0139. Let's Talk Mental Health! Episode 0139

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Let's Talk Mental health with Pastor Judy Howard, Andrea Fields, and Angelyn Greer. 

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Man Missionary Cordell Fields is my husband, Man Pine Grove Missionary Baptist Church out
of Jackson, Mississippi. Praise God. Amen, we welcome you on tonight
and now we're gonna go across thetable. Hey man, introduce yourself.
My name is Angelaine Greer Martin andI am an expert of sorts, but

(00:24):
on the other side of mental health. Amen. Okay, Well, I'm
Angel with fire to inspire the podcast. Yeah, and I'm here to ignite
your fire, passion, your purpose. Look, I graduated from Jackson State
University and this this uh vision thatI had going on with that stemp you

(00:49):
know, my podcast stemmed from iHeartout of Atlanta, and we started the
podcast and the fire has been burningever since. And so let's today,
let's take a tour of our mindsets, because boy are they busy, right
And thank you, Thank you mom, but also my pastor, my mentor,
a beautiful woman I look up toevery day and thank you for just
being there through this journey because it'snot it has been so crucial. It's

(01:12):
been so hard, but she's beenmy ride or die. Praise guy,
Amen. I just want to sayto each one of these young ladies.
They are something I tell you,they have inspired me. Andrea expires me.
Amen, standing by her husband thatreally inspires me. And then Angela

(01:34):
has a way of just taking abad situation and just making you laugh.
So I love that about her.And then angel which is my baby daughter.
Amen, she inspired this podcast.She told me about four years ago.
She said, Mom, why don'tyou do I said, no,
I'm not never doing anything like that. But then when I had a small

(01:59):
surgery, the Holy Spirit spoke tome, and I thought about angel was
the first one that said something tome. But you know, I was
glad that I waited for the HolySpirit. I sure, Amen to ignite
the fire, praise God. Amen. And as I say, it's Thanksgiving,
we're in a good season and we'recelebrating and we don't even though it's

(02:19):
Thanksgiving month. We thank God everyday, but it's just something about the
set aside month of November where youcan really thank God and we have something
to be thankful. Yes, weain't gonna start with our mental health specialists.
She's coming in her own way.Yeah. And I just I just

(02:42):
wanna say again, you know,this journey with mental health, it's not
it it's never easy. And evenworking with you know, people that have,
you know, things going on,you know, you have to work
with them and deal with things thatthey're going through. But I also want
to remind everyone too not to forgetabout self. Yes, so that is

(03:07):
so important to me. But Ilove how my aunt has these teacups.
Let's get the meal, let's getthe tea. I love it. So
I know in our community, it'snot popular to talk about mental health,

(03:35):
right in the black community, inthe African American community, you know,
in the communities of color, it'snot popular to talk about mental health.
But I do want to let everyoneknow that it is very important, all
right, very important to talk aboutmental health. It's important to talk about
how you feel. It's important totalk about what you see. Okay,

(03:55):
It's important to talk about what youknow. Okay, can y'all agree with
So when it comes to your mentalhealth, I want you all to think
about you know, if you ifyou can think about your physical health,
if you can think about your sociallife, if you can think about your
emotional well being, your emotional health, why not think about your mental because

(04:19):
starts with the mind. So everythingis about you know, your mindset,
you know, having a healthy mindset, and that's what I want, you
know, the takeaway to be today. It's like, really, what's on
your mind? Like, what's thet on the inside of youth? All
right, what's on the inside ofyou? What's what's going on on the

(04:43):
inside that you need to work onfor you? Okay, I'm about what
everybody else is because at the endof the day, you're gonna be at
home in your room and you're stillgonna have these thoughts or whatever it is.
Yes, so we have to concentratereally on ourselves. So I won't
I just I really want y'all tothink about that. And then even and

(05:04):
I'm gonna come I'm gonna circle backaround. But like your expectations, like
what are they looking like? Arethey realistic the expectations or are they coming
from people don't mind? Are theyrealistic? Are they coming from the outsiders

(05:27):
that's not gonna be there in themidnight hours? Come on? And that
creates stress. So all of thesethings that we go through on a day
to day basis like it creates anexperience for us and we can, as
my dad would always tell me,you choose what you're gonna use and you
choose what you're gonna throw away yearsago. But y'all, I promise you

(05:49):
it has helped me. I ain'tgonna tell y'all my age, but the
third truly helped me, you know, to navigate the things that's called life.
It's helped me. So even throughthat small steps what's you talking about,
Andrea? Small steps? Whenever youget ready to do things you don't

(06:12):
want to take no big leap,okay, yeah, so you may get
hurt. You may get hurt.So those small steps, those small goals.
So like if I want to goout there and let's just say run
the bigger song, no, no, no, I'm gonna take the gym,
because I have been going to thegym here lately, you know,
trying to start my way. Andso you know, I was like,

(06:33):
ooh, I'm gonna do four daysout the week and guess what, epic
fail. So I had to bringit back down to me to what I
can do, to my small steps, all right, and those small steps
for me are two days out theweek, okay, watching you know some
of what I eat? You know, I still like my fried chicken butter.
Don't we a home it's small steps. This is a small things.

(06:57):
And then thirdly, I want tosay, be solution focused. Cool,
that's good. Be solution focused becauseif wetend and if we tend to focus
in on the problem, and whenwe focus in on the problem, that's
where we go down, down downdowntown. Mm. But we focus in
on solution, and we prioritize thosethings that are you know, important.

