August 18, 2025 • 60 mins
KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa on Mon, 18 Aug, 2025
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is Casey aauvolved.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
At exhausting amster wheel and into balance living with Doctor.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
Marissa from Miss Joy mis.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Doctor Marisa, also known as the Asian Oprah. Her mission
to be a beneficial presence on the planet, her purpose
to be your personal advocate, to live, lap love, learn
her life motto, don't die wondering. Take back your life
with doctor Maurica Pey.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
And welcome your tending to take my advice. I'm not
using it. Get balanced with Doctor Maris of the Morning
Show here on gayzy AA, NBC News, CNBC News and
NBC Sports Radio station AM ten fifty FM one oh
six point five streaming everywhere. iHeart Radio, Spotify, iTunes, Student
(00:54):
in Audible, Amazon Music, Ticula, rumble Pa, chaster, streaker, speaker
and or oh why so many places. I want to
maximize my splatter zone for more hope and happiness. That's
why there's so many platforms. And you know that as
Asian Oprah, my honorable Moniker. I am continuing and grateful
(01:17):
to her for her lead on media being more than
just the worst in people. The Jerry Springer Show, Sorry Jerry,
but you know, just highlighting the worst in people, the
worst in our situations. The headlines are always negative these
days because people want you to get mad, because that
(01:40):
makes you watch longer and be tempted or you know,
whatever product is being sold there. And that's what I
just you know, I wanted something different. I wanted to
balance out all the headlines and the negativity with some
heartlines and what's good about people, what's good about life,
(02:01):
what's good about you? And how to be happy. I'm
on a happy eighty eight mission, eighty eight million more
happy people in the next eight years. And to that end,
y'all know this little baby, I can do it without
by Green Stream Background is a hit national bestseller as
(02:24):
well as number one Amazon, and you get a free
audiobook copy if you're tuned in on Mental Health Mondays,
which is today, and I'll tell you how to get
a hold of one of those in the break But
in the meantime, y'all know that I start every show
with that good life habit, a hashtag discipline of breakfast.
(02:48):
You're gonna have breakfast with me right now, taking a
bite of my gratitude sandwich. And this is something that
I want you and encourage you to start every day
instead of picking up your smartphone or MS meaningless scrolling.
I want you to focus on things that you're grateful for.
(03:08):
That's the top of the button in the gratitude sandwich,
and the bottom of the butt is what you like
about yourself. That's gratitude turned inwards. That way, you're going
to start your day in the most positive way and
follow doctor Wayne Dyer's advice to start to day with gratitude.
He says five, I'm a little bit of a recovering overachiever,
(03:29):
so I say eight specific things that you're grateful for. So,
since I am on my own this morning, this is
a typical I get to one show right off the share.
It is Monday, Mond and I wanted to focus on
your own mental health, and so gratitude sandwich is certainly
(03:53):
my number one tool to that end. And starting the
day looking around you, what are you grateful for? And
I'm looking around me right now, I see on the wall.
I got to do book sidings at multiple Barnes and
Nobles in the Southland South southern California. I think it
was Irvines Barns and Nobles, Seal Beach, Long Beaches Barnes
(04:17):
and Noble. Las Vegas's Barnes and Noble riverside Barnes and Noble.
And I'm really grateful that the book did so well
to help people be happier, and that is exactly why
I wrote the book. I'm grateful that I met new
(04:38):
neighbors at the International Tower pool. It was a pool
party and people ask what I did, And there's people
now going through the book because they want to be happier,
and I just love that. I love that I get
to do that kind of work. I am grateful that
(04:59):
I had an amazing birthday party yesterday with friends and family.
My youngest daughter Sarah drove from San Francisco just for
my birthday and to celebrate with me with my party
friends and family clients. It was just my co hosts
were here. It was really fun. I did a little
(05:20):
video recap, so you'll have to go on my social
today to get that. Doctor Marissa a doc balance on Instagram,
doctor mrs everywhere else. I am grateful that I live
in this amazing place. Now. Yes, the blood clots took
me off of the International Tour, but ironically I'm now
(05:42):
staying in the International Tower and it's beautiful and it
was so nice having people who know me and me
where I lived for eight years before, which was beautiful view.
People not so nice, but beautiful view. And I'm so
(06:02):
grateful that I got the validation they took a look
at the view and went, this is a better view,
and I didn't think that that was possible. So it's
my blood clot silver lining, and just grateful that I
have a place to dissolve the clots that is gorgeous,
(06:22):
and that I'm grateful that I'm a really good hematologist
who is taking care of me. And I'm grateful that
the clot is starting to dissolve, not as fast as
I wanted to do. I'm grateful that I get to
write and work on my screenplay since I grounded from
(06:44):
travel and to finish life by a thousand cuts. I'm
grateful that I have friends like Queen Benita and Anne
Marie who just have been such a great support this
move and adjustment to my life not in the air.
(07:05):
And then the bottom of the button is what are you?
What do you? What are you grateful for? Inside yourself?
So top of the bunt is outside inside and this
is an exercise I call it weight training for your soul,
for your self mastery, self soothing, self love, which I
think is the foundation of good mental health. So how
(07:29):
good are you are? How good are you? And I
don't drink. This is the day after sorry post birthday
hangover without alcohol. I felt like I had three different
parties because I will never make a party. I said
from two to eight, thinking it would be helpful for
(07:50):
people to be able to attend, but I ended up
having three parties and my blood cuts. Finally, at the
third phase said we're done. So I'm a little bit
emotionally hugover. But the gratitudes on the bottom are to
affirm and to get better at being your best friend
(08:12):
instead of your own worst critic. And that's why we
do this weight training called what do you like about yourself?
And some of you may have grown up in as
you can tell I'm not Swedish. I know you thought
I was Swedish. But in Chinese and Japanese there is
an expression, a saying that says the nail that stands
(08:36):
up is hammered down. And that's really not good incentive
to say I'm good at this or I'm good at that.
In fact, when I used to do diversity value diversity work,
if you ask a Chinese carpenter do you do good work?
Like are you a good carpenter? They'll say no, no, no, no, no,
(08:58):
just average, just average because as part of the culture,
even though you're really good, which is very different than
American culture. So but even in American culture, I meet
a lot of people who come to me for happiness
coaching who say that I'm no, it's harder on myself
than myself and I have unrealistic expectations around myself. And
(09:26):
it's called recovering perfectionism is the way that I have
learned how to take that voice that's my own worst
critic and make it my biggest advocate and my best friend.
And that's what the bottom of the bond does. That
exercises that. So what do you like about yourself? I
(09:47):
appreciate my ability to look for silver linings. I put
on my life jacket with the silver lining every single day.
I appreciate that I a so to balance that out
let myself feel bad, not long. But it's important to
(10:09):
process the grief process, the sadness process, the righteous indignation,
and get in touch with your pissoffedness. Just as long
as it doesn't take over your life. I'll give you
an example. See every siren is evidence that what I'm
(10:35):
saying at that moment is important. So when you are
not kind to yourself, when you criticize yourself, when you
are angry at another person, you could feel it, feel
it fully, and then use that muscle to soothe yourself
(11:01):
to a different place. Abraham Hicks calls it, I think
the best feeling thought. So when you're beating yourself up,
doesn't feel good. When you're angry at someone else, it
doesn't feel good. I've learned, and I'm good at not
glossing over things. Or George Costanza's father did it the
(11:27):
best in Seinfeld. If you remember that one episode when
he would walk around and say serenity now, like somebody
would do something bad and he'd go serenity now, or
he hurt himself or something, serenity now like. It's called
a spiritual bypass. And that's also not good. If we
(11:50):
don't feel our feelings, they get bottled up, they get infected.
So I appreciate my ability to express safely my sadness,
my anger. I had a really good cry with my
older daughter and her boyfriend the morning of my birthday
(12:11):
because I was sad that I was not in Africa
celebrating my birthday as planned. I was sad that I
was having a party. I didn't even want to have
a party, but I knew that if I didn't have
a party on my birthday, I'd be sitting home on
(12:32):
my pity pot, really not in a good place, So
that's why I had I'm really glad that Queen Benita
and am Marie really did the bulk of everything, and
I was able to relax more than I usually do
doing parties, partially because I had hurt my back and
(12:54):
I really couldn't run around. But I appreciate my ability
to feel fully and that's important. I appreciate my ability
to find things to laugh at and t Still, I'm
really working at re establishing who I am again, because
(13:18):
so much of who I am is no fear doing
what I want, when I want how I want, traveling
at a drop of a dime or traveling a lot.
