October 6, 2025 • 60 mins
KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa on Mon, 6 Oct, 2025
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Stump off that exhausting amster wheel and into balanced living
with Doctor Marissa.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
From Miss You Joy.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
The Doctor Marissa, also known as the Asian Oprah.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Her mission to be.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
A beneficial presence on the planet, her purpose to be
your personal advocate, to live, laugh, love, learn, her life motto,
don't die wondering, Take back your life with Doctor Maurica Pey, and.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Welcome you tuned into my weekly no daily week, every
weekday morning. I was going to see how this was
going to work. I thought I would have more of
a voice. I'm getting in touch with my inner mail.
Oh my goodness, let's try this again. You're just tuned
(01:00):
into my daily. My mind's not even working either. I
shall take my advice, I'm not using it. Get Balance
with Doctor Marissa in the Morning Show Here on KCAA,
NBC News, CNBC News and NBC Sports radio station AM
(01:20):
ten fifty FM one O six point five and streaming everywhere. iHeartRadio, Spotify, iTunes,
Tune in Audible, Amazon Music, Tea, Live, rumble Podchay's a Spreaker,
Streaker and more. Why so many places? Well, I want
to maximize my splatter zone for more hope and happiness.
(01:42):
So there's no gossip, no scandal, and no kward's no
Kardashian talk at all. In fact, we don't talk about
the headlines at all. Excuse me, because I want to
balance out all that bad news and the headlines out
there with some heartlines and good news. So for the
past seven hundred consecutive weeks, yes, it is a giant
(02:11):
milestone day here, I'm gonna give myself some big props.
Seven working consecutive weeks. I have been here on the air,
on camera, bringing this show to you, no matter if
(02:33):
I have a voice or not. Yeah, I lost my
voice this last week. I had I think like two
speaking gigs a day for three consecutive days, and then
I sang at an event, and then I tried to
(02:56):
rest my voice for the weekend. But the weekend other plans,
and I figured as a judge at and fashion show,
I wouldn't have to talk that much, right, wrong. So yeah,
so you're gonna have to put up with this, getting
in touch with my inner mail, and if it gets
(03:20):
really bad, I will I'll figure something out. But I'm
so glad you're here. It is Monday, Monday. My singing
voice is shot too. Mental health matters Mondays, where I
have dedicated this Monday series to talking about things that
affect your mental health that you can take responsibility for
(03:46):
and change yourself before reaching for things and people and
places and drugs outside of yourself to make you feel better.
So that's what the series is dedicated to. And you know, Mondays,
you also get an Asian Oprah giveaway bach a audiobook
(04:09):
copy of my number one national best selling book, Hey
Waste to Happiness from Wherever You Are, which has got
great reviews on Amazon, And you know, I don't check
that often, and when I do, I'm just blown away
by the kindness of the descriptions and most most of all,
(04:30):
how much the book has helped people love themselves, which
is the whole purpose of it. So, uh, that's my
first gratitude, those of you who are here. I see
eyeballs rolling in. Thanks for joining. I'm live every weekday morning,
rain or shine, voice or not. And yeah, so we
(04:54):
start every morning with breakfast, which is taking a bite
of my gratitude sandwich. Top of the bun things we're
grateful for outside of ourselves, bottom of the bun things
that we're grateful for inside of ourselves that we do
before bed tonight. Okay, here we go. So I gave
you the first gratitude, which was the impact of this
(05:18):
book on people's lives to make it more happy, because
I am on a happy eighty eight mission, eighty eight
million more happy people in the next eight years. Grateful
for that. That's the first one. The second one that
I'm grateful for is this my coffee. M m m.
(05:41):
That's me being one with my coffee. That first hip
of coffee in the morning. Nothing like it. That's two.
I am grateful that. I had a very fun day yesterday.
I was asked to be a judge for the LC
(06:02):
Fashion Show at Santa I need a raceway. If you
haven't been there, give them a little bit of love.
Great fun racing. I forgot to get the name of
my bookie there, but he was awesome. Last year when
I went to the fashion show, I was just a guest,
a VIP guests and I could go, you know, make
(06:23):
my bets throughout the fashion show, throughout the ten races.
And yesterday I was not able to do that as
a judge, and it was great. But I made all
my bets at the beginning and I couldn't even see
the horses, and I was like, it didn't win anything
for the first seven races, and I was like bummed.
(06:47):
And then I race eight, nine and ten. I came
back with two hundred and ninety nine dollars, so that
was awesome. I do love winning. That's one thing that
(07:07):
is very knowing about me. It's not whether you want
to there is whether I went. So that was so fabulous.
So I'm grateful that I won that, and I'm grateful
that the fashion show was fabulous and models were great
and I was able to celebrate and it was great
(07:33):
watching I used to model eight years and it was
a great memory too, and playing with my co host
Ricky Rebel and we're dancing. I think we danced more
than anybody there. It was so funny. But uh yeah,
I and I met a lot of people who came
up to me and said, oh, I seen you on
(07:57):
the carpet I've seen you on YouTube, I've seen you
in social and I love your energy. And that was
beautiful too. Lots and lots of meeting people live in
three D that you just see their hearts or their
likes or their positive comments, so that I'm grateful for
all right to save my voice. I think we'll go
(08:18):
to the bottom of the bud, and the bottom of
the butt is what are you? What do you like
about yourself? What are you grateful for inside of yourself?
What do you like inside? And why do we do this?
(08:42):
We do this because it's like weight training, right. A
lot of us grew up with well meaning parents, sometimes
more mean than well or you know, primary figures, teachers,
h church people, antswer uncles, grandparents who were not your
(09:03):
biggest fan. And if you try to brag or say
something that you did well that you were told you know,
don't tat your own horn or you're not all that
and well meaning again, because you don't want to be
a braggart. But that forced humility is sometimes damaging to
(09:29):
your own sense of esteem and your own sense of worth.
And then you learn that your role or goal in
life is to make other people happy, which it is not.
But that's how I was raised, right. I was only
as good as how I could please my mom, and
(09:51):
so that habit continued through my life. So I would
try to please other peop Well, that's how I got
my sense of self worth, my sense of esteem, and
how I was loved, and it's it's not a great
way to live because you're not going to make everybody
(10:14):
happy all of the time, even most of the time,
maybe some of the time, depending on who they are.
So the most important person to approve of yourself is you.
And some of us grew up with an entity of
God who was a punishing god, and so that was
(10:37):
still an extension of if you make someone else happy,
then you are a good person. But we are raised
or we have an internal connection with a power, and
a friendly conspires for us, ever against us, non punished.
(11:00):
That's what I believe. That's my BS, my belief system
that works for me. And if whatever belief system you
have right now isn't working for you, we're free to
adopt mine because it works. Because I went from not
like myself and hating myself. And you know, no matter
how many things I did quickly or or got an
(11:23):
award for, or achievements and accomplishments, inside I was still
you know, afraid of failure, afraid of success, fear of
and feel of success. Self sabotaging perfectionism, which goes into paralysis,
which sorry perfectionism, which goes into procrastination, which goes into paralysis,
(11:47):
that slide, that's a disease of protect perfectionism. And then
I usually tell a joke here, I've always wanted to
be a procrastinator, but I never got around to it.
But but I realized after decades of trying to make
(12:14):
other people happy that and blaming people who were mean
to me, who should have been nice to me, and
it just it was. It was a Shatackey show. My
life was a Shadaki show, because every day I woke up,
(12:35):
all right, what can I do better? What shouldn't have done?
How dare they? And how can I make them happy?
And it was not not not pleasant until I finally
broke down to a point where I knew that something
(12:55):
had to change and I had to stop numbing myself.
I had to stop shooting on myself. I had to
stop blaming other people for how that I felt and
take responsibility and look at how I was making myself unhappy.
(13:21):
And that's how all of that that story and all
of the tools that I used to move past that pain,
the past, pain and the future fear into the present,
into the pain, and then into the power. That's all
in that book, and that's why I know. That's what
(13:43):
my purpose is is to It's off for everybody, but
certainly for the sephon out of ten of us who've
had childhood trauma. This is one way out out of
the trauma and into a very happy life eight eight
percent of the time. So that's why I do this show.
