Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Oh, jump off that exhausting amster wheel and into balance.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Living with Doctor Marissa from Miss Joy.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Doctor Marissa, also known as the Asian Oprah. Her mission
to be a beneficial presence on the planet, her purpose
to be your personal advocate, to live, laugh, love, learn,
her life motto, don't die wondering, Take back your life
with Doctor Maurica Pey.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
And welcome. You're tuned in to take my advice, I'm
not using it. Get balanced with Doctor Marissa in the
morning show. You're ONKZYAA NBC News c NBC News, NBC
Sports radio station AM ten fifty FM one on six
point five and streaming everywhere. I heart Radio, Spotify, iTunes,
tune in Audible, Amazon Music, particulab, Rumble, Patches, a streaker
(00:59):
and more. Why so many places? I don't want to
maximize my splatter zone for more hope and happiness. So
there's no gossip, no scandal, no headlines here. All headlines
now are negative. I can safely say that used to
be most. Now it's all. And I don't want to
see you pissed off first thing in the morning. So
(01:19):
this is the seventh hundredth consecutive week for the show
about hope and happiness. I'm so glad you're here. And
you'll know from who's in studio with me, my beautiful
insided out co host, doctor Tiffany Tate, that it's time
for doctor is in the house with myself and doctor
Tiffany Tate. And who is she? You know who she is,
(01:43):
but just in case you're the first time in studio
with me, she is a US veteran Navy actually, and
she is a published author. She's a certified obgyn.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
She is.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
Children's book author. And you'll hear during the break she
has thrown her hot into the ring to be a
Congress representative. So please welcome back to my studio, doctor
Tiffany Tays.
Speaker 5 (02:22):
Welcome, Welcome, thank you, Happy Wednesday, everyone. Always a pleasure
to be here, letting my voice ring true to your ear.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Oh nice, she's a poet and knows it. Let's start
with breakfast, y'all know this is the drill at the
top of every show. I like to have breakfast with
my guests, my ghost and you. So we take a
bite of my gratitude sandwich. Top of the butt is
what are you grateful for outside of yourself? So you
(02:52):
do a one to eighty looking around, and then bottom
of the butt is what are you grateful for inside
of yourself appreciation of who you are. So, doctor Tiffany,
why don't you start what are you grateful for?
Speaker 5 (03:05):
Oh? I have been a very very busy bee since
you last spoke to me. You know that last week
I was live from Washington, d C. Well, when I
returned that Sunday, I went to the Corona Book Fair
and I was able to present and sign and sell
(03:29):
my books and the Corona Book Fair and meet other
published authors and it was fabulous and I was able
to talk about little Jimmia Singhs my first book, Flutry,
and one of the patrons was like, oh, I know
you from somewhere. I know you from somewhere, and she
(03:51):
recognized me from my interview on Fox News when I
had my first book. So it was great.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
That's so great. I am grateful that I'm I'm finding
bits and pieces of my voice back. I lost my
voice and someone called the Lost and Found. I think
I just like a little too much happy talk. I
(04:21):
had like four double headair speaking gigs last week and
then a single thing, So I think I overdid it
and my voice said, you know, I'm going on strike.
And then I got to the point where my voice
I was getting in touch with my inner mail, and
I think now I'm to the point where it's more
(04:41):
like Bretta Garbo, So we're getting there. I'm grateful that
I normally have a I appreciate what my voice. Yeah,
hopefully I'll be able to find it again what it
normally sounds like. What else are you grateful for?
Speaker 5 (04:59):
I I am grateful. Like I told you, I've been
going and going and going well. On Tuesday, I was
one of the sponsors for the Riverside Women's Leadership Conference,
So I attended that on Tuesday in Corona, and that
(05:20):
was a good time. So I highly recommend everyone attendant,
and it is for women and men, and we had
some gentlemen there in attendance, and I was able to
connect with some of my fellow Kaiser Southern California Permanency
Medical Group employees as well or partners. I say, because
(05:42):
we were partners as well, and I'm still a partner
of that group. And it was a wonderful time to
be had.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Right I'm grateful that I got to do two of
my favorite things. One fashion show judging. I was invited
to be a judge at the Great rilc Vent High
Fashion to designers that I absolutely love, and we'll hopefully
get to model some of their clothes when I'm out
on the carpet, as well as judging the beautiful models
(06:14):
and guess how much I want. On the horse races
of race nine, I didn't win anything from race one
to race eight, but I am a CFB come from
behind kind of girl, and race nine I put ten
dollars on number eight Imagination to win, and so between
(06:36):
that and I also won the trifecta in that race,
so two hundred and ninety nine dollars later, I was
very happy with the race. Good, good, one.
