March 4, 2024 • 45 mins
Today on Feminine Roadmap Susan Lazar Hart talks about creating the life you choose. We often live in the world feeling that we have no choice, Susan would say that even thinking we have no choice is a choice. She encourages listeners to sit with the question: who do I want to be and where do I want to go next? Fundamentally, you do have a choice. It’s important that our choices be in alignment with what we want to create in the world. When we stop, get quiet and allow things to come to the front of our minds instead of being in a state of resistance, then our better choices can rise. Susan reminds listeners to tap into what your choices could create. Remembering to ask if each choice is congruent. Life is full of choices, both of doing and not doing. What if you indulged in a completely different choice by allowing yourself to do things differently or show up differently. IF you want to break free from the patterns in your life, change is created by the choices you make. Please grab a cuppa something wonderful and choose to join us for this great conversation! https://www.susanlazarhart.com/
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Episode Transcript
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(00:03):
Hi, Hi Gina for are Welcometo the Feminine Roadmap Podcast, a global
community of women in midlife. Wegather here weekly over a cup of something
wonderful for real talk, life changingstrategies and a big dose of sisterhood.
Now, please sit back and enjoy. Hello, Feminine Roadmappers. Welcome back
(00:28):
to Feminine Roadmap Podcast, the podcastthat helps you navigate the challenges and the
changes of midlife. It empowers youto live a more vibrant second half.
If you find us on YouTube today, please don't forget to subscribe and ring
that bells you don't miss any moreconversations. If you're on a podcast platform,
please remember to subscribe, rate,and share. Today we are going
(00:50):
to be talking about choices. Youknow, we often live in a world
where we're overwhelmed with choices or wehave the mindset that we don't have any
choices. My guest today wants topoint out that even thinking you don't have
a choice is a choice. Youknow, learning to sit with the question
and considering who we want to beand where we want to go she does
(01:12):
tell us that you have a choice. My guest today is Susan Lazarre Heart.
She's a speaker, a transformational mindsetcoach, and the author of Breaking
Free, Your Unique Path to FearlessLiving. Susan, thank you so much
for being with me today. Thankyou, Gina. I love the premise
of your show. I love thatyou know, and often people say,
(01:37):
well what do you do? AndI turn to them and I say,
well, have you ever woken upin the middle of your life and ask
is this all there is? SoI love I've been listening to your podcast.
I love them and the information you'regiving An. I'm honored to be
invited to play with you today.Thank you, Thank you so much.
There's so much to talk about.You know, there's so many fundamental aspects
(01:57):
to who we are, and Ithink it's would be interesting to find out
what is it that led you tothis specific mission and message that congruence in
living, the choice, the abilityto you know, move your life in
the direction that you want it togo. Oh great, great, great
question. You know. Here's thedeal. We have many, many,
(02:20):
many places to go in this lifetime. We have many choices. You know.
When I think of myself, Iappreciate the question you just asked.
I think of myself as a veryyoung kid getting on her bike, driving
around the block, saying what there'sgot to be mortal in my life than
this that I don't I don't getit, and then coming in, maybe
turning the TV on, turning itoff, getting back on my bike again,
(02:40):
and doing the same thing until youfinally and we all do we find
that place where we say, ah, now this is where I fit in.
And for me it was in thearts. I was a painter,
a printmaker. I was just developingmy own sense of skill and as a
painter and printmaker and artists, ifyou will, people left me alone and
(03:02):
I got to have my own worldand my own reality until I developed heavy
metal poison inhaling all these toxins,and I thought, well, wait a
minute. I created my life.It's working now. If this isn't my
life, now, what else ispossible? And I learned the true meaning
that choice creates. We have achoice. So as I lay there in
(03:23):
bed, I started investigating alternate waysof being in the body, mind and
soul. I investigated homeopathy. Iinvestigated quantum fields of shift and change.
I investigated hands on healing. Iinvestigated a Kashak records. I just started
to my brain was thirsty. Iwas thirsty for what other choices do I
(03:45):
have here? And we tend tolabel ourselves as a mom, a daughter,
a sister, a painter, acook, whatever that is. But
we're all of those things and noneof them, because really it's about what
I learned through all of this andthen continuing to learn. It's about tapping
into the choice of discovery. Whoam I? Who would I like to
(04:09):
be today? What am I creatingthat actually aligns is congruent with the life
I'm asking to live. And youknow, as we were talking before we
went on air, we have manymany lives in this lifetime. And so
it's for myself this journey, it'sa never ending journey. It's a continuous
journey of who am I right nowin this moment, and the choices I'm
(04:33):
making, do they align with whoI'm asking to be, with what brings
me joy, with what creates greaterBecause it's that choice you make at every
nanosecond that becomes the ripple that createsthe ripple, that creates the ripple that
creates the difference that you're asking tobe in the world and the difference you're
(04:54):
looking for in your world. Yeah, I don't think we realize sometimes the
power of choice. You know,it's every decision leads somewhere, even the
littlest decisions. To your point,the ripple effect, you know, am
I right? Yeah for sure?Yeah, yeah, you have me rolling
my sleeves up on that one.Like here we go, we're gonna dig
(05:15):
in good night, all right.Yeah, well, let's go ahead and
dig in deep on that. Theimpact of our moment by moment decisions,
the little shifts that we make inthe way we think are the way that
we act. Let's talk a littlebit about how that is creating the change
that we want to see. Yeah, what people don't realize is and I've
(05:38):
had so many clients come up tome saying, Susan, I just don't
have any choice. Well, bysaying you have no choice, that's a
choice, because the truth is weweren't taught to look at our choices.
Like we have this huge buffet calledlife and living on this planet, and
we choose to your point, wechoose every braths, every thought we make.
(05:58):
I think I'm channeling a song.It's a good one. But it's
a good one, right if youdoo right, But it's that it's that
joy of awareness of realizing, ohman, I have a choice here.
I can either say this life sucks. I don't have a choice. That's
a choice. They make me doit. That's a choice. It's how
you create your reality. But whatI found with especially working with the Congruent
(06:24):
Living method that I work with thatI work with my clients with, if
you're willing to ask yourself, whatwould I love like? What would I
love six months from now, ayear from now, ten years from now,
tomorrow, today, what would Ilove? You know, when you
wake up in the morning and youfeel like there's an elephant on your head,
(06:45):
you have a choice. You cantake some deep breaths, you can
do some quiet meditations, you canfind a guided meditation, you can journal,
you can ask yourself, what's thequality I'm looking for today that's going
to guide me and so that perhapsthat could be patience, perhaps that could
be kindness. So for myself,I do this every day, and yesterday
(07:06):
the word kindness popped in and Ithought, Okay, everything i'd be in
do today, I'm going to checkin see if it's in alignment, if
it's congruent with kindness, and thatcould be drag. You know, we
all have all those stories that comein through our memory bank and say,
oh my god, I can't believeI did this or I can't believe she
did that or whatever that was.Well, is it kind to you?
(07:27):
Is it to create that story?Again? What choice do you have?
Well? I could choose to letit go. I could choose to acknowledge
it. It wasn't my best choice, but I did it. Okay,
let it go, let it flow. And now what can I choose?
And because choice is like, it'snot a thing, and I actually play
(07:48):
with the difference between decision and choicebecause choice for me has breath to it,
it's ongoing. We often say,well that's what you know. Oh
wow. How many of us werepunished by somebody saying, well, you
chose that, you decided that you'restuck with it. No, no,
(08:09):
no, it's a choice. Yes, I chose that, and I'm choosing
again. Choice is Yeah. Ihope that gives you more information. Yeah.
I was thinking about the way eachchoice and decision leads somewhere. And
the decision has consequences, right,it doesn't necessarily mean negative consequences, you
(08:30):
know, it just everything leads tosomething and you could see that outcome as
a consequence, Like I might chooseto not go somewhere that I really want
to go and wish I had gone. It's just a consequence of making that
choice. And I feel like it'slike a smorgas board, Right. I
could take a past thought like youwere talking about, and I was thinking
(08:52):
about how one of the choices couldbe. If it really keeps coming back
and bothering me, I can reframeit. I can remove the sting,
I can remove the ye, youknow, like what was the gift in
it? Yeah, Because I feellike we can choose to frame things differently.
