138. Dating After Divorce Episode 0138

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Let's have a conversation with Angelyn Greer and Whitney Greer about Dating after Divorce! 

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Episode Transcript

(00:04):
What up though? This is yourgirl, Angel Howard with Fire to Inspire,
the podcast where I help you igniteyour fire, passion and your purpose.
Today we're discussing dating after divorce.Divorce does not define you. Work
on being in love with the personin the mirror who has been through so
much but it's still standing. Hello, I am here with my girls,

(00:25):
my hot beauties. I'm here withAngela and Gear, and I'm here with
Jordan Dana Greer and we're gonna we'reabout to have a party with a purpose,
and we're gonna talk about dating afterdivorce. We always talk about dating,
but we never talk about dating afterdivorce. Like, how hard is
it that today? So you guysjust jump in, just talk about it.
How hard is it to like datein this in this day and time.

(00:48):
It's so hard. So anyway,so you gotta know your love language
as well as your fight language.Is Gary Chapman and Jy Sheddy Jay Shetty
explained on their show love languages areworth some affirmations, quality time, receiving
gifts, access services, and physicaltouch. So what is your love language,
George? I mean we can startwith Angeline. What's your love language?

(01:10):
You know what, I'm gonna betotally honest here and I'm gonna say
I have found out I am inwords of affirmation. Girls. Tell me
I'm the best, Tell me Idid a good job, tell me I'm
really sweet, you know, congratulateme, build me up. And I'm
also very uh physical touch. Ilove that that we're riding in the car

(01:33):
and maybe a hand on my kneeor you know, we're out in public
and you've got a hand on myelbow. You know, it doesn't have
to be holding hands, doesn't haveto be a lot of PDA, but
just you know, just that physicalreassurance that I'm safe and you're here to
physically take care of me as wellas take care of my mental well being.
So I really like that absolutely.And we're gonna hear from Georgiana.

(01:53):
What's your what's your love language?I think for me, definitely physical touch,
Definitely work of affirmation. I meanI need to be touched. I
don't know how Pg. Thirteen.We gotta keep this, but I mean
I need to be touched. Touchme, show me that you you want
to be around me, you wantto be near me, and tell me

(02:14):
yes, you know, say Ilove you say, you know you're beauty.
I'm beautiful these things, but youknow that touch is what makes the
big difference for me because you canuse your words, but like people say,
I actually speak louder than words.And then it doesn't mean throw the
words away. It just means adda little more to it. You may
tell me once a month you loveme, but you may when you will
come in, I don't know,in the door after you get off work

(02:36):
and give me a peck on thecheek or you know, a slap on
the behind. I know you sayI am still here with you physically,
you know I'm emotionally mentally. Theseare those are the things that let me
know, okay, you are stillhere. At night, you wake up
in the middle of the night,I feel your hand rub down my arm.
Okay, great, thank you.That lets me know you still love

(02:59):
me even in your you know,just the little things like that. I
mean, I like words. I'mnot big on gifts. They're nice,
but I know, well, Igotta tell you mine is definitely quality time.
I gotta have that time. Ifwe are not spending time together like
vacation and hiking, doing something differentoutside of nature. I don't wanna talk

(03:21):
to you. I'm the type rightI want I want to I want that
time bag. What how much timedo you have for me? So I'm
just a little you know, selfishwith that and that little port. But
that's a big one. That's abig one. I mean, you gotta
find I mean, I'm I don'tknow if you wanna call me needy or
whatever, but I don't care.I have to find somebody that wants to
spend time with me when he iswilling to provide it. When he's your

(03:44):
person, is your person, it'snot needy. He wants to give that,
so he needs to give you whatyou need. I never like to
use the term needy when I'm discussingmy demands. I won't say demands,
right Chox. I never like todescribe myself as needy because every human needs
something, so we're all quote unquoteneedy. So everyone gives that such a

(04:06):
negative connotation when you use it.So it's gonna say, my heart desires
this particular thing. And if that'swhat your heart desires, and your partners
with him to give you that,you're not needy. He's providing you with
what your heart desires. We're notgonna call ourself needy, not in twenty
four, no more in twenty four. And how do you define the time?
I mean, like you talked about, you know, hiking, going

(04:27):
places, doing things. For me, I mean, I like quality time.
But for me, we could besitting on the couch, you watching
football, I'm reading a book exactlyquality time for me. Sure have to
be right there underneath. Catch Ican't watch the game right I right head

(04:48):
and your left. You're watching football. Maybe you see that play. I
don't know nothing about football, butI saw or I'm I'm watching my movie.
You know that's time to me,I mean I or w y.
You might be in the same houseto me, that's still time of you
in your room. I'm sitting inthe living room. I might come check
on you, but that's still timefor me, you know. So it's

(05:09):
it's a definition of time too,you know. Okay, absolutely well,
thank you. That was awesome,that look. That look. You gotta
know your worth. Basically, yougotta know your worth. You gotta know
what you want. And not onlythat, you need to know your love
language. You gotta know your fightlanguage. You gotta know what like your
district like what really triggers you?Yeah, And that's what people don't talk

(05:30):
about. It's like what are whatare you one of What is one of
your triggers? Like in the relationshipswhen you're going through something like what irritates
you about being in a relationships sometimeslike you know what can irritate you or
trigger you? So we talk aboutbeing needy, and you know, we
talked about that being a negative connotation. But I've experienced, especially at a
dating after divorced, that a lotof guys, I guess because they find

(05:54):
out I've been married before, theythink immediately, uh, I love you.
Listen, we've only known each othertwo weeks or I want to be
with you, Not even I wantto be with you, it's just I
want to The things that they askedfor are things that I'm like, listen,
we've only known each other for likefive minutes. I don't even know
your full name, Like, howare you asking me for these things?
You know? I even had aguy ask me for some money one time,

(06:15):
and I'm like, what, Idon't even know what is your full
name? Like let a known,I don't know red red flag, you
know, come come pick me up? What you don't have a car.
Whoa, it's those kind of thingsare a little I'm not judg mental on
that. I just need to knowwhy you do it. It wasn't I

(06:38):
I got a good reason why.And then in my case, like for
a long time I wasn't working.You know, I'm disabled, I wasn't
working. You need to get outand get a job, sir. My
story. I've known you three days, like two weeks. Like I think
people jumping into things so fast,expecting so much, so far fast.