(07:23):
We gonna make it every time,we gonna make it. Yes, that's
it. So that we have tobe solution focused. So whatever it is,
be solution focused. Okay. Thosesupport systems mm Ooh, that's so,
that's so pertinent. That is supportsystems. Okay, and mental health

(07:45):
throughout life, you need a greatsupport system. And you know some people
be like, well I don't Idon't have I don't have any supports.
Okay, well guess what. Findyou some? Alright, find you some.
What are some of the things thatyou like to do? If you
don't know what you like, trysome different things out. It's like for
me, the gym is one ofmy places. Work, work is one

(08:07):
of my places because I know Ihave support. Their home is one of
my places. Okay, you know, my mom's house lord, my mom,
my dad's house, one of myplaces, my sister's, my brother.
Like I have support. I havegreat supports, and I thank God
for that, you know, supports. People don't have that. Some people
don't have that, but they can't, but they can. And so you

(08:31):
know, finding out who they areand use your voice. What is it
that you need? All right?What do you need? Okay? Okay,
So you have to learn to vocalizewhatever whatever it is, cause people
can't read your mind, that's right, you know, So that's important.

(08:52):
Communicate your needs. I don't carehow small or how big it may seem.
Somebody else may be like girl,you could have been told me that
or what you needed, you know. And another thing with supports, And
I want to say this because youknow it's near and dear to me.
If you notice that some of yourpeople or one of your friends or family

(09:13):
members is not coming around like theynormally, or they're not calling you,
you know, checking in on you, sometimes they may be going through something
themselves, so don't be so hardon them, like be there for one
another when you can, like doit. Do it's it's important to just
pick up their phone and say,hey, how you doing. And how's

(09:35):
that they going? You know,that one word or that one I love
you may turn a person from tryingto do something to themselves. You're right,
You're right. That's one word orthat one gesture of being nice or
opening the door for somebody. Youknow, it may turn a person from
I'm just gonna say it, sayingthat they want to kill themselves. Okay,

(10:00):
Yeah, it takes one small something. I say small steps. I
mean small steps. They I'm certified, but you know, like I say,
we still have our own stuff thatwe have to deal with at the
end of the day. And that'swhy it's so important to be healthy in
every facet of the word, mentally, physically, emotionally, socially, all

(10:24):
of its import But I'm not gonnastay Yeah, you have to you have
to stay down. That's great.Yes, you have to stay balanced because
if you don't, you're irregular.Think about you know, your bows and
you irregular? You know you're hurtingyou this you that got order you have,
you're out of order. What I'msaying about like that, Yeah,

(10:52):
you know we have to be inorder. We have to be in order.
And I want to say this andi'nt y'all have a floor. But
to get here, y'all, becausethe things that I had to go through
this evening just to get here,I'm like, Lord, I'm gonna make
it. I'm gonna marry, andhe made it so that I'm here,
so I know I had a wordfor the people, and so with that,

(11:20):
I just I really want to makesure that y'all understand that, yes,
God, Yes, we're gonna prayabout it. Yes, come on,
somebody, now, this is firstplace talking right. First, we're
gonna pray about it. We're gonnaseek the Lord, Yes we are,
Yes we are. We're gonna we'regonna seek God behind everything first. First

(11:43):
first, but he also gives usus okay, So don't ever be afraid
to go and say, hey,and Judy, I'm dealing with such and
such that's right, or Angela,I'm dealing with this. Angel I'm you
know, I'm dealing with something that'sright, that's okay. That's what I

(12:05):
want people to know is, oh, okay, that's okay. If you
not feeling your best, it's okay, it's okay. Let somebody know and
we can deal with it together.That's right. So I just want to
kind of just drop the nugget outthere. That's because you know, so
many times we say, you know, and God is he's a mind regulator.

(12:26):
We say that, but then wedon't tell the people real stuff because
and this is something you know mosta lot of times we don't hear it
in the sanctuary and about mental healthand stuff, man, and and and
then there's a reason for that becauseI know it's other things to come.
But whenever you say he's a mindregulator, we need to let people know

(12:50):
that he has people out there,yes, that can assist you, that
can help you pray in the spineand he will lead you to see And
you know, another thing I wantedto bring out before I turn it over
to someone else. If you ifyou have some more you just spe up
through here. We look at mentalhealth. Is it a crisis or is

(13:13):
it an epidemic? Is it apandemic like you said in the slack question
in the community. I'll just sayit. But we grew up at a
time if somebody was mentally unstable,they stayed in the back room, they
didn't go anywhere, they didn't doanything. But now it's and it's used
to be low class people. Buthere you have college graduates, you know,

(13:37):
and so you have celebrities. Ifyou have celebrities, celebrities, So
this is very serious. We talkabout it. If we got canceled,
I got to go to my oncologies, if we got a heart trouble,
I got to go to my cardiologist. But then when my mind is a
little bit messed up, we don'twant to talk about it. Aut we

(13:58):
sweep it on. Oh that's sucha stigma that community. The community was
like, you know them, butthey might it's the ignorance. It's ignorance.
My favorite thing. And I'm sorry, you know, but my favorite

(14:20):
thing was when I got my diagnosis. The ignorance behind a particular person that
the first person I showed it toand they said, are you gonna kill
me? I said, what Ithought about it, but that was a
joke. I don't really think aboutit. But the point is, you
know, it was just a sheerignorance, you know, and oh no,
you know, like you've lived withme for eleven years and I you

(14:43):
know, I bring you this diagnosis. Now it's scary. You know,
what what about compassion? What abouteducating yourself about it? Not sympathy.
But what's that word again, empathy? Empathy, which is a completely different
situation. So what about educating yourselfand finding out you know, because that's

(15:03):
when a loved one has a mentalillness, everyone in the family has to
suffer with them. Sometimes you do, and and it's it's it's a community
project sometimes. And so I justthink it's important that that the black community
be educated educated. Sorry that Idon't want to say one thing to you