We were doing the gratitude sandwich and the bottom of
(14:06):
the Bun. I'll just sum it up that bottom of
the bun. What do I like about myself is that
I can take pain. I can take this this bullshit
taki that we grow up with that like bad things
don't happen to good people, or bad things shouldn't happen
to good people, bad things happen to everybody. There's not
(14:28):
one person on the earth who isn't touched by pain
of some kind. And pain has a purpose. So if
you are blaming or shaming or wondering why you you know,
why me? Well why not you? Well it's everybody, you know?
(14:49):
Why why not take that pain and see it as
something that is refining you, that is chiseling you like
a sculpture, that is is irritating you, like a grain
of sand in an oyster shell. To grow that pearl.
That's all the pearl is. It's salve put on that
(15:11):
irritating sand. You know, you you have sand in your life.
I know the people that irritate you in your life.
There grains of sand. They're your opportunity to make a pearl.
And yeah, so that's that's what I like about myself,
is that I'm a master pearl maker. I am a
(15:33):
master turning brown and black bruised bananas into delicious banana bread.
Because I'm not crazy about lemonade. That's why I don't
use lemons. I got to make everything my own. So yeah,
so that's the breakfast with me taking a bite of
my gratitude sandwich, and I hope you continue with me.
(15:56):
I'm on every weekday Morning Tuesday, Talent, Wednesday's Doctors in
the House. Thursday is Throwback Thursday unless I have a guest.
And actually this Thursday will be the first news series
that's coming out and he's been on the show before.
He's the founder of Nori and you'll find out all
(16:19):
about that this Thursday. So you have to tune in
to that new series with Mark Simon, So you'll have
to tune in. And the Friday is straight talk. So
you know, I have something interesting for every single weekday morning,
(16:45):
so hopefully you will come and join me and that
will be great. So when you do breakfast every weekday morning,
you will sandwich your day in the most delicious and
(17:10):
positive way. All right, there it is. Let's see if
I can pull this up. I wanted to show this
to you. It's called Beat Cancer with Nutrition is the
name of the series, and that's starting this Thursday. Let's
see share this tab. Let's see if I can pull
(17:31):
this up and make it bigger. There we go. Can
you see that? That's the new series that is coming
up this Thursday. All right, thank you for joining me
(17:51):
for breakfast, and now for the topic of ding for
mental health Matters, mondays it is. I'll have to look
(18:18):
at a description of so I can remember my brain
is where my voice is to find it. All right.
Yesterday when SpaceX was going up, I didn't know what
that was, but I had to pull over to take
the video. Was so cool. I love seeing things for
(18:41):
the first time. I've never seen something like that, and
it just reminded me about my goal always to go up.
Hashtag QUP hashtag unlimited possibilities. So I loved just watching it,
not knowing what it was, and not googling it to
see what it was. We're just enjoying the sight of
(19:02):
things going up. So it made me think about the
Meyers Breaks personality inventory, which I am licensed or qualified
or whatever. You have to get an okay from the
company to administer it. And we're not going to do
(19:22):
the Myers brace now because it's long to keep it accurate.
But I use it a lot in my consulting as
an organizational psychologist to help describe why people drive other
people crazy, and it helps people understand that it's not
(19:45):
personal when some people are so irritating and so annoying.
But it's a personality preference. Difference doesn't mean that it
cannot be changed, but everybody has preferences when it comes
to these four indices of differences that Myers Breaks has
(20:06):
divided people into, and it's it is malleable. I do
believe you do change over time. That's not quite what
the theory says. But I know that I have changed,
so I don't think I'm unique that way. So and
I've I've validated that with you know, watching some of
(20:30):
my clients and so on. I think it's a factor
of change and experience, but that the predisposition towards one
end or the other is there, and on some indices,
I'm a split. Some people use it on dating profiles
to say I'm an E NFJ and that's what my
(20:51):
profile is. It's I think, one of the most common profiles.
But it helps me understand why some people click with
me and some people don't. And so yesterday, for example,
when I saw that line of white light go up,
(21:15):
my immediate was, I gotta find out what it is, right,
So we use my assistant Google and go look and
see what it is. And you know what is it.
It's a bird, it's a plane, it's not Superman. So
I wanted to go Google, but then I'd miss it.
(21:38):
So and then I thought, you know, it's so cool
if I can leave the knowing of it and let
it be unlimited interpretations. And that's what a high PEA
person would do. Now, PEA stands for perceiving on the
Myers Briggs and Jay for judging. It doesn't mean you're judgmental. However,
(22:07):
many judging high J judging people are. I am a
very HIGHJ. But all HIJ means is you want to
know what it is, all right, So you see something
and automatically you want to know what you're looking at.
(22:29):
Is it a bird, is it a plane? Is it Superman?
What is it? So the knowing you feel good, right
If you don't know, it doesn't feel good. There's that
tension to close for a HIGHP. You want to know
what it is. So in meetings, if your boss comes
(22:53):
in with the question and brainstorming is not necessarily your
favorite activity because there's just two many ideas and you
want to find the answer to the question. So hij's
want to close. So their funnel goes like this, and
that's what you know feels good? Is it good? Bad? Right?
Speaker 4 (23:17):
Wrong?
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Black? White? What category does it go into? So when
I saw that line going up in the sky, my
first thing was I wonder what that is? And I
really was like I want to but I decided, you
know what, I'm going to be a little more P,
which is perceiving and keep it open. Well, I don't know,
it could be a lot of things, right, conspiracy theorists.
(23:42):
But you know, the end of the world is all
rocket line blah blah blah blah blah. So that's not
necessarily where I want you to focus on that on,
But leaving it open is a high pee thing. So,
in contrast to a hyja, a high pe doesn't want
(24:03):
to close. A high pe wants to keep saying, well,
it could be this, it could be that, it could
be this, it could be that, And there's there's a
happiness in the not closing. There's a happiness in keeping
things open. Right, So to go in a meeting and
(24:24):
have somebody you know shut down every single possibility and
goes straight to solution is annoying. Well, then why did
you ask me the question? If you knew the answer already,
why are you asking me to brainstorm because you already
have the answer. Usually in my corporate clients, they're like
(24:47):
nodding above.
Speaker 5 (24:48):
No.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
So there is one area when you're having relationships with people,
work relationships or personal relationships, romantic relationships, if you find
yourself being annoyed and unhappy, it's unhappy making by people
(25:11):
because they are annoying you in the way that they
go about seeing the world Like this isn't just about
solving problems, this is about the way you even take
a big So I will use a personal example. My
(25:33):
husband and I he was my husband when we would
go on vacation. He's a very high pie. And I
know they've done a study why it is. Well, it's
part of that opposite systracting. At the beginning, opposites are
acute thing, and then like three months into the relationship,
it becomes an annoying thing. Why can't they That's my
(25:57):
pregnancy model of relationships. It's another topic. So we would
go on vacation and at breakfast, I would say, so,
where are we going for dinner? Because I want to know.
I want to have that in mind. I want my
(26:19):
whole day planned. I'm a New York planner. I grew
up in the East Coast Ish in Ontario, which is
considered east an hour west and north of Toronto, and
so I've been a planner all my life. I know
exactly what I'm doing six months from now. Well I did,
(26:41):
but thanks no, thanks to blood clots, I'm no longer
doing that. But we're not going there. So I know.
I want to know, and I know, so I wanted
to know where we were going for dinner, and my
wesband high pee perceiving, wants to keep the options open
(27:02):
and said and also wants to be in the present
moments that I'm having breakfast right now? Why do you
want to talk about dinner? Can I just enjoy my breakfast? Well, okay, fine,
I'll give in. You know, we still have time. I'll
(27:26):
ask him at lunch. So we get to lunch, and
sure enough, I'll say, so, what do you want to
do for dinner? I'm having my lunch. Can we not decide?
I just want to enjoy my lunch? Hi pee, keep
it open, options open? Bee hij trying to close. Four
(27:49):
o'clock rolls around. Okay, I know what I want to
go for dinner. I'm like, great, where do you want
to go? And he says Morton's And I'm like, we
can code to Martins because we needed a reservation. If
you had told me at breakfast, we could have got
a reservation. And yeah, that's why the marriage ended. I'm
(28:10):
just kidding. No, Well, it was, you know, differences. We
were so different on so many like, honestly, on all
four indices, we were completely polar opposites. And that's not
why we divorce, but it certainly fed into because you
can take a certain amount of differences, opposites attracked and
(28:33):
then after a while, like if you don't have any
clue at all. Yeah, but again that's another topic. But
I'm using this as some information that could help you
understand why it is that you are unhappy with some
(28:54):
people in your interactions and it's really not personal. So
I will come back and talk about this knowledge, this difference,
and how it you can see it in a way
that doesn't make you unhappy. Okay, because we have to
(29:16):
take a break for our news, weather, traffic and a
word from our sponsor. But don't go away. We'll be
right back and take my advice. I'm not using a
kit balance with Doctor Marissa. That morning show here on
Caseya a station that leaves no listener behind. We'll be
back in two and two. Go away, We'll be right back.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
Je.
