August 15, 2025 • 60 mins
KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa on Fri, 15 Aug, 2025
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Jump off that exhausting amsterr wheel and into balance. Living
with Doctor.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Marissa from Missujo.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Doctor Marissa, also known as the Asian Oprah. Her mission
to be a beneficial presence on the planet, her purpose
to be your personal advocate, to live, lap love, learn
her life motto, don't die wondering, Take back your life
with Doctor Maurica Pey.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
And welcome your tundin to take my advice. I'm not
using it. Get balance with Doctor Marissa. The Morning Show
here on KCAA, NBC News, CNBC News and NBC Sports
Radio station AM ten fifty f M one O six
point five, Home to the Asian Oprah Number one, talking
the ie, Thank you.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Very much and sttreaming everywhere.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
iHeartRadio, Spotify, iTunes, Student, in Audible, Amazon Music.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Do you like rumble padj Spreaker, Streaker and more?
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Why so many places? Well, I want to maximize my
splatter zone for more hope and happiness. So there's no gossip,
no scandal, no kwords here, no Kardashian talk at all,
no headlines. We want to balance out the headlines with
heartlines because frankly, my dear, everything in the news these
days is negative and worrying and fearful and anxious making
(01:24):
and I don't want to live like that. So that's
why this show's been going on for six hundred and
ninety two consecutive weeks. But who's counting one thousand, four
hundred and forty nine podcast shows that comes to a
podcasts before they call the podcasts? And so grateful just
(01:47):
found out my impressious number is three point ninety eight
million now, so I am so glad the people that
said I wouldn't last a year were wrong. And not
only do I bring you great topics in great guess
I have great series as well, and you can tell
by the good looking guy in studio with me. Today
(02:10):
it's time for straight talk with myself and.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
The Kramer from Seinfeld Haired.
Speaker 5 (02:18):
Today we'll get in there.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
He's a trainer, actor, a bunch of other things, but
all all good and welcome back to the studio, James Hawthorne,
and we're going to start with breakfast.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
I haven't seen you in a bit, so this is
used as a catch up too.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
I don't allow my co hosts to talk to me
when they're off the air because I want to keep
everything fresh. Yes, every weekday morning. I am live here
on my YouTube TV channel, and let's see breakfast consists
of taking a bite of my gratitude sandwich top of
the bun, things that were grateful for outside of ourselves
(03:13):
bottom of the bun, because I like it on the bottom.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Although it's been so long, I don't even remember why.
I say that bottom of the bunt is things that
we're grateful.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
For inside of ourselves, called appreciation. So that's what we
do every weekday morning on this show.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
What are you grateful for? James Hawthorne?
Speaker 5 (03:34):
I am grateful for my friend Brandon. I consider I
love win wins. This is a bit of a win win.
He moved his mom down to live closer to him,
and she started yacking it up with the neighbor. And
turns out that neighbor has season tickets to the Dodgers,
like four rows back of the dugout close enough where
(03:57):
you know, you can hear the players talk and all that,
and she invited her and her son to go, and
unfortunately for Brandon, he has to work. But you know,
as mom's getting older, doesn't want her driving around LA
and dealing with all that. So I get to play
chauffeur and get a Dodgers experience that is would be
(04:18):
normally way outside of my budget. So I'm excited for
that to take his place there and also do a
good deed and drive his mom and her friend to
the game. So grateful to Brandon for thinking about me
for an opportunity that I'm sure I'm going to enjoy
very much.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
I thought I was all excited because I thought you
were going to say that for my birthday, which is
on Sunday, that you were going to give me that ticket.
But oh well, so much for that hope and expectation.
I am grateful that I am going to have a
(04:56):
birthday party for my birthday this year, even though.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
I was supposed to be in Africa for my birthday.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
But I figured sitting at home feeling bad about not
being in Africa was not going to be good for me.
So I organized an impromptu birthday party. So if you're
in LA and you want to go, hit me up.
I don't want to go on Facebook and invite six
thousand people. So but I know James is going to
(05:28):
stop by, my co hosts are all going to come
and celebrate my birthday with me on Sunday. So I'm
grateful for plan bees in my life, and yeah, what
else are you grateful for?
Speaker 5 (05:44):
I'm grateful to friends and family. I missed my regularly
scheduled rotation on a whirlwind tour of the East Coast.
Initially went for a friend's wedding I've known for fifteen years,
and so great to celebrate with her and make some
new friends, meet some new friends of hers that I
hadn't met that that lived out in LA and it
was in Pennsylvania, so it was cool to see everybody
(06:05):
travel out there.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
It's where she grew up.
Speaker 5 (06:07):
And in that same eight day span, I got to
see my mom and see my dad and was all
over the East Coast. It was a tour to East Coast,
so it wasn't a necessarily RESTful or relaxing vacation, but
it was nice to get out of LA, spent some
quality time with friends and family, and my dad lives
in a beautiful part of South Jersey Shore, so I
(06:30):
got some really nice beach and ocean swims in that part.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
Was relaxing. So very grateful for that.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Awesome.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
I am grateful for a really great new doctor, My humatologist,
doctor shar is so nice and thorough and kind. He
called to follow up.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
And.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
I'm obviously still moving through the reality of.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
The clot's not being dissolved.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
So it's a good thing I canceled Africa, but it
got confirmed that the rest of the tour is canceled
because of the risk because of the blood clots, and
I will have to be on plut Dinners for the
rest of my life because this was the second infraction,
and that means no more sailboat racing. And I'm, you know,
(07:29):
doing what I teach and preach, which is feel the
feelings fully and it's you know, I'm just knowing.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
That faith is a choice, that it's always this or better.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
But cutting myself some slack and when I don't feel
like I was in Whole Foods ordering my cake and
when he called, it was to standing in front of
the bakery like trying to hide my tears, and it's like,
you know what, I don't care.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
I'm not gonna apologize.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Tears are the disinfectant that keep our hearts soft, and
certainly this is something that I was not planning on.
And lots of different areas of my life that I
love so much that have been impacted and you know,
pain in life is mandatory, but suffering is optional, and
(08:23):
the only way for me not to suffer is to
feel it. And I'm grateful that I have a great
doctor who you know is sensitive and also you know
has my best interests.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
So I'm grateful for that.
Speaker 5 (08:39):
You know, as excited as I know you were to
go on that tour and do all that travel, and
you know, you just don't know what's waiting on the
other side, what opportunities are afforded to you now, because
you know you're here, and I know that's little consolation,
but the truth is, you know, we never really know.
We just don't know's you know, what's a waiting for us.
(09:02):
And with someone as creative and inspired as you are,
I'm excited to see how you make the most of
you know, this abrupt left turn you know, in life,
because we don't know what. You know, they say, when
one door closes, another opens, I can't wait to see
what door you fling open, you know.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
With.
Speaker 5 (09:25):
What is now the situation, Well, it's going to be
exciting to see that together.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Yeah, that's saying I know that when one door closes,
another one opens, but sometimes it's hell in the hallway.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
I'm in the hallway.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
So you know, as I interviewed Hollie Berry, she said,
when you're going through hell, keep going. And you know,
I have to use that tool ICBW and that'll be
my What I appreciate about myself is that I have
the tools to move through this, uh in the best
possible way, you know, using the same things that I.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Use to coach people. I C BW is it could
be worse.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
And my hematologist is located in the Todd Cancer Pavilion,
and you know, seeing people.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Who are walking around with scarves.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
In there on their head and knowing they're moving through
their journey in cancer.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
And you know, he said.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
That that is one of the things that could be
contributing to the clotting. But you know, because I don't
have any of the other symptoms, but you know, it.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Just really makes you.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Appreciate what you do have. So in that sense, I
appreciate that part of me. What do you like about yourself, James?
Speaker 4 (10:53):
I like that.
Speaker 5 (10:57):
I am always able to find hope, uh, you know,
to to keep moving forward uh in life when things
maybe don't go my way or are disappointed, you know, disappointing.
I'm able to find something else to aim for and
(11:17):
strive for. You know, maybe it's born out of necessity.
I you know, I don't want to feel helpless at
any point in time.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
I was recently on a veil for a big show.
Speaker 5 (11:32):
And you know, life is an actor until you've made it,
made it, you know, is just one disappointment after another.
But by keeping your horizon full of, you know, things
that excites you and are important to you, you know,
it helps you move through it and move forward, and
it helps you stay like steadfast.
Speaker 4 (11:53):
So I like that I'm able to.
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Stay steadfast and not get you know, fully derailed with disappointments,
find something to shoot for and hope for.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
And I think I'm pretty good at that. And I
like that.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Yes, I'm doing a story on Insta. Sorry I'm listening,
but it's for us. I appreciate that I can.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
I can do a really good pity party.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
I mean, I can do a really good feel sorry
for myself.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
And that's a skill too for those who like to
sit on it.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
But most of all, I appreciate that I absolutely don't
want to sit on the pity pot for a long
time one because you.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Know, you're you're.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Exposing yourself to constant shaittaki. But also it just doesn't
feel good. So I really appreciate this platform that I
created and continue to produce even when I don't feel
like it. And I was saying to someone the other
day that, you know, thank God for this show because
(13:12):
no matter how I feel when I wake up, and
these days it's been not a good wake up because
I like, I wake up and then I go I
can't raise sail boats anymore, and then I go into
this not good place, is that I have to get
up and do this show every morning to feel better.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
I just automatically do. So I appreciate that.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
I think that's important.
Speaker 5 (13:35):
I think it's so important to have those anchors in
your life. And you know this is for everybody. You know,
it really keeps you grounded. You know, it's a sense
of belonging, Like we all need community and we all
need anchors.
Speaker 4 (13:50):
And I feel like this show is both.
Speaker 5 (13:53):
Because you know, there's a community of listeners and it's
an anchor something that you do every day. It's one
of those life practice is almost it's just you know,
like what we're doing now with the what we're grateful
for and what we like about ourselves. It's an anchor
to help you stay steadfast when you know when the
storm is raging. And you know that's I think that's
(14:15):
a really beautiful thing.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
All right, And that's it for Breakfast with Doctor Marissa
and James Author. Join me every weekday morning to do
this good life habit hashtag bliscipline takes twenty one, twenty eight,
thirty whatever you believe as the time that it takes
to create a good habit. You can do this with
(14:38):
me or on your own. But thanks for joining us
for breakfast this morning. And yeah, it's a It's a
great way to stand with your day in the most
positive way. And now for the topic of the day,
(15:00):
the bell James, what is it?
Speaker 5 (15:03):
We are going to talk about the importance of working
on yourself and how that translates to better relationships.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
We're going to go beyond the cliches.
Speaker 5 (15:16):
Now, cliches aren't necessarily bad thing, because the reason they
become cliches and everyone says them is usually because they're true.
But we're gonna dig a little deeper than simply to say,
if you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone
else to? And you know you've got to work on
yourself before you can work on your relationships. We're gonna
dig a little deeper and look at the nuance of
that and how it interplays with relationships, both for the
(15:41):
good potentially the bad, and where that balance line is.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Great topic. By the way, that's a really cute dog
on your shirt. I just noticed that's.
