THE LET THEM THEORY: HOW TO STOP STRESSING ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL #169

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode is sponsored by Petra Culp. Hello and welcome
back to Film Pro, Productivity and Success, the podcast that
helps creative people to live the focused, effective and happy life.
My name is Carter Ferguson and this is episode one
hundred and sixty nine. They'll Let Them Theory, How to

(00:24):
stop stressing about what you can't control. Let them judge you,
let them misunderstand you, Let them gossip about you. Their
opinions aren't your problem. Mel Robbins unquote. In last week's show,
I looked at how jealousy and grace can affect our

(00:46):
life and work as freelancers. If you miss the show
and think that's something that you could benefit from, then
please go check it out now today. Though, if you've
ever spent too much time worrying about what other people think,
trying to control their behavior, or stressing over their opinions,
then you're going to love this episode. What if the

(01:06):
key to freedom was two simple words, let them? Today
we are diving into Mel Robbins Let them theory and
how it can change the way you approach freelancing, creativity
and life as creative freelancers were constantly bombarded with opinions
from clients, colleagues, friends, and even random individuals on social

(01:30):
media who decide it is their place to comment on
whatever you've posted. The desire to control others' reactions or
behaviors can become overwhelming and lead to unnecessary stress, though
negatively impacting our creativity and overall well being. They let
Them theory presents an alternative approach by encouraging us to

(01:52):
concentrate our energy on aspects within our control while giving
uphold on external factors. They let Them theory is a
mindset shift where you stop trying to control how other
people act, think, or feel. Instead, you let them do
what they want, say what they want, and think what

(02:12):
they want. Will you focus on yourself? By doing this,
you free yourself from the weight of other people's opinions
or behaviors, and it helps you to focus on what
matters your actions, your goals, and your energy. In their
own words, they'll let them theory is like a sigh
of relief for your stressed brain. It helps you to

(02:35):
reclaim control over your anxious thoughts so that your brain
and body can finally get out of survival mode and
back to thriving. I've written up examples of this in
context to show you how they'll let them. Theory applies
to freelancers and creatives. Number one, let them criticize your work.

(03:00):
Not everyone will love what you create, and that's okay.
Instead of trying to please everyone, focus on your clients,
your audience, or your collaborators who align with your vision.
And for an example, a client might not like a
design that graphic artists put together. Instead of over explaining,

(03:21):
take that feedback professionally and just let them have that opinion.
The second example I would give of this is let
them say no. Not every single pitch you put together
will land, and not every client will say yes, and
instead of taking their rejection personally, just see it as

(03:41):
part of the process. For example, you pitch your services
to a potential client and they say no thanks, So
instead of chasing them, just let them say no and
move on to the next opportunity. Leave it at that.
Some things work out and some things don't. Number three,
let them have their boundaries. Clients, collaborators, or even friends

(04:01):
might not always say yes to your requests or ideas,
and that is fine. Respect their boundaries while holding onto
your own. Another example of this would be that a
client doesn't want to expand the budget for a project,
So instead of pushing, just let them stick to their
limits and decide if the project still works for you.

(04:23):
Let the project be limited by their budget and let
them know that that is why perhaps everything they dreamed
was going to come together in it hasn't happened for them.
Number four would be let them judge you. People will
always have opinions about your career, or your prices, or

(04:44):
your creative choices. But instead of defending or justifying yourself,
let them think what they want while staying true to
your own values. An example of this would be a
family member questions why you're freelancing instead of what working
in a real job. Instead of arguing with them, just
let them have their opinion. Will you continue to build

(05:06):
your dream? Number five that I've got here is let
them leave. Not every client or collaborator is meant to
stay in your life forever. Not every friend is either
Instantly Letting go of a difficult client or collaborator or
friend can open up space for better opportunities, and an
example of that would be that a long term client

(05:28):
that you've worked with many times before just moves on
to another freelancer instead of clinging onto them, let them
go and use the space that that's created to find
new clients that are maybe more aligned with what you're
trying to do. And my final example here now is
for number six, let gossips talk their talk. Funny enough,

(05:51):
this gossip things come up both in the last episode
and the previous episode, and it is a problem. But
let gossips talk their talk. As a freelance so you
might encounter gossip more than likely, or criticism that doesn't
align with your values or your professional reputation. Rather than
engaging in the gossip or trying to change people's opinions,

(06:13):
focus on building your own integrity and allowing your actions
to speak for themselves. This is again I've talked about
this in the past in regard to online trolls. Do
not give fuel to the fire of online torolls. If
they trying to start a discussion about it, what they
want is to get a reaction from you. So instead
of trying to react and change their minds and state

