KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa (Wed, 27 Aug, 2025)

KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa on Wed, 27 Aug, 2025

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Stump off at exhausting amster wheel and into balance. Living
with Doctor.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Marissa from Miss Joy mis.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
Doctor Marissa, also known as the Asian Oprah. Her mission
to be a beneficial presence on the planet, her purpose
to be your personal advocate, to live, lap love, learn
her life motto, don't die wondering, Take back your life
with Doctor Maurica Pey.

Speaker 3 (00:33):
And welcome your tuned in to take my advice.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
I'm not using it. Get balance with Doctor Morrissa.

Speaker 3 (00:40):
In the morning show Here on Caseyaa, NBC News Radio,
CNBC News Radio, and NBC Sports Station at AM ten
fifty f m one oh six point five and streaming everywhere. iHeartRadio, Spotify,
Stitch your iTunes, tune in Audible, Amazon Music, Telive, Rumble.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
Pod, Chaser, Streaker, speaker, and more.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
Why so many places, Well, I, you know, want to
balance out all that bad news with some good news
instead of all of these negative stories that make.

Speaker 2 (01:16):
You go, what's wrong with Peobe?

Speaker 3 (01:19):
Instead, I want you to say what's right with the world,
what's right with me, and what's right with you? And
that's why I've been on for the past six hundred
and ninety five consecutive weeks.

Speaker 2 (01:30):
Now we are on podcast one four.

Speaker 3 (01:32):
Hundred and fifty seven. But who's counting over the past?
Over how many years?

Speaker 2 (01:39):
Now?

Speaker 3 (01:40):
Over thirteen years and gosh, we're almost on thirteen and
a half. That went really fast, but I'm still here.
I'm so glad that people who said I wouldn't last
a year are dead. No, I'm just kidding that they
are wrong. Oh oh, I.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
Am so delighted.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
Not only to bring you guests and topics, I have
also special series and today, as you can tell, in studio,
we have the fabulous doctor Tiffany Tait, who is a
US veteran Navy veteran. She's a poet, playwright, singer, songwriter,

(02:25):
and children's book author, poetry book author, you name it,
she's done it. Please welcome back to my studio, Doctor
Tiffany Tate for Doctors in the House with myself.

Speaker 4 (02:39):
And doctor Tiffany Tate.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
How are you, darling?

Speaker 4 (02:50):
I am good because it's Wednesday and I get to
start my day with you.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
Yay.

Speaker 3 (02:55):
Yeah, And we're going to go right into breakfast with y'all.
Know is take a bite of my gratitude sandwich, which
means top of the bun things you're grateful for that
are outside of yourself, bottom of the bun.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
Things that you're grateful for inside of yourself.

Speaker 3 (03:16):
And that's what we want a model for you to
do before you go to bed tonight, so you're not
thinking about what's wrong with me, instead what's right with
me and exercise that muscle of what you're good at.
But let's start with outside, doctor Tiffany, what are you
grateful for?

Speaker 4 (03:33):
I am grateful for the fact that we had our
Notes of Progress fundraiser, my campaign this past weekend and Nathaniel,
Mia and their friend Bell performed for me.

Speaker 2 (03:48):
I loved the.

Speaker 4 (03:49):
Fact that they showed up and showed out and the
people came and they really thoroughly enjoyed themselves. They listened
to my platform, but they loved my children, and they
showed love for Belle, who is like my you know,
we just suck people up into my family and so
she is my bonus child. And I just love the

(04:13):
fact that their music was beautiful. They loved MIA's voice,
they loved Nathaniel and Belle's performance, and it was just
all beautiful in the name of beauty in music.

Speaker 3 (04:28):
Ah, I know I would have been there if I
could have been there. I love to hear mi A
sing She's like amazing. But I'm glad that that went well.
I am grateful for let's see, I get to go
to a fashion show tonight in Malibu, part of my

(04:50):
it's nice being. I mean, who would have thought that
I would be called an influence like that? Word didn't
even that what didn't exist right in our ageless generation?

Speaker 2 (05:07):
And then a YouTuber on top of it.

Speaker 3 (05:10):
Because words got out that I have three point ninety
nine million impressions now on my YouTube TV channel.

Speaker 2 (05:17):
Thanks to all of you for that. Couldn't have done
it without you.

Speaker 3 (05:21):
And if you want to push me over to the fore,
just free subscribe and give me the finger. I forget
to say that at the top of the show, but
I'm grateful that I get to go to fun things
even though I'm not traveling and not in Africa, but
I am still here enjoying and allowed to. You know,

(05:43):
I can still drive, can't fly, but I can still drive,
and I appreciate.

