Avicii: I’m Tim - A Deep Dive & Reflection on Tim Bergling

In this episode, Garrett Gaudet reflects on the Netflix documentary 'I'm Tim,' which chronicles the life and struggles of Avicii, the renowned DJ and music producer. He shares his personal connection to Avicii's music, the impact of fame on the artist's mental health, and his own experiences with anxiety and regret. The conversation delves into themes of perfectionism, the challenges of creative output, and the quest for contentment in the face of success. In this reflective podcast episode, Garrett Gaudet discusses the impact of Tim Bergling's legacy on his personal growth and aspirations for 2025. He emphasizes the importance of vulnerability, authenticity, and creative expression while outlining his goals for the upcoming year, including travel, building connections, and establishing a support system. Garrett shares insights on overcoming self-doubt and the challenges of being an independent creator, ultimately aiming to embrace his true self and pursue his passions more fully.

Takeaways

• The documentary 'I'm Tim' is a tough but important watch.
• Avicii's early life was marked by a passion for music.
• Talent alone isn't enough; connections are crucial for success.
• Fame can take a significant toll on mental health.
• Avicii's music evokes strong emotional responses.
• Personal experiences with anxiety can resonate deeply with Avicii's story.
• Regret over missed opportunities can linger for years.
• The struggle for perfectionism can hinder creative output.
• Contentment is a challenging goal for many artists.
• Passion for music can lead to both joy and instability.
• Reflecting on Tim's legacy inspires personal change.
• Vulnerability is key to authentic creative expression.
• Setting clear intentions for the new year is essential.
• Travel and new experiences are vital for inspiration.
• Building connections with friends enhances well-being.
• Creating a support system can lead to professional growth.
• Embracing one's true self is a journey worth pursuing.
• Overcoming perfectionism is crucial for creativity.
• Consistency in content creation is a goal for 2025.
• Self-kindness and patience are essential in personal development.

Tim: The Official Biography of Avicii
https://a.co/d/bx3xq23

Connect with Garrett Gaudet
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/garrettgaudet/ 
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@garrettgaudet
Email: [e-mail]
Website: https://www.garrettgaudet.com/

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, it's karak Dat and welcome back to the podcast.

(00:02):
It's been a while and I'm aware of that and
it's something that I'm going to get into in this episode.
But this episode, I'll be talking about my thoughts on
I'm Tim. It's the new Ivich documentary that's on Netflix
or that was released on Netflix on December thirty first,
and I watched it at seven o'clock in the morning

(00:23):
upon release day. And it's a film that I've been
excited for. It's a film that I have been a
little anxious to watch, to be honest, because I knew
and thought it would be triggering, which it was a
little triggering, to be honest. It was a tough watch.

(00:46):
But I wanted to talk about what was in the documentary,
what was in the film, kind of my thoughts and
a little bit of reflection on a vic because I
have some of my best memories too. VICI and I
did a video back in twenty eighteen on April twentieth,
on that day that the world found out that Tim

(01:06):
had passed, and Yeah, I just thought it'd be a
fitting kind of discussion and to talk about one of
the most prolific artists in my lifetime in a generation
and yeah, so let's talk about I'm Tim. So the
documentary follows kind of the life of Tim Burgling, his

(01:30):
growth as a vichy. It started in his childhood. Interviewed
with one of his childhood best friends and documented where
they started experimenting with house music, his home life and
who he was as a child. And he was this
really nerdy kid and he discovered music and it took

(01:54):
off from there where I think in Sweden it was
a culture of dance music. You have so many artists
from Sweden that have become some of the world's best
electronic dance week artists are musicians for that matter, with
sweech House Mafia, Spashian Grosso, Axwell, Steve Agelo, Alesso Auto

(02:19):
Knows was part of that group too. I think I
said a less already, but yeah, there's such such a
and there's so many more that I could name too.
But there's so many artists that have come out of Sweden,
Stockholm specifically that understood the culture of the music airbrids obviously,
so there's this core identity with the sound and it

(02:43):
really did attribute to a lot of Tim's success when
he came across his manager as Hunari, and it showed
kind of how he had a lot of potential and
he had a lot of promise, and it was kind
of finding that right person in his first manager of
Ash to really break out. Because you can have a

(03:07):
lot of talent, and I think this is across any
context in career industries sports. You can be the most
talented person, but if you don't have those connections or
you don't have that team around you to take you
to the next level, I do think there is some
limitations on how much success you can have. And Ash

