KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa (Fri, 3 Oct, 2025)

KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa on Fri, 3 Oct, 2025

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
AM radio station, and AM refers to more than just
the time of day, Jump off at exhausting amster wheel
and into balance.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Living with Doctor.

Speaker 3 (00:12):
Marissa from Miss You Joy.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
Doctor Marisa, also known as the Asian Oprah. Her mission
to be a beneficial presence on the planet, her purpose
to be your personal advocate, to live, lap love, learn
her life motto, don't die wondering. Take back your life
with Doctor Maurissa Pey.

Speaker 4 (00:38):
And welcome your tenden to take my advice. I'm not
using it. Get balance with Doctor Marissa. Good Morning Show
here on CASEAA, NBC News, CNBC News and NBC Sports
Radio station AM ten fifty FM one oh six point
five and streaming everywhere. I heart Radio, Spotify, iTunes, tune

(01:02):
in Audible, Amazon Music, Tikilab, Rumble, Pod, Chaser, Streaker, Sprinker,
and more. Why so many places. I want to maximize
my splatter zone for more hope and happiness. So there's
no gossip, You're no scandal, no kwords, no Kardashian talk
at all, no tea talk. Because I want you to
have eighty eight percent happiness. Why not one hundred percent?

(01:25):
If you're one hundred percent happy, you're dead. We don't
want to do that, so eighty eight percent happiness is
our goal. I have topics and guests to that end.
If you missed my interview with Rude Elite, who was
in the movie with the Brat Pack Seven Brides for
seven Brothers, go into free subscribe to my YouTube TV

(01:48):
channel and you will get access to all those great
interviews along with my red Carpet playlist with interviews with
Halle Berry, John Travolta and more. And I also have
great suits. And you can tell it's Friday because who's
in studio. It's Diverstort Doc with doctor Marissa A.

Speaker 5 (02:11):
James Hawthorne. Hi, everybody, welcome.

Speaker 4 (02:14):
Back, James, and I'll let you introduce yourself. It's been
a bit since I've had you do that.

Speaker 6 (02:26):
Sure, I am James Hawthorne. Like doctor Marissa, I am
a multi hyphen it. I'm a recovering corporate guy and
in the last fifteen years have been a fully freelanced
personal trainer and actor, which has taken me on quite
the roller coaster ride.

Speaker 5 (02:41):
That has been wonderful.

Speaker 6 (02:45):
I love helping clients live and feel their best, and
that's probably my favorite thing about what I get to do.
It's so nice to have a job that is actually
doing some good in the world, which I didn't feel
is the case in corporate And then of course stories
as an actor is like, it's like my adult recess.
I get to go play make believe for a few
minutes at a time, mostly professional auditioning. Occasionally they pay

(03:09):
me to actually do it. And then when I'm working
with my clients, I get to be the conductor of
their adult recess while hopefully making a real positive.

Speaker 4 (03:21):
You got an extra applause there. I like something and
it gave you applause.

Speaker 5 (03:26):
She likes for buttons. That's good. I like it. I
like it.

Speaker 6 (03:29):
And then doctor Mersa and I met with a film
festival that I ran called Flicks for Change for about
five or six years, and she was kind enough to
work the red carpet and conduct some awesome interviews. And
that was another attempt to try to get back and
unite art with philanthropic activism. So that was a really
awesome fun chapter in my life as well.

Speaker 4 (03:51):
And that is James Hawthorne, and he is also responsible
for choosing topics. Oh but you forgot to have breakfast,
you know, start every weekday morning with taking a bite
of my gratitude sandwich top of the butun. Things that
we're grateful for when we look outside and bottom of

(04:12):
the bun, because I like it on the bottom when
we go to bed. On the bottom. What we want
you to do is look inside and see what is
good about you. Gratitude turned inwards and other words for
it is appreciation. So that's what we do for breakfast
every weekday morning here on the show. So what are

(04:34):
you grateful for, James, Well, speaking of.

Speaker 6 (04:36):
The top of the bottom, I'll tell you one thing.
I'm not grateful for the fact that I ran out
of cream cheese. I had nothing to put on my
cinnamon raisin bagel this morning, so to the grocery I go.
But I am grateful that cream cheese exists, because there's
nothing quite like cream cheese on a toasted cinnamon raisin bagel.
I'm grateful for that simple pleasure outside of the bun,
outside of the box, top of the bun. We'll get

(04:57):
started with cream cheese and bagel. Some grateful for that pleasure,
guilty pleasure.

Speaker 4 (05:02):
I'm grateful that that song oh it never rains in
Southern California is wrong. It does rain in southern California,
and I love the way it smells and looks after
the rain.

Speaker 5 (05:20):
Me too.

Speaker 6 (05:20):
I'm grateful for that as well. Hopefully I want to say,
knock out some auditions and work today. I'm either gonna
run or ride my bike or for a nice long
bike ride and enjoy the cooler weather because until Halloween,
that cool weather is a gift because it can be
wicked hot any day anytime till about Halloween that it's
literally like someone snaps their fingers and we're back to,

(05:40):
you know, the cool, rainy California, which is fun.

Speaker 4 (05:45):
I am grateful that I have slickers and a very
cool sea through rain jacket that I love to pull
out during this season.

Speaker 5 (05:57):
That's good.

Speaker 6 (05:57):
And I'm grateful that the Dodgers clinched the divis so
for the twelve time in thirteen years Dodgers have won
the National League West.

Speaker 5 (06:04):
It was a very rocky path to get there this year.

Speaker 6 (06:08):
Lots of challenges, but hopefully that makes us battle tested
for the upcoming postseason, which begins on Tuesday.

Speaker 4 (06:15):
And this is for the Dodger so go Blue and
your co host today is actually one of the reasons,
along with my bonus dad, who's ninety five, that I
do love the Dodgers. I have all kinds of Dodger

(06:38):
gear and bobbleheads that I am selling go on eBay.
And I thought there was a game tonight. So there's
no game tonight.

