September 24, 2025 • 11 mins
In this episode of #FeelingsMatter, hosts Michelle Stinson Ross, Tina Schweiger, and Heather Hampton explore the emotion of indifference - that feeling of having no preference when faced with choices or not caring about something that's happening. The conversation challenges the typical view of indifference as negative, examining how it can sometimes serve as healthy professional detachment or signal relationship problems. The hosts discuss the nuanced role indifference plays in boundaries, relationships, and professional settings.
Episode Highlights:
Podcast theme music by Dubush Miaw from Pixabay
This episode of the #FeelingsMatter Podcast was recorded and produced at MSR Studios in Saint Paul, MN. No reproduction, excerpting, or other use without written permission.
This episode is sponsored by
FeelWise - bridging the gap between reflection and resilience, offering practical tools to help people overcome obstacles, embrace change, and grow stronger emotionally. https://www.feel-wise.com/
Don’t miss a moment of the conversation, subscribe to the show on your favorite podcasting platform
Episode Highlights:
- Michelle reframes indifference as potentially beneficial in professional settings, sharing how she wished she could be more indifferent when a stressed client tried to transfer their panic to her, noting that "professional indifference" can help maintain healthy boundaries
- The hosts connect indifference to Buddhist concepts of detachment, with Tina suggesting that the desire for indifference often stems from wanting to detach from drama that's been imposed on you
- Heather raises the important question of whether indifference in personal relationships signals a problem that needs addressing, particularly when one partner reacts strongly to something while the other feels indifferent
- Michelle shares how complete indifference was a clear indicator that her previous marriage was ending, describing it as "purely, I'm indifferent" - neither good nor bad, but simply absent of care
- The hosts explore how indifference might lead to contempt if the same situations repeatedly arise, while also questioning whether partners need to give everything the same priority level, suggesting that sometimes indifference reveals that one person's anxiety or stress "resides in you and not in me"
Podcast theme music by Dubush Miaw from Pixabay
This episode of the #FeelingsMatter Podcast was recorded and produced at MSR Studios in Saint Paul, MN. No reproduction, excerpting, or other use without written permission.
This episode is sponsored by
FeelWise - bridging the gap between reflection and resilience, offering practical tools to help people overcome obstacles, embrace change, and grow stronger emotionally. https://www.feel-wise.com/
Don’t miss a moment of the conversation, subscribe to the show on your favorite podcasting platform
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Do you have trouble talking about your feelings. You're not alone.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
It's a topic that can make even the most powerful
people somewhat squeamish. You're listening to Feelings Matter where Our
mission is to demystify everything about emotions so that we
can all get more comfortable in talking about them. Joining Heather,
(00:28):
Tina and Michelle as we unpack a new angle on
emotions and the psychology of human nature.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Feelings Matter. Welcome back to Feelings Matter.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
I'm Michelle Stinson Ross and I'm Tina Schweiger and I'm
having ampton.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
So I'm going to kick us off, believe it or not,
with indifference. I have so many thoughts. I have so
many thoughts today, ladies. So first of all, to define
indifferent when you have a choice but you don't have
any preference to the options. Questions you can ask do
you feel like you don't really care about something that's
(01:15):
happening or that somebody is telling you? Are you feeling
like you don't want to get involved in something even
though you probably should. Are you feeling like you don't
have any particular emotions or opinions about things? That's where
in different lies as far as checking yourself in indifferent.
(01:37):
Indifferent sits in the category around apathy. It's like that
space where I don't know, do I care, do I
not care? Do I In the case of indifferent, we're
kind of leaning a little bit more toward I don't care.
