August 20, 2025 • 60 mins
KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa on Wed, 20 Aug, 2025
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is casey AA. Tough off that exhausting amster wheel
and into balance. Living with Doctor Marissa.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
From Miss Joy.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Doctor Marisa, also known as the Asian Oprah. Her mission
to be a beneficial presence on the planet, Her purpose
to be your personal advocate, to live, lap love, learn
her life motto, don't die wondering. Take back your life
with Doctor Maurissa Pey.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
And welcome your tune to to take my advice. I'm
not using it. Get balance with Doctor Marissa in the
morning show here on gasey AA, NBC NEWCNBC News and
NBC Sports Radio station home to the Asian Oprah, Number
one talking the Ie Thank you very Much and AM
(00:56):
ten fifty FM one O six point five streaming everywhere iHeartRadio, Spotify, iTunes,
Tune in Audible, Amazon Music, Tiki Live, Rumble Pie, Chaser, Streaker,
Speaker and more. Why so many places? Well, I want
to balance out all the bad news out there with
some good news, good people, good series, and great co hosts.
(01:17):
And you can tell today is Wednesday because I have
the lovely co host of mine four, our special series
called Doctors in the House. Most said straight talk Doctors
in the House with myself and.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Doctor Tiffany Tate.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
And doctor Tiffany Tait, you know, is a multi hyphen
it like myself. If you saw the promo, you saw
her singing beautifully operatically a happy birthday to me. She's
a singer songwriter and she started as anyn still is certified.
(02:03):
Through an accident, she's no longer able to do that,
but she pivoted pretty quickly became a playwright as well
as celebrity chef. Her peach cobbler is to die for.
I had it for my birthday party on Sunday, thank
you very much. And she's also a children's book author
(02:24):
and a poetry author, and now she has thrown her
hat in running for Congress. So please welcome back to
my studio, doctor tiff Any day.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Always a pleasure to be here, and happy Wednesday.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Everyone, absolutely, and we're going to start as we usually do,
with taking a bite of my gratitude sandwich. It's our
breakfast every morning on this show, every weekday morning. And
the top of the button is things that we're grateful
for outside of ourselves. Bottom of the bun is things
(03:07):
that we're grateful for inside of ourselves. So doctor Tiffany
what are you grateful for.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
I am grateful that I had the opportunity to go
visit your new place in Long Beach. It was such
a beautiful view. And I love water. That's why I
was in the Navy, and I am a Navy veteran,
and just looking at the ocean is so serene. That
was one of the reasons I love being stationed at
(03:34):
Naval Medical Center San Diego and Port Wanimi and living
at the Point Magoo Navy Base because I was right
by the ocean, and I love the ocean and the
fact that you get to live by the ocean.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I love it absolutely and I'm grateful that I do
as well in my place that I'm calling the Blood
Clot silver Lining an incredible place with an incredible view.
And my name doctor Tiffany. I don't know if you
know that Marissa actually means of the water. So I
(04:12):
am fittingly still here on the beach. I am grateful
for the magnificent love and fun and laughs that we
had on Sunday for my birthday. I was supposed to
be in Africa and not meaning to throw a party,
but I knew that if I didn't have something on
(04:33):
my birthday all I would be doing is you know,
marinating in a pity pot. So I decided to throw
this party. I usually don't like throwing parties because there's
so much work, and you know, you're supposed to have
fun as your birthday. But I'm almost half grateful that
(04:55):
I put my back out a bit so I couldn't
run around like a ding dong, and I actually allowed
my friends to help with everything and it was fabulous,
and doctor Tiffany came down with warm just out of
the oven peach cobbler and people are still talking about it.
(05:16):
I am using it as a bait or certainly leverage
for anything I want. So kudos to uh doctor Tiffany
for that beautiful addition to the party. What else are
you grateful for?
Speaker 3 (05:36):
I am grateful that I actually have the opportunity to
do a little bit of practice of medicine. I will
be speaking at a healthfare this coming Saturday here in Riverside,
and it will be at a local church. And I
love giving back to the community, and whenever I get
(05:58):
a chance to have an impact on the community, I
welcome that and I'm just excited for the opportunity to speak.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Beautiful I just got told I'm going to be featured
in an international magazine that's supposed to come out this weekend.
So I am grateful for the recognition that I'm you know,
continuing to get. It seems to be on a an
uptick for some reason. I'm not sure why, but uh
(06:32):
it the the the way that it's you know, balanced
out the the the perceived loss of the world tour
to get more recognition at home is kind of interesting.
Although this this is an international magazine. Apparently it's out
of Spain, so you know, it's kind of ironic again, right,
(06:55):
that I don't go on world tour, but I'm getting
recognition internationally anyways, and that I am not on international tour,
but I land in a beautiful place called the International Tower.
So my ups man, my god, my universal power source
has a sense of humor for sure. All right, let's
(07:18):
go to the bottom of the butt. The bottom of
the bun is what do I like about myself? What
am I grateful for inside of myself? What do I
appreciate about myself? And that is weight training that I
want you to do so that you're not looking for
love and all the wrong places with antenna going around
who likes me literally now on social media. Instead, I
(07:41):
want you to know what you're good at. You're eighty
eight percent fabulous twelve percent of the time you step
in it, if you're anything like me. So I want
you to go to bed tonight, that's the bottom of
the bun, to think not about who done you wrong,
what I didn't get done. Instead, I want you to
(08:04):
think about the things that you like about yourself. So,
doctor Tivity, what do you like about yourself?
Speaker 3 (08:09):
I like my organizational skills because we are actually you know,
I'm still celebrating my birthday, but I've kind of rolled
it into a lot of campaign events. But my campaign
events are like giving back to the community in essence. So,
like I said, I'm speaking on Saturday, but on Sunday
we have a fundraiser and Nathaniel and Mia will be
(08:33):
performing for my campaign at a concert and it's called
Notes of Progress and you can find that on my
website and it will be here in Riverside. So we've
organized a campaign concert from one thirty to three thirty,
and I think it's gonna be great because Nathaniel will
be coming back and they will be performing for the
(08:55):
Notes of Progress.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Campaign fundraiser awesome and I appreciate. I can say today
was a really Today is one week since I met
with my new specialty doctor hematologist who is doctor shar
(09:19):
Out of lub Beach Memorial Todd Cancer Pavilion, and he's
absolutely fabulous and his staff, Jamie and the crew. I
have to say, as difficult as this has been for
me to adjust to too complex deep main thrombosis, blood
(09:39):
cluts and the loss a no fly zone for a year,
they've made it. They've been there at compassionate. I went
to get test done to see, you know why I
keep getting clots, And today's first morning I did not
wake up like feeling a lot of law and so
(10:02):
I'm thinking, you know, I've felt the feelings. This was
a pretty major loss, so it only took me a
week though, So I feel for the first time, doctor
Tiffany this morning, like I'm that Stella's got her groove back,
you know, doctor Mersus got her grove back. I feel
good again that, you know, I really believe with less sarcasm,
(10:26):
I can't wait to see what good comes out of this.
And it's always this or better. And you know, I
had been saying you know, I know that when one
door closes, another one opens, but sometimes it's hell in
the hallway, and that's how I'd been feeling this whole week.
But I am through it, I believe, you know, at
(10:46):
least eighty eight percent, and back to my you know,
feeling good well being abounds the majority of the time.
And I'm so appreciative of the you know, it only
took a week, so I because I got no time
to sit on that petty pot longer than I need
(11:09):
to to feel my feeling.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
So I'm so so appreciative of my bliscipline hashtag bliscipoline
and good life habit to reach for that better feeling
thought and I can come out of the pain into
the power.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
So look out, I'm back.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
You know, I kind of feel that way. With my
baking your pie was the first time that I actually
baked in my oven since I had it replaced. Remember
I went through all the issues with your Chance company,
and so since I baked your oven, I have actually
had two more requests for my peach copper and so
(11:52):
it's it's a good thing that I actually had a
chance to use it to bake. And now I'm in
the baking move. I actually love to bake, and I
feel that it actually brings joy into people's lives and
it actually relieves my stress. And I love that about
me because if baking can make someone feel better and
(12:17):
it puts a smile on people's faces and it brings
joy into people's hearts and bellies, I'm willing to do that.
So I love the fact that it helps enlighten people.
As long as they eat responsibly and don't partake in gluttony,
I'm happy to do it.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
I'm just doing my story. I'm not ignoring you. Oh no, no.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Did you share the rest of your cobbler with the
last wave of the group that came.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
I did, but I still have leftover. I did not
like offer up too much more.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
It freezes well, I will tell you that I was
going to ask you, Yes, it freezes well. If you
want to like put some away some tepperware and eat
some later, it definitely freeze as well.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
My daughter drove down from San Francisco. My younger daughter
drove down, and so she put the cobbler away and
it ended up being one round and one two of
the rectangles. So I took one rectangle to my bonus
Dad's place to celebrate my birthday with him. Some of
(13:30):
you may have seen the social post on that, and
he's ninety five, and man, he didn't say a word.