And now with his two blood clots, I can't for
the next year, and that's a big justment for me,
(13:39):
and so I'm like, well, who am I really at
the core of who I am, which is a good
question to ask for anyone throughout your life. It's not
just a question for when you're a teenager going into college,
where are you going to be? Or when you're a kid,
what do you be when you grow up? But it's
really good to ask that question and have a good
(14:01):
sit down with yourself to get in touch with you.
So that's what I'm good at. At the bottom of
my bun. That's it for breakfast. Thanks for joining me.
I hope that every weekday morning you either join me
here or you do it on your own to make
it part of your routine. I got interviewed last week
(14:22):
on a great podcast show. I'm gonna have to look
at it. I have great memory, but horrible recall. But
she asked me what do I do first thing in
the morning, and that is meditate and then second thing
is take a bite to my gratitude sandwich. So thanks
for joining us this morning for breakfast. And now for
(14:54):
the topic of the day. It says everything is awesome.
It is mondy Monday, and it's not rainy days. And
Mondays always get me up hashtag up unlimited possibilities, and
(15:14):
that is what mondays are for. To take a real
close look at mental health, your own mental health. Are
you your captain of your ship in your head? Are
you the boss of you personal mastery? Do you have it?
You may have professional mastery where you have material things
(15:40):
of things that Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain, Robin Williams you
would think were happy because they had all the trappings
of what we think is success, professional success, titles, notoriety,
(16:00):
material things, wealth. However, if you don't have personal mastery,
you're constantly shoulding yourself. I should have done this, I
should have done that, beating yourself up, I didn't get
that done, I'm not good enough? Who you're not all that?
Or ninety nine compliments? One insult and where does your
(16:23):
focus go on that insult instead of the ninety nine compliments.
You don't feel comfortable getting complimented. You have a fear
of failure, a fear of success, you self sabotage, you
have addictions to try to numb yourself out. Those are
all evidence of maybe you have professional mastery, but certainly
(16:46):
you do not have personal mastery. So mental health mondays
or mental health matters mondays are specifically to give you
some tools to have personal mastery because life is way
too short to be bathing yourself up. And as I
like to say, life does not suck. It's amazing if
(17:08):
you have some practices and some disciplines in order to
see it, so you can believe it and then manifest it,
all right, So that's what we're talking about in the
larger umbrella mental health matters mondays and then I pick
a topic that really does impact your happiness day to day,
(17:35):
moment to moment happiness. And I had some kids over.
I had my extra kids over last night who came
my daughter's friends. One of the best things that I
loved about raising my two girls is I was the
place where other kids would come over and they called
me doctor mom, and I love that. So I still
(18:01):
they still call me doctor mom to this day. And
this is what twenty years later, and they're all, you know,
doing their adult things. Both of my kids are living
and working in San Francisco, some of them are here.
They came over last night. We get to play sushi
go and I asked them what's the one thing that
(18:22):
is bringing their happiness factor down as they're all in
their early twenties, and all of them agreed that social media,
which almost is an oxymoron the term. Ryan came up
with the term digital a digital hygiene that I'd never
(18:45):
heard of, which is like a term that is running
around not in my well not I just dropped the mic.
Literally not in my circles, but certainly in their circles.
So I thought, I love learning new things, especially kid talk.
(19:07):
They're not kids anymore, but other generational talk. So digital
hygiene is the topic for today, and how you know
we can fight it. I'm hashtag ageless. That's how old
I turned yesterday. But we as much as you don't
(19:29):
want your kids to be on social media, as much
as you don't want kids to not go out and
play and get off the computer and get off of
their phones, and you can jump up and down and
you can restrict them or you can take their phones away,
but folks, social media is here to stay until I
(19:52):
don't know, the next thing comes along. But we are
now like it or not in it up to our eyeballs.
In technology. That is where it is, and you cannot
like it, and you can restrict people and all that,
but the reality is it is here and it is
(20:13):
here to stay. So if it's in here and here
to stay, what are some things that we can do
to make technology not so unhappy, Making make social media
not so asocial or unfriendly or mean is the word
(20:34):
that came up. So that's what we're talking about today. So,
if you're here and I see eyeballs in the studio,
if you'd like to put your comments or your opinions.
I do want your opinions. Everybody has a right to
my opinion on this show because it's my show. Please
(20:55):
put them in the chat unless you're driving, because if
you're tuned in on CASEAA, I am down fifty FM
one O six point five NBC News Radio, home to
the Asian Oprah, and you're driving, I do not want
you to chat with me. But I am live every
weekday morning at nine Pacific. So if you are in
a place where you can chat, please do and I'll
(21:16):
keep an eye on my cashw gallery on what you're
thinking about this particular topic or any topic. Digital hygiene
is what we're going to talk about today, the realities,
the good, bad, and the ugly of living with technology
and how we can make it work for our happiness
instead of hurt our happiness. Oh, I'm going to write
that what works for our happiness without hurting our happiness.
(21:41):
So a couple of definitions. One was when I did
ask what digital hygiene was, I think Ryan pulled it
up and Orche can't remember. But let's look at it
because it's something that is, it is affecting us, and
(22:05):
it is talked about and needs to be talked about
beyond what we're doing right now. So digital hygiene brought
up a dental hygiene, So that's not what we want
because I spelled it wrong. Digit tell there we go,
(22:26):
digital hygiene, and there's actually a digital hygiene checklist, so
let's look. Digital hygiene, also known as cyber hygiene, is
a set of practices to protect your digital identity and
data and to limit the negative effects of constant digital exposure.
(22:52):
It involves both security measures and good organization. So this
aspect of digital hygiene is is about keeping your identity safe. Okay,
But I actually there's another definition of it which I
was more interested in, which is the overall practices and habits.
(23:23):
Also the social aspect of it, in terms of why
does it seem that social media, which you think social is,
(23:44):
you know, connections between people, is actually so divisive and
mean people feel free to say things that they would
never think of saying to someone in the face. And
it is almost an oxy It is an oxymoron because
(24:09):
social media also encourages you to be almost a social
So I'm sure you've seen couples at a meal, you
know it's date night, and what are they doing. They
are on their phones waiting for the food, not talking
to each other, but engaged with someone else or themselves
(24:32):
socially playing games. I'm guilty of that. I you know,
do love my candy crush again. I'm on twelve and seventy,
but who's counting level? But it's a it's almost an oxymoron.
And the ad makers and the producers of social media
(24:55):
want to have content that will keep keep you not
engaged with other people, but engaged with that platform, whatever
it is, So that almost becomes an oxymoron because you're
not being social, you are being a social and you
(25:19):
are between being mean and hooked to whatever bad news
if it bleeds, it leads that hooking into the app
or the website or shopping or whatever it is is
affecting our own skill set on being social from person
(25:40):
to person on a face to face basis, and certainly
COVID did not help. That COVID I think was a
steroid to something that was originally meant to be help. Technology,
social media, keeping in touch with friends and family that
(26:03):
are far away. I mean, those are still good things.
But when when I say shows for me to, usually
people come out with a negative word association. Right, people
don't talk to each other anymore, they don't interact with it,
and anything interaction is mean and criticizing and inflammatory and divisive,
(26:25):
and it's using your words to fight each other and
using your words to ridicule and belittle people. It's like
cyber bullying is bullying on steroids, because there's almost a level,
like I was saying before, of freedom to say anything.
And the more horrible, the more inflammatory, the more people
(26:49):
jump on that person's comment, jump on that person, and
then guess what three hours of your life that you
cannot get back are gone? And do you you feel good? No?
I don't know anybody that feels good when they're engaged
in a verbal assault, a verbal war. While she said,
and the said, and I did, and it's really unhappy making.
(27:15):
Have I convinced you that it is so important? And
maybe the term is not digital hygiene, but digital etiquette on.
Can we stop the leakage this negative verbal diarrhea, texting
(27:36):
even or posting diarrhea that that vomit. Sorry, I'm making
it graphic because truly, if you're on social media more
than you are even at work hours at work these days,
if you think about it and you are allowing, you
are choosing to allow all of that assault to enter
(28:01):
into your focus and into your life and you're not.
