March 31, 2024 • 46 mins
Today on Feminine Roadmap, Dr. Deepti Gandhi helps listeners curate how to build your midlife toolkit. In this episode she shares her top seven tools for your midlife toolkit. Dr. Ghandi firmly believes in empowering female patients with education and knowledge so they can make well informed choices. When it comes to hormone and midlife health, women are often frustrated with the quality of care they are receiving. It’s important for women to remember that they are the best expert on their own body so you best know what you need, what works and what doesn’t for you. With the toolbox approach that Dr. Gandhi introduces to listeners, women can begin to take charge of this phase of life as see it as a season of opportunity. Menopause is a metamorphosis and we get to create change and pivot. If this sounds like something you need to hear, grab a cuppa and join us! Even better, bring a midlife friend and do it together!
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Episode Transcript
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(00:03):
Hi, I'm Ginifer. Are welcometo the Feminine Roadmap Podcast, a global
community of women in midlife. Wegather here weekly over a cup of something
wonderful for real talk, life changingstrategies and a big dose of sisterhood.
Now, please sit back and enjoy. Hello, Feminine Roadmappers. Welcome back
(00:29):
to Feminine Roadmap Podcast, the podcastthat helps you navigate the challenges and the
changes of midlife and empowers you tolive a more vibrant second half. If
you're catching us on YouTube today,please don't forget to subscribe and ring that
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(00:53):
My guest is passionate about empowering womenwith education and knowledge so that they
can make informed choices when it comesto their hormone health and their midlife health.
Her goal is to help women thrivethrough menipause, midlife, and beyond.
My guest is doctor deep De Gandhi. She's a Board certified family medicine
(01:15):
physician and a certified menopause specialist.Doctor Gandhi, thank you so much for
being with me. Today. It'smy pleasure to be here. Thank you
for having me. I'm really excitedto have this conversation with you today.
I know we've had some time toget to know each other, and I'm
excited for my audience to learn aboutyou. Can you give us a little
bit of a snapshot of why themission and message of helping women in midlife?
(01:41):
Well, thank you for asking that, Gina. I am really really
passionate about empowering women during this timeof life that we called midlife and beyond.
So you know, I'll just sharewith you. During the course of
my career, I've witnessed my femalepatients just struggle with the different symptoms and
(02:04):
fluctuations of hormones and their body causedby perimenopause, and I just felt so
inadequate. Just I felt like Icouldn't even offer them any proper care.
And you know, we have toremember something I started practicing kind of around
when that WHI study in two thousandand two came out. So the information
(02:30):
that I was given and many physicianswere given, was that hormones were dangerous.
They could cause a lot of theycould cause cancer and a lot of
other health problems, and you know, we should take everyone off of them,
and it really caused a lot offear amongst not only medical providers,
but our patients who depend on usto help them and educate them on their
(02:52):
help. And so, you know, I just remember thinking, oh,
wow, you know, I wantto save my patients. I don't want
to hurt them. I was listeningto what I was told, but as
time went on, you know,I just kind of started wondering, like,
wait a minute, you know,I kind of literally saw patients just
(03:12):
for lack of a better word,start sort of wilting in front of me,
these women that I had known.Fast forward to some changes in my
career and my medical practice. Igot to a point where I just,
you know, had so many patientsthat were like, help me, help
me, and I would send themto whoever I could find that that seemed
(03:35):
to be a specialist that I hopedmight know more than me and could help
them. And I didn't really getthe best feedback a lot of the time
from my patients, and they keptsaying, can you just help me,
can you just help me? Andyou know what, at one point,
I just said, you know what, I need to do something, So
I started basically just reading up onliterature on my own, studying at night.
(03:58):
I started taking some courses. Actually, you know, as devastating as
the pandemic was, some of thesemedical courses came online and became virtual,
right, And I think in manyindustries a lot of things went online,
So maybe that was one, youknow, positive thing that happened. And
so I just started learning and consumingas much information as I could, and
(04:19):
I would say I kind of createdmy own little mini fellowship, and that
led up to me deciding to pursuethe certification from the Menopause Society, and
I just felt like, finally Ican offer effective care. But truly I
was inspired by my patients and myfriends and you know, let me tell
(04:43):
you along the way I got intoperimenopause. So nothing teaches you like your
own experience and humbles you. It'sinteresting you use the term wilting, and
it is. It's such a naturalthing. We all go through it,
like for millennia women have experienced this, and so I think the stress of
(05:04):
the world we live in, justthe environment in general, is contributing to
maybe the more intense experiences that we'rehaving. When the world got industrialized,
in the nineteen hundreds, you startseeing women really having difficulty transitioning without feeling
crazy or their bodies just rebelling.And so it's important for us to have
(05:28):
doctors like yourself who are willing togo that extra mile. So we're normalizing
the conversation around menopause. We're normalizingthe process. But what I also understand
that you do is it's not justlike, well, it's just normal,
deal with it. It's like,Okay, while this is normal, here's
(05:48):
some strategies and tools that we canuse. And I know that's the direction
you go, So let's talk aboutwhat you do to help women navigate this
natural, but sometimes very difficult transition. Absolutely, you know, everything you
just said made so much sense.I just wanted to add to that that
I was just doing some reading becausea patient asked me, you know,
(06:12):
are menopause symptoms these days worse thanthey were in prior generations? And I
have to do more reading on it, but from what I'm gathering, they
are. And I wanted to highlightkind of what you said about, you
know, just our modern world,you know, and all the different factors
that may be affecting this part oflife. That we all go through and
(06:39):
why it may be worse than itwas for our prior generations. But thank
you for asking that question. Yeah, so you know, my approach is
to really just sit with my patientand listen. That's that's really the number
one thing that I do is Ilisten to my patients because I know that
(07:00):
if I listen, I'm going tohear what she needs, the information that
she needs. And a lot ofwomen, you know, are gaslet to
be honest, I read it therewas an average that a woman has to
see five to seven different medical providersbefore she's even validated or offered anything,
(07:26):
and so that piece is really important. I always tell my patients, you
know, you've been in your body. If you're in midlife for what at
least three, four or five ormore decades, you know yourself better than
anyone else. You've been through stress, ups and downs, traumas. Unfortunately.
(07:48):
You know the difference between being irritatedby your family, having a stressful
day at work, all of that. You know the difference you know when
there's something else going on. Andthat's what women tell me is they go,
I'm not myself, something else isgoing on here. You just know
(08:09):
it's so unnerving too, because youknow it's happening, but you don't.
It's like it's trying to nail downjello. Sometimes because we're critical of ourselves
for being so overreactive, or beingso sensitive, or being just incapable of
coping that feeling of like I justcan't take it anymore, and it's like
(08:31):
I remember, I mean, I'mstill in perimenopause, but that thought of
like what is happening, Like whyam I so darn irritated? You know,
like you know it's hormones, butat the same time, you're like,
this is ridiculous. I need toget a grip, you know.
But that journey of compassion that youoffer as a doctor, I think is
(08:52):
a wonderful first step. We needto be heard and understood right that it's
not We're not crazy, absolutely,I think, you know, that's sort
of the biggest piece is just havingsomeone listen to you and validate you and
believe you and not being dismissed,you know, And that's what a lot
(09:13):
of my patients share with me.And I like your analogy about the jello
because the other part about this timeof life that I think is worthwhile highlighting
again, is that there's a littlepart of you that's sort of like frustrated,
maybe sad, maybe angry that allof this change is happening. You
(09:37):
know that you weren't the multitasking machinethat you once were to the level that
you once were, which makes thisquestion do we need to be at that
level? Right? But that's aseparate side up. Yeah, but you
know it, there's a lot offeelings associated with it. You know,
will women feel a stigma. Idon't even want to talk about these things
(09:58):
because they feel like, you know, oh, I'm getting old and you
know, in our society, right, and then women it's you know,
we're deeply conditioned into thinking that ourself worth comes from our fertility, our
beauty, right. I mean,hopefully we expand on that and know better,
but you know, some of thatconditioning is really deep, yes,
(10:22):
and it's psychologically a bit. Itscrews with us because we might have like,
let me use myself as an example, I have an ideal of aging
gracefully. And then your body's cooperating, your skin's cooperating, your hair is
(10:46):
cooperating, whatever, and then youhit perimenopause and for some women, they
have that fast aging, right,I've learned about that and I didn't even
know that was a thing, Butyou do wonder some women seemed it's like
it just changes the way their facelooks, it changes every like for some
women it's very physically changing. AndI agree doctor Gandhi that it's it's a
(11:07):
bit of a grieving process because wedon't realize how much we value it until
we begin to lose it. Andso like my ideal of aging gracefully is
one thing, but to actually facethe changes and be at peace is another.