(03:27):
was very much that person for Tim, and he took
them to be the number one artists in the world
and the number one electronic artists for sure. And the
documentary goes into the high high heights of his career
as a vicy but also the highs and lows that

(03:48):
came with it. And I think anyone who's familiar with
the story of Tim Burgling and the trajectory and the
ups and downs, and if you were definitely listening to
em in the Golden era, if you will, in the
early twenty tens, mid twenty tens, you were familiar with
some of those struggles that Avici had because I remember

(04:11):
watching Ultra Music Festival every year from twenty twelve the
live stream from Miami in my very formative years with music,
and there's one of those years where he had to
back out of the event and I think Dead Mouse
covered from so it was documented about what he kind

(04:33):
of went through. And Twitter was that kind of that
platform at that time where you kind of started to
hear rumblings and started to hear some of the behind
the scenes of what was actually going on, because as
a fan from Afar, you Kin kind of noticed that
there were some absences and there was stuff going on,

(04:57):
and it was isn't that the brand of a Vichy
or Tim himself was this partier kind of like a
Diplo kind of persona or some of those other DJs
that really embrace it. But that's not the vibes you
kind of got from a Vach, at least I didn't.

(05:18):
So to see more of the visuals and to see
some of the clips that haven't been released, it was heartbreaking.
It was a really tough watch. It was a hard
watch to watch someone so gifted, to watch a mind
that could come up with these melodies that will be

(05:38):
timeless forever, and to be able to see a lot
of that struggle was hard to watch where you saw
someone that was so passionate, that was so committed to
the craft, and from what I could see in what

(06:04):
was documented that was the way of coping in him
as an individual was someone who really wasn't there for
the fame. It just happened to be a byproduct of
his critical acclaim of the music that he was making.
And it really showed how much of a toll that

(06:28):
this life, this fame, this touring did on him personally, mentally, physically,
you saw his documented cases of pancreatitis because of drinking,
and they didn't really get into other things like some
of his stuff in Australia too much, but that did

(06:51):
come out in the book and his autobiography as official autobiography.
So it was a tough watch because, as I think,
anytime you watch a documentary or a biopic on someone
and biopicks usually don't get made in less the individual
has passed. Typically think of Steve Jobs or the last

(07:16):
series on Netflix I watched with Senna, not Ayrton, Senna,
and being a former One fan, a big f One fan,
you kind of knew what the ending was going to
be in Imola, and unfortunately, watching a film like this,
I couldn't help to think that, Okay, there's some really

(07:38):
honestly inspiring clips of him creating the melodies for songs
like levels Wake Me Up, and it's it's inspiring to
see kind of that a genius at play and doing
his thing, and the genuine euphoria and happiness and the

(08:00):
smile that was on his face when making tracks like that,
and to see that just kind of start to descend
into further darkness, and some of the individuals on the
documentary were analyzing some of his collaborators and songwriters were

(08:22):
starting to look at his lyrics post death, and it's
it's something that I've kind of confronted listening to of
echy music as well, where I have so many good
memories with friends, bonding with friends over his music because

(08:46):
it was the genre of bending kind of sound where
you had obviously the dance music in the early of
each years to this hybrid country influence, bluegrass folky, so
that really reached a wider audience. But to analyze and

(09:07):
listen to Vic nowadays is I've had a tough time
with listening to Viccy since his passing, Like it's something
that I always listened to, Like I would say, probably
on like a monthly basis where I revisit the music.
I revisit some of the favorite tracks, and just as

(09:31):
probably an inspiring producer at some point in my life,
it's remarkable to hear some of the brilliance of his work,
his productions, his compositions, and just go wow, that was
really spectacular. Dear Boy is one of my favorites, and
I almost think that at some point his music could

(09:53):
be turned into some sort of Broadway production or play,
just because there's so many stories to it, and much
like Mama Mea with Abba music, I really think it
could be the same thing. It's not going to probably
be the same tone as a Mamma Mia, but it
would still be a really good story to tell. And

(10:15):
I don't know if that would be the story of
his life or what that would be, but I'd be interested,
and that would just be another way to further cement
his legacy through his music. But yeah, it's to get
to the end of the documentary was was it was tough,

(10:40):
Like like I said, it's it's been a It was
a hard watch. It was a tough watch and cried
just at the ending, and I could feel as they
were depicting how his life trajectory was for some of
his struggles challenges that I was starting to feel tense

(11:01):
because I knew it was coming, And there's so many
things out of that documentary that hit me harder because
I think with someone liked Tim Burgling, it's a celebrity
death that really had an impact on me. It's a
celebrity death that I It really took me out for

