KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa (Tue, 26 Aug, 2025)

KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa on Tue, 26 Aug, 2025

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Stump off that exhausting amster wheel and into balance.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
Living with Doctor.

Speaker 3 (00:08):
Marissa from Miss Joy mis.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Doctor Marissa, also known as the Asian Oprah.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
Her mission to be.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
A beneficial presence on the planet, her purpose to be
your personal advocate, to live, lap love, learn her life motto,
don't die wondering, take back your life with Doctor Maurica Pey,
and don't.

Speaker 3 (00:35):
Welcome your tundin to take my advice, I'm not using it.
Get Balance with Doctor Marissa in the Morning show here
on KCAA, NBC News, CNBC News and NBC Sports radio
station AM ten fifty FM one on six point five
and streaming everywhere I Heart Radio, Spotify, Stitcher or no iTunes,

(00:56):
tune in Audible, Amazon Music, Telive, Rumble Patches, a Sprinker, Streaker,
and more. Why so many places? Well, I want to
balance all those negative headlines that you hear everywhere. So
if you're looking for the headlines not gonna be here. However,
you can tune into that. As I said, anywhere, this

(01:17):
is the one place where you're gonna get heartlines. Instead,
you're gonna get guests and series and hosts and co
hosts who talk about what's possible to make your life
a little happier. That's right. I'm on my Happy eighty
eight mission, eighty eight million more happy people in the
next eight years. And we're gonna do breakfast after our

(01:39):
spotlight today. It's gonna be thrown back Thursday on Tuesday.
This week guests postpone good reasons and yeah, I'm grateful.
I have a treasure chest of past shows that I
can give to you and offer to you, and today
is a special one. He's another guest turned friend, and

(02:03):
I'll do the formal introduction in the spotlight from my
show treasure chest, and afterwards we'll do breakfast. So that's
the topic of today and you all will know him
very well. He is the mega bestselling author of Mena
from Ours, Woman of for Vius, and he reached out

(02:23):
a couple of months ago. He's got a new book
coming out, so we're going to have him back in studio.
So this is like a bremeew for you so that
you can catch up for the young ones maybe who
did not know this number one book from the nineties.

Speaker 4 (02:38):
So without further ado, let's talk to doctor John Gray.
Hope you enjoy.

Speaker 1 (02:50):
Doctor Marisa also known as the Asian Oprah permission to
be a beneficial presence on the planet, her purpose to
be your personal advocate, to live, lap love, learn our
life motto, don't die wondering. Take back your life with
Doctor Maurica Fey.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
And welcome your tuned in to take my advice. I'm
not using it. Get balanced with Doctor Marissa. The Morning
Show here on KCAA, NBC News, CNBC News and NBC
Sports radio station home to the Asian Oprah AM ten
fifty FM, one O six point five and streaming everywhere. iHeartRadio, Spotify,

(03:35):
Stitch your iTunes, two in Audible, Tiki Live, Amazon Music, Rumble, Geo,
Sun and more. Why so many places because I want
to maximize my splatter zone for more hope and happiness.
So there's no gossip, no scandal, and no k words,
no Kanye talk on this show. Instead, I want you

(03:57):
to focus on your own reality show and how you
can be happy eighty eight percent of the time. Why
not one hundred percent of the time. If you're happy
one hundred percent of the time, you're dead. I don't
want dead people walking. I want you most of the
time happy, so you can make the most out of
this amazing thing called life. And I've been so delighted

(04:19):
to bring you a name brand guest for the last
just celebrated on Monday, eleven years on the air on camera,
and I get a little bit of love for that,
and it does seem like it was yesterday and I

(04:40):
must be having fun. So to celebrate this momentous occasion
this week, I am bringing on a repeat guest. This
is his third time in studio. I am an absolute
huge fan of his. One of the best things about
the show is I get to meet super interesting people
whose names are very recognizable. John Gray. John Gray is

(05:03):
the author of the most well known and trusted relationship
book of all time. Men Are from Mars, Women Are
from Venus. USA Today listed his book as one of
the top ten most influential books of the last quarter century.
In hardcover, it was the number one best selling book
of the nineteen nineties.

Speaker 5 (05:23):
Doctors.

Speaker 3 (05:24):
Gray's books are translated into approximately forty five languages in
more than one hundred countries and continues to be a bestseller.
He's appeared repeatedly on OPRAH, My Honorable Moniker and three
times on Asian Oprah. So there you go, as well
as the Doctor Oz Show, Today, CBS, This Morning, Good

(05:46):
Morning America, and many others. He's been profiled in Times, Forbes,
US Today, and People. He was also the subject of
a three hour special hosted by Barbara Walters. I'm gonna
have to watch that one. John in Northern California, where
for thirty four years he happily shared his life with
his beautiful wife, Bonnie, until her passing in twenty eighteen.

(06:08):
They have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. He's an
avid follower of his own health and relationship advice. Please
welcome back to my studio, doctor John Gray.

Speaker 5 (06:28):
Good morning, Good morning to you. Happy to be with
you again.

Speaker 3 (06:32):
I am so happy to have you. And we're going
to start with breakfast. I asked if he would be
willing to share a bite of my gratitude sandwich, and
he fortunately said absolutely. So We're going to start with
eight specific things that you are grateful for outside of yourself.
Doctor Wayne Dyer, one of my teachers on the other side,

(06:54):
I said five every morning. I'm an overachiever. And I
know you thought I was Swedish when I'm act Chinese
and eight is a lucky number in Chinese. It's a
homophone for good fortune, So that's why we do eight.
I'll start off, I am grateful to have you back
in the studio.

Speaker 5 (07:13):
Well, I'm grateful we met again and I can be
on your show again and talking to everybody.

Speaker 3 (07:17):
Wonderful.

Speaker 5 (07:18):
That's too.

Speaker 3 (07:19):
I'm grateful for a gym downstairs that I can roll
out of bed and just do it a gospel according
to Nike, without thinking about whether I should work out
or not.

Speaker 5 (07:29):
Well, I'm grateful because one of my daughters just had
a baby. She's three months old and she's healthy and beautiful.