Speaker 4 (15:50):
So yeah, he's a frenchie.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
You know you don't have a frindch schie though, right,
no idea. Yeah, I'm the one with the friend grand
dog's son. Right, So cute, so cute? All right, So
keeping it real for that topic, I have a reason
(16:13):
why that hit me.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
But do you want to go first? I usually ask
you why you pick the topic.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
Please go ahead and share. Let's okay.
Speaker 5 (16:21):
I like the way that you summarized it on the
post for Instagram, and I can tell that it made
you think about things a little bit differently than the
way the topic hit me when I came up with it.
So I'm very curious to hear how it hit you
and what's on your mind with it.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
All right, Well, James texted, let's see how did I
write it? I have a great memory, but my recall sucks,
So okay, does being the best you can be help
or hurt your relationships?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Are you so self sufficient that you hadn't that you.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
That cheese that you no longer fit with anyone?
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Man? My my grammar.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Last night, I was in the middle of a mode
on a tournament, so that's my excuse. I went to
the bar to write this last night. Uh, and I
don't drink, so let's go go figure.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
But yeah, so when you sent me the uh, you know.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Work on yourself, be the best that you can be,
is how I took that.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
I'm I have been.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Living the impact of being the best that I can
be and working on myself and making sure that my
emotional baggage is carry on size and not oversized baggage,
and the the the benefits are that of that is,
I think I'm lovable as a mate. However, I'm almost
(18:01):
too self sufficient. I'm almost I know how to soothe myself,
I know how to make myself happy, I know what
I like, and then when it comes to dating, I'm like, well,
you know, they have more emotional baggage than I do,
(18:22):
or they haven't worked on themselves, or they've worked on themselves.
But almost like overwork themselves. And I have to give
you this example that happened. I went on a date.
So I'm on date number thirty three first dates from Swiper,
no swiping, and we went to a place to eat.
(18:48):
I'm not going to give it away where otherwise. But
I've been on like five dates last week. So now
that I'm sticking well, I'm sticking around, you know, so
I'm not going anywhere, and I want an alpha, and
I know I have to That means I have to
(19:08):
not talk so much and let the guy talk. And
he talked, and the couple that was sitting beside us.
When they left, the woman came over to our table
and looked at my date and said, you talked too much.
Speaker 4 (19:29):
To the date.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
I'm sorry, but I said, well it's a first date.
And she looked at me and said, well, he should
be asking you questions.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
And then he said, oh, thanks for the finger. Somebody
just gave us the finger this one and then and
then and then.
Speaker 3 (19:58):
Like he was like speechless, and I was trying not
to laugh. And so she left and he goes, do
I talk too much?
Speaker 2 (20:10):
And I was like, oh what? Because I was being
so good, James.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
I was like, and I said, well, and he's like.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Well, then'n fine, I'm not going to talk anymore.
Speaker 5 (20:25):
Well, for one thing, he shouldn't be flustered by someone
else's opinion.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
You know.
Speaker 5 (20:30):
That's you know, because they're sitting there eavesdropping and you know,
giving an unsolicited opinion.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
So you know there's that.
Speaker 5 (20:37):
And then also you know you're you're trying something different,
you're taking a different tack, and so in this, in
this very specific context, you know you're trying something new,
you know yourself. And then he went and kind of
internalized that, which was very interesting. Sometimes I like to
go and do what you did and let the other
(20:58):
person just talk.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
I am a curious person. I want to ask a
lot of questions.
Speaker 5 (21:02):
And you know, if the other person talks ninety percent
of the time, I'm okay. But what I'm not okay
with is if they don't ask me a single question
about you know myself. That seems like it's coming from
a genuinely curious place, not you know, placatory questions of
well what do you do? How'd you get to la?
But you know, something that is organic from the conversation
(21:26):
we're having. And if they don't ask me anything about myself.
I consider that a red flag. But I'm okay with
the other person talking ninety percent of the time I
was plot.
Speaker 4 (21:34):
My whole life.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
It was ninety eight.
Speaker 4 (21:38):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
And even after that it was ninety six. So and
she did say, I know, you didn't ask for my
opinion before she launched. So it was funny, like and
she goes and we've been married thirty whatever years, and
her husband's standing there like super sleep sheepish, like, sorry.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Can you believe it?
Speaker 5 (22:10):
See now I want to know what percentage you know,
she does of the talking and her relationship.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Oh, I'm sure it's ninety nine. But that's not the
point of this. This was it was so it was.
It was delightful as a as a you know, as
a new thing anyway. So getting back to the end,
that is why I'm saying that I'm I feel like
I've worked on myself enough and so much that it
(22:40):
is more difficult to mesh or match with the average guy,
should I say, or.
Speaker 4 (22:53):
I mean, you know, but but you don't want average.
Speaker 5 (22:55):
And we've talked before about how, you know, we both
have very high standards. I'm a very accepting and forgiving person.
But if I'm going to enter into relationship, I have
a very high standard for that. And we've talked about
I mean, that's okay, and that's fine. You know, relationship
really has to improve the quality of your life, and
(23:16):
your life, regardless of whether or not you're on a
world tour or not.
Speaker 4 (23:19):
Is always so full.
Speaker 5 (23:21):
You know that that person really has to elevate that
whole experience, and I think you and I have that
in common.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
So you know, that becomes more of a standards.
Speaker 5 (23:32):
Discussion as opposed to, you know, the amount to which
you've worked on yourself, and also a compatibility thing, because
you know, your list of non negotiables might be a
little bit longer because you've done the work, and I
see you as somebody that's not going to tolerate somebody
who is is lazy when it comes to doing the work,
(23:55):
you know.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
But that that's my point exactly. It was already pretty
long of a list, and now this kind of kind
of puts the cherry on top or the nail on
the nail on the coffin, right, the benefits and the consequences.
So I almost called it balance as the title, because
that's what it is for me.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
You know I have to Like, Okay, another good.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Example, I have traveled to every single country that I
want to right and the only there's only one country
I have not been to that I want to go
to to watch.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
The Aurora borealis.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
And it's like I purposely have not done that because
I have to save something. So it's similar to that,
like I've done so much that there's nothing left to share.
Speaker 5 (24:53):
Yeah, I mean, I will say that I think that
we're works in progress. Uh, and most of us are
pieces of work until the day that we die. And
so you know, there's always something that you know, we
can improve upon it and get better at. And sometimes
we learn what those things are in reflection of other people.
(25:15):
As we're pursuing romantic interest. We learn about ourselves through
how others perceive us. Now, we obviously don't want to
make our life choices based on how other people perceive us,
but it can be informative, an informative tool as to
you know, the kinds of things that maybe we can
work on to continue to improve and grow. So I'll
(25:36):
say that as a counterpoint, but then to affirm what
you're saying, I think that you know, perfectionism can be
you know, the death of both your own growth and
improvement and also can prevent you can put up an
artificial wall from being happy in relationships. So one thing
we wanted to talk about when I saw your response
(25:58):
to the topic was this idea of balance.
Speaker 4 (26:02):
And I used to feel like.
Speaker 5 (26:04):
I had to get all my ducks in a row
before I could really date date, and that's simply not true.
Most people don't have it all together. They have things
in their life that they feel like they're working on
or need help with. And it's you don't have to be,
you know, a perfectly wrapped package to you know, enjoy
(26:27):
dating and find your partner and find your mate. In fact,
I think a really important part of building trust and
love and a relationship is helping each other grow and improve.
So there's a point at which you have to say,
you know what, I have enough of my stuff together
where I'm ready to go and date. But then on
the flip side, I was throwing myself a bit of
(26:49):
a pity party the other day, and you know, I
feel like, man, I got to get all these things
together before.
Speaker 4 (26:54):
I can really be a good partner in relationship.
Speaker 5 (26:57):
And that's the opposite of the things we like about
ourselves part of breakfast that we do on this show.
That was me, you know, kind of beating myself up
over those things, and I had to remind myself, James,
those things are important to you. Make sure that you
carve out the time to work on those things that
you know you think you might be a little behind
the eight ball on, but it doesn't mean that you
(27:19):
don't have all this other stuff to offer right now.
And to flip that and put it on the other person,
I've always found it.
Speaker 4 (27:31):
Offensive is too strong of a word, but I found
it maybe a turn off when the other person is
so obsessed with self improvement themselves, their projects, what they're
working on.
Speaker 5 (27:42):
And these are often the people that talk ninety nine
percent of a date, right I look at them and
I'm like, well, where do I fit into this? Like
do you just want someone that you can sit to
and brag about.
Speaker 4 (27:55):
Yourself too across the table?
Speaker 5 (27:57):
Or are you somebody that you know wants to find
a partner to do life with together? Like where do
I even fit in this equation? And I find that
to be a bit of not even a turn off,
not offensive, But I look at that and I'm like, so,
what do you.
Speaker 4 (28:11):
Need me for? Like this doesn't seem like it's a
good fit because you're so.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Why are you even dating? Like why are you even know?
Speaker 4 (28:19):
Yeah, it's like yeah, so self focused and so self obsessed.
And I look at that person and it almost creates
it does It creates this concern in my mind that,
you know, will I ever be put first in relationship
with you? So, yes, you have to put your own
oxygen mask on first, but at some point you got
to give the oxygen of the person next to you.
(28:40):
And I'm like, will I ever have a place in
you know, in your life, you know? Or will I
always be second fiddle to whatever project or thing or
ambition you're chasing? And to me, that's that's a no
go sign.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
I just had this visual James of you, you know,
like the guy's like breathing and you're.
Speaker 5 (29:03):
Like yeah exactly, Like I like, you know, give me
some air, Like what when.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Do we get to do?
Speaker 5 (29:09):
You know?
Speaker 4 (29:11):
I want to do together with you? This weekend?
Speaker 5 (29:13):
You know?
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (29:15):
I watched Airplane, that classic comedy from a long time ago,
and that part when the little girl that was going
to get a heart transplant was and he knocked she
the guitar player knocked.
Speaker 5 (29:28):
Off her all of her tubes, the oxygen and everything
she had going y had Like.
Speaker 3 (29:36):
I was watching it with my ninety five year old
bonus dad.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
It was so great. It's always great to hear him laugh.
You know.
Speaker 4 (29:43):
Oh it's a classic.
Speaker 5 (29:44):
I mean, forty five years later, that movie is still
just definitely timeless kind of comedy.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
Yeah, if you want to laugh this weekend, and you
know this, this whole the only down well, the downside
of the series is one you.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Get a to you know, watching continuously.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
But the other thing is you miss out on some
classic stuff. So the Happy eighty eight challenge this weekend
is to pull up Airplane and just watch it because
it'll make you laugh.