At least that's how I'm you know, engaging with the process myself.
(11:30):
Yes, yes, And I'm wonderingif because you as a doctor, you're
dealing with physical symptoms, but thatmental and emotional and even spiritual side,
just that you know, we arewe're more than our bodies, but we're
so reduced to it sometimes And that'swhat I mean, you know how you
have to navigate all these pieces ofwho we are, and when it comes
(11:52):
to that, it sounds like you'removing in that direction when you meet your
patient, What do you do tohelp help a woman kind of settle so
that you can move forward in it? Because I know, we can get
caught up in the moment of thebrain fog, the whatever, and it
can really be distracting. Absolutely,you know. So I kind of like
(12:13):
to frame this phase of life asversion two point zero. Yeah, right,
I like to kind of offer tomy patients or my followers or listeners
this toolbox approach. Right, Wetend I like that approach kind of you
know that we tend to have forthame in life, any any situation,
(12:33):
any predicament, any new challenge,there's a toolbox, right, And I
tell them, listen, this isversion two point zero. And as much
as these symptoms, these changes thatwe're facing are so frustrating, painful,
angering, maybe it's an opportunity.It's an opportunity to finally shift some focus
(13:01):
back to yourself. Right. Womenare biologically crimed and socially conditioned to be.
As I said before, multitasking machinescarry the emotional burden of relationships across
the board. Tend to everyone beaware of everyone. Women a lot of
the time in midlife men as well, but we're talking about women today.
(13:24):
Tend to feel what I call thatmidlife squeeze right where you're worried about your
kids. If you have some grandkids, you're worried about them. You're worried
about yourself. You're worried about yoursignificant other, You're worried about your parents.
You're worried about your siblings. You'reworried about your friends. You're worried
about your coworkers, you're worried aboutyour colleagues and boss, and I mean
just you're worried about the world.Right, And it can really really take
(13:48):
a toll on us. But sometimesthese symptoms can stop you in your tracks
and grab your attention maybe finally tosay, Okay, wait a minute,
maybe I need to delegate, MaybeI need to stop enabling, Maybe I
need to push back and give myselftime. Right, And and so that's
(14:13):
where I try to integrate this wordcalled opportunity. Right, we get to
acknowledge, mourn and have all ofthe feelings regarding like all the changes that
it might be happening. But ifwe're able to kind of step back and
shift our mindset, then this iswhere I feel like the midlife mindset is
(14:35):
key. We can get creative andwe can look at it like an opportunity.
And that's when my toolbox approach Ihave this imaginary toolbox. I think
I'm gonna buy a real one andhave like maybe some index cards or something
in there to kind of make thatvisual experience, you know, maybe maybe
(14:56):
it'll foster more you know, learning, I think in my clinic. But
I just feel like if we canhave that approach and say, Okay,
the things that tips, tricks,techniques that I used to use my moisturizer,
the way I exercise, the wayI ate, the way I thought,
(15:18):
huh, they all kind of needto be curated. Okay, let's
look at the toolbox, right,And if we just kind of say,
okay, let's really look at whatworks for me, what doesn't work for
me, be open to the factthat we might need to throw some of
those tools out, maybe we needto sharpen some maybe we need to bring
back a tool, we try itagain, that sort of thing. It's
(15:41):
a delicate dance, and it's sodifferent for each person, isn't it.
Absolutely there's a courage element to thisseason of life that I love, you
know, because it's as if lifeis forcing us to slow down a little
bit, and it can feel we'reless then we're less capable then, right,
(16:03):
I think that's the psychological side.But I'm really because I'm in the
midst of it, to your point, seeing the beauty and the opportunity in
the seasons. And that's the wordthat I like to hang on to because
it doesn't mean we're bad or notenough now, it's just a different season,
(16:25):
which to your point, requires differenttools, different strategies, and a
different mindset all around in order toreally glean the beauty of this specific season
of life. At least that's howI'm feeling about it and trying to keep
my head on straight. You know. Oh I love that. I love
that analogy of the seasons. Absolutely, yeah. You know, it's so
(16:48):
funny. This is when you talkabout the toolbox as an artist, I've
got this like visual thing happening.It's like, you know, I think
it's helpful to have a visual toollike that. You know, of index
cards, you could shape the cardslike a specific tool. I don't know,
just thinking about how helpful it wouldbe to have a woman say,
look at these tools, what doyou think you have and what do you
(17:08):
think you need? You know howpowerful I think that would be because it
shifts us from here, do youknow what I mean? Like thinking and
thinking and thinking, and it givesus something concrete outside of our body to
look at and go, oh,yeah, you know that's that's such a
beautiful thing that you're creating in yourmind that I think would be really powerful
(17:32):
for women to see because there's aIt sounds like what you're saying, doctor
Gandhi, is that where this compilationof experiences and knowledge and wisdom and we
get kind of lost or maybe it'sjust the season that we do all those
things in care right, But thisshift that you're talking about, I think
(17:53):
it's part of the net the natureof our process. There's some kind of
proving process that we're going through sothat we can become this more I don't
know if matures the right word,but you know, do you understand what
I'm saying, Like it's it's we'rebecoming. It's like from the caterpillar to
(18:15):
the butterfly almost. I feel likemenopause is that metamorphosis. The perimenopause is
it the thing in the middle.It's beautiful. I just had this beautiful
vision of that. Wow. Ilove that menopause is a metamorphosis. I
love it. Yeah, And Ithink having a doctor like you that can
(18:38):
appreciate the uniqueness of each woman's journey, but the overarching reality that it's a
common experience in general. You know, what is your favorite part of this
process? What do you love aboutworking with midlife women? You know,
I love working with midlife women becausethey have gotten to a point where they
(19:02):
know themselves, you know, wherethey have a knowing that's beyond their roles
and labels m h. And theymay be in the process of realizing that,
but I see it and I loveit. I love when I see
(19:22):
that and when they realize that.What are some of the tools in that
toolkit that you think become more prominentin this season of life? You know,
I have my top seven tools,So I'm glad you brought that up
so and earlier you said you knowthat each woman her experience will be very
unique and individual, and I thinkthat's really important because each woman's toolkit or
(19:48):
toolbox is going to be very uniqueas well. And the other issue that
can kind of be frustrating is thetools may need to change on each woman's
journey, right, So, what, for example, dosage of certain medications
that you might be on that workfor a while, all of a sudden
(20:11):
may not work and may need tobe adjusted, and so that sometimes can
be frustrating. But again, ifwe have a mindset where we're able to
be open to that, it doeshelp. And sometimes it's hard to get
to that mindset. So I don'tlike to kind of push toxic positivity and
gratitude on people, even though Ilove gratitude as a tool. You know,
(20:34):
we need to validate what's going onfirst. Now, when we talk
about my wellness tools, my favoritetop seven. The first one that I
think is really important is joy.You know, making sure to schedule joy
things that you're passionate about in thecalendar, just as you have a calendar
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for every single person in your house, yourself, the vet, everything,
the veets, going to the vet. It's really important to schedule experiences,
activities that have one purpose and it'sfun, just fun. And we know
there's plenty of science and data thatproves how how many health benefits that in
(21:26):
and of itself has, So that'skind of number one, and they're not
really in any order. The nextone is sleep. Sleep is very very
important for us to prioritize. That'skind of what our body is recharging.
There's all sorts of biochemical reactions happening. There's different spikes in different hormones.
(21:47):
And you know, just as wecharge our phones every night, you would
never not do that and never notcharge your device. We need to remember
our bodies require this. All humansrequire this, not just women in me
life, but sleep I do bringup because that is one of the most
I guess, frustrating complaints that have, whether it's their hot flashes or night
(22:11):
sweats or sometimes it's just you know, anxiety that we know goes up during
this time. It does get affectedfor most women going through this, and
so it's really important that you followsleep hygiene. So you know, I
always tell people, making sure thatyou're not on a screen an hour or
two before you go to bed,you know, really limiting alcohol and caffeine
(22:33):
so that you're not having to getup overnight and go to the bathroom,
making sure you're not you know,watching TV in bed. Right, Like
just kind of hygiene tips. I'mnot going to go through every single one.