Speaker 3 (07:37):
Oh. I'm grateful that I have two daughters who are
beautiful inside and out, living up in San Francisco, flying
me up for Mother's Day and treating me.

Speaker 5 (07:48):
I'm grateful to where I live, where there's lots of
sunshine and beautiful gardens around me.

Speaker 3 (07:54):
I'm grateful that I get to look at the ocean
of abundance in the morning.

Speaker 5 (07:59):
And I'm grateful to my new wife, who I love
very deeply. As I move on in my life, but
always carrying the thirty four years of my marriage with Bonnie,
she has made me who I am.

Speaker 3 (08:12):
And now we're going to go to the bottom of
the butt, which is the fundamental MYBS. My belief system
is good mental health starts with self love, self care,
self approval. And we're a generation that maybe has forgotten
that because we're always looking for likes literally, who are

(08:33):
always looking for numbers, or who likes me, who have
approved me. But the most important thing is to have
you approve of your self. In my book, so I
like to highlight that, have you worked that muscle in
the morning. You all know the drill. Here we go.
I appreciate that I have no fear and I kind

(08:55):
of step most of the time. It's good. Sometimes I
step in it, but I love that I can just
jump into things.

Speaker 5 (09:04):
I appreciate that I'm confident, capable and always motivated.

Speaker 3 (09:07):
Oh there's three right there, and I'll just finish off.
I appreciate that I love to laugh and it's my
favorite sound on the planet. That I forgive myself most
of the time, and that I have a good sense
of fashion. So there we go. That's eight. I'm practicing
with doctor John Gray, so you can do that before

(09:28):
you go to bed tonight, so that you'll wake up
and sandwich your day in the most positive way. Thank
you so much. For joining us.

Speaker 5 (09:38):
I get more. Oh oh you morning.

Speaker 6 (09:42):
Every night, I forgive all the people that I have
unknowingly hurt, are knowingly hurt, and I ask for their
forgiveness for the ways they hurt me knowingly or unknowingly,
and wish they love to forgive and forget.

Speaker 3 (09:57):
Oh wow, No, I said it was done because you
said confident. You said three. That's why I said. But
I've never had anybody want more, which is great.

Speaker 5 (10:09):
I love.

Speaker 3 (10:12):
I love it. Doctor John Gray here reminding us what's
most important. That forgiveness, peace and gratitude and forgiveness so
very important, gratitude and forgiveness, the GF brand. Here we go.
Thank you so much for joining us for breakfast. And

(10:35):
as you can see, it's so wonderful. If you've just
tuned in, I know some people are just getting the alert.
If you free subscribe on my YouTube channel, you'll get
to watch the show instead of just listen to it
on the radio. This is thanks to technology. And I
am here this morning with doctor John Gray, and I

(10:57):
read your bio. But I love doing that little less
formal introduction. I don't have a question. I don't have
an answering machine. I have a questioning machine, and when
you call me, it says, who are you and what
do you want? So, John Gray, who are you and

(11:20):
what do you want?

Speaker 5 (11:22):
Well, I'm a grandfather now and I want to continue
sharing this message of love and understanding to make the
world a better place today. We're hugely challenged in our
marriages are lack of marriages. And I've seen it repeatedly
for thousands, millions, actually, because I've taught around the world
for fifty years. The massive benefits and improvements and relationships

(11:45):
when men and women can understand and appreciate their differences.
Appreciation of differences, it's so important, But it takes understanding
that we're not the same. Otherwise, we're expecting people to
love the same way we do and to correctly interpret
their behavior. For most of the time, whenever there's conflict,
we're misinterpreting each other and that just creates frustration and

(12:09):
eliminates the happiness in our heart and the love of
the beginning, what's.

Speaker 3 (12:14):
The one thing that women do or think that takes
away from happy relationships?

Speaker 5 (12:25):
What's the one thing Expectations? Unrealistic expectations, And there's simple
reasons for that. In the beginning, of a relationship when
there's a sexual attraction, particularly there's high dopamine levels. Dopamine
is the motivation hormone, and particularly in men, so men
are naturally automatically, without thinking, motivated to do things for

(12:48):
her and she, on the other hand, when there's high
dopamine things make her happy. It seems like she's happy
all the time and it doesn't take much to make
her happy. So men have this unrealistic expect that women
are is going to be happy. You don't have to
do much because dating is not really doing much, is
doing a lot of little things, as the most supposed
to marriage is doing big stuff. So men think, I'm

(13:11):
doing the big stuff. Why do I have to do
the little stuff? And when he stops doing that little stuff,
that's very important for her to feel an ongoing sense
of reassurance and connection that she's special and she's number one.

Speaker 3 (13:25):
So that an example of that you gave on stage
at Secret Knock a piece and piece outshot out to Greg,
our mutual friend who just brings amazing people on stage,
including you and me. I've been on his stage too,
and you said there that if you're in bed with
your significant other or in significant other and you just

(13:50):
in the midst of the love making, just look in
her eyes and say, you're so beautiful. You are, I'm
so fortunate to be with you, and you're gorgeous. That
that those are the little things that maybe you don't

(14:11):
think about doing when you're you know, into your regular
achieving orgasm process.

Speaker 5 (14:20):
That's a great realization, you know. I've read so many
books on sex. I've been teaching about sex for thirty
forty about forty years and enlightened sexuality, and gradually I
began to understand that it's all about the energy exchange.
And one of the ways that energy has exchange is
through words, and words are very very important, and often

(14:43):
in sexuality the energy goes down south, as opposed to
staying in your heart and in your mind. And so
the idea is to keep all of you in the
process and to express the love you feel to a
further extent. I really have a great sex life, always
have because back in the beginning, because I was a monk.
The reason I started having sex after leaving being a

(15:03):
monk for nine years was I was full of love
and I realized that when I had sex, I felt
even more love. So the purpose of sex. If we're
not just having animalistic sex, or we're not just wanting
to make babies. Nothing wrong with that people want to
live in their animal body or making babies. Is use
sex as a way to feel more love. And you

(15:25):
feel more love when you express more love. That's why
we have this whole invention of therapy and so forth.
Is when you express what you feel, you feel more
so when you feel the love rather than go after
the pleasure. The pleasure is just there because nobody resists pleasure.
So when you have no resistance to your partner, you
can connect with the love in your heart. But it's

