KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa (Fri, 17 Oct, 2025)

KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa on Fri, 17 Oct, 2025

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Jump off that exhausting amster wheel and into balance. Living
with Doctor Marissa from Miss Joy. Doctor Marisa, also known
as the Asian Oprah. Her mission to be a beneficial
presence on the planet, her purpose to be your personal advocate,
to live, lap love, learn her life motto, don't die wondering,

(00:27):
Take back your life with Doctor Maurica Pey, and.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
Welcome your tuna. To take my advice, I'm not using it.
Get balanced with Doctor Marissa in the morning show. You're
on KCAA, NBC News C NBC News, NBC Sports radio
station AM ten fifty f M one oh six point
five and streaming everywhere. I heart Radio, Spotify, iTunes, Student
in Audible, Amazon Music, Taricula, Rumble Patches, your Speaker, Speaker

(00:57):
and more. Why so many places. I want to maximize
my splatter zone for more hope and happiness. So there's
no gossip here, no scandal, no K word, it's no
Kardashian talk. Instead, I want to balance out all that
bad news out there, no headlines but heartlines because there's
just so many other places to tune into for that

(01:18):
bad news. And uh yeah, I do have my head
in the sand. Just it feels better to not have
to wake up with what's wrong with people. Instead, I
want to do what's right with people, and I have
shows and co hosts to that end. And today's no exception.

(01:40):
It's Friday, and Friday I get to be just a
little bit naughty because we're going into the weekend and
it's always time for straight talk with myself.

Speaker 3 (01:49):
And James Althorne.

Speaker 2 (01:51):
Good morning everyone, Good morning James. He's a action fitness
I was going to say action fit this hero because
it sounds like d is a bird is a playing No,
it's James Hawthorne.

Speaker 3 (02:07):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (02:08):
He's a trainer, he's an actor, he's a uh film
festival that makes a difference, former founder, he's a son,
he's a co host, he's single, and he's definitely not straight.

Speaker 4 (02:25):
So I.

Speaker 2 (02:27):
Please welcome back to the studio James Hawthorne. Oh and
he's my Dodger guide, my Dodger daughter dog Dogger. But anyways,
can you tell my coffee just went and kicked in?

Speaker 3 (02:46):
What an intro Dodger daughter Dogger. I don't know what
to make of that, man, I'll tell you what.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
Yeah, yeah, you just never know what's gonna happen on
a Friday, So let's start with breakfast. That's always what
happens on a Friday. My top of the button is
what are you grateful for when you look outside of yourself?
And the bottom of the bottom, which we want you
to do before you go to bed, and I do

(03:15):
like it on the bottom is what are you grateful
for inside of yourself? So you turn your eyes within?
What do you like about yourself? That way you're not
falling asleep thinking who done me wrong? Why didn't I do?
Why did I say that? I should have done this,
shouldn't have done that? And welcome to Angel Low, so
good to see you, glad you're you are the captain

(03:38):
of my cash you gallery this morning, first one. And
if you're driving and listening on the AMFM side, please
do not chat. I don't want to hear about any accidents.
But if you once you get to where you're going,
please do come and play with us, especially on Fridays
when we have good looking non straight men on my

(04:00):
hot seat as go hosts. So I am grateful for
let's see that Majong has allowed. It's like a hashtag
blood clot silver lining. I didn't have time to play
this much Mojong and I've now thanks to Underground Majong

(04:22):
La Mojong League and East Never Loses. Those three organizations
have kept my dance card very, very full, and I
shout out to them. And I have a tournament coming
back on Sunday for Hong Kong style. I'm in the
middle of a tournament on Taiwan Style, so I didn't

(04:46):
get into one. So that's what's going on. It's called
not no sleep filter, No sleep, no filter.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
I already had t shirts ordered. They'll be right having shortly.

Speaker 2 (05:01):
Thank you, James, What are you gravel for?

Speaker 3 (05:05):
I'm grateful for the seat at the bar that's right
next to where everybody comes up to order their drinks
because it's a captive audience. Gives me a chance to
meet anybody that I find attractive. So I was watching
some playoff baseball with my friend yesterday and uh talked
to a couple of handsome dudes and got a couple

(05:26):
numbers and have a tennis date set up for Monday,
and we'll see. It's just nice because there they are,
they're not going anywhere till they order their drink. Gives
me a chance to engage them into some conversation. I'm
for that seat and that it was open.

Speaker 2 (05:42):
That's a dating strategy right now. You heard it first
here like hello, I'm.

Speaker 3 (05:47):
Here, I'm on your other side. I'm like, yeah, but
I know you already. Just just give me a minute.

Speaker 2 (05:52):
Ow ow wow. That reminds me of my best friend
in grad school. And he was gay. I didn't know
until like like months later. People thought we were a couple.
And then we were crossing Beverly Boulevard. Any in the
middle of the street. He goes, you know, I'm not
you know, I'm gay, And I was like what because

(06:16):
good looking, you know my my type. And he kept
walking and I'm stuck in the middle of busy Beverly
Boulevard like in shock. Like I'm the last one to
figure it out. Hey, I grew up in a rural
town in Canada. That's my excuse. We didn't have any diversity.
So there you go.

Speaker 3 (06:36):
When he decided to come out to you and tell you,
I guess you wanted to distract you with having to
cross the street. Didn't want to engage in too many
follow up questions, so he told you. And yet when
you had a critical task to accomplish.

