug, and they give the
best hugs on earth, and you feel some sort of
comfort and just in that hug, you have friends who
will come over and drink with you and laughing out.

(04:09):
Then you have friends who will come and cry with
you and bring the and bring the ice cream. That's
what I'm I'm like, That's what I'm saying is there's
there's not I don't have a I don't have a
like you. Actually that's kind of a friend to be
a good friend, not at all to say, and are
you doing that? Is it has it been easy? Has
it been easier? Get my words? I'mdrinking my coffee like

(04:30):
I'm look at the coffee. Kick in, let's go do it.
This as it become easier to support from afar uh,
either you live around the corner. Is it easier just
to make that phone call? Is it easier just to
say a text? Is it easier you know, is it

(04:51):
easier to is it easier to not fully be in?
And there's been there's a no no answers that the shows.
Aren't you get any answers. I'm just I'm just bringing
up points I think people want people to think about.
It's Catra. This show's called Extra Connections, and I feel

(05:13):
like I'm connected to people and why do these shows?
I love it. I connected the guests that we connect
offline and we're making some new friendships and connections. It
has been great. But in real life, real life, like
out there in the world, non people in this business
with me, I feel like connections are getting lost. I
do and I this birthday just had really was evidence

(05:35):
of that. For me, it was it's everyway I feel like,
I feel like the Panalympics that somebody taught all the time.
That's it's just very prevalent where everybody's going through something.
So what they're going through, of course is a want
because it's happening to them, and I understand that. I mean,
I understand that part, but there's no room for anybody
else or everybody else's stuff. So we've got to a

(05:57):
point where, like my bandwidth is now small, I don't
have the wherewithought to try to you know, I can't.
I can't take that on. I can't do this. Your
friends are gonna do something serious, you basically try to
wait it out until they get better and go, oh
you better. They are great, And sometimes you have to
do that. Now sometimes if you're going to depending on
what you're going through, it's super heavy. I told you something,

(06:17):
I told you, understand you can't. You can't just you
can't take some else stuff on. But always wonder there's
people who, oh, I mean, everybody thinks they're going to
do something, but sometimes I'm like, Okay, it's like your
stuff's not that much. Really, yeah, I'm judging. I'm like,
it's that much. And I was like, could you do it?
Be do the extra mile and maybe one day, say,

(06:39):
let me take you to lunch. I hear you saying
you're lonely. Let me give you let me give you
a ride somewhere. Let's go to the beach and sit
like I wonder I used to have. I used to
have friendships that were like that now where we were
just like got the house, even in the house for
three days, I'm checking on you. We gotta go. I'm
taking you somewhere. You know. It's just I felt better.
I mean I felt like the French. I felt better

(07:01):
as I just felt better, not this. I thought you
were fine. I had no idea that what was going on.
You hear that more and more now, I had no
idea you were going through that. I had no idea
what was happening. I had no idea. And like you're
posting Aline, how sad you are, how you feel lonely,
and everybody's hitting their likes and buttons and give the
advice online and telling you, oh you should go there,
get self care, go get yourself a massage, and you're like,

(07:21):
but what if I'm lonely for people that I know
and trust and want to be around. That's what it's all.
That's why friendship like friendship. And maybe because I'm getting older,
it doesn't change you get older. I'm learning, I guess
I don't know why you changes you get older. When
you're young, you're all trying to make it. You're all

(07:43):
in the same field. They're all swiming upstream together. It's felt.
It's that we're almost seeing the tother's businesses too much. Right.
There's also everything was over lapping, its acessus everything. I
had a lot, But now I get older and people
start to die out, seriously, like literally die. People start
to spread out, and you're the people have families. I
just wanted to do use friendships just or it's just

(08:04):
the big cities. Are friendships different in rural areas because
it's less distraction? Are you are? Are those kinds of
things still? Do you still talk every day? So I
have a couple of friends. I talk to you every day.
I do have a couple of friends. I talk to
you every day. It's just about it's about every day
we check it, and if not every day, every other

(08:27):
every couple of days we check out each other. And
I remember a couple of friends who were knew this.
They weren't used to this. So I'm not calling to
tell you what to do. You are like, you know,
I'm gonna try to be intruded. So just that you're
my friend, I want to know how you're doing, Like,
what are you working? A lot of my friends are creatives.
I wonder what you're working on, and then using my
talking about people inspires me what I'm working on and
let's do this. And so I'm like, but some of

(08:50):
these friends were not used to that. They were like,
I don't know what that means. I'm not used to that.
I don't, I don't. They couldn't they do with that,
And they started to ease into it, and I'm like, oh,
now I get it, and now that's fine. But I'm
one Is that is that going out in the way
of writing a cursive? Somebody was like, how do you
sign your name? How do people today sign their name?
They all know cursive? It's like, is that does that become?