(07:00):
And I mean, yes, Iwas married before, but that doesn't mean
I'm just jumping on everybody trying tomarry you as soon as I meet you.
You know, I gotta get toknow you. Let's have a friendship
first. Let's not jump into everything. Yes, they're asking for more than
just I mean physical too. Theywant all of that, and I'm like,
okay, hold on, can wecan we get to know each other
spiritually? You know? Yeah,that too. That to date, it's

(07:21):
sitarius, because we're kind of likeI was married to one my first hand
and we're gonna give you everything untilthat one day you say something stupid and
they were never call you again.But I promise you, they give you
enough broth to hang yourself. Letme, we're all in what day one,

(07:43):
that day until that faithful day untiland then when you mess it up,
now we're done forever. That's that'sgonna let you that we don't because
that's free with me. Want tocrush all. It takes me time to
break these walls down. Baby,I got walls built up, and I
know I do. I don't evenknow how to break them down. So
when you get through them, it'san amazing feat. And you can't.

(08:07):
You can't just throw a rope andthink you can climb the wall. No,
it's got to be broken because ifyou try to climb it and I'm
gonna put you back down, Ihurt. What we're gonna say? Hold
up, hold up, wait aminute, like it's too early for I
mean, I've had people tell meI love you and I've only known them
two weeks. What you love aboutme? You don't even know me?
Okay, we've seen each other twice. I mean, flores have walls.

(08:31):
We are loyal, don't get mewrong. It's not like we're out there
talking for yes, but at onetime, the person we choose to talk
to you gotta take your time tobreak the walls down brick by brick.
You can't just go in there witha sludge hammler and think it's gonna fall.
I know, right' gonna happen.We just gonna build another one right
behind it. I just don't likeanybody that's arrogant like you gotta let the

(08:52):
ego go like you know what Imean, transform your ego into humility.
You have to do that. Ilove arrogant. I there's the difference between
confident. That's the thing. There'sthe difference between confident. I love now.
I love confident men, but Idon't like egotistical men. They're very
controlling. See, my first husbandwas very controlling. I don't want to

(09:15):
like talk about him, just incase he's listening to what Sorry, you're
asked for a reason. We'll havethat little bit of experience because in my
particular situation, I had that samekind of somebody who was common controlling.
I mean they had the nerve totell me that I was controlling. But
you know, if you wanted toborrow my vehicle, I'm good, here

(09:37):
take my truck. But if Igot to ask for your truck, where
you're going, who you going with, who's riding exactly? So? How
is that not controlling for me totell? You have to answer twenty one
questions for how about that? AndI can't. They're not gonna let anybody
in your car. I paid forboth vehicles, but I got to answer

(09:58):
twenty one questions for my So thevehicle that's got my name on it.
No, I'm sorry, and I'mnot dogging your person. This is your
person, and I speaks respect.He tried to tell you how to breastfeed,
what to tell me? I willtell you what to do with your
own. That's not He doesn't ownboobs, he doesn't have and would get

(10:20):
mad with My mother, who gavebirth to me, and my sisters who
changed my diapers were sitting in therewhile I was breastfeeding. Do what you
think you need to leave? Thesepeople saw my breast before you did.
But like they on their way tobig boobs. I can't deal with the
arrogance, like you gotta cut thatdown a notch. I like confidence,
but not arrogance. You know,Yeah, I love confidence. I don't

(10:43):
mind them being for very confidence.I have to be with a confident man
because I'm confident. I won't speakill of the debt to me. Notice
how I worded that, I won'tspeak ill of the dead to me.
But the particular person that I wasadhered to, We're gonna talk cautiously here.
How do you be insecure and arrogantat the same time. Oh,

(11:07):
this was the strangest combination I've everseen. This person was so sure that
I was wrong, but just veryunsure about their own self. And that
was the most perplexing situation any humancould ever be in. And I hate
to take the conversation so serious,but that right there could just trigger a
split in your mind. And Imean that in the most respectful manner.

(11:30):
So I couldn't figure out how thisperson would market themselves as being a humble
follower of blah blah blah. We'llleave all that out. But this person,
everything I did was absolutely wrong,and it was just completely wrong.
But this person could not make adecision to save their life. Like I
had to take this person to thetissue aul and explain to them why you

(11:52):
can't buy angel soft because one wifeand it's gone. You gotta wash your
hands forty times. Why charming isgreat, but it's super expensive, and
why Cottonell is the best because it'sa mix between soft and strong. It's
got the little ridges and Scott isgood. But they don't laugh enough.

(12:16):
They don't laugh. They don't laugha little bit longa baby. But then,
but you had to explain to thisperson how to buy tissue paper because
this person doesn't even know how tomake that decision yet they want to dictate
every facet of your existence. Andany choice I made was completely wrong.
But this person made no choices.So that was the most asinine situation.

(12:39):
But I know I'm using that wordright at this point, I'm so mad.
But just that within itself can justeat a relationship from the inside out
and just lot it. So whenI say arrogant, I mean I want
it, and you know what Iwant confident. I want you to boldly

(13:00):
make the wrong decision. And thenyou come to me and I say,
and you ask me to be like, babe, that wasn't right, and
you go that might it not havebeen the right choice? Okay, well
now, well let's fix it together. Because I'm never gonna correct my man
in public. I'm never gonna tryto embarrass him like that or not.
I I've done that. Yeah,I have boldly making the wrong decisions.

(13:24):
And you know what, I wasright behind him. Make that wrong decision,
baby, that's your decision, becausethat's who I am. I And
when he turned around and he waslike, I don't think that was the
right decision, and I w andinstead of me saying no, baby,
wasn't, I was like, Okay, well, you're right it it maybe
it wasn't. I think in mysituation, I think I'm I. I
should've been more proactive and saying,okay, baby, you're right, that

(13:48):
wasn't the wrong decision. Cause Ithink for me, you know, having
somebody who can get out there andboldly make the wrong decision, but then
you come back and it's and yourspouse is just as indci I said,
or wrong as you are. Ishould have shown him that. Okay,
I do have a little bit ofknowledge base, you know, I do
have a little bit because for somereason, at some point our situation,

(14:11):
he kind of thought I was dumbtoo. So when I'm thinking about arrogance
and stuff like that, I thinkabout, well, I think about and
he really would he would he wouldtry. He would go and watch stuff,
and he would try to bring overI know this and I know that,
and I'm like, okay, andI just I played dumb too much.