Speaker 6 (29:57):
Well, she has been dubbed the Asian Oprah and she
just wants all of us to be happy.
Speaker 7 (30:09):
Doctor Marissa aka the Asian Oprah says, the.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
Most important thing you can choose is choosing to be happy.
You are tuned into my weekly talk radio TV show
called take my Advice. I'm not using it. Get balanced
with Doctor Marissa.
Speaker 6 (30:36):
That's the idea for doctor Marissa Pay's new book call
eight Ways to be Happy.
Speaker 8 (30:41):
Many of us say, I am my own worst critic.
Nobody's harder on me than I am. And my response
to that is stop it.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Why are you doing that to yourself?
Speaker 5 (30:55):
You have to be your biggest fan, because if you can't,
at the end of the day say I do a
good job, who is. We don't have to constantly be
angry at the things that are wrong. Why don't we
choose to be happy about things that are right.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
We have the choice.
Speaker 5 (31:11):
That's our muscle, and life is so amazing if we
can see it.
Speaker 8 (31:29):
Welcome to Balance Taichi Gung. My name is doctor Marissa pay.
For the next twenty eight minutes, we will be slow
dancing with the universe in a moving meditation that promotes
inner peace. One breath at a time. Just follow the
sound of my voice and move with me as I
guide you through this ancient wisdom through new thought practice.
(31:52):
As a corporate psychologist, I created this practice in response
to my life and those of my clients. We were professional,
high achievement oriented, multitasking, control freaks, and exhausted. No matter
how many successes, it was never enough. That coupled with
(32:12):
a painful life experience, led me on a quest to
find another way to live and back to my Chinese roots.
If you practice regularly, I can promise you that it
will impact all health, vortexes, body, mind, spirit, soul. You
will be in a place of balance and inner peace.
(32:36):
The way we were created wishes my wardness.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Dance with me just to ill. Do you like jazz
like I do? I love jazz and Catalina Jazz Tracks
(33:08):
Festival has been going on since nineteen eighty seven. This
is the thirty eighth Jazz Tras Festival, and I am
so delighted that my sister that just went by my
twin sister. We joke around. She's Japanese, I'm Chinese. You've
seen her on the show as my guest many times.
(33:30):
She will be performing on Friday night, October tenth, but
two solid weekends is the availability for you to go
and enjoy the best jazz has to offer. The founder,
our good, fabulous friend of mine continues to bring the
(33:51):
Kiroshima Trio. There's Keiko again, people, Bryson, Eric Darius is amazing,
Gerald Albright, the Bob James Quartet, Vincentingala, They're going so fast.
Brian Simpson and Steve Oliver, A lot of these people.
(34:13):
I've been really very grateful that I've gotten to know
and enjoy their artistry. If you love jazz, you cannot
miss this incredible Jazz Tracks festival going on for two
weekends in October since nineteen eighty seven. So go and
(34:34):
enjoy Catalina Jazz Tracks Festival. Just go to jazz tracks
dot com.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Take Back your Life with Doctor maurispe.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
And we're back. You're tuned in to take my advice,
I'm not using it. Yeah bells to Marisa of the
morning show here on kayzy AA, NBC News Radio, home
to the Asian OPRAH number one talk in the ie,
Thank you very much, and streaming everywhere I heart radio, Spotify, iTunes,
(35:23):
tune in, and of course my YouTube TV channel where
you can give me the finger when you free subscribe
this one not the other one, and you can enjoy
my Red Carpet playlist with celebrity interviews on the Red
Carpet Halle Berry, John Travolta, Quincy Jones, and many more.
And you can also get all one eighty three podcast
(35:50):
shows over the past seven hundred and second of weeks. Amazing,
I am so great I'm still here, still balancing out
bad news with good news, still balancing out headlines with hardlines,
and not talking about the things that piss you off
(36:11):
first thing in the morning. There's plenty of places you
can get that, you know, when you come here. I'm
all about my happy eightya mission, eighty eight million more
happy people in the next eight years, and thank you
for allowing me to come at you one more time.
(36:31):
All right. So we've been talking about personality differences, high
pees and hij's and how they drive each other crazy.
And you're very unhappy when you have to deal with
people who drive you crazy at work or at home.
And I'm trying to cajole you into seeing that sometimes
(36:53):
when people you think are doing something to piss you off,
it's not personal. It's just where they're coming from and
how they're seeing the world. And j's and p's are
one of the biggest differences. Hij's those who like to close,
who like to know, who want to know is a good, bad,
(37:13):
black white? What category is it into? And then high peace,
which is people who like to keep it open, like
to keep their options open. They're the ones that if
you bring them an agenda that day and ask them
(37:35):
a question. They would say, you know, if you'd given
me a little time to research this so I could
come with better prepared with some you know, answers versus guesses,
it would have been helpful. So there's a typical high
pe hih J interaction that could drive you crazy. Instead,
(38:02):
you know, this is you know, who's better a high
J or a high P, A high judging or a
high perceiving. I will, of course say the J is
I'm a high J, but actually neither is better. If
people only operated on j's, if the world was all j's,
we would have one way of doing everything, and it
(38:25):
wouldn't always be the right way because we want to
close and figure it out. But it's life isn't that simple.
It's not a Newtonian world. There's not one solution for
every one problem. Problems are multifaceted. That's why having a
high P on your team is a good thing because
they will look at things outside of the box. They'll
(38:48):
come up with, you know, a continuous improvement as in
learning organizations was I'm a specialist at as an organizational psychologist.
That's what my PhD is in. So that's you know,
we have to have both high jay's and high piece.
So how do you work with someone or how do
(39:12):
you be in a relationship when someone drives you crazy
with those differences, with those specific differences. And the first
is take a breath into the nose, out through the bath, shoulders,
soft doubles at knees, another deep breath then and releasing
(39:35):
all the stories and the drama. That's the breath connecting
with the body, and the first breath the mind, and
the second breath and the third breath, uh, connecting with
me and those around you. With the breath, the spirit
cheat no beginning, no end. It connects us all. The
(39:56):
breath connects us all. And then you know, my first
it's always it's not personal, right, our disagreement and how
we see things, it's not personal. I'm seeing things differently
than you. And thank god, we don't all think alike.
Now right now, with the political climate, I know, if
(40:21):
you don't think like me, you're wrong. If you don't
think like me, you're an idiot. If you don't think
like me, I hate you. If you don't think like me,
I'm canceling you, I'm dropping you, I'm ghosting you. And
it's it's not a direction I want to go in
because like it or not, variety and continuous expanding, and
(40:45):
we don't. We're not one way. I mean, there is
no ultimate right and wrong. I know that's hard for
some people. Well what about killing babies and what about
you know, starvation that's wrong? And what about you know, uh,
you know, Hitler and Taliban and all of those things.
There's there is an ultimate right or wrong. There is
(41:08):
an ultimate you know, uh, line in the sand. And
how you know, it is our job to keep every
single country in line. And it is our job to no, no, no,
it's our job to you know, make sure that people
you know, uh do the crime, do the time and
(41:28):
all of this and and that's a really high j
to be honest, that's a high j. You know, it's
my way or the highway. And we've lost our ability
to open up for at least you know. Bipartisan is
my favorite word because that's a systemic thinker. It is
(41:51):
thinking outside of your political affiliation. We're not our politics,
we're not our religion. We are one of kind, amazing, love,
love loving and lovable beings. We are human kind embasis unkind.