Speaker 4 (30:15):
It wasn't quite as good, but it was still very
good and funny.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
There was it.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
Okay, yeah, because that's next for us to uh to
to in bib in. But let me go back something
you said because of the balance. So if I look
at Jerry Maguire, which I've always criticized because I don't
want or need anyone to complete me, and that the
(30:49):
school of Cinderella and snow White, you know, you meet
the guy you live happily ever after. That's bullshit hockey.
There is no happily ever after. And I don't want
or need a man.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
To complete me.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
However, if I take that too much to an extreme,
that's when it's like I become that person you're talking about,
where you know, it's what I want, when I want,
how I want, and if you don't.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Like that, bye bye.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
And that is the extreme that I am bumping up
against where I you know, I literally have asked myself
this last week with all the things that are going on,
like what do I want?
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Again? You know, what do I want?
Speaker 3 (31:32):
And people have pointed out you know this is happening
because you really do need.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
To slow down and this, and it's like, no, I don't.
I don't want. I've never wanted to slow down. And
I am resenting.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Your your well meaning comment that I do too much
or I'm too much on the go and I need
to slow down. And it's like, no, why would I
you know, that's not what I want. I like it.
I love my life that and now I have to
(32:07):
go okay. Well, one possibility is that life did not
afford time to integrate other people into my life and
and it's like, I hope, I I know I'm not
being punished, but if I say, I can't wait to
see what good comes out of this. Possibly, you know,
(32:31):
possibly this will make me a little more uh.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
Allowing of people who who want to spend time with me,
but I never had time for it. I don't know,
so anyways, that was just my comment.
Speaker 3 (32:51):
We have to take a quick break for news, weather
and traffic or from our sponsor. Don't go away, We'll
be right back. We're having a lot of fun here
on straight Talk with myself and.
Speaker 4 (33:02):
James Hawthorne talking about.
Speaker 6 (33:04):
You, me, myself and I and maybe you.
Speaker 7 (33:35):
What if performing to the world was exploring the.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
What is the question what do you want to be
when you grow up?
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Turns into how many streets a flight you to explore?
Speaker 7 (33:55):
What if the purpose of life is not to die
with the most choice to leave our squad relatives. What
if the purpose of life was to do things that
we enjoy most of the time, have relationships that we
enjoy most of the time, and use our unique talents, gifts,
and abilities to fully.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
Express in the dash between earth and death. What if,
as a direct result of this horrible pandemic. We could
rise out of.
Speaker 7 (34:27):
The ashes with you PPP host pandemic possibilities.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
The sooner you turn it's impossible to, I am possible.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
The what ifs come possible to because you.
Speaker 7 (34:47):
Are loving, lovable and love wrapped in a warm blanket
of worthiness.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
But it may start with getting out of bed and
making it what it starts.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Take back your life with Doctor Maurica Pey.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
And welcome back. You're tune to take my advice, I'm
not using it. Get balanced with Doctor Marissa The Morning
Show here on KCAA NBC news radio home to the
Asia Oprah number one Talk in the Ie, Thank you
very much, and streaming everywhere iHeartRadio, Spotify and of course
my YouTube TV channel which houses all one thousand, four
(35:53):
hundred and forty nine podcast shows over the past six
hundred and ninety two consecutive weeks.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
And you'll also get that.
Speaker 3 (36:03):
Short film that was my love project or my hashtag
COVID silver Lining project. I had time on my hands
with all the motivational speaking gigs that got canceled, and
so it actually won a Laurel and it is quite motivating.
As I played it, I thought, you know what I
don't have to pay people to coach me because I'm
(36:24):
just coaching myself.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
With my own stuff. So there is another gratitude there.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
And welcome back to straight talk with myself.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
And James Hawthorne. Hello everybody today.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
And we're talking about.
Speaker 5 (36:39):
We're talking about working on yourself and what that means
in relationship to relationships.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
How much is too much? How much is not enough?
Speaker 5 (36:49):
And that's the part that maybe we haven't touched on
yet that I'd like to bring up. That's all right
with you please, So you know, sometimes I've been guilty
of this. We can use dating as a distraction from
the skeletons in our closet or you know, all the
(37:10):
old clothes that I've got to clear out of my
closet and give the goodwill, you know, things that we
need to do to improve our life.
Speaker 4 (37:17):
And sometimes you know.
Speaker 5 (37:19):
It's it's a season to clean up your own house.
And then when you go out back out into the
dating world, there's just something about your energy, your vibe
that I think is stronger and more positive. So I
really think you have to take an inventory of your
heart and see how you feel about your station in
(37:40):
life right now. And if you keep having those nagging
thoughts of man, I've really gotta get this together, work
on this, and work on that. Don't rush to the
distraction of a date or finding somebody to as you
said with Jerry Maguire, complete you. You have to kind
of get that together, and then I think you're going
to have more success. You know, when you go out
(38:03):
and date, you're going to present a version of yourself
that is more desirable and that just naturally puts other
people at ease and makes them want to be around you,
because when you carry that burden or stress of things
that just haven't been taken care of or done, I
think it makes you a less enjoyable version of yourself
(38:30):
to be around. And obviously we want people to enjoy
our company and to want to be, you know, with it.
And I've certainly been on dates where you know, people
seem to really not have their stuff together, you know,
nearly enough, and you know, you look at that and
you go, man, I don't want to take on all
(38:50):
of that baggage as well. I mean I've experienced it
with friends and roommates in the past as well, and
you know, even sometimes with fan you have to love
some family members from a.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Far yeah yeah, distance.
Speaker 4 (39:07):
Yeah, until they're willing to help themselves. Yeah yeah, and.
Speaker 3 (39:12):
Yeah, absolutely, And I think it's that balance, and it's
not fifty to fifty. I believe my formula is eighty percent.
If we're good with ourselves eighty percent of the time,
therefore we're not. We don't have the disease or disease
of perfectionism because no one is perfect, especially me. And
(39:35):
for me, I couldn't accept anyone in their humanness when
I couldn't accept myself in my humanness. And that was
a big switch for me, and I have to admit
it didn't.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
Come, you know, until I would say, like ten years ago.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
I haven't been you know, thirty decades or three decades.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
Of a recovering perfectionist. This is a newer thing.
Speaker 3 (40:03):
I still thought I could be perfect, but understanding that
perfection came out of wanting to be loved. And I
was taught early that if I was perfect, then I
would be loved. And as a result, I judged people,
you know, I wanted them to be perfect, therefore they
It was a double edged sword because I wanted them
(40:26):
to be perfect, but then I felt inferior to them. Right,
and then when I feel perfect, they feel inferior to me.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
So what is that formula for me?
Speaker 3 (40:36):
It's eighty percent of the time I know I'm fabulous,
twelve twenty percent of the time I'm human, you know,
And same with other people they are eight. How can
I focus on the eighty percent that they are and
not focus on the twenty percent that they're not, and
or use our mutual twenty percents to grow together, as
(40:58):
you said, because because there's got to be some value
in sharing the hard times individually collectively that binds you together.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
But we're older.
Speaker 3 (41:13):
I mean that used to me the formula for young people,
whether you meet in high school or college, you don't
have the expectation of having it all together before you
meet that person. Like the outlier was the guy who
said I want to get all my ducks in a
row financially before I proposed that was the old you know,
(41:36):
a BS belief system, and they were seen as commitment phobic.
And you have people like my bonus parents who were
together seventy four years, who went through a lot together
and that bound them together.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
At one point they almost got a divorce.
Speaker 3 (41:52):
I'll ask my dad, why you know what's the secret
to a seventy four year marriage, And he said both
of us didn't want a divorce at the same.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Time, right, so so, but that's like.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
An old paradigm for us, cutting edge, leading edge right now,
bleeding edge, as Abraham will say.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
You know, we are.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
Ageless, but we are also we've already experienced, We've already
been chiseled in so many ways. We don't have the
desire to chissel more with somebody else.
Speaker 5 (42:29):
I mean, I I don't feel necessarily that in that last.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
Way I did.
Speaker 4 (42:35):
Yeah, and that's fair. I mean, uh, you know, I
I want to.
Speaker 5 (42:41):
Invite somebody into my life to see what sort of
influence you know, they they have on me for for
the positive, because you know, you, as Yogi Bearra once said,
you can you can see a lot by watching.
Speaker 4 (42:58):
And uh, you know, when you.
Speaker 5 (43:00):
Really watch somebody and what makes some tick and how,
you know, it can be inspirational, it can be motivational,
and you can also learn things about yourself about how
you don't want to be, you know, from people, and
that can be just as valuable as long as you
are forgiving to You know that that twenty percent right
that maybe.
Speaker 4 (43:17):
They're working on.
Speaker 5 (43:19):
But you know, we always like to offer, you know,
actionable suggestions or advice from non experts, blind leading the blind.
Speaker 4 (43:27):
You're more of an expert.
Speaker 5 (43:27):
Than me is, you know, you know, PhD, organizational psychologists
and all of that. But I think it's important when
I look at my life, It's important for me to
identify the stressors, the things in my personal sphere locus
of control that are stressing me out, and I want
(43:47):
to address those to the point where they're not nagging
me so much, where they're not such a stressor before
I really focus on dating. So if I'm having stress
around the idea, idea of career, passion, purpose, all those
three things hopefully you know, mingle together. I want to
(44:08):
feel like I'm on a a such somewhat clear path,
you know, and making progress, you know, before I focus
on on dating. Or if there's a part of my
life that I feel like has been lacking, if I
haven't been you know, and I have a pretty high
standard for this as a personal trainer, but if I
haven't been achieving or working out at a level that
(44:33):
makes me feel really whole and like me, because that's
a part of my identity for better or for worse.
That's something that makes me who I am. And if
I feel I'm not achieving or putting time in enough
in that realm, I want to do that before I
really focus on dating. Doesn't have to be perfect. I
(44:54):
don't have to go and be ready to run a
marathon or you know, do a triathlon. But I want
to feel like I've established some consistency and a path
you know, that that satisfies me, you know, in that realm,
and so in that regard.
Speaker 4 (45:10):
And then now this isn't sex advice.
Speaker 5 (45:12):
Sometimes you have to satisfy yourself before you're able to
satisfy somebody else in dating, And what I mean by
that is you have to identify the stressors, figure out
why you're stressed out about it, and set forth a
course a path that you can go on that makes
you feel grounded.
Speaker 3 (45:36):
There's so many ways I can go around that as
far as getting relief. But but the point you're making
is valid. If there I mean, that's why if you
noticed in the last part of the trailer for PPP,
the short film, it says, sometimes it just means start
(46:00):
to get out of bed and make it, like make
the bed right if you're feeling like a slob and
your place is a mess, right, dirty dishes in the
sink and you know laundry, you have no clean clothes,
you keep going to buy new underwear, or your bed
(46:23):
isn't made and everything is gross and disgusting, don't.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
Go out you know, like that is you haven't taken
a well shower.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
But that's what can you control to make yourself feel
better without reaching for something outside of yourself to do that.
I think that's a valid, you know, actionable item.