(09:10):
Is this active friendship stuff becoming a thing in the past.
But then I'm thinking, is it just it's just big cities.
Is it? Is it age groups is a big cities?
I mean, I don't. I have no answer. I'm learning
as we go along. And because I feel like connections,
making connection with making a connection with somebody is so
important to me. I have to feel I need to

(09:32):
feel something humanly human in person. I connect to certain music,
I connect certain TV shows, I connect a certain all that. Yes,
but I do need sometimes someone to say, James, let's
go have lunch, let's go have a seat, and just
like maybe not even talk that much, be leave somebody's
next to you. And a lot of us who are single,

(09:55):
who don't want to be single, what we are just
forever reasons we don't have a person or oh my
life's going out. Okay, that's interesting. Sure, So that's that's
why it's a sign. I guess, Okay, we don't have
we don't have a person built in that we could

(10:15):
talk to you at the end of the night we
get home from work or on the weekends, or go
run off with the instant partner, go run off and
do something with I don't have that. I sleep alone
every night, that don't anybody with me, And so I'm
looking for Okay, because I work from home a lot
of times too, so I will loan a lot. So
people tell me, oh yeah, go get a spa, I
go do this. I'm like, well, I'm already alone. Tell

(10:38):
me do more stuff alone. I have a problem doing
things alone. I've eaten alone. I do the city alone.
But that's tiring after a while. You want to you
want to talk to somebody, like somebody, it's very interesting.
And so I just was asked and I saw so
I'm just asking them the general question for people if

(10:58):
they think they're a good friend. And I know, I
said I said earlier. There's different kinds of friends there are.
There are friends who are for certain things like bengagement
examples already. But yeah, I have friends who I may
have talked to, I may talk once every six months.
But when I talk to them, it's it's meaningful. It's
a connection completely. So there you haven't it feels good.

(11:27):
So I don't know, it's okay, it's so crazy And
that was crazy? Right? Why why is everything going off
with me right now? My phone was like silent a
second ago. But yeah, there's there's I mean, we won't
talk for six months, pick up our we leave off
and it's also understood is that they're living their life.

(11:48):
I'm living mind. We come together, we see each other online,
we chew each other's stuff, we come together. We have
a great time. And when my girls in New York,
we had a great time, spent hours from they had
a great time. It was fine. Then I have some
people who want to be and I have some people
who do want me for certain things on a regular basis.
I'm like, that's past my age grade. Like I don't

(12:09):
do that. I don't. There's some things I don't do
anymore on purpose because I just I've got growm So, like,
you gotta find somebody who's more like aligned with you
to do certain things. I'll go to clubs, but I
don't dress anymore. I used to, but I was like
that stuff I don't have any I don't desire to anymore.
So it's like, that's so I also gotta find friends
that have some of your safe interests too. Does that

(12:31):
still happen? Like I just I'm so, I was thinking,
I'm like, I don't I don't really hang out anybody,
don't I mean something. I member some friends here and there,
and I don't really hang out. I don't have that anymore. Really,
I have a few, but I just I don't. And

(12:51):
you know, a part of it, and part of it
is I outgrew the need to have a big grouping
I mean that anymore. And and I do like my
alone time sometimes too. But it's I don't know, I
just I'm just I'm learning this as I go along. Also,

(13:12):
I don't have anything. Like I said, there's no answers
to this video, all just thoughts about connection. There's nothing
like making a connection. When I did an interview with
these two actors for a show that I watched, the
two us made an instant connection, made the interview wonderful.
It's out now and made it wonderful, and it was like, Dahn,
that's and that's there's nothing that feeling connection. It's wonderful. Yes,

(13:42):
all right, I'll leave it there. Extra connections on Facebook
ex connection show. I'm James jeniorywhere else? But really, you
think about it. Are you? Are you a good friend?
Let me think about that. Are you doing are you
are you there for your close circle of friends when
they need you? Or are you passively I call an
active friendship? Are you are you just kind of there?

(14:03):
Where you're not too far but not too close, and
it's enough where it's acceptable, it looks, accept feels acceptable,
But you could be doing more