Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Do you have trouble talking about your feelings.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
You're not alone.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
It's a topic that can make even.
Speaker 3 (00:09):
The most powerful people somewhat squeamish.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
You're listening to Feelings Matter, where our mission is to
demystify everything about emotions so that we can all get
more comfortable in talking about them. Joining Heather, Tina and
Michelle as we unpack a new angle on emotions and
the psychology of human nature.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Feelings Matter.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Hello everyone, and welcome back to Feelings Matter.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
I'm Michelstiton Ross, I'm teenisch Wider, and I'm Heather Hinton.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
So Tina's being super real today. We're getting it raw
and off today. How are you feeling to dating exasperated?
That is the emotion that I actually am having right now.
So I thought I went through all the cards and
found the one that really captured, like just the look
(01:17):
on the face is exasperated. That's how I feel. And
that's having your patients greatly taxed feeling super annoyed or furious.
I'm not furious, but I am super annoyed. And it
asks if I'm feeling physical symptoms like tension, yes, headache always,
(01:39):
fatigue a lot as a result of feeling exasperated, maybe
just in general, have I noticed an increase in irritability
and short temperedness? Yeah? Amen, seeing a sense of helplessness
or feeling overwhelmed by this circumstances on facy ding ding,
(02:05):
am I feeling a sense of mental or emotional exhaustion
due to dealing with persistent obstacles or stressors. I've been
having these dreams that I need to move and I
have four hours to pack my entire house before the
moving truck gets there. And I've had like several of these,
(02:27):
and one of them was like, some guy was trying
to help me. He's awesome. I took all of your
clothes and I put them in washing machines for you,
so you'll just need to move them in the dryer
and they're in those sixty washing machines over there. I
(02:47):
don't think that's much help. So it's yeah, So persistent
obstacles are stressors. Finding a challenging to maintain motivation or
a positive outlook, I'd have to say that it's the
positive outlook can be found. I can find it. I
can find positivity and then even in the most annoying
(03:08):
of circumstances. But what is it that's making me feel
exasperated today? So a very simple thing, because the simple
things that really when the simple thing happens, that would
normally never be a problem, but when you're already overloaded
with stressors and obstacles and you're fatigued, just a simple
(03:29):
thing can really get you exasperated. And earlier today, I
was looking for some dry erase markers for a meeting,
and I had just bought a little box of dry
erase markers because I couldn't find the other dry erase
markers that I knew I had somewhere, and I was
shuffling around on the desk.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
I swear I was turning over everything, picking up everything.
People were trying to help, and I finally find like
one little marker crammed away with all these other pens.
I'm a fine, that's good enough, but I know I
have this box somewhere.
Speaker 5 (04:01):
I come back in here to sit down to do
this meeting today and the box of markers would have
jumped out and bit me.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
They're right in front of me the whole time, and
I don't even understand how I missed them.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
It's funny and also so very relatable and I can
totally understand why you to be exasperated by this.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
I just want to bang my head like it's like, really,
I'm so annoyed with myself. Yeah, the obstacles are real,
the health obstacles, the challenges of running a start up,
the small business, the family, the everything. It's just it's
a lot right now. So it's just it's a lot,
(05:00):
and then you lay your a little brain fog or
exhaustion on top of it. I don't do the little things
that can get frustrating anyway. I think that's my story, Heather.
How about you. I know that Tita's story relates. How
about you?
Speaker 6 (05:17):
I'm just trying to think of Like, for me, exasperated
is the intersection of a lot of different emotions. There's disappointment,
there is anger, there is frustration. There's a lot of
different things that I go in there and I'm I'm
not really sure where I'm going with this. But what
(05:40):
if the resources optimism to reset you? What is it
that you say to yourselves in those moments? Man, I
got I'm right at the ed here. What do you
do in that moment is what I'm curious to bring
off back?
Speaker 2 (05:58):
So what do I do when I find myself in
a situation that exasperated in the moment, I know that
can I get to a place where I can find
gratitude is ultimately the challenge I'm going to give myself.
And if I'm exasperated over such a small thing, it
means that I need to recovery time. I'm exhausted, I'm tired,
(06:21):
and if it's a teeny tiny little thing that's shoving
me over the edge of exasperation. That's probably why.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
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(06:59):
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Speaker 2 (07:26):
On one hand, the reason why there I do have
a lot of things is because there are a lot
of things happening. There is a lot of things happening
with fuel wise, there's a lot of things happening with
my company. There's a lot of possibilities, opportunities. There's just honestly,
sometimes there's too many fun things that I can I
(07:46):
get somo if I'm not going to be doing all
the fun things, and that's how I can easily run
over myself. But on one hand, there's that, and on
the other hand, I can be grateful for all of
those things that are going on because the alternative isn't
so nice, and I can be grateful that I can
find the time to get some recovery. And then I
can be grateful to myself for allowing myself to find
(08:08):
that time for recovery, calming techniques to calm the nervous
system when it's in a state of exasperation, to quiet
things down, maybe to forgive myself a little bit for
the things that are annoying to me about myself. Well,
you also injected some humor.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
It didn't take long for you to go, oh my gosh,
I just did this, and you were laughing about it.