Speaker 5 (06:48):
More all right, And I am grateful that I have
also been asked to go out and help assist. Actually
I was. While I was on that are attending the
Congressional Annual Leadership Conference in Washington, d C. I was
(07:08):
called to do an interview for Proposition fifty. Because I
am a proponent of saying yes to Proposition fifty for
the election rigging campaign, and so because I am a
yes proponent in encouraging people to vote yes for that,
(07:30):
I was asked to be interviewed, and while I was away,
I had over the phone interview and I thought that
that was great because here I am not in Riverside
or in the Inland Empire. I was in Washington, D C.
And while away, I was still able to have an interview,
and I thought that that was pretty cool.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Great, and I'm grateful I get to go to celebrate
my I think I've been friends with her for twenty
eight years. It's her birthday and I'm getting that durabil again.
Can you just lower the volume just a little bit
and see if that doesn't fix it? Yes, that does
fix it. Thank god. I am grateful to be going
(08:14):
to Las Vegas this weekend. And let me back up
off mine and see if that fixes it. You saw
if you were on my soshi, you saw my squirrel yesterday.
I love little squirrels. But there's a gerbil or something
a squirrel in my microphone. Whenever I'm with Tiffany, and
(08:36):
I don't know what it is, we're gonna have to
play with. I'm gonna mute you right now and see
if that doesn't help. All right, Yes, that helps. So
somehow when you're on and I'm on, we get a gerbil,
so I'll just unmute you when it's your turn. Let's
go with that. I am grateful that I get to
(08:56):
celebrate my beautiful friend Mary of so many years, and
she knows me inside and out for her birthday in Vegas.
So I get to drive, not fly because of the
blood clots, but I will be driving after this amazing
event that's happening Tomorrow night is tomorrow, oh no, no, Friday
(09:18):
night in the Skirball Center Spirit Awakening. If you miss
that interview with akul Oh Graham, please go and check
that out on my YouTube TV channel. Free subscribe and
you'll know enjoy me on Friday on the red carpet
and then I drive to Vegas. So I'm grateful for that.
All right, Let's go to the bottom of the butt,
(09:38):
which is what do you like about yourself? This is
weight training for good mental health, your own. If you
know how good you are, not perfect, but eighty eight
percent of the time pretty darn good, then you'll be
less likely to go look for love. You know, all
the wrong places looking for likes literally on social I
(10:00):
want you to know how good you are. And I
have a great partner here who is good at knowing
what she's good at. And that's what I want all
of y'all to be able to say, with the drop
of the hat or a drop of a moose, what
you like about yourself? So, doctor Tiffany, I gotta mute
myself now, and I unmute you, and what do you
(10:24):
like about yourself?
Speaker 5 (10:27):
I like the fact that I'm still ready and willing
to grow, because a lot of times people, once they
get to a certain age, they close themselves off to
learning and expanding and attending conferences. Leadership conferences, you have
(10:48):
to be willing to sit and listen. And that's why
we have one mouth in two ears. And I pride
myself on that. I've spent over two decades as a
problem solver and a listener, listening to people, providing for
(11:08):
people as a physician, and that was my profession. And
I think the fact that I'm still willing to expand
and grow and continue to apply that but in a
different way in policy and evolve it, because as a leader,
you have to be willing.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
To do that.
Speaker 5 (11:29):
So attending the Leadership Conference in DC, Attending the Leadership
Conference for the American Medical Association for Campaign School, attending
the Women's Leadership Conference in Corona. I think anyone can
do what I'm doing in your feel professionally, you just
have to be willing to expand and growth sounds good.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
I am grateful that I am good. I'm a good mom.
You know, when I was a perfectionist, I did not
think I was a good mom because it didn't matter,
you know, all the good things I did as a mom.
(12:15):
If I caught myself over yelling or you know, getting
too emotional and making knee jerk reactions, I would beat
myself up. But you know, eighty eight percent of the time,
I've been a really good mom, and I'm grateful that
I don't have to question that. You know, whether they
call or don't call, whether we're in a good place
(12:36):
or not a good place.
Speaker 5 (12:37):
I know.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
In my heart that I did the best that I
could with the time and the resources I had to
be a good mom. And they're both in San Francisco.
They're doing really well, and I'm so grateful for that.
And just as a funny aside, I don't have my
location tracker on them, like I don't know. I trust
(13:01):
that what I taught them, and you know that they're
in a good place. I don't have to worry about them. However,
they both have a tracker on me, so that's the
kind of funny thing they are. You know, why are
you still? So that's the little funny on that one.
What do What else do you like about yourself, doctor Tiffany?
Speaker 5 (13:21):
I like the fact that I can be in the
background because a lot of times, I mean, I am
often in the foreground, and I do take the lead.
But I like the fact that I am ready and
(13:43):
willing to take the supportive role. And when you want
to be the leader, you have to be willing to
also follow. And I think a lot of times people
always want to dictate, but you can't always dictate. You
(14:06):
have to be willing to support. And I like the
fact that I am willing to support.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Awesome. Yes, you definitely are a big supporter in many
people's lives. So I'll finish by saying, I am appreciative
of my you know, get up and go and go,
(14:34):
even though you know tonight's going to be a hard night.