And then specifically for women in midlife, you know, consider wearing cotton
clothing, layers that you can takeoff, consider a fan, make sure
(22:56):
that the temperature is cool enough foryou. So those sorts of tips and
techniques are the kind of thing thatI talk about, and of course I
tailor it towards each patient that comesin. The next one that I like
to talk about is getting outdoors,right, so we know there's a plethora
of health benefits to getting outdoors.You're activating your vitamin D. It helps
you know, especially if you canget out in that early morning light.
(23:18):
It can help your sleep wake cycleso that you'll sleep better again. Going
back to the sleep. People whospend time outdoors tend to exercise more and
tend to make better health choices,we notice, and it can be great
for your blood pressure, your stresslevels, very very important. Number four
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I guess in the toolkit would beconnection. So we know right that connection
is a core psychological need of humanbeings. It starts when we are our
infants. You know, we're attachedto our caregivers, our parents, and
you know it's really important for oursurvival, you know, to have people
(24:04):
in our lives that we trust,that we truly connect with. And I
really highlight this in my clinic becauseI tell patients, you know, now's
the time when you really get tokind of curate, and I love that
word. Curate your relationships. What'sworking for you, what's not working for
you? How do you feel whenyou spend time with certain people? So
(24:26):
it you know, one of mypatients came in this week and she was
saying she couldn't she didn't have anyoneelse in her life to talk to about
her debilitating symptoms in me and Ijust I just felt so bad, you
know. I mean, I'm soglad she trusted me and came to see
me, but I also felt reallybad, Like you know, I really
(24:47):
wish she had more people. Andthat's actually why one of my colleagues and
I are starting a Facebook group,because the sense of connection and community is
really really important, especially during thistrial to say, the least time of
our lives. I know it's notlike that for everyone, but for some
people it really is. And youknow, to offer a safe space to
(25:08):
have these conversations. And then Iwould say nutrition. Nutrition, we know
is a very important aspect, asthey say, food is medicine. How
you nourish yourself is very very important. So really for women during this time,
you know, there's so much goingon metabolically, you know, the
way that we metabolize fat, theway that we gain and put on that
(25:34):
changes, our distribution of that changes. You know, our insulin resistance is
going up, so much is goingup. People notice without changing diet and
exercise that their cholesterol is start tocape up, you know, and there's
a lot of reasons for that.I'm not going to go into today because
we'd be here all day. Butyou know, it's so I tell people,
you know, getting the right amountof protein is really important, getting
(25:56):
the right amount of fiber is reallyimportant. You know, getting in the
right nutrition is key. And thenexercise, of course so important. And
a lot of women again they'll they'llmention like, you know, this weakain
has come on. I mean,I'm at the gym, I'm doing all
the things. I don't understand.I haven't changed anything. Literally, most
(26:17):
women will experience some amount of weightgain during this transition, and so it's
important to exercise, but being opento the change and the way that you
exercise. So it might seem counterintuitive, but really bringing that restorative piece is
important. And then of course weighttraining right, strength training, resistance training
(26:41):
is very very important because our musclemass is going down, are you know,
and then our bone density is goingdown as well. So key key
points because we talk so much aboutyou know, our longevity, right,
I mean, now the average ageis we make it till our eighties,
right, but what is that likegetting to I mean are we frail?
Are we following? Are we havingfractures? You know, very very important
(27:03):
to think about our exercise and movement. And then lastly kind of in that
top seven would be stress reduction yamindfulness And I have that very lengthy term,
you know, on purpose. Soin our modern world, I mean
the amount of stress that people face. I mean we know that even children
(27:25):
you know are now having high highlevels of anxiety. Right, So stress
reduction ya mindfulness is key, andin my opinion, it's really irreplaceable.
I mean, you know, asmuch time as you might spend with your
friends or or you know, youknow, travel and do other things that
you know in each person that's differentbut may bring you joy and help you
(27:48):
cope with things in your life.That we know, there is so much
research on mindfulness and the health benefits, and so I put it in my
notes and I share with my patients, and I'm all always happy to jump
on a call and show them howto practice some of these. But some
of my top favorite mindfulness practices wouldbe breathing exercises. Just doing it for
(28:11):
five minutes a day, right,we know that can help bring down your
blood pressure, it can bring downyour cortisol. Right. Gratitude journaling one
of my favorites. That was atransformational wellness tool in my life in particular.
You know, just taking out afew minutes at the end of the
day, at the beginning of theday, whenever you have time to jot
down a few things can really reallycause the shift in your neurotransmitters. As
(28:36):
so many different health benefits, butreally change your mindset. And you know,
the third one that I recommend ismeditation. So there's something for everyone
in terms of mindfulness, but thoseare kind of my top ones, you
know. You know when you mentionedbreathing, breathing is a fantastic tool for
(28:57):
sleep as well. I had usean app called Headspace. I started using
it because my husband sometimes snores,not all the time, and usually I'm
the person that when I'm asleep itdoesn't matter, but getting to sleep might
be more challenging with the noise.So I needed something to redirect my brain
(29:17):
to and so they talk and thenthey have different wind down exercises, and
one of them is different breathing techniques. And I find that breathing is a
way of calming my brain, likeit gets everything, It quiets noise in
my mind and body. I thinkit's such a simple tool. I mean,
there's several I'm sure you have atoolbox of even breathing tools, but
(29:41):
I wanted to highlight the fact thatthat's a really helpful I've almost inadvertently trained
my body to do certain breathing withI start to feel stress. You know,
I won't even realize I'm doing ituntil my family's like, hey,
are you all right? You're takingdeep breaths. But I feel like the
(30:02):
toolbox that you're talking about, theseare all very practical, easy things that
we can do and integrate into aday without disrupting a routine, which is
really helpful. Yes, yes,And sometimes I tell people, look,
you can't do all of them everyday. If you could just do one
a day, you know, that'swhat I call self care, right,
seven days, you could you couldcycle through the seven Well, the sleepers
(30:27):
should probably not cycle through the Yeah, that one, right, And some
of them can overlap, right,Like you could be walking your dog and
walking with a neighbor outside, youknow, and combine them and there you
go. You've got outdoors, you'vegot exercise, you've got connection with your
furry pet, and your neighbor yourfriend. Right, So there's so many
(30:49):
ways of doing it, but Ithink it helps to identify and prioritize,
like I need. I want todo these things for myself and they have
proven health benefits and I deserve that. That's a really good point, doctor
Gandhi, is learning to identify whatwe need and then ask for it,
(31:14):
not like can I have it,but say do you have time to spend
time with me? Or do youwant to take a walk with me?
Because I think there's the quiet momentsand then there's the community moments that we
as women really need. It's likevital to our life to be able to
acknowledge what we need and to bein community with other people, healthy community
(31:34):
of course, finding those and Ifeel like midlife, if I could veer
off course a little bit when itcomes to community, I feel like it
really is a season where we aswomen and it feels like the hormonal shift
really complements the emotional shifts in whatwe're willing to tolerate shifts. There's kind
(31:56):
of a general like many women thatI've talked to, they hit this point
and it's like, I no longerI'm going to tolerate this. This no
longer works for me. And thenthe ability to vocalize that and hold that
boundary seems like a very uniquely midlifekind of behavior, if that makes sense.
(32:19):
Absolutely, I absolutely agree with you. You know, I was talking
to a patient the other day andshe's going through her symptoms. We're helping
her, she's she's doing all thetools, you know, and so we're
navigating this with her, and shewas just mentioning that, you know,
there was a day where, youknow, one of her parents called her,
(32:42):
and then one of her siblings calledher, and then one of her
kids needed something, and you know, she finally just she said she lost
it. And I said what happened? And she said, I just stopped
answering my phone And I was like, how did that feel? And she
said it was great? And Iwas like, who, so right?
So it's about that boundary setting thata lot of the time, you know,
(33:04):
if you know, depending on howold you are, how you were
raise, your background. Most womenwho are in mid life, right,
were probably taught to be nice girls, to be sweet, might be you
know, recovering from the disease toplease right, depending on you know,
kind of your generation where you're at. Again, not everybody, but I
(33:29):
see these constants, you know,and so like you said, it's it's
whether it's your hormones, the symptoms, everything together. It's a time where
there's, like you said, abig shift, and I think it's kind
of a lot of women thinking like, hey, let's see, I've got
(33:51):
probably what thirty forty years to go? How do I want to live this
next? Yeah, couple decades?Right? What life legacy do I want
to lead? Do I can?And do I want to keep doing things
this way? Is this sustainable?I love that you asked the question is
this sustainable? And the reason Ilove the question, doctor Gandhi, is
(34:15):
because I think it has been technicallysustainable for some season of our life.