(09:13):
We have that ability to recognize thathow we couch things comes from a
whole set of things that we believe. So when I think about choices,
honest to goodness, Susan, choicesare something that I have spent a lot
of time thinking about. And that'swhy I was interested to have this conversation
with you, because I was curiouswhat your perspective on it is, Like,
(09:37):
what's your take on it? Whatis it that when you think about
choices. You talked about congruence beforewe hit record as well, So let's
talk a little bit about that congruenceand choices together and that path kind of
that you're trying to help people getto. Well, choice creates. We
can choose to what brings us joy, to what would create greater, to
(10:03):
what aligns energetically, remembering that everychoice has an energy to it, the
same way that every word, everybreath has an energy to it. We
live in a world of energetics.So are you choosing to play with the
energies that creates a more congruent life? Now, when I talk about congruent,
we there's no such thing as havingsomething. I have my life together
(10:26):
over here, but over here Idon't know. If you don't overhear,
you don't overhear either, because there'sa thread that runs through it, right,
Like Leonard Cohen says, there's alight where through the crack, where
the light comes through, and it'sthat light that flow, that energetic flow
that aligns with who you be andwhat you're asking to create. And so
(10:48):
you know, if you're not incongruence, if you're not in harmony with
who you be. It's all readingstarts from the inside, and the choice
is the choice you're choosing today,whatever it is for your life, you're
living your business, does it align? Is it in alignment with the energy
of what you're asking to create inthe world. Now, I know for
(11:09):
myself, I'm going through a hugeshift right now in being in the question
of my business, my life,my living, you know. And what
I'm doing is I'm choosing to allowit to show me what's being required to
allow my life, my business,my relationships just to kind of settle out.
(11:31):
Now, that's a choice. We'retaught in this reality to choose,
choose, choose, choose, choose, just choose, just choose. Well,
you can also learn to choose tobe still, to let things come
to the front to give you theinformation that you're asking for. That's a
congruent life where you're not in resistance, you're not in reaction. And that's
(11:52):
kind of how I play with myclients. That's actually the reasoning or the
reason that, if you will,of why I created the book Making Free
your Unique Path to Fearless Living.Because we're not introduced at a very young
age that we have choice. Ata very young age, we're taught when
to pooh, what to eat.You know, you're giving a choice,
(12:13):
do you want ice cream? Anda little kid goes yes, and then
it's do you want vanilla or chocolate? Well, wait a minute, what
about pistachio and rum and raisin andall those other flavors. Well, it's
the same thing with all those otherflavors of life. And we're not introduced
to that choice. Is you knowas a little child, that we're told
I'll choose for you. This iswhat you're wearing, this is the school
(12:35):
you're going to, this is howyou're going to behave, And so you
start to hide your own sense ofvalue and what is possible under the guise
of pleasing everyone else, and soyou actually give up the awareness you never
give up choice. Choice is wealways have choice, but you give up
the awareness that your choice has valueto you because, I mean, how
(12:58):
many of us were Why did youchoose that? And you have to come
up with a reason and josification Whereaswhat if you were just valued as that
beautiful seed of life that you arefilled with choice? And then ask yourself,
So what if the question was whatdid you ever tap into what this
(13:20):
choice could create for you? We'renot taught to dream like, wow,
if I choose this, what couldthat create? And is it congruent with
what I'm asking to do and beon this planet with myself, my business,
my relationships. How could I createsomething juicier, joyous and more fulfilling
(13:41):
for me in a way that alignswith who I be? I feel like
maybe the choice feels like we haveto have the outcome with the choice.
Ye like, I'll make this choiceand then I have a solid answer slash
outcome. And what I hear yousaying is sometimes the choice is in the
(14:03):
not knowing, choosing to be comfortableand sit with and watch and allow and
feel and see where maybe the nextstep is. And I think that's really
the beauty of the dance of life. Yeah, there's always another step,
right, like baking bread. Itneeds to rise. This wonderful quote and
(14:28):
on chapter sixteen in the book BreakingFree, it's from Rachelle Goodrich. You
are here to make a difference toeither improve the world or worseen it,
and whether or not you consciously chooseto you will accomplish one or the other.
I love that because choice is right. Yeah, yeah, but there's
(14:50):
comfort in that. Yeah. I'mjust thinking of a little child and how
we instruct children that if you wouldtreat yourself as that little child with a
sensitivity and an awareness, and askyourself, what what would I love like?
What what could If everything was possibleand everything is, what would I
(15:15):
choose? Right? What would Ichoose? And you know you talked earlier
about consequences. What if we weretaught there was no consequence for your choice.
That's simply a choice. Maybe notyour best choice, maybe didn't get
you where you wanted to go,but acknowledge you chose it. Now what
(15:35):
else is possible? Now? Whatcould you choose? Yeah, because we
have the capacity to shift time.Right, So instead of living with guilt,
shame, blame, regret of ourpast choices, we can acknowledge,
as you just said earlier, reframeOh okay, now what could I choose
(15:56):
the other? There's another important parthere is when we're not willing to acknowledge
that we have choice, we're notwilling to step into our own authenticity,
our own power, I mean,the choices we make every day totally reframe
(16:17):
what's possible. You know, ifwe look through the history of where we
have come from and where we're going, it's all choice. And that's why
if you wake up in the morningand you again encourage every mind you know,
whether it's young or old. Whatwhat would what would I love to
choose today and choose it and say, okay, how can I create my
(16:40):
day? So it supports my choicein taking space to just let things cook
up and going forward, in askingthe universe to contribute in uh, you
know, asking for a life youwould love. It's a choice, it's
(17:00):
your birthright. I mean choice isyeah. I feel like there's this ability
to change your choices that people sometimesforget they have. Right, it feels
so final to make this choice.Some choices have a finality to them,
(17:25):
but not always. You know,sometimes you can change your mind, or
you can change your direction. Youcan make micro decisions too, right,
They don't all have to be thesegiant choices. And I think we are
always making them. I just don'tknow that we're aware. Sometimes we're taught.
It's so bizarre. I love thatyou pick that up. We're taught
(17:47):
to be afraid of choice. We'retaught if don't broke, don't fix it,
why don't rock the boat? Ithink all of those phrases we were
brought up with, rather than Iwonder what you could create today? And
so we're taught that choice is punitive. You chose your you know, you
(18:11):
chose that bad you lie in it, rather than well, that was an
interesting choice. What else do youthink you could choose? Or how could
you have chosen differently? Or thisis all in front of you. What
would you like to choose now,So that choice becomes steps out of that
realm of being punished for choosing.People also have quote unquote a fear of
(18:34):
the unknown. They're taught to beafraid of what they can't prove. Now,
that's a very interesting way for thisreality to control you when you think
of all the brilliance, like Ithink I was reading, you know,
something as silly as Colonel Sanders.He developed that at like eighty seven or
seventy eight, that recipe, andhe was living in a like a broken
(19:00):
down old home and a broken downold car, and he said, what
do I do that I love?I love making chicken. And he went
around to all these restaurants saying,I'll sell you my recipe, and no
one was interested until the one hundredand one hundred and first time, And
so he kept choosing. I mean, look at we have so many look
(19:21):
at the right brothers. Imagine ifthe first time they got a plane out
they said, oh it didn't work. Okay, I'm not choosing that anymore.
So it's the willingness to tap into what is it you know that
nobody else knows that if you choseto share, it would change your world
and their world. And none likeEdison. I mean, think of all
(19:45):
the inventions that we have, itwas through choice in believing in what else
is possible here. So, youknow, don't buy that you have to
know what you're doing before you doit. Don't buy that your choices are
punitive or harmful. Don't buy thatyou're not including everyone unless you choose to
(20:10):
include everyone. You know. Irecently listened to this really interesting interview with
Michelle Obama, and she was sayingthat, you know, as she and
her husband grew and educating themselves andchanged who they were and what they were
into fitting into where they are inthe political spectrum, that there were people
(20:33):
who weren't willing to rise. Youknow, the tide rises. There just
were people who weren't willing to risewith their tide as it was rising.
And you have to at some pointturn around and just acknowledge that's their choice.
And I love that because it didn'tchange her choice in being who she
was and being being the woman she'schoosing to be in the light of the
(20:56):
world that she's choosing to enlighten,and that just that reck ignition of you're
not responsible for choosing for other people. Now, there's so many times where
I hear somebody say, how canI make them listen to me? How
can I make them be nicer tome? How can I make them?