Speaker 2 (46:46):
People say to me all.
Speaker 3 (46:47):
The time, why are you so dressed up? And I
go because it makes me feel good. I'm not doing
it for you, babe, Sorry, it's for me. And if
you can get that level of self care, you know
you'll attract people who care about themselves. That's a lot
of attraction network. If you are attracting people who you
(47:11):
don't like, you got to look at the fact that
you're the You're the attractor, right, So where are you
If you're attracting insecure people? Chances are your insecurity is
what you're wearing when you go out there.
Speaker 4 (47:27):
Yeah, and that and that goes back to the cliche.
Speaker 5 (47:29):
And like I said, cliches are good because they're often true.
Speaker 4 (47:33):
That's why they become cliches.
Speaker 5 (47:34):
That comes back to not just taking care of yourself,
but that is self love. To take care of yourself
is I think the most fundamental and profound.
Speaker 4 (47:45):
Way to love yourself.
Speaker 5 (47:47):
You know, having your house in order, having your health
and wellness and order. You don't have to be rich,
but having a path for your career that's full of
passion and purpose. You know, those are some of the
things that I think are so important. And if you're
going through trauma and drama in your life, you know,
like let's say that you're you're dealing with all this
(48:10):
crapola with your family, you know, for example, you might
need to focus on that for a while. Or if
you're dealing with you're trying to find your way through
a health thing and that has completely derailed your life,
like you know, like like you right now, that has
to come first until you see like a path through
the darkness, a path through the dense forest.
Speaker 4 (48:32):
And when you feel at ease with.
Speaker 5 (48:35):
That, you know, you bring that into your dating and
relationship life.
Speaker 4 (48:42):
You know, it's so funny.
Speaker 5 (48:43):
I don't necessarily consider this duplicity. I consider it a
burden and responsibility of my job. But there have been
times when I have felt completely like the other parts
of my life are just in shambles. But when I
go train my clients, I don't bring that because they're
paying me to help them, you know, with with their problem.
(49:05):
So it's not that I'm hiding how I'm feeling. It's
that I am choosing to put all of my attention,
energy and focus on them, and that's something that I
can do from the knowledge base and skill set I have.
I can be of service to them, and in a
way that's not a distraction. That's empowering because I'm taking
(49:26):
something in my life that I have full command of
control over and using it to serve and help others.
And at times my clients have been my net leap
and a net will appear, the Buddhist you know says,
And by fully putting my focus on service and helping others,
it becomes motivating and inspiring to get my stuff, you know,
(49:49):
in order, and then it was that much better.
Speaker 3 (49:52):
Yeah, well, that's what I was saying earlier.
Speaker 2 (49:54):
That's what the show does for me.
Speaker 3 (49:56):
No matter how I'm feeling when I wake up or
you know, getting in the wrong side of the bed
or feeling sorry for myself for the blood clots. I
know that by the time I get to the show,
and I joke about this all the time, the show's
for me, folks. The fact that you enjoy it or
get something out of it, that's just a bonus.
Speaker 2 (50:14):
This this is my baby for.
Speaker 3 (50:16):
Me, and and it's a It does make me feel
better no matter how I'm feeling beforehand.
Speaker 2 (50:23):
So, and as James.
Speaker 3 (50:25):
Was saying, your life you can have like six, seven,
eight things going on, and seven of them can be
like up Chataki Creek and not going well.
Speaker 2 (50:37):
But you everyone has.
Speaker 3 (50:40):
One thing out of your eight that is going well,
and it's your It's the power you have to focus
on that one thing so fully and completely.
Speaker 2 (50:52):
I can't remember which teacher it was that told me.
Speaker 3 (50:55):
It's like, if your thumb's doing really well and you
focus on that thumb, the other fingers will begin to
get jealous about how well the thumb is going, and
they're gonna start lining up and becoming as you know,
excited and and and.
Speaker 2 (51:11):
In a good place.
Speaker 3 (51:12):
As the thumb is, your job is not to keep
looking at the fingers that are not working right and
focus on the one thing that is working, and then
soon that energy that's a law of attraction, cannot help
but align the other areas of your life. So you know, yeah,
I go out and date, but I'm not sitting here
(51:34):
going you know, it's like I just I'll date. I'll
date until you know, I die, probably, But my job
is not to like throw that out like a baby.
Oh it's not working, it's not been working. I'm never
gonna date again. And I'm going to be like the
old lady with the silver hair and the turquoise and
the cats. I'm you know, that's my job is not
(51:56):
to go there but focus on the things that are
going well. This show's going well. I have friends and
family that I have great relationships with. I can still
you know, swim in the pool, I can still have
a party, I can still go eat my favorite food.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
So you know, that's what I'm focused on.
Speaker 5 (52:13):
I think the actionable you know, advice or suggestion there
is everybody needs an anchor. Find the thing that is
within your control that grounds you and centers you. And
if you're not sure what that is, you can even
go to meditation where just the act of breathing three
seconds in, three seconds out. What however, you choose breath
(52:35):
that that centers you, that's your anchor. And then by
simply observing your thoughts rather than letting them run the
ship and engage you, you know, you can center yourself
and then a lot of times the answers come and
you find clarity and that thing that helps center you
and ground you. And having that thing that can't be
messed with, that's that's untouchable.
Speaker 4 (52:57):
You know.
Speaker 5 (52:57):
It is so important whether the anchor is a responsibility
to others such as you know, the show, such as
my clients that I have to show up for and
want to show up for. That is enough to get
you going, and then that can inspire you to establish.
Speaker 4 (53:14):
Some other anchors.
Speaker 5 (53:15):
Like you know, if your health and wellness is a focus,
it can become just a part of what you do
to take care of yourself. If you make your bed
every day, get ten minutes of exercise every day.
Speaker 4 (53:28):
I mean, I have.
Speaker 5 (53:29):
Clients that work out two hours a week, and I
have others that work out ten and they find that
balance that makes them feel their best. But the most
important thing is to take that first step and get
started and not look without from you know, don't look
outside of yourself to find it, you know, look at
take care of yourself to then love yourself and have
(53:53):
those pillars at least semi full career with passion and purpose,
health and wellness to make sure that you're putting that
you know first, and then having I think you know,
and then having a community that you belong to. And
community is different than relationship, having people that you can
(54:14):
lean on, whether it's friends, family, investing in community. So
if you have those three pillars of community, health and
wellness and passion, purpose driven career, then I think if
if you at least have clarity around this thing, you
don't have to have it all figured out and be
prosperous and successful at all three. But as long as
they're part of your daily rhythm, I think that you're
(54:37):
you're in a position to reap the greatest rewards and
benefits from dating and relationships.
Speaker 2 (54:43):
So absolutely, that's a good final word.
Speaker 8 (54:47):
That's a good long final word from James Hawthorne, who
is very vested in your best you. He also offers
great personal training you can get. I'm at action Man fitness.
Success is having what you want and wanting what you have.
Speaker 3 (55:06):
So if you're telling me, doctor Marisla, I don't every part,
I don't have a thumb that's working, well, that's Bullshitaki.
You're probably one of the three percent in our population
in the world who has food in their fridge, car
in the garage, gas in the tank, money in your wallet.
Speaker 2 (55:26):
You know, a roof over your head. That's a lot.
Speaker 3 (55:29):
And if you don't have that, you still have a
body that digests your food. Whether you don't want it
to or not. You are a source of well being.
Whether you recognize it or not. We want you to
recognize it. That's my final word. Thanks for joining us today.
It's all about balance. Peace in peace, out world, peace
(55:52):
through inner piece. James, take us out.
Speaker 4 (55:54):
Now, have the best weekend ever.
Speaker 2 (55:58):
I'll see you on Monday.
Speaker 3 (56:03):
Happy best day to me. Hither to me?
Speaker 2 (56:18):
I almost forgot to do that.
Speaker 9 (56:32):
This is casey aa Hi, This.
Speaker 10 (56:36):
Is Pastor Adrian McClellan with Jesus is the way ministries.
Are you now ready to understand the Word of God
and truth instead of by uninformed and misinformed people. Tune
in on Sundays at one pm for the truth. You
will be very grateful that you did see you there.
Speaker 11 (56:58):
NBC News on CAA Lomolada sponsored by Teamsters Local nineteen
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thirty two, dot.
Speaker 12 (57:08):
Org S News Radio. I'm Brian Shook. President Trump is
not giving any hints on possible deals he may have
in mind when he meets with Russian President Vladimir Putin
in Alaska tomorrow. Reports have been rampant regarding Russia Ukraine
(57:31):
landswaps and the possibility of the US offering Russia a
rare earth mineral deal if it leads to peace. Tropical
Storm Erin is likely to become a hurricane by tomorrow.
The storm is located about eight hundred and ninety miles
east of the Northern Leeward Islands in the Atlantic Ocean.
Governor Gavin Newsom says, unlike Texas, California is working through
(57:55):
a temporary, transparent process of redistricting.
Speaker 7 (57:59):
We're putting the mats on the ballot and we're giving
the power to the people. This will be the first
redistricting that's ever done.
Speaker 9 (58:06):
That's the difference.
Speaker 12 (58:09):
Unless Texas Republicans drop their redistricting efforts, California will hold
a special election on November fourth to put new maps
before voters to increase Democratic representation in Congress. Offsetting Texas actions,
the FDA is considering a move to revoke the authorization
of Pfizer's COVID vaccine for children under five. Tammy Trihello
(58:32):
has the details.
Speaker 13 (58:33):
Weiser confirmed Wednesday and noted in a statement that the
deliberations are not related to the safety and efficacy of
the vaccine. It follows a Health in Human Services announcement
saying the CDC would no longer recommend the vaccines for
healthy children or pregnant women. If the FDA pulls its
emergency use authorization, it will add another barrier for parents
who want to vaccinate healthy children, since Maderna and Novovak
(58:55):
shots are now approved for more limited populations. I'm Tammy Trheo.
Speaker 12 (59:00):
Air Canada is grounding flights ahead of a potential flight
attendant strike this weekend. You're listening to the latest from
NBC News Radio.
Speaker 11 (59:11):
There's never been a better time for men to be
whoever they want to be. Yet it's never been less
clear who men really are. Guys Guy Radio starring author
Robert Manny, is on caseyaa every Wednesday at eight pm.
Whether it's relationships, sex, wellness, or spirituality, Join Robert as
(59:32):
he interviews the experts about how men and women can
be at their best. Guys Guy Radio, Better Men, Better WORLDPS.