(06:35):
your case, ignore anything like that, Ignore gossip, and ignore
someone that's going to cause trouble for you. Just ignore
it and build on your own integrity and let those
actions of yours stand And an example of this I've
got here is you hear rumors about your professionalism, and
instead of engaging in the gossip, continue producing your own

(06:56):
high quality work, maintaining clear communication with clients, and show
casing your dedication to what you do. They let them.
Philosophy isn't about ignoring problems or being complacent. It's about
wisely managing your energy, choosing your battles, and understanding that
you can't fix or control everything. Mel Robbins unquote, and

(07:21):
I know it's all very well for me to say this,
but what we are, what your What are the tangible
benefits of practicing they let them theory say. Here are
five reasons why adopting this attitude is a good idea.
Number One, less stress and burnout. You stop wasting energy
trying to control things that you can't. By redirecting your

(07:43):
efforts towards what you can actually influence, you'll can serve
your mental and emotional resources, make better decisions, and ultimately
achieve greater success in your work and in your personal life. Second,
focus on what you can control instead of worrying about others.
You can focus on your work goals and your self improvement,

(08:05):
and this mindset will empower you to take control of
your own life and work and ensure continued development and
achievement in those areas. Number Three, it gives you emotional freedom.
You stop taking things personally and learn to accept people
as they are. You have to accept that some people
always be difficult to deal with, whether their gossips, stubborn

(08:28):
or just an asshole. I keep saying asshole. I don't
know if it's because I'm writing my notes on this
arsehole is what I'm saying, or they're just an arsehole
and there are a lot of arseholes around. By recognizing
and accepting these people for who they are, you can
avoid taking their behavior personally, and this helps maintain a
better mindset, allowing you to preserve your energy for yourself

(08:50):
and focus on your own goals. Realizing that some people
simply won't never change your behaviors freeze you from the
effort of trying to alter them and allows you to
redirect your efforts towards a more productive life and work.
And I'd add to that too that some people you
just can't save. There are people out there that if
you've got that need to help others within you and

(09:14):
you give all of your energy to these people some people,
some people, not all of them are unsavable, and focusing
your efforts back in yourself rather and get drawn in
by those sort of toxic archetypes that will are like
energy vampires is another thing worth mentioning here. But number
three their emotional freedom. Number four better relationships. When you

(09:38):
respect others choices and opinions, you will create healthier and
more balanced relationships with them. This approach helps you to
reduce conflicts and misunderstandings, and ultimately creates a more harmonious
environment for in both your personal life and in the
professional world. Add to that, when you let go of

(10:02):
the need to control other's opinions, you will liberate yourself
from the frustrations and emotional effort that often accompanies these
attempts that you make. Number five more creativity and confidence.
Letting go of this sort of external noise gives you
the mental space to focus on your own creative work

(10:23):
and to trust your instincts more when you release your
focus on other people's opinions or irrelevant distractions. When you
let that go, you create better mental space to concentrate
on your own creative work and By letting go of
the need to control others, you develop a deeper trust
in your own instincts, as I said, and you'll become

(10:43):
more confident in your ability to make decisions, and ultimately
this will result in better, more authentic, more personal, and
more impactful work. So all that said, let me sum
up with some basic rules to help you out here.
Step one, recognize what you're trying to control. Ask yourself,

(11:05):
am I trying to control how this client say responds
to my work? Am I trying to change someone's opinion
of me? Am I holding on to something that I
should let go of? And if the answers to any
of those are yes, then work hard to let go
and move on. Get that mindset shift made, and work

(11:26):
on it to ensure you can let go of it.
Step two shift your focus. Instead of focusing on others,
focus on yourself. What can you do to improve what's
within your control? Answer those questions and life will get
a whole lot easier. Number three, practice detachment. When you

(11:48):
notice yourself getting upset or frustrated, remind yourself, let them
say it out loud, seat it in your head, let
them whatever, Let them An example being a client doesn't
respond to your email for days, and instead of stressing,
let them take their time and move on to what
you can do next. I've had a rough time dealing
with an editor and a project I'm attached with in
the last few days, and they're deliberately trying to mess

(12:10):
me about by not reallying when and if they actually
do anything, and they're forcing me into position where I
have to constantly chase them up. I've put the whole
thing aside for now so that I can get on
with what's important to me this podcast, for a start,
and not get caught up in their nonsense by constantly
checking in only to be annoyed or disappointed by them.