You can't. I mean, really, the only thing you can make is
(21:17):
what you make in your pants.You can't make anybody anything. Feel that,
that's this reality talking. What I'mencouraging people to do is start choosing
for you and see that shift andchange. And the people that aren't willing
to play with you, the peoplethat aren't willing to live in congruency,
(21:38):
as you choose to live in congruency, they'll just fade away. They just
won't rise as the tide is rising. And that's okay. Your responsibility for
you is to acknowledge that you dohave choice and shine that light and show
people this is what it looks liketo live with choice. Yeah. Well,
(22:00):
and you're honoring their choice to notcome along. Yeah, yeah,
definitely, that's true with change ingeneral. When we change, there's always
a shift in our environment and thepeople that we spend time with, you
know, yep. And so Ithink that's part of the dance. I
(22:26):
have my choice, you have yours, and without judgment, just saying okay,
I see and understand that that's thechoice you're making. Even if we
feel someone's choice may not be thebest, like maybe there's a better choice
for them, but just saying,you know what, that's not my choice
to make, is it? No? And you you know, nobody knows
(22:47):
what goes on behind somebody else's closeddoor. So the biggest, the biggest
thing that women who come to meto work with me are asking is their
responsibility for other people's choices. Andonce they start to understand that you can't
(23:08):
you can't make anybody anything. Whatyou can do is create your life so
that you become that bright light soyour children say, oh, that's possible,
so that people around you working withyou are like, oh, I
never thought of it that way.Who are you choosing? To be right
(23:30):
that if you actually chose it wouldcreate a totally different reality. That would
be my question for our listeners today, and to not be afraid, you
know, in other words, wenever know what each choice is going to
ultimately lead to, and hindsight isdefinitely twenty twenty. But you know,
(23:52):
I think the curiosity is an importantelement in this, right, just being
open to yeah, moving with thatdecision whatever the results are. And it
doesn't all have to be decided todayeither. I think that pressure, like
I said, to have a decisionbe complete if you will. And the
(24:15):
older I get, the more Irealize that that's just not how things work.
Nothing's tied up in a neat littlebow, is it. Well.
I love that. And here's somethingelse we were never taught is to have
a conversation with what you are creating. So we're taught, like you got
(24:36):
to choose. One of the thingsI learned from my daughter years ago is
just tell them all get back toyou and so it gives you that space.
Okay, So truly, here's mybusiness. Have a conversation. I
encourage my clients have a coffee dateonce a week with your business and ask
your business, how would you liketo be created this week? What?
(24:57):
Because everything has energy and so doesyour business. And so the same thing
with your relationship. How can Icreate more or less in my relationship?
What is it that you feel you'relacking that if you actually chose it,
we'd give you more of you?And so it's again, we keep coming
back to this circle. It's thecycle of life. Choice creates, choice
(25:19):
creates, choice creates and and there'sa really important part here is to choose
from an open heart. Choose froman open heart and ask a question from
there, and when you do,there's a sense of peace, there's a
(25:41):
sense of there is no reciprocity,there's a sense of that choosing from your
heart actually is the nurturance that yourseat of creativity requires. Yeah, ironically,
I think that making the choice relievesthe pressure that we feel leading up
(26:02):
to the choice. Yes, forsure, absolutely, absolutely, yeah,
yeah, yeah, you know what, that's so true. I love that
because that's a little game I playwith myself and I'll say, okay,
so oh I stopped drinking alcohol lastApril and there and there's been times,
you know, in twenty twenty four, as we're moving into this year where
(26:26):
I'm like, ah, it's cold, I love a glass of red wine,
and so I say to myself,Okay, choose it indulgent. Indulgent?
Now, how are you going tofeel about that tomorrow? I'm like,
ah, not so good. Okay. And it's just a personal choice
of mine. Where I started torealize I was choosing something that actually wasn't
(26:48):
creating greater and so I was like, what's this. It's like, oh,
I'm losing thoughts midsentence. I'm like, okay, well, you're smarter
than that. What do you thinkis creating this? Oh? What would
you like to choose to let goof? What would you like to choose
to heal? And I'm like,oh, I could choose to let go
of alcohol. Cool. So it'sone day at a time. Yeah,
(27:11):
one choice at a time. AndI'm so honoring of my word to myself,
which is a choice. Yeah,So that that in willingness to indulge
a different choice. You don't haveto do it, but just indulge it,
you know. Okay, I haveto make this decision. Now,
I've made this decision. Now I'mindulging that I picked up the phone or
(27:33):
whatever it is. Now, howdoes that feel? It feels great?
I choose to tap into how itfeels or it doesn't feel so good,
okay, So choose something else andbe present, Be present, be present,
because it's all energy. It's theenergetics of choice, and so I
love that. I'll often say,Okay, so what if you didn't finish
(27:57):
this writing or whatever that is,how would that feel? Oh? Not
so good? Okay, So let'schoose to do it. Yeah. Yeah,
it's like looking at a three dimensionalobject. You're taking the time to
shift your perspective, look at itfrom a different angle. Just really kind
(28:17):
of play out, if you will, Yeah, where a choice might lead,
yeah, you know ye? Andalso how would that feel? Right?
We've got to tap into the choiceand the feelings and put those together
again something you weren't taught at avery young age. You were not taught
to express your feelings of how somethingfelt, and so it's a regaining of
(28:41):
that infinite voice that lies within whereyou tap into. Wow, so what
would this feel like if I chosethat? So then you have something to
shoot for with your choice, likeI'm going for that, I'm going for
that good feeling, or oh itwouldn't feel so good, Okay, then
don't do hmm yeah, yeah,yeah, it's uh it's like trying on
(29:04):
clothes. Yes, you're mentally tryingon the choice to see how it fits
if you will, absolutely and andthat is about being congruent in everything you
be in doo m right, It'sabout does this bring me harmony? Like
if if I choose this, howwill that affect everything else that I'm playing?
(29:27):
Because again, we don't live inisolation of different different things. We're
the only species on the planet thatbelieves one thing has nothing to do with
the other. I mean, youlook at the animal kingdom. They understand
with the seasons what's required. Theyunderstand the follow through to run faster to
get out of the way, andthe lion coming to jump for them is
(29:48):
like choice, choice, choice,right. The lion has no point of
view. The lion's hungry, lion'schoosing, and it's it's we're the only
species on the planet that believes that, well, if I choose this in
my relationtionship, but it's nothing todo with the way I'm going to be
in my business, or it doesn'thave anything to do with my finances,
or it doesn't have anything to dowith my body. It all works together.
We know now with what this modernscience is telling us. We know
(30:14):
now with all this research going beyondthis reality as we ascend to different realities,
we know now that everything is interrelated. Everything, every organ every choice
you make goes through all of yourorgans, all of your selves. And
it's about being congruent in alignment withpeace and ease in what you're choosing.
(30:37):
And how do you get there?You gotta do the work. Yeah,
I think sometimes we do have tomake difficult choices that might not feel so
nurturing, but we can intuitively understand. For example, a lot of people
(30:59):
will say I want my life tobe easy, and I say, okay,
let's talk about easy. All right, let's have a discussion about easy.
Well, there's ease in two.There's more than two, but let's
talk about the two kind of bigease opportunities. You have the right now
ease in this moment, I'm goingto do the easy thing. We'll call
(31:26):
that XYZ. Then you have anABC, which is the harder thing to
choose, but ultimately the outcome isan easier life. In other words,
if I live in my flesh andI only do what feels good for me,
and I don't think about the consequences, on the other areas of my
(31:47):
life. To your point, Imight have ease in this moment, but
those those unexplored thoughts and decisions canlead to more complication because we didn't look
down the line and go, okay, this is an ABC or an XYZ
choice. For example, that ifI could give it in the most relatable
(32:08):
way. Let's say in a marriage, the wife says, hey, can
you take care of the dripping faucet? Yeah, yeah, I'll do it.