(11:24):
a few days, and honestly, it's still something someone that
I think about because I have really identified with Tim.
He's someone that I looked up to. Uh, there's a
lot of idols and people that in the dance music

(11:44):
world that I see as inspiration, Martin Garrett's, Arman Van
Buren VG or Tim Burgling and those were all guys
that I had a podcast in the podcast starts with
and I was really proud of that. And those are
all guys that I, like, I said, I identify with

(12:05):
and they are brilliant at what they do. They all
have very different sounds, but the passion is there and
I think it's really cool to see that and I
think that's a lot of what I've connected with because
even shopping in a mall in the mid twenty tens,

(12:28):
I would go to Hudson's Bay or the Bay in Canada,
to the department store much like Macy's if you will.
And he had a collaboration with Polo Ralf Lauren, and
it was just cool to see someone in the dance
music industry have that kind of success and recognition and

(12:49):
just kind of see someone like, oh, that's that's good
for him that he has stuff like that. But watching
it and through the more the I guess more triggering,
at least for me any clips is just watching him
go through anxiety. And you know, for me, anxiety has always,

(13:10):
I guess been there, has always been part of my
life in different ways. And I think when I'm watching
a documentary about Tim Burgling and a VICH and I
had tickets to go see a Vich. It must have
been early twenty tens. I think I was still in

(13:31):
high school and it was a day of the show day,
the day of his concert, and it would have been
like a ninety minute drive to go to the show
in Toronto, and I just wasn't feeling well and I
was feeling off. I felt sick about going and going

(13:55):
to the show, and I didn't end up going to
the show from what I now know is anxiety, and
it's it's really disappointing. It's probably one of the biggest
regrets in my life to not be able to see
in a VICI show and to see Tim do his
thing and in the height of what AVICI was and

(14:17):
I have that moment with one of my best friends,
and that is still something that it is tough to
remember and tough to now understanding a little bit more
about what anxiety is and where it appears for me,

(14:38):
but to not be able to see in a VICI show,
really it's it's upsetting to me to know that I
had a ticket, I had a chance, and I didn't
do that, And yeah, that that still bothers me to
know that I had that opportunity and anxiety got in

(15:03):
the way, and to know that the irony of that
would have been I would have had so much anxiety
to go, and Tim would have had probably similar anxiety
performing and it kind of looks at him as a performer,
him as a DJ a little differently for me, because

(15:24):
you're having especially at medium events you have such a
good time. It's about the feeling when the music is
on the journey at DJ can take you on. And
to know that he really didn't feel comfortable or that

(15:44):
it's not something he I really want to do, Like
I'm sure he enjoyed performing at times, but to know
how much of to know how much that was harmful
to him kind of bitter. It's uncomfortable for me to know,
kind of I guess the behind the scenes of thousands

(16:08):
of people having some of the best knights of their
lives and someone who's making that happen potentially not So
I just thought like, yeah, it's it's something that I
could see. I could see kind of how he was coping.
And I've never done drugs. I haven't struggled with addiction whatsoever,

(16:33):
and that's the route he had to go, unfortunately, and
that wasn't as well documented through the film, where I
thought the documentary itself felt short or felt brief, where
the whole story wasn't told. And that might be because
of creative control from his family and people close to him,

(16:57):
and I respect that. I respect to a poll his legacy.
But when I listened to the book titled Tim The
Official Biography of IVICI by Mons Muslssen. It's a lot
more intimate, it's a lot more in depth of what
his life was like through that last decade of his life.

(17:22):
Totally recommend that book if you, I guess enjoyed or
got something out of the documentary I'm Tim. Highly recommend
Tim the biography. It's available on audible. I listened to it.
I'm not the best reader, but it's something definitely worth
listening to if you want to know more than what
you saw in the documentary, because I found myself doing

(17:44):
some deeper dives and looking online for more because I
wanted more out of that because I was such a fan,
and there's points in the documentary, like I said, was
that were triggering and I kind of want to identify
some of those what he was feeling, so I can

(18:11):
be more proactive about something like that. Because I think
when you watch a nonfiction biopic or documentary about someone
you identify with, it kind of scares you a little
where you can see yourself on the screen. And this
can happen with fiction too, where if you identify with

(18:32):
a character, it's gonna touch you more than someone that
can identify with them. So watching someone you relate to
and someone you have similar life experiences with is a
little difficult to watch. Really. Some of the scenes with

(18:57):
Perfectionism where he had to delay an album into sixteen,
where he had to just redoce tracks and he wasn't
liking drops and specific things out of a track, It's
like I can relate to that. It's a big reason
why I'm not more productive or I don't have more

(19:18):
output on my YouTube channel or this very podcast because
I overthink things and I have this endless note in
my phone about what I could be creating and these
great ideas, like they're professionally speaking, like there there are

(19:40):
some really solid ideas for content and I just haven't
done that for overthinking it, And it's like, how do
how do I do this really well? Because when you've
had success and you have such a high bar, I
think that can be a really tough thing to get over.