(14:31):
I should have I should have beenconfidently mean, you know something in
the south thumb. Yeah, andI should have been confidently mean. But
it did make me realize that indating, since I've been started started dating,
you know, I've encountered guys thathave been confident and been strong and
and made decisions and they weren't theright decisions. And they come back and

(14:52):
they were like, that wasn't theright decision. I was like, well,
you know, it may not havebeen, but that was your decision
and that's fine, and it's okayto make the wrong decisions and this is
what I thought we could have done. And they were like, you know,
that makes sense. And instead ofthem, you know, being upset
by that because I tried to presentmyself in a not that I know everything,
but they'll, well, I probablywould have made the same decision if
I didn't have the knowledge base thatI had, you know what I mean.

(15:15):
So I mean it's how you presentyourself. But I've been in that
situation where somebody just assumed you werestupid, you know, just just just
because you tried to make them feelbetter, they assumed you stupid. Well,
let me let me, you know, let me quantify that in words
for you. I don't want toleave that hanging. You're doing that the

(15:35):
age old thing that we used todo. We're in the South where we're
taught that our husband is the headand blah blah, and we're bowling down
over our light where God created usfor a specific person and he gave us
purpose and you know, and sometimesthey get confused. So God can create
you to be the type to shine, and that's an illuminator, and then

(15:56):
there are people who are illuminated,so that's the moon. And see.
I think sometimes Southern men get stuckin that situation where they'll be like,
God may be the head, sohe thinks he's the son. You're not
the son of God. You're oneof the sons of God, which means
that God can speak to your wifeand he can speak to you too.
Yeah, sometimes they get upset becauseGod gave her a wide knowledge base in

(16:18):
this area and gave you a knowledgebased in this area. Instead of you
putting the two knowledge bases together andcreating the empire and building in the Kingdom
the way he wanted you to.You're mad at her for shining over here,
so you go to throw dirt onher candle. Yeah, and that's
literally what you know we're trained todo. Okay, Well, let's be
quiet. He's your man. Youdon't know more than your Maybe my man
didn't have a master's in biology.Well, look, we're gonna move to

(16:42):
power of consciousness. Doctor Joyce Renoldssays, and she was on my show,
God Rest her soul she died,says, where thought goes, energy
flows become magnetic. You have toattract magnetism, change the vibration wherever you
go. And then my father says, I am more. Listen wait the

(17:03):
father, Wait what am I saying? Reverse your thoughts to a higher level.
Sorry, I don't know where theycame from. But anyway, So
now we're talking about dating after divorce. Do you want to get married again?
Is it that bad? Because I'vebeen married twice, so I'm going
through that that like, do Iwant to get married again? Type of
faith? So do you want toget married again? Jordaana or me?

(17:26):
I do? I definitely definitely doI want to because and I actually did
a post on Facebook. I talkedabout how women out there. You know,
I don't need a man. Idon't need a man. I don't
need a man. But God createdus for companionship. Okay, he pulled
us from man and created us.The need that we're talking about is not

(17:48):
that I need somebody to pay mybills, because I don't. Okay,
I need somebody to take but Iknow, no, no, no no.
We talk about knees. I saidneeds, and I won't. Okay,
there's a difference. We gonna we'regonna line up with the needs first.

(18:10):
I don't need a man. Idon't need a man to take care
of me. But I do wantone, Okay. I need a man
emotionally. I need a man spiritually, and I darn shall need one physically
because it ain't nothing I can dofor myself that's gonna make me feel good.
And if you make me make ifthat makes sense, Yes, I

(18:32):
need someone to cuddle. I needand I get off work a long day
and I am tired, and Ilove my kids. They come cuddle me
and they hold me and they said, mommy, but it just ain't the
same. And some strong arms it'sgonna pick me up and go lay me
in the band and say, baby, how is your day? That's just

(18:52):
a whole different. So yes,I can do it all by myself.
Have been doing it all about myselfA five, one two three, five,
six years seven seven years, fiveyears, five years. I've been
doing it by myself for five almostsix years. That's one question. M
hm, he said, big strongor can it be a short king?
Will you take one of them justas a short a short man question.

(19:19):
Let me tell you something I havesaid. Don't get me wrong, short
short king. God they have putthe inches somewhere else. You know,
they say the promotion in the ocean, because he probably can still peek me

(19:42):
up. I mean, I'm notvery big, as long as he can
peel you up and carry me tothe room. If I got to wrap
my legs around your waist because theydragging the ground, that's okay. We'll
work with it, and that'd beValentine's Day tonight. I want But what
I'm saying, I do want tobe married because I want that connection.

(20:02):
I want that physical connection with aman with who God has brought to me,
not who I chose. Because wesee what happened when when I chose.
I chose something and it didn't workout. So I'm waiting on for
what Christ has for me. SoI've been in the actual the process of
dating God. And that's what I'vebeen with. Girl, just talk about
that. I have been dating God. Now. When I first got my

(20:27):
divorce, I was pregnant. Iwas divorced, pregnant, Okay, had
a nice divorce baby, and Idid have somebody who was trying to talk
to me blah blah blah blh.See, my divorce couldn't been finalized left
I had my baby and I hadto tell him. I was like,
no, I'm going to date God. And I would go on dates.
I would fix me some something toeat, a light milk candle, or

(20:47):
sit in the tub or whatever,just like I'm on an actual date.
But I read my scripture, orI would pray, or I would sing
gospel. I would I spent twothree three years, three years, three
years dating God before I even triedto put myself out there, because I
was like, I need to learnhow to be alone first, because that

(21:08):
was what got me into my firstmiss, was not knowing how to be
alone. All right, I gotI was scared to be alone till I
got married. Now, yes Ihave to be alone. I have no
other choice. And although people areoh, but you got kids and you
got family, you're still alone becauseyou were created for man, and man
were created for you. You werecreated to have companionship, to have a

