All Episodes

September 10, 2025 16 mins
In this episode of #FeelingsMatter, hosts Michelle Stinson Ross, Tina Schweiger, and Heather Hampton explore the emotion of feeling affectionate - that warm regard for another person or animal, characterized by loving and fond feelings. The conversation delves into the relationship between affection and physical touch, the biochemical aspects of affectionate feelings, and how past trauma can complicate our ability to express and receive affection. The hosts share vulnerable personal experiences about navigating affection with consent and emotional intelligence. Episode
Highlights:
  • Michelle describes the visual representation of affection as looking "a little stoned," connecting this to the dopamine and "love chemicals" that create a natural high when we experience affectionate feelings toward others
  • Heather shares how physical touch is central to her experience of affection, noting that while you can feel affectionate toward someone from a distance, expressing that affection is difficult without being physically present
  • Tina vulnerably discusses her anxiety around physical touch due to childhood emotional neglect and past abuse, explaining how this creates a challenging conflict between craving human connection and experiencing physical discomfort when touched
  • The hosts explore the distinction between feeling affection and expressing it, with Michelle emphasizing the importance of consent when offering physical comfort, always asking "Would you like a hug?" before touching others
  • Tina shares a powerful story about comforting a delivery worker who was grieving, illustrating how emotional intelligence allows us to step outside our comfort zones to meet others' needs, and reflects on how she's grown from losing a friendship years ago due to not understanding how to show affection during difficult times





Podcast theme music by Dubush Miaw from Pixabay

This episode of the #FeelingsMatter Podcast was recorded and produced at MSR Studios in Saint Paul, MN. No reproduction, excerpting, or other use without written permission.

This episode is sponsored by 
FeelWise - bridging the gap between reflection and resilience, offering practical tools to help people overcome obstacles, embrace change, and grow stronger emotionally. https://www.feel-wise.com/

Don’t miss a moment of the conversation, subscribe to the show on your favorite podcasting platform
Mark as Played
Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Do you have trouble talking about your feelings, You're not alone.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
It's a topic that can make even.

Speaker 1 (00:09):
The most powerful people somewhat squeamish. You're listening to Feelings Matter,
where our mission is to demystify everything about emotions so
that we can all get more comfortable in talking about them.
Join Heather, Tina, and Michelle as we unpack a new

(00:31):
angle on emotions and the psychology of human nature. Feelings Matter. Hello,
and welcome to Feelings Matter.

Speaker 3 (00:46):
I'm Michelston's and Morals I'm teenage Sweiger and I'm Heather Hampton.

Speaker 1 (00:53):
I want to share the emotion that I picked for
this week, and it's affectionate.

Speaker 4 (01:01):
So the feely.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
The visual, if you picture in your mind, is a nice,
warm red blanket wrapped around and the facial expression on
this feely is a little bit googly eyed, a little
bit sappy looking. Tina was giggling because I had told
her at one point that this particular feely, if I'm honest,

(01:26):
looks a little stoned.

Speaker 3 (01:28):
YEA.

Speaker 1 (01:30):
To define affectionate feeling affection or a warm regard for
another person or an animal like a family pet or
something like that. Feeling loving and fond. So some of
the questions that you can ask yourself to validate is
affectionate what I'm actually feeling. Do you find yourself wanting

(01:52):
to express love and tenderness towards someone or something, So
this love and tenderness could be expressed toward a family
or something like that as well. Do you enjoy giving
and receiving affectionate gestures like hugs or kisses or cuddles.
Do you feel a strong desire to show a physical
and or emotional warmth to someone that you care about?

(02:16):
So those are all indicators that, yes, you are feeling
affectionate in that moment. And I want to bring it
back around to that kind of dopey, inebriated or intoxicated,
because I do feel like, very frequently the experience of
affection is definitely tied to dopamine, to all of those

(02:43):
really good feeling elevating the love chemical in our body
is definitely engaged when we're feeling affectionate, and I do
believe that, yeah, there is a certain degree of we
can get high on affection, especially with one another. In relationships. Absolutely,

(03:05):
affection is important with somebody that you're intimately involved with,
and the biochemical experience of affection can certainly lead to
a high I.

Speaker 5 (03:18):
Think, yeah, Heather, For me, like what I was, the
question that came up for me is can you.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
Really feel affection without touch? And I guess you can.
But for me, the emotion of affection, my love language
is physical touch. So whether it's romantic or platonic, a
hand on someone's shoulder, a hug, a caress, or something

(03:50):
like that, that is my I automatically.

