KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa (Fri, 5 Dec, 2025)

KCAA: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa on Fri, 5 Dec, 2025

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Subvolved at exhausting amster wheel and into balance. Living with
Doctor Marissa.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
From Miss Joy.

Speaker 1 (00:14):
Doctor Marisa, also known as the Asian Oprah. Her mission
to be a beneficial presence on the planet, her purpose
to be your personal advocate, to live, lap love, learn
her life motto, don't die wondering, Take back your life
with Doctor Maurissa Pey.

Speaker 3 (00:35):
And welcome your tend to take my advice, I'm not
using it. Get balance with Doctor Marissa. Good Morning Show
here on CASEAA, NBC News, CNBC News and NBC Sports
Radio station AM ten fifty FM one OZH six point
five and streaming everywhere. iHeartRadio, Spotify, iTunes, tune in Audible,

(00:59):
Amazon Music, Tikilab, Rumble Pod, Chazer, Streaker, Sprinker and more.
Why so many places. I want to maximize my splatter
zone for more hope and happiness. So there's no gossip,
You're no scandal, no kwords, no Kardashian talk at all,
no tea talk, because I want you to have eighty
eight percent happiness. Why not one hundred percent. If you're

(01:22):
one hundred percent happy, you're dead. We don't want to
do that. So eighty eight percent happiness is our goal.
I have topics and guests to that end. If you
missed my interview with Rude Elite, who was in the
movie with the Brat Pack Seven Brides for seven Brothers,
go into free subscribe to my YouTube TV channel and

(01:45):
you will get access to all those great interviews along
with my Red Carpet playlist with interviews with Halle Berry,
John Travolta and more. And I also have great series.
And you can tell it's Friday because who's in studio.
It's Diverstort Doc with Doctor Marissa and James Hawthorne.

Speaker 4 (02:09):
Hi, everybody, Welcome back.

Speaker 3 (02:11):
James, and I'll let you introduce yourself. It's been a
bit since I've had you do that.

Speaker 4 (02:23):
Sure. I am James Hawthorne. Like Doctor Marissa, I am
a multi hyphen it. I'm a recovering corporate guy and
in the last fifteen years have been a fully freelanced
personal trainer and actor, which has taken me on quite
the roller coaster ride. That has been wonderful. I love

(02:43):
helping clients live and feel their best, and that's probably
my favorite thing about what I get to do. It's
so nice to have a job that is actually doing
some good in the world, which I didn't feel is
the case in corporate And then of course telling stories
as an actor is like it's like my adult reest.
I get to go play make believe for a few
minutes at a time, mostly professional auditioning. Occasionally they pay

(03:05):
me to actually do it. And then when I'm working
with my clients, I get to be the conductor of
their adult recess while hopefully making a real positive.

Speaker 3 (03:18):
You got an extra applause there. I like something and
it gave you applause.

Speaker 4 (03:22):
She likes for buttons. That's good. I like it. I
like it. And then doctor Mersa and I met with
a film festival that I ran called Flicks for Change
for about five or six years, and she was kind
enough to work the red carpet and conduct some awesome interviews.
And that was another attempt to try to get back
and unite art with philanthropic activism. So that was a

(03:43):
really awesome fun chapter in my life as well.

Speaker 3 (03:47):
And that is James Hawthorne, and he is also responsible
for choosing topics. Oh but we forgot to add breakfast.
You know, start every day morning with taking a bite
of my gratitude sandwich top of the bun, things that
we're grateful for when we look outside and bottom of

(04:09):
the bunch, because I like it on the bottom. When
we go to bed. On the bottom, what we want
you to do is look inside and see what is
good about you. Gratitude turned inwards and other words for
it is appreciation. So that's what we do for breakfast
every weekday morning here on the show. So what are

(04:30):
you grateful for, James, Well, speaking of the top.

Speaker 4 (04:33):
Of the bottom, I'll tell you one thing. I'm not
grateful for the fact that I ran out of cream cheese.
I had nothing to put on my cinnamon raisin bagel
this morning, so to the grocery I go. But I
am grateful that cream cheese exists, because there's nothing quite
like cream cheese on a toasted cinnamon raisin bagel. I'm
grateful for that simple pleasure outside of the bun, outside
of the box, top of the bun. We'll get started

(04:54):
with cream cheese and bagels. I'm grateful for that pleasure,
guilty pleasure.

Speaker 3 (04:59):
I'm great that that song.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
Oh, it never rains in Southern California is wrong. It
does rain in Southern California, and I love the way
it smells and looks after the rain.

Speaker 4 (05:16):
Me too. I'm grateful for that as well. Hopefully I
want to say knock out some auditions and work today.
I'm either gonna run or ride my bike or for
a nice long bike ride and enjoy the cooler weather
because until Halloween, that cool weather is a gift because
it can be wicked hot any day anytime till about
Halloween that it's literally like someone snaps their fingers and
we're back to you know, the cool, rainy California, which

(05:40):
is fun.

Speaker 3 (05:41):
I am grateful that I have slickers and a very
cool sea through rain jacket that I love to pull
out during this season.

Speaker 4 (05:53):
That's good. And I'm grateful that the Dodgers clinched the division,
so for the twelve time in thirteen years, Dodgers have
one the National League West. It was a very rocky
path to get there this year. Lots of challenges, but
hopefully that makes us battle tested for the upcoming postseason,
which begins on Tuesday.