(15:46):
important to express that love in different ways for men
and women, because you share just one part of it.
Half part of it takes two to make it happen
for the man. Is to create a sense of safety
and specialness and love for the woman, saying things what
are true for you, And sometimes it's good to even
write these things out men, so you can remember them
to say them. In sex, it's not that it's not there,

(16:08):
it's just that we may not be aware of the
words to express we feel the love. So I love
being with you. I'm so happy that my partner, and
if you're married, you know you're the only one for me.
I'm going to love you for a lifetime, Okay, all
those kind of phrases. And you're such a great mother
to our children. Whatever you feel in your heart, but

(16:28):
it's good to practice separately, to just know what you
feel about your partner and put it into words. But
the other side of it is the feminine energy that
receives that compliment. It's not so much her telling him
how much she loves him, it's her sending the message
of what she needs from him. Because when a woman
reveals what she needs, she's being most vulnerable. And that's

(16:50):
the whole act of sex, which is as women become
more vulnerable, then men can penetrate them, and women can
appreciate that penetration. So not just you open your body
and you become naked, but you open your feelings to
him and become naked. And what are those feelings that
are inside of every woman that often she doesn't reveal
is the need for love. I mean, this morning, you

(17:12):
put on your makeup, you put on your outfit. You
want everybody think you're beautiful and you're radiant. You want
to be seen you want to be hurt. We have
this need to be loved and that's a very important
aspect of our female side which needs to be amplified
during making love. So for her to say do you
love me? And for him to say, I love you
so much? And she said how much? With all my heart?

(17:33):
And tell me more? She can say and do you
really really love me? See, it's opening the need to
receive what he has and for him to then provide
that need. And what we've done is taken the more
traditional male female energies that used to be very helpful
where women were dependent on men, and men were dependent
on women to make babies, provide a home, he would

(17:55):
work hard to provide for her. Well, women can do
that for themselves today. So how do we connect. Well,
the reality is as soon as women are more independent,
they have a hard time getting back to their feminine side. Okay,
the part of them. They can feel a lot of love,
and you feel a lot of love only when let
me just put this out between an equal relationship, when

(18:18):
the female feels I need what this man offers me.
So if you don't need what the man offers you,
why is he going to be motivated to be with you,
because men are motivated when they feel there's a job
for me to do, and then he feels motivated to
do it. Otherwise they lose motivation, which is again that
mistake that women make we talked about in the beginning,

(18:39):
is that they assume that that man in the beginning
who's so motivated will stay motivated. No, the brain chemical
of dopamine, because of the novelness of the relationship or
the newness, stimulates like a free drug, but only for
a few months or a few years. That's going to
wear off as routine sets in. It's no longer that novel,
it's the same naked body. It doesn't have that spark automatically.

(19:03):
But what then, can sustain that motivation inside of men?
As as women learn they turn men on, it's their vulnerability,
as their ability to receive what he has to offer
and enjoy him, appreciate him, acknowledge him, depend on him,
trust him. But what do you depend him on? He
creates safety for you to open up and reveal these

(19:25):
very delicate feelings of I need love, I need you
to love me. And it's not that men don't need love,
but men particularly feel love when they're successful in giving love.
Everybody knows. When a man's on stage and he's performing
and everybody clap for him, he bows. Okay, that's how
men surrender. The more you pour love onto a man,

(19:47):
the more humble he becomes. Ironically, the arrogant male who
can't love is the male who feels insecure inside because
along the way he hasn't gotten the love he needed.
So that's the reality of our relationship ships today is
they can replace. They can fill those holes inside of
us from empty childhoods and wounds in past the past,

(20:07):
and also just keep fueling us as men to become
better and better.

Speaker 3 (20:11):
Wow, there's so much. There was at least four mic
drops in there, and as soon as I went to
write one down, you said something else. So one thing
that lit up for me was the women. So the
women today, not that I'm speaking on behalf of all
the women today, but I know in my ageless generation

(20:34):
of having the opportunity to become equal with men, equal job,
equal pay, strong, independent, don't need a man, don't need
a man to complete me. Want to have a complimentary
But the downside of that is I'm not willing or

(20:57):
I see me saying please love me as weak and like.

Speaker 5 (21:03):
Uh counter and not perfect love me, love me, see me,
hear me, see the.

Speaker 3 (21:10):
But that's so I get I hear you. But this
is the reality of of you know, being so strong,
and it's so funny. We were outside talking and he
said to me. I said, you know, I haven't dated
in five years, four months, three weeks, two days and
an hour, but who's counting? And he said that's because

(21:31):
you're leading with your testosterone. And I I'm like, I
don't and then and then he began to explain that
to me. And this is a great example for me
to say something like how much do you love me?
Even though I'm inside wondering. But it's it's so it's

(21:56):
so important for me not to feel like or express
the need need to need love, and that's my issue
and that's what I am working on. Which the timing
is perfect. I just started speed dating last Friday because
I've never tried it before, and this is the first
time I'm actually open to having a relationship. So you're

(22:16):
my perfect coach.

Speaker 5 (22:19):
But here's my basic I have so much advice. I
wrote a whole book mars Venus on a Date on dating.
But one of the best ideas in that book is
when you're dating, don't date to find the right person.
Date to find someone who loves you, likes you more
interested in you than you're interested in them. That's for women.
For men, it's different advice. But for women, your purpose

(22:41):
in dating is as you said, I want to learn
how to be more feminine. I want to learn how
to be more vulnerable. I want to open my heart
up rather than be the tough side, the independent side,
the confident, capable side. We call that your male side,
which is because it produces more testosterone, and men need
ten testosterone than women, and that's why we're different. You know,

(23:02):
equality it does not mean sameness equality when you talk
about equal even respect. Women deserve more respect, need more
respect than men. Men need more appreciation. Women need more caring,
men need more trust. You know. It's just there's places
that produce when you're trusting me, depending on me, asking
me for support, being vulnerable to me. What that does.