Do you know what I mean?For that season it was sustainable. Maybe
we could argue that I shouldn't havedone all those things, but it doesn't
matter our capacity. This is thething that I'm noticing the capacity changes and
(34:37):
we have to pull to your toolboxidea different tools to the forefront that you
pointed out probably twenty minutes ago,maybe tools we've forgotten about that weren't necessarily
necessary at that moment, that wherethey didn't fit in to the season we
were in. But I love thatbecause I think that's a difficult thing to
(34:58):
acknowledge. I I think is itdoes feel like I can't do as much.
I hear that a lot too,right, And the opportunity I want
to circle back to the opportunity toshift that mindset. And that's your words,
that we can see it as aloss or we can see it as
an opportunity. And I'd like toflesh out the opportunity mindset a little bit
(35:21):
because I think it's an important it'san important way to redirect our frustrations or
our grief or whatever it is theemotion we would call it. So let's
talk a little bit more about theopportunity that midlife offers us. Yes,
I love how you phrase that.You know, I feel that there's times
(35:43):
in our life, you know,where we're face worth challenges and we're angry.
We don't want to change you know, we are upset, we're sad,
why is this happening to me?And this type of life can feel
like that. But thing is,it's going to happen for all of us.
We are all we're lucky enough tobe going to experience those changes.
(36:07):
Now, for some people they're asymptomatic they breeze right through our Others it's
a different story. They're miserable thatthey're debilitating symptoms for that. So if
we talk about someone who's struggling,who's suffering, you know a lot of
the time what happens is we havethis resistance and that really impedes us from
(36:30):
sort of getting to that creative Thisis an opportunity kind of place right that's
space. And when we talk aboutresistance, I don't mean to say that
we aren't allowed to be upset,complain, you know, angry, sad,
frustrated, of course, and weneed to validate those feelings. I'm
(36:51):
not again about bypassing of any ofit, because we all know, right
we've done that where we tried tobypass and we ended up blowing up probably
on someone else who did deserve itright and making a mess and then having
to do damage control doesn't work,right, So after we've felt all the
feelings and continue, like you saidearlier in the episode, to have compassion,
(37:14):
you know, and give ourselves gracefor navigating this difficult part of life,
there comes a point where you know, we have to sit in some
degree of acceptance, right, youaccept, Okay, this is where I'm
at. Sometimes it's awful, andsometimes I kind of like, you know,
(37:36):
deciding that I'm laying down a boundaryand no longer you know, taking
X, Y and Z right,we start to sort of open ourselves up,
right, And when when we acceptour set of circumstances, we can
then maybe create a space for gettingcreative right and maybe having some gratitude for
(37:58):
some of the few silver life nesthat there might be. And then that
opens up, like I said again, that sort of creativity solutions based mindset,
abundance mindset right, and then maybewe can say, huh, let
me think about those tools, right, let me think about ordering that book
(38:21):
to help me understand this, Letme make that appointment, you know,
let me take a walk, letme make a smoothie, you know,
And that's when we can start toembrace the as is the reality of what's
happening and then become creative. MM. It's like removing the resistance is
(38:44):
the key for that door of opportunityand seeing it to even open. The
resistance keeps us from even seeing thatthere's an option other than the frustration that
we're sitting in in the moment.So yeah, you know, I just
want to to say, you know, on behalf of the medical medical community
that you know, the not validatingyou know, doesn't help women get to
(39:08):
a place of acceptance and creativity rightand feeling like okay, let me open
this toolbox up and start figuring thisout. So it's so important, you
know, to have a community andto see providers who understand, who have
sought out education and are experts.Yeah right. Otherwise, women could,
(39:30):
with all the intentions of wanting tohelp themselves embracing this aspect of life,
you know, could just keep bumpinginto no support and that's not okay,
which is another boundary that we havethe opportunity to set in this season of
life, right right, this isnot adequate for my needs. I need
(39:53):
to ask for more. So so, doctor Gandhi, if you had three
key takeaway that you really want myaudience to sit with and to receive.
What would those be? Oh?I love this question, you know.
My first one would be to listento yourself, to trust yourself. Listen
(40:15):
and trust yourself again. You havebeen in your body for decades. No
one knows your body better than you. Yeah, so that would be kind
of number one. And then numbertwo my favorite toolbox approach be open,
you know, switch out tools,try try tools again, try new tools.
(40:42):
And I think the third would be, as I said, my one
of my favorite words is curate.Curate your life. Be mindful, be
choosy with everything you ingest, whetherit's you know, the feeds on your
social media accounts, the TV showsyou watch, the podcast you listen to,
(41:02):
the music you listen to, thepeople that you surround yourself, what
are the conversations that are having beinghad? And of course you know medical
information, health information. Just bechoosy and of course that includes what you
eat right to what you ingest ingeneral. So curate your life, eyes,
(41:28):
ears, and mouth right, allthe senses, all the senses.
So, doctor Gandhi, how canpeople find you and your resources? Oh?
You know, I think the bestway to kind of stay close to
me and my work is on Instagram, so my account is so lay underscore
(41:49):
Wellness, so it's s O LE, I L and then underscore wellness
perfect, yes, And then Iwill be sharing on that account a Facebook
page that I'm creating with a colleagueto offer women a sense of community,
science based information, holistic tips becauseI see this need so much. And
(42:15):
I also have a midlife Mindfulness Masterykind of group, a coaching program that
I'm still in the works with,still developing. I'm developing the title so
for forgive me, I don't havethat quite yet. But yeah, if
anyone wants to DM me on Instagram, my email is there as well,
(42:37):
and we can get you connected toresources. Wonderful well doctor Gandhi, again,
thank you so much for bringing yourwisdom, your knowledge, your passion,
and your compassion to this conversation.I think it's so important to have
women like you as well. Maledoctors are great and I've had, but
(43:00):
I just really appreciate you tapping intothat reality of you as a woman and
compassionately communicating it to other women becauseI think back to that community, the
right doctor is a good addition tothe community that we need in this season
of life and mentoring those coming behindus so that they can have maybe a
(43:22):
more positive experience. So thank youfor making the shifts that you made,
courageously choosing to get more education,more specialized and then showing up in the
world with all these things that you'recurating yourself so that women can have more
resources. I really appreciate you andwhat you're doing in the world. Oh,
(43:44):
thank you so much, Gina.I mean, I'm such a fan
of your work and what you putout to the world, the conversations that
you have and all the wisdom thatyou bring, the support, the information
oh needed. So thank you somuch for having me. It was a
pleasure, wonderful and I you knownow you're a part of that resource and
(44:07):
I'm just so grateful for this opportunityto have a podcast. And if you
are hearing this podcast for the firsttime, this resource is deep and wide.
Doctor Gandhi is one of many amazingpeople. So if you happen to
be on YouTube, just look downbelow and I'll have the link to her
Instagram there and you can keep yourear to the ground of what she's doing
(44:30):
over there, so you don't missout. On her Facebook group and that
coaching opportunity. If you're on apodcast platform, you can head over to
www. Dot Feminine roadmap dot comForward Slash episode three six four and the
resources will be there as well.You know, this conversation can't be had
too often in my opinion, andeach time I speak to an expert,
(44:53):
someone who has a passion and acalling to help those of us navigate our
midlife in a more vibrant and alignedway. It's important because each person has
a different voice that speaks into ourlife and we're more depending on where we're
at, more able to receive,more willing to receive. It's sometimes like
(45:15):
a drink of water to a thirstysponge. And I feel like in midlife,
especially in perimenopausas our bodies are changing, our lives are changing, our
responsibilities are changing, we can runa little bit dry, but we don't
have to stay in that state.And I think that's the key of what
doctor Gandhi is telling us. Wehave a toolkit. We need to lift
ourselves up and look for those opportunitiesso that we see the beauty of this
(45:40):
season and not just the challenges.And we all know, you know,
a rose is not a rose withoutits thorns, And so as we go
through midlife and we have these challenges, the thorns and the flowers themselves are
making our life more rich and wehave the opportunity to tap into that beauty
and make something special of it.So please share this conversation with your friends,
(46:02):
tap into the resources, be willingto be open to the beauty that
is waiting for you. Thank youso much for being with us today.
