April 8, 2024 • 52 mins
Today on Feminine Roadmap Shannon Schottler talks about navigating midlife transitions with grace. In this episode Shannon shares the 4 stages of midlife transition and practical tips to help identify what stage you are in. Each stage has its unique qualities, benefits and strategies. As far as the next best steps, Shannon takes listeners through each stage and uses her own life (as well as mine) as examples to demonstrate what that might look like. This conversation is very practical and relatable, the stages and strategies are very actionable and practical. She lists questions for each stage to help navigate it with clarity and purpose. It is helpful to know where you are along this seasonal journey and acknowledge it for what it is and how it serves you. Regardless of where you may find yourself in your midlife journey, this conversation will have something for you. So please grab a cuppa something wonderful, bring a friend and join us on the journey of navigating midlife with grace. https://shannonschottler.com/
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Episode Transcript
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(00:03):
Hi, Him, Jennifer. Arewelcome to the Feminine Roadmap Podcast, a
global community of women in midlife.We gather here weekly over a cup of
something wonderful for real talk, lifechanging strategies and a big dose of sisterhood.
Now please sit back and enjoy.Hello, Feminine Roadmappers. Welcome back
(00:29):
to Feminine Roadmap Podcast, the podcastthat helps you navigate the challenges and the
changes of midlife and empowers you tolive a more vibrant second half. If
you find us on YouTube today,please don't forget to subscribe and ring that
bell so you don't miss any moreconversations. If you happen to be listening
on a podcast platform, please subscribe, rate and share this conversation. Today,
(00:52):
we're going to be talking about transitions. My guest is going to talk
about how we navigate midlife transitions withgrace. She's also going to be covering
the four stages of midlife transition andpractical tips to identify exactly what stage you're
at and what the next best stepsto take are. My guest today is
(01:15):
Shannon Schotler. She is a lifecareer transition coach and she's the host of
The Messy Mucky Middle Podcast. Shannon, thank you so much for being with
me today, but thank you somuch for having me. It's my pleasure.
I would love to hear why thisis your mission and message and why
you also started a podcast. Yeah, So transitions are my mission and message
(01:41):
for two reasons. The first isbecause I don't know about you, but
up until about age thirty, Ilived into the illusion that life was meant
to be up into the right.That was the only direction that it was
ever okay to be headed in untilI went through my first major life transition
at thirty and I realized, ohmy gosh, there's actually far more seasons
(02:04):
to life than just up into theright. And I want to be really
highly skilled at navigating those other seasonswhere life maybe isn't going the way that
we expect it to be going.And that's really what's made me passionate about
sharing this work and this message withother people so that we can find more
self compassion for times in our liveswhere it's not headed in that direction.
(02:29):
And second, so we can allbe more skilled at navigating change, because
change is becoming increasingly more prevalent inour world, and it's happening at an
even faster and faster rate. We'reactually in seasons of transition and change more
than we are in steady state,so we really need to be skilled and
(02:49):
how to navigate them. I agreewholeheartedly. It's like that's a really top
skill to develop, knowing how toadapt style step, you know, all
of that. It's so important now, Yeah, because I really do.
We're going to be talking about thesefour different phases to help your listeners know
where they might be, and Ireally do think that there are different skills
(03:15):
that are needed depending on the phaserstage that you're in right now and the
up into the right phase. That'sjust twenty five percent of where we might
be at any given time. Soif you're only skilled at that phase,
oof, that's going to leave usfeeling a lot of hurt, a lot
of pain when we wouldn't have to. So how do we help people get
(03:37):
skilled at gracefully navigating the other stagesthat we might be in. You know,
it's one of those things where notonly do we know how to navigate
it, we need to accept thefact that it needs to be navigated.
Yes, Yes, that was stepone for me because I just didn't want
to believe that life was supposed tobe anything but that one direction, you
(04:01):
know, and absolutely that can bethe first step for a lot of folks
is accepting. So I hope througheducation we can find some acceptance and some
self identification of like, oh yeah, I've been through this cycle before.
I know what this is, andI know a little bit about how to
navigate it, and I'm excited toget better at navigating it. I think
(04:24):
there's an adventure to it that wecan choose to see the possibility of what
it could be for us, whatthis equals for our life. I think
there can be a shift in mindsetwhich will help, you know. But
let's go ahead and jump into thesefour steps. Let's go ahead because I'm
probably gonna trip over one of themtalking, so let's go jump in.
(04:46):
Yes, absolutely, okay, Solet's talk about the one that we've already
been touching on a little bit,which is what we call the go for
it phase. It's that up untilthe right time, I think of this
phase as the in sync season oflife. So what people might be thinking
about in this season is their externalpurpose and vision and plans. They might
(05:09):
be really devoted to building a futurethat they've already determined they're wanting to move
towards. They might be evaluating newopportunities, assessing obstacles, just like waking
up every morning alive and on firefor their purpose and their mission. Gina,
I'm guessing there's seasons of your lifethat you can think back to,
or maybe you're in it right nowwhere you're like, oh, yeah,
(05:30):
I remember that time in my life. Such clarity, you know, such
like you just knew where you wereheaded. Yes, yes, So the
feelings that maybe you can tell me, oh yeah, this is what I
was feeling in that phase. Thefeelings that people often experience in this phase
are energy and optimism. It's thatsense of confidence and going after a challenge
(05:54):
that's meaningful to them. People arevery goal driven in this phase. They
might even feel like on fire andvibrant and highly motivated. M This was
where I was when I was inmy corporate career chapter, when I was
navigating that season of life before children. I was very much alive and on
(06:15):
fire when I was training for Ironmantriathlons. You know, there are there
are times of life where we getto be in that phase, and it's
not all of them. Do anyexamples come to mind for you where you
identify of like, oh, yeah, that was my InSync phase. Absolutely.
So my homeschooled my daughters, andso I chose a path emotionally and
(06:43):
as a parent that was a littledifferent than what I had experienced, and
so I had clarity on the directionthat I wanted to go and how I
wanted it to look. I realizedyou don't control all variables, but I
really mapped out getting myself. Iwas discipled by a gal for seven years.
(07:06):
It was really intense at the beginning, and then you know, I
needed a long time in my twenties, and that was one very focused on
getting to healing and wholeness and nothaving anger as a daily companion. So
that was one that's not an emotionalgoal. But at the same time,
(07:27):
I was parenting, so I wastrying to grow as a person and shift
and get to where I could dothe thing I wanted to do as a
mother without that on my back.So it was a frustrating season, but
I was driven. Yes, yes, that's a picture perfect example, picture
(07:48):
perfect example of what that might looklike for a person. So now I
wonder, if let's shift into thenext phase stage a little bit, and
we're going to cycle through this twice, so don't be scared, listeners,
you'll get to hear about it againa little bit. First, we're just
going to try to anchor you througheach phase, and then we'll talk about,
Okay, where are you and whatcan you do if you're in that
(08:09):
phase. So next we're going totalk about the doldrums. So if we're
looking at this like it's a clockface, go for it is nine to
twelve. Doldrums is twelve to threeo'clock on the clock. Dol Drums was
a term I wasn't super familiar withuntil I came upon this transition concept.
Doldrums is a sailing term. Maybeyou know this, Gina, I didn't
(08:31):
know this, and it means likeyou're trying to keep sailing but there's no
wind, yes exactly. And soif you can just imagine that sensation of
like, oh, I want tokeep going in this boat, but there
is no wind anywhere to be found. I call this the dis phase or
the un phase, because people areoften disenchanted, unmotivated. Basically, think
(08:56):
of any negative feeling you might befeeling, overwhelm, low energy. Sometimes
people are quite defensive or reactive inthese stages, or feeling victimized or cynical
about life. And again we don'tneed to demonize this. How human of
you. If you are in adoldrum season right now, it's actually quite
normal and natural after you've been ina go for a chapter that eventually that
(09:22):
chapter is going to start to fade. Eventually the lights are going to start
flickering at the top. Sometimes wetip into the doldrums by choice or just
by natural events. I won't makeany assumptions about your life, Gina,
but I'm imagining you know, whenkids leave the nest, when kids go
off to college, that's a naturaltransition that can tip us into the doldrums
(09:43):
phase. But me, the Iwas driven all the way through to about
fifty fifty three actually because I wentfrom when my girls graduated. I went
back into the retail world, andthen I was going for a goal where
(10:07):
I was working. Yes, whenI didn't hit that goal, that really
bummed me out because it was agoal I had early. Then I took
a large break and came back anddidn't get it. I came close,
but I didn't get it. Andin retrospect, you can see how it's
a good thing, but at thetime it was pretty devastating. So that
created an emotional doldrum and I lostmy desire to continue to do what I
(10:31):
was doing, which caused me toleave. And then I started doing these
other things that energized me, butthe doldrums the best way I could example
that comes up in my life ismy father in law died and I began
taking care of my mother in lawand I needed to pretty much because of
the person she was. We believeshe had aspergers and he was probably steering
(10:54):
their ship, and so she wasnot She needed a lot of attention.
And I was also doing things formy mom. So my life kind of
came to a stop in terms ofthings I was doing. I had my
podcast and that's it, Yes,my coaching business, because I just there
were too many things popping up thatwere interrupting my flow. And you can't
(11:16):
have coaching clients and be like,can you move it to Tuesday? Oh,
I'm sorry, I can't show up. Can you show It? Was
so unprofessional. I just let itgo, and that for me was I
was with two moms and everything goingon. My energy also with perimenopause.
I just didn't have the bandwidth totry to juggle as much as I could
(11:37):
ten years prior. So it wassort of adult drums. When my mother
in law died two years later.And you're already giving listeners a great hint
that we're going to talk about onthe back end of, like how do
we get out of adul drums?We do exactly what Gina did, y'all.