Speaker 9 (59:42):
Hey you yeah, you do? You know where you are? Well,
you've done it. Now. You're listening to casey AA Lom Linda,
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Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
You're listening to the Tahibo Tea Club radio show hosted
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Jump off that exhausting amsterr wheel and into balance. Living
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Doctor Marissa, also known as the Asian Oprah. Her mission
to be a beneficial presence on the planet, her purpose
to be your personal advocate, to live, lap love, learn
her life motto, don't die wondering, Take back your life
with Doctor Maurica Pey.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
And welcome your tundin to take my advice. I'm not
using it. Get balance with Doctor Marissa. The Morning Show
here on KCAA, NBC News, CNBC News and NBC Sports
Radio station AM ten fifty f M one O six
point five, Home to the Asian Oprah Number one, talking
the ie, Thank you.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Very much and sttreaming everywhere.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
iHeartRadio, Spotify, iTunes, Student, in Audible, Amazon Music.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Do you like rumble padj Spreaker, Streaker and more?
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Why so many places? Well, I want to maximize my
splatter zone for more hope and happiness. So there's no gossip,
no scandal, no kwords here, no Kardashian talk at all,
no headlines. We want to balance out the headlines with
heartlines because frankly, my dear, everything in the news these
days is negative and worrying and fearful and anxious making
(01:24):
and I don't want to live like that. So that's
why this show's been going on for six hundred and
ninety two consecutive weeks. But who's counting one thousand, four
hundred and forty nine podcast shows that comes to a
podcasts before they call the podcasts? And so grateful just
(01:47):
found out my impressious number is three point ninety eight
million now, so I am so glad the people that
said I wouldn't last a year were wrong. And not
only do I bring you great topics in great guess
I have great series as well, and you can tell
by the good looking guy in studio with me. Today
(02:10):
it's time for straight talk with myself and.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
The Kramer from Seinfeld Haired.
Speaker 5 (02:18):
Today we'll get in there.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
He's a trainer, actor, a bunch of other things, but
all all good and welcome back to the studio, James Hawthorne,
and we're going to start with breakfast.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
I haven't seen you in a bit, so this is
used as a catch up too.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
I don't allow my co hosts to talk to me
when they're off the air because I want to keep
everything fresh. Yes, every weekday morning. I am live here
on my YouTube TV channel, and let's see breakfast consists
of taking a bite of my gratitude sandwich top of
the bun, things that were grateful for outside of ourselves
(03:13):
bottom of the bun, because I like it on the bottom.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Although it's been so long, I don't even remember why.
I say that bottom of the bunt is things that
we're grateful.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
For inside of ourselves, called appreciation. So that's what we
do every weekday morning on this show.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
What are you grateful for? James Hawthorne?
Speaker 5 (03:34):
I am grateful for my friend Brandon. I consider I
love win wins. This is a bit of a win win.
He moved his mom down to live closer to him,
and she started yacking it up with the neighbor. And
turns out that neighbor has season tickets to the Dodgers,
like four rows back of the dugout close enough where
(03:57):
you know, you can hear the players talk and all that,
and she invited her and her son to go, and
unfortunately for Brandon, he has to work. But you know,
as mom's getting older, doesn't want her driving around LA
and dealing with all that. So I get to play
chauffeur and get a Dodgers experience that is would be
(04:18):
normally way outside of my budget. So I'm excited for
that to take his place there and also do a
good deed and drive his mom and her friend to
the game. So grateful to Brandon for thinking about me
for an opportunity that I'm sure I'm going to enjoy
very much.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
I thought I was all excited because I thought you
were going to say that for my birthday, which is
on Sunday, that you were going to give me that ticket.
But oh well, so much for that hope and expectation.
I am grateful that I am going to have a
(04:56):
birthday party for my birthday this year, even though.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
I was supposed to be in Africa for my birthday.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
But I figured sitting at home feeling bad about not
being in Africa was not going to be good for me.
So I organized an impromptu birthday party. So if you're
in LA and you want to go, hit me up.
I don't want to go on Facebook and invite six
thousand people. So but I know James is going to
(05:28):
stop by, my co hosts are all going to come
and celebrate my birthday with me on Sunday. So I'm
grateful for plan bees in my life, and yeah, what
else are you grateful for?
Speaker 5 (05:44):
I'm grateful to friends and family. I missed my regularly
scheduled rotation on a whirlwind tour of the East Coast.
Initially went for a friend's wedding I've known for fifteen years,
and so great to celebrate with her and make some
new friends, meet some new friends of hers that I
hadn't met that that lived out in LA and it
was in Pennsylvania, so it was cool to see everybody
(06:05):
travel out there.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
It's where she grew up.
Speaker 5 (06:07):
And in that same eight day span, I got to
see my mom and see my dad and was all
over the East Coast. It was a tour to East Coast,
so it wasn't a necessarily RESTful or relaxing vacation, but
it was nice to get out of LA, spent some
quality time with friends and family, and my dad lives
in a beautiful part of South Jersey Shore, so I
(06:30):
got some really nice beach and ocean swims in that part.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
Was relaxing. So very grateful for that.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Awesome.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
I am grateful for a really great new doctor, My humatologist,
doctor shar is so nice and thorough and kind. He
called to follow up.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
And.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
I'm obviously still moving through the reality of.
Speaker 2 (07:03):
The clot's not being dissolved.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
So it's a good thing I canceled Africa, but it
got confirmed that the rest of the tour is canceled
because of the risk because of the blood clots, and
I will have to be on plut Dinners for the
rest of my life because this was the second infraction,
and that means no more sailboat racing. And I'm, you know,
(07:29):
doing what I teach and preach, which is feel the
feelings fully and it's you know, I'm just knowing.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
That faith is a choice, that it's always this or better.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
But cutting myself some slack and when I don't feel
like I was in Whole Foods ordering my cake and
when he called, it was to standing in front of
the bakery like trying to hide my tears, and it's like,
you know what, I don't care.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
I'm not gonna apologize.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Tears are the disinfectant that keep our hearts soft, and
certainly this is something that I was not planning on.
And lots of different areas of my life that I
love so much that have been impacted and you know,
pain in life is mandatory, but suffering is optional, and
(08:23):
the only way for me not to suffer is to
feel it. And I'm grateful that I have a great
doctor who you know is sensitive and also you know
has my best interests.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
So I'm grateful for that.
Speaker 5 (08:39):
You know, as excited as I know you were to
go on that tour and do all that travel, and
you know, you just don't know what's waiting on the
other side, what opportunities are afforded to you now, because
you know you're here, and I know that's little consolation,
but the truth is, you know, we never really know.
We just don't know's you know, what's a waiting for us.
(09:02):
And with someone as creative and inspired as you are,
I'm excited to see how you make the most of
you know, this abrupt left turn you know, in life,
because we don't know what. You know, they say, when
one door closes, another opens, I can't wait to see
what door you fling open, you know.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
With.
Speaker 5 (09:25):
What is now the situation, Well, it's going to be
exciting to see that together.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
Yeah, that's saying I know that when one door closes,
another one opens, but sometimes it's hell in the hallway.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
I'm in the hallway.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
So you know, as I interviewed Hollie Berry, she said,
when you're going through hell, keep going. And you know,
I have to use that tool ICBW and that'll be
my What I appreciate about myself is that I have
the tools to move through this, uh in the best
possible way, you know, using the same things that I.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Use to coach people. I C BW is it could
be worse.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
And my hematologist is located in the Todd Cancer Pavilion,
and you know, seeing people.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Who are walking around with scarves.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
In there on their head and knowing they're moving through
their journey in cancer.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
And you know, he said.
Speaker 3 (10:28):
That that is one of the things that could be
contributing to the clotting. But you know, because I don't
have any of the other symptoms, but you know, it.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Just really makes you.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Appreciate what you do have. So in that sense, I
appreciate that part of me. What do you like about yourself, James?
Speaker 4 (10:53):
I like that.
Speaker 5 (10:57):
I am always able to find hope, uh, you know,
to to keep moving forward uh in life when things
maybe don't go my way or are disappointed, you know, disappointing.
I'm able to find something else to aim for and
(11:17):
strive for. You know, maybe it's born out of necessity.
I you know, I don't want to feel helpless at
any point in time.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
I was recently on a veil for a big show.
Speaker 5 (11:32):
And you know, life is an actor until you've made it,
made it, you know, is just one disappointment after another.
But by keeping your horizon full of, you know, things
that excites you and are important to you, you know,
it helps you move through it and move forward, and
it helps you stay like steadfast.
Speaker 4 (11:53):
So I like that I'm able to.
Speaker 5 (11:55):
Stay steadfast and not get you know, fully derailed with disappointments,
find something to shoot for and hope for.
Speaker 4 (12:03):
And I think I'm pretty good at that. And I
like that.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Yes, I'm doing a story on Insta. Sorry I'm listening,
but it's for us. I appreciate that I can.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
I can do a really good pity party.
Speaker 3 (12:28):
I mean, I can do a really good feel sorry
for myself.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
And that's a skill too for those who like to
sit on it.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
But most of all, I appreciate that I absolutely don't
want to sit on the pity pot for a long
time one because you.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Know, you're you're.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Exposing yourself to constant shaittaki. But also it just doesn't
feel good. So I really appreciate this platform that I
created and continue to produce even when I don't feel
like it. And I was saying to someone the other
day that, you know, thank God for this show because
(13:12):
no matter how I feel when I wake up, and
these days it's been not a good wake up because
I like, I wake up and then I go I
can't raise sail boats anymore, and then I go into
this not good place, is that I have to get
up and do this show every morning to feel better.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
I just automatically do. So I appreciate that.
Speaker 4 (13:34):
I think that's important.
Speaker 5 (13:35):
I think it's so important to have those anchors in
your life. And you know this is for everybody. You know,
it really keeps you grounded. You know, it's a sense
of belonging, Like we all need community and we all
need anchors.
Speaker 4 (13:50):
And I feel like this show is both.
Speaker 5 (13:53):
Because you know, there's a community of listeners and it's
an anchor something that you do every day. It's one
of those life practice is almost it's just you know,
like what we're doing now with the what we're grateful
for and what we like about ourselves. It's an anchor
to help you stay steadfast when you know when the
storm is raging. And you know that's I think that's
(14:15):
a really beautiful thing.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
All right, And that's it for Breakfast with Doctor Marissa
and James Author. Join me every weekday morning to do
this good life habit hashtag bliscipline takes twenty one, twenty eight,
thirty whatever you believe as the time that it takes
to create a good habit. You can do this with
(14:38):
me or on your own. But thanks for joining us
for breakfast this morning. And yeah, it's a It's a
great way to stand with your day in the most
positive way. And now for the topic of the day,
(15:00):
the bell James, what is it?
Speaker 5 (15:03):
We are going to talk about the importance of working
on yourself and how that translates to better relationships.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
We're going to go beyond the cliches.
Speaker 5 (15:16):
Now, cliches aren't necessarily bad thing, because the reason they
become cliches and everyone says them is usually because they're true.
But we're gonna dig a little deeper than simply to say,
if you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone
else to? And you know you've got to work on
yourself before you can work on your relationships. We're gonna
dig a little deeper and look at the nuance of
that and how it interplays with relationships, both for the
(15:41):
good potentially the bad, and where that balance line is.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Great topic. By the way, that's a really cute dog
on your shirt. I just noticed that's.