Speaker 6 (06:49):
There is, I believe it. There is tonight. Yeah, it's
against the Sea. So it's the last series of the
year and we are in Seattle facing the Mariners, who are.

Speaker 5 (06:59):
Also bound for the playoffs.

Speaker 6 (07:01):
So really it's just the Dodgers are just trying to
get all their ducks in a rows for the postseason,
make sure that all the arms in the rotation and
bullpen are ready to contribute, and try to get guys
sharp that maybe whose bats are a little cold, get
their bats hot. It's going to be really interesting to
see who makes the postseason roster and.

Speaker 5 (07:19):
Who does it all the roster. So there's no drama
there coming.

Speaker 4 (07:23):
Up because I made plans to have a date with
my bonus dad and watch the game at his place.
So I when I heard that we had won, I
was like, oh, does that change? But I see there's
a whole new ballgame hah postseason, So I look forward
to that and shout out to my pops, who's ninety

(07:46):
five and still going on strong. Loves the Dodgers, and
I love the Dodgers, so yeah. My bff Anne Marie
also as a Dodge fan. I don't know if you
saw us go crazy when they won last year and
we were jumping on the bed and her beagle was howling.
So I'm hoping for a repeat of that. That's gonna

(08:09):
be really fun.

Speaker 6 (08:11):
That's how I behave Why the humans acting like this,
jumping all up and down the bed, it was very funny.

Speaker 4 (08:19):
I am greatful last one that I'm gonna have a
lot of fun this weekend. Majong the Majong Beaches is
the name of my group that once a month we
get together for a tournament Saturday, I'll be covering two events.
The morning is intergenerational Mojong put on by I think

(08:44):
it's American Majong or East Meast West or East never
uses or there's one more group that I'm now playing with.
I got interviewed by CBS, which is kind of funny
about Majong, so that'll be coming.

Speaker 6 (09:00):
Out really cool. Congratulations, thank you. I've got to learn
more about this Majong madness. I have three lady friends.
You're one of them that play majong on a weekly basis,
two clients.

Speaker 5 (09:12):
You.

Speaker 6 (09:13):
I got to understand what it's all about. I mean,
I got my poker game. I play right now and again.
But man, I got to see what this is all about.

Speaker 4 (09:21):
It has increased one hundred and seventy nine percent in
the last year. That was a stat that the CBS
reporter gave me. I didn't know that, so she asked
me why, and of course, in my branded happy way,
I said that it was the balance to all the

(09:45):
negativity against diversity, that this was a balancing of the
positive aspect of diversity. And certainly during COVID all of
that Asian hate that was one. And then the sense
of community after COVID. So who knows if that'll make
it into the segment, but yeah, and then I'm grateful

(10:09):
that I get to go again to the red carpet
at Santa Anita Raceway. So if you missed my interview
yesterday with Layla and I can't pronounce her last name,
beautiful Italian Dape, she is doing her fashion show. So
you get to watch the horses race and then during

(10:31):
the break go bet and watch a fashion show. Come on, like,
that's like me, perfect for me. So that is happening Sunday.
Go to our LC talent or Leila, just go to
my website. She took a clip from the interviews, so
you can follow that link. And I'd love to see

(10:53):
you there on the carpet that includes you.

Speaker 5 (10:57):
Awesome.

Speaker 4 (10:58):
All right, let's go to the ber the button, which
is weightlifting for mental health, your own taking responsibility for
liking yourself so that you're not looking for likes in
all the wrong places like social media. Literally, instead, you
know who you are, so when you go to bed
tonight you'll feel good about yourself.

Speaker 6 (11:22):
I'm in a segue a gratitude into the thing I
like about myself. So a dear friend of my mom's
is putting on a wonderful charity event here in Beverly
Hills on November second.

Speaker 5 (11:34):
It's called in a Perfect World, and they build.

Speaker 6 (11:36):
Schools and clean water wells and third world countries to
give kids a real chance at you know, changing their
own fortunes and the fortunes for their people and their village,
which is so cool, and I like that I'm able
to find synergies, you know, mutually beneficial ways connecting people
so that everybody kind of benefits and wins, and I'm

(11:57):
grateful to her for being open to that. I'm contributing
to the goodie bags for the one hundred and fifty
or so guests that are donating a good amount of
money to the cause, and I hope to meet these
wonderful people and be able to give the gift to
some free personal training to them. So I'm grateful to
her for allowing me to do that. And I'm also

(12:20):
working on a friend of mine is a wonderful musician,
and it's going to try to put together a trio
to play at the event before it starts for the
cocktail reception and get him some exposure for his band
and provide some entertainment for the guests. And his husband
is a celebrity hairstylist, and he's offered to put things
in the goodie bags. So, you know, it's just so

(12:42):
fun when people can come together for a good cause
and it's a win win across the board, and I
like that I'm able to see those synergies and figure
out who needs to meet who to you know, make
an already good event hopefully.

Speaker 4 (12:54):
Great yeah, that sounds. Feel free to throw my audio
book of my number one bestseller for Fu and Uh
a signed copy. Also my Balance tai Chi Gong, my
children's books, so I would love to be able to
donate as well.

Speaker 6 (13:16):
And yeah, let's let's chat offline about the best way
to do that. That'll be These are wonderful people. It's
a thousand dollars a ticket event, so you know, these
folks are moving and shaking in the world and doing good,
which is cool.

Speaker 4 (13:29):
And I'm singing event, so I don't know what style
they have, but if they need or want a couple
of singing accompaniments, I would be happy to do that too.

Speaker 6 (13:43):
Very cool, that's fine, Okay, got you got the wheel,
turn it out.