Speaker 4 (03:53):
Assume touch is part of affection, and I know it
doesn't happen to be that way. You can certainly feel
affectionate towards someone, and I'm sure that people do that,
but maybe they want to touch and they don't feel
like it's appropriate or something like that.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
But yeah, no, touch is a very.

Speaker 4 (04:10):
Important part of that emotion For me, for sure.

Speaker 1 (04:14):
I would agree with you. Words around affection have to
do with warmth, comfort, attachment, closeness. All of those types
of words are definitely indicative of an actual physical touch.
If I hug you, Heather, I'm going to feel warmer

(04:35):
because now we're close enough to one another that body
heat is involved here, So there is definitely a physical
warming sensation, that sense of closeness. You can't be close
if you're not if you're not within touching distance. So
I would tend to say that I agree with that,

(04:56):
and especially I would characterize myself on a personality level
as an extrovert. I also tend to be an affectionate person.
If you are a valuable person in my life, I
want to show you the appropriate level of affection that
I definitely when I see you and I greet you,
I want to give you a hug. I want to

(05:17):
show you that you are meaningful to me, and affection
I agree. Yeah, for me, at least, showing and demonstrating affection. Now,
that's different than feeling affectionate, right, both you and Tina,
I have a great deal of both a regard and
affection for both of you. You are both meaningful friends
in my life, and so I can sit here hundreds

(05:40):
of miles away from both of you and definitely feel
affection towards you. But expressing that affection, yes, I.

Speaker 3 (05:48):
Would say this dificult without being in the room with you.
That's a hard one for me. Yeah, what's hard for you?
I have anxiety around physic touch. Okay, so it makes
affection challenging because it is closely tied with physical touch,

(06:09):
and sometimes I can get great anxiety from it from
past trauma.

Speaker 2 (06:15):
Is it giving or receiving or both of the physical
touch both?

Speaker 4 (06:21):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (06:22):
Yeah, and ends up being one of those emotions that
I wish I could relish in whether it's something in
my body that won't let me.

Speaker 1 (06:32):
Okay, do you feel safe in a good space to
unpack that just a tiny bit more? And I asked
this because in all likelihood there are other listeners that
identify with what you just said, and because that does
create anxiety for you, and I'm sure somebody else has

(06:54):
identified with that. How do you deal with it?

Speaker 3 (06:57):
Yeah, it's a tough one. I know that I was.
I just come from an emotionally neglectful household, avoid if
you will, and there wasn't physical touch as I was
growing up, and as from being around children. If you've
had any of your own, or you have some in
the family, or you just know in general that it's

(07:20):
incredibly important for children to have lots of physical touch.
And I honestly didn't have any trouble with my own
children when it came to physical touch. I just don't
think that I got a lot of it as a child,
and then when I did get it, it came from
a place of abuse, and so that then makes my

(07:41):
brain underlie wiring about physical touch a little haywire. There's
this balance of human craving for touch and affection, and
then there's this frustration when it turns into tough difficulty
breathing or tightness in the chest, and these sensations that

(08:02):
very much get in the way and make you want
to be like, won't touch me.

Speaker 1 (08:08):
Feelings matter is brought to you by feel wise. Most
people can identify three emotions sad, mad, and glad, but
there are over one hundred and fifty six ways to
truly express how you feel. Feel Wise tools help you
build your emotional vocabulary and transform understanding into action. Discover

(08:34):
the language of emotions on the fuel wise website at
bitley slash feel wise that b I T dot l
Y slash f E E l WI s E feel wise.
Turn emotional awareness into your superpower.

Speaker 3 (08:58):
So yeah, I think you can relate it to a
lot of people that are on the autism spectrum, for example,
don't want to be touched it's it causes anxiety. Their
neurodivergence can contribute to that as well.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
Yeah, so I did notice as we were talking though,
that your big dog back there, you're jelly Bean, actually
was up in your lap for a moment. You were
definitely getting hugs and snuggles from jelly Bean. And I
know that as a pet mom, you absolutely adore and

(09:34):
feel a lot of affection toward jelly Bean and the
other fur babies in the house. And now that I've
now that I've started talking, my fur baby wants to
get up in my lap for affection too.

Speaker 3 (09:44):
Yeah. So it's in a it's in a context of
when there may be a power dynamic present, whether real
or perceived or just even and even incorrectly perceived. It
just I'm a little haywire on it. So now you
know more about me.

Speaker 4 (10:04):
I'm curious because what you just did, Tina, was one
of my triggers for affection, which is vulnerable.