Speaker 3 (06:12):
And this is for the Dodger so go Blue and
your co host today is actually one of the reasons,
along with my bonus dad who's ninety five, that I
do love the Dodgers. I have all kinds of Dodger

(06:34):
gear and bubbleheads that I am selling go on eBay,
and I thought there was a game tonight, So there's
no game tonight.

Speaker 4 (06:45):
There is, I believe it. There is tonight. Yeah, it's
against the Sea. So it's the last series of the
year and we are in Seattle facing the Mariners, who
are also bound for the playoffs. So really it's just
the Dodgers are just trying to get all their ducks
in a rows for the postseason, make sure that all
the arms in the rotation and bullpen are ready to contribute,

(07:07):
and try to get guys sharp that maybe whose bats
are a little cold, get their bats hot. It's going
to be really interesting to see who makes the postseason
roster and who does it all the roster, So there's
no drama there coming.

Speaker 3 (07:19):
Up because I made plans to have a date with
my bonus dad and watch the game at his place,
So I when I heard that we had won, I
was like, oh, does that change? But I see there's
a whole new ballgame hah postseason, So I look forward
to that and shout out to my pops, who's ninety

(07:42):
five and still going on strong loves the Dodgers, and
I love the Dodgers, so yeah. My bff Anne Marie
also as a Dodge fan. I don't know if you
saw us go crazy when they won last year and
we were jumping on the bed and her beagle was howling.
So I'm hoping for a repeat of that. That's gonna

(08:05):
be really fun.

Speaker 4 (08:08):
That's how I behave Why the humans acting like this,
jump it all up and down the bed.

Speaker 3 (08:13):
It was very funny. I am greatful last one that
I'm gonna have a lot of fun this weekend. Majong
the Majong Beaches is the name of my group that
once a month we get together for a tournament. Saturday,
I'll be covering two events. The morning is Intergenerational Mojong

(08:37):
put on by I think it's American Majong or East
meatst West or East never uses or there's one more
group that I'm now playing with. I got interviewed by CBS,
which is kind of funny about Majong, so that'll be coming.

Speaker 4 (08:57):
Out really cool. Congratulations, So I've got to learn more
about this Majong madness. I have three lady friends. You're
one of them that play Majong on a weekly basis
two clients. You. I got to understand what it's all about.
I mean, I got my poker game I play right
now and again, but man, I got to see what
this is all about.

Speaker 3 (09:17):
It has increased one hundred and seventy nine percent in
the last year. That was a stat that the CBS
reporter gave me. I didn't know that, so she asked
me why, and of course, in my branded happy way,
I said that it was the balance to all the

(09:41):
negativity against diversity, that this was a balancing of the
positive aspect of diversity, and certainly during COVID all of
that Asian hate that was one. And then the sense
of community after COVID. So who knows if that'll make
it into the segment, but yeah, and then I'm grateful

(10:06):
that I get to go again to the red carpet
at Santa Anita Raceway. So if you missed my interview
yesterday with Layla and I can't pronounce her last name,
beautiful Italian dape, she is doing her fashion show. So
you get to watch the horses race and then during

(10:27):
the break go bet and watch a fashion show come on.
Like that's like perfect for me. So that is happening Sunday.
Go to r LC Talent or Leila, just go to
my website. She took a clip from the interview, so
you can follow that link and I'd love to see

(10:49):
you there on the carpet that includes you.

Speaker 4 (10:53):
Awesome.

Speaker 3 (10:55):
All right, let's go to the bottom of the button,
which is weightlifting for meant a health, your own taking
responsibility for liking yourself so that you're not looking for
likes in all the wrong places like social media. Literally, instead,
you know who you are, so when you go to
bed tonight you'll feel good about yourself.

Speaker 4 (11:19):
I'm in a segue a gratitude in the thing I
like about myself. So a dear friend of my mom's
is putting on a wonderful charity event here in Beverly
Hills on November second. It's called Interperfect World, and they
build schools and clean water wells and third world countries
to give kids a real chance at you know, changing

(11:40):
their own fortunes and the fortunes for their people and
their village, which is so cool. And I like that
I'm able to find synergies, you know, mutually beneficial ways
connecting people so that everybody kind of benefits and wins,
and I'm grateful to her for being open to that.
I'm contributing to the goodie bags for the one hundred
fit you or so guests that are donating a good

(12:03):
amount of money to the cause, and I hope to
meet these wonderful people and be able to give the
gift to some free personal training to them. So I'm
grateful to her for allowing me to do that. And
I'm also working on a friend of mine is a
wonderful musician, and it's going to try to put together
a trio to play at the event before it starts

(12:24):
for the cocktail reception and get him some exposure for
his band and provide some entertainment for the guests. And
his husband is a celebrity hairstylist and he's offered to
put things in the goodie bags. So you know, it's
just so fun when people can come together for a
good cause and it's a win win across the board.
And I like that I'm able to see those synergies

(12:46):
and figure out who needs to meet who to you know,
make an already good event hopefully great.

Speaker 3 (12:52):
Yeah that sounds Feel free to throw my audiobook of
my number one best seller for free you and a
signed copy also my Balance tai Chi Gong, my children's books.
So I would love to be able to donate as well.

Speaker 4 (13:12):
And let's let's chat offline about the best way to
do that. That'll be These are wonderful people. It's a
thousand dollars a ticket event, so you know, these folks
are moving and shaking in the world and doing good,
which is cool.