I look forward to sharing more inspirationalpeople and conversations and strategies with you in
the weeks to come. Take careof my friends. Bye bye,
Hi, I'm Ginifer. Are welcometo the Feminine Roadmap Podcast, a global
community of women in midlife. Wegather here weekly over a cup of something
wonderful for real talk, life changingstrategies and a big dose of sisterhood.
Now, please sit back and enjoy. Hello, Feminine Roadmappers. Welcome back
(00:29):
to Feminine Roadmap Podcast, the podcastthat helps you navigate the challenges and the
changes of midlife and empowers you tolive a more vibrant second half. If
you're catching us on YouTube today,please don't forget to subscribe and ring that
bells you don't miss any more ofthese conversations. And if you're on a
podcast platform, please remember to subscribe, rate, and share this conversation today.
(00:53):
My guest is passionate about empowering womenwith education and knowledge so that they
can make informed choices when it comesto their hormone health and their midlife health.
Her goal is to help women thrivethrough menipause, midlife, and beyond.
My guest is doctor deep De Gandhi. She's a Board certified family medicine
(01:15):
physician and a certified menopause specialist.Doctor Gandhi, thank you so much for
being with me. Today. It'smy pleasure to be here. Thank you
for having me. I'm really excitedto have this conversation with you today.
I know we've had some time toget to know each other, and I'm
excited for my audience to learn aboutyou. Can you give us a little
bit of a snapshot of why themission and message of helping women in midlife?
(01:41):
Well, thank you for asking that, Gina. I am really really
passionate about empowering women during this timeof life that we called midlife and beyond.
So you know, I'll just sharewith you. During the course of
my career, I've witnessed my femalepatients just struggle with the different symptoms and
(02:04):
fluctuations of hormones and their body causedby perimenopause, and I just felt so
inadequate. Just I felt like Icouldn't even offer them any proper care.
And you know, we have toremember something I started practicing kind of around
when that WHI study in two thousandand two came out. So the information
(02:30):
that I was given and many physicianswere given, was that hormones were dangerous.
They could cause a lot of theycould cause cancer and a lot of
other health problems, and you know, we should take everyone off of them,
and it really caused a lot offear amongst not only medical providers,
but our patients who depend on usto help them and educate them on their
(02:52):
help. And so, you know, I just remember thinking, oh,
wow, you know, I wantto save my patients. I don't want
to hurt them. I was listeningto what I was told, but as
time went on, you know,I just kind of started wondering, like,
wait a minute, you know,I kind of literally saw patients just
(03:12):
for lack of a better word,start sort of wilting in front of me,
these women that I had known.Fast forward to some changes in my
career and my medical practice. Igot to a point where I just,
you know, had so many patientsthat were like, help me, help
me, and I would send themto whoever I could find that that seemed
(03:35):
to be a specialist that I hopedmight know more than me and could help
them. And I didn't really getthe best feedback a lot of the time
from my patients, and they keptsaying, can you just help me,
can you just help me? Andyou know what, at one point,
I just said, you know what, I need to do something, So
I started basically just reading up onliterature on my own, studying at night.
(03:58):
I started taking some courses. Actually, you know, as devastating as
the pandemic was, some of thesemedical courses came online and became virtual,
right, And I think in manyindustries a lot of things went online,
So maybe that was one, youknow, positive thing that happened. And
so I just started learning and consumingas much information as I could, and
(04:19):
I would say I kind of createdmy own little mini fellowship, and that
led up to me deciding to pursuethe certification from the Menopause Society, and
I just felt like, finally Ican offer effective care. But truly I
was inspired by my patients and myfriends and you know, let me tell
(04:43):
you along the way I got intoperimenopause. So nothing teaches you like your
own experience and humbles you. It'sinteresting you use the term wilting, and
it is. It's such a naturalthing. We all go through it,
like for millennia women have experienced this, and so I think the stress of
(05:04):
the world we live in, justthe environment in general, is contributing to
maybe the more intense experiences that we'rehaving. When the world got industrialized,
in the nineteen hundreds, you startseeing women really having difficulty transitioning without feeling
crazy or their bodies just rebelling.And so it's important for us to have
(05:28):
doctors like yourself who are willing togo that extra mile. So we're normalizing
the conversation around menopause. We're normalizingthe process. But what I also understand
that you do is it's not justlike, well, it's just normal,
deal with it. It's like,Okay, while this is normal, here's
(05:48):
some strategies and tools that we canuse. And I know that's the direction
you go, So let's talk aboutwhat you do to help women navigate this
natural, but sometimes very difficult transition. Absolutely, you know, everything you
just said made so much sense.I just wanted to add to that that
I was just doing some reading becausea patient asked me, you know,
(06:12):
are menopause symptoms these days worse thanthey were in prior generations? And I
have to do more reading on it, but from what I'm gathering, they
are. And I wanted to highlightkind of what you said about, you
know, just our modern world,you know, and all the different factors
that may be affecting this part oflife. That we all go through and
(06:39):
why it may be worse than itwas for our prior generations. But thank
you for asking that question. Yeah, so you know, my approach is
to really just sit with my patientand listen. That's that's really the number
one thing that I do is Ilisten to my patients because I know that
(07:00):
if I listen, I'm going tohear what she needs, the information that
she needs. And a lot ofwomen, you know, are gaslet to
be honest, I read it therewas an average that a woman has to
see five to seven different medical providersbefore she's even validated or offered anything,
(07:26):
and so that piece is really important. I always tell my patients, you
know, you've been in your body. If you're in midlife for what at
least three, four or five ormore decades, you know yourself better than
anyone else. You've been through stress, ups and downs, traumas. Unfortunately.
(07:48):
You know the difference between being irritatedby your family, having a stressful
day at work, all of that. You know the difference you know when
there's something else going on. Andthat's what women tell me is they go,
I'm not myself, something else isgoing on here. You just know
(08:09):
it's so unnerving too, because youknow it's happening, but you don't.
It's like it's trying to nail downjello. Sometimes because we're critical of ourselves
for being so overreactive, or beingso sensitive, or being just incapable of
coping that feeling of like I justcan't take it anymore, and it's like
(08:31):
I remember, I mean, I'mstill in perimenopause, but that thought of
like what is happening, Like whyam I so darn irritated? You know,
like you know it's hormones, butat the same time, you're like,
this is ridiculous. I need toget a grip, you know.
But that journey of compassion that youoffer as a doctor, I think is
(08:52):
a wonderful first step. We needto be heard and understood right that it's
not We're not crazy, absolutely,I think, you know, that's sort
of the biggest piece is just havingsomeone listen to you and validate you and
believe you and not being dismissed,you know, And that's what a lot
(09:13):
of my patients share with me.And I like your analogy about the jello
because the other part about this timeof life that I think is worthwhile highlighting
again, is that there's a littlepart of you that's sort of like frustrated,
maybe sad, maybe angry that allof this change is happening. You
(09:37):
know that you weren't the multitasking machinethat you once were to the level that
you once were, which makes thisquestion do we need to be at that
level? Right? But that's aseparate side up. Yeah, but you
know it, there's a lot offeelings associated with it. You know,
will women feel a stigma. Idon't even want to talk about these things
(09:58):
because they feel like, you know, oh, I'm getting old and you
know, in our society, right, and then women it's you know,
we're deeply conditioned into thinking that ourself worth comes from our fertility, our
beauty, right. I mean,hopefully we expand on that and know better,
but you know, some of thatconditioning is really deep, yes,
(10:22):
and it's psychologically a bit. Itscrews with us because we might have like,
let me use myself as an example, I have an ideal of aging
gracefully. And then your body's cooperating, your skin's cooperating, your hair is
(10:46):
cooperating, whatever, and then youhit perimenopause and for some women, they
have that fast aging, right,I've learned about that and I didn't even
know that was a thing, Butyou do wonder some women seemed it's like
it just changes the way their facelooks, it changes every like for some
women it's very physically changing. AndI agree doctor Gandhi that it's it's a
(11:07):
bit of a grieving process because wedon't realize how much we value it until
we begin to lose it. Andso like my ideal of aging gracefully is
one thing, but to actually facethe changes and be at peace is another.