You're being hooked by the nose or the ear or
the mouth into platforms that are built to fuel the fire,
news media being one of them, to continue to hook
(28:22):
you into that negative, angry, fearful, anxious, frustrated, annoyed space
that's on you. And that's why I talk about this,
because we think that someone's doing something to us and
(28:44):
it's their fault, and we blame them. We blame media,
We blame social media, we blame the trolls, we blame
the fake news, we blame other people, we blame our kids.
It's for being on it for so long and why
is it? You know, we'll try to block the ads,
(29:06):
try to block buck buck, but really the buck stops
right here, and no one's holding a gun to your
head to pick up your phone first thing in the
morning and start ms meaningless scrolling. Nobody has a gun.
(29:29):
I don't have anybody in my house. I don't have
anybody who comes and says, okay, I want you to
wake up right now and pick up your phone. No
one's forcing me to do that. The only person that's
doing that is me. Then I start scrolling. But I
(29:53):
love looking at the cute puppies and the cute babies
and all the little shorts that make me laugh. And
certainly and for me, I love shots by Bruce when
he does the Killer Whales and the Whales. I love
watching that, and anything Frenchy. I love watching that. And
there's some super great cool dance things on TikTok that
(30:17):
I absolutely love to watch. If you can limit yourself
to those, which I'm pretty good at. People say all
the time, you're on social so much. I go No.
Actually I post once a day or maybe twice because
of the show, and I'm a giver and I don't receive.
(30:39):
I try not to. I know that I can easily
lose an hour of my time that I can't get
back if I stay on this thing, because I'll click
and then click, and then I took the news app
off my phone. I haven't had a TV to watch
news for over ten years. I will hear about the
(30:59):
news some of my co hosts, like doctor TIFFTI will
make sure that I am up to speed with some
of the things that are important. But I don't like
to see anything that I don't have control to change.
I use this platform to change things. I don't talk
about homelessness unless I have a guest who is doing
(31:23):
something to take homeless use off the streets. Doors of
change and that the shinding is coming up, So go
check them out and meet me on the carpet at
that event. But that is my choice. So if I
can do it, you can do it if you have
a way to discipline yourself. To discipline yourself, I had
(31:46):
to plug my phone in not by my nightstand for
until I got strong enough to not pick it up
when I woke up. Now I pick it up. I
hit the books. I read two pages for this or
one or two pages from this thing called You by
Ernest Holmes, and then I set the alarm for fifteen
(32:06):
minutes and I meditate. And that's how I start. I
if I see some newsflash, I'm gonna very out of
my routine of my discipline and start hitting and clicking,
and then I'm late or I've wasted an hour. So
(32:29):
I'm encouraging you a little bit of tough love. If
you're a person who is it's the media's fault, or
it's the app's fault, or someone's you know, tempting my children. No,
if you can tough love yourself and learn how to
(32:55):
be the boss of media. You know, nobody can make
media the boss of you except you, right, So limit
yourself and or if you can't limit yourself, then don't
(33:16):
do it at all. But if you but then you're
really not using social media. Because social media actually can
be an amazing tool I mentioned earlier, connecting people around
the world by similar interests, right, that's what groups are for.
You can sell stuff right marketplace. That's a good use
(33:37):
of social media. Connecting with others, affirming others, encouraging others.
Those are all also possible. So anytime someone you know
yells at the damage that social media is doing, you
can balance that out by saying, well, but it does
(33:58):
do this, this, and this. If you can focus on
those things, Okay, Because we can make things worse by
constantly complaining about all the things that are wrong with
digital technology, wrong with social media, wrong with the people
(34:19):
on social media, wrong with the people who create the platforms,
people who create the news. So I do have control
over that. I can control how much time I spend
on there. That's the one thing. That's the first thing
when we come back. I'm going to talk about the
(34:40):
second thing that we can do when it comes to
social media, digital hygiene, digital etiquette that can make technology
work for us and not against our own happiness factor. Okay,
don't go away. Pausing for newsweather, and traffic here on
(35:00):
NBC News Radio k c A A. We'll be right back,
Chuck Weller, you on the other side, used to say,
we'll be back into and too. It'll be less time
than that. Peace in and peace out is what I say.
Don't go away, I'll be right back.
Speaker 4 (35:41):
What it conforming to the world was exploring the way.
Speaker 3 (35:48):
What is the question what do you want to be
when you grow up?
Speaker 5 (35:51):
Girl?
Speaker 3 (35:53):
Turns into how many streets I'll fly?
Speaker 6 (35:57):
You explore what if the purpose of life is not
to die with the most toys, to leave our squabbling relatives?
Speaker 3 (36:06):
What if the purpose of life was to do things
that we enjoy most of the time, have relationships that
we enjoy most of the time, and use our unique talents,
gifts and abilities to fully express in dash between Earth
and death.
Speaker 6 (36:27):
What if as a direct result of this horrible pandemic,
we could rise out of the ashes with you PPEP
host pandemic possibilities. The sooner you turn it's impossible to
find possible.
Speaker 3 (36:47):
The what ifs come possible too, because you.
Speaker 4 (36:52):
Are loving, lovable and love wrapped in a warm blanket
of worthiness thing. But it makes start with getting out
of bed and making it what it start.
Speaker 7 (37:09):
Yeah, take back your life with Doctor Mauricepe.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
And welcome back. You're tuned in to take my advice.
I'm not using it. Get balance with Doctor Marissa the
Morning Show. You're on k c A a NBC news
radio home to the Agent Oprah number one, talking the
I E. Thank you very much, and streaming everywhere iHeartRadio, Spotify, iTunes,
tunent in, Amazon Music, and of course my YouTube TV
(38:02):
channel where if you free subscribe and give me the finger,
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YouTube channel where you It houses all of my shows
one four hundred and fifty and this is my sixth
(38:24):
Oh I didn't change Did I change you? Six hundred
and ninety three consecutive weeks and a new impression number
of three point eight eight million. Grateful, grateful that y'all
are still here in the show that balances up the
bad news with good news is still running. And today's topic,
(38:45):
oh wait Asian Oprah giveaway no car. However, in one
of these days, this is the number one Amazon and
national bestselling book called eight Ways Happiness from Wherever you are,
and you get a free audio book every Monday. You
just go to my website, which is doctor Marisa dot life,
(39:10):
and I gotta pull it up right here. If you go,
you're going to get a pop up that has you
put in your email address and you can let's see you.
Let me go down here, close that anywhere every page
(39:34):
has the ability to put an email address, and then
I will send you the promo codes for the free
audio book, which is read by me, so you'll hear
my voice in your head. All right, we talked. We're
talking about digital hygiene, we're talking about digital etiquette. We're
(39:55):
talking about social media and really making it social instead
of asocial or anti social, which the mean interactions that
seem to be predominantly the conversations that are going on
on social media. And then I have my wiser generation
(40:21):
who hate technology, wish their kids and their grandkids would
get off of the phone. We have ones in the
next generation who understand the importance of technology and struggle
between teaching their parents how to use technology because they
(40:45):
don't have that wiring because they didn't were brought up
with it. And then the younger generation who seem to
be more interested in being on their phone than doing
anything else, and it's one of those I'm going to
take your phone away. So that is the reality of
when I say digital hygiene or digital safety or digital anything.
(41:08):
And most people are very negative around it and have
lost the balancing positive side of being able to connect
with people around the world through technology, looking at the
benefits of having platforms in which to share who you are,
because it doesn't matter how good you are if you
(41:28):
can't communicate it or share it. Social media is a
great way to do that if you can stay away
from the negative sales and you know, spend your life
savings and believing someone that they can, you know, make
you whatever it is. That's my personal b S belief
(41:52):
system around not buying numbers and not you know, making
your value about that which you is a trap. I
think that's my belief system. But know who you are
and be the best that you can be and broadcast
at use social media. Don't let social media use you, right,
(42:13):
and that's also going to help you be happier. I
talked before the break about some discipline, you know, not
to wake up and start the MS meaningless scrolling, but
to be the boss of your choices when it comes
to social media. Now, I wanted to spend the last
part of the show talking about personal mastery and communication.
(42:37):
So my it's been brought to my attention, and this
is why I picked this topic. That the skill set
on even being able to communicate and be social and
(42:58):
be a part of to to have good communication skills
on a one on one personal basis is kind of
being somewhat thwarted or influenced by this tone of attack,
(43:25):
tone of divisiveness, tone of cyberbully trolling. All of that
is definitely the negative, unhappy making side of technology and
social media. And it's talked about a lot it is.