(23:24):
It triggers testosterone me and that means I'm going to
solve the problem. I'm going to be there for you,
but I have to learn how to solve the right problem.
Most of the time women are talking about something, men
interrupt with solutions. What really the problem she has at
that moment is she wants to here's be heard, be seen,
be validated, be reassured. All that is important. Men don't

(23:45):
know that. You know, wife comes home and says, not
having this trouble, So and so said to me, it's oh,
you ought to tell them this and this, as opposed
to saying, well, help me understand that better, Well tell
me more? What else? And if you haven't been initiated
into these ideas of how many and are different, you
think you're doing nothing. No, I get paid a lot
of money just to sit there and ask women questions

(24:06):
and they feel heard. That's the whole key to this thing.
Men don't realize that old fashioned women. When a woman
complained she needed a man to solve a problem. You know,
let me fix it. There's a dragon outside, I'll go
slay the dragon. But now she can slay that dragon herself.
But she needs to come home and open up and
talk about it to feel connection. Because when you see

(24:26):
and hear and penetrate into a woman, her estrogen goes up.
And that's different. You see, it's not just we should
all hear each other. No, it's that men need to
hear women more than women hear men. Because biologically, when
somebody hears me listens to my feelings, my vulnerability, that
they can listen to my solutions, that's different. That's me
solving problems. But when they listen to my feelings, that's

(24:48):
good for some time, but it produces more estrogen. And
when men have too much estrogen, they're weak, they're pouting,
they're irritable, they're unmotivated, they can't get it up, they
lose interest, they want to cheat. All those things is
because his testosterone goes down. For women, they don't need
nearly as much testosterone for well being and happiness in

(25:08):
a relationship. What they need is ten times more estrogen
and major estrogen producers. Or let's say you're hungry and
somebody feeds you, your estrogen goes way up, but you
can take care of yourself. Now, women, but when you
feel I'm lonely, i feel insecure, I'm afraid, I need love,

(25:28):
So you know, to say all that, but basically just
simply saying do you love me? That's in there. It
is that the need for reassurance, you know, for years
my wife, Bonnie said, you know, John, I just don't
feel really I need your reassurance. I had no idea
what she was talking about. Now, look at what you
said in the beginning. Everybody's looking at likes on their facebooks.
How many people for me? How many people buy my books?

(25:49):
You knows. I look for recognition. How much money do
on my bank account? How many people are I reaching?
How much am I getting paid for this? And I
look at on a daily met not a daily basis,
but I look at how many people are reading my books,
for example, and that supports me feeling good. It makes
a woman feel good because she needs testosterone, but it
doesn't produce estrogen primarily. But produces estrogen primarily. Is personal

(26:14):
relationships where you are open and you can depend on
someone and they're there for you. You know, I was
just listening to a show on Netflix with Oprah interviewing
the last first Lady, Yes and she the one before
Obama's wife, Yes Obama Michelle, and she was talking over

(26:35):
and over and over about the kitchen table. She's explaining
the only way relationship work for her is having her
basic twelve good friends who she can talk to. So
you're not totally dependent on your husband to listen to
everything because some things just aren't interesting to men. It
doesn't mean we don't love you. It means we're not girls,
you know, it doesn't you know, if we're talking about
engines in my new car, a lot of women will

(26:57):
wander off, you know, not all, but a lot of
them wander off. You're talking about wedding gowns. Guys are
just going to go to sleep. You know. There's certain
things that stimulate male hormones, certain things that stimulate female hormones,
and we as human beings, have our own unique like
a snowflake, as unique. Every single person has their unique genome.

(27:18):
That's the genome, our genes, a unique genome which has
the ideal ratio I'll call it the divine ratio for
every person between the male side and the female side.
And anytime you're unhappy, this is one way of understanding unhappiness.
You have beautiful books on happiness, of course, but one
of the ways to understand our own happiness is when

(27:40):
that divine genome of who we are, the true self,
the ratio of our male side and female side is
out of balance. And today our whole country as a
general rule is way out of balance. There's not enough
female energy being expressed. The female genome is not expressing
enough estrogen, and the male genome is not expressing enough testosterone,

(28:03):
and so the ratio is off. And this is all
simply there's huge studies. Nobody makes these conclusions that I
make because I'm a relationship expert. They're just statistics and
looking at certain health issues for women. Unhealthy women all
have hormonal imbalance. Unhealthy men all you don't get heart
attacks if you're a man, unless you have low testosterone.

(28:23):
It doesn't exist. It's high estrogen, low testosterone a man
that causes heart attacks. Well, they can't say that because
nobody knows how to balance these hormones. And just taking
hormones is not the only it's not always the answer.
I'll put it that way. I know for sure with
testosterone it's not the answer. And when women are taking
hormones in some cases it's extremely helpful, but there's also

(28:45):
risks to go with it that we know. You've got
to keep that balance going by having a really good doctor.
What I teach you is relationship skills to stimulate in
women through relationship more estrogen and the right balance with
progesterone and testosterone and met These are all different hormones
that we are born with ideal divine ratio. We come

(29:05):
into this world. Now, some of us come out of this,
come out of the womb, even with a mixed up
balance simply because of what the mother has been eating
prior to getting pregnant. That's enough to throw your hormones off.
But you still have your divine genome and you can
find it again. It's there. We have something called an
etheric body around us that is our divine genome. It

(29:27):
tells the body. It gives information to the body of
how to correct itself, how to heal itself. I mean,
how do some people just suddenly have these miraculous healings.
It's the genome is able to correct its errors because
it pulls in the blueprint. The divine blueprint is around
us all the time. But we're not part is not open,
we're not forgiving, we're not feeling grateful. We disconnect from

(29:50):
our divine sources, and so that genome can't self correct itself.
And also there's certain we call them hormone disruptors that
you know, drinking water out of plastic bottles. As simple
as that sounds as a huge hormone disruptor, inhibiting the
self correction of the genome appropriate hormone expression. And when

(30:12):
you have inappropriate hormone expression, let's say a woman's making
more testosterone than her estrogen for her ratio, then what
will happen is instead of thinking I need to open
up and depend on somebody for love, her brain just says,
go more and more, looking to achieve more. And then
the symptom of that in balance for women is feeling overwhelmed,
too much to do, not enough time for me. And

(30:35):
the funny thing, as a man would I would hear
for years women say these things is I got to
find myself. I know myself all the time, and I'm rarely, rarely,
rarely overwhelmed, not even know what that word meant for
a while, because the men have an off switch. All
they have to do is something to build up their testosterone,
and then they basically use logic as part of testosterone

(30:55):
and say there's nothing I can do about it. Well,
then forget it, and why do I do? Why do
expect myself to do more than I can do? Where
women will take on more than they can do, and
then they they're never feeling enough. Yeah, I have loving relationships.
You have to find that divine ratio, the ideal ratio
for you to come back with feeling this is enough.