Speaker 3 (13:25):
And I'm singing event, so I don't know what style
they have, but if they need or want a couple
of singing accompaniments, I would be happy to do that too.

Speaker 4 (13:40):
Very cool. That's fine, Okay, got you got the wheel,
turn it out.

Speaker 3 (13:44):
Of course. What I like about myself is my multi hyphenet.
I am so grateful that I have stood very firm.
If I had a dollar for every time someone said
to me, you have to focus, you can't do so
many things. Well, you know, jack of all trades, master
of none. That's the worst saying that I hear. And

(14:06):
I if there's one thing that I do in my
life is to remove that from the vocabulary of idioms,
which is an idiot expression because it makes people think
that life is just about one thing that you do well,
that's bullshit hockey. You can do so many things well.

(14:27):
So I appreciate my ability to buck the that saying
and now be rewarded by the description multi hyphen it,
which is relatively new. And a few months ago when
someone called me that, I'm like, is that a compliment

(14:48):
or an insult? But it's so much a compliment, So
I am. I appreciate that I am a multi hyphen it.
Probably someone called me the pie near of multi hyphenetism.
All right, what do you like about yourself?

Speaker 4 (15:08):
Wow? I like that I can come always, like come
back to center, that I've developed the skills to when
things are feeling sort of chaotic in my life or
maybe I feel some unrest or that there's something unresolved
that I can, you know, through journaling and through like meditation,
take inventory and really recenter because it's so easy, more

(15:33):
distractions now than ever, and the world moves faster now
than ever. And I like that I've developed the skills to,
you know, step back and hit pause and take a
good inventory so that it keeps me grounded, centered and
focused on what really matters and what I want most.
So I like that I can find that center and

(15:56):
that wasn't always the case. So I'm grateful that I've
developed that skill set and I like that that I
can do that awesome.

Speaker 3 (16:07):
Lastly, I am grateful for my ability to move through
pain and come out the other side. I have spent
more time being an acceptance of the whole situation with
the blood clot and not flying and getting to the
other side of focusing on what I can do on

(16:30):
the ground, which is quite a bit. So we are
working right now on an online course for personal mastery,
So instead of flying to Taiwan, Shanghai, Ireland to teach
this course in person, it is gonna be something that
can be accessed from anywhere. So there you go, There

(16:52):
you go.

Speaker 4 (16:52):
It's a good one. I like that I have cultivated
a natural desire to eat healthy. I always go fruits
and veggies around, and I like that it's not a
chore for me that I've really and I also thank
my mom for that as a kid, always having me
eat all these fruit spresholds. So I liked him just
because it makes life so much easier when you like

(17:12):
eating this stuff that's good for you. And I'm going
to have a BlackBerry to that right now. As we speak.

Speaker 3 (17:17):
Well, you can check one of those over here.

Speaker 4 (17:22):
There you go.

Speaker 3 (17:24):
All right, Well, I would love for y'all to join
me every weekday morning when we have breakfast together taking
a bite of my gratitude sandwich. I promise that if
you do this good life habit, this hashtag discipline with
or without me, every weekday morning, you will sandwich your
day in the most positive way. Thanks for joining me
for breakfast. And now for the topic of the day.

(17:57):
It says everything is awesome, James, what is the top
big of today?

Speaker 4 (18:01):
Today? We're going to talk about trust and vulnerability and
how they play into relationships success. How trusting do you
need to be? How vulnerable do you need to be?
Are there dangers to being very trusting and making yourself
vulnerable or is it simply a requirement to have the

(18:22):
most intimate and connected relationship possible. So we're going to discuss, debate,
and hopefully come up with some winning strategies together as
we navigate the rocky shoals of putting yourself out there,
being vulnerable and trusting in the wildness and chaos that

(18:44):
is another human being.

Speaker 3 (18:47):
All right, great topic. If I see eyeballs roll in
the studio would love to know your experience with vulnerability
and trust, And as per usual, first half of the
show we talk about keeping it real, keeping it straight,
like what is the reality behind our humanness? As far

(19:11):
as vulnerability. I like the way you texted me. It's
do we tend do we want to protect based on
our experiences or do we want to push ourselves and
continue to put ourselves out there with vulnerability and trust
even if you've had bad experiences? So is it smarter

(19:32):
to be safe or is it smarter to continue with
that risk factor? So that's our topic for today. As usual,
why are we talking about this? James? Which gives always
our co hosts a chance to live out loud on
the show, myself included, especially myself.

Speaker 4 (19:54):
To air it out. There's nothing specific that came up
the baby this topic, but I know that for me
it is an ongoing, not battle, but an area that
I want to work on. It's very easy for me
to be an open book and share all parts of

(20:15):
myself because of exercises like the bottom of the Button.
And you know, because I've grown to love myself, I
can share openly the stuff that I'm proud of, the
stuff I'm working on and you know what other people,
but for me, it's none of my business. So I
want people to know me, so I'll share all that.
But it's one thing to share it. It's another to

(20:38):
really trust somebody with your heart. You know, certain things
can feel like dangerous in a relationship, but when you
allow people access to your heart, they can really surprise
and delight you in ways that I think will take
that bond of relation to another level. And if you

(21:02):
don't do it, sometimes I question, I wonder if that
doesn't put a glass ceiling over the connection and the
intimacy that's possible with that person. And I would like
to lean in to that scariness a little bit more
because at the end of the day, right I think
I have to remind myself that if somebody hurts you,

(21:23):
it's more reflection on you know, it might be you know, unintentional,
and it's more reflection on them and what they're doing.
And then how you receive that is up to you
in terms of how you frame it. But I think
with relationships, you almost have to accept that you're going

(21:44):
to get hurt. People that love you are going to
hurt you, and that's just human interaction. I don't see
any way around it. So why not you know, accept
it and lean in and allow people in and then
trust your ability to adapt it react rather than you know,
I want to be more aware of ways in which

(22:06):
I maybe am overly protecting my heart not giving people
full access to it, and try to break down those
walls and see what happens. So that's that's kind of
a mission of mine in general that I want to
work on. Yes, I'm an open book, but I don't
know that I give people open access to my heart
all the time.