Speaker 4 (13:48):
Of course. What I like about myself is my multi hyphene.
I am so grateful that I have stood very firm.
If I had a dollar for every time someone said
to me, you have to focus, you can't do so
many things. Well, you know, jack of all trades, master
of none. That's the worst saying that I hear. And

(14:10):
I if there's one thing that I do in my
life is to remove that from the vocabulary of idioms,
which is an idiot expression because it makes people think
that life is just about one thing that you do well.
That's bullshit, hockey. You can do so many things well.

(14:31):
So I appreciate my ability to buck the that saying
and now be rewarded by the description multi hyphenate, which
is relatively new. And a few months ago when someone
called me that, I'm like, is that a compliment or

(14:52):
an insult? But it's so much a compliment, So I am.
I appreciate that I am a hyphen It probably someone
called me the pioneer of multi hyphenetism. All right, what
do you like about yourself?

Speaker 5 (15:12):
Wow?

Speaker 6 (15:13):
I like that I can come always, like come back
to center, that I've developed the.

Speaker 5 (15:18):
Skills to when things are feeling sort.

Speaker 6 (15:20):
Of chaotic in my life or maybe I feel some
unrest or that there's something unresolved that I can, you know,
through journaling and through like meditation, take inventory and really
recenter because it's so easy, more distractions now than ever,
and the world moves faster now than ever. And I

(15:42):
like that I've developed the skills to you know, step back,
hit pause and take a good inventory so that it
keeps me grounded, centered and focused on what really matters.

Speaker 5 (15:54):
And what I want most.

Speaker 6 (15:56):
So I like that I can find that center, and
that isn't always the case. So I'm grateful that I've
developed that skill set and I like that that I
can do that awesome.

Speaker 4 (16:11):
Lastly, I am grateful for my ability to move through
pain and come out the other side. I have spent
more time being an acceptance of the whole situation with
the blood clot and not flying and getting to the
other side of focusing on what I can do on

(16:34):
the ground, which is quite a bit. So we are
working right now on an online course for personal mastery,
So instead of flying to Taiwan, Shanghai, Ireland to teach
this course in person, it is gonna be something that
can be accessed from anywhere. So there you go, There

(16:55):
you go.

Speaker 5 (16:56):
It's a good one.

Speaker 6 (16:57):
I like that I have cultivated a natural desire to
eat healthy. I always got fruits and veggies around, and
I like that it's not a chore for me that
I've really and I also thank my mom for that
as a kid, always having me eat all these fruit stresholds.
So I liked him just because it makes life so
much easier when you like eating this stuff. That's good
for you, and I'm gonna have a BlackBerry to that

(17:19):
right now as we speak.

Speaker 4 (17:21):
Well, you can chuck one of those over here there
you go. All right? Well, I would love for y'all
to join me every weekday morning when we have breakfast
together taking a bite of my gratitude sandwich. I promise
that if you do this good life habit, this hashtag
discipline with or without me every weekday morning, you will

(17:43):
sandwich your day in the most positive way. Thanks for
joining me for breakfast. And now for the topic of
the day. It says everything is awesome, James, what is
the topic of today?

Speaker 5 (18:04):
Today?

Speaker 6 (18:05):
We're going to talk about trust and vulnerability and how
they play into relationships success.

Speaker 5 (18:13):
How trusting do you need to be? How vulnerable do
you need to be?

Speaker 6 (18:18):
Are there dangers to being very trusting and making yourself
vulnerable or is it simply a requirement to have the
most intimate and connected relationship possible. So we're going to discuss, debate,
and hopefully come up with some winning strategies together as
we navigate the rocky shoals of putting yourself out there,

(18:41):
being vulnerable and trusting in the wildness and chaos that
is another human being.

Speaker 4 (18:51):
All right, great topic. I see eyeballs roll in the studio.
Would love to know your experience with vulnerability and trust.
And as per usual, first half of the show we
talk about keeping it real, keeping it straight, like what
is the reality behind our humanness? As far as vulnerability.

(19:16):
I like the way you texted me. It's do we
tend do we want to protect based on our experiences
or do we want to push ourselves and continue to
put ourselves out there with vulnerability and trust even if
you've had that experience? So is it smarter to be
safe or is it smarter to continue with that risk factor?

(19:41):
So that's our topic for today. As usual, Why are
we talking about this? James? Which gives always our co
hosts a chance to live out loud on the show
myself included, especially myself.

Speaker 5 (19:58):
To air it out.

Speaker 6 (20:00):
There's nothing specific that came up to made me think
of this topic, but I know that for me it
is an ongoing, not battle, but an area that I
want to work on.

Speaker 5 (20:15):
It's very easy for me to be an open book and.

Speaker 6 (20:18):
Share all parts of myself because of exercises like the
bottom of the button, and you know, because I've grown
to love myself I can share openly the stuff that
I'm proud of, the stuff I'm working on, and you
know what other people fork for me, it's none of
my business. So I want people to know me, so
I'll share all that. But it's one thing to share it.

(20:40):
It's another to really trust somebody with your heart. You know,
certain things can feel like dangerous in a relationship, but
when you allow people access to your heart, they can
really surprise and light you in ways that I think

(21:01):
will take that bonder relationship to another level. And if
you don't do it, sometimes I question, I wonder if
that doesn't put a glass ceiling over the connection and
the intimacy that's possible with that person. And I would
like to lean in to that scariness a little bit
more because at the end of the day, right I

(21:23):
think I have to remind myself that if somebody hurts you,
it's more reflection on you know, it might be you know, unintentional,
and it's more reflection on them and what they're doing.
And then how you receive that is up to you
in terms of how you frame it. But I think

(21:44):
with relationships, you almost have to accept that you're going
to get hurt. People that love you are going to
hurt you, and that's just human interaction. I don't see
any way around it. So why not, you know, accept
it and lean in and allow people in and then
trust your ability to adapt and react rather than you know,

(22:06):
I want to be more aware of ways in which
I maybe am overly protecting my heart not giving people
full access to it, and try to break down those
walls and see what happens. So that's that's kind of
a mission of mine in general that I want to
work on. Yes, I'm an open book, but I don't
know that I give people open access to my heart

(22:28):
all the time.