And I have some interesting thoughts around this because it
depends on what the situation is. We often talk about
(02:01):
how emotions are neither good nor bad, they just are,
and for me, I find it different actually sitting in
that category where we might normally call in different a
bad or negative. You don't have any opinion, you don't
care experience. I recently with work had an experience where wow,
(02:23):
I wish I could be a little bit more indifferent,
if I'm being honest. So while in difference, when it
comes to your personal life, your person to person, familial
partnership type relationships, maybe indifferent isn't quite so great. In
other words, you can't quite get the emotional energy to
(02:45):
tear or whatever the case may be, it might not
be so great an experienced there, but as somebody who
is highly empathic, and I work with clients in my
profession day job, so I'm a marketing consultant in my
day job. I'm not working with mental health clients or
(03:06):
anything like that. I'm working with business clients. It's very
professional level type stuff. I recently had an experience with
a client where the client was definitely engaging in the
maxim of clients have an infinite ability to pat their
(03:27):
own worst denary, at least marketing clients, where all of
a sudden, everything was going wrong. It's broken, it doesn't
work that I need it fixed, and I need it
fixed right now, and I'm like, gee, I wish in
this moment, I could be a little bit more indifferent.
So rather than trying to engage in the stress that
they were creating, they were definitely creating stressors in this moment,
(03:50):
trying to get everybody else to feel as urgent about
their issue as they felt. There is a certain degree
I feel of professional indifference, if I can call it
that that's actually helpful, and that if I can keep
a little bit of a boundary where I see you,
(04:11):
I hear you, I'm holding space for you because I
can see that you're stressed, but I'm not taking that
stress on myself. I can be a little bit indifferent
about this situation. It's incredibly helpful, and I have to
admit that in the midst of this situation, I was
certainly not in que to me any indifference. I was
(04:32):
definitely taking on and feeling the stress. Once the call
was over, I actually had to hang up, get up
from the desk, and go for a walk and then
sit and breathe deeply to bring myself back down from
this level of alarm bells going off. But it was
strictly because the client had pushed the panic button and
(04:55):
not us as service providers. And like I said, indifference
can get in the way of interpersonal relationships when you
don't care, when it's hard to engage or have some
enthusiasm or energy for something. Yes, indifference can be difficult,
(05:16):
But at those times where do I really need to
be involved in this? Is this really my stress in
whatever that I'm taking on, or is this possibly something
that you created for yourself and you're now actually asking
me to help you resolve it. A little bit of
professional indifference could actually be a good thing, at least
(05:39):
for me. It could be.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
I can't tell you how many marketing emergencies I've heard about.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Feelings matter is brought to you by feel wise.
Speaker 4 (05:51):
Most people can identify three emotions sad, mad, and glad,
but there are over one hundred and fifty six ways
to truly express how you feel.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Feel Wise tools help.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
You build your emotional vocabulary and transform understanding into action.
Discover the language of emotions on the fuel Wise website
at bitley slash fuel wise. That's b it dot l
y slash f e E l WI s E feel wise.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Turn emotional awareness into your superpower.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Feel for you. It made me think of indifference as
another way to think about it as a mindset of detachment,
like Buddhists like detachment. And I think the desire to
have a more indifferent feeling about a situation is the
desire to be able to detach from the drama that
has been foisted upon you.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
And I think that also, and you guys can chime
in on this. I think it's one of the reasons
why people have a difficult time with boundaries, because sometimes
engaging in a boundary and actually holding yourself accountable to
a boundary can feel like indifference. And it doesn't always
(07:19):
feel nice to be indifferent and a slightly disengaged from something.
Speaker 5 (07:26):
Thoughts, ladies, I had a similar thought, and I don't
know necessarily what the answer is. So what I was
thinking is like, what if you are in a situation,
like when you're in a relationship of some kind, friendship,
partner or whatever, and your partner is reacting very strongly
to something and your reaction is indifference. Is that an
(07:50):
indicator of a problem. Is that an indicator of something
that you need to talk through, because I feel like
that could.
Speaker 6 (07:59):
Really be the root of some long term conflict. If
that's what your experience is.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
That's a really good point, Heather. I have been divorced
in the past, and I do think that one of
the indicators.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
That was obvious to me that things were ending was
a pure indifference to anything that happened. I just didn't
care anymore. And it wasn't like good or it wasn't bad,
It wasn't positive or feeling good, feeling unpleasant.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
It just was purely I'm indifferent. And if there's no care, there,
there's no there.
Speaker 6 (08:39):
Yes, there's lots of research that shows that the feeling
of contempt is a clear indicator that our relationship is doomed.
And I can see how indifference could lead to contempt
if you deal with some the same situation over and
over that you've been indifferent about and then you'll like
just give it up. That can't be.