We let go. She found somethings to let go of to drop
into the next season in a littlebit. But before we get to the
(11:58):
next season, and let's give listenersother examples of what my tip you into
the doldrums. For me, itwas my dad's Parkinson's diagnosis that tipped me
over into the doul drums. That'sone example. Another time I got tipped
over into the doldrums was after alayoff that I wasn't expecting. Another time
was the death of my husband's bestfriend and many others in a short,
(12:20):
rapid succession that just made me reallystart to question, like what am I
doing here with this life that Ihave? So it can be it's it's
often driven by loss, loss ofa job, loss of health, loss
of a loved one grief. It'syea time, yes, yes, absolutely
(12:41):
so again like my my intention instressing this is again to normalize it so
we can have compassion. It's okayif you're feeling like you're in this space.
Divorce is another one that comes up, Gina, I know that you're
happily married. I'm happy I'm married. So that's something that we haven't experienced,
but that I've certainly seen women whoare at the mid life transition,
moving through kids, leave the nestand they're wondering, wait a second,
(13:05):
what's next? What is the commonpurpose that we now share as a unit.
So that's the doultrums. Now let'stalk about the third space that a
person might find themselves in. Whatcomes after the dol drums is cocooning.
I get a warm feeling even justlike sitting with that ord a little bit.
(13:26):
The cocoon season is a time forus to restore and reflect in that
order. So first restoration, restorationdoesn't have to look like taking naps on
the couch. Gena and I weretalking about how we both love to paint
before this. It can look likepainting, you know, it can look
like going outside for walks and runs. It doesn't have to be an active
(13:48):
or passive. It can be actuallyquite active, but first making sure that
you're taking time to really restore yourselfbecause you just went through a very hard,
challenging season in life. So peoplewho are in that cocooning phase might
be thinking about doing things like turninginward. That's so much more inward season
just but you might imagine from theword taking stock and re evaluating a little
(14:13):
bit. Maybe they're longing to searchfor meaning or purpose. Maybe they're discovering
new identities that they hadn't previously steppedinto before. They might be really focused
on the restoration of their health,for example. So those are some things
cocooners might be thinking about. Somefeelings that they might be experiencing is grief
(14:35):
a little bit, especially in thatearly part of the cocoon because you just
maybe lost a loved one, losta job, something like that. Your
energy might not be super high becauseagain you just went through a super hard
time. You might have mood swingsup and down. You might feel really
untethered, ungrounded because something that youcould rely on previously isn't there anymore.
(15:00):
And towards the end of cocoon we'remore in that like rebirth newness energy is
just starting to rise phase. SoI wonder if we just sit with the
cocooning time a little bit. Youknow what comes to mind for you there
of an example from your own lifethat song Hi, it's me on the
problem, It's me yes, yes, here we are, we're cocooning.
(15:26):
It has been. I really appreciateyou highlighting this because I think it's very
important for us to accept this seasonafter such a full and productive air quote
productive life that could be measured andyou know, you can put it on
(15:48):
a map. And I did this, and I did that, and you
know, and I'm a very I'mdriven in the sense that I'm active m
hm. You know. I liketo do and be and people are like
when you're going to stop, I'mlike, I'm happy at this pace,
Like this is I'm this is mypace. If you took this pace away
from me, I would be sosad. Right, So I think that
(16:11):
this point that you're making that thisseason that I've been in so I'm I'm
a Christian and I have a behindme. Be still and know that I'm
God that verse and it's it's literallya season where I look at the wall.
(16:32):
You know, I'm reminded, Iam being I guess the cocoon is
such a beautiful visual. It's likeI'm being held. I have freedom to
move about, but it's in sucha nurturing, kind of gracious way right
now. Because when you are drivenand you're accomplishing something and you have grief,
(16:56):
I'm just following the journey that we'vebeen on. We don't always recognize
how tired we are. We canbe so tired, yes, yes,
and that's the kind of tired.It's just the recovery from soul tiredness.
You just don't know what it's goingto be for you and I, which
(17:17):
you already brought up art is sucha therapy. Jigsaw puzzles are a therapy
for me. And I'm in ahuge season of creation, but at the
moment, it's like it's a cocooningcreation. I'm not like out there,
I'm selling some things, but it'svery small, like I'm just I'm waiting
for that moment where it's like,Okay, it's time. It feels like
(17:38):
the time is finally coming. ButI've literally been cocooning since my mother in
law past. Yeah, and justfor context, how long has that been?
I think it will be coming upon three years this year, is
that right? And that's so normal. So the reason why I ask you
(18:02):
is because a very common question Iget is like, oh but how long?
I know, how long? Wejust want things to be like in
commercial snippets of life, but itjust doesn't work like that. Yes,
yes, so we're talking about thewhole cycle, the whole cycle. The
latest research shows us major life transitions, like major transition times take five to
(18:22):
seven years. And I know,I know, and most people don't write.
When I heard that, that waswhen I was five years into doing
this work, and I thought,oh my gosh. But again I offer
that we're gonna hear me say amillion times because there's two things I'm really
about and committed to. Its courageand compassion. So can we share that
(18:45):
to level set a little bit thatit is normal if this is taking some
time for you. And when Isee people try to skip cocooning, oh
yeah, don't do that. Let'stalk about nosedive. That's like taking the
wings off an airplane. Seriously,you have to, you need it.
It's like soul level important. Yes, yes, I tried to skip it,
(19:11):
right I am. I don't knowif you've ever done any episodes on
the Enneagram. I'm an Enneagram threeachiever doer, you know, be out
there doing the thing. Cocooning didnot come naturally to me. I resisted
the heck out of it for solong and it made my first like major
time of transition take every bit ofseven years because I resisted it. So
(19:33):
can we receive the stillness that we'rebeing invited into? Can we receive it?
Receiving and surrender are very similar pasturesin the body. But can we
approach it with with the attitude oflike, oh, I'm going to receive
this gift? Yeah, versus asurrender, it's not a loss. It's
(19:55):
actually a gain. It's an interestingIt's like it looks like a loss,
it feels like a loss, butwhat ends up happening is you circle around.
When you yield to it to yourpoint, when you submit to the
season and allow it to be whateverit needs to be, it does restore
(20:17):
your soul and it opens up doors. It's like you have this need to
let go of the For me,yes, I don't want to you know.
But when I it was confirmed byanother person, we you know,
(20:41):
we spent some time together, weprayed, we talked, and it's like,
okay, okay, there's something ifin my mind, if I could
share, it's like, okay,this cocooning is a metamorphosis like a butterfly.
The butterfly has to go into thecocoon. The butterfly has to fight
its way out of the cocoon andget its wings dry. And it's like
(21:04):
there's a shape. Of course onthe video you'll see it, but it's
like it's like it's narrow and itgets broad and there's like a wave to
it. And yes, at thehighest point of the wave we might feel
the furthest from where we want tobe. But as we get our rest
and we ease in next thing,you know, you're like, oh,
I can see now where I'm headed, and I feel more prepared for it.
(21:27):
At least that's the experience I'm having. Yes, And we need those
natural narrowings in life, right,So dropping into cocoon, I would say,
is a natural narrowing. And thenit's again that restoration and also the
reflection when I see people try tojust like skip to the good part of
like, Oh, I'm just gonnastart reflecting on what my next big life
(21:48):
chapter is going to be. Withoutrestoration, we have no gas in the
tank. We don't want to drivethat car because there's no gas. So
it's like you're pushing this car uphill. So please, please please No.
I'm going a little bit into oursecond round through. But my message
for cocooners is take your time restoringyour will. Make sure that you have
some gas in your tank through properrestoration. Yeah, and we'll talk more
(22:11):
about that in our second time throughit before you jump into reflection. Okay,
so that's cocooning. If you can'ttell, I have a strong love
for cocooning now now that I've becomeskilled at how to do it again,
when I was running through my firsttime through this cycle, oh I was
so not skilled. I did notknow how to slow down. I did
(22:33):
not know how to rest or reflect. Okay, so let's move into the
final phase of the four phases.The final phase is getting ready. Really,
I hate to even use the wordfinal. The next phase is getting
ready because we're just cycling through theseall the time. So in the getting
ready phase, I think about itmetaphorically, is like the planting phase.
(22:53):
This is a time where we arebeginning to put some seeds in the ground
and experiment to see what's a sprout, what wants to grow. So we
know that someone is in the gettingready phase when there's the sense of energy
is rising again. Right, you'vedone the work in cocooning so that you've
got some gas in the tank.There might even be some restlessness inside you,
(23:15):
some optimism is there again, someeagerness. People in this phase are
often really in like a love oflearning mode. They want to learn about
other people, They want to beout in the world again. I think
it's interesting. I don't I don'tknow what we phase we're in from a
post pandemic life, But for me, it's been interesting to follow the globe
through the through the pandemic a littlebit. And I wonder if, like
(23:38):
our whole culture is generically in thisgetting ready energy because we were cocooning for
a good long while through the pandemic, if that's just helpful context for people
to maybe think about it through globalevents as well. So what are people
thinking about in the getting ready phase? They're thinking about how to begin to
try on these new identities that they'vedreamed up in cocooning, the painter identity
(24:00):
that they want to step into,the Grandma identity, whatever it is that's
emerging inside them, seeing which onesthey want to play with and experiment with
a little bit. I'm gonna pausethere. What are some examples that come
to mind for you of the gettingready time? Well, I'm kind of
(24:22):
moving into that now. So Iwondered from what you were saying earlier,
but I can see that when Ididn't get that job promotion, I lost.
The doldrums were hardcore, and Idid emotionally kind of cocoon to start
to withdraw, and I started lookingfor something else, and so that sent
me into the you know, Igave myself a timeline because I am a
(24:45):
D. I'm an E nfp AM, I at am. I in a
nine and I'm trying to remember whatmy enneagram is. Seven. Oh shoot,
I think I'm a seven. I'mnot gonna see I'm a seven.
So I tend to be like ahigh D or red or anything like that.