Oh he had that gobbler. That's how good it was.
I think he was expecting me to bring cake. But yeah,
he was nice and happy with that cobbler. So good
to know. I don't know if it'll make it into
(13:50):
the freezer, because yeah, I'm temporarily allowing myself to, you know,
enjoy the fruits of my birthday celebration and we'll work
out a little bit more extra next week. There you go.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
As long as you're happy and the people around you
are happy. I have done my job.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Yes you have, and you did so. Yes. So that's
it for breakfast. Thank you for joining us. Top of
the butte. Remember gratitude start the day. Doctor Wayne Dyer
said five. I'm an overachiever. Both of us are recovering overachievers.
I do eight. But we're just doing a couple now
to model for you. Hopefully you'll join me every weekday
(14:36):
morning for this good life. Have it, because then you'll
sandwich your day in the most positive way. Thanks for
joining us for breakfast. And now for the topic of
the day that says everything is awesome, Doctor Tiffany, what
(14:59):
are we talking about today?
Speaker 3 (15:02):
We are talking about.
Speaker 5 (15:06):
Silence, knowing when I know much.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
I know that I know when they listen to this
in the in the Yeah, in the replay, they were like,
because there's nothing worse on radio than than uh a
dark silence. We're not expected.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Yes, they're like, wait, her mouth is moving, but nothing's
coming out, and they're hitting their phone like, wait, where's
the sound?
Speaker 2 (15:41):
What what's going on here?
Speaker 3 (15:42):
And so the art of silence. Sometimes we say no
when to say when, but no when to say nothing.
Not every moment needs a word, and sometimes your silence
is a response. And I think that is important, especially now,
(16:09):
because sometimes you need to be silent to be present
in a moment, and sometimes we need to not respond.
And silence allows for a lot of things. It allows
for reflection, it allows for contemplation, it's a fertile ground
(16:36):
for creativity, imagination, lots of different things, and it allows
the person you're interacting with for different things. So we're
going to talk about silence. We're gonna smack it, flip
it up, rub it down, right, Yeah, there we go.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
I don't know why I can't remember that. It's probably
because I must saying it is probably enough and the
silence on the other side would be good. So I'm
going to smack it upside its head silence and talk
first half of the show, you know how I like
to keep it real first half, looking at the reality
(17:19):
of this particular topic. And I have to say, I'm
glad we're talking about it. It's not something that is
talked about a lot, obviously, because when you're talking about it,
you're not being silent. But but I have noticed lately
how irritated and quickly irritated I can get when people
(17:43):
are contributing to noise pollution, which in other countries that
I've traveled to, they actually have signs that warn you
that there's a fine if you are violating noise laws
in I think in a metro when I was in Asia,
(18:08):
I can't remember if it was Taiwan, Hong Kong, or Shanghai,
but one of the three had you know cell phone,
you know slash in the in the metro, like you
can't talk on the cell phone. I was getting my
my nails done and this woman was talking and It's like,
(18:32):
it's bad enough when you're talking on the phone and
people can hear every little detail of the shittaki that
you're talking about and you can't hear the other person
and if you're dominating your that's But what's worse than that, folks,
is when you have it on faking speaker. Do not
(18:57):
please put your speaker on and talk to people, because
I will I'll give you a look that will hurt.
It is just I just I don't understand how some
people are so unaware of the obviously personal etiquette that
isn't shared these days around public communication or public you know,
(19:23):
non silence in that. So that's my pet peeve that
I'm petting today, I'm stroking. So that's my contribution on
the reality of necessary silence in certain places.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Well, my issue is that sometimes you have conversations with people,
and usually a conversation requires, or it's recommended that it
is a two way thing. It goes back and forth
and you are interacting with someone, but sometimes the other
person says something so outland dish that you want to
(20:02):
clutch your pearls and go in attack mode and you like,
what on that h e double hockey sticks are they
talking about, and that sometimes you just need to remain
silent because everything does not require a response, and you
(20:26):
don't need to get your knickers in a twist, you
don't need to get your blood pressure raised, and you
don't need to go into attack mode because everything does
not require a response. And when people are so outlandish
and so preposterous, you need to decide when to respond.
(20:47):
And I know I have been in situations where I'm like,
what in the world.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Oh, absolutely, absolutely, the whole American culture that thrives on
this unspoken everybody has a right to my opinion. Like
if someone expresses anything, it's my job to either agree
(21:19):
with you, disagree with you, or say something. And then
if you've ever done this, I'll be guilty of this too.
Is you get in this conversation, but all you're doing
is you're waiting to respond or over talk or overprove,
and you're not even listening because you heard the first
(21:41):
two words, and then you're thinking about what you're going
to say back at them, right that is also and
then I don't know about you, there's certain people with
a certain level of volume or tambre or tone that
you can hear them across a restaurant. It's the same person.
I don't know if this is my sensitive yours.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
They don't know whisper well.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
It's almost like three people can be talking at the
same volume, but there's a certain voice quality that cuts through,
and it just I get triggered. Obviously, I'm letting you
know all of the goats that are out how different
(22:28):
people get my goat when it comes to non silence.
But that's definitely like people who not only want to
give you your opinion, they got to top everything you say,
the one upper, the one upper. If you think that's bad,
If you think that, then I got that. I'll never forget.
(22:49):
There was a woman, her name is starts with a D.
I mean, I grew up with her. We sang together
and it was so annoying. But I have to learn.
I have to learn that. You know, people aren't doing
that too personally. Get my and he's in a twirl.
(23:15):
It's my reaction that I got to own and if
I can. What is that word? Uh, what's the opposite
of detonate?
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Do you escalate?
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Yeah? But like take like like take the trigger off
of the bomb. There's a word for that. I'm not sure.
I see eyeballs. So if you know that word, put
it in the chat and welcome. If you're wondering what's
going on in studio today, you can tell by who's
with me. It's time for doctors in the house with myself.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
And doctor Tiffany Tate, and.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Today's topic is the sound of silence? Isn't that our song?
Speaker 3 (24:02):
I don't know, But what I did find out is
that there are different types of silence. I know, I
was unaware and I love to learn new things, and
so in the literature from twenty fifteen, they said that
(24:22):
there were different types of silence. There's acquiescence silence, a
defensive silence like a pro social or relational silence, a
deviant silence which I thought was I know right, and
a diffident silence. And so basically, the acquiescence silence is
(24:44):
when you are withholding your ideas or your opinions and
suggestions due to a feeling that they won't make a difference.
So you're like, well, I'm not going to say anything
because it as a matter what I say anyway, So
I'm just going to be silent in that situation. And
(25:05):
then there's this defensive silence so you're withholding your information
or your concerns because you have a fear that you're
going to be penalized or reprimanded, so you decide to
just be silent in that situation. Then there's this pro
social or relational silence. So this is what's called the
(25:28):
good silence, because this reflects we're holding confidential information, like
in a business sense, because this is proprietory knowledge, and
so you are protecting people or your organization. And then
the deviant silence, this is the bad one or malicious silence,
because you are aiming in inducing a colleague or a
(25:53):
superior to make a mistake or at least not stopping them.
So you're trying to do a cover up or something,
so we won't talk about what's going on in the
news from that we already know about that. Than the
E word, the diffident silence related to defensive silence, but
(26:13):
this is more passive kind of what we see in
every day and this stands for more someone's past experience,
insecurities or self doubt, and so this is the conscious
belief about a group or something like that. And so
when we see this, you know, there's like this acquiescence,
like we just kind of do this in every day,
(26:36):
everyday life.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Wow, that's cool. I love learning new things, and doctor
Tiffany always brings something new for me to know about.
I had no idea that there were that many categories
of silence. I can say that I've been part of
all of them, and the one that stuck out was
when you said, I can't remember which category it was,
(27:03):
but the one in business I will say when people
are saying to you, you didn't hear this from me,
or don't tell anyone, but you know that it's all
over the place, because that's a case of when people
(27:27):
should be silent and are not silent, and the rumor
mill is one of the best communication systems. No one
to me, So that was one reaction I had. I
have to tell you the story, Doctor Tiffany, because it
applied to the topic and I still can't get over it.
(27:51):
I went on another date, I think it's date number
thirty three from Swiper No Swiping, and talking about silence
and the need for silence. We went to brunch and
I was practicing silence. Now I'm a shy person, as
(28:14):
you can tell. As you know, sarcasm is another service
I offer and on dates. I've been coached by doctor
Pat Allen and doctor John Gray that you know, it's
you're a strong woman, but you know, let the man
shine and let them talk. So I was actually practicing
that and this silence arted, I.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Said, the art of silence.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Yes, the art. I was practicing the art of silence,
doctor tifty before I knew this was a topic. And
the couple that had a brunch next to us came
and on the way out, the woman comes over to
our table and says, I know you didn't ask for advice,
(28:57):
but looks at my day and says, you talk way
too much. Surprising voice and uh, you know, shock. Later
she leaves, and he looks at me and says, do
(29:20):
I do I talk too much? And I'm like, well, like,
I mean literally, I would say from ten am to noon.