Speaker 4 (15:50):
So yeah, he's a frenchie.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
You know you don't have a frindch schie though, right,
no idea. Yeah, I'm the one with the friend grand
dog's son. Right, So cute, so cute? All right, So
keeping it real for that topic, I have a reason
(16:13):
why that hit me.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
But do you want to go first? I usually ask
you why you pick the topic.
Speaker 4 (16:19):
Please go ahead and share. Let's okay.
Speaker 5 (16:21):
I like the way that you summarized it on the
post for Instagram, and I can tell that it made
you think about things a little bit differently than the
way the topic hit me when I came up with it.
So I'm very curious to hear how it hit you
and what's on your mind with it.
Speaker 3 (16:38):
All right, Well, James texted, let's see how did I
write it? I have a great memory, but my recall sucks,
So okay, does being the best you can be help
or hurt your relationships?
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Are you so self sufficient that you hadn't that you.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
That cheese that you no longer fit with anyone?
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Man? My my grammar.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Last night, I was in the middle of a mode
on a tournament, so that's my excuse. I went to
the bar to write this last night. Uh, and I
don't drink, so let's go go figure.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
But yeah, so when you sent me the uh, you know.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Work on yourself, be the best that you can be,
is how I took that.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
I'm I have been.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Living the impact of being the best that I can
be and working on myself and making sure that my
emotional baggage is carry on size and not oversized baggage,
and the the the benefits are that of that is,
I think I'm lovable as a mate. However, I'm almost
(18:01):
too self sufficient. I'm almost I know how to soothe myself,
I know how to make myself happy, I know what
I like, and then when it comes to dating, I'm like, well,
you know, they have more emotional baggage than I do,
(18:22):
or they haven't worked on themselves, or they've worked on themselves.
But almost like overwork themselves. And I have to give
you this example that happened. I went on a date.
So I'm on date number thirty three first dates from Swiper,
no swiping, and we went to a place to eat.
(18:48):
I'm not going to give it away where otherwise. But
I've been on like five dates last week. So now
that I'm sticking well, I'm sticking around, you know, so
I'm not going anywhere, and I want an alpha, and
I know I have to That means I have to
(19:08):
not talk so much and let the guy talk. And
he talked, and the couple that was sitting beside us.
When they left, the woman came over to our table
and looked at my date and said, you talked too much.
Speaker 4 (19:29):
To the date.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
I'm sorry, but I said, well it's a first date.
And she looked at me and said, well, he should
be asking you questions.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
And then he said, oh, thanks for the finger. Somebody
just gave us the finger this one and then and
then and then.
Speaker 3 (19:58):
Like he was like speechless, and I was trying not
to laugh. And so she left and he goes, do
I talk too much?
Speaker 2 (20:10):
And I was like, oh what? Because I was being
so good, James.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
I was like, and I said, well, and he's like.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
Well, then'n fine, I'm not going to talk anymore.
Speaker 5 (20:25):
Well, for one thing, he shouldn't be flustered by someone
else's opinion.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
You know.
Speaker 5 (20:30):
That's you know, because they're sitting there eavesdropping and you know,
giving an unsolicited opinion.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
So you know there's that.
Speaker 5 (20:37):
And then also you know you're you're trying something different,
you're taking a different tack, and so in this, in
this very specific context, you know you're trying something new,
you know yourself. And then he went and kind of
internalized that, which was very interesting. Sometimes I like to
go and do what you did and let the other
(20:58):
person just talk.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
I am a curious person. I want to ask a
lot of questions.
Speaker 5 (21:02):
And you know, if the other person talks ninety percent
of the time, I'm okay. But what I'm not okay
with is if they don't ask me a single question
about you know myself. That seems like it's coming from
a genuinely curious place, not you know, placatory questions of
well what do you do? How'd you get to la?
But you know, something that is organic from the conversation
(21:26):
we're having. And if they don't ask me anything about myself.
I consider that a red flag. But I'm okay with
the other person talking ninety percent of the time I
was plot.
Speaker 4 (21:34):
My whole life.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
It was ninety eight.
Speaker 4 (21:38):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
And even after that it was ninety six. So and
she did say, I know, you didn't ask for my
opinion before she launched. So it was funny, like and
she goes and we've been married thirty whatever years, and
her husband's standing there like super sleep sheepish, like, sorry.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Can you believe it?
Speaker 5 (22:10):
See now I want to know what percentage you know,
she does of the talking and her relationship.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Oh, I'm sure it's ninety nine. But that's not the
point of this. This was it was so it was.
It was delightful as a as a you know, as
a new thing anyway. So getting back to the end,
that is why I'm saying that I'm I feel like
I've worked on myself enough and so much that it
(22:40):
is more difficult to mesh or match with the average guy,
should I say, or.
Speaker 4 (22:53):
I mean, you know, but but you don't want average.
Speaker 5 (22:55):
And we've talked before about how, you know, we both
have very high standards. I'm a very accepting and forgiving person.
But if I'm going to enter into relationship, I have
a very high standard for that. And we've talked about
I mean, that's okay, and that's fine. You know, relationship
really has to improve the quality of your life, and
(23:16):
your life, regardless of whether or not you're on a
world tour or not.
Speaker 4 (23:19):
Is always so full.
Speaker 5 (23:21):
You know that that person really has to elevate that
whole experience, and I think you and I have that
in common.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
So you know, that becomes more of a standards.
Speaker 5 (23:32):
Discussion as opposed to, you know, the amount to which
you've worked on yourself, and also a compatibility thing, because
you know, your list of non negotiables might be a
little bit longer because you've done the work, and I
see you as somebody that's not going to tolerate somebody
who is is lazy when it comes to doing the work,
(23:55):
you know.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
But that that's my point exactly. It was already pretty
long of a list, and now this kind of kind
of puts the cherry on top or the nail on
the nail on the coffin, right, the benefits and the consequences.
So I almost called it balance as the title, because
that's what it is for me.
Speaker 2 (24:16):
You know I have to Like, Okay, another good.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Example, I have traveled to every single country that I
want to right and the only there's only one country
I have not been to that I want to go
to to watch.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
The Aurora borealis.
Speaker 3 (24:36):
And it's like I purposely have not done that because
I have to save something. So it's similar to that,
like I've done so much that there's nothing left to share.
Speaker 5 (24:53):
Yeah, I mean, I will say that I think that
we're works in progress. Uh, and most of us are
pieces of work until the day that we die. And
so you know, there's always something that you know, we
can improve upon it and get better at. And sometimes
we learn what those things are in reflection of other people.
(25:15):
As we're pursuing romantic interest. We learn about ourselves through
how others perceive us. Now, we obviously don't want to
make our life choices based on how other people perceive us,
but it can be informative, an informative tool as to
you know, the kinds of things that maybe we can
work on to continue to improve and grow. So I'll
(25:36):
say that as a counterpoint, but then to affirm what
you're saying, I think that you know, perfectionism can be
you know, the death of both your own growth and
improvement and also can prevent you can put up an
artificial wall from being happy in relationships. So one thing
we wanted to talk about when I saw your response
(25:58):
to the topic was this idea of balance.
Speaker 4 (26:02):
And I used to feel like.
Speaker 5 (26:04):
I had to get all my ducks in a row
before I could really date date, and that's simply not true.
Most people don't have it all together. They have things
in their life that they feel like they're working on
or need help with. And it's you don't have to be,
you know, a perfectly wrapped package to you know, enjoy
(26:27):
dating and find your partner and find your mate. In fact,
I think a really important part of building trust and
love and a relationship is helping each other grow and improve.
So there's a point at which you have to say,
you know what, I have enough of my stuff together
where I'm ready to go and date. But then on
the flip side, I was throwing myself a bit of
(26:49):
a pity party the other day, and you know, I
feel like, man, I got to get all these things
together before.
Speaker 4 (26:54):
I can really be a good partner in relationship.
Speaker 5 (26:57):
And that's the opposite of the things we like about
ourselves part of breakfast that we do on this show.
That was me, you know, kind of beating myself up
over those things, and I had to remind myself, James,
those things are important to you. Make sure that you
carve out the time to work on those things that
you know you think you might be a little behind
the eight ball on, but it doesn't mean that you
(27:19):
don't have all this other stuff to offer right now.
And to flip that and put it on the other person,
I've always found it.
Speaker 4 (27:31):
Offensive is too strong of a word, but I found
it maybe a turn off when the other person is
so obsessed with self improvement themselves, their projects, what they're
working on.
Speaker 5 (27:42):
And these are often the people that talk ninety nine
percent of a date, right I look at them and
I'm like, well, where do I fit into this? Like
do you just want someone that you can sit to
and brag about.
Speaker 4 (27:55):
Yourself too across the table?
Speaker 5 (27:57):
Or are you somebody that you know wants to find
a partner to do life with together? Like where do
I even fit in this equation? And I find that
to be a bit of not even a turn off,
not offensive, But I look at that and I'm like, so,
what do you.
Speaker 4 (28:11):
Need me for? Like this doesn't seem like it's a
good fit because you're so.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Why are you even dating? Like why are you even know?
Speaker 4 (28:19):
Yeah, it's like yeah, so self focused and so self obsessed.
And I look at that person and it almost creates
it does It creates this concern in my mind that,
you know, will I ever be put first in relationship
with you? So, yes, you have to put your own
oxygen mask on first, but at some point you got
to give the oxygen of the person next to you.
(28:40):
And I'm like, will I ever have a place in
you know, in your life, you know? Or will I
always be second fiddle to whatever project or thing or
ambition you're chasing? And to me, that's that's a no
go sign.
Speaker 1 (28:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:57):
I just had this visual James of you, you know,
like the guy's like breathing and you're.
Speaker 5 (29:03):
Like yeah exactly, Like I like, you know, give me
some air, Like what when.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Do we get to do?
Speaker 5 (29:09):
You know?
Speaker 4 (29:11):
I want to do together with you? This weekend?
Speaker 5 (29:13):
You know?
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (29:15):
I watched Airplane, that classic comedy from a long time ago,
and that part when the little girl that was going
to get a heart transplant was and he knocked she
the guitar player knocked.
Speaker 5 (29:28):
Off her all of her tubes, the oxygen and everything
she had going y had Like.
Speaker 3 (29:36):
I was watching it with my ninety five year old
bonus dad.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
It was so great. It's always great to hear him laugh.
You know.
Speaker 4 (29:43):
Oh it's a classic.
Speaker 5 (29:44):
I mean, forty five years later, that movie is still
just definitely timeless kind of comedy.
Speaker 3 (29:50):
Yeah, if you want to laugh this weekend, and you
know this, this whole the only down well, the downside
of the series is one you.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Get a to you know, watching continuously.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
But the other thing is you miss out on some
classic stuff. So the Happy eighty eight challenge this weekend
is to pull up Airplane and just watch it because
it'll make you laugh.