(20:05):
Where I think as a creator, as an artist, you're
always trying to be better and create something even more
spectacular than your past work. And I think that's where
with my podcast Eating Weekly, there's a lot of challenges

(20:27):
with that where I created a podcast and I had
a consistent podcast for over a decade or at least
seven years, and I did three hundred sixty episodes for
that first run. And there was times where I would
have a podcast episode done and get rid of the

(20:50):
entirety of it and really just beat myself up about
not being able to get a mixed right, or these
aren't the right tracks, or I don't know if I'm
delivering my best or I think I can be better

(21:11):
than this. And the tough thing about success, and in
a space like podcasting your media is when you do
have the success, your bar is no longer with your peers.
It's with not your competition, but the other people that

(21:32):
you're around. So when my podcast did have a lot
of success, when it was next to Avici's Levels podcast,
Armin vam Buren's State of Trance, Gesto's Club Life Hardwell
on air in Romero's Protocol Radio, it was no longer
with comparing myself to me. It was trying to be

(21:56):
the best and prove myself that I deserve to belong
there because all these other individuals, all these other artists
are well established in the medium world and in music
and perform to tens of thousands of people and fill
arenas and festivals, and it definitely plays to a little

(22:18):
bit of an imposter syndrome of deserving to be there
or having to work twice as hard just to remain there.
And I think it definitely played a big role in
where I took the podcast or why it hasn't come
back again, because it did a number on me with

(22:44):
the it's almost that perfectionism or that perfectionist fueled anxiety
and vice versa where if something didn't sound right or
something was off, I get fixated on something like that
and it it It does help with achieving better results

(23:11):
in a better product or a better mix or a
better sounding episode, but at what cost is it worth it?
And I think that's where watching I'm Tim was also
tough to watch some of some of the struggles that

(23:32):
I've had creating and being I guess an artist, where
I think in the entertainment or media, you see the output,
but you never see really see the input, and at

(23:52):
what costs that looks like? And it's it's tough to
see a passion become some of the reason of your
struggle or challenges because you love it, but it might
not love you on some days or some weeks, and

(24:16):
that's it almost is an attack on who you are
as an individual. Where again, there's another storyline in I'm Tim,
where how do you separate Avichi from Tim Burgling? And
that's something he struggled with and as a creator or

(24:36):
as a podcast host and podcast creator, it it very
much I think defined who I was for a long
time because there was great success and it wasn't like
anything else anyone I know had ever done before. So

(24:57):
it was almost trying to prove like I earned it,
and I this is me and this is what I do,
and it very much still is to this day and
is a big reason why I have a teaching job
and why I've had so many opportunities in the music
industry and other different clients that I've had. But to

(25:22):
keep something fun, to keep something a hobby with this
brain is challenging because it's almost at what point are
you satisfied? At what point do you say I'm happy
with this and content and this video or this video

(25:44):
this podcast episode will be about I'm Tim, but also
my twenty twenty five and something that I also saw
in the documentary was about being content. I took a
lot of screenshots or I took a lot of pictures
of the film, and there's something that it continued to

(26:05):
resonate with me, where there's a line that Tim says
is but I want to learn how to be content?
This or that would be life for me being content,
And that's something that I think I struggle with. I
still struggle with. Contentment is something that I've tried to

(26:29):
work on this year, where how do you how do
I stay satisfied? How do I how do I get
to be content? And it's something that I don't think
is going to be resolved soon. I don't know if
that's going to be a constant thing that I have

(26:50):
to think about or deal with. Where my mind is
so busy and I have so many thoughts and so
so much high ambition to do great things and I
have big ideas and out of the box concepts that

(27:11):
I want to do. But what point are you satisfied?
And it's not for a lack of passion, because all
of this is fueled by a passion. And I think
that's the greatness about artists, creators, musicians. It's about something

(27:35):
you love and you something you love to do, and
it's really conflicting when something you love can create so
much instability or this drive that you can't turn off,
where and I think having success before it's is more