(12:34):
Step four set boundaries. Letting others do what they want
doesn't mean you sacrifice your boundaries. And just to follow
up on my last example, I've decided that if I
don't hear from this editor, I'm not going to check
up on whether they've done something or not. My boundary
is that well, I will only respond to them when

(12:55):
I am asked to. I'm not going to look at
what has been done unless they tell me something has
been done. That's my boundaries to set boundaries. Number five
trust yourself. Letting go of control means trusting that you're
capable of handling whatever happens. Imagine you're a designer facing

(13:16):
a client who isn't satisfied with your work. So rather
than resisting that feedback from them, you trust your ability
to adapt, to stay professional, listen to their concerns, and
create a new design that will align with their vision.
And by letting go of control, you can demonstrate resilience,
you can build trust, and you can navigate the situation effectively.

(13:39):
So those five steps, as I say that were the
basic rules here, are recognized when you are trying to control.
Recognize that step two, shift your focus, Step three, practice detachment,
Step four, set boundaries. Step five trust yourself. Trust you

(14:01):
have the ability to handle whatever happens. And the key takeaway,
perhaps from today's episode, is to recognize that you can't
control others, but that you have the power to shape
your own responses and actions. By adopting the let them theory,
you free yourself from unnecessary stress, redirecting your energy towards

(14:23):
the elements of your life that truly matter, your aspirations,
your own creative endeavors, and your inner harmony. I mean
I could give an example of just recording this podcast today,
I have several pools on my time. I've been trying
to I might have mentioned it in earlier episodes, trying
to dodge work a little bit, trying to reduce the
amount of work I've got because I've had so many
things to do, and I've got two different jobs of

(14:43):
coming at the one time, and I've got a business
related matter that I'm dealing with as well. I have
I was getting stressed at these two productions were clashing,
and they wear clashing. But that's actually sorted itself out.
It is no longer a clash with these I'm going
to complete four more episodes, three or four more episodes
this week, and next week I'm giving up entirely to that.

(15:04):
I'm going to go into these jobs for a full
week and then they'll return to this. But if I
sat here stressing about what I can't control, like their schedules,
I wouldn't be recording this at all. So I just
had to let that go. I had to put a site.
The other problem is that the business related matter cannot
complete now because next week, for four days, I'm shooting

(15:24):
on a feature film and a TV show. So if
I rushed through the business affairs this week, I would
not be able to deal with the fallout from those
business matters next week, when I know I'm going to
be on sets for long hours. So I'm just letting
these film things do their own thing. I'm letting the
business thing sit there for a week and I'm focusing

(15:47):
on this. And if I didn't let all that just
go on without me, I wouldn't be recording this show.
So anyway, let me urge you today to embrace the
freedom that comes with letting go, because ultimately that let
them theory will empower you to protect your mental and
emotional resources and pave the way for increased productivity. That's

(16:10):
the point of the show. It will increase your productivity,
it will increase your well being, and it will lead
to success in whatever your creative pursuits are. Your call
to action this week is to reflect on one stressor
that is beyond your control and to consider how you
can reframe your focus and prioritize that kind of self empowerment.

(16:32):
Ask yourself, what can you do to shift your energy
towards which really matters to you? While letting others be
who they are find a way to let go and
refocus your time, your energy, and your patience. Backing yourself
by applying some of the guidance from today's episode, and
always remember that when you stop trying to control others,

(16:57):
you free yourself to focus on what truly matters. In
next week's show, I'll be talking about taking action, getting
stuff done, and as always comes up when people write
into me, about dealing with anything that could be classed
as procrastination, a truly classic productivity topic. If you found

(17:23):
today's episode engaging or insightful, I would truly appreciate your support.
So twicst subscribing or leaving a review and sharing this
podcast episode, perhaps for your network, you'll help me to
build a community of like minded individuals who value personal
and professional growth, and I really would appreciate it. One
thing that some people do is they'll screen grab the

(17:46):
episode as they're listening to it, and they'll put it
up on their social media, ideally with a link to
wherever you're listening to the show. It's available on all
podcast apps, so if you fancy doing that a little
bit of social for you, that would be really really useful.
But let me end today with some wise words from
Penny Read, who said, you don't have to set yourself

(18:08):
on fire to keep others warm. Now take control of
your own destiny, keep on shooting and join me next
time on Film pro Productivity and Success. The music you're
listening to right now is Adventures by A Himitsu and

(18:31):
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(18:52):
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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}THE LET THEM THEORY: HOW TO STOP STRESSING ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN’T CONTROL #169