Speaker 4 (05:49):
That, Okay, And I am grateful because you know, I
do water aerobics and I had a chance to talk
about silence again because I'm always talking about just different
things when we get into the jacuzzie after water aerobics,
and the instructor had a chance to watch the show

(06:12):
and he was telling everybody how great the show was
and he shared he shared the YouTube and he was like, tiff,
I loved it, and I was telling my wife and
I practiced it with my wife, and he was sharing
it with some of the other people and he was
quizzing people on it. He was like, what's that one?
What's that one? And I was like, yo, it's the

(06:32):
acquiescent silence, and so he was going over he was like,
did you know that there's five types of silence? And
it was kind of like a little mini quiz and
the jacuzie and it was It was just a fun
time and so people were like, can you send it
to me? Can you send me the show show? And
so it was really fun and we just had a
good time talking about the show. They're usually in the

(06:56):
pool because it's five days a week from nine to ten,
and so I said, okay, I will send you the show.
You can like, you can subscribe and then you can
also watch it on YouTube. You can watch it on
your on your Apple subscriptions as well. And I was
just telling them how they can access the show because

(07:17):
they're in the pool during the live shows, and it
was just a good time just helping to keep them
informed about the show.

Speaker 2 (07:26):
Yay, that's fable less. I like that.

Speaker 3 (07:31):
I am grateful that I made the cover of a
magazine in Spain yesterday, so I'll put that out on
social today. I'm just looking for it now. I can't.

Speaker 2 (07:46):
I've never been called draw before, you know. Do you
know what that is?

Speaker 3 (07:50):
Do you speak?

Speaker 2 (07:51):
Okay, so the.

Speaker 3 (07:52):
Title of d r A right, draw sounds like Dracula,
but apparently that's doctor like you would be draw Tiffany
Tate right International Press and it's a lad Maris p
s s Organzra.

Speaker 2 (08:18):
Figure out whatever.

Speaker 4 (08:21):
Nice Nice for Spanish. I can do the Spanish, but
not that.

Speaker 3 (08:28):
Yeah, so that's a super you know, hats off to one,
my my new publisher. I've never had a published publicist before,
and he definitely has got gotten many more eyeballs on me,
which I appreciate. So I'm grateful for one and the

(08:50):
Spanish publication.

Speaker 4 (08:52):
So you're going virtually around the world, although you're not
going physically around the world your virtual tour.

Speaker 3 (09:00):
Yes, yes, thanks for trying to make me feel better.

Speaker 4 (09:03):
Yes, no, I'm going to find the positive in everything.

Speaker 3 (09:08):
Oh yes, And normally I do. But my friend of
mine was reminded me.

Speaker 2 (09:14):
That the levels of lost, not lost, but the levels.

Speaker 3 (09:20):
Of unplanned and taken away is so complex and layered,
you know, mom passing, moving world, tour, blood clots, uh,
you know, just like there's so many levels of it
that I can't expect myself to get over it and

(09:41):
look at the positive, like do a like a bypass
of the pain. So I don't cry every day anymore,
but I definitely you know, there's moments where I let
myself feel sad.

Speaker 2 (09:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (09:57):
So it's it's it's a process. You you have to go,
you know, it's the journey of life. It's the roller
coaster of life, and you have to go experience the
lows for you to experience the highs. And you do it.
You bounce, you go down before you go up, you
go down before you go up. It's the lows of life.

Speaker 2 (10:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (10:16):
And I have gotten a lot of love from people
who appreciate me living my life out loud and watching
how I, you know, move through this stuff and model
it for and so I appreciate that too. I'm so grateful.
I'll just add for this show. I know it sounds

(10:37):
self serving, but I love the fact that I have
a platform that keeps me practicing what I teach most
of the time.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
Even though the name of the show is take my Advice,
I'm not using it. I do use it eighty eight
percent of the time.

Speaker 3 (10:52):
And it's first thing in the morning, so I don't
have a choice of staying in my stew mind you
or me STU for very long.

Speaker 4 (11:03):
So absolutely, what more gratitude. And we started to the
day and I say we my sority sisters and I
with prayer. That's what we do on Wednesdays, well, Wednesdays
and Saturdays at communal prayer. And I am thankful for
that because it helps you reflect on what's going on,

(11:29):
not just in your life, but in the lives of
your fellow man. And there's so much. I always say
we're living in the upside down right now, because we are.
And I'm thankful for that because I find that it
really prepares me for life, especially the day, and it

(11:50):
really encourages me. So I am thankful for that communal
prayer that I get to start my Wednesday morning with some.

Speaker 3 (12:00):
All right, let's go to the bottom of the bun,
which is what do you like about yourself?

Speaker 2 (12:06):
What are you grateful for?

Speaker 3 (12:07):
That's a quality inside of you that maybe you don't
think about or you're always looking for that flaw in yourself.
And this exercise, this hashtag discipline good life habit, is
to encourage us to overcome that critical voice that says
you're really not all, that you're not worthy, you're not

(12:30):
good enough, which is bolshit taki bs belief systems that
maybe were put on you, like it was on me
seven out of ton of us that we you know,
we don't deserve We didn't deserve that when we were kids.

Speaker 2 (12:45):
But and that was not our fault that it was happening.

Speaker 3 (12:49):
But it is our responsibility to exercise.

Speaker 2 (12:54):
Our way out of that BS in our present.

Speaker 3 (12:58):
So we don't spew it into future. So that's what
this exercise is about. So what do I like about myself?
I don't have one right away, So doctor Tiffany, go first.

Speaker 4 (13:10):
I like the fact that I am organizing my last
reunion for this year. Woo woo.

Speaker 2 (13:19):
Another reunion.