(15:26):
said, it's a it's a communityproject. That really is, because and
that's one of the things that alot of people say, will just fix
them. I don't have nothing todo with it. No, you have
everything to do. We're family,we're that means we are connected, and
so that's a mean that speaks volumes. You have to be educated on everything

(15:52):
that goes on. I'm gonna saywith just with with people, because you're
supposed to be able to as Christianserves. You know, we forgot about
that. We forgot about it.You know, we served you all are
But don't you deal with youth?So it's everywhere every agout baby, And

(16:22):
that's good that you actually deal withthe youth because that's like today the leading
question is how do we heal fromour past traumas if you can catch them
at a young age and deliver theword to them, not just the you
know, the world. We knowwe're keeping them from keeping God first,
but we have to understand that mentalhealth is real. It's a real thing,
but thoughts are not reality. Andhow you self and like they people

(16:47):
go through impost what they call impostersyndrome where you feel like you're not good
enough, you're not you're not youknow, you're not the best person in
the world. Well, you knowwhat, guess what. Those children need
to know who they are, whothey are. They need to know they're
worth at a young age. Youget what I'm saying, especially black,
My Black babies do not know.They do not know. So you have

(17:08):
to pour into them while they're youngand when they get older they have the
confidence enough to be who they needto be, the leaders, because we
are missing leaders of this world today. Yes, it's scared of vote.
I'm sorry, but you know I'mjust being real. I don't mean,
you know, we have to haveleaders. We are missing that today
and so we have to you know, we have to grow them now and

(17:30):
pour into them right now. It'syou know, the monstrosity of being simply
alive, like just living in thispandemic. What we just what we just
went through that vast pandemic. Itwas awful and I mean it broke me.
It broke my heart to see somany divisions in the world. We
were divided, We were divided fromour families, we were divided from our

(17:52):
marriages. I mean, I wentthrough a divorce through our pandemic. I
mean it didn't it didn't make mesick or anything, but it just it
just made my heart. It brokemy heart, and it broke me down
like a car breakdown. I wasbroken down, same thing my car is.
But you know what, like job, he got through it. He
got everything he got, He goteverything back, and I'm gonna get mine

(18:14):
back. I'm slipping my tee onthat one. Now we're gonna let you.
I'll give you experiences, you know, with your journey. However you
would like to many of the afflictionsof the righteous, but the Lord delivers
out of all of them, y'allbe delivered. Go ahead, baby,

(18:37):
Okay, Well, I know I'malready introduce myself. I just want to
say I'm so happy Triple A isback in the place today. You don't
know what you mean we got.I don't know if you got Andrea,
Angela and angel go way back.Yes, Yes, turned up for the
Lord and then I'm gonna leave themiddle part out and I can turn up.

(19:07):
I'm just I want to say that, Like I said in the beginning,
I'm on the other side of mentalhealth. So I'll share with you
because you know my pastor knows Ilike to overshare. So I was diagnosed,
diagnosed with a mental health issue,and I think my family's response it

(19:33):
just varied from wanted the spectrum tothe other. And I won't I won't
say it, and as we won'tcall them people out, We're gonna be
sweet today. But I will say, you know, it kind of hurt
the level of ignorance and and itreally is a generational gap because you know,
they say, oh well, honey, just pray about it. Just
head the Lord of Just trust theLord. I am trusting him. I'm
trusting the medical professionals that he presentedme belong And because he wouldn't have gifted

(19:57):
these people with knowledge, we theman understanding to help me navigate this situation,
and he wouldn't have gifted them withthat and then directed me to them
if he didn't want me to havethis help and have this medication. So
yeah, I'm gonna pray and I'mgonna take this medication and it's gonna help
me balance my situation and I likingit. Unto this, you think about
every vessel is built different, right, So every vessel is built different.

(20:21):
You know, we are all whatwe're temples, right, We're vessels of
the Lord, we house the HolySpirit. Right, But every single gift
or or or spirit or or talentthat we have is different. Yes,
so each each each vessel is different, and some vessels are built different than
others. So you know, well, let me put it to you like
this. You can't pour gasoline anda Starphone cup? Can your uncle have?

(20:45):
You can't, But if you had, if you have a Starphone cup
and you know life pours gasoline,what do you do now you've got a
hold, Well, guess what.You can get a plastic cup and put
the star Phone cup inside that andyou won't lose it. Okay, You're
still gonna have your liquid, You'restill gonna have your feel, but you're
still gonna have your tell. You'restill gonna have everything that you need to
prosper, So you're still gonna beable to have the fire to inspire because
you got the gasoline in the stylephaonm coup that's in the plastic cup,

(21:07):
and you're holding it together, holdingtogether you better. What I'm trying to
say is, yes, prayer isdefinitely the kids. That is how you
find your mental clarity. But thatdoesn't clear up everything sometimes because sometimes you
need a little help and it's okay. And I think that some people would

(21:29):
liken some mental illnesses into having anidentity crisis, like you said, imposture
syndrome. I think sometimes it's importantto understand it. Maybe you need help,
you need assistance. It's okay foryou to read your Bible, it's
okay for you to prayer. Youshould be doing those things because how are
you It's the word says itself studyto show thy self approved? How are
you gonna know if you're approved?If you don't know who you're supposed to

(21:55):
be getting approved by and what you'resupposed to be doing to be approved.
You need this information, So howcan you know yourself if you don't know
your God. That's true. That'sthe first thing. That's the that's the
first key. That's the first thingthey tell you in addiction recovery is if
you got it, if you havea spiritual deity, you better get with
you get some help. Yeah,so even with mental health, you're good,