As I've healed, I also comeinto the like if you do disc
(25:08):
with John Maxwell, I'm ad II'm not the detail. I'm not the
everything has to be done perfectly rightperson. I'm not. I'm like party
intensity over here, right. Andso I lost my joy. And then
I found John Maxwell and I gotexcited about getting certified as a coach and
(25:30):
doing all of that, and sothat season was really joyful until my father
in law died and everything came toa complete halt. So there was like
I would say, maybe two anda half three years. I started a
podcast, I had got coaching,I was doing masterminds and leadership training,
(25:52):
and I loved that season. Butif I might just give a little spoiler
alert, when my in law passedand I'm sorry my father in law passed,
I was doing all this with mymother in law. All my skill
sets came forward and I was theright person for the job. While it
did wear me out, it alsohelped me evaluate. I would jump from
(26:15):
one thing to all that coaching andall these things, and it gave me
time to go after she passed,it's like, do I want to go
back to that. I get toreinvent myself. So it created another transition.
I didn't jump back into the sameboat. Yes, yes, And
if we did jump into the sameboat. We call that a mini transition.
You know. Sometimes people are like, oh, I just I want
(26:36):
to keep doing what I'm doing,but in a different city, or get
a dog, or with a newvolunteer gig go. Yeah, the dog
seems to be a calm and like, I'll just get a dog. Yes,
yes, and absolutely we can dothat. To keep the more major
life chapter, the more central themealive on a float in your life,
and also three to five times inyour life it's going to be more major,
(26:57):
more massive, moving from being amother to being an empty nester,
moving from having a career to nolonger having a career for whatever reason that
you might be choosing. So justnormalizing that a little bit. For me,
the getting ready examples that come tomind is when I also found coaching
(27:18):
and started going after my certification alittle bit and was just in that love
of learning mode. And at thesame time, we were beginning our journey
to become foster parents, and sothat was very experimental for us too.
We didn't know if we wanted tobe parents, but we thought, okay,
well we're just going to try viafoster care and see how it feels
and see where we want to gofrom there. So if that just helps
(27:40):
to give listeners an example of whatpeople might be trying. Oh, I
was also not sure if I wantedto be a coach. This was seven
years ago before I started my practice. So I was doing some strategy work
for nonprofits, you know, justlike all over the map, and that's
okay. You get to be playful. You get to try on different metaphorical
code to see which identity you reallywant to step or identities you really want
(28:04):
to step into next. That's gettingready a little bit now. I would
love to invite listeners to just pauseand reflect. We talked about go for
it. That's the en sync phase, like I'm alive, I'm on fire,
I nor I'm going and I justwant to get there. We talked
about doldrums, the dis phase.I'm disenchanted, I'm disengaged. I'm moving
through maybe major griefer loss. Wetalked about cocooning. It's a time for
(28:27):
me to go inward. I needto restore and reflect. We talked about
getting ready. It's time for meto plant some seeds and experiment a little
bit. The work first of transitionis to just meet yourself where you are.
Accept the reality, don't fight thereality. Yes, so can we
(28:48):
accept the reality? Can you reflectin this moment and name where you are?
And sometimes people are like, wellbut I'm a little bit here,
but I'm a little bit there.Okay, think about it again, Like
it's a clock face. What timewould you be at? Nine to twelve
is go for it? Twelve tothree is doldrooms, Three to six is
cocooning, six to night is gettingready. So, Gina, even in
this moment, I could put youin the spot, what time would you
(29:10):
say you're at I'm getting ready.Yeah that was my hunch too, just
from hearing you share different experiences.I'm the shift has been slowly coming,
which is nice. I mean,the cocooning is not bad. I'm not
gonna lie. I didn't mind itbecause of the way I got to this
part of my life, you know. But the cocooning that I might have
done when I didn't get that jobwas a more painful cocooning season, do
(29:34):
you know what I mean? LikeI do, that cycle was there,
but it was I felt I hadworked so many years to get to that
point and to miss it just guttedme. And I had never quite put
so many eggs in a basket before, you know, So that's you know,
so this is a different This isa more restorative cocooning. That was
(29:56):
a more protective cocooning, if Icould put it that way, Yes,
And I deeply resonate with that.It makes me reflect on the two major
transitions I've navigated. And the firstone I had a similar experience with cocooning.
It was like very much more ofa protective mode after a major layoff,
after a lot of death around me. And the second time, maybe
it was just because it was mysecond time through. Maybe it was because
(30:18):
I knew about the cycle so Icould be a little bit more aware and
with myself in it. But aftermy dad passed last year, cocooning went
so much more easily for me thattime because I think, I but the
story I tell myself, I don'tknow if it's true or not, is
because I knew what the work wassupposed to be in this season, you
know, I thought, oh,I'm supposed to go inward, So similar
(30:41):
to what you shared, I droppeda lot of things. My podcast went
on hiatus for a year so Icould just be with that, and turns
out it helped me move through itmore rapidly. I never want to sell
people of like, oh, ifyou do the work, then it moves
quicker. But we are people thatlike to be moving. So yeah,
love. Okay, so we've identifiedhopefully you've identified where you might be now,
(31:07):
so let's talk about what your workmight be depending on the phase that
you're in. So we'll start goingback to the go for it phase a
little bit. If you are inthe go for it phase right now,
beautiful human listener, you, Ireally want to encourage you to create proactive
self care practices because we want tokeep your energy reserves well stocked to make
(31:30):
this go for It chapter last aslong as it possibly can, because it's
the fun it's a fun chapter,right, yes, So can you be
really intentional about how you are keepingyour reserves stocked well to keep yourself going,
to keep yourself propelled through this time. This is also times a great
(31:52):
time for you to set new boundariesin service of your energy, right,
so you can really harness that focusa little bit more. It might be
a time for you to be sittingwith your vision board and your be I
call them being board sometimes, whodo I want to be in this season
of my life? And it's atime for a different practice that I'll teach
about sometimes on podcasts is OPC method. So how do we organize, prioritize,
(32:15):
and communicate and be really ruthless aboutthat? Go for it is just
so much about energy energy management bigtime. So questions to sit with if
you're in the go for it phase? What are the obstacles that are getting
in your way right and what mightyou're doing and thinking strategies be for those
(32:36):
obstacles. How are your boundaries lately? What time and energy management strategies could
you use right now to support youin the goals that you're trying to accomplish?
What strategic steps are needed right nowto support you in your goals?
Right? It's a very goal orientedphase season of life. So that would
be my recommendations for folks who arein the go for it phase. Anything
(32:59):
you I would say from my experienceand walking through different seasons with different people
is don't try to copy and pastewhat your other go for it season look
like? Oh, yes, don'twe may I'm sorry I shouldn't say don't.
It's often a completely different thing.In other words, we've done that.
(33:22):
You take the tools and the resourcesand the knowledge forward, but we're
not reinventing the wheel necessarily. Yes, we're literally creating something new, and
I think that is an AHA forsome people. We're not trying to go
backwards, we're trying to go forwards. So there's some uncertainty, there's some
(33:46):
not knowing, there's some newness,but that's the beauty of the season that
we get to And I love thatyou're speaking to that because when I'll come
across in clients, sometimes clients wantto hang out in the cocoon for longer
than they need to, you know, like, once they get comfy cozy
in there, they want to Reallyit's almost like they want to unconsciously avoid
(34:07):
getting back to go for it becausethey fear that they will become who they
were. Yeah, so I lovethat you're speaking to The word that I
use is integration. How do weleverage this as a time to integrate.
We don't have to abandon all ofthe past versions of who you are,
but you are also creating a newversion. So it's integrating past self with
(34:30):
potentially new self identities that are comingonline. Okay, so doldrums, let's
talk about strategies for people that arein the doldrums. So the coaching question
that I really lean on here forpeople in this phase is what is it
time to let go of? AndGina had a beautiful example earlier of where
(34:52):
you made a conscious choice to letsome things go. That is when we
can loosen the grip. That isthe ticket to get out of the doldrums
and get into cocooning a little bit. So in the theme of letting go,
exploring questions with yourself of what arethe options that I see for myself
here? What's the price of mecontinuing to stay exactly where I am if
(35:15):
I never move, if I neverchange, what's gonna happen? What are
some possible exit strategies for whatever I'mmoving through? Then, less on the
question side, I would say,it's about forgiving yourself and forgiving others for
(35:35):
whatever tipped you into the doldrums seasonto begin with, Yeah, can we
make a let go of list andreally follow through with it. Some of
that might be energetically, it mightnot be tangible, but it might just
be like, Oh, I'm gonnalet go of being laid off, I'm
gonna do my best to let goand grieve the loss of my father and
(36:00):
law the loss of my father.And similar to that, what can be
really therapeutic for people in the doldrumsis to create kind of like a symbolic
goodbye ritual or ceremony or graduation ofsorts, to really say, like,
Okay, this season is ending.How can I let it end with some
(36:22):
reverence and some honor instead of tryingto just like shove it under the rug
and pretend it doesn't happen at all. When we don't allow them to move
through like that, and we don'thold a space for those things we wound
ourselves because it's a natural part ofthe human experience, and that forgiveness peace
(36:44):
is huge because we we're not perfectand we're not always going to get it
right. And there's a yieldedness tothe truth that was that can allow us
to continue to move forward because itcannot be changed often whatever it was.
(37:09):
And there's beauty in every season,even if the season's difficult. And I
think that's another little piece that Ilike to bring forward is where is the
beauty in what you're in right now? And finding something to be grateful for
you know, I guess put afew little wind in your own sales if
(37:29):
you can, just by shifting howwe're choosing to think and feel, we
can be honest with our emotions,but we can also say hello, come
on, turn your eyes over here. It's not all horrible. Yes,
yes, And that reminds me ofanother strategy I'll offer to clients, which
is to practice what do I wantto call it, don't want to take
(37:52):
a parbatalization. I get that thatword gets a bad rap, but it's
really allowing yourself to go in andfeel the feeling and thinking of clients who
have lost loved ones, and thatputs them of the doldrums. Give yourself
a container where you can practice agrief ritual, where you can listen to
the saddest songs that you can findand feel the feelings. Baby, just
(38:13):
go to yes. Yes. Andalso practice containment. So can you acknowledge
the things that are resourcing for youand use those as anchors before you go
into that grief container and as you'recoming out of that grief container to resource
yourself again. Sou for me,light is very resourcing, So even in
(38:34):
a moment where I'm just like feelingsome big feelings about my dad and losing
my dad. Can I look aroundme and find light. I'm doing it
right now and I'm seeing the lightshining through the window and just allow myself
to feel that goodness, not sayingto not feel the feeling. Right,
I can feel the grief and Ican feel the goodness. Can we be
with both? Okay? So thoseare some strategies for folks who are moving
(38:59):
through the doldrums. Face. Nowlet's get into cocooning. Oh, it's
like we're back to our comfy place, to our comfy, cozy place.