(31:17):
I don't have to do more in order to be loved.

Speaker 3 (31:20):
Right, Well, that's definitely just for me. My divine ratio
is so out of whack. If you've just tuned in
and you're wondering who is in my studio, I'm just
delighted to have my third time repeat guests doctor John Gray,
that mega bestselling author of Men Are from Mars, Women

(31:40):
Are from Venus, but we are moving beyond now with
his new book called Beyond Mars and Venus. And on
a personal level, the last guy that I dated actually said,
you're you know, because I have so many things that
I'm doing. He said, I don't mind being priority to three,
but priority ten is you know, it's not enough for me.

(32:06):
And I don't blame him because I wouldn't want to
be priority ten either. So let me get specific because
I get to use you as a coach here on
my show. So I am you said to start dating
with people that I don't think are a good match,

(32:27):
which you're.

Speaker 5 (32:29):
Not looking for a good match, okay, for somebody who
wants you more interested in you, wanting to please you
more than you want to please him. As soon as
you move into trying to please a man, you're already
on your mail side. You want to relationship where you're
not trying to please the man. Gives you a chance
to change your programming. Because you're people pleaser, you want

(32:51):
to get out there and find the right guy. You're
also a very confident person, so you're going to use
strategies to get him, as opposed to strategies for you
to change who you are in your dating pattern where
you're an overgiver. If you're an overgiver, you have to
If you're sending a situation where you're more interested in
somebody than you, that's fight or flight. That's danger. What

(33:12):
if I don't succeed you get with a man. You
don't care whether you succeed. What do you care about
is practicing new dating skills one two. What you get
out of is a good time, whatever that means for you.
And when I suggest a good time does not imply
having sex. A lot of women don't even want to
date because they just don't want to get naked again

(33:32):
with some guy they're not in love with. Okay, So
you don't have to have sex with guys. You have
to know and you don't owe them if they take
you on a date. And part of taking on a
date is you allow him to do things for you,
to plan it. You let him know three things you
like to do, you pick, so you let him pick.
You let him be in charge, You let him pay
for the bill if you picks, you up all the
good things letting a man do for you, and then

(33:55):
you feel like, oh, I owe him something. No, you
don't owe him anything except respond from a place and
my day is happier because of you. See, that's the
greatest gift a woman can give a man. It's not
a doing for him, it's a responding to his doing.
And you practice not overgiving. You're a overgiver. I mean,
you're just right in there and you just got to
learn to let it go. And that's hard to do.

(34:17):
It's programming. So you have to change your programming when
you're not in a state of fight or flight. And
state of fight or flight is I'm trying to please you. Well,
why you try to please a man instead of letting
him please you is because a part of you, deep inside,
not on the surface you handle that deep inside is
feeling that I have to prove my worth okay, and
you don't have to prove your worth. You already deserve.

(34:39):
That's why I say men and women are different. Everybody
deserves to be loved, but the woman's issue is I
have to When she's out of balance, she says, I
have to go earn something to be worthy of love.
You have to be yourself to be worthy of love,
and that's not doing for him. Men, I won't feel
loved unless I do something. Men who just sit around
do nothing and you love them, they become weaker and weaker.

(35:01):
Men have to earn. When men earn, testosterone goes up,
and when testosterone goes up, then we're able to feel love.
If you try to love a depressed man, he goes yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah. Get out there, do something for someone and
then say thank you, and he'll let that love in.
These are real biological differences, and when people don't understand him.
It's happening in our society is that men are just

(35:22):
falling down into their more passive, moody lack of inspiration addiction.
All addiction is meant for men, as men having too
much estrogen, moving too much to their depending side as
opposed to and there's nothing wrong with a little bit
of that. I see. We're a balance. I've got a ratio.
My female side needs to depend on things to be happy.

(35:44):
My male side depends on me to be happy. And
so women think so much about me and more about
what I need from somebody to do for me. And
a simple idea on power. You know, women want to
be powered. Think about power for a second. I call
it two kinds of power, the empower, the feminine power
and the masculine power. We want to ratio of both, right,

(36:05):
But what is masculine power. It's what we all think
is power, which is the ability to get things done,
to achieve goals, to produce. Okay, so that's our male power.
Look what I can do? Okay, and you listed out
all the shows you're only even doing eleven. That's your
male power and that's you should be proud of that,
no doubt about it. Okay, Look what I can do.
Huge male power. But look who I am. Okay, that's

(36:27):
your female power. Female power is I Look how happy
I am? Look how fulfilled I am. And here's the
real aspect of the power is because I'm full of love,
Look what I can get other people to do for me.
So male powers, look what I can do for others.
Female powers, Look what I can get other people to
do for you? For me, I don't get them to

(36:47):
do it. It's called delegating responsibility. It's like, my female
power is so great that I have millions and millions
of people buying my books. Okay, that's my female power.
I got that by being a monk. By the way,
is when you're in your spirit. And also my childhood,
I was very connected to my mother, so there's a
lot of connection. And then define that balance between my

(37:08):
female side. I then practice celibacy for nine years as
a monk, doing long, intensive meditations, which produces huge amounts
of testosterone. You know, some reports say that that men
can increase their testosterone four times by being celibate. And
we have research even showing that if you in your marriage,

(37:30):
for example, and you go for seven days without having
sex or at least releasing your energy. I have sex
every day, but I don't release my energy. But you
can go for seven days without releasing your energy. Your
testosterone level will go up fifty to one hundred percent
just doing that you're doing, you know, all this porn

(37:51):
and everything like that. Men's testosterone levels you can see
it in the scale. Every year is going down one
percent one percent, and every age group today testosterone is
going down one Mine's been going up up up to
where I'm on average fifty percent higher testosterone than I
was when I was a young man. And now it's
you know, it will go up to four percent when
I'm making love. It's a Then we'll come back to