So we've lost our ability to agree to disagree, and uh,
(42:15):
this particular topic today is one that can help us
get back to agree to disagree. So when you you
know what you are, If you're a hygie and you
know what you are, know that your tendency is to close,
Know that your tendency is to be impatient. When people
can't make up their minds, they're not bad people if
(42:37):
they cannot make their minds. People who are indecisive are
not bad people. And on the contrary, if you're a
high pe and you see people who are judgmental and
critical and you know, make staff judgments and make knee
jerk reactions which will make them look like jerks, and
they're not bad people. That is just the way that
(43:00):
they are accustomed to looking at the world. So you've
got two extremes. If you're a high p I perceiving,
you don't like to close. You want to keep your
(43:20):
options open. The benefits are you get to look at
a lot of different possibilities. You're able to see things
that you know we're not closed to because your eyes
are open, you're seeing peripherally, you're looking at shorter and
long term impact, You're looking at all the possibilities. That's
(43:41):
the good news. The bad news is at some point
we have to make a decision, right, can't always keep
it open forever. On the other hand, shudgers, you want
to close. I get that you want to come to solution.
And the good news is when there is no time,
right then, Yeah, it's good to be able to correlate
(44:04):
all of the information you know and quickly come to
that solution or that plan or that objective or that
vision or whatever it is that mission. But if there
is time, and there should be time, here's a should
because a lot of organized issues that I go into now,
they don't make the time. Everything is a fire, everything
(44:27):
is a red hot button, and so there's no time
to talk about those things that are, you know, strategically
important to look at in the long term. I'll give
you a great example. This whole push for companies to
convert customer service and make it more efficient by going
(44:51):
to automated systems. Really they didn't look at the implications
one with people who maybe aren't tech savvy in your population.
Number two, that your systems are imperfect in being able
to even understand voice recognition. I don't know how many
(45:12):
times I've been so frustrated with the automated systems that
I just I give up and I go to another
supplier because I just hate it. And I have often
said that I could make a lot of money if
I had the working capital to start with to create
a company that does advertise it. You will never get
(45:37):
an automated system. I think there's a lot of people
who would go, yeah, i'll come by from you. It's
premium quality, premium service. I'll pay for it because my
irritation is worth paying more for. Anyways, So that was
one of those snap judgement nts to outsource as well,
(46:03):
uh to automate, And now companies are like, uh, maybe
that wasn't such a great idea. Uh that would I know,
HYJ made that decision guaranteed. It didn't look at the
impact long term or even short term with the customer
(46:25):
service ban, you know, for the newer generation they grew
up a little more automated. And so yeah, these kinds
of differences, right again, illustrate the high j's or not
the answer. The high ps are not the answer. But
(46:46):
there has to be a working understanding and an okayness
with each other when it comes to high Pece interacting
with high j's and in if you want to do
international business, you don't have a choice because other cultures,
you know, we in in there's a there's studies. You
(47:08):
can look at Myers and they go in and they
look at companies. When I was did my second year
research project and my first master's at Rockwell International, what
was interesting. I use the Myers to look at look
at succession planning and there was a very high profile. Uh,
most of the people in the company had that same
(47:29):
profile and I it was an I I believe STP.
And it was interesting when the person who was passing
down the position in succession planning, you're planning for your successor.
You would think that people are being picked based on performance, right,
(47:53):
not personality, Not your personality type. But it was really interesting.
It was almost a hundred. The successor chosen was the
same type as the person that was retiring. So what
does that say. It doesn't mean that I STP is
a bad profile, but the diversity that has been studied
(48:16):
that makes companies more creative have better solutions. That's a
very well examined and published truth not truth, but finding,
empirical finding. My professor Kellen ger Sik's wife, doctor Conne Gersic,
(48:37):
was a pioneer in this area, looking at the performance
of diverse teams, and when I was teaching at ECLA,
that was you know, her field of expertise, and I
was fascinated by my own dissertation. Share Doctor Don Mankin
(48:57):
wrote a book on teams and technology that highlights, you know,
how important it is not to be homogeneous. And yet
the study that I did at Rockwell showed that that
was the people were being selected based on their similarities.
(49:19):
And the term actually is called HSR homo social reproductivity,
and that's how people are selected to follow. And yeah,
that term did not wasn't always popular in that day,
an age that was done quite a few decades ago,
but it is a it's a term, and think goodness
(49:43):
is accepted more hopefully we'll stay accepted, but it is
been studied. You choose and you get along with people
who are like you, and that's why it's important to
understand that sometimes the irritation that comes when people are
(50:03):
unlike you is not a bad thing. It is good
for you to be able to expand with that difference.
And that's the kind of work that I did to
talk about the benefits of, you know, learning how to
work with differences, especially with S and P. So sorry
(50:26):
J and P, S and P. Where that come from? U?
Speaker 3 (50:29):
J and B.
Speaker 2 (50:31):
Judging no sorry, judging and perceiving not judgmental, but judging
and perceiving as ways that you can take that irritation
and unhappiness making from your workmate, spouse, friend, insignificant other
(50:53):
significant other and turn it into a Oh, okay, so
I know I'm a high J. I know, I want
to know. Oh, and it's great. My best friend, one
of my best friends am Marie. She's super high P
and I'm super high J. And at first I was
taking it personally because I would keep saying, look, I
(51:16):
have this in the day open and this day open,
and I want to spend it with you. Please tell
me which and she would say I don't know, and
I would take it personally and well, if you want
to spend time with me, you would close that day. Nope,
I don't know, and I never know what comes up.
So I've learned when I say to her, these are
(51:39):
the days, and if she doesn't close and I end
up doing something else or she ends up doing something
else I and T B A D. There's your tool,
another happy eightay tool. It's not that big of a deal.
So that's the way you can be happier with people
(52:04):
who are different in the way they see the world
with respect to judging and perceiving. All right, there's three
other indices. If you're interested in those, let me know.
Maybe we'll cover the rest next week. But that one
is a big one where I see a lot of
(52:25):
people sort of take it personally and decide that you know,
that relationship just won't work. But if you're at work
and that's your boss, you're going to have to make
it work. So hopefully the tips that I've just given
you will help you in getting along with people who
(52:47):
are different on that particular indusey so that it will
make your working relationship a little happier than it already is.
All right, I am. I'm gonna go rest this voice.
Hopefully by tomorrow it will be back to my regular
(53:11):
voice where I can actually not sound like a guy.
I'm getting in touch with my inner mail. This is
doctor Marissa reporting live. This is the Asian Oprah giveaway today.
It is an audio book copy of my book Eight
(53:36):
Ways to happiness from wherever you are. It is number
one Amazon when it came out and national bestseller. So
please do go and on my website you can go
to the very bottom and there is contact and if
(54:05):
you put in the subject line Asian Oprah giveaway, I'll
know it is for that. And if you want to
see some kind of other cool things. I don't usually
do this, but since we're here and we have a
(54:26):
few minutes, here's my super cool it's my pigs under
red carpet. So these are people I've had the pleasure
of talking with, some on the show, some on the carpet.
(54:51):
There we go see if you can recognize Lailah Ali,
Don Wells, Quincy Jones. There's the founder of the entertainment
Larry who's coming back on the show, Larry Namer. There's
the Nanny. There's Kevin Costner. There's doctor Michael Bernard Beck
(55:15):
with my big brother James Kirk, Captain James T. Kirk,
Rich Little the Great Doctor waler Manny Pacchio. There's Carole
Baskin from The Tiger King The Temptations, my co host
(55:36):
Elon Carter's son Don Miguel Rowise. I was on Let's
make a deal. There's Wayne, There's a Chevy Chase, Jerry Jule,
Pierce Brosnan, his wife and what's in that robots named
in a poem, the richerd Treyfus, Beautiful Paula Abdul, beautiful
(56:06):
missus h. I shouldn't do this when I'm down on
the count. Anyways, go look. There's the bailiff judge Shooty's
belliff by beautiful limitless women, Jessica Cox Hanson Williams birthday.
(56:26):
I can't do it. He just had a birthday. There's
the husband, filmmaker of she was in the Avatar. What's
her name. There's the beautiful Lieutenant o'hura. So anyways, Crystal Gale,
there's Verdean White, a couple of Golden Medal winners. So
(56:52):
go and check that out on my website. I am
grateful that there's some cool people. Well, then I've gotten
to interview. All right, that's it for today's version of
Take my Advice. I'm not using a gift. Balnce with
Doctor Marissa in the morning show here on caca Hey,
(57:15):
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(57:36):
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Welcome you tuned into my weekly no daily week, every
weekday morning. I was going to see how this was
going to work. I thought I would have more of
a voice. I'm getting in touch with my inner mail.