Speaker 3 (22:26):
Yeah, I've been told that. You know, I'm very warm
and inviting until you get about here and then don't
come any closer? Right or doing this right? Come here,
go away? Come here, go away. Do you mind going
to your settings and hitting echo cancelation and getting a
little Joelder on my end? Att? Yes, what did you

(22:52):
just do?

Speaker 4 (22:53):
I just turned down the volume a bit so that
there's not.

Speaker 3 (22:57):
Oh, then that's what I need to ask. Doctive need
to do? Because that happens on ours a lot and
I thought it was me. See I was taking it personally,
and it's you. What a great example just technology, It's
a great example of what we were just talking about.

(23:19):
What you were just talking about is taking rejection personally
and it's not about you, It's really about them. That's
one thing that hit me when you were talking. Another
thing is in my coaching practice, happiness coaching. One client

(23:40):
in particular is a poster child for what we're talking about.
He was in his forties and he had, you know,
he was tired of being tired of not being able
to have a healthy relationship. So you know, we talked
about what was keeping him and he identified that his

(24:01):
heart was broken, and so that's why, you know, he
was guarding his heart and you know, it was affecting
his relationships. And I said, when did this heart get broken?
And he said when he was eighteen? So for third,
what twenty two years or more right, twenty five years,

(24:24):
I think it was. He's been sabotaging healthy, potentially healthy
relationships with that memory where he thought his heart was
broken and he was going to die. I mean that
was the strength of his you know, being vulnerable and
getting kicked in the heart, and he carried that memory

(24:49):
and and I you know, we were working with that
and until he could see that one no one can
really break your heart. They can pruise it, but you're
your heart is your own and it will never be broken. Okay,
it'll hurt, but it's not ever broken. Right, No one

(25:10):
has the ability to do that. Two, Are you gonna
let one person's rejection of you twenty five years ago
ruin the rest of your you know, years in your
book of romance? Come on? So it was I'm happily,
he's happily married children. And it's one of the success

(25:36):
that I love doing the coaching because of things like this,
where he was able to see, acknowledge own and move
move past the pain into the power. And that's all
my happiness coaching is.

Speaker 4 (25:51):
That's wonderful. Yeah, And you know, I think a lot
of it is it happens at the subconscious level. Our
defense mechanisms are a subconscious things, and so he could
see that he was sabotaging himself. But a lot of
the ways in which I think people do that when
they're hurt is kind of below the radar, because you know,
we have really good self protective mechanisms, and I think

(26:14):
it's important to look at our behaviors and relationship look
for patterns and see maybe the things that we do.
We can then pull that out of the subconscious into
the conscious by looking at the behaviors, and then we
can consciously decide which of those behaviors are serving us
and what we want out of relationships, and which maybe

(26:38):
took hold of us rather than us consciously employing them.
Because you know, your subconscious is like a four year old.
It runs ninety percent of the ship of your day
to day life. But sometimes you know that four year
old does it know best, So that stuff that happens automatically,
maybe we need to make sure that it's not so automatic.
And I think by looking at you know, our behavior

(27:00):
in relationship and identifying patterns, we can unpack it, bring
it to the conscious, and then once we're aware of it,
we can be more mindful of when we're giving into
a defense mechanism versus when we're making a proactive choice
to either be vulnerable in trust or to be a
little wary and you know protect. I mean to use

(27:22):
the example of celebrities for example. I imagine that you know
there's a complex around wondering whether somebody you know really
likes them or whether they're like is insincere because of
you know that that person's status, and I think about that,
and I can only imagine that it takes a tremendous

(27:44):
amount of trust, you know, for them to believe in
someone else's sincerity, in their like for them. And I think,
you know, if we look at our own lives and
our own patterns, we can find the triggers maybe make
us clam up, clothes off. And by being aware of
that and being mindful, I think we can choose to

(28:07):
be more open in those moments or not to if protecting,
you know, ourselves is a top priority over connection, and
I do think that one comes at the expense of
the others, you know. Often.