That's how long the date was. Before she said that,
he spoke ninety eight percent at the time. After she
(29:41):
said that, he said, which is one of the categories
of silence. Well, I'm just not gonna talk anymore. Well,
you know, and then let me just finish. Let me
just finish that. So after that and he said, I'm
just not gonna talk anymore. He still well, ninety ship
(30:02):
fan of the time.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Oh okay, so I'm guessing there was not a second day.
But see, that's interesting because when you're doing this, and
when I mentioned the beginning, in the beginning, when you
have this in relationships, whether it's a partner relationship or
a friendship, in practicing the art of silence, conversations should
(30:30):
be a tennis match where the conversation is like a
tennis ball and it goes back and forth between the two.
No one should hold the ball, which is the conversation,
and manipulated and not pass it to the other person.
And we have two ears in one mouth, so we
(30:52):
should listen twice as much as we speak people, and
that should happen in everyday life, in our conversations.
Speaker 6 (31:04):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
And it's funny because I said, after she said that,
I said, oh, we're on a first date, and she said,
and so he should be asking you questions. Never that.
Speaker 7 (31:20):
And with that, we're gonna go to break because we
need time for newsweather and traffic here on KCAA, the
station that leaves no listener behind AM ten fifty FM
one oh six point five.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
Don't go away. We will be right back as we
pause for news, weather, traffic, and a word from our sponsor.
We'll be back in two and two, as Chuck Willer
used to say, for me, peace in, peace out, We'll
be right back.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
Take Back your Life with Doctor Maurice.
Speaker 3 (32:08):
Hello, Ken Calvert no longer represents the US and he
should no longer be in office. I am a veteran
of the United States, a physician, an educator, and author,
a board certified OBQIM. I want to be the next
(32:33):
congress person. Help me represent you right now. We are
under assault. The Constitution is under assault. Visit my website
at doctor Tate for Congress. This shirt says not today.
We don't want to stand for the policies today.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
You want to.
Speaker 3 (32:51):
Support me and help me support you. Visit my website
at doctor Tate for Congress. That's d R tat E
F O R C O N G R E S
S dot com. Make a donation to my campaign, help
me support you. Thank you, paid for by Doctor Tape
(33:12):
for Congress.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Take Back your Life with Doctor Maurica Pei.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
And welcome back. You're tuned in to take my advice.
I'm not using a gift balance with doctor marsa good
morning show here on k c A A NBC News
Radio A M ten fifty f M one oh six
point five and streaming everywhere I heart Radio, Spotify, and
of course my YouTube TV channel, which if you free
(33:57):
subscribe and give me the finger, this not the other one,
you'll get access every weekday morning to the show about
hope and happiness and all kinds of topics and special series.
Today is Doctors in the House with myself.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
And doctor Tiffany Ticked.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
And it is consecutive week six hundred and ninety three.
This is podcast show number one thousand, four hundred and
fifty something, and so grateful to all of you for
tuning in continuing to support my YouTube. Impression TV channel
numbers are out three point nine eight eight million, so
(34:43):
good news is trending, and I'm so glad that you're
here with us this morning. We're talking about something I
rarely here talked about, partially because you're not supposed to
talk during it. And it is the sound of Silences.
(35:04):
There is a song. I don't know the whole thing.
All I know is sound silences. That's all I know
over saw. But it's a great topic. We've heard. There's
different kinds of silence. There's we talked about the reality
of things that push my buttons and get my goat
(35:25):
when it comes to non silence, and I do see
eyeballs in the studio. No one's claim the Cashew Gallery yet,
but thank you for joining us. And if you have
any questions or comments or opinions, everybody does have the
right to the Cashew Gallery opinion, then please do put
(35:45):
them in the chat. Do not do that. If you're
driving and listening on the AMFM side, please wait till
you are settled somewhere to interact with us. But that
is the opportunity here. This is radio with cameras, so
we're happy that you're here. Doctor Tiffany. What else did
you do research about when it happens to silence?
Speaker 3 (36:06):
Well, the why why is silence important? Silence is important
because it can create tension, because some people are uncomfortable
with silence, and it's important because it can also emphasize
your point. A lot of times people feel that they
need to argue their point. Sometimes silence can stress your
(36:29):
point just as much as raising your voice, so you
don't always have to do that. Silence can can stress
your disapproval as well as your conversation can and pauses
can allow for reflection as well as a deeper understanding.
So allow that space and allow that time between your
(36:55):
conversation with you and that other individual.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
That's great advice. I know that as an orator, a
motivational speaker for twenty eight no, thirty two years now.
It is effective if you make a point and then
make another point. One of the things I learned in
motivational speaking school is people's ability to digest requires that pause.
(37:27):
So even saying did you understand that? If no one
reacts right away, doesn't mean that they didn't understand it.
It takes that couple of seconds to actually sink in.
And you can tell that I am practicing that very strategy. So,
(37:51):
and there's a very fine line between talking to and
talking really fast, because then people can't hear it, and
if you ask a question, they can't answer it because
you're on to the next side and your mind is
going like this and this and this. And that's why
meditation is a fabulous practice to cultivate your comfort with silence.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
M and a lot of times you can swallow, take
a deep breath, especially if you're nervous, if you're talking
about a subject you are dreading, focus on your breathing
and pace yourself through it, because you can get through
(38:46):
it if you just focus on your speech, focus on
what you have to say, and go slowly and focus
on what the other person is saying and active listening
what active listening and active speaking, and use nonverbal cues
(39:10):
as well. Both of those things can help you and
it can help the other person. I know someone who
would always say, before I talk to you, and this
is just a joke, but sometimes it actually helps, especially
if you're gonna say something. They will say, stick your
finger in one ear before I say something to you.
(39:31):
That way, it doesn't go in one ear and out
the other, and so that usually breaks the ice and
makes people laugh. But sometimes that can also again break
the ice and make people laugh. But it depends on
what you're talking about. And then you can always wait
before responding, and you can always ask clarifying questions with
(39:59):
asking a question. I was always taught that there's no
such thing as a dumb question.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Yeah, I don't know about that.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
I know, you know, doctor Merrisy and I always have
to disagree on something, so it's a good thing.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
Yeah, I'm sure you've heard some people ask a question
and you're like, did they really just ask that question?
Speaker 3 (40:25):
You might raise an eyebrow, but they might really need
to understand.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
Yeah. Yeah. When I did diversity consulting, that was one
of the cool things to understand about different cultures and
understanding that it is. In Japanese culture, the most important
thing is to not insult the speaker. So if the
speaker says something and you don't understand it, you still
say you understand it because you don't want to insult
(40:53):
the speaker. Isn't that interesting, So that's why some of
the negotiations were going south, because you know, do you understand?
Do you agree? Yes? Yes, yes, and no. They were
not definitely not agreed. That's a side point. I absolutely
agree with what you're saying. I wanted to give a
(41:16):
practical tool for those who say that I'm uncomfortable with
silence and therefore it's very difficult for me to meditate.
I just gave that as a practical tool for you
to be more comfortable with silence. So when I teach meditation,
still meditation and not the moving meditation of Chinese yoga,
(41:40):
the still meditation, if you have a very active mind
that is constantly thought instead of trying to close down
the thoughts or just say and throw the baby out
with the bathwater and say meditation is not for me.
If you practice just watching your breath, that's something that
helps a lot of people. So you literally watch your
(42:03):
breath go in and then watch your breath go out,
and then if you want to count with it one, two,
and sometimes you'll only get to one or get to three.
But the more you practice every day, you will get
good at not being so buggy and restless, and you
(42:29):
know overpowering thoughts, you'll be able to be okay with
silence because I'll tell you, if you're not happy with yourself,
you're not going to be able to sit with yourself
in silence. So that's the work that I do with
my Happy eighty eight mission, is how do we get
to that place where we're not criticizing ourselves all the time.
(42:49):
And that's one of the reasons why I can't sit still.
So try that. Just watch your breath, count count in,
count out, see what happens. Set your timer for two
minutes the next time, three minutes, the next time, four minutes,
no more than fifteen minutes. But a little free tip
for still meditation.
Speaker 3 (43:10):
And it's important to consider your words, evaluate the impact
of your words, and also try to use fewer words
when you are asking questions and having the conversation because
you want to be powerful, but you also want to
make sure that they understand what you have to say.
(43:34):
And try to engage in some quiet activities to put
this into practice, because you want to make sure you
get good at it, and practice makes perfect, So if
you start to put it into practice, you'll get better.
Whether it's reading, painting, hiking, or walking, I think you'll
(43:58):
find that you'll be happier.
Speaker 2 (44:01):
Yes, I'm allergic to hiking. That was why my eyeballs
were rolling.
Speaker 3 (44:07):
Or swimming? You like swimming?