I'm going back to the yacht club to say goodbye
after eighteen years of racing at this particular club because
I'm on blood thinner for the rest of my life,
I will not be able to race sailboats because the
increased chance of something bad happening and them not being
(15:02):
able to help me live is real. So it's going
to be a tough but you know, just knowing that
I have to go through this, I was just going
to fade into the night. But I think that it's
important for me internally to appreciate the eighteen years I've
(15:25):
had at this club and the thirty four years that
I've had racing sailboats, and that it's always this and better,
and my faith knows that you know, everything happens for
my divine and best good. And even though I can't
do this particular that I can either feel bad for
the rest of my life that I can't do it anymore,
(15:45):
or I can stand at that line and look at
the thirty four beautiful years that I've had been able
to race sailboats and take underserved populations on the boat
to teach them the kids. I hold that memory, so
tonight it's going to be a sad but important milestone
(16:06):
for me to recognize that how fortunate I've been to
be able to do that for thirty four years. So
for that I'm grateful.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
And that's it.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
Thanks for joining us for breakfast. If you join me
every morning at nine am Pacific time, you will get
to have breakfast with me and my co host or
whoever's here. And I promise you if you do that,
you will sandwich your day in the most positive way.
Thanks for joining us for breakfast. And now for the
(16:45):
topic of the day. Everything is awesome. Oh wait, it's
doctor Tiffany. I forgot. She doesn't like the bell so much.
She likes this. What's the topic of the day?
Speaker 5 (17:04):
Picked versus chosen? Hmmm mmmm.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
So instead of asking her, uh oh oh, I know
what happened, doctor Tiffany, I uh oh, boy, I gave
you the wrong link. I did give you the link,
but I did a wrong link. So boy, I guess
(17:38):
I'm sicker than I thought. But I wrote a funny
to introduce this. Usually I tell doctor Tiffany. I asked,
Doctor Tiffany, what do you mean by I picked versus Chosen?
And instead of asking her, I did you read the promo?
(18:00):
M I thought it was kind of funny. Let's see
if I can bring it up, I said, pictor peaked.
I know I did that one pictor peaked, are you
slim pickings? And on my last birthday card there was
only three words that described someone as smart, successful, and
(18:21):
sexy sexy as you are who is still single? Picky
picky picky. I know, I try to make myself laugh.
But doctor Tiffany, what do you mean by pick versus chosen?
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Well?
Speaker 5 (18:37):
Picked implies like a superficial selection or action, and chosen
suggests something more deliberate in your decision making process, with
like a deeper consideration or more contemplation for the individual
(19:07):
item or life reflection. And so I want to take
this process, you know, smack it, flip it up, process
it down.
Speaker 3 (19:22):
That sounds good. Mm hmm, yeah, all right. Actually I
didn't make a mistake. We're good. I'm looking at the
old and the old thing, all right. So why did
you pick this?
Speaker 5 (19:37):
Because I go through social media, I talk to family
and friends and they have come at me with some
different life scenarios and I figured, hmm, this would actually
be a good topic because I've had to have this
(19:58):
conversation repeatedly over the past two to three weeks. And
if I've had to have this conversation with them, I
figure other people may have had to have this conversation
in different ways, and they may not have even realized
it because there is a difference between being picked or chosen,
(20:19):
and we don't necessarily talk about it enough. And I'll
tell you this, and you may not have even looked
at it this way. From the time we are kids,
we actually want to be picked. We want to be
picked for the team, picked for an award, picked for
a job, picked by the person we secretly want to
(20:43):
be noticed. Right, yeah, that makes sense m And so
we grow up with this desire of wanting to be picked,
because picked means that we are good enough, right correct, Okay,
it means that we are smart enough, talented enough, attractive enough.
(21:10):
So picked it makes us feel good. Right.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
Sure, you don't want to be that last one on
the team that you know nobody wants you on the team.
That's a horrible feeling.
Speaker 5 (21:21):
Right, Pick makes us feel validated, It makes us feel visible,
and people will clap for us because we want that
validation right when you are picked.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
Right, So, all those.
Speaker 5 (21:38):
Things are reassuring, reaffirming. But when you take into consideration, chosen,
chosen is all together different. Being chosen is It isn't
always a loud thing. It isn't public. You don't get
(22:02):
a trophy for being chosen. Chosen is something deeper, and
it's intentional, and it's something more personal, and we don't
really even look at it that way, and so I
wanted to look at it as something more intimates. It's
(22:26):
something that you don't necessarily see because you get validated
for who you are internally, not necessarily externally. And when
you look at it that way, you get valued for
your qualities, for your personality. And instead of stepping into
(22:51):
the lives where you have been picked, you're stepping into
the lives of where you are chosen. Does that kind
of make sense?