(21:30):
partner, and right now we don'thave that. So instead of me being
out there seeking something that I shouldn'tbe seeking because the Bible says when a
man find it the wife, notwhen I get out there and find they
find a good thing. They gotto find me. I got to be
prepared for them. So what doI do? I prepare myself through Christ.
Now it's a lone, hard road, God knows it is. And

(21:51):
I've had some people ask me,well, what do you do when the
physical comes up? You know,when you get in the mood and you
need somebody. I say, Italk to God about it, because he
created that for me every couples andif he created it, that means I
can talk to him about him.He can take it from my knees.
Right absolutely. Yes, I dohave needs, very much so, but
I give them to God until it'stime for me to have the man for

(22:12):
me. I heard that so,and I do date. I have dated.
I have dated some guys, andI've been out there. But I'm
back where I was in the beginningof this. I'm single and I'm back
dating christ the Lord absolutely instead ofme jumping out there and going to a
club, but going here, goingthere with people. I heard people say,

(22:33):
if you don't put yourself out there, ain't gonna meet nobody. Baby.
If what God has for me isfor me, and if it's for
me, He's gonna bring it tome at the gas station. Yes,
I have talked to what those thescammers on the phone. I heard that

(23:02):
you have a recist like we havesomething that. Three different times I have
popped up with scammer boyfriends. Idon't think I would want that. It
ain't it ain't been on purpose.But these by the time I get through
talking to him, honey, theybe Priens Charlie from Boston, but obviously

(23:30):
but that but that's that's that's whatit looks like for me. That is
so I want to get married becauseI know I need that physical connection.
I might be able and I'm doingokay on my but I'm doing okay on
my own. I'm not doing amazingon my own. I'm not doing excellent
on my own. I am notoutstanding or stunning on my own. I
am okay on my own. Youare definitely on your own to be great

(23:55):
with somebody. That's what I wouldlike to be great with. Not okay
on my own, but great atsomebody. But I gotta wait on it.
I'm I'm await how make those areyour feelings? I'm gonna wait.
So, Angelain, do you wantto be married again? Oh? You
know what I feel bad about.I feel like we should have started with
me because I feel like I'm gonnabe the secular side. It's all good,
okay, they said I have needs, and it's very hard with out

(24:19):
some needs. But I'm trying tolook girl, I told you I brought
the new year in by myself.That's what I sure did. I wanted
to start over clean and that's itand what's meant for me? It's meant
for me. Let me ladies disclaimingright quick? Oh praise God. I

(24:42):
be telling all myself, but I'mtelling myself today too. Do I want
to be married again? Yeah?I guess so. But I'm gonna tell
you what my grandma told me.That was a hard Yeah. I was.
Me and my grandma would get milkshakesand she she's been married thrice and
her her third husband had passed awaymaybe a couple of months. You know,

(25:03):
we're getting our milkshake. She waslike, all right, Rue one
down right three in the charm.She stayed with her and her only stay
on my third week. I'm cleaningit right now in Jesus, because she's

(25:23):
smarter than you. But she didn'tlie, Toll, she didn't lie about
that. My little sister is veryemotionally mature, and I aspired to be
that way. But again, I'mnot blaming this on being sagittarius. I'm
just saying I feel whole and completewith without a man. I do.

(25:47):
Uh, But it's like you puton this beautiful outfit, nothing complimented,
like the right bag. With goodman is a good accessory. You can
live without him, but it looksbetter with him. It just feels better
with him. So maybe one day, yes, but it's gonna take a
lot for me to get to thatpoint because I am exhausted from running into
men who who want me to turndown. Because here's the crazy thing I

(26:14):
met. I met him, Imet a man. I'm gonna say his
name because oh he was a goodman. Mike. I'm gonna say his
name, Mike. Mike was goodman. And I'm gonna tell you what
was good about him. I nevertalked too much to him. He loved
to listen to me. And I'veheard people you're gonna talk like that all
the time. Yes, yes,I am a thousand miles an hour for
four hours straight. Yes, yes. But he never said I was like

(26:38):
and I was like, no,no, look, you're so smart,
You're so He was not intimidated bymy intelligence. He was not intimidated by
my He was not intimidated by myambition. He was respectful of me.
When I was throwing temper taants.He'll be like you done? You are
you hungry? You want me tojust fix you something? And I'd be

(26:59):
like, yeah, yeah, I'mprobably just hungry. And if he would
feed me, and I'd be like, I'm good. Yeah. I had
somebody record would record them, andI'm like, why all your videos right?
Because you always My second husband usedto do that, but like,
what are you doing? One?He would be laughing in the video,
or he'd be laughing, or he'dbe like, you're done, so you're

(27:19):
hungry, you want something you want. And it was but this was the
deciding factor that said to me,if when, if I ever get married
again, and this person has tohave this thing something It was. It
was like four o'clock in the morning. Something happened, that was a miscommunication,
a mistake was made. I getin the car, I'm upset.

(27:40):
He's upset. He looks at meand we both go what happened? And
he was like, hey, youknow what, I don't know what happened,
but I should have made sure thatI had your attention and that you
knew. And I was like,you're right, and I should have made
sure I knew exactly what you said, and we should have communicated better.
So instead of him getting angry atthe problem and yelling at me because something

(28:00):
happened and this bad thing happened,this person's sitting here going all right,
look there were mistakes made on bothparty side. Here is a solution.
Let's not make that mistake again.And so that for me said everything y'all
needed to say. Here is asolution oriented man that respects my intelligence,
He respects me as a whole person. He loves that I talk. He

(28:22):
loves to hear me talk, Heloves my ideas. I was like,
this is a great man. Nowwhy am I not with this great man?
You care to ask? I am? Okay, I'm sorry. He
was so perfect? Why I couldn'tthat be with him? Because I was
not emotionally mature enough to handle thattype of person just yet. God showed
me, your heart is not ready. This is the type of man I

(28:45):
want to give you, but you'renot ready for that. You have to
grow up. So when God toldme that I was mad, I was
really mad. I mean because Iwas already physical with this person, and
like, baby, I get that, ain't He was literally like the picture
of perfection and I was looking overthe time of my little short king.
But he was. He was bad, though, and you don't we love