So whatever negative is already on that and then you
(43:48):
add the word AI to it, and all the fear
and all the this is really going in a direction
that is unhappy making. And so I can't control that
for anybody but me and anyone listening. If you want
to join my happy Eightya tribe, these are the things
(44:11):
that I believe are going to help. Maybe not the
world and certainly not the majority, but if you I
know that I control my own space in my hulup.
So this is These are some of the kinds of
life heuristics or rules that I have when it comes
to social media that help me gain the benefits and
(44:36):
not be marinating and getting infected by the negative parts
of technology and social media. So you ready. One is,
before I post anything, I ask myself three questions, and
if I cannot answer yes to all three questions, I
do not post that whatever it is okay. So the
(45:01):
good news is AI already knows based on what I've posted,
based on what I've said, summarizes who I am, and
will give me feedback what I've given it. AI doesn't
(45:21):
make up stuff. It doesn't make up Shataki. It takes
what you already have put out. So it's tantamount for
me because I know what my brand is. My brand
is real and relatable and hope and happiness that's imbalanced.
(45:43):
That's my brand, Okay. So I have to understand. You know,
if you want to know how you've been posting, or
what you've been posting, or how you are impressing or
not impressing others, ask ai who is and then put
(46:03):
your name in And that is a good test to
see if you have been posting. If your intention is
to be a positive, beneficial presence on the planet and
your impact is divisiveness and anger and pissoffedness, then some
there's a disconnect. So for me, I use that rule
(46:26):
that I got from doctor David Simon three questions. Is
it kind? Is it true? And is it necessary? And
I can do it in any order. Sometimes I end
with is it necessary? Because it can be kind and
it can be true, but is it really something necessary
to put out there? Or it can be necessary, but
(46:51):
is it kind? Right? And is it true? That's my
biggest one that I just I have a little pet
peeve on Ppeople who passed me messages who have not
checked them, have not checked them as hoaxes, who have
not checked them, as you know, fake news. So this
is when I always pull up and I'm so excited
(47:12):
I get a chance thanks to bridging the gap Dave
gave me and connected me with the man who came
up with us. So to help you answer the question,
is it true? Check it is it news from either side?
If it's news from either side, it's very unlikely that
(47:33):
it's true because it has a bias that is so extreme.
And we talked last week about pigmalion effect and group think.
If you miss that show, go get it free free
subscribe on my YouTube channel. It's a Mental Health Monday's show.
It was last week, so it's like a show number
(47:58):
and forty five. But just put in their Mental Health
Mondays and you'll get that playlist. So there's no such
thing as unbiased news, but there is such a thing
as really really biased news that is no longer the
truth for me, because you see what you believe, and
if you're far right or far left, you can't let
(48:21):
in any information that contradicts what you believe, and therefore
it's not balanced news. So I go to the center.
Is it true? Second? Is it kind? The skill of
saying things in a nice way is hopefully not a
(48:42):
skill of the past, but we have to exercise that skill.
And if you're not interacting with people on a face
to face or intimate or one on one basis, we're
gonna lose that skill right at the rate we're going.
If we don't check fact and also a body check ourselves,
(49:03):
we're gonna be You know, if an alien came, they
would think that this is your face. I'm guilty of
this too. Okay, so most people are even walking and
I'm this is on me too, walking, So people are
gonna think this is your face. Aliens are gonna come
(49:25):
and they're not gonna see your face because we're buried constantly.
And what are you taking from that? Right? If you're posting,
is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? If
you're reading other people's post right, is it kind? Is
(49:46):
it true? Is it necessary? I will snooze and or
unfollow people who I I don't feel good when I'm
reading their stuff. So this is where we are not
the boss of ourselves. If you're constantly ticked off by
someone on your friend list, or you see their posts
(50:08):
come up. Every time you put a negative, angry retort
to what they're saying, it will come up more. That's
the way it works. Why it is the sole goal
of everything in technology to hijack your attention. That's the goal.
(50:29):
The more that they can suck you in to looking
and watching and reacting and interacting, that algorithm goes ding
ding ding. We got them. Let's show them more of
things that absolutely push their buttons. That's what it does.
The AI is not personal. It's not doing this to
(50:52):
punish you. It's not doing this to tempt you. You
are the boss of how it treats you. People are
scared of what ais AI and technology can do nothing
more than you ask them to do, either intentionally or unintentionally,
and most of us do not understand or practice or
(51:16):
use the power of our choice. Perfect example, you can
put companies out of business by not buying their product
if you discover that they are supporting or being misogynistic
or whatever it is. They're involved in sex trafficking, they're
(51:36):
involved in child labor, you're in, they're involved in. You
can check their ability to be successful by just not
buying their stuff. But what do we do we buy
stuff based on their ability to put marketing on that
hooks you in, and you don't question who they are,
(51:57):
the values of that company, just saying they're not doing
anything to you. No one's putting a gun to your
head to say buy this product, but they are tantalizing
you and driving you right. If you don't, if you're
not the boss of your attention, if you do not
(52:18):
understand the power of your own choice, then you are
going to be distracted and led by whatever whoever has
the money to invest in constantly putting images or things
that tick you off. Because happy babies and dogs and
(52:41):
puppies and cute things are yes, they hook you, but
not as much as the horrific. Oh that's just the
way we're wired. I don't know why I don't like
it either. You know, it's like you gotta look at roadkill.
You know you shouldn't look at roadkill when there's an accident.
You know it's not a good thing. But you know
(53:02):
what do we do. We're like, oh my god, look
at that. That's just you know that we're not perfect,
but that is one of those weird human dynamics. That's
just the way we're made, but we don't have to
feed it. We don't have to let that aspect of
us be the predominant aspect of us. We can make
(53:23):
the caring part of us that wants to help people
in those situations be the predominant part of us. But
the way that we are allowing social media and the
people producing the apps that get our attention, we allow
that because we're not using our most powerful tool of
(53:43):
choice to turn away, then we will become this angry, spewing, insulting, angry, negative, vile, volatile.
We're doing that to ourselves because we choose to allow
(54:05):
whatever that weapon of mass distraction is between the app
and the news, we're allowing them to hijack our most
powerful tool, which his choice. So if you're angry at
what social media is doing to you, you're angry about
what social media is doing to our youngins, guess what
(54:31):
young ins can be. Have them listen to this episode.
To continue to blame the people and things that are
outside is not useful. If we take responsibility and sit
(54:53):
down with their kids and say technology has a lot
of benefits. These are things that you do. You have
the choice whether or not to spend time right playing games,
and I know you're finding social interaction with the people
that you're playing games with, but there's also people around
(55:15):
us that would like to have that same interaction. So
I'm not saying you can't, but let's balance it out.
How about during the week, you know, you finish your
homework whatever, and then you get an hour I'm happy,
you know, but then you good night sleep. And then
on the weekends, you know, one day can be with
(55:36):
the family and the other day it can be with
your digital friends. So there's a balance, and there's a
teaching that it's not all bad because it's here to stay,
but that we are the boss of what we use
it for. And I hope you hear that. I'm gonna
get off my soapbox in a second. I am so
(55:57):
grateful that I have this platform to be able to
you know, these are all because I want you to
be happier and this whole you know, where we're moving
and the fear around all of the technology doesn't have
to be It's a balance, right. Yes, there are potential
(56:18):
things that can be derailing in they can you can
lose your job for that, but guess what, there are
so many other new jobs created. You can have time
freed up to be all that you can be. You know,
most people who are afraid of what AI is going
to do to take their job, they don't even like
(56:39):
their jobs. Hello. So let's we're the boss of our
reactions and how we can fuel either the direction in
a positive way or in a negative way. It's our choice.
That's it. Thanks for joining me today. Make sure you
(57:00):
go to my website and put your email in. I
will be sending out finally a non spam email. I
try to do it once a quarter. I think I
totally missed it, but I'll be sending that out with
another Asian overgiveaway there. So go to doctor Marissa dot
life and sign up to be part of my Happy Ada.
Try free subscribe on my YouTube TV channel. You can
(57:23):
enjoy the red Carpet playlist and yeah, keep it here.
It's all about balance, peace in peace, out world, peace
through inner piece. Now go and have the best day ever.
See you tomorrow morning.