Speaker 4 (22:30):
Yeah, I've been told that. You know, I'm very warm
and inviting until you get about here and then don't
come any closer. Right or doing this right? Come here,
go away, Come here, go away. Do you mind going
to your settings and hitting echo cancelation and getting a
little jorible on my end a little bit better? Yes?

(22:55):
What did you just do?

Speaker 5 (22:56):
I just turned down the volume a bit so that
there's not.

Speaker 4 (23:00):
Oh, then that's what I need to ask doctor Tiviny
to do, because that happens on ours a lot. And
I thought it was me. See, I was taking it
personally and it's you or what a great example.

Speaker 5 (23:18):
We just technology.

Speaker 4 (23:19):
It's a great example of what we were just talking about.
What you were just talking about is taking rejection personally
and it's not about you, it's really about them. That's
one thing that hit me when you were talking. Another
thing is in my coaching practice, happiness coaching. One client

(23:44):
in particular is a poster child for what we're talking about.
He was in his forties and he had, you know,
he was tired of being tired of not being able
to have a healthy relationship. So you know, we talked
about what was keeping him and he identified that his

(24:04):
heart was broken and so that's why, you know, he
was guarding his heart and you know, it was affecting
his relationships. And I said, when did this heart get broken?
And he said when he was eighteen? So for third,
what twenty two years or more right, twenty five years,

(24:28):
I think it was. He's been sabotaging healthy, potentially healthy
relationships with that memory where he thought his heart was
broken and he was going to die. I mean that
was the strength of his you know, being vulnerable and
getting kicked in the heart, and he carried that memory

(24:52):
and and I you know, we were working with that
and until he could see that. One, no one could
really break your heart. They can bruise it, but your
heart is your own and it will never be broken. Okay,
it'll hurt, but it's not ever broken. Right, No one

(25:14):
has the ability to do that. Two, Are you gonna
let one person's rejection of you twenty five years ago
ruin the rest of your you know, years in your
book of romance? Come on? So it was I'm happily,
he's happily married children. And it's one of the success

(25:40):
that I love doing the coaching because of things like this,
where he was able to see, acknowledge own and move
move past the pain into the power. And that's all
my happiness coaching is.

Speaker 5 (25:55):
That's wonderful.

Speaker 6 (25:56):
Yeah, And you know, I think a lot of it
is it happens at the subconscient level. Our defense mechanisms
are a subconscious thing, and so he could see that
he was sabotaging himself. But a lot of the ways
in which I think people do that when when they're
hurt is kind of below the radar, because you know,
we have really good self protective mechanisms, and I think

(26:18):
it's important to look at our behaviors and relationship, look
for patterns and see maybe the things that we do.
We can then pull that out of the subconscious into
the conscious by looking at the behaviors, and then we
can consciously decide which of those behaviors are serving us
and what we want out of relationships, and which maybe

(26:41):
took hold of us rather than us consciously employing them.
Because you know, your subconscious is like a four year old.
It runs ninety percent of the ship of your day
to day life. But sometimes you know that four year
old does it know best, So that stuff that happens automatically,
maybe we need to make sure.

Speaker 5 (26:59):
That it's not so automatic.

Speaker 6 (27:01):
And I think by looking at you know, our behaviors
and relationship and identifying patterns, we can unpack it, bring
it to the conscious, and then once we're aware of it,
we can be more mindful of when we're giving into
a defense mechanism versus when we're making a proactive choice
to either be vulnerable in trust or to be a

(27:22):
little wary and you know protect.

Speaker 5 (27:24):
I mean to use the example of celebrities for example.

Speaker 6 (27:28):
I imagine that you know there's a complex around wondering whether
somebody you know really likes them, or whether they're like
is insincere because of you know.

Speaker 5 (27:41):
That that person's status.

Speaker 6 (27:43):
And I think about that, and I can only imagine
that it takes a tremendous amount of trust, you know,
for them to.

Speaker 5 (27:53):
Believe in someone else's sincerity in their like for them.

Speaker 6 (27:56):
And I think, you know, if we look at our
own lives and our own patterns, we can find the
triggers that maybe make us clam up close off. And
by being aware of that and being mindful, I think
we can choose to be more open in those moments
or not to if protecting you know, ourselves is a

(28:17):
top priority over connection, and I do think that one
comes at the expense of the others, you know.

Speaker 5 (28:25):
Often.

Speaker 4 (28:26):
Yeah, and that whole thing about celebrity, I'm glad you
brought that up, because I also work with celebrities who
say exactly that, I don't know if they really like
me or want to be with me because of who
I am or just because of my celebrity. And my

(28:47):
response to that is, but that is a part of you.
And isn't that a great part of you? That you
have achieved that same thing with money, you know, my
clients who have a lot of money, Well, I think
she's with me because I have a lot of money.
And it's like yes, and that's a part of you.
It's a reflection of the ambition, the success, the you know,

(29:11):
the achievement oriented part of you. That's are you going
to hold someone in contempt because they value that aspect
of yourself. It's all a part of you, but that insecurity.
Two examples come to mind. Howard Stern. I heard him

(29:32):
say that he went to a high school reunion and that,
you know, one of his best moments that he remembered
was walking up to the girl who rejected him and said,
see what you turned down? Kind of thing, and it
was like he's not alone. Not bashing Howard, Sorry Howard,

(29:53):
but it's a great example of how we hold this
insecurity about you know who we we are and it's
it's silly, which is why we do the bottom of
the bud. It's like, can't we own you know that
we are eighty eight percent fabulous, all of us, all
eight billion of us. Twelve percent of the time we

(30:15):
step in it. But you know, eighty eight percent of
us is so amazing, isn't it wonderful that we have
a plethora of people we could connect with who admire that.
Now to balance that out, I don't like going out
with guys who are just like fawning all over me
and putting me on a pedestal. I get that, I
get that I want someone who you know, loves me,

(30:37):
but I do want them to admire, right, But balance
it out that I'm not on that pedestal where I
can fall off. So it's a kind of a tricky,
dicky kind of thing. And I just looked at the time.
It's time to pause for news, weather, traffic, and a
word from our sponsor, Please don't go away as we

(30:58):
continue to have this fact sedating conversation about vulnerability, trust
and straight talk about it with doctor This is a
straight talk with Doctor Marissa.