Speaker 2 (06:51):
No, I think he wanted to kill me because I
had I had said something super stupid. And again my
my defense is that, you know, Kitchener Waterloo, Ontario, is
a very small town, the largest German settlement outside of Germany.
And so there was one Japanese family, one Chinese family,

(07:11):
one Black family, one Indian family. That's it. Didn't have
Mexican food until I came to the States and didn't
know about gay honestly, like no experience whatsoever. So I
made a stupid comment when they were talking about the
statistics of the student body in the grad school and
I they said something about you know, they said percent

(07:34):
men women gay, and then later on they were talking
about men and I said, yeah, but are they real men?
Like stupid, stupid And the one lesbian in the class
promptly hated me from that never talked to me for
the rest of the four years. I will not say

(07:55):
her name. And so that's why he did it. I
think he was trying to teach me a lesson.

Speaker 3 (08:03):
He forced his and you made him blurt it out
right then and there and crossing the street.

Speaker 2 (08:09):
Yeah. Anyways, not a proud moment, but hey, I live
out loud and I'm eighty eight percent fabulous and twelve
percent of the time I step in it good. Angela
is grateful for another day alive. You suffered a heart
attack last year. I did not know that. Wow. Well,

(08:31):
but eating right, so she's taking some responsibility and I'm grateful.
If you're in LA, you should go. James's offering a
free session for fitness.

Speaker 3 (08:43):
Yeah, Angela, I'm glad to hear that you're doing better
and eating right. And I've actually worked with posttheart attack
patients and you know, and get you back and make
sure that you know you're only stronger moving forward and
that you have the foundation for good health for the
rest of your life. So I would love to hear
from you. It's Action Man Fitness on Instagram. You can

(09:04):
just DM me there and the first session console is
on me.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
There you go, and you can do it by zoom too.

Speaker 3 (09:12):
Yes, so yeah, either in person or remote. And it
includes nutrition counseling so we can make sure that those
diet choices you're making are serving you well.

Speaker 2 (09:23):
Only one Krispy Kreme a month, let's see. I am
grateful that I've been on the air on camera for
seven and seven hundred and one consecutive weeks four hundred
and ninety three podcast shows for over four I'm at

(09:46):
four million, and I believe eighty thousand impressions on my
YouTube TV channel. So so grateful that keep going and
going and going. And my newest parallel. Someone said, I'm
a cross between the energizer Bunny and a Tasmanian devil,

(10:07):
So there you go. I'm grateful that and to have
people like Angela who basically watched me start this thing,
So there you go. One last gratitude.

Speaker 3 (10:18):
James, speaking of watching playoff baseball, I am grateful that
the Dodgers pulled out a twelve inning victory against the
Phillies yesterday. In my mind, they were our toughest challenge,
toughest team to beat on our path to being repeat
repeat champions for the first time, and it would be

(10:39):
twenty five years that a team has won to repeat championship,
so would be very history making. And it was a
hard fought series. And I like the way we're looking
going into facing either the Cubs or the Brewers to
be determined on Saturday.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
Wow. Yeah, I was going to ask you about that.
I knew you would know that statistic about the repete
and twenty five years. Who was it?

Speaker 3 (11:04):
It was the Yankees, and they actually pulled off a
three peat ninety eight, ninety nine, and two thousand. However,
they didn't have that extra round in the playoffs back then,
the wildcard round. So if the Dodgers can repeat, I
would say that that is just as impressive as the
Yankees repeat from way back then.

Speaker 2 (11:24):
Sounds good. I would like to give my last gratitude
as I am getting on a boat after the show
and going to Catalina Island for the thirty eighth annual
Catalina Island Island Jazz Tras Festival. Congratulations to my Asian
Oprah giveaway ticket winners, Vanilla mom Te and they're great

(11:52):
supporters of the show and jumped on it and they're
going next weekend. I'm going this weekend. And my sister
Keiko Matsui giving her a gratitude as well. Started as
a red carpet interview, then went to a show guest,
and then every time she goes into a new album,

(12:15):
she comes and celebrates and launches it here. So I
am very very grateful that I get to Let's see,
where's the artist's lineup? I just want to show you
oh well, there's artists going on the side. Here brand

(12:36):
news festival program. Okay, so here's the let's see if
we can't find there's lots of great great this is
the beautiful Avalon so you can still get tickets. So
two weekends, and I don't know if you've ever I
don't know if you like jazz James, but it's a

(12:58):
it's a great Peopleson's gonna be on. Bob James, Norman
Brown is tomorrow night. Hiroshima. I got to interview them,
so many great there's my sister Cake Go and Gerald Albright.
I met him ages ago when I was dating the
cruise owner, Jazz Cruise owner. But that's another story. So

(13:22):
I would love it if you went to Cavalia Jazz
Festival and said, doctor Marsa sent me and art good
is amazing. He keeps bringing this fantastic jazz festival every year.
And I'll be there tonight and tomorrow, so come say hi.

(13:44):
All right?

Speaker 3 (13:45):
Do they host things inside the old casino.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
Building that is where it is?

Speaker 3 (13:49):
Okay, great, so that building is still functional and useful.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
Huh yeah, well, I do believe that this is the
biggest event that happens regularly every year. I will go
out on a limb to say that. So, yes, Leo says,
sounds good. I guess you're going. I guess I get
to see you, Leo. And let's see where am I here.

(14:15):
Let's do this again. Okay, that's my last gratitude. What's
your last one? Oh?

Speaker 3 (14:21):
I thought that was the last one.