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At exhausting amster wheel and into balance living with Doctor.
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Doctor Marisa, also known as the Asian Oprah. Her mission
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Speaker 3 (00:33):
And welcome your tending to take my advice. I'm not
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Show here on gayzy AA, NBC News, CNBC News and
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six point five streaming everywhere. iHeart Radio, Spotify, iTunes, Student
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in Audible, Amazon Music, Ticula, rumble Pa, chaster, streaker, speaker
and or oh why so many places. I want to
maximize my splatter zone for more hope and happiness. That's
why there's so many platforms. And you know that as
Asian Oprah, my honorable Moniker. I am continuing and grateful
(01:17):
to her for her lead on media being more than
just the worst in people. The Jerry Springer Show, Sorry Jerry,
but you know, just highlighting the worst in people, the
worst in our situations. The headlines are always negative these
days because people want you to get mad, because that
(01:40):
makes you watch longer and be tempted or you know,
whatever product is being sold there. And that's what I
just you know, I wanted something different. I wanted to
balance out all the headlines and the negativity with some
heartlines and what's good about people, what's good about life,
(02:01):
what's good about you? And how to be happy. I'm
on a happy eighty eight mission, eighty eight million more
happy people in the next eight years. And to that end,
y'all know this little baby, I can do it without
by Green Stream Background is a hit national bestseller as
(02:24):
well as number one Amazon, and you get a free
audiobook copy if you're tuned in on Mental Health Mondays,
which is today, and I'll tell you how to get
a hold of one of those in the break But
in the meantime, y'all know that I start every show
with that good life habit, a hashtag discipline of breakfast.
(02:48):
You're gonna have breakfast with me right now, taking a
bite of my gratitude sandwich. And this is something that
I want you and encourage you to start every day
instead of picking up your smartphone or MS meaningless scrolling.
I want you to focus on things that you're grateful for.
(03:08):
That's the top of the button in the gratitude sandwich,
and the bottom of the butt is what you like
about yourself. That's gratitude turned inwards. That way, you're going
to start your day in the most positive way and
follow doctor Wayne Dyer's advice to start to day with gratitude.
He says five, I'm a little bit of a recovering overachiever,
(03:29):
so I say eight specific things that you're grateful for. So,
since I am on my own this morning, this is
a typical I get to one show right off the share.
It is Monday, Mond and I wanted to focus on
your own mental health, and so gratitude sandwich is certainly
(03:53):
my number one tool to that end. And starting the
day looking around you, what are you grateful for? And
I'm looking around me right now, I see on the wall.
I got to do book sidings at multiple Barnes and
Nobles in the Southland South southern California. I think it
was Irvines Barns and Nobles, Seal Beach, Long Beaches Barnes
(04:17):
and Noble. Las Vegas's Barnes and Noble riverside Barnes and Noble.
And I'm really grateful that the book did so well
to help people be happier, and that is exactly why
I wrote the book. I'm grateful that I met new
(04:38):
neighbors at the International Tower pool. It was a pool
party and people ask what I did, And there's people
now going through the book because they want to be happier,
and I just love that. I love that I get
to do that kind of work. I am grateful that
(04:59):
I had an amazing birthday party yesterday with friends and family.
My youngest daughter Sarah drove from San Francisco just for
my birthday and to celebrate with me with my party
friends and family clients. It was just my co hosts
were here. It was really fun. I did a little
(05:20):
video recap, so you'll have to go on my social
today to get that. Doctor Marissa a doc balance on Instagram,
doctor mrs everywhere else. I am grateful that I live
in this amazing place. Now. Yes, the blood clots took
me off of the International Tour, but ironically I'm now
(05:42):
staying in the International Tower and it's beautiful and it
was so nice having people who know me and me
where I lived for eight years before, which was beautiful view.
People not so nice, but beautiful view. And I'm so
(06:02):
grateful that I got the validation they took a look
at the view and went, this is a better view,
and I didn't think that that was possible. So it's
my blood clot silver lining, and just grateful that I
have a place to dissolve the clots that is gorgeous,
(06:22):
and that I'm grateful that I'm a really good hematologist
who is taking care of me. And I'm grateful that
the clot is starting to dissolve, not as fast as
I wanted to do. I'm grateful that I get to
write and work on my screenplay since I grounded from
(06:44):
travel and to finish life by a thousand cuts. I'm
grateful that I have friends like Queen Benita and Anne
Marie who just have been such a great support this
move and adjustment to my life not in the air.
(07:05):
And then the bottom of the button is what are you?
What do you? What are you grateful for? Inside yourself?
So top of the bunt is outside inside and this
is an exercise I call it weight training for your soul,
for your self mastery, self soothing, self love, which I
think is the foundation of good mental health. So how
(07:29):
good are you are? How good are you? And I
don't drink. This is the day after sorry post birthday
hangover without alcohol. I felt like I had three different
parties because I will never make a party. I said
from two to eight, thinking it would be helpful for
(07:50):
people to be able to attend, but I ended up
having three parties and my blood cuts. Finally, at the
third phase said we're done. So I'm a little bit
emotionally hugover. But the gratitudes on the bottom are to
affirm and to get better at being your best friend
(08:12):
instead of your own worst critic. And that's why we
do this weight training called what do you like about yourself?
And some of you may have grown up in as
you can tell I'm not Swedish. I know you thought
I was Swedish. But in Chinese and Japanese there is
an expression, a saying that says the nail that stands
(08:36):
up is hammered down. And that's really not good incentive
to say I'm good at this or I'm good at that.
In fact, when I used to do diversity value diversity work,
if you ask a Chinese carpenter do you do good work?
Like are you a good carpenter? They'll say no, no, no, no, no,
(08:58):
just average, just average because as part of the culture,
even though you're really good, which is very different than
American culture. So but even in American culture, I meet
a lot of people who come to me for happiness
coaching who say that I'm no, it's harder on myself
than myself and I have unrealistic expectations around myself. And
(09:26):
it's called recovering perfectionism is the way that I have
learned how to take that voice that's my own worst
critic and make it my biggest advocate and my best friend.
And that's what the bottom of the bond does. That
exercises that. So what do you like about yourself? I
(09:47):
appreciate my ability to look for silver linings. I put
on my life jacket with the silver lining every single day.
I appreciate that I a so to balance that out
let myself feel bad, not long. But it's important to
(10:09):
process the grief process, the sadness process, the righteous indignation,
and get in touch with your pissoffedness. Just as long
as it doesn't take over your life. I'll give you
an example. See every siren is evidence that what I'm
(10:35):
saying at that moment is important. So when you are
not kind to yourself, when you criticize yourself, when you
are angry at another person, you could feel it, feel
it fully, and then use that muscle to soothe yourself
(11:01):
to a different place. Abraham Hicks calls it, I think
the best feeling thought. So when you're beating yourself up,
doesn't feel good. When you're angry at someone else, it
doesn't feel good. I've learned, and I'm good at not
glossing over things. Or George Costanza's father did it the
(11:27):
best in Seinfeld. If you remember that one episode when
he would walk around and say serenity now, like somebody
would do something bad and he'd go serenity now, or
he hurt himself or something, serenity now like. It's called
a spiritual bypass. And that's also not good. If we
(11:50):
don't feel our feelings, they get bottled up, they get infected.
So I appreciate my ability to express safely my sadness,
my anger. I had a really good cry with my
older daughter and her boyfriend the morning of my birthday
(12:11):
because I was sad that I was not in Africa
celebrating my birthday as planned. I was sad that I
was having a party. I didn't even want to have
a party, but I knew that if I didn't have
a party on my birthday, I'd be sitting home on
(12:32):
my pity pot, really not in a good place, So
that's why I had I'm really glad that Queen Benita
and am Marie really did the bulk of everything, and
I was able to relax more than I usually do
doing parties, partially because I had hurt my back and
(12:54):
I really couldn't run around. But I appreciate my ability
to feel fully and that's important. I appreciate my ability
to find things to laugh at and t Still, I'm
really working at re establishing who I am again, because
(13:18):
so much of who I am is no fear doing
what I want, when I want how I want, traveling
at a drop of a dime or traveling a lot.
And now with his two blood clots, I can't for
the next year, and that's a big justment for me,
(13:39):
and so I'm like, well, who am I really at
the core of who I am, which is a good
question to ask for anyone throughout your life. It's not
just a question for when you're a teenager going into college,
where are you going to be? Or when you're a kid,
what do you be when you grow up? But it's
really good to ask that question and have a good
(14:01):
sit down with yourself to get in touch with you.