Speaker 5 (31:10):
And James Author.

Speaker 4 (31:12):
We'll be right back. Don't go away. Two and two
peas beIN piece out well.

Speaker 7 (31:35):
She has been dubbed the Asian Oprah and she just
wants all of us to be happy. Doctor Marissa, aka
the Asian Oprah says the most important thing you can
choose is choosing to be happy.

Speaker 4 (31:54):
You are tuned into my weekly talk radio TV show
called Take My advice.

Speaker 3 (32:00):
I'm not using it. Get balanced with Doctor Marissa.

Speaker 7 (32:14):
That's the idea for it. Dr Marissa Pay's new book
call Eight Ways to Be Happy.

Speaker 8 (32:19):
Many of us say I am my own worst critic.
Nobody's harder on me than I am. And my response
to that is stop it.

Speaker 4 (32:30):
Why are you doing that to yourself?

Speaker 8 (32:33):
You have to be your biggest fan, because if you can't,
at the end of the day say I did a
good job, who is We don't have to constantly be
angry at the things that are wrong. Why don't we
choose to be happy about.

Speaker 4 (32:46):
Things that are right.

Speaker 8 (32:47):
We have the choice. That's our muscle and life is
so amazing if we can see it.

Speaker 6 (33:00):
Hi, everybody, I am James Hawthorne of Action Man Fitness.
You can reach out to me on Instagram at that handle,
and I would love to work with you. For anybody
that messages me, and says doctor Marissa, I am going
to offer twenty five percent off through the end of October.
So if you were thinking about getting started, looking at

(33:21):
getting started, I want to give you that chance. And
the first session is on me. So whether it's weight loss,
improving your strength, injury and pain prevention, or mitigation. I'm
here to help and would love to so just DM
me at Action Man Fitness on Instagram say doctor Marissa
and I would love to work with you for a

(33:42):
discounted rate to the end of October.

Speaker 5 (33:44):
Let's get started. That's the most important first step.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
Take back your life with doctor Mauricipe.

Speaker 4 (34:09):
And no welcome back. You're tuned in to take my advice,
I'm not using it. Get balance with doctor Marissa. Good
Morning show here on CACAA, home to the Asian OPRAH
number one Talk in the Ie. Thank you very much,
NBC News Radio a ms M fifty FM one oh
six point five streaming everywhere. iHeartRadio, Spotify and of course

(34:32):
my YouTube TV channel which if you free subscribe and
give me the finger, this one not the other one,
you will get access in an alert.

Speaker 9 (34:40):
Every weekday morning to join me live in studio like
we are today with Straight Doc with myself and James Authorne.

Speaker 5 (34:51):
Thank you for giving me the chance to make that
offer to your listeners.

Speaker 4 (34:54):
Absolutely, and we are talking about.

Speaker 6 (35:00):
Trust and vulnerability. How important is it to relationships success?
How much do we need to give in that arena
to create the most intimate and flourishing relationships and when
is it okay to.

Speaker 5 (35:18):
Guard your heart a little bit?

Speaker 6 (35:20):
You know, there's that expression give everybody the benefit of
the doubt, But I think a lot of us sometimes
live with this paradigm doubt everyone until they earn their benefits.
So where is the balance point for that? And you
know you were talking about eighty eight percent happiness, and
you know how important it is for us to remember

(35:41):
that we're eighty eight, you know percent great. But the
thing about the pesky thing about human nature is I think,
speaking of the finger, a lot of us give ourselves
the bad finger for that twelve percent. And you know,
I know I've been guilty of this at times where.

Speaker 5 (35:59):
Almost feel like inferior.

Speaker 6 (36:02):
Or I'll feel ugly about that twelve percent, and all
want to hide it.

Speaker 5 (36:07):
And you know, to some degree, you know you.

Speaker 6 (36:10):
Don't have to put all of your baggage out on
the table when you first meet somebody.

Speaker 5 (36:15):
But you know, if you meet somebody that is, for.

Speaker 6 (36:17):
Example, more financially well off than you, I think it's
it's so you don't have to hide and pretend it's
okay to say, look, this is where I'm at in life.
And if that's a non starter for you, so be it.
But that doesn't necessarily have to be a reflection on
you that you're somehow a failure or that's an ugliness
in your life. You know, we all have ups and downs,

(36:38):
peaks and valleys. And I think when you allow somebody
to accept you for that and they say, yeah, that's
not a big deal for me, I love the other
eighty eight percent so much. You know, that's that is
like a bond, a strengthening of that connection. It helps
build a solid foundation for growth in that relationship. So

(37:01):
let's make sure I think that we don't overinflate the
importance of that twelve percent. It's always good to be
working on it, but it doesn't have to be something
that puts us in a corner when it comes to.

Speaker 5 (37:15):
Meeting and connecting with other people.

Speaker 4 (37:17):
Absolutely, and this is why the course on Personal Mastery
has become, you know, so lit up and and maybe
that's why I've been grounded because to sit down and
actually write the course instead of continuing to teach it everywhere.