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Yeah? True, true. The it's it's great because I talked
about social media on mental Health Matters Mondays and the
ability to walk away from a post or walk away
from a response and use these three words sorry, these yeah,
(44:29):
three questions to decide whether or not to say something.
And I forgot to credit the person who I learned
this from. So this is a perfect opportunity. If you
were on my show on Monday listening to this the
three questions came from doctor David Simon, and he held
not a funeral or celebration of life service. He did
(44:50):
a celebration of life service before he passed. He knew
he was going to pass within you know. He was
in hospice and he had an event. He's the co
founder of the trope Se down in southern California, and
he said, and I sat by his feet before you know,
I think two weeks later he passes a neurologist who
(45:13):
unfortunately died from a brain tumor, which was kind of
ironic too. But the most beautiful thing that he said
that I will live out his legacy is before you
open your mouth, before you break the silence, ask yourself
three questions. Is it true? Is it kind? And is
(45:34):
it necessary? Because a lot of people go, well, it's true,
I have to say something, and I'm you know, brute,
I have to be brutally honest. That's a bunch of
TALKI there's never, ever, ever, ever a reason to be
brutally honest. You can be honest and be nice about it.
(45:54):
I'm sorry, I hate that obviously, that expression. So is
it true? Makes or you check that all media chart
to see if what you're saying is true, or if
it's a hoax, or if it's fake news, or if
it's biased news, right, go to the center, and then
is it kind? Don't be brutal preface it with things
(46:17):
like this is just my opinion, or I love it
when people say to me, I have some feedback, but
you didn't ask for it. Would you like it? Or
I heard something about you. Do you want to know
what that is? And I'll say is it kind or not?
And they say no, it's not kind, and I say,
(46:40):
thank you very much, but no, I don't want to
hear it. And I'd appreciate it if you never came
to me with saying you know what so and so said,
because that person, as well meaning as they are, are
actually breaking silence in a way that could be detrimental,
(47:00):
and actually almost always is. I you know, what you
think of me is none of my business. If you
can't say it to me directly, then I don't need
someone else to be telling me what you're saying. Okay,
And then is it necessary? That's the third question? Is
it really intpot? It's not that big of a deal, right,
(47:26):
Do you really need to say what you thought of
that movie. Mm hmm, that's my final word. Actually we're
early for final word. That's not my final word.
Speaker 3 (47:36):
Yeah, I'm just saying we still have quite a bit
of time, and so I think that when it comes
to silence, I think again we should engage in quiet
activities like I mentioned before, hobbies, practicing mindfulness like we
do in the beginning, and when you observe the world
(48:00):
and observing your surroundings and the people around you rather
than getting too wrapped up in your own thoughts, be
mindful of your body language. I'm trying to engage in
like a relaxed posture, a gentle demeanor. Those are all
things that you can do. And just recognizing the power
(48:20):
of silence. There is power in silence, and I don't
think people really grasp the strength of silence. We are
surrounded with so much noise from our phones, from the
world around us. Like doctor Mersu said, we're constantly scrolling.
(48:42):
People have their phone either on a speaker or they
have their ear plugs in. Because I know sometimes I'm guilty.
I have my ear plugs in to sound out the
world around me, but I have it in my ear.
So we are constantly bombard it with noise, or we're
(49:02):
making noise ourselves, and sometimes it's good to just sit
and meditate in silence and enjoy our own thoughts and
hear what we're thinking. And even when we're in conversations,
(49:23):
practice some silence when we're actually hearing the other person
and not even interrupt them. Sometimes I'm actually guilty of that,
and I want to challenge the listeners to see how
long it takes for you to actually let the other
person finish their conversation before they speak, because do you
(49:46):
actually wait for them to finish or do you interrupt them?
And I want you to see for yourselves what it
is that you do.
Speaker 2 (49:58):
So great challenge. That's a good you know, baseline monitor
how much do you talk and how much do you listen?
What's your percentage? You know you can guess at it
and then ask someone else what their perception is. That's
a that's a big challenge to get feedback for that.
(50:18):
I just looked up something that I thought is interesting.
I didn't know this. I love learning new things. The
expression silence is golden actually comes from speech is silver
and silence is golden. Did you know that?
Speaker 3 (50:37):
No?
Speaker 2 (50:38):
And gold is gone up in price? So wow, and
and so one I think that's like super cool. And
two I want to do a little balance check because
there's some people who never talk right. Silence is their
(50:59):
norm to the extreme right, the one that never speaks
up in class, the one that never asks a question,
the one that never says, you know, this is what
I'd like to do. And I've gotten to coach people
like that who a lot of them are conflict avoidant.
(51:19):
They don't want to offer anything that is contrary to
what the idea is. Lots of them have you know,
been in my shoes. Seven out of ton of us
with childhood trauma. We were taught how not to offer
our opinions because we got hurt for it. And so
just for the sake of balance, those of you who
(51:43):
know who you are, who are not comfortable speaking up
and way overly comfortable with being silent, the challenge is
to offer one opinion, one fact every hour. Okay, that's
your challenge on the other side, even if it's to
(52:06):
say I didn't know that, or let me think about that,
or hmm, that's an interesting point. Those are three really
really good responses for both people who speak too much
and for people who don't speak at all. That's interesting
(52:27):
has saved my assets over and over and over again
from a knee jerk reaction that will guarantee that I
look or sound like a jerk.
Speaker 3 (52:38):
But I want to give you a quick statistic study
suggests a pattern of men interrupting women more often than
other men interrupting each other, according to one of the
advisory boards, and one study found men interrupting women two
point one times in a three minute conversation, while interrupting
(52:58):
other men one point eight times.
Speaker 2 (53:03):
That's uh, I think too. To be fair, uh, the
genetic difference you know, whether you know feminists always get
mad when I talk about the real differences between genders,
because there are we're made differently. We have more horror
bones that we carry babies, y'all don't. Uh So. Also,
(53:31):
work has been dominated by men historically, so part of
that I think is learned behavior, right, and some of
it is genetic. But we can change those things and
invite people to participate. One thing I would caution is
this over correction that I hear and see and witness,
(53:54):
where somebody will say something and then they'll be interrupted,
and the retort is can I finish Okay, that is
probably not going to result in a happy exchange, but
a gentle happy to hear what you are are offering
(54:19):
in response. But can I finish what I was started?
Otherwise I'm gonna forget the same way I just did
it to doctor Tiffany. If you noticed that before, it's
a it's it's a balance between forcing and allowing.
Speaker 3 (54:34):
Mm hmm, yes, absolutely, And some people can be obnoxious
about it and it's like, oh, I'm sorry, go ahead.
It's like oh, my.
Speaker 2 (54:45):
Bad, yeah, like bless you, my bad.
Speaker 3 (54:51):
I didn't realize. Okay, okay, now we have five more
minutes yeah, before the show, so if you don't.
Speaker 2 (54:59):
Actually we don't have five minutes. We're supposed to stop
at fifty five, but I've never followed that room.
Speaker 3 (55:05):
Okay, well, I'll give my final my final word really quickly.
So Confucius says that silence is a true friend who
never betrays, and I think that we need to remember that.
And Mother Teresa, she says, in the silence of the heart,
God speaks, so we need to treasure both.
Speaker 2 (55:27):
Ofselves, very very good. My final word is in silence,
I get the most incredible inspired thoughts that lead to
inspired actions, and I can hear, I'm told I'm audio Clariant.
I can actually hear or be open to the inspiration
(55:51):
that creates the oceans and the dolphins and all of that.
So in silence, there's a lot to gain. So there's
my current mar show for it. Thank you so much
for joining us this morning. It's been fun as usual
with you, doctor Tiffany learning something new about the great
topic of silence. I hope that you learn something. Please
(56:13):
do free subscribe to this YouTube channel. Please do like
the series Doctors in the House. Please do go and
support doctor Tiffany if you're so inclined for her hat
into the Congress race. And uh yeah, it's all about balance,
peace in peace, out world peace through inner Piece. This
(56:37):
is Doctor Versa reporting live on Doctors in the House
with myself.
Speaker 3 (56:41):
And doctor Tiffany Tate.
Speaker 2 (56:43):
And we're wishing you.
Speaker 3 (56:46):
The best day ever.
Speaker 2 (56:51):
I'll see you tomorrow.
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More House Speaker Dustin Burroughs as warning lawmakers our schedules
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ten fifty FM one O six point five streaming everywhere iHeartRadio, Spotify, iTunes,
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(01:17):
And you can tell today is Wednesday because I have
the lovely co host of mine four, our special series
called Doctors in the House. Most said straight talk Doctors
in the House with myself and.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Doctor Tiffany Tate.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
And doctor Tiffany Tait, you know, is a multi hyphen
it like myself. If you saw the promo, you saw
her singing beautifully operatically a happy birthday to me. She's
a singer songwriter and she started as anyn still is certified.