(22:18):
You're gonna need help. It's andlike she said, it's okay to
say that you need help. It'sokay to pray, but take your medicine
because it's for a reason. Andif it's not working, she said,
communicate with your mental health provider.They're a team. Communicate with your God.
God. This medicine makes me sick. I don't like it. Either
take the sickness from me or takethe mental health problem. I don't know
what you're gonna do. I'm justliving in the expectation that you're going to

(22:41):
do. And that's how. Andyou do it one day at a time,
literally one day at a time.And then it does take the support
system so you so you can't justtake in all the negative comments. You
know that that the people in yourfamily give you when they're uneducated about the
math. You have to just likeGod gives grace and forgiveness, have some

(23:03):
grace for them because they just don'tknow. They don't know, and like
Angel said, our thoughts that ourhead, they're in there and and everyone
that we have isn't real, butsometimes they're just very real to me.
Yes, And so I have topray and sort out which one yes,
you know, valid right, whichones are viable and which ones are not.
You know, I need to understandthe difference. And one of the

(23:25):
things for me was validation. Ineeded to understand that that that that the
way God created me is that myvalidation seeking should be to seek Him and
that I should feel validated when I'mglorifying him. And as long as He
is being glorified, then I amvalidated. Okay, Yes, so that

(23:47):
you remember the song, go getit. That's why I love that song.
So you very qualified with his mercymultiplied, you cannot be denied.
Be how you're finally certified. It'sofficial. So I feel like once you
make your relationship official, then youbegin to get in that process where you
can I'm not gonna say control,but you get to maintain a state of

(24:08):
peace and there's less chaos in mymind. As long as I'm praying,
so long as I'm taking my medicationfaithfully, as long as I'm you know,
making sure that I'm focused on whatI'm supposed to be focused on.
And I think that this may noteven be a curse for me. This
may be a gift because maybe myGod he was like you over here too

(24:29):
much? You over there too much? Maybe you too loop warm. Now
I got to you know, Ineed to light you up, all right,
because you come be on fire forme, or you're gonna be on
fire somewhere else. But wha,come on, come on. So maybe
maybe my situation wasn't to break me, but was to and maybe he was
sending me a plastic cup and begging. Some people are just water, and

(24:55):
that's good because water is life,yes, and water is good for you.
And you know, some people theywere just motor oil. It don't
burn the same, but it burnedoff some people. That's just right.
Sorry, laugh, that's fine.I'm not acting. The food may be

(25:23):
rudy. And do you feel nowthat you out of that dark place that
you was in, say what twoyears ago? Yeah? About two years
ago? Two years ago? Youknow what, I'm not going to give
you a strange analogy. I'm justgoing to be straight out. So you're

(25:44):
in your mind, you've lived acertain way so long that you you know,
you don't know, it's not normalto be in chaos. So when
I started my medication, and mymind was quiet and it was just one
thought at a time, and itwas just that I'm all still voice of
encouragement saying all right, everybody,I got you today. And then I
could talk to that voice and say, all right, God, here goes

(26:07):
a problem. I'm ready for youto impress me. And it was just
a different It's different, but Iwas. It was hard to get used
to to not having all that chaosin there, to not having all those
intrusive thoughts and impulsive thoughts, andyou know, what if this person think,
and what if that person thinking?What is this? You know,
what is that going on? Whatis this? What are you traveling to?
What they gonna say about this?Is what they're gonna say about that,
They're gonna say, who is theyright? And at one point,

(26:33):
you know, there was so manyand I'm not gonna say voices because I
don't want to have to revisit mytherapist. So many you have to be
careful, right, And it isso many different facets or threads of thought
going on at once. So whenI started that medication and there was just

(26:56):
one central thought and there was justone state of peace, I called her.
I was like, something is wrong. She said, what I said,
I feel like a zombie. Shesaid why, I said, because
it's quiet, you know, Andthen my focus came back. And so,
but being out of that place,looking back now, I don't,
Lord, I don't know how Iwas functioning. It was you. Thank
you, Lord, I thank youso much. I thank you for your

(27:18):
goodness and your glory because and I'lljust share a little bit. I won't
share everything. But like you saidabout it, it wasn't even two years.
Two years it started, you know, but last year came to a
head, and so I was insuch a low place that I did not
want to exist anymore. Jesus,but he called me out of that,

(27:41):
and and you know, and andpart of me, you know, was
like, you know, I wantto blame it on. Oh I'm being
attacked. I got this going on, got this. Sometimes the consequences of
your own actions come to eat youup. Yes, and you've got to
deal with those. But the GodI sair said, you don't have to
do with those long And I'm notsaying that mental illness is a curse.

(28:02):
All these things do work together,though, And I feel, and you
know, in my happy, goldlucky mind, I feel like my God
is just telling me you weren't tryingto be close to me, so I've
got to redirect your attention. Youweren't trying to live for me, so
I've got to redirect your attention.You ain't giving me your attention, so

(28:23):
I'm going to redirect your attention.So just look it from last year to
now, you know, And Ijust I want to glorify God because my
life looks completely different and it doesn'tlook the way I exactly wanted to.
But I got to tell you Ihave been you know, multiplied through His
mercy. Multiplied. Okay, Icannot be denied, baby, Oh hallelujah.

(28:47):
That is I'm telling you. Iwish I could tell you what I
know how to tell you. Itis. If you think my Jordan year
was goaded, wait till you seemy Kobe years. You think twenty twenty
three, Come on, maybe it'sjust you know, but but just having
that shift, having that support.Educating my family about mental health, Yes,

(29:11):
and then teaching them that you knowmedice, you don't you when you
have cancer? Like you said,we lay hands, We still get you
said it. Why can't we go? So I'm gonna go see my therapist.
I'm gonna take my medication on time, and we're gonna have prayer about
it too. Yes, because Iunderstand that they have to go through this
with me. So when I'm noton my medication, they have to.