Speaker 2 (14:22):
The Dodgers are, Oh, yeah, okay, you're right. Let's go
to the bottom of the bun. Yes, the bottom of
the bun, because I like it on the bottom, even
though that just means the bottom level of a house.
Because it's been a while for a date, Vegas doesn't count,
so I really had too much coffee this morning. Bottom

(14:49):
of the bun is weightlifting. It's a good life habit
hashtag discipline for all of us who grew up being
told don't toot your own horn, you're not all that well.
Meeting parents sometimes more mean than well, because we think
that we're not anything unless someone tells us we're something,
and that's so not sure. That's Bullshitaki. We are the

(15:14):
boss of our own self esteem, our own approval. I've
never said it like that. I like that instead of
walking around looking for love, and all the wrong places,
including likes. Who likes me on social media? Literally? How
many likes? Instead? I want you to go, you know what,

(15:35):
I am creative and I own that. And I'm funny,
not funny looking, but funny and witty and charming and
imperfect and life loving. So those are my before I

(15:55):
go to bed, That's what I'm gonna tell myself so
that I will fall asleep easily. And it's a good
life habit to do this. James, what do you like
about yourself? I just did my three.

Speaker 3 (16:06):
I like that I can recognize opportunity and jump in
and take advantage of it. Sometimes opportunity isn't so obvious
because sometimes it looks like it's dressed in overalls. It
looks like hard work. But you know, I like that
I can recognize an opportunity and seize it because I

(16:27):
think a lot of good things in my life have
happened when I've done that. And you know, jumped in
with both feet.

Speaker 2 (16:36):
And maybe even a third. And you know where I'm going.
Angela is calling you inspiring. There you go, there's another
thing that, uh, she said, and she likes me, Angela
and she likes me too, So there So, uh, that's

(16:58):
what I want you to do every single day. You
can do it with or without me. I'm here five
days a week to start the day with breakfast. I
promise if you continue to do this and make it
a good life habit, you will sandwich your day in
the most positive way. Thanks for joining us for breakfast

(17:23):
and for the topic of the day, James.

Speaker 3 (17:31):
We are going all the way back to high school
science class to talk about that mysterious thing called chemistry
in all its shapes and forms, what it looks like
when it comes to physical intimacy, for dating, for hanging out,
and the big question that we're going to explore is

(17:52):
whether it's something that is either there or it's not,
or whether it's something that can grow and develop, and
what that means in terms of what we're looking for
and what we should and should not necessarily expect on
a first date or first encounter. So we're going to
try to wrap our arms around that thing called chemistry.

Speaker 2 (18:16):
What's growing.

Speaker 3 (18:19):
GIRLOW today? I want I want what's in your blend,
whatever that might be. I'm just drinking Trader Joe's coffee.
I want to know what you got.

Speaker 2 (18:29):
Yeah, yeah, it's a well, you're the one with a
Kiddi cat on your mug. Wow. So so I put
instead of sex on the promo, I said, what makes
your toes curl? I think that reference most people know?

(18:49):
So is I Actually I want to look it up.
I know there's at least one relationship guru who says
is that chemistry is a sign that it's a bad thing.
But most people are in search of that elusive butterfly effect.

(19:11):
That's not the one with the butterfly wings in Brazil.
That that that funny feeling in your stomach and below
it is what I am always sort of chasing, like
I want to have that feeling and it's very rare.

(19:32):
Or if I have that feeling when I see a
guy as Cindy as he opens his mouth and says something,
it's gone, or.

Speaker 5 (19:42):
Or I may have that.

Speaker 2 (19:43):
Feeling and I lose that feeling. But I have a
BS belief system that if I don't have that feeling
right away, I'm never gonna get that feeling. So interesting,
it's a lot to unpack today. So we're super glad
you're here. If you have just joined us and your
wandering what's going on in studio today? It is straight

(20:07):
talk with myself.

Speaker 3 (20:08):
And James authorne and we're talking about chemistry.

Speaker 2 (20:14):
Game mystery. There is no song I think like that.
But anyways, we would love you to share on the
chat unless you're driving, please don't chat and drive what
your experiences around chemistry have been and weigh in. Give
us your eight cents worth in that chat, and I

(20:37):
know James and I will sort of do well. I
love doing research as we're talking, so we'll see what
the experts have to say on that. So, James, what
did you pick this topic?

Speaker 3 (20:48):
We'll here learning together. I love that doing research while
we talk. Just I went out on a date, you know,
the other day, and there was definitely strong attraction. And
I'm not sure necessarily about the chemistry. So two different things, right,
What makes your toes curl could be attraction, right, But

(21:08):
chemistry is that thing that kind of happens in between.
It's not just that feeling inside of you, which can
be just pure attraction or having a crush, whether it
be physical. It's more that like feeling of it clicking,
that that interaction just working and you're like, wow, I
just really it's just it just works with this person,

(21:32):
whether that's spending time together with or without clothes on both.
It's it's it's that clicking sense because attraction, I think
it can be entirely that's more just all within you,
and chemistry is that magic that happens in between. So
I kind of want to put that parameter out there,

(21:54):
especially because what made me pick the topic was the
sense of I am incredibly attracted to this guy, and
I'm not sure about the chemistry. I think there could
be some. I think I need to get to know
each other more. It wasn't like there's none. There was some,
but it wasn't like an immediate like oh, we just click.

Speaker 2 (22:18):
Yeah, okay, you're not going to go there. What I was?
You know that?

Speaker 3 (22:27):
What?