(02:03):
Through an accident, she's no longer able to do that,
but she pivoted pretty quickly became a playwright as well
as celebrity chef. Her peach cobbler is to die for.
I had it for my birthday party on Sunday, thank
you very much. And she's also a children's book author
(02:24):
and a poetry author, and now she has thrown her
hat in running for Congress. So please welcome back to
my studio, doctor tiff Any day.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
Always a pleasure to be here, and happy Wednesday.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Everyone, absolutely, and we're going to start as we usually do,
with taking a bite of my gratitude sandwich. It's our
breakfast every morning on this show, every weekday morning. And
the top of the button is things that we're grateful
for outside of ourselves. Bottom of the bun is things
(03:07):
that we're grateful for inside of ourselves. So doctor Tiffany
what are you grateful for.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
I am grateful that I had the opportunity to go
visit your new place in Long Beach. It was such
a beautiful view. And I love water. That's why I
was in the Navy, and I am a Navy veteran,
and just looking at the ocean is so serene. That
was one of the reasons I love being stationed at
(03:34):
Naval Medical Center San Diego and Port Wanimi and living
at the Point Magoo Navy Base because I was right
by the ocean, and I love the ocean and the
fact that you get to live by the ocean.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
I love it absolutely and I'm grateful that I do
as well in my place that I'm calling the Blood
Clot silver Lining an incredible place with an incredible view.
And my name doctor Tiffany. I don't know if you
know that Marissa actually means of the water. So I
(04:12):
am fittingly still here on the beach. I am grateful
for the magnificent love and fun and laughs that we
had on Sunday for my birthday. I was supposed to
be in Africa and not meaning to throw a party,
but I knew that if I didn't have something on
(04:33):
my birthday all I would be doing is you know,
marinating in a pity pot. So I decided to throw
this party. I usually don't like throwing parties because there's
so much work, and you know, you're supposed to have
fun as your birthday. But I'm almost half grateful that
(04:55):
I put my back out a bit so I couldn't
run around like a ding dong, and I actually allowed
my friends to help with everything and it was fabulous,
and doctor Tiffany came down with warm just out of
the oven peach cobbler and people are still talking about it.
(05:16):
I am using it as a bait or certainly leverage
for anything I want. So kudos to uh doctor Tiffany
for that beautiful addition to the party. What else are
you grateful for?
Speaker 3 (05:36):
I am grateful that I actually have the opportunity to
do a little bit of practice of medicine. I will
be speaking at a healthfare this coming Saturday here in Riverside,
and it will be at a local church. And I
love giving back to the community, and whenever I get
(05:58):
a chance to have an impact on the community, I
welcome that and I'm just excited for the opportunity to speak.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Beautiful I just got told I'm going to be featured
in an international magazine that's supposed to come out this weekend.
So I am grateful for the recognition that I'm you know,
continuing to get. It seems to be on a an
uptick for some reason. I'm not sure why, but uh
(06:32):
it the the the way that it's you know, balanced
out the the the perceived loss of the world tour
to get more recognition at home is kind of interesting.
Although this this is an international magazine. Apparently it's out
of Spain, so you know, it's kind of ironic again, right,
(06:55):
that I don't go on world tour, but I'm getting
recognition internationally anyways, and that I am not on international tour,
but I land in a beautiful place called the International Tower.
So my ups man, my god, my universal power source
has a sense of humor for sure. All right, let's
(07:18):
go to the bottom of the butt. The bottom of
the bun is what do I like about myself? What
am I grateful for inside of myself? What do I
appreciate about myself? And that is weight training that I
want you to do so that you're not looking for
love and all the wrong places with antenna going around
who likes me literally now on social media. Instead, I
(07:41):
want you to know what you're good at. You're eighty
eight percent fabulous twelve percent of the time you step
in it, if you're anything like me. So I want
you to go to bed tonight, that's the bottom of
the bun, to think not about who done you wrong,
what I didn't get done. Instead, I want you to
(08:04):
think about the things that you like about yourself. So,
doctor Tivity, what do you like about yourself?
Speaker 3 (08:09):
I like my organizational skills because we are actually you know,
I'm still celebrating my birthday, but I've kind of rolled
it into a lot of campaign events. But my campaign
events are like giving back to the community in essence. So,
like I said, I'm speaking on Saturday, but on Sunday
we have a fundraiser and Nathaniel and Mia will be
(08:33):
performing for my campaign at a concert and it's called
Notes of Progress and you can find that on my
website and it will be here in Riverside. So we've
organized a campaign concert from one thirty to three thirty,
and I think it's gonna be great because Nathaniel will
be coming back and they will be performing for the
(08:55):
Notes of Progress.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Campaign fundraiser awesome and I appreciate. I can say today
was a really Today is one week since I met
with my new specialty doctor hematologist who is doctor shar
(09:19):
Out of lub Beach Memorial Todd Cancer Pavilion, and he's
absolutely fabulous and his staff, Jamie and the crew. I
have to say, as difficult as this has been for
me to adjust to too complex deep main thrombosis, blood
(09:39):
cluts and the loss a no fly zone for a year,
they've made it. They've been there at compassionate. I went
to get test done to see, you know why I
keep getting clots, And today's first morning I did not
wake up like feeling a lot of law and so
(10:02):
I'm thinking, you know, I've felt the feelings. This was
a pretty major loss, so it only took me a
week though, So I feel for the first time, doctor
Tiffany this morning, like I'm that Stella's got her groove back,
you know, doctor Mersus got her grove back. I feel
good again that, you know, I really believe with less sarcasm,
(10:26):
I can't wait to see what good comes out of this.
And it's always this or better. And you know, I
had been saying you know, I know that when one
door closes, another one opens, but sometimes it's hell in
the hallway, and that's how I'd been feeling this whole week.
But I am through it, I believe, you know, at
(10:46):
least eighty eight percent, and back to my you know,
feeling good well being abounds the majority of the time.
And I'm so appreciative of the you know, it only
took a week, so I because I got no time
to sit on that petty pot longer than I need
(11:09):
to to feel my feeling.
Speaker 4 (11:12):
So I'm so so appreciative of my bliscipline hashtag bliscipoline
and good life habit to reach for that better feeling
thought and I can come out of the pain into
the power.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
So look out, I'm back.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
You know, I kind of feel that way. With my
baking your pie was the first time that I actually
baked in my oven since I had it replaced. Remember
I went through all the issues with your Chance company,
and so since I baked your oven, I have actually
had two more requests for my peach copper and so
(11:52):
it's it's a good thing that I actually had a
chance to use it to bake. And now I'm in
the baking move. I actually love to bake, and I
feel that it actually brings joy into people's lives and
it actually relieves my stress. And I love that about
me because if baking can make someone feel better and
(12:17):
it puts a smile on people's faces and it brings
joy into people's hearts and bellies, I'm willing to do that.
So I love the fact that it helps enlighten people.
As long as they eat responsibly and don't partake in gluttony,
I'm happy to do it.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
I'm just doing my story. I'm not ignoring you. Oh no, no.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Did you share the rest of your cobbler with the
last wave of the group that came.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
I did, but I still have leftover. I did not
like offer up too much more.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
It freezes well, I will tell you that I was
going to ask you, Yes, it freezes well. If you
want to like put some away some tepperware and eat
some later, it definitely freeze as well.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
My daughter drove down from San Francisco. My younger daughter
drove down, and so she put the cobbler away and
it ended up being one round and one two of
the rectangles. So I took one rectangle to my bonus
Dad's place to celebrate my birthday with him. Some of
(13:30):
you may have seen the social post on that, and
he's ninety five, and man, he didn't say a word.
Oh he had that gobbler. That's how good it was.
I think he was expecting me to bring cake. But yeah,
he was nice and happy with that cobbler. So good
to know. I don't know if it'll make it into
(13:50):
the freezer, because yeah, I'm temporarily allowing myself to, you know,
enjoy the fruits of my birthday celebration and we'll work
out a little bit more extra next week. There you go.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
As long as you're happy and the people around you
are happy. I have done my job.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Yes you have, and you did so. Yes. So that's
it for breakfast. Thank you for joining us. Top of
the butte. Remember gratitude start the day. Doctor Wayne Dyer
said five. I'm an overachiever. Both of us are recovering overachievers.
I do eight. But we're just doing a couple now
to model for you. Hopefully you'll join me every weekday
(14:36):
morning for this good life. Have it, because then you'll
sandwich your day in the most positive way. Thanks for
joining us for breakfast. And now for the topic of
the day that says everything is awesome, Doctor Tiffany, what
(14:59):
are we talking about today?
Speaker 3 (15:02):
We are talking about.
Speaker 5 (15:06):
Silence, knowing when I know much.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
I know that I know when they listen to this
in the in the Yeah, in the replay, they were like,
because there's nothing worse on radio than than uh a
dark silence. We're not expected.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Yes, they're like, wait, her mouth is moving, but nothing's
coming out, and they're hitting their phone like, wait, where's
the sound?