Speaker 3 (23:02):
I'm trying. Okay, let me breck it down a.
Speaker 5 (23:05):
Little bit more so, when you are chosen for something,
it's something no one else can do. You're chosen for
something individually, and it's a space that no one else
can feel for you, Like no one else can write
the books that I can write, no one else can
(23:26):
write the books that you can write. No one else
can host Live with Doctor Marissa. You have been chosen
to host this show because it's you. So basically, I
want to break it down because I wanted us to
stop waiting to be picked in a lineup because you
(23:50):
don't even belong in that. I want you to start
choosing yourself for the life you were born to lead.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
Okay, Yeah, being picked is.
Speaker 5 (24:01):
About approval, but chosen, chosen is about purpose.
Speaker 3 (24:08):
Okay, Okay, gotcha. Picked is external validation external and chosen
is internal valid validation knowing that you're one of a kind, wonderful,
unique with unique talents, gifts and abilities to share in
this world. Whereas picked is waiting for other people to
(24:31):
say I want you because you're important. You already know
you're important, one of a kind, wonderful, so you choose
yourself first to h to be or have whatever it is. Okay,
I get it now, got it?
Speaker 4 (24:45):
Got it?
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Kind of good that you're right. It's a it's a
distinction we don't often talk about, and a lot of
people are waiting for someone to pick them, when the
most important person to pick you is you.
Speaker 5 (25:05):
H Absolutely, I sacked it.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
What did I do? I smacked it? I what is it?
Folded it up, rubbed it down?
Speaker 5 (25:15):
Yes you did. And it's it's okay when you're going
for a job interview, because it's it's different because you
have to think about it. Are you living to be
picked or are you living like you've been chosen? These
(25:35):
are the things that we need to reflect upon. I
can't answer that question for you, and doctor Marissa cannot
answer that question for you. But what we can do
is start planting the seeds so that you can reflect
upon yourself and decide what type of life and what
(25:57):
quality of life you want to lead.
Speaker 3 (26:02):
So important this is, you know, This is why I
do the show is two encourage people to not wait,
you know, to to go against the bs, the belief
system that you can only do one thing in life
(26:24):
and be good at it. You can do many things
in life and be gonna. You don't need the permission
of someone else to say, you know, why don't you
start a podcast? You can start a podcast, you can
write a book, you can write poetry, you can start
a volunteer organization. You can do, be or have anything
(26:44):
you want if you put your heart and mind to it.
And it all starts with what do you think of yourself?
Speaker 5 (26:51):
Like?
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Do you think you're good enough? If you don't think
you're good enough, then yeah, you're not good enough. Right.
You have to start by oh, I just read this
in the meditation this morning, that it's you know, the
only person that is going to give you permission is
you to start with and let's see it says, Okay,
(27:19):
change your mental pictures and create new experiences. So if
you would exchange joy for tears, forget the tears in
turn to joy, you must not only realize that you're
one with life, you're one with a fullness of life.
So so exactly you know you. I guess you were
(27:39):
there when I was meditating this morning. So important concept.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
That is just confirmation and I think it's it's an
issue because the problem with chasing being picked is that
it can lead to burnout people pleasing identity laws and
the real life examples of issues with it is you
(28:07):
can have problems and issues in dating and jobs and
really in social media because you're chasing those likes and
loves and everything else, and you can get caught up
in yourself and lose your true identity.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
Absolutely, I will speak on behalf of the seven out
of ten of us who've had childhood trauma. This is
easier said than done. And actually doctor Tiffany and I
share that when you're told when you're young that you're
(28:45):
good for nothing, that you're fat, ugly and clumsy, that
you are not all that. It's very difficult to shake that.
And when I got to speak at the Mission Monday's
at the Mission Downtown and skid Row at the Union
at skid Rope, but in the Union Rescue Mission that
has had this mission to take women and kids off
(29:08):
of the streets. No matter what you know, to talk
to these kids who were taken off the street, it's
not easy to say to them, you know you can
do be or have anything right. It's like, come on, lady,
you don't know what I've seen. You don't know a witness,
and it is not great when you've had that kind
(29:30):
of experience. It's not easy just to shape that, you know,
learning off. But if you can begin to choose the
belief the BS the belief system that says I went
through all of that to shape and chissel me and
create and alchemize me into power, so we have a
(29:52):
superpower when we have had difficult times as children. It
is a way to give us a superpower to be
stronger and more resilient and more compassionate and more creative.
(30:12):
Couldn't we be that way without all of that pain.
Maybe maybe not, but the reality is we had it,
and I choose to believe that all of that made
me into who I am now, which I really like
most of the time. So that BS belief system is
how I choose to see that I am chosen because
(30:34):
I am holding that truth for myself. I just choose that.