So just that stress release of having a good chuckle
about it was also helpful.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
I feel better already.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
If I may ask ladies, because we are all three
ladies of a certain generation. We are all gen xers.
Is there a possibility that this is also like a
generational thing, especially when Tina lists out all of the
things that she's doing and all the reasons why she's fatigued.
(09:06):
I feel like some of that has been ingrained into
us as our generation, that we got to do this
and we got to do that, to the point that
we drive ourselves to that point of exaspiration.
Speaker 6 (09:18):
Well, I think it's not having patience, like we don't
suffer fools, including ourselves so here even on ourselves being incompetent.
It's very frustrating and can be very triggering, like we
got it, We're the only ones that can. I have
it together, and if we don't have together, I'm really
mad at you.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Me right, I was there as we were no pain,
no gain, got to be working hard all the time,
the high expectations, the idea of self care was just
considered weakness. And you pair that with the fact that
we're smack in the middle of the Sandwich generation with
kids on one end and aging parents on the other end,
(10:03):
and that's notoriously a time in the adult life where
you're stressed and strained. So I think both generationally, age wise,
and culture wise. That is a really good point, Michelle. Yeah,
I do my best, call Mount when I see you.
Speaker 6 (10:22):
I think when I think about exasperated, one of the
things that comes to mind for me is that that
feeling is often in reaction to my boundaries being crossed.
For example, like I'm a very generous I'm a people pleaser,
I'm a giver. I overly give, I neglect myself. But
(10:45):
when I'm put into a situation where someone needs my
help and I don't feel like I have the option
to say no, that is a very exasperating experience for me,
because I don't have the choice in the matter, and
so I don't have I feel like I wish that
I could say no. I experienced this a lot with
(11:08):
this woman that I take care of who has early
has Alzheimer's symptoms, and she often has emergencies that come up,
like her dog ran away the other day and I
had to drop everything, like literally my dinner was in
the oven and almost done, and I had to turn
my oven off and get into the car and go
(11:29):
look for the dog. And I was very exasperated by
this experience, and I was able to regulate myself and
we luckily very quickly found her dog very fast. But
I felt like I just couldn't say no in that moment,
like she didn't have anyone else. I didn't want her
getting into the car to drive around, so I felt
(11:53):
like I didn't have a choice, and I thought really
resentful about that. And I'm just wondering if that's something
that resonates with either of you two.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
It totally does for me.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
As I've listened to both of you described the experience
of exasperation. What I hear from you is that it's
a circumstance that takes away our sense of choice or
control or agency, right, all of those things where I'm
no longer completely in control of this, or I don't
(12:24):
feel like I am able to make any other choice
than the obvious in front of me, and that's what's
leading to this exasperation.
Speaker 6 (12:36):
Yeah, just that.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Sense of personal autonomy and agency. I think it's probably
tied a lot to that emotional experience.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
I like that you pulled in the word resentment. That's
a different that's a different way into exasperated than an annoyance,
and it's a little bit stronger than may push the
exasperation into the fury pretty quickly. And it does make
me think of things in my life that I can
(13:08):
build up resentment towards. And resentment is one of those
things that I guess it could be acute or chronic, right,
I'm I put a little medical lens on it, but
chronic is more my style of resentment creeping up slowly
over time, and then the exasperation could be like the
bubble that bursts. I agree totally.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
I think I have definitely experienced the reverse of that
where I got exasperated and it.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
Led to resentment.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
Like especially if the same circumstance keeps showing up over
and over again and I keep feeling exasperated over and
over again, then yes, I'm going to get to resent
it if I can't find some way to resolve it
and again retrieve some of my own agency and power
and try and get back.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
To a healthier level of who's in charge here. Excellent.
Speaker 3 (14:06):
Thank you so much for talking through and processing. And
I can just tell from the look on your face,
Teemed that just being able to talk through this is
how I feel right now, and here's what's driving it,
and just getting a little bit of understanding has lowered
your levels of it.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
There's something really powerful about having another person that you
trust and care about just bearing witness to your emotions
and giving you the space to talk them out. It's
such a gift. That's one of the greatest things I
appreciate about this