Speaker 4 (13:20):
Yes, because remember this my mom's side and my dad's side.
So I did my dad's side in Vegas. That was
the three day remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Well, now
this is my mom's teat side, my mom's side, and
so I have that reunion this weekend. And so I
am happy. Yes, reunion queen in the house. And so

(13:42):
I am doing my last reunion. Yes, I am the
organizer extraordinaire. I bring people together. I am the unifier.
I am the leader. So they look to me to
put the stuff together. So I am about to have
my last reunion of the year under my belt. I
am thankful, I am happy. Can you tell it in

(14:03):
my voice?

Speaker 3 (14:03):
People?

Speaker 2 (14:04):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (14:05):
Yes, I wonder if there's a Guinness World Record for
the reunion planning, you definitely would win that one.

Speaker 4 (14:15):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (14:19):
Well, I.

Speaker 3 (14:22):
Appreciate my ability to enjoy really good food. I am
a foodie inside out. My dad used to call me
a banana because I'm yellow on the outside. Even though
I don't like that color. I'm gonna call it golden,
Asian golden instead of yellow. I'm white on the inside.
I was born in Canada. I have a lot of

(14:44):
you know, American ideas, but the very center of me
is yellow, which are my Chinese or any kind of
good food Asian food appetite.

Speaker 2 (14:57):
So I appreciate that I know how to love the
taste texture of food.

Speaker 3 (15:06):
And I brought this up because if you have not
tried Doctor Tiffany's peach cobbler, you are missing something.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
And I'll guess you. I'll bet, well, maybe I don't,
I will.

Speaker 3 (15:19):
I'll bet a dollar that you are going to make
peach cobbler for the reunion. I was going to say
for a thousand dollars, but I remembered after you were
asked to do stuff, we did a topic about when
to stop saying yes to stuff, So I didn't want
to bet a thousand dollars because this may have been

(15:40):
the time you said I'm not doing that.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
I'm already doing everything else.

Speaker 4 (15:45):
No, I was volunteered. I can remember that all and
told I was volunteered. So yes, I will be making
peach cobbler. And since we have like two hundred people coming, yes, uh, yeah,
I'll be making a couple. And it's funny because a
couple of people have watched the show and when they

(16:07):
came to the concert, they were like, no, peach cobbler.
I said, no, not for this, so we had too
many other things going on for me to make it
for the concert. But when you come to a party,
it'll be at the party.

Speaker 2 (16:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (16:22):
I actually had the peach cobbler for my birthday.

Speaker 4 (16:28):
Yes, yes, so now people are requesting the peach cobler. Yes, yes, yes,
so yeah, but but yeah, so I'm thankful for that,
and I am. I'm thankful that I am a good
baker and it's something I do enjoy doing. It relieves

(16:51):
my stress. But I haven't been stressed lately, but it
is something that I do enjoy doing. I love to
bake when I have time to bake, and I am
thankful for my baking skills.

Speaker 3 (17:02):
Yes, and someone threw you a heart on that. I'm
guessing they want some peach cobbler. All right, enough of that,
let's get to the topic of the day. But thank
you first for joining us for breakfast. I see eyeballs
rolling in. We love it when you are active in

(17:23):
my cash youw gallery versus peanut gallery. I just can't
do anything normal, But don't do it. If you're driving
and tuned in on the AM ten fifty FM one
O six point five side, wait till you get somewhere
where you can use your hands safely and certainly use
the chat to say hello to order your peach cobbler.

Speaker 2 (17:45):
I'm going to make you set up a business.

Speaker 3 (17:46):
For that and anything else. But thank you for joining
us for breakfast. If you practice this good life habit,
this hashtag discipline for twenty eight, twenty one, or thirty days,
however long you will he takes to make a good habit,
I promise you will standwich your day in the most
positive way.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
Thanks for joining us for breakfast.

Speaker 3 (18:14):
And now for the topic of the day, Doctor Tiffany,
it is really really hey, hey.

Speaker 2 (18:29):
Go ahead, what is the topic?

Speaker 4 (18:33):
Jealousy?

Speaker 2 (18:36):
See? Oh no, that's honesty.

Speaker 3 (18:41):
We went from honesty last week to jealousy this week.
The question of the week is are you green with envy?

Speaker 1 (18:49):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (18:49):
And uh? Usually I asked doctor Tiffany why she chose
this particular topic, but.

Speaker 4 (18:58):
Today doctor Marissa chose the topic. So ask me, doctor Marissa,
why did you choose this topic? Wow?

Speaker 2 (19:17):
A few things.

Speaker 4 (19:19):
One is.

Speaker 3 (19:23):
When people are nasty to you or talk behind your back,
or you hear that something unkind was said about you,
and people will say, you know, oh, they're just jealous, right,

(19:43):
and I just wanted to deconstruct that and take a
wider look at that because it's not you know the
word association jealousy, you know, wife jealous of the tension
the husband gets, or if versa.

Speaker 2 (20:00):
Right, jealousy someone does really well.