Speaker 5 (30:41):
Absolutely, absolutely, because chosen is about your alignment, your purpose,
and that your worth is not about validation. And you
have to realize you have to walk in your purpose
(31:02):
you're calling and true, be true to yourself, and you
can always show up as your true, authentic self. And
I know that as I continue to be my authentic self,
I will choose myself and expect and wait to be
(31:24):
chosen and not to be picked.
Speaker 3 (31:28):
Absolutely great topic. We're going to come right back. It's
time for us to take a break for news whether
traffic here on. Take my advice. I'm not using a
good balanced with doctor Marissa. We're doing straight talk. I'm sorry,
we're doing doctors in the house with myself.
Speaker 5 (31:42):
And doctor Tiffany Tate.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
We're talking about picked and chosen. We'll be right back.
Don't go away. In two and two p s piece out.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Take your Life with Doctor Maurice.
Speaker 5 (32:14):
Hello, my name is doctor Tiffany Tate and I am
a veteran of the United States Navy. I am a
physician who has spent over two decades problem solving and
listening to patients. Please visit my website at doctor Tate
for Congress. That is Doctor Tate for Congress. Please support me,
(32:42):
donate to me, help me help you, because right now
you need my voice. There are only twenty one physicians
between the House and the Senate. There is a physician Caucus,
but they need more physicians to advocate for health care,
for change. And if you want change and you want
(33:05):
someone to be there to advocate for you, I am
that person. I am the problem solver and the listener
that you need. When patients used to show up, I
never asked their political party. I asked them what their
problem was. Again, Doctor Tiffany Tate, the problem solver. Visit
Doctor Tate for Congress. Help me help you. Paid for
(33:30):
it by Doctor Tate for Congress.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Take back your life with Doctor Murray.
Speaker 3 (33:54):
And welcome back. You're tuned in to take my advice
time not using it. Get balanced with doctor Marissa of
the Morning Show here on casey AA home to the
Asian OPRAH number one talk in the ie, thank you
very much, and streaming everywhere iHeartRadio, Spotify, iTunes, and of
course my YouTube TV channel where if you free subscribe
(34:15):
and give me the finger, this one not the other one,
you will get a show about hope and happiness every
weekday morning at nine am Pacific time. And so glad
I see eyeballs in the studio. We've gotten a heart
and other reactions here go to the chat. Not if
you're driving and listening on the AM ten fifty FM
(34:35):
on sixty five station, but when you get somewhere safe.
Love having the comments. Don't have a Captain of the
Cashew gallery yet because no one's identified, but I do
see the eyeballs. Always happy to have you participate in
this live show. And today you'll see I have in
(34:57):
the studio doctor Tiffany Tate, because it's time for doctors
in the house, and today she is. She's picked a
topic that we don't usually talk about. And I love
the distinction between picking and choosing. Are you picked or
are you chosen? And she usually does research too, So
(35:18):
doctor Tiffany, what else is going on with pick and chosen.
Speaker 5 (35:22):
Well. The issue is that I want to I want
people to reflect first, because have you ever have you
been picked but never fulfilled? Just think about it. Throughout
your life growing up? Have you been picked never fulfilled
(35:42):
either in a relationship or for a job growing up?
I can say that I have, and or can you
name a time you chose yourself even when no one
else did?
Speaker 3 (36:02):
Hm? Hm, I definitely understand the distinction on the picked
and not chosen. I think both of us picked. I
have a broken picker when it comes to men. Uh
and not uncommon to kids who've had childhood trauma. They
(36:24):
pick partners who make them feel the same poor way
that they did when they were growing up by whoever
was not picking them right. So I picked a man
good looking, I gotta say he was. He looked like
Gregory Peck and that's my achilles yel He's good looking,
(36:45):
and I picked him and I was not chosen because
and it wasn't his fault, and I want to make
that perfectly clear, it was my fault. I chose a
man who could not love me the way I was
born into a home where my mom did the best
(37:05):
that you could, but she could not love me in
the way that you know, the ideal parent or mom
would love their daughter, and so that's all I knew.
So I picked a man who could not pick me,
so totally get that.
Speaker 5 (37:26):
It's it's interesting because when it comes to picking in relationships,
it can be difficult and you want people to work hard.
(37:48):
And when I was looking up different things, there's a
video I found. It's by a woman named Lisa Marie,
and she was talking about relationships, and I don't think
it was necessarily male, female, was just in general, and
she distinctly talked about picked versus chosen, and she was
(38:12):
saying picked looks good in a room, and chosen looks
good in a lifetime for a lifetime. And I was like,
I know, right, And she said picked comes with conditions,
but chosen comes with clarity. And we should not confuse
attention with intention, and don't confuse someone reaching for you
(38:40):
with someone reaching into you. And I thought that was deep.