Speaker 2 (15:41):
What what's going on here?
Speaker 3 (15:42):
And so the art of silence. Sometimes we say no
when to say when, but no when to say nothing.
Not every moment needs a word, and sometimes your silence
is a response. And I think that is important, especially now,
(16:09):
because sometimes you need to be silent to be present
in a moment, and sometimes we need to not respond.
And silence allows for a lot of things. It allows
for reflection, it allows for contemplation, it's a fertile ground
(16:36):
for creativity, imagination, lots of different things, and it allows
the person you're interacting with for different things. So we're
going to talk about silence. We're gonna smack it, flip
it up, rub it down, right, Yeah, there we go.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
I don't know why I can't remember that. It's probably
because I must saying it is probably enough and the
silence on the other side would be good. So I'm
going to smack it upside its head silence and talk
first half of the show, you know how I like
to keep it real first half, looking at the reality
(17:19):
of this particular topic. And I have to say, I'm
glad we're talking about it. It's not something that is
talked about a lot, obviously, because when you're talking about it,
you're not being silent. But but I have noticed lately
how irritated and quickly irritated I can get when people
(17:43):
are contributing to noise pollution, which in other countries that
I've traveled to, they actually have signs that warn you
that there's a fine if you are violating noise laws
in I think in a metro when I was in Asia,
(18:08):
I can't remember if it was Taiwan, Hong Kong, or Shanghai,
but one of the three had you know cell phone,
you know slash in the in the metro, like you
can't talk on the cell phone. I was getting my
my nails done and this woman was talking and It's like,
(18:32):
it's bad enough when you're talking on the phone and
people can hear every little detail of the shittaki that
you're talking about and you can't hear the other person
and if you're dominating your that's But what's worse than that, folks,
is when you have it on faking speaker. Do not
(18:57):
please put your speaker on and talk to people, because
I will I'll give you a look that will hurt.
It is just I just I don't understand how some
people are so unaware of the obviously personal etiquette that
isn't shared these days around public communication or public you know,
(19:23):
non silence in that. So that's my pet peeve that
I'm petting today, I'm stroking. So that's my contribution on
the reality of necessary silence in certain places.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Well, my issue is that sometimes you have conversations with people,
and usually a conversation requires, or it's recommended that it
is a two way thing. It goes back and forth
and you are interacting with someone, but sometimes the other
person says something so outland dish that you want to
(20:02):
clutch your pearls and go in attack mode and you like,
what on that h e double hockey sticks are they
talking about, and that sometimes you just need to remain
silent because everything does not require a response, and you
(20:26):
don't need to get your knickers in a twist, you
don't need to get your blood pressure raised, and you
don't need to go into attack mode because everything does
not require a response. And when people are so outlandish
and so preposterous, you need to decide when to respond.
(20:47):
And I know I have been in situations where I'm like,
what in the world.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
Oh, absolutely, absolutely, the whole American culture that thrives on
this unspoken everybody has a right to my opinion. Like
if someone expresses anything, it's my job to either agree
(21:19):
with you, disagree with you, or say something. And then
if you've ever done this, I'll be guilty of this too.
Is you get in this conversation, but all you're doing
is you're waiting to respond or over talk or overprove,
and you're not even listening because you heard the first
(21:41):
two words, and then you're thinking about what you're going
to say back at them, right that is also and
then I don't know about you, there's certain people with
a certain level of volume or tambre or tone that
you can hear them across a restaurant. It's the same person.
I don't know if this is my sensitive yours.
Speaker 3 (22:03):
They don't know whisper well.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
It's almost like three people can be talking at the
same volume, but there's a certain voice quality that cuts through,
and it just I get triggered. Obviously, I'm letting you
know all of the goats that are out how different
(22:28):
people get my goat when it comes to non silence.
But that's definitely like people who not only want to
give you your opinion, they got to top everything you say,
the one upper, the one upper. If you think that's bad,
If you think that, then I got that. I'll never forget.
(22:49):
There was a woman, her name is starts with a D.
I mean, I grew up with her. We sang together
and it was so annoying. But I have to learn.
I have to learn that. You know, people aren't doing
that too personally. Get my and he's in a twirl.
(23:15):
It's my reaction that I got to own and if
I can. What is that word? Uh, what's the opposite
of detonate?
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Do you escalate?
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Yeah? But like take like like take the trigger off
of the bomb. There's a word for that. I'm not sure.
I see eyeballs. So if you know that word, put
it in the chat and welcome. If you're wondering what's
going on in studio today, you can tell by who's
with me. It's time for doctors in the house with myself.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
And doctor Tiffany Tate, and.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
Today's topic is the sound of silence? Isn't that our song?
Speaker 3 (24:02):
I don't know, But what I did find out is
that there are different types of silence. I know, I
was unaware and I love to learn new things, and
so in the literature from twenty fifteen, they said that
(24:22):
there were different types of silence. There's acquiescence silence, a
defensive silence like a pro social or relational silence, a
deviant silence which I thought was I know right, and
a diffident silence. And so basically, the acquiescence silence is
(24:44):
when you are withholding your ideas or your opinions and
suggestions due to a feeling that they won't make a difference.
So you're like, well, I'm not going to say anything
because it as a matter what I say anyway, So
I'm just going to be silent in that situation. And
(25:05):
then there's this defensive silence so you're withholding your information
or your concerns because you have a fear that you're
going to be penalized or reprimanded, so you decide to
just be silent in that situation. Then there's this pro
social or relational silence. So this is what's called the
(25:28):
good silence, because this reflects we're holding confidential information, like
in a business sense, because this is proprietory knowledge, and
so you are protecting people or your organization. And then
the deviant silence, this is the bad one or malicious silence,
because you are aiming in inducing a colleague or a
(25:53):
superior to make a mistake or at least not stopping them.
So you're trying to do a cover up or something,
so we won't talk about what's going on in the
news from that we already know about that. Than the
E word, the diffident silence related to defensive silence, but
(26:13):
this is more passive kind of what we see in
every day and this stands for more someone's past experience,
insecurities or self doubt, and so this is the conscious
belief about a group or something like that. And so
when we see this, you know, there's like this acquiescence,
like we just kind of do this in every day,
(26:36):
everyday life.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
Wow, that's cool. I love learning new things, and doctor
Tiffany always brings something new for me to know about.
I had no idea that there were that many categories
of silence. I can say that I've been part of
all of them, and the one that stuck out was
when you said, I can't remember which category it was,
(27:03):
but the one in business I will say when people
are saying to you, you didn't hear this from me,
or don't tell anyone, but you know that it's all
over the place, because that's a case of when people
(27:27):
should be silent and are not silent, and the rumor
mill is one of the best communication systems. No one
to me, So that was one reaction I had. I
have to tell you the story, Doctor Tiffany, because it
applied to the topic and I still can't get over it.
(27:51):
I went on another date, I think it's date number
thirty three from Swiper No Swiping, and talking about silence
and the need for silence. We went to brunch and
I was practicing silence. Now I'm a shy person, as
(28:14):
you can tell. As you know, sarcasm is another service
I offer and on dates. I've been coached by doctor
Pat Allen and doctor John Gray that you know, it's
you're a strong woman, but you know, let the man
shine and let them talk. So I was actually practicing
that and this silence arted, I.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Said, the art of silence.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
Yes, the art. I was practicing the art of silence,
doctor tifty before I knew this was a topic. And
the couple that had a brunch next to us came
and on the way out, the woman comes over to
our table and says, I know you didn't ask for advice,
(28:57):
but looks at my day and says, you talk way
too much. Surprising voice and uh, you know, shock. Later
she leaves, and he looks at me and says, do
(29:20):
I do I talk too much? And I'm like, well, like,
I mean literally, I would say from ten am to noon.
That's how long the date was. Before she said that,
he spoke ninety eight percent at the time. After she
(29:41):
said that, he said, which is one of the categories
of silence. Well, I'm just not gonna talk anymore. Well,
you know, and then let me just finish. Let me
just finish that. So after that and he said, I'm
just not gonna talk anymore. He still well, ninety ship
(30:02):
fan of the time.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Oh okay, so I'm guessing there was not a second day.
But see, that's interesting because when you're doing this, and
when I mentioned the beginning, in the beginning, when you
have this in relationships, whether it's a partner relationship or
a friendship, in practicing the art of silence, conversations should
(30:30):
be a tennis match where the conversation is like a
tennis ball and it goes back and forth between the two.
No one should hold the ball, which is the conversation,
and manipulated and not pass it to the other person.
And we have two ears in one mouth, so we
(30:52):
should listen twice as much as we speak people, and
that should happen in everyday life, in our conversations.
Speaker 6 (31:04):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
And it's funny because I said, after she said that,
I said, oh, we're on a first date, and she said,
and so he should be asking you questions. Never that.