At least that's how I'm you know, engaging with the process myself.
(11:30):
Yes, yes, And I'm wonderingif because you as a doctor, you're
dealing with physical symptoms, but thatmental and emotional and even spiritual side,
just that you know, we arewe're more than our bodies, but we're
so reduced to it sometimes And that'swhat I mean, you know how you
have to navigate all these pieces ofwho we are, and when it comes
(11:52):
to that, it sounds like you'removing in that direction when you meet your
patient, What do you do tohelp help a woman kind of settle so
that you can move forward in it? Because I know, we can get
caught up in the moment of thebrain fog, the whatever, and it
can really be distracting. Absolutely,you know. So I kind of like
(12:13):
to frame this phase of life asversion two point zero. Yeah, right,
I like to kind of offer tomy patients or my followers or listeners
this toolbox approach. Right, Wetend I like that approach kind of you
know that we tend to have forthame in life, any any situation,
(12:33):
any predicament, any new challenge,there's a toolbox, right, And I
tell them, listen, this isversion two point zero. And as much
as these symptoms, these changes thatwe're facing are so frustrating, painful,
angering, maybe it's an opportunity.It's an opportunity to finally shift some focus
(13:01):
back to yourself. Right. Womenare biologically crimed and socially conditioned to be.
As I said before, multitasking machinescarry the emotional burden of relationships across
the board. Tend to everyone beaware of everyone. Women a lot of
the time in midlife men as well, but we're talking about women today.
(13:24):
Tend to feel what I call thatmidlife squeeze right where you're worried about your
kids. If you have some grandkids, you're worried about them. You're worried
about yourself. You're worried about yoursignificant other, You're worried about your parents.
You're worried about your siblings. You'reworried about your friends. You're worried
about your coworkers, you're worried aboutyour colleagues and boss, and I mean
just you're worried about the world.Right, And it can really really take
(13:48):
a toll on us. But sometimesthese symptoms can stop you in your tracks
and grab your attention maybe finally tosay, Okay, wait a minute,
maybe I need to delegate, MaybeI need to stop enabling, Maybe I
need to push back and give myselftime. Right, And and so that's
(14:13):
where I try to integrate this wordcalled opportunity. Right, we get to
acknowledge, mourn and have all ofthe feelings regarding like all the changes that
it might be happening. But ifwe're able to kind of step back and
shift our mindset, then this iswhere I feel like the midlife mindset is
(14:35):
key. We can get creative andwe can look at it like an opportunity.
And that's when my toolbox approach Ihave this imaginary toolbox. I think
I'm gonna buy a real one andhave like maybe some index cards or something
in there to kind of make thatvisual experience, you know, maybe maybe
(14:56):
it'll foster more you know, learning, I think in my clinic. But
I just feel like if we canhave that approach and say, Okay,
the things that tips, tricks,techniques that I used to use my moisturizer,
the way I exercise, the wayI ate, the way I thought,
(15:18):
huh, they all kind of needto be curated. Okay, let's
look at the toolbox, right,And if we just kind of say,
okay, let's really look at whatworks for me, what doesn't work for
me, be open to the factthat we might need to throw some of
those tools out, maybe we needto sharpen some maybe we need to bring
back a tool, we try itagain, that sort of thing. It's
(15:41):
a delicate dance, and it's sodifferent for each person, isn't it.
Absolutely there's a courage element to thisseason of life that I love, you
know, because it's as if lifeis forcing us to slow down a little
bit, and it can feel we'reless then we're less capable then, right,
(16:03):
I think that's the psychological side.But I'm really because I'm in the
midst of it, to your point, seeing the beauty and the opportunity in
the seasons. And that's the wordthat I like to hang on to because
it doesn't mean we're bad or notenough now, it's just a different season,
(16:25):
which to your point, requires differenttools, different strategies, and a
different mindset all around in order toreally glean the beauty of this specific season
of life. At least that's howI'm feeling about it and trying to keep
my head on straight. You know. Oh I love that. I love
that analogy of the seasons. Absolutely, yeah. You know, it's so
(16:48):
funny. This is when you talkabout the toolbox as an artist, I've
got this like visual thing happening.It's like, you know, I think
it's helpful to have a visual toollike that. You know, of index
cards, you could shape the cardslike a specific tool. I don't know,
just thinking about how helpful it wouldbe to have a woman say,
look at these tools, what doyou think you have and what do you
(17:08):
think you need? You know howpowerful I think that would be because it
shifts us from here, do youknow what I mean? Like thinking and
thinking and thinking, and it givesus something concrete outside of our body to
look at and go, oh,yeah, you know that's that's such a
beautiful thing that you're creating in yourmind that I think would be really powerful
(17:32):
for women to see because there's aIt sounds like what you're saying, doctor
Gandhi, is that where this compilationof experiences and knowledge and wisdom and we
get kind of lost or maybe it'sjust the season that we do all those
things in care right, But thisshift that you're talking about, I think
(17:53):
it's part of the net the natureof our process. There's some kind of
proving process that we're going through sothat we can become this more I don't
know if matures the right word,but you know, do you understand what
I'm saying, Like it's it's we'rebecoming. It's like from the caterpillar to
(18:15):
the butterfly almost. I feel likemenopause is that metamorphosis. The perimenopause is
it the thing in the middle.It's beautiful. I just had this beautiful
vision of that. Wow. Ilove that menopause is a metamorphosis. I
love it. Yeah, And Ithink having a doctor like you that can
(18:38):
appreciate the uniqueness of each woman's journey, but the overarching reality that it's a
common experience in general. You know, what is your favorite part of this
process? What do you love aboutworking with midlife women? You know,
I love working with midlife women becausethey have gotten to a point where they
(19:02):
know themselves, you know, wherethey have a knowing that's beyond their roles
and labels m h. And theymay be in the process of realizing that,
but I see it and I loveit. I love when I see
(19:22):
that and when they realize that.What are some of the tools in that
toolkit that you think become more prominentin this season of life? You know,
I have my top seven tools,So I'm glad you brought that up
so and earlier you said you knowthat each woman her experience will be very
unique and individual, and I thinkthat's really important because each woman's toolkit or
(19:48):
toolbox is going to be very uniqueas well. And the other issue that
can kind of be frustrating is thetools may need to change on each woman's
journey, right, So, what, for example, dosage of certain medications
that you might be on that workfor a while, all of a sudden
(20:11):
may not work and may need tobe adjusted, and so that sometimes can
be frustrating. But again, ifwe have a mindset where we're able to
be open to that, it doeshelp. And sometimes it's hard to get
to that mindset. So I don'tlike to kind of push toxic positivity and
gratitude on people, even though Ilove gratitude as a tool. You know,
(20:34):
we need to validate what's going onfirst. Now, when we talk
about my wellness tools, my favoritetop seven. The first one that I
think is really important is joy.You know, making sure to schedule joy
things that you're passionate about in thecalendar, just as you have a calendar
(20:59):
for every single person in your house, yourself, the vet, everything,
the veets, going to the vet. It's really important to schedule experiences,
activities that have one purpose and it'sfun, just fun. And we know
there's plenty of science and data thatproves how how many health benefits that in
(21:26):
and of itself has, So that'skind of number one, and they're not
really in any order. The nextone is sleep. Sleep is very very
important for us to prioritize. That'skind of what our body is recharging.
There's all sorts of biochemical reactions happening. There's different spikes in different hormones.
(21:47):
And you know, just as wecharge our phones every night, you would
never not do that and never notcharge your device. We need to remember
our bodies require this. All humansrequire this, not just women in me
life, but sleep I do bringup because that is one of the most
I guess, frustrating complaints that have, whether it's their hot flashes or night
(22:11):
sweats or sometimes it's just you know, anxiety that we know goes up during
this time. It does get affectedfor most women going through this, and
so it's really important that you followsleep hygiene. So you know, I
always tell people, making sure thatyou're not on a screen an hour or
two before you go to bed,you know, really limiting alcohol and caffeine
(22:33):
so that you're not having to getup overnight and go to the bathroom,
making sure you're not you know,watching TV in bed. Right, Like
just kind of hygiene tips. I'mnot going to go through every single one.
And then specifically for women in midlife, you know, consider wearing cotton
clothing, layers that you can takeoff, consider a fan, make sure
(22:56):
that the temperature is cool enough foryou. So those sorts of tips and
techniques are the kind of thing thatI talk about, and of course I
tailor it towards each patient that comesin. The next one that I like
to talk about is getting outdoors,right, so we know there's a plethora
of health benefits to getting outdoors.You're activating your vitamin D. It helps
you know, especially if you canget out in that early morning light.