(28:01):
difficult where you almost want to get back there, and
because it's it's almost like that dopamine of having that
success and having that achievement, it's like, oh, that was good.
Life was good life. Life was maybe at its highest
at that point because everything was going for me and

(28:28):
it was doing things that I wouldn't have imagined that
were possible, especially with a much less understanding of how
things worked and strategy. And I'm a lot more knowledgeable
and smart about it now and I did a lot

(28:49):
more with less back then. And then you kind of
revisit the perfectionists, the anxiety and not being content. It's
like it's almost like a progression where it it really
starts a compound on everything. And that's definitely something that

(29:10):
I'm going to work on. And yeah, that was something
that watching someone liked him go through that and have
a different fate than that I want is confronting and

(29:35):
difficult where I have to do everything I can to
not end up like that, where it's a lot of
work to get there. It's a lot of work to
put into it. And I think that's where my twenty

(29:56):
twenty four was fairly quiet, because there was a lot
of work done to have a different kind of year
looking forward to twenty twenty five. So to have I'm
Tim come out on New Year's Eve and at the

(30:16):
end of twenty twenty four, I think it was a
poignant kind of into the year for me where I
did do things in twenty twenty four and I did
take steps, but to have an opportunity to reflect like

(30:38):
this and to see a mentor and someone that I, like,
I said, very much looked up to, I can make
those changes to make sure that I don't have the
same demise as Tim. I admired Tim and his legacy

(30:59):
and his work, and frankly his vulnerability in his art
that was his music and his lyrics. And that's something
that I want to do for twenty twenty five is
to have some vulnerability. And I think this podcast is

(31:20):
a good start. This episode is a good start. I
think this podcast has been truly about being vulnerable online
because this podcast is very much different than any other
content that I would probably share online. The podcast I
recorded about ADHD I haven't really mentioned it anywhere online.

(31:43):
I put it out and that was number of twenty
twenty three over a year ago, and I recorded that
in July of twenty twenty three. So it's getting over
that of trying to be someone who I'm not and

(32:04):
trying and embrace that moving forward, because I look at
someone like a Vichy and a lot of a lot
of his success was because he was who he is
in translating the feelings the emotion into art. And I

(32:24):
think the best artists are the ones who can really
do something different and present themselves to the world as
who they are. And I think that's one of my
biggest inspirations and takeaways from Tim is that being vulnerable,

(32:50):
being yourself and knowing that what you know is right
and trusting your gut, your instinct of this this is
gonna work, and this is the art that I want
to create and produce. Because you look at his Ultra
Miami sat from twenty thirteen or not twenty thirteen, but

(33:14):
when he released Wake Me Up, they were booing and
the song went on to be probably his biggest hit
and his most notable track song other than Levels. And
it's just like just be focused, concentrate on what you
want to work on, what you want to create, and

(33:38):
it'll come. It's happened to me before with my own
podcast with Eating Weekly, Episode one is absolutely not good.
It's not if there is any professional feedback on probably
the first dozen episodes, like you need some work, you
need some help, some coaching, And I never got that,

(34:00):
and that was just purely through repetition and really honing
my craft. And I saw the results of going to
these music festivals and working with artist record labels, and yeah,
it's really inspiring to revisit that. And I think in
some ways that trying to get back to that podcast

(34:23):
success is getting back to my roots of being really
creative and trusting that my ideas, my concepts and being
me is valuable and is worth showing to people. Because

(34:43):
I've held back a lot for a long time where
I look at some of the YouTube videos that I
used to make maybe ten years ago, and I had
a lot of fun with those, and I saw someone
who was so young and someone who was just having

(35:05):
fun with it, and getting back to that would be beautiful.
It would be I think healing in some way where
I would like to see that come back, and I
think that's something I've been striving towards and striving for
where I know what I want to create, I've just

(35:28):
been hesitant to where Like I said, I have notes
in my phone and it's probably years and that's non
exaggeration of different video ideas, YouTube video ideas, different TikTok ideas,
podcast ideas, and I just haven't taken the initiative or

(35:52):
just trying to be myself in the way that I
would want to be. And that's something that I'd like
to be proud of someday. I'm proud of who I am.
I'm proud of what I've done. I'm proud of what
I've achieved, But to really be me authentically and do

(36:14):
the stuff that I've always wanted to do and create
the stuff I've always wanted to create would be is
where I'd like to see Migo for the next year.
So I'm Tim was a great inspiration for that. Tim
Burgling continues to be someone I admire and I think