Speaker 3 (28:22):
Yeah, and that whole thing about celebrity, I'm glad you
brought that up, because I also work with celebrities who
say exactly that, I don't know if they really like
me or want to be with me because of who
I am or just because of my celebrity. And my

(28:43):
response to that is, but that is a part of you.
And isn't that a great part of you that you
have achieved that same thing with money? You know, my
clients who have a lot of money, well, I think
she's with me because I have a lot of money.
And it's like, yes, and that's a part of you.
It's a reflection of the ambition, the success, the you know,

(29:07):
the achievement oriented part of you. That's are you going
to hold someone in contempt because they value that aspect
of yourself. It's all a part of you, but that insecurity.
Two examples come to mind. Howard Stern. I heard him

(29:28):
say that he went to a high school reunion and that,
you know, one of his best moments that he remembered
was walking up to the girl who rejected him and said,
see what you turned down kind of thing, and it
was like, he's not alone. Not bashing Howard, Sorry Howard,

(29:49):
but it's a great example of how we hold this
insecurity about you know who we are, and it's it's silly,
which is why we do the bottom of the butt.
It's like, can't we own you know that we are
eighty eight percent fabulous, all of us, all eight billion

(30:09):
of us. Twelve percent of the time we step in it.
But you know, eighty eight percent of us is so amazing.
Isn't it wonderful that we have a plethora of people
we could connect with who admire that. Now to balance
that out, I don't like going out with guys who
are just like fawning all over me and putting me
on a pedestal. I get that, I get that I

(30:31):
want someone who you know, loves me, but I do
want them to admire, right, but balance it out that
I'm not on that pedestal where I can fall off.
So it's kind of a tricky, dicky kind of thing.
And I just looked at the time. It's time to
pause for news, weather, traffic, and a word from our sponsor,

(30:53):
Please don't go away as we continue to have this
fascinating conversation about vulnerability us and straight talk about it
with uh doctor. This is a straight talk with Doctor Marissa.

Speaker 4 (31:06):
And James Althor.

Speaker 3 (31:09):
We'll be right back. Don't go away. Two and two
Peaspin piece out.

Speaker 4 (31:32):
Well.

Speaker 5 (31:32):
She has been dubbed the Asian Oprah and she just
wants all of us to be happy.

Speaker 6 (31:44):
Doctor Marissa aka the Asian Oprah says, the.

Speaker 5 (31:47):
Most important thing you can choose is choosing to be happy.

Speaker 3 (31:51):
You are tuned into my weekly talk radio TV show called.

Speaker 7 (31:55):
Take My Advice.

Speaker 3 (31:56):
I'm not using it.

Speaker 7 (31:57):
Get balanced with doctor Marissa.

Speaker 5 (32:10):
That's the idea for it. Doctor Marissa Pay's new book
call Eight Ways to Be Happy.

Speaker 3 (32:16):
Many of us say I am my own worst critic.
Nobody's harder on me than I am. And my response
to that is stop it. Why are you doing that
to yourself? You have to be your biggest fan, because
if you can't, at the end of the day say
I did a good job, who is We don't have

(32:37):
to constantly be angry at the things that are wrong.
Why don't we choose to be happy about things that
are right. We have the choice. That's our muscle and
life is so amazing if we can see it.

Speaker 4 (32:57):
Hi, everybody, I am James authorne of Action Man Fitness.
You can reach out to me on Instagram at that
handle and I would love to work with you. For
anybody that messages me and says doctor Marissa, I am
going to offer twenty five percent off through the end
of October. So if you were thinking about getting started,
looking at getting started, I want to give you that chance.

(33:19):
And the first session is on me. So whether it's
weight loss, improving your strength, injury and pain prevention or mitigation,
I'm here to help and would love to So just
DM me at Action Man Fitness on Instagram, say doctor Marissa,
and I would love to work with you for a
discounted rate to the end of October. Let's get started.

(33:41):
That's the most important first step.

Speaker 1 (34:00):
Take back your life with doctor Maurissa Pey.

Speaker 3 (34:05):
And no welcome back. You're tuned in to take my advice,
I'm not using it. Get balanced with doctor Marissa. Good
Morning show here on KCAA home to the Asian OPRAH
number one talk in the Ie. Thank you very much,
NBC News Radio a ms N fifty FM one oh
six point five streaming everywhere. iHeartRadio, Spotify and of course

(34:28):
my YouTube TV channel which if you free subscribe and
give me the finger, this one, not the other one,
you will get access in an alert every weekday morning
to join me live in studio like we are today
with Straight Doc with myself and James Authorne.

Speaker 4 (34:47):
Thank you for giving me the chance to make that
offer to your listeners.

Speaker 3 (34:51):
Absolutely, and we are talking about.

Speaker 4 (34:57):
Trust and vulnerability. How is it to relationship success? How
much do we need to give in that arena to
create the most intimate and flourishing relationships? And when is
it okay to guard your heart a little bit? You know,
there's that expression give everybody the benefit of the doubt.

(35:20):
But I think a lot of us sometimes live with
this paradigm doubt everyone until they earn their benefits. So
where is the balance point for that? And you know
you were talking about eighty eight percent happiness, and you
know how important it is for us to remember that
we're eighty eight, you know percent great. But the thing

(35:41):
about the pesky thing about human nature is I think,
speaking of the finger, a lot of us give ourselves
the bad finger for that twelve percent. And you know,
I know I've been guilty of this at times where
I'll almost feel like inferior or I'll feel ugly about

(36:01):
that twelve percent, and all want to hide it. And
you know, to some degree, you know, you don't have
to put all of your baggage out on the table
when you first meet somebody. But you know, if you
meet somebody that is, for example, more financially well off
than you, I think it's it's so you don't have
to hide and pretend it's okay to say, look, this
is where I'm at in life. And if that's a

(36:22):
non starter for you, so be it. But that doesn't
necessarily have to be a reflection on you that you're
somehow a failure or that's an ugliness in your life.
You know, we all have ups and downs, peaks and valleys.
And I think when you allow somebody to accept you
for that and they say, yeah, that's not a big
deal for me, I love the other eighty eight percent

(36:43):
so much. You know, that's that is like a bond,
a strengthening of that connection. It helps build a solid
foundation for growth in that relationship. So let's make sure
I think that we don't over in flate the importance
of that twelve percent. It's always good to be working

(37:04):
on it, but it doesn't have to be something that
puts us in a corner when it comes to meeting
and connecting with other people.