(23:18):
It can help your sleep wake cycleso that you'll sleep better again. Going
back to the sleep. People whospend time outdoors tend to exercise more and
tend to make better health choices,we notice, and it can be great
for your blood pressure, your stresslevels, very very important. Number four
(23:42):
I guess in the toolkit would beconnection. So we know right that connection
is a core psychological need of humanbeings. It starts when we are our
infants. You know, we're attachedto our caregivers, our parents, and
you know it's really important for oursurvival, you know, to have people
(24:04):
in our lives that we trust,that we truly connect with. And I
really highlight this in my clinic becauseI tell patients, you know, now's
the time when you really get tokind of curate, and I love that
word. Curate your relationships. What'sworking for you, what's not working for
you? How do you feel whenyou spend time with certain people? So
(24:26):
it you know, one of mypatients came in this week and she was
saying she couldn't she didn't have anyoneelse in her life to talk to about
her debilitating symptoms in me and Ijust I just felt so bad, you
know. I mean, I'm soglad she trusted me and came to see
me, but I also felt reallybad, Like you know, I really
(24:47):
wish she had more people. Andthat's actually why one of my colleagues and
I are starting a Facebook group,because the sense of connection and community is
really really important, especially during thistrial to say, the least time of
our lives. I know it's notlike that for everyone, but for some
people it really is. And youknow, to offer a safe space to
(25:08):
have these conversations. And then Iwould say nutrition. Nutrition, we know
is a very important aspect, asthey say, food is medicine. How
you nourish yourself is very very important. So really for women during this time,
you know, there's so much goingon metabolically, you know, the
way that we metabolize fat, theway that we gain and put on that
(25:34):
changes, our distribution of that changes. You know, our insulin resistance is
going up, so much is goingup. People notice without changing diet and
exercise that their cholesterol is start tocape up, you know, and there's
a lot of reasons for that.I'm not going to go into today because
we'd be here all day. Butyou know, it's so I tell people,
you know, getting the right amountof protein is really important, getting
(25:56):
the right amount of fiber is reallyimportant. You know, getting in the
right nutrition is key. And thenexercise, of course so important. And
a lot of women again they'll they'llmention like, you know, this weakain
has come on. I mean,I'm at the gym, I'm doing all
the things. I don't understand.I haven't changed anything. Literally, most
(26:17):
women will experience some amount of weightgain during this transition, and so it's
important to exercise, but being opento the change and the way that you
exercise. So it might seem counterintuitive, but really bringing that restorative piece is
important. And then of course weighttraining right, strength training, resistance training
(26:41):
is very very important because our musclemass is going down, are you know,
and then our bone density is goingdown as well. So key key
points because we talk so much aboutyou know, our longevity, right,
I mean, now the average ageis we make it till our eighties,
right, but what is that likegetting to I mean are we frail?
Are we following? Are we havingfractures? You know, very very important
(27:03):
to think about our exercise and movement. And then lastly kind of in that
top seven would be stress reduction yamindfulness And I have that very lengthy term,
you know, on purpose. Soin our modern world, I mean
the amount of stress that people face. I mean we know that even children
(27:25):
you know are now having high highlevels of anxiety. Right, So stress
reduction ya mindfulness is key, andin my opinion, it's really irreplaceable.
I mean, you know, asmuch time as you might spend with your
friends or or you know, youknow, travel and do other things that
you know in each person that's differentbut may bring you joy and help you
(27:48):
cope with things in your life.That we know, there is so much
research on mindfulness and the health benefits, and so I put it in my
notes and I share with my patients, and I'm all always happy to jump
on a call and show them howto practice some of these. But some
of my top favorite mindfulness practices wouldbe breathing exercises. Just doing it for
(28:11):
five minutes a day, right,we know that can help bring down your
blood pressure, it can bring downyour cortisol. Right. Gratitude journaling one
of my favorites. That was atransformational wellness tool in my life in particular.
You know, just taking out afew minutes at the end of the
day, at the beginning of theday, whenever you have time to jot
down a few things can really reallycause the shift in your neurotransmitters. As
(28:36):
so many different health benefits, butreally change your mindset. And you know,
the third one that I recommend ismeditation. So there's something for everyone
in terms of mindfulness, but thoseare kind of my top ones, you
know. You know when you mentionedbreathing, breathing is a fantastic tool for
(28:57):
sleep as well. I had usean app called Headspace. I started using
it because my husband sometimes snores,not all the time, and usually I'm
the person that when I'm asleep itdoesn't matter, but getting to sleep might
be more challenging with the noise.So I needed something to redirect my brain
(29:17):
to and so they talk and thenthey have different wind down exercises, and
one of them is different breathing techniques. And I find that breathing is a
way of calming my brain, likeit gets everything, It quiets noise in
my mind and body. I thinkit's such a simple tool. I mean,
there's several I'm sure you have atoolbox of even breathing tools, but
(29:41):
I wanted to highlight the fact thatthat's a really helpful I've almost inadvertently trained
my body to do certain breathing withI start to feel stress. You know,
I won't even realize I'm doing ituntil my family's like, hey,
are you all right? You're takingdeep breaths. But I feel like the
(30:02):
toolbox that you're talking about, theseare all very practical, easy things that
we can do and integrate into aday without disrupting a routine, which is
really helpful. Yes, yes,And sometimes I tell people, look,
you can't do all of them everyday. If you could just do one
a day, you know, that'swhat I call self care, right,
seven days, you could you couldcycle through the seven Well, the sleepers
(30:27):
should probably not cycle through the Yeah, that one, right, And some
of them can overlap, right,Like you could be walking your dog and
walking with a neighbor outside, youknow, and combine them and there you
go. You've got outdoors, you'vegot exercise, you've got connection with your
furry pet, and your neighbor yourfriend. Right, So there's so many
(30:49):
ways of doing it, but Ithink it helps to identify and prioritize,
like I need. I want todo these things for myself and they have
proven health benefits and I deserve that. That's a really good point, doctor
Gandhi, is learning to identify whatwe need and then ask for it,
(31:14):
not like can I have it,but say do you have time to spend
time with me? Or do youwant to take a walk with me?
Because I think there's the quiet momentsand then there's the community moments that we
as women really need. It's likevital to our life to be able to
acknowledge what we need and to bein community with other people, healthy community
(31:34):
of course, finding those and Ifeel like midlife, if I could veer
off course a little bit when itcomes to community, I feel like it
really is a season where we aswomen and it feels like the hormonal shift
really complements the emotional shifts in whatwe're willing to tolerate shifts. There's kind
(31:56):
of a general like many women thatI've talked to, they hit this point
and it's like, I no longerI'm going to tolerate this. This no
longer works for me. And thenthe ability to vocalize that and hold that
boundary seems like a very uniquely midlifekind of behavior, if that makes sense.
(32:19):
Absolutely, I absolutely agree with you. You know, I was talking
to a patient the other day andshe's going through her symptoms. We're helping
her, she's she's doing all thetools, you know, and so we're
navigating this with her, and shewas just mentioning that, you know,
there was a day where, youknow, one of her parents called her,
(32:42):
and then one of her siblings calledher, and then one of her
kids needed something, and you know, she finally just she said she lost
it. And I said what happened? And she said, I just stopped
answering my phone And I was like, how did that feel? And she
said it was great? And Iwas like, who, so right?
So it's about that boundary setting thata lot of the time, you know,
(33:04):
if you know, depending on howold you are, how you were
raise, your background. Most womenwho are in mid life, right,
were probably taught to be nice girls, to be sweet, might be you
know, recovering from the disease toplease right, depending on you know,
kind of your generation where you're at. Again, not everybody, but I
(33:29):
see these constants, you know,and so like you said, it's it's
whether it's your hormones, the symptoms, everything together. It's a time where
there's, like you said, abig shift, and I think it's kind
of a lot of women thinking like, hey, let's see, I've got
(33:51):
probably what thirty forty years to go? How do I want to live this
next? Yeah, couple decades?Right? What life legacy do I want
to lead? Do I can?And do I want to keep doing things
this way? Is this sustainable?I love that you asked the question is
this sustainable? And the reason Ilove the question, doctor Gandhi, is
(34:15):
because I think it has been technicallysustainable for some season of our life.