Speaker 2 (22:27):
I can't even do it. I haven't done that in
a long time. I do have. I just put into
the my assistant Google's docket. Let's see if I can
do this here easily share screen. So I asked Google,

(22:54):
where did it go?

Speaker 4 (22:56):
Uh?

Speaker 2 (22:56):
Is chemistry actually a good predictor of a good relationship
and ship? And it says chemistry is a poor predictor.
So it's actually more than one researcher. If AI is
correlating all of the information. Right, it's a poor predictor
on its own, but it can be an important part

(23:18):
if of one if paired with compatibility, communication, and share values.
Why chemistry can provide initial passion and attraction, it doesn't
guarantee a lasting long connection that requires factor like emotional support, trust,
and effective conflict resolution to thrive. And it can be

(23:39):
defined as because you know, I like definitions lust, physical traction,
or magnetic energy that can be intense but doesn't necessarily
reflect long term compatibility.

Speaker 3 (23:53):
Now I understand that if they're looking at chemistry from
that lens, that it is in fact lust the traction,
that that's a major component of it. I think it's
pretty I think we can all say it's pretty obvious
that that's not, you know, necessarily a predictor of a good,
happy relationship. But if it's more that clicking that in

(24:14):
between where just being with that person is easy, whether
it's you know, physically intimate or spending time together. Let's see,
like when James chose the guy onto the bus. He
knows this chase the guy onto the bush. Yes, that's right,
you remember that story.

Speaker 2 (24:35):
Wow, that's pretty impressive. I don't remember that story. That
makes me that. My initial thought was Leo knows James
and he saw him chase a guy.

Speaker 3 (24:44):
On I'll give there. I'll help catch the rest of
our listeners, including the host of the show, up on that,
because it's very on topic today. So I was at
a New Year's Eve party in New York, a city
many years back, and and the guy that I was visiting,
we did it. We had attraction, but we didn't really

(25:06):
have chemistry. So we all kind of did our own
thing at the party and I met this incredible guy.
We had incredible attraction towards one another, and when we
were just talking, it just felt like this magnetic force.
So we met for coffee the next day in a snowstorm,
and he was like, God, I hate it. Well, why
do you have to go back to LA I'm you

(25:27):
know you got a flight. I'm catching a bus back
to d C. He lived in Washington, d C. And
as soon as like, why man, why is this? At
the end today, I get a call from the airline
saying that my flight had been canceled due to the weather,
and so I said, you better buy me that bus
ticket to DC. So I just extended my trips and
flying out the next day, I said it a week,

(25:47):
figured ou I'd spend time with him see my mom
who lives down in DC as well, And man, was
it intense. But the compatibility wasn't quite there because he
didn't really want to do long distance. He very He
was a very practical guy, I think, maybe more so
than me at that time in my life, and I
was more of a romantic and we tried dating for
about a month, but he was ultimately like, look, whereas

(26:09):
it's going. I have no designs on leaving the East Coast,
and you have no designs of coming back, and so
you know, let's not get too deep into this before
it's too late. But the chemistry was very strong.

Speaker 2 (26:23):
How deep? No? Yeah, wow, Leo, I'm so impressed because
now I sort of remember. But uh yeah, that's a
very good memory. That was from a while ago.

Speaker 3 (26:37):
Too, right, Yeah, yeah, I have brought that up in
quite a number of.

Speaker 2 (26:42):
Shows, I think last year. Maybe even when start the.

Speaker 3 (26:47):
Story stuck, maybe it's time to put pen to paper
and write a rom com or something.

Speaker 2 (26:54):
You know, Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 3 (26:55):
Actor creative had on and use some liberties, some some
fictional facts and factional fictions, and if Leo remembers it.
Maybe there's a story that would entertain others.

Speaker 4 (27:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (27:08):
Cool.

Speaker 2 (27:09):
So I'm a little confused. You have used the word
chemistry and attraction as two different things, and there was
another word as well that you used that I kind
of put in that same bucket. Right, If you have chemistry,

(27:29):
there's this magnetic energetic attraction. So for me, those two
are the same thing. For you, you said there was
no chemistry, but there was an attraction, or there was
an attraction but there was no chemistry. So what do
you how are you distinguishing those two.

Speaker 3 (27:49):
So the difference, I think it's it's for one, it's
a matter of depth. It's you know, attraction lust. I
think it is a little more like mammalian instinct, like
it's a little shallower, And I think chemistry is a
very human sort of thing where it's about the connection

(28:15):
between you two. So for the purpose of like the
topic today, I'm defining it as the connection and the
ease of which you get along, where like if we're
talking about sex, it's mind blowingly good. Like I've had
average relations with incredibly attractive people, and I've had mind

(28:38):
blowing relations with people that aren't as attractive. So for me,
what's the differentiator chemistry? So if that helps clear it up.
On the physical side, I'm defining it as that connection.
That's something extra that goes beyond just how attractive you
find that person. So on the physical side, that.

Speaker 2 (29:00):
So attraction so attract See I do it opposite. So
for me, chemistry is that physical glue that makes you
want to jump their bones, and vice versa. For me,
you know, it's your it's your topic today, we'll use
your definition. But when I think of chemistry, I think

(29:20):
of that initial you know, that that pull, that that butterfly,
which is physical. Honestly, you don't know enough about the
person to be attracted to them in any other way
than that physical right, so technical term, whereas attraction is

(29:48):
like compatibility too, like I'm attracted to their personality as
well as their their their job and what they do
and their ambition and.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
All of that.

