Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Jump off that exhausting amster wheel and interur balance living.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
With Doctor Marissa from Miss You Joy.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Doctor Marissa, also known as the Asian Oprah. Her mission
to be a beneficial presence on the planet, her purpose
to be your personal advocate, to live, lap love, learn,
her life motto, don't die wondering, take back your life
with Doctor Maurica Pey.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
And welcome. You're tuned in to take my advice, so
I'm not using it to get balanced with Doctor Russ
of the Morning Show here on KCAA, NBC newsc NBC
News and MBS Sports radio station home to the Asian Oprah.
Number one talk in the ie, Thank you very much,
Am ten fifty f one O six point five and
(00:56):
streaming everywhere iHeart Radio, Spotify, iTunes, tune in all Amazon Music, Tikila, Rumbo, speaker,
pod chaster, you name it. I'm there, why so many places.
I want to maximize my splatter zone for more hope
and happiness. So I want to balance out all the
bad news out there. Every headline out there is bad.
(01:18):
I used to say most, but it's all. So if
you want that headline to start your day in a
bad way, go ahead. Lots of places do it, but
y'all know that for the past six hundred and ninety
five consecutive weeks, this has been a place where you
can land, where you're gonna meet great people and guests,
(01:40):
talk about great topics, and of course be witnessed to
so great series. And today you see her in the studio.
It must be Wednesday. It's time for Doctors in the
house with myself.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
And doctor Tiffany Tate.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
It is a US Navy veteran, published author, retired ob
gym from Compton, California, playwright, singer, song or, songwriter, poet,
and more. She's a published author of several books, including
an important children's book called That Touching in her newest
Money Matters, and her latest news is she's being thrown
(02:18):
into the political arena running for Congress. Please welcome back
to my studio, doctor Tiffany.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Day, Happy Wednesday, everyone.
Speaker 3 (02:36):
Always good to see you. It's a good way to
spend hump Day with us because we're we like compete
on who can be more positive. Unofficially, but welcome to
the show. We start every show of mine every weekday
morning with breakfast, So thanks for joining us for breakfast
(02:58):
We're gonna do a bye of my gratitude sandwich. Top
of the bun is things that were grateful for outside
of ourselves. Bottom of the bun things that were grateful
for inside of ourselves, otherwise known as appreciation. So, doctor Tiffany,
what are you grateful for today?
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Oh? My goodness, I had such a busy weekend, but
I have something to show everyone. Look at this. I
don't know if you see that. This is a fancy
schmancy award that I received this weekend in your hometown,
the city of Long Beach, and I was honored. This
(03:36):
is the past, present and future Admirable Women of Distinction.
Award was for the woman of Patience, and I felt
very honored. I was able to give a speech and
like walk a little red carpet and it was fabulous,
I tell you fabulous. I think it's great to receive
(03:57):
your flowers when you are alive. So I wanted to
share my award.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Yeah, what what group was this?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
This was one hundred black men of Long Beach.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Yay, Wow, why didn't you tell me you were coming down?
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Well, it was the same day of the family reunion,
And yes, that was another thing I was grateful for
and it was. It was a very busy day. I
also had to kick in my medical response because one
of my cousins kind of passed out at the end.
She was, you know, the heat and it was deep.
(04:35):
She got kind of dehydrated, so we had to call
the ambulance and she became hypotensive and I had to
put on my medical hat because I'm always a physician, and.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Yeah, wow, do I know which one?
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Well, I don't think you met her. She did not come.
But my uncle also had to go to the hospital
and he was admitted and he was released yet yesterday.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
So it was a very busy day forgiven. But congratulations
for the award.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
That's fantastic. I don't know that one hundred Black Man
sounds interesting.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Yes, it's an international organization and you don't have to
necessarily be black to join it. And they mentor youth
and encourage them to go to college and they give scholarships.
So it's a community organization.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
Oh, any good looking single ones you picked out for me?
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Oh, you would have enjoyed yourself. And there was a
soiree afterwards, so there was dancing, so the dancing Queen
and you would have had a ball.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
No, I'm definitely going to be mad at you for
not having me go with you. But oh well, I'll
get over it next time, Okay, I am Well, next
time you can have them give me an award. How's that?
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Well, I don't get to pick it, but you know
we can suggest it.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Yeah. I haven't had an award since twenty twenty three.
I think it's about time.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
But you're on all the magazines, so that's true.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
That's true. Yeah, I'm grateful that. Actually I made a
magazine feature in Spain, just like Ironic. Not on world
tour because of the blood talk clots, but I'm featured
in an international magazine. Okay, ups Man Universal Power Source.