Speaker 3 (37:13):
Absolutely, and this is why the course on Personal Mastery
has become, you know, so lit up and and maybe
that's why I've been grounded, because to sit down and
actually write the course instead of continuing to teach it everywhere.

(37:35):
I saw the Billy Joel special. If you haven't watched it,
it's incredible, but it illustrates this exact point, is that
these all of us who you know, prescribed that American dream.
You get money, you get fame, You're supposed to be happy,
but you haven't worked through the demons in here going

(37:57):
to the tractor for mil, trying to get love an
approval from people who cannot give it his father, and
then you know, having the success that you you think
you is going to make you important, and then inside
you still have self sabotage. You still look at that
twelve percent instead of looking at the eighty eight percent

(38:21):
of the of the the reviews that say you're incredible, right,
and then you're focused on that twelve percent of the
people who for whatever reason are are you know, giving
you a bad review, and it's it's such a I
think part of it is we don't learn about this, right.

(38:42):
We don't learn about it in school, you know, and
we don't learn about it at home. If we've got
parents who grew up in childhood trauma, they will pass
on they don't know any better. That's what happened in
my life. So we continue this legacy of insecurity and
non personal mastery. I will go back to the comment

(39:05):
you made about the subconscious. I actually have a little
different model, because it's not that you know that that
four year old that runs your life, that is the subconscious.
Ninety five percent all of us have a balance centered
self that if we work on developing that, then the
brat and the critic, who are also are parts of

(39:27):
our developed persona, they aren't driving our life car. But
if you don't have personal mastery, and if you like
Billy Jewel in those early many years of being driven
by that that voice in the head constantly telling him

(39:48):
he's not enough, that's not personal mastery. He had professional mastery.
We didn't have personal mastery. And you know, watching him
go through the wives and watching him go through that pain,
that internal pain of not being enough, Lord Almighty, that's
my mission Happy eighty eight mission eighty eight million more

(40:11):
happy people in the next eight years. Is not from
achieving a success, which I'm not saying you can't have
it all. You can have it all, but it stems
from that inside mastery. If I love myself most of
the time, I'm going to walk through this world in

(40:33):
a very different place and attract to me very different
people and experiences.

Speaker 4 (40:40):
This idea that you are enough is so so important.
You know for people that are success driven and that
maybe are very harder in themselves, that there's an expression
that I like, I don't remember where I heard it,
but it's you.

Speaker 3 (40:56):
Know, probably from me.

Speaker 4 (40:59):
That I am sure did not. But you may have
said it because you're very intuitive, you might agree with this.
But when it comes to your accomplishments and your station
in life and where you're at, and this is for
people that are very driven, I think a nice compromise
is to say, allow yourself to be momentarily pleased, like,
allow yourself the pleasure of, hey, I accomplish this, I

(41:21):
did that, Celebrate the wins no matter how small. Be
momentarily pleased, but never satisfied. So what that means is
that you're continuing to strive for a life that you
and vision of your dreams, but along the way, make
sure to be pleased with the wins and the progress
that you make, no matter how insignificant. Because when you

(41:43):
tell yourself you're never enough, you never enjoy any of
the steps on the journey, and the only thing that's
really guaranteed at the end of the day is the journey.
And then something else I want to bring in about
this paradigm I think so many of us suffer from,
and I have at different points as well, that you're
not enough is when I was doing all my acting training,

(42:04):
one of the biggest lessons that kept getting hammered into
us through, you know, through different ways, was that you
are enough. So a lot of people when they act,
especially on camera, they're overacting. They're they're being performative instead
of just being simple and real, truly listening and responding truthfully,

(42:25):
trusting that you know, if you are in the moment,
in present, that your real natural reactions are enough, the
camera is going to pick up the thoughts in your
eyes and that human experience, and that's what draws an
audience in. With acting, Similarly, I think when you're present
on your dates and with other people and in relationship

(42:46):
and you're fully open, you allow yourself to be vulnerable,
so you know, you you drop that code of armor
and allow the words and actions of others to affect you,
both positively and negative. That vulnerability, I think builds trust
in the other person towards you, so you become someone

(43:07):
that they can trust and then they open up to you,
and then you then in return feel like you can
trust them. So you know, if acting is living truthfully
under imaginary circumstances, which is a really high bar because
you've got to make an audience believe the works of
fiction that someone else wrote. It's basically life like concentrated.

(43:29):
So if that was the big lesson that they kept
teaching us, you know, for acting and being able to
make people believe a fictitious story, I just think that
it underscores the importance of doing it in our real lives.
You know that you are enough.