Oh my goodness, let's try this again. You're just tuned
(01:00):
into my daily. My mind's not even working either. I
shall take my advice, I'm not using it. Get Balance
with Doctor Marissa in the Morning Show Here on KCAA,
NBC News, CNBC News and NBC Sports radio station AM
(01:20):
ten fifty FM one O six point five and streaming everywhere. iHeartRadio, Spotify, iTunes,
Tune in Audible, Amazon Music, Tea, Live, rumble Podchay's a Spreaker,
Streaker and more. Why so many places? Well, I want
to maximize my splatter zone for more hope and happiness.
(01:42):
So there's no gossip, no scandal, and no kward's no
Kardashian talk at all. In fact, we don't talk about
the headlines at all. Excuse me, because I want to
balance out all that bad news and the headlines out
there with some heartlines and good news. So for the
past seven hundred consecutive weeks, yes, it is a giant
(02:11):
milestone day here, I'm gonna give myself some big props.
Seven working consecutive weeks. I have been here on the air,
on camera, bringing this show to you, no matter if
(02:33):
I have a voice or not. Yeah, I lost my
voice this last week. I had I think like two
speaking gigs a day for three consecutive days, and then
I sang at an event, and then I tried to
(02:56):
rest my voice for the weekend. But the weekend other plans,
and I figured as a judge at and fashion show,
I wouldn't have to talk that much, right, wrong. So yeah,
so you're gonna have to put up with this, getting
in touch with my inner mail, and if it gets
(03:20):
really bad, I will I'll figure something out. But I'm
so glad you're here. It is Monday, Monday. My singing
voice is shot too. Mental health matters Mondays, where I
have dedicated this Monday series to talking about things that
affect your mental health that you can take responsibility for
(03:46):
and change yourself before reaching for things and people and
places and drugs outside of yourself to make you feel better.
So that's what the series is dedicated to. And you know, Mondays,
you also get an Asian Oprah giveaway bach a audiobook
(04:09):
copy of my number one national best selling book, Hey
Waste to Happiness from Wherever You Are, which has got
great reviews on Amazon, And you know, I don't check
that often, and when I do, I'm just blown away
by the kindness of the descriptions and most most of all,
(04:30):
how much the book has helped people love themselves, which
is the whole purpose of it. So, uh, that's my
first gratitude, those of you who are here. I see
eyeballs rolling in. Thanks for joining. I'm live every weekday morning,
rain or shine, voice or not. And yeah, so we
(04:54):
start every morning with breakfast, which is taking a bite
of my gratitude sandwich. Top of the bun things we're
grateful for outside of ourselves, bottom of the bun things
that we're grateful for inside of ourselves that we do
before bed tonight. Okay, here we go. So I gave
you the first gratitude, which was the impact of this
(05:18):
book on people's lives to make it more happy, because
I am on a happy eighty eight mission, eighty eight
million more happy people in the next eight years. Grateful
for that. That's the first one. The second one that
I'm grateful for is this my coffee. M m m.
(05:41):
That's me being one with my coffee. That first hip
of coffee in the morning. Nothing like it. That's two.
I am grateful that. I had a very fun day yesterday.
I was asked to be a judge for the LC
(06:02):
Fashion Show at Santa I need a raceway. If you
haven't been there, give them a little bit of love.
Great fun racing. I forgot to get the name of
my bookie there, but he was awesome. Last year when
I went to the fashion show, I was just a guest,
a VIP guests and I could go, you know, make
(06:23):
my bets throughout the fashion show, throughout the ten races.
And yesterday I was not able to do that as
a judge, and it was great. But I made all
my bets at the beginning and I couldn't even see
the horses, and I was like, it didn't win anything
for the first seven races, and I was like bummed.
(06:47):
And then I race eight, nine and ten. I came
back with two hundred and ninety nine dollars, so that
was awesome. I do love winning. That's one thing that
(07:07):
is very knowing about me. It's not whether you want
to there is whether I went. So that was so fabulous.
So I'm grateful that I won that, and I'm grateful
that the fashion show was fabulous and models were great
and I was able to celebrate and it was great
(07:33):
watching I used to model eight years and it was
a great memory too, and playing with my co host
Ricky Rebel and we're dancing. I think we danced more
than anybody there. It was so funny. But uh yeah,
I and I met a lot of people who came
up to me and said, oh, I seen you on
(07:57):
the carpet I've seen you on YouTube, I've seen you
in social and I love your energy. And that was
beautiful too. Lots and lots of meeting people live in
three D that you just see their hearts or their
likes or their positive comments, so that I'm grateful for
all right to save my voice. I think we'll go
(08:18):
to the bottom of the bud, and the bottom of
the butt is what are you? What do you like
about yourself? What are you grateful for inside of yourself?
What do you like inside? And why do we do this?
(08:42):
We do this because it's like weight training, right. A
lot of us grew up with well meaning parents, sometimes
more mean than well or you know, primary figures, teachers,
h church people, antswer uncles, grandparents who were not your
(09:03):
biggest fan. And if you try to brag or say
something that you did well that you were told you know,
don't tat your own horn or you're not all that
and well meaning again, because you don't want to be
a braggart. But that forced humility is sometimes damaging to
(09:29):
your own sense of esteem and your own sense of worth.
And then you learn that your role or goal in
life is to make other people happy, which it is not.
But that's how I was raised, right. I was only
as good as how I could please my mom, and
(09:51):
so that habit continued through my life. So I would
try to please other peop Well, that's how I got
my sense of self worth, my sense of esteem, and
how I was loved, and it's it's not a great
way to live because you're not going to make everybody
(10:14):
happy all of the time, even most of the time,
maybe some of the time, depending on who they are.
So the most important person to approve of yourself is you.
And some of us grew up with an entity of
God who was a punishing god, and so that was
(10:37):
still an extension of if you make someone else happy,
then you are a good person. But we are raised
or we have an internal connection with a power, and
a friendly conspires for us, ever against us, non punished.
(11:00):
That's what I believe. That's my BS, my belief system
that works for me. And if whatever belief system you
have right now isn't working for you, we're free to
adopt mine because it works. Because I went from not
like myself and hating myself. And you know, no matter
how many things I did quickly or or got an
(11:23):
award for, or achievements and accomplishments, inside I was still
you know, afraid of failure, afraid of success, fear of
and feel of success. Self sabotaging perfectionism, which goes into paralysis,
which sorry perfectionism, which goes into procrastination, which goes into paralysis,
(11:47):
that slide, that's a disease of protect perfectionism. And then
I usually tell a joke here, I've always wanted to
be a procrastinator, but I never got around to it.
But but I realized after decades of trying to make
(12:14):
other people happy that and blaming people who were mean
to me, who should have been nice to me, and
it just it was. It was a Shatackey show. My
life was a Shadaki show, because every day I woke up,
(12:35):
all right, what can I do better? What shouldn't have done?
How dare they? And how can I make them happy?
And it was not not not pleasant until I finally
broke down to a point where I knew that something
(12:55):
had to change and I had to stop numbing myself.
I had to stop shooting on myself. I had to
stop blaming other people for how that I felt and
take responsibility and look at how I was making myself unhappy.
(13:21):
And that's how all of that that story and all
of the tools that I used to move past that pain,
the past, pain and the future fear into the present,
into the pain, and then into the power. That's all
in that book, and that's why I know. That's what
(13:43):
my purpose is is to It's off for everybody, but
certainly for the sephon out of ten of us who've
had childhood trauma. This is one way out out of
the trauma and into a very happy life eight eight
percent of the time. So that's why I do this show.
We were doing the gratitude sandwich and the bottom of
(14:06):
the Bun. I'll just sum it up that bottom of
the bun. What do I like about myself is that
I can take pain. I can take this this bullshit
taki that we grow up with that like bad things
don't happen to good people, or bad things shouldn't happen
to good people, bad things happen to everybody. There's not
(14:28):
one person on the earth who isn't touched by pain
of some kind. And pain has a purpose. So if
you are blaming or shaming or wondering why you you know,
why me? Well why not you? Well it's everybody, you know?
(14:49):
Why why not take that pain and see it as
something that is refining you, that is chiseling you like
a sculpture, that is is irritating you, like a grain
of sand in an oyster shell. To grow that pearl.
That's all the pearl is. It's salve put on that
(15:11):
irritating sand. You know, you you have sand in your life.