Speaker 3 (20:06):
And then here's the big one that I want to
talk about, is what is it about human kind that's
not kind? Where you watch someone do well and your
first response is, oh, yay, And then and then it's like,

(20:26):
if something bad happens, you're almost like secretly happy that
they failed or they fell or they lost, Like what
is that a part of us? And I'll admit, you know,
I've had those feelings. And then I was told that

(20:47):
if I can wish success and good things happening on
other people and celebrate their success, then more success will
come to me. As long as I withhold the wishes
of success for others, then I withhold that goodness from myself.

(21:08):
So that's why I picked the topic. There's lots of
you know, little inroads and past we can talk about there,
but I can't think of a better person to sort
of talk about this with is because both of us
are have accomplishments under our belt.

Speaker 2 (21:26):
We are multi hyphen it.

Speaker 3 (21:28):
Therefore we you know, have our toes dipped in many arenas.
And we also, I don't know about you. I get
the bit the more out I am not out, but
you know in front I am.

Speaker 2 (21:44):
The more it seems there.

Speaker 3 (21:46):
Is that critical nastiness or people saying stuff, to the
point where if someone says to me, do you want
to know what I heard about you?

Speaker 2 (22:01):
I'll say is it positive or negative?

Speaker 3 (22:03):
And they'll say negative, and I'll say, thank you very much,
I don't need to know, and people go, well, you know,
it might be really good criticism or something you can
improve on it. It's like, no, if that person wants
to provide some constructive criticism to me, they can give
it to me directly. I certainly don't want to hear

(22:23):
it through other places.

Speaker 2 (22:25):
And then I default too. If you don't have anything
nice to say, don't say anything.

Speaker 4 (22:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:32):
Ye, so there it is.

Speaker 3 (22:34):
I'm going to let you out, but I want otherwise
I was going to forget all the reasons why I
bring this topic.

Speaker 4 (22:40):
Yeah, And it's it's interesting. I liked the fact when
you started about jealousy and envy. And it's interesting because
we often use them interchangeably, but they're quite distinctive, and
the words all are common. But envy is more so

(23:05):
a discontent or longing for someone else's advantages, but jealousy
is more so an unpleasant suspicion or an apprehension or rivalship.
And so that's a good distinction between the two. But
we often use them interchangeably. And so jealousy is more

(23:28):
so a stronger emotion than envy, And usually jealousy requires
more than two people, And it can be used in friendship,
it can be used in romantic relationships, it can be
used in business, and so a lot of times you

(23:49):
can see envy kind of like a blanket, a blanket thing.
So envy is complex and it can be resentment, it
can be long, and it can be more so a
material possession or something. And so when we look at it,
there are some core components to it. But when I

(24:12):
look at my situations, I know when I interact with
people and how people interact with me, I'm like, well,
if you don't want to be around me, if you
don't like me, I think that's fine, and I'm gonna
take it like a grain of salt. I'm going to

(24:34):
kick the dirt off my heels and keep it pushing,
because just like you said, you can keep it to yourself.
And if it's not going to be constructive criticism, I
believe we should try to keep the human kindness. That
keyword is kind. We should move it that way. And

(24:56):
I'll take, for instance, kind of like the situation I'm
in now was running. We have some candidates who I've
been really good friends with because we all have an
ultimate goal of replacing a certain individual. And I'm like,
I think we're all well, we all should be decent people,

(25:17):
and I know that there should be some form of camaraderie. Yes,
there's some competition, but why can't it be friendly competition? Now,
everyone doesn't see it that way, and everyone has not
seen it that way, and it is what it is now.
There may be some components of envy there, and there
may even be some components of jealousy there because I

(25:39):
am the only position running and there are some other
onlies there as the only physician and as the only
African American. But I'm like, I am an American first.
I just happen to be black, and as a physician,
I have knowledge that they don't have but it is
what it is, and I think that that is important

(26:01):
when it comes to making decisions. But is that jealousy?
Is that envy? That's for them to figure out.

Speaker 2 (26:10):
Yeah, it is it is.

Speaker 3 (26:13):
Is there any benefit at all to having jealousy as
even a quality you have or envy as a quality?
You know? I was because I put the upside of
the downside of jealousy. Is there even an upside to

(26:34):
either one of those?

Speaker 4 (26:37):
An upside to it? No?

Speaker 3 (26:43):
The only the only upside I could think of was
that it comes from that expression if you think the
grass is greener on the other side, water your own lawn.
So if that's like the one, it's almost like a

(27:03):
it's not a positive motivator, it's kind of like a
negative motivator. But you know, it could be like if
I'm envious that you have a whatever, I'm trying to
think of what you have that if you yeah, you
can make a mean peach cobbler, and I'm envious of that.

(27:26):
I wish I could do it because the only thing
I make a lot of our reservations. Then it might
do for me to motivate myself to learn how to.

Speaker 2 (27:39):
Make to you know, instead of.

Speaker 3 (27:47):
Sitting in front of the TV and watching a series
one less episode. I could be in the kitchen learning
how to do something that someone else does better. That's
the only positive upside that I could think of.

Speaker 2 (28:05):
But I don't know, what do you think?