Yeah, yea, I'll do it. Yeah, y'all, I'll do
it. The choice is right now, I don't want to I want to
play video games, or I wantto whatever. I don't know what everybody's
husbands choose to do. Well,the leak gets worse, maybe it causes
(32:30):
another problem. Right, So theman chose something easy in the moment,
which is I want to be happyand comfortable right now doing the thing I
want to do. So I choseease when it ultimately you made things harder
because if you had to fix thelittle drip, you would maybe wouldn't have
had that. Do you understand whatI'm saying? Like I do understand,
(32:51):
I would change it a little bit. I would say, if I asked
somebody to fix it, and theydidn't, I would choose to go up
and get somebody else to come inand fix it. Right. But the
conversation I'm having is easiness, right, is there's two There's different kinds of
ease. There's in the moment easeand there's long term ease. And sometimes
in the moment ease does not leadto the long term ease. Sometimes that
(33:15):
the comfort now leads to complication later, whereas if you do the complicated thing
now often you can get a littlebit more ease from it. Does that
make sense? It does? AndI would add that that's why I encourage
my clients at the end of everyday to go, what are three things
you're grateful for? Oh? Yeah, absolutely every day? Yeah. So
(33:35):
it brings it brings all of thatback into how would I like to choose
to live tomorrow? And yes,I agree. Are you willing to be
uncomfortable? Yeah? Right? Andit's all and we know, we know,
And that's why I say it's importantto do the inner work, because
we know when you're willing to beuncomfortable, that's where the light comes down,
(34:00):
that's where the windows open, that'swhere the awarenesses are and we're taught
in this reality to be satisfied,satisfied, satisfied, satisfied. And you
know, I forget what is it? Is it a palm tree. There's
one tree that they plant and forseven years it does nothing, and then
on the seventh year it grows likebamboo, bamboo, thank you so much.
(34:22):
It grows twenty feet. And that'swho we are, right. It's
the willingness when you when you planta garden and you put a carrot seat
in, you don't have a carrotthe next day. So it's the willingness
to be present with what can thischoice create, and willing to be uncomfortable.
And it's through that uncomfortableness do youthen get that good sense of self
(34:45):
of wow, I do have thecapacity to choose. What I'm choosing is
creating greater by being willing to bepresent to your point of view, not
go for the easy, will bringyou joy and ease as you nurture it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, soI think I think in my mind,
(35:08):
I just wanted to clarify that easecomes in different forms and different choices
lead to either more of it longterm or even maybe less of it.
Long term, but to your pointearlier. You know, if you're constantly
in the game of your choices andevaluating them and tinkering with them like some
(35:32):
people do with cars or whatever,right constantly, or to painting, since
we're both painters, you know,tweaking it and making a different choice and
seeing where that takes us. Youknow, I think art does give us
a little bit more of a tangibleexpression of choice, doesn't it. Well,
it does it does? It does? It gives you the sense of
(35:55):
you put down a brushstroke, oryou put down and then you step back
and see and talk to the canvasand see how that fits, right,
which many people do with baking,many people do with cooking. People do
it. They don't realize they're they'rethey're in the choice of creating with the
artistry of their creation. Yeah.Yeah, if if we can become aware
(36:19):
of that, it's so great becauseyou can transfer that that that decision making
process, if you will, toother areas of our lives. Yeah.
That's what I teach in the CongruentLiving Academy. That's what it's all about,
is constant space, repetition of agood feeling, thought of choice of
(36:40):
how that creates and what that creates. No matter what area of your life
that you're in, it's again,I keep saying this, it's choosing to
do the work from the inside out. Mm hmm mm hmm. There's nothing
greater than growth because the growth impactsthe quality of our choices, you know,
(37:02):
Like I love helping people and watchingpeople grow because that sliver of light
that you talked about gets broader aspeople expand their understanding of who they are
and how they want to be inthis world. You know, such a
blessing to experience that myself and thenbeing able to watch other people. What
(37:27):
are some of your favorite strategies tohelp people shift their perspective on change.
I would say my favorite strategy isto live in the question of your life.
So I'll often ask, well,what question can we ask here?
Does this the biggest question I couldask? When people find that their work
(37:51):
isn't going well with them or theirlife, I would ask, who are
you being? Right? And thenand they kind of tap in on like
are you being your mom, yourdad, your your partner? If everything
was open in space, what wouldyou choose you being? What would you
(38:12):
choose? Is about living in thequestion of your life. Again, this
reality has us go for the answer, go for the quick foks, go
for the ease easy. Where ifnone of that was real and true and
it isn't because everything is changing allthe time, you could ask yourself,
if I choose this, what couldit create? And indulge it and be
(38:36):
with it. Give yourself time withyou Another big thing I would really urge
people to do. Take time foryou. We're so inundated with pick up
the phone, check check it whileyou're on the grocery line. You're going
in a restaurant to be nurtured withyummy food and deliciousness. Be present with
(38:59):
that choice, right, don't stackyour choices and say, Okay, which
one of these am I going topull out today? Be present with your
choice and see give yourself the giftof seeing what that creates with no judgment.
It just huh, I wonder whatelse is possible here? Mm hmm.
(39:20):
Yeah. It's like choice Jenga reachingfor the one. And that's I
love that you said that, becausethat's another thing that I encourage people to
do in the academy is stack thegood. Stack the good. Say what
I'm the kind of person that createdthat choice. I'm the kind of person
(39:42):
that followed through. I'm the kindof person that honored my commitment. There's
at Staples. There's a button.There used to be a button that I
would have in my classes and thatwas easy button. Yeah, that was
easy. I tried it in Quebec, but in French it sounds sexy because
it's so pretty. You could prettymuch say anything in French. Right.
(40:07):
So, but that's it. It'slike reward yourself with the choice of Yes,
I am the kind of person thatstacks the choice. I can look
at these choices and say, goodfor me, right, that wasn't comfortable,
that wasn't easy, Good for meright? Yeah. Yeah. So
if you had to give three anchorpoints, three things that you would love
(40:30):
people to take away from this conversation, whether you've mentioned it yet or not,
What are three things that you wantto gift to my listeners today?
I would say, when you getup in the morning, ask yourself,
what quality am I willing to choosetoday? Like some people have a word
(40:51):
of the years, whatever that is, What quality am I willing to choose
today? As I said before mineyesterday, mine was kindness. Everything I
dreamt up thought of stories. Itold myself, I would ask myself,
is this being kind to me?If not, I would choose something else.
So that would be the first one. The second would be check in,
(41:13):
check in is what you're choosing congruentin alignment? Who you're asking to
be in the world, Because whoyou're asking to be in the world it's
huge, right, it's huger oryou wouldn't be listening to this podcast right
now. And the third would bechoose gratitude. Everything is here for you.
(41:42):
Gratitude creates, So choose when yougo to bed at night, what
are three things I'm grateful for rightabout you, about whoever you're with,
And let's see what that creates.Yeah, Susan, how can people find
(42:04):
you and your resources? Oh?Thank you so much, Susan. Lazarheart
dot com and I have a greatresource that I've created. It's a self
assessment check in if you will,because people often say, well, I
want to check in with where Iam in the world of my own world,
and it's you just go to Susanselfcheck dot com and there's a series
(42:27):
of questions you ask yourself and seewhat pops for you. What comes up
with and then according to what you'veresponded to, I have a video that
I've done giving you a little hint, a little guidance to see what else
is possible for you. It's susanself check dot com. It's a way
of just tapping in to where youare in the world and what you could
(42:49):
shift and change and what actually youcan acknowledge that you have already created for
yourself. We don't have that spaceanymore where we take the time to just
check in self check dot com.Awesome, Well, Susan, I want
to thank you so much for takingthe time to spend with me today and
to share your passion and your wisdomwith my audience. I'm grateful for the
(43:10):
wisdom and the perspective that you bring, so thank you so much. Thank
you. I'm so grateful for youopening up this space for all the people
that are listening today and in everypodcast. So thank you. It's my
pleasure friends today. If you're onYouTube, just look down below. The
links that Susan has are all downthere for you. If you happen to
(43:30):
be away and you want to checkit out on a platform, you can
go to www. Dot Feminine roadmapdot com. Forward Slash episode three six
zero and the show notes we'll haveall of the links there as well.
You know, this conversation around choice, If I might be a little pithy,
(43:51):
we have no choice but to makechoice. In not making a choice,
in her mind, we're still makinga choice. So absolutely, absolutely
yes. Choice is a part ofthe living that we get to do.