Speaker 4 (30:15):
It wasn't quite as good, but it was still very
good and funny.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
There was it.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
Okay, yeah, because that's next for us to uh to
to in bib in. But let me go back something
you said because of the balance. So if I look
at Jerry Maguire, which I've always criticized because I don't
want or need anyone to complete me, and that the
(30:49):
school of Cinderella and snow White, you know, you meet
the guy you live happily ever after. That's bullshit hockey.
There is no happily ever after. And I don't want
or need a man.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
To complete me.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
However, if I take that too much to an extreme,
that's when it's like I become that person you're talking about,
where you know, it's what I want, when I want,
how I want, and if you don't.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Like that, bye bye.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
And that is the extreme that I am bumping up
against where I you know, I literally have asked myself
this last week with all the things that are going on,
like what do I want?
Speaker 2 (31:30):
Again? You know, what do I want?
Speaker 3 (31:32):
And people have pointed out you know this is happening
because you really do need.
Speaker 2 (31:36):
To slow down and this, and it's like, no, I don't.
I don't want. I've never wanted to slow down. And
I am resenting.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
Your your well meaning comment that I do too much
or I'm too much on the go and I need
to slow down. And it's like, no, why would I
you know, that's not what I want. I like it.
I love my life that and now I have to
(32:07):
go okay. Well, one possibility is that life did not
afford time to integrate other people into my life and
and it's like, I hope, I I know I'm not
being punished, but if I say, I can't wait to
see what good comes out of this. Possibly, you know,
(32:31):
possibly this will make me a little more uh.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
Allowing of people who who want to spend time with me,
but I never had time for it. I don't know,
so anyways, that was just my comment.
Speaker 3 (32:51):
We have to take a quick break for news, weather
and traffic or from our sponsor. Don't go away, We'll
be right back. We're having a lot of fun here
on straight Talk with myself and.
Speaker 4 (33:02):
James Hawthorne talking about.
Speaker 6 (33:04):
You, me, myself and I and maybe you.
Speaker 7 (33:35):
What if performing to the world was exploring the.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
What is the question what do you want to be
when you grow up?
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Turns into how many streets a flight you to explore?
Speaker 7 (33:55):
What if the purpose of life is not to die
with the most choice to leave our squad relatives. What
if the purpose of life was to do things that
we enjoy most of the time, have relationships that we
enjoy most of the time, and use our unique talents, gifts,
and abilities to fully.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
Express in the dash between earth and death. What if,
as a direct result of this horrible pandemic. We could
rise out of.
Speaker 7 (34:27):
The ashes with you PPP host pandemic possibilities.
Speaker 2 (34:34):
The sooner you turn it's impossible to, I am possible.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
The what ifs come possible to because you.
Speaker 7 (34:47):
Are loving, lovable and love wrapped in a warm blanket
of worthiness.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
But it may start with getting out of bed and
making it what it starts.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Take back your life with Doctor Maurica Pey.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
And welcome back. You're tune to take my advice, I'm
not using it. Get balanced with Doctor Marissa The Morning
Show here on KCAA NBC news radio home to the
Asia Oprah number one Talk in the Ie, Thank you
very much, and streaming everywhere iHeartRadio, Spotify and of course
my YouTube TV channel which houses all one thousand, four
(35:53):
hundred and forty nine podcast shows over the past six
hundred and ninety two consecutive weeks.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
And you'll also get that.
Speaker 3 (36:03):
Short film that was my love project or my hashtag
COVID silver Lining project. I had time on my hands
with all the motivational speaking gigs that got canceled, and
so it actually won a Laurel and it is quite motivating.
As I played it, I thought, you know what I
don't have to pay people to coach me because I'm
(36:24):
just coaching myself.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
With my own stuff. So there is another gratitude there.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
And welcome back to straight talk with myself.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
And James Hawthorne. Hello everybody today.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
And we're talking about.
Speaker 5 (36:39):
We're talking about working on yourself and what that means
in relationship to relationships.
Speaker 4 (36:46):
How much is too much? How much is not enough?
Speaker 5 (36:49):
And that's the part that maybe we haven't touched on
yet that I'd like to bring up. That's all right
with you please, So you know, sometimes I've been guilty
of this. We can use dating as a distraction from
the skeletons in our closet or you know, all the
(37:10):
old clothes that I've got to clear out of my
closet and give the goodwill, you know, things that we
need to do to improve our life.
Speaker 4 (37:17):
And sometimes you know.
Speaker 5 (37:19):
It's it's a season to clean up your own house.
And then when you go out back out into the
dating world, there's just something about your energy, your vibe
that I think is stronger and more positive. So I
really think you have to take an inventory of your
heart and see how you feel about your station in
(37:40):
life right now. And if you keep having those nagging
thoughts of man, I've really gotta get this together, work
on this, and work on that. Don't rush to the
distraction of a date or finding somebody to as you
said with Jerry Maguire, complete you. You have to kind
of get that together, and then I think you're going
to have more success. You know, when you go out
(38:03):
and date, you're going to present a version of yourself
that is more desirable and that just naturally puts other
people at ease and makes them want to be around you,
because when you carry that burden or stress of things
that just haven't been taken care of or done, I
think it makes you a less enjoyable version of yourself
(38:30):
to be around. And obviously we want people to enjoy
our company and to want to be, you know, with it.
And I've certainly been on dates where you know, people
seem to really not have their stuff together, you know,
nearly enough, and you know, you look at that and
you go, man, I don't want to take on all
(38:50):
of that baggage as well. I mean I've experienced it
with friends and roommates in the past as well, and
you know, even sometimes with fan you have to love
some family members from a.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Far yeah yeah, distance.
Speaker 4 (39:07):
Yeah, until they're willing to help themselves. Yeah yeah, and.
Speaker 3 (39:12):
Yeah, absolutely, And I think it's that balance, and it's
not fifty to fifty. I believe my formula is eighty percent.
If we're good with ourselves eighty percent of the time,
therefore we're not. We don't have the disease or disease
of perfectionism because no one is perfect, especially me. And
(39:35):
for me, I couldn't accept anyone in their humanness when
I couldn't accept myself in my humanness. And that was
a big switch for me, and I have to admit
it didn't.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
Come, you know, until I would say, like ten years ago.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
I haven't been you know, thirty decades or three decades.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
Of a recovering perfectionist. This is a newer thing.
Speaker 3 (40:03):
I still thought I could be perfect, but understanding that
perfection came out of wanting to be loved. And I
was taught early that if I was perfect, then I
would be loved. And as a result, I judged people,
you know, I wanted them to be perfect, therefore they
It was a double edged sword because I wanted them
(40:26):
to be perfect, but then I felt inferior to them. Right,
and then when I feel perfect, they feel inferior to me.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
So what is that formula for me?
Speaker 3 (40:36):
It's eighty percent of the time I know I'm fabulous,
twelve twenty percent of the time I'm human, you know,
And same with other people they are eight. How can
I focus on the eighty percent that they are and
not focus on the twenty percent that they're not, and
or use our mutual twenty percents to grow together, as
(40:58):
you said, because because there's got to be some value
in sharing the hard times individually collectively that binds you together.
Speaker 2 (41:12):
But we're older.
Speaker 3 (41:13):
I mean that used to me the formula for young people,
whether you meet in high school or college, you don't
have the expectation of having it all together before you
meet that person. Like the outlier was the guy who
said I want to get all my ducks in a
row financially before I proposed that was the old you know,
(41:36):
a BS belief system, and they were seen as commitment phobic.
And you have people like my bonus parents who were
together seventy four years, who went through a lot together
and that bound them together.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
At one point they almost got a divorce.
Speaker 3 (41:52):
I'll ask my dad, why you know what's the secret
to a seventy four year marriage, And he said both
of us didn't want a divorce at the same.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
Time, right, so so, but that's like.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
An old paradigm for us, cutting edge, leading edge right now,
bleeding edge, as Abraham will say.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
You know, we are.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
Ageless, but we are also we've already experienced, We've already
been chiseled in so many ways. We don't have the
desire to chissel more with somebody else.
Speaker 5 (42:29):
I mean, I I don't feel necessarily that in that last.
Speaker 2 (42:33):
Way I did.
Speaker 4 (42:35):
Yeah, and that's fair. I mean, uh, you know, I
I want to.
Speaker 5 (42:41):
Invite somebody into my life to see what sort of
influence you know, they they have on me for for
the positive, because you know, you, as Yogi Bearra once said,
you can you can see a lot by watching.
Speaker 4 (42:58):
And uh, you know, when you.
Speaker 5 (43:00):
Really watch somebody and what makes some tick and how,
you know, it can be inspirational, it can be motivational,
and you can also learn things about yourself about how
you don't want to be, you know, from people, and
that can be just as valuable as long as you
are forgiving to You know that that twenty percent right
that maybe.
Speaker 4 (43:17):
They're working on.
Speaker 5 (43:19):
But you know, we always like to offer, you know,
actionable suggestions or advice from non experts, blind leading the blind.
Speaker 4 (43:27):
You're more of an expert.
Speaker 5 (43:27):
Than me is, you know, you know, PhD, organizational psychologists
and all of that. But I think it's important when
I look at my life, It's important for me to
identify the stressors, the things in my personal sphere locus
of control that are stressing me out, and I want
(43:47):
to address those to the point where they're not nagging
me so much, where they're not such a stressor before
I really focus on dating. So if I'm having stress
around the idea, idea of career, passion, purpose, all those
three things hopefully you know, mingle together. I want to
(44:08):
feel like I'm on a a such somewhat clear path,
you know, and making progress, you know, before I focus
on on dating. Or if there's a part of my
life that I feel like has been lacking, if I
haven't been you know, and I have a pretty high
standard for this as a personal trainer, but if I
haven't been achieving or working out at a level that
(44:33):
makes me feel really whole and like me, because that's
a part of my identity for better or for worse.
That's something that makes me who I am. And if
I feel I'm not achieving or putting time in enough
in that realm, I want to do that before I
really focus on dating. Doesn't have to be perfect. I
(44:54):
don't have to go and be ready to run a
marathon or you know, do a triathlon. But I want
to feel like I've established some consistency and a path
you know, that that satisfies me, you know, in that realm,
and so in that regard.
Speaker 4 (45:10):
And then now this isn't sex advice.
Speaker 5 (45:12):
Sometimes you have to satisfy yourself before you're able to
satisfy somebody else in dating, And what I mean by
that is you have to identify the stressors, figure out
why you're stressed out about it, and set forth a
course a path that you can go on that makes
you feel grounded.
Speaker 3 (45:36):
There's so many ways I can go around that as
far as getting relief. But but the point you're making
is valid. If there I mean, that's why if you
noticed in the last part of the trailer for PPP,
the short film, it says, sometimes it just means start
(46:00):
to get out of bed and make it, like make
the bed right if you're feeling like a slob and
your place is a mess, right, dirty dishes in the
sink and you know laundry, you have no clean clothes,
you keep going to buy new underwear, or your bed
(46:23):
isn't made and everything is gross and disgusting, don't.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
Go out you know, like that is you haven't taken
a well shower.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
But that's what can you control to make yourself feel
better without reaching for something outside of yourself to do that.