He delivers ironically. But I'm I'm gonna appreciate that. I'm
(06:43):
grateful that. I am gosh that my I'm known for
good things. That's a good one. And I will give
a little shout out to I got a Lifetime Achievement
award in twenty twenty three. That was the last one
(07:04):
I got from a gestalto d Center. And I'm like,
does this mean I thought it had to be old
to get lifetime A dreamarew work?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
Book.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
I was corrected that you can get it, you know, agelessly.
So I'm grateful for that, Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
And I'm grateful because on Sunday, my campaign sponsored feeding
the homeless at the local lodge in Riverside. You know,
this is something that I usually volunteered to do, but
my campaign, I sponsored and coordinated volunteers through my campaign
and we actually had a weirly good turnout and we
(07:43):
had fun and I enjoyed it. In the first lady
of my church was one of the volunteers as well,
and we just had a good time and enjoyed talking
to each other and prepping the food. And we prepped
about a good three hundred meals for the homeless people.
And I think that that was a good civic responsibility
(08:05):
and support for our community.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Awesome, Awesome, I am grateful for.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
Ah.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
There's so much to be grateful for. I'm grateful for that.
I'm closer to getting through the pain of the losses.
I had a little set back. I got an email
from my skipper. He didn't know about the blood clod
so I was invited to to race the last series
(08:43):
kids to teach, and I had to tell him that
I can no longer race sailboats, and that really set
me back a bit because I've been like closer to acceptance.
And so I'm so grateful that I you know, called
my my favorite niece, even though they all tease me,
they're all my favorite, but Stella in particular, and just
(09:05):
like unloaded and cried and got you know, felt my
feelings and all the way through and was able to
you know, come back. And I feel better now because
I felt it fully and then released it. So I'm
not ready to go to the club after to join
(09:26):
them for a meal. I think it's still a little
too painful. Maybe by the end of the series, hopefully
they get first without me, and then maybe I'll make
it to the club to celebrate with them. But I'm
giving myself a little bit of you know time.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Well, you can always go and celebrate with them because
you're there with them in spirit and you love a
good party.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
That's true. That's true. That's true.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
One more gratitude, And I am grateful that Nathaniel made
it back to New Jersey to start his second year
at Rutgers. So that is always a good thing to
have my son make it back to school safely, yay.
Speaker 3 (10:12):
And I am grateful that I went to my first
comedy workshop yesterday and they were amazed that i'd only
you know, started less than a year ago. And I
got a lot of compliments and also good direction, and
then got free access to the comedy store and enjoyed
(10:33):
the roast battle. And so this is my new community,
you know. One of the blood clot silver linings of
staying put is now this looks like my newest arena
in which to play in. And I'm grateful for that.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Awesome, awesome, awesome.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Yeah, let's go to the bottom of the button. That is,
what do you like about yours self? This is weight training,
weightlifting for good mental health. If you don't approve of yourself,
how the fork do you expect anybody to approve of you.
It's a time where we're modeling for you what we
(11:14):
want you to do before you go to bed tonight.
Instead of thinking about all the things and ways in
which you're not good enough, what are you good at?
That way, you don't need to look for love and
all the wrong places, and you don't need to have
antenna up looking for likes literally on social media these days.
So doctor Tiffany what do you like about yourself?
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Well, I like the fact that I still retain my
medical knowledge and I was able to assist my family.
I was able to talk to the medical response team
and keep my family calm in this emergency situation.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
I appreciate that I reach more people than I can
even imagine. I haven't fully celebrated. I wanted to wait
until I got with my co hosts. I officially passed
(12:20):
the four million impression mark on my YouTube TV channel,
So I thank you. I appreciate that I keep on
going and going. Someone told me I'm a cross between
(12:41):
the Energizer Bunny and the Tasmanian Devil. I'll take that
as a compliment, the love child between those two. And yeah,
so it's a six hundred and ninety five point seven
consecutive weeks on the air on camera. So I appreciate
my What is that to keep doing it?
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Yest mm hmmmmm. I think you're going to go even further.
So I don't even know why bother counting. You're gonna just.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Sre I bother counting for me because there are days
when I'm like, what am I doing? Because it those
who know me, I you know, there's no rest because
I prepped for the show the night before. Then I'm
doing stuff in the morning and then doing stuff with
the show after. And this is only one of eight
(13:33):
jobs that I have, So yeah, I have to count
for me the affirmation.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
Absolutely, I am thankful that I still get to teach
the residents, and now that I have added extra things
to my schedule, I actually have to plan and they've
already reached out to me so that I can incorporate
them into my schedule to have that protected time time
(14:00):
for their lectures, and so I appreciate the fact that
I can still incorporate that into my lectures. So I
mean incorporate their lectures into my schedule so that I
can still have that protected time to give lectures to
the residents to help mold the next generation of physicians
because we have a physician shortage and we want to
(14:23):
make sure we reinvest because we want to still lift
as we climb, and that's very important to me.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
And with the one last appreciation, I just had the
inspiration actually, now that I'm not going on world tour
and in the air, I actually have time to teach again.