Speaker 7 (31:20):
And with that, we're gonna go to break because we
need time for newsweather and traffic here on KCAA, the
station that leaves no listener behind AM ten fifty FM
one oh six point five.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
Don't go away. We will be right back as we
pause for news, weather, traffic, and a word from our sponsor.
We'll be back in two and two, as Chuck Willer
used to say, for me, peace in, peace out, We'll
be right back.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
Take Back your Life with Doctor Maurice.
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(32:33):
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Take Back your Life with Doctor Maurica Pei.
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And welcome back. You're tuned in to take my advice.
I'm not using a gift balance with doctor marsa good
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(33:57):
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hope and happiness and all kinds of topics and special series.
Today is Doctors in the House with myself.
Speaker 3 (34:14):
And doctor Tiffany Ticked.
Speaker 2 (34:17):
And it is consecutive week six hundred and ninety three.
This is podcast show number one thousand, four hundred and
fifty something, and so grateful to all of you for
tuning in continuing to support my YouTube. Impression TV channel
numbers are out three point nine eight eight million, so
(34:43):
good news is trending, and I'm so glad that you're
here with us this morning. We're talking about something I
rarely here talked about, partially because you're not supposed to
talk during it. And it is the sound of Silences.
(35:04):
There is a song. I don't know the whole thing.
All I know is sound silences. That's all I know
over saw. But it's a great topic. We've heard. There's
different kinds of silence. There's we talked about the reality
of things that push my buttons and get my goat
(35:25):
when it comes to non silence, and I do see
eyeballs in the studio. No one's claim the Cashew Gallery yet,
but thank you for joining us. And if you have
any questions or comments or opinions, everybody does have the
right to the Cashew Gallery opinion, then please do put
(35:45):
them in the chat. Do not do that. If you're
driving and listening on the AMFM side, please wait till
you are settled somewhere to interact with us. But that
is the opportunity here. This is radio with cameras, so
we're happy that you're here. Doctor Tiffany. What else did
you do research about when it happens to silence?
Speaker 3 (36:06):
Well, the why why is silence important? Silence is important
because it can create tension, because some people are uncomfortable
with silence, and it's important because it can also emphasize
your point. A lot of times people feel that they
need to argue their point. Sometimes silence can stress your
(36:29):
point just as much as raising your voice, so you
don't always have to do that. Silence can can stress
your disapproval as well as your conversation can and pauses
can allow for reflection as well as a deeper understanding.
So allow that space and allow that time between your
(36:55):
conversation with you and that other individual.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
That's great advice. I know that as an orator, a
motivational speaker for twenty eight no, thirty two years now.
It is effective if you make a point and then
make another point. One of the things I learned in
motivational speaking school is people's ability to digest requires that pause.
(37:27):
So even saying did you understand that? If no one
reacts right away, doesn't mean that they didn't understand it.
It takes that couple of seconds to actually sink in.
And you can tell that I am practicing that very strategy. So,
(37:51):
and there's a very fine line between talking to and
talking really fast, because then people can't hear it, and
if you ask a question, they can't answer it because
you're on to the next side and your mind is
going like this and this and this. And that's why
meditation is a fabulous practice to cultivate your comfort with silence.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
M and a lot of times you can swallow, take
a deep breath, especially if you're nervous, if you're talking
about a subject you are dreading, focus on your breathing
and pace yourself through it, because you can get through
(38:46):
it if you just focus on your speech, focus on
what you have to say, and go slowly and focus
on what the other person is saying and active listening
what active listening and active speaking, and use nonverbal cues
(39:10):
as well. Both of those things can help you and
it can help the other person. I know someone who
would always say, before I talk to you, and this
is just a joke, but sometimes it actually helps, especially
if you're gonna say something. They will say, stick your
finger in one ear before I say something to you.
(39:31):
That way, it doesn't go in one ear and out
the other, and so that usually breaks the ice and
makes people laugh. But sometimes that can also again break
the ice and make people laugh. But it depends on
what you're talking about. And then you can always wait
before responding, and you can always ask clarifying questions with
(39:59):
asking a question. I was always taught that there's no
such thing as a dumb question.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Yeah, I don't know about that.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
I know, you know, doctor Merrisy and I always have
to disagree on something, so it's a good thing.
Speaker 2 (40:16):
Yeah, I'm sure you've heard some people ask a question
and you're like, did they really just ask that question?
Speaker 3 (40:25):
You might raise an eyebrow, but they might really need
to understand.
Speaker 2 (40:31):
Yeah. Yeah. When I did diversity consulting, that was one
of the cool things to understand about different cultures and
understanding that it is. In Japanese culture, the most important
thing is to not insult the speaker. So if the
speaker says something and you don't understand it, you still
say you understand it because you don't want to insult
(40:53):
the speaker. Isn't that interesting, So that's why some of
the negotiations were going south, because you know, do you understand?
Do you agree? Yes? Yes, yes, and no. They were
not definitely not agreed. That's a side point. I absolutely
agree with what you're saying. I wanted to give a
(41:16):
practical tool for those who say that I'm uncomfortable with
silence and therefore it's very difficult for me to meditate.
I just gave that as a practical tool for you
to be more comfortable with silence. So when I teach meditation,
still meditation and not the moving meditation of Chinese yoga,
(41:40):
the still meditation, if you have a very active mind
that is constantly thought instead of trying to close down
the thoughts or just say and throw the baby out
with the bathwater and say meditation is not for me.
If you practice just watching your breath, that's something that
helps a lot of people. So you literally watch your
(42:03):
breath go in and then watch your breath go out,
and then if you want to count with it one, two,
and sometimes you'll only get to one or get to three.
But the more you practice every day, you will get
good at not being so buggy and restless, and you
(42:29):
know overpowering thoughts, you'll be able to be okay with
silence because I'll tell you, if you're not happy with yourself,
you're not going to be able to sit with yourself
in silence. So that's the work that I do with
my Happy eighty eight mission, is how do we get
to that place where we're not criticizing ourselves all the time.
(42:49):
And that's one of the reasons why I can't sit still.
So try that. Just watch your breath, count count in,
count out, see what happens. Set your timer for two
minutes the next time, three minutes, the next time, four minutes,
no more than fifteen minutes. But a little free tip
for still meditation.
Speaker 3 (43:10):
And it's important to consider your words, evaluate the impact
of your words, and also try to use fewer words
when you are asking questions and having the conversation because
you want to be powerful, but you also want to
make sure that they understand what you have to say.
(43:34):
And try to engage in some quiet activities to put
this into practice, because you want to make sure you
get good at it, and practice makes perfect, So if
you start to put it into practice, you'll get better.
Whether it's reading, painting, hiking, or walking, I think you'll
(43:58):
find that you'll be happier.
Speaker 2 (44:01):
Yes, I'm allergic to hiking. That was why my eyeballs
were rolling.
Speaker 3 (44:07):
Or swimming? You like swimming?
Speaker 2 (44:08):
Yeah? True, true. The it's it's great because I talked
about social media on mental Health Matters Mondays and the
ability to walk away from a post or walk away
from a response and use these three words sorry, these yeah,
(44:29):
three questions to decide whether or not to say something.
And I forgot to credit the person who I learned
this from. So this is a perfect opportunity. If you
were on my show on Monday listening to this the
three questions came from doctor David Simon, and he held
not a funeral or celebration of life service. He did
(44:50):
a celebration of life service before he passed. He knew
he was going to pass within you know. He was
in hospice and he had an event. He's the co
founder of the trope Se down in southern California, and
he said, and I sat by his feet before you know,
I think two weeks later he passes a neurologist who
(45:13):
unfortunately died from a brain tumor, which was kind of
ironic too. But the most beautiful thing that he said
that I will live out his legacy is before you
open your mouth, before you break the silence, ask yourself
three questions. Is it true? Is it kind? And is
(45:34):
it necessary? Because a lot of people go, well, it's true,
I have to say something, and I'm you know, brute,
I have to be brutally honest. That's a bunch of
TALKI there's never, ever, ever, ever a reason to be
brutally honest. You can be honest and be nice about it.
(45:54):
I'm sorry, I hate that obviously, that expression. So is
it true? Makes or you check that all media chart
to see if what you're saying is true, or if
it's a hoax, or if it's fake news, or if
it's biased news, right, go to the center, and then
is it kind? Don't be brutal preface it with things
(46:17):
like this is just my opinion, or I love it
when people say to me, I have some feedback, but
you didn't ask for it. Would you like it? Or
I heard something about you. Do you want to know
what that is? And I'll say is it kind or not?
And they say no, it's not kind, and I say,
(46:40):
thank you very much, but no, I don't want to
hear it. And I'd appreciate it if you never came
to me with saying you know what so and so said,
because that person, as well meaning as they are, are
actually breaking silence in a way that could be detrimental,
(47:00):
and actually almost always is. I you know, what you
think of me is none of my business. If you
can't say it to me directly, then I don't need
someone else to be telling me what you're saying. Okay,
And then is it necessary? That's the third question? Is
it really intpot? It's not that big of a deal, right,
(47:26):
Do you really need to say what you thought of
that movie. Mm hmm, that's my final word. Actually we're
early for final word. That's not my final word.