Speaker 4 (28:08):
I think so because anything that helps with self improvement
is always good, because when you look at envy, there's
some different details. I said. I looked it up and
it was like, when it comes to envy, there are
some core components social components. There's a desire and a want.
There's a component where you have feelings of inferiority, and

(28:31):
there's the potential for malice. And that is the problem
right there, because when you have the negative emotions like resentment, sadness,
and even anger, and then when you have the social comparisons,
and when you get into the comparison part, that can
always be a problem. When you're comparing yourself to someone else,

(28:56):
you don't want to denigrate yourself because you have this
feeling that that other person may feel superior to you
in some way. Like when you sent me and the
peach cobbler, you're like, okay, well maybe I don't bake
as well as her, And then there's that desire and
the want and the envious fueled by a desire for
what the other person has, whether it's tangible or intangible,

(29:19):
something that you may or may not be able to
grasp at, and then that feeling of inferiority, and it
can lead to feelings of inadequate, with inadequacy within yourself,
and so you may feel that you're defective, even though
it's not. It's a perception within yourself and it's something
that you have to deal with and navigate and you're

(29:41):
not less than yourself, but you start to feel that
you envy the other person, and when it comes to
the potential for malice, it can escalate, and those feelings
can depreciate how you feel and it may cause you
to do something.

Speaker 3 (29:58):
Yeah, that's a that's not a good thing to uh
to do that. Sorry, I would I just put the
story up. If you think I was ignoring her while
she was talking, Uh, you're wrong.

Speaker 2 (30:12):
I uh, I know that.

Speaker 3 (30:16):
When I grew When I was growing up, my mom
everywhere we would go for vacation, the number one thing
she would want to do is go to the richest
part of that town or that city wherever we were
and drive through you know, their Beverly Hills or bel
Air or whatever, and and just I would I would.

Speaker 2 (30:40):
Feel the green coming on. You know, my she would
go look at that house and look at that house.

Speaker 3 (30:47):
It wasn't a appreciation of how beautiful that house was.
It was all green. It was, Oh, I'm not going
to be happy or successful.

Speaker 2 (30:57):
Until I have that or until and then it was like.

Speaker 3 (31:02):
My dad was a professor's whole life, but she wanted
more from him. She wanted him to be the dean
or whatever. And so I know, the downside of envy
and jealousy is definitely never being enough, that perfectionistic disase
with what you have, and that pretty much sums up

(31:28):
I think the problem with jealousy.

Speaker 2 (31:30):
We're gonna go on break.

Speaker 3 (31:32):
Usually we do talk about the downside of things, and
when we come back after break, we'll talk about the
upside and how to harness maybe jealousy and envy in
your own life and how you can turn that energy
into something that makes you happier. We need to stop
for news weather traffic here on this NBC Views station

(31:55):
on KCAA, the station that leaves no listener behind. Don't
go away. We will be right back into and two.
Jack Boolery used to say, but here it's peace in
peace out and a word from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (32:06):
So don't go away.

Speaker 3 (32:07):
We'll be right back on Doctors in the House with myself.

Speaker 4 (32:10):
And doctor Tiffany Tate.

Speaker 1 (32:29):
Take Back your Life with doctor Murray.

Speaker 4 (32:31):
Che Hello. My name is doctor Tiffany Tate and I
am an American running for the US House of Representatives.
What is going on now is not normal. It is
not normal to place submarines off the coast of Russia

(32:53):
and tell the Russian president that they are there. That
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Speaker 1 (34:10):
Take Back your Line with doctor Mauriceipei.

Speaker 2 (34:15):
And welcome back.

Speaker 3 (34:16):
You're tune in to take my advice, I'm not using it,
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Speaker 3 (34:29):
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these u six hundred and ninety four consecutive weeks, and
the almost four million impressions on my YouTube TV channel,
and you know I love to bring you good news,
good people. And today you can tell it is one Tuesday,
because it's time for Doctors in the House with myself.

Speaker 4 (35:18):
And doctor Tiffany Tate, and.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
We are talking about the green.

Speaker 3 (35:26):
Color otherwise known as jealousy, and we'll put in envy
as well. The cousin to jealousy, and before the break,
if you missed it, we were talking about the potential upside,
very small upside, but.

Speaker 2 (35:42):
What it could do.

Speaker 3 (35:43):
But now we're going to talk about how jealousy. You
may want to harness your jealousy energy and see if
we can't make ourselves feel better without feeling jealous. And
I see that we have someone saying how hello in
our GASU gallery. Thank you to Jerry, the sorority sister

(36:06):
of doctor Tiffany.

Speaker 2 (36:07):
Thank you for the compliment.

Speaker 3 (36:09):
We accept, And if you have any comments about jealousy
and maybe personal experience around it, I know that I
shared that at the beginning, why I picked this topic
and sort of the intimate encounters that I've had, So

(36:30):
Doctor Tiffany, I'm sure you have more research on this.