(36:38):
the documentary is definitely worth a watch. I think that
you get a lot out of the I'm Tim book.
So I'm going to put a bookend to that conversation
about I'm Tim and kind of use that as the
guiding tool for what my twenty twenty five is. So
if you just want to hear about I'm him and

(37:01):
how it impacted me, you can probably switch off now.
But I'm also going to talk about my what I'd
like to see for myself in twenty twenty five and
throughout that dialogue, throughout that conversation that I guess I've
had with myself, because that's what a solo podcast is,
and I kind of use the garricut At podcast as

(37:25):
a way inside and a way to communicate and have
my ideas be heard and have my thoughts be heard,
and yeah, it's it's nice to be able to do that.
So in the next year, I'd like to experience more.
I think I did a lot of work on myself

(37:46):
in twenty twenty four. I was able to move into
my own place. It's a beautiful apartment and I'm happy
and proud of it. But it's definitely a year that
last year. Wow, I've never said that yet. It was
I didn't really I feel like I didn't do enough

(38:08):
because at the end of the year, as I'm sure
you see all across social media, it's kind of like
posting things from twenty twenty four and it's like I
don't have a lot of photos of myself or of
me doing things. There's a lot of work and that
is very representative of what my life has been like,
especially in the last year, where I want to travel.

(38:29):
People know me as this person that travels a lot,
and yet I flew twice last year at the end
of November. And that's not to say that I need
to prove that, but I do like travel. I like
the stimulation of going somewhere new and experiencing new things
and eating good food because I really don't eat well

(38:51):
a lot, and if you know me, well that's not
a surprise. But to be able to try new things
or see new things, and that's just something I'd like
to do. So it's leaving the city, finding things to do,
finding things to go to, and just experiencing things, whether
that's going to on a road trip or finding events, concerts,

(39:14):
things to see is always been motivating and inspiring to me.
So that's something that I need to do more. I
think it's going to be a challenge for myself for
the first four months of the year, as that's the
time of the year where I teaching, but it's my

(39:35):
summers need to be better. I kind of look back
on my past few years and I feel like I've
wasted my summers a lot of the time where it's
not planned or there's not things to do, and I think,
to my own failure, it's been waiting for people to

(39:57):
do things with I'm very independent, probably hyper independent, but
it's nice to do things with people. But when you
try to accommodate or wait for people to kind of
do things with or plant things together and they don't
actually happen, it's like, at what point in your life

(40:18):
are you just going to stop waiting? And I feel
like in the last year I've stopped waiting where it's
not I'm doing things that I want to do and
I'm doing things when I want to do, and it's
been good of just being able to do then. But

(40:39):
that's kind of intentional. That doesn't happen just by accident.
And one thing that I've done for twenty five is
really try and identify what I want to do, plan
it out, because you know, with ADHD you don't really
have that. There's always chaos, there's always things happening, and

(41:05):
time blindness is very much a thing where it's like, oh,
it's the end of the year, it's the end of
twenty twenty four, It's like, what did I do? What
did I did I do anything? So I don't want
that to occur again. So it's listing out what I
want to do, what I want to see, and at
least giving one or two things every month to look
forward to, because that's a big motivator for me of

(41:29):
this work life balance, if you will. But it's also
just balancing of what energizes me because that's been omitted
too too much. Creating connection is something I also want
to do in twenty five where I really want to
value the connection with people, where it's spending a lot

(41:53):
of quality time with my best friends and making the
effort to see them more frequently, see them at all,
and that's important to me. People have always been important
to me. I value relationships and I needed a lot

(42:13):
of time to work on myself, but I do want
to work on things like that in twenty twenty five.
So that's something where I've already got a plan for
a few things and that's going to be a lot
of fun. Something I do want to try in twenty
five is improv In the past year, I've been, I guess.

(42:35):
In the past almost two years, I've been producing social
media videos for a company called Chrissyafood. It's a seafood
store in the city where I live. And I have
really started to feel creatively energized again, where there was

(42:56):
this period of time where I was just creating radio
and the videos weren't bad. Let's just get that out
of the way. They weren't bad, but they weren't scratching
that creative itch. They weren't showing my full potential. They
weren't being true to who I am as a creator

(43:19):
and what I want to see in the social media
world or creating videos. And that feeling is the same
feeling I had back in the mid twenty tens when
I was obsessed with YouTube. I still watch a lot
of YouTube, but I very much wanted to be a YouTuber.