(29:10):
the bad? Oh, my goodness. And it was the anticipation of the
need. He knew what kind ofjob I had, He knew I didn't
have a car. He didn't waitfor me to call him and ask him
to come pick me up. Hewould say, what time will you be
there? I will be there topick you up. What time do you
need to be where? I willtake you to those places. That Mike,
that man, he was the man. I promise you that, But

(29:30):
it was just it was one littlething. And you know, because of
my respect for him, I'll leavethat one little thing out. He wasn't
the one, but he was theone person that made me say, if
I ever do this again, thisperson's gotta have everything Mike has and I
gotta have some God in them too. You know what you are? You
really speaking something right now? Iwant to. I want to give a
shout out to Rocky Yell because Ihave to give him his promps because he's

(29:51):
a good man. And we Ican't believe, I know, y'all Like
what y'all got to divorce? Wedid? I can't believe. And I
asked him the other day, Iwas like, why did we get at
the boys? He was like,can't remember. It must have been drunk
or something. I don't know.But anyway, but I have to give
him a probles and that he hassome big shoes to feel. How about
that? So it's gonna be kindof hard for me to like warm up

(30:12):
to another man. But do Iwant to get married again? That's a
scary thought. Like you said,the word exhausted. I'm exhausted for just
being a good wife. My mamasaid that I was a good wife,
so therefore I know I'm a goodwife. If she said, if judas
out, if she said, it'salready profess. So that's the thing.
I know. I put my allin, my everything. In both of

(30:33):
my marriages, I put everything.My first husband was an alcoholic. He
was abusive, you know, youknow, and whatever that's I forgive him.
He forgives me because I wasn't perfecteither. But my second husband,
I just don't know what happened.The pandemic came and just washed us away,
and it just it just messed upour businesses. We went down and

(30:56):
I went through what you call whatis the second divorce shame. So if
you do find yourself going through asecond divorce, you may find yourself experiencing
second divorce shame. So you mayfear that others, even those who are
support during your first divorce, willsee you as a failure if you get
divorced again. But listen, Ihad to go through that. I had
to go through that feeling like whileI was dating, they was like,

(31:18):
gosh, you know, I've beenmarried twice, and I had to like
think about it. When you're tellingsomebody knew that, Hey, I've been
married twice, it's kind of it'skind of humiliating. It's like, I've
been married twice, what's wrong withme? You keep you want to blame
the other people, but you youhave to blame your stuff because it takes
two to tango. You get whatI'm saying. You have to have fault
in it. You're not blamed completelyblame yourself alone for everything. But still

(31:41):
at the same time, I feltlike a failure. I felt like,
well, gosh, you know,I know I did it right that second
time. What happened right? BecauseI know we were high on love was
not love was there? The lovewas there. I don't know what happened
is part of it? And whatdo I mean by that? Because I

(32:01):
know for my particular situation, youknow I did. I think we were
high in love for a long timethree eight years, seven seven, eight
years, yes, but Christ lovewas there, but Christ wasn't. Oh
that's the key of Christ in ourrelationship. So we went to church together
and everything and we did too,but we still didn't have Christ in there.

(32:23):
It's it's like we went to church, you know, and we even
prayed together sometimes. But at somepoint it just instead of instead of me
when I had problems going to Godabout my problems, I either took them
out on him or I took themout of myself, and I blamed myself

(32:44):
for a lot of stuff. Andinstead of me letting go with Christ,
I just I stayed in it.I stayed in it, and I stayed
miserable, and then I would actout, yeah, within my relationship,
Yeah, cause you weren't healed exactlyover the phone, acting out in something
like that. And it took meuntil and God had forgiven me, because

(33:04):
one day I had sat down andlaid all my problems out for God,
and he forgave me. And thenI started allowing my spouse to punish me
because I felt like I needed tobe punished for the things that I've done.
And one day I was so tiredand I said, Lord, I'm
tired. I'm tired of being punished. You know, you said you forgave
me, and he said he toldme. He said, so you're saying

(33:25):
that my forgiveness isn't enough. AndI was like, what do you mean?
What you mean your forgiveness nothing,he said. Are you saying my
forgiveness isn't enough? He had methinking, yeah, God forgave me,
but my dumb behind no forgave myself. That's so key. I had never
forgive myself. And I think,wow, when it comes to that second
divorce, I think a lot oftimes, you gotta forgive yourself. You

(33:47):
gotta forgive. God already forgave you. He has already moved forward from you.
Gotta forgive you. Yes, thereis no shame in it. I
came out of a divorce pregnant.People asking me, is that baby your
husband w every day? She waslike, no, we're gonna pray for

(34:07):
because And I didn't find out Iwas pregnant until after I'd asked for the
divorce. And I'm the one thatasked for it. So it's sure enough
looked bad, right because, oh, she asked for a divorce and she's
pregnant. Must not be his baby. I have never been anybody else at
that point to have a baby withsomebody else. You see what I'm saying.

(34:29):
I mused people I thought knew me. They were asking me that,
But I'm gonna tell you your mothermy pastor said to me, She said,
is that baby gonna stop your divorce? And I said no, ma'am.
She said, oh, then right, whoa, whoa? What the
right right? Your husband married me? And he was like, and y'all

(34:50):
are like, it's okay. Teaparty. It was a tea party.
But then I realized. I realized, God, I'm already forgave me once
again. Instead of me carrying thisbaby shame of being married, I mean
getting a divorce and I got ababy, and everybody asking me, is
it his baby? Is it hisbaby? That's why I went from ready
to throw hands to the baby's girl, just pray for him, because when

(35:15):
God showed me I already been,they always got obviously it was his baby,
because like I didn't even But itreminds me of that when you were
talking about this and you had togo through that humiliation. You have to
go through that humiliation, but it'snot a humiliation because God already forgave you.
If you didn't forgive you you,if he wouldn't he had to forgive
you, you wouldn't be standing heretoday, honey. That's it. If

(35:35):
he had to forgive you, youwouldn't have been sitting right here today doing
this PODCA and you wouldn't have beendoing right. So he already forgave you.
I'm going to hang on that.I need to hear that that healed.
I'm gonna be respectful and speaking onthis person and my I don't know
if I want to call it myfirst marriage, but we're gonna call it
that because that's what it was.And my first marriage. I always said.