Do you know what I mean?For that season it was sustainable. Maybe
we could argue that I shouldn't havedone all those things, but it doesn't
matter our capacity. This is thething that I'm noticing the capacity changes and
(34:37):
we have to pull to your toolboxidea different tools to the forefront that you
pointed out probably twenty minutes ago,maybe tools we've forgotten about that weren't necessarily
necessary at that moment, that wherethey didn't fit in to the season we
were in. But I love thatbecause I think that's a difficult thing to
(34:58):
acknowledge. I I think is itdoes feel like I can't do as much.
I hear that a lot too,right, And the opportunity I want
to circle back to the opportunity toshift that mindset. And that's your words,
that we can see it as aloss or we can see it as
an opportunity. And I'd like toflesh out the opportunity mindset a little bit
(35:21):
because I think it's an important it'san important way to redirect our frustrations or
our grief or whatever it is theemotion we would call it. So let's
talk a little bit more about theopportunity that midlife offers us. Yes,
I love how you phrase that.You know, I feel that there's times
(35:43):
in our life, you know,where we're face worth challenges and we're angry.
We don't want to change you know, we are upset, we're sad,
why is this happening to me?And this type of life can feel
like that. But thing is,it's going to happen for all of us.
We are all we're lucky enough tobe going to experience those changes.
(36:07):
Now, for some people they're asymptomatic they breeze right through our Others it's
a different story. They're miserable thatthey're debilitating symptoms for that. So if
we talk about someone who's struggling,who's suffering, you know a lot of
the time what happens is we havethis resistance and that really impedes us from
(36:30):
sort of getting to that creative Thisis an opportunity kind of place right that's
space. And when we talk aboutresistance, I don't mean to say that
we aren't allowed to be upset,complain, you know, angry, sad,
frustrated, of course, and weneed to validate those feelings. I'm
(36:51):
not again about bypassing of any ofit, because we all know, right
we've done that where we tried tobypass and we ended up blowing up probably
on someone else who did deserve itright and making a mess and then having
to do damage control doesn't work,right, So after we've felt all the
feelings and continue, like you saidearlier in the episode, to have compassion,
(37:14):
you know, and give ourselves gracefor navigating this difficult part of life,
there comes a point where you know, we have to sit in some
degree of acceptance, right, youaccept, Okay, this is where I'm
at. Sometimes it's awful, andsometimes I kind of like, you know,
(37:36):
deciding that I'm laying down a boundaryand no longer you know, taking
X, Y and Z right,we start to sort of open ourselves up,
right, And when when we acceptour set of circumstances, we can
then maybe create a space for gettingcreative right and maybe having some gratitude for
(37:58):
some of the few silver life nesthat there might be. And then that
opens up, like I said again, that sort of creativity solutions based mindset,
abundance mindset right, and then maybewe can say, huh, let
me think about those tools, right, let me think about ordering that book
(38:21):
to help me understand this, Letme make that appointment, you know,
let me take a walk, letme make a smoothie, you know,
And that's when we can start toembrace the as is the reality of what's
happening and then become creative. MM. It's like removing the resistance is
(38:44):
the key for that door of opportunityand seeing it to even open. The
resistance keeps us from even seeing thatthere's an option other than the frustration that
we're sitting in in the moment.So yeah, you know, I just
want to to say, you know, on behalf of the medical medical community
that you know, the not validatingyou know, doesn't help women get to
(39:08):
a place of acceptance and creativity rightand feeling like okay, let me open
this toolbox up and start figuring thisout. So it's so important, you
know, to have a community andto see providers who understand, who have
sought out education and are experts.Yeah right. Otherwise, women could,
(39:30):
with all the intentions of wanting tohelp themselves embracing this aspect of life,
you know, could just keep bumpinginto no support and that's not okay,
which is another boundary that we havethe opportunity to set in this season of
life, right right, this isnot adequate for my needs. I need
(39:53):
to ask for more. So so, doctor Gandhi, if you had three
key takeaway that you really want myaudience to sit with and to receive.
What would those be? Oh?I love this question, you know.
My first one would be to listento yourself, to trust yourself. Listen
(40:15):
and trust yourself again. You havebeen in your body for decades. No
one knows your body better than you. Yeah, so that would be kind
of number one. And then numbertwo my favorite toolbox approach be open,
you know, switch out tools,try try tools again, try new tools.
(40:42):
And I think the third would be, as I said, my one
of my favorite words is curate.Curate your life. Be mindful, be
choosy with everything you ingest, whetherit's you know, the feeds on your
social media accounts, the TV showsyou watch, the podcast you listen to,
(41:02):
the music you listen to, thepeople that you surround yourself, what
are the conversations that are having beinghad? And of course you know medical
information, health information. Just bechoosy and of course that includes what you
eat right to what you ingest ingeneral. So curate your life, eyes,
(41:28):
ears, and mouth right, allthe senses, all the senses.
So, doctor Gandhi, how canpeople find you and your resources? Oh?
You know, I think the bestway to kind of stay close to
me and my work is on Instagram, so my account is so lay underscore
(41:49):
Wellness, so it's s O LE, I L and then underscore wellness
perfect, yes, And then Iwill be sharing on that account a Facebook
page that I'm creating with a colleagueto offer women a sense of community,
science based information, holistic tips becauseI see this need so much. And
(42:15):
I also have a midlife Mindfulness Masterykind of group, a coaching program that
I'm still in the works with,still developing. I'm developing the title so
for forgive me, I don't havethat quite yet. But yeah, if
anyone wants to DM me on Instagram, my email is there as well,
(42:37):
and we can get you connected toresources. Wonderful well doctor Gandhi, again,
thank you so much for bringing yourwisdom, your knowledge, your passion,
and your compassion to this conversation.I think it's so important to have
women like you as well. Maledoctors are great and I've had, but
(43:00):
I just really appreciate you tapping intothat reality of you as a woman and
compassionately communicating it to other women becauseI think back to that community, the
right doctor is a good addition tothe community that we need in this season
of life and mentoring those coming behindus so that they can have maybe a
(43:22):
more positive experience. So thank youfor making the shifts that you made,
courageously choosing to get more education,more specialized and then showing up in the
world with all these things that you'recurating yourself so that women can have more
resources. I really appreciate you andwhat you're doing in the world. Oh,
(43:44):
thank you so much, Gina.I mean, I'm such a fan
of your work and what you putout to the world, the conversations that
you have and all the wisdom thatyou bring, the support, the information
oh needed. So thank you somuch for having me. It was a
pleasure, wonderful and I you knownow you're a part of that resource and
(44:07):
I'm just so grateful for this opportunityto have a podcast. And if you
are hearing this podcast for the firsttime, this resource is deep and wide.
Doctor Gandhi is one of many amazingpeople. So if you happen to
be on YouTube, just look downbelow and I'll have the link to her
Instagram there and you can keep yourear to the ground of what she's doing
(44:30):
over there, so you don't missout. On her Facebook group and that
coaching opportunity. If you're on apodcast platform, you can head over to
www. Dot Feminine roadmap dot comForward Slash episode three six four and the
resources will be there as well.You know, this conversation can't be had
too often in my opinion, andeach time I speak to an expert,
(44:53):
someone who has a passion and acalling to help those of us navigate our
midlife in a more vibrant and alignedway. It's important because each person has
a different voice that speaks into ourlife and we're more depending on where we're
at, more able to receive,more willing to receive. It's sometimes like
(45:15):
a drink of water to a thirstysponge. And I feel like in midlife,
especially in perimenopausas our bodies are changing, our lives are changing, our
responsibilities are changing, we can runa little bit dry, but we don't
have to stay in that state.And I think that's the key of what
doctor Gandhi is telling us. Wehave a toolkit. We need to lift
ourselves up and look for those opportunitiesso that we see the beauty of this
(45:40):
season and not just the challenges.And we all know, you know,
a rose is not a rose withoutits thorns, And so as we go
through midlife and we have these challenges, the thorns and the flowers themselves are
making our life more rich and wehave the opportunity to tap into that beauty
and make something special of it.So please share this conversation with your friends,
(46:02):
tap into the resources, be willingto be open to the beauty that
is waiting for you. Thank youso much for being with us today.
I look forward to sharing more inspirationalpeople and conversations and strategies with you in
the weeks to come. Take careof my friends. Bye bye,
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