I know the people that irritate you in your life.
There grains of sand. They're your opportunity to make a pearl.
And yeah, so that's that's what I like about myself,
is that I'm a master pearl maker. I am a
(15:33):
master turning brown and black bruised bananas into delicious banana bread.
Because I'm not crazy about lemonade. That's why I don't
use lemons. I got to make everything my own. So yeah,
so that's the breakfast with me taking a bite of
my gratitude sandwich, and I hope you continue with me.
(15:56):
I'm on every weekday Morning Tuesday, Talent, Wednesday's Doctors in
the House. Thursday is Throwback Thursday unless I have a guest.
And actually this Thursday will be the first news series
that's coming out and he's been on the show before.
He's the founder of Nori and you'll find out all
(16:19):
about that this Thursday. So you have to tune in
to that new series with Mark Simon, So you'll have
to tune in. And the Friday is straight talk. So
you know, I have something interesting for every single weekday morning,
(16:45):
so hopefully you will come and join me and that
will be great. So when you do breakfast every weekday morning,
you will sandwich your day in the most delicious and
(17:10):
positive way. All right, there it is. Let's see if
I can pull this up. I wanted to show this
to you. It's called Beat Cancer with Nutrition is the
name of the series, and that's starting this Thursday. Let's
see share this tab. Let's see if I can pull
(17:31):
this up and make it bigger. There we go. Can
you see that? That's the new series that is coming
up this Thursday. All right, thank you for joining me
(17:51):
for breakfast, and now for the topic of ding for
mental health Matters, mondays it is. I'll have to look
(18:18):
at a description of so I can remember my brain
is where my voice is to find it. All right.
Yesterday when SpaceX was going up, I didn't know what
that was, but I had to pull over to take
the video. Was so cool. I love seeing things for
(18:41):
the first time. I've never seen something like that, and
it just reminded me about my goal always to go up.
Hashtag QUP hashtag unlimited possibilities. So I loved just watching it,
not knowing what it was, and not googling it to
see what it was. We're just enjoying the sight of
(19:02):
things going up. So it made me think about the
Meyers Breaks personality inventory, which I am licensed or qualified
or whatever. You have to get an okay from the
company to administer it. And we're not going to do
(19:22):
the Myers brace now because it's long to keep it accurate.
But I use it a lot in my consulting as
an organizational psychologist to help describe why people drive other
people crazy, and it helps people understand that it's not
(19:45):
personal when some people are so irritating and so annoying.
But it's a personality preference. Difference doesn't mean that it
cannot be changed, but everybody has preferences when it comes
to these four indices of differences that Myers Breaks has
(20:06):
divided people into, and it's it is malleable. I do
believe you do change over time. That's not quite what
the theory says. But I know that I have changed,
so I don't think I'm unique that way. So and
I've I've validated that with you know, watching some of
(20:30):
my clients and so on. I think it's a factor
of change and experience, but that the predisposition towards one
end or the other is there, and on some indices,
I'm a split. Some people use it on dating profiles
to say I'm an E NFJ and that's what my
(20:51):
profile is. It's I think, one of the most common profiles.
But it helps me understand why some people click with
me and some people don't. And so yesterday, for example,
when I saw that line of white light go up,
(21:15):
my immediate was, I gotta find out what it is, right,
So we use my assistant Google and go look and
see what it is. And you know what is it.
It's a bird, it's a plane, it's not Superman. So
I wanted to go Google, but then I'd miss it.
(21:38):
So and then I thought, you know, it's so cool
if I can leave the knowing of it and let
it be unlimited interpretations. And that's what a high PEA
person would do. Now, PEA stands for perceiving on the
Myers Briggs and Jay for judging. It doesn't mean you're judgmental. However,
(22:07):
many judging high J judging people are. I am a
very HIGHJ. But all HIJ means is you want to
know what it is, all right, So you see something
and automatically you want to know what you're looking at.
(22:29):
Is it a bird, is it a plane? Is it Superman?
What is it? So the knowing you feel good, right
If you don't know, it doesn't feel good. There's that
tension to close for a HIGHP. You want to know
what it is. So in meetings, if your boss comes
(22:53):
in with the question and brainstorming is not necessarily your
favorite activity because there's just two many ideas and you
want to find the answer to the question. So hij's
want to close. So their funnel goes like this, and
that's what you know feels good? Is it good? Bad? Right?
Speaker 4 (23:17):
Wrong?
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Black? White? What category does it go into? So when
I saw that line going up in the sky, my
first thing was I wonder what that is? And I
really was like I want to but I decided, you
know what, I'm going to be a little more P,
which is perceiving and keep it open. Well, I don't know,
it could be a lot of things, right, conspiracy theorists.
(23:42):
But you know, the end of the world is all
rocket line blah blah blah blah blah. So that's not
necessarily where I want you to focus on that on,
But leaving it open is a high pee thing. So,
in contrast to a hyja, a high pe doesn't want
(24:03):
to close. A high pe wants to keep saying, well,
it could be this, it could be that, it could
be this, it could be that, And there's there's a
happiness in the not closing. There's a happiness in keeping
things open. Right, So to go in a meeting and
(24:24):
have somebody you know shut down every single possibility and
goes straight to solution is annoying. Well, then why did
you ask me the question? If you knew the answer already,
why are you asking me to brainstorm because you already
have the answer. Usually in my corporate clients, they're like
(24:47):
nodding above.
Speaker 5 (24:48):
No.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
So there is one area when you're having relationships with people,
work relationships or personal relationships, romantic relationships, if you find
yourself being annoyed and unhappy, it's unhappy making by people
(25:11):
because they are annoying you in the way that they
go about seeing the world Like this isn't just about
solving problems, this is about the way you even take
a big So I will use a personal example. My
(25:33):
husband and I he was my husband when we would
go on vacation. He's a very high pie. And I
know they've done a study why it is. Well, it's
part of that opposite systracting. At the beginning, opposites are
acute thing, and then like three months into the relationship,
it becomes an annoying thing. Why can't they That's my
(25:57):
pregnancy model of relationships. It's another topic. So we would
go on vacation and at breakfast, I would say, so,
where are we going for dinner? Because I want to know.
I want to have that in mind. I want my
(26:19):
whole day planned. I'm a New York planner. I grew
up in the East Coast Ish in Ontario, which is
considered east an hour west and north of Toronto, and
so I've been a planner all my life. I know
exactly what I'm doing six months from now. Well I did,
(26:41):
but thanks no, thanks to blood clots, I'm no longer
doing that. But we're not going there. So I know.
I want to know, and I know, so I wanted
to know where we were going for dinner, and my
wesband high pee perceiving, wants to keep the options open
(27:02):
and said and also wants to be in the present
moments that I'm having breakfast right now? Why do you
want to talk about dinner? Can I just enjoy my breakfast? Well, okay, fine,
I'll give in. You know, we still have time. I'll
(27:26):
ask him at lunch. So we get to lunch, and
sure enough, I'll say, so, what do you want to
do for dinner? I'm having my lunch. Can we not decide?
I just want to enjoy my lunch? Hi pee, keep
it open, options open? Bee hij trying to close. Four
(27:49):
o'clock rolls around. Okay, I know what I want to
go for dinner. I'm like, great, where do you want
to go? And he says Morton's And I'm like, we
can code to Martins because we needed a reservation. If
you had told me at breakfast, we could have got
a reservation. And yeah, that's why the marriage ended. I'm
(28:10):
just kidding. No, Well, it was, you know, differences. We
were so different on so many like, honestly, on all
four indices, we were completely polar opposites. And that's not
why we divorce, but it certainly fed into because you
can take a certain amount of differences, opposites attracked and
(28:33):
then after a while, like if you don't have any
clue at all. Yeah, but again that's another topic. But
I'm using this as some information that could help you
understand why it is that you are unhappy with some
(28:54):
people in your interactions and it's really not personal. So
I will come back and talk about this knowledge, this difference,
and how it you can see it in a way
that doesn't make you unhappy. Okay, because we have to
(29:16):
take a break for our news, weather, traffic and a
word from our sponsor. But don't go away. We'll be
right back and take my advice. I'm not using a
kit balance with Doctor Marissa. That morning show here on
Caseya a station that leaves no listener behind. We'll be
back in two and two. Go away, We'll be right back.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
Je.