I didn't even think of that because people think that
I'm going to be gone, so I'm going to reach
back out. I taught, of course at UCLA last fall
(14:53):
and I declined any you know, because I was supposed
to be gone until next year. But maybe I'll teach,
So we'll see, We'll see. But thanks for joining us
for breakfast. Hopefully you will join me every weekday morning
with this good life habit hashtag bliss a plan. If not,
(15:14):
do it with whoever you're with your insignificant I mean
significant other, and do gratitudes at the top of the bun,
appreciation at the bottom of the bun, and sandwich your
day in the most positive way. Thanks for joining us
for breakfast. And now for the topic of the day,
(15:40):
Doctor Tiffany Tate, What is doctors in the House gonna
talk about? Today?
Speaker 2 (15:46):
We are going to talk about where's my Hey?
Speaker 3 (15:51):
You I forgot which.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
Here we go, that's the one I like, yeah, yeah,
we are going to talk about excuses.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Excuse, excuse, excuse. Yeah, good topic. And why did you
pick this doctortunity?
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Well, you know, I did just have a reunion. And
when it comes to reunions, we have family and sometimes
you ask them to do things and sometimes they want
to do things, and sometimes they don't want to do things.
And excuses excuses. Sometimes you you have to delve into
(16:49):
what is an excuse. And we make up excuses all
the time, and excuses you get for work. We give
excuses to our family members, and we give excuses. We
make excuses for ourselves. And I figured I would look
(17:13):
this up because we had a lot of excuses flying
left and right at my reunion before.
Speaker 3 (17:22):
The little examples without saying names to protect the guilty. Oh,
good morning to Jerry. She's the captain of the cashier
gallery this morning. So if you're driving, please do not
chat with us. But if you're not driving, or when
you get to a solid place, please do join me
and doctor Tiffany for Doctors in the House Live. We
(17:45):
are in studio on my YouTube TV channels. Free subscribe,
give me the finger, this one not the other one,
and you can join us. We love it when you
put your eight cents worth in. And Jerry did just
that her favorite subject and excuses are useless. I actually
(18:08):
gonna I'm gonna come and be the the contrary to
balance it out and see when excuses are useful.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
So there you go, well and I'm gonna break it
down because sometimes there's a difference. There's excuses and then
there's reasons, and we're gonna we're gonna explain the difference
between the two because there is a difference between an
excuse and a reason, and I'm gonna differentiate the two
because a lot of people don't understand the difference between
an excuse and a reason, and there is a differentiation
(18:40):
between those two because an excuse is something that has
why you explain why something has been done or has
not been done, or you do it to avoid doing something.
So I'm gonna start with this reunion that we just had,
and we're gonna start with a company that made the shirts.
First they didn't send all the shirts and then they
(19:02):
were like, oh, we'll get them there by Friday, and
the reunion was on Saturday, because I called them and
they were like, Okay, we'll get them there by Friday,
and we were missing five five shirts. Well, they didn't
get them there by Friday. They got them there by Monday,
which is after their reunion. So that was a problem.
(19:24):
So they made an excuse for that. So then there
was someone who was like a family member who was like, oh,
I would have did X, Y and Z if you
had asked me. And we said, okay, there is still
time for you to do that X, Y and Z.
And then they said, oh, well, never mind not.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
I just love putting the fun into family dysfunction.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
Well, you just said you would do it, but now
you're making an excuse as to why you don't want
to do it. But you just said you would do
it if there was time. Now we're telling you that
there is time, and now you're saying you don't want
to do it. Make it makes sense? People, make it
(20:14):
make sense. I mean, I can continue to go on.
And so I looked up the percentage of Americans that
make excuses, and yes, and as there was a twenty
twenty pole and it found that the average American makes
(20:36):
six excuses a day. Six.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
Wow, I'm behind the average a day.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
So we because we here all Americans, we live here
in America. So if you live in America, we're going
to call you an American. I don't care what you
call yourself. If you dwell here, we're going to consider
you an American. And we're going to say you probably
make about six excuses a day. You may not know it.
Whether you do it consciously or subconsciously, you probably make
about six excuses a day, so that's about two thousand,
(21:11):
two hundred excuses annually. So that's why we're talking about
this pubject. We are gonna smack it, flip it up,
and rub it down, and we are going to dissect
this so we can try to figure out why we
do this. Remember in elementary school, who, what, when, where? Why?