Speaker 3 (38:45):
Ooh, that's deep. Said that last one again.
Speaker 5 (38:49):
Don't confuse someone reaching for you with someone reaching into you.
And picked comes from the moment. No pick comes for
the moment, and chosen comes for the process.
Speaker 3 (39:05):
Boy, I had a vision of Patrick Swayzee in that
movie just now mm hmmm.
Speaker 5 (39:13):
And a ghost right, and Pick loves the look, while
Chosen loves the layers, and Picked sees potential while Chosen
invests in the person. And her final point was, don't
(39:34):
let your desire to be picked keep you from waiting
to be chosen. Drop the mic drop the moose.
Speaker 3 (39:48):
Right, Yes, those of you don't know what that means.
I was born in Canada, So instead of talking about
the elephants in the room, I have the moose on
the table and then set of a mic drop, we
do a moose drop. So, good job, doctor Tiffany. So
I also made a tie in with a model that
(40:14):
I use called who are You? And a lot of
us define ourselves in terms of relationships. So I'm a mother,
so I do something for my daughters. I am a host,
I do something for my audience. I'm a speaker, I
do something. So the how we define ourselves is in
(40:37):
our role. And that's kind of like the picking. Right,
You have a role. What are you doing for someone?
And therefore you want to make sure you're making them happy? Right,
And that's how you define whether or not you're doing
a good job or not. Am I you know? Am
I fulfilling what you like? Write that picking? Are you do?
(40:58):
You like what I'm doing? And that's a dangerous slippery
slope because one day they'll like you and the next
day they won't. So instead of defining yourself in your
relational adjectives I'm a mother, I'm a whatever, instead of
that which is focused on what you do for someone else,
I like to call it core chosen adjectives for myself.
(41:22):
I'm caring, I'm loving, I'm funny, I'm creative. Those transcend
the picking. It's the choosing to acknowledge at the core
of who I am, who I am right, that doesn't
change with conditions of people liking me or not. And
that is, you know, very parallel to what we're talking
(41:45):
about picked and chosen.
Speaker 5 (41:48):
Mm hmm. Absolutely. And it's interesting because I also.
Speaker 3 (41:55):
Found that.
Speaker 5 (41:58):
This information about.
Speaker 6 (42:00):
Crumbs love crumbs, right, since you wanted to talk about relationships,
I figured we might end up going there a little bit.
Speaker 5 (42:14):
And you want to be wary of love crumbs because
love crumbs are when people want to just give you
just enough to keep you dangling on the cord, but
they don't necessarily want to go all in, and when
(42:35):
you're getting love crumbs in a relationship, you have to
be knowledgeable about what they're doing because when you're being chosen,
you should know that you want someone who is actually
committed and willing to give more. And that's when you
(43:00):
want to make sure you aren't choosing yourself.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
Yeah. Absolutely, I just realized I forgot to put our
story up that we were going to be on, so
I was just doing that. But so are you in
a relationship where you are chosen? And I think that's
a really important question to ask, And it's not just romantic.
(43:28):
It could be, you know, at work or at as
a friendship or whatever your role is, are you picked?
Are you waiting to be picked? Or are you chosen?
And I think that's a really good question to ask
often and much because if you're waiting for someone to
(43:49):
give you permission right to whatever it is, and you know, personally,
I'm in that space where I've allowed to choir directors
to dictate how I see my own singing. I've been
waiting and waiting and waiting to be picked when you know,
I just need to choose, to know that I have
(44:14):
a good voice, not today to say, but I'm getting
in touch with my inner mail today, but that I
have to choose and just choose and just say I
have a good voice. It's not going to be a
great you know, not everybody's gonna like it. But that
doesn't mean that I can't choose myself as a singer
(44:37):
and just go forth and sing right instead of waiting
to be picked for a solo or whatever it is.
So that's my my learning today.
Speaker 5 (44:51):
And yes, because love crumbs, just so everyone understands what
those are. There are small. Those are small, inconsistent size
of affection, attention, or interest that someone gives is just
enough to keep you engaged, but never enough to build
(45:11):
a real relationship. And so it's a random hey are
you up text every few days or every few weeks,
just enough flirting if you're in a relationship to keep hopeilize,
or occasional sweet moments followed by cold silence. So it's
(45:34):
the promises of engagement or hey we'll hang out, or
hey we'll do something, but never the true actual fulfillment
of that promise, something to keep you in emotional limbo.
Speaker 3 (45:55):
And it doesn't necessarily point the finger that that person
that's giving you the love prums is bad. You know,
I'm always doing a little bit of tough love on ourselves. Like,
we chose that situation, so at some point take responsibility
(46:15):
of the fact that you whatever it is, is it
more comfortable. Does it give you an excuse to play small?
Does it give you an excuse to complain all the time?