So for my cocooners, first andforemost, make uh some suggestions. Make
a restorative activities list, you know, like, what is actually deeply restorative
(39:19):
for you? I have some folksthat I asked them that question in coaching
and they're like, I don't knowif I even know. So then can
we make a list of things thatyou might try to learn more about yourself
and what actually helps you cultivate thatfeeling of being resourced and whole again.
So, is it a hike outin nature? Is it listening to music?
(39:42):
Is it painting? Is it forme one of my times through the
cocooning led me back to the farm. I grew on a big farm,
lent me back to playing with theponies again. You know, it's like
whatever gives you that sense of likebooiness and life and wholeness again. I
wonder, Gina, if you wantto share some examples from your own lived
(40:04):
experience of what is really restorative foryou or has been throughout the years.
So my youngest daughter bought me rollerskates. I roller skated everywhere all the
way through childhood, well into myearly marriage years. Like I would take
put my daughter on the stroller androller skate, and then I went to
blades for a while. But Ijust I love roller skates. I need
(40:27):
to do that more. But rollerskating brings me joy. There's something about
it painting and being out in natureand beauty. So we have a place
called Huntington Library and Gardens here closeby where I live, and I recently
took myself there for a day andjust beautiful art for me, the beautiful
(40:54):
buildings, the beautiful gardens, thefinding a place to sit where there's not
you know, I can hear water. I think most of us nature is
restorative, but I think as acreative I have a really deep longing for
that kind of stimulus and because nourishment, it is total nourishment for back to
(41:16):
that soul. If you're soul weary, we need to learn what those soul
healing and supportive things are. Forme, of course, it's worship,
music and prayer and you know,taking those walks not on concrete or at
least where I can see something that'snot concrete, and creating just moving paint
(41:42):
around. And so as a creativeperson like I used to love makeup.
I was a makeup artist for thirtyfive years and finally last year I laid
them down and it was the rightthing for me to do. It was
like I could finally let that go. And so I think that it is
a The curiosity piece that you touchedon is so important, like we're restoring
(42:07):
our soul, but we're being curiousabout why does this? I guess it's
a more becoming more attuned and alignedis the words that are coming to past.
And you said a few things thatmade me think of another suggestional offer
to folks who are in the cocooningphase. Can we make a list of
places I call them that are Icall them listening points. What are the
(42:27):
places where you can go and justlisten to God, to Stoul, to
universe, to something other than whateverthe chatter is in your head. So
when you talked about your experience goingto the library, when we talk about
our experiences out in nature, forme, there was I was spending a
lot of time in California when Iwent through a cocooning season, and so
I would go to the beach onSanta Barbara and there was this one whale
(42:52):
tail bench that I would just goand sit on and it was a listening
point for me. It was goingback to my alma mater and sitting in
the chapel at my alma mater tojust listen. It's like, do you
have to be intentional? Yeah,because the noise is real? Yeah yeah,
internal and external yep. So makingthat list of restorative activities, maybe
(43:15):
making a cocooning playlist. I lovemaking cocooning playlists for myself. Setting aside
weekly time for you to engage inthose restoration practices, and then reflection as
well. So the big nugget reflectionquestions, if we really had to try
to bucket it at a high levelno matter the transition you're going through.
Three questions I want you to sitwith is your cocooning, What do I
(43:38):
want to hold on to from thislast chapter of my life that I was
just in? What was good aboutit? Because sometimes we're tending to throw
everything out and we don't need toh The second question is what is it
time for me to let go ofsome of that work maybe did in the
doul drums, but maybe not allof it. And then the third one
(43:58):
is what do I want to takeon? What new possibilities are speaking to
me lately, are calling to me? So in those restorative times, can
we sit with those big reflection questionsand just take note we don't have to
do anything just yet. Can wejust begin to notice what we're wanting to
let go of, take on andold study? Okay, so then for
(44:20):
my getting ready, folks, wedid not forget about you. What might
your work be for that precious chapterthat you are in? First and forest,
I would say, make a learningplan for yourself. What's speaking to
you? What are the possible selvesthat you came up with in Cocooning that
you're wanting to play with a littlebit here. Can you create a list
of experiments based on the potential newvision that you're wanting to move towards.
(44:45):
Can you make a list of folksthat you want to connect with based on
your learning goals? And can youset aside time each week to be in
that learning space a little bit moreand also reflect on the experiments after,
because if we're just throwing spaghetti intothe wall and we're never taking time to
check in and say, like,oh wait, did I actually like coaching?
Did that feel good in my nervoussystem? I'm thinking about myself when
(45:07):
I was moving through that transition.Then we know, oh, that's something
I want to continue to increase.Did I like going to play with the
ponies on Saturday? And we knowthat's something that we want to increase,
or we tried that that actually didn'tcreate the outcome that we were hoping for,
Right, I think that college knowingourselves and being open to the newer
(45:31):
version of ourselves, that's what Ihear you saying. It's it's what has
worked in the past, and whatam I feeling drawn to? Yes?
Yes, And on that note,so many people want to say that they're
getting ready, because I think that'sjust what our culture is bent towards.
It's like it's only okay to begetting ready or to be in go for
(45:51):
it. Yes, so sometimes wecan misidentify as being getting ready. If
you're not sure, I would justask you a really simple question, what
are you getting ready for? Andif we can answer that question, if
we even have like a hazy ideaof what the answer might be that question,
you're probably there. And we don'toffer these quadrants too, to be
like rigid about it. You know, we can be human and misidentify.
(46:14):
But can we come back to whateverthe work is for us, for wherever
we are? And you say,it's a cycle, and I think it's
important that we get rid of thestraight line trajectory that my personality adores.
Yes, yes, in mine too, it's not it's it is not.
(46:35):
Life is not linear. No,it is cyclical. We are going to
go through these seasons many, many, many times. And I hope our
conversation today acted first and foremost asa balm to your soul to nourish and
to acknowledge that whatever your non straightline path has been to date is actually
(46:55):
totally human and completely normal. Andthen second, to give yourself a starting
line, so to speak. Idon't even know if I like that analogy,
but perhaps like a jumping off pointto say, oh, and where
do I go from here? Basedon where I am today? So if
you had to give three kind oftakeaways or three things that because the conversation
(47:21):
I think has been very clear,but it's also a lot and people might
not have taken the time to figureout where they are, or maybe they're
resisting where they are. So whatare kind of three anchor points or things
that you would encourage people to takeaway from this conversation. Yeah, one
(47:43):
would be truly because I don't wantyou to avoid it. Name where you
are, and it's fine if youdon't want to use this language. I
have clients that are very resistant tothis language for whatever reason. But can
we work to take stock and say, oh, this is where I am
right now it is a doul drumseason for me, or oh really I
am in getting ready. That's thingone first and foremost, and that is
(48:06):
to be in deep service to yourself, to meet yourself where you are.
Thing two would be then can wemake just one commitment to ourselves based on
where we are. What is thecommitment that we are making to ourselves to
shift or change to help ourselves getfrom from doldrums into cocoon, to help
ourselves get from cocoon into getting readya little bit? Can we identify just
(48:30):
that one thing and thing three regardlessof where you are, regardless of where
you are? Can we make acommitment to be in a reflective practice?
Can we take I'm like, whatis the lowest possible dose I could prescribe
to someone? Can we take fiveminutes once a week to simply even sit
(48:52):
with the questions that I offered forcocooners. What do I want to hold
on to? What do I wantto let go of? And what do
I want to take on a newIf that was all you did as a
result of this episode, your lifewill shift and change five minutes those three
questions. Perfect, Shannon. Howdo people get a hold of you and
(49:12):
your resources? You can find meon Instagram That's where I'm most active at
Shannon Schotler or on my website Shannonschotlerdot com. Those are the two best
places to find me. Excellent,Well, Shannon, I want to thank
you so much for bringing such beauty, grace, clarity, and compassion to
this conversation. I love the waythat you guided us through. It's so
practical, it's so necessary. Ireally appreciate your presence, the way that
(49:38):
you show up and the way thatyou share It was just beautiful and I
think it's incredibly helpful for this seasonof our lives. So thank you so
much. Thank you, deep bowback to you, Gina, Thank you
for your work. My pleasure today. Friends, If you find us on
YouTube, just look down below.I'll have the links to Shannon there.
If you happen to be driving andyou need to get to a platform later
(50:00):
for these links, you can goto www. Dot Feminine roadmap dot com
and the links will be there aswell. And of course, as always,
when we think about a conversation likethis that we've listened to, my
encouragement is that you find something inthe conversation and you apply it to your
life, whatever it is. Thefive minute suggestion that Shannon had, How
(50:23):
powerful could that be and how smallof a commitment, but with huge dividends.
Seasons of life are part and parcelof being human. They just are.
We have the opportunity to lean in, learn, grow, flow,
(50:44):
sometimes feel stuck. It's all partof it. We have the opportunity to
be an architect in our own life, or we can be a wrecking ball
in our own life. We havethe choice, and they may sound harsh,
but you know, the resistance andthe kicking against the goad is not
in our best interest. My friends, I want to encourage you to turn
(51:07):
and face whatever it is that youfeel may be resistant to and hold a
space for it. It's probably justa paper tiger, you know, and
remembering that it's just a season issuch a great resource for our mental space.