(29:36):
They have to go through this.They have to be with the ups and
the downs too. So I needto make sure that I'm supporting them by
doing everything that I can do tobe a better person physically, mentally,
spiritually. What was the other one? I missed one? Socially healthy as
I can be. Amen, Ijust thank God because you've been delivered.
I've been delivered, been delivered,and that's what celebrating, y'all. Look,

(30:02):
let's do it, Amen. Youknow, living the Lord is such
a joy. Amen. Now we'regoing to Angel, Amen, and she's
coming in our own way. Well, look, my story, it's definitely
my glory, you know, becauseI was in a very dark holeness and
when she was asking her about that. I mean, I was spiraling all

(30:26):
the way down. I mean again, I had a broken heart. I
went through my first marriage, wentthrough a divorce, and then I had
to divorce a second husband. AndI'm like, I have to divorce Rothey
like what a thought. I stillcan't believe it, you know what I
mean. But still, but today'sbirthday, shout out. We're still best

(30:47):
friends, you know, and Ijust thank God for that friendship because without
him, I still wouldn't be theperson I am right now, because he
really was a big support throughout thewhole time where I was down, going
down, down down here. Ihad to go to a mental institute,
and I'm not ashamed to say that. I had to go to several hospitals
and and I'm not ashamed to saythat because again I know that I had

(31:14):
to do my angel work. Eventhough I thought I was like, why
do you have me in this place? I said, now all the time,
I've been delighted myself in you.Where are you? What are you
doing in this suit? Eating thisfood? You know I like to eat.
I can't eat what I want toeat. You know, I was
a mad you know, I wasa math and I said, God,
why do you have me here?I totally stopped talking to him. I

(31:38):
went catatonic. I did not wantto talk to not one person around me,
you know, my parents. Andthen, oh God, bless their
hearts. They were doing everything theycould to make me happy. But listen,
I'm agatting. I'm being real.I have not but I'm gonna get
off. I'm gonna get off becauseright now I have. You have to
understand that I was in a darkhole and I had to get out of

(31:59):
that hole by speaking again. AndI said, if I talk to you
again, you got to show methat you love me. But he said,
I chose you because I love you. Because I was not only in
there getting my help. The grouptalks help, you know what I mean.
The group work helped, you knowwhat I mean. The group therapy
helped. It worked. But youknow, I can just attest to that.

(32:23):
But at the same time, Iwas helping other people get out of
their dark hole. He told mein twenty nineteen, when I was going
through my downloads and all these things, he said, I'm gonna put you.
I'm gonna let you go through something. You had to go through cancer,
You had to go through what youhad to go through. You had
to go through what you had togo through. I had to go through
what I had to go through,and I didn't understand it. I said,

(32:45):
why me? He said, ithad to be you, not why
not? Because I don't like thatword, but you know, because it's
like, you know, that soundsa little mean, but you know,
but you get what I'm saying.It just I just he said, what,
I chose you because you had tobe in those rooms with the people
that you didn't identify with Jesus,you know, you had to be in

(33:08):
an unusual situation because those people wereabout to off themselves. I literally met
people that were that had the markof them holding they hung themselves in a
tree about to get Until this day, I wish I would have got their
number to stay in touch with them, because I think about them every day

(33:28):
because I worry about those people.These are real people, celebrities, golf
players. I met so many highend people that were about to just let
go, and they were going throughso many things while they were in there,
quiet people, but even enemies thatI was even getting bullied in them.
I mean, I was with gangstersand all types of people. I

(33:49):
have even had my own gag anyway, start going we're talking about that.
But yeah, but you know,you know, this is the thing you
sometimes you just chosen to go throughwhat you go through, and you don't

(34:09):
understand why. You're like, Ihad my own show I had, I
was a celebrity host, and you'retelling me I have to wear this suit,
I have to go out here andand really be in a mental institute.
And I mean I was in fourdifferent I'm gonna go ahead and say
I was in four different hospitals andit wasn't easy for me. They're like,
well, why did you do that? Because I didn't want to stay

(34:29):
at home in my room dark.I wanted to be out. But at
the same time, I don't know. I was just chosen to be to
do my angel work. And Ireally and I'm not delusional. I really
do take my name very seriously.Your name carries a long way, so
you know, it's it's it's reallyit's you have to pull yourself out.

(34:52):
And I was in the pits ofhell in my mind and people don't want
to talk about that hell. Andwe're not trying to cuss or anything,
but I'm just trying to let youknow know that I had dreams of being
in the pits of hell, likeit was all snakes. And so if
you do not know the Lord,if you don't know that, you don't

(35:12):
want to go to hell, becauseI've already been there. I saw it.
I had a dream and I toldmy mom about it. But I
had it over and over and overuntil I answered to him. Because I
got quiet, and Angel getting quietsomething is wrong, something's going on,
something ain't right. When Angel getsquiet, something's not right. So I

(35:37):
stopped talking all together. I wasnot I just wasn't myself. But at
the same time I had to gothrough what I had to go through and
get out of it by the graceof God. Yeah, let's you just
don't understand. And this is realpeople. We are my husband and I

(36:02):
pastors, and we have prayed forso many people and God has allowed us
to see them miracle after miracle.You know. When it came to this
little pressures so here, it wasall of Gods we could we prayed,

(36:24):
we we we we prayed, wewe we anointed. But not until God
and all I could hear God say, trust me, trust me. I
came to and I was like,and he told me yes, and he
told me she's coming. He's coming. You told me that, trust me.