(37:38):
I saw the Billy Joel special. If you haven't watched it,
it's incredible, but it illustrates this exact point, is that
these all of us who you know, prescribed that American dream.
You get money, you get fame, you're supposed to be happy,
but you haven't worked through the dais in here going

(38:01):
to the tractor for mil trying to get love and
approval from people who cannot give it his father.

Speaker 10 (38:07):
Uh.

Speaker 4 (38:07):
And then you know, having the success that you you
think you is going to make you important, and then
inside you still have self sabotage. You still look at
that twelve percent instead of looking at the eighty eight
percent of the of the the reviews that say you're incredible, right,

(38:29):
and then you're focused on that twelve percent of the
people who, for whatever reason are are you know, giving
you a bad review, And it's it's such a I
think part of it is we don't learn about this, right.
We don't learn about it in school, you know, and
we don't learn about it at home. If we've got

(38:51):
parents who grew up in childhood trauma, they will pass
on they don't know any better. That's what happened in
my life. So we continue this legacy of insecurity and
non personal mastery. I will go back to the comment
you made about the subconscious. I actually have a little
different model because it's not that you know that that

(39:15):
four year old that runs your life, that is the subconscious.
Ninety five percent all of us have a balance centered
self that if we work on developing that, then the
brat and the critic, who are also are parts of
our developed persona, they aren't driving our life car. But

(39:37):
if you don't have personal mastery, and if you like
Billy Joel in those early many years of being driven
by that that voice in the head constantly telling him
he's not enough, that's not personal mastery. He had professional mastery.

(39:57):
He didn't have personal mastery. And and you know, watching
him go through the wives and watching him go through
that pain, that internal pain of not being enough, Lord Almighty,
that's my mission Happy eighty eight mission eighty eight million
more happy people in the next eight years. Is not
from achieving a success, which I'm not saying you can't

(40:24):
have it all. You can have it all, but it
stems from that inside mastery. If I love myself most
of the time, I'm going to walk through this world
in a very different place and attract to me very
different people and experiences.

Speaker 6 (40:43):
This idea that you are enough is so so important,
you know for people that are success driven and that
maybe are very harder on themselves.

Speaker 5 (40:54):
That there's an expression that I like. I don't remember
where I heard it, but it's you.

Speaker 4 (40:59):
Know, probably from me.

Speaker 6 (41:02):
That I am sure I did not, but you may
have said it because you're very intuitive, you might agree
with this. But when it comes to your accomplishments and
your station in life and where you're at, and this
is for people that are very driven, I think a
nice compromise is to say, allow yourself to be momentarily pleased, like,
allow yourself the pleasure of hey, I accomplish this, I

(41:24):
did that. Celebrate the winds no matter how small. Be
momentarily pleased, but never satisfied. So what that means is
that you're continuing to strive for a life that you
and vision of your dreams, but along the way, make
sure to be pleased with the winds and the progress
that you make, no matter how insignificant. Because when you

(41:46):
tell yourself you're never enough, you never enjoy any of
the steps on the journey, and the only thing that's
really guaranteed at the end of the day is the journey.
And then something else I want to bring in about
this paradigm. I think so many any of us suffer
from and I have at different points as well, that
you're not enough. Is when I was doing all my
acting training, one of the biggest lessons that kept getting

(42:10):
hammered into us through, you know, through different ways, was
that you are enough. So a lot of people when
they act, especially on camera, they're overacting. They're they're being
performative instead of just being simple and real, truly listening
and responding truthfully, trusting that you know, if you are

(42:30):
in the moment, in present, that your real natural reactions
are enough, the camera is going to pick up the
thoughts in your eyes and that human experience, and that's
what draws an audience in.

Speaker 5 (42:42):
With acting.

Speaker 6 (42:42):
Similarly, I think when you're present on your dates and
with other people and in relationship and you're fully open,
you allow yourself to be vulnerable, so you know, you
drop that coat of armor and allow the words and
action of others to affect you, both.

Speaker 5 (43:02):
Positively and negatively.

Speaker 6 (43:04):
That vulnerability, I think builds trust in the other person
towards you, so you become someone that they can trust,
and then they open up to you, and then you
then in return feel like you can trust them, so
you know if acting is living truthfully under imaginary circumstances,

(43:24):
which is a really high bar because you've got to
make an audience believe the works of fiction that someone
else wrote. It's basically life like concentrated. So if that
was the big lesson that they kept teaching us, you know,
for acting and being able to make people believe a
fictitious story, I just think that it underscores the importance
of doing it in our real lives.

Speaker 5 (43:46):
I know that you are enough.

Speaker 4 (43:48):
Absolutely. My definition of success is having what you want
and wanting what you have. That's that satisfaction aspect, and
not living I'll be happy when I'm guilty of that.
I'm a recovering perfectionist. I would say I'll be happy
when I have this much money, and then that when

(44:10):
would move, Like as soon as I get to that point,
I go, well, maybe a little more, I'll be happy
when this happens. Or and then that you're only as
good as your last win. It's a horrible way to
live because you're never happy. It's that line. Now. I
may not have said that momentary thing, but this is
a model I've been using forever that if this is

(44:32):
zero and this is one hundred and your goal oriented.
And if you're anything like me, you go go and
they go whoop, and I'm at eighty eight percent. But
most perfectionists will stand on that line of eighty eight
percent and look towards the goal. That twelve percent that
isn't done has a feeling of anxiousness and anticipation of

(44:58):
not enough, because we got to get there. I'll celebrate
when we get to the one hundred percent. Don't ask
me to praise people or say, adam boy, I'm not
done yet, right, So all our time is always in
that twelve percent, because even if we get to the
hundred percent and go yay for a second, we're back

(45:18):
to the next goal, whoop, back to that eighty eight percent.
So we're always in that feeling of disease. We're always
in that I'll be happy when I finish, but you're
never gonna get done. So stand on the eighty eight
percent line instead of looking at one hundred look at
the all that we have accomplished from zero to eighty

(45:40):
eight percent. I say often, good job, mama, good job,
because I'm the only one that can say that and
feel the success in that. That's the journey right if
we can feel that, because that's where the happy feeling
is from the zero to the eighty eight. And the

(46:01):
most important reason to do this is not even yourself.
If you're that hard on yourself, pretty chances are you're
hard on other people too, and you're not that fun
to be around because you're always noticing where people are
falling off the beam instead of staying on the beam.