Is not going to last forever.It's going to be okay. So
I just want to encourage you.There's a community here. Shannon has a
(51:29):
podcast as well, the Messy MuckyMiddle Podcast. There are resources out there,
so if you're feeling a little adrift, anchor in, find a resource
that speaks you and anchor in.I want to thank you so much for
being with us today and sharing thistime. I do ask that you share
this conversation with someone you know whoneeds the encouragement. I look forward to
(51:50):
sharing more inspirational people, strategies andstories with you in the weeks to come.
Take care, my friends, Byebye,
Hi, Him, Jennifer. Arewelcome to the Feminine Roadmap Podcast, a
global community of women in midlife.We gather here weekly over a cup of
something wonderful for real talk, lifechanging strategies and a big dose of sisterhood.
Now please sit back and enjoy.Hello, Feminine Roadmappers. Welcome back
(00:29):
to Feminine Roadmap Podcast, the podcastthat helps you navigate the challenges and the
changes of midlife and empowers you tolive a more vibrant second half. If
you find us on YouTube today,please don't forget to subscribe and ring that
bell so you don't miss any moreconversations. If you happen to be listening
on a podcast platform, please subscribe, rate and share this conversation. Today,
(00:52):
we're going to be talking about transitions. My guest is going to talk
about how we navigate midlife transitions withgrace. She's also going to be covering
the four stages of midlife transition andpractical tips to identify exactly what stage you're
at and what the next best stepsto take are. My guest today is
(01:15):
Shannon Schotler. She is a lifecareer transition coach and she's the host of
The Messy Mucky Middle Podcast. Shannon, thank you so much for being with
me today, but thank you somuch for having me. It's my pleasure.
I would love to hear why thisis your mission and message and why
you also started a podcast. Yeah, So transitions are my mission and message
(01:41):
for two reasons. The first isbecause I don't know about you, but
up until about age thirty, Ilived into the illusion that life was meant
to be up into the right.That was the only direction that it was
ever okay to be headed in untilI went through my first major life transition
at thirty and I realized, ohmy gosh, there's actually far more seasons
(02:04):
to life than just up into theright. And I want to be really
highly skilled at navigating those other seasonswhere life maybe isn't going the way that
we expect it to be going.And that's really what's made me passionate about
sharing this work and this message withother people so that we can find more
self compassion for times in our liveswhere it's not headed in that direction.
(02:29):
And second, so we can allbe more skilled at navigating change, because
change is becoming increasingly more prevalent inour world, and it's happening at an
even faster and faster rate. We'reactually in seasons of transition and change more
than we are in steady state,so we really need to be skilled and
(02:49):
how to navigate them. I agreewholeheartedly. It's like that's a really top
skill to develop, knowing how toadapt style step, you know, all
of that. It's so important now, Yeah, because I really do.
We're going to be talking about thesefour different phases to help your listeners know
where they might be, and Ireally do think that there are different skills
(03:15):
that are needed depending on the phaserstage that you're in right now and the
up into the right phase. That'sjust twenty five percent of where we might
be at any given time. Soif you're only skilled at that phase,
oof, that's going to leave usfeeling a lot of hurt, a lot
of pain when we wouldn't have to. So how do we help people get
(03:37):
skilled at gracefully navigating the other stagesthat we might be in. You know,
it's one of those things where notonly do we know how to navigate
it, we need to accept thefact that it needs to be navigated.
Yes, Yes, that was stepone for me because I just didn't want
to believe that life was supposed tobe anything but that one direction, you
(04:01):
know, and absolutely that can bethe first step for a lot of folks
is accepting. So I hope througheducation we can find some acceptance and some
self identification of like, oh yeah, I've been through this cycle before.
I know what this is, andI know a little bit about how to
navigate it, and I'm excited toget better at navigating it. I think
(04:24):
there's an adventure to it that wecan choose to see the possibility of what
it could be for us, whatthis equals for our life. I think
there can be a shift in mindsetwhich will help, you know. But
let's go ahead and jump into thesefour steps. Let's go ahead because I'm
probably gonna trip over one of themtalking, so let's go jump in.
(04:46):
Yes, absolutely, okay, Solet's talk about the one that we've already
been touching on a little bit,which is what we call the go for
it phase. It's that up untilthe right time, I think of this
phase as the in sync season oflife. So what people might be thinking
about in this season is their externalpurpose and vision and plans. They might
(05:09):
be really devoted to building a futurethat they've already determined they're wanting to move
towards. They might be evaluating newopportunities, assessing obstacles, just like waking
up every morning alive and on firefor their purpose and their mission. Gina,
I'm guessing there's seasons of your lifethat you can think back to,
or maybe you're in it right nowwhere you're like, oh, yeah,
(05:30):
I remember that time in my life. Such clarity, you know, such
like you just knew where you wereheaded. Yes, yes, So the
feelings that maybe you can tell me, oh yeah, this is what I
was feeling in that phase. Thefeelings that people often experience in this phase
are energy and optimism. It's thatsense of confidence and going after a challenge
(05:54):
that's meaningful to them. People arevery goal driven in this phase. They
might even feel like on fire andvibrant and highly motivated. M This was
where I was when I was inmy corporate career chapter, when I was
navigating that season of life before children. I was very much alive and on
(06:15):
fire when I was training for Ironmantriathlons. You know, there are there
are times of life where we getto be in that phase, and it's
not all of them. Do anyexamples come to mind for you where you
identify of like, oh, yeah, that was my InSync phase. Absolutely.
So my homeschooled my daughters, andso I chose a path emotionally and
(06:43):
as a parent that was a littledifferent than what I had experienced, and
so I had clarity on the directionthat I wanted to go and how I
wanted it to look. I realizedyou don't control all variables, but I
really mapped out getting myself. Iwas discipled by a gal for seven years.
(07:06):
It was really intense at the beginning, and then you know, I
needed a long time in my twenties, and that was one very focused on
getting to healing and wholeness and nothaving anger as a daily companion. So
that was one that's not an emotionalgoal. But at the same time,
(07:27):
I was parenting, so I wastrying to grow as a person and shift
and get to where I could dothe thing I wanted to do as a
mother without that on my back.So it was a frustrating season, but
I was driven. Yes, yes, that's a picture perfect example, picture
(07:48):
perfect example of what that might looklike for a person. So now I
wonder, if let's shift into thenext phase stage a little bit, and
we're going to cycle through this twice, so don't be scared, listeners,
you'll get to hear about it againa little bit. First, we're just
going to try to anchor you througheach phase, and then we'll talk about,
Okay, where are you and whatcan you do if you're in that
(08:09):
phase. So next we're going totalk about the doldrums. So if we're
looking at this like it's a clockface, go for it is nine to
twelve. Doldrums is twelve to threeo'clock on the clock. Dol Drums was
a term I wasn't super familiar withuntil I came upon this transition concept.
Doldrums is a sailing term. Maybeyou know this, Gina, I didn't
(08:31):
know this, and it means likeyou're trying to keep sailing but there's no
wind, yes exactly. And soif you can just imagine that sensation of
like, oh, I want tokeep going in this boat, but there
is no wind anywhere to be found. I call this the dis phase or
the un phase, because people areoften disenchanted, unmotivated. Basically, think
(08:56):
of any negative feeling you might befeeling, overwhelm, low energy. Sometimes
people are quite defensive or reactive inthese stages, or feeling victimized or cynical
about life. And again we don'tneed to demonize this. How human of
you. If you are in adoldrum season right now, it's actually quite
normal and natural after you've been ina go for a chapter that eventually that
(09:22):
chapter is going to start to fade. Eventually the lights are going to start
flickering at the top. Sometimes wetip into the doldrums by choice or just
by natural events. I won't makeany assumptions about your life, Gina,
but I'm imagining you know, whenkids leave the nest, when kids go
off to college, that's a naturaltransition that can tip us into the doldrums
(09:43):
phase. But me, the Iwas driven all the way through to about
fifty fifty three actually because I wentfrom when my girls graduated. I went
back into the retail world, andthen I was going for a goal where
(10:07):
I was working. Yes, whenI didn't hit that goal, that really
bummed me out because it was agoal I had early. Then I took
a large break and came back anddidn't get it. I came close,
but I didn't get it. Andin retrospect, you can see how it's
a good thing, but at thetime it was pretty devastating. So that
created an emotional doldrum and I lostmy desire to continue to do what I
(10:31):
was doing, which caused me toleave. And then I started doing these
other things that energized me, butthe doldrums the best way I could example
that comes up in my life ismy father in law died and I began
taking care of my mother in lawand I needed to pretty much because of
the person she was. We believeshe had aspergers and he was probably steering
(10:54):
their ship, and so she wasnot She needed a lot of attention.
And I was also doing things formy mom. So my life kind of
came to a stop in terms ofthings I was doing. I had my
podcast and that's it, Yes,my coaching business, because I just there
were too many things popping up thatwere interrupting my flow. And you can't
(11:16):
have coaching clients and be like,can you move it to Tuesday? Oh,
I'm sorry, I can't show up. Can you show It? Was
so unprofessional. I just let itgo, and that for me was I
was with two moms and everything goingon. My energy also with perimenopause.
I just didn't have the bandwidth totry to juggle as much as I could
(11:37):
ten years prior. So it wassort of adult drums. When my mother
in law died two years later.And you're already giving listeners a great hint
that we're going to talk about onthe back end of, like how do
we get out of adul drums?We do exactly what Gina did, y'all.
We let go. She found somethings to let go of to drop
into the next season in a littlebit. But before we get to the
(11:58):
next season, and let's give listenersother examples of what my tip you into
the doldrums. For me, itwas my dad's Parkinson's diagnosis that tipped me
over into the doul drums. That'sone example. Another time I got tipped
over into the doldrums was after alayoff that I wasn't expecting. Another time
was the death of my husband's bestfriend and many others in a short,
(12:20):
rapid succession that just made me reallystart to question, like what am I
doing here with this life that Ihave? So it can be it's it's
often driven by loss, loss ofa job, loss of health, loss
of a loved one grief. It'syea time, yes, yes, absolutely
(12:41):
so again like my my intention instressing this is again to normalize it so
we can have compassion. It's okayif you're feeling like you're in this space.