So that's what I'm good at. At the bottom of
my bun. That's it for breakfast. Thanks for joining me.
I hope that every weekday morning you either join me
here or you do it on your own to make
it part of your routine. I got interviewed last week
(14:22):
on a great podcast show. I'm gonna have to look
at it. I have great memory, but horrible recall. But
she asked me what do I do first thing in
the morning, and that is meditate and then second thing
is take a bite to my gratitude sandwich. So thanks
for joining us this morning for breakfast. And now for
(14:54):
the topic of the day. It says everything is awesome.
It is mondy Monday, and it's not rainy days. And
Mondays always get me up hashtag up unlimited possibilities, and
(15:14):
that is what mondays are for. To take a real
close look at mental health, your own mental health. Are
you your captain of your ship in your head? Are
you the boss of you personal mastery? Do you have it?
You may have professional mastery where you have material things
(15:40):
of things that Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain, Robin Williams you
would think were happy because they had all the trappings
of what we think is success, professional success, titles, notoriety,
(16:00):
material things, wealth. However, if you don't have personal mastery,
you're constantly shoulding yourself. I should have done this, I
should have done that, beating yourself up, I didn't get
that done, I'm not good enough? Who you're not all that?
Or ninety nine compliments? One insult and where does your
(16:23):
focus go on that insult instead of the ninety nine compliments.
You don't feel comfortable getting complimented. You have a fear
of failure, a fear of success, you self sabotage, you
have addictions to try to numb yourself out. Those are
all evidence of maybe you have professional mastery, but certainly
(16:46):
you do not have personal mastery. So mental health mondays
or mental health matters mondays are specifically to give you
some tools to have personal mastery because life is way
too short to be bathing yourself up. And as I
like to say, life does not suck. It's amazing if
(17:08):
you have some practices and some disciplines in order to
see it, so you can believe it and then manifest it,
all right, So that's what we're talking about in the
larger umbrella mental health matters mondays and then I pick
a topic that really does impact your happiness day to day,
(17:35):
moment to moment happiness. And I had some kids over.
I had my extra kids over last night who came
my daughter's friends. One of the best things that I
loved about raising my two girls is I was the
place where other kids would come over and they called
me doctor mom, and I love that. So I still
(18:01):
they still call me doctor mom to this day. And
this is what twenty years later, and they're all, you know,
doing their adult things. Both of my kids are living
and working in San Francisco, some of them are here.
They came over last night. We get to play sushi
go and I asked them what's the one thing that
(18:22):
is bringing their happiness factor down as they're all in
their early twenties, and all of them agreed that social media,
which almost is an oxymoron the term. Ryan came up
with the term digital a digital hygiene that I'd never
(18:45):
heard of, which is like a term that is running
around not in my well not I just dropped the mic.
Literally not in my circles, but certainly in their circles.
So I thought, I love learning new things, especially kid talk.
(19:07):
They're not kids anymore, but other generational talk. So digital
hygiene is the topic for today, and how you know
we can fight it. I'm hashtag ageless. That's how old
I turned yesterday. But we as much as you don't
(19:29):
want your kids to be on social media, as much
as you don't want kids to not go out and
play and get off the computer and get off of
their phones, and you can jump up and down and
you can restrict them or you can take their phones away,
but folks, social media is here to stay until I
(19:52):
don't know, the next thing comes along. But we are
now like it or not in it up to our eyeballs.
In technology. That is where it is, and you cannot
like it, and you can restrict people and all that,
but the reality is it is here and it is
(20:13):
here to stay. So if it's in here and here
to stay, what are some things that we can do
to make technology not so unhappy, Making make social media
not so asocial or unfriendly or mean is the word
(20:34):
that came up. So that's what we're talking about today. So,
if you're here and I see eyeballs in the studio,
if you'd like to put your comments or your opinions.
I do want your opinions. Everybody has a right to
my opinion on this show because it's my show. Please
(20:55):
put them in the chat unless you're driving, because if
you're tuned in on CASEAA, I am down fifty FM
one O six point five NBC News Radio, home to
the Asian Oprah, and you're driving, I do not want
you to chat with me. But I am live every
weekday morning at nine Pacific. So if you are in
a place where you can chat, please do and I'll
(21:16):
keep an eye on my cashw gallery on what you're
thinking about this particular topic or any topic. Digital hygiene
is what we're going to talk about today, the realities,
the good, bad, and the ugly of living with technology
and how we can make it work for our happiness
instead of hurt our happiness. Oh, I'm going to write
that what works for our happiness without hurting our happiness.
(21:41):
So a couple of definitions. One was when I did
ask what digital hygiene was, I think Ryan pulled it
up and Orche can't remember. But let's look at it
because it's something that is, it is affecting us, and
(22:05):
it is talked about and needs to be talked about
beyond what we're doing right now. So digital hygiene brought
up a dental hygiene, So that's not what we want
because I spelled it wrong. Digit tell there we go,
(22:26):
digital hygiene, and there's actually a digital hygiene checklist, so
let's look. Digital hygiene, also known as cyber hygiene, is
a set of practices to protect your digital identity and
data and to limit the negative effects of constant digital exposure.
(22:52):
It involves both security measures and good organization. So this
aspect of digital hygiene is is about keeping your identity safe. Okay,
But I actually there's another definition of it which I
was more interested in, which is the overall practices and habits.
(23:23):
Also the social aspect of it, in terms of why
does it seem that social media, which you think social is,
(23:44):
you know, connections between people, is actually so divisive and
mean people feel free to say things that they would
never think of saying to someone in the face. And
it is almost an oxy It is an oxymoron because
(24:09):
social media also encourages you to be almost a social
So I'm sure you've seen couples at a meal, you
know it's date night, and what are they doing. They
are on their phones waiting for the food, not talking
to each other, but engaged with someone else or themselves
(24:32):
socially playing games. I'm guilty of that. I you know,
do love my candy crush again. I'm on twelve and seventy,
but who's counting level? But it's a it's almost an oxymoron.
And the ad makers and the producers of social media
(24:55):
want to have content that will keep keep you not
engaged with other people, but engaged with that platform, whatever
it is, So that almost becomes an oxymoron because you're
not being social, you are being a social and you
(25:19):
are between being mean and hooked to whatever bad news
if it bleeds, it leads that hooking into the app
or the website or shopping or whatever it is is
affecting our own skill set on being social from person
(25:40):
to person on a face to face basis, and certainly
COVID did not help. That COVID I think was a
steroid to something that was originally meant to be help. Technology,
social media, keeping in touch with friends and family that
(26:03):
are far away. I mean, those are still good things.
But when when I say shows for me to, usually
people come out with a negative word association. Right, people
don't talk to each other anymore, they don't interact with it,
and anything interaction is mean and criticizing and inflammatory and divisive,
(26:25):
and it's using your words to fight each other and
using your words to ridicule and belittle people. It's like
cyber bullying is bullying on steroids, because there's almost a level,
like I was saying before, of freedom to say anything.
And the more horrible, the more inflammatory, the more people
(26:49):
jump on that person's comment, jump on that person, and
then guess what three hours of your life that you
cannot get back are gone? And do you you feel good? No?
I don't know anybody that feels good when they're engaged
in a verbal assault, a verbal war. While she said,
and the said, and I did, and it's really unhappy making.
(27:15):
Have I convinced you that it is so important? And
maybe the term is not digital hygiene, but digital etiquette on.
Can we stop the leakage this negative verbal diarrhea, texting
(27:36):
even or posting diarrhea that that vomit. Sorry, I'm making
it graphic because truly, if you're on social media more
than you are even at work hours at work these days,
if you think about it and you are allowing, you
are choosing to allow all of that assault to enter
(28:01):
into your focus and into your life and you're not.
You're being hooked by the nose or the ear or
the mouth into platforms that are built to fuel the fire,
news media being one of them, to continue to hook
(28:22):
you into that negative, angry, fearful, anxious, frustrated, annoyed space
that's on you. And that's why I talk about this,
because we think that someone's doing something to us and
(28:44):
it's their fault, and we blame them. We blame media,
We blame social media, we blame the trolls, we blame
the fake news, we blame other people, we blame our kids.