I think that's a valid, you know, actionable item.
Speaker 2 (46:46):
People say to me all.
Speaker 3 (46:47):
The time, why are you so dressed up? And I
go because it makes me feel good. I'm not doing
it for you, babe, Sorry, it's for me. And if
you can get that level of self care, you know
you'll attract people who care about themselves. That's a lot
of attraction network. If you are attracting people who you
(47:11):
don't like, you got to look at the fact that
you're the You're the attractor, right, So where are you
If you're attracting insecure people? Chances are your insecurity is
what you're wearing when you go out there.
Speaker 4 (47:27):
Yeah, and that and that goes back to the cliche.
Speaker 5 (47:29):
And like I said, cliches are good because they're often true.
Speaker 4 (47:33):
That's why they become cliches.
Speaker 5 (47:34):
That comes back to not just taking care of yourself,
but that is self love. To take care of yourself
is I think the most fundamental and profound.
Speaker 4 (47:45):
Way to love yourself.
Speaker 5 (47:47):
You know, having your house in order, having your health
and wellness and order. You don't have to be rich,
but having a path for your career that's full of
passion and purpose. You know, those are some of the
things that I think are so important. And if you're
going through trauma and drama in your life, you know,
like let's say that you're you're dealing with all this
(48:10):
crapola with your family, you know, for example, you might
need to focus on that for a while. Or if
you're dealing with you're trying to find your way through
a health thing and that has completely derailed your life,
like you know, like like you right now, that has
to come first until you see like a path through
the darkness, a path through the dense forest.
Speaker 4 (48:32):
And when you feel at ease with.
Speaker 5 (48:35):
That, you know, you bring that into your dating and
relationship life.
Speaker 4 (48:42):
You know, it's so funny.
Speaker 5 (48:43):
I don't necessarily consider this duplicity. I consider it a
burden and responsibility of my job. But there have been
times when I have felt completely like the other parts
of my life are just in shambles. But when I
go train my clients, I don't bring that because they're
paying me to help them, you know, with with their problem.
(49:05):
So it's not that I'm hiding how I'm feeling. It's
that I am choosing to put all of my attention,
energy and focus on them, and that's something that I
can do from the knowledge base and skill set I have.
I can be of service to them, and in a
way that's not a distraction. That's empowering because I'm taking
(49:26):
something in my life that I have full command of
control over and using it to serve and help others.
And at times my clients have been my net leap
and a net will appear, the Buddhist you know says,
And by fully putting my focus on service and helping others,
it becomes motivating and inspiring to get my stuff, you know,
(49:49):
in order, and then it was that much better.
Speaker 3 (49:52):
Yeah, well, that's what I was saying earlier.
Speaker 2 (49:54):
That's what the show does for me.
Speaker 3 (49:56):
No matter how I'm feeling when I wake up or
you know, getting in the wrong side of the bed
or feeling sorry for myself for the blood clots. I
know that by the time I get to the show,
and I joke about this all the time, the show's
for me, folks. The fact that you enjoy it or
get something out of it, that's just a bonus.
Speaker 2 (50:14):
This this is my baby for.
Speaker 3 (50:16):
Me, and and it's a It does make me feel
better no matter how I'm feeling beforehand.
Speaker 2 (50:23):
So, and as James.
Speaker 3 (50:25):
Was saying, your life you can have like six, seven,
eight things going on, and seven of them can be
like up Chataki Creek and not going well.
Speaker 2 (50:37):
But you everyone has.
Speaker 3 (50:40):
One thing out of your eight that is going well,
and it's your It's the power you have to focus
on that one thing so fully and completely.
Speaker 2 (50:52):
I can't remember which teacher it was that told me.
Speaker 3 (50:55):
It's like, if your thumb's doing really well and you
focus on that thumb, the other fingers will begin to
get jealous about how well the thumb is going, and
they're gonna start lining up and becoming as you know,
excited and and and.
Speaker 2 (51:11):
In a good place.
Speaker 3 (51:12):
As the thumb is, your job is not to keep
looking at the fingers that are not working right and
focus on the one thing that is working, and then
soon that energy that's a law of attraction, cannot help
but align the other areas of your life. So you know, yeah,
I go out and date, but I'm not sitting here
(51:34):
going you know, it's like I just I'll date. I'll
date until you know, I die, probably, But my job
is not to like throw that out like a baby.
Oh it's not working, it's not been working. I'm never
gonna date again. And I'm going to be like the
old lady with the silver hair and the turquoise and
the cats. I'm you know, that's my job is not
(51:56):
to go there but focus on the things that are
going well. This show's going well. I have friends and
family that I have great relationships with. I can still
you know, swim in the pool, I can still have
a party, I can still go eat my favorite food.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
So you know, that's what I'm focused on.
Speaker 5 (52:13):
I think the actionable you know, advice or suggestion there
is everybody needs an anchor. Find the thing that is
within your control that grounds you and centers you. And
if you're not sure what that is, you can even
go to meditation where just the act of breathing three
seconds in, three seconds out. What however, you choose breath
(52:35):
that that centers you, that's your anchor. And then by
simply observing your thoughts rather than letting them run the
ship and engage you, you know, you can center yourself
and then a lot of times the answers come and
you find clarity and that thing that helps center you
and ground you. And having that thing that can't be
messed with, that's that's untouchable.
Speaker 4 (52:57):
You know.
Speaker 5 (52:57):
It is so important whether the anchor is a responsibility
to others such as you know, the show, such as
my clients that I have to show up for and
want to show up for. That is enough to get
you going, and then that can inspire you to establish.
Speaker 4 (53:14):
Some other anchors.
Speaker 5 (53:15):
Like you know, if your health and wellness is a focus,
it can become just a part of what you do
to take care of yourself. If you make your bed
every day, get ten minutes of exercise every day.
Speaker 4 (53:28):
I mean, I have.
Speaker 5 (53:29):
Clients that work out two hours a week, and I
have others that work out ten and they find that
balance that makes them feel their best. But the most
important thing is to take that first step and get
started and not look without from you know, don't look
outside of yourself to find it, you know, look at
take care of yourself to then love yourself and have
(53:53):
those pillars at least semi full career with passion and purpose,
health and wellness to make sure that you're putting that
you know first, and then having I think you know,
and then having a community that you belong to. And
community is different than relationship, having people that you can
(54:14):
lean on, whether it's friends, family, investing in community. So
if you have those three pillars of community, health and
wellness and passion, purpose driven career, then I think if
if you at least have clarity around this thing, you
don't have to have it all figured out and be
prosperous and successful at all three. But as long as
they're part of your daily rhythm, I think that you're
(54:37):
you're in a position to reap the greatest rewards and
benefits from dating and relationships.
Speaker 2 (54:43):
So absolutely, that's a good final word.
Speaker 8 (54:47):
That's a good long final word from James Hawthorne, who
is very vested in your best you. He also offers
great personal training you can get. I'm at action Man fitness.
Success is having what you want and wanting what you have.
Speaker 3 (55:06):
So if you're telling me, doctor Marisla, I don't every part,
I don't have a thumb that's working, well, that's Bullshitaki.
You're probably one of the three percent in our population
in the world who has food in their fridge, car
in the garage, gas in the tank, money in your wallet.
Speaker 2 (55:26):
You know, a roof over your head. That's a lot.
Speaker 3 (55:29):
And if you don't have that, you still have a
body that digests your food. Whether you don't want it
to or not. You are a source of well being.
Whether you recognize it or not. We want you to
recognize it. That's my final word. Thanks for joining us today.
It's all about balance. Peace in peace, out world, peace
(55:52):
through inner piece. James, take us out.
Speaker 4 (55:54):
Now, have the best weekend ever.
Speaker 2 (55:58):
I'll see you on Monday.
Speaker 3 (56:03):
Happy best day to me. Hither to me?
Speaker 2 (56:18):
I almost forgot to do that.
Speaker 9 (56:32):
This is casey aa Hi, This.
Speaker 10 (56:36):
Is Pastor Adrian McClellan with Jesus is the way ministries.
Are you now ready to understand the Word of God
and truth instead of by uninformed and misinformed people. Tune
in on Sundays at one pm for the truth. You
will be very grateful that you did see you there.
Speaker 11 (56:58):
NBC News on CAA Lomolada sponsored by Teamsters Local nineteen
thirty two, Protecting the Future of Working Families Teamsters nineteen
thirty two, dot.
Speaker 12 (57:08):
Org S News Radio. I'm Brian Shook. President Trump is
not giving any hints on possible deals he may have
in mind when he meets with Russian President Vladimir Putin
in Alaska tomorrow. Reports have been rampant regarding Russia Ukraine
(57:31):
landswaps and the possibility of the US offering Russia a
rare earth mineral deal if it leads to peace. Tropical
Storm Erin is likely to become a hurricane by tomorrow.
The storm is located about eight hundred and ninety miles
east of the Northern Leeward Islands in the Atlantic Ocean.
Governor Gavin Newsom says, unlike Texas, California is working through
(57:55):
a temporary, transparent process of redistricting.
Speaker 7 (57:59):
We're putting the mats on the ballot and we're giving
the power to the people. This will be the first
redistricting that's ever done.
Speaker 9 (58:06):
That's the difference.
Speaker 12 (58:09):
Unless Texas Republicans drop their redistricting efforts, California will hold
a special election on November fourth to put new maps
before voters to increase Democratic representation in Congress. Offsetting Texas actions,
the FDA is considering a move to revoke the authorization
of Pfizer's COVID vaccine for children under five. Tammy Trihello
(58:32):
has the details.
Speaker 13 (58:33):
Weiser confirmed Wednesday and noted in a statement that the
deliberations are not related to the safety and efficacy of
the vaccine. It follows a Health in Human Services announcement
saying the CDC would no longer recommend the vaccines for
healthy children or pregnant women. If the FDA pulls its
emergency use authorization, it will add another barrier for parents
who want to vaccinate healthy children, since Maderna and Novovak
(58:55):
shots are now approved for more limited populations. I'm Tammy Trheo.
Speaker 12 (59:00):
Air Canada is grounding flights ahead of a potential flight
attendant strike this weekend. You're listening to the latest from
NBC News Radio.
Speaker 11 (59:11):
There's never been a better time for men to be
whoever they want to be. Yet it's never been less
clear who men really are. Guys Guy Radio starring author
Robert Manny, is on caseyaa every Wednesday at eight pm.
Whether it's relationships, sex, wellness, or spirituality, Join Robert as
(59:32):
he interviews the experts about how men and women can
be at their best. Guys Guy Radio, Better Men, Better WORLDPS.
Speaker 9 (59:42):
Hey you yeah, you do? You know where you are? Well,
you've done it. Now. You're listening to casey AA Lom Linda,
your CNBC news station, so expect the unexpected.
Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
You're listening to the Tahibo Tea Club radio show hosted
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com