Speaker 6 (29:57):
Well, she has been dubbed the Asian Oprah and she
just wants all of us to be happy.
Speaker 7 (30:09):
Doctor Marissa aka the Asian Oprah says, the.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
Most important thing you can choose is choosing to be happy.
You are tuned into my weekly talk radio TV show
called take my Advice. I'm not using it. Get balanced
with Doctor Marissa.
Speaker 6 (30:36):
That's the idea for doctor Marissa Pay's new book call
eight Ways to be Happy.
Speaker 8 (30:41):
Many of us say, I am my own worst critic.
Nobody's harder on me than I am. And my response
to that is stop it.
Speaker 2 (30:52):
Why are you doing that to yourself?
Speaker 5 (30:55):
You have to be your biggest fan, because if you can't,
at the end of the day say I do a
good job, who is. We don't have to constantly be
angry at the things that are wrong. Why don't we
choose to be happy about things that are right.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
We have the choice.
Speaker 5 (31:11):
That's our muscle, and life is so amazing if we
can see it.
Speaker 8 (31:29):
Welcome to Balance Taichi Gung. My name is doctor Marissa pay.
For the next twenty eight minutes, we will be slow
dancing with the universe in a moving meditation that promotes
inner peace. One breath at a time. Just follow the
sound of my voice and move with me as I
guide you through this ancient wisdom through new thought practice.
(31:52):
As a corporate psychologist, I created this practice in response
to my life and those of my clients. We were professional,
high achievement oriented, multitasking, control freaks, and exhausted. No matter
how many successes, it was never enough. That coupled with
(32:12):
a painful life experience, led me on a quest to
find another way to live and back to my Chinese roots.
If you practice regularly, I can promise you that it
will impact all health, vortexes, body, mind, spirit, soul. You
will be in a place of balance and inner peace.
(32:36):
The way we were created wishes my wardness.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Dance with me just to ill. Do you like jazz
like I do? I love jazz and Catalina Jazz Tracks
(33:08):
Festival has been going on since nineteen eighty seven. This
is the thirty eighth Jazz Tras Festival, and I am
so delighted that my sister that just went by my
twin sister. We joke around. She's Japanese, I'm Chinese. You've
seen her on the show as my guest many times.
(33:30):
She will be performing on Friday night, October tenth, but
two solid weekends is the availability for you to go
and enjoy the best jazz has to offer. The founder,
our good, fabulous friend of mine continues to bring the
(33:51):
Kiroshima Trio. There's Keiko again, people, Bryson, Eric Darius is amazing,
Gerald Albright, the Bob James Quartet, Vincentingala, They're going so fast.
Brian Simpson and Steve Oliver, A lot of these people.
(34:13):
I've been really very grateful that I've gotten to know
and enjoy their artistry. If you love jazz, you cannot
miss this incredible Jazz Tracks festival going on for two
weekends in October since nineteen eighty seven. So go and
(34:34):
enjoy Catalina Jazz Tracks Festival. Just go to jazz tracks
dot com.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Take Back your Life with Doctor maurispe.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
And we're back. You're tuned in to take my advice,
I'm not using it. Yeah bells to Marisa of the
morning show here on kayzy AA, NBC News Radio, home
to the Asian OPRAH number one talk in the ie,
Thank you very much, and streaming everywhere I heart radio, Spotify, iTunes,
(35:23):
tune in, and of course my YouTube TV channel where
you can give me the finger when you free subscribe
this one not the other one, and you can enjoy
my Red Carpet playlist with celebrity interviews on the Red
Carpet Halle Berry, John Travolta, Quincy Jones, and many more.
And you can also get all one eighty three podcast
(35:50):
shows over the past seven hundred and second of weeks. Amazing,
I am so great I'm still here, still balancing out
bad news with good news, still balancing out headlines with hardlines,
and not talking about the things that piss you off
(36:11):
first thing in the morning. There's plenty of places you
can get that, you know, when you come here. I'm
all about my happy eightya mission, eighty eight million more
happy people in the next eight years, and thank you
for allowing me to come at you one more time.
(36:31):
All right. So we've been talking about personality differences, high
pees and hij's and how they drive each other crazy.
And you're very unhappy when you have to deal with
people who drive you crazy at work or at home.
And I'm trying to cajole you into seeing that sometimes
(36:53):
when people you think are doing something to piss you off,
it's not personal. It's just where they're coming from and
how they're seeing the world. And j's and p's are
one of the biggest differences. Hij's those who like to close,
who like to know, who want to know is a good, bad,
(37:13):
black white? What category is it into? And then high peace,
which is people who like to keep it open, like
to keep their options open. They're the ones that if
you bring them an agenda that day and ask them
(37:35):
a question. They would say, you know, if you'd given
me a little time to research this so I could
come with better prepared with some you know, answers versus guesses,
it would have been helpful. So there's a typical high
pe hih J interaction that could drive you crazy. Instead,
(38:02):
you know, this is you know, who's better a high
J or a high P, A high judging or a
high perceiving. I will, of course say the J is
I'm a high J, but actually neither is better. If
people only operated on j's, if the world was all j's,
we would have one way of doing everything, and it
(38:25):
wouldn't always be the right way because we want to
close and figure it out. But it's life isn't that simple.
It's not a Newtonian world. There's not one solution for
every one problem. Problems are multifaceted. That's why having a
high P on your team is a good thing because
they will look at things outside of the box. They'll
(38:48):
come up with, you know, a continuous improvement as in
learning organizations was I'm a specialist at as an organizational psychologist.
That's what my PhD is in. So that's you know,
we have to have both high jay's and high piece.
So how do you work with someone or how do
(39:12):
you be in a relationship when someone drives you crazy
with those differences, with those specific differences. And the first
is take a breath into the nose, out through the bath, shoulders,
soft doubles at knees, another deep breath then and releasing
(39:35):
all the stories and the drama. That's the breath connecting
with the body, and the first breath the mind, and
the second breath and the third breath, uh, connecting with
me and those around you. With the breath, the spirit
cheat no beginning, no end. It connects us all. The
(39:56):
breath connects us all. And then you know, my first
it's always it's not personal, right, our disagreement and how
we see things, it's not personal. I'm seeing things differently
than you. And thank god, we don't all think alike.
Now right now, with the political climate, I know, if
(40:21):
you don't think like me, you're wrong. If you don't
think like me, you're an idiot. If you don't think
like me, I hate you. If you don't think like me,
I'm canceling you, I'm dropping you, I'm ghosting you. And
it's it's not a direction I want to go in
because like it or not, variety and continuous expanding, and
(40:45):
we don't. We're not one way. I mean, there is
no ultimate right and wrong. I know that's hard for
some people. Well what about killing babies and what about
you know, starvation that's wrong? And what about you know, uh,
you know, Hitler and Taliban and all of those things.
There's there is an ultimate right or wrong. There is
(41:08):
an ultimate you know, uh, line in the sand. And
how you know, it is our job to keep every
single country in line. And it is our job to no, no, no,
it's our job to you know, make sure that people
you know, uh do the crime, do the time and
(41:28):
all of this and and that's a really high j
to be honest, that's a high j. You know, it's
my way or the highway. And we've lost our ability
to open up for at least you know. Bipartisan is
my favorite word because that's a systemic thinker. It is
(41:51):
thinking outside of your political affiliation. We're not our politics,
we're not our religion. We are one of kind, amazing, love,
love loving and lovable beings. We are human kind embasis unkind.
So we've lost our ability to agree to disagree, and uh,
(42:15):
this particular topic today is one that can help us
get back to agree to disagree. So when you you
know what you are, If you're a hygie and you
know what you are, know that your tendency is to close,
Know that your tendency is to be impatient. When people
can't make up their minds, they're not bad people if
(42:37):
they cannot make their minds. People who are indecisive are
not bad people. And on the contrary, if you're a
high pe and you see people who are judgmental and
critical and you know, make staff judgments and make knee
jerk reactions which will make them look like jerks, and
they're not bad people. That is just the way that
(43:00):
they are accustomed to looking at the world. So you've
got two extremes. If you're a high p I perceiving,
you don't like to close. You want to keep your
(43:20):
options open. The benefits are you get to look at
a lot of different possibilities. You're able to see things
that you know we're not closed to because your eyes
are open, you're seeing peripherally, you're looking at shorter and
long term impact, You're looking at all the possibilities. That's
(43:41):
the good news. The bad news is at some point
we have to make a decision, right, can't always keep
it open forever. On the other hand, shudgers, you want
to close. I get that you want to come to solution.