Speaker 2 (29:59):
So but for the purposes of today, we'll use yours. Yeah,
which is a Chemistry is physical plus more.

Speaker 3 (30:11):
It's that something extra exactly plus more is a good
way to put it, because I have had attraction without chemistry,
where I think it's going to be incredible the time
we spend together, whether as physical intimacy or a date.
But it hasn't really been there, And I've had chemistry
without attraction like some of my like with friends, like

(30:32):
you know, people where you just could spend hours talking
and you really you feel like everything is just enriched,
you know, with that friend more so than with somebody else.
You might have friends that you like spending time with,
that you get along with well, that you're compatible with.
But chemistry is that like you could finish each other's

(30:53):
sentences and you think about going on and around the
world trip with that person, They're the one you want
to do it with because everything it's just so easy.
So it's that it's that something extra. So while attraction
can be a part of chemistry for today's purposes, it's
not the whole kit and kaboodle. Chemistry is that's something
extra where you go on a date and you're just

(31:15):
completely floored and surprised by how enriching it was. It's
that magic something extra.

Speaker 2 (31:22):
Okay, so magic Mike extra. Uh. We are at the
middle of the hour, so we're gonna have to take
a quick break for news weather traffic on kzyaa NBC
news radio AM ten fifty FM one or six point five,
the station that leaves no listener behind. Don't Go Away?
Who will be right back with more straight talk with

(31:45):
myself and James Altham, and the topic is Chemistreet, We'll
be back in the lab in two and two.

Speaker 7 (31:58):
Piece in ps out, Don't Go Away.

Speaker 1 (32:15):
Take Back Your Life.

Speaker 2 (32:20):
Well.

Speaker 8 (32:20):
She has been dubbed the Asian Oprah and she just
wants all of us to be happy. Doctor Marissa aka
the Asian Oprah says the.

Speaker 2 (32:35):
Most important thing you can choose is choosing to be happy.
You are tuned into my weekly talk radio TV show
called take My Advice. I'm not using it. Get balanced
with Doctor Marissa.

Speaker 8 (32:58):
That's the idea for doctor Marissa Pay's new book call
Eight Ways to Be Happy.

Speaker 2 (33:03):
Many of us say, I am my own worst critic.
Nobody's harder on me than I am. And my response
to that is stop it.

Speaker 5 (33:15):
Why are you doing that to yourself?

Speaker 4 (33:17):
You have to be your biggest fan, because if you can't,
at the end of the day say I did a
good job, who is We don't have to constantly be
angry at the things that are wrong.

Speaker 2 (33:28):
Why don't we choose to be happy?

Speaker 5 (33:30):
About things that are right.

Speaker 4 (33:31):
We have the choice that's our muscle and life is
so amazing if we can see it.

Speaker 3 (33:45):
Hi, everybody, James Hawthorne here with Action Man Fitness, and
I want to encourage everybody that's watching today to put
your health first. Sometimes you have to put your own
oxygen mask on first, just like they tell you in
flight safety videos. Otherwise, whatever it is that you think
is more important than taking care of your health and fitness,
you won't be able to do. You have to make

(34:07):
sure that you are fully supporting and taking care of
yourself so that you can be there for your family,
your loved ones, your work, your job. So even if
it's just twenty to thirty minutes a day or an
hour every other day, I encourage you to take that
first step and get started, and I'm here to help
you with that. You can DM me on Instagram at

(34:28):
Action Man Fitness say that you're coming from Doctor Marissa
or Asian Oprah and they'll be an extra free session
for you so that we can assess what your goals
are and help you address your needs and get you
on the path to vitality and wellness.

Speaker 1 (35:04):
Take back your life with Doctor Mauricipe.

Speaker 3 (35:12):
And it's back to.

Speaker 2 (35:13):
Me and we're back. You're dood to take my advice.
I'm not using it. Get balance on Doctor Merits of
the Morning Show here on KCAA, NBC News Radio, CNBC News,
NBC Sports station AM ten fifty FM one I Say
Boy five Home to the Asian OPRAH number one talk

(35:33):
in the Ie, Thank you very much, and streaming everywhere iHeartRadio,
Spotify and course by YouTube TV channel where if you
free subscribing give me the finger, this one, not the
other one. You will have access free to my show
about Open Happiness, every fourking weekday morning at nine Pacific time,

(35:55):
and also access to all the playlists, including my short
film PPP Post Pandemic Possibilities, my Red Carpet Playlist, interviews
with Allie Berry, John Travolta, Quincy Jones, Who's on the
Other Side, and more. And today is for Fridays, so
I get a little bit randy with not Randy but

(36:18):
my co host James Hawthorne, who always provides a scintillating topic.
And what are we talking about today, James?

Speaker 3 (36:27):
We are talking about chemistry, and as we've defined it today,
it's more than just the attraction and lust, it's that
something extra, that thing that just elevates the experience where
someone might tell you could date someone so much more attractive.
I don't understand what it is about this person, and
you go, ah, you don't know the chemistry that we have,

(36:49):
So it's not necessarily it's more than just attraction and lust.
It's that something extra that elevates that person to a
whole new level in your life. And question that I
want to pose, is it something that is there? Is
it something that happens literally on a chemical level that's
either there or isn't, Or is it something that you

(37:12):
know can build over time if you give that person
a fair chance. I think sometimes in our instant gratification society,
we look for some of those things right away and
we're quick to just say Nope, not this person, not
that person. Is it something I think we're all guilty
of that to some degree, depending on the amount of

(37:33):
patience we have on that day, you know, when we
go on a date with that person or meet them,
and the question is is chemistry something that can be
that can develop over time or is it it's either
there or it's not there? And that's just the way
it is, and I'm not sure I'd like to get
your thoughts.