(43:40):
I did, and I've let that go or I just haven't.
That was the height where I felt the most creative.
I had a podcast at a successful podcast, and then
making these YouTube videos where I was just having fun
with it. I was being myself and I feel like
the videos that I've produced, shot edited have been more

(44:04):
about who I am, my personality, my humor, my communic ability.
So I'd love to try improv. Improvising has been a
very big part of my life in things like lecturing
and just in social situations of just being quick to

(44:25):
think of things. And I've always been told I'm quick
and quick witted and funny and I usually get a
laugh out of everyone. So that's something that i'd very
much like to do. So on the Things to Do
for twenty five, there's an improv show that I'm going
to in the next few weeks. I'm very excited for that.
So I'd like to take some improf courses and really

(44:46):
learn the art the skill of improv and maybe perform.
I have done one play before, there's a production of
Alice in Wonderland, and I was You're thirteen fourteen and
very much, very very much an introvert, and I feel
like I really found my voice and was able to

(45:08):
come out out of my shell a lot because I
was I was very much a shy kid, and I
wouldn't say that I'm the most shy person now, but
I can be and I feel like being able to
perform through content through this medium has really allowed me
to have a voice, and I think it'd just be

(45:30):
fun to try it and give it a shot, because
I have very much been influenced through smash in the
last year on YouTube where they do this try not
to laugh and it's all improv and it's about being
quick and I don't need to explain the improv. But
I've admired the comedians and the cast that's on there,

(45:52):
Shane topp Amandali and Canto Angela Giritana and others where
it's like, yeah, those are funny people. Those are people
that are being themselves, and I think that's also a
part of it that I admire too, where it's just
less filtered, especially with improv, and filtering and masking is

(46:14):
something that I'm working on, and improv you really don't
get that opportunity where you gotta be quick. You just
got to go with it and just be okay with
it and trust your instinct, trust your gut. And I
think that's something that I would like to exercise and
get better at, and hopefully that crosses over into some

(46:35):
of the other things in my life where I'd like
to unmask more and be more me and embrace myself
who I am through my content, and I kind of
want to start off the year with a podcast like
this where it's very much unfiltered compared to a lot
of the other content that I post, and it's exciting.

(46:58):
It's a little or racking, and when I go sit
down to edit this and decide what I keep in
will be interesting, but I think I'll keep it all
in and that scares me that it excites me, and
I'm also proud of that. At the same time, getting

(47:20):
involved in the music industry is something that I'd really
love to do again, and I've already made steps. I
put it out into the world before the holiday season
before Christmas, and I sent a couple friends a voice
memo of like, I've really identified where I'd like to
or what I'd like to be active in, and its music.

(47:45):
Music has always been a passion obsession for me and
has always never let me down as something that I
listened to when I'm happy, when I'm not having a
great day, when I'm having a really challenging time, and
working amongst music and transferring marketing abilities, skills and everything

(48:11):
that I've really put into my whole career I'm very qualified,
and that's an industry that I've been a part of before,
and I've just kind of drifted away for no real reason,
and I owe it to myself to try. And that's
kind of what I'd like to see twenty five be

(48:35):
is just a year of trying, a year of experimenting,
a year of just not thinking about just doing things
doing things. It sounds really easy. It really does sound
really easy to just just do things, like Nike's trademarked

(48:57):
it for the reason because just do it is an
iconic hagline, but in practice with an overthinker and someone
that gets caught up in that. Even recording this episode today,
it took me to three hours to finally be good
with it. Where Oh not, I should shower beforehand. Oh no,

(49:20):
I am kind of hungry. Oh I could have a
Oh maybe I'll just sit down, have a drink, stay hydrated.
I just do the thing. It's not difficult, and just
getting started as something I can have trouble with, and
especially when I don't do it routinely, it's like, Okay,

(49:41):
you've done the podcast before, you podcasted for the better
part of your life over a decade. Just sit down,
hit record quick, get at published, which is it's going
to be heart because I've went through many years, probably

(50:04):
half decade now of just overthinking and deciding against that.
So that's something I really want to do. Something that
I'm proud of of twenty four is my personal development
of what all of the work that I put into
myself and I want to continue to build a support team.