And that's the beautiful thing of it. We get to make the choice,
We get to choose to be grateful, We get to choose to reframe how
we see things so that we cancreate that, let's say, ease,
(44:15):
or that the flavor of the lifethat we want to live. So,
friends, I would encourage you totake some time today and just sit with
the things that are in your heartand mind, hold a space for them,
journal about it, investigate it,see what you think that might mean
for you, because, especially inmidlife, a lot of women or at
that place where they just don't knowwhat's next. This is the perfect conversation
(44:38):
and opportunity to hold some space forwhat if. So thank you so much,
friends for being with us today.I look forward to sharing more inspirational
people, conversations and strategies with youin the weeks to come take care of
my friends. Bye bye, yuh.
Hi, Hi Gina for are Welcometo the Feminine Roadmap Podcast, a global
community of women in midlife. Wegather here weekly over a cup of something
wonderful for real talk, life changingstrategies and a big dose of sisterhood.
Now, please sit back and enjoy. Hello, Feminine Roadmappers. Welcome back
(00:28):
to Feminine Roadmap Podcast, the podcastthat helps you navigate the challenges and the
changes of midlife. It empowers youto live a more vibrant second half.
If you find us on YouTube today, please don't forget to subscribe and ring
that bells you don't miss any moreconversations. If you're on a podcast platform,
please remember to subscribe, rate,and share. Today we are going
(00:50):
to be talking about choices. Youknow, we often live in a world
where we're overwhelmed with choices or wehave the mindset that we don't have any
choices. My guest today wants topoint out that even thinking you don't have
a choice is a choice. Youknow, learning to sit with the question
and considering who we want to beand where we want to go she does
(01:12):
tell us that you have a choice. My guest today is Susan Lazarre Heart.
She's a speaker, a transformational mindsetcoach, and the author of Breaking
Free, Your Unique Path to FearlessLiving. Susan, thank you so much
for being with me today. Thankyou, Gina. I love the premise
of your show. I love thatyou know, and often people say,
(01:37):
well what do you do? AndI turn to them and I say,
well, have you ever woken upin the middle of your life and ask
is this all there is? SoI love I've been listening to your podcast.
I love them and the information you'regiving An. I'm honored to be
invited to play with you today.Thank you, Thank you so much.
There's so much to talk about.You know, there's so many fundamental aspects
(01:57):
to who we are, and Ithink it's would be interesting to find out
what is it that led you tothis specific mission and message that congruence in
living, the choice, the abilityto you know, move your life in
the direction that you want it togo. Oh great, great, great
question. You know. Here's thedeal. We have many, many,
(02:20):
many places to go in this lifetime. We have many choices. You know.
When I think of myself, Iappreciate the question you just asked.
I think of myself as a veryyoung kid getting on her bike, driving
around the block, saying what there'sgot to be mortal in my life than
this that I don't I don't getit, and then coming in, maybe
turning the TV on, turning itoff, getting back on my bike again,
(02:40):
and doing the same thing until youfinally and we all do we find
that place where we say, ah, now this is where I fit in.
And for me it was in thearts. I was a painter,
a printmaker. I was just developingmy own sense of skill and as a
painter and printmaker and artists, ifyou will, people left me alone and
(03:02):
I got to have my own worldand my own reality until I developed heavy
metal poison inhaling all these toxins,and I thought, well, wait a
minute. I created my life.It's working now. If this isn't my
life, now, what else ispossible? And I learned the true meaning
that choice creates. We have achoice. So as I lay there in
(03:23):
bed, I started investigating alternate waysof being in the body, mind and
soul. I investigated homeopathy. Iinvestigated quantum fields of shift and change.
I investigated hands on healing. Iinvestigated a Kashak records. I just started
to my brain was thirsty. Iwas thirsty for what other choices do I
(03:45):
have here? And we tend tolabel ourselves as a mom, a daughter,
a sister, a painter, acook, whatever that is. But
we're all of those things and noneof them, because really it's about what
I learned through all of this andthen continuing to learn. It's about tapping
into the choice of discovery. Whoam I? Who would I like to
(04:09):
be today? What am I creatingthat actually aligns is congruent with the life
I'm asking to live. And youknow, as we were talking before we
went on air, we have manymany lives in this lifetime. And so
it's for myself this journey, it'sa never ending journey. It's a continuous
journey of who am I right nowin this moment, and the choices I'm
(04:33):
making, do they align with whoI'm asking to be, with what brings
me joy, with what creates greaterBecause it's that choice you make at every
nanosecond that becomes the ripple that createsthe ripple, that creates the ripple that
creates the difference that you're asking tobe in the world and the difference you're
(04:54):
looking for in your world. Yeah, I don't think we realize sometimes the
power of choice. You know,it's every decision leads somewhere, even the
littlest decisions. To your point,the ripple effect, you know, am
I right? Yeah for sure?Yeah, yeah, you have me rolling
my sleeves up on that one.Like here we go, we're gonna dig
(05:15):
in good night, all right.Yeah, well, let's go ahead and
dig in deep on that. Theimpact of our moment by moment decisions,
the little shifts that we make inthe way we think are the way that
we act. Let's talk a littlebit about how that is creating the change
that we want to see. Yeah, what people don't realize is and I've
(05:38):
had so many clients come up tome saying, Susan, I just don't
have any choice. Well, bysaying you have no choice, that's a
choice, because the truth is weweren't taught to look at our choices.
Like we have this huge buffet calledlife and living on this planet, and
we choose to your point, wechoose every braths, every thought we make.
(05:58):
I think I'm channeling a song.It's a good one. But it's
a good one, right if youdoo right, But it's that it's that
joy of awareness of realizing, ohman, I have a choice here.
I can either say this life sucks. I don't have a choice. That's
a choice. They make me doit. That's a choice. It's how
you create your reality. But whatI found with especially working with the Congruent
(06:24):
Living method that I work with thatI work with my clients with, if
you're willing to ask yourself, whatwould I love like? What would I
love six months from now, ayear from now, ten years from now,
tomorrow, today, what would Ilove? You know, when you
wake up in the morning and youfeel like there's an elephant on your head,
(06:45):
you have a choice. You cantake some deep breaths, you can
do some quiet meditations, you canfind a guided meditation, you can journal,
you can ask yourself, what's thequality I'm looking for today that's going
to guide me and so that perhapsthat could be patience, perhaps that could
be kindness. So for myself,I do this every day, and yesterday
(07:06):
the word kindness popped in and Ithought, Okay, everything i'd be in
do today, I'm going to checkin see if it's in alignment, if
it's congruent with kindness, and thatcould be drag. You know, we
all have all those stories that comein through our memory bank and say,
oh my god, I can't believeI did this or I can't believe she
did that or whatever that was.Well, is it kind to you?
(07:27):
Is it to create that story?Again? What choice do you have?
Well? I could choose to letit go. I could choose to acknowledge
it. It wasn't my best choice, but I did it. Okay,
let it go, let it flow. And now what can I choose?
And because choice is like, it'snot a thing, and I actually play
(07:48):
with the difference between decision and choicebecause choice for me has breath to it,
it's ongoing. We often say,well that's what you know. Oh
wow. How many of us werepunished by somebody saying, well, you
chose that, you decided that you'restuck with it. No, no,
(08:09):
no, it's a choice. Yes, I chose that, and I'm choosing
again. Choice is Yeah. Ihope that gives you more information. Yeah.
I was thinking about the way eachchoice and decision leads somewhere. And
the decision has consequences, right,it doesn't necessarily mean negative consequences, you
(08:30):
know, it just everything leads tosomething and you could see that outcome as
a consequence, Like I might chooseto not go somewhere that I really want
to go and wish I had gone. It's just a consequence of making that
choice. And I feel like it'slike a smorgas board, Right. I
could take a past thought like youwere talking about, and I was thinking
(08:52):
about how one of the choices couldbe. If it really keeps coming back
and bothering me, I can reframeit. I can remove the sting,
I can remove the ye, youknow, like what was the gift in
it? Yeah, Because I feellike we can choose to frame things differently.