Divorce is another one that comes up, Gina, I know that you're
happily married. I'm happy I'm married. So that's something that we haven't experienced,
but that I've certainly seen women whoare at the mid life transition,
moving through kids, leave the nestand they're wondering, wait a second,
(13:05):
what's next? What is the commonpurpose that we now share as a unit.
So that's the doultrums. Now let'stalk about the third space that a
person might find themselves in. Whatcomes after the dol drums is cocooning.
I get a warm feeling even justlike sitting with that ord a little bit.
(13:26):
The cocoon season is a time forus to restore and reflect in that
order. So first restoration, restorationdoesn't have to look like taking naps on
the couch. Gena and I weretalking about how we both love to paint
before this. It can look likepainting, you know, it can look
like going outside for walks and runs. It doesn't have to be an active
(13:48):
or passive. It can be actuallyquite active, but first making sure that
you're taking time to really restore yourselfbecause you just went through a very hard,
challenging season in life. So peoplewho are in that cocooning phase might
be thinking about doing things like turninginward. That's so much more inward season
just but you might imagine from theword taking stock and re evaluating a little
(14:13):
bit. Maybe they're longing to searchfor meaning or purpose. Maybe they're discovering
new identities that they hadn't previously steppedinto before. They might be really focused
on the restoration of their health,for example. So those are some things
cocooners might be thinking about. Somefeelings that they might be experiencing is grief
(14:35):
a little bit, especially in thatearly part of the cocoon because you just
maybe lost a loved one, losta job, something like that. Your
energy might not be super high becauseagain you just went through a super hard
time. You might have mood swingsup and down. You might feel really
untethered, ungrounded because something that youcould rely on previously isn't there anymore.
(15:00):
And towards the end of cocoon we'remore in that like rebirth newness energy is
just starting to rise phase. SoI wonder if we just sit with the
cocooning time a little bit. Youknow what comes to mind for you there
of an example from your own lifethat song Hi, it's me on the
problem, It's me yes, yes, here we are, we're cocooning.
(15:26):
It has been. I really appreciateyou highlighting this because I think it's very
important for us to accept this seasonafter such a full and productive air quote
productive life that could be measured andyou know, you can put it on
(15:48):
a map. And I did this, and I did that, and you
know, and I'm a very I'mdriven in the sense that I'm active m
hm. You know. I liketo do and be and people are like
when you're going to stop, I'mlike, I'm happy at this pace,
Like this is I'm this is mypace. If you took this pace away
from me, I would be sosad. Right, So I think that
(16:11):
this point that you're making that thisseason that I've been in so I'm I'm
a Christian and I have a behindme. Be still and know that I'm
God that verse and it's it's literallya season where I look at the wall.
(16:32):
You know, I'm reminded, Iam being I guess the cocoon is
such a beautiful visual. It's likeI'm being held. I have freedom to
move about, but it's in sucha nurturing, kind of gracious way right
now. Because when you are drivenand you're accomplishing something and you have grief,
(16:56):
I'm just following the journey that we'vebeen on. We don't always recognize
how tired we are. We canbe so tired, yes, yes,
and that's the kind of tired.It's just the recovery from soul tiredness.
You just don't know what it's goingto be for you and I, which
(17:17):
you already brought up art is sucha therapy. Jigsaw puzzles are a therapy
for me. And I'm in ahuge season of creation, but at the
moment, it's like it's a cocooningcreation. I'm not like out there,
I'm selling some things, but it'svery small, like I'm just I'm waiting
for that moment where it's like,Okay, it's time. It feels like
(17:38):
the time is finally coming. ButI've literally been cocooning since my mother in
law past. Yeah, and justfor context, how long has that been?
I think it will be coming upon three years this year, is
that right? And that's so normal. So the reason why I ask you
(18:02):
is because a very common question Iget is like, oh but how long?
I know, how long? Wejust want things to be like in
commercial snippets of life, but itjust doesn't work like that. Yes,
yes, so we're talking about thewhole cycle, the whole cycle. The
latest research shows us major life transitions, like major transition times take five to
(18:22):
seven years. And I know,I know, and most people don't write.
When I heard that, that waswhen I was five years into doing
this work, and I thought,oh my gosh. But again I offer
that we're gonna hear me say amillion times because there's two things I'm really
about and committed to. Its courageand compassion. So can we share that
(18:45):
to level set a little bit thatit is normal if this is taking some
time for you. And when Isee people try to skip cocooning, oh
yeah, don't do that. Let'stalk about nosedive. That's like taking the
wings off an airplane. Seriously,you have to, you need it.
It's like soul level important. Yes, yes, I tried to skip it,
(19:11):
right I am. I don't knowif you've ever done any episodes on
the Enneagram. I'm an Enneagram threeachiever doer, you know, be out
there doing the thing. Cocooning didnot come naturally to me. I resisted
the heck out of it for solong and it made my first like major
time of transition take every bit ofseven years because I resisted it. So
(19:33):
can we receive the stillness that we'rebeing invited into? Can we receive it?
Receiving and surrender are very similar pasturesin the body. But can we
approach it with with the attitude oflike, oh, I'm going to receive
this gift? Yeah, versus asurrender, it's not a loss. It's
(19:55):
actually a gain. It's an interestingIt's like it looks like a loss,
it feels like a loss, butwhat ends up happening is you circle around.
When you yield to it to yourpoint, when you submit to the
season and allow it to be whateverit needs to be, it does restore
(20:17):
your soul and it opens up doors. It's like you have this need to
let go of the For me,yes, I don't want to you know.
But when I it was confirmed byanother person, we you know,
(20:41):
we spent some time together, weprayed, we talked, and it's like,
okay, okay, there's something ifin my mind, if I could
share, it's like, okay,this cocooning is a metamorphosis like a butterfly.
The butterfly has to go into thecocoon. The butterfly has to fight
its way out of the cocoon andget its wings dry. And it's like
(21:04):
there's a shape. Of course onthe video you'll see it, but it's
like it's like it's narrow and itgets broad and there's like a wave to
it. And yes, at thehighest point of the wave we might feel
the furthest from where we want tobe. But as we get our rest
and we ease in next thing,you know, you're like, oh,
I can see now where I'm headed, and I feel more prepared for it.
(21:27):
At least that's the experience I'm having. Yes, And we need those
natural narrowings in life, right,So dropping into cocoon, I would say,
is a natural narrowing. And thenit's again that restoration and also the
reflection when I see people try tojust like skip to the good part of
like, Oh, I'm just gonnastart reflecting on what my next big life
(21:48):
chapter is going to be. Withoutrestoration, we have no gas in the
tank. We don't want to drivethat car because there's no gas. So
it's like you're pushing this car uphill. So please, please please No.
I'm going a little bit into oursecond round through. But my message
for cocooners is take your time restoringyour will. Make sure that you have
some gas in your tank through properrestoration. Yeah, and we'll talk more
(22:11):
about that in our second time throughit before you jump into reflection. Okay,
so that's cocooning. If you can'ttell, I have a strong love
for cocooning now now that I've becomeskilled at how to do it again,
when I was running through my firsttime through this cycle, oh I was
so not skilled. I did notknow how to slow down. I did
(22:33):
not know how to rest or reflect. Okay, so let's move into the
final phase of the four phases.The final phase is getting ready. Really,
I hate to even use the wordfinal. The next phase is getting
ready because we're just cycling through theseall the time. So in the getting
ready phase, I think about itmetaphorically, is like the planting phase.
(22:53):
This is a time where we arebeginning to put some seeds in the ground
and experiment to see what's a sprout, what wants to grow. So we
know that someone is in the gettingready phase when there's the sense of energy
is rising again. Right, you'vedone the work in cocooning so that you've
got some gas in the tank.There might even be some restlessness inside you,
(23:15):
some optimism is there again, someeagerness. People in this phase are
often really in like a love oflearning mode. They want to learn about
other people, They want to beout in the world again. I think
it's interesting. I don't I don'tknow what we phase we're in from a
post pandemic life, But for me, it's been interesting to follow the globe
through the through the pandemic a littlebit. And I wonder if, like
(23:38):
our whole culture is generically in thisgetting ready energy because we were cocooning for
a good long while through the pandemic, if that's just helpful context for people
to maybe think about it through globalevents as well. So what are people
thinking about in the getting ready phase? They're thinking about how to begin to
try on these new identities that they'vedreamed up in cocooning, the painter identity
(24:00):
that they want to step into,the Grandma identity, whatever it is that's
emerging inside them, seeing which onesthey want to play with and experiment with
a little bit. I'm gonna pausethere. What are some examples that come
to mind for you of the gettingready time? Well, I'm kind of
(24:22):
moving into that now. So Iwondered from what you were saying earlier,
but I can see that when Ididn't get that job promotion, I lost.
The doldrums were hardcore, and Idid emotionally kind of cocoon to start
to withdraw, and I started lookingfor something else, and so that sent
me into the you know, Igave myself a timeline because I am a
(24:45):
D. I'm an E nfp AM, I at am. I in a
nine and I'm trying to remember whatmy enneagram is. Seven. Oh shoot,
I think I'm a seven. I'mnot gonna see I'm a seven.
So I tend to be like ahigh D or red or anything like that.
As I've healed, I also comeinto the like if you do disc
(25:08):
with John Maxwell, I'm ad II'm not the detail. I'm not the
everything has to be done perfectly rightperson. I'm not. I'm like party
intensity over here, right. Andso I lost my joy. And then
I found John Maxwell and I gotexcited about getting certified as a coach and
(25:30):
doing all of that, and sothat season was really joyful until my father
in law died and everything came toa complete halt. So there was like
I would say, maybe two anda half three years. I started a
podcast, I had got coaching,I was doing masterminds and leadership training,
(25:52):
and I loved that season. Butif I might just give a little spoiler
alert, when my in law passedand I'm sorry my father in law passed,
I was doing all this with mymother in law. All my skill
sets came forward and I was theright person for the job. While it
did wear me out, it alsohelped me evaluate. I would jump from
(26:15):
one thing to all that coaching andall these things, and it gave me
time to go after she passed,it's like, do I want to go
back to that. I get toreinvent myself. So it created another transition.