(21:34):
Let's dissect this and figure out what is the real
issue behind it. Because the common excuses are I'm too
tired that's about forty nine percent, not enough name about
forty eight percent, not enough money about forty eight percent,
it's too inconvenient about thirty one percent, and two forgetful
(21:57):
about twenty eight percent.
Speaker 3 (22:00):
So those are your top got was my next question?
Are there common excuses that people make? Is there any
upside to excuses? I would chime in and say, it's
good to have an excuse if it you can bow
(22:21):
out of something and be nice about it, So an
excuse for me, like if it's kind of like if
you can't say anything nice, don't say it. So if
you can't do something because you know it is not
good for that person, then you can make an excuse
(22:45):
to bow out without making them feel bad.
Speaker 5 (22:51):
M hm.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
That's my that's my only defense for making excuse. I'm
trying to think of one that I've done lately, but
I don't think I meet that average of six a day.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Well what about to yourself? It may not be to
other people, but it could be like, you know, I
don't want to go to the gym because I'm too tired.
I want to I want to get on the treadmill.
Because I mean, you don't necessarily have to make it
to others. You can make them for yourself.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
Yeah. When I get up in the morning, my bathing
suit says, you better go put this on and get
some laps in before the show. And then my sweatpants say, nah,
you're okay, go back to sleep.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Yeah, you're good girl, You good. Yeah. And so it's
it's interesting because when we talk about different things, we
can look at how we respond to ourselves and the
reasons for making different excuses. Sometimes it's to just avoid responsibility,
(24:11):
because sometimes it can prevent us from facing some different
consequences of different actions or interacting with different people. And
sometimes it's just to protect your self esteem. It meaning
fault can feel bad, and so you can make an
excuse to protect your ego because you don't want to
(24:33):
be put in a different situation or right, or sometimes
there's a fear and anxiety. Making excuse can be a
way to cope with that. And so you can also
be doing it to avoid any discomfort because you're like, Okay,
I really don't want to be in that situation. I
(24:54):
don't want to be with these people, and so I'm
going to make an excuse to just not go. They're
not be in that situation.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
And so somebody just gave you a finger, not that one,
but this one. They agreed with you. And I'm gonna
interject for a second on excuses to yourself because you
brought that up and it's true. And when people say
to me, I don't have enough time, right when when
(25:25):
I'm coaching them, I will say, you choose to not
have time for this same thing with money, I choose
so that it so that you you begin to feel
some responsibility and power for your self and your choices.
(25:46):
So when people tell me I don't you know I
don't have time, No, you do, and it's okay, there's
no criticism here, but when we switch it up and
say I choose not to with my time that is
non renewable energy that is finite with the day, you know,
(26:07):
twenty four hours a day, then then it begins to
allow you to feel like you're the boss of you,
which is always what I want you to do, because
we don't use that power of choice, and we feel
like some people are, you know, holding a gun to
our head to do this in your phone meaningless scrolling,
(26:28):
that's Bullshitaki, You made that choice. You may not have
enough time to go work out, but you certainly chose
some time to be doing this, right, just saying a
little tough love here.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
Oh? Absolutely. And now even if you go to the gym,
a lot of times they have a thing for your phone,
a holder for your phone. So if you want to,
you know, scroll while you are on the treadmill, kill
two buns of one stone. Let's be healthy and do
a little exercise at the same time and have a
healthy heart. I'm the doctor. I want you to be healthy.
(27:02):
So I think that a lot of times we have
to be true to ourselves and think about what we
can do and when we come when we talk about excuses,
we want to reflect on why we're making it now.
I don't know why you're making an excuse. Only you
(27:25):
know why you're making an excuse. Habit, yes, habit, Doctor
Marissa can't tell you why you're making an excuse Igat.
Speaker 3 (27:35):
It's a habit. I'm gonna say, I can tell you
exactly why. If you're not doing what you want to do,
it's a habit. And the momentum of a habit is
you feel like you don't have a choice. So if
you don't like your habit, if you don't like what
(27:56):
you're doing, and you're making excuses for what you continuously doing,
being late, not taking care of your body, not taking
care of your health, not taking care of your work,
not opening your mouth, it's a habit. And if you're
making excuses that you're that's another good thing about excuses,
(28:17):
It's that it's an indication that you're trapped in a
habit that you might want to look at. And, like
doctor Tiffany said, the habit part of it is the
thing I can't tell you to do. You have to
do that. I can't tell you. I can show you
what your habit is by what you're sorry, by what
(28:38):
you're making excuses about.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
Yeah, absolutely, And when it comes to like personal issues,
whether it's your health like illness, doctor's appointments, mental health,
personal care, needing to take personal grooming, you appointments, getting
your nails done, family pets, or merging, or even personal responsibility,
(29:02):
needing a run, errands that you're putting off, needing to
take care of personal tasks like she said, just make
sure you don't procrastinate like she said, I was going
to do it, but you know, I didn't get around
to it.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
I've always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I never
got around to it.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Yeah, And so you just have to be committed. And
maybe that'll be another another show commitment. And that's a word, yes,
And I think it's something that you need to decide
in your mind when it's when you're talking about friendships,
(29:42):
building friendships, building bridges and focusing on work, only you
can decide what you want to do and how you
want to do it.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Yeah. Absolutely, And that brings us to time for a
quick break for news, weather, traffic, and work for our sponsor.