(38:13):
my baseline, you know, which is happy, guy, motivated and
so forth. But that's all about having love in your life.
I have see here, here's a novel idea for everybody
to take in. Everybody wants to have the passion, the
excitement you felt in the beginning. It's never going to
be exactly the beginning because you're on a drug trip. Okay,
the first time you touch fingers, there's like electricity goes

(38:34):
into you. Well why is that? Because you haven't yet connected.
But once that electricity goes through you for a while,
then it's there. You don't you're not going anywhere, and
all that electricity is that excitement thrill. That's because you're
producing abnormal amounts of dopamine. This dopamine the motivating hormone,
the excitement hormone. But once familiarity sets in, you don't

(38:57):
make as much dopamine, you don't get free dopamine, and
a lot of couples just lose the passion. Well, that's
because they don't understand the communication skills that don't necessarily
produce more dopamine, but they produce more testosterone because the
benefit of that dopamine is that it raises a men's
testosterone and raises a woman's estrogen. That's why we feel
so good. Our hormones start to go into balance when

(39:19):
there's newness, and so what we can do is the
newness will go away. We can always go in little
getaways and so forth. That helps to stimulate the right
ratio of hormones for people. But you can have communication
skills that will produce those hormones without the newness. And
nobody's ever written about this, talked about it as I
mastered it in my marriage of thirty two years. I

(39:40):
know what I'm talking about. Help couples do this because
everybody wants it. But nobody can have it, so we
have expectation that it should be free, that it should
be automatic, and so then we get disappointed, and then
we feel that we're not in love with each other
because we don't have these new skills where men are
primarily listeners and penetrators and women are primarily openers and
letting him come in and responding to his penetration, which.

Speaker 3 (40:04):
Is what I love the way you use penetration.

Speaker 7 (40:07):
By the way, if you've just tuned in, you are
listening to take my advice, I'm not using a gift
balance with Doctor Marissa the Morning show here on KCAA
Am ten fifty f M one oh six point five
NBC News Radio, home to the Asian Oprah, and we
have in studio for my third visit.

Speaker 3 (40:27):
I'm so happy he's here, Doctor John Gray. I can
barely get in here to stop for a station ID
because I don't want to stop the nuggets, But I
do want to just give a shout out to some
people who have been commenting. You can do free subscribe
on my YouTube channel two get an alert so you
can come and participate. Andre Davis Junior Sex Sacred Energy Exchange,

(40:53):
Love being the sacred energy. Thank you for the wisdom.
He liked your nugget. When you the more you love
on a man, the more humble and loved he feels great.
Gem Kathy O borrow, doctor John Gray in the house.
Thanks for sharing to me, and so happy that you
are all here joining us. Now let's go back to sex.

(41:14):
And you have sex every day, and you said you
don't release every day to improve your testosterone level. I'm
gathering that there's health benefits. You had mentioned that low
testosterone heart attacks, things like that. I do want to
I've been promising them that you would talk about iron penis.

Speaker 6 (41:36):
So what what is that all about?

Speaker 5 (41:42):
Here's the going to talk about that at intimate settings.
I'm happy to talk about it, I said, you brought
it up. Of course it's a humorous story, okay. But
I was doing what conference on biohacking in England and
I happen to be having breakfast with three of the
world's greatest uff what are they called iron men? Iron men?

(42:04):
You know, they run and they do all this endurance
stuff and nobody does that, right, Only a few people
could really do that stuff, and they work hard at
that and so forth, and so we're going around talking
and they said, well, John, what are you? I said, well,
I'm the iron penis. You could see. It was very
funny because they're all taking steroids, and when you take
steroids you can't get an erection, so it was a

(42:24):
kind of embarrassing for their wife were there as well.
So anyway, the then I gave a whole talk that day.
I thought it was so funny saying iron penis. But
the iron penis means that as a man, because in
sex you've learned to be multi or gas mak see,
it's the animal. When they become a lot of pleasure,

(42:45):
it builds up and attention builds up because there's not love,
there's not intimacy. When a man's energy builds up the
sacred energy of somebody was saying, and the woman is
able to receive that, but she can't receive it unless
he knows how to make love. And as long as
and they have to love each other from outside the relationship.
So the love allows her to open up and then
her his energy can flow into her and her response

(43:09):
energy flows back to him, and that keeps the tension
from building. So the tension never builds needing a total release.
It comes in waves of orgasmic pleasure. It starts with
it starts with just some of pleasure and beginning to
express the loving things that's coming into your heart. And
then as it starts to come up into your head,

(43:30):
it starts becoming very animalistic and loving. That's where the
spirit is coming into actually the primitive brain, but you're
still loving. And then it becomes very divine union where
you feel the angels coming around you.

Speaker 3 (43:42):
I mean, you know this is that's the orgasm, right,
not the orgasm.

Speaker 5 (43:47):
There's already been many orgasms before that. But a man
has to learn the art of not letting his arousal
go to the point where the tension is so strong
that it has to release. He has to notice when
it's moving in that direction and then move his body
as if he was having a physical orgas. It's a spasm,
all it is. It's a spasm, a short circuiting in

(44:08):
the body. So you spasm as soon as you go
a little too high, and then you're starting again going higher.
And what's happening is you're helping your body absorb more
of this sacred energy, because you know, if we could
absorb it all we'd be feeling that all the time,
but we can't absorb it, so we sort of sabotage,
we throw it away. Couples have this love and then
they fight and are But this is a way of

(44:29):
learning to preserve and build, and it's what's called making
love because the love is there and when you when
you we're stressed, you sort of lose touch with all that.
You come back together and you join. But the iron
penis happens when a man never ejaculates or rarely ejaculates.
Occasionally I don't get my rhythm perfect, or if she's
stressed out or whatever, and my energy needs to release,

(44:51):
then it takes me a few days to recover to
start it again. But generally speaking, every day and on weekends,
maybe for hours. If we've been apart, I'll go on
I'm on my way to Poland if I come back,
I've been gone for five days. I mean, we'll spend
two days in bed just to reconnect all that energy
and let it build up. Because you can't experience that
kind of a build up with strangers and other people
you know, friends, It's different. This is intimacy. This is

(45:13):
where you share the deepest, darkest places inside of you
in a way that's mutually supportive and then celebrated through
making love beautiful.