Speaker 5 (46:23):
So good, there's this idea of perfectly imperfect.

Speaker 6 (46:26):
I mean, what makes being a human being so interesting
is that we all have our imperfections and how we
navigate those and find a way to get along and
love anyway. You know, there would be no such thing
as unconditional love if we weren't imperfect, and unconditional love
is a beautiful thing that you look at. People have

(46:47):
been married for forty fifty years. I mean, I'm sure
they could make a laundry list of all the things
that irritate them about the person or things that they
wish they could get better at. But they love them unconditionally,
and that's a bond that's built over time. And so
it's this idea that we are perfectly imperfect. You know
that it's a good metaphor what you described about standing
on the edge of eighty eight percent. A lot of us,

(47:09):
I think, fall victim to a optical mental illusion where
you fixate on that finish line twelve percent away, and
the gap between where you are and where you want
to be can look like the Grand Canyon, and it's not.

Speaker 5 (47:27):
But we fixate on that.

Speaker 6 (47:28):
Big hole between where we're at and where we're trying
to go, and that what you choose to focus on
becomes real.

Speaker 5 (47:36):
And you know, if you're looking at that hole, you're
not celebrating the eighty eight percent. You know that you've
made a lot of people have died on Mount Everest
because they were so determined to get to the top
against you know, weather conditions, their own physical limitations.

Speaker 6 (47:54):
Why not if you if you have to turn around
for safety, why not celebrate that you climbed eighty eight
percent of the highest mountain in the world, and you
know that's not bad and it's good to be hungry.
You come back, do it next year, train better, hope
for better weather. But you got to celebrate the fact
that you put yourself there and gave it a shot.

Speaker 5 (48:13):
There's an expression from a.

Speaker 6 (48:15):
Collegiate swim coach that I think when I boil it down,
it cut.

Speaker 5 (48:19):
It's about giving yourself grace.

Speaker 6 (48:22):
And when his team was having a tough season, he
gave a speech and he said, all right, guys, we're.

Speaker 5 (48:28):
Not where we ought to be.

Speaker 6 (48:30):
We're not where we want to be, but we ain't
where we used to be, and we ain't where we're
gonna be. So you know, that's just this idea of
taking a moment and accepting where you are on the
journey and be hopeful and work hard towards where you know.

Speaker 5 (48:48):
You're gonna go. You have to say, look, I already
made it this far.

Speaker 6 (48:52):
Might not be what we ultimately want, but if I
made it this far, then I know I can make
it a little farther.

Speaker 5 (48:58):
And in the meantime, I'm going to take a breath
and not beat myself up over it.

Speaker 6 (49:02):
I just love that expression because I think it's true
for all of us most of the time in life,
no matter what we're looking at with any aspect of
our life, whether it's financial, emotional, whatever it might be.

Speaker 4 (49:16):
Yep, it's turning your being from being your own worst
critic to your own best friend. That's the title of
my course and it is such a worthy life pursuit.
And I think that our culture, especially in America, has

(49:36):
promoted the idea of killing yourself, working eighty hours, perfectionism,
getting it perfect. You want to hide your mistakes. You
can't be human, you have to be you know, all
this to everybody, and that kind of unspoken rule for
success has also driven I think a lot of people

(49:59):
to this point of exhaustion that is not helpful. And this,
I will say, this balancing act that the younger generation
is doing by saying, ah, I ain't coming to work
and doing over time. I don't want to, I don't
feel like it, and I don't care if I don't

(50:22):
get ahead here because it's more important for me to
take a gap year. I've never heard the word the
expression gap year. Knew so much in you know, I
grew up in an era where it was really important
to explain why there was a gap in my resume
from this time to this time. And now it's like

(50:43):
it's almost a point of pride. I'm taking a gap year.
And and you know, my executive coaching clients are not
happy about that. And my point to them is, hey,
this is balance. Man. You created this by being exhausted,
sick and miserable and ill by the time you retire

(51:04):
that you can't enjoy your retirement. So you created this
by having the younger generational witness that you know, I'm
gonna enjoy like you were saying, you know, achieve and
then enjoy and then achieve and then enjoy.

Speaker 5 (51:21):
That and take the time to find out who you are.

Speaker 6 (51:24):
I mean, I before I did Flicks for Change, I
was trying to make my own documentaries about like being
your best self and socially conscious theme. And I talked
to this guy who didn't speak out loud for nineteen
years and refused to ride and motorize vehicles for twenty
one years because of his commitment to environmentalism, and then

(51:46):
realizing that he was kind of an argumentative person, and
you know, that's what he needed.

Speaker 5 (51:51):
To do to find his true self.

Speaker 6 (51:54):
And you know, I interviewed him for a total of
about five six hours or four different three for different interviews,
and everything to me boiled down to something he said.
He said, you have got to find out who you
are and be that authentic person no matter what. And
that sounds so simple, but when we think about our

(52:15):
own nature and the ways that we kind of sabotage that,
you know. I think that vulnerability comes down to taking
control of you know, how you feel about yourself and
what you're willing to share. And I think that finding
out who you are and being that authentic person no
matter what, is a good way to be truly vulnerable.

Speaker 5 (52:35):
And then the trust.