I didn't jump back into the sameboat. Yes, yes, And
if we did jump into the sameboat. We call that a mini transition.
You know. Sometimes people are like, oh, I just I want
(26:36):
to keep doing what I'm doing,but in a different city, or get
a dog, or with a newvolunteer gig go. Yeah, the dog
seems to be a calm and like, I'll just get a dog. Yes,
yes, and absolutely we can dothat. To keep the more major
life chapter, the more central themealive on a float in your life,
and also three to five times inyour life it's going to be more major,
(26:57):
more massive, moving from being amother to being an empty nester,
moving from having a career to nolonger having a career for whatever reason that
you might be choosing. So justnormalizing that a little bit. For me,
the getting ready examples that come tomind is when I also found coaching
(27:18):
and started going after my certification alittle bit and was just in that love
of learning mode. And at thesame time, we were beginning our journey
to become foster parents, and sothat was very experimental for us too.
We didn't know if we wanted tobe parents, but we thought, okay,
well we're just going to try viafoster care and see how it feels
and see where we want to gofrom there. So if that just helps
(27:40):
to give listeners an example of whatpeople might be trying. Oh, I
was also not sure if I wantedto be a coach. This was seven
years ago before I started my practice. So I was doing some strategy work
for nonprofits, you know, justlike all over the map, and that's
okay. You get to be playful. You get to try on different metaphorical
code to see which identity you reallywant to step or identities you really want
(28:04):
to step into next. That's gettingready a little bit now. I would
love to invite listeners to just pauseand reflect. We talked about go for
it. That's the en sync phase, like I'm alive, I'm on fire,
I nor I'm going and I justwant to get there. We talked
about doldrums, the dis phase.I'm disenchanted, I'm disengaged. I'm moving
through maybe major griefer loss. Wetalked about cocooning. It's a time for
(28:27):
me to go inward. I needto restore and reflect. We talked about
getting ready. It's time for meto plant some seeds and experiment a little
bit. The work first of transitionis to just meet yourself where you are.
Accept the reality, don't fight thereality. Yes, so can we
(28:48):
accept the reality? Can you reflectin this moment and name where you are?
And sometimes people are like, wellbut I'm a little bit here,
but I'm a little bit there.Okay, think about it again, Like
it's a clock face. What timewould you be at? Nine to twelve
is go for it? Twelve tothree is doldrooms, Three to six is
cocooning, six to night is gettingready. So, Gina, even in
this moment, I could put youin the spot, what time would you
(29:10):
say you're at I'm getting ready.Yeah that was my hunch too, just
from hearing you share different experiences.I'm the shift has been slowly coming,
which is nice. I mean,the cocooning is not bad. I'm not
gonna lie. I didn't mind itbecause of the way I got to this
part of my life, you know. But the cocooning that I might have
done when I didn't get that jobwas a more painful cocooning season, do
(29:34):
you know what I mean? LikeI do, that cycle was there,
but it was I felt I hadworked so many years to get to that
point and to miss it just guttedme. And I had never quite put
so many eggs in a basket before, you know, So that's you know,
so this is a different This isa more restorative cocooning. That was
(29:56):
a more protective cocooning, if Icould put it that way, Yes,
And I deeply resonate with that.It makes me reflect on the two major
transitions I've navigated. And the firstone I had a similar experience with cocooning.
It was like very much more ofa protective mode after a major layoff,
after a lot of death around me. And the second time, maybe
it was just because it was mysecond time through. Maybe it was because
(30:18):
I knew about the cycle so Icould be a little bit more aware and
with myself in it. But aftermy dad passed last year, cocooning went
so much more easily for me thattime because I think, I but the
story I tell myself, I don'tknow if it's true or not, is
because I knew what the work wassupposed to be in this season, you
know, I thought, oh,I'm supposed to go inward, So similar
(30:41):
to what you shared, I droppeda lot of things. My podcast went
on hiatus for a year so Icould just be with that, and turns
out it helped me move through itmore rapidly. I never want to sell
people of like, oh, ifyou do the work, then it moves
quicker. But we are people thatlike to be moving. So yeah,
love. Okay, so we've identifiedhopefully you've identified where you might be now,
(31:07):
so let's talk about what your workmight be depending on the phase that
you're in. So we'll start goingback to the go for it phase a
little bit. If you are inthe go for it phase right now,
beautiful human listener, you, Ireally want to encourage you to create proactive
self care practices because we want tokeep your energy reserves well stocked to make
(31:30):
this go for It chapter last aslong as it possibly can, because it's
the fun it's a fun chapter,right, yes, So can you be
really intentional about how you are keepingyour reserves stocked well to keep yourself going,
to keep yourself propelled through this time. This is also times a great
(31:52):
time for you to set new boundariesin service of your energy, right,
so you can really harness that focusa little bit more. It might be
a time for you to be sittingwith your vision board and your be I
call them being board sometimes, whodo I want to be in this season
of my life? And it's atime for a different practice that I'll teach
about sometimes on podcasts is OPC method. So how do we organize, prioritize,
(32:15):
and communicate and be really ruthless aboutthat? Go for it is just
so much about energy energy management bigtime. So questions to sit with if
you're in the go for it phase? What are the obstacles that are getting
in your way right and what mightyou're doing and thinking strategies be for those
(32:36):
obstacles. How are your boundaries lately? What time and energy management strategies could
you use right now to support youin the goals that you're trying to accomplish?
What strategic steps are needed right nowto support you in your goals?
Right? It's a very goal orientedphase season of life. So that would
be my recommendations for folks who arein the go for it phase. Anything
(32:59):
you I would say from my experienceand walking through different seasons with different people
is don't try to copy and pastewhat your other go for it season look
like? Oh, yes, don'twe may I'm sorry I shouldn't say don't.
It's often a completely different thing.In other words, we've done that.
(33:22):
You take the tools and the resourcesand the knowledge forward, but we're
not reinventing the wheel necessarily. Yes, we're literally creating something new, and
I think that is an AHA forsome people. We're not trying to go
backwards, we're trying to go forwards. So there's some uncertainty, there's some
(33:46):
not knowing, there's some newness,but that's the beauty of the season that
we get to And I love thatyou're speaking to that because when I'll come
across in clients, sometimes clients wantto hang out in the cocoon for longer
than they need to, you know, like, once they get comfy cozy
in there, they want to Reallyit's almost like they want to unconsciously avoid
(34:07):
getting back to go for it becausethey fear that they will become who they
were. Yeah, so I lovethat you're speaking to The word that I
use is integration. How do weleverage this as a time to integrate.
We don't have to abandon all ofthe past versions of who you are,
but you are also creating a newversion. So it's integrating past self with
(34:30):
potentially new self identities that are comingonline. Okay, so doldrums, let's
talk about strategies for people that arein the doldrums. So the coaching question
that I really lean on here forpeople in this phase is what is it
time to let go of? AndGina had a beautiful example earlier of where
(34:52):
you made a conscious choice to letsome things go. That is when we
can loosen the grip. That isthe ticket to get out of the doldrums
and get into cocooning a little bit. So in the theme of letting go,
exploring questions with yourself of what arethe options that I see for myself
here? What's the price of mecontinuing to stay exactly where I am if
(35:15):
I never move, if I neverchange, what's gonna happen? What are
some possible exit strategies for whatever I'mmoving through? Then, less on the
question side, I would say,it's about forgiving yourself and forgiving others for
(35:35):
whatever tipped you into the doldrums seasonto begin with, Yeah, can we
make a let go of list andreally follow through with it. Some of
that might be energetically, it mightnot be tangible, but it might just
be like, Oh, I'm gonnalet go of being laid off, I'm
gonna do my best to let goand grieve the loss of my father and
(36:00):
law the loss of my father.And similar to that, what can be
really therapeutic for people in the doldrumsis to create kind of like a symbolic
goodbye ritual or ceremony or graduation ofsorts, to really say, like,
Okay, this season is ending.How can I let it end with some
(36:22):
reverence and some honor instead of tryingto just like shove it under the rug
and pretend it doesn't happen at all. When we don't allow them to move
through like that, and we don'thold a space for those things we wound
ourselves because it's a natural part ofthe human experience, and that forgiveness peace
(36:44):
is huge because we we're not perfectand we're not always going to get it
right. And there's a yieldedness tothe truth that was that can allow us
to continue to move forward because itcannot be changed often whatever it was.
(37:09):
And there's beauty in every season,even if the season's difficult. And I
think that's another little piece that Ilike to bring forward is where is the
beauty in what you're in right now? And finding something to be grateful for
you know, I guess put afew little wind in your own sales if
(37:29):
you can, just by shifting howwe're choosing to think and feel, we
can be honest with our emotions,but we can also say hello, come
on, turn your eyes over here. It's not all horrible. Yes,
yes, And that reminds me ofanother strategy I'll offer to clients, which
is to practice what do I wantto call it, don't want to take
(37:52):
a parbatalization. I get that thatword gets a bad rap, but it's
really allowing yourself to go in andfeel the feeling and thinking of clients who
have lost loved ones, and thatputs them of the doldrums. Give yourself
a container where you can practice agrief ritual, where you can listen to
the saddest songs that you can findand feel the feelings. Baby, just
(38:13):
go to yes. Yes. Andalso practice containment. So can you acknowledge
the things that are resourcing for youand use those as anchors before you go
into that grief container and as you'recoming out of that grief container to resource
yourself again. Sou for me,light is very resourcing, So even in
(38:34):
a moment where I'm just like feelingsome big feelings about my dad and losing
my dad. Can I look aroundme and find light. I'm doing it
right now and I'm seeing the lightshining through the window and just allow myself
to feel that goodness, not sayingto not feel the feeling. Right,
I can feel the grief and Ican feel the goodness. Can we be
with both? Okay? So thoseare some strategies for folks who are moving
(38:59):
through the doldrums. Face. Nowlet's get into cocooning. Oh, it's
like we're back to our comfy place, to our comfy, cozy place.