Speaker 3 (45:22):
So advice to me, I'm getting back in the saddle.
Is it possible, Are my expectations out of whack? That
I can have someone who does see me in that
the imbalance of who I am and respects what I

(45:43):
have done and what I do and also has the
similar so I can respect him and put him on
that pedestal by saying, Wow, look at what you've done
and that kind of connect Or is that just not
possible because we're both too testops around?

Speaker 5 (46:06):
Is that No? I think it's possible, but only as
you learn. It's a cliche, but I'm gonna explain it
a little deeper than just a cliche. You have to
love your female side, Melissa. You you respect and admire
your male side. Okay, nothing wrong with that. This is
the flight of the woman today. But to get to
her male side, she didn't. She doesn't get the respect.

(46:27):
Her female side is not getting it in the world.
So she seeks to earn respect because we have a
lopsided world which only respects money and success. Okay, everybody, Oh,
you know when somebody comes in who's a billionaire. Everybody's like,
what has he got to say? He must be something? Okay.
Money talks, okay, and fame talks. You know, when I
talk somewhere, everybody stops talking. And I'm at a party.

(46:49):
I want something. Everybody wants to listen to what I
have to say, only because I'm famous. Okay. So that talks.
That that gets respect, and so what leaves that, and
that's all masculine energy. What gets missing is female energy
is not getting the respect that deserves. And it can
only start as women start respecting themselves and you know

(47:09):
through their friends that at least you can begin opening
up yourself the part of you that isn't so successful, confident,
capable of part of you that's insecure, that's disappointed, has
hurts as feelings and finds forgiveness and expresses gratitude. You know,
this is a vulnerability. That's why you love gratitude so much. Oprah,
who is not that vulnerable? Okay? In reality, she's got

(47:30):
walls around her because everybody, everybody wants something from her,
pulling on her, pulling on She's got to protect herself.
But she said in that interview, I just saw she
only has one friend, okay, and that's Gail. Gail knows
the real story of what's behind the mask of Oprah,
because you know, everybody's pulling on you. You and and
you say one thing wrong, everybody's going to attack you.

(47:50):
And she's doing this interview and Obama's wife. I keep
forgetting her name. But about Michelle, Michelle is you know,
putting it all out there, and Oprah's like amazed. How
can you say that? You know, it's like one of
the things Michelle said that she was Oprah was really amazed.
That is Michelle said, probably out of our thirty year marriage,

(48:11):
I've hated him for ten years. Okay, So that's revealing. See,
that's one aspect of vulnerability is that now people can go,
oh see she's not a good person. Okay. That's what
we're all afraid of, is that we reveal our imperfections,
our disappointments, our losses. You know, I've made millions of dollars.
I've sold fifty over fifty million book, maybe eighty million
at this point. I only know because of the money

(48:32):
that comes in around the world. But I've lost so
much money in stupid business deals. I mean millions of
highly embarrassing, feeling ashamed that you know, this blessing has
come to me, but I was too busy helping people
and my writing books and doing this thing to do
due diligence. So that's being vulnerable. See, people can say, well,
I'm not going to invest in you. You don't know
how to invest, and I would I agree. I don't

(48:53):
do Westby for financial advice. I said, I'm the wrong
person how to be yourself. I'm the right person. Okay.
I have to find forgiveness to keep producing. So it's
about revealing that vulnerable side. And while men can be vulnerable,
as I was just being a bit vulnerable, I'm not
coming from a place of insecurity when I'm doing it.
The real vulnerability, the feminine vulnerability, is actually feeling this

(49:17):
is not something I want to share with anybody, but
I'll share with you. You see, un to that Felton, See,
it's like being naked. This is something I'll reveal with
you and nobody else. But the key thing now we're
evolved just the physical realm, we're in the spiritual realm
of connecting with the higher self. We need to become

(49:38):
more emotionally vulnerable to let the love penetrate in and
that can only happen. A man can't go in unless
you open up. So start with your girlfriends. Start with journaling.
I know you're a big journaler. It's what Oprah used
to do. Every day. She still does it. She writes
out all her gratitudes, because gratitude is an expression of vulnerable,
because what it's saying is I'm grateful, which means implied,

(49:58):
I need this and I have this. I need this
and I have this. It's always reminding ourselves of what
we need. That's vulnerable. For man power, the male power
is being aware of what you want and being motivated.
So want is our male side testosterum production and estrogen
more of the female hormones. Is being aware of what

(50:19):
I need because when I remember when I was homeless,
I was homeless after being a monk. It was horrible,
living on the beaches, cold, dangerous, with a bunch of
crazy people. And a friend of mine gave me fifty
dollars and back then that's worth five hundred dollars. He said, John,
you look hungry. I went, oh, I'm okay, and he said,
well here's fifty dollars. You know what, he's a friend
for life. You know this fifty years and that's forty

(50:40):
years ago. We go to the movies all the time.
Still he bonded with me. That's what happens when you
have high estrogen. When you feel I have a real
need and somebody's there for me and away from my
female side, you bond. And that's why I also recommend
women not to have sex right away with men that
don't love you. You don't have to, I know, because what's
going to happen is when you do stimulate yourself or

(51:02):
he's stimulating you, hopefully your estrogen will go high, you
will bond, and then you'll crash when he's not interested
in you because you bonded so much. So go slow.
Don't hurt yourself by having sex right away. Don't hurt
him by rejecting him. So the secret there is all language,
master of communication. So what you say to him is
when he's trying to make the moves, you go, oh,

(51:23):
i'd love to have sex with you. I just need
to go slow. I can't wait till that happens, but
I have to go slow, and he'll negotiate well win win,
oh sometimes sometimes, but I just know for me, it
works and you don't have to explain yourself anymore. You
got to respect me, okay, you respect You only get
respect when you respect yourself first. And that's a journey
of learning to respect and honor without judgment the part

(51:45):
of you that you don't love because you don't want
to show it to anyone. And some people will say, oh,
I love myself. You don't fully love yourself and experience
that until you can share that part of you with someone.
And the beginning. It goes with yourself then and God,
and then it goes with your girlfriends because they'll relate
more to it, and some we'll be competitive and use
it against you. So you got to pick the right

(52:06):
ones and get rid of the other ones because jealousies
come up and whatever.