It's for being on it for so long and why
is it? You know, we'll try to block the ads,
(29:06):
try to block buck buck, but really the buck stops
right here, and no one's holding a gun to your
head to pick up your phone first thing in the
morning and start ms meaningless scrolling. Nobody has a gun.
(29:29):
I don't have anybody in my house. I don't have
anybody who comes and says, okay, I want you to
wake up right now and pick up your phone. No
one's forcing me to do that. The only person that's
doing that is me. Then I start scrolling. But I
(29:53):
love looking at the cute puppies and the cute babies
and all the little shorts that make me laugh. And
certainly and for me, I love shots by Bruce when
he does the Killer Whales and the Whales. I love
watching that, and anything Frenchy. I love watching that. And
there's some super great cool dance things on TikTok that
(30:17):
I absolutely love to watch. If you can limit yourself
to those, which I'm pretty good at. People say all
the time, you're on social so much. I go No.
Actually I post once a day or maybe twice because
of the show, and I'm a giver and I don't receive.
(30:39):
I try not to. I know that I can easily
lose an hour of my time that I can't get
back if I stay on this thing, because I'll click
and then click, and then I took the news app
off my phone. I haven't had a TV to watch
news for over ten years. I will hear about the
(30:59):
news some of my co hosts, like doctor TIFFTI will
make sure that I am up to speed with some
of the things that are important. But I don't like
to see anything that I don't have control to change.
I use this platform to change things. I don't talk
about homelessness unless I have a guest who is doing
(31:23):
something to take homeless use off the streets. Doors of
change and that the shinding is coming up, So go
check them out and meet me on the carpet at
that event. But that is my choice. So if I
can do it, you can do it if you have
a way to discipline yourself. To discipline yourself, I had
(31:46):
to plug my phone in not by my nightstand for
until I got strong enough to not pick it up
when I woke up. Now I pick it up. I
hit the books. I read two pages for this or
one or two pages from this thing called You by
Ernest Holmes, and then I set the alarm for fifteen
(32:06):
minutes and I meditate. And that's how I start. I
if I see some newsflash, I'm gonna very out of
my routine of my discipline and start hitting and clicking,
and then I'm late or I've wasted an hour. So
(32:29):
I'm encouraging you a little bit of tough love. If
you're a person who is it's the media's fault, or
it's the app's fault, or someone's you know, tempting my children. No,
if you can tough love yourself and learn how to
(32:55):
be the boss of media. You know, nobody can make
media the boss of you except you, right, So limit
yourself and or if you can't limit yourself, then don't
(33:16):
do it at all. But if you but then you're
really not using social media. Because social media actually can
be an amazing tool I mentioned earlier, connecting people around
the world by similar interests, right, that's what groups are for.
You can sell stuff right marketplace. That's a good use
(33:37):
of social media. Connecting with others, affirming others, encouraging others.
Those are all also possible. So anytime someone you know
yells at the damage that social media is doing, you
can balance that out by saying, well, but it does
(33:58):
do this, this, and this. If you can focus on
those things, Okay, Because we can make things worse by
constantly complaining about all the things that are wrong with
digital technology, wrong with social media, wrong with the people
(34:19):
on social media, wrong with the people who create the platforms,
people who create the news. So I do have control
over that. I can control how much time I spend
on there. That's the one thing. That's the first thing
when we come back. I'm going to talk about the
(34:40):
second thing that we can do when it comes to
social media, digital hygiene, digital etiquette that can make technology
work for us and not against our own happiness factor. Okay,
don't go away. Pausing for newsweather, and traffic here on
(35:00):
NBC News Radio k c A A. We'll be right back,
Chuck Weller, you on the other side, used to say,
we'll be back into and too. It'll be less time
than that. Peace in and peace out is what I say.
Don't go away, I'll be right back.
Speaker 4 (35:41):
What it conforming to the world was exploring the way.
Speaker 3 (35:48):
What is the question what do you want to be
when you grow up?
Speaker 5 (35:51):
Girl?
Speaker 3 (35:53):
Turns into how many streets I'll fly?
Speaker 6 (35:57):
You explore what if the purpose of life is not
to die with the most toys, to leave our squabbling relatives?
Speaker 3 (36:06):
What if the purpose of life was to do things
that we enjoy most of the time, have relationships that
we enjoy most of the time, and use our unique talents,
gifts and abilities to fully express in dash between Earth
and death.
Speaker 6 (36:27):
What if as a direct result of this horrible pandemic,
we could rise out of the ashes with you PPEP
host pandemic possibilities. The sooner you turn it's impossible to
find possible.
Speaker 3 (36:47):
The what ifs come possible too, because you.
Speaker 4 (36:52):
Are loving, lovable and love wrapped in a warm blanket
of worthiness thing. But it makes start with getting out
of bed and making it what it start.
Speaker 7 (37:09):
Yeah, take back your life with Doctor Mauricepe.
Speaker 3 (37:40):
And welcome back. You're tuned in to take my advice.
I'm not using it. Get balance with Doctor Marissa the
Morning Show. You're on k c A a NBC news
radio home to the Agent Oprah number one, talking the
I E. Thank you very much, and streaming everywhere iHeartRadio, Spotify, iTunes,
tunent in, Amazon Music, and of course my YouTube TV
(38:02):
channel where if you free subscribe and give me the finger,
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YouTube channel where you It houses all of my shows
one four hundred and fifty and this is my sixth
(38:24):
Oh I didn't change Did I change you? Six hundred
and ninety three consecutive weeks and a new impression number
of three point eight eight million. Grateful, grateful that y'all
are still here in the show that balances up the
bad news with good news is still running. And today's topic,
(38:45):
oh wait Asian Oprah giveaway no car. However, in one
of these days, this is the number one Amazon and
national bestselling book called eight Ways Happiness from Wherever you are,
and you get a free audio book every Monday. You
just go to my website, which is doctor Marisa dot life,
(39:10):
and I gotta pull it up right here. If you go,
you're going to get a pop up that has you
put in your email address and you can let's see you.
Let me go down here, close that anywhere every page
(39:34):
has the ability to put an email address, and then
I will send you the promo codes for the free
audio book, which is read by me, so you'll hear
my voice in your head. All right, we talked. We're
talking about digital hygiene, we're talking about digital etiquette. We're
(39:55):
talking about social media and really making it social instead
of asocial or anti social, which the mean interactions that
seem to be predominantly the conversations that are going on
on social media. And then I have my wiser generation
(40:21):
who hate technology, wish their kids and their grandkids would
get off of the phone. We have ones in the
next generation who understand the importance of technology and struggle
between teaching their parents how to use technology because they
(40:45):
don't have that wiring because they didn't were brought up
with it. And then the younger generation who seem to
be more interested in being on their phone than doing
anything else, and it's one of those I'm going to
take your phone away. So that is the reality of
when I say digital hygiene or digital safety or digital anything.
(41:08):
And most people are very negative around it and have
lost the balancing positive side of being able to connect
with people around the world through technology, looking at the
benefits of having platforms in which to share who you are,
because it doesn't matter how good you are if you
(41:28):
can't communicate it or share it. Social media is a
great way to do that if you can stay away
from the negative sales and you know, spend your life
savings and believing someone that they can, you know, make
you whatever it is. That's my personal b S belief
(41:52):
system around not buying numbers and not you know, making
your value about that which you is a trap. I
think that's my belief system. But know who you are
and be the best that you can be and broadcast
at use social media. Don't let social media use you, right,
(42:13):
and that's also going to help you be happier. I
talked before the break about some discipline, you know, not
to wake up and start the MS meaningless scrolling, but
to be the boss of your choices when it comes
to social media. Now, I wanted to spend the last
part of the show talking about personal mastery and communication.
(42:37):
So my it's been brought to my attention, and this
is why I picked this topic. That the skill set
on even being able to communicate and be social and
(42:58):
be a part of to to have good communication skills
on a one on one personal basis is kind of
being somewhat thwarted or influenced by this tone of attack,
(43:25):
tone of divisiveness, tone of cyberbully trolling. All of that
is definitely the negative, unhappy making side of technology and
social media. And it's talked about a lot it is.
So whatever negative is already on that and then you
(43:48):
add the word AI to it, and all the fear
and all the this is really going in a direction
that is unhappy making. And so I can't control that
for anybody but me and anyone listening. If you want
to join my happy Eightya tribe, these are the things
(44:11):
that I believe are going to help. Maybe not the
world and certainly not the majority, but if you I
know that I control my own space in my hulup.