Speaker 4 (36:33):
Yes, yes I do. First let's kind of delve into
jealousy and then we'll real quick an emotional spectrum. I'd
like to think of it as as if, because that's
something really quick to think of when you're thinking about jealousy.
You can think of as if some of the emotions
that you can experience as for anger, S is for sadness,

(36:54):
I is for insecurity, and F is for fear, you know,
false evidence, appearing real as if and so a lot
of times we can deal with those things because we
don't want to deal with jealousy. But jealousy, like I said,
can deal with. It can be an individual with two people,

(37:17):
or it can be with multiple people. And when you
deal with jealousy, you want to first recognize it, because
denial is not just a river in Egypt. It can
actually exist. You want to recognize it, don't suppress it,
because if you don't recognize it exists, then you can't
address it. And you want to identify the root calls
of it because if you can identify it, then you

(37:40):
can start building self esteem and confidence and focus on
your strengths. Because you can look at doctor Marissa, even
though I'm sure she's not truly jealous of me and
making my peach cobbler, well maybe a type it, but
she is an excellent speaker. You know, she's on five
days a week. I'm on one day a week, so

(38:00):
she has all these excellent skills, and she's on the
cover of multiple magazines, so she has a lot going
for herself. So she can say, Okay, yes, I am
on five days a week. I have all these fabulous
things going for myself. I am awesome. And these are
the things that you can do for yourself to help

(38:22):
build up your self esteem. Try to focus on what
you do have going for yourself.

Speaker 2 (38:27):
Where are your thoughts not at excellent? Excellent point? My
underlying BS, my foundation belief system. I almost said the
other one.

Speaker 3 (38:43):
Is that every single one of us, all eight billion
of us on the planet, are unique, one of a kind, wonderful.

Speaker 2 (38:50):
We all have.

Speaker 3 (38:51):
Unique gifts, talents and abilities that are ours to hone
and share and enjoy in this thing called life. Because
of that BS belief system that I hold and walk
and live and choose to believe, then I don't compare
myself to other people. I compare myself to me. Have

(39:14):
I made the most of the unique talents, gifts, and
abilities that have been bestowed upon me, just like have
been bestowed on you. So there is no competition, there
is no temptation unless I'm being feeling. If I'm that

(39:34):
halt right, hungry, angry, lonely and tired, if I'm not
in my balance centered self self, I will get sidetracked
and look and compare myself to of the other person.
But when I'm grounded in knowing that I am one
of a kind, wonderful, that we all are that way,
and the only thing I compare myself to is me,

(39:57):
Jealousy and envy go away to a place that cannot
hurt me, that cannot affect my natural good feeling well being,
that is me. But as soon as I take my
eyes off myself and look at others and compare, and

(40:17):
this starts at age. I used to do research on this,
like when I did a career days at my kids' schools,
Like at what age do we start going, Oh, she's
smarter than me, or he's better looking than me, and
oh I wish I was more popular. It's like ten
now it's like nine to eight. Where that's where we

(40:40):
fall off the beam is we are not keeping our
eyes on our self absolutely.

Speaker 4 (40:47):
And I'll give you one scenario, like I told you
after in water aerobics. After water aerobics, we get in
the jacuzi and one person was like, you know, the
incumbent has already raised two million dollars and you've only
raised X amount of dollars. And I said, okay, that's fine.
I'm going to do what I can, and I'm going
to raise what I can. And it's not about the

(41:10):
money raise, it's about how many votes you get. And
all I can do is spread my message. And I
know that they have a physician caucus and they need
more physicians in the House because the House is sick
and they need a doctor to fix it. And that's
my slogan, and so I like that absolutely, And they

(41:31):
need more physicians because they need someone who understands science
and who can help navigate and support people. And she's like, well, okay,
I said, well, that's my slogan. And I don't think
it's all about money. And I'm not about special interests.
I'm about people, and I plan to support people, and

(41:52):
as long as I do that, I'm not about my
own personal interests. I'm about people and I'm going to
do that. And there's like ten people in the race
and she's like, it's a crowd at primary and you
need money. I said, yes, I do, but I am
going to be placing people first, and I'm going to
run my race, and you lose one hundred percent of

(42:15):
the races you don't run. And if I win, I win,
and if I lose, I lose. But at least I
know I try. And she's like, if that's that's going
to be your if that's what you're going to do. Like, yeah,
that's what I'm going to do, but I'm going to
focus on me and my race and not other people
and other people's races and how much money they raise
and they run. But I thought it was interesting because

(42:39):
that's all I can do is focus on me.

Speaker 3 (42:42):
Yeah, that's a that's a very good skill to exercise
and use, which doctor Tivity is much better equipped in
administering that skill. When when someone would say that to me,
I probably would have said, if I look like I'd
be miserable too. No, but but it is a skill

(43:05):
to balance. I just told you one fundamental BS. I
have the other fundamental BS that keeps me okay when
I get criticism is I'm not everybody's cup of tea.
My my, my waste, happiness is not everybody's cup of tea.
There are so many ways to use and so many

(43:28):
avenues to take in order to feel better about your life.
I'm just offering one way that may not be for everybody,
and and that's okay because if I go to my default,
I got to make you happy.

Speaker 2 (43:46):
I got to make everybody happy.

Speaker 3 (43:48):
I have to be approved by everybody, which is what
I learned growing up to stay safe. Right then I'm
gonna hurt myself because I'm always going to be scanning
the audience to see who doesn't like me, and then
I focus all my attention on that web person to
try to change their mind to like me, which is
ridiculous because I have ninety nine compliments and one insult.