Speaker 3 (52:10):
Oh yeah, that's why I don't have a lot of friends.
I mean that, you just nailed it. It's difficult for
me to be vulnerable, number one, because I know I
learned when you're vulnerable, you get hurt. I don't want
to want to admit I hate that expression. You hurt
my feelings. It just draws me crazy because I think

(52:32):
that that is a sign of oh my god, really
and so when I have even with friends, it's like
ones that really want to be my friend or guys
that really want to have me. I have this automatic
what do you want from me? Or I you know,
I don't like this. I don't like that, and I
don't like that part of me. So I just I'm

(52:56):
just better off alone. I'm better off, you know. I
do what I want, when I want how I want.
I love my life, and I do love my life.
When you say that, I can't really express or get
the most out of life if I'm not having a relationship.
Them's fighting words, Doctor John Gray. You know in my heart,

(53:18):
I know you're right. I hate to admit it.

Speaker 5 (53:21):
Not everybody has to be in a marriage and a
committed marriage. Uh, you know. Not everybody's going to be
an iron man. You know. I was listening to who
is it Our testa guy? That the testa guy?

Speaker 3 (53:36):
Oh uh yeah, Elon Musk. I'm not my favorite person.

Speaker 5 (53:41):
His ex wife did a ted talk about him, and
it was interesting to listen to that, and she was saying,
he's a terrible husband. He's a great genius, and he's
trying to help so many people and trying to help
the world so I mean, so she could admire him
and love him, but also recognize he's not a normal person,
He's not fit for being an intimate relationship for long.

(54:03):
Well put it that way. So I don't say everybody
has to be the same, but I'm saying that most
people that we come from a culture which took thousands
and thousands of years to build a culture that supported
the ideal hormones and men and supported the ideal hormones
and women, and we're going through transformation now where we

(54:25):
can be more androgynous in a sense of I'm a man,
but I'm also fully in touch with my female energies.
I'm not a woman, but I have a female side
and I'm able to evoke those emotions when appropriate that
part of me, but I'm always using that to support
my masculinity. And for women, they have a male side.

(54:45):
They can ask for what they want, they can assert boundaries,
they can make a difference in the world as a
result of their first having the world make a difference
for them, loving and supporting them. And I have to
correct myself on something I said earlier. But on one
side of your mail side is saying, hey, look at
all the people watching my show. But another part of that,
and this is where you should love yourself as well,

(55:07):
is recognizing I do have support in my life. Look
at all these people that support me. But it isn't
one hundred percent real until it's naked.

Speaker 3 (55:17):
And that's why I've I've lost thirty five pounds because
I did not like looking at myself naked. I still don't,
but at least now I don't think people are going
to run away screaming with their hair on fire. But
that that's been my project to try to like the
way I look naked. And we are almost out of time.

(55:39):
I wanted to point out one, go get up your book.

Speaker 5 (55:43):
Don't try to do that. One that's like advanced skills. Okay,
put on something nice and love how you look. You know,
I've heard actually when I did an Oprah show, people
were saying cliches. Stand in the mirror and say I'm beautiful.
Do that. Put on something nice and say look how
good I love. And when you're getting into bed, turn
the lights down and first start out with something soft

(56:04):
and silky, and gradually let it peel off as the
passion starts to increase, as the pleasure increases. Then love increases,
and then a man loving you allows you to love
yourself more.

Speaker 3 (56:16):
Don't do person, Thank you, thank you, thank you, and
we are out of time. I am. I have been
given permission to give one beautiful book from you for
my Asian Oprah giveaway today. And so the first person's
going to doctor and welcome back. I hope you enjoyed

(56:39):
that nugget. Lots of nuggets in that particular interview with
doctor John Gray, he is coming back with his newest book,
and so I thought I would do a preview for
you to. I mean, there's just so much there. After that,

(57:01):
I did have a session with him and then ended
up going to San Francisco to visit my daughters and
met up with him and his new wife, who's Chinese.
Had a wonderful time having some paking deck and receiving
very grateful for his presence and his wisdom in my life.

(57:21):
Still working on it. I one thing about throwbax is
and like, how far have I progressed in some of
the areas that I that I talk about on the show.
And I don't know necessarily that this one. This was
eleven year, so that was two years ago. I h

(57:43):
I'm still I'm you know, eighty eight percent fabulous, twelve
percent at the time I step in it, and certainly
with respect to relationships, I definitely do step in it.
But oh well, okay, Doki, we still keep trying. I'm dating.
I had a let's see date number thirty three, I believe, yeah,

(58:07):
first days. I've had thirty three first dates, two second dates,
one third date, and one fourth date and it still stands.
So still still planting my seed.

Speaker 1 (58:19):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (58:19):
I hope we don't get into trouble with all of
this sex talk air in the morning, but it is
scientifically based and doctor John Gray has been doing this,
and definitely there are differences between men and women, no
matter what the feminists say, and certainly a great understanding
for me on why I'm still single. But it's all

(58:42):
about balance. Piece in peace out world, peace through inner
piece doctor versus reporting live from my loving room, hoping
you have the best day ever. We'll see tomorrow doctors
in the House of doctor Tivity and myself, I love
my life.

Speaker 2 (59:08):
Ten fifty am, don't forget that number. And for you young
people who got here by accidentally fat fingering your FM
band selector, we're an AM radio station and am refers
to more than just the time of day. NBC News
on CACAA Lomelinda, sponsored by Teamsters Local nineteen thirty two,

(59:31):
protecting the Future of working Families Teamsters nineteen thirty two.
Dot orgs, Hey you yeah, you do? You know where
you are? Well, you've done it. Now. You're listening to
KCAA Lomo Linda, your CNBC news station, so expect the unexpected.

Speaker 1 (01:00:02):
You're listening to the Tahibo Tea Club radio show hosted
by Milan Bukovic, founder of the Tahibo Tea Club,