So this is These are some of the kinds of
life heuristics or rules that I have when it comes
to social media that help me gain the benefits and
(44:36):
not be marinating and getting infected by the negative parts
of technology and social media. So you ready. One is,
before I post anything, I ask myself three questions, and
if I cannot answer yes to all three questions, I
do not post that whatever it is okay. So the
(45:01):
good news is AI already knows based on what I've posted,
based on what I've said, summarizes who I am, and
will give me feedback what I've given it. AI doesn't
(45:21):
make up stuff. It doesn't make up Shataki. It takes
what you already have put out. So it's tantamount for
me because I know what my brand is. My brand
is real and relatable and hope and happiness that's imbalanced.
(45:43):
That's my brand, Okay. So I have to understand. You know,
if you want to know how you've been posting, or
what you've been posting, or how you are impressing or
not impressing others, ask ai who is and then put
(46:03):
your name in And that is a good test to
see if you have been posting. If your intention is
to be a positive, beneficial presence on the planet and
your impact is divisiveness and anger and pissoffedness, then some
there's a disconnect. So for me, I use that rule
(46:26):
that I got from doctor David Simon three questions. Is
it kind? Is it true? And is it necessary? And
I can do it in any order. Sometimes I end
with is it necessary? Because it can be kind and
it can be true, but is it really something necessary
to put out there? Or it can be necessary, but
(46:51):
is it kind? Right? And is it true? That's my
biggest one that I just I have a little pet
peeve on Ppeople who passed me messages who have not
checked them, have not checked them as hoaxes, who have
not checked them, as you know, fake news. So this
is when I always pull up and I'm so excited
(47:12):
I get a chance thanks to bridging the gap Dave
gave me and connected me with the man who came
up with us. So to help you answer the question,
is it true? Check it is it news from either side?
If it's news from either side, it's very unlikely that
(47:33):
it's true because it has a bias that is so extreme.
And we talked last week about pigmalion effect and group think.
If you miss that show, go get it free free
subscribe on my YouTube channel. It's a Mental Health Monday's show.
It was last week, so it's like a show number
(47:58):
and forty five. But just put in their Mental Health
Mondays and you'll get that playlist. So there's no such
thing as unbiased news, but there is such a thing
as really really biased news that is no longer the
truth for me, because you see what you believe, and
if you're far right or far left, you can't let
(48:21):
in any information that contradicts what you believe, and therefore
it's not balanced news. So I go to the center.
Is it true? Second? Is it kind? The skill of
saying things in a nice way is hopefully not a
(48:42):
skill of the past, but we have to exercise that skill.
And if you're not interacting with people on a face
to face or intimate or one on one basis, we're
gonna lose that skill right at the rate we're going.
If we don't check fact and also a body check ourselves,
(49:03):
we're gonna be You know, if an alien came, they
would think that this is your face. I'm guilty of
this too. Okay, so most people are even walking and
I'm this is on me too, walking, So people are
gonna think this is your face. Aliens are gonna come
(49:25):
and they're not gonna see your face because we're buried constantly.
And what are you taking from that? Right? If you're posting,
is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? If
you're reading other people's post right, is it kind? Is
(49:46):
it true? Is it necessary? I will snooze and or
unfollow people who I I don't feel good when I'm
reading their stuff. So this is where we are not
the boss of ourselves. If you're constantly ticked off by
someone on your friend list, or you see their posts
(50:08):
come up. Every time you put a negative, angry retort
to what they're saying, it will come up more. That's
the way it works. Why it is the sole goal
of everything in technology to hijack your attention. That's the goal.
(50:29):
The more that they can suck you in to looking
and watching and reacting and interacting, that algorithm goes ding
ding ding. We got them. Let's show them more of
things that absolutely push their buttons. That's what it does.
The AI is not personal. It's not doing this to
(50:52):
punish you. It's not doing this to tempt you. You
are the boss of how it treats you. People are
scared of what ais AI and technology can do nothing
more than you ask them to do, either intentionally or unintentionally,
and most of us do not understand or practice or
(51:16):
use the power of our choice. Perfect example, you can
put companies out of business by not buying their product
if you discover that they are supporting or being misogynistic
or whatever it is. They're involved in sex trafficking, they're
(51:36):
involved in child labor, you're in, they're involved in. You
can check their ability to be successful by just not
buying their stuff. But what do we do we buy
stuff based on their ability to put marketing on that
hooks you in, and you don't question who they are,
(51:57):
the values of that company, just saying they're not doing
anything to you. No one's putting a gun to your
head to say buy this product, but they are tantalizing
you and driving you right. If you don't, if you're
not the boss of your attention, if you do not
(52:18):
understand the power of your own choice, then you are
going to be distracted and led by whatever whoever has
the money to invest in constantly putting images or things
that tick you off. Because happy babies and dogs and
(52:41):
puppies and cute things are yes, they hook you, but
not as much as the horrific. Oh that's just the
way we're wired. I don't know why I don't like
it either. You know, it's like you gotta look at roadkill.
You know you shouldn't look at roadkill when there's an accident.
You know it's not a good thing. But you know
(53:02):
what do we do. We're like, oh my god, look
at that. That's just you know that we're not perfect,
but that is one of those weird human dynamics. That's
just the way we're made, but we don't have to
feed it. We don't have to let that aspect of
us be the predominant aspect of us. We can make
(53:23):
the caring part of us that wants to help people
in those situations be the predominant part of us. But
the way that we are allowing social media and the
people producing the apps that get our attention, we allow
that because we're not using our most powerful tool of
(53:43):
choice to turn away, then we will become this angry, spewing, insulting, angry, negative, vile, volatile.
We're doing that to ourselves because we choose to allow
(54:05):
whatever that weapon of mass distraction is between the app
and the news, we're allowing them to hijack our most
powerful tool, which his choice. So if you're angry at
what social media is doing to you, you're angry about
what social media is doing to our youngins, guess what
(54:31):
young ins can be. Have them listen to this episode.
To continue to blame the people and things that are
outside is not useful. If we take responsibility and sit
(54:53):
down with their kids and say technology has a lot
of benefits. These are things that you do. You have
the choice whether or not to spend time right playing games,
and I know you're finding social interaction with the people
that you're playing games with, but there's also people around
(55:15):
us that would like to have that same interaction. So
I'm not saying you can't, but let's balance it out.
How about during the week, you know, you finish your
homework whatever, and then you get an hour I'm happy,
you know, but then you good night sleep. And then
on the weekends, you know, one day can be with
(55:36):
the family and the other day it can be with
your digital friends. So there's a balance, and there's a
teaching that it's not all bad because it's here to stay,
but that we are the boss of what we use
it for. And I hope you hear that. I'm gonna
get off my soapbox in a second. I am so
(55:57):
grateful that I have this platform to be able to
you know, these are all because I want you to
be happier and this whole you know, where we're moving
and the fear around all of the technology doesn't have
to be It's a balance, right. Yes, there are potential
(56:18):
things that can be derailing in they can you can
lose your job for that, but guess what, there are
so many other new jobs created. You can have time
freed up to be all that you can be. You know,
most people who are afraid of what AI is going
to do to take their job, they don't even like
(56:39):
their jobs. Hello. So let's we're the boss of our
reactions and how we can fuel either the direction in
a positive way or in a negative way. It's our choice.
That's it. Thanks for joining me today. Make sure you
(57:00):
go to my website and put your email in. I
will be sending out finally a non spam email. I
try to do it once a quarter. I think I
totally missed it, but I'll be sending that out with
another Asian overgiveaway there. So go to doctor Marissa dot
life and sign up to be part of my Happy Ada.
Try free subscribe on my YouTube TV channel. You can
(57:23):
enjoy the red Carpet playlist and yeah, keep it here.
It's all about balance, peace in peace, out world, peace
through inner piece. Now go and have the best day ever.
See you tomorrow morning.
Speaker 1 (57:52):
Hey you yeah, you do? You know where you are? Well,
you've done it. Now you're listening to Casey A A
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Trump's not campaigning anymore.
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Tune in on Sundays at one pm for the Truth.
You will be very grateful that you did see you there?
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What not?
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Hey, Southern California, you know what's going on. It's my
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Whether it's relationships, sex, wellness, or spirituality, join Robert as
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com