Speaker 2 (37:50):
Definitely. Now I made the connection why I'm single is
I don't have the word patience in my vocabulary. Never well,
that's not you. I did have it once. I prayed
for patients. I got two teenage daughters and I said,
that's it. I'll never ask for patients again. And I
don't have any patients. I don't want any patients. So

(38:14):
that's probably why. If I don't feel it right away,
it ain't ever gonna be there, and it's next, next, next,
and ergo my single dum and my you know, the
always trying to get off that path to the gray haired,

(38:34):
turquoise jewelry cats, although I'm allergic to cats, thank god.
Woman that you sort of you know, character caricaturize right
as that grumpy old woman that's her on her own
for the rest of her life. I really don't want that, however,

(38:55):
I if I don't feel that chemistry, and it's funny
because I'm swiper, no sweat like very soon after, you know,
as long as they don't say something stupid like I've
always wanted to. I'm I've always been attracted to Asian women.
I had James, I have to tell you this. You
are not gonna believe this. This actually happened last week

(39:19):
on the phone. Right, It's a good thing I didn't
see what he looked like, because I would send someone
to shoot him.

Speaker 5 (39:27):
But he actually had the balls to not just say
I've you know, I'm only attracted.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
To Asian women. I went, whoa, I am not your stereotypical,
will not cook for you, will not clean for you,
and the other way I'm gonna walk on your back
is with high heels and it will hurt. His response
was he didn't get the joke, and then he said, yeah,
my friends asked me all the time, why am I

(40:00):
I only attracted to Asian woman?

Speaker 5 (40:03):
And I say, well, they always tell me I love.

Speaker 2 (40:11):
You long time. Oh my god, can you forking believe that? Like?
I mean, that goes down in the anals and anal
as in ash hole, you know, top three worst dates. Definitely,

(40:34):
I didn't even get to a date. This is on
the phone.

Speaker 3 (40:39):
Wow, I can't believe he thought that would be I
don't know if you thought that would be charming or
funny or cute. I mean, it's just defensive isn't it.

Speaker 5 (40:47):
He goes, well, you have to have it.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
Oh wait wait wait, way it gets better, he goes,
I go really, and he goes, wait, I have that.
I actually sounded like this, hold on really really really
really okay, I did that. And then he said, well,
you gotta have a sense of humor where not I

(41:18):
am not making I wish I was making this up.

Speaker 3 (41:22):
Unbelievable. I mean, look, it's one thing if you have
a type, okay, that's fine, But then to go and
like just go stereotype and just be offensive like that
and degrading. It's like, get out of here.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
I mean yeah. And then I don't know if I
told you another bad date. I actually met them, beautiful setting, sunset,
nice place. I was very impressed because he just made
the decision, said, you know this place, I'll make the reservation,
meet me whatever, and then get the menu. And you
know me, I'm a foodie. I love looking at the

(41:58):
menu and everything. And he goes, I'm here all the time.
We're going to get this in this and if you
want anything, if you know, we can always order more later, right,
So it comes. He served me one thing of salad
and then the rest of it. He like polish off.
And then the waiter came and said, would you like

(42:19):
anything else? Didn't say would you like something else? He goes, no,
we're fine. Wow, that's date number two. And the last
one was the one I have told you about where
the woman the next table came over and said, you
talk too much to my date. So this is the state.

(42:39):
Now you know why I'm single?

Speaker 3 (42:41):
Come on, no, no, no, those are all non starters.
I mean, those are people, based on that behavior, that
I think deserve a second chance. I mean that's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 (42:52):
You know you think you deserve a second chance.

Speaker 3 (42:56):
Not at all.

Speaker 2 (42:57):
Oh, I thought you said those are people that does
a second chance. I will, oh, not at all to
jump on your asset.

Speaker 3 (43:04):
No, it would be one thing. It would be one
thing if you had a good not great date and
you're like, yeah, I'm not really that excited, but you know,
should I give it a chance to grow and develop.
But those kinds of behaviors are just so rude offensive,
you know, the second one taking away all your agency
by just telling you what you're gonna order, not letting
you have a voice. I mean, those are those are

(43:27):
just ugly qualities. But you know I wonder, as we,
you know, bring it to chemistry, like you can never
have chemistry with somebody like that, But as we bring it,
you know, to chemistry, what if you have like a
mediocre date, but they didn't do anything bad or wrong,
It just didn't knock your.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
Socks off, you won't do it again.

Speaker 3 (43:49):
Is there an opportunity for you know, chemistry to development.

Speaker 2 (43:52):
Not for you, not for me. And that's why doctor
Pat Allen and doctor John Gray, who are leading relations
and ship experts, are like they just shake their head
at me because you know, she says, you have the
three dates. It's called duty dating in doctor Pat Allen's world.

(44:14):
And can't do it. It's a waste of my time.
If I don't feel things the moment I meet you,
I can't even fathom having that develop. Same with friends
turning into lovers turning into mates. I love those stories.
I just can't see it myself. Yeah, have you had

(44:37):
that happen?