Speaker 3 (43:44):
Absolutely, My definition of success is having what you want
and wanting what you have. That's that satisfaction aspect, and
not living I'll be happy when I'm guilty of that.
I'm a recovering perfectionist. I would say I'll be happy
when I have this much money, and then that when

(44:07):
would move, Like as soon as I get to that point,
I go, well, maybe a little more, I'll be happy
when this happens, or and then that you're only as
good as your last win. It's a horrible way to
live because you're never happy. It's that line. Now. I
may not have said that momentary thing, but this is
a model I've been using forever that if this is

(44:29):
zero and this is one hundred, and your goal oriented,
and if you're anything like me, you go go and
they go whoop, and I'm at eighty eight percent. But
most perfectionists will stand on that line of eighty eight
percent and look towards the goal. That twelve percent that
isn't done has a feeling of anxiousness and anticipation of

(44:54):
not enough because we got to get there. I'll celebrate
when we get to the one hundred percent. Don't and
ask me to praise people or say, adam boy, I'm
not done yet, right, So all our time is always
in that twelve percent, because even if we get to
the one hundred percent and go yay for a second,

(45:14):
we're back to the next goal. Whoop, back to that
eighty eight percent. So we're always in that feeling of disease.
We're always in that I'll be happy when I finish,
but you're never gonna get done. So stand on the
eighty eight percent line instead of looking at a hundred
look at the all that we have accomplished from zero

(45:36):
to eighty eight percent. I say often, good job, mama,
good job, because I'm the only one that can say
that and feel the success in that. That's the journey,
right if we can feel that, because that's where the
happy feeling is. From the zero to the eighty eight

(45:57):
and The most important reason to do this is not
even yourself. If you're that hard on yourself, pretty chances
are you're hard on other people too, and you're not
that fun to be around because you're always noticing where
people are falling off the beam instead of staying on

(46:18):
the beam.

Speaker 4 (46:19):
So good. There's this idea of perfectly imperfect. I mean,
what makes being a human being so interesting is that
we all have our imperfections and how we navigate those
and find a way to get along and love anyway.
You know, there would be no such thing as unconditional
love if we weren't imperfect, and unconditional love is a

(46:41):
beautiful thing that you look at. People have been married
for forty fifty years. I mean, I'm sure they could
make a laundry list of all the things that irritate
them about the person or things that they wish they
could get better at. But they love them unconditionally, and
that's a bond that's built over time. And so it's
this idea that we are perfectly imperfect. You know that
it's a good metaphor what you describe about standing on

(47:03):
the edge of eighty eight percent. A lot of us,
I think fall victim to a optical mental illusion where
you fixate on that finish line twelve percent away, and
the gap between where you are and where you want
to be can look like the Grand Canyon, and it's not.
But we fixate on that big hole between where we're

(47:27):
at and where we're trying to go, and that what
you choose to focus on becomes real. And you know,
if you're looking at that hole, you're not celebrating the
eighty eight percent. You know that that you've made a
lot of people have died on Mount Everest because they
were so determined to get to the top against you know,
weather conditions, their own physical limitations. Why not if you

(47:51):
if you have to turn around for safety, why not
celebrate that you climbed eighty eight percent of the highest
mountain in the world. And you know that's not bad.
It's good to be hungry. You come back, do it
next year, train better, hope for better weather. But you
got to celebrate the fact that you put yourself there
and gave it a shot. There's an expression from a
collegiate swim coach that I think, when I boil it down,

(48:15):
it's about giving yourself grace. And when his team was
having a tough season. He gave a speech and he said,
all right, guys, we're not where we ought to be.
We're not where we want to be, but we ain't
where we used to be, and we ain't where we're
gonna be. So you know, that's just this idea of

(48:36):
taking a moment and accepting where you are on the
journey and be hopeful and work hard towards where you
know you're gonna go. You have to say, look, I
already made it this far. Might not be what we
ultimately want, but if I made it this far, then
I know I can make it a little farther. And
in the meantime, I'm going to take a deep breath

(48:57):
and not beat myself up over it. I just love
that expression because I think it's true for all of
us most of the time in life, no matter what
we're looking at with any aspect of our life, whether
it's financial, emotional, whatever it might be.

Speaker 3 (49:12):
Yep, it's turning your being from being your own worst
critic to your own best friend. That's the title of
my course, and it is such a worthy life pursuit.
And I think that our culture, especially in America, has

(49:32):
promoted the idea of killing yourself, working eighty hours, perfectionism,
getting it perfect. You want to hide your mistakes. You
can't be human, you have to be you know, all
this to everybody, and that kind of unspoken rule for
success has also driven I think a lot of people

(49:56):
to this point of exhaustion. That is helpful and this,
I will say, this balancing act that the younger generation
is doing by saying, ah, I ain't coming to work
and doing over time. I don't want to, I don't
feel like it, and I don't care if I don't

(50:18):
get ahead here because it's more important for me to
take a gap year. I've never heard the word the
expression gap year. Knew so much in you know, I
grew up in an era where it was really important
to explain why there was a gap in my resume
from this time to this time. And now it's like

(50:40):
it's almost a point of pride. I'm taking a gap year.
And and you know, my my executive coaching clients are
not happy about that. And my point to them is, hey,
this is balance. Man. You created this by being exhausted,
sick and miserable and ill by the time you retire,

(51:00):
that you can't enjoy your retirement. So you created this
by having the younger generational witness that you know, I'm
gonna enjoy like you were saying, you know, achieve and
then enjoy and then achieve and then enjoy.