(09:13):
We have that ability to recognize thathow we couch things comes from a
whole set of things that we believe. So when I think about choices,
honest to goodness, Susan, choicesare something that I have spent a lot
of time thinking about. And that'swhy I was interested to have this conversation
with you, because I was curiouswhat your perspective on it is, Like,
(09:37):
what's your take on it? Whatis it that when you think about
choices. You talked about congruence beforewe hit record as well, So let's
talk a little bit about that congruenceand choices together and that path kind of
that you're trying to help people getto. Well, choice creates. We
can choose to what brings us joy, to what would create greater, to
(10:03):
what aligns energetically, remembering that everychoice has an energy to it, the
same way that every word, everybreath has an energy to it. We
live in a world of energetics.So are you choosing to play with the
energies that creates a more congruent life? Now, when I talk about congruent,
we there's no such thing as havingsomething. I have my life together
(10:26):
over here, but over here Idon't know. If you don't overhear,
you don't overhear either, because there'sa thread that runs through it, right,
Like Leonard Cohen says, there's alight where through the crack, where
the light comes through, and it'sthat light that flow, that energetic flow
that aligns with who you be andwhat you're asking to create. And so
(10:48):
you know, if you're not incongruence, if you're not in harmony with
who you be. It's all readingstarts from the inside, and the choice
is the choice you're choosing today,whatever it is for your life, you're
living your business, does it align? Is it in alignment with the energy
of what you're asking to create inthe world. Now, I know for
(11:09):
myself, I'm going through a hugeshift right now in being in the question
of my business, my life,my living, you know. And what
I'm doing is I'm choosing to allowit to show me what's being required to
allow my life, my business,my relationships just to kind of settle out.
(11:31):
Now, that's a choice. We'retaught in this reality to choose,
choose, choose, choose, choose, just choose, just choose. Well,
you can also learn to choose tobe still, to let things come
to the front to give you theinformation that you're asking for. That's a
congruent life where you're not in resistance, you're not in reaction. And that's
(11:52):
kind of how I play with myclients. That's actually the reasoning or the
reason that, if you will,of why I created the book Making Free
your Unique Path to Fearless Living.Because we're not introduced at a very young
age that we have choice. Ata very young age, we're taught when
to pooh, what to eat.You know, you're giving a choice,
(12:13):
do you want ice cream? Anda little kid goes yes, and then
it's do you want vanilla or chocolate? Well, wait a minute, what
about pistachio and rum and raisin andall those other flavors. Well, it's
the same thing with all those otherflavors of life. And we're not introduced
to that choice. Is you knowas a little child, that we're told
I'll choose for you. This iswhat you're wearing, this is the school
(12:35):
you're going to, this is howyou're going to behave, And so you
start to hide your own sense ofvalue and what is possible under the guise
of pleasing everyone else, and soyou actually give up the awareness you never
give up choice. Choice is wealways have choice, but you give up
the awareness that your choice has valueto you because, I mean, how
(12:58):
many of us were Why did youchoose that? And you have to come
up with a reason and josification Whereaswhat if you were just valued as that
beautiful seed of life that you arefilled with choice? And then ask yourself,
So what if the question was whatdid you ever tap into what this
(13:20):
choice could create for you? We'renot taught to dream like, wow,
if I choose this, what couldthat create? And is it congruent with
what I'm asking to do and beon this planet with myself, my business,
my relationships. How could I createsomething juicier, joyous and more fulfilling
(13:41):
for me in a way that alignswith who I be? I feel like
maybe the choice feels like we haveto have the outcome with the choice.
Ye like, I'll make this choiceand then I have a solid answer slash
outcome. And what I hear yousaying is sometimes the choice is in the
(14:03):
not knowing, choosing to be comfortableand sit with and watch and allow and
feel and see where maybe the nextstep is. And I think that's really
the beauty of the dance of life. Yeah, there's always another step,
right, like baking bread. Itneeds to rise. This wonderful quote and
(14:28):
on chapter sixteen in the book BreakingFree, it's from Rachelle Goodrich. You
are here to make a difference toeither improve the world or worseen it,
and whether or not you consciously chooseto you will accomplish one or the other.
I love that because choice is right. Yeah, yeah, but there's
(14:50):
comfort in that. Yeah. I'mjust thinking of a little child and how
we instruct children that if you wouldtreat yourself as that little child with a
sensitivity and an awareness, and askyourself, what what would I love like?
What what could If everything was possibleand everything is, what would I
(15:15):
choose? Right? What would Ichoose? And you know you talked earlier
about consequences. What if we weretaught there was no consequence for your choice.
That's simply a choice. Maybe notyour best choice, maybe didn't get
you where you wanted to go,but acknowledge you chose it. Now what
(15:35):
else is possible? Now? Whatcould you choose? Yeah, because we
have the capacity to shift time.Right, So instead of living with guilt,
shame, blame, regret of ourpast choices, we can acknowledge,
as you just said earlier, reframeOh okay, now what could I choose
(15:56):
the other? There's another important parthere is when we're not willing to acknowledge
that we have choice, we're notwilling to step into our own authenticity,
our own power, I mean,the choices we make every day totally reframe
(16:17):
what's possible. You know, ifwe look through the history of where we
have come from and where we're going, it's all choice. And that's why
if you wake up in the morningand you again encourage every mind you know,
whether it's young or old. Whatwhat would what would I love to
choose today and choose it and say, okay, how can I create my
(16:40):
day? So it supports my choicein taking space to just let things cook
up and going forward, in askingthe universe to contribute in uh, you
know, asking for a life youwould love. It's a choice, it's
(17:00):
your birthright. I mean choice isyeah. I feel like there's this ability
to change your choices that people sometimesforget they have. Right, it feels
so final to make this choice.Some choices have a finality to them,
(17:25):
but not always. You know,sometimes you can change your mind, or
you can change your direction. Youcan make micro decisions too, right,
They don't all have to be thesegiant choices. And I think we are
always making them. I just don'tknow that we're aware. Sometimes we're taught.
It's so bizarre. I love thatyou pick that up. We're taught
(17:47):
to be afraid of choice. We'retaught if don't broke, don't fix it,
why don't rock the boat? Ithink all of those phrases we were
brought up with, rather than Iwonder what you could create today? And
so we're taught that choice is punitive. You chose your you know, you
(18:11):
chose that bad you lie in it, rather than well, that was an
interesting choice. What else do youthink you could choose? Or how could
you have chosen differently? Or thisis all in front of you. What
would you like to choose now,So that choice becomes steps out of that
realm of being punished for choosing.People also have quote unquote a fear of
(18:34):
the unknown. They're taught to beafraid of what they can't prove. Now,
that's a very interesting way for thisreality to control you when you think
of all the brilliance, like Ithink I was reading, you know,
something as silly as Colonel Sanders.He developed that at like eighty seven or
seventy eight, that recipe, andhe was living in a like a broken
(19:00):
down old home and a broken downold car, and he said, what
do I do that I love?I love making chicken. And he went
around to all these restaurants saying,I'll sell you my recipe, and no
one was interested until the one hundredand one hundred and first time, And
so he kept choosing. I mean, look at we have so many look
(19:21):
at the right brothers. Imagine ifthe first time they got a plane out
they said, oh it didn't work. Okay, I'm not choosing that anymore.
So it's the willingness to tap into what is it you know that
nobody else knows that if you choseto share, it would change your world
and their world. And none likeEdison. I mean, think of all
(19:45):
the inventions that we have, itwas through choice in believing in what else
is possible here. So, youknow, don't buy that you have to
know what you're doing before you doit. Don't buy that your choices are
punitive or harmful. Don't buy thatyou're not including everyone unless you choose to
(20:10):
include everyone. You know. Irecently listened to this really interesting interview with
Michelle Obama, and she was sayingthat, you know, as she and
her husband grew and educating themselves andchanged who they were and what they were
into fitting into where they are inthe political spectrum, that there were people
(20:33):
who weren't willing to rise. Youknow, the tide rises. There just
were people who weren't willing to risewith their tide as it was rising.
And you have to at some pointturn around and just acknowledge that's their choice.
And I love that because it didn'tchange her choice in being who she
was and being being the woman she'schoosing to be in the light of the
(20:56):
world that she's choosing to enlighten,and that just that reck ignition of you're
not responsible for choosing for other people. Now, there's so many times where
I hear somebody say, how canI make them listen to me? How
can I make them be nicer tome? How can I make them?