Speaker 5 (09:01):
It can't make myself care about this. That could lead
to the feeling of contempt.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
So I'm sitting here thinking that sounds like a U
problem and not a new problem in that No, not
a you Heather personally problem. I have been in situations
where my partner, who is now an ex again, would
create these situations where We've got to deal with this
right now, or I care really deeply, or demanding that
(09:29):
I care or pay attention to something as much as
they do, and yet I'm coming at it with eh, just.
Speaker 7 (09:38):
Like I don't really care either way, I'm indifferent to this.
Could it be that maybe your anxiety, your stress, or
your demand for this thing to have attention, maybe that
resides in you and not in me, and maybe we
need to discuss do I really need to care about
(09:58):
that as much as you do? I guess I immediately
experience the flip side thought of what you were bringing up. Yes,
there are times when if you're disconnected and dissociating from something,
that's a signal that maybe this should end.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
But at the same times, do I need to give
everything the same priority that you do for us to
continue to engage and be in a relationship of some sort.
Maybe not. That's why I say in Difference is one
of those that it's not as bad as it might
look on the surface.
Speaker 5 (10:35):
Agreed.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Yeah,
Do you have trouble talking about your feelings. You're not alone.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
It's a topic that can make even the most powerful
people somewhat squeamish. You're listening to Feelings Matter where Our
mission is to demystify everything about emotions so that we
can all get more comfortable in talking about them. Joining Heather,
(00:28):
Tina and Michelle as we unpack a new angle on
emotions and the psychology of human nature.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Feelings Matter. Welcome back to Feelings Matter.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
I'm Michelle Stinson Ross and I'm Tina Schweiger and I'm
having ampton.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
So I'm going to kick us off, believe it or not,
with indifference. I have so many thoughts. I have so
many thoughts today, ladies. So first of all, to define
indifferent when you have a choice but you don't have
any preference to the options. Questions you can ask do
you feel like you don't really care about something that's
(01:15):
happening or that somebody is telling you? Are you feeling
like you don't want to get involved in something even
though you probably should. Are you feeling like you don't
have any particular emotions or opinions about things? That's where
in different lies as far as checking yourself in indifferent.
(01:37):
Indifferent sits in the category around apathy. It's like that
space where I don't know, do I care, do I
not care? Do I In the case of indifferent, we're
kind of leaning a little bit more toward I don't care.
And I have some interesting thoughts around this because it
depends on what the situation is. We often talk about
(02:01):
how emotions are neither good nor bad, they just are,
and for me, I find it different actually sitting in
that category where we might normally call in different a
bad or negative. You don't have any opinion, you don't
care experience. I recently with work had an experience where wow,
(02:23):
I wish I could be a little bit more indifferent,
if I'm being honest. So while in difference, when it
comes to your personal life, your person to person, familial
partnership type relationships, maybe indifferent isn't quite so great. In
other words, you can't quite get the emotional energy to
(02:45):
tear or whatever the case may be, it might not
be so great an experienced there, but as somebody who
is highly empathic, and I work with clients in my
profession day job, so I'm a marketing consultant in my
day job. I'm not working with mental health clients or
(03:06):
anything like that. I'm working with business clients. It's very
professional level type stuff. I recently had an experience with
a client where the client was definitely engaging in the
maxim of clients have an infinite ability to pat their
(03:27):
own worst denary, at least marketing clients, where all of
a sudden, everything was going wrong. It's broken, it doesn't
work that I need it fixed, and I need it
fixed right now, and I'm like, gee, I wish in
this moment, I could be a little bit more indifferent.