Speaker 6 (10:15):
And to me, that's a trigger for affection when someone
shows up and is vulnerable. If I was in the
room with you, I would be touching you. I would
be hugging you.

Speaker 4 (10:27):
At a minimum, I would have put my hand on
your arm or something like that.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
Yeah, like when someone's vulnerable with you, what comes up
for you.

Speaker 3 (10:40):
Not that, even though I know that it's a very
appropriate response and it's I think a healthy response, But
I don't think everybody has that response. And I think
for various reasons. I think that I've trained myself to
to to the other if the vulnerability is there. Like

(11:03):
for example, this is such an interesting little sidebar story.
My laundry was being delivered the other day and the
woman had rang the bell and I rushed downstairs to
open the door, and she was immediately like, sorry, I'm
so sorry, profusely apologizing for ringing the bell, and she's
I thought this was a pickup and I rang the bell,

(11:26):
but this is a drop off. And then she's lugging
these heavy bags towards me, and I'm I can feel
her frenetic energy, and I was like, hey, it's okay, no,
not a problem. Let me help you get those bags in,
and then she's trying to get the bags in and
then she just blurts out, I just I have to
go to a funeral later today. And I thought I

(11:47):
just would get my mind off of things to work,
and it just it's just I'm having a really hard
time and I can see that vulnerability that she exhibited,
and in that moment, I just I was like, let
me give you a hug. And I gave her a hug.
I was like, take a deep breath, It's all going
to be okay. And I sent her on her way,

(12:09):
hopefully a little bit better than she arrived. So did I.
It was that my natural like pulling me to do that.
Not for me, it was a It was something that
I did because I felt that it would help her
get about her day better, to know that she's not

(12:30):
alone and that she's in a hard situation and that
she should she can receive some affection, will probably it better.
That's how I react, Okay, So that story.

Speaker 1 (12:42):
Brings up something interesting for me. So as we're making
a distinction between feeling affection towards someone else and wanting
to express that affection, like there is a distinction between
feeling it and expressing it and consent is what came
up for me as you were telling that story, and

(13:04):
that I am to a point now where I don't
just walk up to anybody and give them a hug,
even you two. I will ask you, would you like
a hug?

Speaker 3 (13:15):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (13:15):
Can I give you a hug?

Speaker 3 (13:16):
And I don't know if I said it or not,
but it was like, man, give you a hug, and
it was an affirmative though.

Speaker 1 (13:23):
Yes, I want to express connection and affection in that way,
but I'm not going to get in somebody else's space
and possibly create trauma by just inserting myself there. I
want to get consent for that affectionate touch, whatever it

(13:43):
may be, to make sure that you're in the same
place that I am, and this is going to be
received as I intend to express it. So thank you
for sharing that, because it did remind me that consent
is an important component of expressing affection.

Speaker 3 (14:03):
I even lost a friend not showing enough affection when
they were having a hard time. I lost a friend
over it because I wasn't quite self aware enough to
know what was going on with me and she was
having a hard time, and I just froze, like like
writer freeze. I didn't know what to do, and she
took it as offensive that I didn't give for a

(14:24):
physical affection. It's really we're really tightly wired around this.

Speaker 4 (14:30):
That is such a beautiful example of what we're all
striving for, which is to improve everyone's emotional intelligence through
the process of identifying our emotions at understanding them, and
what you did is the beautiful example of emotional intelligence,

(14:50):
which is recognizing an emotion and need and empathy for
someone else and stepping outside your comfort zone to be
present with that person and be kind and what they needed.
And I think that is a beautiful thing. Of this
is where the end goal is to get bigger and

(15:14):
see bigger and connect more with people. And eight twenty
years ago you probably wouldn't have had that experience because
you wouldn't have felt that you just said you lost
your friend because you didn't have that emotional intelligence yet.

Speaker 3 (15:27):
But now you.

Speaker 4 (15:27):
Do, and you could have handled that friendship differently with
the skills that you have now, but you worked on
those and you created those, So I think that's beautiful
one hundred percent.

Speaker 3 (15:38):
And looking back and being grateful for losing a friend
is knowing hopefully I know she knows somewhere or if she,
if I ever were to see her again, I would
thank her for the part that she had in my
trajectory s.
Advertise With Us

Popular Podcasts

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!

Stuff You Should Know

Stuff You Should Know

If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.

Dateline NBC

Dateline NBC

Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com

Music, radio and podcasts, all free. Listen online or download the iHeart App.

Connect

© 2025 iHeartMedia, Inc.