You can't. I mean, really, the only thing you can make is
(21:17):
what you make in your pants.You can't make anybody anything. Feel that,
that's this reality talking. What I'mencouraging people to do is start choosing
for you and see that shift andchange. And the people that aren't willing
to play with you, the peoplethat aren't willing to live in congruency,
(21:38):
as you choose to live in congruency, they'll just fade away. They just
won't rise as the tide is rising. And that's okay. Your responsibility for
you is to acknowledge that you dohave choice and shine that light and show
people this is what it looks liketo live with choice. Yeah. Well,
(22:00):
and you're honoring their choice to notcome along. Yeah, yeah,
definitely, that's true with change ingeneral. When we change, there's always
a shift in our environment and thepeople that we spend time with, you
know, yep. And so Ithink that's part of the dance. I
(22:26):
have my choice, you have yours, and without judgment, just saying okay,
I see and understand that that's thechoice you're making. Even if we
feel someone's choice may not be thebest, like maybe there's a better choice
for them, but just saying,you know what, that's not my choice
to make, is it? No? And you you know, nobody knows
(22:47):
what goes on behind somebody else's closeddoor. So the biggest, the biggest
thing that women who come to meto work with me are asking is their
responsibility for other people's choices. Andonce they start to understand that you can't
(23:08):
you can't make anybody anything. Whatyou can do is create your life so
that you become that bright light soyour children say, oh, that's possible,
so that people around you working withyou are like, oh, I
never thought of it that way.Who are you choosing? To be right
(23:30):
that if you actually chose it wouldcreate a totally different reality. That would
be my question for our listeners today, and to not be afraid, you
know, in other words, wenever know what each choice is going to
ultimately lead to, and hindsight isdefinitely twenty twenty. But you know,
(23:52):
I think the curiosity is an importantelement in this, right, just being
open to yeah, moving with thatdecision whatever the results are. And it
doesn't all have to be decided todayeither. I think that pressure, like
I said, to have a decisionbe complete if you will. And the
(24:15):
older I get, the more Irealize that that's just not how things work.
Nothing's tied up in a neat littlebow, is it. Well.
I love that. And here's somethingelse we were never taught is to have
a conversation with what you are creating. So we're taught, like you got
(24:36):
to choose. One of the thingsI learned from my daughter years ago is
just tell them all get back toyou and so it gives you that space.
Okay, So truly, here's mybusiness. Have a conversation. I
encourage my clients have a coffee dateonce a week with your business and ask
your business, how would you liketo be created this week? What?
(24:57):
Because everything has energy and so doesyour business. And so the same thing
with your relationship. How can Icreate more or less in my relationship?
What is it that you feel you'relacking that if you actually chose it,
we'd give you more of you?And so it's again, we keep coming
back to this circle. It's thecycle of life. Choice creates, choice
(25:19):
creates, choice creates and and there'sa really important part here is to choose
from an open heart. Choose froman open heart and ask a question from
there, and when you do,there's a sense of peace, there's a
(25:41):
sense of there is no reciprocity,there's a sense of that choosing from your
heart actually is the nurturance that yourseat of creativity requires. Yeah, ironically,
I think that making the choice relievesthe pressure that we feel leading up
(26:02):
to the choice. Yes, forsure, absolutely, absolutely, yeah,
yeah, yeah, you know what, that's so true. I love that
because that's a little game I playwith myself and I'll say, okay,
so oh I stopped drinking alcohol lastApril and there and there's been times,
you know, in twenty twenty four, as we're moving into this year where
(26:26):
I'm like, ah, it's cold, I love a glass of red wine,
and so I say to myself,Okay, choose it indulgent. Indulgent?
Now, how are you going tofeel about that tomorrow? I'm like,
ah, not so good. Okay. And it's just a personal choice
of mine. Where I started torealize I was choosing something that actually wasn't
(26:48):
creating greater and so I was like, what's this. It's like, oh,
I'm losing thoughts midsentence. I'm like, okay, well, you're smarter
than that. What do you thinkis creating this? Oh? What would
you like to choose to let goof? What would you like to choose
to heal? And I'm like,oh, I could choose to let go
of alcohol. Cool. So it'sone day at a time. Yeah,
(27:11):
one choice at a time. AndI'm so honoring of my word to myself,
which is a choice. Yeah,So that that in willingness to indulge
a different choice. You don't haveto do it, but just indulge it,
you know. Okay, I haveto make this decision. Now,
I've made this decision. Now I'mindulging that I picked up the phone or
(27:33):
whatever it is. Now, howdoes that feel? It feels great?
I choose to tap into how itfeels or it doesn't feel so good,
okay, So choose something else andbe present, Be present, be present,
because it's all energy. It's theenergetics of choice, and so I
love that. I'll often say,Okay, so what if you didn't finish
(27:57):
this writing or whatever that is,how would that feel? Oh? Not
so good? Okay, So let'schoose to do it. Yeah. Yeah,
it's like looking at a three dimensionalobject. You're taking the time to
shift your perspective, look at itfrom a different angle. Just really kind
(28:17):
of play out, if you will, Yeah, where a choice might lead,
yeah, you know ye? Andalso how would that feel? Right?
We've got to tap into the choiceand the feelings and put those together
again something you weren't taught at avery young age. You were not taught
to express your feelings of how somethingfelt, and so it's a regaining of
(28:41):
that infinite voice that lies within whereyou tap into. Wow, so what
would this feel like if I chosethat? So then you have something to
shoot for with your choice, likeI'm going for that, I'm going for
that good feeling, or oh itwouldn't feel so good, Okay, then
don't do hmm yeah, yeah,yeah, it's uh it's like trying on
(29:04):
clothes. Yes, you're mentally tryingon the choice to see how it fits
if you will, absolutely and andthat is about being congruent in everything you
be in doo m right, It'sabout does this bring me harmony? Like
if if I choose this, howwill that affect everything else that I'm playing?
(29:27):
Because again, we don't live inisolation of different different things. We're
the only species on the planet thatbelieves one thing has nothing to do with
the other. I mean, youlook at the animal kingdom. They understand
with the seasons what's required. Theyunderstand the follow through to run faster to
get out of the way, andthe lion coming to jump for them is
(29:48):
like choice, choice, choice,right. The lion has no point of
view. The lion's hungry, lion'schoosing, and it's it's we're the only
species on the planet that believes that, well, if I choose this in
my relationtionship, but it's nothing todo with the way I'm going to be
in my business, or it doesn'thave anything to do with my finances,
or it doesn't have anything to dowith my body. It all works together.
We know now with what this modernscience is telling us. We know
(30:14):
now with all this research going beyondthis reality as we ascend to different realities,
we know now that everything is interrelated. Everything, every organ every choice
you make goes through all of yourorgans, all of your selves. And
it's about being congruent in alignment withpeace and ease in what you're choosing.
(30:37):
And how do you get there?You gotta do the work. Yeah,
I think sometimes we do have tomake difficult choices that might not feel so
nurturing, but we can intuitively understand. For example, a lot of people
(30:59):
will say I want my life tobe easy, and I say, okay,
let's talk about easy. All right, let's have a discussion about easy.
Well, there's ease in two.There's more than two, but let's
talk about the two kind of bigease opportunities. You have the right now
ease in this moment, I'm goingto do the easy thing. We'll call
(31:26):
that XYZ. Then you have anABC, which is the harder thing to
choose, but ultimately the outcome isan easier life. In other words,
if I live in my flesh andI only do what feels good for me,
and I don't think about the consequences, on the other areas of my
(31:47):
life. To your point, Imight have ease in this moment, but
those those unexplored thoughts and decisions canlead to more complication because we didn't look
down the line and go, okay, this is an ABC or an XYZ
choice. For example, that ifI could give it in the most relatable
(32:08):
way. Let's say in a marriage, the wife says, hey, can
you take care of the dripping faucet? Yeah, yeah, I'll do it.