Speaker 4 (51:17):
That and take the time to find out who you are.
I mean, I before I did Flicks for Change, I
was trying to make my own documentaries about like being
your best self and socially conscious theme. And I talked
to this guy who didn't speak out loud for nineteen
years and refused to ride and motorized vehicles for twenty

(51:38):
one years because of his commitment to environmentalism, and then
realizing that he was kind of an argumentative person, and
you know, that's what he needed to do to find
his true self. And you know, I interviewed him for
a total of about five six hours or four different
three or four different interviews, and everything to me boiled

(51:59):
down to something he said. He said, you have got
to find out who you are and be that authentic
person no matter what. And that sounds so simple, But
when we think about our own nature and the ways
that we kind of sabotage that, you know, I think
that vulnerability comes down to taking control of you know

(52:21):
how you feel about yourself and what you're willing to share.
And I think that finding out who you are and
being that authentic person no matter what, is a good
way to be truly vulnerable. And then the trust piece
of the topic today is about giving up control over
what other people might do and say, or not do
and not say. In other words, not white knuckling life,

(52:43):
letting people be who they are, and accepting that you're
going to get hurt along the way, even by people
that you've already decided that you fully love and care
about and that you know, and that's just part of
the package. You have to I think learn to be
okay with that if you want all the benefits and
rewards of a close and loving relationship, whether it's romantic

(53:05):
with friends, with family. I think accepting, you know, not
giving people a get out of jail free card when
they hurt you. It's okay to hold people accountable and say, hey, listen,
that really hurt me, but accepting that it's part of
the deal. It's part of the package, just because of
the way relationships work and because we're imperfect.

Speaker 3 (53:26):
It's balance. It's always about balance. It's always about you know,
giving people the BOD, the benefit of the doubt, and
if they prove that they are not worthy of that,
then give them the job the right. What is it
the defense over benefit or doubt doubt for benefit? Yeah,

(53:55):
because I've been saying give people the BOD until they
prove you wrong, and then them the job. Right. That's right,
new new Marissa ism here. I love when that happens.
So final word, final.

Speaker 4 (54:11):
Word, I'll make it personal. You know. I think talking
about it today has just made me more aware that
I think the most important part of my journey is
the trust, giving up control over what other people may
do or say that could hurt me and therefore thereby
avoiding situations where I could get hurt. But I want

(54:33):
to have full access to everything someone has to offer
in a romantic relationship. And I think I'm pretty good
at being vulnerable with people, but I still have some
work to do there. But for me, the biggest thing
that I want to work on is that trust and
giving up control of something that I can't control, which
is other people's behavior and words, and just going along

(54:55):
for the ride, right leaping, and trusting that even if
I do get hurt, I'll be okay, because nobody can
truly break my heart. So I hope that for those
listening at home, they take an inventory and find out
where you are on vulnerability, where you are on trust,
and look at the ways that maybe it's helped or

(55:15):
hurt your relationships, and make a plan of some actuable
things you can do to be that authentic person. Love
that authentic person, do it no matter what, and give
people a chance to come into your heart.

Speaker 3 (55:30):
I would say that my final word is assessing your
dob and your bod. So are you a person that
tends to overbod giving people the benefit of the doubt
so much that you become not a doormat but wall
to wall carpet, Then you might want to go to
the other end and do the dob and doubt before

(55:53):
you give people the benefit. And that's that balance, you know.
I love the serenity prayer because it's always tells me
is my natural state to God, grant me the study
to accept the things I cannot change. I'm not a
good acceptor. I'm the changer. I want to change something

(56:15):
if I don't like it. That tells me that I
might want to do the acceptance part a little bit
more and vice versa. So it's all about balance. Peace
in peace, out world peace through inter piece. Thank you
so much for joining us today on Straight Talk with

(56:35):
Doctor Marissa.

Speaker 4 (56:36):
And James Hawthorne.

Speaker 3 (56:38):
Thank you co host James Hawthorne. Another great convo about
something that can make you happy eighty eight percent of
the time. Now take us out.

Speaker 4 (56:51):
Now, go and have the best weekend and week ever.

Speaker 3 (56:56):
We'll see you on Monday.

Speaker 6 (57:09):
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Org, NBC News Radio. I'm Jim Roup. The man suspected
of planting pipe bombs right before the January sixth Capitol
riot has been arrested. Attorney General of Pam Bondi says
Brian Cole Junior was taken into custody today after a
long five year investigation, and the investigation is ongoing. The

(57:41):
bombs were reportedly viable and could have caused major damage
at the Republican at Democrat national headquarters if they exploded.
Lawmakers briefed on US strikes on alleged Venezuelan drug boats
say there was no kill order given. A Democrat, Congressman
Jim Himes of Connecticut says the video he saw the
September second incident was troubling, claiming it showed two people

(58:02):
near a destroyed vessel who were killed by the United States.
NBC's Courtney Kuby reports with that another strike was carried
out today in the Eastern Ocean.

Speaker 3 (58:11):
Now. We learned about this on social media from US
Southern Command, which says that there were four individuals who
were killed in this strike.

Speaker 8 (58:19):
There are now have been twenty two such strikes with
eighty six people killed. European leaders are reportedly worried about
the Trump administration betraying Ukraine. According to elked transcript obtained
by the German outlet Der Spiegel, NATO Secretary General Mark Ruda,
French President Emmanuel Macron and other leaders all voiced fears
during a conference called Monday Now. According to reports, Macrone

(58:41):
says there is a possibility that the US will betray
Ukraine on the issue of territory without clarity on security guarantees,
while Finnish President Alexander Stubb urged against trusting the White
House to influence peace negotiations. A grand jury is declining
a hand down a second indictment against New York Attorney

(59:02):
General Letitia James over mortgage fraud claims. Initial charges were
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of making false statements to a financial institution. She denied
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Jim Roop NBC News Radio.

Speaker 6 (59:24):
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Speaker 4 (01:00:07):
Mm hmm