(35:58):
People said, oh, you guysare the perfect perfect couple. We
were. We were really spiritually meantto be. That's physically we matched together.
Our DNA messed together so well.There's some beautiful, articulate, God
fearing blessed children. I'm telling theseour children are truly children of the kingdom,
like I got some kids. Doyou hear me? Our DNA messed

(36:21):
to well so together. But herewas our downfall. If only they healed
me, we had met the maturehim, then we would be together right
now. But they healed me.Got her feelings hurt all the time by
the immature him who didn't know anybetter, and I got tired of him.

(36:42):
He was like, I ain't like, you can't be that dumb.
Yes, men can be that dumb. They really can't. They can really
be that emotionally dumb where they havenot an actor it interacted with a person
on a deeper level. They havenever experienced this top of emotional connection.
It scares the crap out of them. They don't know what to do with
did they freak out? And wehave to be the backbone that says,
okay, well let's just pray togetherand figure this out together. But we

(37:05):
didn't know how to do that.People wonder should keep the physical out?
Why so? Was he was immature? And I'm not talking about spiritually immature,
I'm talking about emotionally immature. Andmaybe you know spiritually there was a
definitely room for growth for both ofus. But but him being immature and
me being not healed. Now,everything he every mistake he made, is
now amplified by the fact that I'vealready hurt, I'm already triggered, I'm

(37:30):
already raw. I mean, whathappens. Okay, you know how you
wore heels the night before and thepaths and your feet a little sore,
so you put them heels on togo to church Sunday and you tiptoe in
it there, but your feet alreadyhurt, so you can't really praise dance
like you want to because the bottomof your right's hurt. So you're just
like so any little thing hurts it, any little thing hurts it. So

(37:52):
now I'm already rubbed raw from thepast. I'm not healed from my trauma.
He's not mature. That's gonna createa rift. And then spiritually you
right, and then spiritually you bothare praying, but you're praying these narcissistic
prayers. Hey Jesus, my wife, my wife, right, My wife
is doing what I told her todo, so what part? But hey

(38:15):
Jesus, my husband doesn't come hometill four o'clock in the morning Wednesday,
Thursday, Friday, Saturday night.Whoop his behind, you know? And
then that nobody ever praised that actualprayer that says, Holy Spirit, I
need you to lead and guide meand heal me. I need you to
heal me and help me to walkthe way you want me to walk,

(38:35):
and help me lead by example.So then you figure out to pray that
prayer. Then the food start prayingthat, right, But then they started
looking back at you like, hey, I'm over here doing what I was
supposed to do. You ain't doingwhat you're supposed to do, God said
to them, But you ain't doingthat. Well okay, but he wasn't
talking to her. He was tellingyou what to do. Exact, you
do what he said doing. Lookback at It's like you're writing all the

(38:57):
you got all the answers on yourtest, but you're looking at your neighbous
to see what they got wrong.That's still cheating. The teacher is still
gonna take your paper, give youry. All I'm saying is if they
held me, had met the maturehim, we would still be good in
God's candon right now. Now thatdoesn't do I want him back, no,
But still I'm just saying I wouldtake mine back, and I would.

(39:23):
There is nothing Master P would haveto come pay me three hundred million
dollars to make that sentence come outof my master if you because you remember
when I met you on concourse beingwe daft it up and as far as
its divorced, Master Pe. Butthis is me shooting my shot boom from
the bleazers. So would y'all?How do y'all feel about online dating?

(39:50):
Like we gotta talk about that becauseisn't even need for you guys, you're
so like you know, have ithas nothing to do. I have beautiful
friends, like model type friends thatare online dating, and they're doing a
good job, like I was.My my second husband. I met him
on tender. He's my little wellAnd the thing is is like for me,

(40:10):
I've been off the dating scene fora very long time. You know.
I said I was married eight years, and then I turned around and
for four years, three years,I didn't date then about I later on
because I think I've been divorced aboutfive or six years now. It's officially
five officially to separate, not togetherfor six And I did do online dating,

(40:34):
okay. I made me a nicesix five redhead, red beard.
He was beautil lumberjack, and hewas so sweet. He had two kids.
He was awesome, he was amazing. He treated me like a queen.
This was the first time I datedoutside of my race, and but
he treated me like a queen.And I absolutely adored it. I love

(40:54):
it. What went wrong with uswas just that he got so busy,
you know, and he was lookingfor wife too hard. You know.
At that point I was dating,but I wasn't ready for that, and
he really needed somebody to raise hiskids because it was only he has to
be ready for that, and Iwas like, look, I'm not ready

(41:14):
for that, particularly even I meanI knew him an I had known him
a month and his mom was like, so when y'all get married. I'm
like, ma'am, my only knowhim a month, and she's like,
well, I married my husband twoweeks after the divorce, two days after
the divorce. And I'm like,well, that's you right. I'm not
like that. I'm not gonna dolook at Virginia slimmer. But I think
what just went wrong for us isthat he's just I mean, that's what

(41:36):
he was looking for and I wasn'tready for that. And then right after
him, I was back on alittle dating out, but I actually ended
up meeting someone else who once againtreated me like a queen through my sister,
and I ain't gonna lie. Ifell in love with him and he
was awesome and I loved him,and I just say I picked him up
and him, but I was like, my issue, my issue is I

(41:57):
keep up with young But what Ican't say. We got talking about that
younger dude's thing because I've been attractingthem like whey, hey, I like,
what about that? That's because Iwent back in time, and I'm
like, this is magnetic. Thisis what we're talking about. Love attraction,
Like, seriously, it's gotta beThey think that I'm twenty years old.

(42:21):
I'm not. You're not. You'renot kidding for right now? Oh
lord about the big barn, don'tbaby. And but they treated me like
a queen. But I honestly,online dating I don't have a problem with
it because I don't go anywhere anyway, so it sounds like a good you
know, a nice note spend yourtime and those things don't get a little

(42:43):
too crazy. I mean I encounteredanother guy online. Me and him just
talk all the time, all thetime. We were talking on the phone
all the time. We both lovescary movies. I mean, everything's going
right. Let me tell you something. He met me and I don't know
what it was, but he nevertalked to me again. Did he ghost
you? He ghosted me? Ido not. I do not like that.