Speaker 2 (44:13):
I should probably focus on the ninety nine compliments and
not on that one insult. So there's a time you
know when to hold and wind to fuld. If somebody
is clearly not.

Speaker 3 (44:24):
For you, at what point do you say thank you
for your input or that's an interesting point. I'll take
that under advisement and then walk away. So that is,
you know, there's that fine line between defensively explaining and

(44:47):
kindly allowing. I got to write that down defensively explaining
versus what did I say kindly allowing? They're going to
write that down, Okay, go.

Speaker 4 (45:01):
Yeah, And I think it's important to make sure that
in the midst of all these things, as people will
try to come and persuade you to pursue their own
interests that you don't do that, be true to yourself
and pursue your own interest and practice self compassion. We're
compassionate to everyone else, but it's really important to practice

(45:25):
self compassion and be open and honest with your dialogue.
Like I was with that lady in the Jacuzie. I
think it's important to be open and honest and not
in a rude way. I wasn't rude to her. I
was respectful and I held my ground and I was like, well,
thank you for your opinion, but this is what I

(45:47):
plan to do. This is what I'm going to do,
and this is how I'm going to do it. And
I think it's fine, and I think it's okay. And
you just need to know who you are you are
and know how you feel.

Speaker 2 (46:04):
Okay, what did I say? Again? I got the kindly allowing?
What was.

Speaker 4 (46:09):
You know? I can't with you today?

Speaker 2 (46:13):
Do you remember ye rewind myself?

Speaker 4 (46:17):
Yes, you said you're going to kindly allow.

Speaker 2 (46:22):
And see the first part what was?

Speaker 4 (46:26):
Yeah, I was so busy into my stuff and I'm
moving on.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
All right. Whatever it was.

Speaker 3 (46:34):
Thank god, this is a on podcasted so I can
listen to my.

Speaker 2 (46:39):
Own brilliance right.

Speaker 3 (46:42):
I do want to say one thing though, that that
there is a caveat uh that I cannot.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
Hm explain or bury all feedback. So so.

Speaker 3 (47:02):
Even if I don't like what is being said, right, so,
that woman clearly wasn't, you know, trying to help you
necessarily she could say, well, I'm just being pragmatic or
I'm just being realistic or whatever.

Speaker 2 (47:18):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (47:18):
And might when I coach people who are I call
them Penelope the people pleasers.

Speaker 2 (47:24):
Right, I've had that too.

Speaker 3 (47:25):
I used to have a Penelope where everything was trying
to make everybody else happy, no matter you know, at
what expense to me.

Speaker 2 (47:34):
So how do you balance that?

Speaker 3 (47:37):
If someone gives you the same feedback as two other people.

Speaker 2 (47:42):
So if three people.

Speaker 3 (47:43):
Say the same thing three times, then that may be
something for you to look at, to say, is this
useful constructive criticism that's going to make me not not perfect,
not even better, but that I will reach a wider
group of people than I am now. So if I'm

(48:05):
consistently pissing off with something that I'm saying, then I
know that that's something I need to look at, because
my intent is not to piss you off. But if
three people are being pissed off by the same thing
three times that I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (48:22):
Then I might want to look at that. It's not jealousy.

Speaker 3 (48:27):
It is their opinion of how you are being able
to communicate with them or not. So if my intent
is to be lovingly communicative and you hear that from
me and I'm missing the mark instead, I'm pissing people off,

(48:49):
I want to know.

Speaker 4 (48:51):
Right absolutely, And I think that when you talk to people,
it's important to have your boundaries. No, you know, like
the song says, no one to hold, no one to fold,
no when to walk away, and sometimes you really do
have to run. You're like, no, I don't even want
that in my spirit. And so I think communication is key,

(49:18):
and it's always key knowing how to actively interact, know
how to actively listen, and know how to actively speak
up and speak out for yourself.

Speaker 3 (49:31):
Yeah, and I remembered it. It's the fine line between
defensively explaining versus kindly.

Speaker 4 (49:38):
Allowing there we go.

Speaker 2 (49:40):
Yes, yeah, yeah, that's a skill.

Speaker 3 (49:43):
That's a new skill going in my Happy, Happy eighty
eight book. My next one is just this toolkit of
things that you can you know, when you think people
are feeling jealous. If you're feeling jealous, let's break down.
If I'm feeling jealous, then I know that I'm judging

(50:05):
myself on not having something that someone else has that
I want. Okay, So I have a choice of breaking
them down and saying, well, you know, that's a what
is that word? Nepo baby. They're a netpo baby because

(50:26):
you know their parents are in the industry blah blah blah,
or or they had an infusion of cash that I
don't have, or they didn't have it difficult when they
were young, or blah blah blah blah. I have a
choice to pull them down, break them down, be resentful
against them for their success. That's jealousy, envy, not good, right,

(50:51):
not useful. I can say if they can do it,
and I'm sure that they're not an overnight success. I'm
sure sure they've had their sets of learning and failures
as well, miss takes, not mistakes, miss takes. So you know,
let me use them as a role model or a uh,

(51:12):
you know, a beacon of light to know that I'm
that's where I'm headed and that's where i'd like to be,
and it helps fuel and shape my desires and fill out,
as Abraham Hicks says, you know, fill out the spaces
of of what I want more of, so I can
focus on that and not them in a negative way.