So rather than trying to engage in the stress that
they were creating, they were definitely creating stressors in this moment,
(03:50):
trying to get everybody else to feel as urgent about
their issue as they felt. There is a certain degree
I feel of professional indifference, if I can call it
that that's actually helpful, and that if I can keep
a little bit of a boundary where I see you,
(04:11):
I hear you, I'm holding space for you because I
can see that you're stressed, but I'm not taking that
stress on myself. I can be a little bit indifferent
about this situation. It's incredibly helpful, and I have to
admit that in the midst of this situation, I was
certainly not in que to me any indifference. I was
(04:32):
definitely taking on and feeling the stress. Once the call
was over, I actually had to hang up, get up
from the desk, and go for a walk and then
sit and breathe deeply to bring myself back down from
this level of alarm bells going off. But it was
strictly because the client had pushed the panic button and
(04:55):
not us as service providers. And like I said, indifference
can get in the way of interpersonal relationships when you
don't care, when it's hard to engage or have some
enthusiasm or energy for something. Yes, indifference can be difficult,
(05:16):
But at those times where do I really need to
be involved in this? Is this really my stress in
whatever that I'm taking on, or is this possibly something
that you created for yourself and you're now actually asking
me to help you resolve it. A little bit of
professional indifference could actually be a good thing, at least
(05:39):
for me. It could be.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
I can't tell you how many marketing emergencies I've heard about.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Feelings matter is brought to you by feel wise.
Speaker 4 (05:51):
Most people can identify three emotions sad, mad, and glad,
but there are over one hundred and fifty six ways
to truly express how you feel.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Feel Wise tools help.
Speaker 4 (06:05):
You build your emotional vocabulary and transform understanding into action.
Discover the language of emotions on the fuel Wise website
at bitley slash fuel wise. That's b it dot l
y slash f e E l WI s E feel wise.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Turn emotional awareness into your superpower.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
Feel for you. It made me think of indifference as
another way to think about it as a mindset of detachment,
like Buddhists like detachment. And I think the desire to
have a more indifferent feeling about a situation is the
desire to be able to detach from the drama that
has been foisted upon you.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
And I think that also, and you guys can chime
in on this. I think it's one of the reasons
why people have a difficult time with boundaries, because sometimes
engaging in a boundary and actually holding yourself accountable to
a boundary can feel like indifference. And it doesn't always
(07:19):
feel nice to be indifferent and a slightly disengaged from something.
Speaker 5 (07:26):
Thoughts, ladies, I had a similar thought, and I don't
know necessarily what the answer is. So what I was
thinking is like, what if you are in a situation,
like when you're in a relationship of some kind, friendship,
partner or whatever, and your partner is reacting very strongly
to something and your reaction is indifference. Is that an
(07:50):
indicator of a problem. Is that an indicator of something
that you need to talk through, because I feel like
that could.
Speaker 6 (07:59):
Really be the root of some long term conflict. If
that's what your experience is.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
That's a really good point, Heather. I have been divorced
in the past, and I do think that one of
the indicators.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
That was obvious to me that things were ending was
a pure indifference to anything that happened. I just didn't
care anymore. And it wasn't like good or it wasn't bad,
It wasn't positive or feeling good, feeling unpleasant.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
It just was purely I'm indifferent. And if there's no care, there,
there's no there.
Speaker 6 (08:39):
Yes, there's lots of research that shows that the feeling
of contempt is a clear indicator that our relationship is doomed.
And I can see how indifference could lead to contempt
if you deal with some the same situation over and
over that you've been indifferent about and then you'll like
just give it up. That can't be.
Speaker 5 (09:01):
It can't make myself care about this. That could lead
to the feeling of contempt.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
So I'm sitting here thinking that sounds like a U
problem and not a new problem in that No, not
a you Heather personally problem. I have been in situations
where my partner, who is now an ex again, would
create these situations where We've got to deal with this
right now, or I care really deeply, or demanding that
(09:29):
I care or pay attention to something as much as
they do, and yet I'm coming at it with eh, just.
Speaker 7 (09:38):
Like I don't really care either way, I'm indifferent to this.
Could it be that maybe your anxiety, your stress, or
your demand for this thing to have attention, maybe that
resides in you and not in me, and maybe we
need to discuss do I really need to care about
(09:58):
that as much as you do? I guess I immediately
experience the flip side thought of what you were bringing up. Yes,
there are times when if you're disconnected and dissociating from something,
that's a signal that maybe this should end.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
But at the same times, do I need to give
everything the same priority that you do for us to
continue to engage and be in a relationship of some sort.
Maybe not. That's why I say in Difference is one
of those that it's not as bad as it might
look on the surface.
Speaker 5 (10:35):
Agreed.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
Yeah,
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com