Yeah, yea, I'll do it. Yeah, y'all, I'll do
it. The choice is right now, I don't want to I want to
play video games, or I wantto whatever. I don't know what everybody's
husbands choose to do. Well,the leak gets worse, maybe it causes
(32:30):
another problem. Right, So theman chose something easy in the moment,
which is I want to be happyand comfortable right now doing the thing I
want to do. So I choseease when it ultimately you made things harder
because if you had to fix thelittle drip, you would maybe wouldn't have
had that. Do you understand whatI'm saying? Like I do understand,
(32:51):
I would change it a little bit. I would say, if I asked
somebody to fix it, and theydidn't, I would choose to go up
and get somebody else to come inand fix it. Right. But the
conversation I'm having is easiness, right, is there's two There's different kinds of
ease. There's in the moment easeand there's long term ease. And sometimes
in the moment ease does not leadto the long term ease. Sometimes that
(33:15):
the comfort now leads to complication later, whereas if you do the complicated thing
now often you can get a littlebit more ease from it. Does that
make sense? It does? AndI would add that that's why I encourage
my clients at the end of everyday to go, what are three things
you're grateful for? Oh? Yeah, absolutely every day? Yeah. So
(33:35):
it brings it brings all of thatback into how would I like to choose
to live tomorrow? And yes,I agree. Are you willing to be
uncomfortable? Yeah? Right? Andit's all and we know, we know,
And that's why I say it's importantto do the inner work, because
we know when you're willing to beuncomfortable, that's where the light comes down,
(34:00):
that's where the windows open, that'swhere the awarenesses are and we're taught
in this reality to be satisfied,satisfied, satisfied, satisfied. And you
know, I forget what is it? Is it a palm tree. There's
one tree that they plant and forseven years it does nothing, and then
on the seventh year it grows likebamboo, bamboo, thank you so much.
(34:22):
It grows twenty feet. And that'swho we are, right. It's
the willingness when you when you planta garden and you put a carrot seat
in, you don't have a carrotthe next day. So it's the willingness
to be present with what can thischoice create, and willing to be uncomfortable.
And it's through that uncomfortableness do youthen get that good sense of self
(34:45):
of wow, I do have thecapacity to choose. What I'm choosing is
creating greater by being willing to bepresent to your point of view, not
go for the easy, will bringyou joy and ease as you nurture it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, soI think I think in my mind,
(35:08):
I just wanted to clarify that easecomes in different forms and different choices
lead to either more of it longterm or even maybe less of it.
Long term, but to your pointearlier. You know, if you're constantly
in the game of your choices andevaluating them and tinkering with them like some
(35:32):
people do with cars or whatever,right constantly, or to painting, since
we're both painters, you know,tweaking it and making a different choice and
seeing where that takes us. Youknow, I think art does give us
a little bit more of a tangibleexpression of choice, doesn't it. Well,
it does it does? It does? It gives you the sense of
(35:55):
you put down a brushstroke, oryou put down and then you step back
and see and talk to the canvasand see how that fits, right,
which many people do with baking,many people do with cooking. People do
it. They don't realize they're they'rethey're in the choice of creating with the
artistry of their creation. Yeah.Yeah, if if we can become aware
(36:19):
of that, it's so great becauseyou can transfer that that that decision making
process, if you will, toother areas of our lives. Yeah.
That's what I teach in the CongruentLiving Academy. That's what it's all about,
is constant space, repetition of agood feeling, thought of choice of
(36:40):
how that creates and what that creates. No matter what area of your life
that you're in, it's again,I keep saying this, it's choosing to
do the work from the inside out. Mm hmm mm hmm. There's nothing
greater than growth because the growth impactsthe quality of our choices, you know,
(37:02):
Like I love helping people and watchingpeople grow because that sliver of light
that you talked about gets broader aspeople expand their understanding of who they are
and how they want to be inthis world. You know, such a
blessing to experience that myself and thenbeing able to watch other people. What
(37:27):
are some of your favorite strategies tohelp people shift their perspective on change.
I would say my favorite strategy isto live in the question of your life.
So I'll often ask, well,what question can we ask here?
Does this the biggest question I couldask? When people find that their work
(37:51):
isn't going well with them or theirlife, I would ask, who are
you being? Right? And thenand they kind of tap in on like
are you being your mom, yourdad, your your partner? If everything
was open in space, what wouldyou choose you being? What would you
(38:12):
choose? Is about living in thequestion of your life. Again, this
reality has us go for the answer, go for the quick foks, go
for the ease easy. Where ifnone of that was real and true and
it isn't because everything is changing allthe time, you could ask yourself,
if I choose this, what couldit create? And indulge it and be
(38:36):
with it. Give yourself time withyou Another big thing I would really urge
people to do. Take time foryou. We're so inundated with pick up
the phone, check check it whileyou're on the grocery line. You're going
in a restaurant to be nurtured withyummy food and deliciousness. Be present with
(38:59):
that choice, right, don't stackyour choices and say, Okay, which
one of these am I going topull out today? Be present with your
choice and see give yourself the giftof seeing what that creates with no judgment.
It just huh, I wonder whatelse is possible here? Mm hmm.
(39:20):
Yeah. It's like choice Jenga reachingfor the one. And that's I
love that you said that, becausethat's another thing that I encourage people to
do in the academy is stack thegood. Stack the good. Say what
I'm the kind of person that createdthat choice. I'm the kind of person
(39:42):
that followed through. I'm the kindof person that honored my commitment. There's
at Staples. There's a button.There used to be a button that I
would have in my classes and thatwas easy button. Yeah, that was
easy. I tried it in Quebec, but in French it sounds sexy because
it's so pretty. You could prettymuch say anything in French. Right.
(40:07):
So, but that's it. It'slike reward yourself with the choice of Yes,
I am the kind of person thatstacks the choice. I can look
at these choices and say, goodfor me, right, that wasn't comfortable,
that wasn't easy, Good for meright? Yeah. Yeah. So
if you had to give three anchorpoints, three things that you would love
(40:30):
people to take away from this conversation, whether you've mentioned it yet or not,
What are three things that you wantto gift to my listeners today?
I would say, when you getup in the morning, ask yourself,
what quality am I willing to choosetoday? Like some people have a word
(40:51):
of the years, whatever that is, What quality am I willing to choose
today? As I said before mineyesterday, mine was kindness. Everything I
dreamt up thought of stories. Itold myself, I would ask myself,
is this being kind to me?If not, I would choose something else.
So that would be the first one. The second would be check in,
(41:13):
check in is what you're choosing congruentin alignment? Who you're asking to
be in the world, Because whoyou're asking to be in the world it's
huge, right, it's huger oryou wouldn't be listening to this podcast right
now. And the third would bechoose gratitude. Everything is here for you.
(41:42):
Gratitude creates, So choose when yougo to bed at night, what
are three things I'm grateful for rightabout you, about whoever you're with,
And let's see what that creates.Yeah, Susan, how can people find
(42:04):
you and your resources? Oh?Thank you so much, Susan. Lazarheart
dot com and I have a greatresource that I've created. It's a self
assessment check in if you will,because people often say, well, I
want to check in with where Iam in the world of my own world,
and it's you just go to Susanselfcheck dot com and there's a series
(42:27):
of questions you ask yourself and seewhat pops for you. What comes up
with and then according to what you'veresponded to, I have a video that
I've done giving you a little hint, a little guidance to see what else
is possible for you. It's susanself check dot com. It's a way
of just tapping in to where youare in the world and what you could
(42:49):
shift and change and what actually youcan acknowledge that you have already created for
yourself. We don't have that spaceanymore where we take the time to just
check in self check dot com.Awesome, Well, Susan, I want
to thank you so much for takingthe time to spend with me today and
to share your passion and your wisdomwith my audience. I'm grateful for the
(43:10):
wisdom and the perspective that you bring, so thank you so much. Thank
you. I'm so grateful for youopening up this space for all the people
that are listening today and in everypodcast. So thank you. It's my
pleasure friends today. If you're onYouTube, just look down below. The
links that Susan has are all downthere for you. If you happen to
(43:30):
be away and you want to checkit out on a platform, you can
go to www. Dot Feminine roadmapdot com. Forward Slash episode three six
zero and the show notes we'll haveall of the links there as well.
You know, this conversation around choice, If I might be a little pithy,
(43:51):
we have no choice but to makechoice. In not making a choice,
in her mind, we're still makinga choice. So absolutely, absolutely
yes. Choice is a part ofthe living that we get to do.
And that's the beautiful thing of it. We get to make the choice,
We get to choose to be grateful, We get to choose to reframe how
we see things so that we cancreate that, let's say, ease,
(44:15):
or that the flavor of the lifethat we want to live. So,
friends, I would encourage you totake some time today and just sit with
the things that are in your heartand mind, hold a space for them,
journal about it, investigate it,see what you think that might mean
for you, because, especially inmidlife, a lot of women or at
that place where they just don't knowwhat's next. This is the perfect conversation
(44:38):
and opportunity to hold some space forwhat if. So thank you so much,
friends for being with us today.I look forward to sharing more inspirational
people, conversations and strategies with youin the weeks to come take care of
my friends. Bye bye, yuh.
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