Speaker 2 (51:36):
Does that make sense?

Speaker 4 (51:37):
Absolutely? And I think one one important thing is that
everybody can be successful in their own way and we
can support one another. And I think that's important as
Americans and as people. And there's this saying. They used

(52:00):
to say that a lot of times people get really competitive,
like crabs in a bucket. And if you've ever seen
crabs in a bucket, they don't want any other crabs
to climb out. So if you see a crab climbing out, nope,
they pull them back in. We want to keep them
in a bucket. And so yes, I didn't know that.

Speaker 3 (52:17):
I've heard of the crabs in the bucket, but I
didn't understand it.

Speaker 4 (52:21):
Wow, So we don't want to be crabs in a bucket.
How about we uplift. We lift as we climb, and
we support one another and we help each other out,
and everyone needs someone at one point or another. Let's
not have that crabs in a bucket mentality. Let's not

(52:43):
pull each other down.

Speaker 3 (52:45):
Let's uplift And that's jealousy, and that is exactly what
the definition of jealousy is is crabs in a bucket.

Speaker 4 (52:56):
Oliver Stone has a great quote and he says, never
underestimate the power of jealousy and the power of envy
to destroy. Never underestimate that. And that's what it does.
It destroy. It can destroy friendships, and it can destroy relationships,
and it can destroy work projects. It can destroy a

(53:18):
lot because it involves a lot of control, and it
involves a lot of manipulation to a certain extent, because
a lot of times you want people to do things
the way you want it, or you want to be involved,
or you want something from someone else. And I think
it's important for us to support one another, be happy

(53:40):
for one another, and all be successful in one way
or another.

Speaker 3 (53:45):
Absolutely. Wow, that like comes full circle to my opening
comments that you know, why is it that you know
you almost feel this sense of yay when people who
have done well suffer some setback or something and they
fall and it's this horrific part of our humanness, I

(54:10):
guess definitely not perfect, but that we can harness that
and not let it show. And it is a muscle
not to celebrate people's demise to. But it's similar to
that roadkill thing right where you know you shouldn't look
at it, but you still do. I think not to

(54:33):
beat ourselves up when we have that feeling, but like
you said, to stop and examine our own you know,
is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? Do
we need to comment on that? Do we need to
secretly celebrate about that? No, to to work the muscle

(54:55):
of not being a crab, you know, the rat race.
I have never understood why people want to uh, what's
that word propagate? You know, continue the rat race. I
don't want dog eat dog. I don't want to be
in a rat race. I don't want to be climbing
the You know, for every one slot above you in

(55:19):
a hierarchy, you know, there's one hundred people that don't
make that slot, and now you have an organization with
ninety nine pissed off people and one happy person for me.
That's why hierarchies and organizations are just like set up
to fail.

Speaker 2 (55:34):
Why don't we have organizations.

Speaker 3 (55:36):
Where everybody is a common vision of success, whatever that
success is. We're doing something to help people, and we're
making money. That is money energy to continue to help
making money for you know that purpose. It's like this
whole our world is based on this dog eat dog
rat race, which has led us to where we are

(55:56):
now one winner and how many losers. And it doesn't
have to be like that.

Speaker 2 (56:02):
There's more than enough.

Speaker 3 (56:03):
Food so that no child has to go starving none,
there's more than enough resources on the planet that we
can all have a great life. But because we have
this mentality, we can't do it, because we're still in
this lack of limitation. If I have, then you don't,
or if you have, then I don't, So I'm gonna

(56:25):
fight you to get what you have. Come on, folks,
life is like breathing. When I breathe that I don't
take anything from you, and vice versa.

Speaker 4 (56:35):
Absolutely, And I think it's important that we focus on
ourselves but support each other. And I think we all
just have to remember the kindness in humankind and lift
as we climb. And that's final word.

Speaker 2 (56:57):
Good job. Well.

Speaker 3 (56:59):
I hope you've enjoyed this discussion on jealousy and being
green and watering your own lawn.

Speaker 2 (57:07):
And we're always happy to be with.

Speaker 3 (57:10):
You every Wednesday Morning Live at nine. Thanks for joining
us today. Doctor Tiffany always a pleasure. It's always about
balance in peace out world peace through inner piece. I
did want to make a quick Asian OPRAH giveaway. I
have tickets to a fabulous event. It's going to be
at the w Hotel on August twenty eighth. I know

(57:33):
you're busy Doctor Tiffany that day, but as an influencer,
I have the means to share free tickets. I think
there worth seventy dollars. So if you're at all interested
in being a day of you know what. It's brought
to you by Modern Day Life and it's a what

(57:54):
she said event. So if you're interested, message me, I'll
get you the promo code, or just go to doc Balance.

Speaker 2 (58:01):
On Instagram and scroll.

Speaker 3 (58:03):
There's a little post there for that event and you
can get the direct Oh my link tree it has
the length for you to do that, all right.

Speaker 2 (58:13):
I forgot to do that during the break. Thanks Doctor Tiffany.
Now take us out.

Speaker 4 (58:18):
Now go and have the best day ever.

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