(50:24):
And those are people in my life. And I'm not
talking personal because I've got a lot of supportive family friends,
but in my professional capacity, in my professional career, I
want more of those people around me that can get
me to the next level and help me achieve the

(50:46):
things that I've always wanted to. And to kind of
tie it back to I'm tim is just I look
at someone that the team in his life that made
his life easier, where they can address a lot of
some of the stuff that I get caught up in
and fixated in and I don't have to really deal

(51:07):
with that, and that would be a great service to
not only my health and personal mental but to have
someone else with me to work on things. Because I've
never been really a part of a team, not because
i haven't wanted to, but I've been working independently since

(51:33):
high school of my career where it's been freelancing and
doing my own thing and having clients, and it's just
it's just been me and it's worked in the past.
But I think I've hit a ceiling professionally speaking, and
I don't I've plateaued, and I'm not satisfyed. So having

(51:59):
a team, or at least a coach or someone in
my life who I have to find is going to
be very essential for I guess my future. And I
there is this drive, there is this hunger that I
have to really kill it and really have great success

(52:24):
in a multitude of different areas and things. But I
really want to build a team, a support team that
I can rely on and that I can have where
it's not just me, it's not just all on me,
because that hasn't worked, that doesn't work with my brain,
and that's going to be very critical to my success.

(52:48):
So I will see where that goes and try and
identify how to do that. I don't want to rush
it because I want to find the right person, but
it is something that I'll have to do for sure.
So twenty twenty five, a couple quick goals are great
content consistently. That's through a multitude of various different platforms, Instagram, podcasting, videos,

(53:15):
and just posting the things don't have them in my
drafts forever and overthink oh, I don't know why this
edit's not great, No one's gonna notice. Just post it.
I've already started to do that last week or two,
and it feels better. It feels freeing, liberating to try
and escape that mindset. I'd like to fly six times.

(53:38):
That's a hard pivot to the next thing. But I
love airplanes. I love aviation. I love flying. I only
did it twice in twenty twenty four, which can sound privilege,
which can sound like, well, you did go somewhere, But
those experiences are so important for my inspiration and just

(54:00):
allowing myself to be re energized. And even if travel
can be overstimulating and overwhelming, it's stuff that I enjoy.
I love the being on an aircraft and going to
somewhere new and exploring new things and being creatively inspired
upon return and the momentum that comes with that. And

(54:21):
I didn't really have that a lot this year and
that in twenty twenty four, and it probably plays a
role in how the year went for me. Honestly, as
much as travel is this thing where a lot of
people just do it because of they want to out
of like a holiday, it kind of feels like a necessity.

(54:44):
And that might sound absolutely wild and just nonsensical, but
to me, it very much is a part of who
I am and what I need to be me. So
flying six to so that shouldn't be hard. I've flown
a lot more in a single year before, so that
should be easy to do. Next one, see my friends,

(55:08):
make no excuse about that, So that could include flying.
So that could be three things off my checklist of
creating content on the way to see my friends, seeing
my friends and documented it again. And the last one
to round it out, just be kind to myself. If
I need more time, take more time. If I want
to do something, do it. Don't think so much about

(55:35):
why you shouldn't. If you're having a rough time, it's okay.
Take a breather, step away, go for a walk. You
don't walk enough. This is also something for me to
listen back to January first, twenty six and see if
I actually and see where things are at, because I'd
like to see this as like an annual thing that

(55:57):
I do that Billy Eilish interview she does with I
think it's Vogue or Vanity Fair, one of those, and
it's the same questions for the last seven years and
she can see the growth and it's it's so inspiring
side tangent, But just be klind to yourself. You need

(56:20):
to remind yourself that where you are doing your best
and your best might not be your expectations. Your best
might not be your best on your best day, but
you're still committed, you're still showing up for yourself and
you are enough. I didn't expect it to go so deep,

(56:43):
but it's very much been the theme of this podcast
to be this podcast episode to be a little deep,
and I'm okay with that because that's how I want
to embrace who I am through my content throughout this year.
So I'm gonna leave it there and there we're running
at an hour. I will see how much makes it

(57:03):
into the edit. But thank you for listening. If you've
made it this far, or if you listen to anything
throughout this episode, if you scrip through to the end,
I appreciate you for listening. And I want to do
more of this and I know I've said that a
lot in the past, but it's been the anxiety, the
overwhelm and trying to just create perfection that does not exist.

(57:28):
But I can always try and be my best on
the day that I want would be best. So anything
is good enough. So remember that. That's that's a direct
note to myself. So thank you for listening. Hopefully you
hear me again very soon. I'm going to try and
do this more often, where if I've got something on

(57:50):
my mind, they won't always be this deep or reflective
or introspective. But I want to try my best to
get things off my chest, get things out of my mind.
Try to make this podcast list of things to talk
about very much shorter this year. So that's something I'm
going to work on. Have a wonderful twenty twenty five

(58:13):
and you will you make end very soon. Follow me
on Instagram, by the way, at Karakade and maybe TikTok
Instagram is probably the best. Okay, I'm very blame by way,