(36:45):
And I'm like, and then okay, you know, being in the
in the in the flesh, I'mlike, well, God, how you
gonna do it? She isn't goingto get help. He's and you know,
God is just like you know,it's like that little God said,
it ain't doing your business. HowI'm gonna do it. I'm trying to

(37:07):
look way over there, but itwas like I couldn't do it. I
couldn't. I cannot see anything.So people, what we are saying now,
don't do like I did. Sweepit under the d and don't feel
like that. It's your yes,and you're never alone, never, And

(37:30):
you know that's the key thing.Andrea. It brought the family so close.
Did you know sometimes you get dividedby religion, You get so lost
in religion, you forget how tobe compassionate. You get what I'm saying.
And we had to learn how tobe compassionate for the sicknesses that we've

(37:52):
gone through. We've gone through alot in the house, you know,
with sickness, and you know,and we're still going through but we're geting
out of it. Yes, yes, but it brought us together so close
like glue. I mean, mymother and I we're so close. I
just like, don't leave me withthat, don't go anywhere without me,
don't go to the grocer store withoutme. I just want to be right

(38:12):
next to her. Like I wentshopping a little bit today and I was
like, I watched I wish myrider I was with me right there.
You know, we've gotten so closeand that and a lot of mothers and
daughters don't get along. That's true. And we didn't always get along.
That's true. That's true, butwe did not we did all We did
not always get along and and that'strue. And that's it. And you

(38:32):
know, don't be ashamed of that. Yes, absolutely don't. That we
are all human, but God isgood and we have to And I remember
Rudy testified one time and she said, and I was doing good. Then
life hits live hit. Yes,it does hits both. You don't know

(38:54):
which way you're going to go.That's country, but you don't. But
I thank God for these days ontoday and we're going to go back to
her. I know she I cansee it and I can see it.
Oh you ready, I've been tryingto drop little stuff down. But like

(39:15):
I said before, I'm just soexcited to be here and just to you
know, just to be in theroom. It's amazing to me. And
I'm trying to obey to your Iremember, you know, and I'm like,

(39:35):
gos what I want to be ableto help my cousin. Lord kill
her, you know. And soand Rudy. I didn't know you were
going through anything, but I thankGod that he has brought you up.
Doesn't she look good? Let mejust say that she doesn't look like this?

(39:59):
Are you probably do? I don'tknow, because you got a good
memory. But we had the Emmanot Emma what Lord have mercy? Sorry,
Mama, you had the already theSanders Scholarship program. Yes, and
you did this speech on the Lighton the Hill for the city. I
do remember, and what I wasgoing through. I was like, I

(40:22):
can't put this under a bushel.I don't know where the bushel is,
but I can't put mccandle under abushel. Yeah, And I just remember
thinking about you and thinking about thatGod, thinking about okay, how can
I gotta shine? I cannot Ican't tuck this in. So, like
Angel said about, you know,sometimes we're embarrassed to speak on that,

(40:44):
like I'm I'm embarrassed to say it, but I'm gonna say it out loud
anyway. I got polar m Andthat's hard to say. And it's hard
for you, see because you know, because of what they think, Oh
she could you know, one minuteshe's smiling, next thing, she'll stab
you. And I know that's nothow that's not They don't, they haven't
been tell me that one of yourtherapies tell you that everybody, yes,

(41:05):
every personality disorders a little has alittle disorder, has a little problem,
but let it get out of Yes, that's exactly what he told me.
He said, the problem comes whenyou forget who you are and you let
that take control of you. Soall that comes full circle about That's why
I said what I said about youknow, knowing who God is in order
to know who you are. ButI thought about what you said a lot.

(41:30):
And I don't even know if youremember that speech, but I remember
the face, and I remember thatshe did and you rocked the house,
and I was mad that they askedme to speak. I think it was
maybe the next year. I can'tfollow that up. I don't know them.
But when I was going through,I thought about that we got to
be that light and so and Ilove that you have the opportunity to be

(41:53):
that. And I'm not going totell all your business, but I remember
when you were in school and youknow, you were dealing with a physically
abusive situation in that old relationship,and you were going through and we didn't
even each other. We were bothgoing through that same thing at the same
time. So we're up for gettingour hands tagger. Nobody's having the conversation.

(42:15):
Nobody's having a conversation. It's important. And I'm not saying, you
know, do like I do,just tell all your business on Facebook Live.
But what I am saying is you'reright, we have to ask for
why are we so irritated or whyare we so bothered? Or why are
we so ashamed to ask for help? Well, I'm going to say this,

(42:38):
and one one of the things is, you know, sometimes when people
grow up and they're so you know, whatever happens in this house, and
I think a lot of times toyour voice has been muted, yes,

(43:10):
and so you have to find yourvoice, and I think I think one
of you ladies were talking about itearlier in regards to, you know,
the kids, A lot of timeswe have to start with the adults,

(43:30):
because what is it that you knowthat the kids have seen from the adults
that they're mimicking from those experiences you'resaying, you see what I'm saying.
So a lot of days we haveto look at the adults because it's not
just what the kid is doing andwhat the kid is going through. Okay,

(43:52):
what mama, what you done hadgoing on? That granddaddy? It
goes down, it runs talking aboutget that root. The reason I can't,
the reason I couldn't do what youdo, is the same reason it
was difficult for me to teach myfirst year being a MCT math tutor before

(44:19):
I became certified. The reason Ican't do what you do is because you're
counseling the babies and you're giving themthe tools they need to be successful,
and then you're sending them well,let me put to you like this,
you're taking the scrub brush and thewater holes and you're putting some soap on
them. You scrub them down realgood. You get out the dirt and
the mud off, got their hairdone, blows right, they look real
good. Then you send them rightback home and throw them a swamp because

(44:42):
nothing changed at home. So nomatter how many times they come back to
you and get clean, they're gonnago home and get dirty. And they're
still in that mindset. And thatbroke my heart. And I won't call
the student's name. Yeah, Ihad a student who was being molested by
her step brother and her daddy.She ended up pregnant, and the mama
was pregnant at the same time.She didn't know she was pregnant. She
had a baby at twelve. Somebodyprobably know who I'm talking about because this

(45:06):
is all county. But whatever,I gonna say, no names for their
protection. So the girl wanted toprosecute. The mama said, no,
she's still she was still married tothe man, still in the house to
win. So when the baby gottested and it turned out to be stepped,
but she was like, he ain'ttouch you, and she was trying
to say both of them, didI need help? The last I heard
the girl And of course this isyears and years and years and years ago.