But how they're bad? Yeah, that's a big one. I've
been really focused on. You know, when bad things happen,
or things that we don't like happen, we release a
(46:37):
rocket of desire to go in the opposite direction of
something we want. But we have a tendency, This is
Abraham Hicks law of attraction. We have a tendency to
fixate on what is still wrong instead of paying attention
to the other direction of what we want. So we
continue to beat the drama of I hate this, I
(46:59):
don't like this about them, I don't want them model
La instead of going okay, I know I've asked for better,
So now let me look at what's possible that's better
out there. I think that's a good application point a
happy eighty eight challenge. I've been starting this thing. If
you use hashtag happy eighty eight, then I'll see if
(47:21):
you're taking my challenge or not. So this would be
the challenge and you can write whatever you know you're
doing for it, and then once a week I'm going
to pick a winner to give them something, because then
I know you're actually applying the stuff that we talk about.
Speaker 5 (47:38):
Yeah, you just might feel like you're being managed instead
of prioritized. So you still have a relationship, it's just
the quality of that relationship, and you're just emotionally being
strong along kind of kept as a backup plan or
an ego boost or an attention source. So you might
(48:02):
feel like maybe they'll really choose me one day, or
they must feel something. They keep coming back. They're still here.
There is better. This is better than nothing, right, So
(48:23):
maybe if I just stay, this might get better. And
so these are emotional that's the emotional trap of the crumbs.
And I can't tell you what to do, doctor, Marissa
can't tell you what to do. Only you can tell
you what to do.
Speaker 3 (48:41):
Yeah, I have to I have to put the moose
on the table myself. My friend said to me, when
did you discover that your husband was emotionally unavailable? And
I said, oh, you said before you got married. I
said yes, and she goes, well, then who's really emotionally unavailable?
(49:03):
And that was like boom, that was a moose drop
on me, which was like, oh gosh, I picked a
man right who I knew was not going to choose me.
And that is a horrible but good example of what
you're talking about. I took that crumb and it's like
making a fifty dollars out of a five cent move.
(49:25):
So anytime he gave me any kind of a compliment,
which was very rare, I would blow it up. Or
the worst part is I made him appear better than
he was. People would say, so what does he do
for a living, right, and I would say, oh, he
does sales and marketing for Budweiser, when really he was
(49:47):
a delivery truck driver for a bottling company that did
sell beer and soft drinks. There is that a good
example of cry.
Speaker 5 (50:02):
But you know, those are those are the signs that
you are accepting love crumbs because you are propping him up.
And sometimes you will overanalyze gestures like oh, okay, he sent
me a text. Oh he smiled at me, or she
smiled at me, or she she said I'm sorry, or
(50:23):
she gave me a hug, or she gave me a
pat on the back, or you know, she put her
head on my shoulder, Oh, she must really like me.
Or you're always waiting for that text, for that call,
for that clear sign. Yes, you're like you're you're you're
longing for that approval, or you're defending their behavior. Oh
(50:47):
they're just busy. Oh you know they've been hurt before,
you make all the excuses, or you get to the
point where you're just afraid to ask anymore for fear
that they'll leave. You just come to their rescue. Like
you said, you defend everything for them, And so that's
where you get to the point where you're eating those crumbs.
Speaker 3 (51:10):
Yeah, and I'm now realizing that I've actually lived a
pick versus chosen moment, if you don't mind, Doctor tiffany A.
This is a true story. I walked in after a
long business trip into the living room where he was
watching TV when I was still married and my husband
(51:33):
at the time, he was my husband. He he didn't
even look up when I walked in the room. I've
been gone like two weeks. He didn't even look up,
And I was so pissed, and I stopped up the
stairs and I said, I can't believe he doesn't listen
to me, he doesn't attend to me. I jumped under
the covers and I was crying and he doesn't be
attgen to me. And all of a sudden, I heard
(51:56):
a voice come out of the clouds, and it said,
do you pay attention to yourself? Do you listen to yourself?
Do you love yourself and value what you say and think?
And man, it was like that moment of clarity of
boom and the hell, I'm getting chills just thinking about it.
(52:18):
That was the moment when I knew that I was
not choosing myself and I was waiting to be picked
by someone who could not pick me. oOoOO. How's that
for a great example?
Speaker 5 (52:30):
Mm hmm, absolutely, because they have to. You have to
love yourself and then others will follow. And if you
can't love yourself, how can other people follow suit and
love you too? Because once you start loving you, other
people can follow the example that you set for yourself.
(52:51):
And I think that that is important. Actually I don't think.
I know that that is important. And I actually want
to say that when it comes to evaluating your self
and read reassessing things. You have to just move into
(53:18):
choosing you.
Speaker 3 (53:22):
I'm sure you wrote at least one poem.
Speaker 5 (53:26):
I did, I did, I did, and.
Speaker 3 (53:30):
That did I know? Right?