(43:05):
I do not. I mean,we had an awesome time, at
least I thought we had, andthen he never talked to me again.
That's what they do. That's whatthey do. That's what they do.
Yes, that was about you guy. Then there was another one that I
went out with drinks. I thoughtyou said, Drake. I was like,
drink to drink. I wanted.I want to marry Drake. Who

(43:27):
time, I love it. Hespent the whole time telling me how much
money he makes and his family hasa million dollar house here in this kind
of house there. And I waslike, oh, okay, well that's
great, you know, and I'msitting up here on my little disability still
and I'm making just as much moneyas he was talking about he was making.
So I'm like, sir, Idon't care about your money, but
whatever. Then and then he setmy outfit and he says, oh,

(43:47):
that's what you wore to a date. And I said, okay, that's
red flag number two. Oh no, been telling me what to wear,
because if he was a confident man, he wouldn't have said a thing,
said you were beautiful. I wasin the military, Okay, I have
a thug. Okay, So Ihad on my combat boots. I had
on a nice hundred green tube top, you know that kind of the way.

(44:12):
It was sell up and it hadbuttons up there with my combat boots.
Right, So I was I wasa little class with a little thug.
You know I don't like, butthat's who I am. Using my
dash. What you wore to today? I said, okay, yeah,
this guy out his money. Iwas like, okay, cool. So
he was asking me about other stuffand we got kind of got on the
physical and I told him I'm accident. I would rather not have sex until

(44:34):
marriage. You know, that's whatI want to do. You spend the
rest of the day trying to talkme out of it. I said,
okay, cool. I never talkedto him again. Cool, I'm gonna
lose your number because obviously this whatyou came for. You came to bring
me. You wanted to get mewith your money and ain't get me in
your bed that we wasn't gonna happen. Well, I go to somebody because
they said they wanted to live inlike a tiny house, and I was

(44:57):
like, I can't do that.I would love to live it's too small,
even though Elon Musk is like bigtime on that, but like,
I still don't want to do that. I got one more for you that
I ghosted. I ghosted someone becausethey offered to pay me twenty thousand dollars
one night again, one night forone night, not a one night,

(45:17):
said before one night, to justbe with you, he said, He
said, one night. It's aking Hello. Ten thousand, girl not
but if he say twenty, I'llgo. She said, I'll give you
ten thousand. I said no,I told her. She said, girl,
for five extra five, I'll go. Sure, Well shot the next
guy wins. He said fifteen thousand. I said, Oh my god.

(45:42):
I told my old sister. Itold my oldest sister, my oldest sister,
half for twenty he can have allthree of us that y'all can,
said, twenty dollars dollars. Thisis all through texting, so he didn't
hear a word, they said,But he just every time they went up
five, this visit every time.This is so funny, I said,
so, but I ain't gonna lie. When he got the twenty, I
was like, maybe I know,right, I just knew that that wasn't

(46:07):
that wasn't that that one appreciation babyexactly exactly. You know your worth.
You're worth more than twenty thousand.You're worth more than twenty thousand. That's
what I'm wanting hello. Are youinternal value? Internal value? Your integrity?
So what's your online experience? Angela? Let me say it fast?

(46:30):
Yeah, that's the last question,the last one. Okay, so one
more question after this. Okay.So I tried I tried hands. I
didn't know how to work it.My friend told me to get on hands.
I'm like, I don't know anythingabout it. I tried tender,
but it locked me out because youhad to like take pictures of yourself holding
up fingers. I'm like this whatand it was like that's not You're like,

(46:50):
I noticed this me. It worksreally well for me. I don't
know. Four years, I gotfour years. I never had anything I
made. I never tried bumble.Okay, So there's this there's the site
called Whisper and it's not a datingsite. It's just an anonymous like So
what I would do on Whisper isI would set my thirst trap and then
send it out. But I wouldalways I would start these conversations and I'd

(47:13):
end double like boo boos. I'dbe like, oh what is that?
You know? So like trade picture? I would send an unassuming you know,
headshot or whatever. Sometimes, butI would try to let them send
first. So if they were likesuper stupid ugly, I would send them
an ugly picture of me, likemaking the ugly friends like looking ugly.
There's no way you can have anugly people. There's picture you know how

(47:35):
you you front facing camera be onand you're just looking at at it.
So I would look at I donot know how to take pictures. I
would take a picture of my chinup and no, oh my god,
what is that right? So youknow, in my neck and be like
you know, like I would havean egg just whatever to look ugly.

(47:55):
But Whisper was cool. That's whereI met this Korean but he ended up
stalking me after like he was nuts. He moved in with me, like
after two weeks. I was like, you gotta borrow you in my house,
like you gotta go. So hecomes over with all this stuff.
He's like, I just broke upwith my girlfriend. I lived with her
for eighty years. I'm like,what the fuzzy Nameel, what the fuzzy

(48:19):
name? I like, they're likenight too. He's like, I'm in
love with you, like I thoughtwe just met this just round two,
Brad, I hate to see you. What round three with right, and
so my my homeboy called me,who I was real tight with, like
we whatever. We you know,we were kind of cool with each other.
He was kicking it, but Ihadn't seen him in months. So
he's like, I'm coming over.He's faced on me and I'm you know,
and I'm looking at him like,okay, great, gream with you.

(48:39):
Click, hey, get up,get this stuff. You gotta go.
And I'm trying to put him out. This d goes downstairs, sleeps
on the couch just to see who'scoming upstairs to my room. What Yeah,
Then I get this long test messageI didn't go to work because I
wanted to spend time with you inboved bat. I'm like, my boy
came over, like what was youthinking? Like broh said, get out,
like you're a whisper, and sothis is whisper. This is whisper

(49:04):
anyway, I've never heard that.It's that situation. And he's like,
you know what, I'm gonna treatyou like a queen. So like he
drops me off at work, hepicks me off from work. I come
home, my laundry is done,Danner is ready. I'm like, oh,
shoot, maybe you know this,this could work, but it just
gets a little crazy and like disappearsfor seventy two hours. Wow. I
was like, this dude is nuts. So he tries to come back and

(49:25):
be like, no, no,you do not. We do not do
ghosting over here. So I waslike, boo, absolutely not. So
after Whisper, I tried and Idon't want to snitch on this app because
I don't want everybody on it becauseit's a cute little thing and your workout
solving for me. But it's calledHilly and I won't to explain it any
more than that, hey billy,and it's really everybody's so it kind of