Speaker 9 (44:42):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (44:43):
I have had friends where it you know, it was
clear there was kind of an underlying maybe romantic spark,
and for whatever reason that we never pursued it. Either
they were in relationship or you know, it never really
came to fast, and then eventually it did, and sometimes
we would decide, you know, that was fun, but we

(45:06):
really respect our friendship, like, we really like our friendship
too much to go down this. Now that said, if
we did indulge in that you know, physical connection, and
it was like mind blowing, maybe we would have decided differently.
But if it was just good, not great, we said, okay,
well we scratched that itch. Let's go back to our

(45:28):
regularly scheduled friendship. You know that that's kind of how
it's how it's gone when when that has happened. So
I certainly think it's possible, it's something I could do.
But once again, I think that chemistry would have to
be through the roof mind blowing, you know, to risk
the friendship.

Speaker 2 (45:47):
You cannot keep saying blowing. Okay, you just can't do
it to me, James, mind blowing, mine blowing. I mean,
come on, you said it twice, Okay, I.

Speaker 3 (45:59):
Don't think mids doing it for you. We got up
your your social engagements, get that, get that mind on
a different.

Speaker 2 (46:07):
Track today, Lord almighty. But and if you just tuned in,
you're on what's going on in studio today? Yes, it
is time for straight talk. That's when I get naughty.
And definitely today is no exception. It is a Friday,
and we're so happy you're here to talk about chemistry,
and James and I are having a great conversation about

(46:30):
what it is. And it isn't as.

Speaker 5 (46:32):
Obvious that we are on completely.

Speaker 2 (46:35):
Different planets when it comes to this, which is, you know,
he's dating and he's having like semi good dates and
I'm having semi bad so it may be time for
me to like shift off of my position on the bottom. Anyways, James,
you you you said though something in that last example,

(46:56):
when you meet someone and there is a little spark
and you decide that the friendship is more important than
that relationship or potential, you know, fulfillment of that relationship.
I'm actually talking about when there is no spark at
all and you you are friends, and maybe it has

(47:18):
something to do with our differing definitions of chemistry, and
there's nothing there except a camaraderie. Let's put it that way,
common interest. You do stuff together, you talk, you know,
you get into these deep conversations because you like that
person as a friend. You use them as a sounding board.

(47:39):
Blah blah, blah blah, and then it begins this road
to chemistry, attraction, relationship, and then romance. That's the one
that I find very difficult to even imagine.

Speaker 3 (47:58):
I understand that. I think we all have patterns and
ways of you know, that we interact, and you know,
when we put people in certain buckets, because that's the
way our brain works. We define things and put them
in buckets. And sometimes, you know, we do that to
just make life less complicated, so we're not in analysis paralysis.
It's a natural mechanism. And I think the way in

(48:18):
which we do those things can you know, either prohibit
us from that potentiality of a friend becoming a romantic partner,
or for others, that door might you know, be open.
I think I'm somewhere in between. I I think I
have you know, defined kind of ideas of where people

(48:39):
are in my life, but I also try to stay
in tune with you know, if there is that spark,
you know, being aware of it, feeling it, you know,
and go, oh, what what is that? I'm looking at
them a little bit differently. I'm thinking about them, you know,
a little bit differently, and I think, you know, I
think it is possible for chemistry develop over time, because

(49:01):
you know, sometimes there's when you really get to know somebody,
it increases intimacy, and in intimacy, this connection that's above
and beyond that which you have with other friends or
you know, other people that you maybe you might have

(49:22):
a great first date and then it could just kind
of peter out if they if there isn't chemistry, it
could be that attraction that gives you that great first
date and then through lack of chemistry, the second and
third aren't as good. Going by the three date rule,
but you could have a good not great date, but say,
you know, I'm in a bit of a dating slump,

(49:42):
I'm gonna go and have a second date with this person,
and then it could just build from good to really
good to wow, this person really is special. Sometimes you know,
you don't have your best conversation skills on a given day,
or sometimes you're just not fully on the same page,
but you could be, you know, And so I like,

(50:06):
I'm kind of talking myself into wanting to hoping for
and wanting to create those second and third date opportunities
after a initial good date. But it's gotta be good
nothing like the three that you described, which sounds like
it's awful. I'm sorry that you had to go through those,

(50:27):
because that's just you know, I can imagine a funny
sketch where like you swipe in real life, like you're
sitting there talking to the person, you just have this
like dumbfounded look in your face, like how have you
survived like in the world with that kind of behavior
and attitude, and literally just swiping your hand right across
their face, being like next, oh, you're still here. Darn

(50:49):
you're still here. Why isn't it working like it does
on my phone? Next?

Speaker 2 (50:54):
Yeah, Yeah, it's funny. I actually dated. I had a date.
It was a pretty good date, and he was a
filmmaker and we actually put a treatment together for a series.
But then and and we had said that, you know,
if it was between the attraction and a relationship and

(51:16):
the work, which would be more important, And I said,
the work like that thing, And then it just when
you combine that, it just it just doesn't work. So
I threw the baby out with the bathwater, you know,
for better for worse.

Speaker 3 (51:33):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (51:34):
But it's like, honestly, I am a reality show for
my dating experiences, like you would think I'm making this up.
It's like so, so then I think a lot of attraction.
I am responsible, I am creating whatever I'm doing, So
obviously I've got a deep seated BS belief system that

(51:56):
keeps attracting ash holes like I don't, like, I need
to figure out what that is that keeps attracting like
the worst case scenarios when it comes to dating.