Speaker 6 (52:36):
Piece of the topic today is about giving up control
over what other people might do and say, or not
do and not say. In other words, not white knuckling life,
letting people be who they are, and accepting that you're
going to get hurt along the way, even by people
that you've already decided that you fully love and care
about and that you know, and that's just part.

Speaker 5 (52:59):
Of the package.

Speaker 6 (53:00):
You have to I think learn to be okay with
that if you want all the benefits and rewards of
a close and loving relationship, whether it's romantic with friends,
with family. I think accepting, you know, not giving people
a get out of jail free card when they hurt you.
It's okay to hold people accountable and say, hey, listen,

(53:20):
that really hurt me, but accepting that it's part of
the deal.

Speaker 5 (53:24):
It's part of the package.

Speaker 6 (53:26):
Just because of the way relationships work, and because we're imperfect.

Speaker 4 (53:30):
It's balance. It's always about balance. It's always about you know,
giving people the bod, the benefit of the doubt, and
if they prove that they are not worthy of that,
then give them the job. The right. What is it
the defense over benefit or doubt doubt for benefit? Yeah,

(53:59):
because I've been saying, give people the BOD until they
prove you wrong and then give them the job. Right,
that's right. New marisasm here. I love when that happens.

Speaker 5 (54:11):
So final word, final word, I'll make it personal.

Speaker 1 (54:16):
You know.

Speaker 6 (54:17):
I think talking about it today has just made me
more aware that I think the most important part of
my journey is the trust, giving up control over what
other people may do or say that could hurt me
and therefore thereby avoiding situations where I could get hurt.
But I want to have full access to everything someone

(54:40):
has to offer in a romantic relationship.

Speaker 5 (54:42):
And I think I'm.

Speaker 6 (54:43):
Pretty good at being vulnerable with people, but I still
have some work to do there. But for me, the
biggest thing that I want to work on is that
trust and giving up control of something that I can't control,
which is other people's behavior and words and just going
along for the ride right leap, and trusting that even
if I do get hurt, I'll be okay because nobody

(55:05):
can truly break my heart. So I hope that for
those listening at home, they take an inventory and find
out where you are on vulnerability, where you are on trust,
and look at the ways that maybe it's helped or
hurt your relationships, and make a plan of some actuable
things you can do to be that authentic person. Love

(55:28):
that authentic person, do it no matter what, and give
people a chance to come into your heart.

Speaker 4 (55:34):
I would say that my final word is assessing your
dob and your bod. So are you a person that
tends to overbod giving people the benefit of the doubt
so much that you become not a doormat but wall
to wall carpet, Then you might want to go to
the other end and do the dob and doubt before

(55:57):
you give people the benefit. And that's that balance, you know.
I love the Serenity prayer because it's always tells me
is my natural state to God, grant me the struty
to accept the things I cannot change. I'm not a
good acceptor, I'm the changer. I want to change something

(56:18):
if I don't like it, that tells me that I
might want to do the acceptance part a little bit more,
and vice versa. So it's all about balance. Peace in peace,
out world Peace through inter piece. Thank you so much
for joining us today on Straight Talk with Doctor Marissa.

Speaker 5 (56:40):
And James Hawthorne.

Speaker 4 (56:42):
Thank you co host James Hawthorne. Another great convo about
something that can make you happy eighty eight percent of
the time. Now take us out.

Speaker 6 (56:54):
Now go and have the best weekend and week ever.

Speaker 4 (57:00):
See one Monday.

Speaker 1 (57:11):
You're listening to KCAA, your good neighbor along the Way.

Speaker 11 (57:19):
NBC News Radio. I'm Jim Roop. Day two of the
government shut down. His yielded no likely resolution. Republicans Democrats
continue to blame each other, although there are conversations reportedly
on Capitol Hill NBC's Melanies and only reports. So far,
the impacts have been light, but that is expected to
be short lived.

Speaker 12 (57:36):
Pychecks for the troops, for example, we'll start to expire
on the fifteenth of the month. TSA workers they are
showing up to work, but they're not getting paid. So
the fears that some of them will start calling in sick,
which will lead to long lines at the airport.

Speaker 11 (57:50):
Meanwhile, President Trump has met with the Office of Management
and Budget Director to figure out from which agencies they
will cut. Authorities are naming the suspect and a deadly
attack in their British synagogue on Yam Kippur. Counter Terrorism
police say Jihad Ali Shami is a British citizen of
Syrian descent. A thirty five year old rammed his car
into people outside of synagogue in Manchester. NBC's Rape Sanchez

(58:13):
reports there were also reports of the attacker having explosives,
possibly even an explosive vest. Police officers from the bomb
squad deployed a robot. They say there is no sign
that these were real explosives.

Speaker 5 (58:25):
It may have been that this was designed to intimidate.

Speaker 11 (58:28):
Two people died, three injured. The attackers shot dead by police.
President Trump has notified Congress the US is in a
formal armed conflict with drug cartels, several sources citing a
confidential notice sent to several congressional committees this week. It
comes after the US conducted strikes on boats in the
Caribbean last month. The strikes killed seventeen people. The Trump

(58:49):
administration claiming the strikes were self defense. The boats were
smuggling drugs. An October heat wave could bring record breaking
temperatures to the northern Plains and upper Midwest. Across the
region are expected to be up to thirty degrees higher
than normal over the weekend. In some places, may even
see temperatures climb into the low to mid nineties October.

(59:12):
Jim Roop, NBC News Radio.

Speaker 10 (59:15):
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Local nineteen thirty two Training Center is designed to train
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(59:38):
to enroll today. That's nineteen thirty two Trainingcenter dot org.

Speaker 1 (59:48):
Hey you yeah, you do? You know where you are? Well,
you've done it. Now. You're listening to CACAA Lomlinda, your
CNBC news station, So expect the unexpected.

Speaker 10 (01:00:08):
M hmm.