(45:28):
She was grown. I don't knowwhere the baby is and she was
on drugs somewhere. I don't evenknow she's dead or all life, but
no one was dealing with Mama.Why you can't believe your child. Even
if a baby lying, we stillneed to. You need to. You
need to assess the situation, helpher get assessed well why she lying?

(45:49):
And then you need to create abarrier of protection for so she can feel
safe. Now, once she feelssafe, we can get to the root
cause and we can find out andway who this person is or who that
person is. But a child needsyou to believe that, just like a
person with mental health needs you tobelieve that when we're in a different reality.
We don't need you to believe ourreality. You don't have to,
but we need you to believe thatthere is something wrong and right now there's

(46:10):
not much we can do about it. You just wanted to bring that back.
So you know, I think aboutthis all the time. Your heart
needs to stop being at war withyour mind. Wow, you know you
have to really dig deep, Likeyou said, you have to go all
the way back, and you gotto think about that thing really hard,

(46:30):
and I mean before you go,so you spial all the way down.
You just you can't be ashamed orwhere you came from. No, you
can't be ashamed of where you camefrom. And you know, I had
a grandfather that killed himself, andso I remember somebody called me when I

(46:51):
was in Florida. I was ata beach home and they called me in
and said, hey, Angel,your grandfather's looking for you out of nowhere.
And I was like what, AndI wanted to kill myself. That
day I was and I know peopledon't understand that. And that day I
just came from church in Florida.I was not happy that day. Rafael

(47:13):
just had came home from a longtime ago. We weren't even seeing each
other like that. But at thesame time, that saved my life.
That phone call, he said,she said you're and it was a wrong
it was a wrong number. Wow. She said, your grandfather said he's
looking for you or something like that. And I wanted to really, I
didn't know how I was gonna doit because I didn't know what I wanted

(47:37):
to do. I never told anybodythis story, but they said that my
grandfather was looking for me. AndI got up at that bed and I
cleaned up the house and made dinnerfor the family, that for his family
that came over. But you know, I continued to keep busy, keep
moving, keep going, don't stop. I don't care what you're going through.
Just do not give up, becausethat's not the end of your That's

(48:00):
not the end. All be hallbecause you got this. And I remember
Mother Winners. I remember her,you know, telling us you got this,
and that has stuck with me,you know, and through and I'm
gonna bring it back. But throughphysical abuse, some women, men,

(48:22):
children experience verbal abuse, like emotionalyou know, you ain't gonna never be
nothing, you know, all thatkind of creates an experience in your mind,
you know. And so but mything is what are you gonna do
with it? What are you gonnado with it? You have to choose

(48:45):
and you have to trust God throughall of that, and so Holy Spirits.
As I was kind of preparing tocome, you know, he just
kept telling me rock like that's all. I kept hearing rock wow, And

(49:05):
I'm like rock, Like what,He's all rock. He's all rock in
every in every every every situation thatwe he is all rock, absolutely every
last situation. Because going through canceronce and now twice I trust God.

(49:30):
I have to tell any and everybody, Yes, I trust God. Yeah,
And I was angel like, whymean there? You know that was
me? Why me? Why doI have to go through this? You
know I'm I'm living. I'm doingwhat I was supposed to do. You
know, I have my family andI have my husband, I have you

(49:51):
know everybody. I got my job. You know I love everything about my
life. Why mean, but likeyou said, why not you? I
chose you such a time as this. Absolutely, absolutely, He's chosen us
to do things for the kingdom.For the kingdom. They got chills and

(50:15):
for the kingdom exactly. And wecan't stay quiet. You can't say it
sound to be quiet. You can't. You can't be up under that.
I gave a church and the churchmy uncle got, so mady do it.
I said, we're out of rooms. I mean there sweeping things on
the rug. I said, Godtook the rug. We don't have any
more rugs. That's rights, norugs on the floor. Yeah, like

(50:38):
that fire, that fire and thatpassion. Purpose. Yes, you have
to do it because he gave uspurpose. He gave it to us.
But you know I have I thinkI'm going to do it just a little
bit, is the same thing.Our problem was with the system. Hm

(51:00):
hmm. Okay, they you know, if you, if you, if
you have something going on, andmost times, a lot of times a
person is going through mental illness orsomething they don't want, you know,
they the enemy of telling them theydon't need any help. And then if
you called, and I had alady to tell me that she called,
and she and they took the childto jail? What what? What can

(51:24):
I know? What? That's whatI'm asking her? What can we do
without I mean, without getting tothat point, to that point mm hmm.
Were they receiving type of services?No, there was not receiving any
type of services. And they werethey were violent at home. But and

(51:45):
I guess, but they knew theirmind you know, the mind wasn't good,
the mindset wasn't right. Wow.But that's that's so terrible. That's
another tram. And that's that's anotherthing right here. When when I was
going through my divorce and I knewI was struggling and I was not taking

(52:07):
things well. I was not ina place mentally, I was not in
a good place. No. Imagineme, you know, saying, oh
my life's been uprooted. I havethree children. What about their life?
Their lives have been disrupted, youknow, not just my life. My
life isn't the only life that's changing. Their lives changing, you know.