(49:51):
sounds like hippie hippie hippy hilly.Okay, but are they hippie people?
No? Are you a billy?Because I don't want to now I'm gonna
I got right because we got itout. My life is dead, Like
I might check out here. Imight check out here. Your smile is
like I meet these I meet Imeet. It's two guys I was talking

(50:15):
to that I met on Heilly,Like they're real cool. I like talking
to them. I end up meetingone of them and going on a date.
But he's twenty four where is allthese young guys come from seven And
I was like, is this theenergy I'm giving off? And like there
will be like yo, there's no, You're very youthful. They're like nowhere

(50:36):
you're at that's a good thing.I'm like, I'm thirty seven. I'll
be thirty in a couple of weeks. Girl. But they turned out to
be real chill, Like there arestill real chill people. But tagged is
where I got in trouble. SoI meet, I've heard of that.
So the thing about tags that Ilike is like whatever city you're in,
you know, boom, you know, people from that city will talk to

(50:58):
you. I met a baseball player, bumble. That's a pretty good one.
I never meet anything. You knowwhat. No, I'm not snitching
on myself. That up. Youdon't up? What am I saying?
Is so like tagged. I liketag But like so I met, I
met a nice guy and tagged hewas real sweet, you know, just

(51:21):
saying all the right things to me. I'm not I'm gonna be real with
you. When I say being sweet, what I know knows what I mean.
He was saying stuff like God,I wanna sip on your body all
night, and I'm like, oh, that is so nice. I love
it. And so I guess Iwas just having I gotta have me a
freak if I don't have a freakout because I'm freaking about me. I
was like, you gotta have afreak, Yeah, thirty eight ones.

(51:47):
I'm gonna do something dumb. AndI have my own late text free condoms
in my two K so I'm gonna, you know, talk to the woman.
And I love it. I loveit. For your health, you
should be concerned for his health.So anyway, well, no, no,
everybody, Hey, I get tested, baby, I got negatives to

(52:07):
sit right in my phone. Hello, healthy you have healthy babies over.
I'm not in these streets like that, but but healthy pussy cats. I
feel I feel stupid about you know, the stuff like that. So I
was like, you know what thisis, you know, the end of
the year, I haven't done this. I'm gonna do something crazy. So
you know, I spend the nightwith this person. Whoa. I do

(52:32):
not have the words in the Englishlanguage to put in any particular array to
athlete describe that night, so Iwill just leave it at that. Whoa
whoa? Okay, and wow,So like night one, He's like,
I love you. Wha what didyou do? Give me some tips?
Girls, because I get I loveyou, and I know why I get

(52:59):
out love you. I just teachedyou. I would say why. I'm
like, where do you get thiswrong? Why not? My breath looked
like smell like in the morning time. I love that you can get that.
That's that's beautiful, that's hot.That is beautiful for you. But
the second night I was like,Okay, it was a fluke. So

(53:19):
the second night I was like,I love you, you know, I
love side these psycho Oh wow.I was like, well that's the end
of that. So like, butevery time I would meet a nice person
and then I was like, okay, I'm gonna delete the app because I
met someone I really like. So, you know, I was like,
I'm over this. I'm done,you know, because first of all,
what am I doing talking to thesekids? Right girl? Trick for kids?

(53:44):
Right for you're twenty seven, you'retwenty six. I can't do that.
And you know, so I said, maybe I'm attracting these kids.
I'm a big baby. I'm kidtreated me like queen. Kids loved my

(54:05):
kids. My kids were awesome.They were amazed. They were very sure
when it came to a lot ofthings, like they did not mind my
me because I'm a big kid,and I know I am, and I'm
a big baby. I am thebaby of my family. I am spoiled
Roden, and they went with it, were, oh, you're spoiled.

(54:28):
What I can spoil you to?And I was like, spoil me booth.
They did not mind being taken careof. The only problem was one
of my kids was afraid of commitmentand the other one was trying to be
too committed, and it was justthere that was one of my kids.
He insisted on in the world saying, oh, this is my girlfriend,

(54:50):
this is my fiance, this ismy wife, whatever. That's what he
would tell the world. He wouldintroduce me to his brother, to his
coworkers as his girlfriend or his fiancewhen it was just me and him.
Oh, well, you know,we're not really dating. He insisted that
we weren't dating, that we weren'tin a relationship. So why would you
tell the world that we're in arelationship but we're not. I don't understand.

(55:13):
Wow, But now day he's spendingevery waking moment with me just about
we would go to sleep on thephone. If I wasn't at his apartment,
he was at my house. HeI mean, we spent every moment
that we could in each other's presence. So I don't understand how we weren't
in a relationship. Well listen,ladies, you guys are so phenomenal.

(55:34):
I want to say thank you forbeing on fire to inspire. You're so
fiery. It inspired me so much. You've ignored my fire to do to
be a better woman in spirit.You know what I mean. Because I'm
still learning how to trust God againbecause I was broken hearted by him first.
He was my first love. AndI'm not blaming everything on God,
but seriously, I had to learnhow to trust him. I'm learning and

(55:57):
I'm still learning how to trust himagain in the whole him. Hold my
hand. So ladies out there andgents out there, do not give up
on love. There is love afterdivorce, okay, And trust me,
divorce does not define you. Soremember that and you know that's it.
Thank you, ladies so much,And Happy Valentine's Day to people out there.

(56:17):
And even if you're sitting out,sit there and you are there alone,
you're not alone. Always just lightyour candle up and just you know,
blow the can out for yourself.You want worship, pray, whatever
spiritual connection you have to whoever getwith it on Valentine's Day, That's that's
who you got. You're not alone, you're not a Christ beside, and
you got whoever you spiritual collected connectedto. That's who you got with you.

(56:39):
Absolutely you know what that is.You know, the company I work
for has this huge party on Valentine'sDay where they kind of give to that
blah blah blah. So that's whyI'm dating this year, your company I
work for, And I won't Iwon't, I won't call their name out
of respect, but so I'm goingto date them this year. You know.
So this just doing your thing,traveling, having a good time,

(57:04):
and just learning how to love yourselffirst is going to help you attract love.
So there we go. Thank youguys. We are so fired up.