Speaker 5 (53:37):
And this is one of from floor Try and so
this is called I wanted and it says I wanted
you to be my endgame, but as it turns out,
not so much. I wanted you to be the last
(53:59):
man that I would ever touch. I wanted you to
be the one with whom i'd say I do. I
wanted you to be my forever, but that is just
not you. I wanted you to reciprocate my love, but
that just did it happen. When it came to your
love for me in that area, you were slacken. I
(54:20):
wanted so much for there to be a future for
you and I. I wanted to be the last woman
you loved. Your ride or die. Not getting what we
want is a sad reality. Despite us not being together,
you will always have a.
Speaker 3 (54:36):
Friend in me. That's beautiful and sirens, you know, means
that it's true. But final word, doctor Tiffany, on this
(54:59):
great topic, are you picked or are you chosen?
Speaker 5 (55:03):
I would say, don't wait, don't just wait to be
picked for something you don't even want. Choose what makes
you come alive, because that will help you live and thrive.
Speaker 3 (55:23):
There's a new poem. My final word is if you
can't approve and choose yourself, how the fork do you
expect other people to choose and approve of you? I
(55:52):
should have some kind of a well, that's that's my moose.
That's the moose drop there, all right. So, uh, let's
see how do we find doctor Tiffany Tate. She is
active on her social I think you saw the website
for her work right now, Doctor Tiffany Tate for.
Speaker 5 (56:16):
Congress, Doctor Tate for Congress, d R T A T
E F O R C O N G R E
S S dot com Doctor Tate Congress.
Speaker 3 (56:26):
And then on social you are.
Speaker 5 (56:30):
I am still doctor Tate for Congress.
Speaker 3 (56:34):
Oh it's a separate one than the other one. Mm
hmm okay cool. And uh let's see free subscribe on
my YouTube TV channel and uh, give me the finger,
this one, not the other one. I'm celebrating this uh
uh this week. I didn't tell you, doctor Tiffany. We
(56:55):
are celebrating seven hundred consecutive weeks on the air on
camera for this show, so I wanted just to take
a minute to celebrate that. And then we are out
of Asian Oprah giveaways for the JazzFest dot Com Jazz
(57:20):
Catalina Jazz Festival, but you can still get tickets two
weekends in October. Great great, great Uh place to experience
the best jazz has to offer. Thanks to our good
Thanks for the Asian Oprah giveaways. It's all about balance,
peace in peace, out world peace through inner piece doctor tivity.
Speaker 5 (57:44):
Take us out now, go and have the best day ever.
Speaker 3 (57:52):
See you tomorrow.
Speaker 7 (58:02):
CACAA Loma Linda, your CNBC news station where your business
comes first.
Speaker 8 (58:10):
Hi, this is Pastor Adrian McClellan with Jesus is the
Way ministries. Are you now ready to understand the Word
of God in truth instead of by uninformed and misinformed people.
Tune in on Sundays at one pm for the truth.
You will be very grateful that you did. See you
(58:30):
there and now the voices of KCAA was an exciting announcement.
Speaker 9 (58:37):
Want to hear NBC News or KCAA anywhere you go?
Speaker 2 (58:40):
Well, now there's an app for that.
Speaker 4 (58:42):
KCAA is celebrating twenty five years in our silver anniversary
with a brand new app.
Speaker 3 (58:47):
The new KCAA app is now available on your smart device,
cell phone, in your car, or any place.
Speaker 5 (58:54):
Just search KCAA on Google Play or in the Apple Store.
Speaker 9 (58:58):
One touch and you can listen on your car video,
Bluetooth Advice, Android Auto or Apple Car Play.
Speaker 4 (59:03):
Catch the KCAA buzz in your earbuds or on the streets.
Celebrating twenty five years of talk news and excellence with
our new KCAAP Just do it and download it.
Speaker 2 (59:13):
KCAA celebrating twenty five years.
Speaker 9 (59:19):
Be safe, not sorry this Labor Day, don't drink and dry.
Our sponsor is Premium Plumbing Program of the IE. Tired
of expensive home warranty prices just to be denied, then
Premium Plumbing Program is an excellent, low cost coverage alternative.
Say goodbye to home warranty. Sign up today, Membership plans
starting at twenty five dollars a month. Mention promo code
radio for ten dollars off call nine nine two nine
(59:41):
five one seven sixty three. That's nine O nine two
nine five seventeen sixty three. Premium Plumbing Program Say Goodbye
to home warranty.
Speaker 7 (59:49):
Ten fifty am. Don't forget that number, and for you young
people who got here by accidentally fat fingering your FM
band select.
Speaker 5 (59:57):
There.
Speaker 7 (59:58):
We're an AM radio station and AM refers to more
than just the time of day.
Speaker 2 (01:00:06):
You're listening to the Tahibo Tea Club radio show