Speaker 3 (47:36):
Yeah, I'm just saying we still have quite a bit
of time, and so I think that when it comes
to silence, I think again we should engage in quiet
activities like I mentioned before, hobbies, practicing mindfulness like we
do in the beginning, and when you observe the world
(48:00):
and observing your surroundings and the people around you rather
than getting too wrapped up in your own thoughts, be
mindful of your body language. I'm trying to engage in
like a relaxed posture, a gentle demeanor. Those are all
things that you can do. And just recognizing the power
(48:20):
of silence. There is power in silence, and I don't
think people really grasp the strength of silence. We are
surrounded with so much noise from our phones, from the
world around us. Like doctor Mersu said, we're constantly scrolling.
(48:42):
People have their phone either on a speaker or they
have their ear plugs in. Because I know sometimes I'm guilty.
I have my ear plugs in to sound out the
world around me, but I have it in my ear.
So we are constantly bombard it with noise, or we're
(49:02):
making noise ourselves, and sometimes it's good to just sit
and meditate in silence and enjoy our own thoughts and
hear what we're thinking. And even when we're in conversations,
(49:23):
practice some silence when we're actually hearing the other person
and not even interrupt them. Sometimes I'm actually guilty of that,
and I want to challenge the listeners to see how
long it takes for you to actually let the other
person finish their conversation before they speak, because do you
(49:46):
actually wait for them to finish or do you interrupt them?
And I want you to see for yourselves what it
is that you do.
Speaker 2 (49:58):
So great challenge. That's a good you know, baseline monitor
how much do you talk and how much do you listen?
What's your percentage? You know you can guess at it
and then ask someone else what their perception is. That's
a that's a big challenge to get feedback for that.
(50:18):
I just looked up something that I thought is interesting.
I didn't know this. I love learning new things. The
expression silence is golden actually comes from speech is silver
and silence is golden. Did you know that?
Speaker 3 (50:37):
No?
Speaker 2 (50:38):
And gold is gone up in price? So wow, and
and so one I think that's like super cool. And
two I want to do a little balance check because
there's some people who never talk right. Silence is their
(50:59):
norm to the extreme right, the one that never speaks
up in class, the one that never asks a question,
the one that never says, you know, this is what
I'd like to do. And I've gotten to coach people
like that who a lot of them are conflict avoidant.
(51:19):
They don't want to offer anything that is contrary to
what the idea is. Lots of them have you know,
been in my shoes. Seven out of ton of us
with childhood trauma. We were taught how not to offer
our opinions because we got hurt for it. And so
just for the sake of balance, those of you who
(51:43):
know who you are, who are not comfortable speaking up
and way overly comfortable with being silent, the challenge is
to offer one opinion, one fact every hour. Okay, that's
your challenge on the other side, even if it's to
(52:06):
say I didn't know that, or let me think about that,
or hmm, that's an interesting point. Those are three really
really good responses for both people who speak too much
and for people who don't speak at all. That's interesting
(52:27):
has saved my assets over and over and over again
from a knee jerk reaction that will guarantee that I
look or sound like a jerk.
Speaker 3 (52:38):
But I want to give you a quick statistic study
suggests a pattern of men interrupting women more often than
other men interrupting each other, according to one of the
advisory boards, and one study found men interrupting women two
point one times in a three minute conversation, while interrupting
(52:58):
other men one point eight times.
Speaker 2 (53:03):
That's uh, I think too. To be fair, uh, the
genetic difference you know, whether you know feminists always get
mad when I talk about the real differences between genders,
because there are we're made differently. We have more horror
bones that we carry babies, y'all don't. Uh So. Also,
(53:31):
work has been dominated by men historically, so part of
that I think is learned behavior, right, and some of
it is genetic. But we can change those things and
invite people to participate. One thing I would caution is
this over correction that I hear and see and witness,
(53:54):
where somebody will say something and then they'll be interrupted,
and the retort is can I finish Okay, that is
probably not going to result in a happy exchange, but
a gentle happy to hear what you are are offering
(54:19):
in response. But can I finish what I was started?
Otherwise I'm gonna forget the same way I just did
it to doctor Tiffany. If you noticed that before, it's
a it's it's a balance between forcing and allowing.
Speaker 3 (54:34):
Mm hmm, yes, absolutely, And some people can be obnoxious
about it and it's like, oh, I'm sorry, go ahead.
It's like oh, my.
Speaker 2 (54:45):
Bad, yeah, like bless you, my bad.
Speaker 3 (54:51):
I didn't realize. Okay, okay, now we have five more
minutes yeah, before the show, so if you don't.
Speaker 2 (54:59):
Actually we don't have five minutes. We're supposed to stop
at fifty five, but I've never followed that room.
Speaker 3 (55:05):
Okay, well, I'll give my final my final word really quickly.
So Confucius says that silence is a true friend who
never betrays, and I think that we need to remember that.
And Mother Teresa, she says, in the silence of the heart,
God speaks, so we need to treasure both.
Speaker 2 (55:27):
Ofselves, very very good. My final word is in silence,
I get the most incredible inspired thoughts that lead to
inspired actions, and I can hear, I'm told I'm audio Clariant.
I can actually hear or be open to the inspiration
(55:51):
that creates the oceans and the dolphins and all of that.
So in silence, there's a lot to gain. So there's
my current mar show for it. Thank you so much
for joining us this morning. It's been fun as usual
with you, doctor Tiffany learning something new about the great
topic of silence. I hope that you learn something. Please
(56:13):
do free subscribe to this YouTube channel. Please do like
the series Doctors in the House. Please do go and
support doctor Tiffany if you're so inclined for her hat
into the Congress race. And uh yeah, it's all about balance,
peace in peace, out world peace through inner Piece. This
(56:37):
is Doctor Versa reporting live on Doctors in the House
with myself.
Speaker 3 (56:41):
And doctor Tiffany Tate.
Speaker 2 (56:43):
And we're wishing you.
Speaker 3 (56:46):
The best day ever.
Speaker 2 (56:51):
I'll see you tomorrow.
Speaker 6 (57:02):
Project twenty twenty five is already underway, and the Second
American Revolution that they promised won't be bloodless unless the
Left surrenders. This is Politics by Jake Mondays and Fridays
seven am on KCAA, NBC News on KCAA Lomalinda sponsored
by Teamsters Local nineteen thirty two, Protecting the Future of
(57:22):
Working Families Teamsters nineteen thirty two, dot.
Speaker 8 (57:25):
Org, NBC News Radio, I'm Brian Schuck. The White House
says there could end up being a trilateral meeting with
President Trump, Russian President Putin, and Ukrainian President Selenski. Press
Secretary Caroline Levitt said this whole thing could have been avoided.
Speaker 9 (57:48):
President Putin publicly confirmed what President Trump has said all along,
the war between Russia and Ukraine never would have started
in the first place if President Trump were in office.
Speaker 8 (58:00):
Putin has agreed to begin the next phase of the
peace process, including a possible one on one with Zelenski.
Trump hosted Zelensky and several European leaders at the White
House on Monday. The impact of Hurricane Erin will still
be felt by millions of Americans despite it not making landfall.
The center of Erin is forecast to move between the
(58:21):
US East Coast and Bermuda on Wednesday and Thursday, with
high surf and rip currents expected from Massachusetts to the Carolinas.
Erin will be closest to the North Carolina outer banks
Thursday morning the Texas House is preparing to fast track
its redistricting process. Tammy Trehillo has.
Speaker 10 (58:40):
More House Speaker Dustin Burroughs as warning lawmakers our schedules
will be demanding until the work is done. Now that
Democrats who left the state of returned Democratic House members
left in protest over a special session called by Governor
Greg Gabbott to push through a Republican drawn House map
where the GOP would potentially gain more seats, they came
back after securing an agreement to adjourn the first special
(59:01):
session last Friday. Meanwhile, California Democrats are taking steps to
redistrict as well to try and counter the forthcoming Texas
maps potentially grow the number of Democratic seats represented by
the Golden State.
Speaker 8 (59:12):
The Trump administration is confirming it will conduct a review
of the Smithsonian Museums. President Trump posted on truth Social
Tuesday that the Smithsonian is out of control. You're listening
to the latest from NBC News Radio.
Speaker 11 (59:29):
Located in the heart of San Bernardino, California, the Teamsters
Local nineteen thirty two Training Center is designed to train
workers for high demand, good paying jobs and various industries
throughout the Inland Empire. If you want a pathway to
a high paying job and the respect that comes with
a union contract, visit nineteen thirty two Trainingcenter dot org
(59:52):
to enroll today. That's nineteen thirty two Trainingcenter dot org.
Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
Mhmm.
Speaker 8 (01:00:01):
You're listening to k C a A, your good neighbor
along the way.
Speaker 1 (01:00:07):
You're listening to the Tahebo teak
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