If you've just tuned in and you're wondering what's going
on in studio today, this is take your take your advice,
take my advice. I'm not using a goof ounce with doctor.
Rest of the Morning Show and our very special Wednesday
(30:15):
series Just in the House with myself.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
And Doctor Tiffany Tate.
Speaker 3 (30:20):
Don't go away, we will be right back with more
on excuses. We'll be back in two and two. Don't
go away, We'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
Take Back your Life with Doctor Maurice Pey.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
Hello, I am running for the US House of Representatives.
I am an American. I am a mother. I have
been a soccer mom who has been a soccer referee.
I have been a boy Scout mom. I've raised an
Eagle Scout. I've raised a Girl Scout who has won
(31:15):
her Gold Award. I am you, and I know what
it means to struggle because I had my children when
I was in medical school, when I was in residency
before I became a physician. So I know the common
struggles of everyday life. And I will do an excellent
job to fight for the same rights that you need.
(31:39):
Trust me when I say I will work for you.
I have two events coming up, so visit my events
page and go with me to Va House Casino on
August thirty, first and go and hear me speak all
over zoom on with now and when with black women.
(32:01):
I am doctor Tiffany Tate, board certified OBG y N
veteran of the United States Navy, and help me fight
for you and support me at doctor Tate for Congress.
Speaker 5 (32:15):
Thank you, Take back your life with doctor Mauriceape.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
And we're back. You didn't I take my advice, I'm
not using it. Get balance with doctor Marissa in the
morning show here on kzyaa NBC news radio home to
the Asian Oprah AM ten fifty FM one oh six
point five number one talking the I E thank you
very much and streaming everywhere I heart Radio, Spotify and
(33:03):
of course my YouTube TV channel Central all my one thousand,
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you name it, it's on that channel, so free subscribe. Thank
(33:25):
you for tipping me over the four million impressions on
the channel. And you know, I just love to bring
you good topics and good people, especially co hosts with
the Mostest and today it is time for Doctors in
the House with myself.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
And doctor Tiffany Tate.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
And what is the topic of today that we've been
talking about, Doctor Tiffany.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
We are we have been talking about excuses, and now
I'd like to delve into the difference between an excuse
and a reason, because they are distinct, and a lot
of times we mesh them together because it's not an excuse,
(34:16):
it's a reason. Highlights when you talk about it in
action and attempt to an avoid responsibility because they define
a reason as a factual account of why something happened,
and it often includes your own actions or circumstances while
still acknowledging your role. And an excuse conversely shifts the
(34:42):
blame to external factors and it avoids accountability and seeks
to lessen negative consequences without taking any responsibility. And I
thought that was very interesting because a lot of times
when we talk about it, we're like, oh, well, this
is why did it? We give a reason? Like, well,
(35:03):
we give a reason, but it's really an excuse. But
reasons are different from excuses, and we use them interchangeably
and we're wrong.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
Yeah, And that's I think what I was exactly, you know,
on my soapbox about earlier, is that when you use
an excuse to avoid taking responsibility and you transfer the blame,
you know, as if you had no choice. That is
(35:34):
when an excuse is not a reason, it's an excuse.
And those are things that will rob you of happiness,
whether it's good relationships, because I know that I have
very low tolerance. Probably you know, maybe that P word
(35:54):
is affiliated with that. But I'll tell you when someone says, yes,
I will do this, be there, commit to and I've
noticed that the West coast mentality I'm generalizing now, but
I've got an East coast. I know six months from
now what I'm going to be doing on my calendar,
(36:17):
and it's scheduled because time is my most valuable resource.
I'm not going to get it back. So if I'm
counting on you to do, say b where you said
you're going to be and then you cancel last minute,
you get one of those. And then after that, if
(36:37):
you do it again actually honestly, to be perfectly honest,
doctor Tiffany, I one is enough. When someone you know
says that or does that, I will say, you know, well,
I try not to blame them, but I choose to
surround myself with people who actually don't make excuses. Right,
(37:00):
there are reasons. Now, if the reason was that there
was a car accident or some family emergency, someone went
to the hospital, I'm totally that's a reason, right. But
I forgot more than once not a reason. That's an excuse.