And the good news is when there is no time,
right then, Yeah, it's good to be able to correlate
(44:04):
all of the information you know and quickly come to
that solution or that plan or that objective or that
vision or whatever it is that mission. But if there
is time, and there should be time, here's a should
because a lot of organized issues that I go into now,
they don't make the time. Everything is a fire, everything
(44:27):
is a red hot button, and so there's no time
to talk about those things that are, you know, strategically
important to look at in the long term. I'll give
you a great example. This whole push for companies to
convert customer service and make it more efficient by going
(44:51):
to automated systems. Really they didn't look at the implications
one with people who maybe aren't tech savvy in your population.
Number two, that your systems are imperfect in being able
to even understand voice recognition. I don't know how many
(45:12):
times I've been so frustrated with the automated systems that
I just I give up and I go to another
supplier because I just hate it. And I have often
said that I could make a lot of money if
I had the working capital to start with to create
a company that does advertise it. You will never get
(45:37):
an automated system. I think there's a lot of people
who would go, yeah, i'll come by from you. It's
premium quality, premium service. I'll pay for it because my
irritation is worth paying more for. Anyways, So that was
one of those snap judgement nts to outsource as well,
(46:03):
uh to automate, And now companies are like, uh, maybe
that wasn't such a great idea. Uh that would I know,
HYJ made that decision guaranteed. It didn't look at the
impact long term or even short term with the customer
(46:25):
service ban, you know, for the newer generation they grew
up a little more automated. And so yeah, these kinds
of differences, right again, illustrate the high j's or not
the answer. The high ps are not the answer. But
(46:46):
there has to be a working understanding and an okayness
with each other when it comes to high Pece interacting
with high j's and in if you want to do
international business, you don't have a choice because other cultures,
you know, we in in there's a there's studies. You
(47:08):
can look at Myers and they go in and they
look at companies. When I was did my second year
research project and my first master's at Rockwell International, what
was interesting. I use the Myers to look at look
at succession planning and there was a very high profile. Uh,
most of the people in the company had that same
(47:29):
profile and I it was an I I believe STP.
And it was interesting when the person who was passing
down the position in succession planning, you're planning for your successor.
You would think that people are being picked based on performance, right,
(47:53):
not personality, Not your personality type. But it was really interesting.
It was almost a hundred. The successor chosen was the
same type as the person that was retiring. So what
does that say. It doesn't mean that I STP is
a bad profile, but the diversity that has been studied
(48:16):
that makes companies more creative have better solutions. That's a
very well examined and published truth not truth, but finding,
empirical finding. My professor Kellen ger Sik's wife, doctor Conne Gersic,
(48:37):
was a pioneer in this area, looking at the performance
of diverse teams, and when I was teaching at ECLA,
that was you know, her field of expertise, and I
was fascinated by my own dissertation. Share Doctor Don Mankin
(48:57):
wrote a book on teams and technology that highlights, you know,
how important it is not to be homogeneous. And yet
the study that I did at Rockwell showed that that
was the people were being selected based on their similarities.
(49:19):
And the term actually is called HSR homo social reproductivity,
and that's how people are selected to follow. And yeah,
that term did not wasn't always popular in that day,
an age that was done quite a few decades ago,
but it is a it's a term, and think goodness
(49:43):
is accepted more hopefully we'll stay accepted, but it is
been studied. You choose and you get along with people
who are like you, and that's why it's important to
understand that sometimes the irritation that comes when people are
(50:03):
unlike you is not a bad thing. It is good
for you to be able to expand with that difference.
And that's the kind of work that I did to
talk about the benefits of, you know, learning how to
work with differences, especially with S and P. So sorry
(50:26):
J and P, S and P. Where that come from? U?
Speaker 3 (50:29):
J and B.
Speaker 2 (50:31):
Judging no sorry, judging and perceiving not judgmental, but judging
and perceiving as ways that you can take that irritation
and unhappiness making from your workmate, spouse, friend, insignificant other
(50:53):
significant other and turn it into a Oh, okay, so
I know I'm a high J. I know, I want
to know. Oh, and it's great. My best friend, one
of my best friends am Marie. She's super high P
and I'm super high J. And at first I was
taking it personally because I would keep saying, look, I
(51:16):
have this in the day open and this day open,
and I want to spend it with you. Please tell
me which and she would say I don't know, and
I would take it personally and well, if you want
to spend time with me, you would close that day. Nope,
I don't know, and I never know what comes up.
So I've learned when I say to her, these are
(51:39):
the days, and if she doesn't close and I end
up doing something else or she ends up doing something
else I and T B A D. There's your tool,
another happy eightay tool. It's not that big of a deal.
So that's the way you can be happier with people
(52:04):
who are different in the way they see the world
with respect to judging and perceiving. All right, there's three
other indices. If you're interested in those, let me know.
Maybe we'll cover the rest next week. But that one
is a big one where I see a lot of
(52:25):
people sort of take it personally and decide that you know,
that relationship just won't work. But if you're at work
and that's your boss, you're going to have to make
it work. So hopefully the tips that I've just given
you will help you in getting along with people who
(52:47):
are different on that particular indusey so that it will
make your working relationship a little happier than it already is.
All right, I am. I'm gonna go rest this voice.
Hopefully by tomorrow it will be back to my regular
(53:11):
voice where I can actually not sound like a guy.
I'm getting in touch with my inner mail. This is
doctor Marissa reporting live. This is the Asian Oprah giveaway today.
It is an audio book copy of my book Eight
(53:36):
Ways to happiness from wherever you are. It is number
one Amazon when it came out and national bestseller. So
please do go and on my website you can go
to the very bottom and there is contact and if
(54:05):
you put in the subject line Asian Oprah giveaway, I'll
know it is for that. And if you want to
see some kind of other cool things. I don't usually
do this, but since we're here and we have a
(54:26):
few minutes, here's my super cool it's my pigs under
red carpet. So these are people I've had the pleasure
of talking with, some on the show, some on the carpet.
(54:51):
There we go see if you can recognize Lailah Ali,
Don Wells, Quincy Jones. There's the founder of the entertainment
Larry who's coming back on the show, Larry Namer. There's
the Nanny. There's Kevin Costner. There's doctor Michael Bernard Beck
(55:15):
with my big brother James Kirk, Captain James T. Kirk,
Rich Little the Great Doctor waler Manny Pacchio. There's Carole
Baskin from The Tiger King The Temptations, my co host
(55:36):
Elon Carter's son Don Miguel Rowise. I was on Let's
make a deal. There's Wayne, There's a Chevy Chase, Jerry Jule,
Pierce Brosnan, his wife and what's in that robots named
in a poem, the richerd Treyfus, Beautiful Paula Abdul, beautiful
(56:06):
missus h. I shouldn't do this when I'm down on
the count. Anyways, go look. There's the bailiff judge Shooty's
belliff by beautiful limitless women, Jessica Cox Hanson Williams birthday.
(56:26):
I can't do it. He just had a birthday. There's
the husband, filmmaker of she was in the Avatar. What's
her name. There's the beautiful Lieutenant o'hura. So anyways, Crystal Gale,
there's Verdean White, a couple of Golden Medal winners. So
(56:52):
go and check that out on my website. I am
grateful that there's some cool people. Well, then I've gotten
to interview. All right, that's it for today's version of
Take my Advice. I'm not using a gift. Balnce with
Doctor Marissa in the morning show here on caca Hey,
(57:15):
home to the Asian Oprah number one talk in the ie,
thank you very much, and streaming everywhere iHeartRadio, Spotify and
of course my YouTube TV channel where if you free
subscribe give me the finger, you will get an alert
every weekday morning. Thanks for joining me today to your
name for the rest of the week, because I'll be
(57:36):
here on my seven one hundred consecutive week on the
air on camera Doctor Marissa pishing you piece in peace
out world, peace through inner Piece. Now going at the
best day ever. I'll see you tomorrow.
Speaker 7 (58:01):
Be safe, not sorry this Labor Day, don't drink and dry.
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Project twenty twenty five is already underway, and the Second
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seven Am on KCAAPS.
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M hmm. You're listening to the Tehebo Tea club radio
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CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.