Speaker 3 (52:11):
Yeah, I mean, if it's happening all the time, every time,
then maybe maybe that's true. I want to say, I
don't know, Maybe you're taking the law of attraction thing
a little too far with that, and it's just a
bad luck streak. But if it is truly a pattern,
and it's it's it's this one bad date after another
with no reprieve, you know, and a good no, not

(52:35):
enough good dates peppered in there, you might be right.
I want to tell you, you know, don't beat yourself
up over it. But maybe there is an opportunity for
self exploration if there's a pattern. I know I would
if if I was experiencing that, I would want to go,
you know, go and look at like, why does this
type of person keep appearing in my life? What what

(52:56):
am I putting out there? Or what yeah, what bs
am I do I need to look at shed light
on and.

Speaker 2 (53:05):
Deal with Well, I think it has to do with
my picker. So even the filters that I have on men, right,
I wish that I could get over that whole height thing,
like there's I'm sure you know Tom Cruise or it's

(53:25):
like but I'm just I don't know, there's something in
its mind because of my own self image being called
that and ugly, and so I have that size thing
and I want to feel like I'm enveloped, right that
as well as I don't want to make the same
missed takes as I did with my husband. There was

(53:47):
no you know, he had a GED and I have
a PhD. There's just too much of a divide. Not
judging that it's lower necessarily, but just that it's just
such a huge divide on that same with the professional
experiences like and so I have this very high bar

(54:12):
for I want like super successful, I want super you know,
blah blah blah. And maybe because I have that filter
on there, it's you know what like Chautauki rises, I
don't know, I don't know, you know, it's.

Speaker 3 (54:33):
Uh yeah, I speaking of kind of the law of
attraction thing and what you bring in. You know, there
was a period where I really was like, all right,
I'm ready for a relationship. I want to meet someone
that I can build that with. But I kept getting
guys that were more like just interested in the hookup

(54:53):
and didn't seem to want the relationship. And it was
a constant pattern, and I'm like, there's got to be
somebody out there. I have friends that in happy relationships
and they are dating minded. Why aren't I attracting those
kinds of people? And when I really looked at it,
I think it was because I was afraid to maybe share.

(55:15):
I was too protective of my heart, which is a
topic that we talked about not too long ago. Was
guarding my heart too much. And while the idea of
being in relationship I think was good, I don't know
if I was in a place to truly let someone
else in and be vulnerable. And it was almost like, well,
if you're not ready for that, then you're gonna get

(55:36):
guys that aren't ready for it as well, even though
in my mind I wanted something different. So I really
looked at it, I discovered that and when you have
two people coming together that are on different pages. I
think the possibility of chemistry is greatly diminished because it
becomes clear that there's sort of this Once you identify

(55:58):
a lack of compatibility, I think sometimes the chance for
chemistry kind of goes out the window with it.

Speaker 2 (56:07):
I'm almost wondering if I'm better off just taking long
term partner off of the table and just saying I
want hot casuals texts and try it that way so
there's no you know, like whatever I think is hot
and then let's just have some fun and then who

(56:31):
because this way is not working obviously, right.

Speaker 3 (56:35):
Yeah, And well things may develop. What starts is one
thing might turn into something, you know, more more serious.
I mean, you know there's a there's a lot of
dating apps, but us gay men have Grinder, which is
more of a hookup app. And I know people that
met for one reason and ended up getting married, you know,
like down the line, and so I think if you

(56:57):
stay open to those possibilities and you know that chemistry
can develop. So I mean, just because I know people
where that's been the case, something that started with lussan attraction,
I think chemistry developed and grew out of it. So
while it might not be possible in your life right now.

(57:17):
I know that it's possible out there in the world.
And I think chemistry, a lot of it is rooted
in hope, So I mean that's almost a good I
think final thought. I think if you keep your hope
alive and if you have a good date, maybe not
a great date, I think that chemistry is can develop.
It's achievable. It's not something that you do all the

(57:39):
heavy lifting on. It's something that happens around two people.
But if you keep your hope alive, you know, I
think that it's something that if it's not there right away,
could come down the line.

Speaker 2 (57:51):
And we like coming alive.

Speaker 3 (57:58):
Show yet and I like it.

Speaker 2 (58:01):
And my final word is I've actually been dating HD.
You know what that stands for. It's not high definition,
it's hope disappointment, hope disappointment. Thank you so much for
joining us today. It's been a lot of fun. And
let's see it's all about balance, peace in peace, out

(58:24):
world peace through interviews. I don't know whether I'm gonna
like sign off laughing or crying, but James take us out.
We'll see you on Kathalena Island for the thirty eighth
jazz tracks of Jazz Festival.

Speaker 3 (58:42):
Now go, thank you all for figuring out the world
and life's mysteries with us, because today we were definitely
the blind leading the blind. So in that sphere of exploration,
go have the best weekend ever.

Speaker 2 (58:56):
See you on Mondays.

Speaker 9 (59:02):
Hey you yeah, you do? You know where you are? Well,
you've done it. Now you're listening to casey AA Loma Linda,
your CNBC news station, so expect the unexpected.

Speaker 6 (59:22):
Hi, this is Pastor Adrian McClellan with Jesus is the
way ministries? Are you now ready to understand the Word
of God in truth instead of by uninformed and misinformed people.
Tune in on Sundays at one pm for the truth.
You will be very grateful that you did see you there.

Speaker 9 (59:44):
Ten fifty am. Don't forget that number. And for you
young people who got here by accidentally fat fingering your
FM band selector. We're an AM radio station and AM
refers to more than just the time of day. This
is case a A.

Speaker 1 (01:00:04):
You're listening to the Tahibo Tea Club radio show hosted
by Milan Bukovic found