(37:22):
So then I, right or wrong, will link that to
you don't respect my time, you don't value my time. Therefore,
I don't want to include you in any future activities
because I only have that one time, one chance. Whatever. Now,
(37:48):
whether that's good or bad, useful or not, I have
to be honest and put the moose on the table,
talk about the elephants in the room. That's my Canadians.
Depression of that right or wrong that is, or useful
or not, that's my amo. Now I will tell on
myself and say the good news about that is I
(38:10):
run a pretty tight calendar ship. The bad news about
that is most people don't operate like that. Here around
the West Coast. It is much more lucy gussy, which
drives me crazy. But I have to if I want
to have a relationships, social relationships. I got a chill man.
(38:34):
I'll tell on myself right now.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
That's funny because my my shirt yesterday had the snoopy
on it with the chill on it because you know,
of course that's the calendar gets sent to me. It's
like chill and so maybe that's that's what you need.
I'll have to get you on to remind you to
chill because and basically there's specific characteristic of reasons and
(39:01):
characteristics of excuse. And with the characteristics of reasons, you
want to take responsibility, you want to explain the cause,
you want to focus on reality, and you want to
lead and take action. And the characteristics of an excuse shifts, shifting, blame,
avoids accountability, defend the action taken. And you know, they
(39:24):
often seek forgiveness or understanding. And I will say this
what I found this weekend. It was a lot of excuses.
There wasn't many reasons provided. There was like you know,
oh I'm sorry, Oh can you forgive me? Oh this?
(39:47):
Oh that? And I'm like okay. But it's interesting because
in college there was a poem that we learned called excuses,
and I often teach it to my children because I
want them to be better people and better focused and
(40:08):
it excuses. Excuses are tools of the incompetent. They build
monuments of nothingness and those who dwell upon them are
seldom less than anything else excuses, And so I try
to teach them that so that they can focus and
not give me excuses as a moll and I want
them to do and not give me an excuse. And
(40:32):
people may say, Tiffany, really, and so I learned that,
and a lot of people I know learned that, And
so I think it's important for them to be goal
oriented and to focus, and I think it has helped
to mold them and achieve what they have achieved. Because
(40:54):
you look at me, coming from Compton, coming from humble
beginnings without my biological parents, being a bonus child to
a single a single parent home, and having to fight
for everything I had. I couldn't have any excuses. I
(41:16):
had to have reasons, and those reasons had to make
me what I am today, and they had to lead
to action. And I want my children to have actions,
not excuses.
Speaker 3 (41:29):
Yeah yeah, yeah, really good. When does a reason become
an excuse? I will say, if you're using the same
reason multiple times with multiple people, chances are it's an excuse. Right,
If you're using a different reason for different events and
(41:53):
different people, then it's a reason. And I say this
because I do have individuals will actually like if you
if you cancel something or whatever, if you come to
me and say, doctor Brissa, I feel horrible. I this
is not usually me, and I apologize, right, it might
(42:17):
make me back up just a bit and give you
another chance. But if I hear that three separate times,
again and again and again, and there's no change in behavior,
then that's an excuse. And that for me is you're out.
You know, go be that with somebody else. And you know,
(42:40):
I'm I'm just gonna say, I'm not judging your character,
but I am, but I just choose not to have
you in my intimate social group because it can't count on.
So when you do a reason more than once with
the same person with apology, if you're not, that's an excuse.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
Yes, And then there's an example. I'm like, here's here's
an example versus an excuse versus a reason, And then
you can see the distinction, like I'm late because the
train broke down, blaming the train, not acknowledging that you
could have left earlier, and then here's an example of
the same thing where it becomes a reason, I'm late
(43:24):
because the train broke down and I should have left earlier.
So I you know, I apologize, can we reschedule? Taking
responsibility for your part, but you also offer a solution.
So in the same two instances, the train broke down,
but you offer, you take responsibility and you say, yes,
(43:49):
I know I'm late and I should have left earlier,
and so that's that action portion. Some people are like, yeah,
i'm late, you know, I'm sorry, But okay, you're taking
ownership and that's where you give that reasoning part and
you're like, Okay, these are the things that I'm willing
to do to fix it. Some people just want it
(44:10):
out and that's the difference between the reason and the excuse,
and a lot of people don't want to take that
extra step. So this is how we can be better.
This is how we can fix those things, and we
want you to grow. This is that growth step.