(52:30):
And even though you know we're greatcole parents, we work together, the
dynamical of our relationship has changed,so how often we each interact with our
children has changed. So in mymind, I said, if I need
help, I know they probably needsome help. And the older two were
made the youngest one was getting thislittle too spanked every day in kindergarten,

(52:53):
and things calmed down after I signedall three of them up for free counseling
from the school. So that's whatI knew I was going through. We
didn't know that the other two.The other two weren't acting out. But
it's just that that was a majorshift in your life, in your child's

(53:13):
life, exactly. There was adynamic shift in the direction of their life,
in the relationships of life, inthe structure of their home life.
That was a change. And ifI'm not adjusting and my partner isn't adjusting,
or my ex partner isn't adjusting,how the kids holding up well?
No, I didn't see a problem, but maybe they do need to just

(53:34):
go ahead and talk to somebody.And sometimes or a lot of times,
nine to nine percent of the time, you're not going to see it.
They're going to hide it from you. You have to meet them where they
are. But I take I'm takingroads because that's what they've seen, that's
been their experience. You see whatI'm saying, And so a lot of

(53:55):
times we have to yes, geta therapist because guess what, your kid
is gonna come tell me stuff thatyou have never heard of, that that
I have no idea, and youdo have these this in the public schools,
right, Well, that's what wewant to intererrate to the public.

(54:19):
There's help out there, and ifthere's nothing, if your child is a
diabetic, you would be trying togive them on the school nurse knows she's
got you be trying to get acertain type of dyeing for the So if
you see something wrong with their mind, you know that's that's acting out and
you know we could stay in somethingso long. I heard the old preachers

(54:43):
say this, it's sort of likegetting in the bathtub a part if you
if you can get your toe inthat and don't burnt duttage in hot water
so long till we are. Yes, yes, but you're a riving yourself

(55:04):
of years. Yes, ma'am.I know we have to go, but
do we have any good but thisis really good and I do you all
have anything that's really pressuring you beforewe close out? Well, I just
I just want to say real quick, y'all, if anybody is dealing with

(55:24):
mental ill whatever it may be,whatever it is, I don't even want
to just say mental illness, whateverit may be, Like, tell somebody,
Tell somebody, tell somebody, Letsomebody know, because you matter,
Yes, that you truly matter.And if you can't get to your your

(55:44):
husband or you know, your dad, your mom, your husband, your
sister, it's somebody out there thatwill that will listen. Yes, And
it's it's just important to me,you know, not as first lady,
not as counselor not as because nowI'm not even just doing the counselor.
But I'm over people. I'm actuallyover a region. So with that,

(56:08):
I'm not only able to reach thekids, but I'm able to reach the
family. I'm able to reach mypeople that I supervise and my frontline staff,
and I thank God for them.So it's it's it's not just the
kids, it's everybody. Everybody needssomebody, so you're reaching out to them.
That's good. Checking on my staffthrough you know, through the supervisors

(56:34):
where I call them directly because Iwant to know how are you doing?
Because and another thing, having atherapist is not terrible. I can raise
my hand and say I have hada therapist, and you're a therapist.
I'm a therapist. I've had atherapist. Why because I care about my
mental and I love That's good.So there is nothing wrong if ever anybody

(57:00):
having a therapist exactly, you know, do what you have to do for
you like you are important, youmatter like I don't even know y'all,
and I love y'all. Just justcare about yourself enough to take care of
yourself and just stay encouraged. Juststay encouraged, amen, anyone else I

(57:21):
would love to just say, Iwant to read something real quick. Work
on being in love with the personin the mirror who has been through so
much but is still standing. That'sbeautiful. That's beautiful, Angeline. Oh
no, I'm not going to prolong. These are women, these distinguished delivered

(57:44):
women. Yes, God is sogood that I have too pleased that I
would like to make Lord put itin my heart that the first one is
if you're not saved. Yes,that's the first thing. Yes, because
I think she wouldn't mind me telling. But Angel would have nothing to do
with God when she was going throughsome of hers, but she knew God.

(58:07):
That's what my plea is to you. Sometimes you get Marri Romans ten
and nine says, if thy shallconfiss with thy mind the Lord Jesus,
and believe in your heart that Godraised him from the the that shall be
said. Yes. So that's myfirst. Please, if you don't know,
and find you a church, reachyour Bible. Don't don't just reach

(58:30):
your bible, because the Bible says, you know, how can you hear
without a preacher? How can hepreach unless he's been sent. So find
somebody, a church or some someclergy that can direct you and help you.
And my second plea is, andshe already did it. If you
were happy to illness. As Isaid before, it's no, it's nothing

(58:55):
different than your primary care doctor.We go running there when we get a
cold. So fine, some typeof help for your mental state because when
your mental state shut down, thewhole body is shut down. It's sure
years have been wasted, but youcan thank God that every day he gives

(59:21):
us new verses every day. Yes, so that's my plea to you all
tonight, and we thank you allfor joining us such a wonderful lessen on
tonight. Yes, these are threeof my favorite girls. Yes, and
that's what three of my favorite andso they she's number one, so number

(59:46):
one. But we're gonna say goodnight to you all, and this is
going to be shared on all theplatforms with Fire to Inspire, the podcast
with iHeart, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, you name it, over twenty four,
twenty fourth platforms for so just stayback. Good night everybody, good
night, We love you, Welove you. Be blessed a man a

(01:00:15):
man TEA time time that I needa tissue. I wanted to cry yat
y'all with Heamela crying. I loveyourself. That is so good. You

(01:00:36):
want some more? What is it? iOS? I know you're going to
get you one for Christmas? Iwant this one. This is nice for
Christmas. It's so good. Iwant to get in trouble, so outright

(01:01:02):
already. Hey,