So for my cocooners, first andforemost, make uh some suggestions. Make
a restorative activities list, you know, like, what is actually deeply restorative
(39:19):
for you? I have some folksthat I asked them that question in coaching
and they're like, I don't knowif I even know. So then can
we make a list of things thatyou might try to learn more about yourself
and what actually helps you cultivate thatfeeling of being resourced and whole again.
So, is it a hike outin nature? Is it listening to music?
(39:42):
Is it painting? Is it forme one of my times through the
cocooning led me back to the farm. I grew on a big farm,
lent me back to playing with theponies again. You know, it's like
whatever gives you that sense of likebooiness and life and wholeness again. I
wonder, Gina, if you wantto share some examples from your own lived
(40:04):
experience of what is really restorative foryou or has been throughout the years.
So my youngest daughter bought me rollerskates. I roller skated everywhere all the
way through childhood, well into myearly marriage years. Like I would take
put my daughter on the stroller androller skate, and then I went to
blades for a while. But Ijust I love roller skates. I need
(40:27):
to do that more. But rollerskating brings me joy. There's something about
it painting and being out in natureand beauty. So we have a place
called Huntington Library and Gardens here closeby where I live, and I recently
took myself there for a day andjust beautiful art for me, the beautiful
(40:54):
buildings, the beautiful gardens, thefinding a place to sit where there's not
you know, I can hear water. I think most of us nature is
restorative, but I think as acreative I have a really deep longing for
that kind of stimulus and because nourishment, it is total nourishment for back to
(41:16):
that soul. If you're soul weary, we need to learn what those soul
healing and supportive things are. Forme, of course, it's worship,
music and prayer and you know,taking those walks not on concrete or at
least where I can see something that'snot concrete, and creating just moving paint
(41:42):
around. And so as a creativeperson like I used to love makeup.
I was a makeup artist for thirtyfive years and finally last year I laid
them down and it was the rightthing for me to do. It was
like I could finally let that go. And so I think that it is
a The curiosity piece that you touchedon is so important, like we're restoring
(42:07):
our soul, but we're being curiousabout why does this? I guess it's
a more becoming more attuned and alignedis the words that are coming to past.
And you said a few things thatmade me think of another suggestional offer
to folks who are in the cocooningphase. Can we make a list of
places I call them that are Icall them listening points. What are the
(42:27):
places where you can go and justlisten to God, to Stoul, to
universe, to something other than whateverthe chatter is in your head. So
when you talked about your experience goingto the library, when we talk about
our experiences out in nature, forme, there was I was spending a
lot of time in California when Iwent through a cocooning season, and so
I would go to the beach onSanta Barbara and there was this one whale
(42:52):
tail bench that I would just goand sit on and it was a listening
point for me. It was goingback to my alma mater and sitting in
the chapel at my alma mater tojust listen. It's like, do you
have to be intentional? Yeah,because the noise is real? Yeah yeah,
internal and external yep. So makingthat list of restorative activities, maybe
(43:15):
making a cocooning playlist. I lovemaking cocooning playlists for myself. Setting aside
weekly time for you to engage inthose restoration practices, and then reflection as
well. So the big nugget reflectionquestions, if we really had to try
to bucket it at a high levelno matter the transition you're going through.
Three questions I want you to sitwith is your cocooning, What do I
(43:38):
want to hold on to from thislast chapter of my life that I was
just in? What was good aboutit? Because sometimes we're tending to throw
everything out and we don't need toh The second question is what is it
time for me to let go ofsome of that work maybe did in the
doul drums, but maybe not allof it. And then the third one
(43:58):
is what do I want to takeon? What new possibilities are speaking to
me lately, are calling to me? So in those restorative times, can
we sit with those big reflection questionsand just take note we don't have to
do anything just yet. Can wejust begin to notice what we're wanting to
let go of, take on andold study? Okay, so then for
(44:20):
my getting ready, folks, wedid not forget about you. What might
your work be for that precious chapterthat you are in? First and forest,
I would say, make a learningplan for yourself. What's speaking to
you? What are the possible selvesthat you came up with in Cocooning that
you're wanting to play with a littlebit here. Can you create a list
of experiments based on the potential newvision that you're wanting to move towards.
(44:45):
Can you make a list of folksthat you want to connect with based on
your learning goals? And can youset aside time each week to be in
that learning space a little bit moreand also reflect on the experiments after,
because if we're just throwing spaghetti intothe wall and we're never taking time to
check in and say, like,oh wait, did I actually like coaching?
Did that feel good in my nervoussystem? I'm thinking about myself when
(45:07):
I was moving through that transition.Then we know, oh, that's something
I want to continue to increase.Did I like going to play with the
ponies on Saturday? And we knowthat's something that we want to increase,
or we tried that that actually didn'tcreate the outcome that we were hoping for,
Right, I think that college knowingourselves and being open to the newer
(45:31):
version of ourselves, that's what Ihear you saying. It's it's what has
worked in the past, and whatam I feeling drawn to? Yes?
Yes, And on that note,so many people want to say that they're
getting ready, because I think that'sjust what our culture is bent towards.
It's like it's only okay to begetting ready or to be in go for
(45:51):
it. Yes, so sometimes wecan misidentify as being getting ready. If
you're not sure, I would justask you a really simple question, what
are you getting ready for? Andif we can answer that question, if
we even have like a hazy ideaof what the answer might be that question,
you're probably there. And we don'toffer these quadrants too, to be
like rigid about it. You know, we can be human and misidentify.
(46:14):
But can we come back to whateverthe work is for us, for wherever
we are? And you say,it's a cycle, and I think it's
important that we get rid of thestraight line trajectory that my personality adores.
Yes, yes, in mine too, it's not it's it is not.
(46:35):
Life is not linear. No,it is cyclical. We are going to
go through these seasons many, many, many times. And I hope our
conversation today acted first and foremost asa balm to your soul to nourish and
to acknowledge that whatever your non straightline path has been to date is actually
(46:55):
totally human and completely normal. Andthen second, to give yourself a starting
line, so to speak. Idon't even know if I like that analogy,
but perhaps like a jumping off pointto say, oh, and where
do I go from here? Basedon where I am today? So if
you had to give three kind oftakeaways or three things that because the conversation
(47:21):
I think has been very clear,but it's also a lot and people might
not have taken the time to figureout where they are, or maybe they're
resisting where they are. So whatare kind of three anchor points or things
that you would encourage people to takeaway from this conversation. Yeah, one
(47:43):
would be truly because I don't wantyou to avoid it. Name where you
are, and it's fine if youdon't want to use this language. I
have clients that are very resistant tothis language for whatever reason. But can
we work to take stock and say, oh, this is where I am
right now it is a doul drumseason for me, or oh really I
am in getting ready. That's thingone first and foremost, and that is
(48:06):
to be in deep service to yourself, to meet yourself where you are.
Thing two would be then can wemake just one commitment to ourselves based on
where we are. What is thecommitment that we are making to ourselves to
shift or change to help ourselves getfrom from doldrums into cocoon, to help
ourselves get from cocoon into getting readya little bit? Can we identify just
(48:30):
that one thing and thing three regardlessof where you are, regardless of where
you are? Can we make acommitment to be in a reflective practice?
Can we take I'm like, whatis the lowest possible dose I could prescribe
to someone? Can we take fiveminutes once a week to simply even sit
(48:52):
with the questions that I offered forcocooners. What do I want to hold
on to? What do I wantto let go of? And what do
I want to take on a newIf that was all you did as a
result of this episode, your lifewill shift and change five minutes those three
questions. Perfect, Shannon. Howdo people get a hold of you and
(49:12):
your resources? You can find meon Instagram That's where I'm most active at
Shannon Schotler or on my website Shannonschotlerdot com. Those are the two best
places to find me. Excellent,Well, Shannon, I want to thank
you so much for bringing such beauty, grace, clarity, and compassion to
this conversation. I love the waythat you guided us through. It's so
practical, it's so necessary. Ireally appreciate your presence, the way that
(49:38):
you show up and the way thatyou share It was just beautiful and I
think it's incredibly helpful for this seasonof our lives. So thank you so
much. Thank you, deep bowback to you, Gina, Thank you
for your work. My pleasure today. Friends, If you find us on
YouTube, just look down below.I'll have the links to Shannon there.
If you happen to be driving andyou need to get to a platform later
(50:00):
for these links, you can goto www. Dot Feminine roadmap dot com
and the links will be there aswell. And of course, as always,
when we think about a conversation likethis that we've listened to, my
encouragement is that you find something inthe conversation and you apply it to your
life, whatever it is. Thefive minute suggestion that Shannon had, How
(50:23):
powerful could that be and how smallof a commitment, but with huge dividends.
Seasons of life are part and parcelof being human. They just are.
We have the opportunity to lean in, learn, grow, flow,
(50:44):
sometimes feel stuck. It's all partof it. We have the opportunity to
be an architect in our own life, or we can be a wrecking ball
in our own life. We havethe choice, and they may sound harsh,
but you know, the resistance andthe kicking against the goad is not
in our best interest. My friends, I want to encourage you to turn
(51:07):
and face whatever it is that youfeel may be resistant to and hold a
space for it. It's probably justa paper tiger, you know, and
remembering that it's just a season issuch a great resource for our mental space.
Is not going to last forever.It's going to be okay. So
I just want to encourage you.There's a community here. Shannon has a
(51:29):
podcast as well, the Messy MuckyMiddle Podcast. There are resources out there,
so if you're feeling a little adrift, anchor in, find a resource
that speaks you and anchor in.I want to thank you so much for
being with us today and sharing thistime. I do ask that you share
this conversation with someone you know whoneeds the encouragement. I look forward to
(51:50):
sharing more inspirational people, strategies andstories with you in the weeks to come.
Take care, my friends, Byebye,
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