Speaker 3 (44:27):
Yeah, absolutely, I know I was struck. I shared a
stage with Michael Phelps a long time ago, and someone
asked him, when what makes you the excel right beyond
the athlete? The average athlete with all of these gold
(44:50):
medals and things like that, and he said, instead of saying, oh,
I'm just lucky or anything like that, he said, well,
most athletes train six days a week and rest on
the seventh. I know that I want to excel beyond that,
so I train seven days a week. So it's a choice, right,
(45:11):
taking that responsibility for doing something, and then taking responsibility
when you're not doing it. If you're complaining that you
are not where you want to be and blaming everybody
else right doing the you know, political salute, Sorry not you,
(45:32):
but you know some regimes instead of that. If the
buck stops right here and you're going to say, I'm
not it's related to our topic last week. If the
grass is green around the other side, why are your aline?
What are you doing that is not helping your own cause?
And that thing you said earlier about the excuses you
(45:55):
make yourself to yourself, that's so foundational, right, because if
you can't honor your own promises to yourself, Okay, I'm
not going to do this because I know it's not
helpful to me, and then you turn around and do it,
you just broke your own word to yourself, and you're
(46:19):
going to feel like a piece of shataki. And so
self esteem is through esteemable acts. If you say you're
gonna do something, do it gospel according tonight, you just
do it. If you don't do it, and you keep
making excuses multiple reasons, same reasons for that, you're not
(46:39):
gonna feel good about yourself. You're not going to be
eighty eight percent happy, and this you can control.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Yeah, And there are consequences to making excuses. It hinders
personal development. It creates a sense of stagnation where you
can kind of become trapped in a pattern of inaction
and we don't want you there, and believe me, you
(47:06):
don't want yourself there. And it can damage relationships because
people are like, Okay, this person is always doing this,
and you know, are they flaky? And you know it
can develop labels and it can erote trust and respect,
and so you don't want people giving you the side.
(47:28):
And so you want to think about your self image
because you want to be happy with you. And if
you're happy with you, great, But you always want to
reflect on how I feel about me, And I think
it's important when you think about you.
Speaker 3 (47:51):
Yeah. In my book A Ways to Happiness, I have
what we call the perfectionistic slide, and it resonates with
so many people. So I'll bring it up here because
you've talked about procrastination. That's the second step in the slide.
So if you're a perfectionist, and unfortunately our culture, especially
(48:13):
in America, almost values you wear it like a badge
if you stay at work for eighty hours. If you
want everything perfect, that's a good thing, but actually it's
not real useful because if you're a perfectionist, you're never happy.
I'll be happy when and that when keeps moving right.
So then if you can't do it perfectly, you move
(48:36):
to procrastination. I've always wanted to be a procrastinator, never
got around to it because I'll wait until all the
conditions are good before i try it. That's procrastination. But
if you stay there too long, you're going to go
right to paralysis. So if I can't, I'll do it later,
and then I'm not going to do it at all,
And then you that's the one that stays in bed,
(48:57):
That's the one that doesn't open mail. That's the one
that when you're not feeling good, you reach for something
outside of yourself to make yourself feel good. Addiction instead
of Okay, the buck stops right here. Obviously I'm not
keeping word to myself. I'm not keeping my own word.
Let's break it down. Let's instead of taking a giant
(49:19):
bite back into perfectionism, let's just do the best that
we can have. I done the best that I can
with the time that I have and the resources that
I have. Fifteen minutes at a time, if I said
i'm gonna start, I'm gonna lose fifty pounds, don't say
that you're putting this expectation. But if I can say
if fifteen minutes a day, I'm going to take a walk,
(49:42):
or I'm gonna not eat after eight o'clock, those are doable,
smaller chunks of keeping, you know, esteem for esteemable abs
to yourself. M hmm.
Speaker 2 (49:54):
Absolutely absolutely, And I'm gonna tell on myself. I was,
you know, as I said, was in the past. I
was one of those people who would just bring in
the mail and put it on my island because it
would would just be overmail, overwhelming. I had so much
junk mail, and I would just say, Okay, I'm going
to get to it. I'm going to get to it.
I'm going to get to it, and by the time
(50:15):
I turned around, it was a heap, and I was like,
oh my god, I don't want to go through it
because it was overwhelming. I would procrastinate and so then
I would say, okays, just sit down. I'm going to
sit down. I'm going to sit down and go through it.
And then I decided this is horrible. I made up
in my mind I'm going to go through it every
day because I have my recyclables. I have my paper,
(50:36):
my glass, my plastic, and my trash cans all lined up.
And so I said, every day I'm going to do
what I have to do, and every day I'm going
to do my mail. When it comes in, I'm going
to open it and deal with it that day. And
it just takes a made up mind to be committed.
(50:59):
And I said, no, no more excuses, no more male excuses.
And I was committed to that.
Speaker 3 (51:05):
There you go. Both of us have shared our own humanness.
That is just It only applies if you're a human.
But we do the best that we can. It's balance.
It's not like an all or nothing, and it's all.
It's not all, it's not nothing. There's a place in between,
that comfortable place I know for me it's to chill
(51:27):
a little more, and I have so many unrealistic expectations
of myself and others. And at the same time, you
know those of you who are just a little too
chill and a little too well, you know, I didn't
have this or I didn't have that, therefore I can't
not that's bullshit, talkie. Everybody can do. Everybody can do,
(51:51):
have or be whatever they set their mind and heart to. Right,
you don't have to do it alone, but you do
have to believe in yourself right, and excuses will take
away the ability to believe in yourself. So that is
my well, I guess we don't have to have a
(52:14):
final word yet, but that's my homework for you. You know,
what are you doing that you know is just an excuse,
not a reason. It's just an excuse, and the buck
stops right over here. What is something you can commit
to yourself? Put your hand over your heart right now,
(52:35):
take a deep breath in through the nose, Jerry, you
can do this with me and release through the mouth,
and just say, what's one thing that I want to
begin taking responsibility for fifteen minutes at a time during
the day that I have been giving excuses about pick
(53:01):
one thing, pick one thing today. We'll check in with
you next week on Doctors in the House to see
how you did. Those of you who want advanced work
go to my website www. Doctor Mursa dot life or
Asianoprah dot online and join the twenty one day Fast
(53:21):
from Complaining. If you say to yourself, I'm not gonna
complain anymore and take responsibility for myself and you still
start pointing fingers with blame or shame, time to join
the fast twenty one consecutive days where you're not complaining
about anyone, anything, and yourself because you can do it.
There you go. There's a happy eighty eight challenge for
(53:42):
the day. I haven't done that in a while.
Speaker 2 (53:45):
Okay, Well, as we get close to the final word,
I want to remind you that most people make six
excuses a day. Six And if if you find that
you are about to make an excuse, think about do
(54:05):
you want to make an excuse or a reason? Do
you just want to excuse it away or do you
want to take action. I cannot tell you what to do,
only you can be in charge of you. But I
found a quote and I thought it was pretty impressive,
(54:26):
and it says if you want something bad enough, you
will find a way. If not, you will make an excuse.
And I thought that that was something impressive because we
all make a way for things that we want because
(54:50):
it's important to us. And you need to decide what
is a priority in your life. You prioriti ties of
things that are important to you, and you dismiss the
things that are not, whether it's people, whether it's objects,
and make way for the priorities and love those things
(55:15):
and focus on those things. Don't excuse those things.
Speaker 3 (55:20):
Here's my final word. One of the biggest excuses that
I hear as a happiness coach is I can't get ahead.
I can't feel good about myself. I can't accomplish that
because I had this happened to me and it was
(55:41):
unfair and mother shouldn't do that, Priests shouldn't do that,
father shouldn't do that, teacher shouldn't do that, and I
just I don't feel good enough. I will never be
able to do all the things that you think I
can do. I don't feel like one of a kind,
wonderful and I don't ever think I will because I
(56:02):
didn't have a healthy childhood. I had trauma. And my
response to you is, whatever happened to you in the past,
you had no responsibility for. It's so sad that it
happened to you, and I am really sorry that it did.
And I had my own I'm one of the seven
out of ten of us who did. And yeah, you're
(56:27):
not responsible for what happened in the past. You didn't
bring it on, right, You weren't so bad that you
were punished. That's not true. However, now we're in the present,
and it is your responsibility to choose whether to drag
that shataki from the past into the present and spew
it on to the future and use it as an
(56:48):
excuse for why you can't be do or have everything
that you have in your birth rate, which is to
be happy eighty eight percent of the time, is to
fulfill your dreams and desires. So that's up to you. Boot.
You're not responsible for the past, but you are responsible now.
(57:09):
So that's my final order yours.
Speaker 2 (57:13):
Well again, I say you got this, no excuses, rise
to the top, overcome and go and have the best
day ever.
Speaker 3 (57:32):
That's good, that's good, it's all. I hope you've enjoyed
UH doctors in house today on excuses as much as
we have. We're gonna sign out now. This is all
about balance, peace in peace, out world peace through interpiece.
Thank you doctor Tiffany as usual, great combo, great things
for people to think and grow with. So until next Wednesday.
(57:58):
Take us out now.
Speaker 2 (58:00):
And have the best day ever.
Speaker 6 (58:14):
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